notreallythis

Annual meme

notreallythis — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 12:46:57 GMT

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
- Lived alone (no roommates), played D&D, cross dressed, worked outside Tel Aviv, owned a good camera, cared about how clean my house was, been to the UK, seen Therion live.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't make new year resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- My dad's spouse. Got a new brother :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- No.

5. What countries did you visit?
- England and Wales. Wales rules.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
- Friends.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- March 2nd. The date Klil and I got back together.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Surviving through it.

9. What was your biggest failure?
- Renting an apartment together with Inbal. Big fucking mistake.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Mental?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Must have been the How Loathsome graphic novel issues.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
- Guy. Apologizing for what he did is something that I never thought would happen.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
- Some of the people who were close to me.
(ודי לחכימא ברמיזה)

14. Where did most of your money go?
- Rent, University, the trip to the UK and the camera.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Books?

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
- In Your Light, by Distorted.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
- It's kind of hard to compete with last year's levels of misery... But I wouldn't define it as "happier". Less sad, perhaps. Everything in life is relative...

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- Resting.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- Letting people step on me (namely: Inbal).

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
- Will?

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
- Not as such. I've had a few crushes. (That is, new ones.)

23. How many one-night stands?
- One.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
- Oh, god X_x Death Note. Why couldn't it stay good? :'(

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- I don't bother with hating.

26. What was the best book you read?
- How Loathsome - Tristan Crane and Ted Naifeh.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Borknagar.

28. What did you want and get?
- A vacation, and an apartment. And Klil.

29. What did you want and not get?
- A social circle.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
- Vincent Price movies. Fuck yeah!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I was 24. It was more like a wake than a party, which was funny. We were all very depressed, but we ate (vegan) chocolate fondue and told dead baby jokes.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
- More chocolate fondue? More books? I find the question hard to answer, because making a year immeasurably satisfying would take a lot.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
- Going-on cross-y.

34. What kept you sane?
- Was I kept sane? If I did, it was always material obligations, such as work and the University, that kept me from falling apart. But I wish I could (fall apart).

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Vincent Price?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Feminism.

37. Who did you miss?
- It's not who, it's when.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
- Ghaith.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
- I don't think I learn them. Or if I do, I don't put them into catch-phrases.

Grr

notreallythis — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 18:02:31 GMT

Give me an apartment!

And to elaborate - Inbal just changed her mind. This means I have one month to either find a good apartment for myself (1-1.5 rooms in the center of Tel Aviv, up to $550) or a good someone to live with (up to $400).

Help?

^_^

notreallythis — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:11:20 GMT

Dear god, this is just prescious!

Made me giggle out loud... Click it.

Meme

notreallythis — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 11:14:37 GMT

Comment, and I will:

1) Tell you why I friended you
2) Associate you with a song/movie
3) Tell a random fact about you
4) Tell a first memory about you
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
7) Show you my favourite user pic of yours
8) In response, you MUST* spread this disease in your LJ.

I've killed a million petty souls, but I couldn't kill you

notreallythis — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 10:25:53 GMT

The above is the quote I have today on my IM's.

I encounter a strange situation now: I have been planning to make an update since Saturday, but haven't had time since. Since then, my general feeling has changed slightly, and as I see it as particularly important not to dwell, even on three-days-old feelings, I try to avoid returning into them as it might distabilize me.

I guess I'll just write about whatever comes to mind. If it comes to mind, it must be relevant.

So, right now... More than anything, I feel like a blank. I've been rather katatonic all through yesterday, and I seem to feel about the same today again. Don't feel very communicative. Don't feel much of anything. Even the heaving on my chest has been lightened, for most of the time. I try not to think about things that would make me feel all this pain again. I suspect this makes me not think at all.

Motivation has not been at its highest. I still feel like I'm being drawn rather than activating myself. Still working on inertia. I go where I am led, since there's really no place that I'd like to be.

Going to Salon Mazal has become unpleasant and distressing. Sitting there yesterday, I kept staring outside to make sure that he's not coming there (and this even though we divided the week between us). And every person I saw coming in, was him.

I need to get used to this. I don't want to lose this place and what it means to me. But it seems like it no longer functions in the same capacity. It was a pleasant place to sit, talk and meet good people. Now I fear that if I sit there too long, I'll encounter him. I did not feel safe there yesterday. I hardly talked.

And this fear of encountering him has been haunting me. I've been scared of using OkCupid. Even opening my homescreen and my mailbox has been distressing, since I keep fearing he will appear in the journals or the pictures. Two days ago, I wanted to check matches but was scared of seeing his profile again, so I went to "who's online". He was there.

I had to pass by his house yesterday to get to the optometrist.

I feel unsafe every morning when I go to work and every evening when I return from it since he lives so close.

