broken hearted passenger

#prayforjapan

2011-03-12T00:32:05Z

Ash and I are fine. Kansai is far from the chaos. We're trying to take care of any fans who came to Japan for the 314 concert, so if anybody knows about anyone we haven't already found, please let us know.

ALSO, IMPORTANT NEWS

2010-10-31T13:20:26Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ASHUUUUUU.

ILUUUUUUUU.

PSI AHHHHHHHHH

2010-07-24T15:49:02Z

Okay, this is a long shot, but has ANYBODY reading this played/beat Mother 3? Because I NEED to talk about it but I'm so late to the party that I am sure the general fandom has already moved on.

PLEASE.

WHAT IS THIS

2010-07-22T19:25:56Z

Keita is like, totally my BFF.

and here i thought ash's twitter project success was enough for one night..!

2010-06-22T18:36:13Z

...

...note...

I am highsummoner. onmyownroad is cloverhunting.

..............HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO TO SLEEP

it's time for another episode of "old fic-things found by Ri"

2010-06-04T06:25:05Z

Okay, so nobody actually reads w-inds. fic anymore, especially unfinished w-inds. fic, especially crap posted here, I know that, but while playing my favorite game (Let's Read Old LJ Entries for Shits and Giggles) I found a scrapped opening of to dance chapter two that I actually like a lot better than the one I eventually chose.

I cannot resist posting it here, so please excuse me.

How was Ryohei? Ryohei was a little odd, Keita had declared once over the telephone to his sister. He'd flashed the boy in question a show-stopping grin as he said it, watching with unmasked amusement as Ryohei'd pretended to look offended. He never knew why the Tachibana girls always chose to call the house number instead of Keita's cell phone number, and he never knew how Keita could so easily rattle on and on to them in front of other people, but he'd seemed to be enjoying it that day. Even had Ryohei wanted to give Keita privacy (at the expense of his seat on the couch -- his seat, his beloved seat, the seat he'd finally managed to make warm by the intense act of sitting on it -- and he'd give it all up, just for Keita!), Keita'd had his own idea, pinning the boy down by lying down on top of him, crossing his heavy legs on top of his scrawny lap.

How was Ryohei strange? Keita'd laughed. He'd thought they'd never ask! Ryohei, Keita'd said, was a freak of nature, an abomination of everything young and teenage and boy. Did they know, for example, that Ryohei actually folded his dirty towels before placing them in the laundry? No? How about this -- did they know, Keita'd asked, the giddiness obvious in his voice, that Ryohei had to have everything in his bedroom organized to a tee or he couldn't function? Not just things like CDs and magazines, no. He had to have each of his socks balled up in just the right place in his dresser, he had to have every oversized shirt he owned in a particular place. He organized by color, than brand (alphabetically, of course!), than -- and he wasn't kidding -- fiber content. Heaven forbid, he'd laughed, one mix their cottons with their cotton blends! That could be disasterous!

Ryohei'd pouted at him. They'd had that conversation before. His skin was sensitive. Some shirts were Over shirts and some were Under shirts. Certain materials made him break out with rash.

Keita'd ignored him, laughing at the obvious sounds of his sisters' incredulation. Mai had been particularly shocked. She'd always thought Ryohei seemed like the reasonable one. Ryohei could hear, even feet away from the receiver, Mio butt in that she'd only thought that because she'd fancied him. Mai'd replied that no, that wasn't true, although, she admitted, she did.

Keita'd just laughed, shaking his head. I'm sorry to break your heart, he'd said, but on top of being an obsessive compulsive maniac, I think you're a little too young for Ryohei Chiba. He'd looked over at him, an eyebrow peeking up over the thick frames of his day-glasses. Wasn't he right?

Ryohei'd shook his head, blushing despite himself. One day, he'd whispered to Keita, he'd kill him in his sleep. Keita had just laughed again, leaning back and continuing to talk to his sisters about whatever else they'd wanted to blather on about. Were they doing well in school? No boyfriends, right? Mom was being okay? The entire time, Ryohei'd been left to sit back, wondering why it was so odd (strange, Keita had said. Strange.) to want to have things in their proper spots and to always, always know where and what everything was.

And oh God, I just found another thing, please indulge me a little.

