middle_cyclone

FIC: One Sentence Meme Fills (Kurt/Blaine)

middle_cyclone — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 03:01:40 GMT

Title: Holding Out for that Teenage Feeling
Rating: G to R
Spoilers: Through 2x10.
Warnings: Fluff. Insinuated vore. Fire. Eyebrow abuse. Overuse of Wes and David. Drunk!Blaine.
Word Count: ~2500
Summary: Fills from the kurt_blaine One Sentence Meme. I do not regret my lost weekend AT ALL.

Prompt: Kurt/Blaine meet at summer camp when they are 10 years old.
By aoleander

"What," a high-pitched, slightly shrill voice demands, "is that?"

Blaine looks up from the craft project he's working on to see a small, pale boy standing next to him, arms crossed and foot tapping. "Uh, a lanyard? You know, for my house key? My parents aren't home a lot, and I keep losing it..."

"Well, you're doing it all wrong." The boy sits down next to him and snatches the lanyard right out of his hands. "These colors are terrible! They won't complement any of your outfits. They don't even complement each other. And your weaving technique is atrocious, it's all loose and sloppy..."

Blaine sits, open-mouthed, as the boy proceeds to unravel all of his work and then starts searching through the other colors in the bin. He presents Blaine with two new lengths of cord - navy and red - and then bounces back up from the table.

"I trust you'll do a better job with this one. I expect to see the finished result tomorrow. I have to go now, I need to work on my routine for the talent show." He exits the crafts tent and then his head pops back in. "I'm Kurt, by the way."

He's gone again before Blaine can even reply. He stares down at the cords in his hands and a slow smile starts to creep across his face. He starts weaving again, this time paying more attention to what he's doing.

After all, Kurt will want to see it tomorrow.

Prompt: Kurt discovers Blaine's kinky porn collection and awkwardness ensues.
By Anonymous
(I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I COULDN’T RESIST)

Kurt bursts into Blaine's room and gives him a casual wave, saying, "Blaine, I just need to borrow your computer for a sec, I have to check on an assignment..."

Blaine nods absentmindedly, engrossed in his French textbook. Then he remembers that he had left his browser window open and lurches to his feet in horror. "Wait! Kurt! Don't..."

Too late.

Kurt is staring at Blaine's computer, eyes wide and mouth agape. "B-Blaine? I don't...What is this?"

Blaine moves toward him and gently closes his laptop. "It's called 'vore,' Kurt. It's...well, I think you saw what it is."

Kurt steps back from the desk and stares at Blaine. "I don't understand. And...why do you have a fork in your hand?"

Blaine smiles at him, teeth glinting. "Don't worry. I'll show you."

Prompt: A Candlelit Dinner
By cgfan09

"Blaine, I have something I want to tell you..." Kurt looked nervous and Blaine's heart skipped a beat. Kurt had asked him out to dinner and taken him to a romantic, candlelit restaurant; maybe he was finally ready to tell Blaine how he felt about him?

Blaine leaned forward and captured one of Kurt's hands in his own. "I'm listening," he murmured, gazing soulfully into Kurt's eyes.

"Uh, Blaine..." Kurt suddenly looked even more nervous. No, scratch that, he looked positively terrified.

Blaine stroked Kurt's palm soothingly with his thumb. "You can tell me anything, Kurt. I'm here for you."

"Blaine."

Blaine nodded encouragingly.

"BLAINE!"

- - -

"I told you that you shouldn't put so much product in your hair!" Kurt wasn't even trying to keep the laughter out of his voice as he carefully dabbed a soothing cream on Blaine's scalp.

"Well, how was I supposed to know that it was so flammable?" Blaine grumbled, silently mourning the loss of a good two inches of hair on the left side of his head.

Kurt gazed at him with ill-concealed mirth in his eyes and patted his hand consolingly. "Don't worry. Next time I'll make sure to choose a restaurant that doesn't have candles on the table."

Prompt: Kurt & Blaine, alone on a balcony.
By whenidance

Kurt and Blaine peered over the edge of the balcony, anxiously listening for any sounds from below. There was no moon, and it was too dark to see the ground beneath them.

"Do...do you think he's okay?" Kurt asked nervously. Oh god, he was a murderer. A murderer! He hadn't actually read through Dalton's honor code yet, but he was willing to bet that homicide was definitely grounds for expulsion.

Blaine waved a hand dismissively. "I'm sure he's fine; there's a bunch of huge azalea bushes right below here. He's probably just stunned."

A faint moan drifted up to their ears, and Kurt relaxed a little.

"It's his own fault, anyway," Blaine added. "He knew that I was planning on taking you out here tonight."

Kurt arched an eyebrow. "Oh, so you planned this whole interlude? And here I thought that you were just suddenly stricken with the burning desire to kiss me under the stars."

Blaine laughed sheepishly. "Well, I may have asked for some advice on where the most romantic spots in the school are. I should have realized that there would be some kind of sabotage involved. What I didn't realize is that you have such insane ninja skills. I didn't even see him coming, but you just kind of flipped him right over the edge without batting an eyelash."

"Good reflexes honed by my time at McKinley," Kurt replied, a trace of pride creeping into his voice. He frowned abruptly. "And anyway, David should have known better than to try to get a picture of us kissing."

Another quiet groan sounded from below. They could hear Wes calling David's name and the sound of him thrashing through the shrubbery.

"You're completely right; he has no one to blame but himself." Blaine slid a hand up Kurt's back and tugged gently on the short hair at the nape of his neck. "You know, it'll take Wes a while to untangle David and get him back inside."

Kurt turned toward Blaine with a brilliant smile and wound his arms around Blaine’s neck. "Then we'd better make good use of our time."

Prompt: Kurt walks in on Blaine waxing his eyebrows.
By lextempus

"'Threading?'" Blaine asked nervously, holding a cold washcloth against the tender skin on his brow. "Please tell me that's slang for some kind of kinky sexual act."

AND

Blaine woke up the next morning to the sound of Wes and David's manic giggling. Groaning in annoyance, he opened his eyes and glared at them.

"What are you laughing at?"

Beaming, Wes stepped forward and handed Blaine a mirror. "We took care of your eyebrow maintenance problems for you!"

Blaine squinted at his reflection in the mirror and sucked in a horrified breath. More screaming ensued.

Wes and David ran from the room, laughing hysterically, dropping the plastic razor on the floor on their way out.

Prompt: Are you there, Vodka? It's me, Blaine.
By: Anonymous

Kurt is studying in his room when his door suddenly bursts open with a bang. Startled, he spins around in his chair and is confronted with the sight of Blaine hanging onto the doorframe, positively leering at him.

"Helloooooo, KURT!" Blaine slurs, apparently trying to wink at him, but it's not going very well. Kurt thinks uncharitably that he looks like an owl with a tic and tries hard not to laugh out loud.

"Uh, hi, Blaine," Kurt replies, blanching as the smell of alcohol hits him from across the room. Jesus, is Blaine drunk? Mature, debonair, responsible Blaine? "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, you knoooow..." Blaine waves a hand flippantly and is immediately distracted by the sight of his own waving fingers. He tears his eyes away after a moment and beams at Kurt. "I was in Wes and David's room and we were having a pow wow - " he pauses and silently mouths pow wow again, apparently liking the feel of the words on his lips, " - and we were talking about YOU." He smiles sunnily at Kurt and lurches across the room, tangling his feet in the rug and faceplanting onto Kurt's bed. Laughing uproariously, he rolls over and smiles goofily at Kurt. “YOU.”

Kurt crosses his legs primly and motions for Blaine to continue. “Don’t stop there. Why were you discussing yours truly?” His smile mirrors Blaine’s; even wasted, Blaine is completely adorable. Plus, he can’t help but notice that Blaine’s curls are starting to escape from their shellacked prison and that his T-shirt shows off his arms nicely. Kurt blushes and averts his eyes.

“Welllll….” Blaine reaches out and touches the tip of his pointer finger to Kurt’s foot. After studying his own finger for a minute, he looks up at Kurt and grins at him. “They were talking about how cute you are. Your hair, and your pretty, pretty eyes, and the way your ass looks in your jeans. WOO.” His eyes widen at this last part and he attempts another leer.

Kurt raises an eyebrow and tries to ignore the butterflies that have erupted in his stomach. “Oh, really? Wes and David were saying these things?”

“Of course,” Blaine says in a dignified tone, apparently not noticing that two of his fingers were now tiptoeing their way up Kurt’s ankle. “I would never objectify you in such an un…unseemly manner.”

“Right,” Kurt retorts, rolling his eyes. Blaine’s failure to objectify him was actually the only thing he disliked about Blaine, and why their budding relationship hadn’t yet made it past the point of a few kisses and - on one memorable occasion - Kurt actually getting a hand on Blaine’s ass before Blaine moved away from him, muttering something about the honor code. “So, why are you here telling me about this?”

Blaine looks stumped. His hand is now caressing Kurt’s calf, and Kurt can’t help but shiver at the feeling of Blaine’s fingers on his leg. Blaine’s thumb slips behind his knee and Kurt can’t quite suppress the whimper that escapes. The look of confusion clears from Blaine’s face and he beams at Kurt triumphantly. “I came to tell you that they’re WRONG!”

Kurt gapes at Blaine for a moment and then knocks his hand away in anger. “Well, gee, Blaine, thanks. Thanks for coming down here to tell me that you think Wes and David are wrong about me being attractive. I’m glad we’ve cleared this up. Now I think it’s time for your drunk ass to get back to your room and leave me the hell alone.” His eyes are smarting with tears and he stands up abruptly, intending to drag Blaine out of his room if he has to.

Blaine’s hand sneaks up and grabs his arm, tugging with surprising force and causing Kurt to topple down onto his bed right on top of Blaine. He curses and struggles to untangle his limbs from Blaine’s, but Blaine suddenly has him locked in a bear hug and is nuzzling his face against Kurt’s neck.

“Shhh!” he says, planting tiny kisses on the underside of Kurt’s jaw. “Are you mad? Don’t be mad. They are wrong. You’re not cute, Kurt.” Kurt huffs indignantly and starts trying to escape again, but Blaine’s arms hold him fast. “You’re not cute, Kurt,” Blaine repeats, his voice a croon against Kurt’s ear. “You…you’re beautiful.”

Kurt lies still, barely registering that Blaine is now nibbling on his earlobe. “Wait, what?”

Blaine chuckles and the puff of air against Kurt’s ear makes him quiver. “Beautiful. And…sexy. Like an ice-cream cone.”

Kurt’s brain is short-circuiting at this point, which may be why he’s so confused. “Like…an ice-cream cone?”

“Yeah.” Blaine hums and nuzzles Kurt’s hair. “Because I just want to lick you all over.”

A bolt of heat shoots straight to Kurt’s groin and is only intensified when Blaine makes his point by slowly dragging his tongue up the side of Kurt’s neck. Kurt groans and turns his head, his lips meeting Blaine’s, and shoves a hand into Blaine’s hair. Blaine growls appreciatively and slings a leg over Kurt, bringing their lower bodies into closer contact. Kurt can feel Blaine hard against his thigh and he unthinkingly rocks forward and presses himself even closer.

