foxy mustache girl

matches — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 01:07:08 GMT

when you've been living in it for so long, denial is a really hard place to come out of. it takes an impressive amount of self awareness that, to be honest i never wanted to be capable of. unfortunately for me, my walls are tumbling, the panic is setting in and my emotional barriers are cracking at this very moment.
it happens quickly, this moment of clarity and then reality fills me to the core. forgotten memories reappear and life is so much harder to bear than it was 10 minutes ago. questions i don't want to ask myself begin banging against my skull.
why can't i turn off this voice that tells me i will never be good enough? why is it exactly that i am so desperate to be anywhere but home? why was i so tempted to put home in quotation marks, just then?
And then reality spreads a little further, a clear focus to the once clouded memories and i remember the fear, the absolute terror. why do i lie so much? because the truth can get you in to trouble. you said what he wanted to hear, whether you meant it or not. i remember the welts and the bruises both to my legs and to my sanity. i remember the hiding; he can't find me, he can't do anything.
after the floodgates open, they will never completely reseal. memories seep through slowly yet boldly. i couldn't tell you the last time i believed an i love you from them. until recently i wouldn't have been able to tell you the last time i heard an i love you from them.

you want to know why i don't trust people? do you want to know why it's so hard for me to open up? why i can't emotionally connect? maybe because i never learned.

eventually the walls rebuild. steady as they ever were, and denial floats back in all her glory. i can breathe once more, the skins soaks up my tears and i pretend to face another day.

matches — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 15:47:37 GMT

"You can tell a lot from a person’s nails. When a life starts to unravel, they’re among the first to go."
Saturday, Ian McEwan

(Against a Mad World -Brenton Duvall Mashup)
always do your best, don't let the pressure make you panic
and when you get stranded
and things don't go the way you planned it

cocorosie-werewolf

"Perhaps we don’t like what we see: our hips, our loss of hair, our shoe size, our dimples, our knuckles too big, our eating habits, our disposition. We have disclosed these things in secret, likes and dislikes, behind doors with locks, our lonely rooms, our messy desks, our empty hearts, our sudden bursts of energy, our sudden bouts of depression. Don’t worry. Put away your mirrors and your beauty magazines and your books on tape. There is someone right here who knows you more than you do, who is making room on the couch, who is fixing a meal, who is putting on your favorite record, who is listening intently to what you have to say, who is standing there with you, face to face, hand to hand, eye to eye, mouth to mouth. There is no space left uncovered. This is where you belong."
Sufjan Stevens

Miss Dodger: At a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by, you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, “But I am this person.” And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.

anything without a click-through source can be found at my tumblr

matches — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 03:27:36 GMT

and you said, it was like fire around the brim
burning solid, burning thin, the burning rim
like stars burning holes right through the dark
flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes
you were one inch from the edge of this bed
i drag you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead
sleepyhead - starsmith remix ft. ellie goulding

“Sometimes I just get tired of thinking of all the things I don’t want to do.”
-Charles Bukowski

it's all right
no one's got it all
regina spektor - hero

"I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy. You know, we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, it’s not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry; it’s not permanent, it comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often."
— One Tree Hill

have a heart, have a heart, have a heart
rill rill - sleigh bells

-it's kind of a funny story

anything without a click through source can be found at my tumblr

winter winds - mumford and sons

matches — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 21:52:40 GMT

well someday soon,
when the spring brings the sun,
i’ll finally sleep, i’ll finally
feel better when the winter’s gone.
i’ll feel better when the winter’s gone.
i’ll feel better when the winter’s gone
november was white, december was grey - say hi

i said you got me where you want me again
and i can't turn away
i'm hanging by thread and i'm feelin' like a fool
i'm stuck here in-between
the shadows of my yesterday
i want to get away
i need to get away

when death calls, best believe it's gonna get all
emotional 'cause i ain't going to hell without my menthols
the things that hate us - atmosphere

"WHEN SHIT BRINGS YOU DOWN, JUST SAY ‘FUCK IT’, AND EAT YOURSELF SOME MOTHERFUCKING CANDY."
- David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day

anything without a source can also be found here at my tumblr.

