Chyem Vyelekee Eellewzeeya

mlleraquel — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 13:55:15 GMT

My Mom emailed me last night to let me know a lot of things, the most important of which is that my Grandpa has decided to sell his house. I mean, he's been living with my parents for months now so all the house does is sit there and hold stuff. It makes sense, I'm not trying to he should keep it when it serves to real purpose, but I'm a selfish person.

I had a complete emotional breakdown last night because of it.

The last time I was there was after my grandmother passed away, which in case you were wondering was a year ago tomorrow.

I emailed her back and said that it made me really sad, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. She sent me back It's not the house, it's the stuff that made the memories in the house... which properly sent me off crying again. I couldn't even say anything in response. I don't have any words.

mlleraquel — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:54:37 GMT

After a bit of internal conflict, I changed my LJ name. Formerly eellewzeeya, now mlleraquel. I just wanted to keep things consistent.

I really wasn't sure about changing it. I mean, I've had this for over seven years. It looks so weird to see the new name at the top of my header and what not. Still... yeah.

mlleraquel — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:02:10 GMT

So, my obsession with The Tudors keeps getting bigger. I've wanted a paid account for a while, but what gave me cause to actually get one? The thought that I could have Tudors icons, and a lot of them. And now, for the first time ever, I have a mood theme! It didn't take me that long to figure out how to get it to work, either. Now I just need a layout, for the trifecta.

mlleraquel — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:24:05 GMT

There are many memories I wish I could make disappear, but the ones of you I wish the most.

Everything about you sticks with me. Your laugh, your tone of voice, your jokes, your warmth, your touch. The way you took me in with your friendship and made me feel safe. The way you shattered me. The way you betrayed. The way I still had to see you every day, even after all of it. The way you pretended nothing happened, nothing changed. Your false concern and quick retreat.

So many memories I could chose are days, moments in time. I would rather get rid of the memory of you. At the same time I wish we could have worked past the issues. I wish you could have seen how you shut me out of your life when I needed you more than ever. It's because you couldn't see -- that's why I chose the memory of you.

And good riddance.

mlleraquel — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:18:45 GMT

Shoving the drawer in and practically pulling my arm out of socket to pull the next drawer out was a symbol of triumph. One down, how many more to go? It was like a constant winning battle. It was a scavenger hunt. It was constantly being able to help hundreds of people in the future. Without me, how would they ever be able to find anything?

More of a scavenger hunt than that was the constant search for missing materials. Was it a copy two or just the original? Damn, I thought I found it. Wait, I did! Barcode matches can’t lie! It was one more thing to cross off my list with a defiant line across the page – proving once again my super sleuth status here in the stacks.

Reporting to the front desk I was handed my next mission, the next piece of paper with tiny print spewed ungratefully from a printer. With a knowing look to my fellow warriors, I took off up the stairs. How little time could I use to find this lost treasure? The faster I went the faster I could come back triumphant, ready to do battle again.

The library was my domain.

mlleraquel — Thu, 09 Dec 2004 18:46:37 GMT

Who loves me?

mlleraquel — Mon, 15 Dec 2003 22:14:31 GMT

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give eellewzeeya more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

And just for a bonus, a bit of amusement:

"Illusion? Newsie from Harlem, dating a big chap in a gang up there?" Jigger grinned at Ansley, "You must be Big Chap. But her whereabouts at the moment? Nah, I just got done runnin' a message from Jacky boy ta Queens. But heard sumthin' was going on. I want in on the excitement!"

*dies*

is amused

mlleraquel — Mon, 15 Dec 2003 19:45:13 GMT

This is what happens when I sit at home and read through old transcripts. I get amused by the littlest things, like this:

Trophy104: I've missed you..and morning..and siren..and jared..*drags on*
Illusion11201: *jared?* *doesn't miss him* *nods a little*

LilDaisyJane: *comes on the loudspeaker* Come join us in the GV Lounge!
Illusion11201: *salutes* I shall be there interfrastically
LilDaisyJane: at ease soldier!
Illusion11201: *goes to at ease* Yes ma'm!
LilDaisyJane: *nods* *and goes to bug others*

SugaPlm36: ILLYKINS! OH MY LORD!
Illusion11201: OH MY LORD WHAT?

