Monochromic Rainbow

Destroyer of worlds

2024-04-12T14:36:56Z

You...
You who make my worlds collide...

neverwinter

Anybody's love but his, Will never fill this place within

2024-02-29T16:01:52Z

One drop of l o v e from him and my heart's in ecstasy
The high that is sending me is most likely ending me
I need a miracle and not someone's charity

neverwinter

If I can't have you...

2023-10-29T00:54:06Z

With every single day... I am definitely NOT over it.

In fact I may be falling...

neverwinter

Is it real what I feel when you're standing next to me?

2023-06-30T18:45:51Z

Hah! I'm not over it!

neverwinter

AI art is addictive

2023-04-25T18:03:09Z

♥♥♥♥

Yes I know the controversy regarding AI vs traditional hand drawn/digital art. I have commissioned in the past a couple of pieces, expensive as fuck BUT still beautiful all the same.

In this instance I don't need to pay anyone, just a small fee to use the AI and I can re-edit and re-edit as much as I like for as long as I like.

It's not like I am going to enter it in an art competition or anything, but I can "craft" gorgeous stuff for little to nothing with zero art experience.

neverwinter

You cannot leave me, confess it!

2023-04-13T22:21:58Z

"How can this flesh be so soft and yielding... and yet your heart be like an iron fist?"

neverwinter

Tired of Walking Alone

2023-02-10T13:30:05Z

Well, what can I say?

I don't regret it at all, but man, does it fucking hurt my heart and soul.

I told him exactly how I feel about him... and he doesn't feel the same way.

Oh my heartaches...........

Alas he is my oldest and dearest friend and I will always love him.

At the very least, I told him! And I am glad I did, even though I feel like a fool and an idiot.

My eyes burn from all the crying and I feel so emotionally drained, but I'll get over it.... eventually.

neverwinter

Promotion? I guess...

2022-10-15T11:24:26Z

I kinda got promoted at work. I am now the medical secretary! In other words I am in charge of writing the referrals to hospitals and other local medical services upon the direction of the clinicians.

Oh in case you didn't know I work in a GP practice.

When I say "kinda promoted", the past secretary asked to take position of the practice manager because for the past two years (since the first lockdown) we've had such utterly stupid and incompetent managers running the practice. The then secretary was getting so pissed off she decided she wanted to make things right. She is a really nice person and everyone loves her, her problem is that she wants to make everything work well for everyone, a noble thought, but not possible as you can't please everyone and she will have to make difficult decisions.

At the moment her role is on a probation of about three months and if she does not feel she can pull it off then she will revert back to being the medical secretary.

Where does leave me? Yeah I did forget about that when they asked me to change my role. That would mean I would go back to what I was doing before. I hope...

Anyways the whole of August was trying especially as there are a lot, and I mean A LOT, of different places to refer people and different templates you have to use. Gladly the then secretary has been happy to answer my questions and queries! Or I'd be truly fucked!

I am getting used to it now and would like to keep on doing it. We will see.

neverwinter

'Cause if you ain't loving me, I wanna know who in the world you loving

2022-10-13T17:33:16Z

It's interesting, because after that realisation I think our friendship has gotten stronger.

And I appreciate him a lot more than I used to, I really come to think better of him now. He used to really piss me off. I guess because you can't emote very well with text and we misinterpret each other.

I cherish him. And I want nothing, absolutely nothing, but the very best for him.

neverwinter

'Cause I've been walking past midnight, and I've been talking to the moon about you

2022-09-22T17:10:44Z

It's been an emotional week. No I've been an emotional wreck this week.

I feel like an idiot. My friend, no my best friend in the world which I have known for over 10 years (and yes we are online friends and no we haven't met.. yet) went on holiday with some guys from his work. I didn't think anything of it. I was happy that he was getting a holiday.

Then this week it kinda slapped me across the face.

Call it paranoia. Yes definitely call it paranoia, because even though the sane part of me is telling me to shut the fuck up and get a grip. The insane part of me is just screaming louder and louder.

I am worried that he will abandon me.

Now hear me out! He is off with people who will most likely be good friends with him for the foreseeable future. People he can hang out with and go places with, whilst me, literally fucking text on a screen cannot compete!