And all this leads me to my next point: the two Klils that exist in my life right now.

The one is the one from above. The one I fear seeing. The one I don't want to talk to, don't want to see, whose existence I don't want to acknowledge. The one who hurt (and hurts) me, the one who thinks I am not who I am, the one who writes shit about me on his public profile. The one I am furious with, the one I don't want in my life.

And then, there's the one in my head. This is the one I am still in a relationship with. This is the one who loves me and appreciates me. The one who accepted my apology and is now working together with me to solve our problems. The one who has faith in me - in us, the one who wants to be with me, who understands me and forgives me.

I spent Sunday together with him, in my head. Every hour, I knew what we were doing. It was not similar to the day I actually had.

Dangerous.

Okay, lost ability to think now. I don't care to re-read all this right now for proofreading. Deal.

Thoughts and feelings as of the past few days

notreallythis — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 11:37:40 GMT

One of the small joys of life: In my office, music is basically not allowed. It's not like anyone outright forbids it, but they won't let anyone have loudspeakers on their computers. A few lucky ones here, however, have loudspeakers built in their screens. One of the girls who sits not too far away from me is one of those lucky few, and she's been playing music on it for a few days now. She has surprisingly good taste. This is nice, as this means that finally I can listen to something musical other than cell phone ring tones.

One of the small annoyances: My boss, Doron, is on vacation this week, and his asistant Ilan can't bear to see me not working for even five minutes. So he's forcing it, trying to find things for me to do in any possible way, including making up things that are simply unnecessary.

That said, I have to go and do something completely unnecessary right now for him. I hope to be able to complete this entry (or rather, post another) later.

HIM - The Heartless, third verse

notreallythis — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 20:06:19 GMT

You can't see he's the heartless
Your pain won't ever be love
It doesn't matter how hard you try
To you all is lost

And somehow, hearing this song makes me happy.

...But then again, so do dead baby jokes...

Also: my new Jack Skellington keychain. It looks like this, only plastic.

Hmm. I seem to feel a little more optimstic. I think I'll go with the dead baby jokes as the main culprit...

Happy birthday to me?

notreallythis — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 14:33:18 GMT

I feel mostly annoyed right now. Not quite sure why. Perhaps frustration of the fact that despite my decision to feel a little better today, I still feel like shit. Still feel like he's all around me. Still feel like he is missing from everywhere.

Along with that, though, is a constant relief that he isn't contacting me, since he's managed to hurt me so much during all the last times that I communicated with him. I truly do not need to be put down once again right now, and all the things that he said on that email two days ago are certainly not helping my feelings about my birthday right now. I keep struggling with the "go somewhere and die" notion reflected from his email and to counter it with something a little more optimstic. If it's any progress - in addition to being amazingly hurt, I am furious.

Not that that helps any.

Today is my first birthday in years, and perhaps in all my history, in which it hasn't rained. I'm trying to take this as a good sign, and yet when I try to think of fun things to do today, something nice to buy myself as a birthday present, something happy, I can think of nothing. Happy? What's that?

I thought of buying a CD, but there's no music which symbolizes happiness for me. Not as such. Thought maybe about HIM, because their music is pure fun, and perhaps I will buy it, but on the other hand, there's nothing really new about it.

Thought of buying chocolate, and I might... But, chocolate is not a real present to myself. I thought of going to sit in Salon Mazal, but then figured that I should probably avoid it at all cost today if I want to take no chances about seeing Klil.

I just want to enjoy myself... And I don't know how.

If only I could meet up with someone right now... Go and hang around King George, Alenby, whatever. Buy cheap useless junk in the marketplace, some shinies to make me feel better. But what shinies do I want? I can't think of anything that I truly want right now. At least, not anything that can be attained with money.

In Salon Mazal yesterday I saw Assaff, and he gave me the sweetest hug I'd received all week. I think he is the one person whom, although I am not at all close to, I really love and trust. I think I'll start seeing him more often now (especially now that I have more time). I actually started by inviting him to my birthday gathering today. If I see him today, I really want to thank him for that hug. It was the one best thing that happened to me yesterday.

Anyway, I have to decide what to do with myself now... I think the first step would be leaving the computer lab.

Cheers.

Israel Polyamory community

notreallythis — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 13:06:00 GMT

I'm happy to announce the opening ofthe Israeli polyamory community - polyamory_il
It's co-maintained by leehee and by myself.

You're all invited to join in, and spread the word to those who might be interested.

Wish us luck!

notreallythis — Thu, 25 May 2006 13:00:57 GMT

Your Linguistic Profile::

45% General American English

30% Yankee

15% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Funny. I have no idea what most of these things mean.

Would one of my American readers be so kind as to expalin to me?

