The Ramblings of an Accountant

My Zombie Film Music Soundtrack

2011-05-23T16:49:26Z

(stolen from rosiedoes) - another "randomise your ipod and answer these questions" meme. In this case you are naming the songs playing when you do various things during your zombie apocalypse film.

Instead of just listing the songs, I thought I'd get creative and actually describe those scenes in full. This means that you don't need to know the song picked to enjoy the result (although, I suspect a working knowledge of Pink Floyd, Queen and Mika is needed to survive any zombie apocalypse.)

1. The song which plays during: Opening Credits
Velvet Green, Jethro Tull

Velvet Green is obviously the name of the film and is named after the central character, viz. me. Velvet, daughter of hippies and affianced to a rather boring (but successful) accountant and runs the flower shop on the corner of a random suburb of London.¹ Velvet lives in a ground floor flat with two cats, said fiancé and Brian, gay ex-College roommate, and cheese juggler.

2. The song which plays when: You Kill Your First Zombie
On The Turning Away, Pink Floyd

It's an accident, you see. Velvet is used to the glassy, staring eyes of an accountant who suddenly realises he's forgotten to carry the one, so doesn't realise that the man she's just served in the flower shop is, actually, a zombie and wants to eat her brains. She turns away not seeing the zombie reach for her and, fortunately, trips over a dahlia, upsetting a whole display of venus flytraps and calla lillies. The glass shelves shatters, sending deadly shards across the floor of the small flower shop, grazing Velvet's right cheek and neatly beheading the zombie. In a rather classic moment, the head of the, now-deceased, zombie, flys though the plate glass window, straight into the lap of a man drinking a lazy afternoon latte on the pavement outside Starbucks.

3. The song which plays when: You Are Being Chased By A Horde
Short Tales From the Windowpane, Trans-Mission

This sequence in the film is from viewpoint of Arnold, the guy who lives upstairs. He has a few unsavoury habits and is creepily looking out of his attic window with his powerful binoculars, obviously bird-spotting. What he actually spots is myself and the flatmates, exit the scene, pursued by ~~bears~~ ~~zombies~~ zombie bears!!!

Arnold himself is then ripped limb from limb by a small cabal of Brownies in a moving slo-mo sequence of vengence and Daily Mail headlines.

4. The song which plays when: You Have To Kill Your Loved One
Rain, Mika

Because, you know, I hate days like when you wake up next to a zombie and have to neutralise it using only things in the immediate vicinity, viz: a cricket bat, a half-drunk jug of tequila and orange juice, a can of hairspray, a lighter (making a crude but effective flamethrower), a large pile of Accountancy Age backcopies, David Lynch's entire back catalogue onVHS, a small garden gnome that goes by the name of Keith and, finally, a coal shovel.

You know you can find the *strangest* objects in your local library.

5. The song which plays when: You Find A Group Of Survivors
Manhatten Skyline, A-Ha

Brian and Velvet make it to the coast, where they pack up a small boat and set out to find Ireland, in the hope of meeting non-Zombiefied humans there. (Or, at least, zombiefied leprechauns, for a bit of variety.) Unfortunately while Brian is an expert cheese juggler, neither of our heroes is any good at sea navigation and finally find themselves sailing up the Hudson River.

Luckily, due to the fact the Producer is American and put his foot down, they have found the Land of the Free from Zombies and are able to stay for a while, starring in a cut-price version of Will and Grace (cut price because they are in quarantine for the entire time, but it helps pay the bills.)

6. The song which plays when: You Meet A New Love Interest
Musclebound, Spandau Ballet

Velvet and Brian, pronounced free of the zombie curse paralysing the UK (and causing Yorkshire Tea import prices to sky rocket), finally are let free on a temporary visa².They immediately decide to celebrate by going to the nearest bar and getting drunk, where Velvet runs into the most handsome (and ripped) man she has ever met. Unfortunately, it turns out he prefers Brian and Velvet is left on her own, whilst Brian and Lucas skip off to Canada to get married.

7. The song which plays when: You Make A Final Stand
My Life Has Been Saved, Queen

Betrayed, bereft and bewildered, Velvet makes her way back to London, content now only to die on home soil. Her only solace, to take as many of the zombie scum as possible. She rigs together a wooden sailing barge with as much fire power as possible - flame throwers, explosive devices and matches - and sails it up the Thames. Her last stand against the forces of darkness.

Thankfully, during the weeks of quarantine in America, England has managed to push back the zombie attack, confining the disease to Kent and parts of Sussex, as the real reason why Britain is still a monarchy is revealed. Velvet's arrival up the Thames with Nemesis (her sailing barge) however, takes out a small band of zombies intent on attacking the Queen as she finalises the zombie containment in what was previously England's Garden³, thus single-handedly saving Britain from the Zombie scourge and earning the undying⁴ gratitude of a grateful Queen and British public.

This is, in no way, unrealistic.

