I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show

Homemade mistakes

nyn — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:58:54 GMT

Cleaning my house this weekend was...an adventure. First, I had thought I broke my washing machine. It wouldn't turn on at all (though the dryer worked -- I checked), no water, no power, nothing. So, I sat down on the floor of the mud room, tried not to cry, and pondered using my emergency credit card (that I used once this month already!) to go buy a "new" machine. But first, I had the genius idea of checking with my landlord first to make sure his moron handymen hadn't been doing work on my house that would magically make just the washer not work. Well, it took us a half-hour or so of detective work, and calling each other half-a-dozen times while I crawled and climbed and checked breaker boxes, but we finally figured out that his hired morons broke one of the electrical breakers while they were messing with my outside safety lights. Whew! Of course, this means that I currently don't have safety lights (boo!), and have to use an extension cord across my kitchen to make the washer work (but it works!), and randomly my garbage disposal is also on the same breaker so does not work, but mystery solved! After we figured it out and landlord promised to come Monday (today) to fix the breaker (am NOT holding my breath! He never keeps his promises), we hung up the phone and I went to take the garbage out. Ran into a neighbor who said, "Hey, did you know both of your safety lights are burnt out?" This literally happened 30 seconds after we had hung up the phone. Woulda been REALLY useful to know 30 minutes prior, but still, heh!

Second adventure happened last night at 9:30pm as I was finally finishing my last chore of the weekend -- vacuuming. I had sprinkled that carpet powder all over my whole carpet area to make the place smell fresher, but it was clogging up the air so I couldn't wait to clean it up. The vacuum worked fine in the main room, but by the time I got to the bedroom area right outside my bathroom, it was making a really funny noise. I haven't had this vacuum long (it was a hand-me-down from my mom), so funny noises are new to me with this machine. The machine was still running, but I stupidly popped open the main compartment to see if I could see anything obvious wrong. DOH! The second I did that, the vacuum bag exploded and started shooting dust straight into my bathroom.

Oh my god, you guys. You don't even know.

Even worse? One of my recently completed chores? Cleaning the bathroom.

I seriously almost cried. I did start choking. That dust was foul, and made worse by the "Tropical Island" scented carpet powder. I mean, I like to smell it when it's mildly wafting around the room, not taste it on my tongue and in the back of my throat. ugh.

So, I cleaned and cleaned...and briefly panicked when I thought I didn't have any spare vacuum bags and was going to have to live with some of the mess for a full day (but I did find the bags! yay!). And this morning I am still finding places in my tiny bathroom that are covered in dust. I have a little shelf on which lives my perfume bottles and a lotion holder -- dust all over the bottles still, and in the bottom of the lotion holder. So gross -- but it's kind of like when you shatter a wine glass on the kitchen tiles and are still finding shards months later. I'm sure I'll still be cleaning that bathroom all week, at the very least.

At least now I know how to check the fullness of my new vacuum. sigh.

Work? In crazy mode. Again. Still. I had a few months of non-craziness, so it's way past time for more. I both love and loathe this sort of thing. Surely there is a better way to find career-fulfillment, liveable salary, and adrenaline rushes? I suppose I could train to become a sky-diving instructor. I'm sure it'd be more relaxing...

Oh geez, I just this moment received an email that the Surfrider Foundation is inviting 3000 people to attend the public hearing next month to see me present the case I'm now working on. ::facepalm:: 3000. People. Squeak?

Because my brain doesn't see numbers

nyn — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:23:59 GMT

Is it possible to have a heart attack from relief? My whole chest feels sort of numb and tingly after the news I just got. See, I've been miserable at work lately for several reasons, but one of them was because we decided last Friday to take one of my cases before to hearing in April. This would mean that I would have to produce a lengthy document and attempt to negotiate a settlement with the other attorney all in a very short timeframe. I thought the deadline for the main document and settlement agreement was tomorrow, and that I only had a week to do everything, and here it is Thursday and I'm only about 1/3 done. Just now found out that I somehow managed to read a calendar wrong and that in fact the deadline is next Friday. Considering that I've been consulting the calendar all week to find out the various mini-deadlines that fall all around a larger project, I find it ridiculous that though I met all the mini-deadlines, my eyes kept seeing the wrong date for the BIG deadline.
<---DORK

Sometimes? I SUCK. But what sweet relief, yes?

Mistaken Identity

nyn — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:43:59 GMT

* Today on BART a guy sat down next to me. I don't usually look at the people around me on the train -- I just listen to my iPod and/or read stuff on my Treo. When we reached my stop, I finally turned to the guy to ask him to let me out of the seat -- and froze. I swear to the Gods that this guy was Ronon Dex's younger, shorter twin. Same hair, same facial hair, same skin color, same eye-color, and the look he gave me out of the corner of his eye -- an assessing, amused look -- just, wow. He was just probably 5 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter than Jason Momoa, but twins, I say, twins. I was speechless. Sitting there with my mouth stuck in the smile I was going to give him before I asked him to move. He clearly got the message without me using my words anyway and got up to let me leave. ...can't freaking believe I sat there next to him for a half-hour without noticing though. doh!

* That interview I had two weeks ago -- I received my score. Rank 1, baby! (Rank 1 is the highest, for those not familiar with State Service.) Unfortunately, my bosses are holding off on promoting me for awhile, so, sadly, this may never benefit me. I was pretty disappointed when I learned that late last week, but there is nothing I can do about it right now. I can work to impress them and hope to change their minds, but I don't see anything changing within the next 2 months. The budget is such a sensitive issue anyway that I can only feel justified in arguing my case a certain amount.

* Tonight I must go the gym, but I want to be home in time to watch NCIS (I still adore it even in reruns) and Biggest Loser (I could totally have won that show -- hee!) and, if I have time when commercials are on, try to catch some of the American Idol performances. There might be a few other things I want to see, if I'm not TV'd out by then. I feel like such a loser when I look forward to going home to watch tv...well, what can I say -- guess I am!

