Words of a Terrible Kid

Don't care about what the kids feel

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 17:41:43 +0530

Hi,

I wanted to talk as I’m making my nails. Nothing special they’ve grown a lot and they have gotten a bit dirty because I keep on brushing my hair. My head is also very dirty because I haven’t taken a bath since 4-5 days now. So, let’s talk while I’m using a tooth paste and brush to clean my nails and then sharpen using a nail sharpener. By the way, the tooth paste hack was told by mom and it actually works, it whitens your nails.

EP 722: Here's my amygdala, Kurt

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 22:33:15 +0530

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know

“Kurt, every time I breath, I get a deja vu, because I have just taken a breathe one to two seconds ago. It’s annoying but it’s the reality. We don’t realize we have been deja vu-ing for our whole life with breathing”, I said.

Goodnight, 2025

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 03:37:02 +0530

I find it pointless to write this one after how foggy my mind has been in the last few months. I’m still writing this because I want to fight against this skepticism of mine which is constantly telling me, “It’s time to stop the writing now. One year of it was all you had in yourself”. Also, to be very honest, I am myself very speechless. There are things I want to share and talk about but at the same time I don’t want to do it. I’ve been thinking about sentences to put in this essay from around 2 months now. The title, “Goodnight 2025” spawned in my head during October when my sleep issues were out of control and I’d wake up weak, tired and feeling horrible about myself.

Oar to you

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 01:57:07 +0530

We spent some time together, later, she felt a bit uneasy, I also felt it, we both did not know the reason. I woke up and sat on the side of the bed, Both my palms on my eyes, covered with feelings of regret, being afraid and awfulness.

I imagined her, imagined her understanding me, Imagined her submerge, submerge in my whirlwind of thoughts.

We wept together, we cried together.

Dingle-Dong

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 04:11:30 +0530

Can you hear the kids laugh and cry ?

Hi, I’m Mick, Mick Bornough. I’m a 19 year old teenager. I work part time at a writing press where I do assistance for copy writers.

These days I just feel like a mad-man. I have become a stray. I wake up whenever I want and I do everything in whatever way I want. I go out for walks at 2 or 3 AM caring about nothing. Write words all over my body. Say provoking things and believe in Magic.

Writing to you from the dark

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 03:20:41 +0530

From Helena

I was walking home from work listening to music looking at people around the streets and wondering how I could write the next story where I’m bleeding through my eyes and mouth. I really like a girl and I did confess it to her.

I reached home in the evening at around 6:30. I have been listening to this song called, “Fall For You” by Secondhand Serenade. The poetry in it is immensely strong and I can’t comprehend how genius the writer - John Vesely must’ve been. I don’t see myself writing that kind of poetry ever. Maybe, I have to get into that situation. You always write what you’re facing or going through. You cannot write what you got yourself purposefully into.

Miscarriage

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 01:49:42 +0530

It was 2023 September, chilly evening, I was peacefully watching TV, suddenly, I ran towards the toilet to vomit, I realized that I was pregnant.

I tested my urine on the device, went to my boyfriend with excitement, showed him the tests which turned red with 2 vertical lines on the device.

I walked all happy for the next 9 months.

But my stomach- it was never growing as much, I was never feeling as heavy, as I expected, as I should have.

Humanly, my eyes, Alienic, my views

Sat, 18 Oct 2025 03:09:01 +0530

Thinking of waxing my hands, just like jennie

It’s the day when teenagers were dying in my mind. Anyways, they were supposed to die at a certain point in their time.

I woke up at 10:30 AM to get ready for my walk from Cuffe Parade to Malad/Andheri, which was at least the goal in my mind. I stood in front of my room’s huge window, looking at a family on the other side. They were putting out colorful LED lights on their balcony for Diwali. I received a call from my father, and I hung it up straight away. And, I went to take a shower and get ready. I started the geyser, got butt naked, and ate my toothpaste. I usually squeeze the toothpaste from its ass and get a mouthful of lump squeezed in my mouth. Then I top it off with some hot water from the shower and keep on gargling for a while. I felt like I was excited and happy about the walk, but instead, it was just pseudo-nascent water coming from the shower.

Priety

Mon, 13 Oct 2025 01:47:56 +0530

The night I confessed to you, I got hit by a car, I remembered the day, you smiled at me and, asked me to take a seat.

No one ever did that to me, I really felt good, I don’t trust myself for that, I blame it on my desperation, and the ask for affection.

I very soon started imagining, it’s my mistake and not yours.

You never asked for it, but I still walked with you, shared with you, laughed with you, it’s my mistake and not yours.

Dressing up for my funeral

Sat, 11 Oct 2025 02:58:17 +0530

She will be back my babygirl

I’m walking I’m walking walking in the void

The void said, “not yet” I replied, “What the fuck ?” It repeated, “I’m saying, not yet”, I yelled, “Why not ?”

I threw up, I lied on the bed, worms crawling under my skin, words and titles hurting me, relentlessly, torsioning my balls, I crawled, yelled, and shouted.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I’m not lying, I’m trying to breath, it’s dead, it’s realy “not yet”.

Express Store Women

Mon, 06 Oct 2025 03:53:34 +0530

“Chirin-chirin”, rang the suzu. The last customer left with a chicken sausage, two onigiris and one can of soda pop.

I was reading “Heaven”, by Mieko Kawakami. It’s a really good book, I will probably complete it by tonight 3 AM. I am really loving how fast Mieko Kawakami has made the plot go.