8. The song which plays when: You Think You've Survived It All
We're Not Deep, Housemartins

Brian, and Lucas, return to Britain now that the zombies are contained. The three settle down to a life of bucolic bliss in Streatham (for some reason, the main change to London is that it's suddenly gone very green...)

9. The song which plays when: You Discover A Bite Mark
Ant Music, Adam Ant

Luckily, the bite mark Velvet notices one Sunday afternoon while relaxing in the garden of the Mucky Duck, is actually a small number of ant bites and everyone is very relieved.

10. The song which plays during: The Closing Credits
Wonderful Life, Black

Because it is.

The End.

Except, because this is a zombie film (and not even a Zom Rom-Com or even a LoM Zom Rom-Com) there will be a bonus scene for those who stick to the end of the credits, where Velvet actually finds out it's not actually a small number of ant bites, but a small number of Zombie Ant bites, at which she begins to turn... (Link NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH)⁵

*cue evil laugh - Mhahahahahahahhahahah!!!*

1 It's probably Streatham because, bloody hell, random is the kindest thing you can call Streatham.
2 It's a film, of course it's unrealistic.
3 Chatham, as the old joke goes, being the bit where the bins are kept.
4 Okay, possibly a stupid phrase there...
5 Seriously: DO NOT click the link if you are of a nervous disposition, do not want to believe in zombie ants or are just plain horrified.

Mhahahahahahahahah!

Dawning Realisation

2011-04-05T10:12:52Z

Due to the fact the department I work for has the initials "K" & "I", I've just realised that I work for "Kandi". That's slightly worrying...

No actual piccies of the real dress yet (we're a superstitious bunch and there won't be until after the wedding), but here are stock photos of C and I's* dresses. They are rather lush...

Dresses by Vivien Of Holloway

Andy's Dress

Cuvalwen's Dress

* Candi? Well, it's better than C and A... *oh bugger* ...

Because.

2011-03-29T15:13:52Z

~^(;,;)^~

It's a Gnother Gnu

2011-02-04T17:57:28Z

Bizarre (though interesting) article in the New Scientist today:

True Blood: The Real Vampire Slayers

Such scholarly articles, I suppose, are both an interest and necessary every time the vampire legend takes another left turn into sparkledom. (And actually it's interesting to plot the movement in the legend and how it takes a leap forward every time vampires become popular again, for whatever reason.)

I, in fact, have several books/articles on the rise of the mythology. Which probably doesn't surprise anyone here...

What does make me boggle is why is the New Scientist so interested?!

Perhaps this April Fools' I'll start the rumour that New Scientist is actually a spoof, like The Onion.

Oops. I just did.

Apropos of nothing, how do you pronounce "gnu"? (And I'm asking how you pronounce it, not how it's properly pronounced....)

View Poll: How Do you Pronounce Gnu?

Procrastination - the Art of Kings

2011-01-15T20:34:41Z

I've got a million and one things I could be doing. All important and necessary.

So why am I futzing about on the internet, wasting time?

Ah, procrastination, how we love thee.

*sigh*

Ten Lords A Lepping

2010-12-27T18:49:35Z

So that's Christmas over for another year. I'm currently somewhere south of Grantham, travelling back on the train down to London to be with my honey again. Saw the sis this morning, so the text I received on Christmas morning (a picture of my Christmas pressies, still sat in Lincoln due to bad weather!) physically manifested. Which is great!

The pressie haul was pretty good this year. As well as the Inspector Morse DVDs from the parental unit, I got both Queen Greatest Flix DVDs as well as a lovely collection of terribly hilarious Hammer Horror Dracula DVDs from C. (She knows I fancy Christopher Lee something rotten, and only teases me about it occasionally*. Star pressie this year was from not_here, who sent me a beautiful stainless steel casserole dish, so I can bore you all even more with new recipe cards in the New Year. Wasn't that thoughtful of her??!

There's still New Year to go, of course, so I'm not stopping there with the 'carols'. Although this next one can't really be called a carol, but it's definitely one of those songs that makes the season! I've picked this version because the singers are obviously having a fantastic time. So, here's The Spinners singing The Twelve Days of Christmas</a>

* Only once or twice a week, in fact.

I Wish You a Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T01:53:53Z

Without further comment because it's almost 2am and I've been trying to find this version on Youtube for several weeks, here's the Monte Vista Christian School Choir with:

A Merry Christmas indeed. With love to you all, because you are all fabulous.

Snowy Christmas

2010-12-23T16:07:34Z

So here's a brief hello from the frozen North of England. I'm typing this one-handed because Bonny has claimed my right hand as her exclusive property...

She is uttery adorable, but very tiny. She's not going to get much bigger either. There *will* be pics!!!

Anyhow, today's carol is one you will all have heard, but I've been searching for this particular arrangement for weeks. The discordant chanting underneath is wonderful, but it's the descant that is a true marvel. Here is the London Cantata Singers with "I Saw Three Ships".

(unfortunately embedding is disabled with this one, and there's no visual.)