* Weight Loss Update: I broke through my long plateau and lost two more pounds over the weekend. Total loss so far: 122! Trying realllllly hard to cut back my calories by around another 200 per day. Calorie count has crept up by 200-300/day over the last 2 months as I've tried to add more protein (and also found a new addiction for Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Filled Pretzels -- YUM!). It is so obvious that my body is super-sensitive to every calorie now. I had 200 more than I should've yesterday and went up half a pound. I burn way more calories a day than I eat (like, 1500 more), every single day, but my body has adjusted. It should be physically impossible for me NOT to lose several pounds a week, and yet my body continues to defy the laws of nature. Strangeness! Also strange: I'm definitely wearing the size now that I wore when I was in college...and weighed 40 pounds less! I don't get it...but I'm not gonna argue. Last week, I had a check-up with the medical team monitoring my diet and my labs are all perfect. My doctor is convinced that I'm building lots of muscle lately -- which would explain me continuing to shrink but the scale not going down, and also my wearing a smaller size than my weight would normally indicate. She shrugged, "You're tall," and made vague hand-wavey motions at me as if to say, "look at your massive bones, you size 12 shoe-wearer." (I also want to make it clear that I am getting plenty of nutrition every day and my nutritionist was the one who originally recommended cutting back my calories even more -- though she did kind of second guess herself when she evaluated my height and general frame-size. So, if I find the cuts hard to maintain, maybe I just won't do it, and the team will be find with that.)

JobWorkLife

nyn — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 00:42:13 GMT

Friday list:

* Had my interview Tuesday afternoon. Left the room thinking of the many, many things I should've said but didn't. Proceeded to tear hair out and whine to all who would listen.

* One of my coworkers/friends was one of the people on the panels doing the interviews (though not mine since that would've been a conflict) and she and I and another coworker who was interviewed all sat and debated answers to the questions (illegally since we're not supposed to disclose that info -- oops!). I felt both better and worse afterward. Later, on Thursday, my friend snuck into my cube and whispered, "Don't worry about your score!" in a way that I'm pretty sure she meant that she found out that I scored high enough to get my promotion. eeee! But I'm not sure yet! ooooh! So, must remain calm until official score is received in a week or two. ...but I am somewhat relieved now. However, this whole thing distracted me muchly this week, and therefore I did not get out a document that people need and are waiting for. Bad Nyn!!

* Had more run-ins with my unreliable landlord yesterday over my broken toilet. I was thisclose to getting a hotel room for the night and subtracting it from my rent. But then I managed to track down the handyman and he seemed to fix the problem (though it acted up again briefly later, but was fine again when I left this morning. arg!).

* We lost 3 more employees from my agency this week. All 3 of them were my good friends and sat in my little section and I'm going to miss them SO MUCH! ::weeps:: I'm about to leave in a mo' and go to a beer hall for a little party for two of them.
Update! Oooo, gossip. Leaving!coworker!Y just came into my cube and whispered that a big boss is also secretly leaving and today is his last day!!! OMG! Guys, this is even worse than I thought. I seriously, seriously need to find a new job, like, by the end of the month. ::vibrates with tension::

* I got paid today and it had my little 5% bump from passing my one-year probation. Yay! It's not a lottery win or anything, but it's always nice to see an extra hundred or so in my bank account. However, I'm really holding my breath for the hopefully imminent promotion. If I get approved to get bumped up a class, it is like at least a $700 a month raise. That will mean so very much to me and my ability to live from month-to-month. Plus, it seriously increases my chances of finding a better job with better pay.

Ok, the party crowd is heading out for the pub. Yay! There might be gambling later. YAY! Happy Friday!

Asking too much

nyn — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 01:18:07 GMT

I've worked in the customer service industry before. Several times. I know how tough it is. I don't think my standards are too high...I'm a pretty easy-going gal. Every now and then certain things will annoy me more than they perhaps should, but I still am not the type of person to demand to talk to someone's boss for anything less than something egregious. But, dude. You know how sometimes a string of things will happen that make you think the universe is having a grand joke at your expense? Well, lately the one being laughed at is me. And it leads to this -- sometimes I just want to grab people, shake them, and yell, "Do your f*cking job!"

Here, I'll list a few of the things ticking me off lately:

* My landlord, and his crew. My house is old, and it has a few things I would like done to make it nicer, which my landlord readily agreed to, or offered to do before I even asked, way back before I moved here in December. Well, of the half-dozen or so items, a grand total of 3 have been done. Recently the crew he hires to do all the work has been working on the building behind me. Every few days the crew chief promises me, "We haven't forgotten you! Swear!" My landlord himself has set and broken no less than 4 appointments to come do something to my place, and only once with a phone call to let me know he wasn't showing up. Then he'll come on some random day while I'm at work and don't know he was there until I find a note left on my coffee table. So annoying, and frankly kind of creepy. I certainly never leave my bed unmade or underwear on the floor or anything.

* My new-and-now-former trainer. My first appointment with him was on Saturday and only was a brief half-hour session. It was fine but I didn't like him a whole lot. I certainly wasn't ready to sign up for the $1000 two-month package he wanted to sell me. But I did agree to meet him for an hour-long "full session" to see what he would recommend as a full work-out for me. I have a ton of experience using weights and planning my own work-outs, but it's always good to get some periodic "professional" input. Plus, I'm getting to the point where it's getting harder to lose weight, so by all means, help me if you can! The appointment was for last night and I had to leave work a few minutes early in order to be there on time. He had written the appointment date and time on a sticky note for me, so I know I was there at the correct time. Well, of course, he stood me up. I asked for him at the counter and the guy said he didn't know anything, but he got the trainer's step-daughter (also a trainer) to call him. This all took so long that I finally wandered over to the treadmills and started my own work-out. No one bothered to come over to me (I was in full view of the desk and saw them look at me) to let me know what was going on. As I was finally leaving over an hour later, I stopped at the employee's table and asked what had happened. The step-daughter looked up at me vaguely and said in the most bored tone imaginable, "Uh, he said for me to get your name and number and he'll call you later." No apology. No explanation. No pleadings for forgiveness and offers of discounts. Nothing. I smiled tightly and walked out while saying over my shoulder. "Nah, thanks anyway."

