Moongirl24's Fanfiction

Fic: At Last (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 13:04:28 GMT

Title: At Last
Characters/Pairing: Luke/Noah, Holden, Ameera, mentions of other characters
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I’m just playing with them.
Word Count: ~6,400 words
Warnings: The story includes some talk about Reid and Luke/Reid in the flashbacks. It's very pro Nuke, though!
Beta (and cheerleader): sweetiejelly - Thank you, Ronnie! ♥
Summary: Luke, Noah and their dog live a good life in L.A. This is the story of how they got there.
Author's Note: For Moey frances_veritas, who wanted future, happy Nuke with a dog. And flashbacks. Written for nuke_anon's Secret Santa event. Moey, thank you for the great prompts, and I hope you like the story! Happy holidays!

Read on AO3

Los Angeles, March 2016

Luke closes his laptop and stretches his arms above his head with a small groan. He’s finished another chapter of his book and he feels really good about it, but right now he’s very much in need of a break. The almost four hours of nonstop writing has made his shoulders stiff and his eyes ready to look at something other than words on a computer screen. And all of a sudden his stomach is growling, loudly and impatiently, reminding him exactly how long it’s been since his last meal.

It’s definitely time for lunch.

The fridge is almost empty, but Luke doesn’t feel like staying in anyway. Working from home definitely has its perks, and most of the time he wouldn’t want it any other way, but sometimes it feels kind of claustrophobic, being holed up inside the apartment day in and day out. Sometimes he’ll find a quiet café or coffee shop and work there for a few hours just to get a change of scenery, and every once in a while he’ll go to work with Noah and share his office for the day.

He tries not to do that too often though, because, well, they both have a tendency to get distracted.

Right now, by the looks of it, Luke’s not the only one who’s ready to go outside for a while. The second that he gets off his desk chair, their dog, Luna, is over by the front door, her tail wagging eagerly while she gives Luke her most pleading look, the one that he’s never been able to resist.

“Do you want to go outside, sweetie?” he asks, using that voice that he only ever uses with her, and on the rare occasion that he interacts with a baby. “What do you say we go visit daddy at work, huh? Would you like that?”

Sometimes Luke is convinced that Luna understands every word he’s saying. As an answer to his question her tail starts moving faster and her eyes seem to light up. Luke leans down and ruffles her soft fur, fastening the leash to her collar. She gives him a wet lick across the face in gratitude, clearly knowing what’s going to happen next.

Being able to take Luna out in the middle of the day is definitely one of the advantages of working from home. With the long hours that both he and Noah need to put into their work sometimes, Luna would’ve had to spend many long days by herself and Luke knows that neither he nor Noah would’ve been comfortable with that.

Outside it’s sunny and warm, just like most days in LA. The constant good weather is one of the things about LA that Luke most certainly enjoys, even though he does sometimes find himself missing the change in weather and seasons that he’s used to from spending the majority of his life in Oakdale. Sometimes he just misses Oakdale, period. But this is his home now. This place, this city, with Noah and Luna, his little family. He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else other than right here with them.

Sometimes he marvels at the fact that he’s been here for three years already.

Sometimes he marvels at the fact that it took him so long to get here.

Noah’s place of work, a production company that specializes in television commercials, is walking distance from their apartment, which is convenient when Luke feels like dropping by during the day. Maybe a little too convenient, sometimes. But it’s not like he visits that often.

And today is not like any other day.

On the way, he makes a stop at one of their favorite delis and picks up lunch and two cups of coffee, feeling like he’d be a pretty good candidate for the boyfriend-of-the-year award, if such a thing existed.

####

Noah’s work place is, as always, buzzing with activity. Luke has been there enough times to know most of the people there, and on his way to Noah’s office, he makes several stops in order to catch up with various people that he hasn’t seen in a while. Luna is basking in all the attention she receives and is on her very best behavior, and Luke watches everyone gather around her, feeling like a proud parent.

“Noah’s in his office,” Michelle offers, nodding her head in the direction of Noah’s office. She eyes the lunch bag and coffee cups that Luke’s carrying with a hint of longing. “Something smells good.”

“Do you know if he’s had lunch yet?”

She snorts. “You know how he gets when he’s trying to finish up a project. Lunch is the last thing on his mind.”

Luke laughs because, yes, she’s probably right about that. And she’ll know, having worked with Noah for years now. She’s also a good friend of Noah’s, and of Luke’s, too.

“He’s been holed up in his office all day,” Michelle continues. “We haven’t seen him much. Or at all, actually.”

“So I came at just the right time. Hopefully I can convince him to take a break.”

“He won’t say no to you.” She sighs, eyeing the lunch bag again. “My boyfriend would never think to show up here with lunch. Noah has no idea how lucky he is.”

“Please, make sure to remind him of that,” Luke says with a grin and a wave as he starts walking the rest of the way to Noah’s office, Luna trailing behind him.

He knocks on the door, and opens it without waiting for an answer. Noah looks up from his computer when Luke enters, his face lighting up. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

Before Luke has time to answer, Luna barks happily and surges forward in an attempt to get to Noah. Luke lets her go because there’s no point in trying to hold her back anyway. She’s over by Noah in a second, greeting him enthusiastically.

“Someone wanted to see you,” Luke says casually, unable to keep the grin off his face as he watches the dog’s obvious joy at seeing Noah. If Luke didn’t know any better he’d think she hadn’t seen him in months.

Noah has leaned down to welcome Luna, ruffling her fur the way she likes best. “I see. And is that someone you or Luna?”

“Luna, of course.” Luke saunters around Noah’s desk, aware of Noah’s eyes on him the entire time, finally dropping himself down on Noah’s lap. “I don’t really care.”

“Of course you don’t.”

They meet in a kiss, Noah’s arms snaking around Luke’s waist, warm and steady. Luke loses himself in it for a moment, because kissing Noah is always going to be one of his favorite things in the world. And it’s different today. Extra special.

Besides, making out in Noah’s office is always fun.

They only break apart when Luna starts making unhappy I’m-feeling-left-out sounds and Luke almost drops the cups of coffee and the lunch bag he’s still holding. He lifts them up for Noah to see. “I brought you lunch. Can you take a break?”

That familiar, small I’ve-just-been-kissed grin is lingering on Noah’s face as he checks the time and nods. “How can I resist an offer like that? It’s way past lunchtime anyway. I must’ve lost track of time.”

“Good thing you have such a devoted spouse-to-be, then,” Luke points out and gives Noah one more quick kiss before getting off his lap.

“Yeah, what would I ever do without you?” He smiles, but Luke knows that there is also sincerity behind his words, that they’re not entirely meant as a joke. And Luke feels exactly the same way.

Noah gets up off his desk chair and grabs Luna’s leash. “The roof?”

####

It’s not the first time that Noah’s had lunch with Luke and Luna on the roof. It’s a pretty big space, with benches scattered around, and it’s normally a popular lunch spot for everyone who works in the building, but today, with the late lunch they’re having, they have the roof almost to themselves. Luna’s found a place in the shadow to lie down for a rest, and Noah and Luke enjoy the bagels and coffees that Luke brought.

When he’s done eating, Noah sets his coffee down and takes Luke’s hand instead. He lazily threads their fingers together.

“How are you feeling today?”

Luke looks at him, the radiant expression on his face telling Noah exactly how he’s feeling.

“I feel amazing. Like the luckiest guy in the world. And I don’t even care how cheesy that sounds.” He grins and squeezes Noah’s hand. “You?”

Noah can’t help the small laugh that bursts out of him. It’s just that kind of day. “Pretty much the same.” He looks over at Luke, who somehow looks even more gorgeous than usual today. Or maybe that’s just the happy butterflies in Noah’s stomach talking. “I’ve never been happier.”

Luke lifts their joined hands to his lips and kisses Noah’s fingers. “I’m happy too, baby. Very happy.” He grins a little wider. “And you aren’t bummed that I beat you to it?”

Noah laughs. It’s kind of funny, really, how it all happened. He’d planned on proposing to Luke for a while now, had bought a ring more than a month ago and was really just waiting for the right moment to do it. But then, last night, Luke had been the one to present Noah with a ring and a question, on one knee and with words that made Noah choke up with emotion. So now they’re both wearing rings. And they’re engaged. Very much so.

“Maybe a little bit,” he admits, because he’d had so many images in his head about how the proposal would go down, and in the end it turned out so differently. “I know I would’ve loved to propose to you. But honestly, I wouldn’t have changed a thing about last night. You blew me away, Luke.”

“I’m glad. I wanted to surprise you.”

“That you did.”

Luke holds their joined hands up, studying the ring on Noah’s finger. “Anyone at work notice yet?”

“Not yet. But I’ve been busy today and haven’t talked with a whole lot of people.”

“You know it’s not going to stay a secret for very long. I actually thought Michelle might’ve noticed when I talked with her before, but she was more interested in the bagels. And you know, once one person finds out, it’s only a matter of time before everyone knows.”

“I know. And that’s okay. I want everyone to know. Eventually. Right now I’m happy sharing it only with you.”

Luke moves a little closer, his head coming down to rest on Noah’s shoulder. Noah wraps an arm around him.

“You know what yesterday was, right?” Luke asks. “You know why I picked that particular day to propose to you?”

Noah nods. Of course he knows. It was their three year anniversary of getting back together, after those long years apart. Sitting here right now it feels like this is how it was always meant to be, but for a long time it seemed like it was never going to happen. The happy ending that they’d both once envisioned together seemed too far away to ever become a reality.

####

Los Angeles, June 2011

Ameera has changed. That’s the first thing that Noah notices as they greet each other with a hug in the fairly crowded coffee shop. Maybe not so much in the way that she looks, but in the way that she carries herself. Now, instead of the scared, cautious girl he once knew, he sees a woman who is confident and comfortable in her own skin, one who seems to have found her place in the world.

“I’m married,” she tells Noah once the first pleasantries are out of the way and they’ve found a table to sit down with their coffees. “My husband is a wonderful man, kind and considerate. We’re very happy together.”

Noah smiles a little. She looks happy. “I’m glad. You deserve nothing less.”

When she’d first contacted him on Facebook, he wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing her again. Truth is they’d never been very close, their relationship solely based on the fact that she’d needed his help. And to be honest she reminds him a little too much of a time in his life that he’d rather not think about. He’d tried so hard to do the right thing, but by marrying Ameera he’d somehow ended up hurting both her and Luke, and that’s something that he’ll always regret.

But he also really wanted to see her. No matter what, he feels a connection with her. There was a time when he kind of thought of her as a sister, and he still does, in a way. And maybe they can finally have a real relationship now, as friends and equals.

“How are you?” she asks him. “How’s Luke?”

And there it is. The other reason why he hadn’t been sure about meeting her. It’s always difficult with people who knew him and Luke back then.

“I’m good,” he says. “I really like LA, and I’ve just landed a great job with a company who makes commercials.”

“Congratulations.” She smiles a little. “And Luke, what does he do?”

Noah looks down. “Luke’s… back home in Oakdale. We’re not together. Haven’t been in a while.”

When he looks up again he can see the surprise on her face. “Why not? I mean… I’m sorry, I–”

He waves her apology away. It’s not the first time he’s gotten that reaction when he tells people about him and Luke. “It’s okay. Obviously things have changed since we last saw each other.”

“So, what happened? If you don’t mind my asking.”

In a way he does mind, because it’s not exactly his favorite thing to talk about, but he answers anyway. “It’s a long story. To give you the short version: we broke up last year, he met someone else who passed away a few months later, I left Oakdale and came here… and that’s pretty much it.”

She looks shocked. “Wow. That’s…”

“I know. It’s not what you expected.”

“No, it’s not.” She pauses for a moment. “So how’s Luke doing now? That must’ve been really hard for him.”

“It was.” Noah hesitates for a moment. “Honestly… I’m not sure how he’s doing. We don’t really talk much these days.”

She studies him. “Why not? I thought you two loved each other.”

“We did. It’s… complicated. When I left I was trying to give him space to get past what happened with his boyfriend, and somehow we just didn’t get back in touch. I mean, I still see him sometimes, when I go back to Oakdale. His family still invites me to stay with them for the holidays,” he adds, explaining. “But Luke and I, we just haven’t…” He shrugs.

“So are you seeing someone else then?”

He shakes his head. “No. I’ve dated a few people since I came here, but they’re just not…”

“They’re not Luke?”

He sighs. He’s not entirely comfortable with the direction this conversation has taken. “I guess. He was the first person I ever loved.”

“And something tells me that you still do.”

He shrugs again. “It doesn’t matter. What we had, it’s all in the past now. Our lives are moving in different directions. And we were so different in the first place. It just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”

She sets her coffee cup down with a little bang, surprising him with the force of it. “Now, that I don’t believe for a second. I may not have known you guys for very long, and the circumstances back then may have been a little… extraordinary, but I know what I saw. I saw two people who loved each other. Very much. That kind of love doesn’t just go away, Noah. I can see that it hasn’t. And I know what it feels like to love someone now. To truly love someone. And maybe you and Luke don’t have a future together, but you shouldn’t just throw away what you had. So if you love him, then he should be a part of your life. As a friend, if nothing more.”

For a moment Noah can only stare at her. Is this really the same Ameera that he once knew?

A moment later she continues. “I’m sorry. I’m practically a stranger, and this is really not my business. But I care about you, Noah, and I’d hate to see you throw away something so special without even trying to fix it.”

“But what if Luke doesn’t want anything to do with me?” He really hates how small and pathetic that sounds.

She smiles a little. “I don’t know Luke all that well, but somehow I doubt that. Do you really think that he’d let his parents invite you to spend the holidays with them if he didn’t want you around?”

Noah wants to protest, wants to say that Luke might just be doing that out of courtesy, that maybe he’s seeing someone else now, that it’s all too late anyway, but he knows that she’s right. If he wants Luke in his life, he needs to do something about it.

That same night he sends Luke the text message that he should’ve sent months ago.

####

Oakdale, August 2012

Maddie and Casey’s wedding comes as a surprise to everyone. It’s only a few months after they got back together when they decided to get married and invite all their friends and family for a big wedding celebration in Oakdale.

Noah is there too. Luke can’t help but watch him across the room sometimes, looking so tall and handsome in his dark suit. They’ve been in a pretty good place for the past year or so, with regular texts and phone calls and even Skype chats. It wasn’t easy, figuring out how to be friends with Noah, especially not long distance friends, because they’d never really done that. They’d never been just friends. Not really.

It was difficult, after Noah left. After Reid’s death. Luke felt as if he’d lost them both, and even though he knew that Noah was still out there, he didn’t know what to do about it. Too much had happened and he didn’t know how to move past it.

He still doesn’t.

It’s a nice wedding. For a long time he didn’t feel much like talking with anyone, but now he enjoys catching up with people that he hasn’t seen in a while, even though it’s awkward sometimes when they don’t know how to bring up Reid, or if they even should. He’s so happy for Maddie and Casey, who both look happier than he’s ever seen them. He’s seated next to Noah at dinner, and they joke about the fact that they’re seemingly the only two single people in attendance.

That’s definitely progress, Luke thinks.

It’s a good day. Luke smiles more, laughs more, than he’s done in a long time. It feels good, almost liberating. He’s finally starting to feel like the person he used to be.

He and Noah spend a lot of time together that day. They talk. They dance. They laugh.

And somehow, in the early hours of the morning, they end up in a hotel room at the Lakeview.

That was definitely not planned. But Luke can’t find it in himself to regret it. It’s Noah, and being intimate with him is not something that Luke will ever regret. He’s missed it, being with Noah this way.

His only worry is that it’s going to complicate things further.

Luke starts to express his concerns to Noah the next morning, as they’re lying next to each other in bed, even though, at that moment, with Noah’s long, warm body so close to him, it’s easy to forget that there’s actually a world outside of this room. But he’s only gotten a few words out before Noah interrupts him.

“It’s okay, Luke,” Noah says, kissing his hair. “Whatever you need, okay? This doesn’t have to be a big deal. It can just be us, friends, having fun together.”

It sounds so easy. But Noah will always be more than a friend. And this was more than just fun.

But they leave it at that. And the next day, Noah goes back to L.A.

####

Oakdale, Christmas 2012

Christmas at Snyder Farm is the usual chaos, but Luke knows that even though he may complain about it sometimes, he wouldn’t want it any other way. Especially since Christmas at the farm includes Noah.

Noah hasn’t missed a holiday with Luke’s family since he left for L.A. Luke remembers when his parents came to him, shortly after Noah had left Oakdale back in 2010, and asked how he felt about continuing to invite Noah to spend the holidays with them, even though he and Luke were no longer together and Noah no longer lived in Oakdale. Luke had told them that he was fine with it – Noah loved the family and there was no way that Luke was going to keep him from them no matter what was going on between the two of them – and to be honest Luke could no longer imagine a holiday without Noah there, anyway.

The first few times were a little awkward. It was like everything that had happened, and the fact that they were living in opposite parts of the country now, had created a distance between them. Luke suspected that Noah was trying to give him space, or that maybe Noah just wasn’t all that interested in him anymore. And Luke didn’t know how to tell Noah that he still wanted him, and needed him, in his life.

It just felt like he no longer had the right to ask that of Noah.

Things have changed since then. They are friends now. And sometimes… friends with benefits?

Okay, that only happened once. But Luke hasn’t quite been able to stop thinking about it. And he also wouldn’t be completely against the idea of doing it again.

Early in the evening on Christmas Eve, he’s out in the barn, mucking out the stables. He likes it out here with the horses, where there’s peace and quiet, especially when there are so many people and so much going on inside the house. Noah arrived earlier in the day and Luke hasn’t had much of a chance to talk with him yet, with the whole family all so eager to get a piece of him.

It was really good to see him though.

His dad shows up a few minutes later, starts mucking out the stall next to the one that Luke’s in.

“It’s good to have Noah back with us, don’t you think?” he asks, after a few minutes of working in silence.

Luke immediately gets suspicious. He knows his dad. This sounds like the beginning of a good old Holden Snyder talk and he’s not sure he’s up for that.

“Of course, dad,” he says a little apprehensively. “It’s always good to see Noah.”

“Maybe it’s time that you finally talked with him. Told him how you feel.”

Luke stops what he’s doing. “And what exactly is it that I feel, dad?”

Holden shows up in Luke’s stall. “Well, you love him, don’t you? It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”

Luke doesn’t say anything for a moment. Of course he loves Noah. He always has, and he probably always will. It’s just… it’s just not that simple.

“Of course I love him,” he says after a while. “But that doesn’t mean that we can get back together, if that’s what you’re getting at. Or that we even should.”

“And why is that?”

“Because… it’s complicated, okay?”

“Because of Reid?”

“Among other things.”

“Luke, it’s been more than two years. You’re allowed to move on.”

“I know. But it’s not just about that.”

“Then what is it about?”

Luke closes his eyes for a moment. Not only is he suddenly discussing his love life with his dad, which is always kind of awkward, but how can he explain how he feels to someone else when he doesn’t always fully understand it himself?

He sighs. “First of all, I doubt that Noah would even want to get back together at this point. I know that he’s dating in L.A., that he has a whole new life there, and I’m not going to just ask him to get back together, after all this time. That’s not fair to him. And second of all – I feel guilty, okay? I feel guilty because I always loved Noah the most, even when I was with Reid, even when he died. I didn’t want to admit it to myself back then, but I did. And it makes me feel like I… like I failed Reid somehow.”

“So… you’re punishing yourself because you think you didn’t love Reid enough?”

“I don’t know,” Luke says, slightly exasperated. “I did love him, I just… I loved Noah more. And then time went by and I thought about Reid less and less, and… I just can’t help but thinking that going back to my ex, who was always, you know, special, is not the right way to honor Reid’s memory.”

“You can’t think like that forever, Luke. At some point you have to move on. And you’re allowed to. If Reid loved you, he’d want you to be happy.”

“I know he would.” He sighs. “I just want to do the right thing. For me, and for Noah, and for Reid. And right now I don’t know what that is.”

“Luke, you’re overthinking this. A lot of things have happened, but they’re all in the past, and there is nothing you can do about them now. You need to think about your future and you need to do whatever makes you happy, and it sounds to me like you want to be with Noah. So go be with him. Don’t make it any more complicated than that.”

“I can’t just stop feeling what I’m feeling, dad. I need more time. And even if I was ready, I’m not expecting Noah to, like, welcome me back with open arms. He moved on a long time ago.”

Well, maybe not, a voice inside his head offers. He did sleep with you only a few months ago.

Yes, but that didn’t mean anything, Luke tells himself. Or, well, it meant something – to him, anyway – but it didn’t mean that Noah wants him back. Luke knows that Noah is actively dating back in LA; he might even have a boyfriend there, for all Luke knows.

(He’s not Facebook official with anyone, though. Luke knows that much.)

His dad holds his hands up in surrender. “Hey, it’s your life, and you should do whatever is right for you. But you can’t blame me for wanting to see you happy. I’m your dad – it’s part of the job description.”

Luke smiles a little. He’s not mad at Holden. “I know, dad. And I appreciate you wanting to help. But I think this is something I need to figure out for myself.”

He’s not quite sure how to do that, though. He knows that Holden is right, that he needs to move forward, and maybe he finally is ready to be with someone again…

Luke sighs. His heart belongs to Noah, he knows that much. But he’s pretty sure it’s too late. And that’s what scares him the most.

####

Noah loves spending Christmas at Snyder Farm. It’s always crazy and chaotic, and this year is no exception, but Noah is a part of the chaos now, he’s included, just like any other member of the family, and he loves it.

Unfortunately he can only stay for a few days. He has a job waiting for him back in L.A. and he wasn’t able to get much time off. As he’s hugging each and every member of the family goodbye, there’s a big part of him that really doesn’t want to leave Oakdale. This is the closest thing he has to a family, and he misses them a lot when he’s not here. The couple of times a year that he gets to see them isn’t nearly enough.

Luke had offered to drive him to the airport, and Noah had accepted, all the while knowing that he’s postponing the most difficult goodbye of all. But it also means more time spent with Luke, so he’ll take it. They haven’t had much alone time during Noah’s stay at the farm.

Luke is carrying Noah’s things out to the car when Holden pulls Noah aside.

“Look, I should probably stay out of it,” he starts. “Luke wouldn’t be happy if he knew that I was talking to you. But I think I need to tell you something before you leave.”

“Okay…?” Noah looks at him, having no idea what Holden is talking about.

Holden lowers his voice a little. “Noah, if you love Luke and want him back, you need to tell him that.”

Noah just shakes his head. “Luke doesn’t want that. I told him once to come to me when he was ready and he never has, so…”

“I know that. But Luke’s more… cautious than he used to be. He loves you, Noah, but I don’t think he’s going to tell you that. He thinks you’ve moved on.”

“He told you this?”

Holden nods. “Look, I don’t want to betray his trust, so this is all I’m going to say. I just wanted you to know that you’re the one who has to take the first step here.”

Noah thinks about what Holden said all the way to the airport. He throws a few glances over at Luke at the wheel, wondering if what Holden told him is true. Does Luke really want to get back together? After they’d slept together this summer, Noah had gotten the impression that he wasn’t interested in anything else, and he’d tried to respect that. But whether Luke felt that way because he still wasn’t ready or because he just didn’t love Noah anymore was a little unclear to Noah.

Noah knows how he feels about Luke. Sure, he’s dated guys back in L.A., but only casually. He’s never stopped loving Luke and he’s pretty sure he never will. And he thought that Luke knew that, thought that they had some sort of understanding. That he would wait for Luke in L.A. and that Luke would come to him when he was ready. If that’s what he wanted.

But that conversation happened a long time ago. And they haven’t talked about it since.

Saying goodbye to Luke at the airport is difficult. It always is, and this time more so than ever. Noah doesn’t know when he’ll see him again, and when he hugs Luke, he doesn’t want to let him go. They hug for a long time, and when they finally pull away from each other, Noah knows that he needs to say something. It feels like one of those defining moments, one that he will think about with regret for the rest of his life if he doesn’t follow his heart.

“Luke, remember what I told you that time, right before I left Oakdale? That I’d wait for you?”

“Yes. I remember.” His voice is soft, his eyes a little wet, their goodbye clearly affecting him as much as it’s affecting Noah.

“I just want you to know that I still mean that. Okay? Whenever you’re ready, I’m there. If you want me to be.”

Luke just looks at him with those beautiful brown eyes. Then he nods, and smiles a little, and Noah isn’t sure what that means, but he hopes that it’s a good thing.

####

Los Angeles, March 2013

Noah has imagined it over and over again in his head, like a scene from a movie. That moment when Luke finally comes to L.A. to confess his undying love for him.

And then he feels silly, because real life is nothing like the movies, and Noah knows that. Their reunion could very well never happen.

But one evening in March, a little over two months after they said goodbye to each other at the airport, Luke’s at his doorstep, and it’s almost like Noah imagined it.

“I’m here,” Luke says, with an uncertain laugh and a little shrug. “I’m here because I love you, because I never stopped loving you and because I’m hoping that you might still love me too.”

And Noah can’t help himself, because it feels like he’s waited for this moment forever – he surges forward and kisses Luke, the way he’s wanted to for so long.

####

Los Angeles, March 2016

Luke has dinner ready for Noah when he gets home from work that evening. It’s technically Noah’s turn to cook, but he had to work later than usual today, and Luke feels like spoiling him anyway. For the first time in his life, he’s cooking dinner for his fiancé, and he can’t stop smiling as he sets a nice table and lights some candles in order to make the evening a little extra special.

Noah comes home a little later, surprising Luke with a big bouquet of flowers.

“I figured we have reason to celebrate,” he says, kissing Luke while Luna moves around between their legs, trying her best to get their attention. “And not just the engagement. It looks like I finally have the funding I need for the movie. If everything goes well we can start shooting next year.”

He looks so proud, and Luke laughs and throws his arms around him, trying not to ruin the flowers in the process. “Oh my god, baby. That’s amazing.”

“It is,” Noah says into Luke’s hair. “It’s finally happening.”

Over dinner, with the flowers in a vase on the table between them, Noah continues to talk eagerly about his plans for the movie. Luke has heard it all before, many times, but it doesn’t matter because he’s so thrilled for Noah. He has worked hard for this, in addition to all the work he puts in for his regular job, for years.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Noah says after a while, grabbing Luke’s hand across the table. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Luke asks, caressing Noah’s hand with his thumb. “You did all the work.”

“And you always supported me. If it wasn’t for you and your family, I wouldn’t even have a camera, or any kind of equipment. You guys always believed in me.”

“Of course we did. We’re your family, Noah. We’ll always support you.”

They look at each other across the table for a moment, small smiles on their faces. “When do you think we should tell them?” Noah asks. “About the engagement?”

“Soon,” Luke says. “They’ll kill us if we keep this a secret for very long.”

“You might actually be right about that. Let’s call them tomorrow.”

“We should probably set a wedding date as soon as possible. You know it’ll be one of the first questions they’ll ask.”

“I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.”

Luke laughs. “What’s the rush, Mr. Mayer? We have all the time in the world. And I think I’ll really enjoy referring to you as my fiancé for a while.”

“Yeah, that does sound nice.” Noah sounds a little wistful. “But I still don’t want to wait too long to get married. I want to make us official.”

Luke gets that. At least he thinks he does. Noah’s never really had a family, not until he came to Oakdale. And even though he’s been an honorary Snyder for years now, he wants to have it on paper. That he belongs somewhere.

Luke can’t wait to give that to him.

When they’ve finished their dinner, Noah offers to clean up. “You cooked and set the table and made everything so nice,” he says. “It’s only fair that I do the rest.”

Luke helps a little, but mostly he watches Noah because, well, it’s always nice to watch Noah. His long, lean body moves effortlessly around the kitchen, putting dishes and utensils in the dishwasher and rinsing pots and pans in the sink, and it’s such an everyday thing to do, but Luke still can’t help but find the sight of Noah in the kitchen incredibly… sexy. Noah is very good-looking, of course, but it’s not just that. This is their life. This is what they’ve created for themselves, and it’s not always perfect and the road leading up to this point was long and sometimes difficult, but right now Luke has no regrets. He loves what they have.

He can’t help himself; he walks up to Noah and wraps his arms around him from behind, kissing his neck.

“What’s that for?” Noah murmurs, turning his head in an attempt to look at Luke. Luke puts his forehead against the back of Noah’s shoulder.

“I love you,” he says simply. “And I’m… I’m so proud of us, Noah. I’m proud of us for getting to this point, for getting through everything that we’ve had to go through, for getting past all those obstacles that’ve been thrown at us. We did that. We may have had some help along the way, but this is our journey. It’s our life. And I’m so happy.”

Noah turns around in Luke’s arms, wrapping him up in an embrace. Luke would never tell Noah this, but secretly he’s always loved that Noah is taller than him. Not only is he nice to look at, but his embraces, the way he wraps Luke up so completely, is the best.

“You’re kind of sappy, Snyder,” Noah says against Luke’s hair. “But I’m pretty proud of us, too. And I love you, sappiness and all.”

Luke snorts, but he also can’t help but smile, and then Luna lets out a long, suffering sound, just to let them both know that she’s still here and they better not forget about her. They both burst out laughing and pull apart, looking down at the newest, but very important, member of their family – a fact that she never lets them forget.

“We love you too, Luna,” Luke grins, as Noah bends down to ruffle her fur, giving her exactly what she wants.

THE END

Fic: The Art of Romance (Kurt/Blaine)

moongirl24 — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 16:08:45 GMT

Title: The Art of Romance
Characters/Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Word Count: ~1,950 words
Warnings: None
Summary: When Rachel tells Kurt that she doesn't think he's very good at romance, Kurt sets out to prove that he is.
Author’s Note: Written for kbl_reversebang's Hiatus Challenge, prompt #1. A huge THANK YOU to sweetiejelly for being my beta! ♥

Read on AO3

It starts, as it so often does, with a conversation with Rachel.

They’re going through a couple of boxes that’s been stored in her parents’ attic for years and are filled with things from her childhood and youth, and Kurt suspects that the only reason she brings this up is to move the attention away from all the embarrassing things they find there.

“So what you’re saying is that you don’t think I’m romantic person.”

Rachel sighs and rolls her eyes at him. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. What I meant is that you’re not very good at romance.”

Kurt tries his best to look indignant. It’s not very difficult because he feels indignant. “How can you say that? I love romance. I’ve been planning my own wedding since I knew what a wedding was.”

“I know that, and that’s not what I’m talking about. Loving romance isn’t the same thing as being good at it.”

Kurt huffs. This is ridiculous. “Kindly explain to me what you do mean, then.”

“I’m just pointing out what I see,” she says with her hands on her waist. “And I see Blaine serenading you on a regular basis, I see him buying you flowers, changing schools for you. Giving you the world’s most perfect proposal.” She sighs and looks wistful for a moment, her gaze lowering to Kurt’s hand. “That’s romance.”

“I’ve given him flowers,” Kurt protests.

“How many times?” She fixes him with a piercing look.

He sighs. “Once. But it was really romantic. It was at school, right after he got the role as Tony.”

“And how many times have you received flowers from Blaine?”

Kurt sighs again and throws his hands up. He’s getting defensive and he knows it. “I don’t know. Does it matter? What’s the point in comparing us? Blaine likes big gestures.”

“He’s good at romance,” Rachel points out. Kurt snorts and smiles momentarily to himself, vividly remembering the time that Blaine claimed that he wasn’t. “And you like being on the receiving end of it.”

“So? What’s wrong with that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. But that’s what I mean. You love romance, but you’re not very good at it.”

“That’s stupid,” Kurt says, because it is. “And what do you know about it, anyway? You’re not the one I’m in a relationship with.”

“Like I said, I’m just pointing out what I see. And if someone were to ask me which of you would be most likely to bring flowers home on a regular weekday or draw hearts in the sand with your names inside of it, I wouldn’t hesitate to say Blaine.”

They move on to other subjects after that, and Kurt plans on forgetting about the whole thing because it’s ridiculous for Rachel to bring up things that she knows nothing about.

But unfortunately he’s not able to forget it.

The more he thinks about it, the more he wonders if maybe she has a point. He never really does anything romantic for Blaine. Giving him those flowers that one time and singing a song to him once is hardly anything to brag about, not compared to everything that Blaine has done for him. Is this something that Blaine thinks about? Is he upset about the fact that Kurt never gives him anything in return?

After pondering it for a couple of days he actually starts to worry, because this could be a real problem that he’s just been too self-absorbed to notice.

And then he makes the decision to once and for all show Blaine, and prove to Rachel, that he is good at romance. That he’s great at it.

So the next day he goes to the cozy little flower shop down the street and buys a big, beautiful bouquet of roses. Then he goes to the grocery store and buys all the ingredients he needs to make Blaine’s favorite Indian dish. Finally he buys a whole bunch of candles and somehow manages to carry all of his purchases back to the apartment.

Several hours later all the preparations are done and Kurt is just waiting for Blaine to get back from his last class. The dinner is done, music is playing softly in the background, the roses are in a vase on the table, and when he lights the candles he’s put up all around the living room, the picture he’s been aiming for is finally complete.

The room literally screams romance.

He looks around, pleased with his own work. It’s a little strange, and a lot exciting, to think that he and Blaine actually live together now, finally, after planning and talking about it for so long. It’s only been a few weeks since Blaine moved to New York and they could finally start their life together, and so far it’s been perfect.

Kurt wants to make sure that it stays that way.

Right before he expects Blaine to arrive, he impulsively grabs a few of the roses from the vase and pulls out the petals. He hurries into the bedroom and spreads them across the duvet on their bed. A thought hits him and he finds his phone and quickly takes a few pictures of the bed and the dinner table. If Rachel wants to see romance, he’ll show her romance.

Blaine is home a few minutes later. He comes to an abrupt halt right inside the door, staring at the room and the dinner table with wide, surprised eyes. Kurt grins in satisfaction and hurries over to him, taking his bag from him and giving him a quick welcome home kiss. Then he leads Blaine over the table, pulls the chair out for him and waits as Blaine slowly sinks down on it. All the while Blaine doesn’t say a word, he just looks stunned.

“Kurt, what’s going on?” he asks a bit tentatively once they’re seated across from each other and Kurt starts scooping food onto their plates.

“Nothing,” Kurt says, giving Blaine a bright smile. “I just thought I’d do something nice for us.”

Blaine considers him for a moment, but he doesn’t say anything. They start eating instead, while Blaine, who seems to have recovered from the initial surprise, starts telling Kurt about his day. He keeps sending Kurt these strange looks though, like he isn’t quite sure what to think.

Once they’ve finished eating, and Blaine has repeatedly told Kurt how amazing the meal was, Kurt gets up from his chair and moves around the table to stand next to Blaine. He holds his hand out.

“Dance with me?”

Blaine looks surprised again, but he takes Kurt’s hand, albeit a bit tentatively, and lets Kurt pull him out on the floor. Kurt wraps his arms around him, Blaine’s arms coming up around his back a few seconds later, and they sway slowly together to the soft music.

They dance quietly for a few minutes before Blaine speaks.

“Kurt, what’s this all about?”

“Nothing,” Kurt says again. “I told you, I wanted to do something nice.”

“And don’t get me wrong – this is nice. It’s very nice. It’s just that… you’ve never done something like this before and I’m kind of worried that something is wrong.”

“I can’t do something romantic without you getting worried that something is wrong?” Kurt giggles awkwardly. “That’s not good.”

“No, it’s just…” Blaine sighs against Kurt’s shoulder and pulls back a little, making their swaying come to a halt. “Come on, Kurt, tell me the truth.”

He looks so earnest and downright worried, that Kurt doesn’t have the heart to be dishonest. So he shrugs and sighs.

“It’s Rachel,” he says, making Blaine raise his eyebrows in confusion. “She basically accused me of not being good at romance. She told me that you always do romantic stuff for me, while I never do anything for you. And I got mad at her, but well, she has a point. And then I started to worry that my lack of romantic gestures could turn into a real problem for us.” He shrugs again. “So I thought I’d do something for you for once, and prove her wrong at the same time.”

Blaine only stares at him. Kurt looks down, unable to look Blaine in the eyes. It all seems pretty stupid now. The dinner, the roses… everything.

After a while Blaine’s hand appears in Kurt’s line of vision, taking one of Kurt’s. He rubs this thumb momentarily over the ring that sits there, and Kurt slowly looks back up, right into Blaine’s warm, earnest eyes.

“Kurt… you know it’s not necessary, right? I mean…” He gestures around the room with his free hand. “This is amazing. I love it. But you don’t have to prove anything to me. I know you love me. I see it in your eyes every single day. That’s enough for me.”

“Yeah, but… it’s not really fair though, is it? That you do all these amazing things for me and get nothing in return? That’s not right.”

Blaine smiles a little. “You make it sound like it’s a hardship. And it’s not. I know my romantic gestures are a bit over the top sometimes and I suppose they’re partly a result of guilt. First for letting you go so long without noticing how amazing you are and then after the whole cheating thing. But mostly I’m doing it because I like it. Because I like surprising you. I don’t need anything in return. The things you do every day, like all the dinners you make and the way you keep the apartment spotless, that’s more than enough.”

Kurt snorts. “That’s not very romantic.”

Blaine shrugs. “It is to me. I’m a terrible cook, you know that. And the way you do so much to make sure that our life together is as good as it can possibly be… there’s nothing more romantic to me than that.”

Kurt isn’t convinced. How is cooking and cleaning even remotely romantic?

Blaine seems to notice his hesitation. “Kurt, don’t listen to Rachel. She knows nothing about our life. She doesn’t know how you hold me when I’m upset or how you kiss me until I’m dizzy sometimes. She doesn’t know how much you make me feel when you make love to me. Because that’s all about us. It’s nobody else’s business.”

Kurt looks at him for a long time. When Blaine puts it like that, it kind of makes sense.

“Speaking of… there are rose petals on our bed,” he says, shrugging apologetically.

Blaine huffs a little laugh. “And they say you’re not good at romance,” he teases.

Kurt has to smile too, relieved and glad to have this out of the way. He really just wants them to be okay. They’re engaged. They’re going to be married at some point in the near future. He wants to make sure there are no unresolved issues between them.

He looks intently at Blaine. “You’re sure you know though? You know that I love you? Because I do, Blaine. More than anything.”

Blaine smiles a little and wraps his arms around Kurt, pulling him into a hug. “I know, Kurt. Of course I know. I love you, too. And thank you for the flowers and the dinner. It was perfect.”

“I might do it again sometime.”

“I would love that. Just remember that you don’t have to. I won’t be disappointed if you don’t.”

“Okay.”

They start to sway with the music again, arms wrapped tightly around one another. And Kurt realizes that it really can be as simple as this. Just being together, holding each other, connecting. Knowing with such deep, overwhelming certainty that they belong together, that they’re going to face every day for the rest of their lives together.

That’s what it’s all about.

That’s romantic.

The End.

klaine_bigbang: Just Dance, Master Post

moongirl24 — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 16:12:03 GMT

Title: Just Dance
Author: moongirl24
Artist: wuzzy90 | hopelesslydevotedgleek | ZiyalRising
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, Rachel, Nick/Jeff
Word Count: ~23,500 words
Warnings: Mention of character death (not Kurt or Blaine!), some angst
Summary: NYADA-student Blaine Anderson discovers that it is possible to meet the man of his dreams on the dance floor.

Author’s Notes: The biggest THANK YOU in the world to my amazing beta sweetiejelly who has supported me through this whole process. Thank you, you’re the best! ♥

(I should mention though that I made some changes to the story after my beta looked at it, so all mistakes are mine.)

Another huge THANK YOU to my wonderful artist wuzzy90! She has really lifted this story to a whole other level with her incredible art, so make sure to look out for her amazing pieces when you read this.

And of course, thank you to the mods for running this challenge! I’ve really enjoyed being a part of it.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Read on AO3

klaine_bigbang: Just Dance, Part 4

moongirl24 — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 16:01:16 GMT

Title: Just Dance (4/4)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: wuzzy90 | hopelesslydevotedgleek | ZiyalRising
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, Rachel, Nick/Jeff
Word Count: ~23,500 words
Warnings: Mention of character death (not Kurt or Blaine!), some angst
Summary: NYADA-student Blaine Anderson discovers that it is possible to meet the man of his dreams on the dance floor.

Story Master Post

They see more of each other after that night, but with both their schedules being quite demanding and not always matching up, it’s difficult to get as much time together as Blaine would’ve liked.

But sometimes they go for coffee, or for lunch if they get the chance, and one time they even caught a Broadway show. They haven’t been back at Blaine’s place, nor have they been at Kurt’s, but there’s not really a reason for it. It’s mostly just that they haven’t gotten the chance. Plus, Blaine can tell that Kurt is still a bit hesitant about everything.

Blaine’s not sure what they are exactly. They’re not boyfriends, but then they’re not just friends either. They’re two people who like each other and are getting to know each other and who kiss sometimes. Something like that.

Blaine likes what they have though. Sure, if it was up to him he would be Kurt’s boyfriend already, but mostly he’s okay with taking it slow. He really just wants to do the right thing for Kurt. And he likes seeing Kurt slowly starting to relax and be comfortable around him. After the night that everything changed and Kurt finally started to open up, he seems to be slowly letting Blaine in more and more. Blaine, in turn, tries to be patient and supportive (which really isn’t all that difficult, not with Kurt) and to be as open and honest about everything that he can. And Kurt seems to appreciate that. Even though there are still moments where he seems uncertain and scared, he really does seem like he’s starting to trust Blaine. And Blaine couldn’t be happier about that.

Everything is going great, really, and Blaine is optimistic about the future.

So he doesn’t really understand what’s going on when Kurt suddenly stops answering his texts.

They’re texting each other daily by that point, mostly just silly, unimportant (sometimes flirty) texts, and sometimes a few less silly ones. Blaine loves getting Kurt’s comments or anecdotes about life at Vogue, loves discovering new sides of him.

But suddenly Kurt is no longer answering any of Blaine’s texts, nor does he send any of his own. Suddenly he’s just quiet, and Blaine doesn’t get it.

He tries calling Kurt and sends him Facebook messages, but there’s not a word from him.

It goes on for over week and Blaine really starts to worry that something has happened to him.

Kurt, please text me back. I don’t understand what’s going on and I’m really worried about you, he texts one afternoon, desperate to get some sort of response back.

And then there’s finally a reply from Kurt.

Can I see you? I think we need to talk, it says.

Blaine’s not sure he likes the sound of that, because ‘we need to talk’ is never a good sign, at least not in any movie or TV show that Blaine has ever seen. But it’s still a text from Kurt.

Want to grab a bite after you get off work?

Okay. The usual place? I can be there at five.

Five is good. I can’t wait to see you.

Blaine doesn’t receive any more texts after that. He feels a little unsettled and worried, but he’s not exactly sure what he’s worried about. There was just something about Kurt’s texts. They reminded him of… of how it used to be in the beginning, when Kurt was still keeping him at arm’s length and mostly seemed like he didn’t want much to do with Blaine at all.

He thought they’d made some progress since then, a lot of progress actually, but suddenly he’s not so sure.

----

Blaine arrives early at the small diner that he and Kurt have visited a few times before. It’s close to where Kurt works and has been a convenient place to meet up when they’re having lunch together. Plus, they serve really great food.

Once he gets there though, he quickly discovers that the place is packed. Every table seems to be occupied and even if a table should become available before Kurt gets there it’s hardly the ideal place to talk.

Blaine makes a quick decision, and after standing in line for a while he orders a chicken salad and a couple of sandwiches to go.

He’s waiting outside the diner when Kurt arrives, looking like he’s had a long day but still so stunning that he almost takes Blaine’s breath away. Blaine smiles at him in greeting.

“Hi,” he says, holding up the contained and wrapped up food. “It’s packed in there so I ordered some things to go. I hope that’s okay, I thought maybe we could find a place to sit in the park or something.”

Kurt looks at the things that Blaine is holding up. “Okay,” he agrees. “I’ve been stuck inside all day so eating outside sounds great, actually.”

Blaine grins and tries his best to seem relaxed and to not let the worry he feels shine through. “Great. Let’s go then.”

A little while later they’re sitting next to each other on the grass with the food Blaine bought spread out between them. Blaine is eating a sandwich while Kurt is nibbling on the salad, and they haven’t really talked much. Blaine can’t help but notice how apprehensive Kurt seems. It’s obvious that he has something on his mind.

“Kurt, is something wrong?” Blaine asks finally, unable to help himself any longer. Something feels weird between them and he hates that.

Kurt is quiet for a while.

“I’m not sure,” he says finally. “I mean, I wasn’t sure.”

Blaine cleans his hands off on a napkin. “What’s do you mean? I know something must be going on since you didn’t answer my texts for over a week.”

Kurt looks down, moving his plastic fork absently around in his salad. “Yes, that was rude of me. I’m sorry. I just… I wasn’t sure what I should do.”

“Okay,” Blaine says, confused. “Do you know what to do now?”

“Yes. I think so. But I–” He looks up at Blaine, hesitating. He looks nervous, but at the same time there’s a sense of calm in Kurt’s eyes, much the same way that it’s been for the past few weeks, after the time that Kurt stayed the night at Blaine’s place. He doesn’t really seem upset, just… thoughtful. “I need to tell you something.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

“Well…” Kurt hesitates again, and then he sighs. “Apparently Rachel has been asking people about you. People at NYADA.”

Blaine just stares at him in surprise. “Why?”

“She’s just…” Kurt waves a hand in the air. “She’s very protective of me. She’s been with me through everything that’s happened and she’s worried that I’ll get hurt again. She likes you, but after you and I started to spend more time together she wanted to make sure, she said. She means well, even though her methods are a bit… over the top sometimes.”

Blaine shakes his head, trying to understand this. “So what… she doesn’t trust that I’ll treat you right?”

“I don’t know, she’s just… she’s Rachel. Believe me, I told her that I would appreciate if she didn’t do it again.”

“So she hasn’t done it before?”

Kurt looks confused. “No, why?”

“Just that… if she did it with me, I thought she might have done it before. With the other guys that you’ve been dating.”

Dating. He’s never used that word with Kurt before. Are they dating? Blaine likes to think so, but… He looks at Kurt to see how he’s reacting to the word.

But Kurt doesn’t seem to think much of it at all. He just looks steadily at Blaine.

“There haven’t been any other guys, Blaine. Not since that one serious relationship I had.”

“But you said… you said you were cautious around guys because they usually only wanted sex. So I thought…”

“I don’t have to date them to figure out what they’re after.” He sighs. “Maybe I’m a bit too harsh. But after my dad died and my boyfriend dumped me everybody told me that I should put myself out there again and eventually I did. But the guys I met either just wanted me for sex, or they mysteriously stopped answering texts and calls as soon as I’d told them about what I was going through. None of them really wanted me. I mean, that’s why I got so freaked out after you kissed me that first time. I thought I’d been wrong about you, that you were just like the others.” He smiles a bit sadly. “Anyway, after a while I just stopped trying. I went dancing at The Blue Moon instead. And I told every guy who tried to get close that I wasn’t interested. And it worked. Until you came along and just wouldn’t give up.” He gives Blaine a small smile. “My point is… that I haven’t let anyone get close. At all. Not until now. And Rachel knows that. She knows that you’re different.”

Blaine feels a bit overwhelmed after all that. He swallows. “So… did she learn something about me that you didn’t like? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“Kind of, I guess. Apparently some people told her that you…” He looks down for a moment, clearly uncomfortable. “That you hook up with guys a lot.”

“What?” He practically squeals. This is ridiculous. There have been guys, yes, but none of them really mattered. Not like Kurt does. He really hopes he isn’t actually about to lose Kurt over something as silly as this.

He wants to laugh it off, but then he looks at Kurt, who’s clearly waiting for him to say something.

He sighs. “Kurt,” he says. “I like guys. I flirt a lot, I used to have crushes all the time, and yes, occasionally I’ve hooked up with people. But not since I met you. I haven’t even looked at other guys. They don’t compare to you anyway. Not at all.”

Kurt nods and smiles a little. “It’s okay, Blaine. I eventually told Rachel I didn’t care. And I don’t.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I… Blaine, I’ve been thinking a lot this week. That’s why I’ve been so quiet. I needed to figure some stuff out without any distractions and it made me realize something. I feel like… ever since we met we’ve been doing the same thing over and over again. You’ve pushed forward and I’ve held back. And we can’t keep doing that.”

“So… what are you saying?” Blaine almost doesn’t want to ask.

Kurt smiles again and sits up a little straighter. “I’m saying that I’m going to trust you. That I do trust you. You’ve given me absolutely no reason to doubt you – in fact you’ve gone out of your way to show me that you really care, and I realized this week that if we’re ever going to work out then I need to start putting all this fear behind me.”

Blaine huffs a small laugh in relief – Kurt isn’t dumping him! – and pushes himself a little closer to Kurt. “I can help you with that,” he offers with a smile.

“I’m counting on it.” Kurt’s smile turns carefully hopeful. “Rachel says that I’m unable to believe that good things can happen to me, and… I guess she’s right. But I want to change that. I want to believe.”

“So we’re good?”

“We are.” Kurt reaches a hand out and carefully takes Blaine’s, lacing their fingers together. He studies their joined hands for a moment. “I was hoping that we might be more than good, actually.”

“What do you mean?”

Kurt looks up at him and smiles, and then he leans in and kisses him, right there in the park. “Boyfriends, Blaine,” he murmurs when he pulls away. “I was hoping that we could be boyfriends.”

“Oh,” Blaine says stupidly, as he starts to realize exactly what’s going on here. Boyfriends. Him and Kurt. “I would like that,” he hurries to add, not wanting Kurt to think that he isn’t on board with the idea. He very much is. “I would like that very much.”

Kurt looks at him with amusement. “You’re adorable.”

Blaine snorts. “You know, that’s not exactly what a guy wants to hear. Handsome, maybe. Dashing. Sexy.”

Kurt giggles. He sounds almost… happy. “Okay. You’re very handsome. And all those other things as well.”

“Thank you.” Blaine leans in, and then they’re kissing again, neither caring much for who might be watching. “And you’re still the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon right there in the park, talking, kissing, holding hands. Laughing.

Being boyfriends.

It’s the best afternoon of Blaine’s entire life.

----

The following months are the happiest time of Blaine’s life. He and Kurt spend just about every available moment together and slowly they both start to learn more about each other.

Blaine learns that Kurt used to be in his high school’s glee club and that a lot of the people from the club are still his closest friends. He learns that Kurt sees his stepmother Carole and his stepbrother Finn as family, and that he spends every holiday with them, even though he finds it difficult to go back to his old house without his father there. He learns that Kurt is good with cars, after having spent countless hours in his dad’s tire shop growing up.

