Angi

my regular every-7-months post

2015-01-24T19:44:17Z

Heh. Well, it's happened to be 7 months between posts both this time and last time, anyway. Not by design. Every single time I come back here, I think I'm going to stick with it better, but I fall off.

I miss LJ, though. I'm sad that everybody has migrated over to FaceBook, leaving just a handful of people here and a few more who peek in from time to time. FaceBook seems to be more up to people's energy levels these days, though. A quick note on what you're doing right now, and you're done. Anything longer than about 3 sentences and you're pretty sure that hardly anyone will read it anyway.

Re my last post here -- if anybody was still interested -- I did find somewhere else to be, that Thursday. Got a friend to pick me up and spent the night at their house. It was a nice visit. Partner A was very worried that this meant I would never be okay with her new relationship. That wasn't the case at all. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to keep my mope to myself, if I'd stayed at home with them that night. They still have overnights every few weeks (and might have dates more often if we didn't live at opposite ends of the city). I had one play date with the woman, and it was fun, but it hasn't happened again.

That post was what, June? Since then... hmm... we went to Paradise Unbound, as usual. Aine came with for the entire week, for the first time. She'd been for one night before, but that doesn't really give you the same immersive experience. It was good. I met someone there, had a play date planned for the very last day, but it fell through and turned into a planned "whenever they're in town". Which hasn't happened to happen yet, but we are still in touch.

Cern and I went to Pacific Beach in October, as usual. And then I went back a month later with Aine, Aine's gf, gf's primary, my daughter Storm, and Storm's bf. And the dogs -- Aine's and mine. Turned out that without Cern's dog, Lily, along, Princeton was just fine off leash on the beach. He had a blast! Even found a Whippet to race and chase with. :)

Thanksgiving, we spent with friends and had Chinese and Indian take-out. Then we had our own turkey dinner on Friday... and then cooked a second turkey and put out Friday's leftovers for my family on Saturday. We had a houseful, including my dad, most of my siblings, and their and my partners and kids.

December 3rd I had all my teeth removed and replaced with 12 titanium pegs. The surgery was a bit of a nightmare for me -- I'd told them I didn't want Versed, didn't want to forget anything I was awake for. I didn't mean I wanted to be awake for the last 5 hours of the 11-hour surgery, but that's what happened. Cern wasn't quite prepared for how beat-up I looked afterward (see pics on Facebook -- I had a huge dark bruise on my jaw, 2 black eyes, and my face was very swollen). The pain wasn't too bad, though -- my usual pain meds covered it well enough, anyway.

What I wasn't quite prepared for (had not understood correctly) was that I would need to eat only soft foods for SIX MONTHS following the surgery (until the implant pegs completely bind to the bone and they replace the plastic teeth with a much nicer, much more compact, and stronger set of permanent arches). The rule is that I can't use these teeth for biting or chewing, I can only eat what I can mush with my tongue against the roof of my mouth. So since then I've been eating a lot of mashed potatoes, soups, applesauce, oatmeal, cream of wheat, refried beans... The most solid things I've found that I can eat are pasta, pancakes, and enchiladas (soaked well in sauce, they fall apart in my mouth). And fries, although those take a little work (break off any crispy ends for the dogs, mash/tear ends with fingers, soak ends in a dipping sauce...).

It's not so bad, really, and I'm losing weight, which is nice, although I wish it would go faster.

I saw my family again, including the ones who had missed our post-Thanksgiving, at my sister's pre-Xmas gathering. C&A didn't make that one, as it conflicted with her birthday weekend. I took Princeton so he wouldn't be alone all day, and he did fine leashed to me, being petted and cooed over, mostly by my neices.

Xmas day, we had Aine's gf over and watched our traditional Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Quiet day. Of course, I put my orders in for gifts late, as usual, so most of those trickled in over the next week or two. Storm just finally got her last Xmas gift from me, yesterday!

NYE, we also stayed home. C&A tried some fancy drinks they found recipes for. NY morning, Cern drove Aine, Storm, and Storm's friend Bella up to do the polar bear swim. (Dunk, really. Nobody stays in the water long enough to actually swim.) Second year for Aine and Storm. They give out patches every year. I wish more events gave out patches like that. It would be fun to be able to show them all off on a jacket or something.

Well, that's the highlights from the past half-year or so. The past week I've been very very sick -- don't know whether I caught a flu or whether it's just more of my usual, but I've had tons of nausea, vomiting (even waking up to vomit at 3am), diarrhea, "wind", fatigue, and weakness on a level above and beyond even my usual. I've made it out of bed every day, but one day it was only a little while and I came back to bed and collapsed. I hope this is passing. I do feel a little better so far this morning.

