Song of my life...

Reflection on my life - confession!

2015-01-24T19:18:11Z

Ohayou minna-san!
I was away from livejournal community for quite a while I must admit. My life was a mess and I could not think about coming back here. I also have done a reflection on myself and my life and I decided to confess something to you. I don't know how many of you knows me here or even remember about me, but I feel as if I need to admit to something to you. It is not an easy task I am afraid, because I lied to you. You may hate me right now, but still I need to do it. Just to make sure I would feel better afterwards.
I said to you that I was a boy and that was the biggest mistake of my life. I mean I did that to quite a lot of communities. I act as if I was a boy, because it was easier for me. I was down at that time and I felt like rubbish. I felt as if nobody would like the true me. I feel like an idiot right now, but this is a truth. I believed that acting as if I was someone else would make me more interesting and more valuable. In fact I also believed that saying something as a boy was protecting myself. I don't really know how to explain it properly to you. It was as if I wasn't myself while acting as a boy. I was protecting my true self, like talking to each other as a boy I could say everything what I wanted and there would be no effect on me afterwards. I was afraid of saying something as me, but while I was acting I could do it. I think it was silly of me, but yes... I was such a coward, such a shy person.

So I have finally decided to start over. This is me. My name is Martyna and currently I am 25. I am a little bit overweight and I am fighting with that with no or little sucess. This year I passed my BA exam and I have got my teaching licence. I am an English Teacher, but I do not feel lots of confidence while teaching. What is more, I have started my MA studies and it is tough but I'm doing fine. I also has started working as a teacher in the language school. It is fine, although I have problems while teaching grammar.
What is more about me, I am trying to reach my dreams so I have started to learn Japanese. I also am writing letters with lots of people around the world and at holidays I am working in England together with international team at the language camps. I have lots of fun with them. Playing around I have finally found my courage to confess to you. I found out I am really nice person and I do not need to hide anymore. I can be myself while talking to anyone.

I hope you won't discriminate for my mistakes. I know I was not fair with you all and I am terribly sorry for that. I really am. I want you to know that and I hope one day you are going to forgive me for that.

[Fic:] It's all about ghosts

2012-04-11T12:51:29Z

Title: It's all about ghosts
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Beta: unfortunatelly unbetad :(
Genre: dunno
Rating: none
Summary: Kazuya (19) has strange ability. He sees ghosts. His family is worry about him, so they send him into hospital. There he meet Jin (25) - his psychologist - Jin is afraid of ghosts. What will happen when Jin get to know Kazuya's ability? Is he able to handle with it?
A/D: I've never suppose I would write something again, but here I am. Once again with a crazy ideas. I know that I have many fics which aren't really finished, but I can't write a word to continue them. I'm suck in it. Anyway I hope this time I will finish the fic. I really am :)

‘I’m not crazy, Tat-chan’

‘I know’

They were standing in front of mental hospital. Tatsuya once again checked address from the brochure because the place wasn’t really encouraging to stay there. But the address was right. They stayed in front of right place. It didn’t look like in brochure. It was darker and the aura from that place could scary even big sumo guy. Tatsuya sighed a little while looking at his younger brother. Kazuya didn’t really look disgusted. He was rather surprised and worried. He blinked few times to dismiss some tears which were in his eyes.

‘Why Tat-chan?’

‘Because you need help, Kazuya. Our dad is worry about you and your…little problem’

‘I don’t have problems. It’s you who have it. I’m fine with it and you…’

‘Please Kazuya, not again. It is already decided. You will stay here for a while’

Tatsuya had enough. He didn’t really want to leave Kazuya in this scary place, but he had no choice. He was there only to make sure that his brother would have stayed there. He wasn’t the one who decided about Kazuya’s fate. It was their father who did it.

Kazuya sighed defeated. He had no choice because he was only 19 and he had no right to decide about his life yet. He must have waited two years until he finally would became an adult with the right to do what he wanted with his life. With resignation he took his backpack and went to the mental hospital. He thought that his and Tatsuya’s steps were so loud but it was only his imagination. Tatsuya asked him to stay for a little while and wait for him, when he went to talk with doctor. Kazuya just nodded. He for an one moment considered possibility to run away, but then he thought that it didn’t have any sense. He had no place to stay and the most important – he thought he wasn’t ill. He wasn’t crazy so he had no intention to run away. He would eventually stayed there and he would showed everyone that he was perfectly healthy.

***

His room wasn’t big and the walls were completely white. He had only bed there and small cabinet next to his bed. There were also small table, two armchairs and the wardrobe. Little sigh left his mouth when he sat on the bed. He looked at his brother and rose his eyebrow.

‘You will be fine. It’s a nice room’ Tatsuya tried to be optimistic but tone of his voice hadn’t been in that mood. Kazuya nodded and sighed once again.

‘Yeah right and pigs will fly one day’

‘If you say so…’

‘Just leave me alone Tat-chan. Your crazy brother need time to adjust to his new position’ muttered Kazuya, because he wasn’t really in the mood to quarrel with his brother. Brother who really had nothing with his current situation. Tatsuya was only do what they father told him. Oh and yes they father know Kazuya the best. He knew that the younger boy would never went for a little trip with himself, so he used Tatsuya to do that.

‘Okay, I will visit you sometimes’ Tatsuya broke the silence and he tousled Kazuya’s hair.

‘See you later’ muttered the younger one. He didn’t look at Tatsuya, because he thought that he had no strength for doing this. He would probably burst with tears and his all efforts to stay strong could have vanished in one moment. The door closed silently behind Tatsuya’s back. He was alone once again. Alone with a new place, which he really didn’t like. He sighed deeply and looked through the window.

‘Aren’t you happy now?’ Kazuya asked silently while looking at someone. ‘You wanted that, right? They think that I am crazy and it’s your fault. Your and your friends’ he sighed with resignation. Normal person couldn’t understand with who Kazuya was talking, but he didn’t really care. He knew he was healthy and his invisible friends – ghosts – were cause of his problems. ‘What am I suppose to do now?’ he asked himself once again, then he rubbed his nose with all his might. He needed time to think about some solution of his small problem. He needed it and he knew that. He thought that sleep would be the best solution so he laid on the bed and closed his eyes. Dreams sweet dreams always helped him relax.

[Fic:] Cementry guest

2011-11-21T21:38:36Z

Title: Cementry guest.
Pairing: none (slight Akame I think...)
Author:mouter
Beta: unfortunatelly unbetad :(
Genre: dunno...
Rating: none
Summary: Jin is visiting cementry.
A/D: Right now I want ask you for help. Could you please point every single mistake which I've got? Pretty please? And if you have a time to do that so could you please corrected them?

Jin woke up in the middle of the night. He was painfully shaking and he felt horrible. The nightmare came once again and he couldn’t do anything to get rid of it. Night after night he was dreaming about his boyfriend’s death. He rubbed his tired eyes and he got up from the bed. He knew, he wouldn’t be able to sleep again, so he decided to go for a walk.

He took a deep breath and he closed his eyes and he started to walk down the street. The cold, fresh air was always calming him up. Bad memories faded away and the good ones came back to him. Then he opened his eyes and suddenly he stopped and he realized where he was.

Cemetery. The graves were surrounding him. It was surprising for him. He had no intention to get there. For a one second he stopped breathing. It was like a sign from God. He hadn’t been there since his funeral. He couldn’t do another step. It was too painful for him. Being there in the middle of the night… For God sake! What the hell was he doing there?! He didn’t know and he supposed that even God wouldn’t be able to explain such a phenomenon.

Suddenly he felt someone’s cold hand on his arm. He bit his mouth and he stopped breathing for a moment. His heart beated faster, but he hadn’t move. He gulped nervously, but he wouldn’t dare to look at his guest. He was terrified and he could only wait for his guest to move.

‘What are you doing here?’ he heard a familiar male voice. He slowly breathed out and he turned to the mysterious guest.

‘Visited Kazuya’s grave I guess’ he muttered with a huge relief, and then he laughed. He couldn’t believe that for a second he thought that it was Kazuya’s ghost, who came for him. And he knew that he wanted to be with his lover forever so maybe he wanted that to be true? A bitter laugh left his mouth, because he realized that he really missed his boyfriend. He wanted to be with him once again. ‘I still love him Pi’ he muttered and one single tear left his eye.

‘I know Jin, I know, but he wouldn’t be happy if he knew that you are crying’ Pi hugged him tight and Jin knew that the other was right. He must be strong and he needed to live his own life till the death.

[FIC:] TEDDY BEAR

2011-10-29T20:58:41Z

Title: Teddy Bear
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Beta: unfortunatelly unbetad :(
Genre: fluff
Rating: none
Summary: Jin's Teddy Bear is the best thing which could he imagine.
A/D: So this is a really short drabble. I'm posting it here, 'cause I really don't know when I will be able to find a time to write something else or if I ever find an inspiration for writting.

Nightmares were driving Jin crazy. He was waking up almost every night, sweating and shaking. He hadn’t any idea, how to get rid of those dreams. He even couldn’t have remembered those dreams, when he had woken up. His whole body was painfully shaking and he could have done only one thing – cuddled with his Teddy Bear. The problem was that his own Teddy Bear wasn’t with him.

But he wasn’t a person, who had given up so easily, so almost every night he was driving right to Kazuya’s apartment. He even hadn’t woken him up, because he had his own keys to Kazuya’s home.

He had just opened Kame’s doors and quickly slipped into his bed. The smell and presence of another skinny, but warm and such a lovely body of his boyfriend made him feel better.

“Bad dream?” Kazuya whispered and that made Jin smile. He could have only nodded slowly and the other hugged him tight. “Don’t worry. I’m here for you, honey” then he added and kissed Jin’s forehead as if Jin was a kid.

That was when Akanishi realized one thing: he had the best Teddy Bear on the whole world and he hadn’t been a person, who was able to share with someone else. Kazuya was only his and both of them loved this kind of thing.

He hugged the younger one back and he smiled to him sweetly.

“I know Teddy Bear, I love you” then he kissed forehead of his lovely boyfriend and he had fallen asleep.

Fic: Mount School - Chapter two

2011-09-18T22:28:30Z

Title: Mount School
Pairing: Akame, and some others.
Author:mouter
Beta: unfortunatelly unbetad :(
Genre: angst, drama
Rating: none
Summary: Mount School is a place, where teenagers with difficulties and with horrible past can live in peace and get help from specialists to be able back to the society.

I found this after searching for another document in my computer. I totally forgot about it and since I have a writter block, I can give you the second chapter of this story. But then once again I'm sorry for my language mistakes.

Chapter one

Kazuya squinted his eyes, when the sun found out through the trees. Once again he felt sorry for himself, because was stupid enough to not take the sunglasses on that idiotic trip, and the sun was just the beginning of his problems.

He rolled his eyes and looked back at his lazy and terrible slowly companion, and sighed deeply. In that speed they chance for finishing the trip were simply zero. They’ll be the last team on the finishing-line, if they finished it, because with that lazy mate… everything was possible, and everything because of that stupid Ueda’s rules, and his sense of humor.

The trip was their custom. It was always, when the new student joined their big family. They had a new family member, and they needed to celebrated it. It always was a trip, but this time was a little different.

Ueda thought that this will be more fun, if they will looking for treasure in pairs. And that was Kazuya’s problem. He thought it could be even funny, if he had Pi for his companion. Even Junno would be good, but not HIM. Not that fucking, lazy bastard, who still thought about himself, like about king.

Nobody wanted be with that new guy. Some of people was simply scared, and the others just didn’t want be with him. Just because his aura was really unfriendly. He even didn’t try be polite. Oh yeah, he was polite, just in front of teachers.

Why it always happened to me?

Kazuya didn’t know that. He had just bad luck. Ueda loved games, and this time they also had a game. They must drew the colorful straws. He choose blue one, and that was his mistake, because Jin also chose that one.

So now he was in fucking forest, he had map, compass, water and some food, and he was going to the finishing-line with the new school baby, whose he barely know, and really didn’t want know him better.

Oh and he was at Jin’s black list from the beginning, because of Pi and his need to help his friend. He didn’t know why he must do this, but it wasn’t matter now. It just happened. Not that Kazuya wanted be friend with Jin. Well he didn’t want it, he didn’t have true friend there. He was rather lonely and he loved it, or at least he think so.

He just wasn’t that type, who had many enemies, and he wasn’t also that type, who didn’t have a chance to the new people. He also wanted give one to Jin, but this was impossible.

Not in this life.

***

Jin wasn’t really happy, when he heard about the trip, because he didn’t like walking so much. He’d rather prefer motor’s races. He loved feel the wind in the hairs, and at his cheeks. He loved being free, but that were his dreams now, because he stuck in that fucking school, with pretty students, which tried hard being polite, and they all had their own masks at their faces. Nobody was himself there. It was like a prison. Nothing more, just prison. He felt like a prisoner here, and even now, when he was at forest, and nobody was watching him, except his companion, he couldn’t escaped. He just couldn’t do this, because he barely known the area and he wasn’t stupid.

“Crap” he cursed, when he stumbled once again, and still followed Kazuya, because the other knew area. He couldn’t help, but followed his companion. He’d really didn’t like idea of this trip. Ueda was talking some bullshit about knowing each others, finding their own limits.

Bullshit!

He already knew his limit. It was now. His legs hurt like a hell, and he was hungry, and thirsty. Without nothing he sat down, and rested against tree.

“Break!” yelled Jin, when he saw, that Kazuya didn’t care about him, and still was walking. “I need a break! Did you hear me?!”

The younger one stopped and backed to him with resignation, then he sat in front of him, and Jin saw in his face desired of murder. He had no doubts that, if Kazuya could do this, if he had possibilities to do this, then he would be death. But he couldn’t do this, so Jin smiled to him sweetly.

“We’re already have a break half an hour ago” he muttered coldly, but calmly. Kazuya barely raised his voice, but Jin could say, that the other one was angry and tired, but not physically. He was tired mentally and Jin knew that it was his fault, but he didn’t care.

“I know” Jin smiled to him sweetly. “But I need a break, I’m not like you” he muttered. “I’m not use to walk all day”

Kazuya rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, then he leaned against the tree and closed his eyes. He’d really want to finish that trip, but not giving up, just went to finishing-line. He want proved to himself, that he can do it.

“Can we go now?” Kazuya asked quietly, then looked at Jin seriously. “Or princess need something more?”

“I’m hungry and thirsty” the other shrugged his arms, and smiled to his companion. “Give me chocolate and water” ordered, because it was Kazuya, who had backpack with everything, simply because Jin didn’t want carry it on his back.

“No, you’re already ate. There’s nothing left from your portion” answered the younger one, then he crossed his arms on his chest. “And you already drank whole water” he added.

“I don’t care” smiled Jin. “Give me the water, or I don’t go anymore” he blackmailed.

“Then you’ll stay here” Kazuya shrugged his arms with a sweet smile at his face. He wasn’t stupid enough to giving everything to that princess.

“We shouldn’t be separate, remember?” smiled cutely Jin to his companion.

“Yes, I know, but still can tell, that you run away, and then you get punished, when they’re find you. You’re new baby, and you still can have thoughts about runing away from there. I had this thoughts too, well everybody had” Kazuya still smiled to him, and took his water, then took a swallow of it then he licked his lips. He knew that Jin will be furious, but he didn’t care. He had enough of that sluggish person.

“Don’t be a pig! Give me a swig!” yelled Akanishi, and then suddenly jumped at Kazuya’s knees to snatch his bottle of water. It was too fast for Kame to react, and when he realized what’s going on, he had no time to escaped.

“Don’t touch me!” scream escaped the younger one’s lips, because it was his only hope for rescue, when Jin sat at his knees, and the water poured at Jin’s shirt. Kame started shaking badly, because Jin still was at him, with shocking expression at his face. He didn’t suppose that he will have that good luck. “Please, get off of me” whispered the other, and started became paler and paler. His fear was that strong, and Jin bitted his lips, didn’t knowing what to do, specially because he found the younger one weak side, and he knew that he can used it for his own aims.

He licked his lips and looked at his shirt, decided making a little fun from younger one.

“My, my… looked what have you done” Jin whispered scathingly. “We lost our whole water” he shook his head with disbelief, then he touched Kazuya’s cheek. “What should I do with you, now?” he asked the younger one, still smiling.

***

Kazuya gulped, didn’t knowing, what to do. He didn’t prepared for that sudden situation, and when he realized, what’s going on, it was too late. Jin was sitting at him, and his memories were back. His nightmare begun once again. He barely saw Jin’s face, he barely heard what he was talking to him.

“No, no, no. Please, don’t touch me” he started begging with a little hope, that his could helped him a little, but he knew, that he was wrong. He always was too naïve. There was no chances to escape. “Please… please” he couldn’t help, but crying, and then he started hate himself even more, because of this tears. He promised himself, that he wouldn’t be crying once again, and then again he has been broken his promise. He was truly looser.

“Don’t cry, babe” Jin’s voice come to him, and then he heard laugh. Jin was laughing with him, and he tried pushed him, but he wasn’t strong enough to do this.

“Please, don’t touch me!” he wanted scream, but he couldn’t. It was just a weak whisper, which come from his lips. Nothing more, nothing less. Just fucking weak whisper. “Please…”

“Am I that ugly?” Jin laughed even more, then he moved closer to his face, and Kazuya could feel the other one’s breath at his lips. “Are you afraid?” he asked slowly.

“Yes! You’re fucking idiot! You’re the ugliest person I’ve ever met!” Kazu took his all braveness and looked at Jin with anger in his eyes. “Just get off of me, you bastard!”

“I don’t wanna sweetie”

“I don’t care! Get off of me!” yelled again younger one, and then Jin did another step. He kissed the younger one. There was no need to do this with force, because Kazuya already was scared like a hell. He was already crying and shaking badly, but Jin didn’t care about it. He had nothing to loose. Now Kazuya was his victim, and he was an hunter. He loved seeing victims in this state, but that was pretty boring for him, because Kazuya stopped fighting. He wasn’t answer too. He just allow the other to do everything he want, and that wasn’t something, what Jin loved.

“There is no fun with you” muttered Jin, when he broke the kiss, but Kazuya didn’t answer, still looking at him with blank expression at his face, and his eyes were empty. “Kazuya?”

***

Kazu-chan you’re mine. Remember that, you’re only mine.

Voice from the past was so strong, and still was coming for him. There was no escape, he didn’t know, where he could hide himself from her. From pain, and that ugly feeling, but he can’t do this. He just needed to survive it, so he stopped fighting. Now he knew, that she was right.

Kazu-chan you’re nothing. You can’t survive without me.

He started sobbing once again. He was nothing. He had no plans for future, no friends, nothing. He was only her toy, and he still remember the pain, and what she told him. The pain was his friend. He still remembered the day, in which, she gave him his first razor blade, with that angelic smile at he face.

Try this honey. It should help erasing your pain.

And he tried it. He always was doing, what she ordered him. He hadn’t another choice, he can’t think for himself, he can’t decide for himself, because he was no longer human. He was her toy, just toy, and he still thought about himself like this. He tried hard to change himself, but it wasn’t easy, specially in times like this.

The kiss… Jin’s kiss broke him down again. He stopped fighting, stopped doing anything, stopped feeling, and he barely knew, what happened next. He was in Jin’s power and there was no another way to go.

“Kazuya! Wake up!” he heard Jin’s voice, but it was so faraway, that he didn’t catch the words, which the other said to him. Well he didn’t care either, they could hurt him, right? And he hated being hurt. He hated it, and he had enough. He wanted just passed away, because every his efforts just passed away in one moment. Why, oh why he had that bad luck?

***
Jin bitted his lips once again, when he realized, that he could do something really bad to Kazuya. He loved hurting people, because it was fun, but hell no to this level. It wasn’t fun anymore, and they still were in forest. He don’t know where exactly they were, and then his companion wasn’t conscious enough to walk or even talk again.

“No, no, no…” he heard Kazuya’s sobbing, and he hugged the other tight, starting caressing his back.

“I’m not going to hurt you… there is nothing to afraid” whispered Jin while swaying with him. He didn’t really know, what to do. He never been in that situation, and he did it instinctively. “Shh… nobody want to hurt you” he added slowly. “Trust me…” he licked his lips.

Yeah, right…

Even for him, his words sounds like a fake, but he had no better idea. He should think twice, before trying scared him. It wasn’t good idea either, it was stupid and idiotic. He could wait for back to school with that, but yeah… he was Akanishi Jin after all, the guy who had never wait for nothing, because he didn’t like waste the time. And what an ironic… he was kinda proud of it, but not today.

“Kazuya please… look at me” he whispered, and trying catch the other attention, but younger one closed his eyes, probably didn’t want look at his torturer. “Please Kazuya, don’t be like this. I’m not going to hurt you” he repeated slowly, trying hard found his patience, which was already at his limits. He had truly understand, about what Ueda was talking.

Limits… he reach his limit already, but he needed calm down younger one, so he just must fight with himself to reach the aim. Gosh, why it always happened to him? He was new for God sake!

“Kazuya look at me!” his patience evaporated in the one moment. Kame still was shaking, and sobbing, and Jin still was sitting at him, without knowing how to behave, with attack of panic of his mate. “Look at me!” he repeated coldly, and grabbed Kazuya’s face in the hands. “Please, look at me, I’m not going to hurt you… moreover… I’m not going to grumble again” he smiled to the other one, who finally looked at him, without panic. Well without nothing to be the truth, but at least he stopped shaking that much. “Here you are” Jin smiled wider, then he sat in front of his companion. “See? I’m not going to touch you, at least not today” said calmly. “You’re safe here”

***
Kazuya slowly come back to his normal self. He breathed deeply, trying calm down his heart, which still was beating fast, didn’t looked at Jin, because he just couldn’t, knowing, that his enemy just now met his weakness, and he knew that it was his mistake. He shouldn’t show him that. Shouldn’t, but it wasn’t easy to do, so now he hoped, that Jin said truth, with promises not touch him today.

“I’m sorry” whispered Kazuya, looking at the empty bottle of water. He must find pretext to went somewhere alone. “There is an river, so we could take some water from it” then he muttered, because he really didn’t know, what else should he said. He also didn’t want explain him, what have just happened. “Of course there is no need for you to come there with me, just wait for me” he added quickly.

“No! You will wait here for me, and I’ll go for water” said seriously Jin, and took the map with himself. “Just calm down, okay? I need you” he smiled a little. “And take this” he gave his blouse to Kazuya.

Kame looked at it with a little shock, but didn’t complain. He was even glad that he got Jin’s blouse, because he was still shaking a little, and the next blouse was for him like a thing, which could protect him from everything.

***

“Pi-chan your back are so uncomfortable” muttered Yuya into Yamapi’s ear. “And you’re so slowly” he added. “That trip is so boring, why aren’t you talking to me?”

“You’re annoying” sighed the other. “Just shut up, okay? It will be better for you and specially for me” he added angrily. It wasn’t really his fault, that this idiot hurt his ankle, while jumping at him happily.

Yuya sighed deeply. It wasn’t his dreaming trip. It was rather something like race for punishment, than prize, and then that stupid rule, which nobody really like. Well he couldn’t lament about his companion, ‘cause of course he could got worst, but hell… that man wasn’t talkative, and it was extremely boring for him.

“Pi-chan tell me something about you. I wanna get you know better”Yuya begged once again, but he knew, that he failed with it, because Tomohisa wasn’t interested in knowing him better. “Oh God! At least tell me, when have you birthday?” then he muttered, but the other just sighed, and in the next moment Yuya felt the ground, and he grimacing in pain. “You’re terrible”

“And you’re just annoying” sighed Yamapi, and gave his companion the water. “I don’t like you, ok? And I don’t wanna talk about me, or you. We just need to be together, so don’t make it harder, please” he slowly explained, while sitting on the rock, and studying the map. “And don’t even try to complain. It’s not my fault, that you hurt your ankle, and to be the truth you’re not that light”

“Yeah, I know that” whispered Yuya. “I’m not light, and I should loose my weight, but you know Ueda-sempai, right? He didn’t like seeing me in the toilet and vomiting whole meal” he shrugged his arms.

“Gosh… you’re really stupid” muttered Pi, then he show the point in the map. “We are here, and need go here” Pi licked his lips, and closed his eyes. “Well it would be faster, if we choose that way” he shown it at the map. “But here is an small mountain, and I’m afraid that you can’t do it with your ankle” he sighed deeply. “Because I don’t want climb with you on my back” he explained quietly. “So I think we should take the longer way, and if you want vomit, then vomit, but not in front of Ueda. Just find the place, where he wasn’t looking that much. I mean… toilets are too obvious” he smiled ironically to Yuya. He really didn’t like that annoying kid. He was even worst than Junno, because Junno sometimes understand, when he told him, to shut up, Yuya… never, did what he want, and hell why he always must ‘helped’ the younger, than him? He didn’t know, but they were just too stupid for him. They’re doing such a stupid mistakes. “Okay, five minutes break” decided Pi, then leaned against the tree, and smiled to himself.

