Natalie's Journey

"Baby close your eyes, don't open till the morning light"

2010-04-16T04:59:48Z

Life has been crazy lately. Very up and down...

Lots of things have happened in a few months. I've been working as an actress (extra/day player) for a while now. Sometimes I get lots of work, sometimes not enough at all. Right now is one of those slow times. UGH! I'm a regular on the show "Secret Life of the American Teenager" but haven't gotten a call in over a week. I hope we film again soon!

We will be moving back to Simi Valley in a few months! Dan finishes school in August and he already got a job offer! YAY! I pray everything works out well. He needs his ASE Certifications before he can start the job, so he's taking those in a few weeks. He's also in the most difficult class of the entire program right now! Poor Daniel is so stressed out with work and school! Just a few more months!

Our trip to Orlando this August is booked!!! CELEBRATION V HERE WE COME! I'm so excited to go to a Star Wars Convention with Daniel, it will be awesome!

Anyway, things have been getting better. I'm thinking more positively, being optimistic, and settling some issues. I'm looking forward to this summer! I can't wait to move back to Simi Valley. I will miss Long Beach, but it's time to go home and start living the Simi Valley life..get a house and start a family! :)

Also, I had this weird dream last night. I was in High School again on a band trip. And me and an old friend stole something from another band. It ended with me on a train, and then climbing on top of the roof (like in a movie! haha) and lying on my stomach, holding on as we started moving faster and going towards a tunnel. My dreams are always very interesting, and so far, they seem to predict the future. I feel like God speaks to me in my dreams. At first, the train was more like a subway or a monorail.
The dream dictionary's interesting response:

"To dream that you are in the subway, denotes that you are reaching your goal via unconscious methods. You may be exploring hidden aspects of yourself. Alternatively, it suggests that you are making a hasty decision."
hmm...I don't really like the 'hasty decision' part.
"To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end."

Earthquake

2010-03-16T13:47:42Z

So I woke up at exactly 4AM to get ready for work. I'm working on the show "Glee" today.
So, it was 4AM and Rosie wanted to go outside, so I opened the door to let her out and then I felt the floor by my foot move, and I thought it was Leia, and I looked down, but she wasnt there....hmmm.... I walked away and saw the curtains, swaying. I stopped and stared curiously, thinking there was a Ghost or something. Lol. And then I heard the house start to creek and make lots of noise, and thats when everything started shaking and I ran down the hall screaming "Dan! Dan! Earthquake!" Then me and Dan and Leia sat in the bedroom waiting for it to stop. Poor Rosie was still outside!!!

I turned on the news and it was a 4.5 centered in Pico Rivera, which is only a couple miles north of us! No wonder it felt so huge! Most people in Simi Valley didn't even feel it...
Anyway, everyone's okay, but it was scary cuz I was already awake and it was so close to us.

nelliedrum @ 2010-02-05T22:19:00

2010-02-06T06:19:03Z

Happy February!
I've been really busy the last couple of days. I joined AFTRA! Yay! I'm so excited to see how this will open up a lot of new doors for me!
Dan's been working a lot this week. He is also probably going to have a new job soon! Well, it's still at Lowes, but he will be changing departments. It will give him more hours and flexibility, and would just be great! Please pray that everything goes well!
Dan and I got another wiener dog!
Her name is "Leia" She's black with some tan spots on her face and feet. She's sooo cute! I'm told she is 7 years old, but she looks and acts like a puppy. She's even smaller than Rosie! We now have two! I've had Rosie for 8 years (her whole life) and she is our little baby. We decided she was getting lonely, and since we live in a house and I'm not working that much we should get Rosie a friend. :)
We're going to Simi Valley tomorrow to celebrate my mom's birthday. I'm sure everyone will be very excited to meet the newest addition to our family.

Anyway, We've been dealing with some difficult stuff lately and I just have to say....God is good. The Church I go to has really reached out to us. People have been calling me and sending me cards and books and all sorts of things. It makes me feel so loved. <3 I can't believe how blessed we are! I'm soo glad we found a wonderful Church home. For example, the Pastor's wife called me on my way home tonight and talked to me for a while about miscarriage (she's lost 3 pregnancies) and she was so sweet and really helped me feel a lot better.

Well, I have to go tend to my little wiener dogs. Bye!

nelliedrum @ 2010-01-28T21:32:00

2010-01-29T05:32:27Z

So because this is supposed to be a good old fashioned journal of sorts, I will tell you about my day and other recent events:
I haven't worked since Monday. There haven't been very many jobs available lately. I'm an actress, and I have to find my own work using things like Central Casting, Because I do not have an agent yet. I'm planning to join AFTRA very soon! It's an actor's guild. I will get paid more, have more opportunities, and then I can find an agent!