Keita realizes he's in love when he suddenly can't come up with proper retorts to Ryohei's teases; Ryohei is so slight, so unassuming, so everything that Keita isn't that Keita has no idea what he's doing sometimes, watching from somewhere far beyond himself as he keeps touching him, laughing for far too long and far too loudly at whatever it is Ryohei has just said, unable to keep his hands off of his shoulders (small), his arms (small), his waist (delicate). Ryohei is everything Keita has never wanted out of love. Ryohei has long conversations with Ryuichi consisting of only dorky movie quotes, and Keita finds himself jealous, butting in with a lame attempt at his own and watching Ryohei carefully for any signs of scorn. He hates it. Sometimes Ryohei looks at him and sometihng in his eyes makes Keita feel like he's the only person in the world, and then sometimes Ryohei'll go off for an evening with his mysterious friends and Keita'll choke down the urge to text him with obnoxious tidbits from his night out of a sudden need to reconfirm that Ryohei likes him more than them (whoever they might be). Ryohei drives Keita crazy, makes him incoherent, turns him into a flustered schoolgirl who just can't help herself, which is why it's such a relief when Ryohei finally kisses him, because at least then he knows he can keep his hand on Ryohei's (tiny) knee.

OKAY I'M DONE I SWEAR, YOU CAN ALL SCROLL PAST NAO.

very quick post

2010-05-31T03:57:08Z

Yesterday I went to Tokyo, saw MTV LIVE, took the night bus back... and I have to get ready to work in ten minutes. I'm so tired! FML XD

Just so I don't forget, setlists:

w-inds.: New World, RE:VISION (!!!), Can't Get Back, Addicted to Love (♥)

BIGBANG: GARAGARA GO, Number One, Tell Me Goodbye, How Gee, HANDS UP, Koe wo Kikasete, My Heaven... I think that's all. x.x;;

I don't know enough about Jay'ed or VANNESS to have their setlists. XD

But goddamn, I love BIGBANG, but... w-inds.! My boys! I really love them so much. I hit for good seats, so we were row 14, on the left side, right on the aisle, so when the boys came and danced on the left stage, we were right there, and asjddjsada I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I SPENT THE WHOLE TIME FLAILING IN VARIOUS STATES OF 'ABOUT TO CRY OMG'. AHHHHHH.

I never use LJ anymore, sorry about that.

HAHAHAH WHAT

2010-05-05T13:03:24Z

Ash and I totally met Mio Tachibana today.

HAHAHA WTF OUR LIFE

(She's actually gorgeous! Who knew?! AND NOT TO MENTION YUTA, OMG... ::SHUTS UP::)

wow.

2010-03-11T15:30:53Z

Okay, so I know that this will come as no surprise to any of you, but.. I am so seriously impressed by the new w-inds. album, guys. Like, yeah, I know, I love w-inds. so of course I'm going to say that... except I didn't like Seventh Ave or Journey at first, actually wrote a scathing review of the former when it was released, and generally feel kinda tense and defensive when listening to new w-inds. music, as there's usually a period of adjustment to the new additions to their musical catalog for me.

But this album is different. This album is absolutely amazing.

It's such a great, solid record. I want to recommend it to people who don't give a shit about w-inds. If you like electronics-inspired pop and dance music, I want to recommend it to you. It's such a strong album. For me the ONLY weak point is the last song, but that's only because I am so sick of hearing Everyday that I cannot be objective regarding it. I've heard it live... twelve times? Maybe more and I'm forgetting. Anyway, I'm done with Everyday, but it's not a bad song and the album is so phenomenal that I've been on a high since I first listened to it.

Songs aren't thrown on in a random order. It makes sense. It sounds so good. Everything flows. I love it. I want everyone to love this album. FIVE THOUSAND STARS, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Ryuichi again, as he's doing a talk event in Osaka and I have a ticket. Tomorrow is also pay day. I also took the day off. Thank god for tomorrow! ...well, today, I guess. XD

wFL has become wL

2010-03-01T05:27:42Z

I'm frankly surprised they'd held on so long since Kyohei left five (?!?!) years ago, but FLAME has officially disbanded as of today.

BYE MY LOVE BYE BYE MY LOVE!

bigbang setlist

2010-02-20T15:37:16Z

I finally found the setlist for the concert Ash and I went to see, so I am posting it here mainly so we don't forget and so I can try to write a proper live report sometime. (Not likely.) Please feel free to ignore.

1.ガラガラＧＯ！
2.Top Of The World
3.With U
4.할렐루야 アイリスOST（スクリーンに映像）　(ジヨン,テヤン,TOP)
5.Strong Baby(スンリ)
6.Wedding Dress(テヤン)
7.아무렇지 않은 척(TOP)
8.follow me
9.NUMBER 1
10.Stylish
11.솜사탕(テソン)
12,눈물뿐인 바보～.I DON'T UNDERSTAND～멍청한 사랑～OH MY BABY～REMEMBER
13착한 사람
14.Stay
15.하루하루
16.HEARTBREAKER（ジヨン)
17.KOREAN DREAM(ジヨン＆テヤン)
18.声をきかせて
19.거짓말
20.마지막 인사

～アンコール～
21.HOW GEE
22.MY HEAVEN

IT'S ME, GD, IN THE FLESH.

