LJ Idol Season 10, Week 19 - The Invitation
I noticed them instantly at the school pick up. A rush of excited eight year olds pouring out the school gates. The flash of coloured paper clasped in tightly gripped hands. Another birthday party invitation.
I groaned inwardly, this was the fourth in as many weeks, the joys of having kids. The smartie parties with bouncy castles, brightly dressed characters whose names you could never remember and enough sugar to ensure that you would be receiving a stern word from the dentist on your childs next visit.
When Robert came out I noticed that he wasn’t holding his. At first I figured it was in his bag tossed aside carelessly with everything else. But when I emptied it once we were home there was nothing.
Now my son is many things, but organised and responsible are not words I would ever attach to him, so I then assumed he had lost it, or left it on his desk which would make my job of RSVPing that much harder, I needed to at least know whose party it was first.
So I asked him, and his reply made my heart sink.
He explained in a voice, a little quieter than usual that it was Brian’s birthday, and no he hadn’t lost the invite. He didn’t have one. I asked if Brian had forgotten one for him, he confirmed no, Brian had stated clearly he wasn’t invited. I then asked who else wasn’t invited, to be told no one. Every one else had an invite. Every single member of the class, except him.
I then made the ultimate mistake of voicing my confusion. It was then my son told me Brian didn’t like him. In fact a few kids didn’t. Mainly Brian and his friends. He didn’t know why and he pretended not to care.
But I knew he did. I knew from the slightly tense set of his shoulders, from the way he refused to meet my eyes, from his quiet insistence that everything was ok. I also knew he didn’t want to talk about it so I banked down the fury, the pain and the indignance and we changed the subject.
It came out over the next few weeks, that some of the kids found him funny. Not haha funny, weird funny. They didn’t like his accent (American), they didn’t like that he fidgeted in class (Sensory disorder), They didn’t like that he was too friendly, that he got in their faces too much. He said he didn’t care, but the droop of his shoulders said otherwise.
On the day of the party we went for ice cream and the cinema. The Monday following he was quiet after school, we went to feed the ducks and spoke about Pokemon, Mario Bros and Minecraft.
He insisted on inviting Brian to his own party several months later. A part of me wanted to be petty, to insist that he couldn’t. It’s crazy how small and mean you can get when someone hurts your child. But my son has a heart far bigger than mine.
So he invited everyone and welcomed them all as they came with smiles and excited chatter.
It wasn’t the last hurt or the last petty cruelty, but as the first, it still stands out clear in my mind. That moment when you realise you can’t save your children from the hurt the world can bring.
All you can do is smile, pretend your heart isn’t breaking and move forward, helping them grow and deal with it.
And if some kids ended up with no cake or toys in their party bag, well I guess thats just one of lifes unfortunate little coincidences.
I groaned inwardly, this was the fourth in as many weeks, the joys of having kids. The smartie parties with bouncy castles, brightly dressed characters whose names you could never remember and enough sugar to ensure that you would be receiving a stern word from the dentist on your childs next visit.
When Robert came out I noticed that he wasn’t holding his. At first I figured it was in his bag tossed aside carelessly with everything else. But when I emptied it once we were home there was nothing.
Now my son is many things, but organised and responsible are not words I would ever attach to him, so I then assumed he had lost it, or left it on his desk which would make my job of RSVPing that much harder, I needed to at least know whose party it was first.
So I asked him, and his reply made my heart sink.
He explained in a voice, a little quieter than usual that it was Brian’s birthday, and no he hadn’t lost the invite. He didn’t have one. I asked if Brian had forgotten one for him, he confirmed no, Brian had stated clearly he wasn’t invited. I then asked who else wasn’t invited, to be told no one. Every one else had an invite. Every single member of the class, except him.
I then made the ultimate mistake of voicing my confusion. It was then my son told me Brian didn’t like him. In fact a few kids didn’t. Mainly Brian and his friends. He didn’t know why and he pretended not to care.
But I knew he did. I knew from the slightly tense set of his shoulders, from the way he refused to meet my eyes, from his quiet insistence that everything was ok. I also knew he didn’t want to talk about it so I banked down the fury, the pain and the indignance and we changed the subject.
It came out over the next few weeks, that some of the kids found him funny. Not haha funny, weird funny. They didn’t like his accent (American), they didn’t like that he fidgeted in class (Sensory disorder), They didn’t like that he was too friendly, that he got in their faces too much. He said he didn’t care, but the droop of his shoulders said otherwise.
On the day of the party we went for ice cream and the cinema. The Monday following he was quiet after school, we went to feed the ducks and spoke about Pokemon, Mario Bros and Minecraft.
He insisted on inviting Brian to his own party several months later. A part of me wanted to be petty, to insist that he couldn’t. It’s crazy how small and mean you can get when someone hurts your child. But my son has a heart far bigger than mine.
So he invited everyone and welcomed them all as they came with smiles and excited chatter.
It wasn’t the last hurt or the last petty cruelty, but as the first, it still stands out clear in my mind. That moment when you realise you can’t save your children from the hurt the world can bring.
All you can do is smile, pretend your heart isn’t breaking and move forward, helping them grow and deal with it.
And if some kids ended up with no cake or toys in their party bag, well I guess thats just one of lifes unfortunate little coincidences.