highrise living for a joke like me

on the road to recovery

2014-09-26T04:40:16Z

Or ruin. Who knows?

Today I applied for a part time sales position at a local small-time chain pet supply store in my neighborhood. Yes, my depression is far from managed right now, but we're trying something new that hopefully (fingers crossed!) will fix things. Also, being cooped up in the house with nothing to do is definitely exacerbating my symptoms: the depression makes me bored with my usual distraction techniques (tv, reading, World of Warcraft), so the time can only really be passed by napping, which is also not good for me.

So! Part time job to get me out of the house. We'll see how it goes.

Today I was a grownup.

2014-09-17T22:54:37Z

I went to physical therapy.

I talked to a financial adviser at my bank about investment options.

I gave my information to an organization I want to volunteer with.

I bought coffee filters.

Can I have my reward now?

DragonCon

2014-09-05T02:10:40Z

Despite my concerns and some really gnarly travel problems (Don't fly Frontier. Seriously, don't.), DragonCon was pretty good this year. Nik and I took it way easy, made sure to eat and sleep enough, and came home without catching the Crud, so that's great, too. Highlights of what we saw:

-- two Farscape panels with Gigi Edgley and Lani Tupu, which were fantastic
-- two Whedon actor panels with a combination of Ron Glass, J. August Richards, Emma Caulfield, and Amy Acker, which were also great
-- a Once Upon a Time panel with Sean Maguire, Beverley Elliott, Robbie Kay, and Rebecca Mader, which was also also great
-- a Stargate panel that was not so great
-- an Alt Hist track panel that was supposed to be about crossculturalism and wound up being unfocused (with bonus white-mansplaining!)

Photos of costumes will be up on my facebook eventually.

All in all, a good time was had.

Fic -- "Pearls"

2014-08-12T16:59:19Z

And then I wrote fanfic! This is the first time I've written in two years, and the first thing I've finished in two and a half. Go me!

Title: Pearls
Characters: Jack, Daniel (pre-Jack/Daniel)
Word Count: 1663 words
Rating: G
Author's Notes: fake-cut to writers_island; written for fund_jcollins on DW

Let me turn all the tears / That you have cried into pearls / Hand them over to me / I'm gonna keep, keep them for you ~ Ace of Base, "Experience Pearls"

( Pearls | G | 1663 words | complete )

Feedback is better than chocolate.

x-posted to jackslashdaniel and stargateslash and on DW

thinky thoughts about a bunch of things

2014-08-11T21:27:26Z

Cold recovery now extended to almost two weeks, plus a bout of depression and a trip to the ER due to an allergic reaction to the Ambien I was given so I could sleep through the coughing. *sigh*

But! Cold is almost gone and allergy is being treated and depressive spiral was broken by the ER trip. So I've gotten more done today than I have in close to two weeks and I actually feel positive about it. I did accomplish one useful thing while I was sick, though, which was to talk to Nik* about FUTURE PLANS. I still don't really know what I'm doing, but I think I've narrowed it down some.

The biggest problem right now is actually DragonCon. For the first time ever, I'm not really enthusiastic about going. Maybe it's because I feel completely disconnected from fandom, or that the things I nerd out about have shifted without me getting involved in the fandom communities for the source material. Maybe it's the depression (though this was actually going on before the most recent bout). Maybe I'm just having issues remembering how much fun con is, and only focusing on the negative stuff (lots of walking, lots of lines, the hard-work side of cosplaying). Nik and I are probably only going to cosplay one day this year, rather than two or three, but does anyone have any ideas for how to get my con nerd mojo back?