He also learns that Kurt is a good cook, that his favorite movie is Moulin Rouge, and that he likes to cuddle after sex.

They go back to The Blue Moon a couple of times, and it’s so different, being there as Kurt’s boyfriend. Because now they’re really there together, and even if the way they spend all night dancing isn’t so different from how it was before, Kurt is. The way he looks at Blaine now is enough to almost take Blaine’s breath away, and the way he smiles and holds on to Blaine when they dance is such a far cry from how it used to be. He’s almost possessive in the way he’s kissing Blaine and making sure that everyone in the room knows that they’re both very much taken.

A large part of the summer is spent apart due to the fact that Blaine got a summer job in Ohio and Kurt only has a couple of weeks off from Vogue and is spending most of the summer in New York. But they do get some time together, enough time for Kurt to meet Blaine’s parents and for Blaine to meet Carole and Finn.

And then Kurt tells Blaine that he wants to introduce him to his parents.

Blaine feels strangely nervous when they enter the cemetery hand in hand one sunny August afternoon. It’s not like he’s actually going to meet Kurt’s parents, but it still feels like an important moment because he knows that these are the two people who have meant the most to Kurt. They may have passed away, but they still live on through Kurt and maybe it’s silly, but Blaine really wants to make a good impression. He wants them to think that he’s good enough for Kurt. And it’s not like he’s ever going to know what they actually think, but still. He just wants to be what Kurt deserves.

Burt and Elizabeth Hummel are buried side by side in a quiet corner of the cemetery. Kurt seems to clutch Blaine’s hand tighter the closer they come to the graves, and Blaine squeezes his hand in return. Kurt confessed to him earlier that coming to the cemetery is hard for him, that even though he likes to come there to talk to his parents, it’s also difficult because it reminds him that they really are gone.

Kurt finally slows to a halt in front of two beautiful headstones, one clearly newer than the other, with Kurt parents’ names and the dates of their birth and death in elegant lettering. There are relatively fresh flowers on both graves, and Kurt puts the bouquets he’s brought down next to them.

“Hi mom, dad,” he says quietly, arranging the flowers to his liking. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while. Life in New York is just busy. But I think about you all the time.”

He settles himself cross-legged on the grass in front of the two graves and motions for Blaine to do the same. Blaine sits down and reaches over to link his fingers with Kurt’s again, their joined hands resting on top of Kurt’s leg.

Kurt turns to him and smiles a little before he looks at the graves again.

“I want you to meet someone,” he says. “Someone pretty special.” He brushes a thumb over Blaine’s knuckles. “This is Blaine. He’s my boyfriend.”

Blaine doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to hear Kurt call him that without feeling that rush of warmth go through him. It’s such a big thing to be that for Kurt, to know that Kurt trusts him enough now to let him be his boyfriend. Not only because Blaine knows that it’s taken a lot for Kurt to get to this point, but because it’s a big deal to himself as well. He’s never been in love like this, never had a boyfriend that he could actually see himself spending the rest of his life with. It’s almost scary when he starts to think about it, but then he’s just too happy these days to be scared of anything.

He doesn’t know if Kurt actually expects him to say anything or not, so he keeps quiet and lets Kurt do the talking.

“Blaine is… persistent,” Kurt says, with fond amusement in his voice. “As much as I tried to act like I wasn’t interested in him when we first met, he didn’t give up. And in the end I couldn’t resist.”

He looks at Blaine with a smile on his face. Blaine just shrugs and grins. Of course he wasn’t going to give up. He never does when he really wants something.

And this was Kurt.

“Anyway,” Kurt continues, his smile fading, though there’s still that softness in his eyes. “He’s good for me. Because of him I’m living again. I wake up in the morning looking forward to the day. I finally applied to Parsons and I got in. I’m actually happy again. I never thought I would be.”

Blaine swallows, hearing Kurt speak. He knew that Kurt was lost, that he was in a bad place before, but he never realized how much of a change he’s made in Kurt’s life. Somehow he didn’t realize until now that maybe he’s come to mean as much to Kurt as Kurt does to him.

He leans forward a little, focusing on the two headstones in front of him. “Your son is the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me,” he says earnestly. “You should be very proud of him.”

Kurt looks at him with eyes that are shining with tears. “See what I mean?” he says with a helpless shrug, smiling through the tears. “He’s too charming. I never stood a chance.”

Blaine grins and kisses Kurt’s temple. Kurt leans into him a little.

“So mom, dad… you better like him. Because I don’t think I’m letting him go.”

“You better not,” Blaine whispers.

A while later they’re exiting the cemetery and walking to the car (Burt’s old one, that Kurt and Finn now own), which is parked close by. Kurt is quiet as they walk, hand warm in Blaine’s hand. Blaine looks at him.

“Are you okay?”

Kurt nods. “I am, actually. It’s always difficult to come here, but I’m okay. It helps that you’re here.”

“I’m glad.”

They reach the car and Kurt turns around, leaning his back against the door on the driver’s side. He looks at Blaine with such warmth in his eyes. “You’re making me smile again,” he says softly, almost out of the blue.

Blaine smiles too, and finally utters the words that have been on the tip of his tongue for what seems like forever now. “I love you.”

Kurt looks steadily at him. He doesn’t look surprised or taken off guard. It’s almost as if he expected those words. Like he already knows.

“I love you, too.” Kurt’s voice is steady and sure.

“Really?”

Blaine is surprised. He knows that Kurt cares about him, maybe even loves him, but for him to say it, after everything that he’s been through and all the people he’s lost, is huge. It brings tears to Blaine’s eyes, even though he’s not a person who cries very often.

“Yes, really,” Kurt says softly, kissing him lightly. “I wouldn’t say something like that unless I mean it.”

“I know, I’m just a little overwhelmed. I mean, you’re so incredible and I’m just... just a regular guy.”

Kurt arches his eyebrows. “Are you questioning my taste in men?”

Blaine quickly shakes his head. “Of course not. I’m very happy that you like smaller guys with untamable hair and way too much energy. That totally works for me.”

Kurt looks amused. “Good. It works for me, too.” His expression turns earnest. “Thank you. For never giving up, even when I didn’t give you much in return.”

Blaine just looks at him. “I would never give up on you,” he says earnestly.

Kurt nods, looking like he believes it, and that’s the biggest thing to Blaine. That Kurt trusts him. Believes in him. Believes that he’ll be there.

And he will. For as long as Kurt lets him.

They drive back to Kurt’s house, sharing quick, private smiles across the small space of the car. Blaine feels relaxed, content and so happy, so certain in the knowledge of what he and Kurt now have.

And when Your Song comes on the radio, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

It’s only right that they should sing this song together today, when the world is beautiful and the future seems brighter than ever before.

I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

The End

klaine_bigbang: Just Dance, Part 3

moongirl24 — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 15:54:43 GMT

Title: Just Dance (3/4)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: wuzzy90 | hopelesslydevotedgleek | ZiaylRising
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, Rachel, Nick/Jeff
Word Count: ~23,500 words
Warnings: Mention of character death (not Kurt or Blaine!), some angst
Summary: NYADA-student Blaine Anderson discovers that it is possible to meet the man of his dreams on the dance floor.

Story Master Post

The opening night for the student production is fast approaching, leaving Blaine far too busy to focus on much else. He’s so busy that it’s only a couple of days before the premiere that he realizes two things.

One: the opening night is on a Friday, which means that he can’t go to The Blue Moon that night.

And two: he’s completely forgotten to invite Kurt to the premiere, like he’s been meaning to.

Well, he better fix that right away. He quickly fishes his phone out of his bag and starts to type.

The answer comes half an hour later.

Friday night comes and Blaine is pacing nervously backstage. Not only is it the premiere of the show that he and a bunch of other students have been working hard on for months now, but Kurt might be there. Kurt might be in the audience tonight, he might be there to see Blaine perform.

Blaine knows that the theater will be packed tonight, filled with family members, other students, teachers, and maybe even some critics. But he doesn’t care about any of them, other than his friends, of course. He just wants to be good for Kurt. He wants to be amazing for Kurt.

For some reason he really wants to make Kurt proud.

He peeks out from behind the curtains, trying to catch a glimpse of Kurt in the audience, if he’s even there. It’s difficult – the room really is packed and he doesn’t have the best angle. He spots a few other people that he knows, and there are Nick and Jeff, but his gaze continues to move through the sea of people until…

Blaine swallows, his nerves increasing even as a small smile breaks out across his face.

There, in the sixth row, a little off to the side, is Kurt, seated next to Rachel Berry.

Blaine steps back, letting the curtain fall closed. He has to be the absolute best he can be tonight. For himself and the future he hopes to have in music and theater, and for Kurt.

----

The night is a massive success.

Blaine sings, dances and acts his heart out, really putting it all out there, and his fellow cast mates aren’t far behind him.

Blaine glances over at Kurt a couple of times during the performance, gives him a wink and a smile when he gets the chance, just so Kurt will know that Blaine has seen him and is thrilled that he’s there. It’s difficult to see Kurt’s reaction in the dark room, but Blaine likes to think that he sees a small smile on Kurt’s face.

After receiving a standing ovation from the audience it’s rather chaotic backstage as everyone exchange hugs and high fives and congratulate each other on a job well done.

“A bunch of us are going to Callbacks to celebrate,” one of Blaine’s cast mates tells him. “You should join us.”

Blaine hesitates. He’d love to go, it’s just…

“I might drop by later,” he says. “There’s someone I need to see first.”

He can’t just leave without saying hi to Kurt. Kurt came to see him perform after all. He didn’t have to, but he did, and Blaine just really needs to see him.

“Okay,” his cast mate says with a shrug. “See you later then.”

Blaine changes out of his costume and gets rid of his make-up as quickly as he can. He wants to make it outside before Kurt leaves, but realizes after a while that Kurt has probably left already. There’s really no reason for him to hang around, and Blaine has no idea why he didn’t just text Kurt and ask him to wait. Of course that’s what he should have done.

He sighs and figures he might as well join the others at Callbacks instead. It might be fun, and he can text Kurt tomorrow instead. Maybe even ask if he wants to meet Blaine sometime. Maybe do dinner. Like a date. Maybe.

He steps out of the theater building wondering how he’s going to ask Kurt to go on a date with him without scaring him off again, when he stops dead in his tracks.

Kurt.

He’s there, on the other side of the street. He’s shuffling his feet, looking nervous and slightly uncomfortable, like he isn’t quite sure if he should be there, but he is. He’s there.

Waiting for Blaine.

Blaine can hardly believe it as he hurries across the street, the huge smile on his face impossible to keep in check.

“Kurt! You’re still here!”

Kurt smiles a little and seems to relax when he sees Blaine, but he still twists his hands nervously together.

“Yeah, I… I just wanted to say thank you for inviting me tonight. And to congratulate you. You were… really incredible.”

Blaine grins and tries not to blush. It feels like everything inside him is doing the happy dance. “Thank you. And thank you for coming. It really helped having a friendly face in the audience.”

Kurt looks at him, and Blaine sees something new in his eyes, something he’s never seen there before. It looks like… admiration, maybe. Fondness. And also… wonder.

“I mean it, though,” Kurt says. “You… surprised me, actually. I had no idea you were this good.”

“Um, thanks, I guess?” Blaine says with a laugh, and Kurt gives a short laugh as well and looks down, blushing adorably.

“I just meant that… you’re a NYADA student so I knew you had to be good, I just wasn’t expecting–”

Blaine gently puts a hand on Kurt’s arm.

“It’s okay, Kurt,” he smiles fondly. “Thank you. And thank you, again, for coming tonight. Seeing you in the audience made me want to be the best I could possibly be.”

They look at each other. The atmosphere seems to change all of a sudden, filling with all the things they’re thinking but not saying. Around them the street is turning quieter, most people having left the area by now. Kurt finally opens his mouth as if to say something, but nothing comes out.

Blaine decides to just go for it. “Do you want to, maybe… do something?”

Kurt blinks, surprised. “Like… right now? Do you have time? Isn’t there usually an after party or something that you should attend?”

Blaine shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. I’d rather spend time with you.”

“I–” Kurt looks flushed, his cheeks colored in a lovely shade of red. He bites his lip and finally nods. “Okay. Yes. Yes, I’d… like that.”

“Really?” Blaine hadn’t expected that. “I mean, great!”

Kurt smiles a little. “So what do you want to do?”

Blaine feels brave, the success of the premiere and Kurt’s presence making him feel like he can do anything right now. “Well, my roommate is out of town for the weekend, so… we could go back to my place?”

Kurt’s smile falters, his eyes turning a bit darker, so Blaine quickly adds, “I don’t… I’m not assuming anything, I promise. I just figured it might be nice. To have some time to ourselves, away from the noise and rush of the city. To talk, that’s all.”

Kurt hesitates, and Blaine is almost certain that he’s screwed up again, when Kurt finally, after what seems like forever, gives another small nod and an uncertain-looking smile. “Okay. I’d love to see your place.”

Blaine can’t stop smiling. Kurt wants to see his place. He wants to come home with Blaine.

This is quickly turning into the best night of Blaine’s life.

----

They take the subway back to Blaine’s place.

They sit next to each other in the rather empty train, swaying in time with the rocking movements. Sometimes their arms brush against one another, sometimes Blaine may lean in an extra inch just to have it happen again. Kurt feels warm and solid next to him, but he also seems nervous still, his hands tucked tightly together in his lap as he stares out the window. Blaine wants to reach out and take one of those hands, to have that connection, but as it is, he’s pretty sure it’s not a very good idea. Even though Kurt agreed to come home with him he still seems uncertain, like he isn’t quite sure if he’s made the right decision. Blaine doesn’t want to give him more reason to doubt this by coming on too strong.

It’s so fragile, what they have. It feels like it could break at any moment, like it only takes one wrong turn to blow it all to pieces. It’s such a strange contrast to the strong bond Blaine feels towards Kurt. Their connection is like nothing he’s ever felt before, and if Kurt shares only some of those feelings, then Blaine knows that they have something. Something that might be bigger than either one of them realize.

As they climb the stairs to Blaine and Wes’ third floor apartment, Blaine racks his brain trying to remember what kind of state the place is in. The living room should be okay, but the kitchen could have been tidier. Wes left it spotless before he went away for the weekend, but Blaine didn’t have time to clean up after grabbing a bite earlier, so he knows there are some dirty dishes in the sink and some empty containers lying around. The bathroom is presentable enough though, and his room should be okay, too.

Not that he expects them to spend much time in his room. This isn’t just some random guy he’s bringing home. This is Kurt. And Blaine would honestly be more than happy to just sit next to him on the couch for the rest of the night.

Blaine unlocks the door a lot less smoothly than he would’ve liked and finally switches the light on, motioning for Kurt to step inside first. They haven’t talked much the last couple of minutes, not since they left the theater really. It’s like they’re both feeling the weight of the moment, like they’re both acutely aware that what they’re doing right now could either bring them closer, or break them all together.

Kurt sweeps his eyes across the room, taking it in. Blaine tries to see his apartment through a stranger’s eyes, and suddenly wishes that he’d had something better to show Kurt. Kurt deserves everything, and this apartment belongs to someone who is neither rich nor famous. It’s just a regular apartment.

“It’s not much,” Blaine finds himself saying, setting his bag down on the floor by the door. “But it’s enough for me and Wes.”

“It’s nice,” Kurt says, still looking around. “Very masculine.”

Blaine huffs a nervous laugh. “Somehow I get the feeling that you don’t necessarily mean that as a compliment.”

“Yes, I do, it’s just… there’s no female touch here. You can immediately tell that this is a guys’ place.” His gaze seems to land on something. “Except for those plants. Those are rather… unexpected.”

Blaine has to smile at that. “Wes brought them,” he explains. “Apparently a place is not a home without a couple of plants. And plastic is cheating, I’ve learned.”

“That I can agree on.”

Kurt is right about the apartment. Apart from the plants, the place, while nice and clean for the most part, lacks the typical feminine touch. There are no tablecloths or throw pillows, and the curtains could be a lot nicer, at least according to Wes’ girlfriend. They haven’t been changed since they moved in, but at least they have curtains, which is more than can be said for Nick and Jeff’s place.

(Blaine just hopes, for the neighbors’ sake, that his friends at least have curtains in the bedroom. He hasn’t actually checked.)

“Have a seat,” Blaine says, gesturing towards the couch. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Just water, please.”

Blaine walks into the kitchen to get a glass of water for Kurt, taking the opportunity to do a quick assessment of the room’s current state. As he thought it’s not perfect, but he quickly puts away some stuff that was lying on the counter, and decides that the rest will just have to do. He doesn’t think the kitchen is where they’ll be spending their time tonight, but he also doesn’t want to come across as a slob if Kurt should happen to take a look.

Then he returns to the living room, where Kurt is now sitting gingerly on the edge of the couch with one leg crossed neatly above the other. He sets the glass of water on the table in front of him, and it’s at that moment he realizes that he might not have thought this whole thing through all that well.

“I know this is terribly rude of me,” he says, looking apologetically at Kurt, “but if you don’t mind I think I’ll go take a quick shower. I’m being a terrible host, but–”

Kurt waves a hand in the air. “Go,” he says. “I’ll be okay here. I’ll watch some TV or something.”

Blaine nods and offers Kurt a quick smile. He feels really stupid for leaving Kurt alone like this, for inviting him here only to disappear as soon as they’re inside, but he knows he’s going to feel even more stupid if he sits next to Kurt all night smelling of sweat and stage.

He showers quickly, not wanting to leave Kurt alone any longer than he has to. He puts on clothes that are nice but not over the top and quickly gels his hair, and then he stops and looks at himself in the mirror for a minute, taking a few moments to just breathe.

Kurt is out there in the living room. Kurt is in Blaine’s apartment. Kurt, who is so amazing, who Blaine is so very in love with, and who has seemed almost inapproachable up until now.

He’s here, and as Blaine stands there, looking at the mirror image of himself, he’s trying very hard not to freak out.

He’s usually very confident when it comes to guys. He goes after what he wants, and if he sees someone he likes he usually jumps right in with both feet. More often than not his confidence and charms has left him with the desired results, and if not then it’s usually not that big a deal. He’s never been all that serious about the guys he’s met, most of the time he just wanted to have fun, with no strings attached and no commitments.

But with Kurt it’s all different. Not only because he’s had to tread a lot more carefully than he usually does, but also because all of Blaine’s usual confidence seems to have vanished, leaving confusing feelings like doubt and uncertainty in its wake. And Blaine knows why.

It’s because Kurt is special. It’s because he means something. It’s because Blaine, for the first time in his life, has met someone that he wants a future with.

He’s in love for the first time in his life, and it’s new and exciting, but also scary as hell.

He takes a deep breath and throws one last look at himself in the mirror. This is who he is. This is what he has to offer. He just hopes that it’s enough, even for someone as special as Kurt.

Out in the living room Kurt has turned the TV on and seems to be channel surfing in an attempt to find something decent to watch. When Blaine appears, however, he switches the TV off completely and sets the remote on the coffee table.

“There’s nothing on,” he says by way of explanation.

“We can watch a movie instead, if you want to,” Blaine suggests as he flops down on the couch next to Kurt, trying his best to seem a lot more confident and at ease that he actually feels. He’s on home turf after all – this is his apartment, and it’s not like it’s the first time he’s brought a guy here. He knows how to be charming.

Kurt seems to think it over for a moment, but then he slowly shakes his head. “Do you mind if we don’t? I would really love it if we could just… talk.”

Kurt looks right at him, his eyes steady and open. It’s like he’s holding the door open, like he dares Blaine to follow him. But there’s also that vulnerability that’s been there from the start, that look in his eyes that makes him seem fragile sometimes even though Blaine is certain he’s anything but. It feels like Kurt is begging him with his eyes, begging Blaine not to break him, to not throw away what Kurt is now offering him.

And Blaine can only nod, accepting the challenge, accepting the offering. He’s in too deep to do anything else.

“Yeah, let’s talk,” he says, offering Kurt a smile that he hopes is as encouraging as he means it to be. “I’d love that.”

A thought hits him, and he get up off the couch to walk over to his iPod docking system, choosing a playlist and turning it on. He turns the volume down so that the music is merely in the background.

“Is this okay?” he asks, turning to Kurt.

Kurt nods. “Yeah.”

Blaine nods too and returns to the couch. He figures it might be easier for both of them to relax if the silence isn’t so oppressing. It also makes the atmosphere a whole lot more romantic, but Kurt doesn’t seem to mind or notice.

“I’m really glad you came to the show tonight,” Blaine says as he sits back down and settles himself into a comfortable position. “It meant a lot to me.”

“I’m glad I came,” Kurt says almost shyly and looks at him with a small smile. “It was nice, seeing you on stage.” He pauses, looking like he wants to say something more. Blaine waits.

“It’s actually the first NYADA production I’ve seen. Which might seem strange, seeing as I’m friends with Rachel, who’s starred in several roles, but–” He looks down and seems to struggle as he searches for the right words. “I haven’t been able to, in the past. Everything concerning NYADA is a little bittersweet for me, to be honest.”

“Why?” Blaine asks. He didn’t realize that coming to the show tonight was such a big deal for Kurt.

“Well,” Kurt starts. “The truth is that there was a time when I actually planned on going to NYADA myself.”

“Really?” Blaine had not expected that, and he can’t help but lean in closer in interest. “Why didn’t you?”

“Some things happened,” Kurt says with a small shrug. “I applied and got an audition, but… I never showed up.”

“Why?”

“I just…” He shakes his head. “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

“That’s okay,” Blaine says, even though the curiosity is almost killing him. Having someone say A but not B is not something he’s very fond of, but Kurt is clearly trying to figure out how far in he’s willing to let Blaine in and Blaine wants to be respectful of that. It’s obvious that being here at all is a big step for him.

“I’m going to guess you’re into singing and acting, then,” he says instead, and Kurt looks up, clearly grateful for the slight change of subject.

“I used to be. Now I’m mostly into fashion.”

“So are you a student?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No. I’m an intern at Vogue.”

“You are?” Blaine can’t quite hide how impressed he is. “That’s… amazing. I mean, Vogue.”

“Yes,” Kurt says, clearly proud. “I like it a lot. Working there has made me realize that I want a future in fashion. But I would really like to go to college first. Get myself a degree. I doubt my high school diploma impresses anyone.”

“It impresses enough to get a job at Vogue, apparently,” Blaine grins. “And school isn’t everything. But if you want to go to college, you should. It’s not too late.”

“I know. I’m thinking about it.” He tilts his head a little, looking at Blaine. “So why did you decide to go to NYADA?”

Blaine shrugs. “I love performing. Singing, mostly, but acting and dancing as well. It’s what I want to do. My dream is to be on Broadway someday.”

Kurt smiles. “If tonight was any indication, you’ll get there.”

“I hope so.”

They’re quiet for a moment. Blaine turns sideways on the couch so he can see Kurt better. He’s a bit more relaxed now and it looks like Kurt feels the same way. But then they’ve only talked about the easy stuff so far. Blaine suspects that some of the things they have to talk about tonight will be a lot more difficult.

He figures he might as well start right away. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Go ahead.”

“I was just wondering why… I mean, you didn’t seem all that interested in getting to know me at first. You didn’t even want to talk with me. But then we had coffee back in Ohio and you came to my play tonight. And now you’re here. I mean… why? What’s changed?”

Kurt looks down, shifting uncomfortably. He looks like he doesn’t really want to answer. “I’ve had some… bad experiences,” he says eventually. “With guys. Most guys I meet seem to only be after one thing. It’s made me very cautious, I guess.”

Blaine nods slowly, not all that surprised. He suspected something like that. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry that you’ve had bad stuff happen to you.”

Kurt shrugs. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know. I want you to know that I’m not like that, though. It’s not just about sex for me. And I’m not out to use you, or play games.”

Kurt seems to startle a little at Blaine’s forwardness regarding his intentions, but he looks up at him again. “I’m… actually starting to believe that,” he says, but there’s still fear in his eyes, and while he might believe Blaine, he’s clearly not completely convinced that he should. “It’s why I came tonight.” He makes a grimace. “And then Rachel practically pushed me out the door. She seems to have decided that you’re okay.”

Blaine laughs. “She seems like a force to be reckoned with.”

Kurt huffs. “She is, believe me.”

They look at each other, both with smiles on their faces. Blaine is struck by how beautiful Kurt’s smile is. During the time they’ve known each other, Blaine hasn’t been given the opportunity to see Kurt smile very often.

Before he can’t think it over, he reaches out and takes Kurt’s hand. Kurt startles a little, his gaze flickering down to watch their hands, but he makes no immediate attempts to pull away.

“Kurt, I mean what I said at The Lima Bean,” Blaine says intently, willing Kurt to understand this. Kurt looks up at him again. “I’m falling for you. Or, I have fallen for you, actually. And I just hope that you’ll let me show you how amazing I think you are. And that you’ll give me a chance to really get to know you.”

Kurt looks at him. His eyes are bright, his lips trembling a little. He swallows.

“Okay,” he whispers.

“Okay?”

Kurt nods. He swallows again, his eyes intent on Blaine, and before Blaine gets a chance to register what is happening, Kurt has leaned in and is kissing him.

It’s only a short moment before Kurt pulls away again. Blaine can hardly wrap his head around what is happening before it’s over. But Kurt’s face is still close, Kurt’s face and that little, hopeful smile he’s now wearing, and Blaine smiles too. And then they’re kissing again, deeper and with more intent this time.

Kissing Kurt is one of the most amazing things that Blaine has ever felt. It’s so different from the kiss at The Blue Moon, when Kurt was completely unprepared. Kissing Kurt now is warmth and softness and intimacy – it feels like Kurt is finally starting to let go, like he’s finally opening up to Blaine, letting him in, fully and with no reservation. It feels like a lot more than just a kiss.

When they pull back for the second time, they’re both breathing hard. Blaine leans his forehead against Kurt’s, his hands coming up to rest on Kurt’s cheeks as they breathe in sync.

“You’re a really good kisser,” he whispers breathlessly, and it’s such a stupid thing to say, but it makes Kurt laugh, so Blaine figures it could’ve been worse.

“I know,” Kurt replies, sounding so smug that Blaine bursts out laughing. It’s so different between them all of a sudden – it’s like they’ve overcome some sort of obstacle, like a wall is starting to disappear.

“Stay with me tonight,” Blaine whispers on impulse.

He feels Kurt start to pull away a little, but Blaine uses his hands to keep him in place.

“We don’t have to do anything,” he adds quickly. “We can just sleep. I just… I don’t want to say goodbye to you tonight.”

He can feel Kurt breathe against him, little warm puffs of air against Blaine’s face.

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you, either,” he whispers.

“Then don’t. Stay with me.”

“And we’ll just sleep?”

“We’ll just sleep.”

Kurt is still for a moment longer, but then he nods slowly. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

Blaine breathes out a sigh of relief. For a moment he was scared that he might’ve pushed too far again. But tonight is different. Everything is changing now. Kurt is starting to let him in. He’s still scared, still cautious, but he’s here. He’s letting Blaine see him, at least a little.

They move to Blaine’s bedroom without saying much. Blaine finds a t-shirt and a pair of sweats for Kurt to sleep in, and quickly changes out of his own clothes while Kurt’s using the bathroom. When he’s done, he sits at the edge of the bed, nervously shuffling his feet. He’s still not completely sure that Kurt won’t change his mind about this.

But then Kurt returns, wearing Blaine’s clothes, and damn if that isn’t one of the hottest things that Blaine has ever seen. It’s going to be difficult not to let his thoughts wander with Kurt in bed with him.

“Just… um… hop in,” he says clumsily, gesturing vaguely to the bed. “I’ll just use the bathroom real quick.”

Inside the bathroom he takes a few moments to breathe, trying to get his hardness to go down. This is so not the time for that. No matter how hot Kurt is, how much Blaine wants to do all kinds of things with him, Kurt is clearly not ready for it. And if Blaine has learned anything over the past couple of months, it’s that he can’t push Kurt too hard. They’ve already taken giant steps forward tonight. Now he needs to respect Kurt’s boundaries.

And somehow he feels like it’s the right thing for himself as well. He usually doesn’t hesitate going to bed with someone if he feels attracted to them, but he wants this to be different. Because it is different. It feels right to connect with Kurt on other levels first, to create that foundation before they do anything else.

When Blaine returns to the bedroom a few minutes later, Kurt is sitting on the right side of the bed under the covers, looking quite uncomfortable. He smiles a little nervously when he sees Blaine.

“I wasn’t sure if you have a certain side that you prefer…”

Blaine shakes his head. “This is fine. You choose.”

Kurt nods, and Blaine crawls into bed next to Kurt. After a few moments of awkward shifting and attempts at finding the best position, they settle down on their sides, facing each other. The only light in the room comes from Blaine’s bedside lamp, bathing Kurt’s face in soft, orange light. He looks heartbreakingly beautiful.

“You’re so beautiful,” Blaine murmurs before he can think better of it. Kurt just looks at him steadily, his face soft and open.

“You’re not the first person who’s told me that.”

Blaine realizes that Kurt is referring to something he mentioned before, about how the guys he meets are usually only after one thing. He shakes his head.

“I don’t mean it in a shallow way,” he explains. “You’re beautiful because it comes from inside. Because you have a beautiful heart. You… you move me, Kurt.”

Kurt’s breath catches a little. One of his hands finds one of Blaine’s under the cover.

“You’re different, Blaine,” he whispers, with something close to wonder in his voice. “You’re not like the others.”

Blaine shrugs. “I don’t know that. I just know that… that I want you in my life.”

Kurt doesn’t say anything. He looks at Blaine with wide eyes, and there’s that fear again.

“What are you afraid of?” Blaine whispers, squeezing Kurt’s hand.

“What do you mean?” Kurt sounds apprehensive, and Blaine can tell that he’s starting to close in on himself again, like he’s reminding himself that he needs to keep up his protective wall, the one that Blaine thought they had finally started to tear down. He doesn’t like that wall.

“Just that… I see that fear in your eyes,” he hurries to explain. “It’s been there ever since we first met. It never really goes away, there’s always a shadow there, and I… I know you’re carrying something, and I just…” He shrugs a little helplessly. “I want to help.”

Kurt stares at him. “You want to help?” He sounds disbelieving.

“That sounded pretty stupid, didn’t it? I’m sorry–”

“No,” Kurt interrupts him softly. “No, it’s not stupid. It’s just that…you hardly know me, and yet you’re telling me these things. Things like… you want to help. And you sound like you mean it.”

“Yeah, of course. I mean… it’s you,” he says, trying to explain it to Kurt. “Of course I want to help.”

Kurt continues to stare at him for a while. His eyes are bright, suddenly shining with unshed tears. After a while he lets out a shaky sigh, and lowers his gaze.

“I lost my dad about two years ago,” he says quietly, his voice sounding incredibly small. “He died of a heart attack. He was everything to me and I… I know I should be able to get past it, but I can’t. My mom died when I was a kid so it was just me and him after that and I… I miss him so much.” He hides his face in his hands, his voice breaking.

Blaine immediately scoots forward and wraps Kurt up in his arms. Kurt’s whole body is shaking.

“I’m so sorry, Kurt,” he whispers. “I can’t even imagine how hard that must be.”

Kurt stays in his arms for a while, crying silently, but then he pulls back, wiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, sniffling. “It’s just difficult to talk about it, still. I feel like I should have been able to move on by now, but it’s so hard.”

“There’s no time limit for these kinds of things,” Blaine says. “You have to take the time you need.”

“Yeah, but it’s like… everybody expects me to be okay,” Kurt says. “They expect me to have moved on with my life. And I haven’t. Not really.” He’s quiet for a moment. “The day he died… it was the day that I was supposed to have my NYADA audition.”

Blaine has to swallow down a lump in his throat. Hearing Kurt talk about this, to be openly sharing what is probably the most difficult thing he’s ever had to go through, makes Blaine want to cry. He just wishes he could take some of Kurt’s pain away, make it better for him somehow. But as it is, he doesn’t even know what to say.

“Wow, that’s tough,” he manages.

“Yeah,” Kurt whispers. “My dad was so proud of me for getting that audition, was so certain I’d get in. I… I never contacted the school, never asked them for another chance to audition. I felt guilty about that, felt like I was disappointing my dad somehow by not even trying, but I couldn’t stand to even think about it. I couldn’t fathom the idea of singing and dancing when I could barely get out of bed most days. And then later, I… I realized I wanted to work in fashion instead. I’ve been thinking about applying to Parsons, but so far I haven’t… I haven’t been able to take that step.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know. Fear, I guess. It’s like… if I get into that school it’ll be like I’m moving on. And I want to do that, but then I just…”

“Kurt, moving on doesn’t mean that you’ll forget about him. It doesn’t mean that you love him any less.”

Kurt looks at him quietly for a while. There are still tears on his cheeks. He finally nods.

“I know that, I just…” He lets out a shaky breath. “I’ve been so lost. I’m still lost. It’s why I’ve gone out dancing every Friday. To forget, just for a little while.”

It’s all finally starting to make sense to Blaine. Why Kurt was so uninterested at first, why he seemed so indifferent to everyone at the club, why he always seemed so sad. Blaine gets it now.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” he says. “I know it’s not easy.”

“I don’t really talk about this,” Kurt confesses, wiping at his eyes again. “I mean, Rachel and another friend of mine, Mercedes, they’re great and they’re always there for me. And I have a pretty incredible stepmother and a clumsy but loveable stepbrother who I love. But…”

“They’re not your dad.”

Kurt looks at him. “No, they’re not.”

They’re both quiet. After a while Kurt pulls away from Blaine a little.

“I apologize for unloading on you,” he says, looking a little embarrassed.

Blaine shakes his head. “No, don’t be. I’m just… thrilled that you trust me enough to let me in. That means a lot to me. More than you know.”

Kurt considers him for a while. He wipes the rest of the tears away and then he nods, a small, hopeful smile appearing on his lips.

“Well, thank you for listening. Now, can we please go back to the kissing?”

Blaine almost chokes on his breath and stares at Kurt in shock for a second, not sure if he heard him right. But Kurt’s expression has changed now, has turned mischievous and almost playful, and Blaine realizes that Kurt is ready to think about something else than all the heavy stuff. He huffs a surprised laugh. Kurt is definitely not predictable.

“Yes, we can,” he smiles, and then they do just that. They kiss slowly and lazily, getting used to this new way of connecting, and share a few whispered words every now and then until they both fall asleep.

----

When Blaine wakes up the next morning the first thing he notices is that Kurt’s not there.

For a moment he’s filled with dread, but then he tells himself that Kurt’s probably just using the bathroom. After what they shared last night, after the way they connected, it’s hard to believe that Kurt would just leave without a word.

And he hasn’t.

Kurt isn’t in the bathroom, but when Blaine enters the living room he finds Kurt sitting on the piano bench by the keyboard. He’s running his fingers slowly over the keys, looking lost in thought.

He looks so beautiful, dressed in Blaine’s clothes, with his hair still disheveled after sleeping. He looks he belongs here, right here in Blaine’s apartment.

“Good morning,” Blaine says quietly, not wanting to spook him.

Kurt turns to him. He smiles. “Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?” Blaine closes the distance between himself and where Kurt’s sitting.

Kurt nods. “I did, thank you. I’m very pleased to notice that you don’t snore, at least not loud enough to wake me, nor do you hog the covers.”

Blaine grins. “I know. I’m an excellent bed companion.”

Kurt smiles and turns back to the keyboard. “Do you play?”

“I do.”

It’s technically Wes’ keyboard, but Blaine’s the one who uses it the most. One day, when he has a bigger living space, he’s definitely going to buy himself a proper piano.

Kurt scoots over on the bench, making room for Blaine next to him. “Will you play something for me?”

Blaine sits down and stretches his fingers a little. “What do you want to hear?”

Kurt shrugs. “Just… anything. Something that you like.”

Blaine thinks for a moment, tries to think of a song that captures how he’s feeling right now. On this early morning in his apartment, with Kurt next to him, fresh out of Blaine’s bed. How right this feels, how he’s filled with this quiet, buzzing happiness, how it’s so difficult to not dream about a lifetime of moments like this.

And then he knows exactly what song he wants to play.

He positions his hands on the keys and starts on the first chords. Then he sings.

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who can easily hide
I don’t have much money but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house where we both could live

Kurt sits quietly, so close to Blaine that their upper arms and thighs are touching. He doesn’t move, not until Blaine is about halfway through the song, and Blaine almost loses focus on the song all together when Kurt’s head suddenly comes to rest on his shoulder.

He keeps going though, determined to play this song for Kurt and to not disrupt this moment.

Kurt is quiet through the whole song. Only when Blaine reaches the very last chorus does he hear Kurt, singing quietly, and his voice is so beautiful and clear and perfect that Blaine just wants to stop singing all together just so he can hear only Kurt.

He doesn’t, though. Instead they sing the last chorus together, their voices blending together rather perfectly, if Blaine may say so.

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

When the last sound dies out they’re both quiet for a moment. Kurt’s head is still on Blaine’s shoulder and Blaine isn’t quite sure what to do right now. He doesn’t want to break the spell.

“You have a beautiful voice,” he says quietly.

“So do you. Thank you for that song, it was…” Kurt trails off and pauses for a moment. “I keep telling myself that you can’t possibly be real and you keep proving to me that you are.”

Blaine has to swallow a sudden lump in his throat. “So you’re starting to trust me, then?”

Kurt lifts his head and looks at Blaine. “Blaine, I just slept in your bed. I don’t do that. I don’t… follow guys home.” He pauses again. “You asked me yesterday what’s changed. Why I’m… letting you get close. What changed is that you saw me. I realized that when you gave me that pin for Christmas. You look beyond the surface and even after everything that I told you yesterday you still seem to want me around.”

“Is that so strange?”

“To me it is.” He leans his head on Blaine’s shoulder again. “I was in a serious relationship once. We were together through most of high school. But he took off only a couple of weeks after my dad died. He couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle me, I guess. Not when things got hard.”

His voice sounds detached, almost cold all of a sudden, and Blaine understands that this must be something that he prefers not to think or talk about. And Blaine gets it now. He gets Kurt’s skepticism to guys. Kurt clearly hasn’t been given much reason to trust people in the past. He’s lost people he cared about and been left behind by others. And now all his instincts are telling him to protect himself, to protect his heart. With that in mind, it’s pretty amazing that he’s here at all.

“I’m not gonna run, Kurt,” he says quietly. “I couldn’t. Not now.”

Kurt nods next to him, but Blaine knows that he’s still not a hundred percent convinced. He’s letting Blaine in, but he’s clearly, and understandably, still scared that he’s going to end up hurt again.

He untangles an arm and wraps it around Kurt’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

Kurt’s giving him a chance. It’s up to him now to prove to Kurt that he can be trusted.

Next

klaine_bigbang: Just Dance, Part 2

moongirl24 — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 15:47:24 GMT

Title: Just Dance (2/4)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: wuzzy90 | hopelesslydevotedgleek | ZiaylRising
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, Rachel, Nick/Jeff
Word Count: ~23,500 words
Warnings: Mention of character death (not Kurt or Blaine!), some angst
Summary: NYADA-student Blaine Anderson discovers that it is possible to meet the man of his dreams on the dance floor.

Story Master Post

Next Friday cannot come soon enough. Blaine is desperate to see Kurt again, to apologize, to make everything right. He feels like he’s failed Kurt somehow. He knew that he needed to be careful with him, that he needed to take it slow and that pushing him could scare him away, and yet that’s exactly what he did.

Kissing someone for the first time, someone you hardly know, without warning in the middle of a crowded dance floor can hardly be called ‘taking it slow’. He really needs to let Kurt know that he’s not that kind of a guy, so when Friday comes they have to talk, whether Kurt wants to or not.

But then, for the first time since Blaine started coming to The Blue Moon, Kurt doesn’t show up on a Friday night.

Blaine waits for him all night, restless and impatient, until he’s forced to admit that Kurt won’t be there.

It feels a little like the world is crashing down around him.

He really has ruined everything.

He gets drunk instead, throwing back drink after drink while he watches Jeff and Nick, the way they look at each other with so much love in their eyes, the way they lean in for the occasional kiss when Jeff doesn’t have customers waiting. It makes Blaine more and more miserable as the night passes, because he wants that. He wants to be with someone, to be in love and be happy, and he wants it with Kurt. He wants them to be the real thing, and he knows that they eventually could have been, so why did he have to go and mess it all up?

Jeff and Nick walk him home at the end of the night, handing him over to a confused Wes, who makes him go straight to bed after drinking some water.

Blaine falls asleep as soon as his body hits the mattress.

----

The next week can only be described as hell. Christmas break is fast approaching, which means an increased workload at NYADA, and also more rehearsals for the play, which premieres mid-January. On top of that Blaine can focus on little else than how he completely ruined everything with Kurt and would really prefer to just dig himself a hole that he could disappear into.

He continues going to The Blue Moon on Friday nights, always with that little hope in his heart, but Kurt never shows. Jeff and Nick keep asking him what the hell he did, but Blaine just shakes his head. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He did pour his heart and soul out to Wes the morning after he got so drunk, and Wes just shook his head and gave him sympathetic glances and didn’t really have any good advice to give him.

One day he passes a window display on his way to NYADA and his gaze falls on a rainbow pin that immediately makes him think of Kurt. Kurt is always wearing pins and brooches of some kind, but Blaine has never seen him wear one like that. There’s a sudden pang in his chest because he hasn’t seen Kurt in weeks now and he misses him so much that it physically hurts. Most of all it hurts thinking about everything that he could have had with Kurt, if only he’d handled things differently. That strange bond he’s felt with Kurt ever since the first time they met has grown stronger every week, and it’s still difficult to explain it, but it’s there. The fact that he hasn’t seen Kurt in a while doesn’t change that.

So before he has time to really think about it Blaine finds himself entering the shop, and then exiting it again a few minutes later, carrying a bag containing the rainbow pin in a small box, neatly wrapped up in Christmas paper with a sticker that says ‘Merry Christmas’ in cheerful lettering.

He has no idea what he’s doing. He has no idea why he’s buying a Christmas present for someone he might not ever see again. But he decides not to examine it too closely. Instead he carries the present around in his messenger bag every day, on the odd chance that he may run into Kurt around the campus area, like he did that one time in the coffee shop.

Then suddenly he’s hit with another idea.

Kurt’s friend, Rachel Berry. Maybe he should try and track her down. He’s not exactly sure which classes she’s in, but Kurt did say she was in her second year so it shouldn’t be too hard to find out. Plus, she’s quite well known around school. Maybe he can convince her to set up a meeting between him and Kurt, or at least give Kurt a message from him.

Unfortunately he doesn’t get much of a chance to look into it, because his life really is insanely busy at the moment. And suddenly the last day before Christmas break is there, and Blaine is walking around campus handing out flyers for the play.

And then he sees her.

Rachel Berry.

He can hardly believe his luck, but it’s definitely her. He gives a quiet thank you for this amazing Christmas miracle and walks right up to her without giving himself time to think too much.

“Hi,” he says with a bright smile and hands her a flyer. “I hope you’ll come see our play. And tell all your friends to come, too.”

She looks at him for a moment, and then she takes the flyer from him, glancing at it briefly.

“I’ll see if I can make it,” she says, and makes a move to continue walking.

He stops her with a hand on her arm. “Um…,” he says, suddenly having no idea what to say. Rachel looks at him as if he’s a real weirdo. “I was just wondering if… if you’d give Kurt a message from me?”

She continues to stare at him for a moment, until something seems to dawn on her.

“You’re Blaine,” she says slowly. “I mean, I know who you are, the school is not that big, but I never… I never connected you with Kurt’s Blaine. He never told me you’re a NYADA student.”

Kurt’s Blaine. Blaine suddenly feels warm all over. He wants nothing more than for that to be true.

“He talks about me?” he can’t help but ask, completely unable to keep the surprise out of his voice. Rachel knows about his presence if Kurt’s life, which means that Kurt must have mentioned him to her. Kurt talks about him.

There’s suddenly a wild, fluttering feeling in Blaine’s stomach. Maybe he still has a chance.

Rachel looks at him with renewed interest now, but before she says anything her face hardens again. “I shouldn’t be talking to you.”

“Yes, you should,” Blaine insists. “I really need to speak with Kurt and I need your help to do that.”

Rachel shakes her head. “No. Kurt is really messed up over whatever happened between you two and I’m not going to make it worse for him. Kurt needs people in his life that he can count on, and to be completely frank with you, you don’t seem like you’re that kind of person.”

Blaine tries not to be offended by that. “You don’t know me,” he points out.

“And you don’t know Kurt. You don’t know how difficult it is for him.”

“I know, and that’s my point. I want to get to know him. But I can’t do that unless I get to talk with him. Please. Please help me out.”

He looks at her with the most pleading, earnest look he can muster. Rachel studies at him for a long moment.

“Okay,” she finally says with a dramatic sigh. “I can give him your number. Then it’s up to him whether he wants to contact you or not.”

Blaine breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he says, as he finds a pen in his bag and quickly writes his number down on one of the flyers. “Just tell him that he can phone or text me whenever. I’m leaving the city for Christmas break tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter, I would love to hear from him.”

Rachel takes the flyer and looks at the written number for a moment. “I’m not promising you anything,” she warns him. “I’ll give this to Kurt, but after that it’s up to him. If he doesn’t want to talk to you, then you have to respect that.”

Blaine nods, though he has no idea how he’s supposed to do that. How is he supposed to just… give up?

He doesn’t even want to think about that.

“Thank you,” he says again, giving her a grateful smile. “This really means a lot to me. And just so you know, I’m serious about Kurt. I’m not playing games here.”

Rachel considers him for a moment. “Okay,” she says finally. She re-shoulders her bag. “I have to go. Bye, Blaine.”

“Bye,” he says as he watches her leave. “And remember to come to the show!”

“We’ll see,” she calls back.

The rest of the day Blaine feels giddy with anticipation and renewed hope. He keeps his phone close at all times, just in case Kurt calls.

----

But when Blaine leaves New York the next day to go back to Ohio for Christmas break, he still hasn’t heard from Kurt. He tries not to feel too disappointed by that, tries to tell himself that he needs to give Kurt time. It’s still less than twenty-four hours since he gave his number to Rachel.

But by the time Christmas Day comes along Kurt still hasn’t contacted him, and Blaine’s Christmas present for him still sits unopened on Blaine’s nightstand.

Blaine spends most of his time in Ohio reconnecting with old friends and relatives. It’s nice to see everyone, but Kurt is always on his mind, and each day that passes without a word from him makes Blaine feel more and more discouraged. Even though he’s usually an optimistic person (sometimes almost too optimistic, he’s been told), he finds himself wondering if he’ll ever see Kurt again at all.

But then, three days after Christmas, the text finally comes.

Blaine’s heart starts beating faster as he reads the words. Kurt! Kurt has sent him a text. Kurt has contacted him.

There’s still hope.

His hands are shaking as he types out the reply.

It takes a while before the next text comes through.

I’m from Lima.

Blaine just stares at Kurt’s short text for a while before he’s able to reply. Everything about meeting Kurt has felt like fate and this only adds to that.

Really? Lima, Ohio?

Yes. I’m home on Christmas break, too.

Blaine feels like it’s almost too good to be true. He can hardly breathe as he types in the next text.

It takes almost an hour before the next text comes.

I’m busy today. But… I’m free for coffee tomorrow afternoon.

Blaine breathes a sigh of relief and can barely contain the joyful scream that wants to burst out of him.

----

The next day Blaine borrows his father’s car and drives to Lima.

He’s able to find The Lima Bean fairly easy – the first person he asks gives him a good description of how to get there – and arrives almost half an hour early. But that’s okay. At least he’s not late. He really does want to show Kurt that he takes this seriously, even though he might come across as a bit desperate.

Oh well. He kind of is.

He orders a cup of coffee by the counter, and he really wants to buy one for Kurt, too, but it could still be a while before Kurt arrives, and it’s not like Blaine knows what kind of coffee he prefers. That’s just one of the many, many things he’s hoping to eventually learn about Kurt.

He finds a table that’s relatively secluded, figuring that if they’re going to talk it might be good to have a bit of privacy.

Then there’s nothing to do but wait.

Blaine taps his foot restlessly, unable to sit still. He’s just too full of excitement. And nerves. A whole lot of nerves. If he messes this up, then he knows he won’t get any more chances.

Time seems to move in slow motion and Blaine finds himself checking the clock every two minutes, but finally, a few minutes before four, Kurt walks through the door.

Blaine’s heart does a little jump and he immediately sits up a little straighter, unable to contain his smile because Kurt looks gorgeous. He gives Kurt a small wave and Kurt gives him a nod and a small smile in acknowledgement before he stops by the counter to order his coffee.

Blaine lets out a slow breath and lets his shoulders sink, feeling like the world is about to right itself again. Kurt is here. Finally he can see him and talk to him again, and that ache that Blaine’s had in his stomach ever since that night where everything went so terribly wrong is already starting to fade.

He’s missed Kurt so much but he’s here now, and Blaine will do anything to make things okay.

A few minutes later Kurt comes over.

“Hi,” he says and gracefully sits down on the chair across the table from Blaine, gingerly placing the cup of coffee on the table in front of him.

“Hi,” Blaine says, smiling widely. “It’s great to see you. You look… beautiful.”

Kurt blushes and looks a little uncomfortable. Blaine wonders if maybe that was a bit too forward. But he only said what he was thinking, and before he came here today he decided that he’s going to just be himself. He wants Kurt to see who he is, and what better way to show him than to just… be Blaine?

He should maybe try to contain his enthusiasm a little though.

“Thank you for meeting me,” he says, watching as Kurt takes a careful sip of his coffee. “It means a lot.”

Kurt nods. “I wasn’t sure if I should,” he says a bit stiffly, his gaze flickering uncertainly. “But then I… I wanted to see you.”

Blaine’s smile grows again. Kurt wanted to see him.

“I’m glad,” Blaine says with an exhale, just so relieved and happy that they’re sitting here together right now. “And again, I’m so sorry for kissing you like that. I’d wanted to do it for a long time and I just… couldn’t help myself. But that’s no excuse. I ambushed you, and I’m really sorry for that.”

Kurt studies him for a moment, like he’s trying to read Blaine’s mind. “Like I said, apology accepted. And I’m sorry for disappearing. I shouldn’t have, but you took me off guard.”

Blaine looks down, embarrassed. He really did screw up. He’s just grateful that Kurt’s here right now.

“You don’t have to apologize, Kurt,” he says. “What happened was all my fault. But… do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Kurt shakes his head, but he looks apprehensive.

