Metaquotes

EMPOWERING ACTION GARB ACTIVATED!

2018-12-26T21:56:25Z

fieryphoenix laments Superhero Privilege:

I'm a little jealous of how their leader can run around in a sports bra, bulgy tights, and a horse mask, whereas when I do it I have to explain to the judge the reasoning behind my life choices.

Context remembers the surplus cheese that was 80's Saturday morning animation.

Remember all those Fanficrants about what your Avatar OC wasn't allowed to bend?

2018-05-16T00:11:10Z

joe_pwnz_pete's warning about headcanons and assumption brought back such memories:

People are salty that they made assumptions about the show based on "Well, we've never SEEN this PARTICULAR THING happen" as though that somehow discounts anything that might make sense from a storytelling perspective and may not specifically been revealed because THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO FUCKING EASY.

Context discusses a recent Steven Universe 500-foot Spoilerzilla.

cue piano music

2017-07-23T08:14:43Z

(Anonymous): I love the whole "contrasting dicks" thing as well. Like "the other man was thinner, but longer" Like why are these fucking Laurel and Hardy dicks everywhere for fuck's sake

(Anonymous): omg yes, like I can hear the piano music already.

From this glorious exchange on epithets over on fandom!secrets: http://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/1650347.html?thread=967113643#cmt967113643

rinue on feminism

2017-02-21T04:57:53Z

And why it's okay to worry about feminist issues here in the US as well as in other places:

"Why are you writing to your elected representative instead of seeking to overthrow a foreign government from your living room" is a question that I feel answers itself.

Taken from this comment to an entry by spacefem.

In defense of free-range reading: the demands of a "cushy job".

2016-12-19T20:21:23Z

hazelnut96's credentials as a school librarian:

I am a professionally certified teacher. I passed all required tests.
I possess 2 college degrees, a Bachelors in English, a Masters in Library Science and Information Studies. I got these certifications and degrees by reading what I was REQUIRED to read and to study, so I could pass the tests.

I am a professional reader, by choice. (I'm not kidding--BY CHOICE--there are many Media Specialists who don't read ANYTHING.)
I will read 3 picture books, 2 juvenile chapter books, 1 or 2 young adult books, an adult-level book,ALL in the span of 10 days or so.

I can read Dr. Seuss rhymes to Pablo Neruda in his native Spanish. I can decipher Chaucer and Dante. I can allude historical times and personages to Don McLean's "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie." I can recite Shel Silverstein's "Dreadful" poem from heart. I can tell you why Miss Nelson is Missing.

I can do all of the above because I was allowed to read whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I can do all the above because I had a librarian, a Media Specialist who encouraged my explorations, who deterred my lazier choices, and always always always advocated for choosing books according to personal choices. I can do the above because I had a Media Specialist who taught me how to read, critique and understand what I read.

And that's what I want to imbue to children. Freedom to read, freedom to think, freedom to choose.

The context is a glorious manifesto well worth reading in full.

ladyofastolat on smitten apples

2016-11-01T06:12:48Z

Shopping for apples today, I saw a shelf label that read "Smitten apples." None of the nearby apples declared themselves smitten on their sticky labels. Could I identify them by behaviour? Were any apples sighing sadly for the nearby pears? Were they saying to a Granny Smith that she was the apple of their eye? Every apple sat resolutely still, none of them showing any sign of pining.

Go read the whole thing!

novembersnow on the subject of OCTOBER snow:

2016-11-01T05:53:49Z

Me: Look at this! SNOWFLAKES for the next two days!!!! :((((((

Coworker: Uggghhh. They should have little faces on them. Angry faces. Because they're evil snowflakes.

Me: ALL SNOWFLAKES ARE EVIL.

Coworker: Nooooo, some snow is good! Like when there's enough that you can go skiing. Those are happy snowflakes!

Me: NO. SNOWFLAKES ARE NEVER HAPPY. THEY ARE ALWAYS EVIL.

Context is brisk, with a chance of flurries.

ursulav educates us on the sneaky behavior of killdeer:

2016-06-20T17:28:41Z

Killdeer: I WILL RUN A LITTLE WAY AND FALL OVER WAVING MY BROKEN WINGS THE PAIN THE PAIN

Kevin: I’m not going to chase you.

Killdeer: YOU HAVE TO CHASE ME MY WINGS ARE BROKEN ALSO I BELIEVE MY LEGS ARE GOING

Kevin: This is just sad.

Killdeer: I BELIEVE I AM ALSO ON FIRE

(Context has a photo.)

Calling the Fashion Swat Team...

2016-06-16T22:15:10Z

piperki calls in the Question Club jury to pass judgement on a friend's color combination.

fieryphoenix's $0.02: Navy might be neutral, but camouflage has definitely taken a side in the fashion war.

"how do they all know the 1,2,3 fingers routine?"