“Do you really think, that I’m fat?” asked silently Yuya.

“No, idiot” muttered Pi. “You’re too thin, and there is no need to loose the weight. Well I think you should put on weight, to be the truth” he looked at the younger one, trying be polite. If he really needed talking, than he should do something good, right? Then maybe Yuya will tell something to Ueda, and he could got some new privileges. “And you’ll be stupid, if you listened to my advices“

“Then why are you like this?” boy had a teary eyes, and Yamapi just sighed once again. He hated cry babies, hated them so much, but there was no time for frustration.

Shit!

They were alone after all, and there was no teacher around them. He couldn’t hurt Yuya too much, so he decide to calm down, and keep going with casual conversation.

“Because… I don’t like you” Pi shrugged his arms. “And it’s just my character, sorry” said calmly, but Yuya started sobbing, and Pi melted, sighed deeply, then he hugged the boy. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t been saying such a horrible things to you. You did nothing bad to me” he caressed the other backs. “Shh… don’t cry, okay? You’re really nice kid, but well… you should just learn keep your mouth shut up” then he explained slowly, trying express what he really think about Tegoshi, without making any damages on boy’s psyche.

“You’re mean to me, and nobody is liking me”

“Because you’re so annoying” sighed Pi, and licked his lips. “Why don’t you understand it?”

“I want you as my friend” pouted Yuya, looking at him with that serious look in his eyes. Tears still were failing, but Tegoshi seems didn’t note it. “I want talking with you and sharing my secrets with you” he added with incredible power, then he climbed at Pi’s knees, and hugged him tight. “You’re so warm”he muttered sweetly.

Tomohisa wasn’t surprised with his mate behavior. He knew stories about him, and his cuteness. Some persons just couldn’t help, but loving him. He forced them to became his friends, but Yamapi was different. Besides he didn’t want makes new friends. He thought that everything was okay. Loneliness was a great thing. Nobody wanted talk with you, nobody had became angry for you, and you could do what you wanted to.

“Yuya, you can’t force someone to become your friend. Besides, I’ve already told you, that you’re annoying. You should try change yourself, and then we can talk about eventually became friends, okay?” he shouldn’t talking like this, but he couldn’t help. Yuya caught him in his cuteness, but not to the end. He had his pride after all. He couldn’t be that weak. The compromise was a good way for starting, ‘cause he didn’t really think, that Tegoshi will change himself, so he was safe. The small nodded from the other makes him happy.

Safe!

“Let’s go now” he smiled to Tegoshi, then take him at his back. “You’ll see, we will find the treasure” then he promised quietly.

***
Ueda with a big smile at his face greeted first pair at the finishing-line. Junno smiled back to him, and Toma just smirked to him. They created good team, without any bad feelings, emotions. Everything because of Toma’s character. He was different than many of students. He easily adapted to environment, so he easily found a way, which allowed him reach to Junno. They were happily talking all way, about nothing important, but it wasn’t important.

“Congratulation” smiled Ueda, while hugging both of them. “I’m so proud with you”

“Yeah, yeah… right” Toma smiled back to him. “So where is our treasure?”

“Firstly I want asked you, how was it? Did you talk a little? Did you know each other better?”

“We talked a lot” smiled Junno, while sitting on the ground. After all he was tired. That was pretty exhausted trip, and he dreamt about his own bed. “We talked about the music, hobbies, and so on” he shrugged his arms. “It was nice” he smiled to Toma, who just nodded. “And we’re first, right?”

“Yeah, I told you, we will be first” laughed Toma. “It was obvious, ‘cause we’re dreaming team!” he added. “And we want our prize”

“Yes, I know that. You won two tickets to the cinema” said Koyama, who came right now with an school bus. “And you won’t watch the dishes for a week” then he added, and gave the water to his students. “Are you satisfied?

“Of course, we are” Toma embraced Junno. “We will having fun in the city this week” he whispered right to his ear, and the other just nodded with a smile. They already were talking about used their prize for something more, than going to the cinema. They could pretend that they’re going there. It was good idea for having some fun. They won after all.

***
Kazuya was looking out the window, and resting. The whole day was exhausted even for him, or maybe should he said: specially for him. Now he was at the warm bed, under the blanket, he was safe here, and he knew that, even if Jin saw his weakness, he wouldn’t be so stupid to hurt him again this day, and Kame still was wearing his blouse, which make him feel better. He couldn’t understand that feeling.

He sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. The past were still attacking him, when he wasn’t prepared for it. To be the truth he never was prepared for this, but in that moment… Kazuya felt an cold shiver at his back, and shook his head.

Don’t think about this, idiot! Everything is okay.

He tried convinced himself, but failed once again. Well at least they finished the trip, so he wasn’t that loser after all. Small smile appeared at his face, when he saw Pi, who was coming to him. He waved hand to the other, and moved at his bed, to give a place for his friend.

“How was it?” asked Pi, then he slightly embraced Kazuya, and rested his head at Kame’s arm. “Is he really that bad?”

“No… he’s just lazy” smiled Kame. “And he loved being powerful… and sometimes he is like an devil, but there are also moments, when you couldn’t help, but smiling to him” he whispered.

“Then it wasn’t that bad after all, right?” Pi studied Kazuya’s face, and when his friend nodded a little, he smiled wider to him. “That’s great, my little turtle survived with bastard! I’m so proud of you” he laughed.

“Stop calling me that” blushed Kame. “You’re terrible!”

“But you love me” answered Yamapi, then he closed his eyes. He was wrong, when he thought that he had no friends. He already had friend. Kazuya was his friend, and he was glad because of that, but still he didn’t know what exactly friends means. Maybe having friends wasn’t that bad idea.

I’m not alone anymore.

That thought made him better, and he couldn’t help, but smiled.

Meme time.

2011-09-15T20:09:14Z

I got this meme from fazlyn_n.
And since I wasn't here lately... ~~writter block is killing me right now!~~ , I thought that meme time will be great thing for me. So here goes:
1. Reply to this post with "BUTTSEX", and I will pick five of your icons.
2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon glee.

I choose this icon, because I just love this two dorks and I have sentiment to the "Nobuta wo produce". It was one of my first doramas, which I've ever seen.

This one is also one of my favourite icons. I like the look of his eyes here...

Another one with Kame-chan. I'd like his smile and the laugh is something, which should be on everybody's face.

This one is here, because I really like this two pics of Kame and Jin. They're fit together. Just perfectly.

And this one is also one of my favourites. This one is with Pi-chan. I love him and here... well this icon fit to my character. Just because.

I'm not good in talking about icons ^^
And I hate new LJ....

Play with macros.

2011-05-21T15:27:45Z

I should study in a little while ago, but... everyone know how it is. You must study, and then you find so many other things to do, so I was boring and that came to my mind, that I will try do some macros. So here we go. They're definitely not perfect at all.

Ok, so that was totally random thing, but I had fun making them :D
Hope you like them.

[Fic:] The police archives - part 3

2011-05-09T23:19:51Z

Title: The polices archives: how to be policeman in love.
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff, maybe some comedy, angst
Rating: none
Summary: Jin is an famous policemam, who fell in love with Kazuya.
Warnings: Poor grammary
A/N: The fic dedicated to the karilly but I changed my mind because it became longer and more complicated than I thought before, and it's all Akame's fault.

Small sigh escaped Kazuya’s mouth, when he realized, that he would be forced to wait for Jin’s came back. The handcuffs didn’t want cooperate with Kamenashi, who tried hard to escape from them. They were still on his wrist and nothing went with plan. He had work today, and he was already late, but of course there was nobody who care about such a detail as his job.

Kazuya cursed once again trying to free himself, but he knew that his chances for freedom were almost zero. That definitely wasn’t his best day. His arms started hurting few hours ago and he promised himself, that this was the last time, when he came to Jin’s home.

Of course he knew, that Jin wasn’t conscious enough, when he put that fucking handcuffs on him. He was rather like a small, sweet kid, who didn’t want stayed at home alone and Kazuya’s heart melt, when he was about to cry. But for God sake, he wasn’t a kid! He was an adult, moreover Jin was policeman. He shouldn’t have been drinking that much.

Jin’s puppies eyes was working on Kazuya perfectly and Kame knew that Jin would probably done everything to make him stayed with him. That was a thing, which Kazuya afraid the most, because Kame had his own rules and he hated doing something which was against his rules. He wasn’t really hard to deal with, but in some cases he became real, strict monster and he was proud of that. After all he had his own rules of living.

He had something, which he cherished and until the day before he had never broken his rules. Now he regretted that he had done such a exception for Jin. Not because the men hurt him, because he didn’t hurt him at all. Besides Jin was rather cute puppy in the night, who wanted some attention and some caresses. Kazuya smiled a little, when he realized that he only must scratches Jin behind the ear, and the other was the happiest person on the whole world. He also wasn’t regret because of the fact that Jin still was a stranger, because Kazuya started liking this whole situation. He started loving being in the centre of someone’s attention, and Jin was really interesting person. He even considerate the solution of falling for Jin, but he would never said that loud. It was because this fucking handcuffs, which really pissed him off. He had never been in such a position, and he was in Jin’s hands and he really hated it. He felt like a bird in cage and in this case his cage was quite comfortable bed, he must added.

Kazuya closed his eyes and breathed heavily. He was almost sure, that he would be fired, and he promised to himself, that when Jin be back, he would be really annoying. Akanishi just needed paid for his actions and he also should met another side of his dreaming person. The devilish one. Kame smirked and licked his lips trying to relax a little, because if he wanted be annoying, he shouldn’t be exhausted.

***

Jin once again gulped. He was deadly scared. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t trust his own voice. He was in a trouble, because he really didn’t remember where the hell was the key from Kazuya’s handcuffs. He also had a black hole in his mind, so he didn’t know how he came back to home and why Kazuya was with him in the morning. Okay, he knew the reason of Kame’s presence by his side, but it wasn’t really optimistic one.

Handcuffs… why the hell he put them on that boy? Why?

Jin ruffled his hairs and rested on the desk, closing his eyes. He needed find out, what happened last night. He needed find that fucking keys, because he had already known that Kazuya wasn’t patient person. Okay he was more patient than Jin, but he remembered what Kame’s friends were talking about him and in those moment he thought that it was one, big lie, but now he wasn’t so sure.

What if Kazuya really changed in monster, when he is furious?

How could he deal with the beast, when he really didn’t know how to deal with him as a human? He even didn’t know Kazuya’s past, his hobbies… he had known nothing about that boy, so how could he deal with him now? And the most important thing… now he knew, that he done terrible mistake.

He shouldn’t have been left Kazuya alone. He shouldn’t have gone to work, without freed his precious. That thought came to his mind so suddenly, that he jumped on his chair and immediately took his jacket. He needed came back to home as fast as possible and apologized to the younger one, because in the other case the younger one could sulked forever.

“Akanishi-san where are you going?” he cursed silently, when he heard his boss voice, but he counted in his minds to ten and turned back to his chef with a big smile.

“I’ve finished everything” he truly answered and that was the truth. He hadn’t have much to do and he try to finish his paper work as fast as possible and now he hoped that his boss wouldn’t give him another work.

“I see, would you mind coming to my office?” the boss asked silently, but Jin knew that there was no sense of complaining. Kazuya must wait for him a little longer. Well he knew that the boy would wait, because of handcuffs. Jin followed his chef to the head office and sat on the chair. His fingers started dancing on the desk impatiently. The older one raised his eyebrow. “Are you in hurry?”

“No… I mean yes, a little” Jin licked nervously his lips. “I have something…to do” he added and once again ruffled his hairs.

“I see” the man cut him off and placed some files on the desk. “I needed your back” he said slowly. “This is your new case. It is your favorite subject, so you shouldn’t have any problems with that” he added silently and then smiled widely to his worker. “I know that you were waiting for that for a long time. Welcome back detective Akanishi”

“Thank you” Jin took the file and perused it. “I will study this in home” he promised and said goodbye to his chef, then he walked away.

He was so happy and proud with himself and he needed shared with someone his success. He was able to come back to his favorite work and the drugs cases were his favorite ones, so he knew that he will be able to catch the drug dealer. He bought bottle of wine and some pizza and run to his home.

“Kazu-chan I’m home!” he yelled and went to his bedroom. He knew that the younger one would be there, but still his presence was breathtaking for him. That beautiful creature was too perfect to exist and was still smiling to him.

“Welcome home” Kazuya answered with a sleepy voice. “Can you finally take them off?” boy asked with a lightly smile. “You know, I don’t mind them, but I need go to bathroom” he added and blushed cutely. It was rather embarrassing for Kazuya, and Jin bite his lips.

“I’m afraid I’ve lost the key” he confessed.

“Unbelievable!” Kazuya lost rest of his patience. “You better find them, or do something to take them off, ‘cause I’m gonna kill you!”

“Calm down, baby” Jin sighed and placed files on bed. “Wait a second, okay? I will find stapler and you will be free” he promised kissing Kazuya’s forehead.

“But you wouldn’t leave me for that long, right?” Kame asked silently and when Jin nodded, he could relaxed for a little while. He gave attention to the file, which was lying next to him. Jin must have gotten the new case. The bottle of wine, which was now lying on the table in the corner of the room with a pizza just affirmed him with that.

Kazuya took a deep breath and smiled to Jin, when he finally entered the room with a treasure. He had the fucking key, which he must found, while looking for stapler and the moment later he was free. At first he wanted yelled at Jin, but now he sat on his laps and hugged him tight.

“Thank you and congratulation!” said Kazuya, while kissing Jin’s lips. “And before you tell me something more about the case, which you get” he laughed a little with shocking expression on Jin’s face. “You will do the massage to me” he added with a seriously tone of his voice. “My arms are hurting!” he sulked a little.

“No worries, baby” Jin breathed with relief. Friends of Kazuya hadn’t have right at all. He wasn’t an monster, but a pouting kid and Jin loved kids, so it wasn’t problem for him. Well even if Kazuya became a beast, it wouldn’t be problem for Jin, but in that case he could talking about luck. “Just relax” he bit his lips once again and started massages. He needed be careful, because he didn’t want hurt the younger one more.

“Can you tell me more about your job?” Kazu interrupted the silence and closed his eyes, because he only wanted listen to Jin’s voice, which was soft and was able to relax his senses. “I just wanna know you better”

“Sure, but I’m not an interesting person, baby” smiled Jin still relaxing Kazuya’s exhausted arms. “As you already know I’m working in the police, but I’m not the type, who is sitting at the police station and who is doing paper work” he added quickly, then he bit his lips for a moment.

“Really?” Kazuya raised his eyebrow and looked at Jin truly surprised. “Don’t get me wrong… but you don’t look for someone, who catches criminals. You’re too… clumsy” he smirked.

“Thank you very much. I shouldn’t have freed you” sulked Jin and started to massage harder. He didn’t pay attention to Kazuya’s whining, because the younger one needed be punished for his words. “For your information I’m the best detective in our city” he said with a proud.

“Good for you detective” congratulated him Kazuya and licked his lips. “Your ego hit me hard” he added one moment later with a teasing smile.

“You’re the worst” Jin sulked once again and ruffled Kame’s hairs. “Anyway I’m catching drugs dealers” he added happily. He really enjoyed talking about his work, because it was the best thing in his life, except Kazuya of course, but there was no need for him to know about such a detail. “It’s not the safest job, but I really like it, because I can make world safer and I truly hate drugs dealers, specially those who are selling this shit to children” said Jin and lie down next to the younger one.

“So you wanna change the world” muttered Kazuya, while observing his companion. “Interesting” he smiled to Jin and poked his cheek. “But they can hurt you, shoot to you, aren’t you afraid of that possibility?”

“I’m not afraid of that”

That was fast answer for the question, and Kazuya didn’t like it at all. He wanted know the reason of this, because now Jin looked for a person, who didn’t cherished his life and Kame didn’t like such a people at all. They were simply the pain in the asses. Of course some of them were looking for help, but mostly… they were just annoying. They were risked their own life, just for fun or even they were looking for death, but they were too weak for killed themselves.

“Why?” question escaped his mouth before he really realized that, but he didn’t regret that, just looked at Jin with a serious expression on his face.

“Why not, Kazuya?”

“This is not an answer Jin” tone of younger’s voice became cold and strict. “You’re not a kid and you’re working as a detective. You cherish people’s life. You loved children and you wanted world to become better place for them, so why you’re not afraid of your life? You can loose it easily” he said still looking at the other. He wanted know Jin’s face expression, he wanted read his feelings from his eyes, but policeman wasn’t really easy to do that. Jin was looking at his with a bland expression. “Why you’re not cherish your own life Jin?”

“It’s not that I’m not cherishing my life” smiled softly Akanishi and pattered Kame’s head. “I’m just not afraid of being shoot or about loosing my life, because I’m lonely. Job is everything what I have” he added then and saw how Kazuya bit his lips not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry, baby”

“Stop calling me that, Jin” muttered Kame. “I’m not your baby” he added faintly. “You don’t even know me, and you’ve already told me, that I’m nothing to you” he said and got up from the bed. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. It was nice to meet you, but it’s time for me to go” he smiled, but it wasn’t happy smile and it also wasn’t sad smile. It was disappointed smile. “And you know what? I feel sorry for you. You trying to make world the better place and you have nothing from that. Not even one, single friend. You should be an egoist sometimes” he muttered and then left the room and the home too and Jin was too shocked to follow him.

***
Jin closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He knew that Kazuya had right, but he wasn’t able to move. He wasn’t able to follow the boy, because of his pride. Well but everybody knows that the famous detective Akanishi loved loneliness and he had never apologized and he also had never been in such a situation. He wanted cry.

“Mou Kazu-chan… come back to me” he whispered and rubbed his eyes as a little child, but he knew that this time Kame wouldn’t be back, simply because he wasn’t able to see Jin’s pouts and behavior.

That was the end. The end of his love. He couldn’t really believe that he lost it. He also knew that it was only his blame. He should have not freed Kazuya from the handcuffs. That would be easier for both of them. And now he was alone again and he really didn’t like that idea. He used to being alone before, but this couple of days teach him how exactly lonely he was and he didn’t want the old days come back, but there was not other choice for him.

He took the casebook and opened it. He needed something, which could distract his thoughts, so he took it to the kitchen and made coffee for himself. There was long night before him.

He studied carefully the first page of the case. It was typical drug case. There was an drugs dealer, who sells his products to his clients and he had his own workers and there was also the mafia. He cursed silently.

Why there always must be the mafia?!

He looked for the name of mafia and list of members on the other page and he gasped with shocked for a while, then he rubbed his eyes once again. It couldn’t be true, just couldn’t. He looked at the door of his home and blinked a few times just like he saw the ghost before. He must be really tired and that was probably only mistake, because Kazuya couldn’t be the member of that mafia. He was too soft and too kind for that. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t only act like this, but Kazuya’s name didn’t want to disappear.

“What should I do now?” he whispered to himself, while taking an sip of coffee and closed his eyes once again. That was an unexpected and he really didn’t want to believe in such a things. Kazuya couldn’t be part of drugs mafia, because in other case he couldn’t help, but caught him.

***
Kazuya entered to his home and quietly closed the doors behind him. He had already known that he wasn’t alone, because of the light in the kitchen. He walked to that room and took the bottle of milk from the fridge, then he looked at the stranger.

“Long time no see” he muttered to the boy with the black glasses and the leather jacket, who was sitting on the chair and eating sandwiches.

“Too long, too long” the other answered slowly and took off the glasses. “I hadn’t saw you at your work place, so I thought you were sick or something bad happen to you”

“As you can see I’m not sick and nothing wrong with me” Kazuya took a sig of cold milk and licked his lips. “What do you want from me, Pi?” he knew that the other wouldn’t be visited him without the reason and he also knew that such a reason as misses of the old friend wasn’t exist in his language.

“Come back with me” Pi smiled to him softly. “We need you”

We… yeah Kazuya should have been knowing that there was something bigger hidden under the Pi’s perfect mask and he didn’t like it at all. Small sighed escaped his mouth, when he leaned at the fridge.

“I’ve already told you that I’m not planning back to that shit. I have a new life, and you know what? I’m enjoying it. It is better than yours, it’s better than my previous life” he answered coldly. “And I’m not going to come back”

“You’re dad is dying.”

Kazuya almost burst of laughing, when he heard that statement. Yeah, right. That old man would in the better condition than he was, so the death wasn’t really threaten him. Besides even if… then Kazuya also didn’t care about that. There was no bond between two of them, but Pi wasn’t rather the type of person, who would joked from something like this.

“Really?” Kame raised his eyebrow. “Then tell him my sincere condolences in this most challenging time.”

“You’re really such a brat, aren’t you?” Pi sighed a little and sat at the chair again. There was dead silence between two of them. They were challenging each others with murderous sights, but there were no winners and no losers, because both of them knew that Kazuya wasn’t really a bad person. He wouldn’t be able to kill the animal, so how he could be such an emotionless?

“I was trying to forget about him and I think I finally manage do this” Kazuya finally interrupted the silence and took another sip of milk. “And I don’t feel that he is my father. He did nothing to me, and there is no need for me to visit him.”

“He wanted this Kazuya. He begged me for this. Just come back with me and you will be able to talk with him. Maybe then you will understand him a little.”

“Pi, I won’t back with you, I’ve done with you. With all of you” Kazuya shook his head and looked at his old friend with a little smile. “I’m not a part of this shit and you should understand that”

“They will kill you if he die” warned Pi, because that was his last hope. He really liked Kazuya and he respected his decisions, but that was obvious that he was still alive because of his father. The boss of the mafia, who also was an policeman in his free time. That was his hobbies and only because of him Kazuya could do what he want without any fear of the future. And now his father was dying and the Kazuya’s life was in danger once again. He needed became his father successor. There was no other choice.

“You won’t give up easily, will you?” Kazuya sighed deeply and closed his eyes, then he took another sip of milk and nodded slowly. “Okay then I will talk with him, but it’s only one conversation, then you allow me go away” he ordered and Pi nodded slowly. After all that was better than nothing.

“I missed you, Kazu” Pi smiled widely and hugged Kazuya tight before then could realized what was going on. Kame just shrugged his arm and smiled back to him.

Kazuya didn’t really expected that. Moreover he was happier than ever without such a heavy weight on his arms and now all his feelings came back. He was afraid of losing his dad, not because he loved him, but because he knew that he needed to become the new boss of this fucking mafia. That was what his rules didn’t predict. He would probably broken the rules once again but this time it won’t be for fun.

[Fic:] Just remember, I'm still here

2011-05-03T13:15:05Z

Title: Just remember, I'm still here
Pairing: HayaRyu
Author:mouter
Genre: angst, drama
Rating:
Summary: Hayato and Ryu aren't high school students anymore and life it's not easy for them. They need to face with terrible reality. Nothing is on the right places.
Warnings: Poor grammary, spanking in this part, violence.
A/N: I want dedicate this fic to my ~~pervy~~ Gina-chan (moon_catcher ) our Birthday Girl! And well it was you, who give me that idea for such a fic, so every complaints please send to her :P
A/N 2: And I also want dedicate this fic to my lovely Nika-chan (nikattun ), who always makes me smile and who always is by my side. Your Pet loves you Master-chan!

“Ryu, are you still here?” quietly, soft and sweet voice caressed his ear. Voice, which became a little impatient. It wasn’t really first time, when he didn’t know what’s going on. He often dreaming during his meetings with clients, but these day he dreamt almost whole night, even now, when he should have been her.

“I’m sorry Mmomoko-san” Ryu smiled back to women, and gently pattered her hair, which smell he enjoyed much. It was strawberry shampoo, which she used specially for him. She knew, that he loved that smell, and was trying giving him some pleasure from that. He smiled once again, and then backed to kissing her soft skin. Still he couldn’t used to having sex with stranger, but he also knew that he had no other choice, and he needed be great. For his own good.

She was his favorite client and she was visited him almost every night. Mostly of time, they were talking, well at least she was, because Ryu had never been talkative person, but he had another ability. He was a great listener. One of the best in their host-club and women have already knew that so he wasn’t alone ever for a one night. Always busy, sometimes even too busy, but he didn’t care. Women’s problems were a way better for him than his own problems.

“Ryu-chan…is there something wrong?” the same soft voice asked again and he sighed a little then he stopped caressing her skin. That was his second mistake and he knew that this night, he wouldn’t be able to have a sex with her.