Blaine hisses against his lips and pulls back to attack Kurt’s neck, pressing sloppy kisses across his collarbone and biting down on his shoulder. Kurt lets out a strangled cry and bucks his hips forward, earning him another bite. Blaine is panting hard against his skin and his hand is cupping Kurt’s ass, pulling him closer, and he’s grinding against Kurt and making urgent sounds deep in this throat.

Wait. Kurt suddenly pushes him away and Blaine makes a noise of protest, hands scrabbling against Kurt’s hips. Kurt’s eyes are squeezed shut and he grits out, “Stop, Blaine. We have to stop.” Blaine moans and the sound makes Kurt’s hands ball into fists. Why do they have to stop again? Oh, right.

Kurt opens his eyes and the sight of Blaine’s flushed skin and messy hair is almost enough to melt his resolve. He sighs. “Blaine, honey, I’m sorry, but you’re drunk. And although I can…appreciate the fact that it’s lowered your inhibitions enough to finally get us past first freakin’ base, I just don’t feel right about this. And there’s the fact that I’d like you to actually remember us really fooling around for the first time.”

Blaine’s face falls into such a comically woebegone expression that Kurt might be tempted to laugh if his dick wasn’t still so hard. God, no wonder this whole responsibility thing made Blaine so uptight. It was such a drag to have to be your very own cockblock.

Kurt sighs again, mentally cursing his own newly discovered sense of morality, and rolls out of bed. He holds a hand out to Blaine and pulls him up, stifling a gasp as Blaine clumsily stumbles against him and steadies himself with a hand on Kurt’s waist. Blaine is mumbling dazedly and giving Kurt his best puppy-dog eyes but Kurt marches him down the hall and shoves him into his own room, skillfully avoiding the kiss that Blaine aims at his lips so that it lands on his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Blaine. Make sure to drink lots of water.” He closes the door firmly in Blaine’s sad and bewildered face and leans back against the wall, taking a deep breath and trying - unsuccessfully - to slow his racing heart. After gathering his wits for a moment, he turns and stomps down the hall.

He pokes his head into Wes and David’s room, his glare meeting their expectant, studiedly innocent expressions. He crosses his arms and silently gives them his best bitchface until their gazes waver and their eyes dart away from his own.

“Boys, there’s only room for one gentleman in a relationship,” he announces in an acid tone that suitably conveys his displeasure. He stares each of them down, one at a time. “And the next time you ply Blaine with vodka, I can guarantee that it will not be me.”

Music meme!

middle_cyclone — Fri, 14 May 2010 00:18:13 GMT

What are your current favorite songs?
“Re: Stacks” by Bon Iver, “Wedding Bells” by Lissie, “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine, “Kathleen” by David Gray, “The Ocean” by Tegan & Sara, “Do You Sleep Well?” by Crooked Still, “Obsessions” by Marina & the Diamonds

What songs do you hate?
One of my most hated songs is “How Bizarre” by OMC - I HATE IT, I HAAAAATE IT. And, more recently, that horrible “Shots” song by LMFAO - it makes me want to cut off my ears, have a seizure, and die. Also, anything by Phish or Pink Floyd.

If you could have a theme song that would play when you entered a room, what would it be?
“Maneater” by Hall & Oates. NO, NO, I’M KIDDING (although I do seriously love that song). Hmm…at this point in my life, I think I’d have to go with “Bachelorette” by Tori Amos.

What were your go-to teenage angst songs?
Oh, man. “Do What You Have to Do” by Sarah McLachlan, “Never Is a Promise” by Fiona Apple, “Silent All These Years” by Tori Amos…just me and my piano ladies, alone in my room, crying over unrequited love and the small dramas of adolescence. Also, “Ghost” by Indigo Girls, “Found Out About You” by Gin Blossoms, and “Love Songs” by Fleming and John. Ah, angst in the nineties…

What songs do you listen to when you’re getting ready to go out?
My college roommates and I used to play Lil’ Kim’s “How Many Licks” and dance on the couches every time we were going out. Another apartment favorite was “Laid” by James. One of my all-time favorites is “Freedom ‘90” by George Michael, and I’ve also been known to blast Erasure’s “Chains of Love.”

What are your favorite songs to sing along with?
My roommate and I have a long-standing tradition of singing “Light My Candle” from RENT - I sing Roger and she sings Mimi. I also do a mean Aladdin in “A Whole New World.” Also, for the sheer fun of the lyrics alone, “My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors” by Moxy Früvous (massive points to anyone who knows that band).

What songs make you cry?
My waterworks-inducing songs: “When You Come Back Down” by Nickel Creek, “How Will He Find Me?” by The Weepies, “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley, “That Year” by Brandi Carlile, “How to Fight Loneliness” by Wilco, “Jolene” by Ray LaMontagne, “100m Backstroke” by Josh Rouse, a large portion of Bonnie Raitt’s catalogue, certain Everly Brothers songs. Plus any songs that catch me at a sad moment, or have sappy lyrics - I can be a total softie, especially when it comes to music.

Do you have favorite songs for sexytimes? What are they?
Don’t laugh (actually, go ahead and laugh) but I have an iTunes playlist entitled “Beth’s Hot Mix” that I made expressly for when I might be seeing some action. It includes a bunch of stuff like Portishead, Goldfrapp, Esthero, and Thievery Corporation, plus some Otis Redding, a little Chris Isaak, and other assorted slow jams.

What are your favorite songs to listen to when working out?
My workout playlist is so random. “Portions for Foxes” by Rilo Kiley, “American Girl” by Tom Petty, “Gold Lion” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Foundations” by Kate Nash, “Cecelia” by Simon & Garfunkel, “Raspberry Swirl” by Tori Amos, “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes…really, anything catchy that will get my lazy ass in gear.

What are your “guilty pleasure” songs?
Um. *shifty eyes* “See You Again” by Miley Cyrus. (IT’S CATCHY, OKAY.) "Spice Up Your Life" by the Spice Girls. “Candy” by Mandy Moore. And…”Blowin’ Me Up (With Her Love)” by JC Chasez. Plus multitudes of bad eighties songs and Top 40 dreck.

What are your favorite songs to dance to?
ALL TIME FAVORITE: “Push It” by Salt-n-Pepa. Seriously, watch out when that song comes on, because I go nuts. “It’s Tricky” by Run-D.M.C., “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce, “I’m a Slave 4 U” by Britney Spears…this is making me want to go dancing this weekend.

What do you want your wedding song to be? Or, if you’re already married, what was your wedding song?
Growing up, I always swore that it would be “True Companion” by Marc Cohn. Cheesy, yes, but I still love that song. I’m sure it’d be something different these days, but since I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon, I have time to think about it.

Are there any songs that make you think of a specific place or time in your life?
“Instant Pleasure” by Rufus Wainwright, “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World, and “Black” by Pearl Jam will always bring me back to the summer after I graduated college, when my friends and I went to the bar literally almost every day and the bartenders would give us money for the jukebox. Those three songs almost always got played and I still experience major déjà vu whenever I hear any of them.

Quick - what’s your all-time favorite song?
Um… *thinks frantically*…“I Wish I Was the Moon” by Neko Case. (Please note, however, that this will probably change in the next five minutes.)

Over 30 meme

middle_cyclone — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 20:16:20 GMT

Stolen from ishie and dashakay. It's good to know that it's not just a bunch of young whippersnappers out there.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Eh, bills are a part of life. But you know what I really hate paying for? TAMPONS. HALF THE POPULATION NEEDS THEM AND THEY ARE FRAKKING EXPENSIVE. Personally, I think that the government should give them out for free.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Oh God, this makes me sound completely lame, but I don't know that I've EVER had a "romantic" dinner. I've dated off and on, but it was always pretty casual and never really got to the fancy dinner stage.

3. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Moving my stuff into a new condo and decorating it however I please. I've been buying art off Etsy for YEARS, just waiting to have a place where I can hang it! The day Domino folded was seriously so sad for me, I loved going through the magazine and tearing things out and planning my future decor.

4. How many colleges did you attend?
Three. Marquette for my undergrad, St. Clare's in Oxford, England when I studied abroad, and I'm now in grad school at DePaul University.

5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's a work shirt. I'm at work. Boo.

6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
You know, I don't really pay attention - I live in Chicago and work about a mile from my apartment, so I only have to fill up my tank once every few weeks or so.

7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
GODDAMN I HATE WORKING ON SUNDAYS. You'd think I'd be used to it after almost six years, but I'm still bitter and resentful.

8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
STOP THINKING. YOU HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP. I guess it worked.

9. Do you miss being a child?
I miss not having so much responsibility. I mean, taxes? Rent? Job stress? I could do without those, thanks.

10. What errand/chore do you despise?
Scrubbing the shower walls. You do not want to see my tile grout.

11. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in. I'm a total night owl, I used to hold my friends to a no-calls-before-noon policy.

12. Have you found real love yet?
Nope. (And now I have "Real Love" by Mary J. Blige stuck in my head. Thanks.)

13. Favorite lunch meat?
The nice boys at Jimmy John's could answer this for me...roast beef.

14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Wal-Mart is like the trailer park of stores. I find it completely depressing and/or terrifying and I refuse to go there.

15. Beach or lake?
I like beaches for laying out and lakes for swimming.

16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
You know, I think it's a great institution, but I worry that a lot of people today lack the communication skills or morals or courage or SOMETHING to really make it work. Too many couples don't really take it seriously enough, I think. In theory, though, I'm all for it.

17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither. I watched the first couple seasons of DH and then gave up in disgust.

18.What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
You know, I'm going to go the non-fandom route here and say Michelle Obama. I'm not even that big into polictics, but I like the cut of her jib. She seems like a sassy lady and I think we'd get along.

19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I gently rear-ended someone the DAY after I got my license. No mishaps since then, except getting rear-ended a couple times myself.

20. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No, which is good because I'd probably accidentally spray myself in the face with it or something.

21. Ring tone?
"Riga Girls" by the Weepies. ("Why don't you call me...") I go back and forth between that one and "Bachelorette" by Tori Amos.

22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
On a train, in the grossest bathroom ever, while travelling between Venice and Barcelona.

23. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I'd love to see the redwoods. I read this true story when I was young about this Redwoods Park ranger lady who rescued an orphaned raccoon and raised it in her cabin in the park. IDK, it made an impression on me. And I love freakishly large things, so those trees would be a thrill.

24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Hmm. A new relationship would be sorta nice, since I don't have one at the moment, but honestly, I'd probably rather have a new career. The one I have now is okay, but I really need to be doing something different.

25. How old are you?
Let's just say that the big three-oh is looming on the horizon.

26. Do you have a go to person?
My dad. The man knows everything. Need to install a light fixture? Check. Wondering who had the number one song of 1968? Check. Want to know the best Australian shiraz? Just let him consult his wine journal. My dad, I love him.

27. Are you where you want to be in life?
I'm in the process of buying a condo, so that's a step forward. Grad school is helping me work toward a new career. I love my friends and family. Yup, I'm doing alright.

28. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
Thundercats, Smurfs, He-Man, She-Ra, Jem, Muppet Babies, Ducktales, Gummi Bears, Inspector Gadget...there are more, but I'm ashamed to list them all.

29. What about you do you think has changed the most?
Just the other day, my mom said to me, "You didn't turn out at all how I thought you would." I was a crazy kid when I was young - loud, crazy, courageous, curious. I'm a lot more cautious and high-strung as an adult.

30. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
No. I actually had a lot of fun in high school - I had great friends and we had some wacky adventures - but I wouldn't say they were the "best" years.

31. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
All the time. I get excited over the weirdest things. And I still sleep with my childhood teddy bear (ILU CHRISTOPHER).

32. Did you ever own troll dolls?
You guys, I *shoplifted* one of those mini troll dolls from a Claire's when I was, like, twelve. But I couldn't stand the Troll of Shame's beady eyes staring accusingly at me all the time so I threw it away.

33. Did you have a pager?
No, my parents kept me on a short enough leash that there was really no need.

34. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
We hung out at Perkins, drinking coffee and smoking until they closed at 2am. I know, I know, I was such a rebel.

35. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
I think so. I was actually the kid who was, more often than not, led astray by the "bad" kids. A lot of my friends' parents loved me because they thought I was a good influence on their kid.

TV Post (or, I don't know where all this free time comes from)

middle_cyclone — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:33:08 GMT

Currently watching:
Lost
Chuck
Skins
The Big Bang Theory
American Idol
How I Met Your Mother
Modern Family
The Office
Project Runway
Life Unexpected

On hiatus:
Glee
Mad Men
True Blood
America's Next Top Model
The Inbetweeners

Just finished:
Being Human
Misfits

Catching up:
Doctor Who (just started season four)
Friday Night Lights (just finished season three)
Spartacus (uh...pilot only so far)

On my to-watch list:
Supernatural
Caprica
Dexter
Alice
The Wire
Veronica Mars
Community
Parks & Recreation

Seriously, where do I find the time to watch so much TV? I can't spend twenty minutes putting away the laundry I did a month ago, but I can marathon entire seasons of a show in one day? Priorities, priorities.

I'm pretty happy with my current list, although I think Life Unexpected (excuse me, Life UneXpected) is going to get the boot soon. I started watching out of a Roswell-induced nostalgia for Shiri Appleby, but it turns out that things just aren't the same sans Max, Michael, et al. Lost continues to be amazing (FINAL SEASON NOOOOOO) and I think I like the AI top 24 this year. I started watching Modern Family late in the game, but it's gaining some major ground on the favorites list.

I finally got around to watching Being Human last weekend and I liked it, although I enjoyed season one more so than season two. George is adorable, obviously; I can understand Mitchell's appeal, but most of the time his tormented vampire-y broodiness just gets on my nerves. I read somewhere that the third season is going to take place in Cardiff, but I don't know how that's going to work. (Maybe they're joining Torchwood?)

Misfits. I LOVED MISFITS. What's not to love about a bunch of British juvenile delinquents who accidentally get superpowers from a freak electrical storm? I want to hate Nathan, but Robert Sheehan is so damn cute that I can't help liking him even though he's a complete dick. Simon is like a delicious, underage Crispin Glover, and I love Kelly's chav-iness. I almost wish that I had waited to watch it, because the first season ended on quite a cliffhanger and they don't even start filming season two until May. Arghh.

As for Doctor Who, I'm...still figuring out how I feel about it. I mean, I like it, but I think that other peoples' devotion made me think that I was going to LOVE LOVE LOVE it immediately and I'm not there yet. However, I did enjoy Donna in her Christmas special, so I have high hopes for season four.

You guys. Friday Night Lights. WHY DID I NOT REALIZE SOONER HOW AMAZING THIS SHOW IS? I LOVE RIGGINS AND MATT SARACEN AND LANDRY AND TAMI AND ALL OF THEM. I totally had a dream the other night that I was hanging out at the Alamo Freeze with a bunch of the characters and I was berating Lyla for not using birth control even though she was sleeping with Tim. And I had a sex dream about Landry and I was fine with it even though he looks like an albino Frankenstein because I love him so much. I just...love these characters, even Matt's crazy grandma and Glen and poor abused JD McCoy. I CARE ABOUT THEM, which is always the mark of a good TV show if you ask me. I'm kind of afraid to start the fourth season because I read a few of the episode synopses and it sounds like a lot of the old characters are gone and there's new characters? Whatever.

Have people been watching Caprica? Is it any good? Someone tell me if it's worth watching, please. Other suggestions are welcome as well, because, obviously, I have no problem devoting my life to television.

Happy Valentine's Day!

middle_cyclone — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 15:29:13 GMT

"Come on, Bridge. We simply can't define ourselves in terms of being with another person! We should celebrate how fantastic it is being free!"

"Hurrah!" I said. "Singletons! Hurrah!"

"Yes!" enthused Shazzer. "Many people in relationships have a terrible time at weekends, forced to slave for ungrateful children and being beaten by their own spouses."

"You're right! You're right!" I said. "We can go out whenever we like and have fun. Shall we go out tonight?"

- Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones - The Edge of Reason

Different Names For The Same Thing

middle_cyclone — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 06:34:47 GMT

I had a different LJ account way back in the day when you had to have an invite to join. I don't think I used it that much; honestly, I can't even remember what my username was. I got sucked into Xanga for a bit, blogged at MySpace for a while, and then pretty much stopped blogging entirely.

I rejoined LJ in early 2009 and got stuck on what I wanted my username to be. I've used various handles over the years - including a character name from The Princess Bride and one referencing my favorite Kate Atkinson book - but I wanted to start fresh.

I've been a big Neko Case fan for years now, and she had just come out with a new album that included a song called "Middle Cyclone." The title appealed to me in that I'm a middle child and have a temper which could probably be described as...well, tornadic. The first time I listened to the song, I immediately fell in love - with her voice, with the instrumentals, and, above all, the lyrics.

baby, why am I worried now?
did someone make a fool of me
before I could show them how it's done?

can't give up acting tough
it's all that I'm made of
can't scrape together quite enough
to ride the bus to the outskirts of the fact that I need love

it was so clear to me
that it was almost invisible
I lie across the path waiting
just for a chance to be
a spiderweb trapped in your lashes
for that I would trade you my empire for ashes
but I choke it back
how much I need love

I'm all about self-deprecating humor and defense mechanisms. Doesn't mean I'm not all squishy on the inside, you know?

FIC: Rock Your Socks Off

middle_cyclone — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 18:55:43 GMT

Title: Rock Your Socks Off
Rating: PG
Word Count: 637
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: It’s for charity! Sue me and I’ll alert Anderson Cooper.
Summary: Penny doesn’t approve of Sheldon’s bedtime attire.

Written for dashakay after we noticed last night that Sheldon wears socks to bed. She challenged me to write a drabble about it and made a donation to Architecture for Humanity in return.

Penny exits the bathroom and strolls into Sheldon’s room, smiling indulgently at the sight of him already cocooned in his straightjacket of blankets with his eyes closed. Well, at least he’s left her half of the bed this time.

She walks over and dramatically flings the covers down, startling Sheldon into making a sound like a psychotic seagull. His hands fly up to bunch under his chin and he glowers at her, the effect somewhat diminished by the fact that he’s wearing only the pair of Batman boxer shorts that she bought him for his last birthday. Penny has to struggle to keep a grin off her face.

“Oh good, you took my advice about what to wear to bed,” she says brightly, crawling in next to him, pulling the covers back up and placing a warm hand on his stomach. The muscles beneath her palm quiver and then relax.

Sheldon snorts. “I was under the impression that what you call ‘advice’ was, in fact, an order.”

Penny puts on her best indignant face. “What makes you say that?”

“Perhaps it was the fact that you said, ‘Sheldon, I order you to take off those ridiculous plaid pajamas and - ’”

Penny waves an airy hand. “Advice, order, same difference.” She curls up against his side, smoothing the covers over them. “I hate those pajamas, my feet get all tangled up in them.” She slides her feet down his long shins to illustrate the benefits of not wearing pajama bottoms. “See, now I can…”

Her voice trails off as she sits up abruptly and shoves the bedspread down. “Sheldon.”

“Yes, Penny?”

“What have I told you about wearing socks to bed?”

Sheldon peers down at his feet, which are adorned with neon-colored striped socks, and then up at Penny, who’s sitting with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “You told me not to, as you find them unattractive and off-putting.”

“Actually, I think the words I used were ‘nerdy as hell’ and ‘completely unsexy.’ So…what’s the deal?”

His expression turns mulish and he crosses his own arms. “I enjoy wearing socks to bed. They prevent heat loss from my lower extremities and provide a buffer between my feet and the floor should I need to urinate in the middle of the night.”

Penny considers this and then makes a dismissive gesture. “Well, they look ridiculous. Take them off.”

“No.”

The eyebrow goes back up. “Excuse me?”

Sheldon purses his lips and blinks owlishly at her. “Do we need to get your hearing checked again?” He leans toward her, speaking loudly and over-enunciating every word. “NO, I will NOT REMOVE my SOCKS.”

Penny narrows her eyes at him. “That was a mistake, buster.”

Leonard is awakened by the sound of a commotion coming from Sheldon’s bedroom. He sits up and listens, confused, until a series of thumps and yells propels him out of bed and into the hallway. He hovers outside Sheldon’s door for a moment and is tentatively raising a hand to knock when he hears Penny shriek loudly. Without thinking, he barges into the room -

- and stops dead in his tracks.

Penny and Sheldon stare up him from the floor. Sheldon is sprawled flat on the rug, face red and hair mussed. Penny is sitting on his thighs, sweating lightly and gripping his sock-clad foot in her hands. Sheldon’s other foot is bare, and as Leonard’s gaze darts around the room, he spies a matching sock dangling from the lamp.

No one says a word.

Leonard backs out of the room slowly, pulling the door closed behind him and averting his eyes. He scuttles back across the hallway and jumps into his bed, pulling the covers over his head.

He thinks it might be a good idea to call his mother in the morning.

The Tigers Have Spoken: Meme from mrsvc

middle_cyclone — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 17:27:09 GMT

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 7 friends. (Yeah, I don't do that.)
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

*Disclaimer: I skipped songs if a duplicate artist came up. IT'S MY POST, I'LL CHEAT IF I WANT TO.

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Downpour - Brandi Carlile (Well, that would be very...emo of me.)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors - Moxy Früvous (I do love a bunch of authors! Oh iTunes, you're so wise.)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
EZ - Pete Yorn (LOL)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Oh Well - Fiona Apple

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Waiting on Something Good (Joe Purdy)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Hakuna Matata - The Lion King soundtrack (It would actually be great if this was my motto, since I worry about EVERYTHING.)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Heart In a Cage - Chris Thile

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Butterfly In Reverse - Counting Crows

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Wait For You - Elliott Yamin (DON'T HATE, OKAY, HE HAS A GREAT VOICE.)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois - Sufjan Stevens (I fail at math, obviously.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Leather - Tori Amos (Please note: I do not really associate my best friend with "leather" in either a rude, you-have-wrinkly-skin sense or in a let's-play-sex-games sense.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Letter Read - Rachael Yamagata

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
How Will He Find Me - The Weepies

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Hey Now! - Oasis

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Imaginary Love - Rufus Wainwright (I think Fate is trying to tell me something.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Tonight's the Night - Rod Stewart (BAHAHA how did Rod Stewart even get on my iTunes? BRB, updating my funeral plans.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
Common Pleasure - Jason Mraz (Heh. *leers*)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR??
Only Dreaming - K's Choice

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Howl - Florence + the Machine (Apparently I'm secretly a WEREWORLF. Someone go find me some ninja monks!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
All U Can Eat - Ben Folds (That'd be nice, actually, I'll take pancakes.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Thousandth Landing - Battlestar Galactica: Season 1 soundtrack

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Tigers Have Spoken - Neko Case

FIC: Up Up Against the Wall

middle_cyclone — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 04:36:46 GMT

Title: Up Up Against the Wall
Rating: NC-17 for language and sexytimes
Word Count: 3,453
Spoilers: General Season 3
Disclaimer: Rub it in, why don't you.
Summary: Written for the Paradox Kink Meme for the prompt "Sheldon loses a bet with Penny and has to go clubbing. Penny in a sexy little black dress + a whorish cuba libre = A dirty dancing Sheldon and bathroom sex. "

It was a Saturday night and the club was packed. Lights flashed off and on over the packed dance floor. Bass pounded from the speakers at ear-shattering decibel levels. People shouted drink orders at the bartenders. Scantily clad women gyrated by themselves, with men, with each other.