*For those not in the know, Nik is my fiancé. If you've met him, you probably know his real name, but Nik is a nickname.

and then I do nothing

2014-08-05T21:18:01Z

And then I caught some throat bug that laid me out for a week. *headdesk*

I'm mostly better now, but I need to be careful not to push myself. I'm also going stir-crazy, which is a bad combination. But! I may have made some decisions vis-à-vis the BIG LIFE DECISIONS front, so that's good.

feels like i'm standing still

2014-07-29T20:25:12Z

Found out today that I did not get the job I had interviewed for. This is not a terrible thing, but it still kind of sucks. Nik made the awesome point that there is a false dichotomy when one applies for a job: the result is not good/bad, it's good/neutral. So, neutral, but it still makes me a little grumpy.

I restart physical therapy for my knees today. My old PT isn't there anymore, so I get to start with someone new, but that's alright. I'd just love to be able to walk down a flight of stairs without cringing and not have to worry about fucking up my ability to walk if I'm not uber careful on uneven ground. In case you didn't know, Seattle is really fucking hilly and I refuse to carry a cane when I shouldn't actually need one.

Also, it is hot. Seattle, why is it hot? You're not supposed to be hot. Bleh.

(See how interesting my life is? :P)

the more things change...

2014-07-26T17:22:21Z

Apparently, I've been having this problem for years:

