Vanessa's Secret Journal

obscurelyclear — Tue, 31 May 2005 15:39:45 GMT

Wow! It's been a long time since I updated this thing!! I wish I could be there with every one! I may end up coming to Candace's house on her birthday, it may work out, may not, you never know.

A RIDE CALLED LIFE

Colored brightly and decorated elaborately,
Seat belts aren't available on this ride,
The roller coaster starts calm,
Its passengers excited but nervous,
The constraints and pressure released,
This monster starts its journey,
Palms become sweaty, regrets linger,
Victims view their descent within a second,
Faces pushed into air as the moment leaves,
Some stomaches turn, the vertigo unbearable,
Loops, corkscrew turns, necessary, yet not,
Slowly the speed decreases,
The train returns to its departing site,
Just as soon as it began, it ends,
The passengers get off and leave.

as posted on http://poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=W5089921&BN=999&PN=1

Bitter-sweet surrender to life

obscurelyclear — Thu, 10 Mar 2005 14:15:31 GMT

I went to my sister's house this past weekend, and I got a computer, a skirt, shoes and two CDs. The computer was a hand-me-down and the CD was bootlegged, but I didn't know it!! I bought it at the flea-market, so don't buy any "new" CDs from there. I payed $7 for 50 cents worth of merchandise!! That's ridiculous.
When I got home, I kinda made a mess in my family, and my mom started considering divorice. Now, everything's getting better, but it's going to be a struggle to make Mark & Jack care for Dad. I just want everyone to be happy in my family, some how, I realize that'll never happen. Nothing in life is that easy.

I wish I could just escape, leave, but I know that's running away. Only the cowards run from their problems. I've got to solve mine. Or, just accept my disadvantages. I'm just going to enjoy my last two years under my parent's roof, and try not to rush getting older. One day I'll wake up, and boom I'm 30, I'll wonder why I wished my life away. Jerry (my sister's fiance) told me just enjoy life, don't wish it away. I think that's what I'm going to do.

ooo

obscurelyclear — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 14:41:57 GMT

I also didn't make it into the Women's Ensemble. Oh well. I'm kinda uspset by it, but I'm still in Choraleers with the guy singers. Which may end up being more fun.... because you guys know how I like being with guys. lol

a ton has happened

obscurelyclear — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 14:39:06 GMT

(This is Kinda Long, and I forgot how to make it shorter by adding a html to it... Candace how do you do that again?)

Monday, my sickness didn't clear up in time for me to sing at the audition. My voice was killing me. On B Days, (we have different schedules every other day, so, I have an A day with a set of classes, and then a B day with a different set of classes), I have Chorus in my last block and I was warming up after we were finished with our lessons. I was so nervous. After class, I had calmed down, but right when my professor said "OH, I forgot we had auditions", I got really nervous again. I wish I hadn't had gone first, because at one point my voice cracked, since I hadn't warmed up enough ( I guess there's always next year). She laughed though when I did crack. When I was about to get into the most powerful part of the song, she told me I could stop and it was pretty. I won't find out until a week or two from Monday if I've gotten it or not. I'm so excited to see the results.

That afternoon I went jogging, and I got about half a mile from my house when I heard a huge clap of thunder and the whole cloud lit up (it had been sprinkling up until this point). I decided it would be a good idea to turn back around, I'm scared by lightening storms. I've heard so many stories about people getting hurt really bad by lightening, I'll go hide under the covers until one is done if it's loud enough. As I was running back, as fast as I could, I started to pass by this property with loose dogs on it. One dog in paricular was mean and had huge teeth. The black dog stopped in front of me, in the middle of the road, and far be it from me to try to pass it with it gnarling at me like it was. By now it was POURING rain. I was getting soaked. I stood there for about four minutes, just slowly walking on the road, practically inch by inch. Guess what, this is the other thing I'm afraid of, dogs with huge teeth and bad attitudes. I've had some really bad experiences with them. So, because I was just standing in the cold rain at dusk, and my whole body getting soaked, now I'm sick again, and I either have fluid in my lungs, or a sinus infection or something. But it's not a cold, because I'm not coughing.

When this happened, I wasn't thinking about how stupid this was, and recently, I did something even more stupid, so I decided to make a list of the top 10 stupid things I've done.

10. Procrastinated so much on one of my school assignments, that I had to stay up way to early for the night before it was due.

9. Not save my Summer English Work after about two hours of working on it (almost had it done) and then all the sudden the electricity went out momentarily.... Oops, there went all my work.

8. Ran while it was raining, and when I wasn't completely sick (that paragraph above).

7. Putting Italian Sprinkles (christmas time cookie) into the microwave and burnt them, I was supposed to change the microwave setting to baking oven, and then let them bake. They were as hard as brick.

