I've got a big bowl of Questions

Spriiiing Breeeaaak

mandibug — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 23:43:49 GMT

So... guess I didn't hold up to that idea of updating once a day very well.

Back in NC, on Spring Break. Yesterday I had round 2 of 3 for my dental implant! They screwed the actual implant in, which is the metal post. The hope is that in 3 months I'll get the cap, and finally be done with my retainer. That will be the best damn day of this decade.

Right now my face is really grumbly and sore and easily irritated, but at least I can eat warm soft foods again, because yesterday was rough. As much fun as it sounds to eat ice cream all day, by the end of it your blood sugar is so out-of-whack you can't wait for it to be over.

This week is my Not Making Any Decisions week, and it's wooonderful so far. I'm really enjoying letting everyone else take care of where we're going out to eat, what time we're meeting, and all of those other loose ends. Really, I guess I'm just happy that I'm around people that I trust enough to take care of it themselves, and the whole event won't fall apart because of it.

Can't drink right now because of blood thinners, but come Friday it's gonna be a party! Gotta do somethin' outrageous for my first Legal break!

21

mandibug — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:12:50 GMT

I will eat healthier.

I will keep working out, and do it more vigorously.

I will lose weight.

I will be thinner.

I will be happier.

I will be more patient.

I will be more productive.

I will love my work.

I will get an internship.

I will keep my room clean.

I will love more.

I will love myself.

I will knit more.

I will save more money.

I will smile.

I will dance.

I will find a girl.

I will relax.

I will live in the moment.

I will be content with what I have.

I will not fear.

Aaaand we're back!

mandibug — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:51:11 GMT

Hey Guys...

It's been, what, 6 months or something since I last updated? I'm not dead, nor have I fallen off the map, and I have been checking my friends page once a week or so. There just hasn't really been motivation to post, but I think I'm going to try and do so at least once a week, and maybe try to turn this into more of an illustration blog.

Classes are still going, School is still going, this is the weekend before finals and as such I have a ton of work. Pretty much just can't wait to be done. Working to get an Advertising internship over the summer somewhere at home, and I have an interview the Friday after finals. So... in one week! Now the goal is to get my portfolio printed and bound in time. Phwourgh. It's so much work, and I feel like it never ends.

My style and work have improved a lot in the past year, which I'm really grateful for, but there's still a ton of room for improvement. Been knitting like crazy which is still wonderful, and my skills there have improved as well.

Also, it's my birthday tomorrow! Happy 21 to me!

Food icon is necessary.

mandibug — Sat, 23 May 2009 19:04:57 GMT

Ohgod I'm so ready to be home now.
Y'know why? The need for FOOD just set in.

Like, up until now I've been floating along, happy that I'll be going home in what is now 6 days, but not really stressing about it. My finals are definitely manageable, nothing super stress-worthy except for maybe shenanigans with 20th Century, but no MASSIVE SOUL-SUCKING projects. Which is excellent.

But I just saw a commercial for Golden Corral and I thought 'hey, I can make that but BETTER' ('cause it's Golden Corral), EXCEPT I CAN'T. Because students can't even have frickin' TOASTERS~~cylons~~ in their rooms! And I'm really, really hungry, but there's nowhere for me to eat, because SCAD hates feeding their students. I'm so completely and totally fed up with the dining hall hours and how inconvenient they are, especially during Finals. It's ridiculous. Students need to eat to do well on projects, yes? Yes. apjewralwjraljralwjera;wer.

So yeah, I'm very, very ready to be able to cook my own damn food again!

Advertising Baaackfires.

mandibug — Thu, 14 May 2009 01:15:49 GMT

So there are new ads running talking about how easy it is for kids to get pharmies from their parents, and they are kindof backfiring for me. The ads are focusing on how Pharmie's are the new 'in' drug, and it's what kids are most responsible for taking now, and they're way easier to get then pot/ex/etc. I like the concept and the execution of them are all pretty well done. The drug dealer one in particular is pretty quirky. Yet when I watch them... all it tells me is how easy it'd be to get high.

It makes me feel like I should be getting high, since the kids depicted in these ads are all middle class whitebread. AKA, me. Really, these ads make it seem like all HS kids are doing this. That it's what's cool, it's what's natural. I've always wanted to be normal, it really bothers me how much I hang on the straight-as-an-arrow fringe, so is this what "normal kids" are doing these days? "Legal" drugs? Shit, if I can get drugs from my parents' medicine cabinets that easily, why the hell not? I know that my parents don't monitor their drugs like that. I have absolutely no doubt that I could steal from them if I were so inclined. And even if they noticed something was missing, I have 3 highschool age brothers. 1 of which they know is drinking/partying/whiny emo bitch.

Let's be completely honest. I HAVE some of these drugs with me, right now. In my room. And the thing is, they're in my name. I have prescription amounts of Percoset and Zoloft, both legally given to me for various reasons. So what's preventing me from taking those?

An incredibly strong conscious and desire to be a goody-two-shoes. And that I know how easy it is to have really bad side effects from drugs not prescripted to you. But otherwise? Nothing. Especially when I could be getting these things from my mum, who has almost exactly the same genetic makeup as I do, so chances of something going wrong with me when it didn't with her are incredibly low.

Yeah, I'm admittedly susceptible to advertising. It's not hard to persuade me to buy something from an ad. But since that's the case, shouldn't that be a sign against these ads? That even though I'm an Ad Minor, so I know how all of this WORKS, this ad still makes me want to go out and get the drugs myself? Not, "be a Good Responsible Person" and prevent my siblings from doing so? Yeeah.