Anway, I spent the day with Daniel and my little dog Rosie. We went out to lunch at one of my favourite restaurants here in Long Beach "Hof's Hutt" then Dan and I came home and did some household work. Dan was outside mowing the lawn and painting our new front door. I was inside cleaning the house and vaccuming. I also found time to play Donkey Kong Country on Super Nintendo! LOL. I'm still stuck on this one annoying level. I used to play these games with my sister all the time when I was little. She taught me well, but it still takes me forever to beat some levels! My sister actually came over to my house about 5 months ago and finished most of the Super Mario Brothers game for me. hehehe. Just like old times!
Things are going well for the most part. We just moved into a new house about 1 month ago. I'd really like to have some visitors, especially since we have so much more room now, including a guest room! I love hosting people. I just hated when we lived in our apartment, there was not enough room to have guests over.
Anyway, Dan kinda hates his job. He's still working at Lowes in the Kitchen Cabinets/Appliance section. He's going to school to be an Auto Mechanic. He really loves cars and loves going to school, he's the top of his class! I'm so proud of him! But he wants to work in an Auto Shop now, and that probably wont happen until he's done with school in August. As for me, I've been doing pretty good. I love my job, even though it's hard and I don't get a lot of work. I'm becoming more involved at Church, I joined the Choir and the drama team! I'm meeting a lot of people that really care about us and I love it!

However, I'm still recovering from what happend last month. I was pregnant with my first child. It was the most exciting thing ever! I got to be about 8 weeks pregnant. But then after three weeks of torture (the doctors didn't know what was wrong) we finally found out the baby was indeed dead, and had to be removed. UGH. It was the worst experience of my entire life. I wanted to kill myself. I hated God, I hated everything. I spent my Christmas recovering from surgery. My body has healed, but I haven't healed emotionally. It's an awful thing. But it wasn't the right time I guess. And now I have other plans for my life, and things have already changed dramatically in the past month since then. Dan and I don't want to have a baby now until we move back to Simi Valley. We will be moving back sometime around this August after Dan finishes school!

New Year!

2010-01-09T03:33:42Z

No one reads LJ anymore. I feel so lonely on here!
Well, anyway...
It's been over two weeks since my miscarriage/surgery and I'm doing much better. It's weird not being pregnant anymore. And I hate that I have to be skinny and watch what I'm eating. I loved eating whatever I wanted no matter what time of day it was. And I loved wearing sweat pants everyday and being really lazy. But, that's over now. I've actually been pretty good. I just haven't thought about it too much. But recovering from surgery was a nightmare. I spent my Christmas sleeping on the couch. I was in sooo much pain for like 5 days. Ugh. So glad that's over!
But now I just moved on, because it's a New Year and a lot has changed in the past 4 weeks.
I ended up losing my job because I stopped going to work because I was too emotionally freaked out. So Dan and I couldn't keep our apartment because I wasn't making money anymore. So, we moved into this vaccant house Dan's mom owns. She inherited it after her Step-Mom passed away last year. We've fixed up the house a little bit, and it's a cozy little place! 3 bedrooms, 2 baths. I love it! I feel very blessed, because no one our age can afford a house. But we can only live here until we move back to Simi Valley in August/September when Dan finishes school.

I still need to make money though.. but I can't really hold down a job. So I decided to go back to Background Acting. I tried the "Making it in Hollywood" thing two years ago, but it didn't work out. This time I'm not gonna try to be a real actress, and struggle to get an agent and all that BS, just gonna be a background actress, doing extra work and bit parts. It was the most fun I've ever had. I got to meet so many cool people, and I loved just sitting around for hours on the set, talking about movies and TV shows. Hopefully that can provide us with enough money to deal with all the bills we have, and all of Dan's traffic tickets. (ugh. He has TERRIBLE luck)
Dan and I decided we don't want to try for a baby right away. I just can't handle all that sh** again! I don't even wanna think about it! Also, I really wanna go to Star Wars Celebration V in August! I've already started planning the trip, and I hope we can afford it.
I'm just so happy to have a New Year, a new house and a fresh start. I feel like the first 6 months of our marriage were miserable. We could never pay our bills and there was a lot of crap going on. For some reason I thought getting pregnant would solve that, and make everything happy. Oh well. Now things are different anyway.
Anyway, it's time to get back into Hollywood life! *ugh*
Gotta lose some weight, all that fun stuff. I hate it, but I love it.

nelliedrum @ 2009-12-22T12:09:00

2009-12-22T20:09:05Z

I've decided I need to be open and honest with people. There's been a lot going on in my life lately and I'm tired of everyone asking questions and being worried about me. I don't want to run and hide anymore, so I'll just give you some info so I can have the support and so people will stop worrying and wondering.

I was pregnant, but lost the baby. It's been an emotional nightmare. We waited weeks to get an answer. Now, finally all the pain and suffering will be over. I am getting the surgical procedure done tomorrow to make sure everything is finished and that my body will heal correctly. It's a very common procedure, but I am SCARED TO DEATH! :( I've never had any kind of surgery or been put to sleep or anything and I HATE needles and drugs. The whole thing is very scary and I really don't want to do it. If anyone has any experience with this kind of thing, I would really appreciate tips, help, advice. Please send me a message.
So, please pray that tomorrow will go okay, and everything will be quick and easy and that I will recover quickly.

On top of a million other problems we've had lately, I also lost my job. So, Dan and I are moving out of our apartment. We need to be out by the 1st and I really really need help packing and moving because I will not be doing well the next couple of weeks. PLEASE if you can come down here and help I will be eternally grateful. Any help at all would be great.

Thanks for all the love and support.
Just pray that everything works out alright.