“Okay. Why… why did you never come back to The Blue Moon? I waited for you, hoping I’d get a chance to talk to you, to say I’m sorry… but you never came.”

Kurt nods and looks down. “I needed to think,” he says after a while.

“About what?”

“About… everything. I used to come to The Blue Moon to feel like I was in control for a little while. And suddenly… I wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

Kurt shakes his head. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m sorry. You probably deserve some sort of explanation, but–”

“It’s okay,” Blaine says, letting Kurt off the hook even though he’s dying to know the answer. He really is trying not to push. “Tell me something else instead. Will you be back? After New Year’s, when we’re both back in New York… will you be back at The Blue Moon on Fridays?”

Kurt seems hesitant, and Blaine continues, “Look, Kurt, you need to know something. I really like you. I might be falling for you, even. From the first moment I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. And I felt something with you that I’ve never felt before, like there was a bond between us, and I know that sounds crazy, but...” He trails off, not quite sure how to end that sentence. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m for real, Kurt. I promise you that.”

Kurt stares at him. This time Blaine doesn’t take his eyes off him. He wants Kurt to see that he really does mean it, even though he’s most likely coming on way too strong. Again.

“You’re falling for me?” Kurt’s voice is shaking, disbelieving. “You don’t even know me.”

“Maybe not. But I know you’re a genuine, beautiful, good person. And I want to get to know you for real.”

Kurt continues to look at him. He swallows and doesn’t seem to know what to say. He looks so small and vulnerable all of a sudden, nothing like the confident dancer from The Blue Moon.

“Kurt, tell me something,” Blaine says quietly. Kurt’s still looking at him. “Are you… completely uninterested in me? Because if you are… then I’ll leave you alone. I’ll stop bothering you.”

It takes a lot for him to say that. He never wants to give up on Kurt. But if Kurt really doesn’t want anything to do with him, then he knows he has to respect that. He has to stop pushing him for things that are never going to happen.

Kurt takes a long moment before he speaks. He looks conflicted, his mouth opening and closing a few times even though no words come out.

“I’m not completely uninterested,” he says finally, so quietly that Blaine can barely hear him.

Blaine can’t help grinning like an idiot. “Okay,” he says, utterly relieved. “Good. Then I’ll keep coming to The Blue Moon on Fridays. And I really hope I’ll see you there.”

Kurt nods, a tiny, hopeful smile tugging on his lips. “You might,” he says simply.

They’re quiet for a moment.

“So I almost couldn’t believe it when you said you were from Lima,” Blaine says, feeling like it might be time for a change of subject. “Are you visiting your family for the holidays?”

Kurt looks sad for a second, but then he swallows and nods. “Yes. It’s great seeing them, but the truth is that I can’t wait to go back to New York. Lima has always been too small for me.”

Blaine smiles a little. “New York suits you,” he says softly. “I never would’ve guessed you’re from small town Ohio.”

Kurt huffs a little laugh. “Well, thank you, I guess.”

They chat for a while longer. Well, mostly Blaine is the one who talks. Kurt still seems unwilling to share too much about himself, but at least he’s here. He’s sitting in this coffee shop with Blaine, having a proper conversation, if still a bit stilted and awkward.

They’re finally getting to know each other.

Just as they’re preparing to leave, Blaine thinks of something.

“Oh, I can’t believe I forgot,” he says, rummaging in his bag for a moment until he finds what he’s looking for. “I wanted to give you this before Christmas, but I never got the chance, so…” He hands the small wrapped box to Kurt. “Here. Merry Christmas, Kurt.”

Kurt just stares at the present. Then he stares at Blaine with wide, disbelieving eyes. “You… you got me a Christmas present?”

“Sort of? I saw something that made me think of you, and I couldn’t stop myself from buying it.”

Kurt looks absolutely stunned as he takes the present from Blaine and slowly starts to unwrap it. His fingers are visibly shaking.

When he uncovers the box he looks at Blaine again.

“Go on, open it,” Blaine says, feeling nervous all of a sudden. It’s not like what he’s gotten for Kurt is all that big. It’s actually not very big at all. God, it’s so silly, when he starts to think about it. He should’ve gotten Kurt something else, something that would really show him how Blaine feels.

But then Kurt opens the box.

And just stares at the pin inside.

“It’s probably kind of stupid,” Blaine finds himself saying. “It’s not that much, but I’ve noticed how you always wear pins and I thought–”

He comes to an abrupt halt when Kurt looks up at him with tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” he whispers, looking at Blaine with something that looks like wonder in his eyes. “I don’t know what to say other than that.”

“So you like it?” Blaine asks hopefully.

Kurt nods, wiping away a tear. “It’s perfect. It’s like… you see me.”

Blaine doesn’t know exactly what he means by that. Of course he sees Kurt. It’s impossible not to.

They say their goodbyes soon after, and Blaine drives home feeling lighter and more optimistic than he has in a long time.

It finally feels like they’re moving forward.

----

----

The first Friday after he returns to New York, Blaine feels nervous when he steps inside The Blue Moon. He’s felt pretty good about the whole thing with Kurt ever since their talk in The Lima Bean, and they’ve even sent a few texts back and forth after that, but it’s difficult to know what that actually means.

Because even after all that, even after Kurt told him that he wasn’t uninterested, Kurt might not show up tonight.

Blaine feels like tonight is it. Tonight he’ll get his answer. If Kurt shows up, then there might be a chance for them. They’ll be taking another small step in their slow journey forward.

But if he doesn’t, then Blaine will have to accept, once and for all, that it’s over. That he’ll never be a part of Kurt’s life. It hurts just thinking about it, but he can’t keep pushing for things that just aren’t going to happen. Not forever.

But Blaine soon discovers that he doesn’t have to worry.

For the first time, Kurt has actually arrived before Blaine. Blaine spots him immediately, in the same moment that Kurt sees him. For a moment the world seems to stand still as they look at each other across the room, the little smile on Kurt’s face the most welcome sight that Blaine has ever seen. Blaine smiles too, and immediately starts to make his way over to Kurt.

The other people in the room don’t matter. They’ve never mattered. Tonight is just about the two of them.

Which really isn’t that much different from how it’s been ever since the first night they danced together, but it feels different.

Blaine knows now that what he feels for Kurt is mutual, at least to a certain degree.

And when he reaches Kurt and discovers the small rainbow pin attached to his shirt, his heart expands and grows impossibly big as he looks at the man who has come to mean so much in such a short period of time.

Next

klaine_bigbang: Just Dance, Part 1

moongirl24 — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 15:40:54 GMT

Title: Just Dance (1/4)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: wuzzy90 | hopelesslydevotedgleek | ZiaylRising
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, Rachel, Nick/Jeff
Word Count: ~23,500 words
Warnings: Mention of character death (not Kurt or Blaine!), some angst
Summary: NYADA-student Blaine Anderson discovers that it is possible to meet the man of his dreams on the dance floor.

Story Master Post

When Blaine sees him it’s like time stops.

If not for the fact that he knows that it’s impossible, he would have thought that that’s what happened. It’s like everything else disappears, like the world narrows until it consists only of him, out there on the dance floor, moving to the music with so much grace and beauty that it takes Blaine’s breath away. For a moment he actually, literally feels like he can’t breathe.

It’s like the world moves in slow motion as Blaine watches him. He’s stunning. He’s tall and elegant, with a lean, graceful body and a face that looks like it’s right out of a fairytale or a magazine or something. His style of clothing makes it evident to Blaine that he puts a lot of thought into what he wears, and tonight’s outfit, consisting of tight red pants, a gray shirt and black vest, compliments his body in the best ways possible. His hair is carefully styled, but due to the temperature in the room a few drops of sweat has crept out on his forehead and into his hair, making it a bit more disheveled than it’s probably meant to be. His skin looks absolutely flawless from where Blaine’s standing and there’s a lovely red color in his cheeks, visible even in the dim light of the room.

There’s something magical about him. He looks like he can’t possibly be real. But there he is, right in front of Blaine, even after Blaine blinks a few times to make sure he’s not imagining things – he’s there and he’s very much real. Somehow this person exists in Blaine’s world now.

He’s the most beautiful man that Blaine’s ever seen.

And somehow Blaine knows, from the moment he lays eyes on him, that this person is going to change his life.

----

Blaine wasn’t even meant to be at the club that night.

The Blue Moon is one of many gay clubs in New York City, but it’s hardly amongst the more popular ones. Blaine hadn’t even heard of the place until Jeff got a job working the bar there.

The name itself is enough to make Blaine skeptical. The Blue Moon sounds more like a place you come to get your fortune told than a place to dance and hang out with other gay men, but Jeff assures him it’s a great place. He’s been nagging Blaine for weeks to drop by when he’s at work (“You gotta come see me in action, man. I’m acing this bartending thing.”), and Blaine finally relents, mainly to get Jeff off his back.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to go out. Blaine knows how to take advantage of the New York City night life and goes out at least once a week, usually more if his busy schedule allows it. It’s just that he’d rather go to Callbacks or to one of his other favorite places where he can party and have fun with his friends than go to The Blue Moon on his own. None of Blaine’s (mainly straight) friends are particularly interested in going to a gay club that no one’s ever heard of when there are so many other great alternatives. Nick, the only person who probably would have joined Blaine tonight, is back in Ohio for the weekend to attend some kind of family thing, and Jeff doesn’t count. He’s working and probably won’t have a whole lot of time to hang out.

So Blaine’s not exactly looking forward to his night out, but well, it’s one night. He can spend one night of his life supporting a friend and checking out a new place. Besides, it’s a gay club. There will be guys there. Good-looking guys, hopefully. If nothing else, he’ll get some eye candy.

The Blue Moon turns out to be a rather small place, consisting of only one room, not counting the bathroom and the entrance area. There’s the bar off to the right and a decent-sized dance floor in the middle of the room. The few tables scattered around by the walls looks mostly like someone placed them there as an afterthought, because this is clearly a place where you’re meant to dance. The seats are few and the music is loud and captivating, the kind that you can feel pulsing in your veins. Blaine can tell from the moment he steps into the room that he won’t be able to stay still for very long with the way he’s already itching to move.

Blaine joins Jeff at the bar when he arrives, and asks for a drink. Jeff gives him a huge, cheek-splitting grin and looks so happy to see him that Blaine almost feels bad about being so negative about this. He watches Jeff prepare his drink and it doesn’t take him long to discover that Jeff really is quite good at this job – he laughs and talks with customers and co-workers alike and seems to be in his absolute element.

Blaine’s not surprised exactly, because Jeff’s always been a laid-back, outgoing person with the ability to strike up conversation with anyone he wants, but he is surprised to see how much Jeff seems to enjoy this and how naturally he’s found his place behind the bar. It would be nice if he could stay at this job for a while instead of jumping restlessly from one place to another, which has been a habit of his in the past.

Once Blaine has received his drink and exchanged a few more words with Jeff (assuring him that yes, being a bartender totally suits him), he turns around and lets his eyes sweep across the room. The place is quite packed, which Blaine supposes isn’t so unusual for a Friday night. The patrons seem to be mostly in their twenties and thirties, and it doesn’t take long before Blaine has made eye contact with several of them. He’s not blind to their silent invitations to join them on the dance floor, but for the moment he prefers to stay put. He’s not in any rush tonight, and he wants to finish his drink before he does anything else.

Blaine leans back against the bar and takes another sip while he watches the dancing masses out on the floor.

And that’s when he sees him.

The most gorgeous man he’s ever laid eyes on.

Suddenly he’s just there, right in front of Blaine, right in the middle of all the moving bodies on the dance floor as if he’d suddenly dropped from the sky. It’s almost a shock, seeing that stunning beauty in the otherwise ordinary room, amongst all these ordinary people (ordinary compared to him, at least), on this ordinary Friday night. It’s like he belongs somewhere else, somewhere shiny and beautiful and bright.

Blaine stares at him with wide eyes, unable to do anything else. He’s no longer aware of all the other men on the dance floor; they’re nothing but background motion now. Blaine only sees him.

He doesn’t snap out of the trance he’s fallen into until there’s a light swat on his arm.

Blaine jumps and momentarily loses sight of the man in crowd. He turns and fixes Jeff with an annoyed glare. “What?”

“Don’t even think about it,” Jeff shouts over the music, giving Blaine a warning look.

Blaine stares blankly at him and Jeff nods in the direction of the dance floor. “I see what you’re thinking, and you’re right, he’s definitely hot. But don’t bother. He won’t be interested.”

“Do you know him?” Blaine asks, unable to keep himself from turning his gaze back to the dance floor, locating the man again.

“No. No one does. He comes in every Friday night, spends a few hours on the dance floor and turns down everyone who tries to approach him. He’s not interested in anything other than dancing.”

Hearing this should probably put a damper on Blaine’s interest, but that’s not what happens. If anything, he’s even more intrigued. This just confirms the feeling that Blaine got the moment he laid eyes on him, the one that says there’s a lot more to this man than what meets the eye.

Blaine can’t say how he knows that. Maybe it’s because of the way the man keeps his eyes closed while he’s dancing, completely oblivious to everyone around him, which so obviously sets him apart from the other men in the room, most of whom make no secret of the fact that their main goal for the night is finding someone to hook up with.

Maybe it’s the way that he, even while dancing, keeps his back straight and his head held high, almost defiant, like he’s daring the world to touch him. It’s something that can be interpreted as either arrogance or pride.

Blaine’s pretty sure it’s the latter.

He throws back the last of his drink and sets the glass back down on the bar without once taking his eyes off of him.

Then he moves before he has time to question himself. The number of people on the dance floor seems to grow by the minute, but Blaine doesn’t really pay much attention to any of that – he just maneuvers himself through the crowd until he reaches his destination.

The man is even more gorgeous up close, and not for the first time during the last couple of minutes Blaine wonders if maybe this whole thing is a dream. How can any living, breathing person be this beautiful? Blaine’s heart is hammering in his chest as he watches the man dance right in front of him, so lost in his own world, so heartbreakingly gorgeous.

Blaine doesn’t actually know what to do now that he’s here. For a moment he just stands there, hesitating, while the man before him continues to move, so naturally and gracefully, like the music is a part of him.

And all of a sudden Blaine just feels stupid. What is he thinking? What is he doing, approaching this almost otherworldly man? He’s way out of Blaine’s league. He’s way out of anyone’s league. And Jeff was just telling him that this man shows no interest in anyone, so why would he pay any attention to Blaine, of all people?

But then, when has Blaine ever backed down from a challenge? When has he ever turned his back on what he wants? He’s always been confident, and sure, he’s been knocked down a few times in his life, but why shouldn’t he trust in that confidence right now?

Besides, the man in front of him gives him no choice. There’s no way Blaine can walk away now.

With a deep breath he throws himself into the music. He’s far from being as graceful as him, but he’s a good dancer and definitely knows how to get lost in the rhythm. He doesn’t let himself go completely, though, not now. Not with the other man so close. Blaine finds it impossible to turn his attention away from him. It’s actually the last thing he wants to do.

So he doesn’t. He dances, but he never takes his eyes off of him. And after a while that feels like forever and just a moment all at the same time, the man finally opens his eyes and looks directly at Blaine.

It’s a shock, to have that gaze land on him, but he tries not to let it show. Instead he smiles his most radiant smile. “I’m Blaine,” he says, shouting to be heard over the music.

The man regards him. His eyes are as captivating as the rest of him, although in this dim light it’s impossible to say exactly which color they are. There’s a story there, though. It doesn’t take Blaine more than a second to notice the shadow that’s lingering there, and the urge to hear that story, to know this man, hits Blaine with an almost overwhelming force.

It only cements his feeling from earlier – there’s a whole lot more to this man than what you see.

The man looks at Blaine for a long time before he finally speaks. “No talking,” he says then, just as the music quiets a little. It doesn’t matter, because this man’s voice is possibly the loveliest music Blaine’s ever heard. “Just dance.”

Blaine just blinks at him, surprised to hear him say anything at all. After what Jeff told him, Blaine had halfway expected to be completely ignored. He doesn’t get the chance to say anything else though, because the man has already closed his eyes again and is letting his head fall back, once again losing himself completely in the music. He’s so beautiful like that, with the light sheen of sweat on his face and his long, graceful neck just inches from Blaine’s face, and Blaine finds it impossible to do anything other than stare at him in amazement and awe and utter devotion.

But then he finally manages to pull himself out of the staring-idiot-state and do what the man asked him to do – dance. Blaine dances for hours, encouraged by the fact that at least the man is still there. He’s still dancing next to Blaine and has made no attempt to move away. That’s something, right?

If he’s being completely honest with himself the man doesn’t seem to care much about Blaine either way, but Blaine doesn’t give up. There’s something very special about this man, and if dancing is the only way to connect with him, then that’s what Blaine will do.

So Blaine dances.

There’s no talking. There’s just the two of them and the pulsing music.

----

Waking up the next morning, Blaine wonders if there are such things as emotional hangovers. If there is, he’s definitely having one right now.

Last night was intense, and for a short moment he wonders if maybe he dreamt the whole thing. It feels like it can’t have been real, like it must have been a wonderful and amazingly vivid dream. How can someone like him be real?

But no, it happened. As soon as Blaine starts to move he realizes that his own body is living proof of that. It feels like it’s been through a marathon or like… like he spent most of last night dancing. He can’t help but let out a small groan when he feels how stiff and heavy his limbs are, but he also can’t help but smile to himself as he sinks back into the pillow.

Last night really did happen. He happened.

Blaine’s second realization is that no matter what, he has to see that man again. Anything else is unthinkable.

With some effort he manages to grab his cell phone from the nightstand, and discovers that it’s not really morning anymore. In fact, it’s just a few minutes before noon. Blaine has no idea when he got in last night, but it was late, and even though he crashed into bed as soon as he came home, he wasn’t able to fall asleep right away. His mind was buzzing, too full of thoughts and images, his body too alive to find any rest.

After giving himself a few more minutes to wake up properly, Blaine forces himself out of bed despite his body’s protests. He shuffles into the bathroom for a much welcome and much needed shower.

When he returns to his bedroom fifteen minutes later, he feels like a much better version of himself. But the events from last night are still at the forefront of his mind, like a movie playing on repeat before his eyes. The music. The heat. The dancing. The graceful body moving beside him and in front of him for hours. Feeling like it was just the two of them in the whole world.

To be honest, nothing much happened. To an outsider it must have looked like they were just dancing (and dancing and dancing…). There was no talking and hardly any touching, just a moment here and there when they happened to brush against each other.

But there was eye contact. Not a lot, but when it happened there was definitely a connection there. It was difficult to determine what he was thinking, but the fact that he spent the whole night dancing with Blaine and seemingly didn’t care one bit about any of the other men at the club makes Blaine optimistic. True, he didn’t seem to care much about Blaine either, but Blaine isn’t about to let that discourage him.

Last night was magical. Blaine’s never had such a strong reaction to another person before. It’s scary and exciting and confusing as hell, and he’s not sure exactly what to do about it.

He takes a moment to try and analyze what actually happened, but it’s hard to explain. It was more than just meeting a beautiful man; it was also about the connection he felt. That immediate draw, that feeling he got when he first saw him. Like it was fate that they should meet at The Blue Moon. Like they were somehow connected even before last night. Blaine has always believed in soul mates and it felt like… like maybe he actually met his soul mate there on the dance floor.

It feels like he’s been waiting forever for this man to show up in his life.

Out in the kitchen Wes is busy unloading a couple of bags from the grocery store down the street when Blaine appears. He looks like he’s been up and about for hours already, which is probably exactly how it is. Wes is an excellent roommate – he’s tidy and discreet and goes to bed at reasonable hours, but his sense of order also makes Blaine feel really lazy and messy in comparison. It’s not that Blaine’s trying to shirk the housework or anything; it’s just that these things seem to come more naturally to Wes than to him. Wes just notices things, like when the bathroom needs cleaning or the floors need sweeping or when they need to water their plants.

(They actually have plants. Which is all thanks to Wes.)

Wes turns to look at him. “Late night?” he asks, arching his eyebrows.

“I guess,” Blaine says with a yawn. “It feels like I just went to bed.”

Wes nods towards the coffee maker. “I made coffee a while ago if you want some.”

Blaine grabs a cup from the overhead cupboard and pours himself some. The coffee isn’t steaming but it’ll do. He sinks heavily down on one of the chairs by the kitchen table. Despite the shower, he can still feel the events of last night in his body.

“I’m surprised you stayed out so late,” Wes says and opens the refrigerator to put away some groceries. “I got the impression you only intended to stay for a short while.”

“I did,” Blaine says, and then he hesitates for a moment, not sure if he should tell Wes about last night or not. He still can’t quite believe that it was real. In the light of day it all feels so different but no less intense, and he really is just bursting to share it with someone. Wes will find out about it soon enough anyway because it’s not like Jeff is going to shut up about it.

So he looks down at his cup and smiles a little to himself when he says, “I met someone.”

Wes turns away from the refrigerator and looks at him. “Someone? You mean a guy?”

Blaine nods, his smile widening just thinking about him. “The most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.”

Wes looks at him with more interest now and comes to sit down on the chair opposite Blaine. “So, what happened? Who is he?”

“I… I actually don’t know,” Blaine admits. “We just danced.”

“Okay.” Wes looks a little confused. “But you must have talked with him?”

“Not really, but I didn’t have to. He’s special, Wes. And there was a connection there. I felt it.”

Wes clearly isn’t sure what to think. “Do you even know his name?”

“Well, no,” Blaine admits a bit sheepishly. “Not yet. But I’ll find out when I see him again. For now I’ll just call him… McGorgeous.”

Wes looks at Blaine like he’s lost his mind. “Okay, you’ve officially watched way too much Grey’s Anatomy.”

“Well, I have to call him something, don’t I? ‘Club Guy’ doesn’t do him any justice at all, and ‘The Most Beautiful Man On The Planet’ is way too long.”

To be completely honest, McGorgeous isn’t much better – it sounds much too shallow and superficial for a guy that Blaine’s certain is anything but – but there’s just no nickname that Blaine can think of right now that would do him justice. And he really does have to call him something.

“So you are going to see him again?”

“I have to,” Blaine says earnestly. “Jeff told me that he comes to The Blue Moon every Friday night, so I’ll go back next week. If Jeff’s right, he’ll be there.” He pauses, looking at Wes. “I know this must sound crazy to you. And I can’t explain it. I just… I have to get to know him, Wes. I feel like… like he could be the one.”

Wes looks skeptical. “Blaine, you just told me you haven’t even spoken with him.”

“No, but…” Blaine searches for the right words to explain this to Wes. It’s difficult when he doesn’t completely understand it himself. “Have you ever met someone that you just know, from the moment you see them, that they’re going to change your life?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, that’s how it felt last night. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

“So…” Wes looks like he’s trying to make sense of it all, or maybe he’s trying to make Blaine come to his senses. “You haven’t talked with him. You don’t know anything about him. You have to give him a silly nickname because you don’t know his real name. But you know that he’s special.”

“Exactly!”

Wes sighs and Blaine knows what he’s thinking. Wes is a realist and he doesn’t believe in things like love at first sight. Blaine didn’t use to believe in it either, and he’s not sure that’s what actually happened last night. Love is such a big word. But something happened. And it feels a little like he’s been waiting for it his whole life.

“Well, I can’t say I understand it,” Wes says finally, looking at him across the table. “But you’ve always followed your heart and I guess this time will be no different.”

Blaine shrugs and smiles. Wes is right – he does go with his heart. But never before have his heart wanted something so badly. Never before has he felt a pull this strong.

There’s no way he can resist it, nor does he want to.

“Can I give you one piece of advice though?” Wes asks, and Blaine nods. “Find out this guy’s name, okay? That nickname you’ve given him is ridiculous.”

Blaine bursts out laughing. Wes is right – it is ridiculous. But unfortunately it’s all he has right now.

----

When the next Friday night comes around, Blaine is back at The Blue Moon.

Jeff is working again and this time Nick tags along as well, though Blaine is pretty sure that’s mostly to see Blaine’s mystery guy for himself. Most of Blaine’s friends have heard about Blaine and the guy from The Blue Moon by now, and really, you’d think they didn’t have their own lives the way they’re suddenly so invested in his.

Blaine doesn’t really care about that. As long as he gets to see McGorgeous again, he cares about little else.

Besides, it’s probably a good thing that he doesn’t have to come to the club alone this time. This way he’ll look less like a desperate stalker.

Still, Blaine wouldn’t have cared too much if he’d had to go alone. If things go the way he hopes, he’s not going to be spending much time with his friends tonight.

He’s been looking forward to this day all week, with equal parts nerves and excitement. Usually he has no problem focusing on his classes, but this week has been a different story. It’s like McGorgeous has taken a permanent space in Blaine’s head (or heart, maybe) and no matter what Blaine does, he never really leaves.

His friends have been teasing him good-naturedly about it all week, which is partly Blaine’s own fault. He’s never been very secretive about his past crushes, which has, admittedly, been quite numerous, and with Jeff having seen the whole thing it would’ve been difficult to keep it to himself even if he’d wanted to. Blaine just laughs and smiles and blushes a little like he always does when they tease him like that, but he doesn’t tell the rest of them what he told Wes. He doesn’t tell them that it’s different this time, that McGorgeous isn’t anything like Blaine’s previous crushes. For one, they probably wouldn’t believe him. And secondly, Blaine doesn’t really want them to know. This feels… too private. He feels too special.

When Friday night finally rolls around, he puts on the outfit he’s spent all week deciding – dark jeans, a red t-shirt (people have always told him he looks good in red), one of his favorite bow-ties and a gray cardigan that he will surely lose before he even starts dancing. He studies himself critically in the mirror for a minute and finally nods to himself. He looks good, but he also looks like himself. This is who he is, and he wants him to see that.

He and Nick arrive at The Blue Moon a little earlier than Blaine did the previous week, and although plenty of people have arrived before them, the place isn’t full yet. Blaine immediately starts looking for McGorgeous (god, it really is a ridiculous name), but he doesn’t see him in the crowd on the dance floor. His excitement dies a little, and he immediately starts to worry. What if he doesn’t show up? What if he never comes to The Blue Moon again? It’s not like Blaine knows him. It’s not like they have an agreement to meet up here. And the harsh truth is that if he doesn’t show up tonight, or ever, then Blaine has no way of contacting him. He probably won’t see him again.

A bit dejectedly Blaine follows Nick’s lead over to the bar to order drinks and say hello to Jeff. His face must betray him though, because Jeff immediately offers him a reassuring smile.

“Relax, Blaine. He’ll be here. He always comes in on Fridays.”

He may not come tonight, though, Blaine wants to point out, but instead he just gives Jeff a weak smile and doesn’t say anything.

But as it turns out, Blaine doesn’t even have time to finish his first drink before the man that he hasn’t been able to get out of his head all week shows up.

Blaine spots him the moment he walks through the door, his stomach dropping a little at the sight of him. McGorgeous lingers for a minute just inside the entryway, his eyes doing a quick sweep across the room, taking it in. But his gaze doesn’t settle on anything (or anyone) in particular, and after a short while he heads straight for the dance floor and immediately starts to groove.

“Is that him?” he hears Nick ask beside him, but Blaine doesn’t answer. He can’t take his eyes off of him.

He’s even more beautiful than Blaine remembers, which he didn’t think was even possible. With all the fantasy images that Blaine’s been making up in his head this past week, each more beautiful than the one before, he didn’t think it was possible that the real thing could be even more gorgeous. But he is. He looks like something out of this world.

Blaine’s whole body reacts to seeing him. His heart beats faster, his stomach does somersaults in a way that it’s never done before and it feels like he’s coming alive, like his body becomes alert somehow. Blaine has never experienced anything like it before. It’s almost as if his body is telling him that this is the person that Blaine’s been looking for forever.

And Blaine is becoming more and more aware that the attraction he feels has less to do with the fact that McGorgeous is… well, gorgeous, and more to do with everything else. He knows that this man is different. He’s not just beautiful on the outside; he has a beautiful soul as well. Blaine has seen it in his eyes, in the vulnerability that he discovered there when he looked into them. In the way that he holds himself so proudly, so bravely but also with clear caution, like there’s a need there to keep himself protected. Like his cold, almost arrogant exterior is nothing but a protective wall that he’s built around himself.

Exactly what he tries to protect himself from though, Blaine isn’t sure.

Blaine stays at the bar for a while and just watches him. He would have been quite content just sitting there all night, watching McGorgeous on the dance floor, the way he moves so effortlessly, so lost in the music. It’s mesmerizing to watch.

But it doesn’t take more than a few minutes until there’s another guy there with him on the dance floor, and something that feels dangerously close to jealousy flares in Blaine’s chest as he watches the new guy make attempts at getting close. Blaine dislikes him immediately – he looks creepy and much too old for McGorgeous – and Blaine can’t help feeling smug when he sees that McGorgeous pays the new guy absolutely no attention, other than an initial quick once over.

New guy soon gives up and Blaine is not about to waste another minute. It’s time to make his move.

He approaches McGorgeous and finds himself a spot close by him where he starts to dance, like he did last Friday. He feels almost overwhelmed at being so close to him again, to this perfect man who by his very existence has turned Blaine’s life completely upside down.

McGorgeous is just as elegantly dressed as he was the week before, wearing a pair of tight black pants, a dark purple shirt and a small scarf around his long, beautiful neck. A small brooch is attached to his shirt – it’s just a small detail but Blaine gets the sense that it’s been put there with a lot of deliberation and thought, to top off an already fabulous outfit.

McGorgeous is dancing with his eyes closed and doesn’t seem to be aware of Blaine’s presence at first. Either that or he could just be ignoring it. Blaine just keeps dancing and tries his best to be patient, which is difficult with how nervous and giddy he is.

Eventually though, McGorgeous opens his eyes and looks right at Blaine.

Blaine smiles brightly and tries to ignore the way his stomach is doing flip-flops as that gaze lands on him. He can tell that McGorgeous recognizes him. His eyes widen a little as he looks at Blaine, like he’s surprised to see him, and Blaine chooses to take that as a good sign. He must have made at least some sort of impression last Friday.

But apart from that McGorgeous’ face remains blank and indifferent. Blaine, however, doesn’t let that discourage him.

“Hi,” he says, bright smile still in place. “Nice to see you again.”

McGorgeous doesn’t say anything or react in any way. He still looks at Blaine though, which is more than he did with that guy from earlier. His eyes are the most amazing pair of eyes that Blaine has ever seen – he feels like he could drown in them. They seem to see right through him, exposing all of his secrets with just one look.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Blaine tries, grabbing this opportunity with both hands, but McGorgeous immediately shakes his head at that.

“I don’t drink. I dance,” he says, and before Blaine gets the chance to say or do anything else, McGorgeous has closed his eyes and thrown himself into the dancing again.

Blaine feels bewildered for a second, but damn it, he isn’t about to waste this opportunity. He lightly touches McGorgeous’ arm, making him startle a little before he opens his eyes to look at Blaine again, this time with a hint of annoyance in his eyes. He obviously doesn’t like being disturbed.

“Sorry,” Blaine says, a bit sheepishly. “Just… can you at least tell me your name? I promise I won’t ask any more questions.”

McGorgeous regards him for a long time. Blaine feels like he’s waiting to know if he passed some sort of test. He doesn’t actually think that McGorgeous will share his name – he seems determined to stay as unapproachable as possible – but well, it’s worth a try. Anything to get rid of that silly nickname, and maybe take a small step closer to getting to know this man.

And then McGorgeous surprises him.

“It’s Kurt,” he says finally, and his indifferent, unapproachable mask seems to fall for just a second, as if sharing even that little bit of information is difficult for him.

Blaine gives him a big smile. “Thank you,” he says, and somehow his hand is still on McGorgeous’ – Kurt’s – arm, so he squeezes it lightly to show how thankful he is. “Now we can dance.”

For a second Blaine is pretty sure he can spot a tiny, almost-not-there smile on Kurt’s face. It’s gone as soon as it appeared though, and he lets his hand drop from Kurt’s arm so that they can both throw themselves back into the music and the dancing.

Blaine keeps his promise – he doesn’t ask any more questions, neither does he say anything else. But he dances with Kurt for the rest of the night and it’s as magical as the first time.

----

Blaine goes to The Blue Moon every Friday night after that.

Kurt is there every time, and every time they dance. After a few weeks Blaine starts to notice that Kurt looks almost like he’s expecting Blaine to show up, like he’s waiting for him maybe, and Blaine feels uplifted. Maybe Kurt actually does like him back a little bit. He seems happy enough to dance with Blaine – he never attempts to move away from him, nor does he seem very eager to find other dance partners.

They don’t talk much. Blaine promised to respect Kurt’s no-talking wish if he got to know his name and he’s determined to respect that.

But it’s not easy. The more they see each other, the more Blaine wants to know Kurt, and even though they’re sort of getting to know each other through movements and eye-contact and the occasional touch and smile, it’s not enough for Blaine. He wants to know what’s inside of Kurt. What’s in his heart and on his mind, what his life is like. He wants to share more with Kurt than just these few, precious moments on the dance floor.

Whenever he’s not at The Blue Moon, Blaine spends most of his time trying to focus on school. NYADA can be pretty demanding, and on top of that he was able to secure the leading part in a rather big student production. The opening night is still a few months away, but rehearsals are already stealing a huge chunk of his time, and even though he loves it, it’s also exhausting at times.

He likes to keep busy though – it keeps him from spending all his time thinking about Kurt. Still, Kurt is never very far from his mind. Blaine misses him more and more every week and those few hours they get together at The Blue Moon every Friday night doesn’t feel like it’s nearly enough anymore.

Unfortunately he has no idea how to change that. Kurt has made it pretty clear that he isn’t interested in anything more, and Blaine doesn’t want to push. It feels like he’s managed to gain Kurt’s trust somehow – like he’s showed Kurt that he can honor his wishes and by that made Kurt feel somewhat… safe with Blaine. It took Blaine a while to realize that one of the things he saw in Kurt’s eyes those first few times was fear. True, Kurt radiated confidence in a way that few others in that room did, but the fear was still there, evident in his eyes if you only got close enough. Blaine has no idea where that fear comes from, or what might have happened in Kurt’s life that’s made him that way, but he does know that by respecting Kurt’s wishes, he seems to have put Kurt at ease, making him relax and just enjoy himself when they’re together.

It makes him feel like maybe he did a good thing, like maybe, if he continues not to push, he can somehow find a way to get close to Kurt.

It’s just that he’s still a long way away from that.

----

And then, one day, everything changes.

For the first time Blaine sees Kurt outside of The Blue Moon, and it’s such a shock that for a second Blaine feels like he’s going to pass out.

It’s early afternoon and Blaine’s running late – class has just ended and rehearsals for the play is starting in only a few minutes. He’s realized that if he’s ever going to get through this day he needs coffee, so he heads for the coffee shop right by NYADA. He bursts through the door, stressed and a little breathless – only to have his eyes land right on Kurt.

He’s sitting by one of the tables in the back, looking relaxed and unguarded as he sips on his coffee and flips through a magazine. He hasn’t seen Blaine, which is probably for the best, because Blaine is so stunned and dizzy by seeing him someplace other than The Blue Moon that he feels frozen in place and all he can do is stare dumbly at Kurt.

Even outside of the hypnotizing lights and the pulsing beats of The Blue Moon, Kurt is the most beautiful thing Blaine has ever set eyes on. He doesn’t look very different than what he does at the club, but seeing him here, in a place that Blaine frequents several times during a week feels… life-changing. Up until now, The Blue Moon has seemed like a completely different world than the rest of Blaine’s life, to the point where he’s wondered sometimes if it’s even real. Now, in the blink of an eye, the two worlds have collided, and it’s a complete shock to Blaine’s system.

Blaine forgets all about the coffee he’s supposed to get and the rehearsal he’s running late to. Instead, once he feels steady on his feet, he crosses the room to where Kurt’s sitting. His heart is beating wildly in his chest and it feels like he’s approaching Kurt for the first time. He knows club Kurt, he knows how to act around him now – but this is a different Kurt, possibly the real Kurt. This is completely different.

Once he’s reached Kurt’s table, he doesn’t quite know what to do. But he knows he doesn’t want to startle Kurt so he waits for Kurt to become aware of him and look up before he says anything.

Kurt’s eyes go wide when they see him, and he looks as shocked as Blaine felt, which Blaine can’t exactly blame him for. He goes pale and there’s that fear in his eyes again, clearer than it’s ever been.

Blaine smiles and tries desperately to muster some confidence.

“Hi, Kurt,” he says with a cheerfulness that feels a bit over the top. “I saw you sitting here and I just wanted to come over and say hi. So… hi.” He gives a little wave that feels ridiculous right away, and he lets his arm fall to his side again.

Kurt’s just staring at him and it’s impossible to say if he’s angry or pleased or something completely different – most of all he looks like his world has just tipped off its axis.

Blaine can definitely relate.

“I hope it’s okay,” Blaine continues when Kurt doesn’t say anything. “I’m really sorry if it’s not.”

It feels like forever before Kurt finally says something, even though it’s probably not more than a few seconds.

“It’s okay,” he says quietly, and Blaine can’t help but let out a relieved sigh, even though Kurt doesn’t seem too happy that he’s here.

“Are you a NYADA student too?” he asks, excited at the prospect. Maybe real life Kurt is a lot closer to him than he’s thought. He knows that most patrons of this coffee shop are students.

But Kurt shakes his head. “No. I’m waiting for a friend who is.”

Blaine sobers a little. A friend? As in… a boyfriend? He hasn’t even thought about that because club Kurt never gave the impression that he was in a relationship, but this is real life Kurt, and Blaine doesn’t actually know him. He has a whole life that Blaine knows nothing about.

“Who’s your friend?” he asks. “Maybe it’s someone I know.”

Kurt hesitates for a second before he speaks, like he’s not sure if he should reveal that information. But only for a second. “Rachel Berry,” he says. “She’s a sophomore.”

Blaine grins again, both because he actually does know Kurt’s friend and because that friend is a girl. And also because this means that he now has some sort of link to Kurt, even outside of the club. “I know who she is,” he says. “She’s really good.”

“She is,” Kurt agrees, and he smiles a little, the first one since Blaine got here. Still, he doesn’t look very comfortable with the situation. His gaze keeps flickering, never settling on Blaine for more than a second, and he keeps fiddling with his magazine. Blaine recognizes the latest issue of Vogue.

“She’ll be here any second now,” Kurt says eventually, and sure, Blaine can take a hint. He nods, trying not to seem too disappointed.

“Yeah, I should go,” he says. “I have a rehearsal to get to.”

Kurt looks for a moment like he wants to ask Blaine about that, like he actually wants to know more. But instead he just nods.

“It was really great seeing you,” Blaine says, which is a huge understatement compared to how he actually feels. “See you Friday?”

It feels strange to mention club Kurt around this other, different Kurt. He thinks that Kurt might be feeling the same thing, because he bites his lip and nods just once, almost unnoticeable.

Blaine gives another little wave and smiles at Kurt before turning to the counter to order the coffee he was here to pick up in the first place.

He has to wait for a few minutes while they make it, and as he’s standing by the counter with his back to Kurt, he’s sure he feels Kurt’s eyes on him. It feels like he’s hit by the rays of the sun. When he gets his coffee and starts walking towards the door, he can’t keep himself from turning around to throw one last look at Kurt, and sure enough, Kurt is looking right at him.

Blaine smiles at Kurt, and even though Kurt doesn’t smile back, Blaine feels warm all over when he exits the coffee shop.

----

Blaine is half expecting Kurt not to show up at The Blue Moon that Friday, worried that their encounter in the coffee shop has scared him off somehow.

But Kurt is there, like always, and they dance, like always. And as always, Blaine feels so connected to this person that he doesn’t even know, and it’s magical and all-consuming and perfect.

And absolutely not enough.

After seeing Kurt in the coffee shop, in real life, after talking with him and learning that he actually has a friend at Blaine’s school, dancing with him every Friday just feels insufficient. It wasn’t enough before the coffee house and it’s definitely not enough now. Blaine tries to get back to feeling what he used to feel – grateful just to have these weekly meetings – but he can’t seem to get there.

He’s gotten a glimpse of real life Kurt now. And he needs to get close to that Kurt. He wants it, in a way that he’s never wanted anything before.

He doesn’t talk much about Kurt with his friends, doesn’t want to share too much, because while he’s had endless crushes and flings, several hook-ups and even a couple of longer relationships in the past, he’s never had this. He’s never had feelings this strong, feelings that might have scared him if he’d let himself analyze them too closely, feelings that feels too private and real to share with his friends. He doesn’t want their good-natured teasing and their assuming that this is just another one of Blaine’s crushes. Not this time. Not when it’s Kurt, who’s… so much more than that.

But he does talk to Wes. Wes is really good for that sort of thing – he may not understand what Blaine’s going through, but he listens and he doesn’t laugh it off. And most importantly – he doesn’t go off blabbering to the rest of their friends.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Blaine tells him one Saturday morning, after he’s been out dancing with Kurt again the night before. “I feel like I’m stuck somehow. Like… we have this… this thing, Kurt and I. And it’s amazing, you know? And it feels like it might be mutual, like Kurt likes it too. But it’s just not enough anymore. Not for me. And I want to do something about it, but I just don’t know how.”

Wes looks at him, considering. “It seems to me like Kurt is… cautious. Worried. That if you push too hard you might scare him off. Am I right?”

Blaine wants to kiss Wes then, just because he’s clearly listened to enough of Blaine’s rambles about Kurt to understand this about him.

“Yes,” he says instead, giving Wes a grateful smile. “Yes, that’s exactly it. And I don’t know how to push for more without pushing him too far. And I’m not exactly sure where ‘too far’ is.”

“Well,” Wes says thoughtfully. “You don’t know him. And he doesn’t know you. And that’s the problem. He probably doesn’t know what you want from him. He might not be into casual relationships, or maybe he’s had bad experiences in the past. Unless he knows you’re serious, he might not want to let you in.”

Blaine thinks about that for a moment. It makes sense. But he still doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you might have to find a way to show him who you are without pushing him too much. Show him that you want more than just sex. Show him that you’re for real.” He pauses. “You are, aren’t you?”

Blaine nods. “I am. There’s something about him, Wes. I’m falling for him.”

He half expects Wes to look at him with skepticism and tell him that he’s crazy, but to his surprise Wes just nods. “I know. That’s not very hard to see.”

“Really? Is it that obvious?”

“To me, yes. I know you, Blaine. And I’ve never seen you like this. I’ve never heard you talk like this about someone. I’ve never seen this… look you get in your eyes when it’s obvious that you’re thinking about him. You have it bad, man.”

“I do,” Blaine agrees with a helpless little groan, leaning forward over the kitchen table to hide his face in his arms. “I really do.”

He thinks about what Wes said. About showing Kurt who he is. It’s just… how can he do that when Kurt seems so unwilling to get to know him?

----

Blaine realizes, when he enters The Blue Moon the next Friday night, that it’s almost three months since the first time he came here. Almost three months since he saw Kurt for the first time, three months since they first danced together.

In a way it feels longer. Blaine can hardly remember a time when Kurt wasn’t such an essential part of his life. But the sad, honest truth is that after three months, they still haven’t exchanged more than a handful of words and Blaine still knows next to nothing about Kurt.

He wants to change that, and he wants to do it tonight, but when he arrives at the club he still doesn’t have a concrete plan. He’s just going to find Kurt in the crowd, dance with him as usual, and then take it from there.

Jeff is not working tonight (he got the night off so he and Nick could go away on a romantic trip for the weekend), so there’s no one at the club that he can talk to, but Blaine doesn’t really care about that anymore. He’s here for Kurt anyway, and his well-meaning but sometimes kind of annoying friends are still overly invested in his non-relationship with Kurt, even though as time has passed and nothing has really happened, they’ve lost interest a bit.

He’s intentionally early tonight, just so he’ll get the chance to see Kurt arrive. Blaine always loves how Kurt enters the club and just seems to take the room, without a care for anyone or anything else. He loves watching Kurt join the crowd on the dance floor, throw himself into the dance and just let go.

And that’s exactly what Kurt does when he arrives, apart from one small, but very important detail.

He actually looks at Blaine.

He’s never done that before, not like that. Usually, when Kurt arrives, he takes a moment to scan the room, but his gaze never settles on anything. He just hasn’t seemed to care before who else is in the room.

Until now.

Now his eyes find Blaine by the bar and they stay on him for a moment, just long enough for Blaine to notice it, for them to have that connection across the room. A second later he’s already heading for the dance floor, and Blaine knows that no one except him probably noticed what happened, but… it did happen. And it’s such a small thing, but it feels huge.

Kurt came here tonight wanting to see him. That’s how it feels like to Blaine.

Blaine doesn’t even take the time to finish up his drink before he walks out onto the dance floor. He quickly makes his way over to Kurt, smiles at him in welcome and receives a small, but definitely sort-of happy smile in return, and then they dance. They dance like they’ve danced every Friday for almost three months now, moving together perfectly, like a rehearsed routine.

The beating rhythm feels like a drug, Kurt’s body next to him even more so, and Blaine feels intoxicated, feels as one with the music and with Kurt. He’s fueled by the fact that maybe Kurt actually likes him too, at least a little bit, enough to look for him in a room full of other men. Kurt, who is so beautiful, the most beautiful thing that Blaine has ever seen, who makes Blaine want things and feel things that he’s never felt before in his life.

It’s like Blaine body is moving of its own violation, going with his heart instead of his brain, and before he knows what’s happening he has closed his eyes and the distance between them and then he’s kissing Kurt, right there in the middle of the dance floor.

It’s just as wonderful as Blaine has dreamed of – Kurt’s lips are soft and warm, and for just a moment they open up for Blaine, enough for their tongues to make contact, and it’s perfect – but then Kurt disappears, pulls away as if he’s been burned and when Blaine opens his eyes Kurt is staring at him with wide, fearful eyes.

For a moment that feels like forever, they just look at each other, breathless, motionless. The look in Kurt’s eyes changes from shock and fear to something that looks an awful lot like betrayal, and Blaine heart sinks.

The next thing he knows, Kurt has turned around, away from Blaine, and is heading for the door, almost running in his rush to get away.

Blaine’s rooted to the spot, shoulders slumped, helpless to do anything other than watch him leave.

As the music continues on, beating its endless rhythm, all Blaine can think is that he just ruined everything.

Next

Fic: Let Me Love You (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Tue, 13 Aug 2013 17:00:08 GMT

Title: Let Me Love You
Characters/Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Word Count: ~7,100 words
Warnings: None, I think
Summary: Luke loves college, there’s just one problem: He’s in love with his roommate, Noah – who seems completely uninterested in anything other than friendship.
Author’s Note: Written for nukebigbang's Summerfest 2013. I hope this is something along the lines of what the prompter wanted! Apologies for no beta – unfortunately I ran out of time.
Original prompt: Luke and Noah are roommates (at Oakdale U or Columbia, up to you). Luke doesn't know much about Noah but Noah knows everything about Luke. One day, Luke goes snooping and comes across this picture of Noah. What does he do next?

He’s four years old when she dies.

He doesn’t understand it. Suddenly she’s just gone, and no one really explains to him what’s going on. He overhears people saying she’s dead in mumbled conversations, but what does that mean, exactly? How long is she gone for?

He tries asking his father, but is told not to talk about her. His father’s voice is cold and his face looks even harder and scarier than usual, and Noah doesn’t dare repeat his questions. What if he gets pushed into the wall again? He got really scared the last time it happened, and it hurt, too.

He misses her. She was the one who put him to bed at night, who read him stories. She was the one who smiled at him and told him that he was smart and clever. She was the one who protected him when his father was being scary.

He doesn’t understand any of it.

####

When he’s seventeen he gets kicked out of the house.

It all happens so fast that he doesn’t really get the chance to comprehend what’s going on. One minute he’s kissing his friend Nate up in his room, his first kiss ever with a guy, and it’s the most amazing thing Noah’s ever felt. The next his father has grabbed his arm and is pulling him out of the room and down the stairs, his grip so strong on Noah’s arm that it’s surely going to leave bruises. He pushes Noah out the front door, Nate looking pale and terrified as he follows behind them.

“You’re not my son anymore, you hear me?” his dad yells. “You’re not setting foot in this house again.”

The door slams shut before Noah gets the chance to speak. Quite frankly he’s too shocked to even get a word out.

He’s never been close with his father. But he’s all Noah has.

Now there’s nothing left.

####

He’s twenty years old when he gets his heart broken. Or more like trampled on.

He really thinks that Josh might be the one. Josh is older and experienced, confident and outgoing. He’s everything that Noah is not. Noah loves him.

He and Josh are together for more than a year. Josh is his first everything – first boyfriend, first lover, first love. Josh can only meet him at certain times during the week, but Noah doesn’t question it. Love is blind, they say.

When Noah finally, after spending days working up the courage, broaches the topic of possibly moving in together, Josh looks at him as if he’s crazy.

“We can’t live together,” he says. “I have a wife and kids at home. I thought you knew that. I’m sorry if I made you think that this is more serious than it is.”

Noah feels as if the ground disappears beneath his feet.

####

He promises himself never to care again. They all leave him and hurt him, and what’s the point? He’s not putting himself through it again.

He has sex instead. He likes sex – it makes him feel good, makes him feel wanted, if only for a little while.

He never goes to bed with the same guy twice, though. He’s not getting attached.

####

Then Luke Snyder comes along. And it all becomes a lot more difficult.

####

College life turns out to be everything that Luke Snyder had hoped for, and more.

He loves his classes, and his professors are, mostly, really great. He’s making new friends and is no longer the only out gay guy around, which feels amazingly liberating. He hadn’t been completely sure if going to Oakdale U was the right choice for him – it felt like maybe he should have taken the opportunity to see more of the world, detached himself more from his family and his hometown. He wondered if he should have chosen a bolder path, instead of the safety and familiarity of Oakdale.

But it felt right. And he figures there’ll be plenty of opportunities to see the world later.

At least he finally moved out of his parents’ house. Instead he moved to the dorms, and got a really, really amazing roommate.

However, the roommate situation has also become a bit of a problem, because Noah Mayer isn’t just Luke’s roommate. He’s also quickly becoming his best friend.

And then, of course, Luke had to go and fall crazily in love with him.

And that is pretty much the most stupid and pathetic thing ever.

####

Noah had been a huge surprise to Luke, who had not expected his new roommate to be quite so… hot. Noah has a tall, lean body and really soft-looking dark hair, and his smile is possibly the nicest smile that Luke has ever seen.

But the most attractive thing about him is that he doesn’t seem to have the slightest idea about how gorgeous he is. There’s a really cute shyness about him, and a politeness that Luke finds utterly charming.