Wow -- missed October

2013-11-04T23:43:19Z

Wow, I meant to keep up with my LJ, at least every week or two. Clearly I'm far from back up to speed yet.

Cern and I took our traditional weekend trip to celebrate both our birthdays. We went early in the month this time. Like last year, we brought our Greyhounds with us and went to Pacific Beach. Rented a nice little house that had a fence all the way around, so the dogs had someplace to run off-leash. (We can't let them run on the beach like the other dogs do -- as Greyhounds, they could seriously be in the next county if they just took off running, and we'd never catch them. We know some Greyhound owners do, but... Princeton has run off and followed other people right out the gate at the dog park before, so although he's a very smart boy, I don't really trust his judgment as far as staying close enough to not get lost, in a totally open area like that. And if I lost him, I'd be utterly heartbroken. We don't take the chance.)

It was a nice time, even though I both started and ended the weekend with horrendous tummy trouble that delayed both our arrival and our departure. And the DVD movie we decided to try from the collection in the house was a real dud (I'm not sure why we even finished it, other than that neither of us said quite strongly enough "this movie really sucks" until it was over, even though we were both thinking it). Oh, and then when we finally were ready to go, we had to wait for AAA, since the van wouldn't start -- turned out we needed a new battery. The old one got us home, but once we got it started, we didn't want to turn the car off again for at least half an hour or so, so we wound up not going to the beach again, and not making a couple other stops we'd been planning. But, you know, other than all that stuff...

Really, it was a nice weekend. We played Saint Petersburg (the board game) several times, and the one time we did get down to the beach, it was t-shirt weather; we hung out quite a while and had a picnic lunch sitting on a log watching the waves.

The following weekend, I was feeling good enough that I went to several of the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Film Festival films. All but one, I believe, were "shorts" collections, which are always favorites of mine. Cern saw the Saturday ones with me, and both Cern and Aine joined me for the "trans shorts" Sunday evening. Which was especially nice, since neither of them is at all into any of the film festival films, usually.

But since then... I've been pretty much wiped, all the time. Zzzzzzzzzzz. I get out to the living room from bed somewhere in the mid to late afternoon, most days (before that, I was usually getting there around noon, or not too long after)... And then I promptly fall back to sleep sitting on the couch, with a book or computer on my lap. If I'm lucky, I wake up enough to say hi to people when they get home from work.

But Cern and Aine have also been doing a lot of stuff without me -- playing video games together at the table (where I can't comfortably sit for long), doing stuff outside or downstairs or in the kitchen, going out places together -- so even when I'm awake here, I've been lonely a lot.

We just started watching Babylon 5 again -- the first time through for Aine. I'm so excited! She likes it already, and it's SO much fun to be reminded of all the mysteries and the stuff that will be coming up again. "What happened to the other telepath?" she wants to know. "I could tell you, but then... No, seriously. That's a great question, it has a great answer, and we will find out, eventually." :D

thanks

2013-09-28T04:02:57Z

Oh -- meant to thank everybody who commented on my post about my Mom's death. Thanks. :)

Mom's funeral, and after

2013-09-28T04:00:34Z

(Mood:sad -- not actually related to anything in this post. Just feeling left out of Cern's and Aine's game. I don't even know whether I will/would like it, and I'm downloading a client so I can try it out, but they already started, so... *pout*.)

Mom's funeral was nice. Good to see everyone together, including some relatives and community people I hadn't seen in many years. Even if it was a sad event that brought us together. My brother and sister who did the eulogy both managed to make me cry.

Very thankful to Cern and Aine for both coming with me, even though it was a full Catholic Mass. I know that part wasn't very pleasant for Cern, especially.

My nephew had done a fantastic job putting together a slide show to play on the DVD player in the community (reception) hall, and everybody enjoyed it so much that every time it came to an end, a different person would come looking for whoever needed to hit the button to play it again. It started with some pics of my Mom as a child, and included pics of her with each of her kids and then grandkids, in order, as they were born, and grew up. You could see her appearance change through the years, and the whole family grow.

"Back at the house", later, my sisters and I spent some time going through my Mom's closet. I actually brought home a huge bag full of clothes. Surprised she had so much that fit me and that I actually liked!