And you know what?! I wouldn't blame him. I am a piece of shit anyways! It would do him good to just break me off!

What am I even saying?! I am mourning the loss of a friend which hasn't happened.. yet! This is insane!

He makes the effort to text me on discord during his holiday, so I am being ridiculous! SURELY!

I want to confess these thoughts to him but I don't know if this would push him away. I don't want to be clingy (I've done that before in high school and that ended very VERY badly) but I don't want to be aloof, as if I don't care.

Because I care, I care so much about him.

I just want him to be happy but I don't want to lose him either.

At the very least this helps me to get my thoughts out, and may even calm the raging craziness inside.

neverwinter

C.O.V.I.D

2022-04-21T19:50:51Z

Well.... it finally got me! After managing to avoid it for over two years and travelling to and fro during the lockdowns for work! It got me!

neverwinter

No sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

2022-03-15T18:05:44Z

The only Heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you

neverwinter

Fear

2021-05-20T22:15:13Z

My heroes had the heart to live out their lives I wanted to live
And all I remember is thinking, "I want to be like them..."

neverwinter

♥ Art by Sakimichan

I Was Lost Without You

2021-03-27T21:09:46Z

You know I only just finished Mass Effect 3 last month. Took me 8-9 years to finish it.

Still love that franchise. As per usual romanced Garrus! That ending was so sad...

neverwinter

How I feel about my job...

2020-08-05T22:32:10Z

♥♥♥♥
Phoney

They're all vultures
Ready to attack
Ready to back stab

I must maintain my facade
In case I'm found out

They're all vultures
Accusatory eyes brimming with contempt
Spitting out my name like venom
I can't trust them

Soon they will surround me
And then devour me
I cannot strive
I won't be able to survive

neverwinter

And all of my peaches are ruined

2020-08-03T21:58:43Z

♥♥♥♥
I Fall To Pieces

Echoes of him danced a long her eyes, the softness of his flesh and warmth of his breath. The vigorous rhythm of his heart hammering louder and louder. She instinctively moaned. He was strangely hypnotic and captivating, so alien his features. He cradled her swathed in blood red sheets which tore and scattered into strands of his hair. He smiled as he reached out his hand towards her, yet he felt so distant.

Their fingers briefly touching as she screamed out his name, heart in her throat, as the ground beneath his feet subsided. She felt powerless as he fell away into the deepening void.

Swallowing him whole.

neverwinter

Bad Capcom! Bad!

2020-04-15T11:42:11Z

Fucking Capcom! You bastards!

Remake Resident Evil CODE: Veronica not fucking Resident Evil 4 you fools!

I maybe biased here but this game meant a lot to me back in the day.

It was summer. I was on school holidays. I forget which year but I was young. We owned a Dreamcast at the time and we would rent games then. We rented this game twice!

It was one of a few games I actually completed by myself! Yes Steve Burnside was whiny and annoying at times, but with some polish this was a very interesting game and story line. The areas were nice and atmospheric. I loved the puzzles! The Ashford twins were super creepy (especially Alfred having too many feelings for his sister...).

I loved it! I loved it so much I even recorded, ON VHS!, the cut scenes! I don't know where the video is and I probably could not watch it now.

I love this game so much I wrote an uncompleted (at the time) 50 chapter fan fiction (I had a problem ok! I know!) which is still online (but I won't link it because I just read the first chapter and it's bad... it's so badly written...)

I mean come on Capcom! You make me so sad :(

neverwinter

Scared of what's to come

2019-04-20T18:09:35Z

Well it happened. I broke down in front of my brother. I have been so overwhelmed with everything and it finally came to light that I am, well wasn't, looking after myself. Since talking with my brother and my mum encouraging me to seek help, I have slowly been doing better. Work still gets me down a lot. I've been having problems there lately regarding my work. I had a disciplinary meeting with my bosses and it may look like I may have another concerning another issue.

I want to leave but I don't know how and I am afraid that if I do leave I will make a big mistake then ultimately regret it.

I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of weeks and I will ask her for counselling, and I am hoping through counselling they can help me regarding my work problems.