--Thank You

"Never tell me the odds"

2009-12-15T22:29:45Z

WARNING: this is some deep stuff.
I've been in a state of deep pain for the past 5 days.
Last Thursday, we went to the doctor. She did another ultrasound and found a little tiny sack, only about 5 weeks in size, not 6 like it was supposed to be.
She was very concerned that she could not find a heartbeat. Just silence.....
So, she said "maybe you are a week earlier than we thought! But then again, the baby could have stopped developing a week ago, so we'll do some blood tests and see you in one week to check for a bigger baby and a heartbeat."
WHAT?!
I cried all night. I didn't go to work the next day. My life was over. I have to wait a whole week to get an answer and it could be very bad. I've been trying to stay calm but I keep having outbursts of anger, crying and screaming. I couldn't believe it. My family has been convincing me that everything is fine, I'm just 6 weeks pregnant, not 7. It kinda makes sense I guess cause I still have barely any symptoms. But then, so does the other possibility.
I'm praying and praying and hoping and pleading. God please don't let this baby die. Do you know how hard it is to go an entire week wondering what's going on inside you? There could be a DEAD BODY in me!!!
Sometimes I think everything is fine. Sometimes I feel like I know I will hear that heartbeat on Thursday. Other times I feel like it's over, and I can't stop crying.
I have two more days to go. It's sooooo difficult.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Wow. I could not care less. I don't want any presents, no cake, nothing. I don't want any christmas presents either, just give me a healthy baby, please. That's all I want. I think God is trying to teach me to be thankful, and to be patient. Because I was so angry and sad, and ungrateful before last Thursday. I was jealous, I was more worried about missing Star Wars Celebration V.
But now I know if we get good news on Thursday, nothing else matters. Celebration V means nothing to me. I would give up everything I have just to know I have a healthy baby.
So now I wait.....
PLEASE pray for me. Let the force be with me.
I hope to be returning in 2 days with Good news.

nelliedrum @ 2009-12-10T11:30:00

2009-12-10T19:45:44Z

Hello!
So, we had our first ultrasound yesterday. All we saw was an itty bitty tiny "amniotic sack" that holds the baby. The embryo is the size of bean right now.
I still don't feel sick....just kinda dizzy. But today I am SOOOOO tired. I can't remember the last time I was this tired! I'm completely out of energy. I'm falling asleep at work! UGH! And I've been sooo irritated by everything. I'm so angry all the time, its awful!
So, I hate my job. It's been going downhill for about a month. I'm a nanny. She doesn't care at all...she made me stay really late the other day when we were supposed to get our christmas tree. She keeps changing things, and the baby is turning into a little brat. She's crying about everything, won't take her naps, is super clingy to mom. It's just awful. And when their other daughter is here, it's 10 times worse....super chaotic, everyone's throwing tauntrums. My children will NOT be raised like this.
Anyway, she knows I'm pregnant now and I don't think she's happy. I'm very scared. I can't handle another day of this. I don't even have the energy to do it.
I'm looking for a new job....but it's impossible. I don't know what job a pregnant woman can do! I'm applying everywhere, trying to get an office job or something, but I never even get a call back! No where wants to hire people, especially not a pregnant woman.
So, I think I will be out of a job very soon, and I'm afraid of how Dan and I will pay the bills. I wish it was July so I could just have the baby and move back to Simi Valley.
Well, I go back to the doctor today to get all my blood tests. Hooray. I'm sure I'll pass out. I hate giving blood, it's one of my biggest fears!

nelliedrum @ 2009-11-13T11:00:00

2009-11-13T19:20:51Z

I'm at the park with Alexa. We're both fighting a cold. Ugh! It's awful! I hate being sick.
Dan texted me and said he got called into work again. Of course its great cause he needs the hours, but it means that Rosie is at home all day till I get home, and it means I won't see Daniel till 1030 tonight when he gets home from school. Oh well....
Gosh I'm so hungry during the day! I should really bring a lunch instead of just a snack!
Hey, at least today is Friday! It's payday and the new Star Wars is on tonight! And I have tomorrow off! Hooray! I always have Sunday off too, but now I might be babysitting....
Man I've been so tired lately. I haven't been getting enough sleep ever since Dan is gone till 1030 every night. It doesn't help being sick either. I'm all drugged up right now, so I feel a little better. But I feel all relaxed and a bit foggy! Lol. I can't wait to get home. I have a nice, easy job. But today I'm just tired and sick. Thank the Maker I'm leaving at 3!!

Well anyway, still waiting for everything exciting to happen. Just a few more weeks I hope! :(
Oh, I found the strangest fortune cookie on the ground yesterday. I always seem to find little paper fortunes on the ground all the time! Maybe God puts them there cause he's trying to tell me something..??
It reads "You know what you want-Go for it!"
I've been pondering it for a while. What does it mean? What DO I want? I think all the things I want are kinda out of my control right now though. So we'll see what God plans to do with all this. I hope God's plans mirror my own! Lol.

nelliedrum @ 2009-11-09T13:06:00

2009-11-09T21:45:59Z

LOL. I love my icon. It pretty much sums up that love triangle in one shot.

I'm at Chris' house on my blackberry. I'm a nanny for her 1 year old girl. She's taking a nap right now. Her name is Alexa. She's really sweet. It's a pretty easy job, I cook, clean, and take care of a baby. It's like getting paid to be a mom! I can't wait to have children of my own. I feel very prepared. It's the only thing I'm good at.(cooking/cleaning/childcare) Out of all the jobs I've had, I always felt that these ones were the easiest. I hope it's my destiny in life to be a stay at home mom!!

