State control, or frame, or whatever you want to call it, is absolutely necessary for dealing with women at any level of investment, whether it be a first meeting on a date or a woman you are already involved with. Men will proudly say that men have to be emotionally strong, yet fold at the first sight of a woman emotionally crashing out.

A lot of the questions I get from men who consult with me are things like, “She said this, what do I say now?” or “She did this, what do I do now?” as if everything a woman does requires some immediate response or counteraction. Relationships are not RPGs where you are locked in combat, both responding to each other’s strategies in real time to see who wins. Oftentimes, the answer is to do or say nothing.

All you really have as a man is your ability to remove your time and attention, and if you ever doubt what to do or say next, default to those things. Some men feel the need to explain their point or justify their actions, but that is still operating within her frame. You do not owe anyone an explanation for your actions, especially in the context of a relationship with a woman. The stay plan is the same as the go plan. You have work in the morning, you have a libido, and you have better things to do. She will thank you later for metaphorically laughing in the face of her emotional storms.