Anyway, so I'm doing laundry today, but I've discovered that I have no clean work jeans, only laundry-day panties left, and no bras. Six months ago I could have just worn one of those tank tops that has the shelf built in, but since I started the birth control, I...fall out of the ones that I currently own. I'm not even exaggerating at all; I put on one to wear to work a few days ago, decided it was a little too low in the front, and then fell out the bottom when I pulled it up.
~~~ 20 Aug 2009

Ha?

I WROTE!!!

2014-07-15T07:15:30Z

980 words in one sitting. WOOOOOOOOOO

(And since it seemed to be universally most popular, I'm working on alien matchmakers. :D)

Help! What should I write next?

2014-07-13T00:50:01Z

At this point, I have quite literally not written a word of fiction (fannish or original) in years. I want to get back to that creative outlet, so I prevail upon you, my friendslist, to help me decide which of the WsIP I should dive back into. Some of these have snippets available, on request.

(Note: this does not promise anything, naturally, but I find it easier to work on stuff I know people might be interested in reading.)

Massive WIP List
Stargate -- Drabble and Short
-- final two segments of acta est fabula (one is written, other is in progress)
Stargate -- Medium
-- "Untitled help_japan 1": crossover with Atlantis; a gay club of sorts hidden in a back-of-beyond empty lab on Atlantis, which whoever's been running the city has turned a blind eye to, with a crossover of Daniel and Jack coming to Atlantis and finding a place they can finally be out
~~-- "Pearls": alien matchmakers~~
-- "Heart of Stone": Daniel's Descension as the Tam Lin ballad
-- "A Little Extra Weight": Daniel comes back from Tegalus a bit rounder about the middle (NOT MPREG)
Stargate -- Long
-- "A Still and Silent Sea": first part here; aliens and rituals and ghosts, oh my!
-- SPACE PIRATES: Trapped offworld and forced to blend in aboard a spacefaring pirate ship, it looks like SG-1 may never see Earth again. But it just might be that the pirates’ odd religion holds to key to finding a ‘gate...and the way home.
-- "untitled casestory": sequel to Jealous of Your Cigarette; professor Daniel and detective Jack find their work lives colliding while trying to solve a mysterious murder
-- "Getting the Band Back Together": superfan Cam Mitchell will do whatever he can to get his favorite band Stargate back together years after their acrimonious breakup
-- "untitled X-Files crossover": what is says on the tin; with possible appearance of characters from Eureka and maybe Warehouse 13

Star Trek AOS -- Drabble and Short
-- drabble for ninjaboots: Kirk and Spock must look after a deaged McCoy
-- drabble for putigress: Spock is possessive of Kirk, especially about his friendship with McCoy
-- stripper!Jim: what it says on the tin; an old Porn Battle prompt I can't let go of
Star Trek AOS -- Medium
-- "untitled trekreversebang 2": deaged in a transporter accident, baby!Jim teaches baby!Spock how to play
-- STXI ot3: Jim’s a bit empathic, Uhura’s as psy-null as a grapefruit, and it’s causing Spock problems.
-- "Ink" sequel: Ink is here; this would be a AOS version of Search for Spock or something
Star Trek AOS -- Long
-- "Dionaea Muscipula": first part here; AOS version of TOS episode "The Man Trap"
-- "Beautiful Mathematics": AU in which all Starfleet ships have an android, and Enterprise's becomes sentient
-- "wibbly-wobbly timey-whimey stuff" (not the working title): When T’Amana Georgette Kirk, daughter of Spock, is sixty-five, she goes on the most important mission of her life: to correct the timeline that has once again been disturbed by the Romulan called Nero.

So, what do you want to read? Tell me tell me tell me.

tap tap is this thing on?

2014-06-27T18:32:27Z

Wow. I haven't posted here for over a year and a half. And it's been a big year and a half, let me tell you.

In that time I have:
-- moved crosscountry
-- fallen in love
-- vacationed in Mexico and saw Chichén Itzá
-- adopted a dog
-- gotten engaged
-- moved to a different apartment
-- had short-term three jobs
-- made a bunch of new friends

I'm planning on returning to LJ and fandom starting now, though the ramp-up might be slow. I missed you guys!

Year in Review Memes, Part 2

2013-01-06T06:10:38Z

12 people
1. Nik
2. jaiwithani
3. workownsmysoul
4. theemdash
5. allandaros
6. Andrei
7. Laurel
8. Josh
9. Adam
10. Hilary
11. Stephanie (and Hannah, who I'm not entirely sure exists)
12. Shaw

11 songs
1. "I Make a Difference" - Taylor Mali
2. "Enterprise" - Freedom Fighter
3. "Back to the Middle" - India Arie
4. "Butterfly Nets" - Bishop Allen
5. "Better Things" - Dar Williams
6. "Bodies" - Soul Miner's Daughter
7. "Landslide" - Fleetwood Mac
8. "Too Far to Turn Back" - Abney Park
9. "Loud as Hope" - Iron and Wine
10. "Closer to Fine" - Indigo Girls
11. "Mastermind" - Mindless Self-Indulgence

10 albums
1. Beautiful Mathematics (mix)
2. Mistakes on the Part of Nature (mix)