I Saw Three Ships

The Obligatory Snow Post

2010-12-02T12:30:59Z

So yes, we've had an inch of snow in London. I've still made it into the office though (go me!) Let's see how quickly I can get back out again...

Because draycevixen is doing a list of her favourite Christmas Songs, I thought I'd get onto the band wagon and do the same thing. She's picking popular music, but as I love singing Christmas Carols, I thought that I might pick out some of my favourite from that genre.

Mind you, favourite seems to equal 'unusual'...

I therefore present my first pick, The Gloucestershire Wassail.

You can tell it's a drinking song, can't you?!

It's also my first embedded video, so lets see how this one goes...

question...

2010-11-20T22:56:34Z

Phil Glenister's normal accent just sounds like a working class Northerner trying to sound posh, y/y???

This post is brought to you by watching TV (specifically Dave) for the first time in six months.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

When QUAN GO?

2010-10-14T11:24:33Z

In case the Cabinet Office and Number 10 sites have fallen over again, here's the Public Body Proposed Reforms in full. (Cut for hideously long tables)

Department Public Body Proposed Reforms

Business, Innovation and Skills (BIS)

ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Aircraft and Shipbuilding Industries Arbitration Tribunal	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions
British Hallmarking Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should be independent of Government. Functions to be modified to enable more efficient operation of the hallmarking system
British Nuclear Fuels Limited	No longer a Public Corporation - Abolish body, subject to transferring remaining assets and liabilities
British Shipbuilders	No longer a Public Corporation - Abolish body. Remaining functions are already carried out by the department
Capital for Enterprise Limited	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should be independent of Government
Central Arbitration Committee	Merge - Merge with Certification Office
Certification Office	Merge - Merge with Central Arbitration Committee
Competition Appeals Tribunal	Retain - Retain and consider, by July 2011, the case for transferring the sponsorship of the CAT to the MoJ tribunal service
Competition Commission	Merge - Government will consult in the new year on a merger with the competition functions of the Office of Fair Trading
Competition Service	No longer an NDPB - By April 2011, consider the case for abolition and transfer of functions to MoJs tribunal service
Construction Industry Training Board	Under consideration - Complete consideration by November 2010 of transferring body and functions to private sector status
Consumer Focus	No longer an NDPB - Government will consider the outcome of ongoing sectoral reviews and consult early next year on proposals to abolish Consumer Focus and transfer its function to Citizens Advice
Copyright Tribunal	No longer an NDPB - Subject to final agreement, transfer jurisdiction of this tribunal into MoJ’s tribunal service
Design Council	No longer an NDPB - Seek to establish as an independent charity, subject to Privy Council agreement
Export Credit Guarantee Department ¹	Retain - Retain on the grounds of performing a technical function
Export Guarantees Advisory Council ²	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function
Engineering Construction Industry Training Board	Under consideration - Complete consideration by November 2010 of transferring body and functions to private sector status
Film Industry Training Board	Under consideration - Complete consideration by November 2010 of transferring body and functions to private sector status
Financial Reporting Council	Retain and substantially reform - Remove reliance on Government funding
Hearing Aid Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolished in July 2010 and reformed functions transferred to Health Professions Council
HEFCE (Higher Education Funding Council for England)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Industrial Development Advisory Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Insolvency Practitioners Tribunal	Under consideration - As part of Insolvency Service consultation on licensing of insolvency practitioners to be issued November 2010
Local Better Regulation Office	Under consideration - Primary Authority and other deregulatory functions will be maintained and an appropriate delivery mechanism to provide independent technical expertise will be announced by December
Low Pay Commission	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
NESTA (National Endowment for Science, Technology and the Arts)	No longer an NDPB - Seek to establish as an independent charity. Endowment to be held in a separate trust
Ofcom	Merge - The postal services regulator, Postcomm, will be merged into Ofcom. Several Ofcom duties will be removed or modified
Office for Fair Access	Under consideration - Proposals on the future of the Office for Fair Access will be made in the White Paper on the future strategy for higher education to be published by the end of the year
Office of Fair Trading	Merge - Government will consult in the New Year on a merger of OFT's competition functions with the Competition Commission and transfer of consumer and enforcement functions
Office of Manpower Economics	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Postcomm	Merge - Postcomm will be merged with the communications industry regulator - Ofcom
Regional Development Agencies (x 8)	No longer an NDPB - RDAs will be abolished and functions which are to be retained will be transferred to central or local government and others, as previously announced
Research Councils (x 7)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Royal Mail Holdings Plc	Retain - Transfer Royal Mail to private sector over time
SITPRO Ltd	No longer an NDPB - Abolished at the end of September and remaining functions transferred to department
Strategic Advisory Board for Intellectual Property	No longer an NDPB - Body and some functions abolished, remainder transferred to UK Intellectual Property Office
Student Loans Company	Under consideration - Proposals on the future of the Student Loan Company will be made in the White Paper on the future strategy for higher education to be published by the end of the year
Technology Strategy Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
UK Atomic Energy Authority	Under consideration - Complete by October 2010 consideration of whether functions could be carried out more effectively elsewhere
UK Commission for Employment and Skills	Under consideration - Complete review by end of year of core functions and the most appropriate organisational model to deliver a simplified skills landscape across the UK
UKTI (UK Trade International)³	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function
Union Modernisation Fund Supervisory Board	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function. No further rounds will be held of the Union Modernisation Fund so the work of the Board is complete
Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment Advisory Body (WAB)	No longer an NDPB - Abolished at the end of September and remaining functions transferred to department
1 This body is a Department in its own right. The Rt Hon Vince Cable is the Secretary of State responsible
2 This body reports to the Export Credit Guarantee Department. The Rt Hon Vince Cable is the Secretary of State responsible
3 This body is a Department in its own right. The Rt Hon Vince Cable is the Secretary of State responsible