2010-02-14T13:35:12Z

So today, Ash and I scrapped our WaT tickets and went all the way to Kobe to see if we could score day-of-concert-sales tickets for BIGBANG.

And we did.

AND HOLY FUCK, ARE THEY AMAZING

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SOMEONE TALK BB WITH ME.

k-pop people, please help

2010-01-25T09:40:09Z

I desperately want to write a fic, have it planned out in my mind, etc., but I really need more information on Jaejoong and JaeHo for it to work. I always assumed the Internet would be full of pimp posts and essays regarding either topic, but all I can find is weird fangirl blather, which doesn't help. Surely somebody has written a pairing manifesto or something? If you could help assist my terrible search skills, I would be so grateful, you have no idea.

Now to continue to wait for pizza, nomnom.

omg XD

2010-01-24T08:32:25Z

Apparently a lot of DBSK fans hate Keita now because of his friendship with Jae. XD

I've always been a very passive fan of DBSK, but is this an example of the legendary JaeHo obsession the slash-loving part of the fandom has a reputation for? Is it an example of the "THERE IS NO WAY JJ IS ANYTHING BUT STRAIGHT" battles I always see when I peek on dbsg in search for hot pictures? Is it prejudice against charmingly crooked noses and large, muscular arms?

...I don't know, but it makes me want to write epic JaeKei EVEN MORE. XD

love yourself love yourself love yourself

2010-01-23T10:25:37Z

I had food poisoning the other day, as I mentioned in my last entry. I told two of my adult students about it today -- one a nurse, the other a middle-aged man I usually get on well with -- and he said, completely seriously, "well, at least it could help you start a diet and lose some weight!"

I ditched 'the customer is always right' and told him I completely disagreed with what he said, because you should never say something like that to someone, even as a joke (but he wasn't joking), but...

Guys, I really, really hate weight loss culture. I hate it. I probably hate it more than I hate anything else in this entire world, and nothing any of you could say or do would make me hate it even a little bit less.

I know a lot of people lose weight for health reasons, and that's fine. If you want to lose weight, that's fine. But I also know a lot of people lose weight using the excuse of health reasons to cover up what actually is a huge sort of understandable insecurity, thanks to society in general forcing the idea down our throats that FAT = BAD and WEIGHT = THE ENEMY.

Society says, you can't be attractive if you're what we consider overweight. So many people who are what society considers overweight go and lose weight because they draw the conclusion that their weight is the problem.

In this case, I completely feel, with all of my heart, that their weight is not the problem.

Society is the problem.

Any society that says that, in order for someone to be attractive they have to be skinny (and, in order for someone to be worthwhile, they have to be attractive!) is a HUGE problem. It's beyond a huge problem. And I can say this because I've BEEN there before, I KNOW what it's like, how it feels, and I absolutely know that if we were told from a young age to feel comfortable in our skin, if we weren't faced with charts of 'ideal' body/weight indexes full of incredible generalizations and oversimplifications, if we were taught from the start that people's bodies naturally will take on different shapes and sizes and that there is no ideal or "correct" form, the world would be a much better place and there would be many, many happier people out there.

Two years ago, I lost a lot of weight. My starting motivation was medical -- I wanted to rid myself of persistant acid reflux disease and stomach problems, and eating better and exercising more was a surefire way to do so. And it worked. I lost over fifty pounds, but in the midst of that losing, my mindset warped. I've always been very pro-body acceptance and very positive about different shapes and sizes, so I was able to at least critically analyze and regard my thoughts, but it was scary.

Because while I felt in my heart and knew in my mind that I looked great at size eight and that I was in no medical danger, something inside urged me to keep losing. Eat less. Exercise more. Exercise harder. Eight was too big. I had to go down. Six. Four. Ideally, two. If I couldn't, I was failing. If I ate something 'indulgent' that I loved, I had done something wrong. I should feel guilty. I had to count calories. I had to make sure I never went over this arbitrary number in my head. I had to crunch, I had to push myself, I had to make myself smaller and smaller and...

When I came to Japan, I weighed 128 pounds. I hadn't weighed that since before puberty. I looked sick. The BMI chart still labelled me as overweight and wanted me to lose twenty more pounds. This thought makes me sick. I would never be able to find another twenty pounds to LOSE. I wasn't all skin and bones, but I had muscle, a lot of muscle, and the fat that I did retain felt healthy and necessary. I see people who look amazing and healthy and vibrant going on about how they have to lose fifty pounds in order to be acceptable to BMI standards and it makes me so angry. Let your body set its standard for you! The BMI suggests that there is only ONE body type, that EVERYONE has the potential to look EXACTLY the same, with EXACTLY the same proportions and muscle mass and... it's bullshit. It's a Bullshit Measure Index. I've gained a bit of weight back since I came to Japan and my body is much happier with me now. I am not cold all the time. I have energy. I am no longer starving myself while simultaneously overworking myself.