“Ehhhhh, Mieko, not every day is the same”, I exclaimed at Miko, my helper in Express Store. She recently got rejected by a boy who she fell in love with. The boy was apparently 5 years older to her. Poor Mieko. She struggles at expressing her feelings a lot of times.

Sheriff from Milton's Hospital

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 04:40:58 +0530

“Shut the fuck up, asshole”, I shouted at one of the patients.

I’m tired of all the patients I’ve had in Milton’s. Some of them won’t die because they want to live, some of them want to die but death won’t come to them easily. It’s their sins and everything they fucked up with, in their whole lives.

I don’t get time. I don’t get any time for neither myself nor to look at each of them individually. Sometimes, I am having my lunch trying to peacefully think about what music I want to listen in the night. And, all of a sudden nurses will start banging my cabin door saying that these beasts are calling them badly, that patient’s family wants to get rid of their broken in the mind spouse and want us to overdose the patient, some come and tell me that there’s not enough O Positive blood left in the Blood Bank.

Balloons from Salt Lake City

Thu, 25 Sep 2025 02:27:30 +0530

I’ve been trying to lose a lot of weight so that I can relate to the “Pale Blue Moon”. I am exercising and walking a lot at night to help myself with back pain. It’s getting terrible and terrible.

I was very tired while walking and listening to songs.

I am loving this album, “Danger Days” by My Chemical Romance. I was already very exhausted and was trying to feel the music and the energy in its possession. The next song was “Na Na Na Na Na Na Na'.

Dates in Ohio, Tokyo and Brooklyn

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 04:09:29 +0530

I’ve been walking a few nights thinking about dates and how I want to write this story called, “Dates in Ohio, Tokyo and Brooklyn”.

I walk, walk a lot like a crazy mad man. I am getting addicted to eating gum these days, I often have 3-4 of them stuffed altogether in my mouth. I chew , chew, chew and chew more till my jaw starts hurting. It feels horribly annoying, but it straightens my ugly looking jaw line. I want to look adorable and sexy.

I cried to her, "Please let me become a rockstar"

Fri, 19 Sep 2025 03:52:10 +0530

Believe me.

I can write songs, I kept on wrying in front of my girlfriend the whole time. She has no clue that I write poems and poems can be converted to songs. She does not know that I can learn tools faster. I just need 10-20 days to get a basic sound track out with some keys, bass, snare&kicks. I can really do that.

I asked, “Why don’t you want me to be a rockstar ?” She said, “You will never be, music is a diatribe, and you can’t always be everything and it’s not at as easy you think it is”. I shouted, “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

Girls within Boys Parlour

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 03:24:55 +0530

I morti, i violini e le onde sinusoidali!

I’ve been the owner of this Ice Cream Parlour called “Girls within Boys Ice Cream” for over 3 decades now. We’ve changed the flavors over time.

I’ve always been the sole owner of the parlour. We do not have any other employees in the Shop to run any kind of errands. I do the accounting, management, serving, and at the end of the day, also the cleaning. To talk about that, the shop only serves from 7 PM to 1 AM. Yes, I do have the permit to run the shop after midnight. A lot of people have asked me about the weird timings. I don’t know, I just know woke up one day had the word “Girls within Boys” in my mind, opened the shop, and also decided that I’ll only serve for that duration.

The Marching Parade

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 02:23:23 +0530

The marching parade was passing by my house the band played the instruments with great, great, great, patience and discipline, that is how a marching parade should play.

Music has patterns beautiful as the shapes in this world, I can’t help but admire those patterns I feel helpless, even if I can’t figure out one of the patterns

There’s a moment of pride, when your body has stopped breathing, and it’s getting colder and colder, that is the moment, when you are allowed to feel proud of finally passing the hard time which is - life

Hands and Walls

Sun, 07 Sep 2025 15:55:52 +0530

With time, all the things you feel are problem don’t end up being problems because your mind starts building tolerance. One evening while returning from office, I was similarly quite, building tolerance for something in my mind.

We got off near our apartment, I got out of the rickshaw, my friend was making the payment. I was standing out listening to “The ghost of you” by My Chemical Romance. And, I saw a father and son walking towards the rickshaw we got out off. The kid was barely 5 year old. He was screaming and crying a lot. I was looking at his face and I said, “How free!”. I felt so relieved and jealous of him screaming and shouting.

I'm a deranged teenager

Thu, 04 Sep 2025 01:55:10 +0530

Up on Melancholy Hill, There’s a plastic tree

I was high on music. A person had called me “deranged” a few days back and I repeated, “Yes, I’m a fucking deranged teenager”.

I went out for a walk in Ghatkopar East, with a tired body asking for sleep and some kind of chemical which will help me forget things. I took a note in my phone, “Hi sweety, I don’t give a fiddlers fart about ghatkopar stinking, people praying in front of the idols, or even the rats which won’t let me walk properly. But the night is just very beautiful. I’d prefer falling asleep on this bridge, just like the drunkard over there.”

So long, and Goodnight

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 02:12:41 +0530

The Waves, they were polite

Sweet heart,

Have you been deep into a meril ? Ain’t ya feel high on emotional drugs sweety ? Ain’t ye talking about talking with your writing. The desk might be feeling like a brain stroke to you isn’t it ? I know how horrifying it is because I experience it with you, striking your body the whole time. Starting your first attempt ? Good.

Are deers chaotic ?