I think something went wrong in the Copy room. Actually no, something went wrong in the Media Placement room. They know that the target audience is parents, so they want to show it mostly to parents on a parents-watched-network. That I'll buy, and USA is a good place to do so. THAT BEING SAID, Parents have kids. And lots of kids watch Law and Order and NCIS with their parents. Lord knows I did! Which means that this ad is also being shown to exactly the wrong audience at the same time.

Remind me not to work on not-for-profit ads in the future, ok? Stuff like this goes wrong too easily.

(Don't worry, I'm not going to do drugs. I've not completely lost it, I know how bad of an idea drugs are.)

Haaaaiiirr

mandibug — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:05:31 GMT

apowerj;lwera;lewrj fucking weather.

So I'm trying this CurlyGirl method to see if I can rejuvinate my hair back into being healthy and curly. Right now it's... in need of some help. Well, actually, it's a fair bit better now, but a week and a half ago it was sad. Everything was so dry and limp, poor babies. My hair has always been rather perplexed with itself, never sure of whether to wave or curl, or on rare occasions straight. Usually my canopy is wavy and everything underneath is curly.

But so there's this CurlyGirl hair care regimen, all about embracing your curls and moisturizing and what not. Because curly hair is structurally different than straight hair, it has vastly different needs. Modern-day American Advertising is all about the straight shiny sleek hair. Anyone with even the most remote hint of curl knows that this is Impossible to achieve short of a wig. Curly hair is a lot rougher strandwise and greatly more porous than straight hair. It also absorbs and handles moisture differently, usually that it's easier to both gain and lose. The trick is to get your hair healthy enough to support its own weight and moisture enough to curl happily.
Sulfates are the active ingredient in most readily-available shampoos. Sulfates are really really good at stripping things of oil and grease, which is also why they're the active ingredient in Dish Soap. No lie, exactly the same. But curly hair can't really deal with a cleanser that strong, because the oils in our hair are distributed differently. Also, Americans have a severe tendency to over-wash their hair. What happens is that we over-wash so our glands overproduce oil trying to keep everything from turning into a desert, but then the overproduction makes us want to wash more, which then repeats the cycle. Everyone, straight hair and curlies alike, only need to wash 2 to 3 times a week. Curlies, with time, can get it so they wash once a week even! Crazystuff.
Also in most common styling products are these lovely things called Silicones. They coat hair to keep down frizzies and flyaways, so naturally they're everywhere in curling creams/gels/sprays/what not. While Silicones make great quick-fixes, they seep into the pores of Curly hair, and just mess everything up real fast. But! There is a product to get rid of these nasty silicones! Guess what that is?!
TADA, SULFATES.
And guess what helps keep away all the frizz and dried-out mess of Sulfates?
TADA, SILICONES.
Another great cycle!

The solution to all of this is to use products without Sulfates and Silicones. CG's (curlygirls) usually wash with a thin conditioner like VO5 or Suave Naturals then condition-condition with something thicker, then use a curl cream, let your hair dry, and then apply a gel or so. That's the rough estimation, there are lots of variations and lots and lots and lots of CG-friendly products. Another thing that CG's do is not to dry your hair with a terry-cloth towel, as it completely sucks out all of the moisture you try to put in. They either buy special micro-fiber towels or do what I do, dry with an old tshirt.

There are many wonderful websites that are far more eloquent and informational than I am, most notably NaturallyCurly, that can tell you all sorts of stuff about curly hair and how to care for it.
I'm also reading The College Curly's blog, because she's like me, a relatively poor college student. She's a bit more of a product junkie than I am, but she has similar time constraints and approaches.
Colorado Curly is another great blogger who talks about important things like dewpoint vs humidity and the effect of humectants in a drier climate.

My point is that I'm trying this new CurlyGirl thing, with medium success as so far. We kindof have curl?
My hair curls in places? It's... yeah. But so I bought a gel to try, see if it'll encourage my curls to stay, because that's what I'm having the most trouble with. Needless to say I shower, co-wash, condition, plop and apply gel. Hunkydory.
Mandy then trundles off to the post-office freshly dressed and ready to roll. When she walks out of the post office? IT'S POURING DOWN RAIN. So I get to walk back to the dorm and end up soaked, with my hair... I don't even know. I've just let it sit and airdry while typing this up, I'll look at it when this is done. I'm just frustrated that all of that effort went into getting hair properly gelled and set and close to curl only to get RAINED ON. I've never spent this much time on hair before, it's a little overwhelming.

Just wonderful.

LOOK TO THE LEFT.

mandibug — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:10:46 GMT

LOOKIT MY EYECON, GUYZ. I MADE A TREX ONE.

Yeah that's pretty much my whole reason for wanting to update... 'cause I made one. He's got TEETH.

If anyone's curious the textures came from iconsbycurtana (just see my profile for links). And the image is from google, I'm not that suave.

Otherwise... life's still pretty dull. I made a print for Editorial Illu and Briant ended up loving it way more than I expected. He wants a print of it for himself! He also suggested I do it in color, which I'm going to (the assignment was for black and white, but making it color will be easy) and then save it as a portfolio piece! woo!

I also took some portraits of my friend Phill two nights ago inbetween shooting for an Ad project. I'm rather pleased with how these three came out, there's minor photoshop editing done on the 2nd one, nothing serious.

We dubbed him the Chlorophyl Monster, he goes around and aggravates plants into working.

Photobucket kindof ate the image quality of that one, but whatever.

Lookit his eyes! Aren't they green?! I know the cropping's a little wonky, but I'm overall pleased, especially with the lighting. These were all impromptu, and much giggling was involved before, during and after. We're fun like that. Kaity was there too, but sadly none of the snaps I took of her came out. Must fix by taking more!

Dinosaur Love

mandibug — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:36:48 GMT

hahahaha.