It was, in short, Sheldon Cooper’s worst nightmare.

He pressed himself as tightly against the wall as possible, trying desperately to avoid the other club patrons as they whirled past him, shrieking loudly and spilling their drinks onto the already unspeakably dirty floor. Honestly, what had he been thinking, agreeing to this horrifying ordeal?

Actually, he hadn’t had much of a choice in the matter. Annoyed at Penny’s ever-increasing skill at Halo - and by the taunts she tossed at him every time they played - he had rashly challenged her to a bet. If he managed to defeat her, she had to keep her apartment tidy and drive him to the comic book store whenever he wanted for a whole month.

“And if I win?” she had countered, green eyes sparking.

He scoffed. “In the unlikely event of your triumph, you may choose whatever terms you wish.”

Penny tilted her head to one side, tapping a finger against her lips. He quickly averted his eyes. “You’re on, sweetie,” she said, smiling dangerously.

Sheldon spent the next week preparing, feverishly Googling tips and cheats, watching walkthroughs and following a punishing finger-exercise regimen. He was determined to prove his gaming dominance once and for all. It was unacceptable that Penny should be allowed to continue her reign of terror; it was time for him to reassert himself. He would not fail.

He failed. Penny had thrashed him while the others crowed from the sidelines, cheering her on and heaping insults upon his head. Even Leonard - her ex-lover! - had been rooting for her. Really, it had been terrible. But the worst was yet to come.

“I’m ready to tell you my terms now,” Penny announced, tossing her game controller to the floor with an air of triumph while Leonard, Howard and Raj started yelling out suggestions. She fixed Sheldon with a steely look.

“You’re going to take me out.”

Sheldon flinched.

“Dancing.”

Horror started to dawn on his face.

“At a CLUB.”

“Oh, dear God, NO!” he blurted out, twitching frantically while his eyes practically rolled back in his head. “Penny, do you know how dirty those places are? And the levels of inebriation that their inhabitants reach? I would run the all-too-real risk of someone actually vomiting on my person!”

“Touch shit,” Penny purred back at him with a distinctively feline look. “You lost. Now it’s time to pay the piper.”

“Can I pay him to take my place in this ridiculous farce?” Sheldon muttered as he slunk to his room.

“Saturday night, Sheldon!” her cheerful voice followed him down the hallway. “You’re all mine!”

Sheldon cringed away as someone slammed into him, their drink sloshing onto his arm and soaking into his shirt. He turned to glare at the miscreant responsible and saw Penny beaming up at him, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. She held a glass out towards him and said something, but he couldn’t hear her over the music.

“I’m sorry, Penny, I couldn’t hear you over this infernal racket. Can you please repeat what you just said?” he said loudly.

“WHAT?” Penny yelled.

Sheldon heaved a sigh and tried again. “WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” she shouted.

“WHAT DID - oh, this is futile!” He pointed at his ear, spread his hands and shrugged his shoulders in an exaggerated fashion.

Penny laughed up at him and leaned in, putting a hand on the back of his neck to pull him down so she could speak to him more closely. He shivered as her hand, cold and wet from holding her drink, came in contact with his warm skin. “I was just saying that I got you another diet virgin Cuba Libre - I think you need one!” She shoved the drink into his hand and leaned back, an impish smile hovering around the corners of her mouth. “Go on, bottoms up!”

He was rather thirsty. He eyed Penny suspiciously but she looked back at him with an innocent expression, batting her eyelashes and turning to watch the action on the dance floor. He sniffed the drink and then swallowed half of it in one gulp, his throat working as he drank down the icy liquid. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and took another small sip. He felt a tiny bit better already.

“Good?” Penny yelled, raising her eyebrows. Sheldon nodded cautiously. “Excellent. Then it’s time to dance!”

Sheldon squeaked and immediately started flailing, but Penny managed to grab one of his arms in a death grip and started dragging him forward, pushing people out of her way until they were near the center of the dance floor. He stood motionless, eyes darting wildly as people crashed into him from every side. This was intolerable.

Penny was already dancing, hips swinging in time with the music as she shimmied and waved her arms. The little black dress she was wearing moved with her, tightening across her chest and sliding up her thighs as she moved. A beefy man with gelled hair suddenly appeared behind her, leering down at her as he grabbed her around the waist and ground his pelvic area against hers. Penny twisted in his arms and stared at Sheldon, and even he could understand the message she was sending with her eyes. He unfroze, reaching out and pulling Penny out of the other man’s sweaty grasp.

“Excuse me, sir, but this young woman is my companion for the evening.” His words were immediately lost in the noise.

The man appeared to laugh at him and reached out for Penny again. Sheldon felt a warmth building up in his chest, although whether it was from the Diet Coke or some unfamiliar emotion, he couldn’t tell. He just knew he had to keep Penny out of this Neanderthal’s clutches.

Sheldon wrapped his arms tightly around Penny’s waist. “SHE’S WITH ME!” he roared, startling both Penny and himself. The man raised his hands apologetically, gave Penny one last lascivious look and then melted back into the crowd.

Penny suddenly turned in his arms, reaching up to trap him in a hug. “Sheldon, that was amazing!” she laughed into his ear. “You saved me from that disgusting guy! You’re my hero!”

Sheldon puffed up his chest and felt a strange expression cross his face. It felt like…pride? Well, of course, the advances of another male towards his female would cause a rise in testosterone levels, increasing his feelings of possessiveness and territoriality. He realized that one hand had drifted up to clutch at Penny’s waist and that she was still holding on to him as well. Without him even noticing, they had started moving back and forth in a steady rhythm. Why…why, he was dancing!

Penny’s body writhed under his hands, moving sinuously in time with the music as he tried to match his motions to her own. He lifted a shaky hand and tossed down the rest of his drink, setting the empty glass on the tray of a passing waitress. Penny reached out and snatched his upraised hand, using it to twirl herself around before coming to a stop facing away from him with the back of her body pressed against the front of his own. He swallowed painfully.

The music switched to a new track, something slower with a husky female voice and a pulsating beat. Penny swayed against him, her backside pressed into the front of his trousers. She raised her arms in the air, reaching back languidly to wrap them around Sheldon’s neck and play with the hair at the nape. He felt strange; his body was warm and flushed, and his thinking seemed to have slowed to a crawl. His breathing was erratic and he felt tingly all over. The majority of the tingles, however, seemed to be located in the general vicinity of his groin. He felt himself stirring and, in a panic, tried to push her away from him.

Penny turned slowly in his arms and looked up at him, her eyes full of knowledge and secrets. Ignoring his feeble attempts to keep her at arms’ length, she moved closer to him and smoothly slid one thigh in between his legs, never losing the rhythm of the song. She pressed tightly to him, moving her hands to press at the small of his back and bring him flush against her body. She rolled her pelvis against his and smiled when he closed his eyes, his breath catching in his throat as he fought for control. He lost.

Sheldon suddenly found himself staring down at Penny’s lips, wanting nothing more than to crush his own against them and…and ravage her. Hands tightening in the fabric of her dress, he dipped his head and pressed his mouth to hers, reaching his hand up to cup the back of her head. Inwardly marveling at his forwardness, he kissed her as thoroughly as he knew how, groaning into her mouth as she nipped at his tongue and reached around to place a firm hand on his backside. A full song went by before he broke away from her, gasping for breath and staring at her with wide eyes as he struggled to regain his composure.

Penny’s eyes glinted up at him, looking dark and fierce beneath the flashing colored lights overhead. She reached up a hand to push a damp tendril of blond hair off of her forehead, then licked a drop of sweat from her finger as Sheldon watched, mesmerized. Something seemed to be wrong with his equilibrium; his head was spinning and there was a dull ringing in his ears. In a daze, he slowly wiped a hand across his own forehand and then jerked as Penny reached up to grasp it. Looking him straight in the eye, her tongue darted out to taste his sweat on his forefinger, and then - Oh Jesus - she sucked the whole digit into the soft wetness of her mouth, swirling her tongue against its length and scraping the tip with her teeth. Sheldon’s whole body stiffened and a soft grunt escaped his lips.

In a flash, Penny took his hand in her own and whirled around, fighting her way across the club and pulling Sheldon behind her. Dirty looks and curses were ignored as she careened through the crowd, head swiveling as she looked for something. Spotting her target, she marched over to one of the club’s unisex bathrooms and yanked the door open, pushing Sheldon in ahead of her. He stumbled over the threshold and reached out blindly, steadying himself on the sink. He lifted his hand and stared at it, a vague voice in the back of his mind informing him that he ought to be repulsed, that public bathrooms were cesspools of germs and bacteria, but then he looked up to see Penny decisively bolting the lock on the door and turning to face him.

Suddenly, the germs didn’t seem so important anymore.

Penny leaned up against the door, her arms crossed over her chest as she gave him a long, lazy, head-to-toe look, lingering at his crotch, making him blush. He felt his respiration begin to speed up even more, and he nervously tugged at the collar of his shirt and licked his lips. Her gaze shifted to his mouth and a slow smile blossomed across her face.

“You know, Sheldon, the terms of our bet said that you had to come here with me tonight. And dance with me. And…do whatever I want you to do.”

“I - I am aware of these stipulations.” He’s drifting towards her as if pulled by a magnetic force.

“I’ve decided on something else I want you to do.” He’s right in front of her now, almost touching her.

“And what is that?”

She went up on tiptoe, brushing her lips against his ear. “I want you to fuck me.”

He stood motionless for the space of a few heartbeats, wondering if his elevated blood alcohol content (please, he knew that Penny wouldn’t be satisfied with this evening until she reduced him to public drunkenness) was causing him to hallucinate. He shook his head slightly and refocused on Penny’s face.

She grabbed his chin in her hand and looked him straight in the eye. “SHELDON. I want you to fuck me RIGHT NOW.”

Something clicked in his brain and he snapped into motion, hands whipping out to plant themselves on the door on either side of Penny and his head snapping forward to press a hard kiss on her lips. She reacted instantly, reaching up to twist her fingers in his hair, one leg coming up to wrap around him. It was fast and hot and he had stopped thinking completely, he was a purely physical being, he could do nothing but touch her and react to the stimulus of her touching him.