Cabinet Office (CO)

Advisory Committee on Business Appointments	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Capacitybuilders	No longer an NDPB - Alternative delivery for capacity building activity is under review
Central Office of Information	Under consideration - Pending a review of Government advertising to be finalised by the end of November
Charity Commission for England and Wales	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Civil Service Appeal Board	No longer an NDPB - Any residual work will be accommodated elsewhere within the Civil Service. It is likely to take 12 months to wind down the current workload
Commission for the Compact	No longer an NDPB - The functions of the Commission for the Compact (to champion and promote the Compact) will be carried out by Compact Voice and the Cabinet Office respectively
Committee on Standards in Public Life	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Government Strategic Marketing Advisory Board	No longer an NDPB - GSMAB is no longer an Internal Advisory Committee – any remaining function will be passed to the Efficiency and Reform Group
House of Lords Appointments Commission	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Main Honours Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Will remain as an advisory group, administered from within the Cabinet Office
National School of Government	Under consideration - The position will be determined by a broader review of civil service learning and development to report by the end of November
Office for Civil Society Advisory Body	No longer an NDPB - The Advisory Body will be abolished when the member’s terms of office come to an end on 31/03/11
Security Commission	No longer an NDPB - For any breach of security the Government will consider the need for an inquiry, and how it should be conducted
Security Vetting Appeals Panel	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Senior Salaries Review Body	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality

Communities and Local Government (CLG)

Advisory Panel for the Local Innovation Awards Scheme	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
Advisory Panel on Standards for the Planning Inspectorate	No longer an NDPB - Abolished body. The Planning Inspectorate has an internal challenge process that offers quality assurance
Architects Registration Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Audit Commission for Local Authorities and the National Health Service in England	No longer a Public Corporation - Disband and transfer audit practice into private ownership, as previously announced
Building Regulations Advisory Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function
Community Development Foundation	No longer an NDPB - Has charitable status. Support to move to adoption of social enterprise model
Firebuy	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer procurement functions to alternative suppliers, and residual functions to department
Homes and Communities Agency	Retain and substantially reform - Smaller enabling and investment body working for local communities. Intend to devolve London functions to Mayor of London. Taking on regulation of social housing
Independent Housing Ombudsman Ltd	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Infrastructure Planning Commission	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and create a Major Infrastructure Planning Unit within the Planning Inspectorate, as previously announced
The Leasehold Advisory Service	Under consideration - Will work towards a future merger with a specialist advice service. Decision by April 2011
Commission for Administration (also known as Local Government Ombudsman)	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
London Thames Gateway Development Corporation	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and devolve functions to local government or other London bodies
National Housing and Planning Advice Unit	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
National Tenant Voice	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
Olympic Park Legacy Company Ltd	No longer an NDPB - Devolve functions to Mayor of London. Reconstituted as a Mayoral Development Corporation
Ordnance Survey	Retain - On grounds of performing a technical function
Rent Assessment Panels / Residential Property Tribunal Service	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and transfer jurisdiction of these tribunals into MoJs tribunal service
Standards Board for England	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions, as previously announced
The Office for Tenants and Social Landlords (also known as Tenant Services Authority)	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body. Regulatory functions passed to Homes and Communities Agency. Independent economic regulation safeguarded. Consumer regulation slimmed down
Thurrock Development Corporation	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and devolve functions to local government
Valuation Tribunal for England	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and transfer jurisdiction of this tribunal into MoJs tribunal service
Valuation Tribunal Service	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and transfer functions of this body into MoJs tribunal service
West Northamptonshire Development Corporation	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and devolve functions to local government (local authority led delivery body)

Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS)