Sat, 30 Aug 2025 18:18:41 +0530

Inspired from Akeboshi’s - Wind

With respect, It all started with a debate on Ganesh Chaturthi between me and 2 of my colleagues. Everyone around me seems to be talking about productivity, focus and outputs the whole time. I don’t say that’s wrong, instead to survive in a company or the society you have to puppet around those words every day. In the past 2-3 years, I’ve developed a good, not good, fabulous amount of apparent, strong hate for the words “Productivity”, “Focus” and “Improve”. I have been on the other side of the river and been very close to people who have tried to practice those whimsical words a lot. With the words like “focus” lurking like worms in your mind, a person usually ends up being focused for short term and short term goals. Their obsession for focus doesn’t really tie them to anything happen in the long term view point. One thing I want you to keep out of your mind for a while is, “Everyone’s mind is different” that kills the point of this essay. But don’t worry at the end I will do it myself and act holier-than-thou smirks.

Narrator

Fri, 29 Aug 2025 00:27:18 +0530

Captured in Jahangir Art Gallery, Mumbai by unknown artist

Mind is a narrator the narrator who talks to me, The narrator who tells me what is right, what is wrong, it helps me understand neutrality.

Mind is a not part of me, but the internal voice is. The voice is a scribe, it’s holding a knife waiting to find the right moment to make that perfect blow.

The narrator, his voice is not audible I can never hear it. Today, it just made me deaf, and I did not have my mind at place. People were just visible to me, but I was deafened. The voices guide, no, they misguide me.

Hi, night

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 03:21:13 +0530

Night,

How are you? I hope you’re doing very well in your time. My ocular myokmia has gone for a while, the veins don’t pump now. I like the time when you’re hear to hug me with all the darkness. The fake darkness which my mind possesses, the fake validations my mind is trying to seek from you. I love listening to songs at night and go to sleep with the songs. I can sleep without the songs too, but as I said there’s a faker inside me who wants to fake things for the sympathetic outsider. I specifically like listening to songs which were wooven with a lot of pain and emotions in them. To me the people who are able to do that are the real artists and probably they have produced the best form of art. Their lives are probably not admiring or to be worth living, but the ripple they created was wide, wide and very wide. I like to learn from them. I want to wove a sweater full of emotions on it. Bands like My Chemical Romance, Blink-182, Linkin Park are probably the best. There might be so many others in this world which I’m not aware of. I’m adamant to entertain any suggestions, hence I know a selective piece of these magicians. I’m fine with knowing less about a lot of ripples, because I like knowing deeply about few ripples more. Some people are shouting in the inside, drawing to be observed, writing to be read, singing to be heard and I want to understand the artists. Of course, I’m very picky that is because I have a taste of my own in things.

Blackbird

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 13:42:17 +0530

I’m singing. I stare into the illusion, with my eyes bawled for the world, to prove myself wrong, and hate the heart I have pumping inside.

I don’t know what to write about, what to sing about, whom to talk to, what and whom to care for, why and what to try.

Now, you tell me if its alright, love is what has forbidden me for life.

Now, there’s a blackbird in my heart, it’s free, it’s flying, it’s flying towards my mind, which feels empty and brazen. but, but, but, but, but, the mind is the limit, it is also trapped like the bluebird, but blackbird is brazen and wild.

Precarious Angel

Sat, 23 Aug 2025 03:04:46 +0530

I had a terrible day at work, I chose to leave that place and my boss wanted to let me go as well. I was calm in the beginning and accepted the fact that I did not add value. But, after a while, as I observed things, it hit me like how the idea of protests and economic reform hit the kids at the Tiananmen Square in 1938. My ocular myokmia triggered again and this time the nerve was pumping restlessly, it was crushing my soul. I felt like, I should pull my eye out and throw it out of the car.

Parkour: The Cigarette

Fri, 22 Aug 2025 01:51:27 +0530

I will setup a theme for you here. It rains every single day now. The skies are dark, the trees are always wildly shaking because of heavy winds. I-I am having this issue, the nerve above and between my eye and eye-brow keeps on pumping. It’s not stopping from a very long while, every-every day it, it-just keeps on pulsating 5-6 times a-every single day.

The whirlwind just makes me shiver with cold and getting out in this Manhattan cold is just probably a once in a lifetime mistake to do. I refrain from going outside every day and spend my thinking about myself and the music I listen to. I-I don’t feel like sleeping at all. I do know about the consequences of what happens when you kill a bird and squeeze its soul. It’s been 7 hours, since I’m just lying on the sofa playing “Soul to Squeeze” by Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I was observing myself in the Ikea mirror which is just opposite to the sofa. I was looking at the dragon which is printed on my Superdry t-shirt. I don’t dare to see my own face, because it just gives me the feeling of terror every time I do. I just notice the cello tape on my mouth. It was 7 full days, since I had uttered a single word from mouth.

Onomatopoeia

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 02:37:29 +0530

Observe those birds

I don’t find a way to avoid the ambiguity, my mind is trying to fake through out any kind of process.

All my life, I’ve always believed that there are some with acquired talent and there are some with natural talent and immense ability to grasp things. Whenever, the comparison wave hits the island, I end up getting myself on the other side. The other side where I am someone who is trying to acquire the talent I don’t have. Because, I have a black tape over my eyes of a blind belief that I can learn anything and everything. Whenever I try to compare myself with someone, it gets harder and harder to justify why I always undermine someone’s effort by thinking that they have natural talent. When I say this, I don’t mean to defy on my opinion that there exists the separation of natural and acquired talent. But, for some reason, I am not able to convey what my mind is trying to write here.

The Fat Leech

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 23:44:37 +0530

It’s the 5th evening today, and it is still raining outside. The walls, floor, tables, chairs, everything around me has become cold and damp. I was sitting near the window, trying to look outside on the empty streets, and water running towards the gutters. But, It was hardly clearly visible. Raindrops continuously kept making the mild thud-sound as they hit window glasses every time and pass on towards the bottom ridge of the window.