3. Kriegsspiel - This Place Is Coming Apart at the Seams (mix)
4. Electric Sheep (mix)
5. Your Face is Turned (mix)
6. Cartographer's Craft (mix)
7. Let's Get It On - a Porn-Writing Mix (mix)
8. Be Like Water (mix)
9. Lesbian Education Mix (mix)
10. Sing-Along Mix (mix)

9 readings
1. The Last Colony and Zoe's Tale, John Scalzi
2. Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett
3. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson
4. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
5. Trace, Sam Starbuck
6. The Ophiuchi Hotline, John Varley
7. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein
8. A Discovery of Witches, Deborah Harkness
9. The Passage, Justin Cronin

8 movies
1. Sherlock Holmes: a Game of Shadows
2. The Avengers
3. Snow White and the Huntsman
4. Brave
5. Magic Mike
6. The Dark Knight Rises
7. Skyfall
8. Fifth Element

~~7 classes~~ not in school this year

6 shows
1. Battlestar Galactica
2. Doctor Who
3. How I Met Your Mother
6. Once Upon a Time
5. Community
6. Grimm

5 dates
1. 8 Feb, when Dad left Mom for Pat
2. 3-7 Aug, when I flew out to Seattle on two days' notice to spend a long weekend with Nik (the first time we'd been in the same place since deciding to start dating)
3. 31 Aug - 3 Sept, Dragon*Con
4. 28 Sept - 1 Oct, Nik in DC
5. 20 Oct, the day I flew out to Seattle to stay

4 things acquired
1. kidney stone (I named it Alfred.)
2. leave of absence from Point Park
3. assorted cookbooks
4. Nik

3 places visited
1. Seattle, WA
2. Atlanta, GA
3. Cancun, Mexico

2 things learned
1. The geography and climate in the Pacific Northwest are very, very strange.
2. I seem to make a pretty good girlfriend. :D Or so I am told...t

1 idea
1. "It is a good thing to be rich and strong, but it is a better thing to be loved." -- Euripides

And last year's answers, too.

Year in Review Memes, Part 1

2013-01-05T03:25:17Z

Yes, my journal has been very quiet this year, but that doesn't mean nothing happened. I just wasn't up to writing for most of it.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
Visited Seattle. Visited Mexico. Had a long-distance relationship. Moved in with a significant other.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Here were my resolutions from last year:
1. Read more. Yes.
2. Write more. Wrote substantially less this year, unfortunately.
3. Get driver's license. Fail.
4. Exercise more. Almost certainly not.
5. Get along better with Mom. Yes and no. We fight less, but I can't be her emotional support the way she seems to want me to.
6. Spend less time on the computer and more time with real people. Did do that, I think.
7. Figure out what I'm doing with my life (work, school, whatever). It's a work in progress.
8. Sort out my mental health situation. Also a work in progress.
10. STAY OUT OF THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Yeah, not even close.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2012?
sanity, a job

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
8 Feb, when Dad left Mom for Pat; 3-7 Aug, when I flew out to Seattle on two days' notice to spend a long weekend with Nik (the first time we'd been in the same place since deciding to start dating); 20 Oct, the day I flew out to Seattle to stay

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Is it odd to say that my biggest achievement is my current relationship? Because it totally is.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing the entire middle of the year really sucked.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Other than the usual, I had various allergic reactions to meds, a kidney stone, a panic attack sans meds that required an emergency room trip, a trip to the ER for a really weird asthma attack/cardiac thing they still can't identify, and a case of strep throat. For those keeping track at home, that's four ER visits. Oof.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The plants for Savoir-Faire, the apartment I share with Nik.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Nik, jaiwithani, workownsmysoul

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?
My father.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I had no money this year, so I've been relying on the kindness of others.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nik, Dragon*Con, Seattle, Cancun

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2012?
John Williams Is the Man - I've had it stuck in my head since Nik first played it for me months ago.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier, definitely. The first 2/3 of this year were awful, but it's much better now.
ii. Richer or poorer? Poorer, even. God, I really need a job.
iii. Thinner or fatter? Slightly thinner, which is good. I've stabilized at a little heavier than I'd like, but it's not far off.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending time with people. Exercising. Writing. Living.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve was dinner with Nik. Christmas day was him cleaning the entire apartment and me completely revamping my resumé, and then we ate huge amounts of Chinese food and happy fun naked times. It was a good day. :D