I am no longer concerned with numbers. I don't want to weigh myself. I know when I feel good and when I don't. I listen to myself. If I feel like I haven't been taking care of myself, I change my patterns. But I never, ever, ever want to get into a place again where all I can think about, day in and day out, is calories, food, and GUILT. I want to eat chocolate when I feel the urge without having to feel sad afterwards. I want to enjoy my life. I don't want to trap myself in a prison of numbers anymore.

How many intelligent young people are wasting their youth and intellect on being more concerned with how many calories they're consuming than anything else? How many people of all ages are wasting their lives hating themselves just because they don't look exactly like they were told they should? I can't stand it. I'd spend my whole life combating this if I knew how.

But I'd come across such great opposition. Not just from the diet and "wellness" industries that want to capitalize on paranoia and insecurity, but from people who subscribe to the cult of diet. People just don't want to hear this. They want to believe that what they've been told is right. They want to believe that it's their own personal shortcomings if they can't fit an arbitrary mold. Even those who recognize that so much of it is complete bull don't want to hear it. Everyone wants to think that, if they just worked harder, dieted better, exercised more, they could somehow do it... and then what?

What losing weight taught me, and what watching other people lose weight taught me, is that if you're not enough for yourself before you lose weight, you're not going to be enough after. Buying a new case for a broken computer won't fix the computer. When I obsessed about losing weight, I was also obsessing, although on a different level, about a lot of other things, like my lack of control over my circumstances, my inability to relate to others my age, and my dissatisfaction with aspects of my personality and life. But losing weight didn't bring me any closer to being happy. I had to work on that seperately, and I actually couldn't do it if I was so busy worrying about numbers.

It's not just weight. Girls especially are told that they need to look a certain way in order to be acceptable and accepted. You have to have perfect skin, clear eyes, nice hair, good nails, and so on. And we buy into these things. I still buy into these things. I actively fight myself on these issues, every single day.

Because my skin and my hair and my eyes and my stomach have nothing to do with who I am. Perhaps the experiences they have brought me -- the scorn, admiration, disgust, etc. -- have helped shape me, but at the end of the day, I am Melissa, and my mind and my heart are not changed by the curl of my hair. I want people to see and respect me, hate me, love me, dislike me, remain apathetic to me, gain interest in me, whatever, based on the things I say, the things I do, how I say and do them... based on my personality and thoughts, rather than based on the packaging they come in.

I think most of us want this, don't we? I don't mean that there's anything wrong with an interest in fashion or makeup or anything like that -- God knows, coming here, I've fallen prey to the fashion bug -- but I want to be thought of, as a person, the same without my awesome leggings on as with them. I don't want to be defined, personally and seriously, by my outer form.

I want to one day be able to raise a daughter to be confident, intelligent, brave, and kind. I want her to be able to feel comfortable in her skin, whether it's clear, spotted, dark, light, thick or thin. I want her to realize -- and feel, more than realize, feel -- that what's inside of her head is much more important than what is in front of her peers' eyes. I want her to grow up in a world that will respect her for the things that constitute her personality and character rather than the sum of her superficial parts.

I'm sick of this world that's obsessed with telling people their bodies are wrong. And before I get a dozen comments about health... I get it. Some people lose weight for medical reasons and it's good. I agree with this. I did the same. But when people make fun of an overweight boy on the street, they're not doing so because they are concerned for his medical wellness. When a girl gets taunted on the way home from school that she should jog the rest of the way, it's not kind advice -- it's a manifestation of a mindset, governed and accepted by society, that it's okay to hate fatness and overweight people, that fat is inherently bad, disgusting, and hate-worthy. This is not okay, and there is nothing any of you can say, no medical arguments anybody can make, that will change my opinion on this at all.

And that's what it comes down to in the end. I will never change how anybody feels, because it's a very, very personal issue, a very private issue, and it's one that comes with so many caveats and circumstances and 'however' clauses. I get that. But nobody will ever be able to change how I feel, which is that people come in many different shapes, sizes, colors, flavors, and varieties, none of which are naturally more right than any other.

And thank God. What a boring world this would be otherwise.

I'm also not trying to say that people have to especially LIKE any certain body shape or size or color, etc. Of course that's not the case. But I also think it's ridiculous and terrible to HATE any certain body shape or size or color.

Even when -- or especially when -- it's your own.

Anyway. Japan makes me hypersensitive about this stuff, because I have students who are so slender, so thin, so tiny that their arms are constantly bruised because there is nothing between the skin and the bone... and these girls are always talking to me about their desire to diet, their need to lose weight, and nobody ever tells them that, no, it's okay, they don't need to. People encourage it and celebrate it. I have an incredibly intelligent high school girl at one of my schools. She's in our highest adult level class, despite having only studied English in Japan and on her own. She is so bright and amazing and I am in such constant awe and amazement of her... but she has a round face and plump little arms, and lately all she can think about is how much weight she needs to lose. Her mother makes her keep her door open to make sure she isn't sneaking snacks. She looks so healthy, bright eyed, fiercely smart and interesting and brave. But none of that is beginning to matter, to her or to the people around her, because she betrays her society's underweight ideal.