"Where you're going is the only place in the world where the geese chase you!" - Dr. Ian Malcolm as played by Jeff Goldblum.

I. Adore. This movie. Lucky for me USA is playing Jurassic Park II while I'm seaming up my sweater! I'm so excited! I finally got over the 2nd sleeve syndrome and finished it, and now I'm seaming. This is my first seaming project and I was rather nervous about the mattress stitching. The first 3/4 of the first sleeve looks like TRAAAASH but then I finally got the trick and figured out exactly what I was looking at in between the stitches, and voila! Nice Seams! :D :D :D This is a THICK sweater, too. Definitely warm and squishy and cozy. It's too warm outside now for me to get any wear out of it which is a little disappointing, but it will probably become invaluable next winter. I'll probably post pictures over at novice_knitters once I get everything finished, if my flist was curious.

But yes, JP. It almost makes up for the fact that Watchmen has stopped playing in my area now that I have the chance to go see it. Almost. Teeth, Dinosaurs, rawrrrrrr. I put a T-Rex in my first Editorial Illu project, which went over really well. The entire class was like "DINOSAUR!" and said that it was drawn well, which made me feel pretty excellent. I'm always hyper-aware of my drawing skills as compared to my Illu peers. Because they're the ones I'm going to have to compete with to get jobs, so it's best that I stay on top of my game!

The new Royal Caribbean commercials make me feel like playing Katamari. I think that's what I'll do later tonight!

Why don't I have a T-Rex icon? This should be fixed.

Worthy Cause

mandibug — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:39:25 GMT

Hey! Hey! Friends list!

Check out this! A Fiber artist and Photographer is working to win her Dream Assignment, and she needs your votes today!
The project is sponsored by Microsoft, and her dream is to show Heifer International, a fantastic charity, in action.

The information from her is here.
And to go directly to her Dream Assignment page for voting, go here.

At least look at what she's doing, even if you don't end up voting.

mandibug — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:24:04 GMT

I'm still here.
This semester is going to be kindof boring, which all things considered, I need.
Spending all of my time alone is getting to me, though. Unsure of how exactly to fix it.

But yeah, have a meme.

Three names I go by:
1. Mandy
2. mandibug
3. GrapefruitGeek

Three Jobs I have had in my life:
1. SuperTarget cashier
2. Server
3. Town of Apex Customer Service Representative

Three Places I have lived:
1. Erie, PA
2. Apex, NC
3. San Jose, Costa Rica

Three favorite drinks:
1. Coffee
2. Chocolate Milk
3. Vanilla Coke

Three TV shows that I watch:
1. House
2. Bones
3. Dollhouse

Three places I have been:
1. Costa Rica- all over the country
2. Paris
3. Melbourne, Australia

People that e-mail me regularly:
1. SCAD
2. Borders
3.

Three of my favorite foods:
1. French Fries
2. Cheezits
3. Chocolate Ice Cream

Three friends I think will respond:
1. Kaity?
2. Eeeh....
3. Yeah noone.

Three Things I am looking forward to:
1. Finishing this scarf.
2. Seeing Mr. T again
3. the apartment

Three Things I am worried about:
1. Being lonely for the rest of the semester.
2. Getting my Housing situation for Fall resolved.
3. What my peers think of me.

Three Things I would Like to do before I Die:
1. Return to Germany
2. Date a girl
3. Work on an Ad that wins a Clio or One Show.

mandibug — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:22:02 GMT

I'm not dead. Honest.
Still here. It's been rather busy the past 2 weeks. I had Finals which tried their damnedest to kill me, but did not succeed!
I'm actually still rather floored by my final grades, I somehow by the skin-of-my-teeth managed to get straight A's. I did. I don't know how. But it's amazing and I'm still really really happy about it. All of that hard work did finally pay off, it wasn't all for naught. Eeeeeeeh!

Buuuut soooo my boyfriend came and stayed for the week prior to that, which was wonderful. I do feel so happy and content around him, it's rather phenomenal. Kaity's noticed it too, which makes me happy that it's true and not just Mandyfeelings.

I'm sitting in 20th Century now, the first day of new classes! woooooo. I'm taking 20th Century, Intro to Advertising, and Editorial Illustration. I'm slightly perplexed by 20th century, what to expect from the workload. We'll see.

But last week I went to DisneyWorld! ooooh it was so good. I was on Spring Break last week, and it was definitely one of the best breaks I've had yet. Mum just called me randomly during the semester and said "do you want to go to Disney over spring break?" to which I squealed "yes!!!" Sooo yep I went! I went to Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom and Epcot as well as Downtown Disney. So good. If I'm feeling like it I'll post an extended journal entry later. I will say that Kaity got to come with us to Epcot on Thursday, which was EPIC.

To sum everything up, it was a great break. I spent alot of time with my bf (we'll just stick with Mr. T for kicks) which was also very relaxing. I wish I had 3 more days of break, before being shoved back into this work routine. My roommate is taking the semester off, so I currently have the room to myself. I have no idea if it'll stay that way or if I'm going to get a new 'pal' 3 weeks in... I wish I did know. The room is so bizarre being half empty. The starkness intimidates me. I'm so used to their being stuff and a person over there that I don't really know what to do with myself.

But, here's to 10 more weeks!

Not A Teenager

mandibug — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:41:06 GMT

o____o it's my birthday again. A whole 'nuther year...
And I'm not a teenager anymore. Wooow ok. I can't say that 19 was the best to me, not by a long shot. But I think that 20 will be better, even with the whacky in-betweenness of it.

The fact that I wasn't anxious and freaking out about waiting for it like last year I think bodes well. Sure, I've still been freaking out lately but this time it's over a worthy cause. Finals. Yeeeaaaaah. Anyone on my flist who has been following this for any amount of time will know exactly how much I am ready to be done. And DAMN do I have a lot of work to do this weekend. Whrork.