Mgfrog18: This is gonna be the inside joke from now on.
Mgfrog18: Sheesh.
Mgfrog18: "Hey! Rachel! *chucks it back*"
(I wonder if he actually remembers that...)

censor me x: I thought you were from australia for some reason...

Illusion11201: Azure!
AzureBlueEyez: ILL-ATTACK!
Illusion11201: hm....got time to rp?
AzureBlueEyez: Do I have time to BREATH!?!? Duuh I always have time to RP with YOU, Illykins! ;-)

And last but not least...

rnbowofillusions: I know. Why do I want to do this again? I think I'd rather run away screaming.
Illusion11201: Because we can change them. *nods*
rnbowofillusions: We can mould them into our own little army! The Illusionary Socks Army! ;-)
rnbowofillusions: The ISA! Whoo!
Illusion11201: Oo...I like it!

These aren't supposed to make sense...they're just some of the things that made me laugh

I hate college.

mlleraquel — Wed, 29 Oct 2003 03:20:42 GMT

I haven't been to college yet and I already hate it. Just even thinking of applying makes my brain hurt. I either can't pick colleges right or I can't pick majors right...it just makes me want to curl up under my feather tick (yay feather tick) and try to sleep, rather than face it.

Apparently what I love to do doesn't equal a good career choice in my parents' eyes. True, they freaked when Beth told them that she wanted to be an Arts major, rather than a Dentist, but at least I'm letting them know now that nothing constructive will come of my life. My great plans of doing what I love forever and a day doesn't line up with being the perfect child, oh damn.

The comes the choice of a college. I just can't win. Enough said.

Just talking to Brett tonight made me giddy. Why? Theatre. It's what we talk about. Theatre makes me overjoyed and I feel at home just lurking in the darkness of the backstage area. Oh, wait, that's right...not a constructive career! I told my mum I wanted to major in music and minor in theatre, perhaps, and she just about ripped my head off by telling me that I wouldn't amount to anything and that I would never have a successful relationship. What does that relationship thing matter if I'm doomed to be the cat lady? Let me live my life -my- way and do what I love, woman!

Filling out applications causes me to need coffee. Don't ask why, it just does. Unfortunately, there was no coffee avaliable tonight when I was put through the torture of sitting there with my mother for a long period of time, making sure I hadn't screwed anything up too terribly. I can't win no matter what I do. I just can't. I'm sorry to everyone I've failed in my lovely decision to amount to nothing, but it's all my thing now, not anyone elses. Ugh.

I hate college.

I ganked this from Reno.

mlleraquel — Tue, 28 Oct 2003 21:07:11 GMT

Wanna fill it out and leave it on comments for me, people who love me?

+what is my name?
+what is your first memory of me:
+how long have we been friends:
+tell about one memory we share together:
+describe me in four adjectives:
+if we could spend a day together what would we do:
+name one thing you really like about me:
+if you could give me a gift what would it be:
+have we ever hugged:
+what is something embarrassing that i've done:
+what do i usually look like when you see me:
+when have i helped you:
+what do i say all the time:
+do you think we will be friends in 5 years:
+what do you admire about me:
+has there been anything you wanted to tell me, but didn't:
+what advice would you give me, in general:
+suggest a band / cd for me to listen to:
+is there a song that reminds you of me:
+what will i be doing later in life:

I'm a day off. Deal.

mlleraquel — Tue, 28 Oct 2003 03:05:29 GMT

So this is yesterday for me. I went to my grandma's house to visit with Grandy.

His memory amazes me. He recited a poem for me that he had to memorize back in middle school. He's 94, by the way, so it's been a while. I love him so much. How many other 94 -year-old guys would remember that this is the year that one of their many great-grandchildren graduates? I'm graduating the day before his birthday. Also, we were discussing the Battle of the Bulge. His brother was in the Battle of the Bulge when he was 19, and then he was never quite right after that. He killed himself when he was 30. I never knew that.