Advisory Committee on Historic Wreck Sites	No Longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer functions in relation to England to English Heritage, as previously announced
Advisory Committee on National Historic Ships	No Longer an NDPB - Declassify and transfer functions, as previously announced
Advisory Committee on the Government Art Collection	No Longer an NDPB - Declassify and reconstitute as a committee of experts.
Advisory Council on Libraries	No Longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions, as previously announced
Arts Council England	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
BBC	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Big Lottery Fund	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality. Move policy responsibility to Cabinet Office
British Library	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Channel 4	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Churches Conservation Trust	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Commission for Architecture and the Built Environment	Under Consideration - Still considering the options for reform
English Heritage	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Football Licensing Authority	No longer an NDPB - Abolish the current NDPB and transfer expertise and functions to another body
Gambling Commission	Merge - Merge with National Lottery Commission, as previously announced
Historic Royal Palaces	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Horserace Betting Levy Appeal Tribunal	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Horserace Betting Levy Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government. Modify functions to remove Secretary of State's role in determining the levy
Horserace Totalisator Board	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and sell
Legal Deposit Advisory Panel	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions, as previously announced
Museums and Galleries (British Museum, Horniman Museum, Geffrye Museum, Imperial War Museum, Museum of Science and Industry Manchester, National Gallery, National Maritime Museum, National Museum of Science and Industry, National Museums Liverpool, National Portrait Gallery, Natural History Museum, Royal Armouries, Sir John Sloane's Museum, Tate Gallery, Victoria & Albert Museum, Wallace Collection)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Museums, Libraries and Archives Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer functions, as previously announced
National Heritage Memorial Fund/Heritage Lottery Fund	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
National Lottery Commission	Merge - Merge with Gambling Commission, as previously announced
Olympic Delivery Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government. To be wound up as planned by March 2014, as previously announced
Olympic Lottery Distributor	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality. To be wound up as planned by March 2013, as previously announced
Public Lending Right	No longer an NDPB - Abolish the current NDPB and transfer functions
Reviewing Committee on the Export of Works of Art	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
S4C	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government. Amend current RPI/funding link
Sport England	Merge - Merge with UK Sport, as previously announced
The Theatres Trust	No longer an NDPB - Continue as a charity, as previously announced
Treasure Valuation Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
UK Anti Doping	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which requires impartiality
UK Film Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer functions, as previously announced
UK Sport	Merge - Merge with Sport England, as previously announced
Visit Britain	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Visit England	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government. Modify constitution to increase representation of destinations on Visit England Board

Department of Energy and Climate Change (DECC)

Advisory Committee on Carbon Abatement Technologies	No longer an NDPB - This body was abolished (body and function) in July 2010
Civil Nuclear Police Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Coal Authority	Retain - A decision has been made to retain this body because it needs to act independently. This body is under longer term review by DECC as announced in the 2010 Annual Energy Statement
Committee on Climate Change	Retain - Retain on the grounds of the need to act independently
Committee on Radioactive Waste Management	Retain - Retain on the grounds of the need to act independently
Fuel Poverty Advisory Group	Retain - Retain on the grounds of the need to act independently
Nuclear Decommissioning Authority	Retain - Retain on the grounds of performing a technical function
Nuclear Liabilities Fund	Retain - Retain on the grounds of performing a technical function
Nuclear Liability Financing Assurance Board	Retain - Retain on the grounds of performing a technical function
Ofgem	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality. This body is under review by DECC as announced in the 2010 Annual Energy Statement
Renewables Advisory Board	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
UK Chemical Weapons Convention National Authority Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function. Options for retaining stakeholder input in this area are being considered

Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra)