Eating Glass

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 01:17:56 +0530

I was drinking Jack Daniels, ironically, from a wine glass I felt angry, I broke the glass and also the bottle

I beat the glass with the bottle till they were small enough particles, I was clueless, of what I did, why I did that. I was clueless, I mean it.

I picked up the glass with my fingers small particles, semi large hard corners of the glass, everything included like a pinch of salt I put them in my mouth

Boozy Sleep

Sat, 09 Aug 2025 01:41:15 +0530

I miss Bangalore.

8 PM. My time to leave office. The feeling of self scrutiny was never leaving me alone. I liked those moments, because I just never wanted to be happy and live a happy day. Somehow, it didn’t feel right when everything went smooth for me. There are many reasons to be sick of yourself when you think all these things.

I got out of the office, took a bus, scanned the QR, paid 6 INR for my stop. Didn’t care if the Conductor checked it or not. Stood near the door resting myself on the railing, noticed a couple of beautiful girls in innocence. The next moment, I’d realize that I commit a gruesome sin and put my eyes down. I got off at my stop, crossed the road, wondered why in the world a speeding car never came and did its job. Had a usual look at the ribs of pig in the pork shop and the fat uncle with bald shining head. Who always sat doing nothing, maybe also barely making any dough for te day. Saw another beautiful girl once again, thought that she might of my age but next moment I realize that there might rarely be 19 year old teenage girls working like I am doing. Gave up.

The Gray Soil

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 00:25:14 +0530

The Holy Trinity from Angela’s Ashes

There was this old colleague of mine who always said, “Mangesh’s hate towards certain things is very apparent”. There was a particular day in the school after a terrible night, which I hated the most in school. That day used to be very sad for me, and I often felt like I wanted to shout at the class saying, “They couldn’t care less as long as someone’ll bleed, so darken your clothes and strike a violent pose”. The terrible event the night before, was often an unobtrusive fight between my parents.

Wind-up crocodile

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 01:18:30 +0530

In my opinion, Baner (or Pune in general) sucks. One evening, I had my dinner it was the usual Triple Chicken Schezwan Fried Rice from the restaurant I loved eating from. I kind of felt very bloated that evening, so I went out for a walk, coke and a Havmor sundae icecream. I’m telling you, the havmor choco chip sundae Ice cream with coke is a very good combo and you’re gonna love it too. I can assure that.

I am not Ishaan

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 23:13:42 +0530

You might have fun if you allow Audio.

Originally, The Carousel Horse by Michael Mitchell

If you’re an Indian, at some point in life you have surely seen this movie called “Taare Zameen Par”. It has great music, great story and a very emotionally painful plot. I don’t know how the readers might be seeing it and what is their perspective about the movie. But, for me the fundamental anecdote of the movie is to make every kid think of himself as Ishaan and hold some kind of hope. At least, that is how it was with me. I always related myself with that mischievous lad. Growing up, I was deep into the swimming pool of mediocrity. Never even having the feeling of coming out of it, and focus on only one single thing. I always had this shameless plug to my mother that I can score above average marks, play music instruments, play decent football, and then also draw at times. At a point, I was behind honing the art of copying. Because, I was always rubbernecking towards different things.

I'm a Sinking Shark

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 22:30:14 +0530

Why can’t I be nothing?

North sea is wild, even the toughest of the military navy fears being in the North Sea.

I don’t fear, because I’m a sinking tiger shark, I sink in the depth of waters. North Sea doesn’t care about me at all, because there are 100’s of the likes of me. We sink and rise everyday.

I never called myself “Tiger Shark”, but these non-sensical humans updated our Aquarius Dictionary DB once, and since then the likes of me are called “Tiger Sharks”. “Elijahhhh, can you stop for a while ? I’m trying to write”.

Place

Mon, 16 Jun 2025 00:52:39 +0530

Someones expired memories are someone else’s food

Its unexplainable, because I am unaware of that phenomenon my head is wrapped around. The phenomenon of the place, a crematorium, a restaurant and the bank. The bank where a lot of treasure and cash is stored. Its just a piece of paper, but with some verification and procedures of proper printing, its invaluable.

I completed reading Frank McCourt’s second book “‘Tis” very recently. I love Frank McCourt. A childhood which sprangs from the west, resides for a while in the smoky and polluted streets of Limerick, Ireland and then returns back to the worthwhile cities of America. I can’t stop dreainng about living in a studio apartment in NYC’s buildings, walk along the Hudson or take a subway to Brooklyn every morning. The Irish have some really great stories. I got one more Irish writer book called “Dubliners” probably a story around the “Rocky Road to Dublin”.

Finding Dory

Sat, 31 May 2025 22:15:54 +0530

Concept of Mind - A kid with a piece of wood held like a pencil - captured in Jayanagar 3rd Block

I joined Ente on my birthday, to celebrate my one-year anniversary, 20th birthday, and last working day at Ente altogether. Nothing works as expected, and I never expect things to work the way my mind is orchestrating them. And that is what happened.