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I'm heading that way. :D

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time, Battlestar Galactica until it got ridiculous

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My dad.

25. What was the best book you read?
The Last Colony by John Scalzi, A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness, The Passage by Justin Cronin

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
a capella movie and tv music on YouTube

27. What did you want and get?
Nik :)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Avengers; I am so in love with Chris-Evans-as-Captain-America. :D

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
25; I wasn't particularly thrilled, but Mom took me out to dinner anyway.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being crazy. Is it really so much to ask?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
geek goddess

32. What kept you sane?
Nik

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Chris-Evans-as-Captain-America. But only as Captain America. I don't get it.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The 2012 election, on basically all levels. The Maryland ballot questions were especially interesting this year.

35. Who did you miss?
Everyone, at one point or another. Pittsburgh is so lonely. Nik was already in Seattle when I came back to DC. And Seattle is awesome, but I miss my East Coast people.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
the French Fried Friends, our friendsgroup here in Seattle

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
Sometimes, it's worth it to take a chance. ;)

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Wise men say only fools rush in, But I can't help falling in love with you. "Can't Help Falling in Love With You", Elvis Presley

And, for kicks, last year's answers.

an age, and another age, and another age upon that

2012-11-10T06:57:24Z

Finally returning to LJ. And since a lot has happened in the past months, I thought I'd meme it up to catch everyone up.

Also, I've been on LJ eight years today. Terrifying.

Journal Entries: 1,470
Tags: 98
Userpics: 190

Comments posted: 12,009
Comments received: 2,967

Mutual Friends: 29
Also Friend Of: 81
Member of Communities: 142

Communities moderated/created: fandom_grammar (created), jd_ficathon (created)

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their lives, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute! Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating THAT PERSON? Since when?" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

FIRST NAME: If you don't know my real first name, I'm not planning on telling you. On the internet and in fannish circles, I go by Mel.

AGE: I'll be turning 26 in April. When did this even happen?!

LOCATION: Seattle, WA, as of about a month ago. That will be the case until next late-summer/early-fall, when I will hopefully be returning to Pittsburgh to go back to Point Park to finish my stage management BFA.

OCCUPATION: Currently unemployed, technically, but it's not that simple. I'm hunting for a job in Seattle (Starbucks, preferably, but I'm getting frustrated with the phone tag). I'll be reopening Melayne Bakes, my geek-themed baked goods Etsy shop next week. And I'm doing some modeling on the side, which I should be getting paid for soon. And I'm on leave from Point Park University, which an estimated return of Fall 2013.

PARTNER: NO LONGER SINGLE!!! I am dating Nik (which is not his real name, but is close enough for the purposes). He is amazing and wonderful and I still don't know what he sees in me, sometimes, but I know better than to question it.

KIDS: Nope. And not any time soon. Maybe someday. Need to get the rest of my life sorted out a bit first.

BROTHERS/SISTERS: The Geekling is turning 21 next month, which is terrifying. He's also dating someone for the first time, which I shall be teasing him unmercifully about when I see him for Thanksgiving.

PETS: JJ is alive and well and still living in DC with Mom. He's also as cute and as ornery as ever. :D

3 THINGS GOING ON IN MY LIFE:
1. As of February, Mom and Dad will be getting a divorce. Dad intends to marry Pat, who is a family friend who has been like an aunt to me my entire life. As you can imagine, this is majorly fucking with my head. I haven't even begun dealing with it yet, since there's been so much other shit going on, but it's on the list.

2. Actually, there's been a lot I haven't been dealing with this year, because for the majority of it (February through June or so), I was completely nonfunctional, and in the worst place from the depression I've ever been. I made it through, in a large part due to the amazing people in my life, and I am still recovering even now. Otherwise, my health has been problematic, too. Some of it is because of the meds, but I did also have a kidney stone in the spring. I named it Alfred. *headdesk*