הפגנה

notreallythis — Wed, 10 May 2006 11:46:52 GMT

לפי דו"ח שפורסם אתמול מטעם "מוקד סיוע לעובדים זרים" בשיתוף עם הקליניקה
למאבק בסחר בנשים באוניברסיטה העברית, העונש הממוצע בשנת 2005 לסוחרי
נשים הוא כ-5-6 שנים בלבד.

בית המשפט הישראלי מזלזל בעבירות אלימות כלפי נשים באופן שיטתי!
בארץ, אפשר לתקוף אישה, לאנוס אישה ולסחור באישה - ולצאת עם חמש שנות
מאסר, או פחות!
האלימות כלפי נשים גואה בארץ, ובתי המשפט מתחשבים דווקא בתוקפים!

בואו להפגין איתנו, ולדרוש ענישה הולמת לכל מי שמעז לפגוע בגופנו
ולהתייחס אלינו כחפץ!

מחר, יום חמישי ה - 11.05.06, בשעה 12:30, מול בית המשפט (ליד בית אריאלה).

נשמח אם תפיצו הלאה.
למי שמגיעה - להביא שלטים.

Just wanted to save that somewhere comfortable

notreallythis — Tue, 02 May 2006 09:09:17 GMT

People love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.

- Jim Morrison

One small thing

notreallythis — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 17:59:43 GMT

I didn't want to let such great events go unannounced on my journal, so: I had a new cousin born last Sunday ^_^

She's named Lea (English pronunciation). She is tiny, pink and chubby - everything a baby need to be ^_^

She's incredibly cute, and I am also amazingly entertained (and disturbed on occasion) by my family's reaction to her. Imagine a horde of women all packed about her, each giving her own interpretation regarding each and every sound or gesture.

But putting my family's primitivism aside, she's a charming little baby. I find this state of being very intriguing, compelling even. When they are all potential. Not yet ruined. I can think right now that she's the best person in the whole world because I can put anything I want into the blank that she is. Later, when she develops her own personality, I will not be able to use that benefit anymore. I think this is part of what gives babies so much allure, why everyone loves them so much. Why they always seem so perfect. They're nothing, so they can be anything.

Speaking of babies, I have recently noticed that Nirvana's song Scentless Apprentice is about Das Parfum by Patrick Süskind (which now I find out in google has been noticed by others as well). I feel very smart about this. Hooray for me ^_^

I warmly recommend the book as well, it's wonderful. If you happen to get into my room anytime soon - feel free to borrow it.

Okay, and this would be it for this evening's babble.
Good day to everyone ^_^

The "real" update

notreallythis — Wed, 04 Jan 2006 12:16:28 GMT

In the spirit of New Year's Eve posts, I think I shall contribute my own.

Not that there's much to write, really. It was fun, but the whole evening seems to be a kind of a big blurb in my head. Nothing significant happened when people were at my house, but rather before and after.

It starts on Friday morning. I went with leehee and Klil (which is a New Boy) to the regular Friday afternoon King George-Alenby-Dizzingoff tour. We started with breakfast at Salon Mazal, which makes me very very hungry to think about at the moment >.< The place is one that I already knew about for a very long time, but only recently started going there regularly. For those of you not local - it's a store (mainly for books) and a political center for social change. Very nice left-wing extremist agenda, socialism, anarchism, anti-globalization, feminist, vegan - all the right stuff. And they also keep a vegan restaurant which sells excellent cheap food. I'm hungry :(

This is boring me to write about, though.

Well, we finished our tour with a few tokens (mainly a full stomach, and one Sandman for Klil), after which we parted from Leehee and proceeded to walk to my house through Dizzingoff and then the park. Was nice.

When I got home, at around 3pm, I discovered that the Holocast (RHPS cast for whom Itay is playing Rocky) has made a hostile takeover. They didn't leave until about 8pm. That was upsetting. At night, I dreamt about animals that took over my house. Big crows that turned human and I couldn't fight. Feeding off my fear.

What can I say? The Holocast can be quite destructive sometimes...

Evening come, we stepped out of the room and went walking in search of food. Ended up walking to Rabin square through Dizzingoff (not on purpose), and eventually settled for Hummus at that... thingie, there. Then we went to the Coda. Then home.

We hardly slept at night.

Saturday was fun. We cooked. I mean - there was foood! Yummy food! It all got eaten :(

I hosted a small New Year's Eve party with good people, good alcohol, good truffles, good doughnuts and good music. Midnight amused me in how we all coupled for the kiss. I'd imagined that we'd all kiss each other or just raise a toast and not kiss anyone, but I guess some sort of a monogamous atmosphere was spread during the evening. And indeed, when everyone left, I was infected with that terrible illness (mono o.O).