I just need to stop thinking so negatively, it's difficult but I am determined to try. It's comforting I have my family backing me.

neverwinter

Here it comes, a cure for the night

2019-02-10T02:34:45Z

Work has been quite boring to me of late.

In fact I am getting rather tired of that place. I feel it's just so unfair that the new people get some of the best shifts, especially this new guy. Honestly I actually thought he was alright but now I really can't stand him. He tries to be funny but most of the time he comes off as annoying.

I think the reason I am unhappy there lately is because I do not find my work challenging enough. I'm just going through the motions. I don't feel appreciated, Christ that sounds entitled... I'm not trying to be. I am the first person to shy away from attention. After almost six years working there I feel so demotivated.

For the past year I have had no energy for anything. I don't look after myself because I hate who I am? When I was younger I wanted to punish myself by staying awake since in my mind I didn't deserve sleep. I know it sounds bizarre and fucked up but at the time I really wanted to hurt myself in that way.

I can't form proper relationships as I'm afraid and so socially inept. I can't look people in their eyes. Crowds stresses me out and makes me anxious to the extend that I would argue with family members because I need to escape.

I am a mess!

I did have counselling in my late 20's. I attended but I felt it was a waste of time. I couldn't be 100% honest with my therapist.

I guess to cope I throw myself into gaming to escape having to come face to face with the truth.

It's easy to bury your head in the sand.

neverwinter

If there's magic in the water, I have found you

2019-01-27T04:09:58Z

From Ash and Flame

They had finally made it back to the surface only to be confronted by the arch-devil himself. He stood within the city limits of Waterdeep the ground beneath him engulfed in an inferno as the nearby structures smouldered. His eyes glowed like fiery coals, as he patiently waited for them.

The sheer heat from the flames made them turn their faces slightly away. Valen looked towards Ashura, soot obscuring his striking features. Sweat trailed down his brow as he frowned. His right hand reached out towards Ashura. She took his hand into hers and tightly grasped.

This was it. This was the end.

There was no turning back now. They had come so very far to reach this juncture.

Mephistopheles towered over them his vast red leathery wings outspread as he clutched firmly onto his trident. He gave out a vulgar snarl of laughter as he spotted them just beyond. The flames rose from the fissures deep within the earth licking up his hoofed legs.

“Ahh,” his mused with a wide toothy sneer, “I have been waiting for you!”

Ashura faced Valen afraid of what was to come. If they faltered now the realm would be devoured and scorched by the arch-devil. Valen smiled then, his eyes radiant by the blaze from the distance. His countenance was poised as he gazed into her face.

“There is nowhere I’d rather be…” he said softly concentrating only on her. “…than here, with you.”

Tears welled up as she moved closer to him her finger tips reaching out to gently caress the edge of his jaw. She sighed leaning her forehead against his before stealing a tender kiss. Anxious, fearful and strangely invigorated she smiled as their fingers entwined. She looked onward at the spectacle before them then back at him.

Her smile only grew larger as hand in hand they ventured into the fray.

neverwinter

♥ Art by Sakimichan

If I was a rose, maybe you'd pick me

2018-09-09T02:28:16Z

Anticipation

He felt warm against her skin. She’d never been touched like this before. Her heart raced and her senses heightened as he expertly trailed his fingers down her back. He was only focused on her fascinated by the softness of her body. His eyes were hypnotic and she found herself lost within them. He gently brought her closer to him pushing up her skirt slightly to view and caress her thighs, she moaned softly as her lashes fluttered shut her body slightly arching. He slid down so that he could get into position. He pressed his lips against her inner thigh and licked a small area. Her body shuddered as she anticipated him. He ran his fangs against her flesh before sinking them in…

neverwinter

Alone and blinded by the fear

2018-07-25T17:23:56Z

A friend of mind back in early May or June, it's really bad of me that I can't remember when it happened. I don't think it's due to lack of care, I don't why I can't remember the date.

Anyways... he tried to kill himself. It's honestly weird seeing those words in clear text. That day was a horrible day. He lives far away from me yet we have known each other for so many years. It's a strange friendship but I am a strange person. So we had been fighting and arguing over the course of several months and it escalated on that day.