The best thing of all? Noah is actually gay.

(Luke may have done a little happy dance upon learning that.)

Luke can hardly believe his luck.

####

There might not have been love at first sight but there was definitely a whole lot of mutual attraction. So much attraction that they hooked up within the first week of knowing each other.

It’s completely unplanned. Luke never thought he was the type of person who’d jump into bed with a guy he’s only just met, but that’s what he does. He supposes it’s unavoidable – the chemistry between them is palpable from the start, and then they come home from a party one night, both pleasantly tipsy and with very few inhibitions.

The door to their room is barely closed behind them before they’re all over each other, everything urgent and hot and intense and well, amazing. Afterwards they fall asleep in each other’s arms, and Luke knows that he’s never felt so connected to another guy before. Not that he has a whole lot to base his experience on, but this… this is special.

It feels like… like maybe he’s finally found what he’s been looking for.

####

Then the morning after comes. And Luke’s hope is crushed.

Noah throws one look at Luke and then he bolts out of the bed as if he’s been burned. He quickly gathers his clothes, his eyes shifting uncomfortably and looking anywhere but at Luke. Once he’s found all of his clothes he mumbles something unintelligible and disappears into the bathroom.

Luke sits motionless in bed and just stares at him, speechless and confused.

####

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Noah’s feelings about their night together are quite different than Luke’s. Luke feels a bit stupid for thinking that this could be the start of something more. Clearly that’s not how it’s going to be.

He feels like a kid who got smacked on the fingers just as he was reaching for the cookie jar.

Later that day they talk, and it’s one of the most awkward conversations Luke has ever had. They’ve only known each other for a few days and it’s just difficult to know the right way to go about it, not to mention the fact that it’s just uncomfortable to have this kind of conversation at all. Especially with someone you’re forced to have some kind of relationship with, and you still don’t know what type of relationship that will be.

Luke is the one who starts off the conversation. His ego feels bruised, his confidence a little broken, but he’s determined to get through this.

“So… last night,” he begins tentatively. “I know it wasn’t planned. And I’m guessing you aren’t… thrilled about it.”

Noah looks at him for a moment, the first time he’s met Luke’s eyes since that morning. He quickly looks away again. “Yeah, I… I think last night was a mistake.”

Right. As expected as that was, Luke can’t help that it still feels like a punch in the gut.

“I mean,” Noah hurries to continue, like he’s realizing that his words might have sounded a bit harsh. It’s that politeness again. “Last night was great. Really. But… we’re roommates, Luke. And that means that we can’t do… that.”

Why, Luke wants to ask. But he doesn’t. Instead he forces a smile.

“I know,” he says.

Noah looks relieved. “I’m not looking for a relationship or anything like that,” he says with an excuse in his voice.

“It’s okay,” Luke tells him, even though it doesn’t feel okay. “I understand.”

“Okay.” Noah smiles tentatively. “Good to know we’re on the same page.”

Luke forces his fake smile wider. “Absolutely.”

And that’s it. They don’t talk about it again.

Luke just wishes he could keep his thoughts from wandering and his heart from being so ridiculous.

####

Instead of starting a relationship they become best friends.

Not right away of course – it happens gradually. But they really do get along exceptionally well. And it’s really great, being best friends with your roommate. It means there’s always someone around to talk to, to hang out with, to watch bad TV with or complain to about the insane workload the professors are giving them.

What’s less great is being secretly in love with him.

That’s just… sad and stupid and exhausting and frustrating and kind of pathetic really, because he feels like he should have been able to get over it. And he’s not.

And then he always has to pretend around Noah, let him think that Luke doesn’t see him as anything other than a friend, which is especially difficult when Noah comes home in the middle of the night or even the next morning, and Luke knows that he’s been with a guy. Noah doesn’t say much about it, but Luke knows Noah now, knows that he does that sometimes, and Luke can’t help it – it hurts. It hurts to think about Noah with anyone other than Luke. Luke doesn’t think he’s actually dating anyone, but thinking about him having sex with someone else is bad enough. Luke knows how amazing it is to be with Noah that way.

Of course, Noah is no different than any normal guy in his early twenties. Well, apart from Luke. It’s not that Luke hasn’t ever hooked up with guys, even before he met Noah, but it’s just not what he wants. He wants to be with one guy, to be in love and be loved in return. If that makes him a hopeless, sappy romantic, then so be it.

However, he may occasionally pretend that his sex life is a bit more active than it really is. He doesn’t want Noah to think he’s a complete loser.

####

Luke learns early on that Noah is a reserved person. He’s quiet and shy before you really get to know him, but Luke’s glad he gets the chance to discover that Noah really is the most amazing person to be around once you get to know him.

Eventually, though, it starts to bother Luke that he doesn’t know more about Noah.

Ever since the beginning of their friendship Luke has shared a lot about himself. He’s told Noah about his family, his growing up, his coming out, the ups and downs he’s gone through in his life and just… pretty much everything else there is to tell. Noah is a very easy person to share things with. He’s so easy to talk to and he’s always willing to listen.

Unfortunately Noah doesn’t seem to feel the same way about Luke.

Noah doesn’t really tell Luke anything about himself. Luke knows nothing about his family (apart from the fact that he supposedly has a father out there somewhere), he knows nothing about Noah’s childhood or how he grew up, nothing about his friends from before Luke met him, nothing about his past boyfriends. Nothing. And true, Noah is a private person. But it’s getting to the point now where Luke is starting to think that Noah must be hiding something.

Luke’s tried, on more than one occasion, to get Noah to talk. He’s asked discreet (and not so discreet) questions, trying to get Noah to talk, to just open up to Luke about something – but nothing. Noah’s a master of changing the subject when there’s something he doesn’t want to talk about, and the more Luke asks, the more often it happens.

From the very beginning, Luke’s had the feeling that there’s more to Noah than what meets the eye. There’s something in his eyes, a sadness that never really seems to go away. And Luke can’t help but wonder who Noah really is. Can’t help but wonder if he even knows Noah at all.

Either way, it’s hardly fair that Noah knows so much about Luke, and Luke knows so little about him. It creates an unfortunate imbalance in their friendship. And Luke is starting to feel like Noah doesn’t really trust him at all.

Maybe they really aren’t as good friends as he thought.

####

Luke doesn’t mean for it to happen, he honestly doesn’t. He stumbles upon it solely by accident, and okay, he probably shouldn’t have been going through Noah’s desk drawers, but he really needed to borrow his cell phone charger because his phone is dead and he left his own charger on the farm last weekend. It shouldn’t be a big deal – they have the same type of phone and borrow each other’s chargers all the time.

Unfortunately he doesn’t find the charger. To be honest he forgets all about it as soon as he finds the photo.

Luke stares at it for several minutes, mouth open in surprise before he realizes he’s gaping and quickly closes it again.

He can hardly believe that’s Noah in the photo. It’s definitely not the Noah that Luke has come to know. This Noah has nothing shy or reserved about him – instead he’s looking into the camera with a sultry, inviting look. This Noah is halfway undressed and there are skin and muscles and lines and arms. God, the arms.

This Noah looks like… a model.

It’s hardly the first time Luke has seen Noah’s body. They’ve been roommates for over a year, they slept together at one point. But he hasn’t had much of a chance to really… study Noah. He hasn’t been allowed to, because Noah doesn’t want to be more than friends, and you don’t look at a friend the way Luke wants to look at Noah sometimes (often). During their one night stand it had been more touching than looking, and it was also quite dark in the room. Not a whole lot of opportunities to appreciate Noah’s very, very fine body.

(Well, he’d certainly appreciated Noah’s body, just not quite like that.)

So he allows himself to look for a moment, gives himself the opportunity to commit this gorgeous visual to memory. It might be all he’s ever going to get.

Then he quickly puts the photo back inside the drawer where he found it, feeling a bit guilty for having looked at it at all. He can’t help feeling like he invaded Noah’s privacy somehow.

Later he starts wondering why the hell Noah has a photo like that in the first place.

####

If Luke had been curious and eager to find out more about Noah before seeing the photo, he’s going absolutely crazy with it now.

That photo wasn’t just any photo. That photo was taken by a professional photographer. That photo could have been printed in a magazine together with photos of other half-naked models. And if it had been, then Noah’s picture would’ve been the one that drew everyone’s attention.

Nothing makes sense in Luke’s head anymore. The Noah in the picture is someone that Luke doesn’t know. And as for the Noah he does know (at least, he thought he did), he’s just not the kind of guy who would pose for a picture like that.

Except, apparently he is. And Luke has no idea what to think anymore.

####

At first he isn’t planning on saying anything to Noah about the photo. It just doesn’t seem like that big a deal – it’s just a photo after all, no matter how much it revealed a whole new side of Noah to Luke.

But somehow he can’t seem to stop feeling guilty. Noah must have kept the photo hidden for a reason, and it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t intend for anyone to see it. But Luke did. And not saying anything to Noah about it only makes him feel like he’s lying to Noah.

They spend the next weekend on the farm with Luke’s family, as they often do. It’s warm enough that they can have a barbeque, and a whole bunch of relatives are attending. And then there’s Noah, who seems to be a natural fit in the midst of the crazy Snyder clan.

Luke finds himself watching Noah interact with his parents and siblings. They all love Noah and Noah seems to love them. It makes him think that Noah is definitely a family person, but then there’s the subject of Noah’s own family. Why doesn’t he ever mention them or visit them? Why did he spend last year’s Thanksgiving and Christmas with Luke and his family instead of his own? They were all happy to have him of course, Luke most of all, but he can’t help but wonder. Especially now that the mysterious photo has brought forth even more questions.

When they get back to their dorm room on Sunday night, Noah immediately flops down on his bed.

“Oh man, Ethan’s energy level is killing me,” he sighs, but his voice is light and happy, and Luke knows he’s had a good day. He and Noah had volunteered to keep an extra eye on Ethan, and Noah had taken the task seriously. And since Ethan doesn’t really sit still for even a minute, Noah hadn’t either. No wonder he’s tired.

“Well, you’re kind of asking for it,” Luke points out as he kicks off his shoes. “You can say no to him, you know. You don’t always have to do what he wants.”

Noah just shrugs. “I don’t mind.”

Luke looks at him, just barely able to keep himself from letting out a big miserable sigh of frustration. Why is Noah so perfect? Why does the universe send him a guy that is everything that Luke has ever wanted, who spends a day of his precious time off from school and work running after Luke’s little brother, seemingly enjoying it, and then Luke can’t even have him?

It’s not fair.

But he pushes that thought away. He knows it’s finally time to tell Noah about the photo. He can’t keep it a secret any longer.

“Noah, can we talk?” he asks, sitting down on his bed.

Noah pushes himself up on his elbows. “Is something wrong?”

“Not really,” Luke says. “It’s just… I saw something. And I feel like I should probably tell you about it.”

Noah looks confused. “What do you mean?”

Luke looks down, feeling oddly nervous. “A few weeks ago I needed to borrow your cell phone charger, and you weren’t here so I looked in your desk drawers.” He chances a glance up at Noah, who just stares at him. “And… I found a picture. Of you. And I swear I didn’t mean to pry but it was just there. So I saw it. And I don’t know if that’s okay or not but–” He trails off. Noah still hasn’t said a word. “You may say something now. Like telling me that I’m making a way bigger deal of this than it is.” He chuckles nervously.

There’s another stretch of silence before Noah says anything. He pushes himself up from the bed and to his feet. “You shouldn’t have gone through my stuff,” he says, sounding like he’s fighting to keep his voice calm. “You had no right.”

Luke’s heart sinks. “I know and I’m sorry. But I honestly didn’t mean to. I just needed to borrow–”

“My charger. Yes, you said. But you still shouldn’t have gone through my desk. That’s my personal space, Luke, and you should respect that. What I keep in there is none of your business.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke tries again. “It’s just a photo, Noah. And can you really blame me for looking at it? It’s not like you ever tell me anything about yourself.”

Noah’s eyes darken. “So you weren’t just looking for a charger. You were trying to, what, investigate me?”

“No!” Luke exclaims, throwing his arms out in frustration. “It wasn’t like that. But if it was, you would only have yourself to blame, you know. We’re friends, Noah. You’re probably the best one I’ve ever had. And you know things about me, things that I’ve told you because I trust you. But you don’t give me anything in return, and do you have any idea how that feels, Noah? How much it hurts to know that you don’t trust me back?”

They stare at each other. Luke didn’t really mean to say all that, but well, it’s out there now, and it’s not like he doesn’t mean it. It does hurt. And it does bother him that he gets so little in return. And it was probably time he let Noah know that.

Noah looks surprisingly calm in the wake of Luke’s outburst, but Luke can tell there’s anger simmering under the surface. “Well, maybe there’s a reason I’m not telling you. Have you ever thought of that?”

“Yes, and it’s pretty obvious what that reason is. Like I said, you clearly don’t trust me.”

Noah stares at him for a while longer. “Not everything is about you, Luke,” he says at last, his voice sounding tired all of a sudden. He turns and heads for the door, grabbing his jacket from the hanger, and leaves the room without another word.

Luke wants to call after him, only he doesn’t know what to say.

####

Noah doesn’t come home that night.

Luke doesn’t know whether to be worried or angry with Noah for making him worry.

####

Noah doesn’t come home the night after that either. Neither is he answering Luke’s texts and calls.

Luke really does start to worry then. It’s not unusual for Noah to be gone for a night, but he’s never been away two nights in a row.

I’m sorry. Please come home, he texts.

####

Noah finally comes home.

(For a second Luke finds himself wondering when he started to think of his and Noah’s small dorm room as home. Somehow it just… feels like home.)

Noah looks tired, like he hasn’t slept in days, and Luke wants more than anything to rush over to him and give him a big hug. He doesn’t, though. He’s not sure if Noah’s still angry with him or not, and he doesn’t want to push it.

“Are you okay?” he asks instead.

Noah is quiet for a moment.

“I don’t know,” he says finally. “I… think I need to take a shower. Afterwards we should probably talk.”

“Yeah, we should,” Luke agrees, and Noah gives him a weak smile before disappearing into the bathroom.

####

Almost half an hour later they’re sitting on opposite beds, both quiet. Noah is freshly showered and is looking absolutely gorgeous, and Luke wonders if he should say something or if he should wait for Noah to speak first.

But before he can really make a decision, Noah speaks.

“I’m sorry for disappearing,” he says, looking down on his hands. “I just… needed space.”

Luke nods. “Where have you been?” he asks, and if he was a less curious person he might have been able to keep himself from asking that question because it’s not really any of his business, but well, he’s not.

“Staying at a friend’s place.”

“Right.”

Noah looks up at him then. “Just a friend, Luke. Nothing else.”

Luke looks down for a moment, blushing. It’s unnerving sometimes that Noah seems to know him so well.

He makes an attempt to brush it off. “Friend or not, it’s not really any of my business. It’s your life; you’re free to do what you want.”

Noah considers him for a while. Luke is unable to meet his gaze. It feels like Noah can read him a lot better than Luke can read Noah and it feels a little unsettling.

Noah looks down again. “Anyway, I… I think it might be time that I told you a little about myself.”

Really? Luke almost exclaims in surprise, but he stops himself before the word slips out. He doesn’t want to seem too eager, like he doesn’t have anything better to do with his life than wonder about Noah’s background. So instead he simply says, “I would like that. Very much.”

Noah huffs a laugh. “You might not feel that way once you’ve heard the full story.”

“Yes, I will,” Luke says adamantly, because there’s nothing Noah can tell him that will change the way Luke feels about him. Unless Noah’s about to tell him that he’s a mass murderer or something. In that case, Luke might have to reconsider.

Noah gives him a small smile.

“Well, I guess I’ll tell you about the photo first, since you saw it. I mean, you never said which one it was, but I don’t have a whole lot of pictures of myself floating around so I can guess.” He gives Luke a wry smile. “It was taken a couple of years ago. I needed money to pay for college, and then this guy I met, who happened to be a photographer, persuaded me to give modeling a try. He told me that I had the right look, whatever that means, and that if I was successful, I could earn big money.”

“And did you?”

“No. I didn’t do it for very long. I pretty much hated it from day one, and even though I got a few jobs I never felt like I was very good at it. And I didn’t make a whole lot of money either, so I quit. That picture you saw is from a series of test photos we made at the very beginning, before I discovered that the photographer was a real jerk who expected me to have sex with him because he was doing me this huge favor. I have no idea why I still have it.”

Probably because you look ridiculously hot, Luke thinks to himself.

“Anyway, I’m really sorry for the way I reacted when you told me about having found it,” Noah continues. “It wasn’t even about the picture, it’s just… I haven’t really shared anything about myself with anyone in a very long time, so when you told me you’d seen the picture I felt… exposed. And quite honestly it freaked me out.”

“I get that,” Luke says, even though he still doesn’t understand why Noah is so secretive about everything in the first place. “And I’m sorry, too. You’re right, I shouldn’t have been going through your stuff.”

Noah waves it away. “It’s okay. I completely overreacted.”

Luke sighs. “Okay, we have to stop this.”

“Stop what?” Noah looks confused.

“This overly considerate, overly polite tone we have going on right now. It’s weird.”

Luke gets out of his bed and moves across the room to sit down next to Noah on his bed instead. Sitting on opposite ends of the room like that is kind of ridiculous, especially when they’re supposed to be having a heart-to-heart. “You know what? I’m going to share a secret of my own. I like you, Noah. No, scratch that – I’m in love with you. I have been since the week we met. And maybe I shouldn’t say that, maybe it’ll jeopardize our friendship, but I’m sick of pretending. I want to be honest. And you know what? I hate it when you don’t come home at night. When I know you’re out with some guy. And I hated even more that you didn’t come home for two nights and I had no idea where you were. I was so worried, Noah.” He pauses and takes a few deep breaths. “And I’ll just stop talking now.”

He looks down, suddenly embarrassed. Talk about oversharing. If Noah doesn’t run away screaming right now he deserves a medal.

It’s silent for a long time. Luke doesn’t dare look at Noah. He wishes Noah would just say something. Anything really, as long as it’s words.

Then he does, but what he says is not at all what Luke expects to hear.

“My mother died when I was four,” Noah says quietly. “It was… a shock. Like my whole life was taken away from me, ripped apart like a piece of paper. She was everything to me, the only thing that made me feel safe.” He pauses. “It was just me and my father after that.”

More silence.

“My father’s… not a very nice man. I’m pretty sure he was violent with my mother sometimes. He never was with me, but he… he’s always been very cold. He never made me feel loved and he always yelled a lot. When I was younger I was terrified of him.”

Noah goes silent again, and Luke finally looks up at him. Noah isn’t looking at him, though – instead he’s fiddling with his hands. Luke wants to reach out, wants to take Noah’s hands in his own and still the nervous movements.

“When I was seventeen I came out to him, accidentally. He caught me kissing the guy I liked. And he… he threw me out of the house.” Noah makes a half-hearted shrug. “I haven’t seen my father since.”

“Wow, that’s tough,” Luke says, not knowing how else to respond. It’s not like there’s much he can say to make Noah feel any better.

Noah shrugs again. “I guess. In some ways I was actually relieved. We weren’t close, and not having to deal with him and hiding everything from him felt… liberating. But… he’s my dad, you know. He’s the only one I had.”

“So… what did you do?”

“I got a job and found a cheap place to rent. Somehow I managed to get through high school. And then, a few years later, I met Josh.”

Noah takes a deep breath, like he’s steeling himself. “He was my first love. I wanted to be with him forever. But he… he was only using me. A little over a year after we met he told me that he was married. To a woman. And that he never thought of us as anything serious. And then he made it seem like I was the stupid one for not realizing.” He lets out a hollow laugh.

Luke is overcome with a sudden anger. How can anyone do something like that to Noah, who’s quite possibly the sweetest person in the world?

“He didn’t deserve you,” he says. “You deserve someone who appreciates you and cares about you and takes you seriously.”

Noah gives him a weak smile. “Maybe. It took me a long time to get over Josh. I haven’t really… been with anyone since then. I’ve been afraid of falling for someone again, afraid of getting hurt.” He finally looks at Luke. “And then I came here and met you. And I… I knew from the moment I saw you that you’d be trouble. I knew that I could fall for you. And… and I did.”

Luke stares at him, blinking. “You… did?”

“I did. But I’ve been scared, Luke, and I’m still scared and I tried to keep my distance from you like I’ve done with everyone else, but it didn’t work with you. And now it’s too late. I’ve never known anyone as incredible as you. And then there’s your family, who is… amazing.” He gives a helpless shrug. “It’s not true what you said. I do trust you. You’re the only one I’ve trusted since Josh. I just… I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that I’ll be able to keep you. That I’ll be… enough for you.”

Luke, for once, is speechless. He’d wanted Noah to talk to him, to be open with him. But he hadn’t expected all of this. He hadn’t expected there to be so much sadness and pain in Noah’s life, and he hadn’t expected to be this affected by it. He’s so angry and sad for Noah, and then he’s also wondering if he’s dreaming right now because he’s pretty sure that Noah just told him that he’s in love with him.

That is what he least of all expected.

“I–” he starts, but he’s unable to continue and tries again, “I should probably say something right now, but I don’t really know where to begin.”

Noah seems almost amused by Luke’s speechlessness. It’s a rare thing, after all. “I’m just relieved that you’re not running away screaming right now.”

Luke huffs a laugh. “That was a lot of sharing for one day. But no, I’m not leaving. That’s… actually the last thing I want to do right now.”

“What do you want to do?” Noah asks, his voice now reduced to a whisper. Luke is pretty sure that Noah knows exactly what Luke wants. He’s also starting to think that Noah – amazingly – wants the exact same thing.

So he’s a lot less scared than he thought he’d be when he says, “I want this.” And then he leans in and finally, finally does what he’s wanted to do for the past year.

He kisses Noah.

####

It doesn’t take long before they’ve gone from kissing to a whole lot more.

It’s not as rushed as their first time. Back then they’d been overcome with this intense need to get off, and the concept of taking their time had seemed completely foreign to both of them.

It’s different now. There are feelings involved this time, deeper feelings than the attraction and chemistry that had been so overwhelming back then.

There’s definitely still attraction and chemistry between them, but now there’s also a whole lot more. And somehow that makes everything so much slower, more intense, like they both want to take their time and really learn everything about each other in a whole new way.

There’s so much skin. Luke has dreamed about all that skin for months and months, and now that it’s all laid out for him to touch he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to ever stop doing just that. Finally he can explore Noah’s body, like he never got the chance to do the first time. Noah’s perfect, glorious body.

Noah’s on his back and Luke’s on top of him, making sure to cover every bit of skin with his mouth. He’s pretty sure that Noah’s okay with this arrangement; at least if the sounds he’s making are any indication. At first he’s sighing softly, occasionally whispering Luke’s name with such wonder and reverence in his voice, but then it turns into full out moaning. It makes Luke feel strangely powerful – he’s actually able to reduce Noah to this – and he’s overcome with the urge to make Noah feels as good as he possibly can. To make Noah feel cherished, appreciated, loved.

No one deserves that more than Noah.

So he moves lower and lower, kissing Noah’s skin all the way, finally sinking his mouth down Noah’s length.

Noah’s moans turn even more desperate then, and Luke concentrates, wanting to make this good for Noah, make it perfect. It’s not too bad for himself either, if he’s being honest. He’s given blowjobs before, with other guys, and he’s always liked it, but now he finds that he freaking loves it, loves having Noah inside him, loves being filled like this, loves giving Noah pleasure this way.

Noah is sweating and arching up from the mattress, and Luke is pretty sure he’s doing something very right here, because it doesn’t take long before Noah comes with a wrecked, helpless sound that goes straight to Luke’s groin.

Luke swallows what Noah gives him (and god, he’s never cared much for swallowing before, but now he greedily takes all of it, loving the idea of having a part of Noah in him like that) and sits up, looking down on Noah’s trembling (gorgeous) body with a smug grin.

He can’t help but feel quite proud of himself.

####

A few minutes later it’s Luke’s turn to be on his back with Noah on top of him.

Noah is already starting to move down Luke’s body, clearly with a goal in mind, but Luke stops him before he can get too far.

“No, up here,” he murmurs, trying to pull Noah back up so he can kiss him.

“But I want to return the favor,” Noah protests, almost pouting, and if it was a different time Luke might have laughed at his expression.

“No,” Luke repeats, pulling on Noah’s arm until Noah finally returns to be face to face with Luke. He looks into Noah’s eyes and whispers, “I want you inside when I come.”

Noah stills on top of him and just stares at him for a moment, but then he nods and crashes his mouth to Luke’s. “Yes,” he breathes into the kiss. “Yes.”

After that they don’t really take it slow any longer. It’s like a switch has been flipped and everything changes.

Luke is finding it more and more difficult to think clearly, especially when Noah starts using his fingers to prepare him. It’s utter and total bliss, and Luke closes his eyes and just lets himself focus on how amazing it feels to have Noah inside him like that, stretching and preparing him so perfectly, so gently. He only vaguely registers that Noah somehow manages to fish the lube and a condom out of the nightstand drawer with his free hand.

When Noah pulls his fingers out Luke lets out a small whine of disappointment, even though he knows it’s only temporary, knows that Noah will be back soon and that it will get even better. He tries to get his breathing under control while he waits, but he’s impatient and he wants Noah inside now. He’s been waiting for this moment for over a year and he’s not willing to wait even a second longer.

“Noah, come on,” he urges, fumbling for Noah. “I want you.”

Noah is struggling to get the condom on, and Luke notices that his hands are shaking. It makes him feel suddenly warm inside, and he realizes that this, the two of them together like this, is as huge and life-changing to Noah as it is to Luke. They’re really doing this and this time, it really matters.

Noah returns then, covering Luke with his body, and it’s perfect. Noah’s weight on him, pushing him down into the mattress – somehow it makes him feel safe, loved, wanted. Luke doesn’t think he’s ever felt happier or more content than right at this moment, despite the anticipation for more.

And then, finally, Noah pushes inside and it gets even better.

Well, at least it does after the initial pain has subsided. It’s been a while, and Luke needs a moment to adjust to the intrusion, adjust to the feeling of having Noah there, big and solid and… big. It feels good, though. It feels… right. And Noah is so attentive, so caring – he kisses Luke softly and murmurs all kinds of sweet things that make Luke just melt while the pain slowly turns to pleasure.

And then Noah starts moving. And Luke just stops thinking all together.

He comes almost embarrassingly fast, but he can’t be bothered to care. Noah needs a few more strokes, but then he comes too, and they fall together in a heap of limbs.

Nothing has ever felt like this.

####

“I love you,” Luke whispers softly a few minutes later as they lie wrapped up in each other’s arms. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this good or this happy. He’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

“Really?” Noah whispers back.

“Really,” Luke confirms with a kiss to Noah’s chest.

“I love you, too,” Noah says and pulls Luke tighter into his arms.

“Well, that’s a relief. Because you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon. You’re stuck with me now, Noah Mayer. And I hope you’re okay with that.”

“I’m okay with that,” Noah says, and Luke can hear the smile in his voice. “You have no idea how okay I am. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come around.”

“It’s okay. You’re worth waiting for.”

Noah goes quiet then, and Luke pulls away from Noah a little and turns his head so he can see his face. Noah isn’t smiling anymore. Instead Luke sees that other Noah, that scared Noah, the little boy who lost his mother and was forced to grow up with a father who didn’t love him, at least the way that Noah needed, and then the young man who was betrayed by the person he loved and trusted the most. It’s all there in Noah’s face now and Luke suddenly realizes why.

Noah doesn’t believe Luke. He doesn’t believe he’s worth it.

Luke makes a promise to himself, then. A promise to spend the rest of his life showing Noah that he’s worth more than anything else in Luke’s world.

He might as well start right away.

“Just let me love you,” he whispers, pressing his lips softly to Noah’s. He loves that he’s allowed to use that big word with Noah now. “Let me show you how amazing I think you are. I want to keep you around for as long as you want me. After all, I’ve lived with you this whole year – that should be proof enough that I’m suited for the task.”

Noah laughs a little then, and it’s light and happy and carefully optimistic. It’s a start. Noah’s worries are seemingly chased away for the time being. He wraps his arms around Luke again and Luke finds himself being held tight, wonderfully tight, perfectly tight.

After a while he leans in and presses another kiss to what will surely become a favorite area of his – Noah’s lovely chest. Luke’s pretty sure he’ll discover lots of favorite spots in the future.

Then he grins up at Noah, feeling happy and wicked and perfect when he murmurs, “You wouldn’t happen to have more pictures lying around, would you?”

- END -

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Master Post

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 16:13:52 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Author’s Notes: This is a terrible and heartbreaking time for our fandom and I really just want to give everyone a big hug! *hugs* Posting fic feels kind of weird right now but I hope that those who read this will still enjoy it. I promise this is mostly a happy story.

A huge thank you to sweetiejelly for being my beta and for being so wonderfully supportive! You are the best! ♥

Also thank you to my artist emc14 who made the art that inspired this story and who gave me feedback and encouragement throughout the writing process. Thank you!

And finally, a big thank you to the mods for running this challenge. I’ve absolutely loved being a part of it!

I’ve tried my best to make everything in this story as accurate as possible but I was not yet born in the sixties and research could only tell me so much. I apologize if something seems off!

The title, chapter titles and all songs used in this story are borrowed from the Beatles.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Epilogue
Art

Read on AO3

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Epilogue

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 16:02:57 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (Epilogue)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Epilogue

New York City, 2015

It’s one of the first warm spring days of the year.

People seem to pop up from everywhere, crawling out from every corner of the city, making Blaine wonder where they’ve been all winter.

It’s nice, though, he thinks. Seeing the city come to life like this. Of course, New York is not a city that’s ever quiet or dead, but it still feels like the place is waking up somehow. Blaine loves this time of year. It’s like the air is filled with a buzz of expectation and excitement.

Ringo, their four year old Yorkshire Terrier, is clearly filled with the same kind of excitement, his tail wagging nonstop. He seems unable to stay still and Blaine can’t blame him – it’s nice to finally feel the sun beating down on them after the long winter. Blaine smiles fondly at him and reaches down to ruffle his fur, which makes Ringo look up at him and make that grimace that Blaine swears is a smile. Kurt, on the other hand, is unconvinced. “Dogs don’t smile, Blaine,” he’s told Blaine repeatedly.

They do, though. It happens all the time, Kurt just doesn’t see it.

Kurt returns just then, carrying two cups of coffee. Blaine takes a moment to study him, his posture still graceful and proud, his style of clothing still impeccable. His hair has gone completely gray at this point, but his skin is still smooth and mostly free of wrinkles (a result of proper skin care, according to Kurt), making him look much younger than his age.

He’s still the most gorgeous man on earth in Blaine’s eyes.

“A medium drip for my husband,” Kurt says with that smile that will never fail to make Blaine feel like a teenager again, handing Blaine one of the cups.

“Thank you,” Blaine replies with a huge grin (the word ‘husband’ is always going to make him feel like the proudest man on earth), taking the paper cup from Kurt. They take a few careful sips in silence, Ringo jumping up and down next to them in an attempt to get Kurt’s attention, as if Kurt’s been gone for days instead of just a few minutes.

Kurt finally looks at him. “Sorry, sweetie, I didn’t get anything for you,” he tells him, looking genuinely regretful.

Ringo seems pleased just to have been noticed though, and when Kurt leans down and scratches him behind his ear (his favorite spot), he seems more than happy.

They start walking slowly down the street together, sipping their coffees and talking quietly.

“So, today is actually an anniversary for us,” Blaine tells Kurt after a while, looking sideways at Kurt.

“Oh really?” Kurt sounds unimpressed. “Which one is it today? First time you brought me flowers? First time I brought you flowers? First time you wore a bowtie to school?”

“No,” Blaine says, not at all discouraged by Kurt’s light-hearted teasing. So, he pays attention to anniversaries. Several of them. But they’re important to him. They all mark important days in his life. “It’s exactly fifty years since the day I realized I was in love with you.”

Kurt goes quiet. He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Blaine looks over at him again, sees him holding his coffee cup to his lips without drinking.

“Well,” he says eventually, clearing his throat. “That’s a nice one. It’s nice that you remember. With me it happened so gradually that I can’t point to a particular day.” He pauses. “Makes me feel old though, so thank you for that.”

“You’re not old,” Blaine tells him, bumping Kurt lightly with his arm. “We’ve just been together for a long time. And you’re as beautiful today as you were back then.”

It’s pretty adorable that words like that still makes Kurt blush. He tries to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee, but Blaine knows him too well. He grins a little to himself.

They cross a side street and Blaine finishes the last of his coffee and throws the empty cup in the next trash bin. He shifts Ringo’s leash over to his left hand so he can grab Kurt’s hand with his right. Kurt’s hand still feels silky and soft in Blaine’s, even with the traces of a life lived. It still fits just right with Blaine’s, maybe even more so than it did back then, like their hands have gradually molded to fit together even better.

“Remember when we couldn’t do this in public?”

“Oh yes.” Kurt gets that faraway look in his eyes. “It wasn’t easy, all the hiding, pretending to be less than what we were.” He pauses. “But back then I also couldn’t really imagine anything else. This?” He holds up their joined hands. “This just seemed like an impossible dream.”

“I know.”

It’s amazing how much things have changed during the past fifty years, Blaine thinks. From having to hide their relationship from the world and being scared of what would happen if anyone found out, to walking down the streets of New York, hand in hand, without people batting an eye. To be honest with their friends and family and be able to openly express their love around them. To be legally married.

He and Kurt were one of the first same-sex couples to get married in New York more than three years ago now, although they’d practically been married for years before that, having had their own commitment ceremony and everything. Still, it was an important step. To have the world, the law, the society – everyone – recognize them as a married couple. There weren’t a whole lot of dry eyes in the room on their wedding day, and no one had cried more than Tina, one of their most loyal supporters since the beginning.

Unfortunately Blaine’s mother was not one of the people who were present that day. It still saddens him to think about that. She passed away a few years earlier, but Blaine knows she would’ve been happy for him. He was in his early thirties before he finally revealed, or rather confirmed, the true nature of his and Kurt’s relationship to her, and by then she wasn’t all that surprised, just sad – sad to see the last shred of hope of one day having grandchildren and a daughter-in-law disappear.

Still, with time, she did accept him and Kurt as a couple, and once she did, she learned to love Kurt – adore him, even, to the point where Blaine was pretty sure she liked Kurt better than him. “Well, what can I say?” Kurt had said with a shrug. “I’m charming. Mothers love me.” He’s right of course – Kurt is a very charming person when he wants to be, but does he really have to be so smug about it?

Blaine’s father passed away even before his mother did, but Blaine knows that he wouldn’t have showed up at the wedding even if he’d had the opportunity. He had never accepted him and Kurt. Blaine didn’t really speak with him again after he came out, but neither did he speak with him much before then, so it wasn’t that big a loss. Mostly he’s just sad that he never got to have a real relationship with him.

He had Kurt’s dad, though.

Burt Hummel was more than ninety years old on the day of their wedding and could barely walk, but he’d been absolutely determined that he was going to walk Kurt down the aisle and give him away. Kurt’s attempts at pointing out that the wedding was practically a formality, that he and Blaine had been living as a married couple for years and that both grooms had passed sixty at that point, fell on deaf ears. Burt was going to do this.

So he did, and Blaine doesn’t think he ever saw a prouder father.

When he passed away just a couple of months later, Kurt was convinced that he’d stayed alive for so long just so he could see his ‘boys’ finally get married. Blaine wouldn’t be surprised if Kurt was right. Burt Hummel had always been their biggest supporter.

Of course, even with all the progress being made since they were young, things are still difficult back in Ohio and in so many other places across the country. But Blaine is hopeful. After seeing how much things can change in fifty years, he knows that it will happen someday. One step at the time, one person at the time. Change is still ongoing – more and more states recognize their right to get married, more and more people are doing the same. It’s such an exciting development.

Still, his heart breaks for the kids who still have to go through the same things that he and Kurt went through fifty years ago. He just hopes that they have a Kurt in their lives, or just someone who supports them, like Blaine did.

However, he knows that not everyone is so fortunate. Not back then, and not now.

Over the years Blaine has learned that he and Kurt weren’t so alone back in the day as he thought. The biggest surprise being David Karofsky. It took Karofsky a long time to come out, but once he did, he sincerely apologized to Kurt for the bullying; confessing that he only did it because he’d liked Kurt in a way that he hadn’t known how to deal with. He hadn’t had anyone to talk to, to help him not feel so scared and confused, and as a result he’d wanted to punish Kurt for making him feel that way. He claimed that he’d never wanted it to go too far, because deep down, even though he had a really twisted way of showing it, he did have feelings for Kurt. The incident with Kurt’s father had apparently been out of his control – he claimed that his cousin and a couple of his friends were responsible for that – but Karofsky did admit that they probably wouldn’t have done and said those things if they hadn’t heard him complain about how much he couldn’t stand Kurt and called him really hateful and degrading names.

“How did you even know that I was gay?” Kurt had asked him. “I mean, the things you said to me indicated that you knew.”

Karofsky looked ashamed. “I didn’t. I knew I was, as much as I tried to deny it. I guess I just took all the negative feelings I had about myself out on you.”

Kurt accepted Karofsky’s apology of course, because that’s just who he is. They haven’t seen Karofsky again after that, nor do they really care to. They heard a few years ago that he was living in Philadelphia with his long-term boyfriend, and they’re both happy to hear that he seems to have worked out his issues, but he’s not someone they’re ever going to be friends with.

Another, slightly smaller, surprise was Santana and Brittany, as much as Kurt told anyone who cared to listen that it couldn’t possibly have been that much of a surprise to anyone, because to him it had been obvious even in high school. Blaine had simply pulled Kurt into his arms, kissed him softly on the lips and told him, “We don’t all have your gaydar, babe.”

Blaine’s train of thought is broken as they’re approaching a street musician, a young man with a guitar and a boyish, expressive face. They stop to listen for a while – Blaine has always had a soft spot for these people, these artists who just want to play music, who are content as long as they have a guitar in their hands but whom also long for people to listen to them, to hear what they have to say.

This guy seems to play a mix of original material and classic cover songs. He’s good. He has the ability to make his audience feel what he’s singing, and that’s a valuable quality, Blaine thinks.

Sometimes he wishes he’d pursued music himself, that he’d made a real effort of turning it into a career. But most of the time he’s more than happy with how his life turned out. He loves his job as a children’s therapist, so much so that he hasn’t had the heart to retire yet (even though Kurt keeps bugging him to just do it already so they can finally do all the traveling they’ve always dreamed of), and felt good about keeping music as a hobby instead of turning it into a job. He and Sam have done occasional gigs around the city for more than forty years now. Somehow people never seem to tire of their Beatles covers.

Kurt suddenly squeezes his hand. “Listen,” he whispers.

Blaine recognizes the song right away. Of course he does, it’s one of his favorites. He listens for a while, the musician’s soft voice taking him back to that amazing day, more than three years ago.

He and Kurt had just exchanged vows, had just been pronounced husbands – and then Kurt surprised him by singing this exact song to him. Blaine, already emotional after the ceremony, was unable to keep the tears back as he watched Kurt, his partner, his best friend, his lover, his everything – and now finally also his husband – perform that song with his beautiful, clear voice.

Now, Kurt turns to him fully and starts to sing along with the street musician. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see, all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free. He sings quietly, his words meant only for Blaine, and his eyes are bright, as bright as they were fifty years ago when Blaine fell in love with his best friend.

He still remembers that day as if it happened yesterday. Sitting in that classroom and finally seeing Kurt for the first time. In some ways, his life started that day. Usually Blaine likes to think of his and Kurt’s arrival in New York as the day that everything began, but it really did start that day in math class. That’s when everything changed.

Blaine mouths the last words of the song along with Kurt and the guitar player, gazing into Kurt’s eyes and seeing only him. You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Then he leans in and kisses Kurt, right there on the streets of New York City, for the whole world to see.

The End.

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 7

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:59:16 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (7/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 7 – Hold Me Tight

The last thing Blaine needs when he comes home that afternoon is another ‘talk’ with his mother, but once again her plans seem to be the exact opposite of his.

She has dinner ready and Blaine is starving, but he would also really like to just eat, and then escape to his room where he can be alone and think – think about Kurt and what happened today and what the hell he’s supposed to do now. And then play a few songs, probably sad songs about love and heartbreak and all that other stuff that songs are written about. Blaine has never been able to relate to those songs as much as he does now.

Clearly his thoughts will have to wait, though. It’s obvious through the entire dinner that his mother is about to bring something up – she just seems to be waiting for the right time to do it, probably because she doesn’t want it to seem obvious that this is something that she’s thought about.

She really is very predictable sometimes.

“I haven’t seen Kurt around lately,” she starts when Blaine is almost done eating. Blaine braces himself for wherever she’s going with this.

“He’s been busy,” he says vaguely. “And you know, so have I. This is our senior year, it’s a busy time.”

She nods, flashing him a sympathetic smile. “I hope his father is doing better?” she inquires.

“He is,” Blaine tells her. “He’s back at work and is mostly healed now, I think.”

“That’s good. It’s so terrible what happened to him.”

Blaine nods because yes, it was terrible. He’s just happy that Mr. Hummel wasn’t permanently injured.

“I talked to Quinn Fabray’s mother at the store today,” his mother tells him after a stretch of silence.

“Okay,” Blaine says, not sure what she expects him to have to say about that.

“You’re friends with Quinn, aren’t you?”

“Um, not really,” Blaine says honestly. “We’re in glee club together, but that’s about it.”

She nods slowly, contemplatively. “She’s such a sweet girl, though, don’t you think?” When he doesn’t say anything she adds, “Perhaps you could invite her out sometime?”

“Not again, mom,” he sighs, shaking his head in disbelief because she just doesn’t stop. It’s so frustrating and it’s the last thing he needs today, when his head is full of Kurt and their kiss and how much he wants a future with him. With Kurt. A boy.

His mother, on the other hand, seems obsessed with him finding a girlfriend.

It’s so messed up.

“I’m just trying to help, sweetheart,” she tells him and Blaine knows that, he knows that she means well, but she just doesn’t get it. She’s never going to.

“Well, can you just stop?” he asks and it comes out a little more forceful that he intended to, but he’s just so sick of this. He just wants her to leave him alone. “I can handle my own love life, okay?”

She looks a little like someone just kicked her. “I just think it would be a good idea for you to try and make some new friends,” she says. “You’re spending so much time with Kurt–”

“Mom, I’ve hardly seen Kurt at all for weeks!” Blaine exclaims, exasperated.

“And perhaps that isn’t such a bad thing. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to meet some new people.”

“You mean girls.” He gives her a pointed look.

She looks at him, her expression somewhere between worried and pitying. He hates when she looks at him like that, like he’s some hopeless case that needs rescuing. “Your dad and I just think that it would be a good idea if–”

“Dad?” Blaine asks disbelievingly. “He’s not even around! I don’t think I’ve had a conversation with him in weeks, maybe even months. He’s never cared about my life before and he gets no say in it now. And I can’t believe you guys have discussed this! What does it matter who I’m friends with?”

His mother shifts on her chair, obviously uncomfortable. She’s never handled confrontations or unpleasant situations very well. “We just think that it might be good for you to have other influences than Kurt in your life.”

Blaine stares at her, wondering if he actually heard her right. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, trying to keep his voice calm but failing, because it’s trembling. His mother doesn’t answer right away so he continues, voice rising again, “You think Kurt is bad influence on me?” He shakes his head. He can’t believe this. “Kurt is the sweetest, the bravest, the most incredible person in the world. He’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. He’s been there for me through good times and bad times, and you’re telling me he’s a bad influence? No, mom. You don’t get to say that. And I’m not going to listen to it. I’m sick of you and your obsession with finding me a suitable girl. I’m sick of you thinking you have a say in how I live my life – and do you want to know something, mom? No girl is ever going to mean as much to me as Kurt does, okay? Never. So just stop it.”

The room falls silent, only the ticking from the grandfather clock breaks it. His mother stares at him with wide eyes and Blaine knows why. He’s never yelled at her like this before, but then he’s also never been this angry with her before. Sure, he’s often been frustrated, upset and sick of her meddling, but he’s never felt anger flare so strongly.

How dare she say things like that about Kurt? How dare she say that Kurt is a bad influence? Kurt’s the exact opposite – he’s too good for Blaine, too good for this world.

Blaine closes his eyes for a moment and tries to get his breathing and his anger under control. He speaks without thinking when he gets angry, and he shouldn’t have spoken so fondly of Kurt to her – he’s treading a very fine line by saying such things, one that he should stay far away from.

“I’m sorry for yelling,” he says finally. “I just wish you would leave me alone. I’m not going to find the right girl any faster with you interfering because those things have to come naturally, you know? I know you’re just trying to help, but… you’re not.”

She nods mutely, looking hurt and upset, and Blaine feels a flash of guilt for lashing out at her like that. He should have spoken up to her a long time ago, but then he’s not one for confrontations either – he supposes he gets that from her. And possibly also from his father, who seem to do his best to avoid having to speak with either one of them.

He pushes himself up from his chair – his limbs heavy and his head too full. It feels like the day’s been going on forever. “Thanks for dinner,” he says quietly. “I have some homework to do.”

Blaine leaves her there, guilt a heavy feeling in his stomach as he walks away. He knows he didn’t only hurt her – he also just lied to her face by implying that he will give her a daughter-in-law someday if she would only ‘let things happen naturally.’

But he just can’t bear to take that dream away from her, no matter how angry he gets. It’s basically all she lives for.

He practically drags his feet up the stairs. Sometimes the pressure just feels too heavy.

----

Blaine’s not sure what possesses him to sing to Kurt in glee club.

It’s not like it’s going to change anything. It’s not like it’s going to tell Kurt anything he doesn’t already know. It’s not like it’s going to make Karofsky stay away from him. If anything, it’s kind of a huge risk, one that Blaine absolutely shouldn’t take right now. Anyone could figure out that the words he’s singing aren’t just words, that he’s not just performing a random song this time. That he means every single word, that the lyrics are meant for someone.

For Kurt.

Singing this song could be a very stupid thing to do. Kurt might kill him for it.

But he really just needs to do something right now. He’s been trying to respect Kurt’s wish and ignore David Karofsky (which he has, though he’s also been doing what he can to make sure that Kurt’s never alone at school), but that means that he needs to do something else. Something… positive. Something bold. Something to remind Kurt of how much Blaine loves him. They’ve only ever been able to express their feelings to each other in private and now Blaine’s doing it in front of other people. Even if Kurt is, hopefully, the only person who will get the message (in addition to Tina, probably), Blaine is still declaring his love to him in public.

It’s really a pretty huge romantic gesture, Blaine thinks to himself, feeling quite proud of this idea. It’s probably, no, definitely, the most romantic thing he’s ever done.

He just hopes that Kurt will see it the same way.

It’s a spur of the moment idea, though. It only occurs to him when Mr. Schue asks if anyone has prepared something for today. Blaine hasn’t, but he could sing Beatles songs in his sleep – he knows those songs. So his hand shoots in the air before he really has time to think it through, and Mr. Schue ushers him to step forward and stand in the front of the group.

Blaine knows he can’t be too obvious about what he’s doing here. He searches his brain for a moment, trying to think of an appropriate song to sing and picks the first one that comes to mind. He then grabs a guitar from the stand by the wall and tells the group, as casually as he can, that he’s going to sing one of his favorite songs, leaving out any further reasons he might have had for choosing it.

His glee club friends don’t seem to think much of it, because it’s no secret to anyone that Blaine is a Beatles fan. They seem rather bored actually, which he supposes he can’t exactly blame them for. Blaine’s always performing Beatles songs if he gets to choose, so what else is new?

Of course, most of the others are Beatles fans also, but while they like to listen to other stuff sometimes for variation, Blaine doesn’t really… do that very often. He’s just more of a one band type of guy.

He strips the song down to a much more minimalistic and quieter version than the original, and starts out a bit tentatively (It feels so right now, hold me tight, tell me I'm the only one, and then I might never be the lonely one). He tries not to pay too much attention to Kurt in particular, which is hard considering the song is for him, plus he looks absolutely gorgeous today.

But he thinks about Kurt being scared of people finding out about them. He thinks about his own worries. He thinks about Mr. Hummel making them both promise to be careful – and he knows he can’t be careless right now, as much as he might want.

So he lets his gaze wander around the room, not settling on anyone in particular for too long. And based on the mostly blank looks he gets in return, he’s pretty sure he’s getting away with it. Santana is wearing a wicked smirk (though that is her default expression so he’s not too bothered by it), Puck is watching him with amused interest and Tina is smiling encouragingly at him (he gives her a small smile in return), but that’s about it. Even Rachel seems bored.

Then there’s Kurt.

Blaine allows himself to look at Kurt during some of the more poignant moments of the song (It's you, you you you oooo oooo) and Kurt’s just… staring wide-eyed at him. He swallows visibly and is clutching his hands tightly together in his lap, and yeah, he definitely understands who this song is meant for. It’s hard to read what’s going on in his head though, apart from the obvious surprise. But surprise is good. Surprise is what Blaine was going for.

But after that Blaine doesn’t really notice any of them anymore. He gets lost in the song, closes his eyes and pictures Kurt in his head (if he can’t look at real Kurt, then imaginary Kurt isn’t such a bad substitute) – Kurt smiling and laughing. Kurt hugging him, kissing him. Kurt telling Blaine he loves him with nothing but openness and honesty in his eyes.

It’s like he’s watching a movie about them, the happy version, the one that doesn’t have an ending yet.

He opens his eyes again as the song comes to an end and chances another glance at Kurt, who’s still wearing that same surprised expression, but he also looks a bit… angry?

Shit. He probably didn’t like it, then. Blaine slumps a bit but he accepts the applause he gets (and ignores Puck’s call of “Who do you wanna do, Anderson?”) with a small bow and returns to his seat in the front row, right in front of Kurt’s chair.

He watches Santana and Rachel’s performances without paying them too much attention. He’s just all too aware of Kurt’s presence behind him.

----

Blaine gets a strong sense of déjà vu when he hears the sound of rocks against glass that afternoon. He jumps up from his desk chair, abandoning the homework he’s attempting to get done, and moves over to the window in a few long strides.

He’s unsurprised to see Kurt outside because Kurt is still the only person who uses the rocks-against-window method to contact him. However, the fact that Kurt is here at all is quite unexpected. Blaine had hoped to get a reaction from Kurt after his performance in the choir room earlier that afternoon, especially after seeing the anger on Kurt’s face afterwards, but he hadn’t expected it to happen quite so soon and he definitely hadn’t expected Kurt to come to his house. Kurt hasn’t been here since the day they broke up.