Dad's been keeping busy taking care of all the paperwork of getting my Mom's name taken off financial things, donating the rest of her clothes, and finding the items Mom had designated as gifts for each of us. She had actually gone through each and every child, grandchild, and spouse-of-child (except that the last time she updated was apparently before I married Cern, so he and Aine were left out, but no biggie there) and she picked one or two items from her collections of art and jewelry and such that she thought they would like. I brought home a necklace with each of myself and my siblings represented as little silver figurines with birthstones in the bellies. My Dad also brought me a wizard figurine (which he later realized is actually for Stormy; he still has mine). And there is a pretty, large rainbow-colored glass vase on my Dad's mantel that will be mine whenever my Dad is done with it.

Hoping to go visit him (my Dad) again before much longer. Still thinking about him being all alone in the house now. He's in pretty good health, for his age (79), but I wonder whether we should get him (or urge him to get) one of those one-touch call-for-help button devices. Just in case. It's scary, thinking of something happening to him and him not being able to get help because he can't reach the phone or can't use it. Does anybody have any experience with those devices?

anniversary

2013-09-02T20:04:30Z

Oh yeah... Cern and I had our 4th wedding anniversary this past week, too. We haven't had a chance to celebrate it at all yet, though.

Life after Death

2013-09-02T20:02:55Z

My life after (and shortly before) my Mom's death, that is.

My Mom died last Monday morning.

It wasn't unexpected; she died of the same lung disease (interstitial fibrosis) that took her own mother, but a slower-progressing version, which she was first diagnosed with several years ago. (I think I remember writing some about it here at the time.)

I had just been over to see her the day before (Sunday), though that turned out to be the one and only day that she didn't get out of bed (or wake up, really) at all. The only thing she managed to say clearly that day was "I love you", to my Dad, in the evening. Dad was sure she knew I was there, at least. Cern and Stormy and I left between 5 and 6 that evening, to be home for dinner. That night, she reached a point where she didn't seem like she'd need more pain meds for a while, so my Dad figured he'd get a little sleep. He told her she could go, and he dozed off beside her.

He woke about 4:30 a.m., and for a moment, he thought she was breathing a lot more quietly. Then he realized she wasn't breathing at all. She was still warm, and it was probably the change / cessation in her breathing that woke him. So he figures she went around 4 a.m.

My Mom's brother and his partner were also there. They live on a boat, and had been docked nearby for a few days, spending the days at the house. That night, they decided to sleep over. So my Dad wasn't alone in the house, after. Several of the family went over that day, and the rest (including me) the following day. We've been back a few times since, just keeping my Dad company and helping with the arrangements and decisions that need to be made. I was glad I got to go along to the church and the funeral home, and take notes on all the questions that needed answering (who will speak at the memorial Mass, who will carry things to the altar, what foods do we want at the reception, which papers do we want an obituary in, which urn... etc. etc. etc.).

I always wondered how I would feel when my Mom died, since... well, we weren't close. I can't say I'll "miss" her, exactly. What's affecting me most is concern (and sadness) for my Dad. He's all alone, now. Or he will be, once all the visitors taper off. (I know that for the first week, at least, he hardly had a chance to be alone at all.) We're going to try to visit him often, from now on.

Otherwise, it's made for a very busy time -- I've been alternating between going over to Port Orchard (Dad's house) one day and crashing into sleep and pain the next day or two. This weekend we also went clothes shopping, Saturday just Cern and I to the Supermall (he mainly wanted some pants other than jeans or kilts, to wear to the funeral, and I picked up a couple shirts as well) and Sunday we all went to Value Village to take advantage of the Labor Day sale (came home with many many bags of clothes, between the 5 of us, and a fuzzy sheet for the bed, too). I think I'm DONE for a few days now. Hurty and sleepy, so so much. Hurty with apple bruises to the point where if you brush a finger lightly over my skin, I will wince and yelp. Beaten-with-a-sledgehammer hurt. I got out of bed and to the couch, but will only be awake here for a few minutes here and there through the day today, and probably the next couple days as well.

post-Paradise recovery

2013-08-14T02:10:52Z

Went to Paradise Unbound last week with Cern. Glad we're still doing that every year, even if I don't really wind up doing much/any play there, and it's incredibly draining, physically, even while that space also always incredibly healing.

Always good to see people, and many of them we really only see there every year.

Was good to see K. Hope we will manage to get together before another year goes by, this time! I miss her. Her car isn't in great shape, she says, so she doesn't make it far from that space (where she lives) very often, and of course I don't drive. But hopefully, we will find a way. I think she's still a little afraid, a little cautious, about letting herself get close again.

Added a few people to our list for inviting to games days. Glad for that.