Sheldon reached down to grasp her thigh, pushing the fabric of her dress out of the way as his hand skimmed upward. She moaned against his mouth, biting down hard on his bottom lip as his nimble fingers moved higher and danced across the front of her underwear. Lace, he thought. He wrapped his hand around the scrap of fabric and gave a swift tug, mildly astonished when it tore immediately and was left dangling from his fingers. He tossed the panties backwards over his shoulder without a second glance.

He cupped his hand between her thighs, feeling the wetness on his palm and hearing the catch in her breathing. He slowly curled a finger upwards and slid it into her slick heat, following it with a second finger as Penny groaned gutturally and hitched her leg up higher. He slid his fingers in and out, pausing to circle the nub of flesh he knew to be full of sensitive nerve endings. He was suddenly overcome with the need to taste her there. Immediately.

He gathered her against him and turned blindly. The feel of her pressing against his throbbing cock made his vision go black around the edges, but he managed to deposit her onto the sink, her hands gripping the edge of the counter to keep her balance. He grabbed her legs and held them apart as he swiftly dropped to his knees and immediately buried his face between her thighs, breathing her in as her hands came to rest on the top of his head. He rubbed a cheek along the inside of her leg, hearing his five o’clock shadow rasp against her soft skin.

Penny made small mewling sounds, pulling his head forward with insistent hands and tilting her hips upward. Reaching around to cup her buttocks in his hands, he pulled her forward into his mouth, nibbling at her gently with careful teeth and sucking on her clitoris with firm pressure. Sheldon used his fingers and tongue to set a rhythm that moved in time with the music that could be heard through the thin bathroom walls. Her breathing was heavy, erratic, and she started to pant his name, quiet at first and then louder. He could feel her legs trembling wildly, and suddenly she gasped, “Oh God, OH GOD - and she seemed to go to pieces in his arms. He leaned forward to bury his face in her stomach, listening as her breathing slowly returned to normal, and tried to ignore how hard he was and how much he wanted her.

After a moment or two, Penny fisted her hand in his hair once more and gently pulled his head back. She looked down at him, eyes gleaming. “Your turn.”

Penny slid down from the counter and backed him up against the door, grabbing a handful of his shirt and pinning his hips with her own. He couldn’t stop himself from bucking his pelvis against her; he seemed to have lost all control of his body and could only think about how much he wanted to bury himself in her. She nipped at his collarbone and his head fell back against the door with a thunk, his eyes squeezing shut as he struggled to maintain some composure in the face of her attack.

He felt her hands at the waistband of his pants, swiftly undoing the button and sliding the zipper down. She hummed against his neck as she slid her fingers into his briefs, lightly brushing against his straining cock and laughing softly as he let out a startlingly loud groan.

“You’re so hard, Sheldon,” she murmured in his ear, reaching out her tongue to glide along his earlobe. He nodded vigorously and she laughed again, stroking him through a layer of fabric and then grasping him firmly. “Now do what I told you to do.”

In the blink of an eye, he lifted her and spun her around until it was her back up against the door. She twined her legs around his waist, crossing her ankles behind him and locking them together. He was kissing her, biting her neck, sucking on her clavicle, licking wherever he could reach. She gasped and reached down between them, tugging at his underwear until his cock sprang free. He used a hand to pull her dress up, biting back an obscenity as he felt her warmth rubbing against his length.

He lifted her slightly, positioned himself, and then drove into her, sheathing himself in one swift motion. Her name was ripped from his throat as the sudden rush of sensations overwhelmed him, overloading his nerve endings and battering at his senses. Penny arched her back against the door and moved her hips against him; he started thrusting into her in a steady rhythm, driving deeper with each motion.

His breath was ragged and his heart felt like it was beating at three times its usual rate. His whole body was starting to shake and he couldn’t control the animalistic sounds he was making, their echoes bouncing back against the tiles. Penny was straining against him, grinding her hips faster and faster, making frantic noises in the back of her throat. All at once she screamed out, her entire body tightening around him, and he felt like he was losing his mind. He thrust once, twice more and came inside her, burying his face in her shoulder as he rasped out a stream of unintelligible words.

The stood like that for a moment, each trying to regain some semblance of self-control. Eventually Penny unlocked her ankles and slid hesitantly to the floor, holding on to his shoulders as if not sure that her legs would bear her weight. Sheldon drew in a shaky breath and patted himself down all over as if to make sure everything was still there. They tidied themselves up the best they could and left the bathroom, ignoring the giggles and curious stares of the people waiting in line.

The car ride back home was strangely silent compared to the aural assault of the club environment. Sheldon sat in the passenger seat, tapping his fingertips lightly against his knees and shooting quick glances at Penny. She stared straight ahead the entire trip, an expression on her face that he couldn’t even begin to read.

They walked up the stairs to the fourth floor and Sheldon went to his door as Penny crossed the landing to her own. He stood helplessly, staring at her back and she unlocked her door, desperate to say something but not having the slightest clue of what was appropriate for the situation. He had just opened his mouth to blurt out what was sure to be the wrong thing when Penny suddenly turned around. His mouth snapped shut.

“So, Sheldon,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “What do you think about a Halo rematch on Wednesday?”

What was she up to now? “I believe I would be amenable to that suggestion,” he replied cautiously. “What did you have in mind for the terms of the bet?”

A grin appeared on her face and she ambled over, pulled his head down and gave him a quick kiss on the nose. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll think of something,” she said gaily, flitting back to her apartment and closing the door before he could think of a response. He stood there bemused for a moment, then shook his head and turned to enter his residence.

If this was losing, then perhaps winning wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

FIC: Do You Hear What I Hear?

middle_cyclone — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 03:16:16 GMT

Title: Do You Hear What I Hear?
Rating: NC-17 for language and sexytimes
Word Count: 4,919
Spoilers: General Season 3
Disclaimer: Rub it in, why don't you.
Summary: Written for the Paradox Kink Meme for the prompt "Telepathy. Go."

Penny trudged up the stairs to the fourth floor, blowing strands of hair out of her face and muttering obscenities under her breath. She had just finished an absolutely hellish shift at the Cheesecake Factory; honestly, she didn’t understand how people how people could be so freakin’ rude. Lately it seemed like every time she turned her back a customer was saying something catty about her appearance or her waitressing skills. And the men! Apparently they had all recently moved on from making whispered comments to their friends and then sniggering like schoolboys – now they all just blatantly commented on her ass like they were at a strip club or something. The things she’d been hearing people say were like the meanest, most judgmental things she thought in her head but would never, ever say out loud.

Things had been a little crazy ever since she had slipped in the shower that night a few weeks ago. Her head felt fuzzy and unfocused at times; she wondered if she had gotten a concussion or something, but she couldn’t afford to go back to the hospital to get checked out again even though it seemed to be getting worse. Leonard had been patient and solicitous, constantly asking her if she was okay, and how she felt today, and if he could get her anything. She had put up with it at first – he really was a sweet guy, and he was trying so hard – but eventually it really started to chap her ass.

It all came to a head one night a couple weeks ago when she was over at 4A for Halo night. Howard started talking about some hot new blond secretary at the school who was supposedly “easier to nail than a piece of plywood.” Although Penny had her head deep in the fridge, checking to see if she had left any Diet Cokes in the back, she distinctly heard Leonard say, “What, did they hire Penny and I didn’t know about it?”

Penny straightened up slowly and turned to the living room. “Excuse me?”

The boys looked up from untangling the controllers with surprise; clueless as they usually were, they could hear the anger in her voice and looked frightened already. Raj let out a quiet whimper; Sheldon stared at her with round eyes from his spot on the couch but kept his mouth shut for once. She trained a death glare on Leonard and he visibly blanched, then stood up and started carefully shuffling towards her sideways, like a nervous crab. “Penny?” he said in what she assumed was supposed to be a placating voice. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s WRONG?!” she shrieked. “Seriously? God, Leonard, you’re supposed to be my boyfriend! How DARE you say something like that about me? I don’t care if it was just a joke - that was really mean! I can’t believe you’d be such a jackass!” There was a weird buzzing inside her head; it felt like there was a swarm of honey bees flying around in there.

Leonard looked shocked; his mouth hung open and he seemed unable to process what Penny was saying. Eventually he stammered, “B-b-but, Penny, I didn’t say anything! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“God, now you’re trying to DENY it? I HEARD you, Leonard!”

“Heard what? Howard was the one who was talking! I didn’t say anything about you!”

Things had gone downhill from there. Raj and Howard had mumbled excuses and bolted while Sheldon fled to his room and locked the door. Penny kept accusing Leonard of calling her easy; Leonard insisted that he hadn’t said anything. Penny had seen the tiny flashes of guilt that kept crossing his face, though, and wouldn’t back down. After shouting at each other for what seemed like hours, they eventually ran out of steam and she flopped down on the couch. Leonard tentatively sat down next to her.

Penny turned her head to look at Leonard; he tried to meet her eyes but kept looking away. “This isn’t going to work, sweetie.”

“I know,” Leonard mumbled. “It’s just not quite right, is it?”

“No, it isn’t,” Penny sighed. “And I don’t think it ever will be.”

And that was that. Things had been awkward as hell at first, but Penny forced herself to keep going over to the boys’ apartment no matter how uncomfortable it made her. She wasn’t going to lose two of her best friends just because she had slept with one of them and then dumped him for calling her a slut. She was made of sterner stuff than that.

Approximately sixty seconds after entering her apartment, Penny was sprawled on her couch with a glass of white wine in one hand and the DVD remote in the other. After the day she’d had, she figured that she deserved some alcohol and The Lake House. She felt like this was the first real quiet time she’d had in weeks, and it felt like bliss.

knockknockknock “Penny.”

knockknockknock “Penny.”

knockknockknock “Penny.”

Penny groaned and rolled off the couch, pulling herself up to go answer the door.

Sheldon was standing on her doorstep, all long, lanky limbs and twitches and pursed lips. “Hello, Penny.”

“Hey, Sheldon. What’s up?”

“Leonard has forced me to come over and invite you to join us for a Doctor Who marathon.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Leonard forced you? Gee, hon, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.” She ignored the twinge of hurt his words caused.

Sheldon blinked and then acknowledged the sarcasm with a slight nod. “While I do, at times, find your company to be pleasant enough, Penny, your current relationship with Leonard would be categorized as strained at best. The resulting tension may upset my own viewing experience.” He paused. “Plus, you talk too much.”

Penny was indignant. “I do not talk too much!”

“Well, obviously the term ‘too much’ is relative, but I have calculated that, depending on the program, you speak thirty-nine to fifty-five percent of the time. Why, just the other day we were watching Battlestar Galactica and you rambled on for ten minutes straight about Captain Adama and his towel in the scene with – “

“Okay, okay, I get the point,” Penny said hurriedly. She rubbed her temples; that awful buzzing sound was coming back. “You know what, I’d really just like to be on my own tonight. Thanks anyway, though.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll inform Leonard of your decision to forgo our hospitality for the evening. Goodnight, Penny.” He turned abruptly and crossed the hallway back towards his own apartment. Penny shook her head and started closing her door, the buzzing already starting to fade.

(I wish she would join us.)

Penny stopped just short of closing the door and swung it back open. “Sheldon? Did you say something, sweetie?”