Okay, my stomach is making really disturbing noises. Methinks, it is high time for lunch O.o

Excuse my not proofreading this.

New year's meme

notreallythis — Sun, 01 Jan 2006 12:12:17 GMT

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
- Registered to the university, role played, hosted friends from abroad, deflowered a virgin. Um, I'm quite sure I'll recall many more after I'm done with this. Truly, I've done so many things.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I don't remember if I had any. If here was, it must have been something to do with independence. I think it's working out alright...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Yes. I have a one week old cousin ^_^

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- No.

5. What countries did you visit?
- None :(

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
- More independence, self conviction, and I thought of something else, but I forgot >.>

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- July 10th: my aunt's wedding and the events surrounding that week.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Going on an emotionally monogamous relationship with myself :p

9. What was your biggest failure?
- Staying for too long with a person who was bad for me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Nope :)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Books and CD's. Of which my favourites would be my Sandmans and In Absentia by Porcupine Tree.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
- Ducky, for being there for me in a difficult time, and especially one horrible evening. He made it a little more bearable.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
- It's really indecent to name any names. But if you know, you know.

14. Where did most of your money go?
- Rent, and the University. Books, too >.>

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- The University ^_^

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
- Agalloch - You Were but a Ghost in my Arms

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
- So much happier!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- Read, wrote, created, educated myself in various ways.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- ...I think it's been made clear by now o.O

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
- Umm... O.o

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
- No.

23. How many one-night stands?
- I make a point of not having those: 0.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
- Trigun wheeeeeeeeeeeee ^_^ (not that it's on the TV or anything, but that's the closest you can get when you only watch TV shows on the computer :p)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- Hmph. Hate is too strong to waste energy over.

26. What was the best book you read?
- Moon Palace, by Paul Auster.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Agalloch, Porcupine Tree.

28. What did you want and get?
- Sushi ^_^

29. What did you want and not get?
- A laptop.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
- The Place Promised in Our Early Days.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I was 22. On the birth day itself I had friends over for a chocolate and alcohol evening. On the Friday that followed I threw a party.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
- To make it a little more like my life is right now.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
- Elegant.

34. What kept you sane?
- The Coda.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Neil Gaiman, Steven Wilson.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Feminism - focusing on how marriage, wedding and birth myths opress women in the society we live in.

37. Who did you miss?
- So many people... If I start, the list won't end. I miss Julia the most, of course.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
- I'd rather not name anyone.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
- Meh, I'm sick of this meme now. And I have to get back to work.

Internet at home

notreallythis — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 21:08:20 GMT

Um. I wanted to update. I'm not sure what about anymore.
There was one before, and there was one now, which I just realized I didn't want to type here.
Or perhaps I do, only I seemed to have temporarily lost inspiration.

I am tired. Amazingly so. And... I don't know. Maybe digitality isn't what I need right now...
I would have gone offline if it wasn't for the three people that were trying to talk to me right now...

I wanted to write something about first kisses, but I'm not sure that this is the right medium for it. On the other hand, my writing seems to become so much better when I assume that people are going to read it while writing. Somehow it just doesn't convey itself in my notebook, as stands to show the fact that out of dozens of pages written, the number of poems that I consider worthy for anything at all is exactly four - one is only half finished, and the rest have no beginning and no end.

But I digress...

But from what? I still don't know.

I am less stressed out right now than I was last week, but another kind of pressure has been issuing forth in the past few hours. I suspect it's the presence of the internet in my house. When there's internet connection, there's always a part of my thoughts leaning towards it, wanting to go online even if I don't really have anything I want to do there. It creates perpetual echoes in my head. Even now, the three blinking MSN windows are diverting me from writing this. A diversion from a diversion from a diversion. I really actually should be in my room reading articles about early film, the 11th book of the Odyssey, and poems that demonstrate symbol and myth.

Or maybe sleep.

I returned home at 6:30pm. The hour is now 11:00pm, and I don't know how the hours passed.

Leehee asked me: "What's it like to finally have internet at home?" I replied: "Time consuming".

Confusion

notreallythis — Tue, 06 Dec 2005 17:23:43 GMT

My mind has been a mess lately.

I have been happy, sad, nervous, cranky, friendly, talkative, unsocial, sick of people, longing company... All these contradicting currents, all concurrently. This is driving me crazy. Doubt not: I am feeling all of these things right now, and more.

I don't know if there is any one reason to relate everything to, I don't think there is just one. (With so many contradicting emotions, that would hardly be possible either way).