“I’m sorry, Momoko-san” he whispered once again with a feeling of being helpless. “I can’t do this” he explained while licking his lips. “Today, I’m just too tired” he tried to find good excuse, but he knew that he fell. It was just one, huge lie. He still hadn’t used to having sex with strangers. He sometimes even couldn’t kissing someone, whose he hadn’t know. “Can we stopped here for tonight?” asked with a little smile and kissed her forehead. He had a hope, that she wouldn’t be mad at him.

Momoko nodded slowly, with a blank expression at her face. She dressed up and escaped from VIP room. She didn’t even bother to say “goodbye” so Ryu wasn’t really sure if she was mad at him, or not.

He sighed once again and lied in the big bed. Too big for single person. He closed his eyes. Everything in his perfect world crushed down. There was nothing perfect now. One huge ruin which he couldn’t tide up.

Hayato had gone to America and was happy there. He reached his dreams, had great job and was study to become a lawyer. Tcucchi had his own business and cute wife, who was in pregnant. Takeda studied English Literature and he had also great plans for his future and there was he, without nothing. The biggest looser on the whole world.

Once again sighed escaped from his mouth. He wasn’t a student anymore and he was the head of his family, since his dad lost company and now he had nothing. Ryu was forced to quit studies and worked in the host-club. One of the best one thought, but he hated it. He felt as a one, big slut, whom he practically was. After all he had money for keeping companion to his clients, and if they wanted having sex, he couldn’t really refused. His life was like a huge, not really funny joke.

“Odagiri!” suddenly the doors opened. His boss Tanaka came to the room and Ryu immediately sat on the bed, knowing that furious boos wasn’t easy to deal with. “What the hell was that?!” the men was now standing in front of him, grabbed him on his arms and forcing him to stand up. “Do you have any idea, how powerful is Momoko-san?!” Tanaka growled angrily and without waiting for boy answer, slapped him hard. “I thought you’re mature enough to know, where is your place” greeted his teeth and talking the boy with himself.

“Where are we going?” Ryu tried sounds calm. He hated his boss and he also hated being treated as a thing, but here he had nor rights. He wasn’t human in Tanaka’s eyes. He wasn’t human in clients eyes. He needed became a sex machine. His feelings doesn’t really count.

“You’re gonna apologized to her” answered coldly Ryu’s chief, then he pulled Ryu to the floor. Ryu fell down in front of his ex client. He could felt everybody’s eyes were watching him. Just great! He was on his knees, in front of woman in the room whole of people. Perfect!

“Please forgive us, Momoko-san” muttered Tanaka. His voice was shaking as a hell. He was really afraid of that woman, and Ryu felt happy because of that. Extremely happy, because in this whole not really good situation for him, he wasn’t alone. His boss was scared of the young woman. “That won’t happen again, right?” Ryu received a kick in his stomach, hard enough to remember him, where he was and what should have done.

“Yes, it won’t happen again. I’m so sorry Momoko-san. I didn’t mean to hurt you” he whispered without any feelings in his voice. He couldn’t show how angry he was. It could only ruin him.

Woman laugh was cold and sarcastic. She was devil rather than angel and now Ryu knew that she wasn’t easy to deal with. She kneeled down, right next to the boy and looked in his eyes. She caressed Ryu’s cheek and smiled sweetly to him.

“It’s not enough, kitty” Momoko smiled to him lightly. “The boy must be punished” ordered to the owner of the club. “You will fired him” added firmly and Ryu couldn’t really believed how lucky was he. One mistake could change his future. He could looked for another job, better one and probably not that well paid, but for now it was like a dream come true. But the happy moment didn’t last long.

“I won’t fire my the best worker” said his boss. “But I can punish him in a different way” he offered quickly, because he knew that Momoko wasn’t patient person. She needed have what she wanted, and every insult of her was punished.

“How can you guarantee me, that you will punish him?” cold voice of Momoko reminded Ryu, that it wouldn’t be easy punishment for him, so he quietly begged his boss to give up. But somewhere deep in his heart he thought that it would be better for him if he could stayed there and still worked at his current position. There was no other job for him.

“I will spank him” Tanaka answered slowly, still looking in woman’s eyes.

“What?!” Ryu looked at his boss angrily. “You can’t do this!” he growled, but he stopped, when he saw his boss killing sight.

“Shut up!” growled Tanaka and again kicked Ryu. The boy had bitten his lips and closed his eyes to not moan. “How do you think?” he asked Momoko with a smile. Woman nodded with a smile.

“Sounds great, but you will do that now, in front of everyone” she ordered, than she sat at sofa.

Ryu saw that his boss only nodded and the next what he felt was first spank on his butt. He bite his lips once again, cursing his boss in his mind. It was the worst thing which happened in his life. He was kneeled down the boss knees and spanked hard in front of everybody. Moreover, he didn’t know how long will be the punishment and he could only wishes his boss stopped.

Ryu was strong and he could stand a lot, but then he felt first tears, which escaped his eyes. They betrayed him, but he wasn’t a type of person who gave up easily, so he wiped them quickly, not want to give satisfaction to his executioner. And then the worst thing happened. He felt that he hadn’t his trousers and pants anymore. His eyes widely with shocked, when the next hit come to his already red butt. It was harder than previous. That fucking bastard was using hairbrush on his naked butt and it was fucking hurt. He started dance on boss lap to escape from the next spanks, but it won’t help.

“Stop it” he whispered. “Stop it you fucking idiot! It hurts!” he yelled again and stopped pretending. His allowed his tears fell down. “Stop it, please, stop it!” he muttered. “I’m sorry!” he apologized and he mean it. He felt sorry for himself, that he did that mistake and was in that position. He felt sorry that he couldn’t do nothing. He felt hopeless. He could do nothing and there was no rescue for him.

Ryu hoped that his boss would stop punish him, but it wouldn’t happen. Tanaka kept continued spanking his butts until they started bleeding, then he pushed Ryu on the floor and gave him a while to calm down.

The boy slowly caught the breathe and wiped his tears, then he stand up and dressed up, whining a little. His ass hurt as a hell, and his pride wasn’t good too. He was like a injured animal and now he wasn’t a human even in his own eyes.

“Now be a good boy and beg her for forgiveness” ordered Tanaka and pushed boy on woman laps. Ryu whined once again and grimaced a little. His eyes was once again full of tears. He sobbed a little, then he looked in the Momoko’s eyes.

“I’m sorry” his voice was shaking just like his whole figure.

“Don’t do that again, Ryu-chan” she whispered to his ear while pattering his back. “Because next time it will be even harder. You can be sure of that. It’s your last warning, got it?” she smiled nicely and kissed his forehead, then she pull him in a tight embrace. “Now, where were we?” she asked with a voice, which hated objection.

Ryu nodded slowly, because he knew that there was no place for another mistake. He must obeyed, so he put on his face his best smile and followed her to the VIP room.

***
Hayato closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then he smiled to his own thought. Home, sweet home. Yes, he was at his hometown again and he loved that feeling. At least he felt, that he was in the right place and moment. He grinned to himself, because he really loved being at home. He was happier than in the America, even if he was there just half an hour. He shook his head with disbelief, but the feeling didn’t fade away.

He just smiled to himself, when he realized that came back there was the best choice, which he could have done. Well it wasn’t really his choice. He hadn’t have another way to go. He was expelled from University, because of his absences. He couldn’t manage with learning. Becoming lawyer wasn’t really his dream. He pretend to that, because he couldn’t disappoint his family and friend. He also wanted show Ryu’s parents that he is young, responsible person, but he screw it up. And it was only his fault. He couldn’t be far away from home for a long time. He missed it too much.

But somewhere deep in his heart he knew, that not everything was all right. He was such a looser and he knew it though he didn’t want to say that loud. It would be to painful for him. He hated his studies and did everything to get expelled from them. Now he could reached his dreams.

Hayato from the very early beginning was dreaming about his own chocolate store and he even had been on the course of making chocolate. He wanted become the best one in that discipline. He also had finished the management course to reach his goal. Now he only needed the money. And that was the biggest problem, because he had no idea what he should have done to get the money.

His only hope was Kuma and his store. Kuma, who had already told him that Hayato could working in his place, when he would back. So Hayato had the place, where he could earned some money for living.

But now he had another plan, since it was his first day in the hometown from a year and a half, he wanted met his old friends in their favorite club to relax with a big mug of beer, so he sent the message with time and place of meeting in a one moment and then he thought he done mistake.

Hayato was afraid of their reaction of his drop out of collage. They would probably be not really happy from him. He would disappointed them, specially Ryu, who now was probably the best student on his collage and had the best marks. Speaking of his best friend, he realized that he hadn’t been spoken with him for a long time and he had no idea where he was now. Maybe even not in this city? Yeah, well he even wasn’t great friend after all. He was such a looser.

He cursed and punched the wall in front of him with anger. Some people looked at him with a fear in their eyes. He sighed a little, then smiled to the others. He was an adult now, and he shouldn’t have done such a things.

But well he could played. Yes, that was the best solution. Hayato was known from his acting skills and he easily could made a fool of them. He nodded slowly to himself and then sighed again. Everyone should have believed him, everyone but Ryu. Yes, his best friend was a harder to mistake him for.

But Hayato was in a good mood, and he thought that they weren’t seeing each other for a long time till now, so maybe Ryu was able to believe him? It could be possible, right? He tried convince himself with that and took a taxi to the home.

Now he dreamt only about big bed and a little nap, before meeting them. He knew that now everything should have been in the right place. He was at home and nothing could goes wrong.

***

Ryu opened his eyes and looked at the watch. It was second o’clock afternoon, and he could barely moved. He was deadly tired and he thought about skipping work for a one night, but then he remembered things, which happened the night before and he quickly got up from bed and run to the toilet. He kneeled down and threw up everything what he had in his stomach.

Voices of throwing up was incredible unpleasant, but it helped Ryu with bracing up together. He must have done that until the night, because there was no places for another mistakes. He took a deep breath and let him out, then he got up and walked to washbasin.

The mirror, which hung above the washbasin was showing him deadly tired human without any energy to go on with living. Human who lost his hope. Mirror couldn’t be wrong. It was him, he couldn’t deny that.

“You look as a shit” Ryu muttered to himself, then he wash his face. Cold water was as a nice compress for his tired eyes and skin. He took another deep breath and tried to smile, but it was rather grimace than his smile.

Ryu laughed with himself deep inside him, because he didn’t really remembered when he truly been smiled. It was like an ages before. Certainly he was a shit now. Ryu sighed deeply and come back to his bedroom.

His phone was rang, so he looked on a screen and his eyes widen with a shock. The massage was from Hayato and he suggested meeting this evening. It was obvious that Hayato was in home now, and Ryu wasn’t sure if he should have been happy or not. It wasn’t the best massage, because it could means that his best friend drop out of the studies, or maybe it was only his imagination? Maybe he wanted that to be true? Yeah probably that was it, because in that case, he wouldn’t be the biggest looser on the whole world. He would have his companion in that path.

Small smile appeared on Ryu’s face, but the moment later this smile frozen. Incredible! How fast he became such an egoistic person? He shouldn’t have been wishes that path to his friend. He was incredible stupid person. Such an idiot! Hayato was his best friend for God sake!

“Ryu!” he cursed hearing voice of his mother. “Would you please come down?” her voice wasn’t sounds nice, so he just nodded before he realized that she wouldn’t be able to see that and came down. “Thank you” she smiled to him sadly.

“No problem” he muttered and licked his lips, when she shown him the place next to her on the sofa. He was sure that it wasn’t a good idea. His ass was still burning, so he just shook his head and waited for her words.

“Ryu” she sighed heavily and hidden her face in her hands. “Your dad left us” she whispered with a shaking voice. Her whole body was shaking and she started crying, but he wasn’t surprised. He even didn’t rise his eyebrows.

“That’s it?” he asked her mother with a cold tone. “It’s not really big deal” he stayed calmly and shrugged his arms.

“What?! Are you insane?! It’s your father for God sake!” she attacked Ryu with a whole strength and was punching his chest with all his strength. “Stop being so cool! Stop with that coldness! He left us! He found another women and he did her a kid” she was crying even more, but Ryu hadn’t done nothing. He was just standing and listen to her mumbling. He allowed let things which she had in her minds out. “He left us… he left me” she fell on her knees. She wasn’t crying anymore, she wasn’t even angry anymore. “He doesn’t love me anymore” she whispered.

“He’s just a bastard” Ryu muttered, still being strong. He hadn’t really have a bond with his father. He hadn’t have her from the very early beginning, so he was rather glad that he finally left, giving Ryu and his mother free space for themselves. “He isn’t worth your tears” he muttered to his mother then he left the room. He couldn’t looking at her in those condition. It was the best option for now, because in the other case, he probably would told her something, which he could regretted in a moment later.

Ryu took his jacket and left the house. He needed fresh air to tide up his mind and to think about his future. His father left them, his mom was depressed and he still was working in that host-club.

“Just great” he muttered to himself and took deep breath, then he took out cigarettes of his pockets. He didn’t really remember, when he started smoking, but that was his way to relax for a little while.

Life wasn’t easy and he knew that very well. Life was rather as a big joke and was still laughing with him. He had enough of that live. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was too painful, even if he was happy that his dad left them, it still was painful that he had done that when they didn’t have any money for living. They were alone now, and nothing was okay.

Ryu put the cigarette out on his wrist and bite his lips. It hurts, but it also gave him a slight relief, so he took another cigarette and also put it on his wrist. It took him some moments to realize what he was really doing.

“Holly crap!” he hissed and threw the cigarette far away from him. “You’re really a shit Odagiri” he muttered to himself with a disgust.

That was Odagiri Ryu in person. The biggest looser on the world, who couldn’t manage with himself. So how could he be responsible for his mother? How? That was a good question.

___

That was the first chapter and I don't really know how many chapters that story will be having.
And I hope it's not that bad.

Some decision.

2011-04-28T21:39:13Z

I just wanna said that I've decided moved my personal posts to the moderated community - chinmokuha_kane . It's because I'm not feel well with so many people, who can read them. It's too personal for me, and I just wanna feel more comfortable with my thoughts and so on. It's only because of me.

There still I will be posting stories or even some memes, so there is no worry, right? :)
That's it for now.

I think I sucks with something like this, or welcoming posts. I'm just terrible in this kind of cases ^^

[Fic:] Night guest

2011-04-25T10:36:36Z

Title: Night guest.
Pairing: Akame
Author:[info]mouter
Genre: fluff
Rating: none
Summary: Kazuya had a song to write, and Jin loved visit him at the night time.
Warnings: un-betad
A/N: This fic is for abi_manyu - happy birthday!

Kazuya had been working for over than eight hours At the New song and now was a time, when he had enough. Even cup of hot coffee didn’t work at him properly. He just reached his limits and the song wasn’t really worth his sacrifice. His health should have been on the first place, but in show business nothing was at right places.

Kazuya sighed with resignation, while taking another swig of coffee and tried to convince himself, that the dark liquid with caffeine could really help him, then he backed to work. He stared at the half empty piece of paper, trying to recall his ideas for the song, and he felt, he was falling apart. He should have known that everything would go wrong, if he left it on the very last moment and somewhere deep in the heart he knew that from the very early beginning.

Song wasn’t finished, but Kazuya was too exhausted to worry about it longer, so he glanced on the piece of paper for a little while longer and shut the notebook. After all this years in such a business, he got used to this kind of problems. He also knew that his boss wouldn’t be happy for the result, but he also didn’t care of it. Nothing bad would happen, if he asked about some more time. One or two days would not make any difference.

Kazuya sat at the bedroom and sighed with relief. He was really glad that he could rest for a little, but he wasn’t lucky at all. The doorbell rang, and Kazuya couldn’t ignore that, so he just cursed and walked back to the front doors, then he opened them.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” greeted his night guest with not really happy expression. He knew from the beginning, which one from his friends were stupid enough to come to him at that hour. Jin smiled to him sweetly and waved too him.

“Yeah, it’s two o’clock and I thought that you need a lullaby” grinned stupidly Jin, and before Kazuya could do another move, entered to Kame’s apartment and embraced him tightly. “I missed you, Kazu”

“Jin, we had seen each other couples hours ago” sighed Kazuya, but didn’t do step to escape from Jin’s arms. He loved being hugged by his friend, even at that late hour. “Okay, so you have already seen me, can I back to sleep now?” whispered with a little hope.

“Sure” answered Jin, then he followed his little friend right to his bedroom. “Can I sing you lullaby, sweetie?” asked, while slipping into Kazuya’s bed and hugging the younger one. The other just nodded slowly, ‘cause he was too tired to talk again, he even didn’t open his eyes again. Jin smiled widely and started to sing.

Kazuya loved his voice, which was filled with love and care. He didn’t ever realized, when he started smiling, because fell asleep a little while faster. Jin kissed Kame’s forehead and when he saw that the other was slipping, he also fell asleep.

***

Another morning surprised Jin. He woke up in Kazuya’s bed, while the other was sitting at him with a huge smile at his face. Jin loved that pictured, he loved seeing his friend with that cute smile, without any worries. It was like a gif for him.

“Thank you, Jin!” shouted Kazuya with excitement, then he hugged the other tightly. “Thakns to you and your lullaby I was able to finis my song!” explained his behavior with even wider grin at his face. “You’re the best!” shouted once again and then they both burst of laughing, ‘cause Kazuya’s laugh was contagious and Jin loved it.

[Fic:] Onion

2011-04-21T16:32:16Z

Title: Onion
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Beta: my lovely and so sweet Nika-chan (nikattun )
Genre: fluff, comedy
Rating: none
Summary: What can happen during choping the onions? With Jin as a boyfriend? Nothing is impossible.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying. I’m chopping onions,” Kazuya smiled to Jin, while chopping another onion, “Do you want help me?”

“No, thanks,” Jin smiled back to him, and sat at a chair in front of his boyfriend.

He loved looking at Kazuya, while the other was cooking. And it was his greatest chance to observe and ogle at his lover without any punishment; without fear that somebody might catch them. No one else could do that. It was his Kazu – not the idol, not even a perfect person but that real, normal Kazuya – the cutest person in the whole world.

He loved those lips which the younger was biting while chopping onions, like such could be of any help. He loved those teary eyes, which were shining with passion, because every single thing his boyfriend does, he does with so much passion. And he even loved those hands, which were holding knife at that moment, speeding almost as lightning while chopping. Just like a great wife.

He even wanted to change places with the onion. Even if it means that he would have died in a moment, he desperately wanted to be that onion because it had the whole of Kazuya’s attention and he admitted to himself that he was jealous. Yes! He was so jealous of that onion. Something incredibly stupid, but true…

“Jin? Did you hear me,” a sudden question from Kazuya freed Jin from his pensive mood. He blinked quite a few times before returning to reality and smiled apologetically to the other. The younger one sighed deeply in response and returned to chopping onions, harder this time. “Of course not,” he muttered to himself. “Why am I still with you,” he started wondering with the cutest expression on his face directed to his lover. Even Kazuya, when he was mad, was perfect for Jin. There was no other option. His boyfriend was just too perfect.

“I’m sorry,” Jin muttered while being angry at himself. He should’ve listened to Kazuya. He was such a stupid guy, always doing the same mistakes but even committing these, he doesn’t really bother. “I love you,” he smiled sweetly.

“I know,” Kazuya sighed, “So could you please give me that yellow bowl,” he asked again and wiped his eyes with a hand. Jin was startled and he knew that the move was a mistake. Kazuya’s eyes started to get wet immediately. He sniffed and bit his lips again, trying hard not to cry. Jin sighed, but said nothing. He knew that there was no sense of doing such thing. Kazuya was stubborn, and nothing’s going to change his mind. If he wanted to do something, then he would do it no matter what.

Jin sighed once again, took the bowl, and gave it to Kazuya, who now could barely see. His eyes were still too teary, but he didn’t give up. He had to chop; it’s just one onion left.

“Thanks,” Kazuya went back to chopping the onions but his hands weren’t working perfectly like before. That’s why Jin wanted to help him. He opened his mouth to propose such thing but he wasn’t fast enough. Kazuya’s hand with the knife missed the onion and had hit his finger. The younger one gave a grimace with pain. And this time, Jin reacted quickly.

“Leave it to me,” he said gently while taking the knife from his lover’s hand. He looked carefully at it, and luckily the cut wasn’t big and serious. Jin sighed with relief and hugged Kazuya lovingly. For a while they were standing just like that, and then Jin was suddenly shocked of younger one went away.

“What are you doing,” Kazuya asked him and blinked a few times. His finger wasn’t hurting too much, so there was no need to act all that. He wasn’t dying, right?

“Don’t worry, everything will be alright,” Jin smiled to him gently, kissed his cheek, took the hurting finger, and then put it into his mouth. He sucked it a little to remove some toxins, and Kazuya’s eyes opened wider and wider.

“What are you doing,” Kazuya exclaimed and blushed immediately. He wasn’t prepared for something like this. Jin’s actions were weird. He tried to run away, but he couldn’t because the other one still had his linger on his mouth. The older one just smiled to him quickly, still licking his finger. Kazuya tried to stay calm, and remembered that their dinner, obviously, wasn’t finished yet. He could not be distracted by Jin’s actions! He must finish chopping the onions and cook the dinner, but now it wasn’t possible because of Jin being so naughty.

Kazuya then realized that his thoughts were already focused on his boyfriend, who looked so handsome and sexy, even with that smutty look in his eyes and curvy smile, while he was sucking his finger. He licked his lips, because he wanted a kiss. He wanted to kiss his lover immediately. He needed it right now, but his stupid boyfriend didn’t realize that, or maybe he didn’t want to notice such things.

“Jin, stop it… please,” he whispered and the other one obediently followed. Then Jin looked deeply in Kazuya’s eyes and smiled gently.

“We need to close the wound,” he said calmly and took the younger one then pulled him onto a chair with him. “Stay here,” Jin ordered and then he’s gone. Kazuya didn’t want touch the wound. It wasn’t even painful and now there was no blood visible, but he really couldn’t do anything because Jin always loved to care for him. So he stayed there in silence and gently waited for Jin to come back.

***

Jin went to the bathroom and got the bandage. He smiled to himself – that diabolic smile of his. He realized that Kazuya was waiting for his another step, wanting so much to kiss him, or just even get little attention by not just treating the wound. But he had his own plan, just because his lover gave too much attention to the onions a while ago. That wasn’t even a bit fair, right? So he thought that he should have his little revenge, and he enjoyed it.

“Jin? Are you still there,” the voice from his boyfriend became a little impatient. The older one laughed quietly, took bandage, and went back to the living room where Kazuya was seated. Jin smiled to him sweetly, again took his finger, and then an idea come to his mind. A devilish smile was shown on his face and he looked at the other’s eyes and kissed his finger. Then he placed bandage on it and beamed yet another smile.

“See? Now everything is okay,” he kissed the bandaged finger once again. “Sit there and rest, sweetheart,” he said as he tousled Kazuya’s hair lightly. “And I’ll finish dinner,” he smiled and licked his lips, then without waiting for the other answer, he went to the kitchen and took the larger knife he found. “Now, where were we…” he looked at the poor onion, and smiled to it with satisfaction. “Are you ready to die,” he asked the poor half-chopped thing, and laughed. “You should’ve think twice before messing with me,” he started chopping the onions with anger. “You’ll die, and nobody will help you,” he muttered to himself once more, and didn’t realize that Kazuya already entered the room and was now watching him with great shock on his face. “You’re a fucking bastard, he is mine, understand?! Not yours, just mine and only mine!”

***

Kazuya was listening to an interesting ‘conversation’ of Jin with the onions for a while. His smile widened, listening to his boyfriend, and then he came closer and hugged him tight at the back. He kissed his neck gently and closed his eyes.

“You’re such a baka, Jin,” he smiled. “It’s only a vegetable,” he giggled with the thought a little.

“But that bastard had all your attention just now, while I had nothing,” he pouted at the other, still pointed his anger at the onion.

“I’m in love with you, not the onion,” said the serious Kazuya. “You’re my precious person, and it can’t be possible for me to love that onion,” he smiled, and kissed Jin’s neck again and giggled a little. “I want you, not that thing. That’s just a poor vegetable, which we’re having for dinner, got it?”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” the younger one nodded. After all of the anger, Jin put knife on top of the counter and turned to Kazuya. He smiled, while hugging the younger one tighter. “You believe me now?”

“Yes, I believe you,” Jin smiled like crazy and then kissed his boyfriend. He wanted show Kazuya how much he missed him by this loving kiss, and how much he love him, because he loved him more than the whole world combined and he wanted so badly to be with him, only him. And Kazuya finally got what he wanted. His lover’s kiss was sweet and strong. This kiss was so wonderful that it was everything to them. There was passion and desire, and the whole jealousy was forgotten – it’s like it never existed.

