A Random Buffy Fan

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

moire2 — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:52:30 GMT

If you haven't already, you should read this. It's all kinds of wonderful.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Methods_of_Rationality

moire2 — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 01:47:16 GMT

Everyone in the house, and one of our dogs, is sick. That's a lot of icky stuff to clean up.

There just isn't enough Lysol.

Week 2: Keno || Day 7: Poll & Prompt || Aggressive Write

moire2 — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 01:27:53 GMT

He’s drunk. Lately, he’s always drunk. Sputtering on his whiskey, he leans forward on the bar and laughs.

“You want to know why I loved her?”

You glance at him sideways and nod. If it’ll get him to stop drinking, yeah, you want to know why he loved her. A slow grin stretches across his face. It’s a terrible farce of a smile and you shudder a little.

“I could sum her up in one word: Glorious.” He picks up his glass and drinks. You watch the smooth movement of his throat as he works the alcohol down.

Turning to face you head on he asks, “That enough for you? No?”

He nods and continues. “She was self-indulgent like all glorious things are. I always wanted to pull my hands through her hair. She wouldn’t let me. It was the kind of hair that gets that golden hue and satiny texture through constant maintenance. She had soft skin, soft hands and a soft, sweet-smelling cunt. The work she put into being beautiful…the perpetual self-love motivated by self-hate. She was a fucking bitch, but I loved her.”

He swirled the alcohol in his glass then looked up at me. “That enough for you?”

Week 1: Keno || Day 6: Image & Idea Prompt || Aggressive Write

moire2 — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 19:32:20 GMT

TITLE: Family Blessings
AUTHOR: Moire2
RATING: PG-13
WORD COUNT: 651
FEEDBACK: On || FEEDBACK TYPE:
WARNING: Duck!
SUMMARY: Don't piss off Grandma.
PROMPTS: Close your eyes and imagine a door. Where is it to? What is it for? What's it attached to? Where does it go? Who's going through it? Where will it lead?
A/N: Jen, thank you for allowing everyone to get together and write. You are amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you! On another note, sorry I wasn't able to write this without the words: there, you, if, when, as, very, really, so, because and like. It just wasn't happening for me. Again, sorry.

Grandma nodded at the door. “That color blue keeps away evil spirits.”

The alley probably had original stone pavers and stone walls from the 1700’s. It was amazing that it still stood and what did Grandma focus on? The color the door was painted. I tried not to roll my eyes, but it was a close thing. She must have caught my look of annoyance and she crossed her arms and sniffed.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

I sneaked a peek at her out of the corner of my eye. Grandma was a force of nature. I wasn’t sure what her ethnicity was. Sure, she claimed she was pure German, but she was too dark for that to be the only part of her ethnicity. Her wiry, blue hair was forced into a helmet-like coif, her skin was caramel-color and smooth despite her age. Briefly, I wondered if she bought into the blue protection motif so strongly that she died her hair to match. There was no way in Hell I was going to ask her, though. She may have been 73 years old, but she could still kick my ass.

“No, I don’t believe you. I don’t believe in spirits, evil or good, and I don’t think the color blue is going to keep anything at bay.”

Her eyes flashed, seemed to almost glow with anger. “You…you don’t believe at all?”

“I’ve never seen a spirit. Never had anything haunt me.”

“That’s because all our family’s doors are blue! And, the spell bottles I buried at the corners of your homes! You un-grateful little girl.” She shook her head and mumbled, “I ought to dig up those bottles. Let you see what I’ve been protecting you from.”

“Wait a minute…what’s a spell bottle?”

She stiffened and glared at me. “It’s a bottle filled with rusty-nails, wine, rosemary and bodily fluids…”

Oh, for the love of God, ew, I thought trying not to imagine what she’d put around my house. “What do you mean ‘bodily fluids’?”

Her chin went up in the air and she replied, “Urine and menstrual blood work best, but I was too old for that when you moved into your new place. I just used urine.”

Oh, God. Oh. God. OH MY GOD. My house was surrounded by Grandma pee. What the holy-fuck???

“You didn’t,” I said weakly. “Please tell you did not pee in bottles and bury them around my house.”

“What? Do you think I wouldn’t do everything I could to protect my grandchildren?” She looked indignant and a little surprised.

“You’ve done this for all of us?”

She nodded. I had a lot of cousins. Briefly, I started imagined a little assembly line with bottles and my grandma peeing in them. It was a very disturbing image.

“Dad’s going to put you away when he finds out about this.”