But tonight is birthday dinner night! :) It will be good.

TweetTweet

mandibug — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 21:52:46 GMT

...I just got twitter. Because yes, I do need more ways to ~~procrastinate~~ entertain myself inbetween classes.

GrapefruitGeek
lemme know if you've got a feed too.

Also, why is Lj's code breaking?

Is this for real?

mandibug — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:41:01 GMT

Oh. My. God.

Microsoft wants refund from some laid off workers.

LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT. I can't believe it. Microsoft is asking for "refunds" because they overpaid some of their laidoff workers severance. I have no words for how crass and ridiculous this is. Microsoft, look at the economy. Do you seriously think that the people you laidoff have the kind of money you're asking for back? Chances are they already spent it! On a mortgage, or bills or for God's Sake, FOOD. Y'know, Important Things!

I realize that this is an accounting error, but that's no excuse. This is a severance package, not a yearly raise, or bonus. This makes me feel sick, that a company would pull this kind of stunt. I have little doubt it will blow up and reflect very poorly on MS as a business. As one commenter noted "This will end up costing Microsoft way more than forgiving the overages, because of lawyers and PR reps trying to fix it." Truth, there it is. I wonder if Balmer was aware of this thing, or if it was resolved at a lower Director level. Either way he'll look like crap for it.

How often does this kind of thing happen? Are computing errors in severance pays that common? And then is it an equally common practice to ask for the money back?! As before stated, I'd understand asking back from a raise or bonus. But otherwise it's just adding insult to injury in my book.

mandibug — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:41:35 GMT

PLANT, HE BLOOMED! EEEEEE!!!!!!!

I bought a daffodil last week because they're my favorite flower, and I don't get to see many of them in Georgia. Walmart had single ones on sale for a dollar and I was like 'HELLS YES.' because really. Also my Jade plant died which made me incredibly sad, so I needed a new plant to cheer me up. (I'm pretty sure the Jade plant got a disease, since she just shriveled up and died in less than a week, when she was reasonably healthy and well-watered the following week. It was too fast to just be me dehydrating her.) I couldn't decide on a name for my daffodil so I just call him Plant. It works reasonably well.

BUT SO HE BLOOMED!! EEH! HE'S SO FREAKIN' PRETTY. I LOVE HIM. AAAAAAAAH. He's like, perfectly shaped for a daffodil. He's a yellow petals and yelloworange innards kind. Also, because I need a life, I took lots of pictures of him, and me with him. I am linking them here because yes, everyone needs to see Plant.

Glamour Shot of Plant.
TRULOVE.
Ta-Da! us!
My face! Where'd it go?
Tee-Hee! Thank you, Plant! How Kind!
My Plant Impersonation. This one might be my favorite.
WE ARE HAPPY. TOGETHER. ARMS UP! Plant really does look like he's cheering something, since both his leaves are straight up and at the right angle.

YES, I AM AWARE I NEED A LIFE. And am pretty ridiculous.

On another note, I'm really intrigued by how my nose moves down and my nostrils out when I make a kissy/fish face. I've never studied a diagram of the face muscles, so this is perpetually surprising to me. My friends won't make faces at me and then let me poke and feel around while they switch between neutral and face-making either. But it's ok, I don't really blame them for it.

(if any of my flist is on facebook and want to be my fb friend send me an lj note or email or something.)

Alarm Fail.

mandibug — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:30:55 GMT

God Fucking Dammit Bullshit. Fuck. I'm so disappointed with myself right now.
I got my project done, I like it, I'm ready to have a good critique, AND I SLEEP THROUGH MY FUCKING ALARM.
Jesuchrist. Good job, Mandy. Spot on with this one. I am SO lucky in that my professor will accept work after the critique and not just be like 'sucks to be you', but I'll still get points off. I'm so mad at me. I woke up at 8:03. Class starts at 8. Unfortunately the absence policy is no later than 15 minutes after class started, and it'd be about 8:20 before I could make it at the earliest. I am so, so frustrated. I don't know why I didn't just get up. I remember turning my alarm off, and usually that's fine. I mean, I didn't get a ton of sleep last night but that's never been a problem before. I gave blood yesterday, maybe that's my deal? I really doubt it though. It's just my own ineptitude. Shit.
Of course I pull this crap with a piece that I like. Of course. The piece. uuuuuuugh. I need all the points I can get in this class! he usually rigs the syllabus so you can't actually get 100pts. So I'll miss 3 points out of the potential 91 and have an 88. Which is a B. I SHOULD have an A in this course, the art is not the issue here. I'm hovering at an 89, and I really could have used an A on this project. FUCK. I just really don't want to have 2, or god forbid 3 B's this quarter. I know I'm getting a B in Sequential, and I'm becoming ok with that fact. So I'm trying really really hard in Copywriting and I WAS trying in M&T II... Uuuuuugh graaaades. My GPA can support it but I'd rather it not have to. I like being an honors student, you know? I'd love to be able to KEEP IT THERE. D:
I know that everyone says that GPA isn't the end of the world, it's not super-important, but it feels important to me. I know it's important to my parents. ShitFuckDamn.

mandibug — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:56:52 GMT

I haven't done a meme in a while. Got tagged with this one on facebook, and it actually amuses me.

Rules of the game- you must only reply using one word! It's a lot harder than it sounds. Be sure to tag people!