I was originally hired to be a “Developer Relations Engineer” but I never really wanted that on me, I hated that title and I got it changed to “Engineer”. The job was also somewhat engineering focused because I was solving problems for those who self host. If the reader knows me personally well enough, they’ll know the strong hate I have for that role title and DevRels. DevRels lie between Developers and Community, they’re supposed to be the bridge. During the same time, I applied to work on Frappe Mail, but the Lead Developer denied it because the product was going through breaking changes contionuously. Ente still felt very exciting because of Privacy, Encryption, and I imagined myself with them. I accepted Ente’s offer and soon I was moved to Bangalore. My parents were still afraid because it had just been 25 days since I had come home and I was already saying “Cool, I’ll be leaving for Bangalore in 10 days”. It took some time to convince but moving to Bangalore was the best choice. I also got a 10k bump in salary for the same reason. Once more, the change hit like Kanagawa waves, finding PG, understanding and getting used to new people around me. For the initial few days, I did not talk much, Vishnu used to ask me “Why are you not talking like before?” or “Why are you so silent?”.

What is that?

Mon, 19 May 2025 20:12:09 +0530

By Hiroshi Sugiomto

There’s that, It’s always there in my mind, in my heart and also in my feelings

That is there, there on my tongue which I want to talk about but that never formulates into words.

This same thing called “that” always reduces mana makes the brain slow That always kills something something internal and absolutely with no possibility of recover.

That makes it feel like a stone like I sat in regret like I compare

Observe the Observer

Mon, 12 May 2025 22:06:48 +0530

maybe they are observing me

I walk in AECS Layout every night There are things to just simple look at.

There are simple, standing still, moving fast and slow, as well as dead things to observe.

On the streets, there are roaches walking, a yellow Suzuki Alto, a bunch of Royal Enfields, a street lamp to look at and wonder about the glares of its light there is also a cat staring

Her - A story

Thu, 08 May 2025 00:33:02 +0530

‘Tis so good that my mother has allowed me to take bicycle to school. Going to school in van sucked honestly, not too much, but yes it did. Now, I can be a cool guy on my “Hero Robin Mountain Bike” which makes my whole uniform dirty during the rains because of its thick tires and thin mudguard.

I crashed at the school gates, just in time and ran towards the assembly as it was just going to start. Took over my position as the drum commandant on the side stage. I realized I was early to the school as students till the 6th grade had only lined up on the ground and 7th std was walking towards the ground in a line. I was wondering about why it was so cold in the midst of November, and all of a sudden I saw a new girl in a pink sweater. It has always been rare to see a newcomer in the middle of year. She was thin, had a pony tail, walked very firmly looking down as it was her first day and she did not know much of her classmates. I kept looking at her till she passed. Her aura was very calm and it attracted all my senses towards her. She was very beautiful. And, I was eager to know her name and try to talk with her.

Glistening Cheeks

Tue, 06 May 2025 01:26:41 +0530

Follows my lead with her hairs flowing like a wind chime The cheek bones glistening like a shiny crystal

Eyes talk about the endless love they have for their loved ones, that small height chattering all throughout the streets.

Sometimes gets selflessly chosen sometimes selfishly chooses either her happiness or others, sacrificing her own.

Dancing in the dark like an angle with curly hairs, kills me just with that side look towards the behind.

The classroom of my dreams

Thu, 01 May 2025 00:29:32 +0530

Circa 2018 7th Class, preparing for cultural event ? I guess

How would everything have been if I was studying in some western school, like all those hollywood cinemas, there’d one talented, some badass, some unconfident, dumb girls. There’d be a bunch of punks bullying everyone all around the school who’d think they’re going to be the gods of “Basketball” or “Football” team. They’d think and say “That field ova der, ya see zat? its ma whole laiff mahn”. The room would be full of different minds, the clocks in their mind would be ticking differently and there’ll be one person starting from ultra-dumb to the highly intellectual and clever ones.

Eraser

Thu, 24 Apr 2025 01:55:38 +0530

Art credit sengaoctopcat

I want to erase all my thoughts but how will I do that, if erasing my thoughts is itself a thought.

I dream of fake things just like the ones in the previous stanza, unrealistic expectations, unrealistic propaganda’s, never fathom what am I myself

Assumptions, presumptions note, unnote, do hit the right note but not when in the same boat.

Complicate

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 00:17:28 +0530

Sometimes, I want to write complex things I never know what, its hard to comprehend

but its easy to mindlessly think they ease the wounds but leave the heart clueless

racing heart, tingling mind, body starving for impulsive moments

Pest

Tue, 22 Apr 2025 00:00:30 +0530

Shayn said he had a problem with himself not knowing if there was a problem or the whole human being was a problem altogether. Validation, sigh leaving a big breath out made him feel good. Heart raced and panicked for no reason, felt like pulling his skin off and smashing the shit out of the one inside him. All he needed was some magnesium tablets to relax and the feeling of sleeping forever. Life is a bitch, the real fear is more than what he thinks he is facing. The real fear is talking about what he feels, or he talks about it but feels like a dirty insect from a sewer.

Sandals

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 00:59:51 +0530

A mojdi like, pink, female slip on shoe I captured near Kundalahalli Bus Stop

Bata, Sparx, Paragon and some other brands have always been in this game of making sandals with velcro’s. I remember, how much I loved having a good handle all the time during my childhood.

I was traveling home the day before yesterday by train. I usually travel in Sleeper Coach, a coach full of different people from middle classes to very poor people. There are always a lot of annoying kids and I do hate them every time. Maybe, it’s just that I can’t catch up with them, or it’s true that they are very annoying. I was sitting beside two other boys who were wearing these modern-day shoes called “Clogs” or “Crocs”. I do too, I do not prefer to, but I wear them because, in Whitefield, they cover my feet from bathing in the dust. All of a sudden I got reminded of how much I loved wearing sandals.