“Your father will do no such thing. He knows what I protect this family from.”

I found that hard to believe about my ultra-conservative father.

“Doubtful.”

“Little girl, why do you think our family enjoys wealth, prosperity and good health? Do you think the Gods give their blessings so easily? No. I petition the Gods for our family.”

And, we were officially there…Crazyville.

She glanced at me and made a soft humming noise deep in her throat. “So, you don’t believe me. Very well. I revoke my protection. My granddaughter, Julia Hahn is thus forth excluded from the Family Blessings.”

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me, “When you apologize, I will include you again. But, only when you apologize.”

Despite everything, I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. I tried to ignore the vulnerable feeling her words had left in me. Shaking my head, I decided I wouldn’t let her weirdness mess up the rest of our day together.

“Whatever you say, Grandma. Now, let’s go get something to eat.”

Week 1: Keno || Day 6: Image & Idea Prompt || Aggressive Write

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Disuse Syndrome

moire2 — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:23:47 GMT

Wow. I haven't written anything in years. It feels as if that part of my brain dried up and died. Gross, but true. At first I was too busy with late night feedings and felt too 'duh from a lack of sleep. Now, there's the constant watching I do to make sure she doesn't eat dog poop, pull garbage from the can or fall off the sofa headfirst. It is mindless work, but one look away can mean the difference between "special" and special.

So, the part of my brain that used to think think-y thoughts has become lazy, flabby and downright annoyed that I'd poke at it and ask it to actually do anything this morning. Describing it as such is probably more humiliating than I'd like to admit. And, as my toddler pounds on the cabinet with her plastic hammer, I see that I better stop writing and find her entertainment that won't damage the house.

RIP John Hughes

moire2 — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 02:04:43 GMT

Gonna miss you!

Palm Pre

moire2 — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:12:39 GMT

Anyone buy the Palm Pre yet? If so, what do you think?

moire2 — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:47:00 GMT

So...

Just sat down to watch the season finale of TSCC and all I've got is the Atlanta weather dude from FOX giving a play-by-play thunderstorm report. Cause, for some reason, thunderstorms are BIG NEWS around here. We're 17 minutes in and he is still going strong. OMG! There's lightning!!! Intense cloud to ground lightning and...RAIN!

Fucking Atlanta. Full of weather pussies.

moire2 — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:52:21 GMT

Happy Birthday berry_hearts!

Give Me The Goods

moire2 — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:19:38 GMT

Last night I dreamed that I cut off the head of a stuffed-toy elephant and threatened not to sew his head back on if he didn't talk. He spilled his guts. In true villain-style, I left him headless on the floor, white filling everywhere.

Does this mean I have issues with Republicans? I'm not sure.

Jen!

moire2 — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:29:29 GMT

Happy Birthday, Jen! Hope your day is wonderful!

Happy Birthday!

moire2 — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:28:06 GMT

Nina, you're the best friend a girl could have. ::hugs::

Happy Birthday!

moire2 — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 02:46:39 GMT

Every time I see the commercial for Enzymite, I'm reminded of the evening I spent with my husband, my sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. We were watching 'Secretary' when the Enzymite commercial came on and my in-laws began to regale us with tales of how much that product had helped my brother-in-law.

Most. Uncomfortable. Night. Ever.

That's all. Had to share.

Woot!

moire2 — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:36:01 GMT

Mercury is no longer in retrograde!!

moire2 — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:48:55 GMT

Between love and loss
lies a point of convergence
where the circle breaks.
-author unknown

Pride and Prejudice...and Zombies?

moire2 — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:51:47 GMT

A must read for Jane Austen fans!

Gotta Say

moire2 — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 03:57:53 GMT

Hilary Swank is not hot. That's my vote and I'm not changing it.

moire2 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 03:01:12 GMT

If you like Visual Thesaurus, you might like this: http://www.visuwords.com/images/empty.gif

And, hey! It's free!

moire2 — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:12:00 GMT

"So, at your last job, you created a website for your agency?"

"Yes, I did."

I smile, but the smile feels wrong. My upper lip is glued to my teeth. It seems like my mouth is overly dry yet my saliva glands are over producing. Way over producing. I close my mouth and swallow several times, but it isn't helping. If I talk, I'm afraid spittle is gonna fly, and did she just ask me a question? Oh, God. She did.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

Her smile thins at my request and she says, "Do you have the URLs to the last site you made?"