1. Where is your cell phone?
pocket

2. Your significant other?
Trouble

3. Your hair?
Auburn

4. Your mother?
Practical

5. Your father?
Workaholic

6. Your favorite thing?
InterTubes

7. Your dream last night?
Not

8. Your favorite drink?
Nesquik

9. Your dream/goal?
Colorado

10. What room you are in?
Dorm

11. Your hobby?
Knitting

12. Your fear?
Alone

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Disney

14. Where were you last night?
Here

15. Ice cream?
Chooocooolaaate

16. Muffins?
Pancakes

17. Wish list item?
Stoff

18. Where you grew up?
Apex

19. Last thing you did?
Class

20. What are you wearing?
Glasses

21. Your TV?
False.

22. Your pets?
Miiiaaafaaace

23. Friends?
Win

24. Your life?
Sequential

25. Your mood?
drowsy

26. Missing some one?
Undeniably

27. Car?
Accord

28. Something you're not wearing?
Hat

29. Your favorite store?
Target

30. Your favorite color?
Turquoise

33. When is the last time you laughed?
Ayer

34. Last time you cried?
8th

35. Who will repost this?
Doubtful

36. One place that I go to over and over?
CostaRica

37. One person who emails me regularly?
SCAD

38. My favorite place to eat?
MellowMushroom

39. Why you participated in this survey?
Cute

40. What are you doing tonight?
Sequential

Hokay, I guess since I'm supposed to tag people...
euclase
lovenugget
shifterred
kajabyrd.
But only because I feel like I should be tagging.

On a slightly different note, I'm completely in love with my best friend who visited on a whim over the weekend. This will make for an interesting rest of 2009, that's for sure. I have no idea how it's going to go.

Everything is Connected.

mandibug — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:51:42 GMT

Ok, so I did wake up at 5:30 in the morning and have a conversation with Sasha from my dream transition into a conversation with Sasha IRL. Apparently it was very bizarre, and she was a little concerned. I've never done anything like that before, I'm not a sleep talker. If you get me really sleepy I'll start answering questions that I wouldn't usually answer and then not remember exactly what I said earlier, but nothing like this.

I remember talking with her in my dream because she was up working on a project for class, but I can't really remember what the subject matter was. It wasn't some weird conversation though, because my brain connected with my eyelids, realized there was still light on outside of dreamland, and said that this needed to actually be discussed with her. So I physically sat up, looked at her, asked her something in my dream but not verbally yet, then she asked if she needed to turn the lights lower and I verbally responded "there's no sense in it, since no-one's coming by." She just kindof stared at me and said "mandy, you need to go back to sleep." At this point I was going to argue with her that that wasn't the proper answer to my statement, then had the presence to wonder what time it was, which was in fact, 5:30. That lovely note clued me in to the fact that I'd had a dream, not a real conversation, so trying to discuss this with her was worthless. And that I needed to be up in not-a-lot-of-time. So I went back to sleep. It's... odd.

I've really never done anything like that before. Usually my dreams are too outlandish to switch over like that, my subconscious knows to keep myself asleep. But this was mundane enough to actually wake me up and have it happen for reals. I'm fascinated by this, and wish I knew more. It would be great to know what topic I was dreaming about exactly. I feel like it had something to do with art and obviously a visitor, but I don't know the details.

Anyways, back to what I had intended to discuss in this update...

I've hit an art rut. A wall. I'm stuck in this painting hole, and don't know when I'll be able to crawl out of it. It's really frustrating, because I know I should be able to fix this. It's my Sophomore year of college, this is not the time to be fucking up. It's the time to be developing and honing in on my style. Next year is going to basically be Portfolio Building Year, and I need to have my shit together by then. It won't look good if I've got stuff from highschool in my portfolio, 'cause it means that college was basically a waste. And yet... I dont' think of myself as really producing portfolio-worthy pieces yet. A bothersome thought. I've made a few, sure, but the rest still feel kind-of projecty. I haven't had the motivation to really sit down and make art for myself, 'cause I'm too preoccupied with classwork. It's not good.

On a really good note, I feel comfortable with pen and ink. It's something I enjoy, and I really think I could DO. My sense of line and weight is finally developing itself into something substantial and consistent, something that I can use in projects and it won't look like crap. My girls are growing into a stylistically consistent subject matter, and one that I enjoy. It's a very, very exciting idea. Inks I understand. I can work with ink. But really I'm just elated at my sense of shape emerging. I've always had issues with keeping shape believable, I exaggerate the wrong things ignore the important parts. But no, it's almost there. I can feel it. Just a bit more hammering out and working and we'll get there. Which is so so so so great. To know that I WILL be able to lay things down and go 'look, see? this is what I do.' to an Ad or Illustration House? Ooooooh that's exciting. Because I do have a rather nice knack for being able to replicate styles, but it worries me when my own won't show through. Yeah, it's great to be able to replicate. I like that part of myself, because it means I've got infinite more flexibility in my work than someone who sticks. the. same. every. time. That kind of thing is boring, at least in a consumer sense.

But yeah, ink. Now that I know this I need to go out and actually BUY some damned art ink. I keep using this caligraphy stuff that dad gave me years ago. It's really really nice writing ink, but it does not lend itself to artistic purposes terribly well. Doesn't dilute properly at all. I mean, I fight with it and try, but... yeah. The brown is the one that fascinates me the most, because it changes color entirely based on how much water's in it. At one point it's a pretty constant red shift then add a bit more water and BAM! we've hit yellow. YELLOW. It's crazy, I don't even know where the red goes.
I used Professor Roger's acrylic inks for this next project and I love them. They've got some body and tooth and aren't really afraid to tell me to fuck off with that water stuff, be a man and use them right. It's great. I really want to get ahold of some of my own and then throw it around with acrylic mediums, see what happens. For all I know it'll fall flat and just be dumb looking, but if it WORKS? oooooooh the opportunities... oh man. So excited. MUST TRY.