Advisory Committee on Hazardous Substances	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Advisory Committee on Organic Standards	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions
Advisory Committee on Packaging	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Advisory Committee on Pesticides	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Advisory Committee on Releases to the Environment	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Agriculture and Horticulture Development Board	Under consideration - Initiate debate with industry about future of body, including non-public sector options
Agricultural Dwelling House Advisory Committees (x16)	No longer an NDPB - Abolish bodies and functions, as previously announced
Agricultural Land Tribunal	Under consideration - Currently considering, by the end of 2010, scope to transfer jurisdiction of this tribunal into MoJ’s tribunal service
Agricultural Wages Board for England and Wales	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and bring agricultural workers under national minimum wages legislation, as previously announced
Agricultural Wages Committees (x15)	No longer an NDPB - Abolish bodies and functions, as previously announced
Air Quality Expert Group	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Animal Health and Welfare Strategy England Implementation Group	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions
British Waterways	No longer a Public Corporation - Abolish as a public corporation in England and Wales and create a new waterways charity – similar to a National Trust for the waterways
British Wool Marketing Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Broads Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government; but review governance and increase accountability
Commission for Rural Communities	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and reinforce Government's capacity to reflect rural interests in policies and programmes, as previously announced
Committee on Agricultural Valuation	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions, as previously announced
Commons Commissioners	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions, as previously announced
Consumer Council for Water	Under consideration - Decision to be taken as part of OFWAT review launched on 26 August. Outcome of the review will be set out in the Water White Paper, due for publication in June 2011
Covent Garden Market Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Darwin Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Environment Agency	Retain and substantially reform - Reform through structural, process and cultural change to become a more efficient and customer focused organisation; and clarify accountabilities. Further announcements after the spending review. The Environment Agency in Wales may move to form part of a WAG Environmental Body.
Expert Panel on Air Quality Standards	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions
Farm Animal Welfare Council	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Food from Britain	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions
Forestry Commission	Retain and substantially reform - Details of reform will be set out by Defra later in the autumn as part of the Government’s strategic approach to forestry in England. The Forestry Commission in Wales may move to form part of a WAG Environmental Body.
Gangmasters Licensing Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Independent Agricultural Appeals Panel	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Inland Waterways Advisory Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions, as previously announced
Internal Drainage Boards (x 160)	Retain and substantially reform - Improve efficiency and accountability, amend functions, and increase the involvement of local communities
Joint Nature Conservation Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Marine Management Organisation	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of government
National Forest Company	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of government
National Parks Authorities (x9)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of government; but review governance and increase accountability
National Standing Committee on Farm Animal Genetic Resources	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Natural England	Retain and substantially reform - Reform through structural, process and cultural change to become a more efficient and customer focused organisation; and clarify accountabilities. Further announcements after the spending review
OFWAT	Retain - Review launched 26 August to ensure it is fit for future challenges. The outcome of the review will be set out in the Water White Paper, due for publication in June 2011
Pesticide Residues Committee	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Plant Varieties and Seeds Tribunal	Under consideration - Currently considering, by the end of 2010, scope to transfer jurisdiction of this tribunal into MoJ’s tribunal service
Royal Botanic Gardens Kew	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Royal Commission on Environmental Pollution	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions as previously announced
Science Advisory Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of independence, and broaden remit to strengthen co-ordination of all Defra science advice
Sea Fish Industry Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Sea Fish Licence Tribunal	Under consideration - Currently considering, by the end of 2010, scope to transfer jurisdiction of this tribunal into MoJ’s tribunal service
Spongiform Encephalopathy Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer functions to Department of Health
Sustainable Development Commission	Under consideration - Future of body currently being considered in light of Defra's decision to withdraw funding at end of 2010/11; as previously announced
Veterinary Products Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Veterinary Residues Committee	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts
Zoos Forum	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a committee of experts

Department for Education (DfE)

British Educational Communications and Technology Agency	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer some functions to the Department for Education, as previously announced
Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service	Under Consideration - Being considered by the Family Justice Review Panel as part of a full review of the family justice system, reporting in 2011
Children’s Workforce Development Council	Under Consideration - Options being considered with an announcement being made before the end of 2010
General Teaching Council for England	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body as part of the Government’s wider plans to streamline and improve arrangements for tackling underperforming teachers, as previously announced
Independent Advisory Group on Teenage Pregnancy	No longer an NDPB - Abolish once the existing remit for the group comes to an end in December 2010. Arrangements to be made for access to expert advice to Government as required
National College for Leadership of Schools and Children’s Services	Under Consideration - Options being considered with an announcement being made before the end of 2010
Ofqual	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which requires impartiality. Introduce legislation to strengthen governance arrangements
Ofsted	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which requires impartiality. Reform inspection functions to increase proportionality and reduce burdens
Partnerships for Schools	Under Consideration - Subject to the overarching review of Department for Education’s capital expenditure, to be completed in December 2010
Qualifications and Curriculum Development Agency	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer some functions (including key activities such as National Curriculum Tests) to the Department for Education, as previously announced
School Food Trust	No longer an NDPB - Abolish NDPB status, but continue as a charity with the potential to become a community interest company
School Support Staff Negotiating Body	Under Consideration - Subject to further discussions with employer and union representatives
School Teachers’ Review Body	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires political impartiality
Teachers TV Board of Governors	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions
The Office of the Children’s Commissioner	Under Consideration - Subject to a formal review to be finalised by the end of November 2010
Training and Development Agency for Schools	Under Consideration - Options being considered with an announcement being made before the end of 2010
Young People’s Learning Agency	Under Consideration - Subject to education structural reforms

Department for International Development (DfID)

Commonwealth Development Corporation	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Commonwealth Scholarship Commission in the UK	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality

Department of Health (DH)

