Despite my last entry, life still has not changed yet. If anything, it is pushing me to change further. I am beginning to realize that living is doing, and doing is all about taking your knowledge, your experience, and your innate tastes and qualities, and frankly just doing something with it. Either you can remain in silence with all of your wisdom and creativity and numb yourself into complacency, or you push yourself to make your gift known to other people and create something out of it. Some of the most successful people that I have ever seen take their passion and make it tangible to a wider audience. Based on my experiences in work and in school, I feel an ever growing need to share what comes most innately to myself. I could listen to and read interviews with artists for the rest of my existence, and they all share one common thread--do what you think and feel. Make it something that others can appreciate and learn from. But the question is, how? And by what means? As I battle my way through school not knowing what my ultimate goal is, I'm simply just doing. I'm grasping with my fingers in the dark, searching for a catalyst that will both set me free and allow me to live the life that i want to live.
Sometimes as good as life may be, I know it can be better. I'm happy lately on the most basic of levels, but it only brings me complacency. There isn't any growth involved because I'm comfortable, and that comfort takes away any urgency that I may feel to press forward. In an era where technology has manifested to a point where it controls our lives on a daily basis with a lullaby of convenience, I find myself distracted and only seeking to satisfy myself rather than to help others grow, and I know that is what would satisfy me the most.
So if I take this time, and I make this space for myself--what do I choose? How do I select just one thing that i can use as an outlet to express all that I want to for the rest of my life? It feels like such a difficult decision. I love music, but I don't know if it's right for me. I love art, but I can't see well enough to be confident in what I do and know that it's what I want it to be. So then, do I rely on sound to carve the path forward? How do I shake this numbness away? For most people, I think romantic relationships carve out where you're headed in your life. But for me, I find myself only looking inward despite the times that I try to reach out to others. Perhaps it's an immaturity, or perhaps I just know.
I'm starting to believe that real happiness lies within creation in the realm of creativity, and that's how I'm associated with any kind of divinity that may be out there.
Sometimes as good as life may be, I know it can be better. I'm happy lately on the most basic of levels, but it only brings me complacency. There isn't any growth involved because I'm comfortable, and that comfort takes away any urgency that I may feel to press forward. In an era where technology has manifested to a point where it controls our lives on a daily basis with a lullaby of convenience, I find myself distracted and only seeking to satisfy myself rather than to help others grow, and I know that is what would satisfy me the most.
So if I take this time, and I make this space for myself--what do I choose? How do I select just one thing that i can use as an outlet to express all that I want to for the rest of my life? It feels like such a difficult decision. I love music, but I don't know if it's right for me. I love art, but I can't see well enough to be confident in what I do and know that it's what I want it to be. So then, do I rely on sound to carve the path forward? How do I shake this numbness away? For most people, I think romantic relationships carve out where you're headed in your life. But for me, I find myself only looking inward despite the times that I try to reach out to others. Perhaps it's an immaturity, or perhaps I just know.
I'm starting to believe that real happiness lies within creation in the realm of creativity, and that's how I'm associated with any kind of divinity that may be out there.