His sister took him to A&E. I was very mad at him, so mad. I haven't really broached the subject to him. He is seeing a therapist currently so maybe that can help him at least.

We bought Conan Exiles. He is enjoying the game immensely and I am happy that he seems a bit better.

He is dear to me, and all I want is for him to get well and be happy. ♥

In other news my dad had a mini stroke! But he is fine now. I think it is time for him to retire, he ain't no young chick anymore. I worry for my mum though since she tends to hold it in and that's really not good. I think she feels that she needs to be strong and can't break down. I mean she is very strong woman and can be very calm. Yet when she is TOO calm then I tend to worry for her. ♥

THEN, my grandmother had a mini stroke... she is fine though. She is very old now but I am glad she got over that! ♥

And now we are having the worst heatwave that I've ever experienced. I long for the rain to come and cool everything down.

I unfriended a lot of people here on LiveJournal because well... most of you have moved on to greener pastures and we don't talk anymore. I'm sorry old friends and I wish you all good luck in your future endeavours. Thank you for the good time! ♥

~neverwinter

Home is where the heart is

2018-03-07T00:45:10Z

Home

The soft humming and singing stirred him from his deep slumber. The room was dim apart from the fine drapes blocking the sun. He could also hear light pitter-patter of rain hitting the window pane. He sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes and for the briefest of moments he didn’t know where he was.

It was too ordinary. Too homely.

His heart ached as he remembered the day before and he let out a hefty sigh, as he fell back into the mattress his rich red hair fanning around his head. Then he laughed. Wholeheartedly.

I am home.

neverwinter

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

2018-03-03T03:19:12Z

Hearth

“It’s late” she whispered as she peered slightly over the chair. He was sound asleep, seemingly. “Valen?” she was very quiet. “Valen, wake up…”

She really didn’t want to rouse him. He had a long and arduous journey home to her, and although they had been apart for many years she didn’t want him to exert himself any longer. He was finally home and she was here to take care of him.

She moved in front of the chair his breathing muted, the blaze from the hearth was so pleasing that her bare feet felt snug under the sheepskin. She tucked a few wisps of his incredibly long crimson hair from his face and internally considered to leave him where he was comfortable, yet she knew his weary body would appreciate the bed in the next room more.

His eyes opened slightly and even though he could scarcely envisage her entire face, save from the glow of the fire, the mere vision of her fetched a smile to his lips. “Did I sleep long?” he said gently stretching.

She smiled and knelt by his feet looking up in to his face, “Just a little bit.” She patted his leg standing up holding out her hand, “Come to bed where it’s more comfortable.”

He placed his hand into hers but instead of accepting her help to stand he pulled her down into his lap. “Stay here with me. The fire is warm and I have missed you.”

She chuckled and pressed her lips into his neck. He smelt of sweat and earth which reminded her of the surrounding fields. His hold was light and his skin was so warm to the touch. He seemed like a dream. He felt so good and she didn’t want to leave his embrace. She sighed then, “Oh how I have missed you.”

He drew her out gazing into her eyes. There he realised the heartache and loneliness that she had endured since their parting. He suffered the same, leaving her was the hardest thing he had to do, but it was necessary.

His fingers traced her face his thumb caressing her bottom lip. His eyes followed his movements down to her mouth her breathed catching. “I have dreamt about this for so long, it almost doesn’t feel real.” He peered back up into her eyes, “Are you a dream?” he uttered sombrely.

She grasped his hand and tugged him closer to her lips. Her mouth was hot and although her initial touch was chaste, the absence they had sustained intensified their kiss. Her grip tensed, his arm snaking around her waist enclosing their bodies tighter together.

It was as if some part of them that had been lost was now restored. They were finally complete.

They broke free breathlessly laughing as their temples touched. “I am here Valen,” she breathed as she brushed her lips against his once more, “I am right here.”

neverwinter

Straightforward

2018-02-17T03:29:11Z

I think I have finally made my peace with being alone. I now realise that I enjoy my solitude a lot more than I used too. That doesn't mean I never interact with people. I do, but not always.

I am content in just me, my cats and my family.

It just makes sense and it's rather simplistic.

neverwinter