3. Nik, of course. We've been friends for almost four years now, I think, and when we met, he was dating someone else. They broke up, he moved across the country, and through a romcom-like series of events, we started dating the end of the summer. I'm counting from the first weekend in August, since while we'd been talking about the idea for all of July and I think some of June, that weekend was when I flew cross-country so we could see what Us As A Couple looked like. And it was wonderful. And now we're living together in a lovely one-bedroom apartment in Seattle named Savoir-Faire. We make a mess of the kitchen and we watch a lot of TV, and it's a hell of a good time.

PARENTS: Separated, with the divorce scheduled for February 2013 (Maryland has a one-year mandated separation period before a divorce can be finalized). The less about all that, the better.

CLOSE FRIENDS: The one major drawback of the cross-country move is that Nik is really the only person I know here in Seattle, and all my other friends are very, very far away; most are still on the East Coast. I've been meeting Nik's local people, which is good, and I'm sure I'll meet folks once I'm working, but I miss everyone terribly. And I'm going to be skipping Dragon*Con next year (two weddings in one weekend, what the hell), so I'm going to have to make a serious effort to keep in touch with my people in DC and Orlando and everywhere else.

Hopefully this will actually be the beginning of my return to LJ. If nothing else, it might make me do more stuff during the day, so that I'll have something to post about! :P

Late, But Still Before Yom Kippur

2012-09-24T00:51:37Z

I'm going to have a moment of religious thought: to all who read this, please forgive me for any cruel/thoughtless/rude I have done to you during the past year. According to Jewish law, the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are to be spent in reflection over the past year, including tying up any loose ends and making amends for mistakes made. We're supposed to ask people for forgiveness for anything we might have done to them and if they refuse three times, we are forgiven by God because we've made an effort. I don't really believe that God is sitting up there keeping track, but I'd like to know that I've been forgiven for stupid things I've done, rather than letting them fester. I'd like to know if you have forgiven me, but it's not a huge deal, as long as you have.

(RL update to come later. It's going to be long.)

i live!

2012-08-02T04:19:13Z

returning to lj as of 1 aug. life is still completely insane, but it should settle down one way or another very soon, and then i'll be able to talk about it. that being said, just know that i'm a) not dead and b) still around, so feel free to bug me if needed.

also! jd_ficathon sign-ups are live, and will be until the last week of the month. spread the word and sign up, people!

melayneseahawk @ 2012-02-24T17:09:00

2012-02-24T22:10:22Z

Haven't heard back from Panera or the crepe place, though I'm not surprised. I wasn't particularly optimistic about my chances with either of those. I really need to go out pounding the pavement to find other job openings, but it's just so depressing. Monday. I'll do it Monday.

New news on the medication front, at least. I've been on something new since middle of last month, a relatively new medicine that comes in a gross-tasting tablet that one dissolves under the tongue. It causes numbness in the mouth for the first 15-20 minutes after taking, drooliness, and loss of balance, but I seemed to be tolerating it alright and it was definitely helping my mood. After about two weeks, doc had me increase the dose.

But increasing the dose caused the worsening of a side effect I hadn't noticed on the lower dose, which the doc later identified as akathisia, a fancy name for squirminess. Unfortunately, combined with the inability to sit up, much less stand, it made going to sleep every night a complete horror. We decreased the dose again, and it got slightly better, but now that I'm aware of it, I know that the lower doses causes it, too, but less than the higher dose.

Saw the doc yesterday, who suggested Benadryl to make the akathisia go away. Tried it last night and it didn't seem to help, but will keep trying and see what happens. I really hope it helps, because this medicine seemed to be working, but the side effects were making me miserable.

Also started a regimen of stupid-high doses of vitamins B12 and D, because apparently my levels are super-low, which can cause mental health problems. Oh, it would be wonderful if all I needed to feel better was a fistful of vitamins, but I doubt I'll be that lucky.

soup!

2012-02-21T02:16:39Z

So, I was stuck with 2/3 of a cup of heavy cream after making gorgonzola polenta a couple days ago, and to use it up I decided to make clam chowder, which is one of my favorite soups. It's also super-easy to make, I was surprised how simple it was.

