i think i'm gonna be sad, i think it's today, yeah
Again, thank you so much for your lovely comments and kind words. When a couple of people said they were worried that I was dealing with this alone on Tuesday (because of the snowstorm), I was able to quite truthfully say I was not alone at all. ♥♥♥
Yesterday, we went and made the arrangements, and it was pretty stress-free as these things go. I think it helps that we all get along and don't really disagree on a lot in terms of how this stuff ought to go? My father would not have wanted a lot of fuss and so we're keeping it simple in tune with that.
My brother was telling us that the cardiologist who had seen him on Friday night when he was admitted to the hospital called him on Tuesday to offer sincere condolences. According to my brother, he ended up consoling the doctor, who was like, "When I saw your father on Sunday, I couldn't believe it was the same man I'd examined on Friday. We had a conversation! He was improving in all ways, every indication was we were bringing him back! So to find out on Tuesday that he was gone was a shock." And my brother was like, "To us too!" But as we joked, he died doing what he loved - eating. (I believe I mentioned he was having trouble swallowing? And they did the swallowing test and said he should have soft food and thick liquids, and they believe he aspirated on his breakfast and that's what killed him. Not that he didn't still have all the other problems to come back from.)
Also showing that our minds run along similar tracks for some things, when this all started, I was like, "oh shit, I better replace the money I took from the savings account where the proceeds from the sale of the house were deposited, because if he has to go into a nursing home, they're going to come looking for it!" And my brother was like, "watch him survive for the next ten years in a nursing home! the money was two years from being free and clear!" And when I mentioned to my sister that once all the dust was settled I would start looking for a condo using the house money, she was like, "when Dom told me he coded and came back, I thought, the money is free and clear for vic to use! and then it wasn't!" But now it is. Sigh.
All of which is to say, if you live in the US and your parents are getting up there in age and they own a house or have retirement savings etc., you might want to start thinking about how to manage that so that if something happens and they do require institutional Medicaid, their retirement money doesn't just get funneled into paying for a nursing home. (see Medicaid's Asset Transfer Rules and obviously consult with a lawyer as I am not one nor do I play one on the internet. I'm just speaking from personal experience here.)
My father was usually on top of this sort of thing - he managed it with his own mother etc. - but for some reason, even though he told me all the time that he was going to transfer the house to my name so that it couldn't be touched under these circumstances, he never actually did it. So when we sold the house in July 2014, even though the money was all transferred to an account in my name, if he'd needed a nursing home before July 2019, the govt would have come looking for it and so while I dipped into it from time to time to cover expenditures (mainly my new laptop and iPad), I generally paid it back just in case. Now, once the funeral expenses are covered, I should be able to start looking for a place to live/buy. That's one thing I can say for sure I know both my parents wanted for me (the reason I get the house money instead of it being split three ways is because my brother and sister both own houses - he discussed this with all of us and they've been supportive of the idea because the one think I've said repeatedly is that I don't want to fight about money.)
Anyway! The point is, things happen, especially when people start getting older, so be prepared.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917447.html.
people have commented there.
Yesterday, we went and made the arrangements, and it was pretty stress-free as these things go. I think it helps that we all get along and don't really disagree on a lot in terms of how this stuff ought to go? My father would not have wanted a lot of fuss and so we're keeping it simple in tune with that.
My brother was telling us that the cardiologist who had seen him on Friday night when he was admitted to the hospital called him on Tuesday to offer sincere condolences. According to my brother, he ended up consoling the doctor, who was like, "When I saw your father on Sunday, I couldn't believe it was the same man I'd examined on Friday. We had a conversation! He was improving in all ways, every indication was we were bringing him back! So to find out on Tuesday that he was gone was a shock." And my brother was like, "To us too!" But as we joked, he died doing what he loved - eating. (I believe I mentioned he was having trouble swallowing? And they did the swallowing test and said he should have soft food and thick liquids, and they believe he aspirated on his breakfast and that's what killed him. Not that he didn't still have all the other problems to come back from.)
Also showing that our minds run along similar tracks for some things, when this all started, I was like, "oh shit, I better replace the money I took from the savings account where the proceeds from the sale of the house were deposited, because if he has to go into a nursing home, they're going to come looking for it!" And my brother was like, "watch him survive for the next ten years in a nursing home! the money was two years from being free and clear!" And when I mentioned to my sister that once all the dust was settled I would start looking for a condo using the house money, she was like, "when Dom told me he coded and came back, I thought, the money is free and clear for vic to use! and then it wasn't!" But now it is. Sigh.
All of which is to say, if you live in the US and your parents are getting up there in age and they own a house or have retirement savings etc., you might want to start thinking about how to manage that so that if something happens and they do require institutional Medicaid, their retirement money doesn't just get funneled into paying for a nursing home. (see Medicaid's Asset Transfer Rules and obviously consult with a lawyer as I am not one nor do I play one on the internet. I'm just speaking from personal experience here.)
My father was usually on top of this sort of thing - he managed it with his own mother etc. - but for some reason, even though he told me all the time that he was going to transfer the house to my name so that it couldn't be touched under these circumstances, he never actually did it. So when we sold the house in July 2014, even though the money was all transferred to an account in my name, if he'd needed a nursing home before July 2019, the govt would have come looking for it and so while I dipped into it from time to time to cover expenditures (mainly my new laptop and iPad), I generally paid it back just in case. Now, once the funeral expenses are covered, I should be able to start looking for a place to live/buy. That's one thing I can say for sure I know both my parents wanted for me (the reason I get the house money instead of it being split three ways is because my brother and sister both own houses - he discussed this with all of us and they've been supportive of the idea because the one think I've said repeatedly is that I don't want to fight about money.)
Anyway! The point is, things happen, especially when people start getting older, so be prepared.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917447.html.