Just a few:

Communicating with people. All this humans, humans, humans - the search for them, the attempts to talk to them in the Uni and the practice in speaking in front of audience (in the debate club and in classes) - all sides of the same thing, and all have been exhausting my mental social resources. I have been practicing so hard that it starts feeling like the moment when the chocolate soup and chocolate drink at Max Brenner have been too much for the evening, feeling the need for something salty in my mouth, and yet continuing to sip from both in an attempt to enjoy the taste, only to later receive a headache. And perhaps, really, that is the reason why I have been having so many headaches this week.

More: The fridge. Our fridge has been dead for over a week now, meaning I've been living off of scraps during the past week. Buying food here and there at the Uni, eating at work, at my mom's house, and ordering food. Cooking is impossible in my house right now since nothing can be reserved. I think I'm suffering from at least a mild lack of proteins, since I've eaten only a few pieces of tofu and a few mushrooms all week.

I keep feeling too busy. Like I have no time for myself.

Work has also been disturbing, as I've become somewhat of a boss to the new girls, and now my aunt is promoting me again (don't know if there will be a change of salary, though). As much as I like responsibility, it's stressful. I don't like telling people what to do, and I don't like all the load of work to be wholly dependent on my shoulders.

More? Music. Nothing seems to penetrate too deeply, or rather, there's nothing - new or old - that I am craving, music-wise. In simple English, I have no musical crushes right now, and this disturbs me...

Not being able to read anything that I am passionate about (Fiction-wise. At least I can read some good poetry, thanks to my poetry analysis professor!) I had to take a break from reading a book for the Uni (and quite a boring one, at that) so that I could read the new Neil Gaiman book, which I'd received on Friday.

This post ends abruptly. My apologies.

The periodical update

notreallythis — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 11:36:27 GMT

I haven't updated in a long while now, so I thought it might be a good idea...
I actually have been wanting to update, but the thing is that most things that have been happening have either been the big and obvious (read: University), or small and relatively insignificant.

But seeing as I'm good with writing on both, and do want to inform some of my friends about what has been going on in my life recently, I might as well indulge myself:

So then, University has started. I had to go through a few levels of beaurocratical hell, which only ended this week (though not completely - still have to feed the Uni the due content of my bank account) to sort out my schedule and courses, but now most everything seems to be well.

For those of you who don't know: this is my first year of my first degree in English literature and general arts. I have taken six courses and one tutorial, and have been greatly enjoying all but one (Classic mythology. Takes a lot of talent to ruin a topic as interesting as this, and unfortunately my professor has been blessed with it).

Hmm. I'm talking about things that are too big. This won't end well. Better change course.

I'm at my mom's house currently, a tad sick. Hoping not to - but will probably - be getting brick antibiotics on Sunday when I go to the doctor X_x

God, everything in my life seems so static right now. Things have been going on, of course... But not much. Doubt not: I am enjoying myself, but under these circumstances it seems almost pointless to write... Only I know that I can find something that would be worth while.

I have a tendency to start admiring people from afar. Especially girls. Every now and then someone from my distant surroundings will catch my attention, and then I would start pining without doing anything at all about it. By the time I'm done, I would be too petrified for any communication because she would seem too unreal, have a too vivid existence in my mind to extract into reality.

Add to this the fact that I'm usually too scared to talk to girls anyway, especially ones that I'm attracted to, and you get (yet again), the nice little pattern of the fourteen year old boy with a hopeless crush over a girl who doesn't even know who he is.

This girl is in my poetry analysis class and tutorial. This means I see her two times a week. She sometimes sits next to me in the tutorial class. She's pretty, and intelligent (I actually found a feminist article she wrote on Ynet [read: a very important Israeli news site], means she also shares my opinions, and you know how hard this usually is). Very pale, red hair, blue eyes. I hear her speak in class.

I've been writing some poetry about her. I write poetry about these girls. I am taking her farther and farther from reality, thereby lessening more and more the chances that I could get myself to talk to her.

Okay, enough written.
Let's just say that this was the weekly tale and leave it at that.

Have a good week, everyone :)

This is how you play a good Baron game

notreallythis — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 17:29:54 GMT

Taken from MSN.

Leehee says:
I managed to hurt my cheek with my closet door, it hurts so badly.
Dementia says:
How bad did you hurt it?
Leehee says:
Not too bad, just small red mark, tell that to the pain. Ice is cold.
Dementia says:
Yes, I think that this is one of its basic properties.
Leehee says:
Really, but my dear baron (I forgot how to spell Baronit), it's a well known fact that ice's temperature is 40 degrees.
Dementia says:
Baroness.

But my dear Baroness, it is very well known that 40 degrees is the freezing temperature for water.
Leehee says:
But my dearest Baroness, it is a well known fact that ice is made of chocolate.
Dementia says:
But dear Baroness, it is well known that chocolate is made of water.
Leehee says:
I think we're falling into a magic circle.
Dementia says:
I think we both drink.