Prince Bakery

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 03:17:22 +0530

Sreejesh S K’s Prince Bakery

Prince Bakery will be my territory. I will wear a white and orange colored lungi interchangeably wrapping them around my butt, with a simple plain shirt on the top. I would open the shop in the morning at 6 AM. Prepare dough for some fresh buns so that I can serve it to my customers with some hot piping tea. I would try to make the inside of the bun softer and softer. One bite of bun followed by one sip of hot tea will surely wash down the bun.

On Working Young

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 21:47:41 +0530

Painting picturing Messenger Boys by Lewis W. Hine

I’ll try to control the tone, I don’t want this to sound like a rant, but more of a suggestive premonition. I’d like to be honest that I’m very embarrassed publishing this essay. I’m not only one doing this and neither I’m going to be the last.

I started working when I was 17 and Its been almost 2 years, since I’ve been working at places leaving my college aside. I’m not sure if that makes me happy.

Uncertain Thinking

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 23:02:18 +0530

a lot of fear, misery in my mind. Maybe I’m not scared of failing as a programmer but I’m more scared of failing as a programmer in front of others. A lot of times, I put myself in the dumbest possible manner in front of others. I am blank when someone asks me what do I do. I do write code (often), I understand technology, I understand some of linux and have been using it from years now. But, all of this is horizon which I can never touch.

On being Selfish

Sat, 15 Feb 2025 10:54:21 +0530

The Sower (1888) by Vincent Van Gogh

I had a discussion with my mother today. She was whining about how people trouble her or act unfair and selfish. For the most part I was just actively listening but then I started thinking proactively as I developed some some simplicities during the discussion/conversation.

What does Selfish mean ?

Google’s Definition

thinking only about your own needs or wishes and not about other people’s.

On being the Dumbest Different

Sun, 26 Jan 2025 21:53:25 +0530

Art by Franz Kafka found in the ‘Black Notebook’.

cd rowing up, I was always a hyper-reactive kid in my class, mediocre throughout multiple fields. I used to play footbal, playing multiple instruments. I was also quite good at studies and for the most part I liked reading our English textbooks which were not NCERT in my first school.

I studied from UKG to my 2nd Class in a Marathi School in Solapur, and then I switched to the new English school, “Podar International School” in the city. I did not even know how to read basic English words like prepositions “The” and etc. After 20 days of joining the school, we had a Dictation test. Till date, I remember those tiny drops of red ink collated together in the shape of a Oval Merry-go-round on my answer sheet followed by two underlines in a very finicky style. Out of 10, I couldn’t even get a single spelling right that day in the school. I did not feel humiliated for I was just a 7 year old scared boy.

എൻ്റെ

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 14:23:47 +0530

I had joined Ente.io exactly today 3 months ago. Initially, it was just a 15 hour/week job providing technical support to folks who were self-hosting Ente and improving Ente’s Documentation.

1 month in the job and I got very bored of everything I was doing. I wanted to learn writing code as I always think that programming is something I can never do at a good level. I have this imagination in mind of myself as a small kid staring at the heights of Burj Khalifa thinking how tall and hard it is to reach there. Hopefully, I will someday find the route towards the elevator.

"Phiphteeen", said the Chai-wallah

Sat, 11 Jan 2025 15:14:40 +0530

I visit this restaurant “Sri Udupi Park” every day since I moved back to Bangalore. It has a very nice seating area in front of the restaurant, a good tree on the left side, and some distance from it there is a tea stall which is hosted by Udupi Park Management itself, if I’m not wrong. Since the last month 1 month, I have been consistently drinking “Chai” at Udupi Park and I haven’t missed it even 1 single day.

The Year 2024

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 22:44:52 +0530

2024 taught me a lot of things to be very honest. I believe I understood and felt a lot of emotions including sadness, discomfort, stress, happiness, joy, and almost everything. This year I turned 19 and I am soon going to hit the number 20. Like everyone else, I am afraid for it but at the same time, I am very excited to see how my thinking process will transition and how mature it will become in the upcoming years.

A Conversation With Music

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 22:56:35 +0530

I noticed I feel a lot of frisson but only to music which is emotionally wooven,

Hey emotional music, how were you created ? It said, “mind is where I am curated by the blessed, Just to let you know, I am the most capable So much as, every emotion humans feel palpable,

Mozart wrote me in his mind Those who made me never felt it as grind, The greats created me for their own enjoyment which they passed on to others as atonement,

Echos of School

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 22:43:19 +0530

Staring at the clouds reminded me of the school I grew in, Upgrading from a half-chaddi to a full pant, The first time pants draped around legs so thin, While the trend talked about styling hair slant.

It was a lot about Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, And can we even forget the man Phileas Fogg? Couldn’t get my head around something called Ohms, Which crashed my system, being a memory hog.

Humans Hem through to Haw

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 22:23:00 +0530

I joined a new startup recently and I was with a lot of good people who are very experienced in what they do and all I wanted to do was learn from them and the way they work as a Corporate Company without Politics but instead shipping more.

To learn more about culture and also to find a new interesting book, I went on to ChatGPT and googled for finding books that were majorly focused on “Change, Jobs, Motive/Perspective to/for Work and Job” etc to find an interesting enough book, that is when I stumbled upon this book called “Who moved my cheese”. For many days, this book had been lying in my Amazon Cart and I finally ordered it a couple of days ago.

Tinkering with Marp and Shell History

Sat, 16 Nov 2024 00:44:57 +0530

Overhead project in Operation - got to know about this from ankush.