2016-06-02T11:46:25Z

A Fandom!Secret asking for more frotting in fanfic birthed these shining gems:

"There's a top and there's a bottom and the fingering has to be progressive: starting with one finger, ending with three. Then real gay sex can commence." - (Anonymous)

"And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Buttplug, then shalt thou finger to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt finger, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not finger, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third finger, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Cock of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall be fucked." - lb_lee

"One bottom and one top there be,
Then come the fingers, one-two-three
With choice of lube left up to thee,
Commences the gay fuckery." - fishnships

"it's also kind of strange in the case of fantasy fandoms or places where the average two men wouldn't really have knowledge of the right "steps" to gay sex. how do they all know the 1,2,3 fingers routine?" - (Anonymous)

"For me, anal's gotten stale"- (Anonymous)

---
Well. Here I am, deliberately breaking the rules by posting quotes from fandomsecrets, currently residing on DW (mirrored to LJ). Mods, hear my case: 1.) F!S itself did originate on LJ. 2.) This community needs the life it can get. 3.) You want these quotes. You do. So, do your thing, oh Mods of Greatness, but I have at least tried.

rachelmanija on Aaron Burr, "defiler of nuns"

2016-02-13T22:41:02Z

The biggest cliche of old-school trashy romance, the forcible yet welcome kissing, has rather deep roots. I have read similar lines in porn from Burr's own era. I expect that descriptions of brutal and forbidden yet strangely delicious kisses were once inscribed on lost tablets in a language of which not a single word now survives. And I bet some of those were RPF, too.

Context is steamy. Whew!

If it weren't for ursulav I'd never have anything to post here.

2015-10-09T18:40:26Z

This time, she's reporting a very awkward conversation she had with the hotel front desk, who was forewarned:

ME: Hi! We are about to have a very awkward conversation!

YOLANDA OF THE HOTEL: We are?

ME: Are you ready?

HOTEL: I'm ready!

ME: Are you braced?

HOTEL: Let's do this!

ME: The couple in the room next to me is having incredibly loud sex.

HOTEL: Oh sweet baby Jesus.

The context is enthusiastic!

In Capitalist U.S., bank robs you!

2015-10-06T23:54:49Z

Once again, wt_1's summary of a trashy pulp cover probably outdoes the original story:

"Hey, what gives, ya big ape? This is Wall Street for cryin' out loud! Ain'tcha heard you don't need no gun to rob people here?"

(The illustration can be seen over at dochermes's fancave.)

Dieselpunk slash goggles ON!

2015-09-04T23:05:52Z

wt_1 speculates about another of dochermes' Thrilling Pulp Covers of Yesteryear:

Even though he found the dashing nobleman's rugged, swarthy good lucks quite appealing, Vance vowed he wouldn't go down for the Count without a fight.

Probably overthinking disaster planning

2015-08-28T22:27:18Z

Today's spot of disaster planning is from bunn...

If Great Cthulhu devours the Houses of Parliament during, say the State Opening of Parliament, and removes at a stroke all Members of Parliament, all members of the House of Lords, the Monarch and all the senior Royals...

Who is left in charge?

Hit-and-run one-liner of the day.

2015-06-01T23:11:11Z

zathras_ix reflects upon dochermes' most recent reminder of obsolete occupations:

The problem with marketing asbestos is that you can never have a fire sale.

On why rioters don't loot bookstores

2015-05-21T16:04:33Z

Let's suspend disbelief for a while, and assume that I was rioting and indulging in a mad looting spree. I don't think a book shop would be my first port of call. A book shop is a place for browsing and leisurely reading of blurbs. "Raah!" say the rioters. (I don't know if rioters really do say "raah!" but let's assume that they do, like dinosaurs.) "Raah! Raah! Riot! Riot! Riot! Oh... I've not heard of that author, but the cover looks good. Interesting blurb, too. Let's read the first page... Hmm, not sure about the writing style. Maybe not... Ooh, 3-for-2 on that table!" (Because I refuse to believe that looters aren't drawn by special offers. Looting something that's one a 3 for 2 offer is clearly better than looting something that's sold at full price.)

By ladyofastolat here.

Don't stand so close to me...

2015-05-12T23:15:24Z

One of dochermes's anonymice helpfully supplies context for a lurid old paperback cover:

"Now Ms. Brown, you know a professor and a student in this position is highly improper. And do not think this will cause me to not fail you.

"Of course not professor, but when the school board sees the photographs I am having taken, they will have no choice but to fire you and declare my grades invalid."

"Silly girl, the school board is dead, I poisoned their doughnuts myself. Now I am the school board. And as the first order of business, your expulsion from this school."

"That might frighten me, if I was a real student.

"What?"

"I am not Ms. Brown, I am undercover officer Patricia Wiliby, and you professor, just gave me the big break."

Having been outsmarted by one he had regarded as an air headed blonde, the Professor drank vial of dihydrogen monoxide and fell over. But officer Wiliby had monitored in chemistry at police school,and thus took the fool away for a long sit in jail.

metaquotes @ 2015-03-09T09:03:00

2015-03-09T11:33:38Z

achacunsagloire discusses vanity among authors in the context of ancient legend:

More than likely, you've heard of a vain pretty-boy named Narcissus. How vain was this guy about his renowned good looks? So vain that he most definitely would think that Carly Simon's song was about him.