* My mailman. Since I moved here 2 and a half months ago, I've suspected (but had no proof) that the mail person doesn't come every day. I don't receive mail every day, which I've had happen in the past, but here it seems to happen more often. Then, suddenly, one day I'll have a huge amount of mail. But every time I'd put something out in my box to be mailed, it would always be taken right away. Well, Sunday night I put out a Netflix movie to be returned. Last night, Tuesday night, I got home and the movie was STILL. THERE. I seriously thought mail people were the last frontier of reliability -- you know, that whole "rain, sleet, snow..." thing. My illusions -- shattered!

Trying to remain calm...

nyn — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:37:10 GMT

Today is Day 4 of the Headache from Hell. Getting really sick of feeling sick. My whole head feels bruised from the very top to my face to my neck. I've been taking painkillers a couple times a day and am starting to notice that when they start to wear off, I feel even worse -- nauseous, dizzy, and the feeling of the headache creeping back up is awful. I haven't taken anything yet today, but think I'm going to have to so I can be clear-headed for my interview at 3:15. I had a cold a couple weeks ago, and have had lingering lung fluid and clogged ears ever since, not to mention some sinus pain. I'm wondering if the headache is a sinus infection since my face really does feel sore across my cheekbones and my eye sockets feel dry and gritty. ugh.

So, my interview at 3:15. I'm procrastinating on doing some last minute studying. See, I'm showing great initiative already! ::eye roll:: This morning, I tried on about 5 different suits to try to find one that fit right. Very exciting that I fit into a much smaller size than I expected, but the pants were about a quarter size too small, and the jacket had a spot, so instead I'm hitching up a pair of too-large black slacks that have a waist tie, and this will probably be the last time I wear them. I'm also wearing a cute faux-suede black jacket and a teal-blue-brown striped silk shirt that I haven't worn in 7 years. One of my work friends, an awesome guy from the mail room, came by to deliver me a package and said I now look like Scully from X-files. heeeee! My hair is cut into a bob, it's naturally a bit reddish-blond, and I'm wearing a suit and makeup, which I rarely do lately, so I suppose that's where the Scully-reference came from for him. It's been years since someone called me that, so I guess I'm finally thin enough again to be compared to pretty actresses.

Always nice to have an ego-boost on a day like today!

Ok, ok, back to work...

At least I won't be on a stage and naked

nyn — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:47:36 GMT

Oh my gosh, you guys!! Freaking out, here! I just got a phone call that the oral exam I have to take to get my promotion is being moved from Wednesday morning to tomorrow afternoon. !!!!!!!

I have no idea why I'm freaking out so much about this. It's been moved, like, 16 hours sooner. It's not like I didn't know it was coming, I just now have one less sleep to lose. And yet, if I were a nail-biter, these suckers would be gnawed. ::runs in circles:: See, it's always awkward when you're being interviewed by people you already work with. Which I had to do once before, and it turned out that the interview was awesome, I was later told confidentially that I was one of the panel's favorites...and yet I didn't get the job. And still had to come to work the next day anyway. After I cried in front of my boss.

...ok, I think I just nailed the reason I'm freaking out. I already knew I was nervous about scoring high enough to pass this exam and get awarded the next class in my pay scale, but now I vividly recall the trauma I went through around 4 years ago. Fear of failure and humiliation -- always a classic.

I better go study up on, you know, my job.

My Virtual Model

nyn — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:17:45 GMT

I made a mini!Me! Since I have lost so much weight over the last year, I'm having body image issues in that I have nooo freaking idea what I look like anymore. This past weekend, I put together a little album of photos showing me at various times through the last year -- that helped a lot to see how much progress I've made, plus it's just shocking to see myself as so damn fat exactly one year ago.

By the way, weight loss update: 119 lbs gone. I have a range of goal weight that I'd like to be in (the "normal" BMI range) so my upper limit goal weight is approx. 50 lbs away and lower limit 80 lbs. Honestly, though, I think I'd be pretty freaking skeletal if I lost 80 more lbs!

Anyway, the model maker site allows you to enter your exact height and weight, so I played with it to see how my figure looks now, and how it will look when I get closer to a goal weight. I think it's pretty accurate, actually. I used the arrows to make the mini!me spin around so I could see her from all sides. Maybe, just maybe, I'm getting more used to the Reality New Me.

In which I cut my hair, watch yummy tv, and traffic in humans

nyn — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 01:22:54 GMT

* Got my hair chopped this weekend. It is now a cute A-line bob. I don't think it's been this short since I was a child. Though I adore long hair, honestly I do look better with short hair. It does something nice to my face.

I've been shedding a lot due to my strict diet. It has been so freaking annoying how much hair I lose. Shorter hair will help cut down the annoyance factor...I hope! Good thing that I have SO MUCH hair, even with losing a poodle's worth a day.

* Yay, TV! Finally saw the first disc of Stargate: Atlantis Season 2. I've been a fan of the show since it debuted, but have only ever seen all of Season 1, LOL. I read fanfic, what do I need to actually watch the show for? (kidding) It took awhile since I had to wait for dvd and then wait for it to move up my Netflix queue. I finally went and moved it up the list a few weeks ago. Can I just tell you how much I love Ronan? I've lived off of seeing bits and pieces of him but now I get to watch him all from the beginning. Mmm! Also a new favorite: Psych Season 1. I'm also finally finishing off Dexter Season 1 -- somehow the set got really separated in my queue so I saw the first half of the season and then have been waiting for months for rest of the episodes. I just saw the episode where...ooh, shouldn't post spoilers, huh? Rats.