Recently, I was giving a talk at FOSS Bangalore Meetups about how aryak and I hosted IndiaFOSS 2024 livestreams and I was traveling from my hometown to Bangalore. I reached Bangalore around 9:30 AM with a half-baked presentation in Figma and I was still editing a lot of things because of my other work-related things. And, I am someone who really likes to make beautiful-looking and very appealing presentations. Sometimes, It is a lot more painful to carry your laptop, open your PowerPoint viewer, and all of those things. Instead with Marp and some hack, you can just host it on your personal website.

7 years of learning Indian Classical Music

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 17:17:05 +0530

It starts around July 25th, the tender start of my 4th std. My parents were very fond of the SaReGaMaPa Marathi Show on TV and they wanted us siblings to learn music early in life (4th wasn’t quite early). A day later we were taken to the nearest Music Class/Academy called “Vyankatesh Sangit Vidyalaya” believed to be a very good music academy in the greater region of Solapur. It all started in a very small room in the Choupad called the Old Solapur these days.

Do I Understand Emails Now ?

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 22:11:25 +0530

Recently, I went to Frappeverse 2024 - a Business focused conference organized by frappe.io every year as one of their Flagship Conferences. Whilst the conference was really fun for someone like me who is not interested in business the product keynotes were actually something really good on the 2nd day. Frappe Mail their newest product was in my hearing from the last 4-5 months and I was pretty excited to see if it was just a Frontend Wrapper to any existing service or if there was something interesting going on under the hood.

Shell Widgets, Fish and some fun

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 20:17:35 +0530

So, the other day I was trying to find some projects which I can contribute to. And, I wrote a small readme for one project and checked out some issues in listmonk but I couldn’t find any issue there which I could contribute to. I got to know about Fex 2-3 months ago and I checked the repo again, after scrolling down the readme, I saw that Alan had added configuration for zsh (from what the code said) to bind/invoke fex with Keybindings.

Words of a Terible Kid

Fri, 27 Sep 2024 16:27:09 +0530

Hi Mangesh. I have always loved making websites. The first website I made for myself was in 2020. It was a simple HTML website without any responsiveness. Hosted on GitHub pages, with a “.me” domain borrowed from a friend. I had an online friend Theo who had a very cool looking b/w website. The website was full of his thoughts, essays, frustration and poems. That is when I thought that I also wanted to have such things on my website.

Goodbye, FOSS United Foundation

Fri, 13 Sep 2024 14:42:06 +0530

September 12, 2023, FOSS United Foundation and I mutually decided that it was time to stop my internship and look back at all the work I’ve done, find my mistakes, and re-work my skills. I was falling short on some of the tasks I had self-assigned to myself and used to get assigned by the team which I was certainly aware of but I couldn’t complete all of them because of some personal reasons.

Road

Wed, 11 Sep 2024 01:33:00 +0530

Road is a chosen path, path towards the dreams which someday are worth.

There are some roads which are darker, which are also scary but will always take you farther.

From holding someone’s hand to cross a road, to talking about the road with a vision so broad.

Vision defines sensing things with your eyes, but eyes are just someone who know how to lie

1 year at FOSS United

Sun, 01 Sep 2024 17:17:05 +0530

Awfully fun ventures. Just a bunch of honest opinions and experiences. It’s been almost 1 month since I’m trying to write this. This blog is solely, a record of my whole year and also I like storytelling.

11 March 2023 was my first interaction with FOSS United at MumbaiFOSS 2023 as an attendee. I traveled all the way from Solapur to Mumbai first time alone for the conference, it was a good beginning for a good event as a FOSS Enthusiast, before MumbaiFOSS, the definition of events/conference was very different for me. I was standing in a corner with one of my telegram friend looking at Kailash, Vishal and Rushabh and a bunch of other students and people surrounded around them, at that time I was clueless who these tall and geeky looking guys were.

Feeling powerful with FFmpeg and Imagemagick

Sun, 16 Jun 2024 11:15:36 +0530

Introduction

Recently, I took the task of writing the user documentation for the FOSS United Dashboard. It’s an event management dashboard made available to all the city chapter volunteers who can CRUD manage FOSS Meetups, Events, and Hackathons. Ngl, it was good and it is indeed very hard to write good documentation, I did terrible work. It slowly felt unexcited, so I thought of making some asset in it exciting

A lot of my friends on Telegram talked about FFMPeg when I was around 15 or 16 and I had no clue what it was, from the last 1 year I’ve been trying to bring FFMPeg and Imagemagick in hand. In this blog, I want to share some snippets or scripts on using FFmpeg and ImageMagick daily.

Retrospective on 3 years of Diploma College

Sun, 02 Jun 2024 16:34:33 +0530

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina 🇺🇦 on Unsplash

Backstory

So, for those of you who don’t know Diploma or Polytechnic is exactly very similar to Engineering or the formal engineering degree which you do after fucking yourself up with JEE or +1, +2. The way a polytechnic course is exactly similar to a Degree course, hence, I like a Polytechnic or Diploma as the lite mode of engineering. Because, it’s a 3-year course, 1st year being the basics with all the mixed things and then setting out paths for the specific fields you want to pursue.

Showing a good Flashback

Sun, 05 May 2024 23:49:47 +0530

Recently, folks from OSM Delhi suggested we move to a complete FOSS Suite and we should be getting away from the Google Suite as we are “FOSS” United and we were actually making heavy use of GSuite. Hence, we were suggested to start the migration from Google Suite for stylesheets, docs, and other minor stuff to Nextcloud and we should be self-hosting it.

Vishal told me about their conversation at DelhiFOSS, and I was pretty excited again to self-host nextcloud. I had always been thinking about alternatives to all of the non-FOSS software we were making use of daily.