But even in America, this drove me nuts. Anywhere I go, this drives me nuts. It makes me want to take a plane and write LOVE YOURSELF LOVE YOURSELF LOVE YOURSELF across the sky. I remember the first time I walked into my seventh grade English teacher's -- whom I disliked -- classroom and saw a poster with Eleanor Roosevelt's quote on it. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" is all it said, but it shook me deeply. I felt so grateful for that poster, for Mrs. Roosevelt, for her words. I want to paint them over ads for weight loss pills. I want to scribble them on plastic surgery posters.

I want people to feel that their default is fine. I want people to make the decision to lose weight, not lose weight, wear makeup, not wear makeup, get Lasik, wear glasses, wear high heels or street sneakers because they want to, not because they feel stigmatized or hated for not doing so. Notice that I am not saying it's wrong to want to lose weight. I just think it's wrong to feel pressured to do so.

I have lost my ability to write clearly and concisely. I'm sorry. Living here has warped my language. I can't believe I'm paid to teach English some days. This is long and rambly and... this is LiveJournal, not an academic journal, so I think it's all right. Anyway, if this offends you too much, just feel free to remove me from your Friends list. Like I said, we'll never be able to convince each other of anything.

But I still want all of you to love yourselves.

And avoid convenience store tamagoyaki. Please, learn from my mistake.

the end is in sight!

2010-01-22T05:01:08Z

Yesterday, I had really horrible food poisoning or SOMETHING and had to stay home, as the idea of being more than ten feet away from a toilet at all times was too scary. This also meant that I didn't eat squat yesterday, but that's fine. At night, it ended up turning into an acid reflux attack for no apparent good reason... and then I got my period! WHAT A NIGHT. However, I woke up today feeling good, except for a cramp, and immediately made two pieces of bland toast and had a carton of vegetable juice. I took my favorite Japanese period medicine, put on a heat pad, and am hoping to get through my work day unhindered.

Then 10-4 tomorrow, home around 5, and hopefully will PASS OUT UNTIL TUESDAY. (Or Monday, since there may be yummy eatings going on...)

SO. Japanese friend claims he saw a page on Vision Factory's website announcing w-inds.' new album, on 3/10 like the rumor has suggested, entitled ANOTHER WORLD. He can no longer find the page, but he's a pretty reputable source, not into rumor spreading, so I'm willing to take it as someone jumping the gun on an announcement and having to pull the page. Hence I think it's true, and if so, I'm so excited. 8D I miss my boys so much, you have no idea.

...I miss them so much that, in a fit of concert withdrawal, I... bought tickets to see WaT on Valentine's Day. -______-

KIMIIII NIIII OKUUURUUUUU YOOOOOOOO.

it's my crazy loooove for yooou

2010-01-10T04:07:36Z

I am once again posting from my Wii, as I have no idea when I will have an operating computer again.

This sucks because, for the first time in ages, I actually have a bit of a writing bug. I want to research. I want to write. WHAT I want to write is a bit embarrassing, but still, the urge is strong but I can't even scribble stories in notebooks for the time being because I don't know nearly enough about Jae to write JaeKei, oh God, why, whywhywhy.

(That said, if anyone wants to write me a primer, I would be much indebted.... :D :D :D)

What else. I have been magnificently poor lately, which means cooking every meal at home with limited ingredients and not going anywhere that isn't necessary for work. This cycle will end in two days, as that is when the glorious payday occurs, but I've gotten kinda used to eating exclusively at home and not going to Tennoji just to waste time every day. I think it's nice to eat out sometimes -- and I definitely need food ASAP after my killer Saturday shifts -- but I don't think I'll be going back to my old pattern of eating out every single day. Hopefully.

So in a week and a day I have an important job interview. That's all I want to say about it for now, but please wish me luck! I actually am going back to Tokyo for the interview, which is a good thing because Tokyo has VITAMIN WATER and hence I will be bringing the world's heaviest backpack home with me. XD

In other news, how is everyone?

ffsjfsdjfsdjf

2009-12-16T13:56:18Z

GOING TO SEE W-INDS. THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY.

FSLFSLFJSDLFJSDFJLSDJLFS

saigo no shinjitsu

2009-11-04T17:22:59Z

She's the tooth!

あああああああああああああああああああぁ

2009-10-04T06:31:21Z

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH CONSTANT EXTREME COINCIDENCES.

fandom ramblings

2009-04-03T03:25:33Z

Any input would be deeply appreciated.