* One of the supervisors just came to ask me to help with hiring our summer interns. Yay, the POWER! I kind of love doing stuff like this, despite the extra work. There is a Public Interest career fair at Hastings College of Law next month and so far, we have received 85 applications. Looks like I'm going to be pouring through resumes and writing samples for the next few days. We'll probably each pick our top handful of favorite candidates and interview them all at the fair (which is a Saturday -- yikes). This time, each of us on my team will get to hire our own personal ~~body servant~~ intern that will work only with us, so we cut down on having to explain each of our projects to all the different interns who might be able to give us a few hours here and there. I love this idea.

* Weight loss update: Down 109 pounds! I've also lost 10 sizes so far. If I keep up this pace, then I will reach my goal weight by my birthday in June...but that's sort of the best case scenario. I know it will be hard to maintain a consistent loss. So, I'm sort of just in general aiming for hitting goal sometime this summer. ...then comes the hard part -- maintenance!

Bad with the good

nyn — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:17:37 GMT

* One of my online friends was in San Francisco for a work convention this week, and we made plans to get together. I was so excited 'cause I admire this woman a lot and we've never met in RL before. But sadly, her company kept her busy from 5:45am-9:30pm. yikes! We chatted on the phone and agreed that if we were even just a few years younger that we would totally meet at 9:30 for drinks or whatever, but since both of us are old ladies in our 30's, we both just wanted to go home, put on sweats, and watch TV. Sad! So, since she comes out a couple times a year, maybe we'll get to meet next time. Bummer.

* I have to leave work in about an hour to go to a doctor's appointment. This is good, because I just really kind of want to get out and run around a bit. I'm longing for the weekend in the kind of vague way one does on a Thursday afternoon, but I have to admit that I still feel like there are things I need to get done this week.

* Speaking of work, I nearly cried in the middle of my office on Tuesday. I've been working on a document that was supposed to go out last Friday, but due to everyone taking the day off except for me, it had to wait until Monday. Then Monday turned into Tuesday, so my whole calendar is getting screwed to hell. Well, my boss met me walking in the hall near a bunch of cubicles and offices and somehow the conversation got turned into all the things that were wrong with the document that kept holding it up and she decided to place most of the blame on me and publicly, in the middle of the hall surrounded by my coworkers, criticize my work. I was mortified. Afterwards, I went right over to coworker!CC and she totally made me feel better and agreed that looking for new jobs is sounding better to both of us by the day.

Later, I went to talk to boss again and told her that I appreciated getting constructive criticism, but next time could she please, please not address it to me in public? She seemed surprised by my request and said she didn't see it as giving me criticism at all and anyway really thought no one was around to hear it. I kind of started to tell her about all the people I heard working in their cubicles around us, but then just dropped it. She sent me an email later apologizing again and said that she realized she "broke confidentiality" which is so lawyer speak, lol. So it ended better than I anticipated, but boy, what a miserable afternoon that was.

* I am loving the USA network playing 2 NCIS episodes every Wednesday. They started from the beginning and since my viewing of season 1 was spotty, that is exactly what I needed. I heart this show SO MUCH. One of the episodes last night was the one where the team goes to an aircraft carrier and they meet up with the guy that had Tony's job before Tony. And poor woobie Tony watches how Gibbs acts around this guy, which is almost fawning if Gibbs was the type to fawn. And Tony is SO SAD...until he gets to talk to the guy at the very end of the episode and then he feels so much better. But there is a lot of great background stuff on some of the characters (Tony!) and in general I enjoyed it.

* Weight loss update: 104 lbs down. I put on a lightweight suit jacket today that I haven't worn in years and years and it fits perfectly! eee! So today I am wearing a black dress with red swirls, black fake!suede jacket buttoned twice, black tights (size: one size fits all, which never would have fit me even a month ago), and black heels. BUT! I've lost some weight in my feet, if you can believe it, so with wearing tights that make feet slippery, the heels were too big to do much walking in, but luckily I had brought flats, too, so I could make the 1 mile walk to the doctor later, so now I'm wearing those. Anyway, I like this outfit a lot, but apparently I look amazing considering the way all my coworkers are carrying on. So much talk about how amazing I look "now." People are gushing, and it is embarrassing, but I guess I'm learning lessons in how to just say "thank you" and then try to eventually change the subject. I'm smiling a lot.

nyn — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 21:40:43 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY earthly_gnome!!!

Love ya, you big stud, you! ::mwah!::

Just call me saggy pants

nyn — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 23:42:17 GMT

Y'all don't really think I necessarily need to wear pants to work, do you? Because unless I win the lottery, soon I will not have any pants to wear. Exception = Sweatpants. I have plenty of those since I inherited a bunch from when we sold our cabin and cleared out all the lounging clothes we kept around for guests. This morning, I tried on 4 pairs of pants before I found a pair that has a draw string so I could just hike them way up and tie them as tightly as possible. Not sure that's going to work for much longer, though, because they are now tied as tightly as they can go before the material starts bunching to the point that it doesn't stay tight for long. This weekend, I donated two more garbage bags of clothes that no longer fit, and now I'm filling up a third. I think I've given away around 6 bags of clothes since October (and am trying desperately not to think of the dollar value or clothes now gone that were practically brand new). I'd wear more skirts, but it has been windy, rainy, and even skirts eventually get too big, too. In conclusion: Situation Pants = dire.

Mom called me Saturday afternoon and said they were on day 2 of no power at her house. Reason #293578 that I'm glad to have moved, but poor mommy! She threatened to come move in with me, which I suppose would only be fair at this point, but the momentary shock and horror froze my vocal chords until she had already moved on in the conversation. Her next point was to announce that she had just purchased a new washer and dryer (because what better way to soothe the aggravations of no electricity at home than to go to the outlet mall and spend thousands of dollars on electrical appliances?) and was planning to bring me her old ones.

Glee! Confetti!

I suppose I can permanently put off buying a roll of quarters and hauling out the yellow pages to locate a laundromat. Truly sad about that, really.