My First Flight

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 01:08:30 +0530

As always, it all starts with adventures and problems, and in a way that I can later laugh at. This was a similar way.

IndiaFOSS 3.0

IndiaFOSS 3.0 was around the corner and we all were preparing for the conference working hard day and night without sleep. That day all of a sudden from nowhere my friends told me that my class test was announced for 26-27-28 October and IndiaFOSS 3.0 was happening on 28th October. I was totally terrified and had no idea of what I was gonna do. All of a sudden one of my colleagues said “Maybe we can do a flight for you” and Vishal Arya booked a flight for me. But, the flight was from Pune because I’m a native of Solapur and the Solapur Airport is not functional due to some political reasons I feel.

My First Flight

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 01:08:30 +0530

As always, it all starts with adventures and problems, and in a way that I can later laugh at. This was a similar way.

IndiaFOSS 3.0

Trying to Fix Without Even Breaking

Sun, 18 Feb 2024 15:07:26 +0530

So, a few days ago (2 weeks probably) I noticed a lot of heat on the bottom side of my laptop only when I was plugged in. So, I started looking up solutions on the internet and installed auto-cpufreq and also started using thermald which I knew before too but had not installed on my Thinkpad t490. So, I did and casually I thought that I would also additionally install and configure thermald. I set the start threshold and stop threshold to 20% and 80%.

Uses

Sat, 10 Feb 2024 18:52:10 +0530

My Workspace

Hardware / Physical Tech

Laptop: Thinkpad T490 (Refubished)
- CPU: Intel i7-8665U
- Ram: 16 Gigabyte (Samsung DDR4)
- GPU: Intel WhiskeyLake-U GT2
- SSD: 500gig NVME SSD
- Touch Screen Display
Monitor: Lenovo ThinkVision S22e-20 (office monitor)
Headphones: Cheap af wired JBL (prolly gna update it very soon)
Keyboard: Royal Kludge 61 (60% keyboard)
Mouse: Logitech M170
Phone: Motorola G40 Fusion

Software

Terminal - Siduck Patched ST Build
Editor - Neovim + VSCodeOSS
Window Manager - i3-gaps
Music - MPD + Ncmpcpp / Spotify
Operating System of Choice - Arch Linux

Why Own a Website

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 02:51:03 +0530

Back in 2020, when I had got started living more on the internet and with virtual friends. I always had a weird attraction towards cool, minimal and very worn out websites which were very old (I still like finding such websites). I always wanted to make my own website too.

It was all my curiosity and attraction towards building and having my own website. I tried learning a bit of HTML, and CSS hand in hand with a bit of javascript (which I never implemented in Web Development), I built my first website by copying and modifying the code from the first version of bugswriter.com which was a very nerdy and geeky implementation of Neofetch but with my photograph and my details instead of system details. Ngl, it was very fun doing all this back then. After that I slowly started learning more and more, there was almost no one to tell but only the internet to look upon for inspiration.

Christmas Night With Tmp Files

Tue, 26 Dec 2023 01:36:25 +0530

This is a blog that will help me always remember that checking the command twice before running is the best way to not lead towards any fuck ups on a Linux machine. and also to give me trauma even ahead in the future.

I noticed tmp files

I was working on some things inside the terminal and I noticed that there are a lot of temporary files with names ~/.bash_history-some id.tmp. I thought that these files must’ve got created when I left my laptop idle today yesterday (24 December 2023) from 2:00 to 4:36 PM because that was the time when I slept out of the blue on my chair. After I woke up I found that the laptop battery was dead to 4% and it was on suspend mode. So, I did a force reboot as pressing the power button wasn’t turning it on because of less battery.

Confused as a Student

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 00:00:00 +0000

This blog is me ranting about why I am way too confused as a student.

What is the confusion about ?

I am a Computer Engineering student pursuing my diploma in a private college in my city. Unlike the others, I am someone who questions every small thing a lot and at times I’m very rude to people of my age group near or around my college circle. I am barely accessible to everyone and do not have a big circle. My margin is limited only to 3 other students.

Conquering Maharashtras Highest Peak

Mon, 12 Jun 2023 00:00:00 +0000

This is a blog which will let y’all readers know how I am feeling after climbing Maharashtra’s highest peak. Words probably won’t be of much help but let’s give it a try.

It all starts with a post

So, there’s a local community of trekkers in my city called EcoFriendlyClub. They’ve been organizing treks to various places in the Sahyadri Mountain Ranges from the last 7-8 years. I’ve been them many times to various places. So, I saw the announcement of Kalsubai Trek in a whatsapp group. In the past I missed the opportunity for Kalsubai Trek for 3 times consecutively. But everything happens for good right ?

Surely you're Joking Mr.Feynman

Sat, 20 May 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Book Review - Surely You’re Joking Mr. Feynman

So, those of you who like reading, physics and crazy brains. You might have come across a famous, physicist and he is called ~~Dick Feynman~~ Richard Feynman. He was a physicist, a curious, a natural problem solver. This blog is all about one of his biographical books named “Surely You’re Joking Mr. Richard”.

How I came across the book?

I am a curious guy and I came across Richard Feynman through one of my friends Github Readme. And then I googled up stuff for him and felt pretty interesting about him. After a while, I came across this book. The book cover covered pulled me like a magnet. So on, I started saving money to get that book. And, then there came an opportunity walking towards me and that opportunity was “Writing my Sister assignments “. I signed a deal with her for 400rs (the book costed 350rs). And yeah, the deal was signed and both the businessman returned back to offices with their secretaries. It was no time to wait, I completed the assignments and ordered the book.