matches — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:02:13 GMT

...she said, "if home is where the heart is,
i must wear my heart on my sleeve,
because my bed is in one place
but it's the only thing i miss when i leave."

she said, "if you can't choose who to love,
then there's really nothing wrong,
for "my house" it is distant
but it has the makings of a beautifully sad song."

she said "i don't really know much of family,
but i do know how to lie."
and "i'm sorry sir,
but i like my misery best when it rhymes..."

matches — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:47:15 GMT

you might have to turn the volume up to hear the audio on the videos.

helllooooo! how is everybody?

CONCERTS.

matches — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 05:49:28 GMT

septmeber 2006
the webster: gym class heroes/ patent pending/ hanger 18/ cobra starship [9|16]

april 2007
the webster: plain white t's/ boys night out/ deer in the headlights/ love drug [4|14]
october 2007
the webster: [sleeping with giants] the academy is/ the rocket summer/ armor for sleep/ sherwood/ cobra starship [10|31]

january 2008
trackside teen center: [really, really, ridiculously good looking tour] cobra starship/the cab/we the kings/metro station [1|19]
february 2008
xl center: the spice girls [2|22]
april 2008
the webster underground: we the kings/valencia/the cab/sing it loud [4|30]
may 2008
east rutherford, NJ: bamboozle [5|3]-[5|4]
cheverolet theater: [honda civic tour] panic at the disco/phantom planet/the hush sound [5|10]
june 2008
the webster: stealing jane/ryan cabrera [6|8]
the webster: sing it loud/ludo [6|12]
july 2008
mansfield, MA: warped tour [7|23]
uniondale, NY: warped tour [7|26]
august 2008
the webster: [dance across the country tour] the cab/the hush sound [8|23]
chevrolet theater: [the final riot tour] paramore/jack's mannequin/phantom planet [8|30]
october 2008
the webster: [sassyback tour] cobra starship/ forever the sickest kids/ sing it loud [10|8]
the webster: relient k/ludo/this providence [10|18]
arena at habor yard: [the rockband tour] panic at the disco/ dashboard confessional/ plain white t's / the cab [10|28]
connecticut expo center: [kiss 95.7's boo bash] gym class heroes/ the ting tings/ flo rida [10|29]
november 2008
the webster:[bill and travis' bogus journey tour] the academy is/ we the kings [11|14]
allston, MA: 3OH!3 [11|16]

april 2009
toad's place: [the ap tour] 3OH!3/ family force 5 [4|30]
may 2009
east rutherford, NJ: bamboozle [5|1]/[5|2]/[5|3]
july 2009
dodge music center: warped [7|12]
the webster: the cab/the summer set/eye alaska/ a rocket to the moon [7|17]
august 2009
comcast center: blink-182/fob/patd [8|6]
the webster underground: the scene aesthetic [8|18]
dodge music center: blink-182/weezer/tbs [8|28]
october 2009
the webster: say anything [10|31]
december 2009
house of blues, boston: arctic monkeys [12|13]

february 2010
the metro, chicago: the academy is (almost here anniversary show) [2|6]
april 2010
the webster underground: foxy shazam, the young veins [4|1]
east rutherford, NJ: hoodwinked [4|30]
may 2010
east rutherford, NJ: bamboozle [5|1]-[5|2]
western ct state university, danbury: cobra starship, 3oh!3, travis mccoy [5|8]
august 2010
mohegan sun: sublime with rome[8|14]
september 2010
the webster: afroman [9|6]
november 2010
toads place: matt & kim [11|5]

2011
february 2011
house of blues, ma: flogging molly [2|27]
march 2011
paradise rock club, ma: travie mccoy [3|22]
april 2011
roseland ballroom, ny: kid cudi [4|21]
house of blues, ma: atmosphere [4|23]
east rutherford, nj: bamboozle [4|29 - 4|30]
may 2011
the webster: panic at the disco [5|@5]
june 2011
manchester, tn: bonarroo
august 2011
comcast center, hartford: blink-182 + mcr [8|14]