My newer chair was AWESOME for surviving the week this year. It's MUCH better at getting around outside -- bigger wheels, bigger/wider base for stability, stronger motor, and longer-lasting battery. So never a problem with the battery lasting the day. Last year, I got stuck in loose gravel many times, and had many places I just couldn't navigate to/through. This year, only twice that I recall did I get stuck and have to get out to un-stick the chair. (Both times were in the little ditch-stream that runs between kitchen and dining area, which is covered with boards for walking over. The chair went over the boards just fine 9 times out of 10, but occasionally wound up pushing a board out of the way, and twice pushed a board far enough that a wheel got stuck in the ditch before I could stop.) Also, this chair has tilt, which let me be MUCH more comfortable for much longer periods.

Possible TMI (but not rated above PG): I know I'm weird, but one of the most fun things I did at camp, and one of the things I'm most impressed with, was peeing into a bottle without spilling a drop. Hah! :) In explanation: I have sometimes had a hard time getting to the toilet in the mornings, at camp, in time for my bladder. It's hard to get myself out of bed mornings to begin with, I'm stiff and sore then, plus it's chilly outside the bed at that time, which makes it even harder. Then I also have to get my sandals or shoes on, get something to wear if I don't want to be out in the morning chill nakey, get my chair unplugged, un-tarped, and gather anything I need to bring with me, and then get all the way up the path to the bathroom, or down the path to the porta-potty. Any other time of day, I'm fine, but first thing in the mornings, I've had problems.

So this year, I had wanted to try to get a foldable commode thing of some sort, but didn't actually manage to get one in time. So I brought the little toilet insert thingie I had used a while back to do a 24-hour urine collection test for my kidney doc, figuring I could squat over that (difficult when stiff, but possible) and then pour it into a bottle for disposal. I also brought my camping "piss assister" -- a funnel thing shaped like a children's medicine spoon, except that the spoon part is tipped back and there's a hole in the other end -- which I usually bring camping, but haven't actually wound up *using* in years. Anyway, after a few mornings' experimentation, it turned out that the squatting thing resulted in some splatter (plus the anticipated pain and physical discomfort), but with the funnel slipped into a bottle, I could just stand with my legs slightly apart, position it, and pee right into the bottle, with no mess at all (even on the very first try)!!

I was so tickled with myself for being able to do this that I admit, I did it even on the mornings when I *might* actually have been able to get to the bathroom in time. That let me slip right back into bed and go back to sleep for a while longer, without having to get so awake that I would have a hard time going back to sleep, or miss more sleep than necessary on those mornings when the week's wear was really beginning to get to me and I really needed to lie in longer. Cern brought me breakfast on those mornings, too, which also helped a lot.

Anyway, we got home Sunday evening, and I'm now in recovery mode. Sore and achey and burny, so BURNY hot, everywhere, and so worn out and sleeeepy. But not as bad as I expected, actually. Not as bad as some recoveries from events have been. Still, taking it easy and not trying to do much at all this week, as I know by now that that's what I need after any event.

Sad that Aine couldn't make it this year at all. Next year, for sure.

Hello

2013-08-03T20:45:08Z

Been a while, hasn't it. Longer than I realized, even.

I'm still here. Home most of the time, but I make it out to social things now and then.

Aine and her son Peregrine moved in with us last December. It's nice to all be in one household now. Many things are better. More drivers. More cooks, meaning a lot more home-cooked meals. Less time alone for me.

Who is still out there? How are you?

Reading a little LJ / Conflikt / Shoulder Oww / Sleeeep

2011-02-02T13:52:31Z

I've been reading some LJ recently, trying to catch up on at least a few of you. No idea whether or not I'll be able to actually keep up with it this time. Wish I could promise, but I'd better not. But I will try!

So... who all is still out there? Anybody still reading me?

In "this week in my life"... Well, I've pretty much been asleep, so far *this* week. ursuscelticus & I went to Conflikt
last weekend, which was great!

I took my power chair, and for the afternoons and evenings, we brought a nice thick (4"+) foam pad which is half of a pair we use under our air mattress when camping, and a pillow, and I alternated between sitting in chair, sitting upright on the cushion, and lots of lying down, sometimes dozing a bit, while listening. It worked out very well for me. I was outside the circle and unable to *see* much, but I could *hear*, and that's all I needed. :)

I was afraid I'd get funny looks for it, but all the reactions that were visible to me were smiles and positive (and even envious) comments, which I was glad for. There's no way I'd have been able to stay so late into the evenings without it.

