Professor ate your homework?

Black // 003

mongrelprof — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:49:10 GMT

//CONCERNING THE FRESHMAN SEMINAR STUDENTS/TA'S:
You all did much better than I'd reckoned in the Man Hunt. I do hope you're tending to your various colourful paintballgun wounds and bruised egos, and thinking critically about the musical importance of the exercise. There won't be a quiz but I'll know if you don't and write insults on your forehead in sharpie.

Rammsteiner, your aim is excellent. It's as if you know just when your prey is about to expose their backside. Absolutely brilliant. Take a day off. Eat some cake. Something or other.

Mini-Jeeha, do come see me once you're out of the infirmary! You're failing.

AH, ALSO. Since the Mock'N'Roll class was saved from the Man Hunt via dumb luck, you lot can have the pleasure of wrangling and washing Padfoot this afternoon. Hop to, hop to. He hasn't got all day, he's got flowerbeds to shit in and people to torment.

//CONCERNING TUTORING:
I seem to have lost two more students due to mental break downs. Curious old world.

Again, I am available for classical piano, classical violin, and grunge electric guitar.

Suou, please compose a song in E-minor by our next session. Use "TOOTHPASTE" and "ELEPHANTS" and "INTESTINAL DIFFICULTIES" as your inspiration.

//CONCERNING YOUR MUM:
Mrowwwwrrr.

//CONCERNING REGGIEKINS:
Don't even make the joke because it just isn't funny. You're not funny. I hate you.

Additionally, have you looked on ratemyprof.com? You're already racking up comments. People think you have a toupee. This pleases me. Ah, and dinner tonight, yes or yes? You're buying.

Black // 002

mongrelprof — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 16:49:19 GMT

// Pay Attention You Jaded Upperclassmen Wankers TA assignments are as follows:
[A] Mosh Pits: A Social Dichotomy that Smells Strongly of Damp Hot Dogs
Cockrum Complex, Room 117, TTH, 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM [S. Black / TA: Rammsteiner]

[B] Musical Chairs: Stop Kicking Each Other in the Shins You Hateful Little Wankers
Cockrum Complex, Room 213, TTH, 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM [S. Black / TA: Gesso]

[C] Rock'n'Roll and Drugs: Like, Man, Two Peas in, Like, You Know, Like a Psychedelic Pod, Man
Claremont Hall, Room 125, MF, 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM [S. Black / TA: Jeeha]

[D] Fashion in the Music Industry: Is Your Name David Bowie Because I Really Don't Think it Is
Claremont Hall, Room 102, MF, 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM [S. Black / TA: Hatter]

[E] Mock'n'Roll: Understanding Music Through Taking the Piss
Cockrum Complex, Room 212, W, 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM [S. Black / TA: Littner]

No hump meant of course, Spanner, but the fact is that at the end of the day, Littner owns a rifle. Chin up, mate.

// Important Announcement to the Twitching Pee-Pants Froshling Creatures:
I would like one of you from each freshman seminar to pick a number.

ANY NUMBER AT ALL! DON'T BE AFRAID.

A:
B: 9 - Mini Jeeha
C:
D: 2 - Yoite
E: 15 - Drake

// Other Assorted Business of No Less Importance:

Deidara, I've paid off everything that needs to be paid off. If you'd like to stop blackmailing me [HAHA!] my lunch break is soon, lets have some tea. Or tea with a shot of whiskey. Or whiskey with a shot of tea. Ah, the first days of class, aren't they joyous. You know, I believe the entire freshman class [with a few minor exclusions, most of which I am certain are somehow cheating] is entirely tone deaf? I think some of them may be missing ears entirely, though I'm not bloody well touching their greasy little heads to check.

Suou, I take back that email I sent earlier. A student developed a crippling phobia of the colour black and a fear of the glottal stop and can no longer attend his tutoring sessions. The slot's all yours, lad. Bring sheet music, bring a metronome, bring a badminton set, I don't give a toss, the sessions go how you want them to do.

Reggie-Wedgie-Kins, mum called and she says [blah blah blah, curse of my womb, blah blah blah, sin of my flesh, blah blah blah, walking abortion, blah blah blah] you left your favoured riding crop at home. Why is she privy to the whereabouts of your riding crop? Why must you always prove the stereotypes about aristocratic families true? It pains me.