[Fic:] The good choice

2011-04-07T22:47:48Z

Title: The good choice
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff, a little drama
Rating: none
Summary: Sometimes people need sacriffice something to become better person. Sometimes people need sacriffice their own dreams for another person.
Warnings: un-betad
A/N: This fic is for karilly - happy birthday, Monster-chan!

Kazuya went on the balcony and started smoking. New York was a beautiful city, he couldn’t deny it. Beautiful and fast city, full of entertainments, bars and colorful people, from all the word. Everybody, who wants became famous were going to New York, and trying their best with different effect. Some of them succeed, another ones fails. That city never sleep. There was almost everything. You could find anything you want from all over the world. New York was a dreaming city for a huge amount of people, but not for him.

He had everything in Japan, Tokyo. He was an celebrity there. He had his fans, his band, his movies, his family. He had almost everything, and he was proud of it. He was realizing his dreams, and was reaching the goals. He even had a chance to play baseball for a while. And the food was better there, than here, where he almost everyday ate pizza or some another fast foods. He should have been happy there, but he wasn’t.

He looked at the love scene, which have place in front of his balcony, and sighed. That was, why he wasn’t happy. He hadn’t his love by his side, because his lover had his own dreams and wanted badly do the worldwide career. Jin left their band and follow for his dreams, and Kazuya accepted that. Well to be the truth he had no other choice. Everybody knows that if you love somebody from whole your heart, you will do everything for the that person. Everything for sake of the happiness of your love, so he also did that. He accepted Jin’s dreams and allowed him reach his goals.

Was he regretted his decisions? That he hadn’t been an egoist, and hadn’t stop Jin? No, he wasn’t like this. It was the best for Jin, and he was proud of his boyfriend, because Jin was the one, who really tried reach his dreams. Jin was the one, who worked hard for that. Jin was great composer and lyricist. He had everything, and even something more. He was lucky guy, ‘cause he had talent. His voice was his power, and he had practice. He already knew how to be the star. That was, what favor him. He had more experience with show business, than others, and he did his best. Jin became an worldwide star, and rarely back to home.

Kazuya closed his eyes and took deep breath. Jin was a star, which knew almost every kid and every teenager on the whole world. Even some adults, specially women, knew him. He had concerts almost everywhere, and time which they spent together was not enough. Specially for Kazuya.

Jin was in Tokyo once, or twice on year. For couple of days, which were full of concerts or some important meetings. Their relationship wasn’t that good, as Kazuya want. They were talking with each other almost everyday, but only for a few minutes, by the phone. It wasn’t enough. They couldn’t even talking about being in relationship. The situation was hard, until his decision.

Kazuya couldn’t be with this kind of relationship, so he decided end it. Firstly it was hard not being with Jin anymore. He couldn’t even talk with him, ‘cause was afraid of his weak will. He knew that if he heard Jin’s voice, he will fall down again. That was a time, when he worked all day and night. He rarely slept and ate as a rabbit, or even worst. He wasn’t a human anymore. He was rather like a machine. Perfect machine, which couldn’t be broken. And maybe that machine was not broken, but he, as a human was. He couldn’t feel, sleep, eat. Sometimes he couldn’t even breath, and he made another decision. He ended with that show business. He left his band, family and everything what he loved.

Kazuya wasn’t singer anymore. Kazuya wasn’t actor anymore. He hadn’t an celebrity anymore. He was just an ordinary man, without nothing. He wasn’t working, because he didn’t know, what he want do, but he was happy. He could taking deeps breaths. He could do what he want, so he moved. He left Japan behind his back.

The first thing, which he do, when he left, was going at Jin’s concert as a normal person. He could contact with Jin and told him, that he wanted a ticket or something like this, but he didn’t do that. He bought ticket as a normal person, and he was really excited of that. He could see Jin from the other side, which he had never do before.

Kazuya smiled to his thought. He remembered that concert well. It wasn’t his last concert like this, but he still remembered the atmosphere from it. Jin’s fans, which were screaming and scanned Jin’s name, and Jin in person – his aura. Star… that was first Kazuya’s thought. Not friend, not ex-lover, not even an enemy, but star. Something beautiful and worthy every money. Kazuya knew it for sure.

And now he was there. In New York, as many others people. He was standing at the balcony and looking for better future. He could do almost everything, and he still was in love. That love already shown him, that he is a strong person. Even stronger, than he supposed. He started study at the university, but he didn’t study art. He wasn’t at that university. He also didn’t quit show business to the end. He wanted become an manager, and he had all predisposition to reach that goal.

Kazuya smiled once again, while ended the cigarettes, then he stretched, and took another deep breath. He enjoyed that life, without any pressure. It was new life, and new him. He loved this himself, and he knew that he was at the best way to the normal, happy life.

“Wanna go out?” sleepy voice of his lover, made him smiled even wilder. He forgot about the most important case. He was with Jin again. They were living together, and he was at almost every Jin’s concert. He didn’t sing anymore, but he was by Jin’s side. “Or maybe wanna go to bed?” another question, and Kazuya knew which one was the best option. He turned to his lover with a cutest smile ever.

“Bed sounds nice” answered sweetly. “But only with you” added, then fell in Jin’s embrace.

“As always, sweetheart” whispered the other, kissing Kazuya’s mouth, and Kazuya knew, that he made the best decision in his whole life, because now he could finally told, that he is happy. He was the happiest person on the world, when he was with Jin, and only with him. He couldn’t really live without him.

Life was difficult, and not always was great, but together they could overwhelmed everything. Together were stronger than alone. They created perfect team, and they understood their needs, and dreams. They finally was for each other. They love was stronger than anything.

___

Still at hospital, with not that good mood, but it's not that bad either. I'm trying distract myself from pain, and here is already 8th of April. I wanted post it a little bit later, but don't really know, if I will be able get online in the morning.

I have great man in the room. He isn't talkative much, but if he talk, he do this with sense, and he don't like me, 'cause children are always coming to me. They want talk and play with me, and he told me that I'm annoying. It's a first person who told me that. Not good ^^ Don't know how to become less annoying. Hope he won't be mad at me. Well he actually is mad now, 'cause it's almost 1 a.m, and I still am online. If he tell this to doctor, I will have a trouble. But, but it's all because my whole body hurt so much after therapy. And I can't even sit properly after this. Now is a first time, when I can do that, so I just use it.

Yesterday I cry... cry because of pain. It wasn't great, and the doctor was not so happy too, but he told me that, he believe that in a long matter of time, the therapy will working. So I believe in it too. Trying think positively.

Anyway I don't really wanna complain too much. I know, that they're doing everything for me, and I trying fight a little bit more, because hope is the best thing, and the only one, which left me. So I promise to myself, that I won't be down because of my disease. There is still time, which I have. And there are dreams, and some little things, which I want do. So there will be no falling down, because of brain tumor. At least I will try it.

And that's all... I should probably make two posts, but I don't really see the sense of doing that :)

[Fic]: The police archives 2/3

2011-04-01T21:34:38Z

Title: The polices archives: how to be policeman in love.
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff, maybe some comedy
Rating: none
Summary: Jin is an famous policmam, who felt in love with Kazuya.
Warnings: un-betad
A/N: It's part of suicide drabble meme, dedicated to the karilly with her prompt, but it'll be more than one part, because of your prompt!

Kazuya woke up in the nice and sunny Friday morning, smiled to himself. He had his day off, and everything around him looked great. It was one from this days, where everything’s going well. He hoped he would be able to tell something like this at the end of the day.

With a smile at his face, he took the quick bath, and did breakfast for himself. Still smiling ate all of it, and then he realized, that he had a night at karaoke this day, with his friends. Even bigger smile appeared at his face. He also remembered that he promised to his stalker, that he will took him at that karaoke party.

“Hope he will enjoy it…” muttered to himself. Now he was scared a little, ‘cause his stalker was a policeman, and his friend wasn’t so innocent. “I hope they don’t bite me” sighed a little, and washed the dishes.

His stalker was an interesting guy. Kazuya must tell that this policeman was quite handsome, and his eyes were beautiful. He had also wonderful smile, which could warm even the ice. He didn’t give up easily, and used his badge to get, what he want. In this case… to get attention from Kazuya, and it was working, ‘cause now Kame couldn’t help, but thinking about that silly guy, with a warm feelings. That feelings Kame couldn’t really understand, but he didn’t care either. He had a good life, had his wonderful friends, whose wasn’t so innocent. Some of them had some problems with police, and law. He had his work, which wasn’t good enough, and to be the truth he could have any work, but he was too lazy to get them, so he was an waiter, and was proud of that. And now he had his own stalker… yeah, now he had everything.

***
Jin couldn’t concentrate on his work. He was too distract with his meeting, hoping that he won’t do something stupid, and that he will able to know Kazuya better. He really wanted be with that boy. That was his love from the first sigh, and he couldn’t loose it. Certainly couldn’t.

But now he should have concentrated on his paper work more, than the night, which probably will be great fun for him. He hadn’t remembered, when was the last time, where he was at the party, or in the karaoke bar. He hadn’t that much friends, and all his friends weren’t here at the moment. They were their families, their own life, and there was no place for such a looser like him.

“Shit” sighed, when the coffee poured at the files. “Not good, definitely not good” panicked, looking for something to rescue some of files. “Boss is gonna killed me!” muttered, and started wiping coffee. “Such a disaster… I’m gonna die” he talked to himself.

“He definitely won’t kill you” the sweetest voice on the whole world, interrupted him in the middle of wiping files. He looked with surprise, when he saw Kazuya in front of him. “He probably will fire you” shrugged his arms the younger one. “But it’s not like the end of the world, right?” smiled to him, and sat at the desk. “So Mr. Policeman… what about small break for lunch?” asked sweetly, then placed small box on the files, which Jin desperately tried rescue.

“Don’t you have a work?” asked Jin, when the first shock passed away. He took the files away, then back to his sit, and smiled to the younger one. “I thought you don’t like me that much” raised his eyebrow.

“I don’t like THAT much” blushed Kame, and looked at the box. Now his whole idea about surprising policeman looked stupid, and really childishly. “It’s my day off, and I thought about being your stalker this time” quickly found excuses. “Besides I always wanted see the police station” added, then jumped back to the floor. “I wanna see it. Show me your work place!” yelled with excitement. Jin laughed lovely, then he nodded, and took his new companion for a quick sightseeing the whole building. He was talking about his work, and about this place. He would never supposed, that Kazuya will be interested in his work, but the younger one listened to him carefully, and even given some question, when he didn’t know about something.

“And this is the place, where criminals are staying” smiled to younger one, when he shown him some cells.

“I see…” Kazuya smiled back to him. “So this is the place, where you took me, when I will be disobedient” laughed sweetly, and went to the one of the cells. “Am I look like one of this famous criminals?” he glanced at Jin with murderous expression at his face.

“Yes, I’m for 100 percent sure, that you’re not that innocent as you try to be” laughed Jin, then he went to Kazuya’s cell, with a mystery smile at his mouth. “What should I do with you?” asked seriously.

“Mr. Policeman… I was a good boy. I swear on God, I was a good boy!” Kazuya came closer to Jin, and placed his hands at policeman’s chest. He liked his mouth, and smiled to him lightly. “Don’t be bad to me, Mr. Policeman. Be polite with me, please” whispered to Jin’s ear, and then escaped from the other embrace with a key from the cell. “How about changing places?” laughed sweetly, when he saw shocked expression at Jin’s face.

“It’s not a place to play!” protested quickly Akanishi, when Kazuya locked the door. “Kazuya please, don’t be silly” begged. “It’s no fun anymore” pouted, but Kame did nothing to help him. Moreover he just went to the other room, and took his box with a lunch. “Kazu-chan, come back to me!” screamed Jin. “I don’t wanna be alone. I’m gonna catch you, when I will be free” the older one hit the cell, and then grimaced with pain. Kazuya backed to him in a few minutes, and sat in front of the cage.

“Hungry?”

“Don’t be such a brat” muttered Jin, observing the younger one, who now was eating some probably incredible delicious onigiri. Jin licked his lips, and looked at the other with cute, puppy eyes. “I’m so hungry, Kazu-chan. Please give me one” begged, and it worked. Kazuya took one of his onigiri and took it to the Jin’s mouth. Policeman smiled back to him, while he was eating, then he closed his eyes. He’d never eat such a delicious food, wanted more and more. “Oishi!”

“That’s great” smiled to him Kazuya, then gave him another one, and the next one. Then he placed the key to the Jin’s hand. “See you in the night” smiled sweetly, then run away. Jin sighed deeply. It was definitely weird visit, but he quite enjoyed it, specially the meal, which was like a love letter to him. Love letter from his Kazuya. Eating with him every day was something, he dreamt a lot.

***
Jin looked at the watch for the billion time this day, ‘cause he couldn’t wait for their meeting. And he didn’t know, what he should wear, but he decided, that he will wear casual clothes. He wasn’t good in the relations with a people. Always was alone, or with one or two friends. Even in the school days, but he also never complained on that. He loved being alone, but now everything changed. He couldn’t be alone anymore, he wanted have family. And the most important change in him… he fell in love, and there was no place for mistakes. He needed be charming and wanted known Kazuya more, so he must be on time.

He looked at the watch once again, and smiled to himself, then he ended the work. Then he quickly went to his home, and took the shower. He wasn’t tire as always, because he was really excited. It had to be his first going out with someone from years, and he knew, that he couldn’t screwed it up.

Another glanced at the wash, and he realized that he was already late. Just great. If he wanted to be on time, he had no other choice, just taking the police car with a siren. Nobody would know a reason for that siren, and he smiled to himself. Even his boss won’t have any objections about this, ‘cause he sometimes also used that trick, and Jin knew about it.

***
Kazuya sighed deeply, when he realized that Jin is going to be late. He couldn’t really believed in that, because it was him, who wanted to know Kame better, so he should do everything to reach the goal. And then he saw that… The police car was speeding with a siren on. Firstly he thought that there was some car crash or something like this, but then the car stopped in front of him, and he saw the driver.

“Are you nut?!” sighed with disbelieving. Jin must be really crazy to do something like this, and if he thought that Kazuya will get to this car, he was wrong. “I’m not getting on” muttered younger one, and took some steps back. Jin sighed lightly, then parked the car and come to his colleague.

“I’m not a nut, or crazy. I didn’t want be late, so I thought about that trick” smiled sweetly to Kazuya, then took him in embrace. “I miss you” whispered to his ear.

“But I’m not” sighed Kame, and escaped from his embrace. “And you’re already late” smiled a little. “I should punish you for that” added and licked his mouth.

“No, you shouldn’t, because I should punish you firstly” laughed Jin, then hugged Kazuya once again. “For playing with policeman” added with happiness at his face.

“Yeah, right. Then I’m the criminal now?” laughed Kazuya. He knew that this night would be special, and he already thought that Jin was a really funny guy, and handsome. He licked his lips and smiled to Jin. “Then punish me” whispered to him.

“Maybe later” smiled policeman, then he held Kazuya’s hand. “So… where are we going?” asked politely.

“I wanted show you my favorite karaoke club” answered Kazuya, then he started walking to this club, with Jin by his side. “And my friends will be there too” added silently. “I hope, you don’t mind that” smiled a little.

“I hope they will like me” sighed Jin.

“Don’t worry, they will like you” Kazuya kissed Jin’s check, and blushes quickly. Akanishi looked at him surprised, but didn’t protest, just nodded. To be the truth he wanted jumping with happiness, but he realized that this wasn’t that great idea, as he thought, so he just waited for another step.

They entered to the one of the most popular karaoke club in the town. He knew that club, because he was there quite a lot, but never with personal reason. Always because of work. He couldn’t understand, why all this kids, who wanted take drugs, were going to this popular clubs, and he didn’t really like the idea, which came to his minds. Was Kazuya one of this kids? Or was he workaholic, and had too much cases, and now he just was trying found some excuse for his feelings. Because Jin was scared. Scared to hell. He didn’t really want meet Kazuya’s friend. He knew that he could not be good enough for them, and then his whole plan to be together with Kazuya could broken into the pieces.

“Jin? Are you listening?” Kazuya raised his eyebrow and looked at Jin, then he waved hand in front of his eyes.

“Sorry… what did you say?” Jin shook his head and smiled to apologize.

“I was just introducing you my friends” sighed younger one, then he shook his head with disbelief. He really didn’t know what was in Jin, but this something was doing great job, ‘cause Kazuya couldn’t really be mad at him. “This is Koki” he showed one of his friend to Jin. “He is working as a salesman” muttered, then he looked at the other one. “This is Ueda, who is a teacher, and this one is Ryo” smiled to him. “Ryo-chan is a doctor”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jin” answered Akanishi, but he still was stressed. Even now, when everybody were laughing and teasing him a little, because of his job. They were asking him a lot of question, and he was glad of that. They wanted knew him better, and he didn’t mind. He was polite and answered on every question, then he had a chance to asked them in return for some question, and they also answered him. His stress ended, when he realized, that they were really good persons, and they were talking with him, like they were knowing him forever.

He had really nice evening with them. They were laughing, singing, and drinking a lot. Kazuya had a really good voice, and with every next beer his voice started be even better. Jin didn’t really know why, but he loved that boy even more than in the beginning. And then the evening ended. Jin knew that he shouldn’t drink a lot, but he did this, and now he couldn’t really stay at his legs. He rested his head at Kazuya’s shoulder, and sighed deeply.

“Mou Kazuya-kun… can you give me a ride?” muttered silently.

“You’re crazy, aren’t you? I’m not sober enough to do something like this” answered slowly younger one, and embraced Jin a little. “But I can help you a little. Where are you living?” smiled a little Kazuya. He had no other choice, ‘cause it was his idea to come to his place. He didn’t know, that Jin will be drink that much, and now he needed help him no matter what.

***

Jin nodded slowly, then told the address to Kazuya. He didn’t know what happened next, but when he woke up, he was in his own bed. His head was hurting like a hell. He sighed deeply. He shouldn’t be that stupid to drink that much, but he was, and there was no time to regretted that. Besides, when he looked around, he saw his Kazuya by his side in his bed. His first reaction was stopping breathing, because his dreams came true. Kazuya was with him and he looked like an angel. He slept with him, and probably they had an wonderful night together. His imagination was working, but then he realized that he didn’t remember anything. He didn’t know, what he was doing with Kazuya.

What if he hurt him? What if Kazuya hated him now? What if?!

He started panicked, and didn’t know if he wanted to know answer. He must just waited for Kazuya’s woken up, and prayed to God for good ending of his stupid evening with alcohol. He closed his eyes, and then he heard sweet voice from Kazuya.

“How are you Jin?” asked with a sleepy voice the younger one.

“Fine though my head is hurting” smiled lightly to him Jin.

“Great, can you please took of that fucking handcuff from me?” asked sweetly the other, and then Jin saw that. Kazuya was tied up with his bed. He couldn’t get up, because of that.

Oh no! This is bad…

“Sure, wait a moment” Jin almost jumped from the bed and started looking for the key. He was looking for it, but he couldn’t find it. There was no key for that fucking handcuff. “Kazu-chan… do you know where is the key?” asked with apologetic smile on his face.

“What?!’ Kazuya irritated in the moment. “The hell, I know! You better find it fast, ‘cause you’ll gonna regret it, when I will be free!” added angrily, and Jin knew that he had a problem. Seriously problem. It was 10 o’clock in the morning and he needed go to the work, but he couldn’t do that, if Kazuya was tied up. In the other hand he still needed get the police care, and his boss would be really mad at him, if he didn’t get to work on time. He might have been fired, so he couldn’t risk that. He bit his lips and sighed.

“Kazu-chan you’ll be mad, but I need to go to work now, so… sorry honey, you need stay here a little bit longer” apologetic smile appeared once again, than he kissed Kazuya’s forehead, and run away, before the other realized what’s going on.

“YOU ARE DEAD!” that was the last words, which he heard before leaving, and he knew that Kazuya was not joking.

fic: Unexpected Confession.

2011-02-15T08:24:35Z

Title: Unexpected Confession
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Beta: nikattun
Genre: fluffy
Rating: none
Summary: Drunken Kazuya confess his feelings to Jin.

The phone was ringing for God knows long, then finally Jin answered it.

“Moshi, moshi.”

“JinJin, where are you,” a questioning drunk voice from his boyfriend woke him up immediately. Kazuya rarely go out for some drinks and this time something bad must’ve happened to push him there. For a moment in Jin’s head, the red light turned on.

“At home,” he answered slowly.

“Oh… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” muttered Kazuya. Jin rolled his eyes and started looking for his clothes. He was sure that his boyfriend didn’t even know where he is, so there was a long night before him.

“It’s not a problem, Kazu-chan,” Jin pushed himself to sound relaxed and happy.

“Really,” Kazuya sighed with relief. “That’s great,” he shrieked with happiness and Jin wasn’t prepared for any of that. His boyfriend was too happy and now he was suddenly deaf for a moment. “JinJin, I’m so drunk,” said Kazuya.

“You what,” he exclaimed with disbelief. Jin wasn’t sure if he heard it good but heck, that wasn’t normal at all. Kazuya just told him that he is drunk. “Are you okay,” he asked slowly; concerned.

“No, of course I’m not,” mumbled the other. “I’m waiting for you,” he simply added and cut the line in an instant.

“Wait,” the older one wasn’t fast enough to catch Kazuya. He then glanced at the phone and wanted to kill it, if it was alive. “Okay, clear the facts Jin,” he muttered to himself as he tried to relax himself. “Great. Kazuya is just drunk and he is waiting for you…but…but WHERE?!” He hit shrugged himself into his jacket and went outside. “Probably at one of the bars,” he muttered again and started looking for his boyfriend. He called him a couple of times, but the other didn’t answer the phone. Perfect, just perfect.

***

Kazuya was sitting at Koki’s lap, drinking another mug full of beer. He was feeling rebellious and has drunk a lot which, if you’d ask him, he wouldn’t know how much he’d took in. Waiter served the drinks one by one without asking questions and even Koki couldn’t do anything. The younger one just drunk and drunk, almost swimming in beer, waiting for Jin.

“He still didn’t come,” he muttered under his breath with another shot of beer, “I knew it!”

“He doesn’t know where you are,” Koki sighed with disbelief, “hey, are you sure you want to wait for him longer?”

“He…doesn’t…KNOW?” Kazuya looked at Koki with surprise, “but I called him! Damn!”

“Yeah, you did that,” his friend was deadly calm, “but you didn’t tell him where you are and you simply put the phone down.”

“Oh… he should know that!” Kazuya drunk another beer angrily, pigging it down his throat, “he should know. This is his favorite club!” He was so furious that his eyes were really dreadful.

“Okay, then we will wait for him a little longer,” Koki sighed, “but… there’s one condition,” he added quickly and Kazuya glared at him with half empty beer in his hands. “There would be no alcohol from now on. You’re too drunk, Kame-chan. That’s enough.”

“No way in hell,” shouted Kazuya and drunk his beer till the very last drop, “go if you want. I don’t need a mother. I’m a big guy now.”

“Yeah, sure you are, but not today,” Koki sighed once again, and helped his friend sat properly on the sofa, “See? You can’t even sit straight…”

“Shut up,” growled Kazuya but he didn’t want another beer. He just sat in silence and looked at the door, wishing for Jin to hurry to pick him up. Koki wasn’t sure if Jin would be lucky enough to find them, so he decided to help a little. Sulking Kazuya wasn’t interested in his action, so he had sent a text message to Jin.

***

Jin breathed with a huge relief when he got message from Koki. He discovered that he wasn’t that far from the club. What an irony… it was his favorite club. He would never supposed to find Kazuya there because the younger hated this club as he’s always been complaining why do they have to go there all those times.

Before entering the club, he prepared himself as he breathed deeply. It wasn’t that long when he found his drunken boyfriend. Kazuya was sitting in the corner and looking at him with anger in his eyes. Jin bit his lower lip and came approaching Kazuya with a grin on his face.

“You’re late,” the younger one pouted, crossing his hands at his chest. Jin smiled wider, when he saw his lover’s cute expression. He loved the way Kazuya’s express himself, even if the other was simply mad at him. He just loved it.

“I’m sorry,” he patted Kazuya’s on the head. “Thank you, Koki, for taking care of him,” he smiled to his friend. “I will take him home,” Jin added and grabbed Kazuya’s wrists, “come on sweetheart. We’re going home.”

Kazuya was speechless for at that time and didn’t complain with Jin’s surprise. He was like a little kid after all, who wanted some attention from his precious person but he had difficulty with walking. Jin rolled his eyes while looking at his lover.

“Do you want a piggyback?”

“Really?” A huge smile appeared on Kazuya’s face. The younger one loved being carried on the other’s back, so there was no need to ask again. Kazuya quickly hopped on at Jin’s back while the other one started walking. “JinJin do you love me?” the younger one breathed right to Jin’s ear and the other shook his head in surprise.