Ugh. But I fear that Dan will not make enough for us to have a house, dogs, and kids all on his income. I really can't wait to move back to Simi Valley and buy a house, get more weiner dogs, and have a couple babies! LOL. Dan's done with school on August 12, 2010. Then we can move back to Simi and do all that. But he really wants to take a 'specialty program' at school which is completely optional, and is another 6 months. So then he wouldn't be done till Feb 2011......but for now I'm hoping for August.

I'm just worried about moving back, Dan finding a job and looking for a house. I really don't want a condo or apartment then, but I fear it may be all we can afford. Especially if I don't have a job cause I'm pregnant or have a newborn. We should really wait longer before having kids.....
God I hope I'm not pregnant now! That means we'd probably miss Celebration V!!! I can't wait for them to announce the location and dates! They're not sure, but It looks like its gonna be in Orlando from August 12-15. Clear your calenders! It will be the best vacation EVER!
So, right now is pretty much just a very annoying time where I'm anxiously waiting for things:
++Dan's new job--God I hope he gets it soon! Just waiting for the person that currently holds the position to get the official transfer to another store. He needs that job so bad! He already changed his school schedule just in case! We know we'll find out sometime between now and December....I just hate the wait!
++Celebration V-- Yes, the biggest, nerdiest Star Wars convention. We get to dress up, and meet people and do all sorts of fun things! It's simply Star Wars heaven! I have a general idea of where and when it's gonna be, but they don't have official plans yet. They say the will announce it very soon. But again, its the wait I can't stand! I need to buy airline tickets and, start saving up and clearing the dates!
++The Holidays--Ahh...my favourite time of year! Thanksgiving, MY BIRTHDAY! And about 4 other close family members' birthdays, as well as Christmas and new years! Its pure craziness! But I LOVE it! I hate this akward time in November, I wanna start decorating and listen to xmas music! Lol. I kinda started decorating already. I got R2D2 xmas lights! LOL.

So my point is, I wish it was just thanksgiving already, there's too many exciting things that will/should be happening soon and I can't wait any longer! It's only a few more weeks right? Then Dan will have the new job, Celebration V plans will be underway, and the Holidays will be here!

Anyway, thanks for reading my rant. I'm extremely impatient. The most impatient person I know! Check back in 3 weeks, maybe things will be better.

Remember, Remember the fifth of November....

2009-11-06T02:05:21Z

Hey people. I'm sitting at home with Rosie, Dan got called into work for some extra hours. That's good I guess! I really hope he gets the RTM's position soon! Please pray that he does! He already changed his school schedule, so now he goes to school from 6PM-10PM at night! Ugh! Things are gonna be different around here....But it will all be worth it when Dan gets the new job!
(lol. My mouse was really pissing me off and wasn't working well. So I just slammed it on the desk really hard and now it works!)

Anyway,
I wanted to share a Fan Video I made about Anakin and his fall to the Darkside. It's to that song by The Fray "How to Save a Life." It's been used in a lot of Anankin/Obi Wan videos, but I decided to do my own version. Such a perfect song. So sad! I know someone
*cough*lumy12 *cough* ~~better damn~~ hopefully might appreciate it!

nelliedrum @ 2009-11-01T12:21:00

2009-11-01T20:23:13Z

I'm in a bad mood...
Ugh. Just the same old problems. Never enough money.

I was suppose to go to Disneyland today, but I don't think I'm gonna go.

I guess I'll post pictures from Halloween!

My costume came out really nice! But the pictures made everything look really dull.

nelliedrum @ 2009-10-30T12:31:00

2009-10-30T19:37:43Z

Is at the park again.
I walked through a huge puddle on the way here, and didn't even notice it till it was too late. Too bad I'm wearing mesh shoes. UGH.
Tonight will be a busy night. I have to make some more Halloween sugar cookies and finish painting the accesories on my costume. We also have to carve the Pumpkin. I think we're going to make it into a Bender face. Like the one from Bender's Game!
I really wish there was a new episode of the Clone Wars tonight. It starts again next Friday.

I'm so hungry....
I can't wait to get home and eat some dinner.

i miss you!

2009-10-28T19:15:33Z

I'm on my blackberry, sitting in the park.
I don't know why I don't write here anymore. It's not that I'm busy, because I really have nothing to do. I guess I just feel that no one is here anymore. Except lumy12. Hehe.

Things are okay. It looks like Dan will get a new position at work soon! Hooray! It would be such a blessing! I can't wait to live a life where I'm not always worried about money! Please pray that he gets it. *hopes*

Halloween is a few days away!! I finally have a real padme dress! YAY! It's the steel blue nightgown from episode III. I still need to get some clay to make the brooch and hairpiece. I'm making Dan wear his Anakin costume. Lol. I'll post pictures of us.