His heart is beating wildly in his chest and the nerves and the excitement are fighting for dominance as he all but skips down the stairs and eagerly pulls the front door open. “Hi! Come in.”

Kurt doesn’t move at first. He seems hesitant and looks around like he’s checking the surrounding area for witnesses. “Are you alone?” he asks. “I know your mother usually does charity work on Tuesdays…”

“Yeah, it’s just me here,” Blaine confirms, and Kurt nods and finally steps over threshold.

Blaine closes the door behind him and tries to gauge his mood but it’s difficult to tell. He seems calm and quiet, but it also feels like maybe that’s just a mask he’s putting on, like there might be something quite different underneath.

Then Blaine comes to think of something else. “Um, is your dad okay with you being here? I know you said that he wasn’t going to let you come to my house unless one of my parents was here.”

Kurt fixes him with a disbelieving look. “Is that really your biggest concern right now?” When Blaine doesn’t say anything, mostly because he does feel a bit silly for pointing it out, Kurt sighs. “Don’t worry, he’s not going to find out. And it’s not like we really require supervision anyway, right? We’re not doing anything.”

Blaine flushes a little, but it’s true, they don’t. They’re not even together. So he just nods and motions for Kurt to lead the way upstairs, because while Blaine does have the house to himself, he always feels more comfortable in his own space. His mother’s carefully decorated rooms have always felt a bit too stiff and impersonal to him.

Up in his room Blaine experiences another flash of déjà vu because this feels a lot like the day after he’d expressed his feelings to Kurt for the first time, when Kurt had come to his house early in the morning to talk.

Until he closes the door behind him and turns around to meet Kurt’s hard stare, the quiet calm long gone – and then it doesn’t feel the same at all.

“What were you thinking?” Kurt hisses, staring at him with wide, heated eyes.

Uh-oh.

“What do you mean?” Blaine asks, feigning innocence, but it’s not like he doesn’t know what Kurt’s talking about, and it’s not like Kurt doesn’t know that he knows.

“Singing that song? In front of the entire glee club?”

Blaine slumps, disappointed. He’s not sure what he’d hoped to achieve with his performance, but he’d hoped that Kurt would like it, at least a little. That he would see how much Blaine meant it.

“I just wanted to express to you how I feel,” he says, shrugging helplessly.

“With that song?” Kurt stares at him in disbelief. “Making love to only you, so hold me tight, tonight. Really, Blaine? What were you thinking?”

Blaine flinches at the quote and he can feel his cheeks turn red. Maybe he hadn’t picked the best song for this purpose. He’d just chosen a song that he likes, one that seemed to communicate his feelings, but somewhere in the midst of it all he’d apparently forgotten to really… consider all of the lyrics.

He looks down, embarrassed, unable to meet Kurt’s eyes.

“I guess I didn’t,” he mumbles to the floor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

There’s a long stretch of silence and Blaine finally chances a glance up at Kurt. He’s still staring at Blaine, but his glare has softened a little and after a while he seems to finally deflate. He relaxes his shoulders.

“It just took me by surprise,” he says with a small sigh. “And then those lyrics… I didn’t understand why you’d do something like that, why you’d take such a risk. But it’s okay. The others didn’t notice. If anything they thought the song was about Tina.”

That’s certainly a relief, but Blaine still lets out an annoyed huff. “Why does everyone think I’m into Tina?”

“Apparently you smiled at her during the song, or something?” Kurt shrugs. “But, I mean, it’s good, that they thought that. No harm done.”

“So you’re not angry?” Blaine looks at him from under his lashes, going for puppy dog innocent. “I had nothing but good intentions, I promise.”

Kurt continues to stare at him for a while, but his mouth is beginning to twitch and finally he huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “I just can’t seem to stay angry with you for any length of time,” he complains, but he doesn’t sound all that bothered by it. “Even when you’re taking stupid risks like that. I know you meant well, but you have to admit that your choice of song was questionable, at best.”

Blaine just smiles sheepishly and gives Kurt an apologizing shrug. “I could sing to you again?” he suggests hopefully. “I’ll let you choose the song.”

Kurt looks like he’s not sure whether Blaine’s being serious or not. He is, though. Mostly.

“Maybe some other time,” Kurt finally says, not quite able to suppress a smile.

Blaine can’t stop grinning either. Suddenly everything is so different from how it’s been lately, and Blaine didn’t realize until now how much he’s missed this particular part of their relationship – the fun, light part, filled with good-natured bantering and the feeling of being on the exact same page. Everything has been so intense lately, so serious, even before they broke up. This is how it should be. How it used to be.

There’s still a rather big elephant in the room, though, one that’s not going to go away unless they actually talk about it. Blaine knows that now is the time to do just that – now that Kurt is done yelling at him for the song (which he clearly wasn’t all that mad about after all) and they finally feel like them again. He doesn’t really know where to start, though.

Much to his relief Kurt’s the one who takes the first step.

“So…” he begins, breaking the silence that has fallen between them, and somehow the atmosphere seems to change completely with that single word. “We haven’t actually talked since… since that day in the storage room.” He looks off to the side, away from Blaine’s gaze, his cheeks coloring just a little, and Blaine can’t help but find that adorable. “I still don’t really know what to say.”

“That’s okay,” Blaine murmurs. Those few minutes they shared in the storage room had been intense and emotional and kind of… revealing. If either of them had thought that their feelings would somehow die down or disappear by putting distance between them, they couldn’t have been more wrong. “I don’t really know what to say either. We can figure it out together,” he offers.

Kurt smiles a little, still not looking at Blaine. “And this is why I can’t get over you,” he says quietly, almost as if he’s talking to himself.

Blaine blinks. “What?”

Kurt looks at him then, and he huffs a weak laugh and shrugs helplessly. “You’re so good, Blaine. You’re the best person I know, next to my dad. You’re my best friend. And I feel like… you’re that person, you know? That special person that everyone is looking for, that some people spend their whole life searching for. You are that person to me.”

“Oh,” Blaine says dumbly, too stunned to offer anything more eloquent. Kurt isn’t usually this open about how he feels, and just hearing him use such words to describe the bond between them makes Blaine feel all warm inside. Especially considering how difficult things have been between them lately. Blaine didn’t realize how much he was craving those words.

Kurt continues, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve you. And I’m not saying that because I want you to make me feel better, I actually mean it. You just keep giving and giving, and you’re so generous and open with your feelings and your emotions and I just… keep giving you a hard time.”

Blaine opens his mouth to protest, but Kurt lifts his hand. “No, Blaine. Like I said, I’m not looking for you to make me feel better.” Blaine closes his mouth again. “I just want you to know that… that I know that this is hurting you. And that it’s not something that I’m doing lightly.”

“I know that,” Blaine says quietly. “You’re doing what you believe is best.”

“Yeah.” Kurt looks down, shuffling his feet. “But maybe it’s not.”

Blaine just looks at him, not sure what he’s supposed to say right now. But apparently Kurt doesn’t expect him to say anything at all because after a moment he continues talking.

“Sometimes I just wonder if maybe I was overreacting. I was so sure that it was only a matter of time before the whole town knew about me being gay, but I’m starting to think that you were right. They don’t know. Karofsky and his friends are harassing me because they’re bullies. And those guys that hurt dad… they’re bullies, too. I don’t know how they even knew who I am, but it’s a small town and who knows, maybe they’re friends with Karofsky or something.” He shrugs. “My point is that… nothing is changing. I thought the whole town was going to find out about me, but they haven’t. Karofsky’s still the only one who’s bothering me and even he hasn’t been doing it as much lately since I suddenly have a bunch of babysitters who barely let me walk around alone.” He makes an attempt to seem annoyed by that, but isn’t particularly successful because a fond smile appears instead. “And I feel like… like maybe my fears were completely irrational and that all I’ve done is wasted time that I could have spent with you.”

Blaine doesn’t say anything at first. He’s a bit stunned to be honest, because he hadn’t expected to hear these words from Kurt – he’d hoped, yes, but not expected them.

Kurt looks like he’s waiting for Blaine to say something though, and Blaine feels like he has to offer some sort of comfort or support. “Your fears are not irrational, Kurt,” he says. “They’re very real and very understandable. And I know that a part of the reason you did all this was to protect me, and I love you for that.”

Kurt gives him a weak smile.

“But I also think that this is something that affects us both. Knowing that someone is bullying you? That affects me, Kurt. And it kills me that you won’t let me be there for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt whispers.

“No, it’s okay, I get it. You have such a kind heart and you’re so protective of the people you care about. You don’t have to be sorry about that. But… I just wish you’d let me go through this with you. We’re in the same boat, you and me – we’re the only ones who can really understand each other.”

“We are,” Kurt agrees quietly, his smile turning more genuine.

“I know you’re worried about people finding out about us,” Blaine continues. “And I am, too. But I think that if we’re careful, we’ll be okay. And I think that as long as we’re there for each other, we can face anything.”

Kurt stares at him. “I thought you said you didn’t know what to say.”

Blaine shrugs. “I didn’t, not really. This is just how I feel.”

“Well, for some reason you’re making an awful lot of sense to me right now,” Kurt says, sounding like he’s not sure whether he’s happy about that or not. “Makes me wish I’d listened to you sooner.”

“Well, it’s not too late,” Blaine offers hopefully, not quite able to suppress a grin.

A small laugh slips out of Kurt but the smile vanishes again quickly. “I’m still not sure, though. I’m still worried. And I’m still not sure we should be together.”

“Then let’s be friends,” Blaine says, willing to take anything he can get at this point. It’s probably incredibly sad and pathetic, but he doesn’t care. “Best friends, like we’ve always been.”

Kurt looks wistful for a moment, but then doubt takes over again. “Do you really think we can? Be just friends?” He smiles uncertainly. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to… not be more.”

“I wouldn’t mind if we were,” Blaine says softly.

“I know you wouldn’t.” Kurt laughs a little and shakes his head like Blaine is some hopeless child.

“I don’t think you would mind either.” Blaine arches his eyebrows suggestively.

Kurt looks down and away, but he smiles to himself and Blaine knows then that they will be okay. All the tension that has been lingering over Kurt like a dark cloud lately seems to have disappeared, and in its place is a quiet, tentative hopefulness. It makes his eyes sparkle and his whole face seem so much lighter, and to Blaine he’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

It hits him suddenly that he can’t even remember the last time he saw Kurt smiling, before today. It was probably sometime before his father got hurt. He’s missed Kurt’s smiles, especially the ones that seem to be reserved only for Blaine, those quiet, happy ones that make Blaine feel like he’s doing something right. That makes him feel like maybe he’s actually making Kurt happy.

There’s nothing in the world that Blaine wants more than that.

Kurt takes a few steps closer to him, close enough that he can reach out and take Blaine’s hand. His movements are tentative, careful like he isn’t sure if this is the right move or not. “Blaine, I want to tell you something. Something important.”

“Okay.” Blaine feels his stomach dropping, because he knows from experience that when ‘something important’ is about to be said, it could potentially be something really, really bad. He steels himself for the worst, but Kurt squeezes his hand and gives him a small smile and he doesn’t look at all like he did on that horrible day when they broke up. It makes Blaine breathe a little easier.

Kurt looks him directly in the eyes when he speaks again. “I want you to know that I see you in my future,” he says, his voice steady and sure. “I want you to know that I love you very, very much. We can’t be us right now, but in the fall, after we graduate, I’m going to New York. And I hope that you’ll consider coming with me.”

Blaine opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. It’s kind of a lot to take in and he doesn’t quite trust his own voice right now.

A future with Kurt.

It’s pretty much all he’s wanted ever since he realized how he felt about Kurt. He hasn’t really thought about it in detail or anything; he just knew that he wanted to be where Kurt was.

He doesn’t know why he and Kurt haven’t talked about the future before, but to Blaine it just always felt so far away and so impossible sometimes that he wasn’t sure if the future he wanted could ever be obtained. So he’s kept his focus on the here and now, which really was enough to worry about most of the time, and then at other times it was so amazing that Blaine didn’t want to think about anything else.

He’s definitely dreamed about a future with Kurt though, he just hasn’t thought much about what it would actually mean. Or the fact that someday it might be more than just a dream.

Kurt steps even closer to him, taking his other hand as well. “New York is different than Ohio, Blaine. We can be together there. I mean, we still can’t be public about it, but there are lots of gay people there, people who live together, even.” His eyes are shining, and he looks so happy (so beautiful), almost buzzing with excitement as this prospect. “We can have a life together.”

Blaine nods and swallows down a lump in his throat. He remembers Tina telling him about her uncle and his partner. It’s actually possible.

“I want that more than anything,” he whispers intently.

Kurt nods, his eyes bright. “I want it, too. And… I know that things have been difficult lately, and that they might continue to be difficult for a while, but… you shouldn’t doubt how I feel about you. Or what I want.”

“I won’t,” Blaine promises. “Not anymore.”

“Okay. Good.” Kurt looks relieved and he smiles at Blaine. “I’m going to hug you now.”

“Not if I hug you first,” Blaine grins, feeling giddy and elated because he has a future with Kurt to look forward to now, and before Kurt has the chance to react he lunges forward and wraps Kurt up in the biggest hug he can manage.

A surprised shriek slips out of Kurt but he laughs and hugs Blaine back like he means it, and Blaine wishes he didn’t have to let him go, ever. It hits him that in a way he doesn’t, because Kurt all but promised him the future just now. As much as anything can be certain in life, they are going to be together someday. Someday soon, hopefully.

It sounds incredibly clichéd even as he’s thinking it, but it’s like his life finally makes sense now. He’s been floundering a bit lately, not quite being able to find his footing or know what to do and where to go, but it feels like he has a purpose now. Like he has a direction in life.

He can start making plans now. He can answer his mother’s careful enquiries about whether or not he’s thought about where he wants to go to college. He can tell her that he’s going to New York; he can start looking at schools there. Maybe look into Columbia, which would probably satisfy his father, who went to Yale and wants Blaine to follow in his footsteps, though Blaine is pretty sure he’d see Columbia as an acceptable choice, too.

Come fall, his life can finally begin. In New York. With Kurt.

“I love you so much,” he whispers into Kurt’s ear, feeling Kurt shiver a bit in his arms. “I can’t wait to be with you again.”

“Me neither,” Kurt tells him, and they stay in each other’s arms a while longer. Blaine revels in the closeness, in the warmth, in Kurt. And when they finally (regretfully) pull apart, they sit down next to each other on Blaine’s bed, legs and arms touching, their hands still linked together, thumbs brushing against skin in a way that feels innocent and intimate at the same time.

It certainly is going to be difficult to be just friends with Kurt, and this hand-holding thing they have going on right now is definitely crossing the line into boyfriend territory, but Kurt doesn’t seem to mind all that much. And Blaine knows that even though they’ll define themselves as friends for the next few months, it won’t be a typical friendship. They’ll be friends who were once boyfriends, friends who are planning a future together, friends who are in love. Which pretty much makes them boyfriends, he supposes, but Kurt is uncomfortable with them being in a relationship right now, and Blaine wants to respect that.

This is something he can live with. This means that he can talk to Kurt every day, that he can keep a better eye on him at school and make sure that Karofsky and his followers aren’t bothering him. This means that he can visit Kurt at his house and have dinners with him and his dad. And it will probably mean that his mother will go back to questioning all the time he spends with Kurt, but Blaine could not care less right now. She will have to get used to it. Kurt is going to be around a lot in the years to come.

“So, tell me,” Kurt says, turning toward Blaine with that look on his face that tells Blaine that he’s ready to talk about less serious things. “How shocked were you to find out that Tina knows about us?”

----

And so their life continues. They are friends – friends who sometimes can’t help crossing the line into more – but never unless they’re in the privacy of their own bedrooms (with the door open if they’re at Kurt’s house – as much as they try to explain to Mr. Hummel that they’re not together he doesn’t seem to believe them).

They talk a lot about the future:

“I really want us to get a dog.”

“We’re not getting a dog, Blaine.”

“Why not? How can you not like dogs?”

“It’s not that I don’t like dogs. I just don’t want one in my home.”

“Just a small one?”

“We’re not getting a dog!”

They talk about the fact that Mr. Hummel is now dating a nurse he met during his stay at the hospital, the one who was kind enough to let Blaine visit even though he wasn’t family:

“They look so happy together, Blaine. My dad is smiling constantly. He tries to act casual about it, tells me that people his age are more realistic and mature about these things, whatever that means, but trust me, I’ve seen them act like giggling teenagers more than once.” He wrinkles his nose. “But Carole is also Finn’s mother, which means that if they get married, Finn will be my stepbrother, ugh.”

They discuss what kind of place they’d like have together in the future:

“I would love to have a nice view of the neighborhood,” Blaine muses.

“Sure, a view would be great, but I think it’s more important to have a place that’s tasteful and has a functional kitchen and enough space. At least, eventually. We might have to settle for something smaller at first.”

“As long as we’re together I’d be happy living in a dumpster.”

And sometimes they just dream together:

“Do you think it’ll ever be possible for us to hold hands in public without endangering ourselves?” Blaine asks one day. “Or even kiss?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt says. “I hope so. It might not happen in our lifetime though. But there are people out there, in the big cities, fighting for our rights, and that makes me hopeful. It makes me believe that we might be able to let the world see us as a couple someday.”

“That’s a nice dream.”

“Yeah.”

The day they graduate is one of the best days of Blaine’s life. High school hasn’t been too cruel to him, but he’s just so relieved – relieved that both he and Kurt made it through in one piece, relieved that no one knows about them still (apart from Tina and Mr. Hummel), and relieved that he can finally put this part of his life behind him.

Sure, there are things he’s going to miss – mainly Sam and Mike and being in glee club, but mostly he can’t wait for his life to finally begin.

Because that’s what it feels like. Today marks the end of this chapter of his life and the start of a new one. There’s a buzz of anticipation in the air, of excitement and joy, but there’s also the underlying fear of the unknown and a few tears shed by those who aren’t quite ready for high school to be over.

Blaine is though. He’s so ready. And when he finds Kurt in the crowd after the graduation ceremony, when he sees Kurt’s eyes light up as they land on Blaine and then watches him practically skip forward to meet Blaine in a crushing hug, he knows that Kurt feels the same way.

“You look beautiful today,” he whispers in Kurt’s ear and when they pull apart, Kurt’s eyes are shining with unshed tears of joy. Blaine doesn’t think he’s ever loved him more.

I love you, Kurt mouths, a huge smile on his face, and yes, Blaine thinks, today is the best day ever.

Epilogue

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 6

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:54:42 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (6/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 6 – I Need You

It’s not easy to go back to school on Monday. Not only because he’s going to see Kurt there – something that used to be his favorite thing about school but that now just feels bittersweet and painful – but the world feels like a completely different place now.

Just a few days ago Blaine had been happy. He’d had a boyfriend that he loved and who was also his best friend, and while it hadn’t always been easy to have to keep their relationship a secret it was still the best thing in Blaine’s life.

Now he has nothing. No boyfriend, no best friend. No happiness.

The only thing left is a broken heart.

And hiding that is, as it turns out, more difficult than any of the other things he’s had to hide.

He tries, without being particularly successful. It’s hard to smile and laugh with his friends when inside, he feels hollow and empty. Instead of being his normal, energetic self, he feels tired and drained most of the time. That probably has to do with how he doesn’t really sleep at night. He misses Kurt terribly, and he can’t stop thinking about their fight and how he basically accused Kurt of being uncaring and self-centered.

Blaine flinches just thinking about it. He doesn’t actually think that at all. He’d felt hurt and betrayed and he’d wanted to hurt Kurt back. Not exactly his finest moment but he hadn’t really cared at the time. Now, he wishes he could turn back time and handle the whole situation a bit more gracefully.

However, he still doesn’t agree with Kurt that this is the best way to handle things. What does it help if they both walk around feeling miserable? People are going to think what they think either way. Now, instead of being happy, he’s sulky and whiny and irritable and just sad, and he suspects that Kurt isn’t doing much better. How is that the better option?

Unless, of course, Kurt really doesn’t feel as strongly about him as he feels about Kurt. And Blaine doesn’t want to think about that, because he knows that’s not how it is. But the thought forces its way into his mind, unbidden and unwelcome.

He pushes it away as best as he can. Kurt loves him. Blaine knows he does. “I’ve loved you for years, Blaine.” That’s what he’d said on that magical day when it’d all began, and Blaine knows in his heart that Kurt hadn’t lied about that.

He doesn’t really talk to Kurt during those first few weeks after the break-up. He doesn’t see him much either. He gets the sense that Kurt is trying to avoid him, and as painful as it is that Kurt doesn’t seem to even want to be near him, Blaine tries to respect that.

At least in the beginning. But as the weeks drag along, slow and dreary, it’s getting more and more difficult to not see Kurt other than in quick glimpses in the school hallways or in the classes that they share. Blaine tries to convince himself that things will eventually get easier, that when the initial pain of his heartbreak has dulled a little, it will all become a bit more bearable somehow.

It doesn’t.

The pain does take on another form, though. It becomes less sharp and turns heavier, seems to take up more space in his body somehow. It’s different but no less painful.

He’s not even upset with Kurt anymore. He’s able to see everything from Kurt’s point of view now, even though he still doesn’t agree with his course of action. He just… wants to be around him. They’ve been friends for so many years that Blaine no longer recognizes his life without Kurt in it. It feels wrong. They’re supposed to be best friends. They’re supposed to be a whole lot more than best friends, but at this point Blaine will take what he can get.

And then there’s a whole other side of things, something that Blaine didn’t even really consider in the beginning, when he was so busy tending to the pieces of his broken heart. (He feels bad about it now, being so selfish, but it was just difficult to focus on other things.)

What if Kurt’s in actual danger?

Someone hurt his dad, and yes, the guys behind it were most likely drunken bullies who would say anything to provoke a reaction. But they said things about Kurt. And Kurt said that people has called him names even before that, at school. Blaine has to wonder if there’s some kind of rumor going around about Kurt. There has to be something that makes people say these things.

And who are these people anyway? Kurt never told him and Blaine never asked. (He should have asked. God, he’s the worst boyfriend and friend ever; he didn’t even notice that this was happening to Kurt.) He never said if it was just bullies at school or other people, too.

Has someone seen something? Seen them? Or are they able to tell somehow? Blaine remembers what Kurt told him once, that he knew about other gay people in Lima because with some people he could just sense it. Blaine has no idea if it actually works that way. He wasn’t even able to tell that his best friend was gay (then again, Kurt hadn’t known about him either). If there really is a ‘radar,’ like Kurt described, then Blaine’s must have some kind of malfunction.

Most likely, though, people are just picking on Kurt because he’s different. And that’s so wrong, because Kurt’s uniqueness is one of the best things about him. He’s independent and strong and he goes his own way, but there are people who can’t handle that and will say anything to feel superior. And if they really have said something about Kurt being gay (Blaine’s still unclear on exactly what kind of things have been said), then they’ve just happened to indicate something about Kurt that is actually true.

Bottom line, though? There could be rumors out there about Kurt, rumors that are true and that absolutely shouldn’t be out there.

And that could, potentially, put Kurt in danger.

Blaine feels helpless and clueless and stupid, because he doesn’t know anything and there’s no one he can talk to about any of these things. The only person he can think of is Kurt, and that is obviously not an option right now.

Blaine tries to keep an eye on Kurt at school, but with how little he sees Kurt these days it doesn’t really work, and it’s already been established that he kind of sucks at paying attention to what’s happening with Kurt. He’s relieved to see that Kurt usually surrounds himself with friends – Tina and Mercedes mostly, and sometimes Sugar – but it doesn’t quite ease his worries.

The truth of the matter is that Blaine wants to be a presence in Kurt’s life again. Not only to be close in case something happens, but because he wants to. He really, really misses Kurt.

“What’s going on with you, man?” Sam asks him one day, as Blaine is eyeing David Karofsky, one of the big football guys in the hallway – even though he doesn’t do anything to Kurt as he walks past him, Blaine does not like the way he looks at Kurt – making Blaine reluctantly pull his eyes away from the scene once he’s sure that Kurt’s not in any danger.

“What do you mean?” he asks absently, having only halfway heard Sam’s question.

“Just–” Sam makes a vague gesture with his hand. “I mean, a while ago your mood was just annoyingly good, like, all the time. It’s not normal to be that happy, but I figured, okay, my friend is happy, I can’t fault him for that. Even though I was dying to ask you who she was.”

Blaine just stares at him blankly.

Sam shrugs. “Because I knew there had to be a girl involved. Only girls can make a guy act like that. But I didn’t ask because you’ve always been so secretive about that stuff and I’ve tried to respect that. You know, be a good friend and all that.”

He looks at Blaine, clearly trying to get him to confirm that he’s right, but Blaine keeps his expression carefully neutral. This is dangerous territory, and the best thing he can do right now is to do nothing.

Sam seems unconcerned. “But now you’re just moody and gloomy all the time, and not all that fun to be around, so please, just… just apologize to her, okay? I’m not even going to ask you who she is. Sometimes, with girls, you just need to say you’re sorry, even when it’s not your fault.”

Sam seems to expect him to say something now, so Blaine finally nods, slowly. “Thanks, I guess,” he says. “I’ll… think about what you said.”

Sam seems satisfied with that. “Good. And if you ever… you know, do want to tell me who she is, then I’m all ears.”

“Good to know,” Blaine says, trying to keep his expression as blank and earnest as he possibly can.

He does actually think about what Sam said because his words made a strange sort of sense to Blaine. Or maybe he’s just desperate for things to be okay again.

Either way, the next day he does something that he should have done a long time ago.

He approaches Kurt by his locker before first period, quietly asking, “Can I talk to you for minute?”

Mercedes is standing next to Kurt, and Blaine doesn’t know what Kurt has told her but she gives him a long, hard look and seems to wait for Kurt to say something before she’s willing to leave them alone for even a second. Kurt looks surprised to see Blaine, and Blaine isn’t sure, but he thinks he sees both sadness and pain flash across Kurt’s face before he schools it back to normal and nods, quietly asking Mercedes to give them a moment.

She leaves and Blaine looks around, decides that the hallway is way too crowded for this kind of conversation and guides Kurt into the nearest empty classroom instead. Kurt seems wary, like he’s not completely sure that this is a good idea, but he follows Blaine’s lead willingly enough and waits quietly while Blaine closes the door behind them, effectively shutting out the noise from the students outside.

The classroom is quiet then. Now that he’s here, Blaine suddenly doesn’t know where to begin.

“How are you?” he blurts, because it seems as good a way to start as any, and he genuinely do want to know. It hurts having to ask, though. They used to be best friends, used to be boyfriends; he should know how Kurt’s doing.

Kurt clearly didn’t expect that question. He blinks a few times in surprise before he shrugs. “I’m okay.”

“No one’s been… mean to you?”

Kurt considers him for a moment, like he’s trying to work out what Blaine’s intentions are. “Not really,” he says finally. “I mean, occasionally people… say things, but… it’s been fine, mostly.”

That doesn’t sound convincing to Blaine at all. “Who?” He asks urgently. “Who’s saying things?”

Kurt sighs. “I don’t really want to talk about this, Blaine. And class starts in just a few minutes, so…”

“Okay.” Blaine relents with a reluctant nod, deciding it’s best to drop the subject for now. Right now he needs to say what he came here to say.

He takes a deep breath. “I just wanted to apologize to you,” he starts. “I said some things to you that day that I shouldn’t have said and I’m really sorry about that.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that, Blaine,” Kurt says quietly.

Blaine nods vigorously. “Yes, I do. I never want to say things like that to you.” He pauses, briefly wondering if he’s about to say the wrong thing but deciding it doesn’t matter. It’s not like he has much to lose at this point. “I love you.”

Kurt visibly swallows and ducks his head. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “And I’m sorry, too. I know I hurt you pretty badly.”

Blaine doesn’t even bother trying to deny that. “So, is this why you’ve been avoiding me lately? Because you’ve been upset with me?”

“No,” Kurt says and he seems genuinely surprised as he looks back up at Blaine. “I haven’t been upset with you. I knew you only said those things because you were hurt.”

“But you’ve still been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t–” Kurt starts, but then he seems to think better of it. He sighs. “It’s just hard. Seeing you. Because I still… there are still feelings there. But I know we can’t do anything about those feelings, so I just… I figured it was easier for both of us if I just stayed away.”

“It’s not, though,” Blaine points out quietly. “I miss you every day.”

Kurt’s gaze drops to the floor again. He nods. “I know,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“Not being with you is not the right thing for me, Kurt,” Blaine insists.

“Blaine, I’m trying to protect you,” Kurt says exasperated, voice rising a little. “I’m trying to make sure that people don’t start calling you the same things they’re calling me. I’m trying to make sure that you’re safe, that what happened to my dad doesn’t happen to you. Don’t you understand that?”

“And what about you?” Blaine asks quietly. “Who’s gonna protect you?”

Kurt just shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I’m being careful. I’m not letting them get to me.”

Yeah, that’s not going to stop Blaine from worrying. At all.

“Can we at least be friends, though?” He asks, trying his best not to sound desperate and probably failing miserably. “Like we used to be?”

Kurt bites his lip. “I want to, Blaine. I really do. But I really think it would be best if we kept some distance between us right now.”

“For how long? We’re best friends, Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt whispers. “I know.”

The school bell rings then, startling them both. Kurt backs away a few steps, even though they weren’t standing very close together in the first place, and just a few seconds later there are students filing into the room. Blaine keeps his gaze locked with Kurt’s for a few seconds before he’s able to tear it away. As he turns and leaves the room, he feels Kurt’s eyes still on him, and he can’t help but wonder what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

----

Blaine goes to the park that afternoon. He’s spent way too much time holed up in his room lately and frankly he’s starting to feel a little sick of it. He probably could have hung out with Sam or Mike if he wanted to, but right now he prefers solitude. He just wants to be alone with his thoughts.

It’s cold outside, winter still holding the town in its icy grip, and there are few people in the park. Blaine sits down on one of the swings, pushing himself slowly back and forth with his feet.

He doesn’t know what to do. What can he do? As long as Kurt doesn’t want them to be together, or doesn’t think they should be together, there’s not much Blaine can do. It’s not like he can force Kurt to do anything, and trying to convince him to change his mind is obviously not working.

But he can’t just give up either. Not on Kurt, not as long as he knows that Kurt loves him. But at the moment he has no idea what to do, if there’s even anything he can do.

Blaine doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there when he becomes aware of a presence next to him, someone flopping down on the swing to his right. He startles and whips his head around, surprised to see Tina there.

“You look a little lost,” she says, giving him a soft smile.

He stares at her. “How did you find me?”

She shrugs. “By accident. I come here sometimes. It’s a good place to think.”

He nods, not saying anything else. They sit in silence for a while and Blaine can’t quite determine if it’s an awkward silence or not. Tina is one of those people that he’s known and been friends with for years, but never really been close with. He’s not sure why that is, because he’s always liked her, but he’s just always thought of her as Kurt’s friend and somehow he hadn’t wanted to intrude on something of Kurt’s. They’ve always had their own group of friends – Blaine’s had Sam and Mike and Kurt’s had Mercedes and Tina.

And then they’ve had each other.

“Are you okay?” Tina asks after a while, pulling him back to the present.

No, he wants to say because nothing feels okay right now. Everything is wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it. But as much as he’s craving to talk to someone, he knows he can’t say anything to Tina. He can’t say anything to anyone.

It’s such a lonely thought.

“I guess,” he says finally.

She considers him thoughtfully. “You don’t look okay.” She pauses and seems to hesitate for a second before saying, “It’s about Kurt, isn’t it?”

Well, not much point denying that, he supposes. “We had a fight,” he says truthfully. “And things have been… difficult ever since.”

She nods slowly and looks down at her feet for a while. Then she says something that almost makes him choke on his breath. “I know about you and Kurt.”

He stares at her. “What are you talking about?” He asks cautiously, trying to sound oblivious.

She smiles a little and lowers her voice, even though there’s no one around. “I know you’re not just friends.”

He continues to stare at her, trying to decide if she’s out to trick him for some reason. He doesn’t know her well enough to determine what’s going on here, doesn’t know how she can possibly know what she claims to know. But she’s looking at him with nothing but kind patience in her eyes and finally he asks quietly, “How do you know? Did Kurt tell you?”

She shakes her head. “No. I figured it out. I… know what to look for, I guess.” Blaine just looks at her blankly, so she adds, “My uncle has been with his partner, his male partner, for almost ten years.”

Blaine blinks. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “They live in New York. Not a lot of people know that they’re together. Just me and my parents and a few others.”

“You’re actually not joking right now,” he mumbles in quiet disbelief.

“I’m not,” she confirms with a small laugh. She seems to find this quite amusing.

Blaine comes to think of something. “Does Kurt know? That you know about us?”

She nods. “I told him a few days ago. He’s been so sad lately, and I noticed that you’ve been too, so I had a pretty good idea about what’s going on. I figured it was time for me to finally say something.”

He stares at her again. “How long have you known?”

“Not very long. I had a feeling that Kurt was interested in you, but for a long time I didn’t say anything to him because I wasn’t sure, you know? But then, a while ago, I noticed that you and Kurt were looking at each other in a whole new way. And then I knew.”

“Just like that?” Blaine asks, feeling a bit dizzy. “I thought we were careful. What if everyone knows?”

Tina shakes her head. “They don’t. Most people don’t even really think about being gay as an option, you know? It doesn’t exist to them. I’m pretty sure that you and Kurt would have to kiss in broad daylight for them to realize what’s going on.”

Her words make him blush a little, but he feels exhilarated too, by how she talks about this so openly. Like it’s all okay.

He huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “Kurt thought you had a crush on me,” he tells her. “Apparently you’d been asking questions about me.”

She giggles. “Only because I tried to figure out how he felt about you. You’re cute, Blaine, but you’re not my type. No offense.”

“None taken.”

Blaine feels baffled, but in a good way. He needed someone to talk to, and now she’s here, sitting on the swing next to his, without judging him or telling him that what he feels is wrong. It’s quite the opposite – she acts as if the idea of him and Kurt together is the most natural thing in the world. And that… is kind of exactly what he needed.

“So, Kurt told me what’s happened between you two,” she says, her smile disappearing. “I know it must be hard.”

“I just want to be with him,” Blaine confesses, and it feels both strange and liberating to say those words out loud to someone who isn’t Kurt. “But he doesn’t think we should. He doesn’t think it’s safe.” He shrugs. “Maybe he’s right.”

She sighs. “Maybe. I think he’s mostly just freaked out about what happened to his dad. And I get that.”

“I get it too, but… I just don’t agree that it’s safer for us to be apart. I think we should stick together. I worry about him.” He comes to think of something. “Do you know who’s been harassing him?”

She doesn’t answer, but she looks down and shifts uncomfortably and yes, she definitely knows.

“Please?” He pleads. “He won’t talk to me about it, but I really think that I should know these things.”

She hesitates and there’s another long pause before she speaks. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to do anything, okay? Trust me; the best thing to do is to lay low. So far you haven’t been targeted, and I know that Kurt wants it to stay that way. So, promise me.”

He sighs and nods a bit reluctantly. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to just do nothing. But he needs to know this. “I promise.”

“Okay.” She sighs. “It’s David Karofsky and a couple of his idiot followers. They’ve been after Kurt since last year. So far it’s only been verbal and I’m not sure they’d actually do anything else, but–” She shakes her head and doesn’t finish the sentence.

Blaine nods slowly, worry churning in his stomach. He’s had a bad feeling about Karofsky ever since he saw him give Kurt that look in the hallway. “I feel really guilty that I haven’t noticed anything,” he admits. “I don’t understand how I could’ve been so blind.”

Tina reaches over and pats his arm. “Don’t beat yourself up, Blaine. You didn’t know because Kurt didn’t want you to know. This… bullying has only occurred when Kurt’s been alone because Karofsky’s just a real coward like that. And Kurt, of course, hasn’t told anyone about it. Mercedes and I just happened to come along and see it all happen one day.”

Blaine sighs and shakes his head, feeling so helpless in all this. “And now, what? I’m supposed to do nothing? Just let Kurt go through this alone?”

Tina looks at him. “Blaine, you and Kurt can’t do anything to draw attention to yourselves. You have to lay low. I know it’s difficult, but it’s the best thing to do.”

Blaine sighs again. “I just wish there was something I could do. Just to be there for him. But Kurt doesn’t want us to be near each other right now.”

She gives him a sympathetic look. “If it makes you feel any better, we’re all looking out for him as much as we can. But I’ll talk to him, okay? See if I can get him to change his mind. Trust me, I want him to be safe more than anything, but I don’t think that giving up his happiness is the right way to do it.”

He looks at her. “He said that? That he’s giving up his happiness?”

“Not in so many words, but it’s pretty obvious.” She smiles a little. “He really does love you, Blaine.”

Blaine smiles sadly. “I know. The feeling’s mutual.”

Her smile turns wider. “He told me you sang to him. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Blaine feels his cheeks turn pink but Tina just laughs and begs him to tell her everything (even though he’s pretty sure that Kurt’s already given her the story).

So he does. Well, not everything, because some things just aren’t meant to be shared with anyone other than Kurt, but it feels so amazing to finally speak to someone about Kurt that Blaine just talks and talks and talks.

When he rides his bike home that evening he feels… lighter. More hopeful. Because even if things are rough right now, it doesn’t mean that it’s always going to be like this. Kurt still loves him, and as long as he does, Blaine’s not giving up on him.

And now they have someone else in their corner. Somehow it already feels a little less lonely.

----

The next week Blaine gets to see David Karofsky in action first hand, and it honestly shocks him.

He’s hurrying to reach his final class for the day on time – the bell has already rang and the hallways are quickly emptying – and just as he’s turning a corner he sees David Karofsky shove Kurt into a locker. Like, really shove him. Hard. There’s a loud bang, and then Karofsky hisses something right into Kurt’s face. Blaine’s not close enough to hear exactly what he says, but he’s pretty sure he can make out the words ‘lady Hummel’.

Blaine doesn’t really think, he just… reacts. “Hey,” he shouts and rushes over, grabbing a hold of Karofsky’s jacket and pulling him away from Kurt with a strength he didn’t even know he possessed. “Leave him alone!”

Karofsky seems surprised that there’s someone else there and doesn’t say anything, just snorts and walks away, disappearing into a nearby classroom. Blaine finally turns to look at Kurt, who hasn’t moved from his spot, his body trembling all over.

“Kurt,” he says, and then he doesn’t know what else to say because asking Kurt if he’s okay seems so silly right now. He takes Kurt’s hand instead and pulls him towards the nearest bathroom, but there are people in there so he turns and heads for the stairs to the basement instead. There isn’t much down there – only the janitor’s closet and some storage rooms and a few rooms that are always locked off – but Blaine opens the door to one of the storage rooms and pulls Kurt inside.

It’s crammed and dusty and the light bulb over their heads is blinking ominously when Blaine turns the switch, but it doesn’t matter. He just needed to get Kurt away.

“Kurt,” he says again, and again he doesn’t say anything else. He just looks at Kurt, who’s stopped trembling now and is looking at Blaine with wide eyes.

“I’m okay,” he says breathlessly. “He just… caught me off guard. He’s never done that before.”

Blaine shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t done it before. He did it now. And he’s been harassing you for a long time. It’s not right, Kurt.”

Kurt doesn’t seem very surprised that Blaine knows that. He just sighs tiredly. “Of course it’s not right. But it is what it is. And we’re not going to do anything about it.”

Blaine looks at him in disbelief. “How can you say that?”

“Because that’s how it is. What would you even do? Talk to him? Punch him in the face? Talk to the principal? None of those things would work, Blaine. It would just make everything worse.”

Blaine just shakes his head again. “There has to be something,” he insists.

“There’s not,” Kurt tells him. He sighs. “This is exactly why I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to get involved. We have to keep our heads held high and just ignore him, Blaine. If we don’t, he’s only going to come after me even harder. And not only that – he’s going to come after you, too.”

Blaine slumps against the door behind him. “I just feel so helpless,” he whispers. “I hate it.”

“I know.” Kurt takes a step closer to him. “I’m sorry.”

Blaine shakes his head again. “Why? None of this is your fault.”

“I know that, but–” He looks off to the side for a moment before looking back at Blaine. His eyes are wide and sad. “I miss you so much, Blaine,” he whispers. “I’m so tired of pretending that I don’t need you.”

“Then don’t,” Blaine murmurs, and he doesn’t even think, he just reaches out a hand and pulls Kurt close, crashing their mouths together.

There’s no protest, no hesitation from Kurt, he just sinks into Blaine and they kiss, deeply, eagerly, almost desperately, every pent-up emotion pouring out. It’s sloppy and messy, but it’s Kurt and it’s Blaine and it’s them and that’s all that matters.

He feels Kurt against him, pressing into him in a way that’s brand new, and he groans but he doesn’t stop kissing Kurt, he only pulls him impossibly closer. They’re both gasping when they come up for air and Kurt rests his forehead against Blaine’s, both of them just breathing in the same space.

When a tear hits his cheek, he’s not sure if it’s his or Kurt’s.

Part 7

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 5

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:51:54 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (5/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 5 – Yesterday

Blaine feels kind of down after the dinner with the Gilberts.

It’s like reality came crashing down on him all of a sudden – a reality he had effectively been shutting out ever since getting together with Kurt. For a while he had almost forgotten that there’s a world out there, a world that would not look at him and Kurt with kind eyes if the truth about them were to come out.

With Kurt, and their newfound relationship always at the forefront of his mind, it’s been easy to forget the concerns he once had about what people might be thinking about him. And now, it’s not just about him anymore, it’s about Kurt, too. Hiding their true selves is more important than ever and acting ‘normal’ is absolutely vital for them. Something that Mr. Hummel makes very clear to Blaine the first time Blaine meets him after the day he walked in on them.

It’s an awkward afternoon. Blaine is having dinner with him and Kurt, as he’s done hundreds of times before, but things are different now and they all know it. Mr. Hummel’s eyes on him feels different than before, more considering, more apprehensive, more thoughtful. Blaine tries his best not to squirm under his gaze and isn’t really able to form a whole lot of coherent sentences during the meal.

Kurt seems nervous too, and is overcompensating with a never-ending stream of words. He’s chatting non-stop, a little too high-pitched and with a bit too many hand gestures for it to seem completely natural.

At the end though, Mr. Hummel finally addresses the elephant in the room.

“Blaine,” he says, and Blaine startles and looks at him and automatically straightens his back, nerves rising. “Kurt already promised me that he’d be careful. I need you to promise me the same thing.”

It’s not like he doesn’t know what Mr. Hummel is talking about so he just nods vigorously. “I promise, sir,” he says sincerely. “I would never do anything to put Kurt in danger.”

Mr. Hummel keeps looking at him for a really long time and Blaine racks his brain trying to figure out if there’s something more he should have said, something that Kurt’s father expects to hear from him. But after a while Mr. Hummel finally nods, seemingly satisfied, and Blaine’s lets out a breath. He feels as if he just passed some kind of test.

Coming to Kurt’s house is a little easier after that, and in a way it’s a relief that Kurt’s father knows the truth now, because it gives them the chance to relax more when they’re there. It doesn’t matter so much if they happen to brush against each other or sit a little too close together on the couch – even though they try not to be too obvious with their affections. Mr. Hummel has already handled things way better than they could’ve expected and it seems unwise to push things too far.

They’re allowed to go to Kurt’s bedroom as long as the door stays open and that’s where they find themselves one Sunday, a little over two months after they got together.

They’re lying next to each other on Kurt’s narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling, hands laced together between them. They have the whole day to spend together and Blaine feels lazy and warm and comfortable. He tries not to let his thoughts wander too much in the direction of other things they could be doing in a bed because that’s not an option right now and it’s not something they’ve really talked about either. For now he’s happy just being here with Kurt.

“Do you think there are other gay people in Lima?” he wonders out loud, voicing something that he’s been thinking about quite a bit. Lima isn’t a very big town, but he figures it would be weird if he and Kurt were the only ones here.

“Of course there are,” Kurt says matter-of-factly. “I’ve seen plenty.”

“You have?” Blaine turns his head and looks at him, surprised. “Where?”

“Everywhere,” Kurt says. “After a while you just… learn to recognize them, I guess. It’s like a radar, almost.”

“Huh,” Blaine says, strangely impressed. “So you can just… pick gay people out from a crowd?”

“Sort of, I guess.” Kurt shrugs. “Not everyone, though. I’m not that good. But some people give off a certain vibe, you know.”

Blaine doesn’t really know. He’s never been very good at reading people. “So how come you didn’t sense anything about me?” he asks, mostly out of curiosity.

Kurt turns his head to look him. “I don’t know, maybe my radar doesn’t work on the people closest to me?” He shrugs again and smiles fondly. “I really didn’t have a clue. There was no vibe about you.”

Blaine’s not quite sure whether to take that as an offence or a compliment.

The conversation then moves on to the McKinley High student body, which is sort of a favorite topic of theirs. It’s always fun to exchange a bit of harmless gossip, about who’s currently dating whom, about who’s been spotted together where, and of course, who’s broken up during the past week.

“Is Sam actually serious about Brittany?” Kurt wonders, shifting closer into Blaine’s side.

Blaine shrugs. “He seems to be. He likes her a lot. But I get the feeling that he’s a lot more serious about her than she’s about him, and that… worries me a little.”

“Hmm,” Kurt says, nodding thoughtfully. He seems to be mulling something over in his mind, but he doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Blaine.

“What about Tina?” Blaine asks instead. “Do you still think she likes me?”

“I’m not sure,” Kurt says. “She’s still asking about you. She always seems very interested in what you and I have been doing.”

“Huh, that’s a bit weird. Do you think she’s jealous?”

“Maybe. She hasn’t, like… approached you about it or anything, has she?”

Blaine shakes his head. “No. I mean, I talk to her sometimes but just about normal stuff.”

Kurt shifts and curls into him. He sighs. “Well, I hope I’m wrong. Because you’re mine and I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Blaine smiles to himself and leans his head against Kurt’s. Being Kurt’s sounds… perfect. “I’m yours,” he confirms and sighs happily, closing his eyes. “I love you.”

It takes a few seconds for him to realize that those last few words were actually spoken out loud. He freezes, eyes snapping open. He hadn’t meant to say that. It’s not like he doesn’t mean it, or like he hasn’t already kind of said those words to Kurt before. But saying them like this, straight out, to another person feels like a really big thing. Blaine kind of feels like he should’ve made the occasion a bit more… extraordinary. Like, maybe he should have taken Kurt to dinner, or attempted to cook for him, or sang him another song or something. Having it just slip out like this is hardly memorable.

Kurt looks up at him. His smile grows wide and his eyes are shining in a way that makes Blaine reconsider all of that, thinking instead that okay, maybe this is exactly how it was supposed to happen. Simple, unforced, natural. That’s how it’s always been with them.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, and Blaine already knows that, but the words still make him warm and giddy inside. He leans in to kiss Kurt, needing to feel that connection with him, but he doesn’t let it go on for too long, all too aware that they’re in Kurt’s room with the door open and Mr. Hummel downstairs. Instead he pulls Kurt closer to his side, Kurt following easily.

This is a good day, Blaine thinks.

----

The next week is intense – schoolwork is piling up and Blaine doesn’t have much time to see Kurt outside of school.

Kurt’s just as busy as Blaine, so the only time they see each other is at school, which isn’t ideal but it’s what it is. Kurt looks terribly stressed out and Blaine wishes he could take some of the pressure off of him, but as it is he hardly gets the chance to talk to him, much less hug or kiss him.

Blaine doesn’t find the hiding all that exciting and thrilling anymore. Mostly it just feels frustrating and unfair. He loves Kurt and he’s so proud to be with him – but no one can know that. He knows that his feelings are something he’s probably supposed to feel ashamed about, but he’s not. Maybe he was, a little, in the beginning, but now he knows that he has nothing to be ashamed of. Kurt has showed him that. Kurt has showed him that what they share is nothing but right, and Blaine is so proud and so happy and sometimes he hates that he can’t share that with the world around him.

He tries not to let his thoughts linger on things he can’t do anything about, though. And right now he’s just ready for the weekend to finally start. He’ll still have schoolwork to do then, but he should have at least some time to spend with Kurt.

And then Kurt doesn’t show up to school on Friday.

Blaine waits for him outside the school building in the morning as he often does – there just isn’t much time to see each other throughout the day so those few minutes before school starts are precious – but Kurt never shows.

It’s strange, because he can barely remember Kurt missing a single day of school in the past, but with how stressed he’s been lately it’s no wonder if he ended up getting sick.

Blaine goes about his day as usual. After lunch he asks Tina and Mercedes if they know anything about Kurt, but they both shake their heads and tell him that they don’t. And later, in his first class after lunch, Mr. Schuester asks Blaine if he’s heard anything from Kurt. Blaine just shakes his head in response, but he finds it strange that someone as responsible as Kurt or his father hasn’t called the school to let them know if he’s sick. And Kurt definitely wouldn’t just skip school. That’s not like him at all.

Blaine can’t help but worry, but he also knows that Kurt’s lack of appearance probably has a completely natural explanation. It’s not like it’s the first time a student hasn’t shown up.

It just… doesn’t seem like something Kurt would do.

When the bell rings after the final class of the day, Blaine wastes no time getting out of the school building. He’s missed Kurt terribly all day and now he just hopes that Mr. Hummel doesn’t mind him showing up at their house with Kurt being sick and all. He just needs to see Kurt, just for a few minutes. It hits him that since they got together, there hasn’t been a single day that they haven’t seen each other. He really doesn’t want today to be the first.

But when he arrives at the Hummel house, there’s no one there.

Blaine just looks at the house for a while. Everything is dark and quiet and Mr. Hummel’s car isn’t even in the driveway. And that doesn’t necessarily has to mean anything because Mr. Hummel uses the car to drive to work, but… the house seems completely abandoned. He tries the door bell, but he already knows that no one is going to open.

If Kurt’s sick, then why isn’t he at home?

Blaine walks home feeling unsettled. Something about this doesn’t feel right. He thinks about going to the tire shop to talk to Mr. Hummel there, but that’s far enough away that he has to drive there and he doesn’t have access to a car today. So he goes home instead and tries to convince himself that there’s a good explanation for all of this.

He spends the afternoon trying to get some homework done, but he can’t seem to focus and after an hour of getting nothing done he puts the pencil down and grabs his guitar instead. But he puts it away after only one song – he can’t even focus on playing right now. He walks over to his bed and flops down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

He knows he’s being ridiculous and attempts to laugh at himself for it. His boyfriend disappears for one day and Blaine is going crazy. Kurt will undoubtedly laugh and tease him about it if he ever finds out.