6. Rushing past my mom with a Birthday cake in her hands.... I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.

5. Asking my Grandmother about my promise ring when I was 8, she had just given my sister her promise ring.
"When do I get my promise ring Grandmommy-Shaw ?"

"When you turn sixteen sweetheart !"

"What if you aren't alive by then??"

(Loud Laughter from my grandmother)

(from my mother) "VANESSA MARIE!!! HOW DARE YOU ASK THAT!!"

(from my grandmother) "Aww, that's my granddaughter, exactly like something I'd ask!"

4. Getting into a pen fight with my sister, and then realizing later she was using a permanent marker against me.

3. Riding on my bike away from my mom, taking a sharp turn, and skidding on my face (on pavement).

2. Thinking that climbing a tree wouldn't be dangerous, and that nay limb could support my wieght, when I was 6, I decided I would imitate Tarzan, and I leaped up to grab a very odd looking limb..... WHAM!..... the old limb and I fell to the ground.

And drumroll please, the number one stupid thing that I HAVE EVER DONE....

Monday night, I decided I wanted to pierce my own ears, a second hole, and one in the cartilage. Well, I'm obviously not experienced in this subject, because, if I was going to attempt to do this, I should have at least marked where I was going to puncture them. It didn't hurt, I just missed a couple of times, but Tuesday, I decided I didn't want a second hole... after I already punctured them, several times. When the infection (both of the lobes started), I thought it would be a very good idea to just let them grow over. But I'm keeping the cartilage one, it's fine. But, I'm still stupid for this.

WOW, what a weekend

obscurelyclear — Tue, 22 Feb 2005 14:38:56 GMT

Well, the weekend was going ok. I saw my friend at the grocery store while me and dad were shopping. We had time to talk about that whole ordeal when Candace was over, and Dad's not mad. I KNEW HE WOULDN'T BE!!! But oh well. (Mom's going overboard again, GAH!)
Then, at 1 am in the morning, after Tim threw up again, and all through the weekend he hadn't been eating, Dad decided that it was time to take Timmy to the Emergency Room. Mom wouldn't let me go, just in case I wanted to go to sleep. I didn't though, I stayed up until 5, when they got home. While they were gone, I got in touch with Hendrick. All of my insecurities about our relationship just started pouring out. We got through it though, and worked out. He made me come with all that was going on.
When they got home that morning, we found out that Tim had a white blood cell count lower than some one on kemo. Well, got to go to class.

Pray for him.

uh-oh

obscurelyclear — Fri, 18 Feb 2005 13:41:27 GMT

Tim got really sick yesterday, poor kid. I'm not going to give the details, just say that he was pretty sick. He stayed home in bed today. He's been getting sick consitently lately. I hope he get's better. It was really sad too, he was pitiful. Pray for him, o.k?
Well, moving on to good news, GUESS WHAT!!! This comming Monday, I get to audition for the top chorus class at Pickens, THE WOMEN'S ENSEMBLE!!! It's what I've been wanting to try out for, for a long time. At the Christmas Concert they got to sing Carol of the Bells Acapulco! It was really, really, pretty. I hope I get in.
I finally got some sleep, I think running that mile helped. Also, that news about the audition put me in a great mood. I think I'm going to sing Amanda Perez's God Send Me an Angel, in a lower key, and not as flat and nasal as she sounds. It'll sound good hopefully. Our auditions are put on to Video, and we sing Achapulco (like on American Idol). Well, I'm sneaking this at class again, SO I'm going to go.

MWAH
Ness

Hey Everyone

obscurelyclear — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 14:33:11 GMT

Kind of still tired, I was up all night (until 12:30) JUST DOING FRIGGIN HOMEWORK!!, maybe Katio is right, maybe I do need more sleep. The sad thing is, most kids my age stay up to watch a show, I stay up to do school work! Yesterday I snapped at one of my friends, for something really silly, and everyone knows me as being the "little ray of sunshine" (according to mom and some other people) during the day. Looks like that won't be so for this week. WELL, I better get back to actually paying attention to class.

LOL

MWAH

my quiz results

obscurelyclear — Tue, 15 Feb 2005 17:47:23 GMT

swamped

obscurelyclear — Tue, 15 Feb 2005 17:39:10 GMT

I think I should have done more work over the weekend, even though Candace was there. I looked over all the stuff that I need to do by Wednesday and Thursday, holy cow, I've got a ton of stuff to do. On top of that, I'm sooo tired, I went to bed at 11 and woke up around 5:30 this morning (well I kept hitting the snooze button, so maybe like 5:55) Talk to you guys later.