I've been blessed in the past few days... I forgot how much I loved star wars. Seriously. I know I'm obsessed, I see my Star Wars covered walls and bookshelves everyday. But I couldn't really remember why it's so great, why I have all that stuff. Then I stole the Novel of Revenge of The Sith back from my brother in law (who claims he never got the chance to read it) and I've spent the past few days reading it all day long, and watching the movie at night. *sigh* It's so tragically beautiful!! The book is wonderful. So much more deep than the movie, yet it makes the movie so much better, because you know what's going on in everyones head. It's really sad. More sad than I remember! Like I said, I guess I just forgot how great it all was. I think I might even be able to stand reading some of the other stuff now, like the ones right before and after ROTS. What are they?? Labyrinth of Evil, and Dark Lord or something.
Heh. I even ordered the ROTS video game on ebay! I'm terrible at video games. But that game brings me back to the days right after the movie came out, in May 2005, when my brother in law just bought it, and I stayed up till 4AM playing it, terribly I might add, just so I could see the clips of the movie in between game play. It was a fun game though. Anything Star Wars I could get between my trips to the movie theater was good enough! *sigh* I'm as pathetic as I was 4 1/2 years ago. Yet so much has changed.
I can't wait for them to announce where and when Celebration V will be!!! Dan and I already started saving for it. We know it's sometime next summer, and not going to be near CA. I'm so excited! It will be our summer vacation.
Anyway, I should go. I can't wait for halloween this weekend! YAY!

nelliedrum @ 2009-09-24T20:06:00

2009-09-25T03:14:55Z

I haven't updated in a LOONG TIME! Beacause my summer, the first 2 or 3 months of my marriage has completely sucked. Dan and I are fine, but everything else sucked. Dan's family is competely torn apart, and I haven't taken it too well. Dan's been going to Auto Mechanic school Mon-Fri and then he works on the weekends. He hates his job. They give him no hours and they treat him like crap. He used to be a supervisor at his old store, and he was making good money! Even though he got a rasie when he transferred, he gets less hours now. He's looking for a new job. Something to do with cars would be good! He really likes school. He's the top of his class! He LOVES working on cars and learning about them. I'm so glad he finally found his "thing." I wish I could find mine....
I was working as a mobile dog groomer all summer, but I was making only commission, and my paychecks were inconsistent. My schedule was all over the place and I was working my ass off! It sucked! I finally quit and found another job. Now I'm a nanny for a baby girl. I haven't started yet, but they seem like a really great family. And I'll finally have a consistent paycheck!

I feel like my life has no purpose. I have no calling. I'm not going to school, I have no career plans. I am just miserable! I'm so tired of this dirty apartment, and this city. I'm so tired of Daniel complaining about how much he hates his job. Ugh, and we have NO money! I start my new job on Monday, and I can't wait to have money!! We can never pay the bills, we can't go to the movies, I can't buy new clothes. I can barely afford food!
   My sister says my husband and I live like old people. We wake up everyday at 5:30AM, go to work/school, then come home, do absolutely NOTHING all day but lie around in a burning hot
un-air conditioned apartment, eat dinner at 4:30PM, watch TV and go to bed at 8:30PM. Then, I wake up and do it all over again.
   I'M GOING CRAZY! I can't stand this stupid life! I have no idea how to be young! What do people my age do for fun? We never have money to go out anywhere, and we have absolutely no friends.
I just want a house with a beautiful yard and a couple of children. Ah....my dream life. I want to be a mom, not some boring person with no purpose in life. I want to be involved in something. I want to be a PTA mom. I want to be a church lady, and lead a bible study. I want to volunteer at an animal shelter.
   My dream life will come in 1 1/2 years, when Daniel finishes his auto mechanic school and we move back to Simi Valley and buy a house to settle down in.Until then, I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I can handle another 16 months of this. I spend my weekends alone, while dan is at work all night. I sit on the couch all day reading Family Circle and Women's Day Magazines. I wish I knew how to knit so I could at least waste my time making something. See? I really am an old lady....
What should I do? What do married couples without kids do? How can I make friends? What kind of music do young people listen to? I need to update my music library. All I have is a bunch of Star Wars and Futurama music. I really need a hobby of some kind.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

How to Save a Life

2009-08-02T00:14:53Z

This is one of my all time favourite songs ever. It has many different meanings to different people. It means a few different things to me. I realized, at the moment, it eerily describes something in my life, and maybe it means something to some people in my life and the things going on. It makes me sad. It's so true!

Please, enjoy the song!
This is a link to the song. It's one of the many great interpretations. This one is about Anakin, Padme, and Obi-Wan's difficult situation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUmlm_Ylkbk

LYRICS:
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And I pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
You will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Post wedding blues??

2009-07-26T04:16:26Z

I'm sad. I can't believe I've been married for over a month now. I don't know why I'm so depressed. I still don't have any real pictures from my wedding day and that probably makes the sadness worse.
I wish we were on our honeymoon again. I was so happy. I know we had a nice long vacation, but it was at the beggining of summer and over so quickly. Living in a beach town sucks. Everyone is out enjoying the sun, the water and the restaurants. Tourists are all over the place, enjoying their summer vacation. But we have to work!!! All my family and friends are going camping, going to dodger games, comic con, hawaii, miami beach, and Dan and I are stuck at home all summer. No breaks. I never even have two days off in a row!!!!