I did get questions about what I did to my arm, since I was not only in the power chair, but my left arm was in a sling a lot of the time (making me look, I'm sure, pretty pitiful). The answer is that I seem to have some tendonitis or something similar going on in my shoulder. It started a couple weeks ago when I was at the tail end of a course of antibiotics for a kidney infection, and this particular antibiotic listed tendon damage, even rupture, as a side effect (!!!), so it's possible that it's related. I'll ask my rheumatologist about it when I see him Friday.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to just rest it as much as I can and avoid doing things that cause pain. Which include even letting it hang down at my side, since even the weight of the arm all by itself seems to be enough to make it feel like it's being pulled right out of the socket. Owww!

Last time I had shoulder tendonitis (on the other side) it took about a year to heal. I hope this time isn't that bad!

It's earrrly Wednesday morning, and I'm awake at an odd hour now because since we got home Sunday night, I've been sound asleep all but about 8 hours total (and one or two of those hours are composed of 2-5 minutes here and there to take care of meds, peeing, and such). And I'll prolly zonk right out again for most of the day today, once I'm done with this post and a couple other things I'm trying to take care of online. *rubs eyes* And who knows how much of Thursday, aside from the dentist appt I have in the afternoon (during which I'll likely sleep while they fill umpteen cavities in my mouth).

There goes most of my whole week to sleeeeping. But it was worth it. *smiles*

health update

2010-12-20T12:10:19Z

For anyone who didn't catch this on Facebook, my recent "big news" healthwise is twofold:

First, according to my bloodwork, I have CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease). That scares me a lot. And I get to add yet another new doc to my team, a nephrologist (kidney specialist). Once I get in to see whichever one I wind up with, I should know more about what the CKD really means for me, I hope.

Second, according to my rheumatologist, the CKD tips my diagnosis solidly to Lupus (SLE).

Also, this is not as new but is a "still", my platelets, which used to hover around 100,000-120,000 (normal is 150,000-400,000), have dropped to around 65,000 for the past few months. If they get down to 20,000 or below, then things like splenectomy could start being considered. This, also, scares me a lot.

As far as how I'm feeling, very tired all the time, and very hurty and sore everywhere, with everything seeming to be flaring at once all the time lately. I am getting out to a few social things, though, which helps me feel a little more human. (On top of the zillion and one doctor appointments I seem to have every week now.) I make up for whatever I do by sleeping a lot on the days I get to rest, of which I hope there will be a lot more again after the holidays.

How's you?

please help re-home this beautiful 12yo cat

2010-12-16T02:19:22Z

I know I said I'd get back up to date on LJ, but (sigh) there's always something more urgent on the to-do list, and I never do get very far down my list these days, even though my list *seems* fairly short. Sorry! All I can say now is, I'll be back when I can. But meanwhile, I interrupt radio silence with this plea:

We're sad here, but we've decided that we just can't take care of Mao any more. So we're sending out the feelers: do you know anyone who might want to take her in? She might do well somewhere she could be an "only" cat, where there's no carpet and the floors are easily cleanable. We would much prefer her to go to someone we know (or, you know, someone who knows someone we know), so Stormy could at least hear how she's doing and maybe visit her occasionally; she's been mostly Stormy's cat almost all her life, and it's sad that they'll be separated (but unfortunately, Stormy is not here enough of the time to do all the caretaking and cleanup, and she's also not paying to repair or replace the floors).

We've tried to break her of peeing and pooping in the house, but nothing has worked (we even tried valium, but being pilled just made her mad as hell, so it was worse). We've had to rip out part of the carpet just to get rid of the smell (it was so bad, at a couple points, that we couldn't get to the bedroom through the fumes). She's even pooped on the floor where the litterbox *had been*, when we moved the (clean!) box over a few inches. Continuing to deal with this is just more than either of us here can handle.

This is unfortunately a lifelong habit; she marks when she's stressed, and she gets very easily stressed. (For example, moving any piece of furniture or any box that was on the floor, or tidying up an area that was cluttered, stresses her out.) I doubt she'd stop this completely, no matter how peaceful the environment. She also doesn't do well at all with other cats or dogs. She's come to tolerate our other cat here, but that's taken her a year and a half, and there's still hissing and swiping if the other cat surprises her. And this is the first time she's actually tolerated another cat in the house without turning into Satan (being violent toward humans as well as the other cats).