So guys, I really, really, really want to do some sort of w-inds. fic exchange. I know that there is not enough of a fandom left for such a thing though, but perhaps my perception of the fandom size is wrong..? Maybe there's enough lurkers and people with nostalgic leanings towards the boys that I could round up even a half dozen or so people? I just really miss writing stories, but I realized the other day that, when it comes to pleasure writing, I can only really do it for people.

Anyway, if any of you have any sorts of experiences organizing any sort of fandom event for a tiny fandom, please let me know? I really want to give this a shot, but, to be honest, I don't know how to even begin. x.x Any advice at all would be much appreciated!

Hell, I'll even make this public. XD

Writer's Block: Robotic

2009-01-25T14:03:14Z

Master Cylinder, of course. Does anybody know the reference?

My favorite non-fictional robot is Mr. Roboto. I say non-fictional as I remained convinced all throughout my childhood that I actually was Mr. Roboto. This is why I am able to sing the song with such conviction at karaoke.

Wow, this icon looks absolutely nothing like me.

I also like Starmen, except the ones that don't drop the goddamn Sword of Kings. Damn it.

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH

2008-11-20T05:06:55Z

So I finally did something I'd been meaning to do for a while and archived some of my old writings in one central location. By "old writings," I mean a handful of drabbles and the 20,000+(!!!!) words of to dance I'd been able to squeeze out before the well dried up. For the record, they're at cantgetback, so feel free to take note of that if you ever feel like reading very juvenile, unfinished KeiRyo stuff.

I made the same mistake I always do when I look at my old stuff, though, and I read parts of to dance while backing it up. AUGHHHH. It makes my heart burn. I can see now that it's a pretty terribly written story (this is not to say that I could do any better now, though) and that I wrote it with far too heavy a hand, but... I still love that stupid story. I admit there's still a part of me that thinks maybe if I can find my old outline... AUGH. I think the main problem is that, years into this dying fandom, I still love KeiRyo so much. It's almost a physical ache sometimes, as stupid as that sounds. I don't think I've ever loved a pairing as much as I love KeiRyo, and if you were around for my old Sakura/Hyde thing, you know that's saying an awful lot.

NOT THAT I CAN EXPLAIN WHY OR ANYTHING, BECAUSE THERE'S REALLY NO REASON TO BE SO OBSESSED WITH KEIRYO. They rarely interact anymore, there's very little public knowledge known about them, and most of their past has been forgotten with the passing of time. But I don't care. They're still my boys, and I still love them, ~~and they still sit next to each other on the bullet train DSFSD WHY DO I CARE, SERIOUSLY~~.

Ahhhhh.

::waits for another handful of people to defriend her this time:: 8D

BABY BOY ;_;

2008-11-06T13:24:15Z

If this is just him using a metaphor for the truth and not just making a fun post, then Ryohei really is sick again, WHICH EXPLAINS WHY HE SEEMED SO WEAK AND TIRED YESTERDAY. My poor baby boy! Please eat banana cream pies!

::gets lost in her fantasy world where Keita let him fall asleep on his shoulder on the ride home last night::

Um.

In other news, I am also sick, so I am going to pretend I am sick with Ryohei's illness, if that's all right. I wanted to leave work early today but I cannot afford to keep missing days, especially Thursdays... even though, if I get tickets to the Best Hits Kayousai in a few weeks, I'll have to take another Thursday off. I don't even know who's performing, I'm just amazed that it's in Osaka! I never knew!

I was very productive today. But now I'm tired. Hopefully sleep cures this.

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS LIFE THING?!

2008-11-05T15:32:38Z

I had THE CRAZIEST DAY EVER.

I had such a crazy day that I am still not entire sure how I feel about it!

Today was the taping of the episode of NHK's West Wind program which w-inds. was on. Did that sentence make sense? Anyway, I somehow won tickets to it (only 400 people did of thousands of applicants) and after some trouble arranging things with my friends, I ended up going with my friend Mariko's darling friend Natsuki.

If you remember Mariko from stories such as Ri Meets Ryuichi Ogata Part One (now unlocked for the whole world's viewing pleasure), you will know that she is batshit crazy. You will also know that, despite my conscience, I just roll with her craziness.

It didn't start off so crazy. We were going to greet them at JR Shin Osaka. This is a little crazy, but not very crazy, since watching any video of any popular band arriving anywhere in the world will show you big mobs of fans waiting anxiously.

The Japanese w-inds. fandom is incredibly well organized, and both Mariko and Natsuki had friends in Whatever City w-inds. Had Just Left that told them what exact train they were riding. So we bought these amazing tickets that let you go into and leave the same station (meaning you don't have to go anywhere, you can just stalk people on the platforms... for starters) and waited with the growing mob for w-inds.