So, I spent part of yesterday evening starting the clean up of the laundry room, which is right now a storage/cat food and litter/refrigerator room. Then I remembered that I still haven't purchased new wipes for the Swiffer, or any other cleaning product than a bottle of Soft Scrub and some furniture polish, so I was able to procrastinate on the cleaning projects another day, but now I really, really, REALLY need to go grocery shopping tonight.

ETA: Milo and Hayden. My thoughts exactly. I mean, seriously. Gah.

Huff and Puff

nyn — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 22:44:38 GMT

Seriously, y'all, the storm is BAD! It is so bad that our office building management had to send out reassuring emails to all of the tenants that the building was constructed to sway and creak in high winds on PURPOSE. It is so bad that the state sent out emails giving employees permission to go home early, so long as there were enough people left to keep the offices open until 5pm. It is so bad that we are getting hourly email reports on the status of roads, bridges, and transit routes. Apparently, you should not drive over the Golden Gate Bridge today if your car is larger than a toaster. (Incidentially: The lady who is in charge of Golden Gate transportation is named Mary Currie -- heh!)

And suddenly it occurred to me that I have not ventured out of my cubicle since we received the "go home if you need to" email and man, the office is QUIET. The bitches better not have secretly designated me as the one to keep the office open and all sneaked out!

ETA: I just took a quick turn around our office floor and indeed many people have escaped! However, my loyal coworker!CC has stayed and we are both trying to justify being able to leave early, but honestly cannot. So far the news is that our train is still running fine, alas.

In other news, I am eating an apple. I haven't had one in awhile since it is citrus season and mom's trees produce SO. MUCH. FRUIT. that I feel guilty eating anything else during these few months, but...this apple. Is GOOD.

help!

nyn — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 16:35:20 GMT

Storming, storming!
Wind and rain!
Umbrella useless!
Send canoe!

Facing possible death by defenestration

nyn — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 21:15:47 GMT

Well, so much for 2008 starting out very differently from 2007 -- just got a phone call that one of my surgeons wants to see me. I now have an appointment in 2 weeks, LOL!

On the plus side, the incision on my face is healing up very, very nicely. The Dermabond all came off a week after it was applied, and I was a bit worried since the surgeon had told me it would be on there for weeks and the cut still didn't look fully healed. But now it is looking good; not very noticeable.

Please ignore that I am wearing no makeup today (because I woke up late) and only slept about 10 hours so far this week (because I am stupid and sometimes a bit of an insomniac).

See! It is fairly tiny! The horrors of Stitchface are far behind me.

It is very, very windy today and my office building is creaking alarmingly around me. My cube-neighbor is laughing at me for talking about the noises coming from the large windows 5 feet away that sound like they're about to pop out, fall 200 feet, and shatter on Market Street. But I think that when one's office is on the 20th floor and the building is creaking in the wind, one has the right to at least whine a little!

Here is a photo of my sometimes-scary office window today:

See ya 2007

nyn — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 23:57:36 GMT

So, 2007. ::fidgets:: I don't know what to say about you. You brought me having to have 3 surgeries. You brought me the extreme pride and joy of landing my dream job/career path...and then finding out 10 months later that because our Governator is an ass that I will most likely be laid off in the next 6 months due to budget shortfalls. You brought me moving house twice. You brought me finally making changes and so far have now lost 102 pounds. I also have a new relationship with thoughts on mortality, mostly unfortunately.

To wrap up--

Things I Liked During 2007 (in no particular order)
* My new apartment in the Bay Area.
* Losing weight and being bemused by all the side effects thereof (throwing out big clothes and buying clothes in the normal people sizes, being cold all the time, having more energy, fitting into smaller spaces, all the compliments/questions/nosiness by people who suddenly notice me, etc.)
* The Dream Job landing (began February 1st) -- never been so proud of myself.
* Getting back into exercise.

Things at Which I Just Had to Laugh
* 3 surgeries??!? Are you SERIOUS??? Actually, going back a year and a half, it has been FIVE surgeries (last July, last November, this June, September, and December). How else can you react at that point, other than to laugh? Never in my life have I been forced to have so many doctor's appointments, so many lab tests, so many EKGs, so many IVs attempted to be inserted into my arms and hands (7 tries alone at my surgery on Dec. 14th). Official tally: 2 minor outpatient procedures, 1 appendectomy that was just kinda bad with one night hospital stay, 2 major life-threatening procedures with more than one night at hospital and many follow-up appointments and/or extreme complications, and a whole wack of scars all over my body. The major surgery in September will be with me for the rest of my life, affecting day-to-day living and will require follow-up appointments and lab test monitoring at least annually, if not every 6 months, forever.
* My money issues. They are just so strange now. Money flows in and out of my hands and I hardly understand how it happens. I am now back at square one, which is otherwise so frustrating that I just have to force myself to see the amusement in it all.
* My current clothing situation, which is also bizarre. Several closets full of clothes either too big or too small. Each morning is an adventure to see if I can find enough to wrap around myself so as not to end up arrested...and probably on YouTube.

Things I Could've Done Without
* Losing two uncles (in October and November).
* Moving twice (in May and December). I'm always torn about moving 'cause I love change and settling into new places, but I loathe the actual moving part.
* The frigging commuting. If I was more into maths, I would calculate how much of my life this last year was spent on trains, in cars, and on buses. It was LOTS. Poor vehicle Esme is showing her miles more than she should.
* Having to buy 4 new tires for Esme, two new sets of wipers, and soon to buy new brakes.
* The huge amount of money spent on commuting.
* Missing Lil Bro, and falling-outs resulting therefrom.
* Finding out my job security is actually a ticking time bomb.