My job is becoming overwhelming. I'm a mobile dog groomer, working with a woman that has had her own sucessful business for 8 years. She's pregnant and I'm slowly taking over for a few months. We don't even know if I will have a job after she has the baby. I'm on my own a lot now. Being responsible for the truck & trailer, being on time to appointments, keeping track of important papers and money, being professional with the clients and handling the dogs and making them look good. AHHH!!! I can't hold up a 145 pound dog with one hand, shave it with the other hand, AND try to keep it from biting me. I'm not even that good at haircuts. It's also not easy when the dog is moving all over the place. Ilana trusts me waaay too much. If she only knew the real me. She is so happy with me, She's getting nervous, hoping I don't decide it's too difficult because she's getting further along in her pregnancy and wont be able to find someone else. But I fear that I can't do it anymore, and I don't want to let her down. At least this job pays pretty well. But I don't like being the main provider, it's scary. I don't know if I want to be a groomer for the rest of my life. But I feel like I can't handle ANY job. I don't know what I can do to make money. I probably will have to find a new job by January anyway!
The only job I was ever truly happy with was acting. Even though I never got enough jobs, and got terrible pay, I loved being on the set and meeting new people. I loved doing a million takes of the same crap over and over. It was the only time I felt like I really belonged. I loved working with people who felt the same way I did, obsessed with movies and TV. I could talk for hours with complete strangers.

Daniel and I have a strong relationship though. He's going through some really tough family problems and that certainly doesn't make things easier. But I barely see him. Whenever one of us is at work, the other one is at home with Rosie. We rarely have a day off together. He starts school in a couple weeks and will be SUPER BUSY. I'll see him even less!! Here I am...another night alone. I have no friends, and no family nearby. I'm so bored. It's no wonder I'm so depressed. I just work work work, then sit around all day/night staring at the walls. I feel very alone :(

We're making just enough money to get by. I just wish Dan would stop getting parking tickets!!! He needs to learn how to park and drive in Long Beach. We can't afford to throw money away. I keep dreaming about having a house. I would do anything to have a house, or a dishwasher, or a washer/dryer in my home. Or even a tiny yard for my dog to run around in. Dan and I are dreamers. We've been buying lottery tickets a lot. I just realized that I buy one almost every day, and we NEVER win. I just feel like I deserve it. I guess we have a gambling problem that needs to be addressed.

Oh, did I mention that I'm terribly sick? I must have the flu or something. I'm SOOOO tired. I feel like throwing up all the time. I'm getting bad headaches. I'm also starving, yet the thought of food makes me sick. I've been eating so much crap, and even when I try to eat well, I still feel terrible. Every morning I awake feeling like I have a bad hangover, but I don't even drink. These symptoms happen to me a lot, usually when I'm overworked and I forget to take my vitamins. But I got a lot of rest, and starting taking tons of vitamins, and I STILL feel awful! :( I felt so sick this afternoon, I could barely take Rosie outside. UGH! I wish I had health insurance!

I need to go to sleep. Hopefully things will get better. Please pray for us.

Hooray! I'm finally Married!

2009-07-05T17:27:02Z

Hello Livejournal!!

Oh how I missed you! No one goes on LJ anymore. It made me really sad :(

Well, since the last time I updated, I've gotten married and gone on the honeymoon, YAY! We went to Walt Disneyworld in Florida and it was awesome!

We walked down the aisle to "The Throne Room March" from Star Wars

Our Honeymoon in Walt Disneyworld! We stayed at the Polynesian Resort, it's a tropical themed hotel right on the water.

nelliedrum @ 2009-06-07T13:27:00

2009-06-07T20:30:20Z

Please pray for us...On top of everything else going on..... Well, my little baby girl Rosie is staying overnight at a hospital 30 minutes away. She became very ill with diarrhea and vomiting. Apparently she has an intestinal condition/pancreatitis. Caused by diet, stress of moving ETC.
I had two choices while at the Emergency Vet:
1) Sign the paper that says I will pay off up to $2,900 in medical bills over the next 12 months.
or
2) Sign the paper to have Rosie put to Sleep

I signed the first one. Now, IF Rosie responds to treatment and gets better after being in the hospital, we can take her home and start paying off the huge medical bill. I fear that when she gets out, this new apartment living situation is just too stressful for her, and she will have to spend the rest of her life living at my parent's house. So I will still be giving every penny I have to pay for what it cost to save her life, and I wont even get to see her everyday.
Also, she could NOT respond to treatment and pass away. Then I would lose my child, but still have to pay all the medical bills.

I'm sad, numb....stressed. I'm getting married next weekend and it's supposed to be the happiest time of my life!! But...
+I just moved to a new town into my first apartment, by myself...
+ I'm starting a new job
+I have a TON of bills to pay
+My fiance isn't even sure if he will have a job
+My dog is very sick and her medical bills will cost us thousands

I don't know how Dan and I are going to survive. And I can't even imagine living without my little Rosie. It seems I will have to do that one way or another...

THOUGHTS, PRAYERS ADVICE AND COMMENTS ARE EXTREMELY APPRECIATED.

New life in Long Beach

2009-06-01T17:16:49Z

Well, things seem to be going pretty good. We still don't have the Gas turned on! No hot showers or cooking on the stove. It's been really hard! They're suppose to come tomorrow and turn on the gas. Finally I can take a shower!
Dan's truck broke down yesterday on his way home to Simi Valley. He didn't get very far! He had to buy all the parts to fix it himself, then he stayed here one more night. Daniel just left this morning because he has to go to work in Simi Valley.....now he's gonna sit in traffic on the 405 and be hours late to work! Dan hasn't gotten a transfer to a Long Beach Lowes yet. So he has to stay in Simi Valley until the wedding.