Administration of Radioactive Substances Advisory Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Advisory Board on the Registration of Homeopathic Products	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) committee of experts
Advisory Committee on Antimicrobial Resistance and Healthcare Associated Infections	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Advisory Committee on Borderline Substances	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Advisory Committee on Clinical Excellence Awards	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Advisory Committee on Dangerous Pathogens	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Advisory Committee on the Safety of Blood, Tissues and Organs	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Advisory Group on Hepatitis	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Alcohol Education and Research Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolish as an NDPB and remain as a charity, as previously announced
Appointments Commission	No longer an NDPB - Abolish - accountability for remaining public appointments will rest with Ministers, as previously announced
British Pharmacopoeia Commission	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Care Quality Commission	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Commission on Human Medicines	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Committee on Carcogenicity of Chemicals in Food, Consumer Products and the Environment	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Committee on Medical Effects of Air Pollutants	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Committee on Medical Aspects of Radiation in the Environment	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Committee on Mutagenicity of Chemicals in Food, Consumer Products and the Environment	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Committee on the Safety of Devices	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) committee of experts
Council for Healthcare Regulatory Excellence	No longer an NDPB - Abolish as an NDPB and make a self-funding body, as previously announced
Expert Advisory Group on AIDS	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Gene Therapy Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and transfer some functions to new research regulator
General Social Care Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolish as an NDPB and transfer functions to Health Professions Council, as previously announced
Genetics and Insurance Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body. Functions have been transferred to other bodies
Health Protection Agency	No longer an NDPB - Abolish as an NDPB and transfer functions as part of the new Public Health Service, as previously announced
Herbal Medicines Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) committee of experts
Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority	No longer an NDPB - Transfer functions to other regulators (body to be abolished by end of current Parliament), as previously announced
Human Genetics Commission	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health committee of experts
Human Tissue Authority	No longer an NDPB - Transfer functions to other regulators (body to be abolished by end of current Parliament), as previously announced
Independent Advisory Group on Sexual Health and HIV	No longer an NDPB - Abolish and replace with a stakeholder advisory group
Independent Reconfiguration Panel	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Independent Review Panel for the Classification of Borderline Products	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA)committee of experts
Independent Review panel on the Advertising of Medicines	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) committee of experts
Joint Committee on Vaccination and Immunisations	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health / Public Health Service committee of experts
Medical Education England	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Monitor	Retain - Retain and make an economic regulator
National Information Governance Board for Health and Social Care	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer statutory functions to the Care Quality Commission and obtain some advice currently provided by NIGB from within the Department of Health or other bodies
National Joint Registry Steering Committee	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health committee of experts
NHS Pay Review Body	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Review Body on Doctors’ and Dentists’ Remuneration	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Scientific Advisory Committee on Nutrition	No longer an NDPB - Reconstitute as a Department of Health committee of experts

Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO)

BBC World Service	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function and impartiality grounds
British Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Caribbean Board	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
Diplomatic Service Appeals Board	Under consideration - The department is reviewing and exploring options and will report in January 2011
Foreign Compensation Commission	Under consideration - This is currently under consideration
Government Hospitality Advisory Committee on the purchase of Wines	No longer an NDPB - The NDPB will be abolished and the function is under departmental review
Great Britain China Centre	Under consideration - This is currently under consideration by the department
Marshall Aid Commemoration Commission	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
The Westminster Foundation for Democracy	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
UK India Round Table	Under consideration - This is currently under consideration by the department

HM Treasury

Royal Mint Advisory Committee on the design of coins, medals, seals and decorations

Retain - Retain on the grounds of providing a technical function. The most cost-effective way to provide the specialist knowledge needed to advise the Chancellor and HM the Queen on coin designs

Ministry of Justice (MoJ)

Advisory Committee on Justices of the Peace (x 101)	Merge - Merge and reduce number to 49 on the grounds of impartiality
Administrative Justice and Tribunal Council	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
Advisory Committee on Civil Costs	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Advisory Council on Historical Manuscripts	Merge - Merge with the Advisory Council on National Records and Archives
Advisory Council on National Records and Archives	Retain - Retain on the grounds of providing a technical function which should be independent of Government
Advisory Council on Public Records	Merge - Merge with the Advisory Council on National Records and Archives
Advisory Panel on Public Sector Information	Under consideration - Under consideration, subject to confirming the relationship of this body with the newly-established Transparency Board
Assessor for Compensation for Miscarriages of Justice	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Chief Coroner of England and Wales/Chief Coroner’s Office (1 body)	No longer a statutory body - Abolish body and function. Certain functions to be transferred, either to the Lord Chancellor or the Lord Chief Justice.
Civil Justice Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Civil Procedure Rule Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Courts Boards (x 19)	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
Courts Fund Office	Retain and substantially reform - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires political impartiality - but outsource investment activity
Criminal Cases Review Commission	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority	Retain - Retain on the grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Criminal Procedure Rule Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Crown Court Rule Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer functions to Lord Chief Justice in consultation with other rule committees
Crown Prosecution Service	Merge - Merge with Revenue and Customs Prosecutions Office. Public Bodies Bill will legislatively complete the reform which was effected in Jan 2010
Family Justice Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Family Procedure Rule Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
HM Inspectorate of Court Administration	No longer a statutory body - Abolish body and transfer essential functions to the appropriate inspectorate, as previously announced
HM Inspectorate of Prisons	Retain - Retain on the grounds of transparency
HM Inspectorate of Probation	Retain - Retain on the grounds of transparency
Prisons and Probation Ombudsman	Retain - Retain on the grounds of transparency
HM Land Registry	Retain and substantially reform - Retain on the grounds of transparency - but Government will undertake a feasibility study to scope out the opportunities presented by private sector investment
Independent Advisory Panel on Deaths in Custody	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Independent Monitoring Boards of Prisons, Immigration Removal Centres and Short-Term Holding Rooms (x 147)	Retain - Retain on the grounds of transparency
Information Commissioner’s Office	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Insolvency Rules Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Judicial Appointments Commission	Under consideration - Under consideration - but subject to Judicial Appointments Review
Judicial Appointments and Conduct Ombudsman	Under consideration - Under consideration - but subject to Judicial Appointments Review
Land Registration Rule Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Law Commission of England and Wales	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Legal Services Board	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Legal Services Commission	No longer an NDPB - Abolish as NDPB - change to Executive Agency , as previously announced
Legal Services Ombudsman	No longer a statutory body - Abolish both body and function - decision already taken to abolish by 2011
Magistrates’ Courts Rule Committee	No longer a statutory body - Abolish - body will be discontinued and function will transfer to other rule committee
Office for Legal Complaints (funded by profession)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires political impartiality
Official Solicitor	Retain - Retain on the grounds of transparency
Parole Board of England and Wales	Retain and substantially reform - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government but consider future status
Probation Trusts (x 35)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires political impartiality
Prison Services Pay Review Body	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Public Guardian Board	No longer a statutory body - Abolish body and function
Public Trustee	Retain and substantially reform - Retain on the grounds of impartiality, consider the potential for further outsourcing
Restraint Accreditation Board	Retain - Retain on the grounds of transparency
Revenue and Customs Prosecutions Office	Merge - Merge with Crown Prosecution Office. Public Bodies Bill will legislatively complete the reform which was effected in Jan 2010
Sentencing Council for England and Wales	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
The National Archives	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Tribunal Procedure Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Victim's Advisory Panel	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function
Victims Commissioner	Retain - Retain on the grounds of impartiality
Youth Justice Board for England and Wales	No longer an NDPB - Abolish as part of wider criminal justice reforms