But Blaine just can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong.

He doesn’t know what time it is – it feels like the day has lasted for an eternity – when his mother knocks lightly on the door and tells him that Kurt’s on the phone for him.

Blaine bolts out of bed and down the stairs, not caring about the strange look his mother gives him – Kurt’s on the phone! – and grabs the receiver, his heart hammering in his chest. “Kurt?”

“Hi.” Kurt’s voice sounds small and far away.

“Kurt.” He lets out a slow breath. “Are you okay? What’s going on? I’ve been so worried today.”

There’s some rustling on the other end. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…” More rustling. Blaine presses the receiver closer to his ear. “Something happened, Blaine. I’m at the hospital.”

“You’re–” Blaine feels himself go cold, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. “Why are you at the hospital? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m… I’m okay.” He doesn’t sound okay. He sounds tired and scared and not okay. “It’s… it’s my dad.” His voice is breaking on the last word.

Blaine feels dizzy – with relief over the fact that Kurt isn’t hurt and dread for whatever is going on with Mr. Hummel. “What happened?” he asks and tries to keep the worry out of his voice, but he doesn’t think he’s all that successful.

A choked sound comes through the line. “I can’t… Can you come down here? I’m so scared, Blaine, and I don’t know what to do and I just really need to see you right now.”

Blaine doesn’t even have to think about it. “Of course. I’m coming right away.”

----

It’s, thankfully, not very far from Blaine’s house to the hospital and he’s able to get there within half an hour.

Kurt meets him by the entrance, looking pale and exhausted, and Blaine immediately wraps him up in his arms and just holds him. Some dam seems to break inside Kurt then and he starts sobbing against Blaine shoulder, and Blaine feels so helpless – he doesn’t even know what’s going on – but he continues to hold Kurt, slowly rubbing his hand up and down his back in what he hopes is a soothing motion.

Kurt’s sobs eventually subsides and he pulls away, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. He wipes his nose with a tissue that he fishes out of his pocket and attempts a weak smile. “Thank you for coming,” he says with a voice that’s rough from crying. “It’s been a long day and I just really needed someone.”

“Of course, Kurt,” he says softly, rubbing Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m here for you, always.”

Kurt nods, wiping at his nose once more, before throwing the tissue in a nearby trash bin. “My dad’s room is on the fourth floor,” he says. “I talked to one of the nurses; she said it’s okay if I bring you up there. Usually they only allow family but she was nice enough to make an exception.”

Blaine just nods and they make their way through the reception area and up to the fourth floor. As they walk through the stale white corridors towards Mr. Hummel’s room, Blaine asks quietly, “Kurt, what happened to your dad?”

Kurt slows his steps and turns to face him, looking like he’d forgotten that he hasn’t actually told Blaine anything yet. There’s so much sadness clouding Kurt’s face, and also… guilt? He grabs a hold of Blaine’s jacket and pulls him towards a row of chairs by the wall, gingerly sitting down on one of them. Blaine sinks down on the chair next to him.

“It happened last night,” Kurt starts quietly, looking down at his hands instead of making eye contact with Blaine. “My dad was working late at the garage. I don’t know all the details, but… he got into a fight with some guys. They beat him up pretty badly.”

An involuntary gasps slips out of Blaine. He stares at Kurt in shock.

“Are you serious?” he blurts, but it’s a pretty dumb question – it’s not like Kurt would lie at a moment like this. It’s just… he can’t see Burt Hummel, of all people, getting into random fights. There must be something more to the story.

“What…” he starts, confused. “I mean, how–”

A shaky sigh slips out of Kurt. He looks like he’s on the verge of breaking down again. Blaine reaches out and takes his hand. He doesn’t care that people can see them. This is a hospital – it’s normal to give comfort here. Kurt eyes his hand for a moment, but he doesn’t pull away.

“Those guys,” Kurt says, his voice trembling. “There were, like, four or five of them. They came into the shop last night. They were pretty drunk.” He pauses, taking a few deep breathes to gather himself. “My dad thought they needed help with their car. But they were just… being really rude and loud, and my dad eventually asked them to leave. And that’s when they… when they…”

“When they what, Kurt?” Blaine urges softly, caressing Kurt’s hand with his thumb.

Kurt wipes at his eyes with his free hand. “They started saying things. Awful things.”

Blaine sits quietly, waiting for Kurt to continue.

Kurt’s voice breaks. “They were saying things about me, Blaine. Really awful and hateful things. And… dad didn’t tell me exactly what they said but I’m worried it was about me being… gay.”

Blaine feels frozen. He can’t do anything but stare at Kurt.

“My dad… I guess he tried to defend me or protect me, or something.” Kurt lets out a hollow laugh that sounds more like a sob. “But he was outnumbered. He didn’t stand a chance.”

Blaine’s head is spinning. He feels numb and even though he’s hearing the words coming out of Kurt’s mouth he almost can’t believe them. This is starting to feel like a really horrible nightmare.

“How… how bad is it?” he asks tentatively, not sure he even wants to know.

Kurt tries to pull himself together again and is a bit more successful this time. “According to the doctors it looks worse than it is,” he explains. “His face is really bruised and swollen and he’s got some cracked ribs. And he twisted his foot somehow when he… when he fell. He’ll be okay; he just needs time to heal. But he… he looks awful, Blaine. I can’t even imagine what those guys did to him.”

Blaine shuffles closer on his chair and wraps his arm around Kurt’s shoulders in a sideways hug. “I’m so sorry, Kurt,” he whispers. “This is awful. But your dad is going to be okay. That’s what we have to focus on right now.”

Kurt nods wordlessly, wiping at his eyes again.

“But how…” Blaine is still trying to understand. “How would they know about you being gay? There’s no way, Kurt. We’ve been so careful. I can’t see how we slipped up.”

Kurt huffs a bitter laugh. “We didn’t. Don’t you get it, Blaine? This isn’t about us. It’s about me. People know about me. They can tell.”

“How can they tell?” Blaine asks, confused. “Kurt, people don’t know about you any more than they know about me. How would they? It’s not like we’re walking around announcing it.”

Kurt levels a steady gaze at him. He looks tired again. “Blaine… it’s not the first time people have called me things. I’ve tried to ignore it because it’s not like I’m the only one in school being bullied, and I know that bullies will say whatever to make themselves feel better.” He shrugs, letting out a small huff. “But I’m different, Blaine. People don’t like that.”

Blaine just stares at him. This can’t be right. He would have known if someone was harassing Kurt. He should have known. How is it possible that he didn’t?

“Why haven’t you told me?” he asks quietly, trying to hide how upsetting this is to him. The thought of people saying mean or hateful things to Kurt, who is so incredibly special, breaks his heart.

Kurt’s expression softens as he looks at Blaine. “I just didn’t want you to worry.”

Blaine shakes his head in disbelief of all this. Nothing about this is right. Some idiots have been bothering Kurt and now is dad is in the hospital. How have Blaine not seen any of this? Clearly he’s been absolutely blind.

He’s so engrossed in beating himself up for being so completely ignorant that he almost misses Kurt’s next words.

“My dad’s in the hospital because of me. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” The words are spoken quietly, without emotion.

Blaine shakes his head vigorously, like that’s somehow going convince Kurt that he’s wrong. “No, Kurt, don’t even say that. Your dad is here because some bullies were out to pick a fight. None of this is your fault.”

It’s Kurt’s turn to shake his head. “Maybe not directly. But it happened because I am who I am. And there are people out there who can’t handle that.”

Blaine doesn’t even know what to say to that. He doesn’t know what he can say. He doesn’t have all the facts here but there’s a chance that Kurt isn’t wrong. In the midst of being over-the-moon happy and in love, Blaine had almost forgotten about… well, about everything other than Kurt, really. And now he feels like he’s failed somehow. He’s failed to see what’s been going on around him, failed to see the world for what it can really be.

He just never thought that something like this would happen.

“I hate that this happened to your dad,” Blaine says finally. “It’s terrible. But please, Kurt, don’t blame yourself for it. You couldn’t have done anything differently and you shouldn’t do anything differently because you are incredible. I think that’s something both your dad and I agree on.”

Kurt gives Blaine an almost unnoticeable smile and squeezes his hand, but he doesn’t say anything. Blaine gets the feeling that no matter how much he tries to convince Kurt that he’s wrong, Kurt’s not going to believe him.

Blaine is allowed a quick visit to Mr. Hummel’s room. Kurt was right – he does look terrible. He’s awake though, and seems angry more than anything else. It soon becomes obvious to Blaine that he’s trying to act normal as long as Kurt’s in the room, but when Kurt leaves for a few minutes to go to the bathroom he starts muttering things like “fucking idiots” and “speaking crap about my kid.”

Blaine tries to ask him about what happened but Mr. Hummel just shakes his head.

“Those bastards aren’t worth our time and I’m sure Kurt’s already told you the story. They provoked me and I wasn’t about to just stand there and listen to their crap.” His face softens a little. “I didn’t want to say anything to Kurt, you know, about what they said. I knew it would only make him blame himself. But my son is stubborn. And smart, too. When I tried to keep certain things away from him, he knew that I wasn’t giving him the full story. Forced it out of me.”

He shakes his head again, the movement making him wince, and then he attempts a fond smile that mostly just looks like a grimace because of all the cuts and bruises on his face.

Blaine smiles, too. “Yeah, that’s Kurt. He’s definitely stubborn.”

Kurt eventually returns from his bathroom break and Mr. Hummel manages to convince him to go home to get some sleep (apparently he’d spent the previous night at the hospital – no wonder he looks tired, Blaine thinks), and Kurt reluctantly agrees but claims that he’ll be back first thing in the morning.

Kurt drives Blaine home in his dad’s car and when they arrive at Blaine’s house, the street is dark and quiet enough that Blaine risks leaning over to press a quick kiss to Kurt’s lips. Kurt stiffens a bit in his seat and doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with it, but he doesn’t protest either. Before they say goodnight he promises to come over to Blaine’s house the next day after he’s been to the hospital.

Blaine goes straight to bed – it’s past midnight when he finally slips inside his room and he’s completely beat. But he can’t sleep. He feels too worried and unsettled and he can’t seem to rest.

Tonight was a true wake up call. Blaine hasn’t really thought about it before but things can actually happen. Really scary things.

Blaine doesn’t know exactly what happened to Kurt’s dad last night. He doesn’t know if Kurt’s right or if it was all just a coincidence – bullies looking for some action, just happening to pass by Mr. Hummel’s tire shop – but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. It happened. Things were said about Kurt and Mr. Hummel got hurt.

Blaine knows it’s risky business to stand out in a town like Lima. The place is small enough that people know who you are – or they know someone who knows. And gay or not, Kurt has always stood out from the crowd. And that’s enough for some people.

They really do have to be careful now. Clearly there are people in this town already seeing Kurt’s uniqueness as something negative (Blaine doesn’t understand how that is even possible) and the last thing he and Kurt should do right now is give them more reason to think that way. Blaine hates having to hide, hates that he can’t show Kurt off to the world, hates that they can’t be themselves – but he’s seen now what might happen if anyone finds out.

Blaine sighs and turns around, pulling the cover a bit tighter around himself. Things have been so great lately. It all just seems scary now.

----

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh, I believe in yesterday, Blaine sings quietly, strumming his guitar and staring absently out his bedroom window. Music has always been a comfort to him, but today even the familiar Beatles songs can’t quite put his troubled mind to rest.

Waking up this morning he had a blissful moment where he thought that Mr. Hummel’s hospitalization and the reason for it was nothing but a bad dream. Where the world still seemed like a relatively innocent place. Unfortunately reality kicked in soon enough. It really did happen. Mr. Hummel will be okay – he told Blaine the night before that he hoped to go home in a couple of days – but Blaine can’t help but worry about Kurt and what all this is going to do to him. Blaine knows that no matter what he tells Kurt, Kurt’s still going to feel guilty. It will hang over him like a dark cloud, possibly for the rest of his life. He’s always going to be scared that something like it will happen again.

The really terrible thing is that it probably could.

A light knock on the door interrupts his thoughts, making Blaine pause in the middle of the song. “Who is it?” he calls but instead of an answer the door opens quietly and Kurt peeks inside.

“Hi,” he says quietly. “Your mom let me in.”

Blaine smiles and sets his guitar aside. “Hi,” he murmurs, sliding off the bed and to his feet. He walks over to Kurt and pushes the door shut before giving him a brief kiss and pulling him by the hand over to sit on the edge of the bed with him. “How’s your dad?”

“He’s okay,” Kurt says, stretching his feet out a bit. “I was with him all morning and the doctors seem quite optimistic. They say he might be able to go home tomorrow.”

“That’s a relief. I bet he can’t wait to get out of that bed.” He grins, remembering how Kurt’s always complaining about his dad’s restlessness. Kurt just gives a faint smile in return.

Blaine looks at him. “And how are you?”

Kurt shrugs, not meeting his gaze. “I’m okay.”

Blaine considers him. He’s dressed and styled perfectly, as always, but it’s like there’s a shadow over him, like his spark is more subdued than normal. He looks a little less exhausted than the previous day and Blaine hopes that means that he got some sleep last night, but he seems fidgety and uneasy, almost uncomfortable. “Are you really?”

Kurt sighs and keeps looking down at his hand intertwined with Blaine’s, like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. They do fit together really nicely, though. “I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed, am I?”

“No, but your dad is, and that affects you too.” He squeezes Kurt’s hand. “Talk to me.”

Kurt looks up at him then, and nods once. “There is actually something that I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Blaine says, shifting until he sits faced towards Kurt on the bed. “What is it?”

Kurt looks at him for a really long time. Straight into his eyes, like he’s staring into his soul. Or like he’s… memorizing him. Then he closes his eyes and just breathes for a moment before opening them again. “This is really hard for me to say, Blaine.”

“Kurt, what’s going on?” Blaine asks anxiously, dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He’s suddenly starting to realize that something is going on and it’s not good. “You said your dad was okay, is–”

“He is,” Kurt interrupts softly. “I mean, as okay as can be expected, you know. This isn’t about that.”

“Okay. Then what is it about?”

Kurt is still looking at him. His bottom lip starts to tremble slightly. “Blaine, I… I don’t think we should be together anymore.”

The silence that follows feels heavy and wrong. Noisy. Probably because of the sudden buzz in his ears. Blaine just stares at Kurt, automatically pulling his hand away from him. He feels cold.

“What?” He whispers finally, even though he heard perfectly well what Kurt said. He just doesn’t want those words to be real. Doesn’t want their meaning to register in his mind.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” Kurt continues instead of answering. He looks down at his lap again, twisting his hands together. “But with everything that’s happened, I just think it’s best if we spend some time apart.”

Blaine continues to stare at him. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable – he keeps his gaze downward and is fiddling with his hands. His words sound like they were rehearsed beforehand.

“Kurt,” Blaine says finally, finding his voice again. He has to pull himself together to remain calm. “Is this because of what happened to your dad?”

Kurt looks up then. “Of course it is,” he says, sounding upset. “It’s not safe for us to be together, Blaine. My dad is going to be okay this time. But next time it might be worse. It might happen to you or me. It might not be okay. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that.”

Blaine doesn’t answer that. Kurt knows him well enough to know that he has been thinking about it. Instead he grabs Kurt’s hand again. He’s not going sit here and just let Kurt slip away from him without a fight.

“But do you really think we’ll be safer if we break up?” he asks. “We’ve been careful, Kurt. No one knows about us except your dad. And we’ll continue to be careful. You said it yourself, that what happened probably wasn’t about us.”

“Not this time,” Kurt says, pulling his hand away and moving a bit away from Blaine, putting some distance between them. Just that little movement hurts more than Blaine thought was possible. “But maybe next time it will be. It’s so easy to slip up, Blaine. What if someone walks in on us kissing in the school bathroom? What if someone sees us making out in the car? It only takes one wrong move and I’m not going to risk it, Blaine. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

“So, what, I don’t get any say in this at all?” He slumps, defeated. Kurt clearly made up his mind about this long before he even set foot in this room.

The look in Kurt’s eyes is so sad that if it had been any other time it would have broken Blaine’s heart. But right now he just feels numb.

“I wish more than anything that there was another way,” Kurt whispers. “But I really think that this is what we need to do right now. There are already people throwing words at me. Keep hanging out with me and you’ll be next.”

“I don’t care,” Blaine whispers emphatically. “I don’t care about any of that. I care about you, Kurt. I love you. Don’t you know that?”

Kurt nods, unable to keep the tears back any longer. “And I love you. But that’s why we need to do this. Don’t you understand?”

Blaine shakes his head. It’s like he’s watching his world fall to pieces right before his eyes. His voice breaks when he speaks. “No, Kurt, I don’t. If we love each other, we should be together. And if you don’t want that, then you can’t possibly love me as much as I love you.”

Kurt stares at him in stunned silence, his mouth opening wordlessly. Blaine doesn’t even care what he’s saying anymore. Anger flares in him, the growing pain in his chest threatening to choke him. He doesn’t understand this. If Kurt really does love him, then why does he seem so determined to break his heart?

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kurt says quietly, his voice trembling with emotion. “I’m doing this for you. For us.”

Blaine doesn’t want to listen to this anymore. Hearing Kurt list all the reasons why this should somehow be a good idea – he can’t stand to listen to it.

“I don’t care, Kurt. You’ve obviously made up your mind about this and nothing I say is going to make a difference, is it?” He doesn’t wait for an answer from Kurt. He just barrels on. “It’s so typical of you. Whatever you say goes. Never mind what I think. Never mind that you’re breaking my heart right now. You don’t even care, do you? Because you’ve decided that this is the way it’s going to be.”

Kurt just shakes his head in disbelief or sadness or anger or something, tears running freely down his face now. It makes Blaine realize that his own eyes are wet as well. He wipes angrily at them.

Kurt slowly gets to his feet, swaying a bit, like he’s dizzy. “I should go,” he says quietly.

“Yeah, you do that,” Blaine says curtly, his voice sounding cold and foreign to his own ears, like it belongs to someone else. “I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now.”

He watches Kurt walk toward the door like he’s watching a movie unfold in slow motion. This is where the hero is supposed to step up, rush over to Kurt, grab his arm and beg him to stay. This is where they sort things out somehow. But there are no heroes here. There’s only Blaine, and it feels like the only thing he can do right now is just sit there and watch it happen.

Before Kurt leaves the room, he turns around and stares at Blaine with wide eyes, filled with sadness and pain. Blaine just turns away from him, towards the window. Even looking into those eyes feels like too much to handle right now.

Not until he’s heard the front door slam shut downstairs and he’s sure that Kurt has left the house does Blaine allow himself to break down.

Part 6

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 4

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:47:56 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (4/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 4 – You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away

“Damn it, I hate my hair,” Blaine mutters, staring miserably at the mirror image of himself.

His hair looks ridiculous. The curls are out of control, and if he thought that he would ever be able to step out of the house without taming them with solid amounts of Brylcreem first, he was sorely mistaken. He looks at himself in the mirror, watches his dream of having long hair like the Beatles get crushed before his eyes. He’ll never have hair like that. Those stupid curls are ruining everything.

“I don’t know, I find your hair kind of endearing,” Kurt says, studying Blaine closely from where he’s perched on the edge of Blaine’s bed. He doesn’t usually come over to Blaine’s house before school but today he’d made an exception. He’d expressed to Blaine upon arriving that he just had to see him because the thought of going through the whole day without getting to kiss him was unbearable.

Blaine had felt something warm spread in his entire body at seeing Kurt’s open, happy face and hearing those words. At knowing that what they have together is as important to Kurt as it is to Blaine.

Blaine turns away from the mirror and looks critically at Kurt. “My hair is not endearing.”

Kurt shrugs. “I think it is. Your curls are cute.”

“Cute?” Blaine stares at him in disbelief. “The curls are not cute, they’re… out of control.”

Kurt huffs a soft laugh and tilts his head. “I love them. Though I suppose I can see why they have to be tamed. It’s a shame, but I get it.” He gets to his feet and walks over to Blaine, smiling as he runs both hands through Blaine’s hair, making Blaine shiver. “But promise me that you’ll wear your hair like this sometimes when it’s just the two of us, okay?”

Blaine shakes his head, because how can Kurt actually like his hair like this? But then he’s also not going to deny such a request so he loops his arms around Kurt’s waist and leans in to leave a quick kiss on his lips. “Your taste is very peculiar, Kurt Hummel,” he murmurs, giving Kurt a fond smile.

“I know. I’m with you, aren’t I?” Kurt points out, eyes twinkling, beautiful and full of mischief.

“Hey!” Blaine pulls back in mock-indignation. “That wasn’t very nice.”

He’s completely unable to stay serious though, and suddenly they’re both laughing, Blaine winding his arms around Kurt and giggling into his shoulder.

They stay in the embrace for a while. It feels wonderful, to be close like this, and it makes Blaine wish that they had more time together, just the two of them.

However, the fact that they can’t always be themselves around each other makes every moment that they do spend together all the more precious and meaningful.

“I’m really happy, Blaine,” Kurt murmurs against the side of Blaine’s face, making Blaine’s stomach do somersaults in response, because Kurt is happy (Blaine makes him happy) and that’s all that matters.

“Me too,” he whispers in return, and then, because he needs to be absolutely sure about this, “We are together, right? Like, for real? We’re boyfriends?”

Blaine had half expected some kind of witty comeback, but Kurt simply lifts his head and kisses him softly on the cheek. “Yeah. Of course we are.”

Blaine leans back into Kurt, closes his eyes and smiles.

For the rest of the day Blaine feels like he’s walking on clouds. He accepts Kurt’s invitation to come home with him after school (“My dad won’t be home until six at the earliest”) much too eagerly and then spends the rest of the day counting down the hours until school’s out.

The afternoon is spent lazily making out on Kurt’s bed. Everything is slow and unhurried and Kurt is warm and solid next to him and underneath him and on top of him, and Blaine decides that this is, by far, the best day of his life. It’s one of those days where it’s so easy to forget that there’s a world outside of their small bubble, and even if he had remembered he wouldn’t have cared.

Unfortunately, they’re forced to return to reality a lot sooner than either of them had expected.

They’re just pulling back for air after an extra intense couple of minutes when the sound of someone clearing their throat from the doorway makes them jump apart in alarm and shock.

Blaine stomach drops so far that it couldn’t possibly have dropped any further and it feels like his heart stops beating for a second. He scrambles out of bed on instinct and all he can think is why did we not close the door?

(The answer to that is that it just hadn’t seemed very important at the time, seeing as they had the house to themselves and had much more important things to focus on.)

Kurt is sitting up in bed while Blaine frantically pulls at his shirt in an attempt to straighten it out. He doesn’t know why he bothers; it’s not like he can hide anything that they were doing when Kurt’s father clearly just saw everything.

“Dad, what are you doing home so early?” Kurt eyes are huge and his voice sounds squeaky and full of fear.

Burt Hummel seems alarmingly calm, his eyes considering them quietly from the doorway. His gaze flickers between the two of them. “It’s six thirty, Kurt,” he says, his gaze finally settling on Kurt.

Blaine sees Kurt visibly flinch. “Really? I… didn’t realize.”

There’s a long silence. Burt Hummel’s gaze shifts over to Blaine, his eyes narrowing, and Blaine’s unable to stand still – it feels like Mr. Hummel’s eyes are boring into him, disapproving and disappointed. Blaine doesn’t know why he feels like he’s letting Mr. Hummel down, but he does know that he really wants some big, dark hole to swallow him up right now.

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this uncomfortable, or, to be honest – scared.

“I think you should go home now, Blaine,” Mr. Hummel says, his voice calm and dark, making Blaine swallow heavily. The expression on the man’s face makes it clear that there’s no room for argument so Blaine just nods mutely. Mr. Hummel then looks back at Kurt. “You have two minutes to join me in the living room,” he says, and then he turns around and leaves the room.

Blaine can’t move, not until the sound of Mr. Hummel’s footsteps disappear down the stairs. The room is left dead quiet then, and somehow the silence pulls Blaine out of his shocked state. He looks over at Kurt, who has wrapped his arms around himself and is staring at the doorway his father disappeared through, and hurries over to him.

“Kurt, I’ll stay if you want me to,” he says quietly, reaching out to rub Kurt’s upper arms. His touch seems to snap Kurt out of some kind of daze and he stares at Blaine in surprise for a moment, like he’d forgotten that Blaine was still there. Then his gaze softens and he shakes his head.

“No, I… I should do this alone, I think. I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t feel right about leaving you right now.” He really doesn’t. If Kurt wants him to stay, Blaine will stay, no matter what Mr. Hummel says.

But Kurt just shakes his head again. “No, you should go home,” he says. He leans in and kisses Blaine softly. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

He looks calm but his eyes betray him, the fear in them clear as day. But he’s clearly determined to do this, so Blaine flashes him a brief smile and nods.

“Okay. But… call my house if you need me, okay? Promise me.”

Kurt nods, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips. “I will. Now go, before my dad comes to get us. I’m surprised he left us alone at all.”

So Blaine leaves, reluctantly. However, as much as he wishes he could be with Kurt, he’s also kind of relieved that he doesn’t have to see Mr. Hummel again tonight.

----

Arriving at his house, all Blaine wants to do is go to his room and not talk to anyone for the rest of the night.

Unfortunately, his mother has other plans.

“Oh, there you are, honey,” she says as soon as he’s closed the front door behind him. “Why don’t you join me in the living room for a moment?”

Blaine feels too wrung out and unsettled to protest. He sinks heavily down on the sofa, unable to take his thoughts off of Kurt, who is most likely having an extremely awkward, and potentially scary, conversation with his dad right now. Blaine has no idea what the outcome of that talk will be. His mind tends to go to worst case scenarios – like Mr. Hummel refusing to let them see each other anymore or even kicking Kurt out of the house.

Though, to be honest, he really can’t see the latter happening. Burt Hummel, as far as Blaine knows him, is not that kind of father.

On the other hand, he just caught his son kissing another boy. Who knows what he’ll do.

Blaine is so preoccupied with his own thoughts that when his mother starts talking he’s almost forgotten that there’s someone else in the room with him. “I invited some people to dinner on Friday,” she says. “I expect you to be present. Your father will be home as well.”

“What kind of people?” Blaine asks, though he doesn’t really care.

“Greg Gilbert, your father’s colleague. You remember him, don’t you?” Blaine nods, because he does vaguely remember the guy, even though he hardly made a very lasting impression. “He’ll be here with his wife and their lovely daughter Mary.”

That makes Blaine quirk an eyebrow in suspicion. “Their daughter? Does she happen to be my age?”

“As a matter of fact, I think she is,” his mother says delighted, doing a horrible job of pretending that she hadn’t already thought about that. “She goes to Crawford Country Day, the all-girls school. She’s a really lovely girl.”

“Yeah, so you said,” Blaine mumbles, not sure whether to laugh or cry. It’s not the first time they’ve had ‘lovely girls’ over for dinner. His mother just doesn’t give up, despite Blaine’s continued lack of interest.

“So, can I count on you to be here?” she asks, and Blaine just nods tiredly. He doesn’t have the energy right now to come up with an excuse.

“Wonderful,” his mother says, lighting up, and she looks so hopeful that Blaine almost feels bad for her. But just almost. He has much more important issues to worry about right now.

----

Blaine waits impatiently for Kurt outside the school building the next morning. He’d hoped that Kurt would call him the night before but he didn’t, and Blaine isn’t sure what to make of that. He figures it can mean one of two things: either things went so well that Kurt didn’t feel the need to call, or so terrible that he didn’t get the chance to.

He’s been waiting nervously for ten long minutes when Kurt finally arrives. Blaine hurries over to him, wishing more than ever that he could give him a big hug, but as it is he just stops in front of him and looks at him expectantly. “How did it go?” he asks, his voice coming out breathy and nervous.

Kurt throws a quick look around before gesturing for Blaine to follow him over to a quieter corner of the schoolyard. Once there, he smiles a little and says quietly, “Relax, Blaine. It’s all okay.”

“Really?” Blaine doesn’t feel convinced. “It went well?”

“Yes. As well as can be expected, anyway.”

“Okay.” He relaxes his shoulders a little and lets out a slow breath. “What does that mean exactly?”

Kurt takes a deep breath and lets it back out, his hand gripping tighter around the strap of his bag. “Okay, so after you left we sat down in the living room. I was terrified, but dad was just really calm and he asked me to tell him everything. And I figured I didn’t really have much to lose, so I did. I told him about realizing that I was–” He cuts himself off, and throws a quick look around before continuing, “that I was gay when I was fourteen and about discovering that I had feelings for you not long afterwards.”

“And what did he say?”

“He asked me how long you and I had been seeing each other. I told him it hadn’t been that long but that what we have together is real and that I’m really happy, and then he just nodded and sat there quietly for a long time. It was horrible, I didn’t know what to do or say and he just… sat there.”

“And then?” Blaine asks, both eager and nervous to hear the rest.

Kurt smiles a little. “Then he told me that he had sort of known the whole time.”

Blaine startles. “He what?”

Kurt’s smile grows wider. “He knew. Not… not about you and me, though he claimed not to be very surprised about that either. But he knew about me being gay. Said he’d known since I was a kid. Which I find kind of hard to believe, but he said something about fatherly intuition, so who knows.”

“Wow.” Blaine stares disbelievingly at Kurt. “He really knew?”

Kurt shrugs. “So he says. At that point in the conversation I was so surprised that I couldn’t even think straight.”

“So…” Blaine tries to wrap his head around this new development. “What did he say about… about us?”

“Well, he’s not very happy about it,” Kurt admitted. “Mostly because he’s worried, I think. I had to promise him that we’ll be really careful and that we’ll never do anything in public. And that we’ll never tell anyone about our relationship.”

“So he won’t keep us from seeing each other?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No. Is that what you thought he would do?”

“I had no idea what to think. I was just… scared. For you and for us.”

Kurt smiles a little and his hand twitches, like he wants to reach out for Blaine. Blaine knows the feeling all too well.

“I know. But it’s okay. He won’t stop us from being together. But he also won’t allow us to be at the house together when he’s not there. And he’s probably not letting me go to your house unless one of your parents is there.”

Blaine doesn’t really care at the moment. He’s just happy that he can keep seeing Kurt and that Mr. Hummel is, amazingly, relatively okay with the whole thing. Once again, he just really wants to hug Kurt.

“I can’t believe it went so well,” he says, because he really can’t. It seems almost too good to be true.

“I couldn’t believe it either.” Kurt smiles, his eyes glistening a little bit. “I love my dad.”

“Your dad is the best,” Blaine agrees. “I can’t believe he’s completely okay with everything, though. I mean, most people… most people would never accept us.”

“I guess he’s had time to get used to the idea,” Kurt ponders, “if he really has known since I was a kid. And I think ‘completely okay’ is a bit of an exaggeration. He’s accepting, but…” Kurt shrugs. “But really, I’m just so… relieved, Blaine. I mean, he gave me a big hug before I went to bed last night and told me that he loves me just as much as before, and I–” He brushes away a stray tear. “I never thought he would take it so well.”

Suddenly it feels impossible to not hug Kurt. Blaine comes this close to doing it right there in the schoolyard but then he remembers the promise that Kurt made to his father about being careful. So instead he says, “Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes.”

“What?” Kurt exclaims in surprise, but Blaine has already turned around and is heading in the direction of the bathroom. He hears Kurt calling his name but he keeps going until he gets there, relieved when he finds the bathroom empty. Kurt bursts through the door not long after Blaine, looking confused and breathless. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Blaine says, locking the door behind Kurt just in case. “I just had to do this.” He pulls Kurt in close and wraps his arms around him and it isn’t long before Kurt leans heavily into him, letting out a long breath.

“What’s this for?” he whispers.

Blaine shrugs, not letting Kurt go. “Do I really need a reason to hug you?” When Kurt shakes his head, he adds, “I just felt like we could both use one.”

“You were right.” Kurt’s voice is muffled against his shoulder. “Thank you.”

Blaine just nods against him. This is exactly what he needed.

----

Sitting through Friday night dinner with his parents and the Gilbert family isn’t exactly torture, but it isn’t far from it.

Blaine’s mother is a little too obvious in her attempts at getting Blaine to bond with Mary Gilbert and it’s all just really embarrassing. Blaine’s father is busy discussing work related topics with Mr. Gilbert, Mrs. Gilbert isn’t saying much at all (though she keeps sending Blaine scrutinizing looks, as if she’s considering whether or not he’s good enough for her daughter), and neither does Blaine and Mary Gilbert, so it’s up to Blaine’s mother to keep the conversation going, something she seems to thrive on.

She asks Mary about school and about what she likes to do in her free time, not missing an opportunity to somehow link every single one of her interests to Blaine’s. “Did you hear that, Blaine? She likes horses. You like animals too, don’t you honey?” (He does, but not more than most people. He would really like to own a dog, but that’s about it.)

‘The lovely Mary’ sits through dinner looking as uncomfortable as Blaine. She doesn’t seem any more interested in him than he is in her, which is a bit of a relief, because then he doesn’t have to worry about hurting her feelings. She gives short, but polite answers to the questions she’s being given, and Blaine has to give her credit for the way she handles his mother’s interrogation. She seems like a nice, down-to-earth girl, and will no doubt make someone very happy someday, but it isn’t going to be Blaine.

His mother doesn’t give up, though. After dinner, when Blaine’s father and Mr. Gilbert has gone to the study to continue their conversation there, she takes Mrs. Gilbert out to the kitchen under the pretense of looking at her new curtains, leaving Blaine and Mary alone in the living room.

They sit quietly next to each other on the sofa and Blaine doesn’t even know what to say, because his mother has already asked Mary every possible question there is.

He needs to say something, though. “I’m really sorry about my mother,” he starts, because that definitely needs to be said. “She tends to get a bit… eager sometimes.”

Mary looks up at him, looking almost surprised to hear him speak. She smiles suddenly, for the first time that night. She actually has a pretty smile. “It’s okay,” she says softly. “I’m used to it. This isn’t the first dinner my parents have dragged me to.”

Blaine’s interest is peeked at that. Maybe he actually does have something in common with her.

“You too, huh?” When she looks at him with curiosity he explains, “This isn’t my first dinner either. I’m not sure what my mother wishes to accomplish… No, actually, that’s not true – I know exactly what she hopes for, but she just doesn’t seem to realize that it’s not going to happen like this.”

“Yeah.” Mary looks down. “I actually… I’m already with someone. But my parents don’t like him, apparently his family isn’t respectable enough…” She snorts. “So they keep insisting on these dinners and I do what they ask of me because if I don’t I’m scared that they’ll keep me from seeing him all together.” She shrugs, unhappy.

Blaine nods. He senses a kindred spirit here, someone who’s going through some of the same things he is. And suddenly he finds himself telling her something he hasn’t told anyone.

“I’m seeing someone, too.” He says it quietly, so only she can hear. He wouldn’t put his past his mother to be listening to them from the next room. “My parents don’t know, so please don’t say anything to them.” Mary shakes her head in promise. “I haven’t told them because I know they wouldn’t approve, but this person means a lot to me so if I have to sneak around behind their backs, then that’s what I’ll do.”

Mary nods, her face full of sympathy and understanding. “It’s hard, though, isn’t it?” she says. “To care about someone so much, and not be able to… really be yourself around your own family.”

“Yeah, exactly.” He sighs and gives her a sad smile. “I hope it works out for you, though.”

He receives a small smile in return. “You, too. If this girl makes you happy, then I hope you find a way to be with her.”

Blaine doesn’t correct her. He’s already told her much more than he probably should, and she might be understanding and nice, but he doubts that she would’ve been as understanding if she knew that the person he’s in love with is a boy.

Still, talking with her definitely made his evening a little better and he truly does hope that things will work out for her.

Talking with her gets him thinking, though. Blaine hasn’t thought much about the future for him and Kurt because living in the now has been so amazing. But he’s slowly starting to realize that he might never be able to tell his parents the truth. They’re so concerned with appearances, with being respectable in the eyes of the community around them. It matters to them what other people think and Blaine knows that they would never, ever accept him and Kurt as a couple.

They would be ashamed to have a gay son. If the truth came out, people would talk. They would lose a lot of respect. Their reputation would be ruined.

Blaine is pretty sure that if they knew the truth, he would no longer be their son.

It hurts to even think about, because for all of their faults, he still loves them. But he knows that this is the reality.

And when he shares those thoughts with Kurt one day as they’re walking out of the choir room after glee club, Kurt looks at him sadly and nods.

“You’re probably right,” he agrees. “I hate to say it, but… they can’t find out, Blaine. My dad took it amazingly well, all things considered, but–” He trails off, but Blaine knows what he didn’t say. Most parents aren’t like Burt Hummel. Blaine’s own parents included.

“It’s just hard,” he says simply, giving a helpless shrug, and Kurt nods, wincing in sympathy. They can’t hug or kiss right now – even though the school is fairly empty they’re still in public – but Kurt reaches over and lightly touches his fingers to Blaine’s.

It’s a small gesture but it still brings some comfort.

Part 5

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 3

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:41:18 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (3/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 3 – Words of Love

Blaine hardly sleeps that night.

Instead he’s tossing and turning, staring out into the darkness of the room and picturing Kurt’s face, the way he’d looked when he realized what Blaine was trying to tell him. There had been so many different emotions flitting across his face at that moment – shock, disbelief, fear and something else that Blaine still hasn’t been able to identify.

But it hardly matters now. Kurt’s hurried exit from Blaine’s room made it pretty clear what he thought about Blaine’s confession.

Blaine turns around and buries his face in the pillow. He knew that telling Kurt the truth would be a huge risk. He knew he might end up losing Kurt as a result. Still, deep down he’d hoped that Kurt would understand. He’d hoped that their friendship would be strong enough to survive this the way it’s survived everything else over the years.

Clearly, that’s not going to happen.

Something is tapping against his window, disrupting him in his half-awake, somewhat drowsy state. He figures it must be the wind and closes his eyes for another attempt at sleep, but the noise doesn’t stop and to be honest it doesn’t sound like wind. Blaine sits up in bed and checks the alarm clock on his nightstand. The clock hands tell him that it’s a few minutes past six in the morning.

The noise outside his window continues, until Blaine realizes with a start that he knows that sound. He’s heard it a hundred times before, just never in the middle of the night.

It’s the sound of someone throwing rocks against his window.

And Blaine knows only one person who would do that.

He jumps out of bed, almost stumbling into the desk in his rush to move, and hurries over to the window. His heart is hammering against his chest as he pushes the curtains aside, hope and fear battling for power within him.

It’s early enough that it’s still dark outside and Blaine can just barely make out Kurt’s form against the lawn below his bedroom window. He’s huddled together against the cold and is just lifting his arm to throw another rock when Blaine looks out the window. Kurt lets his arm sink back down and Blaine quickly gets the window open. The cold night air that hits him is a shock to the system, making him feel wide awake.

“Kurt?” he half whispers, because his parents’ bedroom isn’t far away from his and the last thing he wants right now is for them to wake up.

Kurt rocks back and forth on his feet, looking hesitant. “Can I come inside?” His voice sounds small and uncertain.

“Yeah.” Blaine tries not to show how surprised he is at this turn of events. “Of course. Hang on; I’ll meet you at the door.”

Blaine can’t help the flash of hope that surges through him as he hurries down the stairs, as quickly and quietly as he can. Kurt is here. He obviously wants to talk. Maybe they can still figure this out somehow. Blaine knows he’ll do anything to make that happen. He needs Kurt, and more importantly, he wants Kurt in his life, in any way that he can. The thought of losing him is so painful that he hasn’t been able to wrap his head around the possibility.

Downstairs, he unlocks the front door and pushes it open, making room for Kurt to slip inside before closing it again. Kurt is only wearing a thin jacket over his regular clothes and if this was any other time, Blaine would have berated him for not dressing more weather appropriate and Kurt would have patiently explained to him, once again, that fashion is important and that this was the only jacket that went with the rest of his outfit.

But this isn’t any of those times. For once, Kurt doesn’t look like he put a whole lot of thought into his clothes before putting them on. He looks instead as if he threw on the first available items he could find. But he still looks good, and Blaine feels underdressed and a bit silly in his blue and white striped pajamas.

They walk up the stairs to Blaine’s room without saying a word, Kurt first and Blaine right behind him like the previous day, and once inside, Blaine pushes the door quietly closed. He turns around, leaning heavily against it, and lets his gaze rest on Kurt, taking in the red cheeks, the disheveled hair and the tired eyes. Kurt seems hesitant as he looks around the room, but finally he sits down carefully at the edge of Blaine’s bed.

“You’re here,” Blaine blurts out.

“Yeah,” Kurt says quietly. Then he takes a deep breath and straightens his back. He looks at Blaine. “I wanted to apologize for how I behaved yesterday. I never should have left like that, especially after… after that song. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine says softly, because Kurt is here and that’s all that matters now. “I know it must have come as a surprise.”

Kurt laughs hollowly. “Yeah, you could say that. But I’m still sorry. I behaved like a jerk.”

Blaine just shrugs. “Apology accepted.”

Kurt nods slowly. A ghost of a smile flashes across his face. He seems nervous, almost uncomfortable, and Blaine doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Will you… come sit down?” Kurt asks, awkwardly patting the bed next to him as he throws an uncertain look up at Blaine.

Blaine pushes himself away from the door and moves over to sit next to Kurt. Kurt shifts his gaze down to his lap and twists his hands together. “I haven’t slept all night,” he says quietly.

“Me neither,” Blaine admits. “I was scared that our friendship might be over.”

Kurt flinches and nods almost unnoticeably. “I figured you might think that. That’s why I came so early. I hope that’s okay.”

“Like I said, I wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

“Yeah.”

Silence. Kurt’s still looking at his hands.

“So… you’re here,” Blaine says again. “Does that mean we’re still friends?”

That makes Kurt look up at him, seemingly surprised. “Of course we are. Always. I told you I’d be there for you and I meant it. Even though…” He grimaces. “Even though it must have seemed like I didn’t.”

Blaine lets out a long breath, feeling some of the pent-up tension leaving him. That was all he needed to hear. As long as Kurt’s on his side he knows he can face anything.

“So why did you leave?” Blaine asks after another stretch of silence. “I mean, I know it must have come as a surprise, what I told you with that song. And… you have no idea how much it means to me that you’re here right now. I’ve been carrying around this secret for months and I’ve been so lonely, Kurt, and I didn’t know–”

“Blaine,” Kurt interrupts softly and Blaine stops mid-sentence. “Can I just… say something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Blaine says, making a movement with his hand to indicate that Kurt should continue. “Go ahead.”

“Okay.”

Kurt looks down again and starts fiddling with a button on the shirt he’s wearing. He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Blaine doesn’t either. He gets the sense that whatever Kurt is about to say is important and needs to be said uninterrupted. It’s making Blaine quite nervous, to be honest. He has no idea what Kurt is about to say, but Kurt acts like it’s something big, or something that’s hard for him to talk about, and that doesn’t really make things any better.

Finally a little sigh escapes Kurt and he looks up, directly at Blaine, and says, very quietly, “I’ve loved you for years, Blaine.”

Blaine blinks, staring dumbly at Kurt. He must have heard him wrong. “You’ve… what?”

“I think you heard me.”

“But…” Blaine doesn’t even know what to say. Doesn’t know if he even understands this correctly. He can’t be.

“I realized when I was fourteen that I liked you as more than just a friend,” Kurt says, his voice steadier now, surer. “I was confused at first… I didn’t know what was happening to me, but the feelings didn’t go away. So I learned to live with them, got used to hiding that part of me. I never thought that you–” He interrupts himself and shakes his head a little. “When you sang me that song and I understood what you were saying… I was so shocked. I didn’t know how to react, how to deal with it. I couldn’t, I just… I had to get out of the room. It wasn’t fair to you, I know, but I just…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Blaine says, as it slowly begins to dawn on him what’s going on here, even though it seems like something out of a movie. “I know it must have been a shock. I’m… kind of shocked myself right now, to be honest.” He lets out a nervous laugh.

“Sorry,” Kurt says, though he doesn’t actually look all that sorry. “I know how you feel.”

“I know. I’m just… Kurt, I’m not sure I even understand what you’re telling me right now.”

“I think you do.” Kurt looks at him, smiling almost shyly. And he’s right – Blaine does understand. He’s starting to, anyway. He just doesn’t understand how this can be real life. His life.

They continue to look at each other, Kurt’s smile slowly growing wider. It’s one of those smiles that look like it’s impossible to hold in. Relief is written across his entire face, his eyes clear and open and no longer tired. “So we’re both…”

Blaine shakes his head and laughs in disbelief, because this is so far beyond anything he had ever imagined. “I guess so, yeah.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

They’re still looking at each other, both realizing how huge this is. Blaine is still struggling to take it all in. Kurt’s… in love with him? That’s what he said, isn’t it? Blaine can’t even wrap his head around that.

Kurt bites his lip and then he shuffles closer to Blaine on the bed until their legs are almost touching. He looks up at Blaine again, holding his gaze for a moment, and then he reaches over, tentatively taking Blaine’s hand. Blaine’s breath catches and he looks down, watches how Kurt slowly slips his long, elegant fingers between Blaine’s until they’re linked together.

Connected.

It’s getting harder to breathe with Kurt so close to him. But it feels right. Blaine feels like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

Kurt smiles a little, seeming to relax a bit when Blaine doesn’t pull his hand away. “This is what you wanted, right? It’s what you sang to me.”

Blaine nods and takes Kurt’s other hand. “I want everything with you, Kurt.”

Kurt’s smile turns wider, his eyes suddenly glistening with unshed tears. “I want everything with you, too.”

Blaine shakes his head, because how is this happening? “Am I dreaming right now?”

Kurt pulls one of his hands away from Blaine’s grip and dries the tears from his eyes, still smiling. “If you are, we’re having the same dream. And it’s the best one I’ve ever had.”

Blaine can’t hold himself back any longer, not when Kurt is sitting so close and are saying these amazing things, things that Blaine never in a million years thought he’d hear Kurt say. Not when his hand feels so soft and warm and right in Blaine’s. He moves in and presses his lips against Kurt’s, tentative at first, giving Kurt the chance to pull away if he wants to.

But Kurt makes it pretty clear to him that he has no intentions of doing that. Blaine feels his own confidence grow and he opens his mouth a little, experimentally (he’s never done this before, and he’s pretty sure Kurt hasn’t either). Kurt gasps against his lips, a small whimper slipping out of him, and wow, that’s a sound Blaine’s never heard him make before.

They keep going, kissing with more intent, carefully tasting each other, and it’s new and different and the most amazing thing Blaine has felt in his entire life.

He’s kissing Kurt. If he died right now (and it feels like there’s a good chance of that actually happening because his heart is beating rapid fast in his chest), he would die a very, very happy man.

When the kiss ends, Kurt clings to him in a way that makes Blaine want to take care of him, always. And not just the way a friend would. Blaine wants to be so much more than that. He wants to be the one who stands beside Kurt through thick and thin, wants to be his partner in everything, wants to be the one who loves and supports Kurt more than anyone else.

He wants to be Kurt’s the one.

He already knows that Kurt is his.

Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt and holds him tightly. Kurt sighs and rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder, his arms around Blaine’s waist. “I’ve been dreaming about this for so long,” he whispers.

Blaine leans his head on top of Kurt’s. “It’s happening,” he murmurs. “You have me, Kurt.”

Kurt lets out a shaky breath and wraps his arms tighter around Blaine.

----

Blaine has always loved being Kurt’s friend.

Being his boyfriend is a thousand times better.

Blaine thinks that’s what they are now. They haven’t actually defined themselves as that, because somehow they never got to that part, but it seems silly to think otherwise. They’re definitely not just friends anymore, because friends wouldn’t spend hours sharing kisses the way they do. And Blaine doesn’t know about Kurt, but he certainly wouldn’t have kissed anyone like that unless he was serious about them.

Everything has changed between them now, but strangely enough it often feels like things are just the same as they’ve always been. They don’t really spend any more time together than they did before, but then, they’ve always spent a huge part of their free time together (not taking into account those horrible weeks when Blaine had avoided Kurt). They still laugh at the same things, still talk about everything and nothing. They’re still best friends.

Of course, now there’s also the kissing and the hand holding. But only in the privacy of their bedrooms or in the car, parked at some secluded place where no one ever comes. They know they have to be careful, that they can’t be public about what’s going on between them. They’re not like other couples and Blaine knows that most people would never accept their relationship.

But the secrecy is kind of exciting, too. Blaine loves exchanging secret glances with Kurt at school and even brushing his hand against Kurt’s if the opportunity comes along. It’s thrilling to be amongst their friends and pretend that nothing has changed, and to know that he and Kurt share this big, amazing secret that nobody else knows about. It’s nice having something that’s theirs, something that no one but them has any part in.

Still, Blaine’s favorite thing is spending time alone with Kurt. When they’re alone, they have the freedom to be themselves, as opposed to having to pretend to be less than what they really are.

Most of the time is spent at Kurt’s house because that’s where they get the most alone time (and Kurt likes to have dinner prepared when his dad comes home in the evenings).

But one afternoon about a week after The Day That Changed Everything, they find themselves with Blaine’s house all to themselves for the entire afternoon, when Blaine’s father is working late (as always) and his mother is out preparing for some kind of charity event.

They cook dinner together – the kitchen at Blaine’s house is much bigger than the one at Kurt’s and Kurt never misses an opportunity to use it – which takes longer than usual because they keep getting distracted by kisses.

Kurt eventually has to set his foot down and proclaim that there will be no more kissing until after they have finished eating. Blaine reluctantly agrees, and it’s all worth it when they, after dinner, flop down on the couch in the living room, and Kurt curls up next to Blaine and settles in the crook of his elbow, head resting on the spot between Blaine’s chest and shoulder.

It’s still early enough in their relationship that even such a simple thing as that feels new and thrilling, and Blaine revels in the fact that this is something that they can do now. They can kiss and cuddle and do things that couples do. Because they are a couple.

Blaine’s heart beats happily in his chest at having Kurt so close and he thinks about that day at Kurt’s house when Kurt fell asleep on Blaine’s shoulder and how he’d felt that day – happy at feeling Kurt’s closeness and devastated because he thought that was as good as it was going to get. Never in a million years did Blaine think then that Kurt would ever be his. And yet, here they are. Together. Boyfriends.

“I never did thank you for the song,” Kurt murmurs once they’ve gotten comfortable. “I always knew you were an amazing singer, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you perform anything so beautiful.”

“That’s because I’ve never meant anything quite as much,” Blaine says honestly.

Kurt nods against him, just a small movement against his chest. “I can’t even begin to explain how much it meant to me. So thank you.”