Sheldon looked startled. “No, I did not.” He slipped into his apartment and quickly shut the door behind him.

Penny stared at the closed door for a moment. She could’ve sworn she heard….she shook her head. Obviously she needed to lay off the wine.

It was two o’clock in the afternoon on Wednesday, and Penny was in her bed with the covers over her head and the curtains drawn. She hadn’t left the apartment in over three days.

She had attempted to go to the grocery store on Sunday. She only made it halfway down the first aisle before she abandoned her cart and took off running for the exit, holding her hands over her ears in a desperate attempt to keep out the noise. The buzzing sound she’d been hearing lately had suddenly, terrifyingly resolved itself into a babble of voices coming from all around her.

(…five bucks for a jar of tomato sauce? They’ve gotta be kidding! Back in my day it was only…)

(…wish she would just SHUT UP SHUT UP for two fucking seconds…)

(…maybe I should buy the wet food, Mister Peebles doesn’t seem to like the dry anymore…)

(…MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY…)

(…I swear, if one more customer argues with me about the goddamn coupons, I’m so quitting…)

Penny had driven straight home, shaking violently the whole way. She flew up the stairs, managed to unlock her door with trembling hands and then slammed it shut behind her. She collapsed on her bed and stared at the ceiling with wide, unblinking eyes. “Okay, Penny, get it together,” she muttered to herself. “Do not freak out. DO NOT FREAK OUT.”

The way she figured it, there were three explanations for what was going on with her head:

1.) She was insane. (She didn’t feel insane, but isn’t that what insane people always said?)

2.) She had finally pickled her brain with too much alcohol. Now she was hearing voices and it was all thanks to one too many G&Ts and Tequila Sunrises.

3.) The blow to her head when she’d fallen in the shower and had dislodged something upstairs. She could now hear the thoughts of those around her. What was it called? Telekiwhatsis? No, telepathy. That was it.

Penny fought a bubble of hysterical laughter as it rose up in her throat. Crazy as it seemed, she was leaning toward door number three. It would explain all of the rude comments that she thought the customers at work were making, and why her head almost exploded at the grocery store from all of the snippets of sentences getting lodged in her brain. Even if she was insane, she couldn’t make up half the shit she’d been hearing.

And it would explain what you thought you heard Sheldon say a few days ago, her own voice whispered inside her head. She ignored it.

A few minutes later, her cell phone trilled with the sound of an incoming message. She reached a hand out from under the covers and groped around on her bedside table until she grabbed her phone and pulled it back into her little cocoon.

*Hello Penny. This is Sheldon Cooper. You were not at work last night. I was subjected to poor service from an inferior waitress who simply could not comprehend the intricacies of my order. In the future, please notify me in writing at least 48 hours in advance if you choose to shirk your professional duties so that I may make alternate arrangements.*

Whoops. Penny had managed to call in sick to work, claiming she had pinkeye and couldn’t touch peoples’ food, but she had completely forgotten to mention it to the boys. In fact, she hadn’t spoken to any of them at all since she had seen Sheldon on Saturday night.

*Sorry sweetie, been sick.*

There, that should scare him away.

*If you are sufficiently recovered and past the stage of contagion, we would be amenable to you joining us for Thai food and Halo tonight.*

Penny sighed. She couldn’t hide in her bedroom forever, although the idea was appealing.

*I’m in.*

*Very well. We shall expect you at 8 o’clock sharp.*

Penny gingerly opened the door of 4A and poked her head into the room. The boys were in their usual spots, distributing the food and chatting about the new comic books they’d gotten earlier. She stepped into the room, closed the door behind her, and braced herself.

Howard cried, “Ah, the fair Penelope is among us once more!” (She really is hot, why can’t I get a girl that hot? I think it’s Ladies Night at that Western bar tomorrow, Raj and I should go. Penny would look hot in cowboy boots. Penny would look even hotter in nothing BUT cowboy boots.)

Raj bobbed his head at her and gave her a half-smile before staring fixedly at a point on the floor. (Dude, you are SO pathetic. Maybe Howard will want to go to that Ladies Night tomorrow, I can drink Grasshoppers and flirt with wild abandon with women of whom my parents would never approve.)

Leonard stood up from his chair and smiled at her uncertainly, his eyes crinkling at the corners in his genuine delight at seeing her. “Hey, Penny, glad you could make it.” (She looks tired. She hasn’t met someone new already, has she? Probably another stupid meathead. I treated her so much better than them.)

Sheldon looked up and narrowed his blue eyes at her. “Oh look, Penny has decided to grace us with her presence tonight. How generous of her!” (…infernal-woman-virtual-particles-pizza-night-tomorrow-string-network-condensate-maybe-they’ll-have-the-new-Flash-comic-next-week-gamma-rays-I-need-to-write-Meemaw-on-Sunday-spacetime-supersymmetry-oh-and-book-a-hotel-for-ComicCon-volo-vis-vult-volumus-vultis-volunt-research-an-appropriate-Christmas-gift-for-Missy-bosonic-string-propagating-in-D=26-dimensions-laundry-night-the-new-service-isn’t-cleaning-my-office-to-my-specifications-dark-matter-annihilations-Google-the-production-schedule-for-the-next-Star-Trek-movie-I-really-must-speak-to-Leonard-about-that-hideous-new-cologne-Rubidium-Strontium-Yttrium-Zirconium-Niobium-Molybdenum-Technetium-do-we-need-more-antibacterial-hand-soap?...)

Whoa.

Penny gritted her teeth and took up her customary spot on the couch next to Sheldon. “Can we please just start the game?” She was hoping that once the boys were focused on the Halo action, their mental processes would shut up so she wouldn’t have to hear their weird boy thoughts.

And it worked. Kind of. For a while, anyway.

When the gaming was over, though, their thoughts came flooding back in. Howard’s thoughts were basically the script of a low-budget Cinemax soft-core porn; Raj interspersed snippets of Bollywood tunes with resentful diatribes against his parents. Leonard was all whine, whine, whine about Penny and women in general. And Sheldon? Sheldon’s thoughts were a barrage of theories and neuroses and random facts, overlapping and running together as his freakish brain whirred through subjects at the speed of light. It was a wonder that his head didn’t explode. How could one person think so much all at once?

Penny sat huddled on the couch, trying to focus on the actual conversation instead of the unspoken ones that only she could hear. Every once in a while Howard, Leonard or even Raj would think something gross about her and she’d shoot a glare at them - first they’d look surprised, then guilty, then confused. Penny’s headache grew worse and worse until she couldn’t take it anymore and she decided she had to get out of there. She stood up abruptly and announced that she was going to bed.

(You want any company?) Howard, of course.

(Oh good, now I can tell that awesome gynecologist joke I heard earlier.) Raj. Ew. No thanks.

(Well, that didn’t go too badly. I think this friends thing may work out okay after all.) Aww, Leonard really was a sweetheart under all that passive-agressiveness.

(…Hawking-lecture-must-get-this-peanut-sauce-out-of-the-carpet-Osmium-Irridium-Platinum-I-wish-she-would-stay-oh-hell-this-stain-remover-is-useless…)

Penny spun around and stared at Sheldon with narrowed eyes. He continued to work on getting a spot out of the rug and didn’t even look at her.

Exasperated, Penny threw her hands up in the air. “You’re all crazy!” she yelled and stomped out the apartment, leaving four confused pairs of eyes following her out the door.

Minutes later, Penny was huddled on her couch, wrapped in a blanket and soothing her headache with a big glass of wine. If she was hearing voices because of her drinking instead of trauma-induced telepathy, it was just too damn bad, because sometimes a girl just really, really needed some alcohol.

knockknockknock “Penny.”

knockknockknock “Penny.”

knockknockknock “Penny.”

Jesus Christ on toast, she really, really didn’t need this right now. She dragged herself off the couch and over to the door, opening it just a crack and glaring through the gap.

“What is it, Sheldon?”

He cleared his throat. “Once again, I have been elected as an emissary to ascertain your wellbeing and enquire as to whether you’re ‘okay.’” He used his fingers to make air quotes.

(…me-always-me-why-can’t-someone-else-be-elected-for-once…)

“I’m fine,” Penny said dryly. “Thanks so much for your concern.”

“Oh, I wasn’t concerned. It was mostly Leonard.”

Penny huffed and started to shut the door. “Great. Thanks. Goodnight.”

(…I-think-I-may-have-upset-her-that-was-not-my-intention-it-was-simply-the-truth-Penny-does-not-require-my-concern-she-is-a-formidable-woman-and-is-clearly-capable-of-handling-any-minor-aggreivances-that-she-encounters-herself…)

She paused and then reopened the door, this time the whole way. “Sheldon?”

“Yes, Penny?”

“Why weren’t you concerned?” She crossed her arms and stared at him, willing him to tell her the truth.

“Your moods and insignificant hardships are beneath my attention, obviously.”

(…don’t-twitch-she’ll-know-that-you’re-lying…)

“Well, that’s rude!” She wasn’t sure if she was referring to what he said or that fact that, according to his own thoughts, he didn’t really mean it and was lying to her. She decided to test him. “Is that really what you think of me? That I’m beneath you? That I’m not as good as you?”

He stood motionless before her, his eyes on the ceiling and his lips pressed tightly together.

“Answer me, dammit!”

A beat of silence.

“Of course that’s what I think, Penny.”

And then -

(…no-no-NO-you-don’t-mean-it-tell-her-you-don’t-mean-it-no-you-can’t-tell-her-she-may-realize-how-you-really-feel-and-that-is-unacceptable-but-maybe-no-keep-lying-I-don’t-care-if-it-makes-Baby-Jesus-sad-Penny-looks-sad-good-maybe-she’ll-get-angry-and-make-you-go-away-before-you-do-something-unbefitting-your-intelligence-levels-like-oh-I-don’t-know-like-tell-her-that-you-love-her-)

Penny took a step forward and kissed him.

The kiss was so short it could barely qualify as a kiss. More of a peck, really. Penny stepped back and mentally braced herself for the inevitable sonic boom of thoughts that was sure to come flying out of his brain. Any second now. Aaaaaany second…

Nothing.

“Wow,” Penny breathed.

Sheldon was standing completely still. His eyes were wide and his breath was coming in short bursts.

“Sheldon?” She waved a hand in front of his face. “Sweetie?” Oh God, had she broken him?

(…increased-respiratory-function-increased-heart-rate-trembling-of-the-extremities-blurry-vision-I-must-be-dying-I-MUST-BE-DYING-OH-SWEET-LORD-I’M-DYING-)

Penny prodded him sharply in the chest.

“For God’s sake, Sheldon, you’re not dying! I only kissed you, it’s not a big deal!”

Sheldon snapped up to his full height and peered down at her indignantly. “Excuse me, Penny, but I would argue that someone being assaulted against his will is indeed a ‘big deal!’”

Assaulted?! Penny narrowed her eyes at him. Oh, she was going to make him pay for that one.

She reached up and pulled the elastic out of her hair, shaking her head until blond tendrils curled against her shoulders. She stared Sheldon straight in the eye, licked her lips and pushed them out in a pout. “Against your will, huh?” She slid closer to him until she was standing a hairsbreadth away from his quivering body, peering up at him through fluttering lashes. “Against your will?”