And then... we have my painting skills. They have gone down the tube. Gone. Shot. I dunno what happened. I stopped working with acrylics for too long and forgot all of the basic rules that Ms. Cathy taught me. It's really deppressing that this has happened. I've been getting too close to my work and too worried in little details when I'm not that kind of artist. I know this, now I need to put it into practice. I work in big blocks and form, color is my name, not value and rendering. Get it right, Mandy. The latest acrylic piece I did turned out like shit. Why? Because I tried to make it into a drawing. My drawing style and painting style are very different, and I forgot. I got ahead of myself. It's something I'm going to hope to avoid in the future... I need to pick up a bunch of cheap canvas boards and just go plein-airing. I think that would be really good for me, on a number of levels, not all of them artistic. And if they turn out like crap, so what? I'll paint over them and try again next week. And I'll only take a little bit of water. That's the part that's frustrating me now, that I'm starting to treat acrylics like watercolors. THEY ARE NOT WATERCOLORS. They are MEANT to be used straight out of the tube, mandy. Thinning down is not what they are meant to do. I have to go back to Junior/Senior year and tap back into that raw, unappologetic vision. It's still there, I know, because it's how I see a painting before I start, it's just somewhere along the execution line that we switch into technical. I need to go back to my color theory roots.

Professor Rogers taught us about this Fletcher color system, and I fell in love. No lie. This man is amazing, this Fletcher, I would so have babies with him. Even thinking about it now is causing an art orgasm. It's so simple, yet so brilliant. I like to over-work my palette with colors of the same saturation level so it all flattens out. It's a pretty basic problem of mine. But this fletcher system, when you actually listen to it, fixes that! It's based off a Soloist/Chorus ideal, and has this nifty color wheel that goes with it. So you put all the standard colors in a wheel, and there's a scalene triangle with the most acute angle highlighted. You put that angle on one color, and it's your Soloist, then the other two points are your 'chorus.' The 'best' use of color is 10/90, but you can push it all the way to 25/75 and still have a concise painting. I love it. There are two versions of the wheel, which give you two different color choices to work with, incase the first one isn't what you want.
He's got a whole list of tube colors that are the closest to the pure hue of Red, Green, Violet etc, then the corresponding desaturated values. Then there's this mutant pentagon that goes around the inside of the circle, touching on values that you can use. The theory is that when you use contrasting colors often times things get too mixed and muddied and your painting looks flat and boring. I mostly run into this problem when using yellow and purple together. For example with fletcher, if I choose Yellow as my soloist my choruses are Blue and Red Violet. However, Blue Violet from the tube is an acceptable answer. So if I mix Blue Violet(Indy Blue) and Red Violet(Alizarin Crimson) together it will give me a violet that is lower in saturation than Dioxazine Purple, yet when actually on the painting looks just as strong. And it won't kill all of the lovely highlights from Cad Yellow!

This is really revolutionizing the way I'm going to look at my artwork from now on. It's... it's like a light in a tunnel. I wasn't sure how to solve my palette problem, and then WHAM. Here comes my savior. I just have to remember to FOLLOW it. To not let myself stray because it's easier to squirt out Viridian than to mix Thalo Turquoise and Perm Green Light to get the right green. It'll be worth it in the end, I know.

But, to segue back to watercolors... fuck. It's what we're working with now in M&TII. I can't use Watercolors. I just can't. They don't talk to me, I don't talk to them. I have a great deal of respect for artists who use them well, it's just not my medium. I don't think like that, never have, and I doubt I ever will. Which, I mean, it's ok. I don't have to be amazing in every medium, y'know? Especially since I'm getting a grasp on pen and ink. But so when given an watercolor assignment I get all fascinated by the cool effect of dropping paint into water and watching it bleed and I overwork things, I have too much color, too much saturation, and I dont' know when to just let it go. Everything starts to be of the same value and same saturation level and that's bad. I finally figured out that's my problem today, that watercolor is too easy to make cool textures with and I am a SUCKER for texture. So I forget what the actual goal of the painting is about and just go haywire. Bad Mandy, Bad. Also, watercolor doesn't push back. I need a medium that pushes back. You can put down water and keep reworking and poking and wetting until finally you've got too much pigment on paper and everything looks like shit because wc won't stand up for itself and say 'STOP.'
This is a really neat look into how my personality affects everything I do. I have that kind of problem with watercolor people. People who are too nice and won't say no so I can just push them around and ask them to do things and not think about it until finally it's too late for them to be my friend. They're perfectly nice people, I just have an overbearing sense of assertion and don't take people who are lacking one seriously. I don't mean anything by it, I just like to have a sense of people's borders so when they don't tell me where they are I don't think about it. Hence, watercolor. This analogy is amazing to me. That it's this pronounced.

Let's take this idea further. Look at acrylic. It comes out of the tube and BAM, there you go. You've got your color, it's unapologetic, it's there and there's nothing you can do about it. Sure you can dilute it some but that's not what it's MEANT for. Put it down on the canvas, if you like it great, if you don't cover it up with something else. It mixes with other Acrylic well, and you can get any color under the sun but it still pushes back. It's not afraid to say 'HEY, you. Quit trying to add water, because I'm going to break down on you quickly and then shit goes to hell.' I love it. I don't have to sit there and manipulate like watercolor requires. It's what I hate the most about wc, that I can't just take something from the tube and put it on paper. I HAVE to add water. I have to dilute. It's the fucking transparency. Transparency and I don't get along. I need solidarity and confidence right from the front, just like in people. I'm not attracted to meek, 'come find me' people, so lulz, I don't look for that in art. That's something I really like about these acrylic inks. They're acrylic based so it's a 'hey don't fuck with me' mixture, but it's ink so it works with my drawing style, which at this point in time is much more reliable than my painting style.
I have to be able to touch things, I need my art to push back. Acrylic, Pen and Ink, Pastel, lord knows Graphite, even Gouache, they all PUSH. Physically PUSH. There is real-life-physics friction involved in applying all of these mediums. It's why I work with them so well, because there's that tension and need for force in application.
Watercolor, most Digital work, sometimes Oil paints, brush inking, colored pencil, none of those have friction. They won't talk back to you, it's all about finesse of the wrist and layering. A skill I seriously lack.