On the plus side, she doesn't scratch furniture as long as she has a good scratching post (preferably the rope-covered type), and she's not noisy (like our other cat, who serenades us every morning as soon as she hears anything stirring in the bedroom). She's fairly tolerant of children, and doesn't scratch or bite at people unless she's upset by another animal being in her space or she's recently been pilled. She doesn't care much about snuggling or petting, most of the time, but once in a while she will curl up next to you and suck on the pads of her foot (the kitty equivalent of sucking her thumb), and then she's adorable. She is a beautiful cat, with Abyssinian markings, and small, under 7 lbs. At 12, she's had a few teeth out, but she's in good health, and she just had her annual shots.

We've had her on the "lite" food because both our cats were overweight for a while, but she's at a good weight now, so she could switch to any food. She's used to the clumping scoopable litter, and experiments with getting her to use other kinds (like the one that resembles pine shavings) have failed.

Please ask around, and if you find anyone who might want to take her in, please let us know! If we can't find someone through the "friends 'n' family network", we'll surrender her to the first no-kill shelter that has space, since the shelters screen people better than I feel able to, so I think she'd be more likely to find a permanent home that way than through us advertising to strangers.

-- Angi

catching up; sleep

2010-05-08T05:28:56Z

So far, not much luck with catching up on LJ. Sorry :( Will try more.

I did a sleep journal for my sleep doctor, and I really am sleeping between 12 and 18 hours every day. As little as 11 some days when I make myself get up for something, but if I do that, it's 16 or 18 hours the next few days. I never minded sleeping a little long, but this is ridiculous. The meds may be part of it, but I also really feel like, after some med adjustments some months ago, I'm back to the same level of sleep need that I was at just before I started on any meds. I'm just tired of feeling like sleep is eating half my life. The doc is mystified, though. It's an "unusual case". I can try stimulants again, but last time I did, they just made me feel sick. Otherwise, no ideas.

So... I really am a zombie now.

Progress

2010-05-02T05:25:56Z

My cat Mao and Cern's cat Aeron have been reluctantly sharing a home for a little over a year now.

Just now, for the very first time, the two cats SNIFFED NOSES.

Wow.

reading filters -- only the most recent few?

2010-04-25T05:46:39Z

I made a filter with just a few people on it. When I try to read the filter, I can only see the most recent 11 entries. There's no "previous 20" button, and when I enter the "?skip=10" by hand, it skips back 10 and shows me just the 1. I know there are many more entries than that, of course; these LJ's go back years (and one of them is my own).

What's up with this? Anybody know?

returning to LJ

2010-04-20T04:16:54Z

Okay, I've been away from LJ far far too long. I know I've lost touch with friends because of this, and that makes me sad. I never meant to leave, it just got harder and harder to keep up with reading, and at some point it just seemed that I was never going to be able to catch up again, and I just sort of quit trying. I've been spending my time over at http://www.superdupergames.org instead. It's better matched my attention span, I guess (I can make a move in a game or two here and there, whereas LJ always required large chunks of time, and deeper attention to be able to really understand and respond and all, you know?).

I'm going to start with reading my partners' journals (yes, I've even quit reading theirs, for some months now, and I'm sorry), and add others' back gradually. I probably never will get up to reading everyone on my flist again, but that's okay.

And I'm going to try to post something at least every week or two. Some probably flocked, some not.

So... hi, everybody! I'm back... I hope for good.

chiropractic

2010-02-18T07:18:52Z

I know, this is a very rare post from me, now. Don't count on it being a trend, though I'd like it to.

I've finally started seeing a chiropractor. She's also a fibro specialist, which helps, and very near home, which means I can get there by myself.

Found out that my neck is a ( where it should be a ) -- it curves the wrong way entirely. No wonder it causes me so much pain. Also my lower back, as I suspected, curves too far, but at least it curves in the correct direction. And my pelvis/sacrum is wonky, twisted, and I have some arthritis in my lower spine.

The most debilitating of my pain these days is in my lower back... my other body pain (which is everywhere, in many types, and is extreme) and general fatigue keeps me from being able to do too much in general, but my lower back is keeping me from being able to stand up for more than 5-10 minutes at all. If I can get that under control, then at least I'll be able to do a few minutes of housework again. I haven't been able to do even that lately.

Effects from the first adjustments: it felt minor at the time, but left me with a slight headache all day (in spite of extra oxycodone both before and after the session, and icing both areas tonight), and lots of neck soreness now. A little soreness in the lower back area, but the lion's share in the neck. Now I'm wishing I was going back tomorrow rather than Friday, because I want her to fix this! Oh well... I do expect adjustments to trigger flares, but they'll be worthwhile in the long run.

dreams: killing bunnies and secret agent robots

2009-11-30T22:20:13Z

Two very intense dreams this morning. They fly away so fast, but I've managed to remember bits of these.