Apparently the staff member in charge of the boys today is the strictest one, because he kept trying to fool us into thinking they were departing from other cars than the one they were. We weren't so fooled, and ran alongside the stopped train after it came, peeking in the windows as Ryohei beamed out at us, laughing as he and his bandmates were ushered out.

It was very serious once they left the train though. We had to keep our distance (although Mariko didn't, bless her crazy soul) but that meant I could only stand and watch the boys.

THIS WAS FINE.

There were a lot of people and most of them were shoving, so I had a hard time really getting a good view. But we waited as they boarded their elevator, and I could -- typically -- not take my eyes off of Ryohei. I want to say that I was struck by his beauty, the way I was with Ryuichi, but he looks exactly like he does in pictures, and I, erm, spend hours a day looking at pictures of him, so I was pretty used to the sight. He also had huge sunglasses on, a brown that matched his hair, but his skin was flawless and his hair was shining and as I stared at him he stared right back.

With a look of utter confusion on his face.

THIS WAS ALSO FINE WITH ME.

Ryuichi was looking in our direction so I waved at him and smiled and he gave me a smile. Everyone was very jealous that he remembered me. I was just elated.

Anyway, they left and we tried to catch up with them but they went out the storage exit so we couldn't, so we ate McDonalds with Natsuki's friend Erika before heading out to NHK Osaka Hall.

We met up with everyone in the world's friends (except mine :() at NHK Osaka Hall, and we wasted the two hours we had left before lining up to get our tickets talking. Mariko was a social bumblebee, but she asked if I'd ride the Shikansen with her later to Kyoto. She had a friend coming in from Tokyo, so I figured she wanted to ride part way with her before coming home, and didn't want to do it alone. I agreed because why not? My Japanese skills were nonexistent at this point, as I had barely slept the night before and had eaten only a crappy McDonalds burger all day.

Anyway, long story short, we eventually get in line to get our randomly decided tickets. Natsuki and I are on the second floor, second row, which meant we had a pretty decent view. We had the best tickets of all of our friends.

Watching TV shows be filmed is rather strange, but most of the show was really, really boring. The comedian acts were lame and most of the artists sucked. Every single person in the hall was there for w-inds. (except for two random ET KINGS or whatever fans) and they knew it, as they told us they were saving w-inds. for last so we wouldn't all run away.

Then w-inds. came out and I will spoil you all senseless. Ryohei was wearing a cute little hat. They were all in suits. They decided to sing Everyday. Keita is really loving this w-inds. thing lately, because he was dripping with permeable happiness as he ignored the camera to throw double-peace signs (make two peace signs and put them together like a w. You're now a w-inds. fan!) at us.

dfdkfgdgdgkfd it was a short version of a w-inds. ballad, but my God, Keita's voice was SPOT. ON. I seriously think he sang it better here than he has in the small clips of the CD version I've heard. I hope the camera really captures it. He has become such a stronger singer than he was even a few years ago. I was so impressed. Even though I'd wanted to see Can't Get Back instead, I ended up feeling totally satisfied with the performance.

The second they left, Natsuki was like "let's go!" I didn't understand the rush, but I picked up my things and went.

We met Mariko outside.

This is where it starts getting crazy. XD

Mariko hails a taxi and tells the driver to go to Shin Osaka station. We're off. It is then I realize that we are not going to see her friend off, we are going to see w-inds. off... and ride the bullet train with them for a while. sdfjsfsjfsdjdfd okay, okay, it must mean something that I felt a little strange about this, but I guess not strange enough to refuse. I felt better when I found out that THIS IS APPARENTLY ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, since over a dozen other fans were on the train platform with us, all using those -- are you ready to see the fruits of my clever foreshadowing? -- cheapo "enter and exit the same station" tickets.

At this point I am tired, strung out, but on a random buzz. There was no way this was going to work. It was already 8:40, and I hadn't eaten since 2. I bought a box of Osaka banana cream pies to give to them but secretly thought I'd end up having to eat them myself.

A train comes, Mariko looks around for a moment before deciding yes, this was the one, and she pulls Natsuki and I on.

She was right.

The train doors shut behind us. We were standing in the aisle between cars -- apparently you can ride without a reserved ticket if you just stand -- and as I peer down into the back car, suddenly I am struck by the most beautiful, breathtaking sight in the world.

...

Keita Tachibana.

HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS. Holy shit. God knows I love Ryohei. You all know I love Ryuichi. But Jesus Christ, Keita... I mean, there ARE NO WORDS. He was simply the most gorgeous thing in the entire history of the world. He IS NOT PHOTOGENIC, SINCE THE REAL SIGHT FAR ECLIPSED ANY OF HIS PHOTOGRAPHS I'VE EVER SEEN. I say he walked down the aisle, but it's more like he glided, all ten thousand feet of him. The new haircut isn't a new haircut, by the way -- it is almost exactly the same as his cut in TRIAL, and it makes him look so young and fresh.