Other than that, things are okay I guess. I'm gonna be very lonely this week. It's just me, my little dog Rosie, and my two parakeets. Dan and I have never been away from eachother! The only time we've ever been seperated was when he went on that trip with his dad for 3 days. Also, I've never lived alone without Daniel or anyone else for more than like.....12 hours. I'm a little worried, but I think I'll be okay. Dan can't come down here until next Monday. But Rosie and I might go up to Simi Valley on Friday.

My family came down here on Saturday and helped us move in. I'm pretty settled in, but we still need a lot of things, and hopefully we'll get them for our wedding. Rosie has been a little bit of a problem. She's never lived in an apartment before. She doesn't like being left alone here for some reason. She knocked over one baby gate, chewed through the other, and destroyed the blinds on the front door trying to get out!! Yesterday we got a really exspensive metal baby gate that she can't get through!! I hope she doesn't freak out too much when I leave today. She's doing much better now, getting used to everything here.

I transferred to a Petsmart Grooming Salon down here. I don't start working until Wed. I hope it goes well, and I get more hours. Also, I hope Rosie will be okay by herself all day.
Well, pray that everything goes well!!
Come visit me! call, email or text!
(805) 501-2247 natveggie77@yahoo.com

HAPPY ROTS DAY! May 19, 2005

2009-05-19T14:53:21Z

GOOD NEWS! We got our first apartment and we're moving in next weekend!
Also, my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party was on Saturday. Daniel was out with the boys having his bachelor party. We both had lots of fun!

Today is the 4th anniversary of Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith! Where were you on May 19, 2005? I was in the movie theater at 12:00AM dressed as Princess Leia!! I can't believe it's been 4 years already....my goodness. I'm watching it right now. *sigh*
I have lots of pictures from the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party AND the new apartment!!

Our very first home! It's in Long Beach CA. We're moving there for about 18 months so Dan can go to an Auto Mechanic School. The apartment is in a nice neighbourhood, 3 minutes from the beach, 8 from Downtown Long Beach, and 20 mins to Disneyland!! It's a HUGE upper level 1 bedroom with a living/dining room, a cool 1950's style kitchen and bathroom, stairs, a covered balcony-veranda and a door leading out to the roof!!! We get to bring my little Weiner Dog Rosie! And my Parakeets!

It's the only 2nd story apartment in the building. The front door is there, and when you walk in, there's stairs leading up to the apartment, so it's very private and kinda cool.

Dining room with built-in shelves so we can display our Star Wars stuff

The living room. That door opens to the balcony. It has a roof over it though, and windows so it's kinda still inside.

ROOF!! I'm gonna start a potted garden out there.

BRIDAL SHOWER & BACHELORETTE PARTY!

My shirt says: "Soon to be Mrs. Newbill"

STRAWBERRY COLODA! Those were the coolest drinks ever! They come in huge bowls that are on fire!

Slighty more drunk..........

Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you!

2009-05-04T21:27:11Z

47 days till the wedding!! :0
I'm very worried.

I'm so depressed. Life was going great until about 2 weeks ago when I got the Flu. Everything's been going down hill since then.
I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed. It was awful!! I have no health insurance, but luckily my parents lent me $120 to go to the doctor. It took me a week to get better, and I still feel kind of sick! I missed a bunch of work and now my salon manager decided she hates me.

My job as a dog bather has been going great, except now every is annoyed with me and my hours were severly cut! I went from 35 hours to less than 17 hours! They're really crappy hours too, I'm closing all the time and I'm not even the new girl anymore!!!! It sucks, I hate my schedule and I'm so broke!

Dan and I are getting married on June 20th, and it's coming up fast! We aren't ready yet..................We still need to get a marriage license, but I can't afford the $100 fee.
I was planning on moving to Long Beach right about now. But we aren't prepared! I'm very worried about Daniel and I transferring our jobs to branches down in Long Beach, so far... NOTHING. I still have to talk to my store manager and try to find an opening somewhere, but yesterday we went down there to look for apartments and I visited one of the Petsmarts down there, and they said they didn't have any openings.

We're looking for a place to live, and that's not going so well either. I need to find one we can afford, in a good area, that also takes pets. We had a bunch of money in the savings for the apartment, but we had to keep borrowing money out of it just to pay for everyday things! My paychecks now are so terrible, we'll never qualify for an apartment! I want to transfer sooo bad, but there's no jobs in Long Beach! I guess I'm going to have to abandon my goal of being a dog groomer and get a job as a freaking waitress or something just so I can survive! I'm starting to wish we didn't have to move to Long Beach. But Daniel is starting school to be an auto mechanic in August down there to and he can't drive in rush hour traffic 5 days a week all the way there and back!

My bridal shower and Bachelorette party is nex Saturday. I'm not even excited. We're getting married and going on a fabulous honeymoon by the grace of our parents. But we have no jobs down there, no place to live and no money. I can't even fit into my own wedding dress!!! I've gained 10 pounds from being so stressed out, I can't zip the dress up even half way!! Now I'm too tired and sick to go to the Gym.

I hate money, I feel like it's the only thing that will solve our problems. I've been playing the lottery too much lately, hoping for a miracle..... but we did win $11. I hope I don't develop a gambling problem.

Well, in other news today is International Star Wars Day! MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!
I made a cake to celebrate.....and I wore a Princess Leia shirt. It still doesn't feel like a holiday though..............