“Of course I do, why would you ask me something like this?”

“Because I love you, too. I love every part of you and I want to be always with you,” Kazuya smiled cutely.

“Because of that, you’ll always be with me,” Jin answered quietly; after all he can’t help but to smile. That declaration from Kazuya’s mouth was really something special to him, even if the other one was deadly drunk.

For a little while, Kazuya just sat at the other’s back, then he slipped and that stopped Jin – with that smile which Jin loved and feared simultaneously, because he could not seem to read his lover’s mind so easily, with eyes so lovingly, looking at him intently.

“What’s wrong Kazuya,” he asked carefully when the younger one knelt before him. That was ridiculous of Jin, who wasn’t even sure if Kazuya was still conscious enough to think properly of his actions. And there’s still the big risk, the paparazzi could catch them. And that wasn’t really good idea, he thought.

“Kazu-chan… can we go now? Please, Kazu-chan. We will talk at home, I promise,” he muttered tiredly, but the younger one didn’t react, he just smiled to him widely.

“Would you marry me?” He asked suddenly, looking for something in his pocket. “Would you marry me, Jin-chan,” he asked again, when he finally found the ring, and Jin was unable to speak for a while that he kept his mouth opened. He couldn’t believe this stupid situation. He should be the one to propose to Kazuya, not the other way around. For a moment, he wasn’t able talk, and then he took again, one whole deep breath.

“Kazuya…” he started talking, but the younger one looked at him and smiled sweetly.

“I love you Jin, you love me too, and so would you marry me?” He asked once again. Gosh, he was so stubborn. Jin subconsciously bit his lip and slowly nodded. It doesn’t really matter who proposed to the other, right? His feelings towards Kazuya were clear, and he loved the younger one so much. There would be no excuse now to refuse him.

“Great!” Kazuya put a ring at Jin’s finger and kissed it gently. “You’re a baka, JinJin,” he muttered in between kisses, “you should have done this a long time ago.” He then pouted towards Jin. “But you’re one heck of a chicken, and I realized that there is no other option,” he explained quietly and hugged Jin tight. “I just want to be with you,” he finally whispered before falling into deep sleep.

Jin let out a quiet laugh and shook his head off with disbelief. Kazuya had just proposed to him halfway on their way home and suddenly falling asleep in his embrace. The older one looked at the ring – now a sign that they’re together – and held his boyfriend close… Wait, it’s supposed to be fiancé now, he thought happily while pulling the other closer.

“And look who’s the baka one, now,” he asked looking at his lover with happiness and then kissed Kazuya’s forehead with much endearment. “Sweet dreams, my sweetheart…”

fic: Punishment

2011-02-12T00:10:54Z

Title: Punishment
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Beta: un-betad
Genre: fluffy
Rating: none
Summary: Not that sweet punishment for Jin.
A/N: Recently I told that I can't write fluff... but I migh lied, I hope I lied, because it cames to my minds today. And I wanted dedicated it for my sis (abi_manyu ), because this fic came to my mind, when I was thinking about her. Just like this. I hope you like it.

Smile is a thing, which every human can do. Smile is a sign of happiness. People, who smile a lot have easier life, because everyone thing that person, who smile is a nice, kind and trustful person. But smile can be traitorous. Someone used smile to mislead the others, who think about him, like about righteous man. Smile can be a reason of someone’s troubles.

Kazuya had wonderful smile. His smile could everything. His smile melts Jin’s heart and he knew it. He had a special power in his mouth. He wasn’t muscular and he hadn’t enough strength to defeat Jin in the battle, but he had his secret weapon – smile and still couldn’t believe, that one smile can that much. That was his extra ability. Not that he needed some extras abilities, but it always was nice to have it. Sometimes he was joking, that he had super power, because when he smiled, Jin couldn’t help, but do whatever Kame want.

That was also this day, they were their day off, what recently was rarely. Kazuya woken up with a great idea for their day. He just wanted stay at home with his boyfriend and had him for himself, but remembered that the other should be punished, because couples days ago, Jin backed to home, completely drunken and the younger one didn’t really like this condition of him. He just hated this, but now he was glad that he had a reason to punish his boyfriend, because he had an excellent idea for punishment.

Kazuya smiled to himself, slowly laid at Jin and placed small kisses at Akanishi’s forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks and mouth. It always worked and this day wasn’t exception.

Jin slowly opened his eyes and smile sweetly to his boyfriend.

“Good morning, sunshine”

“Morning” answered younger one with that cute smile, which Jin loved. Akanishi hoped, they will stay in the bed whole day, but he was mistaken. Kazuya dressed up quickly and still with his smile looked at him. “What do you want for breakfast?” asked sweetly.

“You” Jin licked his lips and took Kame on his lap. He started kissing the younger one on his neck, but Kazuya stopped him.

“You didn’t deserve me” muttered slowly.

“Huh?!”

“You hear it” Kame rolled his eyes. “You didn’t deserve me” smiled him and Jin stayed in shock. He didn’t really know, what’s going on, so he looked at his boyfriend with consternation. Kame sighed deeply. “You were drunk” pouted. “You deserved punishment, not me”

“Drunk?” the other closed his eyes, trying remember about what Kazuya is talking. “Oh… you mean that day…”

“Yes” whirred Kame. “You should be punished”

“Okay… and then I will able eat you?” asked Jin, who didn’t want nothing more, than some time with his Kazuya. Some sweet and nice time with him. He simply wanted eat his boyfriend.

“Sure!” Kazuya’s voice back to his normal self, for Jin’s relief.

“Then punish me” Jin smiled to him widely. He knew Kame’s punishments very well. Actually younger one was punishing him quite a lot, but the punishments always were sweet and nice. He loved them, so he wasn’t afraid of them.

Kazuya nodded with big smile at his face and went for a while to the kitchen. When he back, he had some pink clothes in his hands and long list with some gradients and another things to buy. Jin blinked a few times, when he received both things.

“We have nothing in our fridge. I want you to do some shopping” smiled Kazuya. “With that clothes on you. That clothes and nothing more” added sweetly. “And trust me, you don’t wanna argue with me”

“Kazuya… you know I can’t do that” muttered Jin. That wasn’t nice punishment, it wasn’t even similar to the others punishment, which he received till this time. “It’ll ruin my image!”

“I don’t care” Kame sat on Jin’s lap and kiss his mouth. “This is your punishment Jin” smiled widely to him. “If you want eat me, then you must do this”

“But Kazu…”

“No BUTS Jin” the younger one was still smiling. “Go and change your clothes” added, and pushed his boyfriend to the bathroom. “If you will do this, I give you prize” promise Kazu, licking his lips, and Jin couldn’t help, but doing this stupid thing.

~.~

Jin entered to work with a huge fear in his heart. Last day wasn’t the best day, which he could imagine. He felt everyone’s eyes at him. He prayed that the reason of sudden interest of him, wasn’t because of yesterdays actions. Unfortunately he wasn’t drunk. He even didn’t have a drop of alcohol in his mouth yesterday, but he had that terrible punishment, but till now he thought that punishment wasn’t that hard, specially because of the prize, which he got after it. He smiled widely, when he recalled proper memory.

He sighed deeply, when he realized that everyone were laughing with him, and came quickly to his changing room and then he finally found out. His nightmare fulfill. At his desk laid a newspaper, and at the first page was a big, and clear photo of him. Him in the pink nurse outfit. He must say, that he looked hot in this outfit, but this could ruin his career!

Jin licked his lips and sat at the sofa with resignation. He hoped that Johnny didn’t find out… or maybe everybody thought that he was drunken once again. Stupid him. Stupid punishment… and devilish boyfriend. Yes, he surely had bad luck.

~.~

“Like it?” Kazuya came to him with his normal smile and another newspaper at his hand.

“No” muttered Jin. “It’s all your fault.”

“Not mine” answered younger one, when he hugged Jin tight. “It was your fault, because you were that stupid to back home deadly drunken” remembered him.

“But it was your punishment” pouted Jin.

“And you got prized for it, so you shouldn’t be mad at me” Kazuya laughed a little. “Besides… I love it. You look so hot in this” he licked Jin’s neck.

“Johnny will kill me” sighed the other.

“He won’t” Kazuya interrupted for a while and smiled to Jin with all his strength. “Because… it’s not real newspaper” explained with even bigger smile.

“Huh?” Jin couldn’t believe in what he was hearing.

“I did it and gave to every our friend from agency” Kazuya was still smiling.

“You what?!” the older one stayed in shocked for a little while. “You… you… you devil!”

“I’m not a devil” laughed Kame. “I’m just your smart boyfriend, who was taking care of your ass”

“Devil”

“Oh and that was your last warning” added sweetly Kazuya. “Next time, it will be real newspaper, and I will take care of it” younger one warn him once again and kissed passionately.

fic: Killer

2011-02-06T00:47:27Z

Title: Killer
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Beta: un-betad
Genre: angst
Rating: none
Summary: Revenge is a sweet thing, sometimes the sweetest thing in the world. But what if suddenly find out that he didn't love it so much? What will happened when the revenge will over?
A/N: I don't really know if I should posted it there, but well... my mind is crazy, so am I, and I just felt like writting this. I want dedicated it for Mara-chan ( jin_no_shitsuji ), who will has her last exam today. Ganbatte!!!

There was no light in his small room, which wasn't a place, where he can rest. It was just a place with lot of books, bed and some stuffs, which were needed to living. There was no emotions, no feelings, ano no memmories connected with this room.

He was sitting there and looking at the white wall with a blank expression at his face. It was last day, when he was there, and he really tried find one memory, which he could connected with that room, but that wasn’t easy. He didn’t feel any connected to this room, and he was frustrated about it, because there was nobody else, who couldn’t find any good memories to his own room. Nobody, but him.

He felt like crying, but no tears left his eyes. He couldn’t cry. Not anymore. There was no need to cry, and he knew it. Now he could just wait for them. That fucking policeman’s, which probably came for him and took him from his own hell. From his thoughts. His fucking thoughts, which where drove him crazy every time, when he was alone.

He smiled to himself, but it wasn’t happy smile. That was rather sad and depressed smile, which even for him looks faked. He took headphones and turned on his favorite song. He was listening it every time, when he was down. It always cheers him up and even now, at this terrible moment of his life, that one song helped.

It wasn’t even the best song of the whole world. It was rather average song of a unknown singer. Song which he recorder once in the high school, when he still had a friends. He wasn’t alone for the whole life. It wasn’t like this. He had friends, his own band and plans for future. There were even opposite band, and the battles of bands, but everything was over, when his mother died. She died in a accident, but he never believed in that fairy tales for a babies. He knew that someone murdered her.

From that moment to now… Jin Akanishi grew up, and took an revenge for his mother killers. Yes, Jin wasn’t a good boy anymore. He was an murder. He killed his own family and the others, which had something connected with his mother death. He was a killer and he wasn’t proud of himself. He just wanted took revenge, and now the whole revenge thing was over. He wasn’t able to move anymore. The revenge was over, and so he was.

Jin Akanishi hadn’t any other aim in his life. His was living just because he wanted take revenge for those fucking killers. Those fucking peoples. They ruin his perfect life, his plans, everything.

He was ready for punishment. He knew, that he probably will died, when police catches him, but seriously he didn’t care. He was a looser. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a looser. He even prayed for that moment. If he had strength, he probably would came to that police station and told them the truth. Truth about himself, and his acts, but he wasn’t able to do this, or he wasn’t that strong. He was afraid of death, like every people of whole world. Yes, he was and that was probably last thing, which he felt like an normal human.

The song ended and he sighed deeply, wanted listen once again, but a little noise didn’t allow him that. He took headphones off and looked at the door, which slowly opened. Jin was sure, that he should run away, but he couldn’t. His smiled placed on his face and he reached for the gun. He loved holding gun in his hands. That gun was his only friend from many days. His true friend. He took deep breath once again, when he saw small, skinny creature, which entered to the room.

“I knew that I find you here, Jin”

Jin rubbed his eyes, because he wasn’t sure if his mind doesn’t give him another illusion. He couldn’t see clearly, because of darkness, which surrounded whole room, but he was sure, that he knew that voice… He knew that voice very well. He quickly looked at his music player and he knew, that that was him.

“You’re not real” smiled to the creature, which still were standing in the corner of his room. “Go away, I wanna be alone” muttered and raised his gun.

“If I’m not real, then shoot me” illusion whispered with a cold. “Shoot me, it’s not that hard, right? Shoot me, like the others”

“Shut up and leave me alone!” yelled Jin, and pulled the trigger. The loud sound of shot came to his ears, and he threw gun away, felt on his knees. He had enough of killing. He wanted change himself, but he couldn’t and he knew that. And now that fucking illusion.

Oh God, why do you punish me in that fucking way? Did I do something wrong, except that little revenge?

“How was it Jin?” Akanishi saw that the creature came closer to him, and suddenly felt really small. He couldn’t breathing for a moment. “Was it fun? Seeing dying people?” the creature crouch in front of him, and took his face in his hands. “Did women begged you of saving children’s life’s?” illusion smirked and smiled widely. “Did you enjoy it? Did you feel better, when you do that?” question by question, one by one, touching and hurting his heart deeply. They were like blade daggers, without mercy. And that cold voice from someone, who was precious to him during the past. That killed him little by little, and he couldn’t help, but cry. Yes, Jin finally was crying. Tears slowly were flowing on his cheeks. Tears were something new for him. “Why are you crying, Jin? Is it so painful? I don’t think so. Come one! You’re not cry baby! You have nothing to loose”

“I know” Jin looked on the other brown and cold eyes. “I know that. I’m looser, killer. I should go and told everything to the police” whispered with a small sad smile. “I’m sorry, Kazu”

“You should be sorry” mumbling the other and slapped Akanishi with his whole strength. Jin thought that this was weird. Illusions shouldn’t be nasty that much and he shouldn’t feel that, but he feel it. “You should be punished too” sighed Kazuya. “And I’m not going to forgive you that so easy” added and stand up. “We should leave now”

“What?” now Jin was in a deep shocked. His Kazu was there and his Kazu was angry for him… no anger wasn’t really good term for Kame’s state. Kazuya was furious. He looked at him with so much anger in his eyes. Anger and something more… maybe a little care? Or maybe it was just illusion.

Another illusion? No way in hell…

“Come on, they’re going for you” Kazuya grabbed the older one arm and pulled him to the doors. “I was waiting for you for ten years” mumbled, when they were going downstairs. “I’m not gonna let you go now, when I finally found you” added and pushed Jin to his car. “We’re living Jin”

“The hell no! Kazuya, you’re helping to killer!” yelled Akanishi, and wanted left the car, but Kame was faster. “Let me out! I’m not gonna waste your life! Let me out, you fucking idiot! Let me out, or…”

“Or what? You’re gonna shoot me? Yeah, right. You already have your chance, and see? I’m still alive” Kazuya was serious.

“Kame, please… listen to me…”

“No! You listen to me!” Kame stopped the car and looked at his friend with furious in his eyes. “I was waiting for you for ten years! Ten years! I let you finished your revenge! How do you think, why they didn’t catch you faster?! Why?! Because of me, idiot! I was always on your side! I was tidied your mess! And you already wasted my life! You wasted my life enough! Now it’s my turn! It’s my own decisions! And I know what am I doing, okay?! We’re gonna left that country! We’re gonna somewhere, where nobody heard of fucking idiot, Jin Akanishi!” yelled at him, and breathed deeply. “It’s my decision, okay?”

The older one nodded slowly, when he finally realized, what Kazuya said to him. He already was an criminal, like him. He helped him so many times, he helped killer in his revenge. Kazuya was criminal, so he wasted his life.

“Why did you do that?” Jin asked slowly, because he couldn’t find solution of it. Kazuya must have his own cases. “Why? You were great singer, Kazu. You have your own life… so why? Why did you throw it and went after me? Why did you…”

“Because I love you, idiot!” muttered Kazuya, still looking in the older one’s eyes. “I love you and I can’t let you die” added and took his eyes off from Jin.

“Y-you love me?” Jin shook his head few time. That was too much for him. Too much news, but Kazuya didn’t say another word. They were driving in the silence to the airport. Akanishi didn’t know what should he say. He knew his own feelings and Kazuya still was precious for him. Yeah, he still love him, but he wasn’t that type of human, who can confess just like this.

Their plane was punctually, so there was no need to worry. Kame did great work with they true personality. He had faked passports, so they hadn’t any problems at the airport and in a couples of whiles they were sitting in the plane, and looking at the clouds. Well at least Kame was looking at the clouds, Jin not.

“Thank you for loving me, Kazu” whispered Jin, and took Kazuya in embrace. He placed small kiss at the younger cheek and smiled. That was his true smile. Smile, which Kazuya loved the most. “I love you too” added slowly Jin and blushed cutely.

fic: Mount School - chapter one

2011-01-20T21:39:25Z

Title: Mount School
Pairing: Akame, and some others.
Author:mouter
Beta: nikattun
Genre: angst, drama
Rating: none
Summary: Mount School is a place, where teenagers with difficulties and with horrible past can live in peace and get help from specialists to be able back to the society.

He was lying on the bench, looking at the sky. He was always been looking, observing as if something could ever change at the distant sky, but it never happened. In some point, they were the same – him and the sky – not being able to change, or be altered in a bit. The sunset was painfully beautiful – sky was shining in every shades of pink, violet and orange – but somehow, he wasn’t able to perceive such beauty. Ironic. Indeed, he was not watching, just looking. He didn’t see the essence, all because his thoughts were floating far away to the place and time he cherished the most, his hometown.

A reserved smile appeared on his face, when he saw his mother in it. Never would he forget her in his precious memories, which concerns more about his loving mother. He loved his mother very well, and he yearns for her. After the time his mother died couple of years ago, his father found himself a new love. New love… he admitted to himself that he cursed the day when his father and his step mother met each other. It was the last breath of his freedom. The last day of his world, as he tells it. And now he had nothing. Nothing, but bad memories. His life had ended that day, and now he was there, without somewhere else to go. He just didn’t know how to start again – to step to his new life, new future.

“Kazuya? What are you doing here,” asked the silent, tender voice that came to him from the deep darkness. The brown-haired man looked at the other unconsciously, then sat on the bench and gave him a sarcastic smile.

“It’s none of your business,” he mumbled coldly. He wishes his stalker to go away, but dreams were always dreams. Nothing more. Then, the other smiled widely and sat next to him.

“Of course it’s not,” the other said slowly, putting the younger on in his embrace, “if you want talk, just do it. I’m here for you, and I’ll be here for you anytime you want.” He whispered to his ear, but the younger man didn’t share his enthusiasm and pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me,” he muttered with anger, “just stay away, okay?” He then begged and went away. Ever since, Kazuya had never been sociable; he preferred loneliness and serenity. He liked being alone, but it was unfortunate that, in this place, it was rather impossible.

Kazuya is already in his teens, 16 years old to be exact, with some bad episodes in his life. Two months ago, he was a rebel, who had been dosing himself on drugs, alcohol and even tried to cut his veins with the use of a razor blade. He hadn’t had any future; he rather lived on his own with no responsibility at all, with no plans for the future. Kazuya had been living in his constant present, like tomorrow doesn’t exist, even in his consciousness. Two months ago, he was nothing but broken kid. Because of his addiction of drugs, he probably wouldn’t able to live, or to exist today, but something had happened. Something…which changed his life once again, which gave him hopes that there’s something to live for. And thanks to that, he started to help himself.

His father wasn’t such a fool, like he used to think. The father knew that Kazuya had problems and he thought that this was a time to stop, to turn to the right way. He was the one, who took the teenager to this point, with hope that the people here could help him. But that wasn’t some mental institution and it wasn’t even a hospital, but a school for youth with such dark backgrounds. It was the only way to help him, as his father believed, and Kazuya knew he didn’t have any other choice. That was his only hope, but for him, in was the opposite. He viewed that his father wanted to get rid of him, as soon as possible.

The school wasn’t normal, something that has an eerie atmosphere surrounding it. It was located twenty fives miles away from the nearest town, so kids studying there hadn’t even thought of running away. The school was deliberately located near the mountains and forests were everywhere. Teenagers and teachers, who had been living there, had peaceful days and such. Teenagers here of all ages had usual subjects as compared to others school, but it is exceptional that they have a lot of various activities done in the campus. At times there were trips, which last a few days, and several sessions with prominent psychologists and some group therapies.

And all these were a problem for Kazuya who hated the group therapies and whatnot. Talking with all these people – these depressed, pressured people – about his fears and weaknesses was too much for him to handle. He had never been talking about himself with anybody, or at least even attempted, and now… he was still in the same rebellious point in his life, just like back in a couple of months ago, because he couldn’t open himself to the world in front of him, waiting for him to go out of his shell. Stuck in the same point without courage to do one little step for his new future, he stopped and thought, I’m a looser, and he realized he knew it all along.

***

”Where are we going,” Jin asked with questioning eyes to his mother, who was carefully driving, “and why did you pack my clothes? Are we going on a vacation, or something?”

“No, Jin. We’re not going on a trip. You’re going to school,” the woman responded calm and silent, “you must slow things down, and better take care of your life from now on.”

“Right, and you know what is good for me waaaay better than I know. Of course, that’s it,” he wasn’t surprised that his mother was doing something like this, she always try to scold him, he thought. She tried a few times before, but he always run away. In the back of his head, he knew that despite her efforts, he would never listen, “I hate you.”

“I know,” she wasn’t shrug, because she was used to this kind of words from her own son. Jin was a difficult child, and probably it was her fault. She married an incredibly rich man, but he left her three years after. They got their divorce, and now, rich as she is, she was the only one who raised Jin and sustained his needs. No doubt, Jin had everything he wanted and he could do everything a guy could possibly do in his own life, and his mother admitted that mistake of hers. She did not laid even a single finger on her son, and now she’s continuously paying the high price of not being a responsible example to him. She ought to educate his son first, and she tried a lot times to help him become a good person, but all her efforts had gone to waste. Plenty of times she lost hope, that something can helped him, until she saw an article about an exceptional school and thought that this could be her last chance of leading her son on the right track. She wanted her son, her little Jin, back so badly. And considering this, she could not wish for more.

“I hate you! I hate you,” Jin yelled so madly that his voice surrounded the car. He wanted ruin her poker face and wanted to give her pain. By this, he was such a fool with anger in his veins so hard to contain. Anger, irony and sarcasm were his tools on capturing his victim in pain, and he loved it. He couldn’t tell why, but something urges him to give worst pain to people, and later on be proud of it. He had felt power in him, which he subconsciously couldn’t control, and he liked it so much. He liked being powerful, and that was something precious for him. He didn’t have any other pleasures and friends. In fact, he was rather lonely and he didn’t care about it, because he was the superior of the fraternity he belonged to. They respected him, not because he was their hero, but rather they were scared of his power, and he didn’t care. Actually, he loved that feeling. They’re stupid, and I can do everything.

But now he could do nothing but wait, just because he wasn’t matured yet to handle his own life. His mother was controlled the way his life goes and he couldn’t do anything. He hated it. He hated her control. He felt like a dog, being pulled to everything his master wanted, being tied in this mother’s thread like a puppet. He was in protest and they would talk about it, yet be back to the same point every time.

***

”Don’t touch me!” Pi parodied Kazuya, and looked at him with a teasing smile on his lips. The younger one smiled back to him, and sat next to him. “So, Mr. Don’t-touch-me, are there any changes?”

“Not at all,” the younger one let out a short sigh, “how about you?”

“Same old, same old. I’m stuck in it,” answered the other and turned back to eat. Pi wasn’t Kazuya’s good friend. They met the first day Kazuya came, and were also living with three other persons in the room. They loathed the idea. For them, It was too much for five to sleep in one stuffy room. Of course it was a big room, but when everybody stays there, it was such a commotion, and they just couldn’t stand it. Pi thought that Kazuya is quite familiar to him. Well, just like him, Kazuya hated group therapies, and he prefer being alone. Sharing similarities, each quickly founded their company, despite the place having lots of rules which they have to obey. It was hard for them, but they have to take note and stuck it in their heads.

First of all, violence is banned. Every form of violence would be subjected to equivalent sanctions and punishments. Secondly, every student should have to gain friends, be friendly in return and shouldn’t omit such lonely atmosphere inside the school premises. There was no loneliness so students like Pi or Kazuya, which like and desire being alone, would surely have hard times coping. The third rule states that there should be no alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and other stimulants among students. It is emphasized and both Pi and Kazuya raised their brows as they read the emphasized fourth rule: no sex inside the school premises. “Does that mean we can outside,” asked Pi. Kazuya nudged him, “shut up!” And the last, but not least… all of the students must try to beat their weaknesses in their stay at school.