This is gonna sound super cheesy, but it was like he was radiating some sort of energy. He was so beautiful. But unlike with Ryuichi, where the first time I saw him shocked me speechless and made me nervous as hell, I felt entirely calm around Keita. This is gonna sound doubly cheesy, but he felt very, very peaceful to me.

He walked by and Natsuki gave him a letter she'd written him. I'd written letters to both him and Ryohei, and as he passed me I smiled at him and said "I wrote this for you," in Japanese. He looked at me, very gently, and took the letter. Ryuichi was behind him, and he thanked all of us. Behind Ryuichi was Ryohei, who was overloaded with bags and who looked very weak. He didn't take anything because he probably couldn't, since he seriously was being used as band bag bitch, but his cheekbones peeking out under his sunglasses were still beautiful.

It was then I realized that I'd given Keita Ryohei's letter, AHAHAHA. I felt okay about this though, because my split second impression of Keita was that he really was the sort of guy who'd realize I'd made a mistake and who'd give the letter to the otherwise elusive Ryohei for me.

I still had my box of banana pies.

That was that, I thought. I was happy, though. We rode on for a bit before apparently the decision was made in the silent, unanimous ways small groups of Japanese girls make decisions, that we'd walk through w-inds.' car. And maybe give them stuff. You know. Mariko tugged on my arm and we were off.

Natsuki was first. She gave Ryohei the letter she'd written for him and got a small handshake from him. He was drinking his tea with one hand and had a huge bento in front of him. He looked like he needed every last bite of it, really. Mariko went next and gave Keita the food she'd brought them and got a handshake from him. He was so friendly the entire time, even though I know -- I KNOW -- we were pests.

This didn't stop me though.

First let me say

RYOHEI AND KEITA SAT NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE BULLET TRAAAAAAIN. When we came in, Keita was having a very one sided conversation with Ryohei as Ryohei, literally, shoveled food in his beautiful mouth. Their legs were touching. OBVIOUSLY THEY'RE IN LOVE.

Anyway, I was not even slightly nervous as I walked up.

"I made a mistake earlier," I said to Keita, who was SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL, AUGH, IT HURTS TO THINK ABOUT. "I accidentally gave you Ryohei-kun's letter, so here's yours. ♥" I handed the letter to him and he took it graciously. I gotta say this. Keita's one of those people I love, because he looked at me the entire time I was speaking. Even though I am sure they wanted to be left alone, he didn't look annoyed or irritated or stressed. He had very, very gentle eyes and a soft expression. He looked honestly moved.

I handed him the bag with the box of sweets. "Please enjoy these too," I said. He nodded, and Mariko and Natsuki insist he thanked me, but I was too far gone by that point. Poor Ryohei was seriously shoveling the food in, as if it'd run away, so I decided not to bother him. My hands were too sweaty to ask for a handshake. I just said "Thank you so much" and Keita gave me a soft smile, his face still curious, and I later said that I knew he was thinking "where did they get this talking monkey, and how on Earth is it speaking something like my language?" Ryohei, bless his heart, gave me a little nod as he shoved the food in.

As I am always saying that Ryohei needs to eat more, I was more than happy with this.

Ryuichi, for his part, was conked out in the seat behind them.

And that was that. The train hit Kyoto, we left and went on a Shinkansen in the opposite direction. Mariko was crying, but she's like that. She's a little unscrewed, but I still love her because she honestly doesn't care about Japanese social conventions, and while she may be a bit extreme at times, it's refreshing, really. We went back to NHK Hall and went to get another nutritious meal at McDonalds with everyone's friends, all of whom remembered me from the concerts this summer. We talked for over an hour. The oldest one of us, a 38 year old woman we all call "Mama," has said she wants to make plans to rent out a karaoke place in Namba for us all to have a big party.

We all took the trains home together and here I am.

I couldn't fall asleep last night since I was so worried about the election (which I found out about while waiting for w-inds. in the morning, and hence EVERYTHING WAS PAINTED IN SHADES OF GLORIOUS HAPPY) and excitement about today. It's all just starting to hit me now. After I saw the boys, I was followed by a chain of about 15 other girls. This is so crazy, and while I don't plan on making a habit of it, I am so happy I had this chance to do something so completely and utterly out there. Because I really love those boys. And while I am sure it is annoying to them, at least they got food out of it. Most of those other girls didn't bring food. :(

I hope Ryohei eats a thousand of those cakes while reading my letter to him in which I insist he calls me neechan.

sdfdsf;sdfksd GUYS WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH MY LIFE.

ALSO: OBAMA WON, HOLY SHIT.

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ~~TOMORROW~~ TODAY?!