Oh man it feels so good to know all of this. To have it all written out and realized and everything. That I'll be able to look back at this entry years from know and go 'oh. yeah. there's my problem, IT'S FUCKING WATERCOLOR. When will you learn to leave that shit alone, Mandy?' I'm not panicking about my art falling into a hole right now, though. I have the same feeling about it now that I did when I had my first artistic revolution back in early Junior year with acrylics. I didn't get it, nothing made sense about the paint, then I just sat down and did it. It came out, and was phenomenal. I found my muse, we worked, we talked, we cried, we made a fantastic painting I'm still proud of today. There are no words to describe the sense of enlightenment I had after figuring out acrylics and I understood each other. Artists who are reading this, you understand. That sort of bliss that comes when your talent is finally being soothed and used for the greater good and stuff just feels right.
So I know that once I crawl out of this to the other side, it will all be better. I will have found my style, I will be confident about it, and I will apply it to my work. I'll have mediums that I enjoy working in and I will know how to do it. I won't have to fret over whether something will take me longer than expected because I'll already know the process to go with. I'll stop worrying about wanting to make my art and subject matter look like those of the examples given my professor, I will do what makes ME happy. And it will be brilliant. Because then I'll have a portfolio.

:3 I can't wait.

Oh my goodness if anyone actually read all of that? Wow. This is possibly my longest entry yet.

Bird Yarn

mandibug — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 21:51:21 GMT

Oh Hay y'all. I'm a making a list of yarns I want to dye! Basically I've decided that I want to start dyeing and selling my own yarn at some point in the near future, through etsy. I don't have the time or space right now but hopefully I'll be able to do a little bit over spring break and then maybe some over the summer. But so I was thinking that my first batch could be bird-inspired. So here's a list of the birds that I was looking at. Any suggestions? I'll take suggestions for any sort of neat yarn-theme, not just birds. And yeah, I did just get done with a similar bird project. I know. It happens.
A note- iridescence is out, I can't put that into natural fibers.

Here's the list. the first color listed is the primary, with everything else just splotches, but not necessarily of all the same amounts.

Caique: yellow, white, green, orange (possibly small bits of black)
Major Mitchell's cockatoo: white, pink, red, orange
Hyacinth Macaw: blue, grey, yellow
Keel-Billed Toucan: black, green, yellow, magenta, teal
Harpy Eagle: White, grey, black, yellow
Canada Goose: Dark Brown, tan, black, grey, white
Cardinal: Red, black, burnt sienna, small bits of yellow
Yiguirro: Brown, grey, pale yellow

Good Days are Great

mandibug — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:55:35 GMT

ahahahahah. Someone upstairs is looking out for me. Sequential was cancelled today. That's right, caaaaaanceeeelled. It's great. I still had to get up early and basically rush to class because he didn't send out an email saying it was cancelled, but when I got the building another girl from class told me it was. So I just dropped off my pages in his box, and headed on back!
I stopped at starbucks along the way to treat myself for making it through with pages that I'm actually proud of. I think that's an appropriately sized 'treat.' Because they were finished, and I like them, and I think I'll do rather well grade wise. Accomplishment!

"Dwight, you ignorant slut!" Oh man. I have to use ignorant slut as an insult in a really bizarre situation like that. I love this show. I've had it running in the background for basically the last 48 hours. I've made it through all of season 2 and almost all of season 3. That should tell you how much homework I've been doing...
Sometimes I can't STAND Michael though, I just... rururururugh. In Sasha's words, "You'd have him fired by the end of the first day." Because I would. But I admire Steve Carrell a crazy amount for being able to pull off that role. Really, I do. It's very impressive. And some of the lines in there? Goodness gracious they're pushing the envelope!

I hope the rest of the day goes this well. I needed this. I needed a good morning. Someone upstairs is feeling benevolent, or maybe just listened to my Guardian Angel's pleas, and it's nice. I'm not really optimistic about the whole day being great, I'm sure something will end up going wrong later, but at least for now I'm happy :).

I'm going to watch more Office, then L Word and get some sketchbook pages done for seq. Then probably eat, nap, and do Advertising. Good deal.
And if Larison doesn't send out an email telling us what's due? I don't have any required Seq homework!!!!. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

EDITED at 2:54pm
ok. I don't get it. My bullshit tolerance is incredibly low naturally, and that should be very obvious. I can't even really describe this event properly. So I'm just going to copy/paste this AIMchat. Sasha, you'll get a kick out of this kid, and that he's trying to have this conversation with ME.

So I met him through PlentyofFish (yeah, i'm on a dating website...) and he seemed ok the first 2 times we talked, and then just got obnoxious. Insisted on calling me 'love' and such nonsense when I repeatedly asked him not to. And uses chatspeak. Soooo not my kind of kid. So here's our convo today... good lord. Edited to keep it shorter.