It was so scary to be there talking to him when he was like that. He has a lot of trouble breathing now, so he's on oxygen, and whenever he gets out of breath it takes him a long time to start breathing right. It doesn't help that he has this cough that keeps happening, which just throws his breathing off more. He doesn't let it get him down though, he just keeps up with everyone elses' lives instead. I seriously am going to take up the saw, just so it doesn't die off. I'm going to miss him. I know he's going to die soon but I don't want to accept it. I can't accept it.

After hanging out there for a long time we went to my other grandma's house. What was going to be a short visit ended up being a three hours visit (I knew it would be) because we decided to play cards. Go figure. My family play cards? Psh. Never. *rolls her eyes* I swear, if I didn't play cards would be disowned by both sides. My Grandma gave me a feather tick, though. Oh my -gosh- is it ever the most comfortable thing in the world. I love it! It's over a hundred years old, easy, but it is so damn warm I can't help but love it. So when I got home I slept under that, my down comforter, and my afghan. I didn't want to get up this morning because it was so snuggly warm. Ah...

I love my grandparents. All of them.

I realize this is belated, but I haven't been able to get to my computer all weekend.

mlleraquel — Mon, 27 Oct 2003 02:04:44 GMT

Can I get a 'Go Dover'?

I sure hope so, since we entirely KICKED PHILA'S ASSES ALL OVER THE FIELD!!! Yes, that's right...ninth year in a row. It's kinda cool to think that the last time we lost to them was when I was in second grade. Do we rock? Entirely much so. And also, Heather decided she was deathly ill right before pregame so who got to play the run-on like it was supposed to be originally? Me!

Stroup actually did a good thing with that whole letting out half the band at a time thing. There were always people there to be a distraction, then! Plus, I entirely got to play Carl's drum all through the 4th quarter. He was playing snare, and he looked back and gave me an odd look. I had to explain that I love to play bass, and he was just entirely happy to have a reason to stay on snare. I almost got to play Thunder. How cool would that have been? Mark realized I was playing in his little section and jumped up to my quads. I tried to get over to Thunder, but li'l Kuhns was right there to steal it from me. Grr.

We better freakin' go 15-0 this year. I have this great hope that we will...

Therefore, go Dover...

I wish I'd been less afraid to be school spirited before now. I was just so used to being the outcast and the one who never was and now I'm entirely into it. Is it because I work in the AD? Possibly. Is it because I'm friends with people like Kristen? That might play a role. Is it because I'm a senior who is realizing that I've missed out on lots of stuff? Yeah. That one hits it.

So I guess I'm just going to have to do everything possible this year. I have a good start at the moment. I skipped hallway decorating but that was mainly because I was super busy that night and they were there until 10. I did Bonfire, that was just about the shit. I've gone to soccer games and all that jazz. I'm actually starting to understand the game a little, although I do not understand for the life of me why Jon got a yellow card when he did nothing and the guys on the Zanesville team just got warnings when they were practically trying to kill our guys. Oh well, we beat them anyway. *go Dover* Sports, sports, sports...it's all we do! I guess I'm already used to it. Ah, once again, working in the AD is to my advantage.

Tomorrow should be great fun. I don't have school but where will I be spending my day? At the school! That's right. I'm helping Wenzel with the Teacher Steel Band at noon, then I have steel band from 3-5 and 7-9. *sigh* It's a damn good thing I love steel band, or I just wouldn't deal with it -- like Travis, who said he's only going to one because he doesn't feel like going to both. Dedication? Nope. Then again, Travis isn't always on my good side. Only when he actually recognizes that I'm not just some stupid idiot, and that I might actually have some talent. It sort of helped that Heather was being a bitch (what else is new) for him to realize that he sort of needs me there.

Bair's getting on my nerves, again. Why is it that he is so adament about us sucking if Heather isn't there? Am I scum or is he just trying to make me mad? When she was AWOL he claimed that the DeathMarch would fall apart without her. Did it? He claims it did, just because the snare line can't keep their rolloff straight -- I got them right, thank you very much. So he claimed that pregame was going to be a disaster because she was sick. He was making up these dumbass reasons that I shot down by logic. So there. I swear, either he thinks I'm entirely a terrible player or he just likes to get me riled up. I just about ripped his head off when he started messing with Corky's. That's one thing you don't do on my shift -- mess up the cadences. Will I become irate? Yes, I will. He thinks he can just smile and no one will ever be mad at him. I'm immune to that. I have been ever since Mark tried to pull it all of last year.