Sheldon stared down at her. (…she-knows-how-could-she-possibly-know-I-have-displayed-no-overt-signs-of-attraction-toward-her-I-made-sure-of-it-ABORT-ABORT-)

“Sheldon?”

“Yes, Penny?”

“Shut up.”

“But I didn’t - mmphh!”

Penny pressed her lips to his for a second time.

(…oh-what-in-the-blazes-am-I-doing-this-is-wonderful-no-no-I-meant-this-is-wrong-I-shouldn’t-shouldn’t-shouldn’t…)

Penny drew back and grabbed Sheldon’s head in her hands. “Sheldon. Sheldon! Look at me.”

His eyes darted around, looking everywhere but at her face. She waited, and eventually his gaze settled on her own.

“Listen to me. There is nothing wrong with this. I want this, and I think you do too. Do you understand?”

Sheldon snorted. “Well, of course I understand, Penny. There is very little that someone with my elevated IQ could not comprehend.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Great, I’m glad we settled that. Now, why don’t you just come sit on the couch with me.” She took his hand and drew him over to the sofa, tugging him down next to her. He sat gingerly, shifting his position again and again until he finally settled in, half-turned toward Penny and looking at her with bright eyes. He looked jumpy and his thoughts were an anxious humming that ran through Penny’s head like electricity through a power line.

She smiled weakly at him as she was struck by a sudden wave of indecision. How was she supposed to do this? It was Sheldon! She couldn’t just jump his bones! God, if only she could know what he wanted, what he was thinking…

Oh. Duh.

“Sheldon, I know this is all new to you, and it may be making you a little nervous. I want you to try something for me, okay? It’s, um…a visualization technique. That I learned in one of my acting classes.”

Sheldon cocked his head and looked at her consideringly. “Very well. What are the rules?”

“The rules are that you have to close your eyes, and, uh…you have to imagine yourself. And me. Us. Together. And, um, the sort of things that would…interest you.” Her cheeks burned. “Sexually.”

“Very well.” He closed his eyes.

(Penny, grinningly impishly at him from his spot. Her hair on the back of her neck as he followed her to the car. Her tearstained face as she sat on the floor outside her door. The line of her neck as she threw her head back to laugh. The way her shorts rode up as she reached for a margarita glass in her cupboard. The soft, yielding weight of her breast in his hand. The feel of her lips on his own…)

She reached out and gently touched his shoulder. “Sheldon?”

He opened his eyes and gave her a frustrated look, then stared down at his lap, where his fingers were twisting themselves together in agitation. “I fear that my inexperience in these matters prevents me from completing the exercise.”

Well, so much for that idea.

Penny decided that she was just going to have to do this the old-fashioned way - by trial and error. Except, you know, painfully slow. And careful. Very, very careful.

She reached out cupped her hand under Sheldon’s chin, tipping his head up so he was looking at her. “Sweetie, here’s the thing,” she said gently. “I don’t think even one of your questionnaires could explain why I like you so much. But I do.” She watched as his pupils dilated and almost went back to the jumping-his-bones plan right then and there. “And I’d like to, um, physically manifest that liking. By having sex. With you.”

Sheldon’s blue, blue eyes narrowed in on her green ones. “I believe that is a very reasonable request. If you shall instruct me on how to proceed, I would be more than happy to comply.”

“Oh. Okay.” There didn’t seem to be much going on in Sheldon’s head at the moment - surprise, surprise, he actually was like other guys, in one way at least - but she did keep getting flashes of their kisses. “Well, why don’t you start by kissing me.”

“Very well.” He studied her face for a moment as if he was calculating the best approach angle and then leaned over and placed his mouth on hers. After a few awkward, motionless seconds, instinct seemed to kick in and his lips began to move. Tentative at first, he quickly became bolder as he nibbled his way across Penny’s bottom lip. He gave a start of surprise when her tongue gently slipped into his mouth, but he recovered admirably and mirrored her action, eventually deepening the kiss and bringing a long-fingered hand up to brush the hair away from her face. He made a low sound in the back of his throat.

Penny broke away, flushed and panting. His eyes popped open and he regarded her warily.

“Sheldon? Is this okay so far?”

(...don’t-want-to-stop-why-did-she-stop?-I-want-more-more-oh-goodness-I-can-taste-her-on-my-lips-)

“That’s good enough for me,” she told him. He had only a second to look confused before she flung herself at him,. Her momentum knocked Sheldon sideways and he fell against the arm of the couch with Penny sprawled on top of him. She grabbed the collar of his T-shirt and pulled herself up his body, ducking her head to press kisses against the side of his neck. She bit down gently on his left earlobe and he sucked in air through clenched teeth, shuddering as she delicately licked inside the shell of his ear.

Sheldon’s hands were roaming her body, fluttering away and coming to land in unexpected places. He swept a palm across the small of her back and delicately slid a hand underneath her tank top, brushing his fingers against her bare skin and causing Penny to let out a quiet moan. He seemed encouraged by this and added his other hand to her back, moving both palms upward until they cradled her shoulder blades and then gripping tightly as Penny suddenly sucked hard on his collarbone.

“Oh!” he exclaimed, squeezing his eyes closed. “Penny, I…I want…”

She put her lips back to his ear and murmured, “What? What do you want?”

His jaw clenched. “I…I don’t know!” he said helplessly. “I just feel - I feel so…I want more.”

Penny rolled sideways off the couch and stood up. She reached out a hand and yanked Sheldon up, then led him toward the bedroom. “Oh, there’s definitely more.”

Penny pulled him into her bedroom and turned to face him. He loomed over her in the dark, his wide eyes reflecting the dim light coming in from the window. His thoughts were a mix of anxiety and desire.

She reached up and curled a hand around the back of Sheldon’s head, caressing the short, soft hair at the nape of his neck. He shuddered and closed his eyes. Penny stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips softly against his, skimming her hand down his torso to his waist. She tugged his shirts up over his head and let them drop to the floor, then pulled off her tank top. She slid her shorts down her legs and stepped out of them, straightening up to stand before him completely bare.

(Beautiful.)

Penny smiled. Sheldon’s hands shot out and grabbed her shoulders.

(Mine.)

He pushed her backward and they tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of limbs. His lips fastened onto hers, possessive and demanding. His hands were everywhere; grasping her upper thigh, palming her breasts, sliding underneath her to cup her buttocks and pull her into him. She could feel his hardness and writhed beneath him, struggling to reach the waistband of his pants. She flicked the button open and pulled the zipper down in one deft movement, then slid her hand inside and laid it against his rigid cock. He sucked in a breath and went still.

Penny seized the moment and rolled until she was on top of him. Wriggling down his body, she tugged at his pants and underwear until they slid to his ankles. Yanking off his shoes, she pulled everything off and tossed it to the floor. She kneeled at his feet for a moment and then stretched forward until her hair brushed his inner thigh. She slowly trailed a hand up his leg, moving it up over his stomach and back down the other side. She made lazy circles around his groin until he started whimpering. Finally she reached out and wrapped a hand around the base of his cock, simultaneously giving the head a delicate lick.

Sheldon almost came off the bed, but she held her other hand firm on his hip and he eventually subsided, eyes gleaming at her wildly from the head of the bed. She took him into her mouth, swirling around the tip with her tongue while gently stroking the seam between his testicles with her little finger. He made a guttural sound and his head thrashed back and forth, hands clenching in the sheets.

(now-now-I-need-her-now)

Penny released him from her mouth and moved up to straddle him, his twitching cock pressed against her wetness. She leaned forward to feather her mouth across his neck, sliding her hands up his chest. She dragged her nails across his nipples and he gave a startled moan.

(Penny!)

She reached down and grasped him once more, positioning him at her entrance. She pushed her hips down and he filled her, filled her so suddenly and completely that she almost screamed. Sheldon bucked against her but she ground herself down on him, stilling his movements as he panted and groaned. She let herself bask in the feeling for just a moment, and then she began to move.

Her hips began a slow rocking movement, gradually gaining speed as Sheldon started thrusting up to meet her. She could feel the warmth begin to build and she moved faster as the tingling spread over her entire body. Oh God, she was going to come, she could feel it, she was going to come right -

As she threw her head back and her walls tightened around him, Sheldon gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. His entire body stiffened and he cried out wordlessly, hands fisting in Penny’s hair as he came.

And just like that, a kaleidoscope of images exploded into her head.

(Penny curled up in his lap in their spot Penny wearing nothing but his Flash T-shirt Penny drawing hearts on his whiteboard Penny kissing him under the mistletoe Penny crawling towards him in his bed Penny sitting at the dinner table at his mother’s house Penny beaming at him with tears in her eyes as he slides a ring on her finger Penny walking toward him in a white dress Penny baking him a lopsided birthday cake Penny crooning softly to their baby Penny teaching their daughter to play baseball Penny at their son’s college graduation Penny with soft lines on her face and gray in her hair looking beautiful beautiful beautiful)

They lay side by side in her bed, Penny curled up against him while he traced the Greek alphabet on her back with a precise finger. She raised her head and propped it on her hand, smiling at the small smirk upon his lips.

“Sheldon?”

“Yes, Penny?”

She rubbed a few counterclockwise circles on his chest. “Did you ever think that this would happen? You and me, I mean?”

(Oh how I hoped it would.)

He snorted. “No, I did not. The statistical probability of two individuals with personalities as different as ours ever forming an attachment is very low.”

She grinned and snuggled down against his side. What a liar.

She was so glad.

SHIP SHOP

middle_cyclone — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 00:11:12 GMT

Yesterday a friend and I were talking about how much we'd love to see a ComicCon episode of The Big Bang Theory, complete with a road trip, costumes and Penny being dragged along for the ride. We started discussing what costumes we'd like to see everyone in, and it led to this little bit of insanity on my part.

I obviously have too much time on my hands and too many fandoms in my brain. Also, Photoshop is the devil.

I mean, seriously. Sheldon couldn't quite fill out a tank top the way Anders can, but I'm willing to overlook that for some sexy arm tattoos.

WELCOME TO MY SHAME.

middle_cyclone — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:02:06 GMT

You know, one of the nice things about getting older is that I really care less and less what people think of me. However, there are a few things that even I'm embarrassed to admit that I like, regardless of how comfortable I am with my geekiness.

May I present to you my list of shame:

Oh God, John Mayer is SUCH a douche. I mean, the man dated Jessica Simpson. He ran around in public in a Borat mankini. He plans little stunts with the paparazzi that I find immature and repulsive.

So why do I still find myself so insanely attracted to him? (Hint: see photo above.)

I started listening to John Mayer back in 2001-ish, back when he was just a cute singer-songwriter that everyone liked. As time went by, however, I found myself having to defend him to people who just thought he was a giant dick. I'd claim that he was actually really smart and funny and his music was really good. As his love affair with the media grew and flourished, though, I got seriously annoyed with his stupid publicity stunts and man-whore ways. I mean, how can someone who writes such lovely, introspective songs and sings those songs so sincerely be such a complete asshat? Is it even possible? I don't understand how they're even the same person.

Anyway, I feel like his (admittedly hilarious) Twitter account is helping to turn the tide of public opinion back in his favor, but I'm still embarrassed to admit that I like the guy. COME ON, JOHN, DON'T MAKE ME BE ASHAMED TO BE SEEN WITH YOU WHEN WE START DATING.