Last site I made, last site I made...that would be the site with my fanfic. Although it's very nice, it isn't the site I want a potential employer to view. Oh, hey! I could give her one of the agency sites I made. Yeah!

"Uh...try www.dcpfast.org."

Her eyes narrow, and I can tell I took too long to answer.

"Well, I'll look that up this afternoon..."

At this point, I'm pretty sure I don't have the job. I mean, she's doing the fake smile thing, the nice to have met you thing, and the we'll call you thing.

God I hate interviews.

CNN

moire2 — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 20:45:58 GMT

God, Anya hates Wolf Blitzer's voice. Every time he talks, she barks at the TV. Which, since I'm watching the Inauguration on CNN, means she's barking all the freaking time. My friend Nina says it's because animals can sense evil. She's probably right.

moire2 — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:16:30 GMT

It's freaking freezing today. I'm huddled under a blanket with the dogs warming my feet watching the movie Juno and crying a little bit. Cause, it's that kind of movie--to me--where I giggle one second and cry the next. I think my favorite character in the show is Bren, Juno's stepmother. When she bitches out the ultrasound chick, all I can think is that's the kind of mom I want to be--the one that is honest about her daughter being a dumbass in one breath and then gives the smack-down for someone else being judgmental.

So, if you've ever considered it, what kind of parent would you like to be? And, what fictional character do you think represents your parenting ideas?

Pokemon

moire2 — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 16:09:25 GMT

Way back in November my nephew asked for a Christmas present, a 'rare' Pokemon card called Dark Maul. He was specific when I questioned him on how to spell it and left a hint of 'duh' in his voice in the way that only a seven year old boy with a lisp can manage. After talking to his father, my brother, I was assured that was exactly what my nephew wanted: Dark Maul.

So I set out on my search for the elusive Dark Maul--not to be confused with Darth Maul from Star Wars or Dire Maul from World of Warcraft. I looked on websites that have lists of Pokemon. To add to my confusion, most of these websites were not alphabetical. I looked on Wiki, on Ebay, on Amazon...and after several weeks of searching, I concluded that there was no Dark Maul in Pokemon. Nope. Not a one.

How to explain this to my nephew? On Christmas Eve, armed with several packs of Pokemon cards, one that included all the Dark Pokemon available, I presented him with his gift(s) and the apology that I couldn't find him Dark Maul. He answered with a roll of his adorable blue eyes, "There's no such thing as a Dark Maul! Geeze!"

One day, I'm sure karma will pay him back in spades.

Happy Birthday shirleyujest!

moire2 — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 04:26:39 GMT

Happy birthday! I'm a few minutes early, but wanted to wish you a happy b-day before I went to bed. :: hugs ::

Words

moire2 — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 01:04:49 GMT

She believes if she thinks something, it must be true. Delusions, half-truths, and sloppy lies make up her world. One week she demands you never contact her again, and the next castigates you for not calling. Sick little mind games make you wonder if she's a manipulative bitch, or just plain crazy. Either way, she's blood and you can't get away. Can't turn your back because the word sister means too much to you. Can't, can't, can't until one day you're alone in the room with her and it all spills out--the betrayal, the rage, the words you never thought you'd say out loud.

Leering faces of transgressions past float between the two of you. You're words have breathed life into them. Where do you go now? When all those things you hid come spilling free?

Neighbor's Dog

moire2 — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 12:53:08 GMT

Our house butts up to another house. The people there got a dog a few months ago which they leave outside. I've seen their kids play with it once. The poor thing barks all the time. I imagine, because it is lonely. Last night, it started barking at 2:00 AM. It has been doing so for the last 2 months. We've talked to them about the barking and their response was we'd get used to it. Thus far, we have not gotten used to it. So, we called the police. I think, after two months of after midnight barking, we've been pretty tolerant. I do hate calling police on neighbors. It is so un-neighborly, but so is a 2:00 AM barking.

So far, everywhere we've lived there are always one or two dicks in the neighborhood that don't realize it is rude to:

1. Let their dog bark all night.
2. Have a fiesta outside and blare music until 3:00 AM.
3. Serenade the neighborhood from their open garage with their drunken, all night Karaoke.
4. Let their dog shit in other people's yard without picking it up.
5. Let their dogs run free without a leash and attack the neighborhood kids.

I'm tempted to join the HOA and become that nightmare of a lady that walks around with a clip board and a fake smile making a list of who to fine this month. God, so tempted.

So, this morning I'm sleepy, pissy and ready to go feed their dog sleeping pills every night before I go hit the hay just for some peace and quiet.