No-Celery Clam Chowder
modified from this recipe
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 large onion, finely diced
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups chicken stock
2 (10oz) cans chopped clams in juice (not water)
1 cup heavy cream (you can cut this with up to half milk, if you don't have a full cup of cream)
1 pound Idaho potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch cubes
2 bay leaves
salt and pepper to taste

Heat butter in large pot. When melted, add onion and saute until softened, mixing often. Add flour and stir until evenly distributed. Add stock, clam juice (reserve clams for later), cream, potatoes, and bay leaves, and bring to a simmer. Mixture will thicken. Reduce to medium-low heat and allow to simmer for 20 minutes, until potatoes are tender, stirring often. Add clams and season with salt and pepper and simmer for another 2-4 minutes, until clams are just firm.

Remove bay leaves before serving.

Also, this makes a lot (though it's easy to halve), but it's easy to portion out in tupperware and put in the fridge or freezer. Reheat by pouring portion into a saucepan and heating until soup is simmering. Enjoy!

looking up

2012-02-20T21:19:57Z

Have a job interview tomorrow for the crepe place down the street. Also stopped by Panera and, while I didn't get a flat-out no, the manager said she had to talk to her district manager about bringing me back in. So, work options maybe, which is better than I had yesterday.

Managed to write through the scene that caused my stargate_summer to stall out last year, and did some basic outlining of the gaps I need to fill in what's already written and what needs to happen after that. Now I just need to write, a lot. Haven't felt motivated the last few days, but I'm hoping I can break that today. Or maybe I'll work on something else. I just really need to write today.

contemplating

2012-02-19T17:35:53Z

So, I'm stuck with 2/3 of a cup of heavy cream, left over from the polenta I made last night. I'm thinking of using it to make clam chowder, but I have a quandary: every recipe I'm finding calls for throwing celery in it. I hate celery. Super hate it. An overabundance of celery often causes me to reject otherwise good foods, clam chowder included. Can I get away with making this soup but skipping the celery? Hmm...

recipe: gorgonzola polenta

2012-02-19T01:18:16Z

This is a delicious, rich side dish. The taste of the gorgonzola is strong with this one, so if that's not your speed, don't bother. :D I made it as a side to go with some vegan bbq riblets, but I can see this working with any number of proteins.

Gorgonzola Polenta
modified from this recipe
5 cups low-sodium chicken broth (this is important; regular broth makes it too salty)
1 3/4 cups polenta (coarse-ground yellow cornmeal; you can also use regular cornmeal, but it cooks even faster)
3/4 cup crumbled gorgonzola cheese
1/3 cup heavy cream

Bring broth to a boil. When boiling, whisk in polenta (you actually do want to whisk it in, to reduce clumping). Turn heat down to low and cook covered, stirring often, until broth is absorbed and polenta is tender (I suggest taste-checking with your spoon), about 4-6 minutes. If polenta becomes clumpy, add additional broth by the 1/4-cup.

Remove from heat and stir in cheese and cream, until uniform. Polenta will lighten and become creamier in appearance. Serve hot.

Note: this make a lot, and I'm not entirely sure what to do with the leftovers yet. Epicurious comments suggested making it into patties and frying it, but I'm going to try tossing it in the oven to warm, too.

Edit to add: Amazingly, this can actually be microwaved, as long as you stir it well once it's hot but before you serve it. The more you know, right?

double double toil and trouble

2012-02-17T23:32:51Z

I have a pot of blood-colored liquid burbling along to itself on the stove, complete with strange noises and odd smells. *gleeful cackle*

(No, it's actually boiling beets, for making beet salad, but just because I'm out of eye of newt doesn't mean I can't pretend.)

book meme

2012-02-17T20:03:57Z

Plugging along. Not much going on (job hunt = depressing; family life = ridiculous; that's basically all you need to know), so have a meme:

The book I am reading: Just started The Deed of Paksenarrion by Elizabeth Moon, which was suggested to me by allandaros ages ago. I've only just started it, but female main character? What's not to like? :D

The book I am writing: Well, am actually actively working on the SPACE PIRATES for stargate_summer. But if we're talking about book-that-could-one-day-be-published, that would be Danse Macabre, which currently lives in pieces in dns_macabre. Yes, I'm finally trying to finish that series of short stories, dress them up, and take them out dancing. Comm is flocked, but if you want to read the existing stories, the new-to-the-internet stories, and the reedits, ask for an invite, and I'll add you.