Kyouya, yes I got your emails, and post-its, and please don't leave notes on my pillow anymore, it's a fair bit disturbing. To answer, no, you cannot train Padfoot to be a "drug detection dog" to find my alleged stash, mostly because he has the look of an addict, and I don't want you to lead him down that dreadful road.

Edit: Ah, yes. Mini-Jeeha. Since Padfoot likes you so much I've decided you're going to take him for his morning walkies from Monday to Friday. 4:30 AM is his preferred time. Cheers!

Black // 001

mongrelprof — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 13:29:41 GMT

//CONCERNING THE NEW FRESHMAN CLASS:

I've already said a happy and hearty hallo to a handful of you, but for those I missed in the incoming stampede of hormones and terrible haircuts, SALUTATIONS, DOE-EYED FROSHCRITTERS. Welcome to DESU, we're completely overjoyed to have you here etc etc, providing you aren't stupid little tits.

I'm Professor Black, and I teach History of Music, along with some assorted freshman seminars you might be taking. My office is located in the Cockrum Complex's Applied Musical Studies Department. Don't hesistate, in your next four years with us, to stick your squashy, malformed little heads in and give me a hallo. Or, perhaps, try to curry my favour by plying me with food, hot beverages, and other interesting things. For future reference, I enjoy tea with two sugars, Munster cheese, fresh crab, vanilla cupcakes, and warm apple cider. I'm a big fan of mix CDs as well, if you haven't a completely wretched taste in music. If you wish to keep your homework undigested and your face somewhat dry, my dog can also be bribed with Beggin' Strips and scratches behind his ears.

After classes, I tutor in advanced classical piano, advanced violin of all techniques, and intermediate grunge-rock guitar. My slots fill up rather fast, so email me or drop me a line on the forums ASAP if you're interested in a tutoring session. It helps if I like you [baked goods, baked goods, baked goods].

Alright, that's done. Now for some administrative nonsense.

IF YOU HAVE NOT PRE-REGISTERED FOR ANY OF THE BELOW FRESHMAN SEMINAR COURSES AND STILL WISH TO TAKE THEM, THE TIME IS NOW NOW NOW, YOU DAFT LITTLE BASTARDS.

**A FRESHMEN SEMINAR IS REQUIRED SO STOP ARSING ABOUT AND PICK ONE ALREADY**

[A] Mosh Pits: A Social Dichotomy that Smells Strongly of Damp Hot Dogs
Cockrum Complex, Room 117, TTH, 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM [S. Black]

[B] Musical Chairs: Stop Kicking Each Other in the Shins You Hateful Little Wankers
Cockrum Complex, Room 213, TTH, 12:00 PM - 2:00 PM [S. Black]

[C] Rock'n'Roll and Drugs: Like, Man, Two Peas in, Like, You Know, Like a Psychedelic Pod, Man
Claremont Hall, Room 125, MF, 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM [S. Black]

[D] Fashion in the Music Industry: Is Your Name David Bowie Because I Really Don't Think it Is
Claremont Hall, Room 102, MF, 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM [S. Black]

[E] Mock'n'Roll: Understanding Music Through Taking the Piss
Cockrum Complex, Room 212, W, 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM [S. Black]

REGISTER, DAMNIT.

//CONCERNING THE RETURNING STUDENTS:

Ugh, you lot again. Ah well. How was everyone's summers, then? Who has a criminal record now? Jeeha, looking at you.

In the schooly side of things, I'm looking for five TAs to assist with the freshman seminars above. Yes, I know, getting up at the crack of noon, it's dreadfully hard, and oh dear lord freshmen, but there are perks! Obviously, the school pays you. Even better, I'll allow you to throw whatever you like at the freshmen, and write insults on their foreheads in sharpie marker when they've forgotten to do their homework or if you just feel like it.

Also, you get to hang out with me all day, and I'll owe you a favour, you lucky little bugger.

Current Prospectives:
Gesso [preference A]
Littner [preference D]
Jeeha [any]
Rammsteiner [any but C or E]
Spanner [any but C]
Hatter [preference D]

Let me know.

FINALLY: Has anyone seen Padfoot? Last I heard he was eating that Pottery Class professor's lifelong works and destroying her classroom. Is this still the case, or has the one-dog whirlwind relocated?