It is also included that for every broken rule, there would be a punishment and every student, who for one time was punished, must not possess any violations again. The two stopped and guessed, so what if we committed something stupid again?

The two always sit side to side with each other, just like that day. Enjoying their company, silence and privacy, but they never thought about friendship, because they knew so well that a friend is someone who knew a lot about a person. And normally, friendship was connected with talking, chatting, spending time with each other laughing, sharing significant experiences in their lives…but when you ask them, they would turn away go back to their thick, silent atmosphere which envelops them and eventually detach them from the outer world.

“Ueda-san is trying his best again,” mumbled Kazuya, breaking the calm silence surrounding the two, individually. “Well, he never stops, right,” they laughed silently. They had wonderful teachers, but they refuse to see that because for them, teachers were just annoying, always trying to put a façade that they wanted to help.

“Oh yeah, he is really annoying,” confirmed Pi with a little smile on his lips, “and you’re his victim. Just tell him some fairytales and sure he’ll be happy. And you too, because he’d think that you really mean it and eventually stop bugging you. Then, bye bye loser!” He then smiled to his colleague, “just listen to your senior, okay?”

Kazuya smiled back and nodded, wondering if he should try the other’s advice, or not. He was a perfect actor, or maybe he was perfect liar? Anyway, time would come he could forever get rid of him. And that was a nice plan, but what about when returns to normal life? Did he really lose his aim? He should be there; wanting to go back home, but that was indeed a lie now. He’d rather stay here, here where nobody could hurt or even touch him, and he liked this. Absolutely perfect, he thought.

***

Jin raised his eyebrow, when he saw the place. He had to live here for a year, or even more so. It was a nice place, surrounded by trees and forests freshly greeting him. But for him it was just a hole, the worst hole ever existed that would bring him to his living hell.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked his mother with shock, “are you playing a joke again on me? No, I’m definitely NOT gonna stayed here!”

“I’m not kidding, Jin. I hope you understand my feelings. I wanted you to grow up properly even though I can’t look over for you, and I know this school would be the right place.”

“You can’t look over for me?” Her words were hurting him, stabbing his chest painfully. He didn’t understand her intention, and his mind was too preoccupied to even think at the moment he was in pain. Yet he’s not able to understand what his mother wants for him. She hated her son back then, for God sake, and what she had done to him, as she found him repulsive. Now, she’s hated by her son and even pushed her hand away when she tried to hug him.

“Jin… I didn’t mean this,” she tried to explain, but he pushed her away from him, with anger instilled his eyes.

“Fine! I’ll stay there, but don’t touch me again like you know me. Just get out of my sight! I don’t want to see you!” And now, he only saw a teary-eyed woman in front of him, looking him, crying, as she walked away.

Annoyed, he gathered his things and sarcastically went inside.

***

Junno jumped on Tomohisa’s back with his stupid smile, making Kazuya rolled his eyes. He didn’t like that boy, because as for him, he wasn’t even funny even he tries many times. As for Junno, he applied at the school at his own will. He wasn’t difficult kid. He had wonderful family and he liked his life, he also was a brave volunteer, a teacher’s pet. They hated him, because he volunteered to do patrol and catch students violating the rules. He was so nosy.

“Hey guys, did you hear the news,” Junno asked excitedly. In reaction, Pi sighed and rolled his eyes, too. Of course, this goody two shoes dude always come to them and fit in, especially when he had news or gossips, like they’re care any crap about it, what people think about them.

“Of course not, but probably you tell it us” answered Kazuya with resignation. For, it is only one of those lines that would make the comedian-wannabe disappear, eventually. A machine gun, when he started speaking he should throw everything he came up with and get over with it.

“We have another student, and guess what?”

“He’ll be living with us?” asked Tomo. Junno pouted a bit. Pi laughed, “then I think I’ve guessed it right! Bulls eye!”

“You’re mean. I really don’t know why I am still talking to you,” mumbled Junno and childishly went away. Kazuya once again rolled his eyes flashed a tiny grin.

“Then we should get back,” he stopped and Pi nodded slowly. There was no other choice. They must be back to their room, to “welcome” the new student and would add up to their burden. Oh great.

***

”You’re Akanishi Jin, right?” the man greeted him with a big welcoming smile on his face, “I’m Koyama Keiichiro, the new teacher, the same time, director of Mount School.” Jin smiled back, trying to be polite, to his new boss. He knew that good impression was useful in life. Time will come that it would be easier run away from this hell just because of their trust in him. And yes, he thought that this school will be the hell in his own life.

“As you know, there are rules, which must be obeyed. No violence in this place, any drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol are prohibited. Definitely, no sex, and obtaining of other stimulants. And lastly, no running away got that?”

“Yes, sir,” Akanishi rolled his eyes. He couldn’t stop himself from doing that. Mr. Koyama looked really funny, because he was slim and had funny face. For Jin, Koyama doesn’t seem to have the makings of a boss. He doesn’t look powerful or strong enough to handle me, he thought with sarcasm.

“You will be assigned to Mr. Ueda’s group,” he gave Jin his schedule of subjects and activities. “Come on, I’ll show you the place. You will be living here for the next months, and I tell you, it’s nice,” he smiled to him once again and took him for a tour around the place. Jin shrugged, sighed deeply and, without a choice, he followed Mr. Koyama.

During the tour, he saw classrooms, which were small with some benches. There was also a fireplace with a piano, a great place where students could rest, read books or do their homework. As Koyama pointed out the rooms at the same time introducing them one by one, he saw canteen and a spacious green field for baseball, basketball and volleyball, on the other far side. There was a gym as well where they can play indoors. But most importantly, there were few wooden buildings, where students sleep and board. Finally, Koyama took him to the first building and went inside.

“This is your new home,” smiled Koyama and him gave keys to the room. “Welcome home,” he pushed Jin to the doors, which were opened and suddenly went away. Jin looked turned around to look for Koyama for a moment, and realized he left him so he went in and check the room.

There were six beds and three wardrobes, nothing more, nothing less. He clicked his tongue to himself in disgust. He wasn’t used to this kind of conditions – others put their gaze on him, some didn’t. He didn’t know what to do, or how to behave, and was feeling stupid. Thinking that he’d freeze at the threshold, he managed to move his feet and sat on the free bed. He sighed heavily as he turned his back on his roommates.

***

Kazuya ogled at the new student for a while. He wasn’t interesting, he thought. Just another boy with some complex or any other problems, which he didn’t want to speak of. The student sat on the free bed, which was surprising for Kazuya, because he used to fight for a bed when he first came in. There were instances that students fight for the sake of getting a bed, and he enjoyed witnessing those fights. The atmosphere was heavy and awkward, until that goody-two-shoes came with a wide smile painted on his mouth.

“Hi, I’m Junnosuke Taguchi,” Junno introduced himself and sat on the new bed where Jin ws seated, “how are you?”

“Shut up,” muttered the new student who was looking at the Junno, angrily, “just leave me alone, okay,” he ordered, but Taguchi didn’t mind and just smiled even more, instead.

“It’s your first day here. It’s normal that you don’t feel well here,” Junno looked at the others, begging, to help him talk to the new roommate but Kazuya ignored him because he didn’t want to appear friendly, same goes for Pi.

“I said: Leave. Me. Alone,” repeated the new one with a huge anger in voice, and Kazuya signaled Junno to go away. He’s got guts. He didn’t like this arrogant guy since then.

“Hey, I just wanted to know something about you. Just your name, I promise, nothing more,” Junno persisted.

In a flash, he grabbed Junno’s collar and pushed him to the wall, “I said: LEAVE ME ALONE! Do you know what that means?! Go away! Get out of my sight!” The other gulped and nodded quickly, but the Jin didn’t let him go. “Don’t ever do that again, or I swear I’m gonna kill you,” he threatened darkly, and even Kazuya believed him. But then the same time, he saw Pi drop the book he was reading and was now looking at the new student furiously.

“Let him go,” he snapped, “let him go. Don’t be such a brat,” Tomohisa’s voice was cold and low. At that moment, Kazuya witnessed a different Pi, and he didn’t know that he could be such a scary person to mess with.

“Do you have any idea who are you talking to,” the new one yelled at Pi furiously, still holding Junno in a trap.

“I don’t care who you are, or rather who you were. Now you’re a student like me, like us. We have the same right to be here, talk and bond with each other. There’s a rule, don’t you know? No violence! Koyama didn’t tell you that? I don’t think so,” said slowly, at the same time, calmly.

“Yeah, right. And everyone obeyed it, right?” He was laughing now, and let go of Junno’s shirt. Jin approached Pi and snapped at him, “don’t make me laugh, dude.” He glared at him, probably because he wanted Pi scared in his ass, but instead there was not reaction.

“I’m not kidding, DUDE. You don’t want to know what happens to dudes who don’t comply with the rules. Don’t even think about it. Or maybe you want to? Let me see, I advice you do this behavior again tomorrow, in front of many people, and see if you’ll still have your tomorrow waiting for you,” Tomohisa was still as calm as he tried to frighten the new one, which made Jin frustrated and pissed. He then pushed Pi on the bed, but Tomohisa just burst out, laughing, “You appear to be scary, but in truth, you’re weak.”

“Don’t you dare calling me weak,” yelled the new student and punched Pi in the stomach. Despite being troublesome, Kazuya sighed and took Jin away from Pi, he pushed him at the wall and looked straight in his eyes.

“Don’t you dare touch my friend,” he breathed angrily like a mad man. He, himself, was surprised when he said it; he didn’t expect that he would have such courage. Indeed, it was always Pi, who rescue him. It wasn’t the other way around, and now…he could do the same for the older one. And that made him smile to his innermost thoughts.

“Listen, you’re just like us here. We all have problems life and we must help each other to live and forget every bad memory that has passed, so we can all work nicely and everything would be okay, got it?” raised his eyebrow and let the new one go.

“Freaks,” Jin snapped as he left the room.

Kazuya then turned to Pi and said, “Don’t ever do that again. I was scared like hell!”

“But you did it,” Pi smiled to him and stroked his hair. “My little turtle did it and now, you’re my hero,” he laughed lightheartedly.

“And you’re weird,” Kazuya punched Pi’s arm lightly went on his bed, reading the book. He smiled to himself when he realized that he was proud of himself, of what he did earlier. And somehow, something came into his mind – the new one was quite interesting, I guess.

***

Jin sat on one of the few bench, gazing at the stars. He hated this place, just because he wasn’t “the boss” anymore. He feel helpless because he didn’t have any sense of power left in him here. Of course, he could make the others follow him, be his subordinates but…there were two freaks – two freaks who doesn’t seem to be afraid of him, or even flinch in everything is does, and he loathed the idea. He wanted to control everything. By that, he promised himself to control not only part of it, but instead, he would take on the whole school, even if it’s just a matter of time. Those two freaks would become his soldiers but before that, he must find some hooks on them first and surely everything will fall into pieces.

Watch out for your weaknesses, guys. I’m coming to get ya.

fic: Broken memory (4/5)

2011-01-12T22:48:13Z

Title: Broken memory
Pairing: Akame, Kamepi (later)
Author:mouter
Beta: nikattun
Genre: a bit angst, drama
Rating: none
Summary: Kazuya had an accident and he lost part of his memories.
A/N: I want dedicate this fic to My lovely Hugging Monster (karilly ) for make me smile and giving power to life. You're incredible women, dear! Don't you dare thinking in another way!

Kazuya was sitting on the sofa, watching his friend who looked pale and lost. He wasn’t able to talk properly, he admitted to himself, so he just drank his warm coffee in silence. He didn’t know what to talk about with him as they sat in silence, or what possible topic should they talk about. But then, he remembered that Pi isn’t even close to him. Pi was rather closed to his own world, in his own dreamy personality. For somehow, he felt it was true, but deep within, he’s not quite sure of his assumptions.

Kazuya shook his head, and smiled modestly while looking at Pi. Surely this time, life is giving him a one chance of a lifetime to know more about this mysterious person, such person that drives him crazy. He wanted so much to understand him and to find out who he really is, yet he can’t seem to find courage. A dream is just a dream, Kazuya. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet when he looked at Pi, all those thoughts just fade away. I wanted to talk to him about anything under the sun. Please say anything, Pi. Anything would be fine, rather than being this silent with you.

“Say, how would you manage to live in that room after what happened?”

Kazuya sighed with relief when he heard the question from the other. Of course, he didn’t know what Pi had in his mind, but it was better that he asked him, rather than staying in the deafening silence between them. In his innermost thoughts, he’s smiling. Then, he shrugged his arms and pursed his lips.

“Why would you ask me such things,” Kazuya replied with a question, “you know, the way you said it, it’s a little scary and cold.”

“I see,” Pi wasn’t surprised, so Kazuya sighed with relief once again. But now, Kazuya was sure and certain that there was something else – something the other manages to hide from him. Gradually, he’s starting to be afraid... Before, his friends tried to hide something from him, something which probably could hurt him. He didn’t like that feeling because, all the more, he doesn’t even have a clue of what they are thinking about him. Then Pi interrupted his thoughts. “Why don’t you change apartments?”

“I don’t want to,” Kazuya smiled to him gently. “Well, there is this something I want to remember and cherish. I admit, that feeling I’m feeling right now could only be here. I can’t explain why, but that feeling is precious to me, Pi. I don’t want to change rooms, and I’m pretty sure it’s obvious,” he explained further, and started to laugh all of a sudden when he realized what he was talking about. Nevertheless, he was sure that the other didn’t understand it at all. “Pi-chan… tell me, am I crazy?”

“No Kazu, you’re not crazy,” Pi smiled to him gently, “you’re just a bit lost… and unusual, like always.” He laughed happily, then hugged the younger one as he whispered, “It’s okay, Kazu. There’s no need to be that strong, after what just happened. You can cry if you want, actually. Nobody would attempt to laugh, that’s sure.”

“I don’t want to cry,” Kazuya whispered, not letting go of the other in his arms, “I cried too much to cry again. I think, right now, I wouldn’t be able to produce even a single tear.”

“I see… it must be hard to you, after Jin’s death. I’m sorry Kame-chan. I wasn’t there, but I know that I should be in the first place. I should be there for you. Jin was my best friend after all and you… I left you with that alone,” he hugged Kazuya tightly, and closed his eyes. Beads of moisture fell down from his eyes. Then, Kazuya, too, closed his eyes for a while and pushed the other away with eyes so dark and serious.

“Jin?”

“Yes, you know…Akanishi Jin. The A from KAT-TUN, from your band,” Pi explained to the younger man in front of him with disbelief on his face, “Kazuya, are you making fun of me?”

With surprised face, he replied, “Akanishi? Koki told me, that he’s my enemy, and he went away.” Kame shook his head and shrugged arms again. He didn’t know what Pi was talking about, “He was just my enemy…well, it’s okay, that I don’t feel guilty of his death, right?”

“Kamenashi! What the hell are you talking about?!” Anger starts to rise up on Pi’s system as he clenched his fists hard and furiously walk back and forth. “Jin was your lover, your boyfriend. You loved him! You loved him, Kazuya! And he loved you, too! You two were already inseparable since childhood. He was your band mate, friend and lover. How could you forget about him?! About such important thing, for Chrissakes?!” Pi grabbed Kazuya and looked directly in the eye with furious features. “Say something,” he ordered Kazuya.

“Pi-chan… I… I don’t know,” he pushed Pi away, and unconsciously bit his lip, “you’re talking about such things… but I… I just don’t remember all of it. Well, sometimes I do have dreams, okay? I know that I’ve lost something, someone…but I didn’t know who that person was! And nobody wanted to tell me! All the time, they would say that these are all dreams, and there is nothing to worry about! But there is something…in this house! I’m scared, Pi! I don’t want to be alone! I have that feeling that his home…this home just tried to remember me about something special!” Kazuya became furious, anxious to his thoughts and feelings. He was holding these feelings for too long, and now it’s like a waterfall, pouring every single bit, every single element of it, without someone or something to even prevent it from falling, “I don’t know who I am anymore! I don’t know who this person was! All I know is that, he was important to me…he was always with me. I wanted to know everything about him, but I can’t see his face, even if I wanted to. I can’t even remember his name! Yet, I remember his voice, a voice far away in my weak memory. But at times, I can’t hear his voice, because of this damn memory loss! And then now, I don’t even know why are you so mad at me!”

Silence. After Kazuya had let it all out, Pi stayed in silence, breathing heavily, calming himself. For a while, he glanced towards Kazuya and just realized how broken the younger one was. His hands were shaking, with face so pale, and eyes which started to get teary. Pi, once again, took a deep breath and went towards the CD shelf. He stared at it for a moment, began to find the right track, and then suddenly pressed the play button.

“Just listen, okay?” He assisted Kazuya back to the sofa, and hugged him. Song which he chose was the best one for that opportunity. Jin’s Care could change everything. He knew that this song was the one Jin dedicated for Kazuya, and it was their song. That song says everything about Jin’s love for younger one.

They kept in silence even to the very end of the song. Pi returned it, and watched Kazuya’s face. The younger one was sitting in shock, with moistened bloodshot eyes. Pi didn’t do or say anything anymore, he just hugged him tight. He just could be with Kazuya in that moment, frozen in time. Just that, nothing more, and he knew that it was working.

Kazuya closed his eyes. That voice… he can’t imagine why he wasn’t able to discover this song before. He didn’t listen to music which was there. He was the singer for God sake, and he didn’t listen to all those musing at the back of his head, and now… that song brings him memories, so many precious memories about his once dear love.

***

Kazuya was sitting on the chair, with his hands crossed on the chest. He was really nervous. His parents tried to convince him, that he is suitable to be admitted to this talent agency, but deep inside, he wasn’t sure. He even didn’t think about talent agency. He just wanted to play baseball, which he loved, but now he was sitting in the there, waiting for his turn. There were so many children, boys, who wanted to win their chance for a better life. Yes, that was what he thought. This talent agency was a place full of stars. They’re could do what they wanted and they got what they wanted, so in turn, he wanted to get this chance as well, ‘cause he didn’t like the feeling of losing. He knew what he had to do. His mother practiced him at home and that was what he always does. He practiced and practiced all the way, and that’s why he was so nervous. Also because he knew that he didn’t have any talent. Everything he got was thanks to hard work and determination. Nothing more. It was his way. His own way.

Kazuya closed his eyes, and opened it suddenly when he felt something on his knees. He blinked a few times, but the young boy did not disappear. He was still on his knees, and he smiled to him happily.

“Don’t be so sad! I’m sure you win among all those kids,” a stranger was talking to him, like they’re friends. Kazuya was unsure and didn’t know what to do, so he just smiled to the other one a little. “You have a pretty smile!” He was surprised a bit when the guy poked his cheek, “I’m Jin,” he introduced himself, showing a badge with his full name. A badge which every kid has inside this room, all hoping to pass the auditions, “Jin Akanishi, nice to meet you, Kazuya,” and the boy laughed happily.

“Nice to meet you too” Kazuya smiled widely. He didn’t know why, but that boy gave him courage to fight. He showed him how to relax, and Kazuya was a bit less nervous when they called him out. He smiled to Jin, who showed that he kept his finger crossed. With that brightened smile, Kazuya confidently entered the room full of judges, and a few minutes later, he was in. He survived the auditions; he won the competition, thanks to Jin.

***

“Are you kidding me?!” Jin furiously pushed Kazuya on the wall, put his hands on Kazuya’s wrists, and squeezed them tight. Kame grimaced with a pain. “Are you fucking kidding me?! You promise! We both promised we will debut together! And now… you’re doing this on your own! Moreover, you went here with that fucking, angelic, apologetic smile, and you think that I will forgive you just like this?!”

“Jin, I didn’t have another choice. You know that…” whispered younger one. It wasn’t the first time, when Jin got angry at him. That happened often. He usually kept his anger, and eventually it’ll fade away. Kazuya wasn’t mad because of that. He knew that the time when Jin calms down, he will feel like a shit, and then Kazuya was the one, who had taken his revenge. Usually, he wasn’t able to yell at Jin, but he was doing something worse. He wasn’t talking to him, because he of his mighty pride – he wanted Jin to apologize.

“Right! You don’t have another chance…and I’m the fucking Mickey Mouse! Tell me Kamenashi, who was the one, who was always talking about our dreams?! Who was the one, who’s always talking that bullshit, like the words “don’t give up”?! And finally who was the one, who always talk about debuting together?!”

Jin was so close to him. Kazuya could felt his hot breath on his face, so he closed his eyes, tried to gather his thoughts together. Then what happened next, was unpredictable. Nobody expected that it would be the younger one, who would do the first step. Kazuya just wanted to shut Jin up. He didn’t want to hear another bad word, and so on, that’s why he kissed Jin’s lips gently. He felt the warmth, which spilled all over his body. He realized that he felt something more to Jin. It wasn’t friendship anymore. He felt that as the other closed their distance. So close that even air couldn’t separate them. He wanted to be only his. He wanted that kiss to last forever, but then the older one broke the kiss, and looked at him with surprised expression on his face.

“What was that?”

”An apology?”

”I see…” Jin smiled to him widely and hugged Kazuya tight. “Then do it once again, because I’m still mad at you, Kazu,” he whispered to his ear, kissing it slightly. “I’d love your way of apologizing,” he said as he smiled to the younger one.

***

”We did it! We did it! We did it Jin!” Kazuya jumped on Jin’s back, and hugged him tight. “We did it!” He repeated it once again with excitement. Yes, finally they debuted. KAT-TUN was official now. They were a group, and they had their own single, music video, and even own concerts. That’s what they all dreamt about, and now they knew, that every dream may come true. Every single dream. It’s just all up to them on how they would make it all possible, “We did it,” he mouthed. That single statement was all Kazuya could say now and Jin, smiling, entered the dressing room.

“Yeah, we’re the best,” he laughed and took Kazuya back to the floor, “and now, you can do what you promised.” He stroked his cheek, with that warm smile, which the younger one loved so much, and there was nothing said. Kazuya took his hands around Jin’s neck, and smiled to him widely, then he kissed him on his lips.

“We did it, and like I’d promise… I’m officially yours now,” Kazuya laughed to the other and kissed his lips, cheeks and neck. He never gets tired with that. He always find something new with Jin. There always was this something to be discovered and because of that, Kazuya loved Jin more and more with days, which passed.

***

Kazuya woke up with that bad feeling in his chest, looking for Jin in his apartment, but there weren’t any traces of him anymore. That was the fifth night without Jin in his home. Without Jin in his life. Without Jin in Japan. He was in America, because he wanted to study there. To study English, to fulfill his own dream, to go there to be singer, and Kazuya accepted that. He wanted everything for his boyfriend, what’s the best for him. If he wanted to study there, Kazuya wasn’t the type of person who could stop him.

But… yeah, always there was that but Kazuya felt lonely. Really lonely. He listened to Jin’s songs over and over again and he could no longer pretend that it’s nothing to him, because that’s not what he truly feels. He was hurt. Hurt like hell. All he wanted was Jin to come back, but he never told that to his boyfriend. He was always there for him, to support him.

He sighed deeply, and dragged up, tried to smile properly. He didn’t want to worry his band mates. They have their own worries as well. Thinking that, Kazuya left his bedroom with a hint of disappointed. He knew that he must eat something, but in contradiction, his mind didn’t want to. In the end, he settled just for a cup of coffee, sat in the living room, and watched some news. While he was drinking his coffee, the phone rang. Kazuya immediately pick it up, because he was afraid that he might forget some activities.

“Kazu-chan, I miss you!!!” He heard on the other side of the phone, “America is horrible. There is nothing to eat. Everything is so faded. I want eat your ramen!”

“Baka…” Kazuya can’t do anything, but he felt relieved, and a big smile formed on his face.

“You’re smiling, aren’t you?”

“No, Jin. I’m not.”

“Yes, you are!” Jin laughed happily, “Love you, smile to me always Kazu!”

“I’ll do, I promise,” answered Kazu, still smiling to himself. He was smiling stupidly, but he can do nothing. Jin’s phone gave him new power to work, to live.

“I’m going now. Remember, smile to me always. I love you.”

“I love you too and miss you so much,” he whispered, and as he switch the call off, a new power went running to his system to do best with work. Since then, he was smiling every single day that passes. He can do this, because he did it for Jin.

***

Kazuya opened his eyes and looked at Pi blankly. He didn’t cry. He can’t cry. He promised, right? He promised his Jin that he would smile always for him. His memories were all coming back, and his head was full of overwhelming feelings and memoirs of the past. Their past. His head started to hurt so much, but he didn’t care. He curiously wanted to know more and more. He doesn’t want to be like what he was for the past saddening months. He wanted to know everything; the truth. He tried to smile to his friend and Pi just hugged him once again.