The first was about bunnies or puppies (or bunny puppies?) that we had to make die, somehow, every time we made some kind of mistake. I mean... um, Cern and I were trapped at this house, which was a really broken down huge old place that an agent had brought him out to show him when he was looking to buy a place, and the agent thought he could fix it up, even though it wasn't really what Cern had had in mind. I seem to have been just kind of along for the ride at that point... I mean, no, I was small in the dream, just a kid, so I wasn't in on the buying and selling of houses, I was just hearing the conversation. I didn't much like the looks of the place myself at that point, but I could tell that Cern didn't either, so I didn't need to say anything about it.

Anyway, we wound up stuck there somehow. The agent himself was innocent in this. He didn't know that after he left we would be unable to leave. There was some kind of powerful woman, a goddess I think, or at least there was something supernatural or magical about her, and evil. Or, maybe not exactly evil, but selfish, uncaring? She had set this all up. We couldn't leave, because every time we tried to leave we'd hurt ourselves somehow, and every time we hurt ourselves, a bunny puppy would have to die. Either I was unclear on how it worked exactly, or there were multiple versions or something, but best I can remember, the way it worked was that when one of us got hurt, our soul went into a bunny puppy (these things looked like bunnies when they were bred and running around the place, and little fluffy puppies, like Pondside's Tansy, when they had to die) and we would have to kill it to get our soul and life back. Like getting another life in a video game. Then the goddess woman would breed another one, so there'd always be a supply, and let them go on the grounds.

Aine came, I think to find out why we'd been missing so long, and found Cern hurt, and was bandaging him up and saying he was going to be fine, not understanding what I was upset about. She didn't know about the bunny puppies yet, and I saw the one that we were going to have to kill, poor happy innocent thing, looked just like Tansy, all trusting and tail-wagging, and I apologized to her. I also knew that Aine was trapped there now too, and I was going to have to explain that and everything else to her.

The last dream was about me being some kind of a "secret agent" or... I don't know. I could shoot, some sort of cross between laser fire and bullets. And run and maneuver fast. I wasn't quite human... a machine, I think, of some sort. Maybe an organic machine. Sentient, and under my own control, but the way I thought was quite different from human thought, and the things that concerned me, the things I thought *about*, were pretty limited. Mostly just the world of other "agent/machine" people, our games and challenges and battles and such. And those are hard to explain in human terms, and are slipping away from my mind, and I don't know whether I'll ever be able to think that way again, but it was fascinating!

After some kind of battle, it had come down to a test. I was at the "being shot at" end of a kind of shooting range, and my challenger (who was new, a novice I think) was coming. I was with someone who had been a mentor of some sort, or a friend, and the plan was that I would hide behind them, and they would direct the shots so that they didn't hit me. There was a barrier, like a counter, and my friend was going to be sitting on it and moving from side to side along the top of it. But then during the start of the fight/test I realized (I think by reading my friend's mind) that my friend was betraying me; they were actually using a mirror to see where I was behind the counter, and relaying that information to the opponent. So I wound up having to take defensive movements a lot more than I had expected. I was fast, though, and good at moving at the last instant. I think I was going to survive the test, drive away the challenger, and then be able to use what I knew about my friend being a traitor to defeat them as well, but hopefully to find out *why* first.

movie recommendations

2009-11-04T21:07:26Z

We saw Paranormal Activity in the theater a couple weeks ago. Boyfriend gets the idea to get a video camera and try to catch the whatever-it-is on film, when spooky things start happening... again, for his girlfriend; apparently she's been stalked by something since she was a kid, so it's attached to her rather than to the house. I thought it was pretty good, and Stormy enjoyed it, too. Actually, now that I read that it was shot in just 7 days in the writer-director's own home, where middle-of-the-night "incidents" had actually been going on for years, and never initially intended to be a theatrical release, I think it was damn good. The creepiness starts very subtle and builds up, but remains very low gore. The audience really gets into it, so if you find that kind of thing fun (it was actually a little much for me, I found some of the audience noise annoying), see it in the theater. (Caveat below.)

The downside? All the camera motion on the big screen (most of it is filmed with the actor carrying the camera around, sometimes running with it, a la Blair Witch) made Cern sick. Literally, actually sick. He had to run from the theater to throw up. If you're at all prone to motion sickness or have ever felt queasy watching movies or video games with a lot of motion, then don't see this one in the theater.