The book I love most: Oh, gosh, too many. The book I love most that I've reread recently is Good Omens, which is one of my happy-place books, and one of my favorites. So funny! If I were to actually become a pro writer, I would love to write a book half as good as this one.

The last book I received as a gift: pigsflew bought me The Ophiuchi Hotline by John Varley when he visited last month, but I have not gotten a chance to read it yet.

The last book I gave as a gift: A used copy of Earthman's Burden to Dad, to replace his copy, which is too brittle to be read. Before that, a preorder of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, for Mom.

The nearest book on my desk: Well, kitchen table/desk, though they're actually on the chair next to it: The Green Fairy Book and Jewish Family and Life, both of which I need to put in the mail on Monday. Hooray, PaperBackSwap.

recipes: cheddar garlic biscuits and penne rigate with broccoli

2012-02-13T01:11:10Z

Ooh, fancy, right? This whole lovely spread took me like an hour or so to make. And I'm even going to share the recipes. :D

Cheddar Garlic Biscuits
modified from this recipe
2 cups buttermilk biscuit mix (such as Bisquick or Jiffy)
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2/3 cup milk

Preheat oven to 400°F. Prepare baking sheet with grease or parchment.

Stir together biscuit mix, cheese, garlic powder, and oregano until mixed. Create a well in the center and pour in milk. With a wooden spoon, stir milk into dry ingredients to create a sticky, elastic dough.

Drop by rounded tablespoons onto prepared sheets. Bake 10-12 minutes, until just beginning to brown around the edges.

Makes about 20.

Penne Rigate with Broccoli
modified from this recipe
1 1/2 pounds broccoli
1/4 cup salt
water
1 pound penne rigate (or similarly sized pasta)
1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
2/3 cup grated parmesan cheese, plus extra for garnishing
ground pepper (house preference: McCormick Peppercorn Medley, 'cause it's pretty)

Prepare broccoli by removing stems and cutting into bite-sized florets. Bring large pot of water and salt to a boil. When boiling, add pasta and begin timing as indicated on the package. When pasta returns to a boil, add broccoli and cook remaining time, stirring occasionally throughout.

At end of time, strain pasta and broccoli in a mesh strainer and then return to pot. Add olive oil and cheese and stir, until a green-flecked sauce is created. Serve warm, with extra cheese and pepper to taste.

Makes 3-4 dinner-sized portions.

fuck my life

2012-02-09T04:58:30Z

This was supposed to be a post about how I wrote today, for the first time since November.

Instead, this is going to be a post about the fact that my dad announced today that he's moving out, has already arranged a new place, and is planning on divorcing her to marry someone else.

I--there were no words for my rage when I found out. I actually threw my phone across the room (bounced it off the radiator) when I got off the phone with him. Phone, yes. Because he decided to tell me this when he was in DC and I had just arrived back in Pittsburgh a few hours earlier. And then he has the balls to offer to stop by for a visit this weekend...with the woman he's leaving my mother for.

There's more--there always is, isn't there--but suffice it to say that I'm still pretty furious, and I spent a good two hours crying, and between those to factors and the fact that my back is so tense you could probably bounce coins off the muscles, I'm probably not sleeping tonight. I did manage to finish eating after I got off the phone with him, and I haven't thrown up yet, so that's something.

The good news is that Mom seems to be doing ok, at least for now, and is definitely more worried about me than herself at the moment. But the two of them--they haven't gotten along, or even liked each other, for a long time now, but they at least complemented each other in their skill sets. Mom doesn't know how to iron her own clothes, or troubleshoot when her computer acts up, and she's in the middle of switching the program she does her billing in. Dad barely knows how to take care of himself when it comes to things like washing dishes and folding laundry. I don't know what to do with either of them.

Mom wants me to make sure I call my shrink, make sure she's keeping an eye on me. Unfortunately, she's not overreacting: I had been doing better then last week or so, but it's still very fragile, and this is certainly enough of a blow that it might break it. On the other hand, people with depression are often much better at coping with concrete problems, and this is definitely up there. Even if I'm in Pittsburgh and not really able to help.

And they expect me to keep plugging along and trying to get better, like nothing's happened? Yeah, right.

(I'm turning comments off, because I really don't want to hear it right now.)