He closed his eyes again. It was easier for him. It was the easier way to bring memories back. He loved his precious memories. Not all of them were good, but even those bad ones were precious for him. It shows him how complicated their relationship was, and how they’re in love each other so.

***

“But you love me, right? Then you’ll be waiting for me forever,” they were sitting in the car on the way home. Jin was driving, and they were quarrelling. Somehow, Kazuya was desperate. He didn’t want to be treated like a toy, so he tried to change it.

“I don’t know,” he whispered as he tried to speak with confidence, but deep within, he knew that he failed to do so.

“You what?!” Jin braked sharply; seatbelt stuck in Kazuya’s chest. He couldn’t breathe for a moment. The car stopped, and Jin’s furious eyes were now glaring at him.

“I don’t know, if I love you,” Kazuya repeated slowly and hesitantly. He knew that this wasn’t true, but he had enough. He smiled every, fucking, single day. He tried to be the best boyfriend for Jin, and the other just treated him like a shit. Everything was more important than him, so he had had enough. He didn’t wish for more. Just a little attention from Jin, and that’s enough to make him happy. Nothing more but some kisses, little talks, and he wanted his lover not to be late anymore. “I don’t know Jin, it’s because you treat me like a toy.”

“I do what?” Jin burst out laughing and looked at him with a serious look, “Yeah, sure.” He raised his eyebrow a bit. “What’s your problem, Kamenashi,” he asked with that stupid, ironic smile on his face. That smile…the smile which Kazuya wanted to erase. He wanted it so badly, but he can’t. He knew that he failed. Again, like always.

“You’re my problem, Akanishi! You, fucking idiot! I hate you, and I love you! And then I hate you even more, because of that!” Kazuya let his feelings out. He hid it too much, and just that, it exploded all of a sudden. He wanted to be with Jin. With his Jin, but not that idiot, just his lovely boyfriend. He wanted to tell something more, but when he lifted his head, his lips met Jin’s. Slowly, his boyfriend hugged him tight, and planted kisses gently on his lips, and then he saw the other car which felt into skid. He wanted to warn Jin, but he saw that the older one already saw it too.

“I love you, Kazu,” Jin whispered to the younger’s ear, “I’ll always love you, and I’m so sorry.”

Kazuya wanted to scream, wanted to do something to rescue them from the trap, but he can’t. All he can hear was his heartbeats which produced loud noises and then nothing more.

***

Kame opened his eyes and looked at Pi. He felt pearls of tears forming in his eyes, but he quickly held them back. Then he bit his lip a bit and took a deep breath.

“He died…” he whispered.

“Yes, indeed.”

“I wanted to see him… I wanted to visit him,” he whispered once again. He didn’t have much strength to move, so Pi nodded a bit.

“I’ll go with you,” he promised and hugged him tight. “Not today, but tomorrow. You look really pale. You should rest a bit, and I promise I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be here, okay?”

Kazuya just nodded, and Pi took him to his bed, laid back together with him, and tried to replace Jin just for a while. He knew that this was impracticable, but he must try. Kazuya was his dear friend and he cannot disregard the fact the he promised Jin one thing: to take care of him, when he won’t be ale to.

fic: Show me your true emotions.

2010-12-28T21:09:58Z

Title : Show me your true emotions.
Pairing: Toma Ikuta x Kamenashi Kazuya
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff, comedy, romance
Rating: none
Summary: Toma is tried to confess his true feelings to Kazuya.
Warnings: un betad
A/N: This story I want to dedicate to my sister - val93entine, because she liked this pairing.
A/N: I wanted dedicated it also to my lovely friend nikattun, because I love you dear. Love you so much.

Toma ended his work with a big smile on his mouth. That was the last they on the set of his new film. Lately he got lot of proposition for serials and cinema’s films and well he couldn’t tell, that he didn’t like this job. Actually Toma loved being an actor, because of that he could be anyone for a while. He could be a doctor, lawyer or even fly to the moon. That was really great and nice feeling. The best part of his job, but there were drawback too.

First of all, he was popular, so he couldn’t have private life. Or okay, he had private life, but he was the public person, so he must be careful. Fans were always with him. They were screaming and trying catch him almost every time, and there were paparazzi too. They were the worst from everything. Stories about him in magazines were incredible stupid, bad fans believed in them, so he must be careful of everything, which came from his mouth, and about his actions too. That was really hard for him, specially when he had bad day… Wait! He couldn’t have bad days. He must be perfect like everyone in his job.

That day Toma ended day earlier, so decided come back to home by subway. The weather was nice, so he wanted to go for some walk. When he was younger, he really liked walking, couldn’t imagine one day without short walk. Now things were different. Sometimes he even didn’t have time for walking or he was too tired for walking. That job was hard and painful. There were so many people, who hadn’t other choices, than give up their hobbies, and his walking things was a piece of cake compared with their sacrifices. Toma shook his head, when he realized, that he felt sorry of himself. Actually he hadn’t that bad life. He had lovely family, which support him in his every decision, even when they weren’t properly. He had wonderful friends. They were always with him, when he need them. Well they were his precious one, people, which he cared even more than for himself.

But Toma was only human, so he sometimes imagine himself doing normal things. Sometimes he wanted be normal men, with a normal job. He wanted being not popular. Just like a mice, or grey businessmen, which he often saw on the streets. That was just normal things, that he imagine himself doing something different, than his job. Well his imagination was really big one. That wasn’t hard for him to imagine himself even in prison. He liked those whiles, when he had time to imagine, because that was one thing, which remained him from childhood. Dreams were good things. Every human should have dreams, because without dreams, world ad life in that world, was sad and lonely.

But Toma wasn’t person who had a big dreams. His dreams was the ones, which he could fulfil. He just must found courage for that. And that day was the day, at which his dreams will came true.. He promised his best friend – Yamapi, that he finally fulfilled one of his dreams. Well he promised that, but he wasn’t sure, if he can do that. That’s why he decided back to home by subway. He needed time to prepared himself to that really difficult task. It was probably the hardest task in his whole life and well it wasn’t first time, when he promised to Yamapi, that he will fulfill that dream. Actually that was tenth time. Tenth and the last time, just because Yamapi had enough…

~.~

“Toma it’s not that hard to confess him” Tomohisa was really tired and he just dreamt about one calm night, without guests. He felt like an grandmother with a good advices. There was always someone, who came to him with a beer to cry on his shoulders and he never refused them help. But God, he had simply enough, when the same person went to him once again with the same problem.

“Pi… but I just can’t! J always talking like a machine in front of him” his best friend had one big problem. He wasn’t good in expressing his feelings. Of course he could act, but that wasn’t good way to such important thing, like telling someone that he loved him. Yamapi took a deep breath and drink a little beer.

“Toma, you promised me a hundred time…”

“Actually only nine…” interjected Toma and that was enough for the younger one. If Yamapi had lasers in his eyes, Ikuta probably will be dead.

“Eight times too much” answered with a cold tone Tomohisa. He really had enough of that stupid problem. They were talking so many times of that subject. They also did some exercises of that situation, and their whole efforts did nothing, just because Ikuta couldn’t have enough of courage. “You promised me that this time, will be the last time, and what? Nothing… you fail again” exploded without any hope for success. “This time, we make a deal, okay?”

“Deal?”

“Yes, deal. If you fail this time, I told him, that you love him” Yamashita showed Toma his the best devil smile.

“You wouldn’t do that!” Ikuta almost yelled on the younger one. That wasn’t a good deal, but he purposed that Tomohisa will do that, even without deal, so he couldn’t do nothing, but. “Fine. I confessed to him tomorrow.”

“Finally!” Pi smiled to him widely and took cup of beer in his hand. “For your love” said before drinking the whole one.

~.~

Toma sighed. He wasn’t sure of that whole task, but he was sure just one thing. Tomohisa was able to do everything. That’s why this time he couldn’t fail. Moreove he was left to his own decisions. Nobody could help him and that was scary thing to him. Closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his task, but he had empty mind. All of Pi’s lessons just gone away. He was like a drowned ship, without any rescue chances. Another time he shook his head and opened eyes in a proper moment to see Kamenashi. Toma sighed with disbelief. Why Kamenashi was there? Why he was traveling with him? In the same train… it wasn’t train which drove to Kame’s place… and he probably will wondered of that to the end of his travel, if Kazuya didn’t saw him. The younger one sat in front of him.

“Why aren’t you lied in bed?” Kazuya asked him, with suspected look. Toma raised his eyebrow.

“Why should I lied in bed?” asked with a surprise. He wasn’t ill. He even didn’t feel bad… Okay, he felt bad, but it hadn’t any medicines connections.

“Pi-chan told me, that you have a flu” answered Kame with a sigh. He couldn’t believe that he felt for something like this. “He even asked me to gave you this” showed to the other one string bad with medicine. Toma raised his eyebrow once again. He couldn’t believe that Yamapi did something like this. Everybody knews that irritated Kame, wasn’t good idea, because that thin, small person was changed in a monster, when he was mad. In the other hand, Toma couldn’t stop thanks his best friend for that opportunity. He couldn’t let that chance out.

“You didn’t have a flu, right?” Kazuya still was looking at him with that sweet expression on his face. Anger with care, and Toma couldn’t help for it, but he felt even at that expression.

“I’m sorry Kazu, but I don’t have a flu” answered to him.

“I knew it!” Kazuya exploded. “I will kill Pi” promised to himself and looked out of the window. Toma took a deep breath and looked at the younger one. Always been looking like that, just observing the other one, never being able to talk properly with him, just because Kazuya was always with someone. He was just like Yamashita. There was always someone with them, and now… Now Kazuya was only with him and… he was really scared. He couldn’t find proper words to talk. Kamenashi didn’t talk either, but for Toma that wasn’t something unusual. Just because Kame had a whole right to being mad. Ikuta knew that this was his last chance, so he slight coughed.. Kazuya looked at him with raising his eyebrow.

“Actually I don’t have a flu, but I have incurable disease” said slowly.

“Yeah, right and I’m Santa Claus” Kazuya was skeptic, and Toma wanted withdrew, but he couldn’t. Yamapi will be mad if he do something like this, so he took another deep breath.

“You are?” asked. “I didn’t know that I’m so lucky person. I know Santa Claus! Lucky me!” smiled to Kame, who sighed with disbelief.

“Nice try” the younger one took his thumb up. “I’m not going to fell once again for your stupid plays” said with anger, then he licked his lips. Toma raised his eyebrows once again. Kamenashi had always been licked his lips, when he didn’t feel comfortable. He knew that, because of his observations.

“Why didn’t you get off on the previous station?” asked younger one with a sligh smile. Kame looked at him with a embarrassed.

“I just… I…” once again licked his lips. “You don’t look good.”

“I what?”

“You’re ill, right? You told me, that you’re ill” reminded him, trying back to observing view out the window.

“Yeah, right. You don’t believe me” reminded Toma. The whole situation was funny for him now, because he wasn’t one with a stress. Kame also was stressful and he didn’t know why.

“I changed my mind” Kame answered quickly, too quickly. “I’m Santa Claus, remember? Pi-chan had a wish, and I need to fulfill it” Kazuya smiled to him lovely. “I will be your nurse” promised to him.

“A nurse?” Toma couldn’t help, but laugh. He loved that embarrassed Kazuya. The younger one looked then like a human, not perfect machine to doing money. Kamenashi also was a human. They all were humans. They were only humans, but people seems to forgetting that. “My personal nurse” Toma took Kame’s hand and pulled him on his lap, then he hugged him tight. “You’re beautiful nurse, Kame-chan” whispered to his ear.

“And you’re handsome liar” answered Kazuya with a small smile on his face. Toma couldn’t wait any while longer, kissed his perfect lips and felt for that sexy man once again. That was their first kiss and he wanted remembered everything about it. Kazuya’s smell, taste, perfect lips shape. Everything. Kazuya tasted like a milk chocolate with a little honey, but there was also something bitter in it. That was perfect taste for Toma. He wanted that moment to last forever.

“I’m not a liar” Toma smiled to the younger one, when the other broken kiss. “I’m ill. I fell in love with you. This is my disease, but I don’t want being cured from that” whispered with another kiss. “I love you” said truly and looked in Kame’s eyes, which were whole of happiness, but he didn’t have chance to answered, because Yamapi hugged both of them tight.

“Finally! I love you too, guys!” yelled on the whole train. “I’ll have calm, nice night today!” Yamashita was extra happy for that. Finally nobody came to him in night, and he will have time for himself. That was such a great news for him. “I’m so happy for you! But seriously… I should kicked your ass. Both of you. You’re such an idiot! Toma, you should confess to him earlier” Tomohisa looked at his best friend with widely smiled, and then he looked at Kame too. “You’re the idiot too, you know? You have so many chances today to confess what are you truly feel to him, and you didn’t do this”

“Pi-chan…” Kazuya smiled to Yamapi widely. “Thank you” he kissed his cheek and hugged Toma more. “I love you too, Toma-chan” whispered with a deep kiss.

‘Wait a minute… why Pi is here?”

“Because I asked him for help” answered Kazuya. “I wanted to confess you… but I didn’t find courage. I was afraid of your reaction, and Pi-chan offered me help” explained silently.

“You act all the time?” Toma raised his eyebrows and Kame nodded a little. “So who is a liar here?” Toma laughed happily hugging Kame tight. “I love you, my little turtle” whispered silently.

drabble: Christmas surprise

2010-12-22T23:18:56Z

Title: Christmas surprise
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff
Rating: none
Summary: Just another Akame Christmas.
Warnings: un betad
A/N: It's part of suicide drabble meme , dedicated to the michiaki_mia with her prompt, but I fail with it a little...
A/N: I wanted dedicated it also to my lovely older sis abi_manyu : don't worry for your lazy time, and be happy all the time. Remember about confidence.

Kazuya was on his way to home. There was really cold, and he didn’t have his gloves, so he wasn’t prepare for that weather. Well nobody was prepared, because nothing announced snowing weather in the night. It was 24^th of December and Christmas time, but for Kazuya that day wasn’t something to celebrate. It was just another work day, nothing else. He couldn’t tell that he hate Christmas, of course he wasn’t hate it. He liked that day, but it wasn’t special for him. Especially now, when Jin wasn’t with him.

He remembered that every Christmas, from 12 years, he spent with his friend, and now… Jin wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t mad of Akanishi. He just thought that it would be nice, if his friend could be with him that day. He accustomed to that noisy brat at his place. Jin’s stupid smiled and even Jin’s stupid, but cute actions. But now he was alone, and even couldn’t be mad on his friend, because the other one was in America to fulfill his dream. Kazuya should supported the other one, but in time like this… he wasn’t do it, and felt terrible with that thought.

He was really egoistic, but he couldn’t do nothing to change it and it getting worse and worse with the time, when he saw families, which were shopping with each others, laughing together and simply spending time together. He couldn’t do nothing to changed his feelings. He simply missed his best friend so much, and… he was hungry… which was obvious, because of his stupid stomach, which made strange sounds.

He sigh heavily, when he thought about empty fridge. He hadn’t time to do shopping from three days. One look on shop window made that, he felt hungry and entered to shop. He was looking for something to eat, something good and cheep, because he didn’t want spend his all money for eating. He stopped just for a while, when he saw Christmas cake. He wanted it, but on the other hand, knew that wouldn’t able to eat whole cake on his own, so he just didn’t buy it.

Finally Kazuya back to his home. He was really tired and he just wanted sleep, and then he saw an information, that lift didn’t worked properly. For a while thought that was just a fucking joke, but no… it wasn’t joke. With a little sigh, he looked at the stairs. He was living on the fifth floor, so there were a lot of stairs to overcome. That was the last obstacle on his way to home, and then, finally he could went sleep. That was something, what gave him wings. He climbed to his floor really fast. It could be World Champion record, if someone had watched him.

~.~

“I’m home” Kazuya whispered, when he finally entered to his dreamt place. He didn’t expect any answer, because he lived alone, but today he had really bad luck, and his predictions didn’t come true.

“Welcome home, Kazu-chan”

Kazuya felt like his imagination is joking with him again. It wasn’t be such a big surprise, if it will be truth. This day was really bad for him, and he wasn’t able to turn to side from that lovely voice come.

“Aren’t you happy Kazu-chan?” once again Jin’s voice come to his ears, and it was such a lovely melody, that younger one wasn’t able to move. He didn’t want wake up from such a beautiful fairytale. He even didn’t talk, and for a while forgotten of breathing.

Jin laugh a little, then he came closer and hugged his boyfriend. He kissed his ear and just waiting for Kame’s reaction.

“Why are you here?” Kazuya was really surprised. He was happy, but he wasn’t sure, if Jin could be with him that day. He didn’t want to be a problem for career the older one. “You should be in New York” whispered.

“But I won’t be there, if I know, that you’re here… all alone” answered the other one, and turn Kazuya to his side, then he smiled, and stroked his hairs. “Don’t worry sweetie, everything will be fine now” he kissed gently Kazuya’s lips. That lips, which he missed so much. Lips about he dreamt so many times. That perfect lips, which tasted like he remembered and even better. “I’m here for you”

Kazuya answered with that lovely smile, which he hadn’t have for a long time, and covered his face with a hands. He wasn’t prepare for such a important guest. He even didn’t buy that fucking Christmas cake. Why he was such an egoistic?! He cursed for himself, then he licked his lips nervously.

“Jin-chan could you please wait for me just another while? Just another second?” asked silently. He begged Jin to do this.

“I can do this, but firstly I want to show you something” Akanishi kiss his boyfriend lips once again, then he covered Kazuya’s eyes with his hand and entered with the younger one to the living room. “Here we are”

The younger one opened eyes carefully. He didn’t like surprises from Jin. They always were a little weird, but this time… his boyfriend did a great job. In the living room was Christmas tree and mistletoe. Then there was his table with special supper and the Christmas cake too. Jin even didn’t forget about candles and wine, which Kazuya loved.

For a while he blinked a few times just for a checking that. He didn’t know if it is a fairytale or whatever. That was something unpredictable, but Jin smile told him everything.

“Jin… you did this all alone? I’m impressed” whispered with a little smile, and hugged Jin tight. “Thank you! I love you so much! You’re really crazy, but I love you for this also!” said between kisses. Jin just stroked his hair again and kisses his forehead.

“Merry Christmas, Kazu-chan” whispered silently.

fic: The polices archives (1/3)

2010-11-18T12:40:13Z

Title: The polices archives: how to be policeman in love.
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff, maybe some comedy
Rating: none
Summary: Jin is an famous policmam, who felt in love with Kazuya.
Warnings: Poor grammary (I still looking for a beta)
A/N: It's part of suicide drabble meme, dedicated to the karilly with her prompt, but it'll be more than one part, because of your prompt!
A/N: I wanted dedicated it also for my two others Powerpuff's girls (moon_catcher norilys ).

For Jin every days were the same. Day by day, hour by hour. Nothing changed. He always woke up, dressed up, went to work, back home, went slept. Routine was in every part of his life. He could do nothing to changed his life.

Jin was a famous policeman, so he couldn’t complain of his status. He loved what he was doing. He could made world better place for the good people. He couldn’t imagine himself doing something different. Jin was that kind of person, who loved children, and who wanted for them everything what the best, so he caught every single drug dealer. Ha hated drugs, ‘cause he knew that they’re not good for anybody, specially for children. He had doing great job with that’s drug’s cases. He was famous in the criminal world. Everybody knew his name and they’re afraid of him.

But Akanishi wasn’t happy. Of course he liked his work and he was proud of himself, but work wasn’t the only one thing in the life. There still were friends, love or even hate. But Jin had never loved someone. He had never been in love until now…

From two month Jin wasn’t doing nothing important. He just sat behind the desk and did paper work. His chef gave him time to rest, ‘cause had been injured in the last action. He had spent month in the hospital and then he had came back to work, so he was grateful of the time to rest. But then this time got longer and longer and longer, and he started to getting boring of that state.

Day by day, hour by hour, Jin was just sitting in front the window and looking outside with his mind somewhere around the world’s problems, his own feelings. He sighed deeply when he realized that he was going to destruction. He had nothing with life. He just worked and worked. That was terrible. He promised himself, that he changed his life, and then he saw the man…

Beautiful person, who was always walking this street. In the morning and evening, probably going to work, and come back from it. The man was always smiling and talked to children and old persons. He was different from the other people in the street. He wasn’t grey for Jin. He was shining from every part of his body. This shining was something what attracted Jin to him. He wanted to know more about this person.

Every morning he looked out the window to watched this person. Perfect person, who had never late. Always in the same time. His moves was pretty for Jin. He wasn’t walking, but dancing, and that was next thing which Jin loved. He wanted to talk to beautiful man, but he couldn’t. Not because he was shy, just because he was at work, and he could do nothing to change it.

Every day he got more frustration about this whole situation. God! He finally found his love, and he could do nothing. He loved this man with every while more and more, and once he had enough. He just skipped his worked, and went behind beautiful man to his working place. Then he finally got his name. His name was Kazuya, and he worked as a waiter in the lovely coffee place. Jin smiled to himself, ‘cause he knew enough to started talking with him.

There was his day off, so he went to coffee place and sat behind on of the table, waiting for the waiter. Kazuya of course was there. He received order from another person in restaurant, smiling to her lovely. Jin wanted that smile to be only his, and he was jealous for this. It should be only his smile.

‘Excuse me, can I take a order?’ he slowly looked on the person who was waiting for his order. It wasn’t Kazuya. It even wasn’t be man. He smiled to the girl and thanks her for that. He told her that he must considered a while, and when she went to the other client, quickly changed the table. He forgot that in every restaurant tables were separated between waiters, and he didn’t know which tables were for Kazuya, but he was incredible lucky. That was his second table and it was lucky table.

Kazuya went to him with that lovely smile.

‘Can I take an order?’ asked politely. Jin smiled back to him and nodded. He liked the other’s voice. This voice was a melody of his soul.

‘Two coffees please’ answered him. The man raised his eyebrow, but didn’t tell anything. Just writing down his ordered.

‘Anything more?’

Jin looked to the menu and he really didn’t know what more should he order, so he smiled to Kazuya again.

‘What do you recommend?’

‘Cheese cake is really good there’ answered man still with his smile. He was used to this kind of questions from clients.

‘Good then, two cheese cake then, please’

Kazuya just nodded and smiled once again, then he went to did his order. Jin whole this time observed boy’s actions. He liked his moves, his focusing which he had on his face, when he was doing his job. Jin smiled this whole time and when Kazuya back, again with his smile, he sigh a little. He was too perfect to be true.

‘Bon appetite’ Kazuya smiled to him, when he placed his order on the table, and he wanted back, to work, but Jin caught his hand.

‘Come and eat with me’ smiled to him a little.

‘Eh? I can’t’ Kazuya was in shocked. He didn’t know what he should do. He couldn’t accept the invitation. It wasn’t good. He could be fired for that.

‘Yes, you can. Just sit and eat with me. It’s not that hard, right?’

‘But… but I’m in work. I can’t. Sorry’ Kazuya tried once again, but then Jin sighed deeply, and took his police badge on the table.

‘Sit there, please’ smiled to the man, and he just couldn’t do nothing.

‘It’s not fair’ mumbled and sat on the other chair. Jin enjoyed his meal and observed the other with passion. He wanted to sitting there forever, with this cute person, who was mad on him.

‘So Kazuya, right? Tell me something about you’ asked him.

‘I don’t like intruders’ growled Kazuya and wildly stuck his fork in the cake. ‘I don’t like intruders, who used their position to get what they want’ looked defiantly on policeman. Jin laughed happily. He didn’t know that Kazuya had that lovely character, and then he loved him even more than before. ‘Do I do something wrong, Mr. Power?’

‘No, you don’t. I just want talk with you’ Jin smiled to him lovely. He even liked that cute mad expression on Kazuya’s face. ‘Oh and I’m Jin, nice to meet you’ smiled happily to the man.

‘Nice to meet you too’ the other answered rudely. ‘Can I go now? Please, I have a work’ he reminded.

‘Why? Are you boring?’

‘Yeas I am!’ Kazuya wasn’t in a good mood to social networking. ‘I want back to work, ‘cause I’m working here, you know? And my chef is gonna kill me, if I don’t back’

‘He don’t kill you’ Jin was enjoying talking. He was in a good mood and he started to like teasing Kazuya. ‘He just fired you, It’s not end of the world’

‘For me it is’ the man was really angry now. ‘You don’t know me, how can you talking this bullshit?!’

‘Don’t yelled’ Jin reminded him, with who is he talking, but Kazuya just backed to work, with any other sight for him. He just be back with a bill. ‘I not finished yet!’