We just saw Cloverfield, this one on dvd at home. We both liked this one. I don't know whether the camera was a lot steadier (I think it was at least somewhat), or whether it was more because it was on the small (well, smaller than theater, anyway) screen, but it didn't produce nausea like the other one. Modernized Godzilla Plus movie, from the point of view of a handful of young-ish adults who are just filming a going-away party when all hell breaks loose. We get an up-close view of what's going on at ground zero because one guy decides to go back for his girl rather than be evacuated, and the others tag along. No idea how different or motion-sickness-inspiring it would be on the big screen, but it's not playing right now anyway. Definitely worth renting or Netflixing.

pictures update

2009-09-29T23:56:41Z

Update on the pictures too... they're all up, including the reception ones (which are a huge set). Go look! Here are just a few:

Dar Williams @ The Triple Door

2009-09-28T06:11:25Z

THIS Wednesday.
Who else is going??

Handfasting Pictures

2009-09-27T21:21:29Z

Handfasting pictures are up! About 4/5 of them, anyway (there will be one more set, we still need to go through the reception ones).

ETA: See our website for a brief followup.

shameless fundraising plea

2009-09-25T23:40:07Z

Interrupting my LJ mostly-silence to ask for pledges for Stormy's school (Pacific Middle School).

She has until next Thursday (I think) to gather pledges.
You can pledge any amount per lap that she runs.
The laps are almost 1/2 mile each.
She thinks she can run 4 laps.
You can also state a maximum amount.

She needs to collect the money next weekend.
You can paypal it to me and I'll pass it on to her.

I like this fundraiser better than the ones where they sell a bunch of stuff you really don't need.
This one is more like just directly giving cash to the school (rather than the school getting just a small fraction of what you spend to buy stuff), with an element of fun and also of putting forth some effort (running) for the money, for the kids.

If you're a fan of Stormy and interested in chipping in to support her school, let me know your pledge here or in email and I'll forward it to her so she can put it on her pledge sheet.

Returning to the dark now... and no, I still haven't read any of your LJ's in a month or two, maybe I'll get started on that after going over wedding pics and writing thank-you notes this weekend... hopefully we'll also have some wedding pics posted by the end of the weekend too.

Still Away

2009-09-18T04:48:39Z

I still haven't read any LJ in ages and ages and even more ages. I do plan to return, but there was wedding planning, then there was wedding, there was Aine visit, then there was honeymoon, then there was lots of pain and exhaustion and especially did I mention pain for more than a week in recovery from said honeymoon, and now there's fatigue and zombie-brain and congestion frequently drowning me and many many things I must catch up on that have been piling up and up all this time.

So... yeah. I'm still out here. I'll be back to LJ someday soon I hope. I love you all. Well, most of you, anyway. Email if you miss me, love to hear from you, tell me what's been going on.

Hugs!

-- me

I am me!

2009-09-10T03:12:51Z

Yay new username!

wedding, otter, & honeymoon

2009-09-03T00:14:04Z

Just a quick update.

Handfasting:

Utterly absolutely wonderful. Bestest most amazing wedding EVAR. I'm still floating.
About 75 friends attended.
We got to use my favorite place, the most healing space I know.
My favorite musicians in the whole wide world played and sang for us -- just because we asked them to!
Everyone got fed, and the feast was healthy and friendly to dietary restrictions (even the punch was free of HFCS and low in added sugar).
The cake was vegan, 6 different flavors, beautiful (until the frosting started melting, anyway, after which we cut it quickly), and delicious (though some flavors high in frosting).
We started a little late (par for a wedding, I think), and the ceremony was worth the wait, it went wonderfully, and finished with a spiral dance.
I felt very taken care of, everyone reminding me to sit, drink, not overdo it. I was running on adrenaline and having a blast.
And we had many wonderful volunteers who helped with everything, without whom it would not have been possible. And we need to list who all helped so we can thank them all properly, and we're afraid we'll overlook someone... so if you helped, comment here and tell us so we don't forget you, please.
goldfish42, my Maid of Honor, especially ran her own self ragged taking care of so much. Love, I appreciate you so much, but I felt so bad that you pushed yourself to such a painful point!

Otter:
Our beautiful aineotter was Best Man, and so beautiful herself. She and I also got time to connect over the course of the long weekend, and she went home Tuesday morning with more of my heart thann ever. It only gets harder to say goodbye each time. I cried. I hope we won't be doing that much longer.

Honeymoon:
Having a wonderful time in Paradise (Unbound, that is). They gave us a campsite close to everything so I could minimize walking. We have a nice setup, with one tent for bed and clothes, with a high air mattress so it looks almost like a regular bed, and a second tent for stuff, and a canopy over our porch/yard. Good to be home in this space.
See you next week when we get back!