Hi Sonja!!

Life is a bitch

obscurelyclear — Sun, 13 Feb 2005 18:22:34 GMT

I'm not going to complain or cry or anything like that, just simply say, life's a bitch, and then you die.

ooOOoo my first live journal

obscurelyclear — Sun, 13 Feb 2005 04:21:18 GMT

Everyone has been telling me... ooOOoo you should get a journal. I thought what the heck is the point, but, Candace talks me in to everything, or I just get tired of saying nah, so she helped me set it up!! Do you like? Hope so!! Well, I'm tired, Candace is tired, and we're having fun anyways. It's not late, only like 11 (at night) but I am still very very tired. Candace and I are going to go streaking later, most likely get drunk, maybe not, I really don't like Everclear, but that's all we have, and there's no more Sierra Mist to mix with it. Last few weeks have been crazy for me! For any one who doesn't know, I've got a boyfriend now, his name is Hendrick. What else is new... oh, Mark dented a whore's car, and she goes to my school, Mom and Dad found out and are pissed now. My little brother got surgery a couple of weeks ago, don't worry, he's okay. I'll tell him about your deep concern later. Well, time to go streaking.

How about taking my survey? Just to get to know you, of course.... (the answers in the way are mine, pay close attention and take notes)

>1. What is your full name? Vanessa Marie
>
> 2. What color pants are you wearing? jeans
>
> 3. What are you listening to right now? Jeff Foxworthy on Blue Collar Comedy (Candace is watching it)
>
> 4. What is the last thing you ate? grapes
>
> 5. Do you wish on stars? every chance I get
>
> 6. How is the weather right now?  dark, but clear
>
> 7. Last person you talked to on the phone? Kelly
>
> 8. Who are you thinking of right now? Hendrick
>
> 9. How are you today?   happy and tired
>
>
> 10. Favorite drink? Creme Soda
>
> 12. Favorite sport? Paintball
>
> 13. Hair color? true brown with natrual orange highlights (only seen in the sun)
>
> 14. Eye color? brown(orange brown) in the middle around the little black hole and then dull yellow around the brown
>
> 15. Do you wear contacts?  yes, clear though
>
> 16. Number of siblings?  1 younger brother, 2 other brothers and one sister
>
> 17. Favorite month? April
>
> 18. Favorite food? at this moment, peanut butter, but usaully it's pinapple chicken
>
> 19. Last movie you watched? Bringin Down the House, and before that it was The Butterfly Effect
>
> 20. Favorite day of the year? First Day of Fall and Spring
>
> 21. What do you do to vent anger? Get mad, cry, yell, write, punch something ( yes I know, I need to get anger mangement)
>
> 22. What was your favorite toy as a child? Rosey ( a doll)
>
> 23. Summer or winter? summer
>
> 24. Hugs or Kisses?  Kisses
>
> 25. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate
>
> 27. Do you want your friends to answer this like you did? sure
>
> 28. Who is the most likely to fill it out? Candace already did
>
> 29. Who is least likely to respond? Hmm, whoever is lazy
>
> 30. What is under your bed?   towels and books
>
> 31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Sonja and Candace
>
> 32. What did you do last night? watched a movie, hung out with Candace, watched Candace talk to Kelly, attempted to wake-up to
> sneak out, but the alarm to wake me up if I fell asleep didn't work
> 33. Favorite smells? The smell of cotton, after a rain, permanent markers, vanilla bean lotion, and my favorite perfume (Plush by FuBu >if you want me to love you forever or you need to say sorry to me, give it to me as a present, but only the body spray please)
> 34. What inspires you? the stars, the moon, the world and my God
>
> 35. What are you afraid of? disappointing someone, becoming a failure, breaking someone's heart
>
> 36. Plain, buttered, or salted popcorn?  plain or salted
>
> 37. Favorite car? Ford Mustang
>
> 38. Number of keys on your key ring? 1 (home)
>
> 39. Can you juggle? tasks - yes; balls - no
>
> 40. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday
>
> 41. Favorite TV shows: none currently
>
> 42. What did you do on your last birthday? went out to eat with family

The End of the World, where are you?
Name / Username
Your house was taken over my mutant lawn gnomes so you live...	in a cardboard box
Your friends all ran away and forgot about you all expect..	your really hairy cousin Gurt
Food supply is low, you eat..	children
You need to repopulate the world, your significant other is..	no one youre too ugly
Soon civilaztion grows again, your new job is..	teaching Spanish for pennies
Once again everything is back to normal and you get to make one	to have a slave named Linda

This quiz by MisleadHopeStar - Taken 8 Times. </a>