‘But I do and I don’t care that you’re fucking policeman. You can be even Emperor, and I won’t care too, so just paid it and go away. And never come back’ he wasn’t sweet and cute at all, but just made Jin laughing more and more, but he wasn’t bad client, paid his bill and went away, just like Kazuya said. But he didn’t go to home. He just waited for the other to the end of his work. He didn’t want to give up so easily. He just found love of his life and didn’t want to loose it again.

Kazuya left the work with a good mood, but it wasn’t last long, because he saw Jin on the other side of the street. The man was waved to him, with a big smile on his month. Kazuya quickly decided to ignored intruder, and immediately walked to home. He hope that Jin didn’t follow him, but he wasn’t lucky.

‘Why are you follow me?’ he didn’t withstood. He couldn’t stand that stupid person. He turn to him with anger. ‘Are you homeless or what?’

‘No I’m not. I always going for the suspects’ smiled to him widely.

‘What?! For what are you suspected me?!’ Kazuya couldn’t stand quietly. He couldn’t imagine how stupid some people was. He didn’t do anything bad. He didn’t do anything against the rule.

‘Nothing’ mumbled Jin, enjoying time with Kazuya. ‘But in the future…’

‘You’re crazy… seriously, leave me alone, or I call the police!’ the other was furious. Policeman really drove him crazy, and he even didn’t feel guilty.

‘You can call the police, but for what? I’m policeman. I can protect you’ Jin wasn’t that person, who gave up easily. He was like rock. There was nothing, what could stopped him. Kazuya looked at him furiously, and took a deep breath. That was obvious that intruder didn’t leave him alone.

‘What do you want from me?’ asked trying be polite.

‘Just talk’

‘Okay… then how about tomorrow?’ suggested. ‘At five o’clock at my work place?’

‘That will be fine. See you tomorrow then’ Jin smiled to Kazuya and went back to his home.

~.~

Jin walking to the meeting place with happiness on his face. Finally he got the chance to talk properly with Kazuya, and he even whistled and jumped, while he was walking. That meeting was really serious for him. It was like be or not to be for him. He just wanted to be with Kazuya, no matter what.

He dressed the best clothes he had. He was really glad that Kazuya wanted meet with him, but he also knew, that he forced him to do that, but that wasn’t something he really care. He had a date today, and he was excited.

He entered to coffee place, and sat upon the table in the corner. He wanted a little privacy, ‘cause he knew that Kazuya wanted be on the neutral ground. The other came to him without smile, and sat in front of him.

‘Let’s started once again’ suggested and gave him hand. ‘Kazuya Kamenashi. Nice to meet you’ introduced himself with a little smile.

‘Jin Akanishi’ greeted him. ‘So Kazuya, want some drink?’

‘ Coffee will be fine’

‘Okay’ Jin ordered two coffee, then he looked at the man, who looked so sweet and lovely, that he wanted hug him, but he knew that he couldn’t do that. It could be scared the other. ‘How old are you?’

‘You know… that isn’t good question for the first meeting’ Kazuya smiled to him slightly, and drink coffee. ‘But if you asking. I’m 24’ answered.

‘You’re younger than me. I’m 26’

‘Sometime youngest people are more wiser than the older ones’ replied him, and Jin again burst in laughing. He loved Kazuya’s character.

‘Of course they are. You are wiser than me, right?’

‘I don’t know’ admitted. The atmosphere was a little awkward. Kazuya didn’t want what he should told, so he just waiting for another question and drinking coffee. He didn’t like this kind of meetings. ‘Maybe you’re more wiser than me… or for sure you are, ‘cause you’re working at the police, right? And I’m just a waiter’ smiled to him widely.

‘Thank you, but you shouldn’t talking like this about yourself’ said with passion. ‘You’re kind and nice person, and you have good heart. I know that Kazuya. I observed you…’

‘You what?! Pervert!’ Kame yelled at him. ‘How could you?!’

‘Calm down, baby’ whispered Jin. He didn’t want to ruin the date for that little incident.

‘I’m not your baby!’

‘Okay, okay. Just calm down. Please…’

‘Why did you observed me?’ Kazuya took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but it didn’t work.

‘I was boring’ shrugged. ‘I was looking out of the window, and you were walking there… you always walking down the street’ explained silently, and the other just nodded. Jin was glad that he finally calm down. ‘What are you doing in your free time?’

‘Watching movies, hanging out with friends, sometimes sing in the karaoke bar’ this time it was Kazuya who shrugged. ‘And you?’

‘I rarely had a free time. I’ve always sleeping, because I’d like sleeping’ he laughing a bit, then he stroked his hair. ‘I’m not that interesting like you’.

‘I see’ the younger one finished his coffee, and now he was observing Jin. He was quite interesting and not that bad, like he used to think about him. He was even good company for talking. ‘Do you want go out with me?’ suggested again, and then he closed his mouth. What was that? Why he suggested something like that? He didn’t know it. He just want to make Jin happy, and when he saw this happiness on his face, he just felt warm in the heart. He smiled to policeman a little. ‘How about tomorrow?’

‘Here? At seven?’

‘Yup, here, here. I’ll bring you to my favorite place’

‘Then seven o’clock tomorrow’ Jin was really glad that Kazuya wanted to go out with him. He had a chance to knew more about the younger one, and he knew that this is one chance for a million, and he didn’t want to miss her.

drabble: Eternal

2010-11-15T11:47:14Z

Title: Eternal
Pairing: Akame
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff
Rating: none
Summary: Jinn is taking care of Kazuya.
Warnings: Poor grammary (I still looking for a beta)
A/N: It's part of suicide drabble meme, dedicated to the nana_lytama with her prompt. but I think you'll be dissapointed dear, 'cause I changed a little your prompt. Anyway... I hope you like it.

Jin was sitting on the sofa in the living room and watching the football match. Finally he got some time for himself. It was not that he hadn’t that time, just that he took care of Kazuya, who was in bed now. He felt relief when his friend finally went to bed. He’d never supposed that Kazuya could be such a demanding child.

He knew that it wasn’t Kame’s fault. The younger one was just sick, had a terrible headache and high temperature, and he went to work with that condition. He often did such irresponsible things. He’d never care about himself. He was workaholic, and Jin knew that too, but when Kazuya collapsed, he just found that it’s enough. He took his friend to the home and now he must listened to Kazuya’s mumbling, so he was glad, that the other went to bed, ‘cause now he could do what he want. He could rest a bit from work, friends, and problems too, but his rest didn’t take a long time, ‘cause in the middle of match, he heard silently steps.

He smiled to himself, but he didn’t move even for a while, waited for the other one step.

‘I can’t sleep’ Kazuya mumbled and sat on Jin’s laps, hugging to his friend. ‘Tell me a story’

‘Kazu… you know that I’m not good in telling stories’ Jin sighed deeply. He didn’t know what to do, so he just hugged Kame’s tight, and gently stroked his back. Kazu sniffed a little, and looked at his friend.

‘But you told me that you’ll do everything I want to’ reminded him, and Jin knew that he was did a mistake. Actually couple of mistakes.

‘I know, sweetheart, but listen… how about watching some stories on television?’ Jin tried this way. He really didn’t want to invent a fairy tale for a mature person, because Kazuya was old enough to invent his own stories.

‘I don’t want to. I want story from you’ pouted Kame and crossed hands on his chest. He gave Jin a little killing glare, and older one just smiled to him with apologized. He stroked Kazuya’s hairs, and kissed his lips.

‘How about singing?’ Jin tried in the other way. He could sang for Kazuya everything he wanted. Anything, but the fairy tale.

‘Singing?’ Kazuya blinked a few times, then he nodded with a cute smile. ‘JinJin will sing love to his Kazuya!’ yelled with excitation, and quickly took his friend to the bedroom, lying on his bed and again smiled to the other.

‘Eh?!’ Jin looked at him carefully. What just did he said? He had to sing what? His love? He didn’t know what Kazuya had in his mind, but there was no way back, so he sat on the bed, once again stroked Kame’s hair and started to sing. He had chosen The Beatles song, ‘cause it suit to the situation much, but his boyfriend wasn’t satisfied with his choose.

‘I don’t want it… I want you to sing love to me!’ reminded with a tears in eyes. It was the last thing Jin wanted to saw at his boyfriend. He didn’t like see Kazuya’s in tears, so he immediately hugged him tight.

‘Kazu don’t cry. Please, don’t cry’ begged him, hugged his boyfriend even tighter. ‘I will sing to you… I will. Please, don’t cry’ whispered once again and started to sing “Eternal”. It was song, which he wanted dedicated to Kazuya. He always thought about this, but never did that. He wanted Kame to know about his feelings to him. That song said everything he wanted to say to Kazuya.

He ended sing and smiled to the younger one, then he laugh silently. Kazuya was sleeping with an happy expression on his face. It was the best present for Jin’s efforts of which he could dreamt about. He kissed forehead of his boyfriend and silently left the room.

***
Kazuya woke up early in the morning and stretched. He felt much better than yesterday. He wanted to go to the kitchen, but then he was stopped by Jin entered to his room with a scrambled eggs and hot coffee on his hands. He smiled to Kazuya widely and sat in front of him.

‘Morning, sweetheart’ kissed Kame’s lips and gave him breakfast. Kazu smiled to him in reply and started to eat. ‘Feel better?’

‘I feel good Jin, don’t worry’ answered with a little smile on his face. He thought that he must often went sick, ‘cause he liked how Jin took care of him. He liked his cute expression, his worries on his face, and love… yes there was a lot of love to gave him.

‘Good’ Jin smiled to him once again, sitting behind Kazuya and hugged him tight. He kissed Kame’s ear one by one. Little kisses went on the Kazu’s neck, ears and cheeks. Kazu ended eat and put plate on the bedside cabinet, then he relaxed in Jin’s hands, allowed his boyfriend for everything he wanted. ‘I love you’ heard sexy voice in his ear. ‘You know that, right? I love you, Kazu’

‘I know’ replied him, and kissed Jin’s lips passionately. ‘Would someone please cast magic on you so that, no tears of sadness would ever have to fall down your face’ Kazu sang silently words of Jin’s love to him, and smiled to the older one cutely. He knew that Jin’s words were true, and he loved his boyfriend too. There was nothing more to said.

fic: Broken memory (3/5 or 3/6)

2010-11-12T19:22:05Z

Title: Broken memory
Pairing: Akame, Kamepi (later)
Author:mouter
Genre: a bit angst, drama
Rating: none
Summary: Kazuya had an accident and he lost part of his memories.
Warnings: Poor grammary (I still looking for a beta)
A/N: I want dedicate this fic to My lovely Hugging Monster (karilly ) for make me smile and giving power to life. You're incredible women, dear! Don't you dare thinking in another way!
A/N 2: This part I want to dedicate for Gina-chan (moon_catcher ) for her pervy fics *laugh* Okey, seriously I love you dear for being warm person. For giving me such a good advices.

Part 1
Part 2

Home should be a place when you live without any fears. Home should be a place when you feel comfortable. Finally home should be a place, where you back with a big smile of your face, place when you can rest. Home should be that warm and nice place, but Kazuya couldn’t told that about his place. Of course he recognized it. He knew that this place was his home. It was his furniture and the same rooms. Everything was on their place, but there was something strange, and Kazuya couldn’t tell what was that.

There’s something missing, and that feeling… emptiness, loneliness. He didn’t want to live in such a place. Moreover he was afraid of living there, but he didn’t have any courage to told that someone. He saw how his friends were happy because of his returned to the living world. They’re shared every single while with him. He knew that he should told them about his feelings, but he was also sure, that they’re didn’t understand that.

He even back to the hospital and asked doctor for a few extra testes, ‘cause he wasn’t sure that everything was okay with him. But the test didn’t show anything interesting. They were good, and there was nothing to worry. He should be happy, but he wasn’t… because it meant that he lose his mind. Lose control of his life. He wasn’t sure of anything, and he must fought with his own demons.

He felt sick when he must came back to his home after work. He didn’t want to that, and he stayed at work to the end. He even tried to stayed there for a night, but it wasn’t good for his health, and his friends didn’t allow him that, so every single day he came back to home and tried convinced himself, that everything is okay. There was nothing to worry. There was nothing to be afraid.

But that wasn’t true, and somehow he knew that. There was something missing. Something really important to him, but he didn’t remember that, and this feeling drove him crazy. He’d really wanted to know what happen there. Why there was empty? Why he felt loneliness?

He wanted to know true, but he could do nothing. No one could help him. They’re told him that he was healthy, so why there were this feelings? It must be in his mind… it must be something in him. He tried to convinced himself, but with no success.

~.~

Kazuya woke up in the morning and gave a little smile to the person who was lied behind him. He hug him tight with that lovely smiled, and he knew that this person also gave him a little smiled, but he didn’t saw it. Like always. He loved that little moments which they’re shared with each other. Every single morning… and every single morning were different that the other. There was something magical in this little moments Something incredible, precious. Little moments of joy.

‘Good morning, sunshine’ He felt the other man’s hand on his back. He stroked him a little, and then caressing his skin with a little kisses. They’re landed on his neck and lips. He loved that lovely good mornings. He wanted them to be forever. But every morning ended with a noisy alarm clock sound…

~.~

Kazuya slowly opened his eyes and switch off alarm clock. Not for the first time he wanted to murdered alarm clock. That stupid thing always interrupted his dreams. He could swear that this thing gave him devil.

He sigh a little and sat on the bed, watched his own room. For a while he could feel the smell of his precious person. Aroma of that person was incredible and unique, but somehow… he could swear that he knew that smell. His dreams was so real that he sometimes wondered when he is dreaming.

He stretched and came to the bathroom, and then… something commanded him to took an eau de toilette. He took it and for a while he watched the bottle. He liked their shape and the package. Then he opened it and tried on his skin.

He froze when he realized which smell is it. Bottle fared from his shaking hands and smashed on the million pieces on the floor. Aroma came to his mind, affected him. He dropped to his knees trying to understand what’s going on.

That wasn’t his eau de toilette. He was sure of that. It wasn’t his smell. He didn’t like it on his skin, but he loved it on that precious person. He loved his smell. He loved that eau de toilette compared with that person.

The tears came to his eyes and he let him dropped down. He wasn’t strong and that feeling just overwhelmed him. He wouldn’t know what to do. He wanted to saw his precious person. He wanted to not be lonely. He wanted to talk to this person. He wanted be with him, but he didn’t know… he didn’t know if they’re broke up, or maybe there was something he shouldn’t know? Maybe the truth was more painful than this state? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know true, or not, but he knew one thing.

His friends didn’t tell him the true. He tried to ask them for his dreams and his premonitions, but they always replied to him that it was just a dream, and there is nothing behind him, and then… they always changed the topic. That was strange for him, but he was sure that they’re hiding something. They didn’t want him to know about something, and he acted that he didn’t know about their conspiracy. He tried to put to sleep their vigilance, and then he could attacked.

He wiped his tears and stand up, sigh slowly and tried to put smile on his face. When he was satisfy from the effect, he left the house. There was his work after all. He must went to the studio. He didn’t like to be late.

~.~

Junno came to the work late. He was their second Akanishi. Always late, and he knew that he shouldn’t do that, but he can’t help it. He just hate his alarm clock, and always had fight with him. He was really surprised when he saw Kazuya, who also was late. He smiled a little to the younger one and came to him.

‘Bad dream?’ asked him, ‘cause everybody knew that Kame had a strange dreams.

‘Not this time’ younger one smiled back to him, and Junno knew that he just wore a mask. It was obvious, ‘cause while ago he looked like a sick person, and then he was just happy.

‘What’s wrong, Kazu?’

‘Nothing, Junno. It’s nothing. Just a one bad day. Everything goes wrong. Firstly I broke the eau de toilette, secondly I didn’t eat breakfast, and now… I’m late’ sigh him, and rubbed his eyes. ‘I’m just a little tired Junno’ he smiled to him a little.

‘I see’ Taguchi wasn’t sure, but he decided not to delve the topic. Just smiled back and went with a Kame to the proper room. ‘Oh, I’m doing the party today. Everyone came, you too, right?’

‘I’m sorry Junno’ Kazuya sent him apologized smile. ‘I’m a little tired. I wanted go home and sleep’

‘Mou Kazu… you’ve never came to my place’ Junno tried a little more. He didn’t want to excuse so easily.

‘I’ll come, I promises… but not today, okay?’ Kazu again gave him a smile, and Junno just nodded. Then they’re went to the rest, and the next full of work day came.

~.~

Yamapi came to his place and already turned on computer. He must to know what going on in the world. Three perfect months without any phones and news from his friends made him relaxed. He’d really relaxed and found a new strength to fight. He was prepared for the next years full of work, ‘cause he knew that when he will back to the studio, there won’t be any other day to rest.

He came back earlier than he told his best friends. Only Jin and Ryo knows when he will back, but he wanted to do them surprise, so he caught the earlier flight, and here he was. At his home with hot cap of coffee, and his computer on his lap.

He went for the first side with a news from their friends, and he froze, when he read the first sentence:

Akanishi Jin had died in the car accident. He was in the car with Kamenashi Kazuya, who is in the Samo hospital. His condition is unknown.

He didn’t need nothing more. He took his jacket and left his house immediately. Yamapi started to regret his own decision of being beyond the reach. He couldn’t do anything for Jin there, but he wanted to know what’s wrong with Kame. But when he went to the taxi he realized that he forgot his cell phone. He cursed for his stupid mind, but didn’t stop the driver. He must came to that hospital. There he can find out.

~.~

Kazuya came back to his home. He was really tired and he dreamt about his own bed. He dreamt about it for the whole way to his house. He even didn’t think about loneliness and his strange feelings. He wanted to his bad, to his lovely dreams. Nothing more. Just a little dream to rest. He had enough work, and he sometimes dreamt about being at hospital again. There he could rest and he couldn’t have any worries.

He opened outside door and came to the flat. He was living on the last floor, so he caught the lift and came to it, begging God to being good for him. Seriously he didn’t like elevators. He remembered that he stuck in the lift one time, but then he had luck, ‘cause he stuck there with his precious person.

He smiled to himself and then he left the lift with a sigh of relief, and then he landed on the floor. He couldn’t catch a breath for a while. He was really afraid. He didn’t know what’s going on.

‘You’re alive!’ he heard friendly voice. He knew that voice, so he sigh with relief again.

‘Pi, I’m glad you’re here’ he smiled back to his friend and stand up, then he felt that Yamapi hugged him tight.

‘I’m back, and then I saw that terrible news’ whispered him, and hugged Kazuya’s even more. ‘I’m so sorry Kazu…’

drabble: The looser one

2010-11-11T20:18:24Z

Title: The looser one
Pairing: Akamepi
Author:mouter
Genre: fluff
Rating: none
Summary: Yamapi's feelings of Kazuya.
Warnings: Poor grammary (I still looking for a beta)
A/N: It's part of suicide drabble meme, dedicated to the norilys with her prompt. I hope I won't disappointed you, dear.

Tomohisa was sitting on the sofa and observing Kazuya, who was laughing happily with Jin. You had no idea, how Yamapi wanted replaced his best friend, but he couldn’t. He was a looser. Life had given him a lot of chances to confess his true feelings to Kazuya, but he always hadn’t have courage to do that. So now he couldn’t do nothing, accept the watching and dying without Kame.

Tomohisa sigh heavily, when Jin kissed Kazuya’s lips. Lips from the man, which he was dreamt about. How could that horrible thing happened? Why it wasn’t he on the Jin’s place? He knew answered, but he just couldn’t admit that all of that was his blame. He did nothing to be with Kazuya. Moreover he did everything to not to be with him. He was just a looser, and now he dreamt about time machine. He wanted to travel to the past and fixed his own mistakes. But life wasn’t a fairy tail.

One more sight left his chest. He didn’t exactly remember, when he fell in love with Kazuya, but he could clearly talking about their childish days. ‘Cause he was such a jerk in the past, and he knew it. He was terrible kid.

He was the most known child in the studio. Everybody wanted to become his friends. He was also the most troublemaker child, but every single thing, which he’s done was forgotten by the adults. He was Yamashita Tomohisa after all – the Golden Child. He had a power and he knew how to used it, so everyone wanted to be friends with him, ‘cause if you were friend of Yamapi, you also had a power. You became someone and you wasn’t like the people in the crowd anymore. Everyone was that, except Kazuya.

Kazuya always was different. Of course he wanted to be Yamashita’s friend, but not for the money and position. He wanted to become Tomohisa’s best friend to share with him feelings, emotions, secrets. He didn’t want to be another soldier in the Yamapi’s army, so he changed everything. He changed everything, because of Jin.

Jin was like the others. He wanted to use Yamashita’s power, but he also wanted to be Kazuya’s friend, and that was the problem. Akanishi’s attention was shared between this two. It wasn’t fully focus on Tomohisa, and that was frustrating for him. He wanted to be the only one in Jin’s heart, be he couldn’t do that. It suffice one Kame’s call to go Akanishi away from Yamapi.

Tomohisa laugh silently. Yes, when he was child, he was really annoying, and also overweening in himself. He had no idea, how his friends hold out with him, but he was thanking God for that, he changed. He was really grateful for that. It was obvious that he should thank for that only one person.

Another sigh and he left the room. He knew that his changes owed to Kazuya, because of their acting in “Nobuta wo produce”. It was that time, he didn’t like to remember. He had so many work. He had slept for two or three hours per day.

Kazuya was always with him and that was obvious, ‘cause they had to play lead role in that drama. They must talked with each other, even if they didn’t want that. They were professionals after all, so they didn’t want to ruin project. They talked to each other, and Yamashita didn’t even realized, when he started think about Kazuya as his friend. He started watched him, and tried to take care for younger one.

Then finally that day came out. He was really depressed, because of breaking up with his girlfriend. He didn’t know to who, he should came for help. He even didn’t know if he wanted help, but Kazuya was there, and he just opened to his new friend. He cried all of his sorrow to younger one’s arm, and then he realized he was no more mad for him. Moreover he started thing about Kazuya, as his friend for a whole life, and that was scary for him. He didn’t want that, but it just happened, and he could nothing do to stopped his feelings.

Tomohisa went outside, buttoned his jacket and set collar to protected himself from the cold, wet wind. It was raining outside, but he didn’t care. He wanted go for walk, so he didn’t think about anything else. He lit a cigarette and inhaled. That was everything what he needed at that time. He knew he was an looser. He realized that he love younger one too late. It was too late for him, and he was frustrating for that.

Kazuya had never been his, but today he was no longer on his way. His best friend – Jin – confess to the younger one, and he even got allowed from him. Tomohisa laughed silently. He was so stupid, and he even couldn’t blame Jin for that situation. ‘Cause he allowed him, right? He allowed him… What was that about? Why he allowed Jin’s to confess his feelings to the younger one? Why he didn’t has that power, which had Jin?

There was no more chance to confess his feelings and he knew that, but he just didn’t want to leave it that. It wasn’t end. It couldn’t ended like this. No, he couldn’t allowed to be such a looser to the end, so he back to his house and sat at the table, and sigh heavily once again. Then he started to write…

~.~

Kazuya found the letter on his desk. He blinked a few time, when he recognized handwriting his friend. He opened the envelope and started to reading:

Dear Kazuya,

I’m writing to you, ‘cause I didn’t have courage to talked with you property. I know that isn’t good way to talked with you, but I just didn’t see any other way. Just read this, ok? Please, just read the next paragraphs…

I was really annoying child, and I know that, but you… you made me changed, and I’m grateful to you for that. Seriously Kazu, if it wasn’t be you there, I don’t know who will I be today. Thank you for that, my dear friend, and I’m also sorry for my ridiculous behavior in the past. I was really silly and I know, that I’ve done to you a lot of terrible things, and I’ve do it to you once again…

Kazu I… I realized that I love you. I realized it long time ago, and I know that you’re with Jin there, and my words means nothing to you, but I just can’t do that anymore. I can’t pretend that I’m happy, ‘cause you are with him. I can’t pretend that it didn’t hurt, when I see you kissing him. I’m so sorry for that Kazu. I wanted you to know my feelings, and I wanted you to know one more important thing.

You told me once, that “a thrust away words like - take care - is rather more fascinating than pursuing word like –I love you”, you remember that? Then I wanna be for you someone who take care of you. I’d wanted you to know that I’m here, and I’ve always be on you side. If you will have any problems (I hope you not), so you can came to me and I will be there for you.

Love you,

Tomohisa.

Kazuya blinked one more time and he felt a couple tears on his face. He wiped them and tried to smile.

‘You’re right… it’s too late Tomo’ he whispered. ‘I hate you’ he wanted to thrown the letter, but he couldn’t do that. He took the letter and hidden to his box with a private things, and then he smiled to Jin, and hug him tight. ‘I love you’ whispered tried to convinced himself, because of the letter. He didn’t know which one he loved anymore.