Anyway, I'm done for the night. I need to wake up early to make cookies to take to Davis's house (once I figure out where it is) and then to steel band. If I'm going to have about six hours of steel band I'll need some sleep...

Maybe tomorrow I'll write about what happened today...

Another great project up in flames. Literally.

mlleraquel — Fri, 24 Oct 2003 01:45:51 GMT

I think today has been one of the best all year. Seriously, I had a nice day. My morning was just AP Lit, Athletic Office, Orchestra, Choir, and then I zoomed over to the stadium to build the bonfire. Holy crap, was it fun. I didn't think I'd like it because I associated with maybe three or four people there, but by the end of the day everyone was everyone else's friend and we were just a happy group of kids.

One of my favorite moment was when we had just finished a layer of the stack and we realized it looked like a dance floor. Why did we think this? Because it was all these squares and it looked like if a few of them were lighting up we'd be in a disco club or something. So what did we do? We cranked up the volume on the radio and busted a few moves before Dr. Doug (or Double D, as we've come to call him) told us we needed to get back to work. It was great fun.

Speaking of DD, he was a bit odd today...in a good way. People were swearing left and right and he didn't say a word. I tossed a palette directly onto my foot, not intentionally, and let out a loud exclamation of a not so nice word and he was right there. Did he even acknowledge that I did that? Sort of. He looked at me, but nothing was said. Also, we were hanging out waiting for Senior Hit Night to begin and he was there with Ady and we were talking. This truck drove by and one lone little voice yelled "go phila!" to which he said "oh, that's so intimidating..."

I never thought I would get along with that crowd...ever. We're talking -ever- here. By the end of the day, it was all like we were old friends. It's sort of odd the way that worked out. I would've never thought that I would let half those people ever come within three feet of me, let alone sling their arms around me. *shrugs* Not complaining, just stating.

Huffman: Rach, don't touch that corner! It's the only thing I've done right all day!
Me: But you did it wrong, though...
Huffman: Oh, penis...that sucks.

Baker: You can put as much anti-Phila stuff on it as you want. It just can't be visable.
Josh: That's shit.
Baker: Well...

Jamie T: I like cheesy weiners.
(sort of had to be there for that one)

Andrew: Wow, I love it how we got to build this sucker and then we don't even get to see it lit...

Jeremy: What does it matter if it's perfect? We're just going to torch the sucker anyway...

*after it was all done and we all had our picture taken on it*
Baker: Wait! They just brought twenty more skids.
*everyone freezes on top of it*
Jeremy: Wha...?

mlleraquel — Thu, 23 Oct 2003 02:10:13 GMT

which groupmember are you?

mlleraquel — Wed, 22 Oct 2003 01:35:01 GMT

I actually wanted to do it. For once in my life, I wanted to. Never before, and probably never again, have I wanted to give blood. Willingly have a needle stuck in me? Not my scene. But I wanted to.

I got past the questioning, I got past the finger prick, I got past the stupid "oh no, your blood floats, let's spin it and see what happens", I got past it all. Then they blew my vein.

It was irritating. There were all those smiley, happy people sitting there as 1/12 of their blood supply was sucked out of their bodies, and I was bawling my eyes out. No wonder every single person tried to talk me out of it.

It's an odd feeling...

mlleraquel — Mon, 20 Oct 2003 19:35:34 GMT

I'm not sure if I should like this or not. This sudden feeling of maybe sort of acceptance is new to me. Should I be happy that I think they've accepted me? I can't be sure, of course, but it seems to be so. Maybe it was just a slip since they're friends with other Rachels. It could be that. That's my excuse for them, anyway.

With Kris it's a bit odd. We have things in common, sort of. We both have that "our entire graduating class, save a few people, hates us" thing going for us. Oddly, I can tolerate her for the most part. There are only some times when I just want her to go away, but I can assure you that she probably wants me to just leave her alone.