Him (after the usual 'hi. how are you' niceties): Nothin just depressed..... as always
Me: I'm sorry, I'd recommend talking to someone if you're typicaly depressed.
Him: Yea but I have noone
Me: I mean a psychologist
Him: Sooo I'll b like this 4 awhile And no they are useless
Me: no, they're not most of them are actually very good at their jobs. or they wouldn't be in business
Him: Right... sure....
Me: have you ever actually had a session with one?
Him: Yea She barely helped at all
Me: how long did you talk to her? and did you try?
Him: Nope Never cared
Me: the vast majority of people I know who have attended therapy have been helped significantly. you know why? they tried. They wanted to get over their problems.
Him: I don like 'em
Me: If you don't want to fix it, then it's goign to stay a problem

[CUT out is more 'meeeeee' crap]

Him: U kno nothing of me
Me: did I say I did?
Him: So why would u care U just feel sorry 4 a poor ass loser who seriously has no life
Me: actually, no. I don't feel sorry for you ((because I don't. He's just pathetic, but I feel no pity for him whatsoever.))

[CUT for more of the 'feel bad for me!' 'no.' crap]

Me: one last question-- if you keep encouraging me to turn my back and leave, why aren't you the one walking away? ((I should've known. These kinds of thought-provoking questions don't actually work.))
Him: Cuz the only way I'll b happy is when I find someone. That'll happen in a few years- cuz I'm a loser heeelo isn't it obvious
Me: if you need someone else to "make you happy" you have larger problems than will be solved by another person.
There is no someone else
And I kno it
She doesn't exsist
Me: I just think you're a mildly pathetic attention whore. Who doesn't know how to get what he wants to he tries to resort to fake depression and suicide threats. maybe it works on other girls, but my bullshit tolerance is far too low to feed your 'woe is me' fire.
Him: Haha Nice
Me: I try.
Him: See wasn't that so hard
Me: no, it was incredibly easy
Him: I'm being me This is how I was treated And this is how it should be
Me: awesome. where's the issue?
Him: Being slammed down by girls like u
Me: you kind of open up the door.
Him: What door 2 my pathetic heart
Me: and if "girls like me" are always slamming you down, why do you try and talk to us? The 'slamming down' door-- no. not your heart. you don't even know where your heart is.
Him: Cuz its fun 2 be destroed by others Pain is strength
Me: like I said, you have larger issues.
Him: My heart is torn I barely have anything left
Me: if that's the case, quit looking for put-downs.
Him: How
Me: uh, don't open up with 'I'm so depressed.' and then when someone gives a suggestion to fix it, don't say 'it doesn't work because I don't care.'
Him: If I had a piece of my heart left I'd throw it at u and see what u'll do 2 it
Me: I'd either ignore it or give it back.
Him: Yea cuz it means nothin
Me: rather, because I don't need it.
Him: Give my last piece 2 someone that doesn't care
Me: your choice, not mine
Him: I don need it I'll just wait till its put back 2gether again
((at this point I just stopped responding. what do you say to that!? He's trying to "give away his heart". When he obviously doesn't even understand how to use the phrase. It's just sad.))

I know. I know. I should know better. IT'S JUST TOO HARD TO SAY NO. I don't know how to walk away from this kind of shit when someone opens up the fucking door for me. I can't. I was depressed, honest to god depressed, and it's something I still have to work with to keep at bay. So it pisses me off immensely when some jackass comes along and tries to fake it to get attention, then goes and bashes psychology because the therapist doesn't have a fucking magic wand. Grrrr.

But it's ok! This does not ruin my day :)

Small Steps.

mandibug — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:03:47 GMT

Cheezits make me feel better. Not enough better, but better.

I think it's the taste of salt. And cheese. Together.

AAAHH. TIME. WHERE ARE YOU?

mandibug — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:00:21 GMT

MOTHERFUCKINGJESUS CHRIST. GHA. GOOD LORD. AGHA;AH;;LHH;EHL;H;.

I really need to write out this huge monologue of all of the "O_________________________O" and "D:" that I've been feeling, BUT I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO TYPE OUT ALL OF THE SHIT I HAVE TO DO. JESUS. GHA.

This semester is going to kick. my. ass. fuck.

Alright, back to fucking Sequential. ~~Sequentialfuckingme~~

mandibug — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:18:01 GMT

R.I.P. Sarah Marie Williams. 1997-2008

You are loved, and will be missed.

Una Cartita

mandibug — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 17:22:06 GMT

Hey guys.

I'm not dead, or AWOL, I'm just in Costa Rica. I'll be down here 'till after Christmas, and my internet options are a little flakey.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, and that things are looking up for a number of you.

Good Luck!

mandibug — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 02:04:39 GMT

OH MY GOD HOUSE THIS WEEK SQUEALFEST.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

BAAAAAAYYYBEEEEEEEE!!!!!! CUDDY HAS A BABY. OH. MY. LORD. AND HOUSE WAS CUTE AND SWEET AND LOOKED SO HAPPY YET SAD. OMG. I just wanted to squish both of them. Or slap House for not hugging her/kissing her cheek/etc. But mostly squish them.

AND FORETEEN. AHAHAH they're cute. I'm okay with them being together.
Also, when Whatshisface opened the door to Kutner I really thought that he was gay and Kutner was meeting someone. That would have made my season if they had an openly GAY character, not just a bisexual who ends up with a dude.

Okay so I really need to make icons. I want to make Mucha, BoB and House icons. Y'know, my 3 fandoms. Maybe some Bones ones too. Just some sort of urge has come over me.

I finished Marisols' shawl, too! It's really pretty, I think. I'm pleased with it, and am pretty sure that I'll be the only one able to see where all the errors are.
Next up are Sophie's Mom's hat, Evan's Hat, The Mystery Person Hat, Ben's Gloves and Kaity's Scarf. Goodness!
I ahve all the yarn for these things though, I just have to... make them. Two of the hats are halfway done, though. Progress is being made.

OH! OH! OH!
And I got a haircut today!
It's pretty cute, it's called a 'swing bob.' Shorter in the back, longer in the front. My only worry is that when I'm not wearing my glasses I look like I'm 16.