“Well, it was about time I got my act together, wasn’t it? I still can’t believe you were able to keep the secret for all those years. I only kept mine for a few months and I was going out of my mind.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice, though, did I?” Kurt points out with a small shrug. “I couldn’t exactly come out and tell you the truth, as much as I wanted to. I had to wait until you were ready and I just hoped that you would be someday.”

Blaine thinks about that for a moment. He wonders how he would have reacted if Kurt had come to him a year ago and told him how he felt. He likes to think that he would have handled it, that he only waited for a push in the right direction before he discovered his own feelings. But the truth is that he has no idea how he would’ve reacted. He might not have been ready to hear the truth back then.

“Did you think, back then, that you would ever tell me?” Blaine asks.

“Sometimes I thought I might,” Kurt says, his hand traveling slowly down the length of Blaine’s arm. “I wanted so badly to share it with someone and you were my best friend. I wasn’t going to tell you that I liked you, only that I wasn’t into girls. But I was too scared of losing you. Despite everything, it was easier to just pretend that everything was fine.” He looks up at Blaine with a smile. “I’m not as brave as you.”

“I’m not brave,” Blaine protests. “I doubt I would have said anything if you hadn’t pushed me to tell you what was going on. And look what happened before that – I pushed you away. You, on the other hand? You just… you kept being my friend. Even though it must have been so hard to act as if that’s all you were feeling.”

“It was,” Kurt admits. “But if it wasn’t for you I would’ve still been pretending. So don’t give me all the credit, silly. Save some for yourself as well.”

“If you say so,” Blaine says, mostly to humor Kurt, because he still doesn’t feel very brave. But it hardly matters now, he supposes. Some way or another, they got to where they are now, and that’s what counts.

“Did you ever feel lonely?” he asks. “You know, back then. Because I know I did.”

“So lonely,” Kurt says, his voice coming out on an exhale. “But now it’s all worth it.”

“I know,” Blaine whispers, wrapping his arms tighter around Kurt, just because he can and he wants to.

For the hundredth time that week he wonders about this incredible thing that has happened to him. He’s in love with his best friend, and, amazingly, it seems like Kurt might be feeling the same way about him. That still feels unreal to him. He wonders if he’ll ever stop getting hit by those rushes of ohmygodIcan’tbelievethisishappening.

He supposes that they will eventually get past the point where everything is new and exciting, but today is not that day.

“I can’t believe you never suspected anything,” Kurt says after a stretch of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t always do such a good job of hiding my feelings, you know. Sometimes I would just… stare at you, for a really long time, and I tried to be subtle about it but I don’t think I was. I’m surprised you never noticed.” Kurt carefully untangles himself from him and sits up properly, turning towards him so they can see each other better. He gives Blaine a wry smile. “Not to mention the fact that you never questioned why I didn’t show any interest in girls. Not even when we talked about being different and I asked you why you never talk about girls, which is a conversation I would prefer to never have happened, by the way.”

Yeah, that conversation was pretty awkward, especially in the light of what’s happened this week. They were so blind, both of them pretending and both of them hurting.

“Well, I could ask you the same thing,” Blaine counters. “I can’t believe you didn’t suspect anything about me.”

Kurt’s face turns sincere. “I just… never dared to hope,” he admits quietly, some of that vulnerability that he so very rarely shows peeking through. “I never dared to even go there.”

“Me neither,” Blaine agrees, tugging on Kurt’s hand to get him to come closer. Kurt shuffles forward a bit and rests his forehead against Blaine’s. “I felt like I was the odd one out, the only person in the world having those kinds of feelings, and the possibility of you feeling the same way…” He shakes his head. “In my head, that was never an option.”

“Seems pretty silly now.” Kurt huffs a laugh. Blaine can feel his warm breath against his face. “You know, that we both had the same feelings and kept them to ourselves.”

Blaine shrugs. “It wasn’t all bad. At least you were cute to look at.”

Kurt’s head snaps up, and he looks almost scandalized for a moment, but then he bursts out laughing, swatting Blaine lightly on the arm. “Way to kill a moment, Blaine.”

“I’m not killing anything,” Blaine protests. “I’m just speaking the truth.”

“Well, thank you, I guess.” Kurt bends down and presses a kiss to Blaine’s shoulder. He then presses his lips against Blaine’s neck, making Blaine shiver all the way down to his toes. Kurt slowly continues upward, leaving a few more kisses on his neck, and wow, Blaine never knew he was so sensitive there, nor was he prepared for how much he would love feeling Kurt’s kisses there. He sighs – whimpers, almost – his head falling back against the couch.

When Kurt’s glorious mouth starts to explore his jaw, Blaine’s eyes flutter shut, and then Kurt’s lips finally find his mouth, soft and warm and wonderful. Blaine turns his head a little to get a better angle, and responds eagerly, opening up to Kurt and taking whatever he can get. He had no idea that kissing would feel so intimate, or that it would make him feel so connected to the other person. But it does, and Blaine doesn’t want to stop kissing Kurt, ever.

His mind turns hazy and his thoughts incoherent, but he does know one thing. He may have lived through some miserable months before this, but it was all so, so worth it.

----

Blaine is happy.

He’s so happy that sometimes he doesn’t know what to do with all that happiness that is bubbling within him. It’s like the sun shines brighter and the birds sing louder, and sometimes he can’t help the occasional skip when he walks through the school hallways or down the streets of Lima. It’s the best feeling in the world though, and sometimes, in class or at lunch, he’ll look over at Kurt and see him wear a smile so wide and blissful and genuine that Blaine knows he isn’t the only one who’s feeling this way.

What Blaine hadn’t counted on, is that his happiness is just another thing he has to hide.

“What’s going on with you lately?” Sam asks him at school one day. “You’re, like, really bouncy. And giddy. Did something happen?”

And Blaine wants to tell him that yes, yes, something happened, the most amazing thing in the world happened and he’s so happy and he’s so in love with the most incredible, wonderful person… but instead he just shrugs, smiles a little and says, “Not really. I’m just happy that Kurt and I worked things out.”

“Me too,” Sam agrees whole-heartedly. “You’re not all that fun to be around when you’re miserable. What were you and Kurt fighting about anyway?”

“Just… a misunderstanding,” Blaine says vaguely. “It’s all okay now.”

Sam nods and seems satisfied with that explanation, and then proceeds to ask Blaine if it’s normal that the girl you’re dating always wants to bring her best friend along on dates.

Blaine’s day only gets better from there, because when he goes to the bathroom after lunch Kurt is already there, fixing his hair in front of the mirror, and amazingly he’s the only person there. It gives them a few precious moments together, just enough to share a quick kiss (their first one ever at school) and lace their hands together for a short minute, but it’s a whole lot more than what they usually get during the school day so it feels like a really amazing bonus.

“You look fantastic today,” Blaine whispers against Kurt’s lips and Kurt blushes and beams at him and looks so radiant throughout the rest of the day that Blaine opts to compliment Kurt a lot more often in the future.

He tends to focus on the happier and more romantic Beatles songs lately, songs that match his current state of mind and lyrics that describe how he feels about Kurt.

Hold me close and tell me how you feel, tell me love is real, words of love you whisper soft and true, darling I love you, he sings quietly to himself in his room one night, and he closes his eyes and pictures Kurt’s face, pictures Kurt saying those three magical words to him and him saying them to Kurt.

Part 4

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 2

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:32:02 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (2/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 2 – I Want to Hold Your Hand

If Blaine had thought that things would somehow get easier over the next few weeks and months, he was wrong.

He goes by his days as usual – going to school, attending glee club, spending time with his friends and Kurt (that’s how he thinks about it these days – there are his friends and then there’s Kurt), doing homework, playing guitar and listening to his Beatles records. He tries to act the way he’s always done and so far no one seems to have noticed anything different about him. But he had no idea it would be so hard to pretend that everything is normal.

He always has to think before he speaks now, in case whatever he’s about to say could be interpreted the wrong way, or worse, he lets something slip that he absolutely shouldn’t. He’s always careful how he acts and what he does, not wanting anyone to notice that there are things about him that are different now. Even though, when he thinks about it, he supposes he really isn’t different than how he was before. He’s probably always been this way; he’s just now realizing it.

Still, that doesn’t change the fact that to him, it feels like the change is happening now.

It’s harder to be around Kurt, too. Blaine still loves spending time with him – he doesn’t think there will ever come a time when he won’t – but he’s constantly afraid of letting something slip. Blaine finds himself wanting to hold Kurt’s hand, or hug him, or preferably kiss him. And lately, alone in his bed at night, he’s started thinking about how it would feel like to be even more intimate with him. He always feels embarrassed about those thoughts in the morning, especially when he sees Kurt, but he can’t help it. The more time that passes, the more he wants to be with Kurt, in every way.

Summer comes and goes, quietly and uneventfully. Blaine hangs out with Kurt and his other friends and tries his best to act as if nothing has changed. Because nothing really has, not outside of his own head, anyway. It’s difficult though, and he’s almost looking forward to going back to school, just so he’ll have more things to occupy his mind with.

“Here, taste this,” Kurt says, holding up a spoonful of sauce for Blaine to taste. It’s one of the last days of freedom before they start their senior year, and they’re in the kitchen at Kurt’s house, where Kurt is making dinner and Blaine is attempting to help. Kurt has always been a bit of a control freak in the kitchen though, so he doesn’t let Blaine contribute much. Currently he’s left Blaine in charge of the potatoes, which means that Blaine’s pretty much just standing there, because there isn’t a whole lot or anything really to do with potatoes while they’re boiling.

Blaine dutifully opens his mouth to accept the sauce that Kurt is offering him. It tastes amazing, of course. Kurt never makes anything that’s less than perfect. Blaine gives him the thumbs up while he swallows.

“It’s all right?” Kurt looks at him.

“It’s perfect,” Blaine tells him and Kurt gives him a quick smile before turning to the stove to turn the heat down. As always, Blaine’s heart seems to do an extra jump when Kurt smiles at him. Kurt really has the most beautiful smile.

There’s some movement behind them and when Blaine turns around, Kurt’s dad is watching them from the doorway, dressed in his usual work clothes.

“Hi, dad,” Kurt says cheerfully. “I invited Blaine to stay for dinner. I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure,” Mr. Hummel says, in that gruff voice of his. He moves his gaze to Blaine. “Hello, Blaine. Good to see you.”

“You too, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine says, smiling briefly at Kurt’s dad. He’s always liked Burt Hummel, who’s pretty much the complete opposite of Blaine’s own father. They’re both hard-working men, but while Blaine hardly ever sees his dad, much less talks with him, Kurt’s dad seems to always be around, despite his often long hours at the tire shop. Burt Hummel is the kind of dad you can confide in, Blaine thinks – the kind of dad who will always be on your side. He may look intimidating on the outside, and after years of being Kurt’s friend Blaine knows that he definitely can be, but he’s also fair and solid and really, really great.

However, Blaine can’t help but think that maybe Burt Hummel wouldn’t welcome him so easily into his house if he knew what kind of thoughts Blaine’s been having about his son for the past few months.

“I’m gonna go get cleaned up,” Mr. Hummel says, looking down at his coveralls, dirty from spending all day fixing cars. “The food smells great, Kurt.”

“It’ll be ready in ten minutes,” Kurt says and his dad nods and leaves for the bathroom. Kurt looks at Blaine. “Would you mind setting the table?”

“Are you sure I can be trusted with such an important task?” Blaine asks, mock-serious, and then moves away before Kurt can smack his arm. Blaine laughs and Kurt shakes his head and grins at the same time, and it feels really good to just joke around for a bit. That’s what they’ve always done, but for the past few months, at least from Blaine’s side, everything has been so serious. It’s like he forgets sometimes, in the middle of his inner turmoil, that they’re still best friends and that Kurt is still the same person that he’s always been.

Blaine starts setting the table while Kurt concentrates on preparing the meat. Blaine can’t help but watch him though, the way he moves so easily around the kitchen, everything familiar and natural to him. In that regard he’s so different from Blaine, who knows nothing at all about cooking, except the few things that Kurt has attempted to teach him over the years. At his house, his mother does all the cooking and baking, and Blaine usually only sets foot in the kitchen to eat. Here, Kurt’s in charge of all the food. According to him, his dad is a hopeless case when it comes to cooking, and shouldn’t be allowed within five feet of the stove or the oven. The two of them seem to have settled on some sort of mutual agreement where Kurt cooks and Burt cleans up afterwards, and clearly it works for them.

Blaine has always been impressed with Kurt and everything he does around the house. Kurt does his own laundry and he cleans, too. Blaine hardly ever does any of those things. He wouldn’t even know how to use a washing machine.

Blaine knows, of course, that a big part of the reason why Kurt does so much in the house is because his mother’s not around. She died when Kurt and Blaine were eight, and Blaine only vaguely remembers her. He didn’t come to Kurt’s house very often back then because Mrs. Hummel was sick a lot. He remembers trying to be there for Kurt after she’d passed away, but it’s not easy to know what to do when you’re eight and doesn’t really understand everything that’s going on. Mostly he just tried to be a good friend.

The dinner is, unsurprisingly, amazing. Blaine and Mr. Hummel pay Kurt compliments and Kurt beams from his side of the table. Afterwards, Mr. Hummel ushers them into the living room, and Blaine and Kurt settle down on the couch to watch TV. There’s not much on though, and Kurt sighs and tells Blaine for probably the hundredth time that he can’t wait for The Patty Duke Show to start again. Not long after, he falls asleep, his head falling to rest heavily on Blaine’s shoulder.

It’s not the first time Kurt has fallen asleep like that, but it feels different now. It feels like… more. Blaine watches him sleep, loves how open and vulnerable his face looks like this. He lets his thoughts drift, wondering how things would be like if he and Kurt actually were… well, more. He finds it surprisingly easy to imagine. Maybe it would be just like tonight. Making dinner together, eating together, watching TV together in the living room, Kurt falling asleep next to him. Maybe Blaine would find a blanket to cover Kurt with, just to be sure he wouldn’t be cold, and then kiss Kurt lightly on the forehead or on the mouth, making Kurt smile in his sleep…

“Blaine?”

Blaine startles, quickly snapping back to reality, and looks up to see Mr. Hummel standing just inside the living room between the couch and the door. Blaine can feel his cheeks grow hot and it feels as if his entire face must reveal what he was thinking, but Mr. Hummel only looks amused.

“I’m gonna go fix that step out front,” he says, making a vague gesture towards the front of the house. His eyes linger on Kurt for a moment. “The kid works too hard. Make sure he gets some sleep.”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine promises, looking down at Kurt, who’s still sleeping soundly next to him. He waits for Mr. Hummel to leave the room and for the front door to slam shut behind him, and then he sighs and rests his head against Kurt’s, closing his eyes.

He knows that this is probably the closest he’s going to get to Kurt. He knows how precious this moment is, knows that he needs to savor it in order to never forget it.

So that’s what he tries to do.

----

“I think Tina has a crush on you,” Kurt informs Blaine one afternoon, looking over at him from his position on the bed. He’s lying on his stomach, feet in the air and ankles crossed as he’s flipping through the latest issue of Vogue. Blaine is on the floor, trying to finish up a paper for his history class tomorrow. Any hope he might have had that the teachers would keep the workload on a manageable level early in the school year was crushed already during the first week. He’s been writing furiously for the past half hour, eager to be finished, but now his head snaps up in surprise.

“Tina? Really?” The thought has never even hit him. He’s always assumed that if Tina is into anyone, it’s Kurt.

“Is that so weird?”

“I guess not, but… how do you know?”

Kurt looks at him as if that should have been obvious. “She’s my best friend, Blaine. Well, other than you, of course. I know her.”

“Yeah, I know that, but… did she tell you?”

“Not in so many words.” Kurt shrugs. “But she talks about you more lately. Asks me about this and that. Something is definitely going on with her.”

Blaine takes a moment to let this new information sink in. He hasn’t noticed anything different about Tina lately, but he isn’t close to her like Kurt is. She’s probably his favorite girl at school though, so he supposes there are worse things than her having a crush on him.

Still, she’s not Kurt.

“So, why are you telling me?” Blaine asks. “She’s your friend; shouldn’t you keep this stuff to yourself?”

Kurt bites his lip. “I just thought that… maybe, if you like her too, you could…” He trails off.

“Kurt, don’t you think that if I liked Tina I would have told you?”

“Maybe not,” Kurt counters in a way that makes it sound like this is something he’s been thinking about a lot. “I mean, with you being my friend and she being my friend, maybe you thought it would be awkward.”

Blaine considers that for a moment, not sure if he’s finding this conversation awkward or amusing or just sad. “Well, I don’t like her,” he says. “I mean, she’s great, but I don’t like her like that.”

“Okay.”

Kurt doesn’t look like he’s done talking though, and Blaine waits patiently until Kurt finally asks, “Why don’t you ever talk to me about stuff like that?”

“Stuff like what?”

“You know… about girls.” Kurt looks down at his magazine. “There must be someone that you like, or have liked at some point, but you’ve never said anything.” He sounds sad, almost hurt.

Blaine looks at him for a long time. Everything in him aches to tell Kurt the truth, to take him in his arms, kiss him senseless and just say the words. That’s because I don’t care about girls, Kurt. I care about you. He doesn’t, though. He can’t. He wants to cry because it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he has someone so amazing in his life, someone he loves more than anything, and he can’t even let the person know.

He finally looks down at his hands, smiling sadly. “There’s no girl that I’m interested in like that, Kurt. I would have told you if there was.”

Kurt nods slowly and looks up again, giving Blaine the briefest of smiles. His words get Blaine thinking though. He looks at the magazine that Kurt is reading. “Do you ever think about how the stuff we do together isn’t what most other guys do? I mean, going to the movies, cooking dinner.” He nods towards the magazine. “Reading Vogue.”

Kurt lifts his chin a little. “Yeah, of course I do,” he says immediately. “But I don’t care. I’m not like most boys, but so what?” He looks at Blaine like he’s challenging him. “Do you care? That we’re… different, I guess?”

“No,” Blaine says quickly, even though he knows that’s not entirely true. “But don’t you ever think about what people might be thinking about us? What they might be saying behind our backs?”

“No,” Kurt says adamantly. “And anyway, you wouldn’t be the one they talk about. You hang out with guys, you play guitar, you like football. You like normal things, Blaine. Me? Not so much. But it doesn’t matter. I’m happy with who I am.”

Blaine believes him. Kurt has always been proud, confident. He’s his own person and he embraces it to the fullest. Blaine has often wished he was more like Kurt.

“Don’t ever change, Kurt,” he says quietly. “You’re the most amazing person I know.”

Blaine hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud and Kurt clearly hadn’t expected to hear it, because he looks completely taken aback by Blaine’s words. He blinks a few times, his eyes glistening just a little. “I’m not planning to.”

“Good.”

They look at each other in silence for a while. Kurt almost looks like he wants to cry and Blaine is not sure why. After a while though, Kurt turns his attention back to the magazine and Blaine makes another attempt at finishing his history paper.

For the rest of the night Kurt is quieter than usual, and Blaine regrets having brought up the subject of what other people might be thinking. Kurt acts like it doesn’t bother him, but maybe he isn’t so indifferent about it after all. He might care more than he’s letting on.

Blaine wouldn’t blame him if he did.

Later that night, in his room after returning from Kurt’s house, Blaine picks up his guitar and plays a few songs. But he isn’t really feeling it, so he puts on one of his Beatles records instead. He lies on his bed and closes his eyes while the familiar sound of A Hard Day’s Night fills the room, and not for the first time he wishes things were different.

----

It turns out that being around Kurt and pretending that everything is normal becomes harder and harder every single day. Blaine tries, he really does, but eventually it comes to a point where he isn’t sure he can do it much longer.

Kurt is beautiful and perfect and he makes Blaine’s heart beat twice as hard just by looking at him, and Blaine has to act as if none of that affects him. When Kurt steps in to fix Blaine’s shirt collar, or tuck a strand of hair that’s managed to escape from Blaine’s solid layer of Brylcreem back into place, Blaine has to pretend like he isn’t at all bothered by Kurt’s closeness. And when they hang out together, seemingly the same way they’ve always done, Blaine spends most of the time trying not to stare at Kurt and the rest making sure that Kurt doesn’t notice when he does.

Blaine can feel himself starting to pull away Kurt and he kind of hates himself for it, but it feels like he doesn’t have a choice. If he doesn’t stay away from him right now, Kurt will eventually find out the truth and their friendship will be over forever. And Blaine knows that no matter what, he needs Kurt in his life. Even if it’s only as friends, even if they’re not even that.

But it’s so hard to say no when Kurt invites him over after school or to dinner with him and his dad. Blaine loves hanging out at Kurt’s house and he loves hanging out with Kurt, but he has to keep his distance right now. Maybe later, if he gets his feelings for Kurt under control or if he’s able to stop feeling this way all together, he can go back to spending time with Kurt the way he used to. But right now it feels impossible. No matter how hard it is to watch Kurt’s face fall every time Blaine tells him that he has other plans.

Blaine starts hanging out with Sam and Mike more. Sam has some sort of thing going on with Brittany now and isn’t always available, but Mike is there, and even though Blaine has been friends with him for years, they have never spent as much time together as they do now. They don’t actually have that much in common, but they both like football. Mike is on the school football team and Blaine spends many afternoons in Mike’s backyard with Mike and a ball. Sometimes they hang out with some of the guys on the team, and that’s fun too, but Blaine never really feels like he belongs with them. He likes football, but all the talk about it gets boring after a while. And listening to them talk about girls isn’t particularly interesting to him, either.

He wants to cry with frustration sometimes. If only he could feel about girls the way they do, then everything would be so much easier. He and Kurt would be best friends the way they’ve always been and everything would be okay.

He misses Kurt like crazy. They still spend time together sometimes, but it isn’t the same anymore. It’s like there’s an invisible wall between them now that neither of them know how to break through. And seeing Kurt at school, seeing the way he looks at Blaine, so hurt and disappointed and sad, it kills Blaine. He can barely stand it, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

Blaine doesn’t think he’s ever felt this miserable. And if he thought that distancing himself from Kurt would somehow help him get over him, he was sorely mistaken. He thinks about Kurt all the time. It’s like the less Blaine sees him, the more Kurt invades his thoughts.

It feels like no matter what he does, he can’t win.

He’s so tired. So tired of doing the opposite of what he wants. So tired of pretending. So tired of staying away from his best friend when all he wants to do is to spend every waking minute with him.

So when Kurt suddenly stands on his doorstep one late October evening, quietly asking to come inside, Blaine just stares at him in surprise for a moment (it’s been weeks since Kurt has been at his house) and then lets him in without a word.

They walk up the stairs to Blaine’s room, Kurt first, Blaine following right behind. Inside his room, Kurt tentatively sits down on Blaine’s bed while Blaine takes the desk chair. For a while neither of them speaks and Blaine lets his eyes linger on Kurt’s face, taking in the underlying sadness in his eyes, the determined set of his jaw. He looks about as tired as Blaine feels and Blaine’s heart clenches painfully at seeing Kurt like that.

Kurt lifts his head. “You’ve been avoiding me lately,” he says, getting straight to the point. “And I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s something that I’ve done, or something that I haven’t done, or… I don’t know. But I want you to tell me so I can fix it. Because you’re my best friend, Blaine, and I can’t stand us being like this.”

Blaine swallows. He doesn’t say anything. Kurt looks so stunningly gorgeous like this, his head held high, defiant, like he’s steeling himself for the worst but also like he’s determined to get through this no matter what happens. That’s how Kurt always approaches things. With pride, dignity and courage.

Kurt is the bravest person he knows.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Kurt,” he says eventually. “Believe me. I’ve just been going through some stuff and I had to do it by myself.”

“Why?” Kurt asks. “You and I have always shared things. We’ve always been there for each other. What’s changed? Why do you suddenly feel like you can’t talk to me?”

“Because… I can’t. Okay? I can’t talk to anyone about this. Not even you.”

Kurt’s expression turns worried, almost scared. “Are… are you in trouble, Blaine? Is that it? Are you involved in something… criminal?”

“No, Kurt, no.” Blaine shakes his head, almost wanting to laugh at how ridiculous it is that he’s distanced himself from Kurt to the point where Kurt’s worried he’s become a criminal, and closes his eyes for a moment. “It’s nothing like that. I’m okay, I just… I’m going through some changes.”

Kurt looks at him. His bottom lip starts to tremble. “Changes. Like… you don’t want to be friends with me anymore? You want to hang out with Sam and Mike and the other guys? If that’s how it is, Blaine, then… tell me. Don’t just keep avoiding me.”

Blaine doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to say to convince Kurt that everything is okay without hurting him or telling him too much. “That’s not how it is, Kurt. You’re my best friend and you’re more important to me than anyone else. You have to believe that.”

Kurt shakes his head and blinks away some tears. “It’s kind of hard to believe it when you never want to spend time with me anymore. When you’re doing everything to avoid me at school and spend all your time with your other friends. It doesn’t feel like I’m all that important to you.”

“But you are,” Blaine says quietly, helplessly. And then, even more quiet, “You have no idea.”

Kurt just shakes his head again. “I just don’t understand. I don’t understand what happened. I just know that… it feels like I’m losing you.” His voice breaks and he wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“But that’s the thing, Kurt.” Blaine leans forward, willing Kurt to understand. “I’m doing this so that you won’t have to lose me. I’m doing this so that we can still be in each other lives.”

“But what is ‘this’?” Kurt looks so confused and heartbroken that Blaine can barely stand to look at him. “What’s going on? You’re not making sense, Blaine, and quite frankly you’re starting to scare me.”

“No, don’t…” Blaine sighs, looking down. “It’s nothing that you have to worry about. I promise. Like I said, I’m just going through something.”

“And you’re not going to tell me what it is.” Kurt sounds angry and sad at the same time.

“I can’t, Kurt.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Blaine,” Kurt says quietly, making Blaine look up at him. “Because you can tell me. No matter what it is that you’re going through. I don’t know what you’re scared of, but… I won’t ever turn my back on you. No matter what’s going on, I’ll be there. But what I can’t stand is you pushing me away. Don’t you understand? You’re keeping me out and you say it’s because you want us to still be friends, but what you’re doing right now? That’s going to be the end of our friendship, Blaine.”

Blaine looks at him, straight into those beautiful eyes that seem to bore right into his soul, eyes that hold nothing but careful hope and quiet support and that sadness that’s been lingering for far too long now and that Blaine desperately wants to chase away. He’s so tired. He’s so tired of keeping Kurt out, of hurting him when all he wants to do is show him how much he really cares.

He knows that Kurt’s right. This could be the end of their friendship. If he tells Kurt the truth, Blaine will most likely lose him. But if he doesn’t, he’s still going to lose him. So it doesn’t really matter what he does. All he knows is that he’s sick of pretending.

So he sighs and closes his eyes, breathing in and out a few times. Then he opens them again and takes his guitar from where it’s leaning against his desk. Finding the right words to say at a moment like this feels impossible, but maybe, instead of talking about it, he can sing about it. He runs his fingers over the strings a few times, checking the sound, trying to keep his hands from trembling so much. The weight of the moment feels heavy in his stomach and he takes a deep breath, looks straight into Kurt’s questioning eyes, and sings.

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
I'll let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy
Inside
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah, you've got that something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy
Inside
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah, you've got that something
I think you'll understand
When I'll feel that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

The room is dead silent after the last sound of the guitar has died out. Blaine doesn’t move. He’s still looking straight at Kurt, Kurt who has tears rolling down his cheeks and looks like someone just slapped him. Blaine has never seen that look in his eyes before and he can’t make out what it means. Kurt’s breath hitches and a hand goes to his chest, but no words come out.

“Kurt, say something,” Blaine urges quietly. There’s no doubt in Blaine’s mind that Kurt understood what the song means. He understood completely. But he doesn’t say anything and Blaine can’t take the silence.

Kurt slowly pushes himself to his feet, swaying a little, like his legs can’t quite hold him. He’s no longer looking at Blaine. “I have to go,” he says quietly.

Dread fills Blaine, settling like a heavy lump in his throat. “No, Kurt,” he says, because Kurt has to talk to him right now. “You have to say something.”

“Not now, Blaine,” Kurt says, still not looking at him. “I… I can’t.”

He leaves the room without another word, moving quickly, like he can’t get out soon enough. Blaine can hear his footsteps down the stairs and then the front door slamming shut behind him as he leaves the house.

Blaine stares after him for what feels like ages and then he carefully sets his guitar aside. He hides his face in his hands, willing himself not to cry.

He was prepared for this to happen, but it still hurts.

Part 3

kbl_reversebang: In My Life I Love You More, Part 1

moongirl24 — Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:23:42 GMT

Title: In My Life I Love You More (1/7)
Author: moongirl24
Artist: emc14
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or its characters. I’m just borrowing them.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Burt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mrs. Anderson, other Glee characters
Word Count: ~36,600 words
Warnings: Some homophobia, bullying, mention of violence, mention of character deaths (not Kurt or Blaine!)
Summary: It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.

Story Master Post | Art

Part 1 – I’ve Just Seen a Face

Lima, Ohio, 1965

Blaine Anderson realizes he’s in love with Kurt Hummel on a Wednesday.

It starts off as a pretty ordinary Wednesday. Blaine is sitting in math class, listening to the teacher speaking about geometry. That’s what he’s supposed to be doing, anyway. As it is, his mind is focused on mentally picturing the chords to the Beatles song he’s currently trying to learn on guitar. He loves Eight Days a Week, but it’s been difficult to get it right. He’s not quite able to get it to sound the way the Beatles do and it’s getting frustrating.

Then again, no one will ever sound as good as the Beatles.

After a while his thoughts start to drift away from the chords and his attention is instead drawn towards Kurt, his best friend, who’s sitting at the desk right next to Blaine’s. The sun is filtering through the classroom windows, bathing Kurt in soft, golden light that makes him look like he’s glowing. He looks almost ethereal all of a sudden, and with a start Blaine starts to notice things about him that he hasn’t really thought about before.

He suddenly notices how flawless and soft Kurt’s skin looks, which he supposes has to do with how much time and effort Kurt put into his skin care routines. (Blaine has never really understood Kurt’s obsession with it before, but he can see now that it has its benefits.)

He notices how nicely styled Kurt’s hair is, how his clothes fit him so perfectly in Kurt’s own unique style, and it’s not like he has been completely unaware of those things before, but he now finds himself… appreciating them in a whole new way.

His eyes suddenly want to linger on the lines of Kurt’s shoulders and the elegant curve of his neck, the way he keeps his head held high, holding himself with so much grace and pride because that’s who he is.

He notices Kurt’s eyes, his nose, his defined bone structure that makes his face so much more interesting than everyone else’s.

He finds himself staring at Kurt’s mouth, his lips, wondering what it would feel like to–

Blaine startles in his seat and the world seems to stop for a moment. He blinks, and then blinks again, as realization slowly begins to dawn on him.

And then he finally gets it.

Suddenly he understands why he’s never been interested in girls the way most of his friends are. He understands why he’s never paid much attention to their soft curves and round breasts, why Sam’s endless chatter about girls, and about kissing girls, mostly just bore him.

Blaine doesn’t want to kiss girls. He wants to kiss Kurt.

He finds it harder to breathe all of a sudden, and it’s completely impossible to tear his eyes away from Kurt. How come he’s never noticed how stunningly beautiful Kurt is?

It isn’t until Sam pokes him in the back with his pencil that Blaine manages to pull his gaze away. He answers Sam’s whispered question to borrow a pencil sharpener by wordlessly handing him one, still in a daze, still stunned by his revelation.

The rest of the class is spent stealing glances at Kurt and not hearing a word the teacher says.

----

Alone in his room that afternoon, Blaine speaks the word out loud for the first time in his life.

Gay.

He’s heard the word before, of course. Being gay is not unheard of, but it isn’t something that people talk about either. And when they do it’s always in hushed voices and unfavorable manners, like it’s an ugly secret that shouldn’t be spoken out loud, because doing so might encourage it, and encouraging it is the last thing you want to do.

Blaine has never thought much about it. Why would he? Being gay is something that those activists that he’s seen on TV and heard about in the news are. It’s never had anything to do with him.

Until now.

He says it again, experimentally, tasting it on his tongue.

Gay.

Is Blaine really… like that? Like those people that shouldn’t be talked about? He isn’t quite able to identify himself with them because he’s just Blaine, a normal kid from small town Ohio. At least, he thought he was normal.

Apparently he isn’t. It’s not normal to want to kiss your best friend. Not when your best friend is a guy and you’re a guy, too.

He sighs and grabs his guitar, playing a few random chords before launching into the first Beatles song that comes to mind. He just needs to focus on something else right now and music has rarely failed him in the past.

Tonight, however, nothing really seems to help.

----

Over the next couple of days it only gets worse.

Now that he’s discovered that there is a different way to look at Kurt, he can’t seem to stop doing just that. No matter what Kurt says or does, Blaine finds it utterly adorable and charming. He realizes that there’s genuine attraction going on here. He’s actually attracted to Kurt in a way that is completely new and foreign to him. What happened in math class on Wednesday wasn’t just a crazy moment of weirdness. It was the beginning of something that seems to grow bigger and bigger every time he spends time with Kurt, or talks with him, or just… looks him. And to be honest, it scares him a little. Or a lot.

On Friday at the beginning of lunch hour, Kurt finds him by his locker.

“Whatever plans you have tonight, they are now canceled,” he says by way of greeting.

“Okay,” Blaine agrees easily because he doesn’t actually have any plans tonight. Nothing other than playing Beatles songs on his guitar, most likely sad love songs about Kurt. “What’s up?”

“Well,” Kurt says, clearly excited, if the way he seems unable to stand still is any indication. “My dad said I can borrow his car tonight. Which means that you and I are going to the movies.”

“We are?” Blaine’s heart sinks a little, because that sounds undeniably date-like and that’s the last thing he should be doing with Kurt right now.

“The Sound of Music, Blaine!” Kurt exclaims, sounding exasperated. “We’ve talked about it for weeks.”

Right, they have. Kurt, in particular. A new Julie Andrews movie is a big thing for him, as big as a new Beatles record would be for Blaine. And Blaine already agreed to hang out with Kurt tonight. There’s no way he’s going to get out of this one.

“What time does it start?” He relents with a small sigh.

Kurt’s face brightens as he claps his hands together excitedly. It’s such a typical Kurt thing to do, but how come Blaine’s never noticed how cute he looks when he’s doing it?

“It starts at seven,” Kurt says, grabbing the strap of the bag that hangs from his shoulder. “I can pick you up at your house at six?”

Date, a voice inside his head tells him.

No, not a date, he mentally protests, because it’s not. Two boys don’t go on dates together. Besides, he and Kurt have done stuff like this together a hundred times before; this is no different than any of those times. It shouldn’t be, anyway.

“Sounds good,” he says simply, and Kurt flashes him another smile, and why are his smiles suddenly so distracting?

The rest of day carries on the same way. It’s extremely tiring that every single thing he does with Kurt suddenly holds an entirely different meaning. Having lunch together (though their friends are there too, so it’s not like it’s just the two of them). Walking to class together. And then, tonight, their movie date. Which is not a date.

It’s all very confusing.

After school, Blaine spends an hour in the library, discreetly looking up the words “gay” and “homosexuality” in various books and encyclopedias. But he doesn’t find much information, and what he does find is all very neutral and dry, and doesn’t tell him anything he doesn’t already know. He’s not sure what he expected. Maybe just something to tell him that this is all okay, that he isn’t sick or crazy.

He doesn’t find it.

Blaine finally walks out of the library, defeated. But as he rides his bike home he remembers that he’s going to the movies with Kurt tonight, and that lifts his spirit somewhat. It may all be very complicated right now, but despite everything, Blaine is always, always happy to spend time with Kurt.

----

Blaine spends a long time getting ready that night. He hasn’t cared much about appearances before, but suddenly it seems important to look his best for Kurt. Plus, he knows that Kurt appreciates it when he puts some effort into dressing up and looking good.

He’s ready a quarter to six and spends the time until Kurt arrives in the living room watching TV with his mother. She throws him a considering look.

“You look nice, honey.”

“Thank you,” he replies.

“Are you going someplace special?” The question is innocent enough, but he can hear the underlying hope in her voice.

“Just to the movies. With Kurt.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “You spend a lot of time with Kurt,” she says.

It’s not actually a question but he replies anyway. “Of course I do. He’s my best friend.”

“And he’s a very nice boy,” his mother says quickly. “His father is a good, hard-working man.” She’s quiet again, and Blaine knows what’s coming. “Maybe next Friday you can invite a girl to the movies with you.”

Blaine barely keeps himself from sighing. They’ve had this conversation so many times. “Mom, when I find a girl that I like, I’ll be sure to ask her out.”

“I just worry about you, honey,” she tells him. “You spend so much time in your room and with Kurt. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on anything.”

“I don’t.” And then, because it feels important to point it out, “And Kurt isn’t the only one I spend time with. There’s Sam and Mike, too.”

The doorbell rings then, and Blaine jumps to his feet, eager for the conversation to be over. As he makes his way towards the hallway, his mother calls after him, “Remember your curfew!”

“I will!” he calls back before opening the door and revealing Kurt, who looks absolutely stunning in black slacks, a white shirt and grey vest, and his ever-present tie. His hair is as always styled to perfection and his smile is wide and radiant. The fact that Kurt looks good is nothing new, but right now he almost takes Blaine’s breath away.

“Hi,” Kurt says, his entire body seeming to buzz with excitement. “Are you ready?”

Blaine swallows and nods. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

They climb into Mr. Hummel’s old Ford and Kurt starts driving towards the movie theater in the center of Lima. It’s only a short drive, and after parking the car and buying tickets they find a place to sit while they wait for the movie to begin. Kurt chats nonstop about his expectations for the movie and that’s a huge relief to Blaine because he isn’t sure he would’ve been able to hide his troubled state of mind from Kurt if Kurt wasn’t so focused on something else. As it is, Blaine really just has to nod and smile and agree with whatever Kurt says.

Just as they’re about to enter the movie theater, Blaine catches sight of some familiar faces in the now quite large crowd of people waiting to be let in. “Isn’t that Rachel and Finn?” He asks, nodding his head discreetly in their direction.

Kurt looks over at them. “Yeah. I guess they really are dating then.” He pauses, considering. “I can’t say I understand what she sees in him.”

Blaine watches them for a while. They look happy. They are smiling and holding hands, and Rachel looks really pretty in her flowery dress. A pang of sadness hits him unexpectedly. If he really is… gay, then he won’t ever be able to do that. Go on dates with the person he likes, hold hands and flirt in public. He’s not sure, exactly, what would happen if he did, but he isn’t particularly eager to find out. It wouldn’t be pleasant, that’s the only thing he knows.

“Blaine? Are you okay?” He turns to find Kurt considering him, eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve been very quiet tonight. Aren’t you excited about the movie?”

“Of course I am.” He gives Kurt a smile that he hopes is bright enough to convince him. “I’m sorry, I just have some stuff on my mind.”

Kurt’s expression turns into more of a frown. “What kind of stuff? There’s nothing wrong, is there?”

“No, no.” He waves it away. “Just some stuff with my parents.”

That’s not completely untrue, considering the talk he had with his mother before he left the house earlier. He just hopes it’s enough to get Kurt to back off.

Luckily he never has to find out. Because the doors to the theater open just then, and people begin to make their way inside. “Come on,” he says quickly, before Kurt has time to ask any more questions. “Let’s go in.”

Kurt’s considering gaze lingers on him for a moment longer, but clearly he’s too excited about the movie to focus more on Blaine for the time being. So, instead of saying anything else he just nods and they walk inside and find their seats.

However, as soon as they’re seated and Blaine starts to look around, he can’t help but notice all the couples around them. There are a few groups of girls in the theater as well, but there’s no doubt that the majority of the people there are couples. And as far as Blaine can see, he and Kurt are the only guys who aren’t there with a girl.

He’s never thought much about stuff like this before – he and Kurt have always liked doing things that aren’t typically guy-like – but suddenly he’s hyperaware of it. What do other people think when they see him and Kurt together like this? Do they suspect anything? Not that there’s much to suspect because it’s not like they’re anything other than friends, but still. Is it enough for people to figure out that Blaine is… different?

Once the movie starts, with a beautiful landscape and Julie Andrews twirling and singing out on a green meadow, Blaine is finally able to put his thoughts to rest for a while. The movie is great and it feels really good to sit back and just take in what happens on the screen instead of listening to his chaotic mind.

But then, despite the dim light in the theater, he happens to notice Kurt’s hand lying on the armrest between their seats, and after that he isn’t able to focus so much on the movie anymore. Instead he stares at that hand, overcome with an intense urge to reach out and rest his own hand on top, to link his fingers with Kurt’s and have that connection with him.

It shocks him how much he wants it, and he’s almost surprised that he manages to hold himself back.

He steals a glance at Kurt, just to see if he’s noticed the staring, but Kurt seems completely engrossed by the movie. His eyes are large, like a small child’s, a little smile playing on his lips. He looks adorable.

Blaine relaxes a little and lets himself look at Kurt for a while longer, and then, with a fond smile, he forces his attention back to the movie and is proud when he’s able to keep it there until the credits start rolling.

Afterwards, in the car driving home, Kurt talks animatedly, all the way to Blaine’s house. Blaine hardly gets a word in, but that’s okay. He likes seeing Kurt excited.

----

“Oh man, did you see Brittany today?” Sam leans closer to Blaine over the table at the Lima Bean, the newly opened coffeehouse in town, like he’s going to share some sort of secret with him.

“Um, I guess.” Blaine takes a careful sip of his steaming hot coffee. “Why?”

Sam looks at him incredulously. “Why? Didn’t you see what she was wearing?”

Blaine racks his brain, but he can’t remember anything in particular. When he continues to look blank, Sam shakes his head.

“You didn’t notice the tiny mini skirt? Or that top? That very… generous cut top? She looked fine, man.”

It suddenly hits Blaine that he has to lie. At least if he wants to avoid Sam starting to ask questions or thinking that he’s weird. And that is something that he needs to avoid at all costs. So he gives Sam a wide grin that he hopes looks genuine. “I’m kidding, of course I noticed. How could I not?”

Sam looks almost relieved and his grin widens. “I know! Everyone noticed. At least all the guys did.” He leans in closer. “I asked her out.”

“You did?” Blaine is surprised, but he supposes he shouldn’t be – Sam’s been interested in Brittany for a while now. “What did she say?”

“Well, that’s the thing…” He looks at Blaine. “She said she’ll come if Santana can come, too.”

Blaine furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “That’s… a little weird.”

“Not if you come with us.”

Blaine sits back in his chair. He blinks. “You want… you want me to go out with you, Brittany and Santana Lopez?”

“Please, man? I really want this date with Brittany, and if you come then you can entertain Santana so Brittany and I can have some alone time together.”

Blaine just stares at him. “You’re joking, right?”

“Um… no?”

“In what world would you think that I would want to go out with Santana Lopez? We have nothing in common, Sam. I don’t even like her.” He shakes his head. Because really, Santana Lopez? Even if he did like girls, she would’ve been the last one he would want to go out with. To be honest, she kind of scares him.

“Oh, come on, Blaine. Help a friend out here.”

Blaine shakes his head again. “No. It’s not going to happen. Why don’t you ask Mike instead? Or wait, ask Puck. Everybody knows that he and Santana get along.”

Sam makes a small grimace, clearly knowing what Blaine means by ‘getting along’. But he actually seems to consider Blaine’s suggestion.

Blaine finishes the last of his coffee and gets to his feet. “I have to go.”

Sam looks disappointed. “Are you going to hang out with Kurt again?”

Blaine startles a little. Are people noticing how much time he and Kurt spend together? Do they suspect anything? “No,” he says truthfully. “I promised I’d be home for dinner. My dad is actually eating with us, for once.”

“Okay.” Sam seems to settle for that. “I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow, then.”

“Yeah.” Blaine nods. “See you.”

Blaine feels a bit uneasy as he walks outside to find his bike. And more than a little shaken. Shaken by the realization of how easy it would be for him to say or do something that would make people start asking questions. He honestly didn’t notice anything special about Brittany today, but it sounded like he should have. Any normal boy would have.

And that leads him to the thing that shook him the most during his conversation with Sam.

Blaine’s not normal. Not according to what most people think anyway. There are things about him that are different and that isn’t going to change. He’s never going to fall in love with a girl. And in a way he’s known that ever since that day in the classroom, but somehow he didn’t fully understand what it means until now.

It means hiding. Pretending to be someone else than who he truly is. It means having to lie, to his family, to his friends. It means not being able to marry, have a family. Not being able to be affectionate with someone in public. It could mean that he’ll never get a chance to find a special someone.

It means that he has feelings that a lot of people, most people probably, find disgusting and wrong.

Blaine sits through dinner with his parents without saying much. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so lonely.

Part 2

Ficlet: Lessons Learned (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Thu, 09 May 2013 15:41:57 GMT

Title: Lessons Learned
Characters/Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 562 words
Summary: Throughout his life Noah learns a lot of lessons.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but I don’t.
Beta: No beta, so I apologize in advance for the mistakes.
Author’s Note: Written for what_did_you_do and the prompt a lesson learned and also for my Nuke Bingo Card and the prompt long lost.

Throughout his life Noah learns a lot of lessons.

Never show weakness in front of his dad. Never ask questions about his mother. Never be late to his first day of work. Never play board games with Luke’s little sisters (unless, of course, he actually wants to lose).

But the most valuable and painful lesson is one he learns much later:

Never let the person he loves slip away without a fight.

Because, as it turns out, winning Luke back isn’t done in a heartbeat.

First there’s Reid. Noah doesn’t understand that relationship at all, doesn’t understand how Reid will be able to give Luke any of the things that he needs. And before anyone can find out, tragedy strikes – Reid gets killed and Luke is left behind, lost and broken.

Some time after that Luke starts dating Vincent. An arrogant reporter who thinks he’s god’s greatest gift to media, and well, to humanity in general. Noah meets him once, during a visit to Oakdale, and immediately hates his guts. He’s relieved to discover that by his next visit, Vincent is already long gone and Luke doesn’t seem to particularly care about it.

Then it’s Philip. He actually has Noah concerned for a while because he’s a really sweet guy, if maybe a bit dense. Luke seems to genuinely care about him, but Noah can’t help but notice that he also seems a bit… bored. Philip sticks around for almost a year though, and Noah doesn’t know how it all ends but Luke doesn’t seem too upset this time either.

After that there are a few guys that Noah only hears about. First Mark, then Brandon and finally Greg. To Noah they’re just faceless shadows that Luke mentions on the phone a couple of times (he doesn’t even change his Facebook status for them). Before he gets the chance to meet any of them they’re gone, and aren’t really talked about again.

Ryan is a surprise. He’s at least ten years older than Luke and makes no secret of what he wants: Find a partner, settle down and have a family. He’s clearly head over heels with Luke and proposes within six months. Luke seems kind of terrified by the whole thing and turns him down, no doubt breaking Ryan’s heart in the process. Noah, on the other hand, is immensely relieved.

After that there’s nothing for a while. No new names are mentioned when he speaks with Luke.

Then their friends-with-benefits period starts.

They hook up every time they meet (which isn’t nearly often enough) and it’s pretty amazing, except for the fact that it always leaves Noah wanting more.

Nothing more happens, though. They’re not together and neither of them seems to dare broach the subject. For a long time they just… don’t talk about it.

Until one night in Noah’s apartment, tangled together in Noah’s bed, when Luke whispers, “I love you, Noah. I’ve always loved you.”

Noah feels warm all over. Maybe what they once had isn’t lost after all.

In the end Noah learns another important lesson:

Even if it takes years and it sometimes feels like it will never happen, love is always worth waiting for.

Especially if the one you’re waiting for is Luke Snyder. Stubborn, sometimes infuriating, always incredible, the love of Noah’s life – Noah would have waited for him forever.

And then some.

Fic: For Charity (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:32:10 GMT

(click for bigger)

Title: For Charity
Pairings/Characters: Luke/Noah, Maddie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,927 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters.
Summary: Someone “buys” Luke at a charity auction and he ends up spending the evening with handsome, mysterious stranger.
Beta: sweetiejelly – Thank you so much, Ronnie! ♥
Author's Notes: Written for nukeminibang and inspired by the prompt Charity on my Nuke Bingo Card.

“Remind me again why I’m doing this?” Luke peaked out from behind the stage curtain at all the people gathered around the stage in the small, but packed venue. Thankfully he didn’t see a whole lot of people that he knew, but he did spot a couple of familiar faces in the crowd. Great. They would all get to watch him make a fool of himself. He was never going to hear the end of this.

“It’s for charity,” Maddie pointed out, leaning in next to him to glance out at the audience through the gap in the curtain. “You’re doing it because it’s for a good cause. And who knows, you might even have fun.”

“Yeah, right.” Luke sighed and turned around, away from the crowd. “Most likely I’ll end up with some creepy old man who’s looking to finally live out his lifelong, secret fantasy while his wife is at home, thinking he’s at a business meeting. Or it’ll be some girl who’s always wanted a gay friend to discuss fashion and interior design with.” He shrugged. “Either way, it will be greatly disappointing for them and extremely uncomfortable for me. So really, Maddie, why did I ever agree to this?”

“Because you, Luke Snyder, despite being ridiculously negative right now, are a good guy who is willing to sacrifice a few hours of your time to benefit the greater good. You’ll be fine, just wait and see.”

Luke shook his head. Maddie’s optimism was bordering on annoying sometimes. “That’s easy for you to say. You already know that Casey is going to outbid everyone and that you’ll get a romantic evening out of it. I would have liked to see you being in my shoes.”

“I would have handled it a lot better than you’re doing right now.” She gave him an unconcerned smile. “Quit whining, Luke. It’s not the end of the world.”

He watched her walk away and out onto the stage as her name was called. He sighed again and started to pace back and forth nervously in an attempt to calm himself down. It didn’t work.

Maybe Maddie was right. Maybe this wasn’t the end of the world. But Luke sure could think of better ways to spend a Friday night.

----

He was even more nervous when he finally stepped on stage as one of the last ones. The lights hit him, and the audience became a dark mass of heads in front of him. He was actually quite grateful that he couldn’t see most faces very clearly. It made the whole thing more bearable somehow. But he still regretted ever agreeing to do this. Why did he get himself into these situations?

As expected, there wasn’t a whole lot of people bidding on the gay guy (one of two gay guys, actually). In the beginning a few drunken guys made bids just for fun, and Luke stood there, wondering where that hole in the ground was when he needed it the most, feeling more out of his element than he had ever been. This just wasn’t him. He knew it was all just for fun, an entertainment and, judging by the amount of people who were here tonight, popular way to make money for a good cause. But he didn’t like putting himself out there like this, no matter how harmless this event was supposed to be.