There we go. I thought I might've made some friends but I used logic to prove that it isn't so. So the day wasn't nearly as eventful as I thought it might have been.

mlleraquel — Sun, 19 Oct 2003 18:33:21 GMT

Wow...I have never seen so many people at a Halloween dance without costumes on. What's the point, really? My favorite of the entire night had to be the Shirtless Men. Pallbearers and Peter looking dead in a casket. How could they not win best group? At least they got best overall. *shrugs*

I forgot about this earlier...

mlleraquel — Sat, 18 Oct 2003 03:32:55 GMT

Why is it the one time I have to leave a soccer game at the half there's a fight. We're not talking a punch here or there fight, we're talking benches cleared, bleachers cleared, every man for himself fight. Yes, it all started when some East Liverpool guy started kicking the crap out of Billy. Poor Jonas got spearheaded into the stands. I swear, we're going to have some bad international ties with Denmark now.

What's the surprising part? No one got a red card. Not a single person at all....

Fun times of tonight --

mlleraquel — Sat, 18 Oct 2003 03:24:02 GMT

- swing dancing shirtless men
- Greenland danced with Wenzel
- songs we all loved in middle school being sung on the bus
- foregoing the usual jokes after the tracks and just reading random phrases from a German phrasebook
- Ryan actually took me seriously when I bitched him out

What a night, eh? 42-7 and we win. Was there any doubt?

mlleraquel — Fri, 17 Oct 2003 03:27:09 GMT

You know, I did have a good moment at pit band tonight. It was when Keith decided he wanted to climb the ladder backstage right. Nope, not on my shift. I latched myself to the ladder, but he got behind me somehow, so I just hung onto his neck when he started climbing. He got about three rungs then fell off. If he hadn't landed on me, it would've been a victory...

mlleraquel — Fri, 17 Oct 2003 01:58:28 GMT

Hey, let's just find more flaws. There are so many things that I can list under the "can't do" list and so little that I can list under the "can do" list. We can add another one to the can't do list, at the moment.

Can't play the piano.

Am I delusional or something?

mlleraquel — Thu, 16 Oct 2003 20:09:46 GMT

Did I entirely envision something other than what happened last Tuesday? Was I hallucinating something and -that's- what I think the truth is? Is that true? Shit, no.

Why is it, then, that today at band I was informed that the accident was entirely my fault? Somehow someone knows more about it than me and even though I told them the truth the day after it happened, this person is choosing to believe the lie.

What is the lie? Oh, apparently I ran the stop sign at the corner of Cross St. and came flying around the corner, saw the lady pulled out into the street, and tried to go around. According to the person who told me this, there are tons of witnesses. These witnesses, since there are many, have convinced him that I'm just trying to get money out of some old lady. Old lady? The chick was in her thirties, if that!

Am I a happy person at the moment? Hm, let's think about that for a minute. I just want to know why the people who have known me for the shorter amounts of time can read me better than those who I've known for a long time. Brett took one look at me and knew exactly how I was feeling. To think, I actually thought I might not like him at the beginning of last year.

Still....what are the odds of someone believing a story from me, in my favor, than a story from witnesses?

mlleraquel — Thu, 16 Oct 2003 01:34:27 GMT

I, for one, think we should've gone with the McCray slogan for our Dover/Phila week shirts.

"Get the flock out of here!"

whimpers

mlleraquel — Thu, 16 Oct 2003 01:18:25 GMT

It was foolproof. I'm old enough and weigh enough, but I had surgery in June. I shouldn't be allowed to do this for another few months.

I hate needles, that's why I didn't plan to give blood. It's the Blood Battle, though...school spirit and all that rot...

Maybe I could go to Chorale Tuesday since we don't have it Thursday. That would make it impossible, almost...

mlleraquel — Wed, 15 Oct 2003 02:17:28 GMT

May I just say.... SOCKS YOU ARE MY QUEEN AND ROCK MY WORLD!!!!

Love the layout, sweetie. *gives you a chocolate covered Joshie* *and glomps*