Meh. I'm done thinking about this all. I have regrets, but overall I tend more towards optimism with a side of cynical. 2007 brought good things, and for that I shall endeavor to remember it fondly. But it will probably go into the scrapbook as The Year of Hospitals and Transportation.

arg!

nyn — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 20:07:35 GMT

Stitches are not out after all. ::pouts mightily:: Parents, hide your children for Stitchface is in the house for at least 2 more days. Also, a pox on doctors and their schedulers for continuing their unbroken streak of screwing me over. sigh!

drive by

nyn — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 01:32:22 GMT

Just a quick post to say 'I'm alive!' Doing very well overall, still enjoying my job - AND I've lost 91 pounds since summer! Go team me! I survived my major surgery in September, though it took awhile to recover. I moved from the Sacramento area to the San Francisco Bay Area 2 weeks ago (nerve-wracking!). Then I had a little minor surgery on my face on Friday. I'm currently wandering around with a big stitched up gash along my left cheekbone, powder-blue threads sticking out, probably scaring small children and pets. But I should get the stitches out tomorrow - yay! I hope everyone is well and having a very happy, healthy, peaceful holiday season.

More scars, less surface area

nyn — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 20:17:49 GMT

Hey, all, what's up? Yes, I'm finally checking in again. At first, I stayed away because I hadn't read the new Harry Potter yet, and I was a-scared of spoilers. Then, I finished reading Harry Potter (yay! it was enjoyable), but I just plain had no time for lj. I started working even longer hours than ever, and it is becoming frighteningly common for me to leave the house at 5:30am and get home at 11pm. ::cries::

I still love my job, though! And now that I know enough to really be in on the production calendar, negotiations, and case resolution, I'm digging in up the elbows and getting stuff done. It's all very rewarding!

There are also family issues going on. One of my favorite people in the world, one of my uncles, married to my mom's sister P. for almost 50 years, passed away a week ago at their home in Florida. He was an amazing man, and is greatly missed.

The blessing and the curse of a very large family -- many people to love, many people to dread losing. They are all getting older, too. My mom's oldest sister is already 71.

Lately, I have been able to cut back on the work hours a bit, now that I don't have to learn every little thing, but I'm still busy. I'm on a deadly serious diet/exercise plan and so far it's working great. I keep a membership on two weight-loss websites and check in with them daily to keep me motivated. I don't have a lot of spare time...ever...but I have been doing very well at keeping up with my daily food diary and going to my gym almost every single day. I can now do almost an hour on the elliptical machine and instead of working on increasing my length of time, I'm working on increasing the speed and resistance slowly but surely. I'm not as out-of-shape as I feared I'd be when I started, but my cardio really needs to improve so my heart-rate isn't quite so fast at my peak.

My clothes are all getting really baggy! The scale is moving down at a pretty steady clip, but since I'm exercising so much, I'm kind of relying on how my clothes fit in these early stages to show me my progress. I have pants that I probably won't be able to wear soon since they already are close to falling off. I probably shouldn't even wear them now, but they're so cute that I almost (almost!) hate to say good-bye. I will never wear this size again, with OGG as my witness.

I also have cheekbones and collarbones again!

In other health-related news, I'm also preparing to be out of work for two weeks starting Friday. I have a surgery (yes, another one!) on Monday, and will need time to recover. I'll probably be in the hospital for 3 days, according to my surgeon, but I'm a pretty healthy person so I don't see it being that long. I have a pretty high pain tolerance (though not as high as my little bro -- that boy has no nerve endings, I swear!). So, if anyone cares, that's my plan for the next few weeks. I'll try to update as soon as I can to announce if I made it out alive and in one piece.

He would make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts

nyn — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:35:14 GMT

Jason Gideon is leaving the BAU!
NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!!
Dammit! I love that show so very much. Messing with a good show's chemistry can be so dangerous. I dislike it very much. Which is possibly part of the reason why I really hate Prentiss, the new agent on Criminal Minds, and Ziva and the Director, from NCIS. Also, Mandy's character is often the steady heart that the rest of the CM cast revolves around. Sad!

...on the other hand, man, I really, really hope everything is OK with Mandy and his family. I remember back when he suddenly left "Chicago Hope", a show I never watched, but I kind of always keep track of actors I like and I've loved him since "Princess Bride". Anyway, he eventually went back to CH, so can we hope for that here? I suppose we must wait until he makes a statement himself.

In related news, check this crap out: CBS already removed Mandy's photo and character description from the Criminal Minds page. ::sniffle::

In RL news, my computer's fixed!! A Sony rep came to my office yesterday and replaced the motherboard. All done and fixed in half an hour. YaY!

For awhile recently I was so good about updating my lj regularly. But for the last week I've been spending lots of time taking care of my mother and her broken, twisted up ankle, and then ending up going to bed early since I didn't have a computer to tempt me to stay up too late. Also, work issues. Man, lots of work issues. Nothing bad, per se! Still adoring my job! But it's kind of heavy, things going on, blah. I'm beginning to hate the word "budget" a whooooole lot. Why don't people want to spend money to save the coast and the environment in general, I ask you. Priorities get twisted, the wrong people get raises, our agency gets ignored, or outright insulted. It's wrong on so many levels. Wish I could fight the wrongness, but not yet, at this point in my career. Someday. In the meantime, I update my lj.

Life is gonna getcha

nyn — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 19:26:54 GMT

I haven't updated in a few days. Kinda difficult to keep up with lj when my computer is broken! ::weeps::

I take it on the train and to work with me every day and used it the other morning just fine, but when I went to use it on my way home it wouldn't turn on. at all. I think my heart actually stopped. No power, no lights going on, nothing. Luckily, Sony does on-site repair for free within the first year, so they will be coming by my work sometime (hopefully) soon. As in, immediately. Or whenever they feel like getting back to me to make that appointment. Apparently they don't feel my *glare of death* from this far away.

sigh.

In other, more traumatic, news, my mother was playing the extremely dangerous game of golf yesterday when she broke her ankle. Badly. Aw, mommy! She's so stoic, but couldn't help almost whimpering in pain last night. This was so sad. I feel so very bad for her. It's just...ouch. Her toes were all swollen around her temporary cast. Stupid HMO is jerking her around on getting her in to see a specialist to get the permanent cast. Very frustrating.

Of course, mostly mom was frustrated because she had spent all afternoon sitting with her leg up and had taken two. whole. pain pills already and she wasn't yet healed. SIIIIGH.