Meme thing

notreallythis — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 16:04:38 GMT

Stolen from cupricsulfide

Post anonymously:

1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One non-compliment.
4. Lyrics to a song.
5. How old you are.
6. How long we've been friends.
7. And a hint to who you are.
8. After you do it for me, put it in your DJ and see who does it for you (or not)!

P.S. All comments will be screened.

Thingie

notreallythis — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 22:47:27 GMT

Just a bit of a close up from the previous pic. I think it looks nice:

First Icon pic ^_^

notreallythis — Thu, 27 Oct 2005 09:53:37 GMT

Icon Entry - Part Two

notreallythis — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 14:35:51 GMT

Part III - Third Day

On the morning of the third day I woke up at 9:00am to make it to the ten o'clock screening of Neil Gaiman: Live at the Aladdin, which was absolutely orgasmic! He read his story Chivalry, The Price, and a few more bits and pieces, poems and replying to questions from the audience. An hour and a half of pure joy, it was. I cannot even begin to imagine how ecstatic I would be next year when I actually see him in the flesh! (Gaiman will be arriving to Icon 2006).

I later met up with Yoav for a few minutes, until he had to go to his next lecture. I, on the other hand, had a volunteering shift at 12:45, and seeing as the screening ended at around 11:40, I hadn't enough time to catch another event before my shirt was started. At around 12:00 I met up with my sister and we watched the battles in the colosseum for a while (watching people in costumes hitting each other with styrofoam swords is so entertaining ^_^). After a while I got a little tired of it and went reading on one of the benches around, until I had to get to my shift.

I was volunteering at the second hand stand, which was very cool ^_^ The stand is a community service from the convention itself: people bring things to the stand and we sell it for them. And people bring the coolest and oddest things; among the things that were there for sale were: real NASA ice cream powder, Star Trek earrings, tiny (I'm talking 1cm height tiny) Star Wars miniatures, two tin-cast dragon statues, and a huge heavy black vinyl cape, among with other, slightly more normal stuff, like comics, video tapes, computer games and DVD's (a separate stand was devoted entirely for books).

The stand was constantly busy with people buying and giving stuff for sale, and I was mostly the only person there to operate it. That was fun :) I talked to alot of people and I think I even managed to be sufficiently nice and not-so-shy with the most of them. Cool stuff.

My shift ended at 17:30, after which I hooked up with Yoav again, and together we went to a very fascinating lecture about fraud and the methods behind mysticism. The guy was very charismatic and raised a few very good points about things. I also liked his agenda, which was critical thinking. Very nice.

After that I went to a lecture about gender in The Hobbit - a very interesting topic indeed, which the girl who gave the lecture managed to turn into complete and utter boredom. She did not know how to talk, or to elaborate, how to focus on a single topic, or how to shut her audience the fuck up (seemed like half of the lecture was actually a discussion - and people didn't really say anything interesting, either!). So, that was quite unfortunate to find myself getting bored at a lecture which combined two of my favourite topics. Also - she seemed to express some post-feminist tendencies, which was disturbing to say the least. (Things like: "Tolkien wasn't a chauvinist, he loved and respected his mother and his wife very much" - this after mentioning that he didn't believe in platonic friendship between men and women and considered women a distraction. Grr.)

When the lecture was finally over, I had around twenty minutes before my next one. I spent the time with another random person I encountered there, this time a less expected presence - an old friend from highschool. After that I went to the Eshkol building, to see a screening of A Short Film about John Bolton - a film written and directed by Neil Gaiman about the artist John Bolton, who did the artwork on Gaiman's Harlequin Valentine. It was funny to see that only about ten people were Gaiman-fanatic enough to attend it :p I talked to a few of them and they were nice enough. The film itself was a little disappointing as I saw it, thinking that it was a real documentary; but in retrospect, after finding out that it was actually written and directed beforehand, I find it quite clever and enjoyable.

After this I ran off back to the cinemateque to watch half an hour of wonderful medieval music by Numius, Yoni Alkan's band. For encore, they actually played Sir Robin's song from The Holy Grail. Precious!

The time between this and the closing event (that was to be started on 1:00am) I spent playing a box game based on Roman politics with Yoav and his friends.

At 1:00am we went to said event, which was fucking great! It was hilarious and fun, filled with inner geek jokes (which we all know how much we love!) and funny sketches (such as an Arabic version of Star Trek, for example).

When that was done, I went off home in a taxi, carrying with me the day's booty: a water bottle I plundered from the convention crew. Read a bit, wrote a bit, drank water (!), and went to sleep.

Part IV - The Last Day

On Friday the convention was mostly over, and there were only movie screenings until the afternoon.

