mslie

hannah montana wig =]

2008-09-18T06:48:14Z

mslie @ 2008-09-18T02:33:00

2008-09-18T06:39:02Z

mslie @ 2008-09-18T02:28:00

2008-09-18T06:30:11Z

mslie @ 2008-09-10T19:41:00

2008-09-10T23:42:04Z

brain u eat carpet

awful shit.e.est

2008-08-21T06:48:44Z

you know what's a really awful feeling?

WANTING TO BE WANTED.
WANTING TO BE NEEDED.
WANTING TO BE ADORED.

shit.e.est. feeling, ever.

fucking period.
hormones are crazy.
i can not stop crying.
and im so stressed i can't sleep.
so fucking shit.eeeeee.

life

2008-08-21T05:35:17Z

seriously. sucks.

looking @ peoples profiles, pix, videos, etc.
watching reality shows.
movies.
everything.
anything.

just watching everyone else live their lives.

and im not living my own.

im so stuck.
and so un-satisfied.

ungreatful.
blessed.
worst luck.
bad choices.
i could go on.

fuckin cake.

2008-08-21T03:39:29Z

in all honesty
i was cool for a min.
for a moment.

and now
im heated
im pissed

i am so upset about today

i asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend.

urrrgh.

he didnt wanna TALK ABOUT IT>

i must be a dumb ass.

dumbass

seriously.

why do i let this piss me off.

he doesnt wanna talk about it.
i s h o u l d n t worry
or stress

h i s l o s s

huh!

fuckin cake.

sometime

2008-08-21T03:23:11Z

sometime when im big and strong
i wont let them see me cry
sometime when im nice and sweet
i want let them pass me by
sometime when im friendly and funny
i wont let them cut me off
sometime when im smart and helpful
i wont let them question me
sometime when im honest and brave
i wont let them tell me lies
sometime when im loving and caring
i wont let them break me down
sometime when im weak and sad
i wont let them cut me so deep
sometime when im falling down
i wont let them see me fall
sometime when im sick and hurt
i wont let them pitty me
sometime when im free
sometime when im free

the LAKE came after my 1st probation b4 house arrest. the fRickIn lake HUH

2008-08-21T03:17:52Z

the lake.

it was supposed to be a lot of things...
at least to me it was.

it wasnt awful.
or hell.
or anything like that.

i consider it more.... a disappointment.

i went to probation, came home..hungry as hell..wanting to cook something..
and told d..
told him id like to go to the lake.
go buy him a float..
us some water shoes..and some subs ..etc..

so we did all that.

1st thing "wrong" no c/m
2nd thing "wrong" wanted too much on the sandwich
3rd thing "wrong" hmm.. im trying to think. err. i know it was something when he was doing the float..

oh ok . 3rd "wrong".. walking too far to find somewhere to settle @ the lake..

then came blowing up his float..
lighting a cig bc it was windy..

"why arent u floating mal"

then we float across the lake later
much later
"you're being so annoying"

god.
just now. thinking about it.

i dont know what to do.
him. saying he wants to be with me. be my boyfriend now, wont make it better.
it frickin upsets the hell out of me.
how i am treated now a days,

NOT TO SAY im perfect
NOT TO SAY im nice
NOT TO SAY im not a bitch.

but fuck.
if he's upset- tell me.
i tell him he hurt me.
i cry myself to sleep ALL THE TIME.

im 20 yrs old damnit.

this is b.s.
i wish it would end.
this sadness.
this madness.
this boringness.
this depression.
wtfe.

seriously wtfe
fuckin shit.

thank god i am writing again.
all i know is .
at the end of the day,
i sleep.
and i wake up
&& its again and again and again

and i have these empty relationships.
where when i dropped d off @ the end of the day..
i drive.

towardsss

t a c o m a c

i am pathetic.
no one gives a fuck about me there.
but whatever

i cant tell drea
about the lake
i even lied to alicia
Maybe in the moment i told her about it . made it sound normal.
prolly fun.

it was fun.
it was a good experience.
i am glad we went.
im glad i went.

just wish we were diff. people.

and here i am again.
hes not lyin here next to me however..

he's
down
stairs.

and im alone.

cig.
any
one.

?

i hate being 20.
fuck the b.s.
its fucking a waste of time.

mslie @ 2008-08-19T00:10:00

2008-08-19T04:17:00Z

one day your skies will have puffy clouds
and you can design and imagine all that you have dreamt
one day you will swim and float
and taste the salt you've dreamt
one day you will fly up high
and see land you have dreamed of
one day you will land and be greeted with a sign
confirming you belong
one day you will
sleep
and rest
and dream
and you will be at peace
one day you will soar and fill the world with the words that have been screaming inside
one day you will love like there is no tomorrow
and you will dream of no end.
one day you will capture memories with your heart
and you will not need a reason
you will laugh and you will be able to dance
you'll have rythm like in the movies
you will live you will laugh you will scream you will cry you will feel like you have arrived
one day you will change the world and yourself
you will not believe your eyes
you wont recognize you
you wont know what to do
you will rest
you will dream
you will laugh
you will fly
you will soar
you will die
you will never again want to be someone else
you will have lived your life
you will be satisfied

funny thing

2008-08-19T04:08:11Z

funny thing is maybe while im watching these reality shows...
i could be living my life.

the time i spent there..sitting next to him..

being w r a p p e d up in other peoples lives...
i c o u l d have spent.. realizing

w w w w w w o wwww
he just got himself keylime pie.
and even tho he's high
he got me a fork
to share with him

and i took a bite
and said MAN ITS SWEET AND LIMEY
and said i dont really want any

and it may have surprised him
bc i always want what he has

and its not a biggie or ne thing
but still
i was too wrapped up in my show

and maybeeee
somewhere in him

he noticed that.

....
...
SO here i am.
my beer foaming down.

and he's falling asleep
and im awake
bc i really dont have to be in bed for an hour +...

and i just want to be wanted.

damn reality shows..

maybe earlier was my time.
and i let it go.

b.c. i wanted to be in the hills.
not with the b.s.
or the l a m e n e s s ..
but just bc .
just bc.
no reason i can think of .
nothing worth words.

w/e

i feel dirty.
i need to brush my teeth.
even tho i didnt eat dinner.
im a lard.

i miss writing u know..
i miss feeeeeling

i hate stess.

i
dont
consider
it
an emotion

more of a ..

hmm............................

personality trait maybe?

something not human.

its human i guesss..
but its something so awful.
so
destroying.
so stupid.

its not worth SHIT.

i cant describe stress
in the way
i want to

not now
not in the correct phrase.
but
it is ridiculous.

oh how i wissssh i could describe where STRESS belongs.
because emotion is def. wrong..

i wish he'd kiss me
and rub me
and tell me im beautiful
and hug me.
and hold me.
and slide down and rub and rub and kiss and lick and

we

could act like the world didnt mean
a
darnnnn thing.

i wish.

it wont happen

i paused
and of course it wont happen.

nothing
never... no day goes by as i wish it would
and still at night

tears fill my eyes
because i want to feel adored
and loved
and sexy
and clean
and amazing.

and i never do.

what a fucking waste huh,
i feeel lame.

ahaha.

blog this i think.
maybe someone will read it.
and i might feel sane.

b.c stress isnt sane.
its actually crazy.

one incident. one at a time. fricking lame.