<-- Face of "30-years-of-dealing-with-this" frustration

"No mother, one does not heal from chipped ankle bones and torn tendons in one afternoon. Sorry. Hughug, pets, kisses, now SIT DOWN!"

She's already trying to do chores and things while hobbling around on her crutches. She does not sit and rest well, that one. But when she is so clearly suffering, I just want to hold her and make her feel better. I've been calling to check on her all morning (and to make sure she's sitting) and would rather just be there to try and take care of her. ::hugs mommy::

So, yes, it is possible to sustain severe injuries while golfing. ::snickers:: I told her that the only game she is safe to play anymore is shuffleboard. She laughed.

all week the area of concern on my neck has been pulsating with pain. Very swollen, bruised-looking, and ouchie. I'm 99% sure it is infected. Again. This makes the third time since it started being noticeable. I waited a few days to see if it was going to heal itself, but no good. Grr! I emailed my doctor this morning. I'm hoping to make SURE that the surgery on August 15 is to remove both the area of concern on my left cheek, AND this one on my neck. The cheek one doesn't even hurt, really, it just needs to be gone. This one, I could really do without. My range of motion of head and neck movement is becoming limited and my right ear is starting to bother me. ARG!!! I just want it to...stop.

In other, happier news, today is my brother's birthday! Yay! Happy Birthday, canis187!!! Love you lots!

In brother-related news, yesterday I arrived at the AMTRAK station on my way home when I ran into Lil Bro's old friend, tarzxf. It was really good to catch up with him. He is also doing the commute from Davis to SF, except his commute is much worse than mine. He leaves an hour earlier than I do and gets home an hour later. After he gets off AMTRAK in SF, he then has to take Caltrain for yet another leg of his commute. ::shudders:: I'll take my commute over that one any day, thanks! But yes, ::waves at tarzxf!::

$235,567.50 per month? Really?!

nyn — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 23:02:51 GMT

A Letter to Optimus Prime from his GEICO Auto Insurance Agent

ahahahaha! And I thought I had bad auto luck...

Still so young, desperate for attention

nyn — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 04:17:33 GMT

House to myself = made of win.

Saturdays also = made of win.

Gave blood this morning, then ran a bunch of errands. Got Esme's oil changed and new wiper blades for her. Man, new wiper blades automatically make my car look spiffin'. Nice!

While waiting for my car, I used my phone to read an old favorite Ares/Joxer story that never fails to make me ROFL. so funny! It was never really one of my fandoms, but I did occasionally sleep with it and treat it like a favored hooker.

Then cashed in my free "pint for a pint" coupon at Baskin-Robbins. Peanut Butter & Chocolate, of course! Then I found two more coupons from previous blood donations and got another PB&C and Rainbow Sherbet.

Free ice cream = made of win!

Bought a couple of quick pick lotto tickets since it is in fact 7/7/07 and I'm just enough of a dork to mark the occasion somehow.

...just checked the lottery #'s and only got one number right. heh. so much for luck.

Anyway, shopped for cat food and birthday cards. Did some other stuff. Then, came home and watched "Devil Wears Prada". Fun movie, but really not Oscar nomination worthy imo, and not nearly as good as the one I watched yesterday, "Inside Man". That movie I liked a LOT. ""! Spike Lee has some talent as a director, something I'd never spent any time thinking about before.

Bonded with River kitty, then spent some time trying to learn something about this bandslash stuff. There are so many bandslash boys to learn about! I can't keep any of them straight!

hee! straight!

The only ones I know immediately on sight are Patrick and Pete from FOB, Ryan Ross, and, um, sometimes I guess Gerard and Mikey from MCR correctly. I can pick a few others out of a crowd sometimes, but half the time I get their names wrong.

Instead, I went to read a SPN/Firefly crossover with Dean and Mal. I keep hoping to find more SPN crossovers since I like reading those boys with boys from other fandoms, but really haven't spent much time looking yet. I just watched my first Supernatural episodes the other day and am now waiting for Netflix to send me more discs. (Actually, I just checked and Netflix is queued up to send me another Denzel movie first, "Deja Vu", and then the next SPN. Maybe I should fix that...)

sigh, another new fandom. My flist can be relentless that way. Y'all keep tempting me into hopping into bed with new boys! You need to quit that shit!

Arg! Just nearly burnt off all my tastebuds! My dinner tricked me by being MUCH SPICIER than advertised. sob! ::holds poor wimpy, burnt tongue::

I'll have more ice with my life, please, thanks

nyn — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 19:56:20 GMT

* Had a really nice Fourth of July, though not necessarily relaxing. Spent the day doing family things -- half with dad's family (including grandma and one set of step-grandparents, all growing noticeably frailer) and half with mom, stepdad, aunt!M, and neighbor Helen. I think that at all times during my day, the average age in the room was about 55+...except for me. But I do love spending time with family, so there you go.

Ate at Applebee's with dad's fam., and made a car game out of watching the external temperature gage on the van move up, up, up. Hung out with dad and stepmom for awhile, which is always really fun. Stepmom showed me her latest quilts (she's a genius at picking out fabric patterns), and we played with the bird, dog, and computer. Went home to mom's and had hot dogs, corn, potato salad, peach & blueberry cobbler...and lots of liquor. How damn American. Stepdad wanted an apple pie, but mom overruled him.

I did finally retreat back to my quarters before fireworks. There IS such a thing as too much family, after all. Plus, the pets were getting worked up from the local fireworks noise, so I was designated pet-sitter. The cats were on top of me, the dogs were panting with fear and pressing up against my legs and hands, and the tv was on to some random crappy thing to try and drown out the outside noise. It was kind of cute and fun, but also sad that they were so frightened.

* I wanted to upload an animated Supernatural mood theme I found, but it involves some time and labor, and I was just not that motivated the other day. Maybe this weekend? Until then, it remains open, but unfinished, on my laptop Pheon's desktop. Also, I must decide if I actually want to look at animated icons all the time. They're fun for awhile, but I can never stare at them for long. They make my eyes feel wonky.