Lord help us.

Palm Sunday

2009-04-06T03:45:44Z

Happy Palm Sunday!

I need to post more!

Well, last Tuesday, I GOT A NEW CAR! MY DREAM CAR! YAY!! Anyone that knows me, knows that I have wanted a Dark Red Toyota Prius, with tinted windows for years! I never thought it would really happen, but, it did! It's amazing and it's a hybrid! Everything's all electronic and weird.
Daniel and I went down to a Toyota Dealership in Buena Park and got a beautiful dark red 2005 Prius! We got really lucky, got a good deal and some financing and signed our lives away to drive home in my dream car! YAY! My current license plate reads: "Bride to be"
I'm gonna get a red Star Wars Rebel Symbol to put on the back window.

+Other than that, things are CRAZY! We're still planning our move to Long Beach. I've been looking online for apartments, but we can't start applying for a few more weeks. We're looking for places in this cool artsy neighborhood called Belmont Shore. I'm so excited! It would be awesome to live in a cute little apartment right on the coastline in a place with lots of cafes and shops and stuff. I'm gonna try to transfer (to another Petsmart Grooming Salon) in Long Beach sometime soon. Me and my little dog Rosie will probably move down there first....sometime around the middle of May to the middle of June. I'm not sure yet. Dan probably wont get a transfer as early, so we'll be seperated for a little while. At least I have a Prius now! There will be a lot driving from Long Beach and back!

Wedding plans are going great! It's getting closer! I still have stuff I need to do!!
I need to send out our wedding invitations. I have them all assembled, I just need a lot of pretty stamps.

Also, we're having a Garage Sale in a couple weeks to raise money for our apartment and all our other newlywed stuff!

95 days till the wedding!!

2009-03-17T06:08:07Z

I am sooo tired!
Work was pretty chill today. I had to take Vinny to school this morning. My sister, Marc and Vinny are living here while we wait for escro to close on their new house! It's crazy having such a full house, it's kinda fun though.

WEDDING NEWS:
It just occured to me a moment ago that the wedding is less than 100 days away!! AHH! I kinda had a mini freak out....
I've gotten A LOT done already, so I guess it's okay. I'm gonna go shopping tomorrow for candles and some stuff for the favours.
We need to go to the Gym! I need to lose weight in the next two weeks so I can fit into my wedding dress and I can get the alterations.
We picked out the Tuxedos! It's awesome, a total 'Bond' look. We need to get the men in Dan's family down the Tux shop to be fitted.

WORK:
It's really busy on the weekends, but very calm and kinda fun during the week. I had Red Robin and Jamba Juice for lunch today because I didn't have time to pack a lunch because I had to take Vinny to Preschool. It was a little stressful over the weekend. We were pretty busy. It's a very difficult job! There's dogs barking and there's hair all over the place and I have to try to control these huge hairy dogs, hold them up while trying to dry them with a high velocity dryer!! I'm also answering phones and checking people in. It can get a little interesting.....
Like yesterday, we had 5 Cavaliers going home, and one of them was bleeding all over the place because the stupid person that did them quicked her nail and just left it for hours!!
Well, I have tomorrow off!! I'm going to enjoy it! I have some errands and stuff to do as always....

MOVING TO LONG BEACH:
Only 95 days till the wedding! Crap!! I have to talk to Louie about getting into the Grooming Academy and transferring to Long Beach. I can't believe we're moving away! I also need to get rid of my car and get a Prius by this summer...it would help a lot! I've been looking at apartments and I actually found a lot. There are a few that will be available around then. I really hope we can make it work financially, we need to save up even more! I think we're gonna have a garage sale soon to get rid of some crap and raise some money!

Anyway, it's late and Dan will be here soon. We're both feeling kind of sick, it seems like everyone is sick right now!
Well, goodnight...

You and I will be reborn in a future place and time...

2009-02-26T00:28:12Z

Random thought: I can't believe I've had this LJ since 2004! That would explain my stupid username.

Also, I haven't been updating enough lately. Probably because I've been so busy, I don't know what to do!
I have a new job! I'm a Bather/Brusher at the Petsmart Grooming Salon! I love it, but it's soooo much harder than I thought! It's dirty and very physical. The first two days were really tough, but now I'm getting used to it! I'm working all the time now! It's crazy!
I have scratch marks all over my arm from a chiuaua and I spent an hour combing out a poodle for some crazy lady that didn't even tip us!!

HOORAY! I HAVE THE DAY OFF! I've spent it sleeping, shopping and watching the new and final Futurama movie!
Futurama has been slowly climbing up my list of obessions for a while now, and it's reached the top! Slightly below Star Wars of course!
It's haunting me in my dreams. I waited months to see the final movie and it came out yesterday. Last night Dan and I watched it, and it was amazing! There better be more Futurama! IT CAN'T END LIKE THIS! AHHH! I also have a new LJ icon from the best part of the whole film..spoilers anyone? hehe.
So, basically for the past two weeks my life has been WORK+FUTURAMA. I'm either watching it, reading the message boards, or listening to the soundtracks, or singing the songs from the soundtrack while I'm at work! *sigh* I'm pathetic.

Anyway, I'm gonna make dinner that we can enjoy when Daniel gets home from work. Life is changing and flying by very quickly. It's a thrilling, scary, yet entertaining and fun Rollercoaster.