I woke up at 11:00am to watch two anime films - Once Upon a Time, and The Place Promised in Our Early Days. The former was enjoyable; though, in the best of 80's anime tradition, abound with horrible acting (English dubbing). The latter was quite simply amazing. A slow, surreal, complex and beautiful movie. It had me in a haze of dream for a few hours after I got out of there. Some parts of it seemed as though they were taken straight from inside my head. Whomever of you that can get his or her hands on this film - highly recommended, watch it!

It was very interesting and nice to see the geek leftovers who remained for this last day. I said my hellos and made my small talk with them, and thus our ways departed. I returned to my mother's house, and thus ended the days of the convention.

Was fun :)

"אז, איך היה האייקון שלך?"

notreallythis — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 18:49:09 GMT

Icon, also known as The Geek Convention, lasted from Tuesday evening and until today afternoon. There was something more exciting than normal about it. Perhaps the fact that I was alone there, which allowed me more freedom than normal; or perhaps the change of seasons. Unusually, it has already started getting colder, and even raining. And there's something in the smell of rain and cool air that makes me excited as though something new (sad, happy) is happening, while at the same time makes me want to just shut the doors and windows, and listen to The Cure's Disintegration in full volume because it fits the weather (and the mood) so well.

Part I - First Day

So, accompanied by this - half bleak, half excited - disposition, I ventured on the first evening out to the opening event. 18:00, Eshkol Payis auditorium. I was going alone.

When I arrived it was a bit before the start of the event, so I paid my obligatory visit to the cinemateque, where everything was buzzing with people. By the time I have reached three meters in there, I had already met five people I knew. Hugs and kisses abound, little small talk conversations. I was happy to encounter these people. Slowly leading my way, giving away greetings and smiles, I made my round and then went outside again, this time heading towards the Eshkol - where the opening event was to be held. I plucked Yoav out of the crowd on the way there, and together we entered the auditorium.

As there was no place to sit, we had to stand near the entrance and near the stairs. The auditorium was literally packed with people, which was nice to see. (Favourable attraction: seeing Verred Tochterman's Cthulhu plush doll ^_^) The event itself was amusing, and I had fun watching kedorlaomer on stage for the first time. As I'd guessed, he truly is good at it :) Also a pleasant surprise was to see Yoni Alkan performing with him. He did a very amusing Buffy Rabbi sketch, which I enjoyed. The rest of the event wasn't so interesting. Too many thank you's, too many idle moments (read: technical issues and uncanny trailers). The special guests were nice, and Tim Powers gave the impression of a really nice person, but nothing any of them had said really interested me much.

Onward: There was to be a Nightmare Before Christmas screening at ten o'clock, which I was debating the entire time whether or not to go to. I didn't really have the money to spend on the full price, and on the other hand, everyone I knew seemed to be going, so it would have been nice to enjoy it with all of them (AP lines, songs, jokes, and all of that kind of goodness). In the meantime, I had to go sign up for one of the organizing associations to get a discount card. Yoav was already gone, since he went to a screening of G.O.R.A - a Turkish parody on science fiction films o.O As I was going, I received a phone call from an internet friend, Vladi, who was present there, and he joined me.

After going to pull money out of the bank and then signing up for a card, I went sitting with Vladi for a while, just talking. It was then, after a few minutes of talking to him, that I saw Guy (read: recent ex). Now, I knew I would run into him in Icon. This is where we first met, we are both devoted geeks, it was obvious. I knew it was going to happen, and I was dreading it. I was also, however, planning to take the opportunity and give him back his apartment key. Also, as I knew that this probably wouldn't be the only time for us running into each other, I wanted to make peace. To make it a little less unpleasant for either of us to encounter one another, so that avoidance would not be necessary. So I excused myself from Vladi, and went to talk to Guy.

Seeing his face at first made me cringe inside. It's hard to disassociate a face from emotion, and if you were used to looking at a certain face with a certain emotions, turning that automatic reaction off, even after the emotion is passed, can be hard. I held up the key, wordless, and he just stared at me. Then he asked me to go outside with him. We sat on one of the benches in the cinemateque square, and started talking. Or, to be more accurate - he started talking. He made a very long speech, about (in Carmel's words) how I was wrong and he was right. He hardly let me talk, and he only listened to what he wanted to. Suffice it to say - the conversation turned out less than pleasing. It also ended badly, making us both (I fear) feel frustrated and in a total lack of communication.

Seeing as he was planning to go to the Nightmare Before Christmas screening, I decided to pass, and started walking towards Rabin Square to catch my bus. The hour was ten o'clock. That walk (fifteen minutes) was quite a needed one, and gave me a while to process the conversation a little. I regretted talking to him, but more so, I realized that I didn't give so much of a shit as I had feared I would.