Okay, technically I'm not embarrassed that I love BSG. It was so well-written and amazing and...um, have you SEEN the spectacular man-candy parading around in towels and sweaty uniforms? (Not that that's the only reason I like the show or anything...ahem.) It's just...it's called BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, for crying out loud. It's basically about robots in space. Really, it couldn't sound any nerdier if it tried. When I tell people who are unfamiliar with the show that I love it, they give me this weird look like they're trying to figure out if they completely misjudged me and I'm actually a total loser who lives in her parents' basement. I try to tell them that it's really good and they should try watching it and they start sidling away, muttering about how they have to go do something. God, if only Number Six was around to beat some sense into them.

Oh, leggings. How could I have succumbed to your siren call? When they first started getting popular, I would rant about how ugly and stupid they are and how I already rocked that look back in 1989. I swore that I would NEVER wear them. Pants are good enough for me, thanks.

And then...I realized that I could greatly expand my winter wardrobe by wearing skirts with leggings. I realized that I could wear dresses that are too short to wear by themselves with leggings. I realized that I could wear my cute new boots with leggings. And that was the end of that and I now own four pairs. DON'T JUDGE ME.

LOLcats are fucking ridiculous. Who thought that it was a HILARIOUS idea to take pictures of cats and add weird baby talk to them? (On a side note, it seems to me that cats would actually be rather particular about spelling and grammar. BUT ANYWAY.) I don't even like cats, and I have been called a grammar nazi on more than one occasion. So, what's for me to like? NOTHING. And yet I love them anyway. I just don't tell anyone.

So basically this movie is about a pregnant white trash girl who gets ditched by her loser boyfriend and births their baby in a Walmart. She names the baby Americus and makes friends with a woman who names her children things like Brownie and Praline. She catches the eye of the attractive town librarian but feels like she's not good enough for him (well, duh). It's total Lifetime Movie material and parts of it are totally schlocky and lame, and yet...it's SO GOOD. I don't even know why. Partly because the librarian guy is cute, and Natalie Portman is cute, and the ending is cute. It's the perfect movie to watch on a Sunday afternoon when there's nothing else on and it's raining outside and there's ice cream in the freezing calling your name.

So disgusting and bad for you. AND YET SO DELICIOUS.

Ah, fantasy novels, how I love you. And yet I don't read you in public, like a bastard child I hide from the neighbors. Seriously, though, even though The Blue Sword is one of my all-time favorite books, just look at the cover - it's a chick swathed in a burnoose, riding some big ass horse through the desert while brandishing a glowing sword. Not exactly the kind of thing that gets you asked out on the bus, you know? My friend Stephen and I trade fantasy books back and forth all them time, but we tend to do it surreptitiously, like we're dealing drugs or child porn or something. My apologies, Ms. McKinley.

And speaking of books...YES. IT'S TRUE. I LIKE THE TWILIGHT SERIES.

The shame, the shame! I saved this one for last because I can hardly bear to admit that I like the books. And not just that I like to make fun of them - because believe me, I do - but that I actually enjoy reading them. Me, who was an English Literature major in college and loathes flowery prose, moody men and helpless women! I honestly believe that there is some kind of weird subconscious Mormon mind control going on with those books, because there is no explanation for why I would like them so much. I could go on for hours about how Stephenie "with an E" Meyer is a terrible writer, and Bella is a total Mary Sue, and that words like "beautiful," "alabaster" and "perfect" are used about a BILLION times, and Edward is borderline abusive, and how millions of teenage girls are going to grow up with skewed ideas about relationships. And yet...I've read each of the books four times. SOMEONE KILL ME NOW.

Well, there you have it. Think what you want. I DON'T CARE.

Boo.

middle_cyclone — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:41:33 GMT

I got home tonight and thought, "Yay, Mad Men is on!" and I was like this:

Then I realized that the season is OVER and I was like this:

And then my roommate suggested that we watch The Girls Next Door instead and I was like this:

The End.

Apparently genre fiction is getting a little...formulaic.

middle_cyclone — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 18:22:54 GMT

I mentioned Questionable Content in my last post - it really is funny. I especially love Dora getting hit on by the furry in the background in this one.

Sorry it's kinda small - if you want to see the full-size original, you can go here.

Just a few things...

middle_cyclone — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:06:43 GMT

I'm obsessed with "Lungs" by Florence and the Machine. Seriously, it's a fantastic album - great lyrics, beautiful production, and her voice is amazing. I highly recommend, especially "Drumming Song" and "Cosmic Love" - they're pretty epic.

Speaking of music, I'm also loving Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" - both the song and the video. (Seriously, have you seen the video? It's insane. Although all I can think about when I see those crazy Alexander McQueen shoes is that they remind me of the hands of Him from the Powerpuff Girls.) I wasn't sold on the song the first couple times I heard it, but it's been stuck in my head pretty much all week and now I'm hooked.

One of my LJ communities recently posted a link to a webcomic called Questionable Content. I ended up spending three days reading the comic from the beginning and now I'm hooked. A comic about sassy twenty-something hipsters and their lives of love, music, drinking and robots? What's not to love?

I loved ONTD's recent post about YA fiction; I picked up some great recommendations and will be adding some of the books to my Christmas list. Yay books!

CHRISTMAS. WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? I'm not ready! I'm already starting to stress about presents and shopping and whatnot. Plus I'm low on cash this year, which means I'll have to be more inventive when coming up with gift ideas.

Have you seen The Oatmeal? Hilarious site. I read the pterodactyl one this morning and lol'ed irl. BEAR-O-DACTYL.

Oh, those crazy British teens...

middle_cyclone — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:31:31 GMT

-JJ will have a love interest.

-The new characters have great importance.

-Naomi and Emily will not have a sex scene in the bathroom ... (yes, that was asked! Hahaha) but yes the girls will have a sex scene.

-JJ is the one who will have greater growth, in Jamie's opinion.

-The role of the character Laura is very important.

-There will be no talking in the first few minutes of the first episode.

-It is uncertain whether some of the characters that will be the 5th and 6th are in this season.

-Lots of nudity this season.

-JJ will continue to do magic.

-The friendship between Katie and JJ will be explored.

-Naomi and Emily have a lot of scenes together, as do Effy and Pandora.

-Naomi and Katie still do not get along. -Cook shows several sides this season.

-There will be plenty of parties.

-Cook becomes really good friends with Naomi and Emily. Sort of like Cassie / Chris in Season 2.

-There will be no trip of the characters out of the country, but that does not mean that they will not go out of Bristol.

-No one will split episodes. Meaning, each episode is about ONE characer only.

-We'll see Naomi's mother again, but the mother of the Pandora will not appear.

-We will have a scene of Emily being ''sexually pleased,'' you know ... by a toy or something.

-The girls' brother, James Fitch, will appear this season.

-The relationship between Tony and Effy will be mentioned.

-Pandora will be explored.

-Emily and Katie will not share an episode.

-Some of the characters get into fights.

-Freddie will have a major plot that does not necessarily involve Effy.

-Naomi will have a scene with Rob Fitch, father of twins.

-Naomi's sexuality will not be labeled this season.

-Currently, they are filming the last two episodes.

-And finally ... Jamie said that we will need tissues for the last episode.

My thoughts on the characters:

I LOVE JJ. He's adorable. His episode was fantastic.

I find Cook to be both fascinating and disgusting at the same time. Gah, that scene where he was on JJ's meds and talking about how no one loves him because he's shit? SAD. And his dad is such a dick. But, Christ, he's seriously offensive about 95% of the time.

Freddie is a whiny, pot-smoking loser. NEXT.

Thomas. Meh.

Effy. BORING. She was better when she didn't talk. She's completely gorgeous, though.

Naomily. They're cute. I'm afraid that Naomi's going to sleep with some guy just to prove to herself that she's not a "real" lesbian and break Emily's heart. Oh, and a side note? Emily sleeping with JJ was adorable.

Katie is a psycho bitch and I HATE her. Her attacking Effy in the woods was seriously messed up, and I can't stand how she tries to control Emily. Ugh, she's a little skank and I loathe her.

Panda. Love her! I was sad that she slept with Cook - and that Thomas found out - but her character's fun. I loved her sleepover episode.

I live in fear of the American version of Skins. Especially since I read this bit on the casting Twitter feed: "STANLEY - African American, 16 years old and Tony's best friend. Under confident. Still a virgin...." HIS NAME IS SID, YOU FUCKWITS.

source

I've decided what I want for Christmas.

middle_cyclone — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:01:04 GMT

Maybe he's born with it.

...Richard Alpert!

(Guyliner comes free with every purchase!)

Happy Halloween!

middle_cyclone — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:57:49 GMT

I don't understand what I (on the left) was supposed to be for Halloween 1986. I'm wearing a Little House on the Prairie dress with a cheap cardboard and glitter crown, a wand, and hooker makeup. Princess Prostitute, perhaps? My little sister (right) looks like she has a bad case of rosacea, but I think that was just our mom's attempt to make her look rosy-cheeked and wholesome.

I would also like to add that my older sister (middle) BEGGED for that Wonder Woman costume for weeks. She put in on, we took this picture and then she looked at herself in the mirror. The mask scared her so badly that she started screaming and refused to wear it for the rest of the night.

"I respected your privacy too long."

middle_cyclone — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:35:05 GMT

MAD MEN WAS AWESOME LAST NIGHT.

THAT IS ALL.

Zombies!

middle_cyclone — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:22:51 GMT

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This story from the AP cracked me up:

IOWA CITY, Iowa – Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.

A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.

The man then ran out a back door.

The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.

source

In my opinion, the accuser was either nutso or a drunk-ass college student who'd seen Shaun of the Dead one too many times. Either way, HILARIOUS.

I love fierce redheads.

middle_cyclone — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:39:51 GMT

When Neko Case's album Middle Cyclone first came out, I wasn't impressed. I was loyal to Fox Confessor Brings the Flood and I felt that loving the new album would be the musical equivalent of Hef trading in Holly for that skanky new girl (and don't even get me started on those HIDEOUS twins).

But how can you resist the cover of the album? I mean, she's on the hood of an awesome vintage car, barefoot, with a sword. A sword! Surely it deserved a few more listens. So I listened, and I fell in love with this album as well. Especially the song Middle Cyclone, which strikes a chord in me like you wouldn't believe (hence the user name).

Now, if I was in one of those implausible scenarios in which you're going to be trapped on a desert island for all eternity and needed to pick which albums you'd bring with you, there would definitely be a Neko CD in there. But which one? Blacklisted is amazing too, and "I Wish I Was the Moon" is one of my all-time favorite songs...but Fox Confessor was my first love. And Middle Cyclone really is wonderful. God, now I know what people mean about not loving one of their children more than the others (even though they're obviously lying).

Anyway, the albums are all amazing. And Neko is amazing live. She seems somewhat awkward and self-conscious between songs, but then the music starts up and she turns into the fierce bitch on the hood of the car. Seriously, if I was a hipster and had friends who might actually recognize the reference, I would dress up as her for Halloween. Because, in the immortal words of Guy from Never Been Kissed, "Look, I get to have a sword."

hello, lj

middle_cyclone — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 05:41:13 GMT

Just here for the groups, kids!