Hi Everyone! I've been neglecting live journal for far too long. I'm doing okay other than hitting my 2 year mark of being without full time employment. I'm recuperating nicely from the lap surgery I had about 3 months ago for my endometriosis. I still live with daily pain but the surgery did help decreasing its level a lot. Before I was at an 8-9 on the pain scale and now down to what I would consider a 3-4. Now I just need to get my physical strength back after a year of not walking.

How is everyone doing these days? Better, worse, happy, sad? Have I missed anything big in your lives?

Okay folks you've added me as a friend on your LJ but I have no idea who you are. Did we chat in one of the community blogs or did you just randomly pick me to add you numbers of friend list up?

Hey everyone i have just been added as a co-moderator for thebetter_ideas. It has been unkept for awhile and gets infrequent use from people so I'm hoping to get it going again. So for those of you interested in the topic please come and check the community out, join in and help me develop this into a positive community for us dealing with depression.

hmm I have no idea how to link to the community other than by html but I know there is a lj tag for it. Could anyone point me in the right direction?

Current Mood: determined

Today 44 million turkeys will be consumed in America.

Happy feasting everyone!

Current Mood: hung over

Finally the insanity of startup has calmed down and now it's just the everyday job of keeping things running smoothly. It has been a difficult 1st campaign since my material for the subscription campaign was given to me missing important pieces of information necessary to sell a subscription like say the pieces of music to be performed. You know it is a symphony you need that  VERY IMPORTANT piece of info.

The clients were unhappy with our sales, I was unhappy because of the lack of info for the season, the callers were unhappy because they were not making sales. With a little guidance from a coworker I found the info that I was lacking and put it into our season booklet so the callers would have it. Sales are doing much better now that we are calling people who had not renewed their subscriptions for this year but our new subscriber acquisition is still  low. But we are doing $10,000 + weeks so everyone is happier.

Now that work is settling down I need to make some friends. I have yet to meet a single person outside of work. I thought maybe I could enroll in a class at the community college for fun and meet people that way.  There are group hikes that take place out here for the purpose of people making new friends and enjoying the beautiful scenery out here. I think that could be a nice way to meet people too. At least it is not the bar scene which I detest.

One day when I am not working 6 days a week I'm going to visit a friend in NYC. I want to go see some broadway shows! I so miss seeing going the ballet like I was doing in SF. I feel like a junkie who needs to get her cultural performance fix. I know there are lots of fab shows going on in the surrounding area of Hartford but without a car it can be difficult to get to these places. Venturing out beyond my safe zone of my neighborhood will open many more things for me to do.

Oh and the boy is gone. I haven't heard from him in a long time so whatever. Maybe being single is a good thing for me. It certainly  makes things less complicated and safer for my mental well being. *sigh*

Current Mood: cheerful

Today was both wonderful and scary. The wonderful part was getting paint for the living room with Shamika and then our sitting down for a yummy dinner in the Mission together. I think that is the first time we have hung out together like that in a very long time.

The wonderful company helped me recover a bit from a very emotional shrink head session. It is a fact that this past year caused me to have a complete and total mental breakdown in the medical sense. The night C "brokeup" with me I began having panic attacks that only got worse. The major depression slowly came on until I hit the lowest of lows when C took me off the insurance a week before my next preop appointments. I was already having a difficult time maintain my sanity but that last bit of utter abandonment and cruelty to some one that I had spent 9 years of my life with was when I really hit the lowest point of the year.

And it is that last betrayal by him that I just cannot get beyond. The lexapro and now added wellbutrin keeps me functional without being a big ball of tears all the time and the ativan are for when a panic attack is coming on which happen only these days when I see the ex. The depression has not eased up and in fact has flared up more as things in my life are still stressful. My ability to cope with my current day life has been severely weakend.


The panic attacks were the one reason why I needed to not see him. But all the drugs in the world are not going to help me get beyond this one issue that is keeping me from regaining some of my mental health. Not to forget the ability to trust people ever again.

But how does one recover from such a blow? I don't know nor does my pdoc know what to do about it. I feel so helpless in this situation. Everyday I shed a tear of sadness for what transpired between us. For being, so utterly abandoned by someone who I've stood by during their bad times. For loosing my best friend, my family, my innocence.

Current Mood: distressed

On Friday my pdoc added Wellbutrin to my treatment(lexarpo). I'm starting out at 75mg which he said will be gradually increased. I was wondering if people have actually experienced weightloss with this medication? If so is it because you ate less or does it do something to your metabolism that speeds it up? How much did you loose, how many mg of the med were you taking and how quickly did you loose the weight?

I've just gotten over a recent illness so I'm trying to build muscle mass and do not want to see those efforts thwarted by a new drug for my depression. Although I have some extra body fat that I would gladly give up instead ;)

I hear they are doing trials to see if Wellbutrin could be used for weightloss.

Current Mood: content