A bit before reaching the square I ran into two people I knew sitting at a cafe on the way. I joined them and sat with them for a hour or so, just chatting, until they (and I) had to go home. It was fun to randomly meet them like that, the conversation was light and pleasant, and altogether enjoyable and helpful in forgetting the very recent previous events.

At night, I was alone and I didn't sleep well. Guy's face kept flashing through my dreams. I don't know what I dreamed about at all, I only know that they were all disturbing. I got very little rest that night.

Part II - Second Day

Had to wake up at 8:30am to get to work at 9:30. However, due to the lack of proper sleep and utter tiredness still borne from previous days, I found myself waking up at 9:20am, ten minutes before I had to be at the office, twenty after I was supposed to get out in order to get there on time. I did the best I could to prepare and hopped on a bus at 9:40. I was still haunted and disturbed by my dreams, and even more disturbed by the fact that it got to me so much. Rain clouds were gathering in the sky and I forgot to take any warm clothes with me.

9:45, I am still on my way to the office and my aunt calls to yell at me for being late. I think this was the point where I started losing all sense of peace that I might previously have had. Whatever may have been in my head previously, had made way to complete and utter stress. Through all my hours at work and until I got home at 2:30pm, I kept feeling like I was late to somewhere, like I had something to catch up on, like I was missing something out. I attributed some of this stress to the incident with Guy. On retrospect, I believe I was wrong, since all sense of stressing out over this specific incident had disappeared the minute I stepped back into my room.

However, to make all of this worse, Guy called me in the middle of work. He wanted to see me again and talk to me. When I told him that talking to him the other day didn't do me good, he said that he didn't care what it did to me, he wants to talk. I told him I was inclined to refuse.

Either way - I did my best to waste my time and work until the hour had come when I could go home. As I mentioned, most stress evaporated as I got back. I was, however, in a hurry again. I had precious little time to take a shower, eat, get dressed and go out to Icon again, where I was planning to go to a certain lecture about conspiracy theories along with my sister.

I put on a tad more impressive garb than I did in the previous day (in which I just wore casual clothes) - a pair of black pants; black lace shirt, and on top of it a very low-cut black velvet top; a light trench coat, black as well; a black hat; a silvery carved walking stick, and my black military boots; light make up. (Pictures to come, as several people have taken them throughout the convention).

So, the first thing to have found out as I arrived was that the lecture I was planning on was sold out. From here, I went onto just hanging around there for the next few hours. I went to no events at all, yet there was not one moment of peace. I walked around with my sister, met a ton of people on the way, spent a short amount of time with each of them at a time, and from here to there passed seven hours. My sister went home at about eight o'clock, yet I remained there until eleven-thirty.

I can pin down now only a few faces out of the enormous crowd of people I had spent time with. And it was wonderful. Alot of random people just talked to me to flatter me for my hat or my walking stick, as well as alot of people that I knew. Either way, it was delightful. I think I truly thrive in such moments as these. The community sense in those conventions, the fact that you can feel comfortable talking and being nice to everyone there. I don't stumble in speech with these people as much as I do in "normal life" since I know, for example, that I can make references they'll understand, or that I can switch to English without risk of not being understood. It's wonderful, and it makes me feel welcome in a way that few other situations can do.

One disturbing fact, though: since I look young (most people take me for being seventeen), the only people who ever talk to me are either, A. Teenagers, or, B. People more or less my age who feel comfortable with hitting on minors. This also means that no girls my age talk to me.

The day, however, was very enjoyable. I went home via the bus from Rabin Square, and went to sleep at around 2am, after reading a bit and writing in my real journal.

Interval - A dream:

I dreamed of a person, a boy. He was a combination of a few people in my life, people who are always on the sideways, in the shadows. People whom I loved or liked, shy people.

I was in Dizzingoff Center (in understatement: a mall), in one of my alternative dream Tel Avivs. This version of the Center is intricate and maze-like. It has more floors, more hallways, more stairways, more deserted territories and it's harder to find your way around it. I was looking for him, though he didn't know this. I knew he would be looking for me too and that he knew where to find me, because he always followed me. This wasn't an unpleasant kind of following, it wasn't stalking. It felt to me in the dream like he was always watching me from the shadows, like he knew me really well just by watching me. It felt safe and familiar. I also knew that he liked me alot. What I didn't know is that I liked him too. When I met him, I kissed his cheek, and it took me by surprise when I kissed his lips as well.

K, I need a break now. I'll write about the last two days in the next one, in a while...

Meme

notreallythis — Sat, 15 Oct 2005 19:48:39 GMT

Via saintly_relic (deadjournal).

Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Be sure to post honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, assuming you feel like it, put this in your LJ, if, indeed, you have one, to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.