Context is gazing fixedly into the still, clear waters. QWP.

Spam, spam, spam!

2015-01-12T14:13:44Z

In response to what is in and of itself a great post on a lone spam can in ursulav's journal (and all the comments are golden) comes this particular comment by seticat

While it's not considered unusual for one or two cans to strike out on their own to scout the migration route for the main herd [flock? cluster? tinning?], this 'is' a bit early in the season. Being naturally armored as they are, they can withstand the drops in temperature better then the females of the species who are smaller and encased only in plasticized foil wrap.

It's truly one of Mother Nature's rare and wonderful gifts to see the first cans quietly slip over the ridge line and start moving down into the fog kissed valleys at dawn.

This life isn't what it was cracked up to be.

2015-01-05T03:22:56Z

Honestly, I didn't so much want a new me as to find the DLC for the old me that has the extra energy packs. I like me, but nobody warned me at character creation that life was basically an ammo conservation game with very few vending machines. - ursulav

Context is finding the New Year... sorta meh.

True Facts: Canine Edition.

2014-12-16T23:43:32Z

This hit-and-run gem comes from another of dochermes' anonymice:

Due to its extreme, uncontrollable hyperactivity and erratic behavior that frequently includes unprovoked, savage attacks on anyone within reach, the meth lab is one of the most unpopular breeds of all time. That's one pooch that will never be shown at Westminster.

Context brings us a still from Nightmare at the Museum.

Do you suffer the heartbreak of Mousie-Blah Face Fur?

2014-12-05T01:36:35Z

An anonymouse over at dochermes' informs us that now there's a solution:

During a full moon, I used to be embarrassed going out and stalking prey because my pelt just didn't seem as lustrous and shiny as it could be.

Now, when a terrified motorist screeches to a halt in the middle of a deserted country road because he sees me in his headlights crouched over a dead deer, I no longer feel self-conscious.

I think this is the stuff Don Imus uses.

Context proves that the folks at Wacky Packages had paranormal romance's back before it was a thing.

How to blow a cat's mind in one easy step

2014-08-23T16:47:08Z

tacit has gifted his cat, Beryl, with not one, but TWO boxes. It's like kitty xmas.

Me: Okay, I need some more space to set up this printer. Here, let me just put this box inside the other box...

Beryl: ...

Beryl: The hell?

Beryl: You...you just...

Beryl: There is an empty box inside another empty box!

Beryl: You...I...it...

Beryl: How is this even possible? I can hop into a box, and when I get there, there is..another box! Another box, that I can ALSO hop into!

Beryl: I can be inside TWO BOXES AT THE SAME TIME.

Beryl: How did you make this happen?

Beryl: You are like a god. Like. A. God. A god of boxes. You...I never even...it's just so beautiful!

Beryl: Never in all my life have I imagined such a thing. You have opened my eyes to the Possible, and truly is it more amazing than I had ever dared to hope.

Beryl: Two boxes. TWO boxes. One box inside...inside the other...I'm having a moment.

Me: I'm glad I could make you happy, little buddy.

Beryl: Happy? Happy? Happy is getting the squishy food. Happy is having ONE box to play with. Happy is sitting on your shoulder while you do that thing where you sit in front of that glowing thing and you pretend like you're a mage and you press buttons and throw frostbolts around and you swear at the goddamn hunter who always pulls aggro and is never where he's supposed to be and...

Me: You mean play World of Warcraft?

Beryl: Yes, that. Happy is sitting on your shoulder while you do that. But this...this is...

Beryl: If Voluptas, the goddess of bliss born of the union between Cupid and Psyche, had been capable of feeling what I'm feeling right now, the entire story of the world would be rewritten. Temples in her name would stand still as the greatest of all human accomplishments. If you could package what I'm feeling and distribute it, wars would end, ancient rivalries would be forgotten, petty jealousy would be as extinct as the Stegosaurus.

Me: I'm just glad you like your boxes.

Me: Wait, how the hell do you know about Roman mythology? You're a cat!

Beryl: Can't talk. Busy playing. In boxes.

QWP, a little late, but still excellent.

Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my hater?

2014-07-10T00:57:18Z

A typo in a Sherlock fanfic amuses drawlight_jimmy:

I'm guessing since this is a post S3 fic you meant 'former' but having Moriarty referred to as Sherlock's 'formal enemy' did make me laugh.

I'm not sure which image I like better Sherlock and Moriarty fighting each other in tuxes or sending engraved formal invitations to become each other's nemesis.

Thereby prompting honorh to compose Moriarty's formal proposal of arch-enmity:

My Dear Sherlock Holmes,

I have admired your work from afar for many years, having not had the occasion to make your acquaintance. Upon my oath, however, I find I can no longer wait for a formal introduction. I must throw all caution to the winds and speak from my heart. Would you do me the honour of being my archnemesis?

Very Truly Yours,

Moriarty

Context dons its best Sunday Fighting Trousers.