Though, honestly, the SPN boys are pretty enough to convince me.

* I am already so broke this month. So broke. My favorite time of month money-wise is that couple of days after I get paid, but before I pay bills. Since I now get paid only once-a-month, my paychecks are much larger than I'm used to, which looks so nice in my bank account...but like I said, they only come once-a-month, rather than twice. After I pay all my bills (usually in one go) I have no more money for 3+ weeks. sigh. I applied for disability to make up for the days without pay I had due to my surgery, but I now know from experience that the disability check won't come for weeks and weeks.

I wish I could be clever and think of a side enterprise I could do to make extra money. I have things I could sell on ebay, but I just have never sold anything like that before so it seems more intimidating than it probably actually is.

The sad thing is that my commuting is what is eating all my money. (This is on my mind since I just filled my gas tank and then purchased my July monthly AMTRAK ticket this morning and waved good-bye to first $35, and then $342.) If I didn't have a commute, I would probably be fine, financially. However, I can't get rid of the commute until I have the money to move...and I can't save much money for a move while I am commuting...um. you see how this goes.

* Even when other things get me down, though, all I have to do is remind myself that I now have the job that is totally perfect for me. It was MTB! How many years did I spend angsting about employment? How many years was I completely, totally depressed because I couldn't find the career I was looking for? How many applications/resumes did I send out only to never hear a word? How many interviews? How many times did I believe I was a failure since I was "wasting my education"? How much time did I spend confused because I kind of was ok with what I was doing, except it just didn't...quite...feel right? ::twirls:: And now, all that is behind me. I just have to keep focused on making this career path everything it could possibly be.

Dear Self,

Don't fuck this up.

Kisses,

Me

* Gas Price update: $2.93! ::confettis::

* Global Warming update: 108 degrees yesterday! (at home)
Holy burning cow pies, Batman! ::throws self at San Francisco::

Dear San Francisco,

Thank you. No, seriously, thank you so much, from the deep recesses of my skin cells, for believing that 75 degrees is a hot day.

Eternal devotion,

Me

In which I am a bad, bad puppy-sitter

nyn — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:23:37 GMT

This weekend was mostly nice, with moments of drama:

* Mom and stepdad were out all day Saturday. I did some chores, helped a delivery guy dump a huge pile of decomposed granite in the back-back-yard, bonded with my kitties, etc. At around 7pm, I decided to go shopping since I had forgotten to return a purse I purchased a few weeks ago but realized I didn't need. Ended up going to Ulta, buying a hot new lipstick called "Crimson Fire", then going to Target to get a few things. Indulged my school supply geek and bought some cute notepads for work, a tub to store my good down comforter (since the only one currently using it is River, and she just gets tortie fur all over it), some really cute Thank You notes for birthday stuff, and a fun birthday card for Lil Bro, among other things.

Before I left for the store, I put the two dogs out, since they had been in the house all day by that point. When I returned home around 9:30pm, I immediately realized that something was wrong since they didn't come to the gate to greet me. I looked more closely and saw that the bottom chain of the gate (there are two chains since the dogs are Houdini dogs and can escape from just about anything) was completely snapped and a twisted broken link was lying in the driveway. After searching the whole house, it was obvious the dogs were gone. I made the dreaded phone call to tell my mom that I had lost her babies and mom predictably lost it. She didn't blame me or anything, but I could tell the blame was there since I had forgotten a key point: it's 4th of July time. Fireworks start going off all over the local neighborhoods starting at sundown. ::facepalm:: Mom also blamed herself a whole bunch for not telling me to be sure to keep the dogs inside.

Oh, the badness I felt. Poor dogs. And Bell, the girl dog, has seizures quite often so mom and I had funfuntimes imagining her lying in a gutter somewhere, seizing and in pain, getting run over...

Mom left the party she was at immediately, but due to traffic, etc., didn't get home until almost midnight. By that point, I had been searching almost three hours with no luck. Driving all around, calling and whistling, walking the neighborhood and alleyways... At around 1:30am, I stayed home to keep an eye out while mom and stepdad went back out in the car. I started writing my thank you notes to distract myself from the overwhelming fear, sadness, worry, when I heard a familiar jingle by the back door. It sounded like a dog collar jingle so I raced over and found that Pepper, the boy dog, had found his way home.

He was dirty, exhausted, thirsty...and very sorry for getting himself lost. Mom came home to help me take care of him, and stepdad went to the street to call for Bell, the girl dog. It was almost 2am, and a neighbor came out to see who was bellowing. The helpful neighbor got her car out to help go search, when she spotted Bell trotting down the street. Both dogs had found themselves, without our help. Well, perhaps they had heard all the bellowing. Or perhaps it was late enough that the firecrackers had stopped and they weren't scared anymore.

Bell is a little more injured from her experience -- her face is puffy and bruised, probably from forcing her way out of the gate and breaking the chain. One paw is bothering her, too, but otherwise they are both unharmed. They were so tired, though, that they hardly moved off of their beds for the rest of the weekend. And now I can breathe again.

* Sunday started off lazily, since all of us slept in and were still a bit wrung out, emotionally. Mom and I walked over to Nugget Market to get fresh bagels and scones. We were also given samples of a piece of heaven called a Fuzzy Navel Smoothie. Yummy! Must go buy one morning on my way to the train.

Later, we went and built a pad for the new jacuzzi mom is having delivered on Thursday. They built a square frame and then I helped shovel decomposed granite into it and smooth it down. At one point, stepdad accidentally shoveled my finger, so mom made me go put ice on it. There's nothing that makes you feel like a kid again quite like your mommy helping you care for a boo-boo. It didn't hurt that badly, and today just looks like a red stain on my fingertip.

That evening, we watched a bunch of rerun tv (which was all new to me since it was shows I don't usually watch like, "Without a Trace" and "Cold Case") and I painted my nails with a new "Salsa" nail polish. And now today I am back at work. Hmm, that means I should actually stop procrastinating and work now, huh?