In the end, he found himself in a bidding war between two guys: A middle-aged man in the front row and someone in the back that Luke couldn’t see. The guy in the back sounded a lot younger than the one in the front, and even though Luke had no idea who he was, he found himself rooting for the guy. He did not want to spend his night with a man twice his age, even though, to be fair, he looked nice enough. The mystery guy in the back, however? Luke couldn’t help being enticed by the idea of spending the night with an exciting stranger. Hopefully a nice, exciting stranger. And if he was very lucky, maybe even a handsome one.

But, no. He was not going to be excited about this. This whole thing was stupid. It was too late to turn back, though, and he made a promise to himself that no matter whom he had to spend his evening with, he was going to put on his brightest smile and fake his way through it. He was not, however, going to enjoy it.

At last, and much to Luke’s relief, mystery guy outbid front row guy to enthusiastic cheers from the audience. Unfortunately though, his relief was short-lived. Once he realized that he was forced to spend his night with a guy he hadn’t even seen, his nerves came back full force. This was going to be a disaster. He was not cut out for these kinds of arrangements.

Luke hurried off stage, happy to escape the spotlight, and found the woman he had been told to contact to be matched up with his buyer. While he waited for mystery guy to show up, he shuffled nervously from foot to foot, unable to get his nerves under control.

He couldn’t wait for this whole night to be over.

----

The guy was young. He looked like he could be around Luke’s age, and he approached Luke with a tentative smile on his face. “Hi, I’m Noah,” he said, offering his hand to Luke.

Luke took it, momentarily speechless, because he hadn’t been prepared for his mystery buyer to be so… well, hot. He was taller than Luke, and seemed to have a nice, lean body underneath clothes that weren’t formal, but perfect for a night out. His dark, unstyled hair curled a little at the edges and looked really soft. (Luke got a sudden urge to run his fingers through it.) Luke let his eyes travel, settling for a moment on an uncertain, but really nice smile, and then he was finally looking directly into a pair of striking, blue eyes that were really hard to look away from.

He did, though, after a halfway successful attempt at acting like a normal person instead of a staring fool. But at least he would have something nice to look at tonight, even if the evening itself should turn into a disaster. “Luke,” he finally got out, finding his voice again after the initial surprise. “Nice to meet you.”

They drew their hands back and stood there in awkward silence for a moment. Noah seemed hesitant, and almost more nervous than Luke, and for some reason that made Luke relax a little. “So, I’m all yours for the night.” He gave Noah what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “Do you have any plans?”

“I do, actually,” Noah admitted, blushing slightly. “I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course,” Luke said, surprised by Noah’s apparent shyness. He had pictured a lot of different scenarios and possible companions for tonight, but nothing like this. Not someone like Noah. “Anything you want.”

“Okay.” Noah smiled again. “Feel free to veto anything you don’t like, though. I want you to have a good time.”

“Unless you expect me to become a criminal I think we’re good,” Luke grinned, feeling pretty certain that whatever Noah had planned for tonight, it would be something that he could handle with relative ease. Noah seemed like someone who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“Right.” Noah looked relieved, but he was clearly nervous still. “I thought maybe we could start by going to the movie theater. There’s a showing of Gone With The Wind today. Have you seen it?”

“No,” Luke said, surprised by Noah’s suggestion. Going to the movies seemed like such a normal thing to do, and not something Luke expected from someone who bought his company at a charity auction. And he certainly didn’t expect Noah to choose a movie that, as far as Luke knew, was an old love story. “Isn’t that movie, like, really old?”

“It’s a classic,” Noah corrected. “One of my favorites. And it’s not often there’s a chance to watch it at the movies anymore, so I figured, if you want…”

“Sure.” Luke smiled, because Noah looked really uncomfortable, like he was scared to say or do the wrong thing. “I haven’t been to the movies in ages.

Noah’s face brightened and he gave Luke a grateful smile. “Great.” He checked his watch. “The movie starts in thirty minutes.” He motioned with his hand toward the exit, indicating for Luke to go first. “Shall we?”

Luke nodded and walked towards the door, Noah following right behind him. He couldn’t quite believe his luck, that he had somehow ended up with a guy who, in addition to being really hot, was also adorably shy and polite. Or, so it seemed. He just hoped that Noah didn’t turn out to be a creep later on.

Somehow he doubted it. Noah seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

And Luke was going to the movies with him. This night was quickly turning into something quite different than he had expected.

----

The movie was long, but pretty good, and Luke enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would. Still, he was happy when it was over. Sitting next to each other in a dark movie theater didn’t leave them with a whole lot of opportunities to talk, and Luke wanted to talk. Noah intrigued him. There was something mysterious about him and Luke wanted to find out more.

After the movie Noah took him to a restaurant, and a really nice one at that. Not too formal, but decidedly classy. A waiter showed them to a quiet corner table in the back of the room, and Luke was shocked into stunned silence for a moment, first at realizing that Noah had reserved a table for them, and then when Noah actually pulled his chair out for him.

It finally hit him, then. This was a date. He hadn’t been sure before – this whole situation made him uncertain, and he hadn’t been sure what Noah’s intentions were. He hadn’t even been able to determine if Noah was gay.

But this? This was definitely a date. No matter how the whole thing came about, or what reasons Noah had for taking him out tonight.

And Luke, who could count on one hand the number of times he had been on dates in the past, decided to make the most of it.

“So, Noah, where are you from?” Luke asked as they waited for their food to arrive. “I assume you’re a student?”

“I am,” Noah confirmed with a nod, and Luke was pleased to notice that Noah seemed more relaxed now than at their initial meeting. The movie and the cozy, quiet atmosphere of the restaurant had clearly helped calm his nerves some. Luke was feeling a lot more relaxed himself. “This is my first year. And as for where I’m from… I’m from all over. My dad and I have moved around my whole life. I don’t think I’ve stayed in one place for more than two years.”

“Really?” Luke was intrigued. “Wow. You must have seen a lot of different places. Me, I’m from a small town in Illinois and before I moved here for college I’d never lived anywhere else.”

“That’s… I don’t even know what that’s like. To have roots, to belong somewhere…” Noah’s voice had turned wistful. “That sounds amazing to me.”

Luke had never thought about it like that. Even though he had certainly experienced his fair share of crazy stuff, he had always considered himself quite boring and inexperienced, someone who had grown up sheltered and protected and had a lot to learn about the world outside of Oakdale. As much as he loved his hometown, he had sometimes felt frustrated and isolated and longed for something different. He had never really thought about how some people might envy the way he grew up.

“Yeah, in many ways I guess I’m lucky,” Luke said. “But I would have loved to see more of the world.”

“The world is not all it’s cracked up to be,” Noah said. “I mean, there are some beautiful and amazing places out there. But the truth is that none of those places mean anything when you always feel like a visitor.”

Luke had to swallow a sudden lump in his throat. “Yeah, I can see that. I guess it’s easy to take things for granted when you’ve always had them.” He felt almost sad for Noah and wondered whether he should change the subject or encourage Noah to keep talking. Luke somehow got the feeling that Noah didn’t usually share his feelings on this particular subject. There was something about the way he talked that led Luke to believe that Noah usually didn’t say these words out loud.

But before he could make a decision, Noah changed the subject himself. “Tell me about your hometown. What’s it called?”

“Oakdale. Don’t worry if you haven’t heard of it. No one has.”

“Oakdale?” Noah repeated thoughtfully. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it. There’s a pretty good university there. And a local TV station, I think?”

“WOAK.” Luke stared at Noah in surprise. “I’m impressed. How do you know these things?”

“Believe it or not, but I was actually planning to attend Oakdale U this year,” Noah said. “They have a pretty good film program there. And because of some… financial problems I thought for a while that Northwestern wouldn’t be an option. So I did some research, just to see what sort of place I was going to.”

“Wow,” Luke said, still surprised. “Most people I meet have no idea where Oakdale even is.”

Noah ducked his head with a bashful smile, and something happened inside Luke when he saw that smile. A flutter in his stomach, a tingle down his body. He would pay money to see that smile, he really would.

Their food arrived and for a while they didn’t talk much, focusing instead on the meal. Still, Luke couldn’t help but glance at Noah across the table while he ate, and at one point their gazes met, held for just a moment, before Luke looked away, his face flushed. He was confused and surprised by his reaction to Noah, but in a way he welcomed it, too. It had been a long time since he had reacted this way to another boy and it was exciting and thrilling. But he found it a bit scary, too, and he had to remind himself that even though this clearly was a date, it wasn’t a date in the normal sense of the word. It wasn’t a result of a mutual agreement because they liked each other. Noah had bought Luke’s time. And even though being here wasn’t much of a hardship for Luke, he still had no idea what reasons Noah had for doing this, or if he even liked Luke like that. Which was stupid to even think about, because they didn’t know each other, so why should Noah be interested?

After dinner they got dessert and if it had been hard for Luke to not look at Noah while they ate dinner, it became almost impossible now. They ordered ice cream and berries, and watching Noah lift the spoon to his lips and pop the berries into his mouth with slow movements, and seeing how they made his lips red and wet, was incredibly distracting. For a while he wondered if Noah was doing it on purpose, but for some reason Noah didn’t strike him as the obvious flirting type. He rather seemed like the kind of guy who had no idea how attractive he was or what kind of effect he had on other people.

When the meal was over, Luke was both dazed and flushed. It was like Noah had put him in some sort of trance, and Luke figured it was time to end it before he made a complete fool of himself. “I take it you’re a film student?” he asked, in an attempt to get the conversation going again. When Noah sent him a questioning look, Luke added, “You mentioned the film program at OU before.”

Noah nodded. “Yeah, I am. Movies are kind of a big passion of mine, and working in the film industry is the only thing I want to do with my life, really.”

“And let me guess. You love the classics.”

Noah smile was a little flustered. “I do. There’s nothing like the classics. Don’t get me wrong, they still make great movies, but there’s something special about the old ones. I don’t think it’s possible to make that kind of movies anymore.” He sounded almost sad when he said it, and Luke felt a strange need to offer some kind of comfort.

“But maybe, in fifty years or so, today’s movies will be the classics,” he said. “Maybe they just need time to reach that status.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Noah gave him a smile that was so genuine that Luke’s breath caught in his throat and he had to take a moment before he could speak. He swallowed.

“You should meet my friend Maddie,” he said, with what he hoped was a cheerful smile. “She’s a total movie buff.”

“I would love to,” Noah said, and Luke wondered how he could seem so calm, when inside Luke there were butterflies aflutter and a rapidly beating heart. Noah seemed completely unaffected. Maybe he was. That thought discouraged Luke a little, but he reminded himself, once again, what this night was. Noah didn’t owe him anything, and Luke certainly had no right to expect anything from him.

“So what program are you in?” Noah asked, and it took a second before Luke was able to gather his mind enough to realize what Noah was talking about. Pull yourself together, Luke, he quietly chastised himself.

“Comparative literature,” Luke said. “Undergraduate. I’m not really sure what I want to do with my life, though. Most of all I want to be a writer.”

“Then I hope you become one,” Noah said. “If writing is something you’re passionate about, then you should do anything you can to make it happen.”

Luke got the sense that Noah wasn’t just talking about him right now, but before he got the chance to follow that thought, the waiter appeared to collect their plates, and Noah asked for the bill. Noah insisted on paying and Luke didn’t put up much of an argument – he wasn’t sure what rules there were for these kinds of arrangements, but since the inviting party usually paid at normal dates, he figured it might be the same here.

A thought hit him then – their meal was over. Did that mean the night was coming to an end? Luke didn’t want it to, he really didn’t, but this was Noah’s night and he was the one who made the calls.

So when they were walking towards the exit and Noah asked if Luke wanted to take a walk with him, Luke breathed a quiet sigh of relief and gave Noah a big smile.

----

It was a beautiful night outside. Luke wasn’t sure what time it was – he had no idea how long they had been at the restaurant and he wasn’t wearing a watch, nor had he had the chance to check his phone. But the half moon was sitting high in the sky and there were not a whole lot of people out. It was a perfect night for a walk.

It was almost romantic, Luke thought. If the situation had been different, it definitely would have been.

They walked in silence for a while, and Luke decided that it was time to finally ask the question that had been nagging at him all night.

“Can I ask you something?” he said, his voice loud in the quiet street.

Noah looked over at him. “Yeah, of course.”

“Okay.” They walked a few more steps before Luke continued, “Why did you do this? Why did you bid at the auction? I mean… I’m glad you did. I had a great time tonight.” He gave Noah a quick smile. “But I guess I don’t really understand… why.”

Noah didn’t say anything for a long time. Luke started to regret saying anything at all, because this really wasn’t any of his business. If Noah wanted to spend his money on a night with Luke, that was his choice, and Luke’s only job was to make sure that Noah had a good time. He didn’t know Noah. They weren’t even friends, and Noah had no obligation to tell Luke anything.

Just as Luke was about to apologize for mentioning it, Noah spoke.

“I’m not out,” he said. “Not really. I mean, I’m not making much of an effort to hide it around campus, but I haven’t actually told anyone. My dad has no idea. And I can’t tell him. If I did I’d lose him.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Luke said. “I mean, if he got some time to get used to the idea…”

“No, I would,” Noah said with certainty. “He would never accept it. And… we’re not close or anything, but I’m not ready to lose him. Not yet. And then there’s the fact that he’s paying for my education. I can’t… I can’t risk losing that.”

“Okay,” Luke said slowly, not quite understanding what this had to do with anything. “I guess I can understand that.”

Noah gave him a tight smile, looking a little tenser now. “I’ve never had a boyfriend,” he continued. “But I want to, you know? I want to be with someone. Someone who is special, and who finds me special, too. Someone to love. But I can’t have that. Not yet. I can’t even date. It would be too risky. But then I saw you, and I thought… that maybe, for one night, I could be myself. I thought that maybe I could have that one perfect date I’ve always dreamed of.”

Luke swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. Whatever reasons he thought Noah might have, this wasn’t it. He remembered all too well what it was like to keep that secret, to hide who he really was. How scared he had been that his family would find out and push him away.

Noah looked at him. “This must sound crazy to you,” he said.

Luke shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. I just wish things were different for you. And I hope that tonight is everything you wanted it to be.”

Noah’s shoulders relaxed a little and he smiled at Luke. “It is. Thank you for being so cool about it.”

Luke gave him a smile in return, still a bit taken aback by Noah’s revelation, but Noah didn’t need to know that. He got a sudden impulse, and in a moment of boldness he grabbed Noah’s hand, his heart giving a small leap at the contact. Noah startled next to him and turned to stare at Luke with wide eyes.

“It’s a date, right?” Luke said with a small shrug and a calmness he didn’t really feel.

Noah continued to look at him, and then down at their hands, and Luke hoped that he hadn’t overwhelmed him or gone too far. Noah wasn’t out, after all. He might not be comfortable with things like this. But after a while Noah’s features relaxed some, and still with a bit of apprehension on his face, he linked his fingers properly with Luke’s.

Luke smiled brightly, trying to make Noah feel comfortable, and also because they were holding hands.

They continued down the street, hand in hand, and Luke thought to himself that this might not be a date in the normal sense of the word, but it was starting to feel more real than any date he had ever been on.

----

After walking for a while, their conversation easy and quiet, like they had known each other a lot longer than just a few hours, they found themselves approaching one of the parks in the area. Soft music reached Luke’s ears, and when they entered the park, they discovered that there was some kind of event going on, with a band playing and lots of people swaying along to the slow rhythm. Luke and Noah slowed their steps and stood there watching for a while.

Noah tugged lightly on Luke’s hand. “Will you dance with me?” he whispered, looking almost surprised at his own bold question.

Luke was surprised too, because Noah had been so shy and careful all night, but he smiled at Noah and nodded. “Yes,” he said, and Noah gave him a relieved smile and pulled him over to the other couples. There was a slightly awkward moment where they tried to figure out where their hands went, and they both laughed nervously, but then they figured it out, and tentatively wrapped their arms around each other.

It was the first time Luke slow danced with another guy. His heart was hammering and his whole body felt alert and tingling, but there was also a strange sense of calmness settling over him. It felt good being in Noah’s arms. Safe. And, even though he almost didn’t dare to even think it, right.

But this wasn’t real. He had to remember that, no matter how amazing this felt right now.

Still, he was dancing with an attractive guy that he really liked, and he was going to enjoy that, no matter the circumstances.

They were swaying more than dancing, which was good, because then Luke didn’t have to worry about being clumsy and awkward, which was how he usually appeared on a dance floor. Instead he could focus on Noah.

Actually, it was kind of difficult to focus on anything other than Noah, because right now, Luke’s world consisted only of him. His arms around Luke were solid but gentle, and Luke, who had been a bit tense at first, let himself relax into them. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Noah’s shoulder. He could hear Noah’s breath hitch (and maybe he wasn’t quite so unaffected after all), but he leaned his head against Luke’s, and Luke had never, ever felt so alive.

He was flying, somewhere up high, some place wonderful, where he and Noah could stay like this forever. Something was happening inside him, and between them, but now wasn’t the time to analyze that. Because this was a moment, a special one, one that he would remember for a very long time.

It was so easy to forget everything else, so when the music stopped and the people around them started to applaud the band, they both startled. To Luke, it was almost a shock to discover that they weren’t alone.

He felt a bit shaky as they pulled apart, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to speak right now if he tried. He dared a quick glance at Noah, who looked flustered and bewildered, his eyes wide and confused. So Luke wasn’t the only one who had felt it. Whatever ‘it’ was.

Noah was the first one to speak. “Thank you for the dance.” There was a faint tremor in his voice.

Luke just nodded, forcing a small smile. It was all he could do.

----

They walked back to Luke’s dorm in silence. They didn’t hold hands this time, not because Luke didn’t want to, but because he was afraid it would be too much for Noah after the dance. He was afraid it would be too much for himself, too, to be completely honest.

He was still shaken by the dance and whatever had happened with him while he was in Noah’s arms. And what scared Luke the most, was the realization of how easy it would be to fall for Noah, if he let himself. Of course, he couldn’t do that – he and Noah had tonight together and that was it – but that didn’t change the fact that Noah was affecting him in ways that no other guy had ever done before.

But, no. Luke made an attempt to shake himself out of his daze. He had to stop this. Right now. God, he was pathetic, getting all moony-eyed and fluttery over a guy he was on a pretend date with.

So when they arrived at Luke’s dorm, he turned to Noah and smiled. “Thank you for a great evening,” he said.

“Thank you,” Noah said. “You said before that you hoped tonight would be everything I wanted it to be. And it was.”

“I’m glad.”

They stood in silence for a moment, until Noah made a vague gesture with his hand. “I should probably go,” he said, reluctance clear in his voice. “I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“Where do you work?” Luke asked, wanting to prolong this evening as much as he possibly could.

“At a coffee shop, the one by the main campus library. Do you know it?”

“Yeah, I know it. I might stop by sometime.”

Noah smiled. “You should.”

Luke nodded slowly and gave Noah a promising grin before acknowledging that the night had, regretfully, come to an end. Noah seemed to have realized the same thing.

“Thank you, again,” he said. “Tonight really was great.”

Luke nodded and stepped forward to pull Noah into a hug, one that lasted maybe a bit longer than it should, but Noah’s arms came up and wrapped around Luke easily, and Luke figured it was okay to indulge a little before letting Noah go.

By the time the hug ended, though, something had changed. Or maybe it hadn’t changed, maybe it was the same thing Luke had felt all evening – that attraction that made his heart race when they were near each other, and that made him want to look at Noah all the time. That thing that had turned their dance into something more than just a dance. Whatever it was, it was hanging there in the space between them, making it hard to breathe.

Actually, there wasn’t much space left between them at all. Luke’s hands were still perched on Noah’s shoulders, Noah’s arms still resting lightly at Luke’s waist. It was like they were both reluctant to pull apart completely and had stopped before they could move too far away.

Luke wondered briefly if he would be completely out of line if he maybe… kissed Noah. Noah certainly didn’t look like he would mind, if the way he was staring at Luke’s lips right now was any indication. Luke realized that he might be staring a bit himself, but in his defense, Noah’s lips looked extremely kissable right now. It was so tempting to lean in and close those few inches that separated them… But somewhere in the back in his mind he remembered that Noah was the one who was supposed to make the calls tonight. The last thing Luke wanted after the amazing night they had was to do anything that would make him uncomfortable.

In the end he decided that he needed to leave it up to Noah. “You can kiss me if you want to,” he whispered, because it couldn’t hurt to give Noah a little push in the right direction.

Noah’s eyes grew wider and he moved his gaze from Luke’s lips to his eyes. He swallowed visibly. “Okay,” he said, in a voice that was almost inaudible.

Even though Luke knew what was coming, it was still a shock to feel Noah’s lips against his. He hadn’t kissed a whole lot of guys in his life and he had almost forgotten what it was like. He had almost forgotten how amazing it felt, or maybe it was because it was with Noah that it felt so great. Noah’s lips were soft and warm, but a bit dry, and he tasted like the dessert they had earlier. He was hesitant at first, much like he had been all night, but Luke, who was quickly being swept off his feet, responded eagerly, and it wasn’t long before he could feel Noah melt into him.

It felt entirely too soon when Noah pulled away, and a little moan of protest slipped out of Luke. He should probably have felt embarrassed about it, but there wasn’t room for any of that right now. Luke glanced up at Noah, who looked dazed and was breathing raggedly. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out.

Luke couldn’t help the small chuckle that burst out of him. “Looks like we make a good team.”

A small, breathless laugh slipped out of Noah. He ducked his head and smiled sheepishly. “Yeah.” He looked down for a few moments before he lifted his head and let his gaze rest on Luke again. His expression turned sober. “Luke, I… I wish that we could have had more than this one night together. Even if we can’t, I want you to know that.”

Luke smiled sadly. “I know. I wish that too.”

Noah nodded slowly and gave Luke a ghost of a smile. “Thank you again for tonight, though,” he said, digging his hands into his pockets. “I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect date.” He flushed a little. “I especially enjoyed that last part.”

Luke laughed. “Yeah, that was my favorite part too.”

They said their final goodbyes and Luke started walking toward the entrance to his building. But after a few steps he stopped and turned around. “Hey, Noah?”

Noah, who had started to walk away, whirled around at the sound of his voice, facing him again. “Yeah?”

Luke shuffled his feet for a moment and bit his lip, hesitant. “When… when you’re ready, to take the next step… let me know, okay? You know where to find me.” He made a vague gesture towards the building behind him. “And until then, you’ll see me around.”

Noah looked at him for a moment, and nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll find you.” It sounded like a promise.

It was the last thing they said to each other. Luke watched Noah walk away, and only when Noah disappeared around a corner did he turn around and walked the rest of the way to the door.

----

The next day, Maddie called him.

“How was your night?” she asked as soon as they had exchanged hellos. “Casey dragged me off so quickly last night that I didn’t even get the chance to see your guy.”

“The night was good,” Luke replied simply, flopping down on his bed while holding the phone to his ear.

“Good? That’s all you’re going to give me?”

“What do you want me to say?” He made an attempt at a shrug even though she couldn’t see that. “A guy won the auction and we went out. It was fun.”

“Really?” She didn’t sound entirely convinced. “So no old creep then?”

“No, thank god.”

She sighed. “Are you really not going to tell me anything? You know I want details.”

He smiled. The truth was that he couldn’t wait to tell her about last night, even though he intended to let some things remain private. “I know. And I’ll tell you. Coffee later?”

“Sure. Where do you want to go?”

His answer was immediate and he smiled to himself as he said, “Do you know the coffee shop by the campus library?”

-END-

Fic: Luke Snyder: Published Author (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 18:03:23 GMT

Title: Luke Snyder: Published Author
Pairings/Characters: Luke/Noah
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4,800 words
Summary: Luke's dream of becoming a published author finally comes true.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but I don't.
Beta: No beta on this one, I apologize in advance for the mistakes
Author’s Note: Written for nuke_anon's challenge #12 and the prompt apocalypse. Also written for the prompt flowers on my Nuke Bingo Card from promptslove. Also, I know nothing about book publishing. This is pure fantasy.

Luke Snyder: Published Author

***

Fic: Morning Discussions (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 17:01:01 GMT

Title: Morning Discussions
Pairings/Characters: Luke/Noah
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1,337 words
Summary: They may be back together, but they still have stuff to sort out.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but I don't.
Beta: No beta on this one, I apologize in advance for the mistakes
Author’s Note: Written for the prompt living together on my Nuke Bingo Card from promptslove. Dedicated to sweetiejelly as a late birthday gift. Ronnie, thank you for always being so great and for giving me the bingo card that made me write this :) Also, this is my first fic in months so I'm feeling a bit rusty. But I'm trying to get back in the groove!

Morning Discussions

Luke looked both really hot and really cute moving around in Noah’s kitchen dressed only in his underwear and one of Noah’s t-shirts. It did something to Noah to see Luke walk around the room like this was his kitchen, his home – it made his stomach flutter, and his heart beat a little more rapidly. Luke looked like he belonged here. Noah wasn’t sure if that scared him or delighted him.

Luke came over to the table with two steaming mugs of coffee. He set both mugs down on the table and slid one over to Noah before sitting down. “There you go,” he said, smiling at Noah across the table. “Don’t you just love having someone make you coffee in the morning?”

“I love having you make me coffee,” Noah said, taking a careful sip of his mug. “You’re actually pretty good at it.”

“Actually? Pretty good? What’s that supposed to mean?” Luke clearly tried to look indignant, but he wasn’t particularly successful. He was too giddy. And he wasn’t the only one.

“Nothing! It was meant to be a compliment. Accept it and be happy.”

Luke’s smile softened. “I am happy, Noah.” He rested his hand on the table, palm up in invitation. Noah immediately slid his own hand forward, finding Luke’s. “I’m very, very happy.”

Noah replied with a soft “me too”, and then they both just looked at each other across the table. It was pretty incredible to feel this connection again, to finally be at a point where they were both ready to share their lives with each other again. Noah would have liked to say that he always knew they would get there, but that would have been a lie. It wasn’t easy, waiting for Luke and knowing that he was back in Oakdale, mourning someone else. Not being sure how Luke felt about him. If there were any feelings left at all.

Now, with Luke smiling at him like he was the most amazing thing in the entire universe it seemed kind of silly that he ever doubted it, and Noah felt himself blush a little under that warm, intense gaze. It was going to take some getting used to, having Luke look at him like that again. It used to make Noah feel so amazing, so special, and he was quickly discovering that it still did.

Noah wondered if maybe this was the thing he missed the most when they were apart.

“So,” Luke said at last, his thumb moving slowly back and forth over Noah’s hand. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

Luke fixed him with an entirely different kind of look this time, a you-know-what-I’m-talking-about look. “You know what. That thing we both very deliberately left out of the conversation yesterday. We may be back together, and we may have had the world’s most amazing sex last night…” He grinned at Noah, who could only grin back, because yeah, Luke was definitely right about that. “But we still have stuff to sort out.”

Noah knew that. And he knew what Luke was talking about, of course he did. He didn’t know why he pretended not to. He was just worried – okay, scared – about what Luke was going to say. Noah knew what he wanted. But maybe Luke wasn’t ready for that.

Noah let out a slow breath. “Yeah, I know. Stuff like… living arrangements.”

Luke nodded. “Yep.” He paused before continuing, “Me moving to L.A. doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to live together.”

“No, of course not,” Noah agreed, albeit a little half-heartedly. “We just got back together, so maybe it’s wise to take it slow.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

There was silence. It felt a little awkward, and Noah took a sip of his coffee just to have something to do with his hands.

“So, no living together then,” Luke said.

“I guess not,” Noah said reluctantly, trying not to let any disappointment show. The truth was that he wanted nothing more than to live with Luke. It was soon, yes, they had just gotten back together, but… He wanted it. Badly.

But Luke clearly wasn’t ready, and that was probably for the best anyway. They would still be in the same city, and they could spend the night at each other’s place all the time. It would be great.

He looked up to find Luke’s gaze on him, considering. “Noah? It’s what you want, right? Us not living together, for now at least?”

“Yeah,” Noah replied quickly. “Yes. I mean, it’s so soon, it would be kind of crazy to just…” He forced a smile, motioning with his hand.

“Yes, it would be,” Luke agreed.

Only… there was something in his voice that made Noah question whether Luke was being entirely truthful. If maybe there was something he wasn’t saying. Like maybe…

“Luke? Do you… do you want us to live together?”

Luke shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, Noah. We’ll move in together when we’re both ready to. Until then-”

Noah interrupted him. “No, Luke, that’s not what I’m asking. Do you want us to live together?”

Luke just looked at him for a long time. Finally he sighed and closed his hands around his coffee mug. “Of course I do, Noah. I want to be with you as much as possible, and living together… that’s something I’ve dreamed of ever since the first time we shared an apartment. But clearly you’re not there yet, and that’s okay. I understand.”

Noah had to smile. Luke was adorable when he tried to do the right thing, or, what he thought was the right thing, when what he really wanted was the exact opposite. Actually, that seemed to be what they were both doing right now. Noah leaned forward a little, enough to pull one of Luke’s hands away from his mug, so that he could link their fingers together again.

“Okay.”

Luke looked confused. “Okay, what?”

“Let’s live together.”

Luke’s eyes grew a little wider. “Really? Please don’t say that just because I-”

“I’m not.” Noah squeezed Luke’s hand. “I want us to live together. More than anything. I just got the impression that you thought it was too soon.”

Luke grinned and shrugged. “I just… well, it’s a little crazy, isn’t it?”

“A little bit.” Noah grinned too. “But I don’t know, I kind of want to be crazy with you.”

Luke laughed a little, almost a giggle. “Me too.”

“So…,” Noah said, completely unable to stop smiling. “Roomies, then?”

“Roomies,” Luke confirmed with a small nod and a smile that could not get any wider. He got up from his chair and moved around the table, seating himself on Noah’s lap. Noah wrapped his arms around his waist. “We should seal that with a kiss, don’t you agree?” Luke murmured as he propped his arms on Noah’s shoulders and moved in to kiss him.

“Mmm,” Noah murmured into the kiss. Luke was an amazing kisser. Noah wasn’t sure how he had been able to go without it for such a long time. He knew for a fact that he never wanted to do that ever again. “How about we seal it with more than just a kiss?” he suggested, pulling away just a little, just enough to get the words out.

“Hell yeah,” Luke whispered breathlessly against Noah’s lips, diving in for another kiss. It didn’t matter that they finished their last round of ‘more’ only an hour ago, or that they had kept themselves very busy for a large part of the previous night. At this point, Noah could not get enough of Luke, and it thrilled him that they were clearly on the same page about that, as well as about the living arrangements.

Maybe he should be worried, about moving too fast and about what the future might hold for them. But this wasn’t the time for that. Right now, Noah was happy. And hopefully, this was just the first of many, many happy days. With Luke.

-End-

Fic: Reunited (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 12:15:35 GMT

Title: Reunited
Characters/Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating: R
Word Count: 639 words
Summary: Their reunion is an event of historic proportions.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but I don’t.
Beta: No beta, so I apologize in advance for the mistakes.
Author’s Note: This a fic I wrote back in October, but I suddenly realized I never posted it here. Written for nuke_anon's challenge #10.

Reunited

***

My Nuke Bingo Card!

moongirl24 — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:25:09 GMT

So I love bingo challenges. And over at promptslove they're giving out Nuke bingo cards right now, so I figured this was a good opportunity to maybe find some inspiration to write again.

Here is my card!

horses	plaids	kidnapped	tractor	election
Hubbard squash	pamphlets	same here	dance	flowers
living together	ice cream	WILD CARD	pretend	family
long lost	mistletoe	tie	out of body experience	charity
over the counter kisses	cheek kisses	military	what about them?	first kiss

Title: Morning Discussions
Prompt: Living Together
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1,337 words
Summary: They may be back together, but they still have stuff to sort out.

Title: Luke Snyder: Published Author
Prompt: Flowers
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4,800 words
Summary: Luke's dream of becoming a published author finally comes true.

Title: For Charity
Prompt: Charity
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 5,927 words
Summary: Someone “buys” Luke at a charity auction and he ends up spending the evening with handsome, mysterious stranger.

Title: Lessons Learned
Prompt: Long Lost
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 562 words
Summary: Throughout his life Noah learns a lot of lessons.

I love it, and I really hope I'll be able to come up with something!

Fic: The Talk (Kurt/Blaine)

moongirl24 — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 21:58:07 GMT

Title: The Talk
Pairings/Characters: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Word Count: 3,823 words
Summary: Kurt is back in Lima and wants to talk to Blaine. Is there still a chance for them?
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but I don't.
Beta: sweetiejelly – thank you! ♥
Author’s Note: My attempt to fix things after 4x04. Written for Cotton Candy Bingo and the prompt Reunited.

The Talk

I’m not sure why I feel the need to tell you this, but I thought you should know that I’ll be in Lima this weekend. So now you do.

Blaine just stared at the text message, finding it hard to believe that this was real. This was the first he had heard from Kurt ever since that horrible weekend in New York. There had been no response to the countless texts Blaine had sent, no response to the flowers he’d had delivered, no answer to his calls. Nothing. Until now.

His heart was hammering in his chest as he read the text message again and again. Kurt had sent this to him. Kurt thought about him. Still. After a month of no communication, during which Blaine had been panicking more and more with each passing day, thinking that Kurt would never speak to him again, there was finally something. It was just a text, but after a month of nothing, a month of sleepless nights and endless days, this was everything.

He had to wait a few minutes before he was able to form a reply, his hands were too shaky. When he finally started to type, he rewrote his text several times before he sent it. In the end he settled for something short and neutral.

Thank you for telling me. Can I see you while you’re here?

He paced the floor of his bedroom nervously while he waited for the reply, but fortunately he didn’t have to wait very long. The answering text made his phone vibrate on his desk just a few minutes later.

Yes. I think we should talk.

Talk. Kurt wanted to talk. Blaine had seen enough movies and TV-shows to know that that was rarely a good thing. “The talk” meant something serious, usually something bad. But on the other hand… how much worse could it get? He had cheated on Kurt, they hadn’t spoken for a month, and most likely they were already broken up (they hadn’t talked about that either, so Blaine didn’t know for sure, but he knew it was naïve of him to believe that they were still together). Things were pretty much as bad as they could get right now.

He sent a reply to Kurt.

We probably should. I can’t wait to see you.

He didn’t receive any response to that, and it wasn’t long before he started to second-guess what he had written. I can’t wait to see you. He had been too forward, hadn’t he? Too… optimistic, maybe. Kurt probably didn’t like that. Especially if he came here to tell Blaine that they were over for good.

Blaine groaned and hid his face in his hands for a moment. But it wasn’t much he could do about it now. Instead he went to bed, preparing himself for another sleepless night.

----

They discussed when and where they were going to meet up, and Blaine didn’t want to push, so when the weekend came he was anxiously waiting for word from Kurt. But Kurt showing up at his door early on Saturday morning was not what he had expected.

“Hi!” Blaine exclaimed, flustered and completely unprepared. “You’re here.”

A small, amused smile was tugging on Kurt’s lips. “I am. Obviously you weren’t expecting me.”

Blaine quickly ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to make himself look a little more presentable. It wasn’t more than a few minutes since he got out of bed and he hadn’t had the chance to shower yet. “No, no, I was. I just… didn’t know when.”

Kurt moved back and forth on his feet. Blaine recognized it as one of Kurt’s nervous movements. “Well, can I come in? Or maybe I should come back later.”

“No, come in. Please.” Blaine motioned for Kurt to step through the door. The thought of Kurt leaving again now was kind of unbearable. He would just have to hope that his bleary appearance and the wrinkled t-shirt and sweat pants he was wearing didn’t scare Kurt away. It was, after all, not the first time Kurt had seen him like this, he thought to himself, but he quickly pushed the thought away again. Now was not the time to think about memories from their happier days. “We could go to my room?” he suggested instead.

Kurt hesitated for a second before he nodded. “Okay.”

Blaine was barely able to keep himself from taking Kurt’s hand and pull him up the stairs, like he had done so many times before. Instead he walked with the sound of Kurt’s footsteps right behind him. He did a quick mental check of his room, and decided that it looked relatively presentable. He was suddenly really glad that his mother had instilled the habit of always doing his bed first thing in the morning back when he was still pretty young.

Once they were in his room, Kurt took a moment to look around, almost as if he was seeing it for the first time, even though he had been there countless times before. He finally turned to Blaine. “You can go take a shower, if you’d like,” he offered, motioning towards the bathroom next door. “I can wait.”

It was tempting. Especially since he knew how much Kurt appreciated a nice appearance. Blaine bit his lip. “If you’re sure…”

“Of course. Go ahead. I must have practically dragged you out of bed.”

That wasn’t completely untrue, so he reluctantly left the room and hurried to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and was back in his room within fifteen minutes. Kurt was standing by his desk when he returned, looking at some of Blaine’s sheet music. At the sound of Blaine entering the room, he turned around, papers in hand. “For glee club?”

“Yeah,” Blaine nodded. “Sam and I are doing a song together this week.”

Kurt nodded slowly, almost wistfully. “You’ll be great. You always are.”

Silence.

“You look good,” Blaine finally said. It was true. Kurt looked incredible. Impeccably dressed, of course, his style for the day quite laid-back, at least for him. Denim jeans, a long sleeved white t-shirt and black vest, and a black blazer. A thin scarf was wrapped around his neck. His hair was, as always, styled to perfection.

He was still the most beautiful person Blaine had ever seen.

“Thank you,” Kurt said, with that tone in his voice that told Blaine that he knew very well how good he looked, but that he still appreciated the compliment. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Blaine looked down at the dark red pants and the simple white t-shirt he had put on, feeling immensely plain and boring next to Kurt’s fabulousness. Then again, Kurt Hummel was one of a kind. He was special. Anyone would be boring compared to him.

There was more silence, and it wasn’t that comfortable kind of silence, so Blaine quickly searched for something to say. “How is work?”

Kurt shrugged. “Fun. Busy. It’s good, mostly. But it doesn’t leave me with a whole lot of free time.”

“Yeah,” Blaine said, because he knew all about that. He didn’t want to blame Kurt for what had happened, but he couldn’t deny the fact that Kurt’s busy schedule had been a big part of the problem between them.

He sat down on his bed, and looked at Kurt across the room. Kurt, who was special and beautiful and the love of Blaine’s life. Why did he have to go and mess everything up so badly?

“I miss you,” he said quietly.

Kurt turned and looked at him. His eyes softened a little. “I miss you, too.”

“You do?” He hadn’t meant to sound so surprised, but the truth was that he was. He’d had no idea what Kurt thought of him. If he thought about him at all.

“Of course I do. Does that surprise you?”

Blaine shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess… I wasn’t sure. Not talking to you this past month… it’s been hard.”

Kurt looked down. “Yeah,” he said quietly.

Blaine shifted, and patted the bed next to him. “Do you want to sit down?” he asked softly. It just didn’t feel right to have Kurt all the way on the other side of the room.

Kurt looked up again, and for a moment he seemed a little conflicted, his eyes flickering between Blaine and the bed. But finally he walked over, and gingerly sat down next to Blaine, seemingly mindful to make sure there was some distance between them. It was a painful reminder of how much everything had changed. Just a few short months ago, they wouldn’t have hesitated to snuggle up together, with touches and hugs and kisses and sometimes a whole lot more. They had been so close. Now, the distance felt like a physical wall between them.

“How are you?” Kurt asked suddenly, so soft and quiet that it startled Blaine a little.

“Good,” he said, almost automatically. It was the standard reply always gave these days. Not that a whole lot of people really asked him that question. But Kurt arched his eyebrows, making it clear that he didn’t believe him. Blaine sighed. He had almost forgotten how well Kurt knew him. “Okay. I’m… not really doing all that great, I guess. I miss you all the time, I hate myself for messing everything up-”

Kurt interrupted him before he could finish. “No, don’t… don’t hate yourself. I don’t, so you shouldn’t either.”

“How can I not?” Blaine exclaimed. “You were the best thing in my life and I ruined it. I’m going to regret that until the day I die.”

Kurt was quiet for a while. He was playing with a button on his blazer. “You know, everybody keeps telling me to forget about you,” he said quietly. “That someone who would do… that to me isn’t worth it. That I deserve better.”

Blaine cringed at little at his words, but he swallowed and nodded. “They’re probably right-”

“No!” Kurt interrupted again. He looked up at Blaine. “I mean… that’s the problem. Because you are worth it. I know you are.”

“How can you still say that?”

The briefest of smiles flashed over Kurt’s face. “I don’t know. Even now, I just… I can’t seem to think differently about you.”

Blaine just stared at him. There was nothing but honesty on Kurt’s face and Blaine felt like crying. Even now, Kurt was so… good. How could he have been so stupid, risking all of this?

“I was so… angry at first, though,” Kurt continued quietly. “And even more than that, I was so… so hurt. I felt like everything I believed in had been a lie. Like I was dying inside. At first I never wanted to see you again. I never wanted to speak to you again. I even deleted your number from my phone.” He gave a humorless laugh. “Then I had to ask Rachel for it so I could add it back.”

“Why?” Blaine asked. He tried to understand where Kurt was going with this.

“I thought a lot. I tried to make some sense of it all. And… I guess I started to realize that what happened wasn’t entirely your fault.”

“Of course it was my fault,” Blaine protested. “I mean… I was in a bad place, and I guess that was because of you, but what I did… there’s no excuse for that.”

“Maybe. But I was the one who wasn’t there for you. You needed me and I failed you.”

Blaine opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He wasn’t sure, exactly, what he was going to say.

“I have been naïve,” Kurt continued, looking down at his hands. “I thought that now that I had a boyfriend, that was it. I was done, I didn’t have to work for it any longer. I took you for granted. I thought you’d always be there, and I didn’t realize how important it was to make an effort, to work on our relationship.” He smiled sadly. “I wasn’t a very good boyfriend to you.”

“That’s not true,” Blaine protested. “You were amazing. You are amazing.”

Kurt smiled, one of his real smiles. “Well, yeah, of course,” he said matter-of-factly, and it made Blaine smile, too. “But I still let you down. And I’m sorry. I left it up to you to be the one to keep this relationship going, just like I’ve always done, to be honest… and that wasn’t fair to you.”

“Okay,” Blaine said, letting out a soft breath. “I’m not saying that I completely agree, but okay. Apology accepted. That still doesn’t change what I did. I refuse to believe that you’re not still mad at me.”

“I am. Not as much as I was in the beginning, but… I still am. Mostly I’m just sad, though. I miss you a lot. You were always the one I talked to when things got bad and suddenly you weren’t there anymore.”

Blaine moved closer to him on the bed. “I’m so sorry, Kurt,” he said intently, hoping that Kurt would see how much he meant it. “I know I’ve said it before, but you have to know. I never, ever wanted to hurt you. I made a stupid, terrible mistake, and I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

Kurt looked at him for a moment, and Blaine thought he could see tears in his eyes, but before he could make sure, Kurt looked down, and started to fidget with his hands. “You told me, in New York… that you didn’t go all the way with him. And I don’t want any details, but… I think I need to know what happened. With you and… him.”

Blaine hesitated. “Kurt, are you sure that’s a good idea…?”

“Yes,” Kurt said quickly and nodded. “I… I need to know. I keep picturing stuff in my head, and…” He shuddered and shook his head. “I have to know.”

“Okay.” Blaine took a deep breath. “Um…” He looked down. He wished he didn’t have to say this. “There was kissing. And, um… hands. Nothing more.”

“Okay.” Kurt visibly swallowed. “And it only happened once?”

“Yeah, of course. I realized what I’d done the second it was over, and I’ve never seen him again after that, nor do I plan to.”

Kurt nodded slowly. “And… did you like it? Was it… good?” He sounded like he had to force the words to come out of his mouth.

Blaine closed his eyes for a moment. How could he answer that without hurting Kurt even more? “It was… something that I thought I needed. You weren’t there, and I missed you so badly… and it just happened. Afterward I felt so empty. Just… hollow inside, in a way that I’ve never felt before. Because it was just… sex. Nothing more. And that’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?” Kurt looked at him steadily.

“You, Kurt,” Blaine said without even having to think about it. “I want you. Always. I swear. He was nothing, just… a means to an end, and you are… you are everything. And I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I’ll never, ever do something like that again.”

Kurt nodded. “I believe you,” he said quietly.

“You do?”

“Yes.” He nodded again. “You’re not… you’re not that guy. You’re a good guy, Blaine. I know you probably don’t believe me right now, but you are. And I’m not ready to give up on you.”

“You… you’re not?” His voice was barely a whisper now.

Kurt shook his head. “At the risk of making my friends think I’m crazy… no, I’m not. They… they don’t know you like I do. They don’t know how amazing you are.” He slid his hand into the pocket of his blazer. “You’re the guy who gave me this.” He showed something to Blaine, and Blaine gasped when he realized what it was.

The ring. The stupid gum wrapper ring he gave Kurt for Christmas. It was so silly, but at the time he thought it had been symbolic. He couldn’t believe Kurt still had it.

Kurt smiled fondly down at the ring in his hand. “When you gave me this and said those things to me… I thought it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. It told me so much about what kind of a guy you are. I felt so lucky to be with you.” He looked up at Blaine. “Do you remember what you promised me?”

Blaine did. It was not something he was going to forget, but right now it was just difficult to find the words. Luckily, Kurt answered the question himself. “You promised to love me. To defend me even if you knew I was wrong.” He gave Blaine a wry smile. “You promised to surprise me. To bake me cookies at least twice a year, and I think it’s my duty to inform you that you’ve only done it once so far, so you owe me. You promised to kiss me whenever and wherever I wanted.” He smiled again. “And to make sure I always remember that I’m perfectly imperfect, according to you, at least. I’m not sure I agree with you on that.” He smiled, but he quickly grew more serious, and hesitated for a moment before taking Blaine’s hand, making Blaine start at the touch. It was almost like a shock to the system, touching Kurt after not having done so for a whole month. His heart was beating really fast all of a sudden. “You promised to always pick up my call, no matter what you were doing. And you have. No matter when I called you, you were always there. I, on the other hand… wasn’t. I ignored your calls and called off our Skype dates, and told myself I was too busy when I should have made time for you.” He met Blaine’s gaze. “You made me those amazing promises, and you kept them. And that’s the guy that you are. That’s the guy that I want.”

Blaine swallowed. “So are you saying… that there might still be a chance for us?”

Kurt thought for a moment before he said anything. “I’m saying that… we have a long way to go. We need to figure out a way to make it work even when we’re far away from each other. And I think we need to learn how to trust each other again. But I’m willing to work on all those things. If… if you are.”

“I am,” he said quickly. “I am. Oh god.” He let out a strangled kind of sound that he didn’t even know how to describe, and pulled Kurt into his arms before he could even think. “I thought I’d lost you, Kurt. I thought I had ruined everything for good.”

“You almost did,” Kurt mumbled against his shoulder. “We both almost did.”

“I love you so much,” he whispered fiercely.

“I love you, too,” Kurt murmured, and his words were the most amazing thing that Blaine had ever heard. “But I didn’t fight for you. That’s going to change from now on.”

“I like the sound of that,” Blaine murmured, feeling so utterly relieved that he had to fight to keep the tears at bay.

“Just…” Kurt carefully pulled out of the embrace and looked at him. “Please don’t do anything like that again. Please. I can’t take it. I never want to share you with anyone.”

“I promise,” Blaine said with absolutely no hesitation. “Never again. I’m yours, Kurt. Forever, if you want me.”

“I might. Forever sounds kind of great.” There was a small smile on Kurt’s face now, and he looked about as relieved as Blaine felt, his shoulders and his whole appearance seemingly more relaxed than they had been all morning. He looked almost happy. It was affirmation to Blaine that Kurt really wanted this. He wanted them to be okay again, be them again, just as much as Blaine did. And maybe they actually could be.

He almost jumped when Kurt’s soft, warm hand touched his face. His eyes flickered to meet Kurt’s warm, blue-greyish ones. “I’m sorry,” Kurt said, his voice quiet, soft, like the most beautiful music.

“I’m sorry, too,” Blaine whispered, moving his hand up to cover Kurt’s.

Kurt nodded once, almost imperceptibly. Then he moved in and kissed Blaine, softly and a little hesitant. Blaine was taken by surprise but he quickly got with the program and kissed Kurt back with everything he got, and everything he dared to give at this moment, when they were still on somewhat shaky ground and still needed time to figure out how to be together again.

All too soon it was over, and Kurt was pulling away. His eyes were really bright, though, and he was smiling, a hopeful smile, one that warmed Blaine all the way down to his toes.

“So,” Kurt said, laughing a little shakily. “What now?”

“Now?” Blaine thought for a second. “Are you free today?”

“Almost. I’m meeting Tina at four.”

“Great.” Blaine got to his feet and offered his hand to Kurt with a smile. “I thought I’d start on those cookies. You’re free to help me if you’d like.”

After just a moment Kurt took his hand. “Yes, I think I’d like that.”

The next couple of hours were spent making cookies in Blaine’s kitchen, and things almost felt normal again. It was just a small step, but it was a start. It was something.

----

On Monday, during lunch, Blaine pulled his phone out of his pocket and wrote a text to Kurt. Kurt was flying back to New York today, and Blaine knew he was probably in the air right now. They had seen each other again the day before and said their goodbyes then, but Blaine was missing him already. It was like now, that they were getting back to a good place, it was even harder to be apart.

I hope you land safely. Thank you for this weekend and for being amazing. Can’t wait to see you again.

He sent the text to Kurt and slipped his phone back into his pocket, not expecting a reply right away. And he didn’t get one either, not until a couple of hours had passed and Blaine was in his final class for the day.

Back in New York. The trip was okay. I miss you.

Seeing Kurt write those words again felt so good that he couldn’t even describe it. He smiled to himself and quickly typed in another text.

Miss you too. I love you.

The answer came just a minute later, and it made Blaine smile and clutch his phone to his chest, his eyes closing.

I love you too.

- End -

Fic: Warmth In A Cold Place (Luke/Noah)

moongirl24 — Fri, 02 Nov 2012 15:57:21 GMT

Title: Warmth In A Cold Place
Characters/Pairing: Luke/Noah
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,748 words
Summary: Noah wished he knew if this was a date or not.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but I don’t.
Beta: No beta, so I apologize in advance for the mistakes.
Author’s Note: Written for promptslove's October challenge, for the prompt Cold.

Warmth In A Cold Place

***