Home Office (HO)

Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Animal Procedures Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function. Subject to consultation in due course when new EU directive is transposed into law
Forensic Science Service	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Independent Police Complaints Commission	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Independent Safeguarding Authority	Under consideration - Subject to review of the Vetting and Barring Scheme announced by the Home Secretary that will be launched in due course
Investigatory Powers Tribunal	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Migration Advisory Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
National DNA Database Ethics Group	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
National Policing Improvement Agency	No longer an NDPB - Currently considering which functions must be delivered nationally and where they should sit in a rationalised national policing landscape, as previously announced
Office of Surveillance Commissioners	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Office of the Immigration Services Commissioner	Under consideration - Future options, including possible merger, under consideration
Police Advisory Board, Police Negotiating Board and Police Arbitration Tribunal	Under consideration - The review of police remuneration and conditions of service has been asked to consider how these are determined, by 2011
Police Discipline Appeals Tribunal	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Security Industry Authority	No Longer an NDPB - Phased transition to new regulatory regime
Serious Organised Crime Agency	Merge - Merge functions into the new National Crime Agency, as previously announced
Technical Advisory Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government

Government Equalities Office (GEO)

Equality and Human Rights Commission	Retain and substantially reform - Retain, with better focus on its core regulatory functions and improved use of taxpayers' money
Women’s National Commission	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and bring core functions into the Government Equalities Office, which will ensure direct Ministerial engagement with women and women's organisations

Ministry of Defence (MoD)

Advisory Committee on Conscientious Objectors	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Advisory Group on Military Medicine	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Animal Welfare Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and function, as previously announced
Armed Forces Pay Review Body	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Central Advisory Committee on Pensions and Compensation	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Defence Nuclear Safety Committee	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Defence Scientific Advisory Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Independent Monitoring Board for the Military Corrective Training Centre	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
National Army Museum	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
National Employer Advisory Board	Under consideration - Options being considered as to how the functions could be provided by a committee of experts
National Museum of the Royal Navy	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Nuclear Research Advisory Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Oil and Pipelines Agency	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Review Board for Government Contracts	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Royal Air Force Museum	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Science Advisory Committee on the Medical Implications of Less-Lethal Weapons	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Veterans Advisory and Pensions Committees (x 13)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality

Department for Transport (DfT)

BRB (Residuary) Ltd	No longer a Public Corporation - Abolish body and transfer functions to the Secretary of State for Transport. BRBR will be wound up once a programme of asset disposals is complete
British Transport Police Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent from Government
Civil Aviation Authority	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Commission for Integrated Transport	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and seek arrangement that delivers external analysis and strategic advice on cross-modal transport policy and realising benefits, at lower cost
Cycling England	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body. We have announced a Local Sustainable Travel Fund and will explore ways of marshalling expert input on cycling issues, including to support the Fund
Disabled Persons’ Transport Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body. We are exploring options for continuing to gain the disability advice we need through a more flexible, accountable structure
Directly Operated Railways Ltd	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
London and Continental Railways Ltd	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Northern Lighthouse Board	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government
Office of Rail Regulation	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Passenger Focus/Passengers' Council	Retain and substantially reform - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality. Substantially reform to focus on core role of protecting passengers, while reducing cost to taxpayers
Railway Heritage Committee	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and functions. No equivalent protection applies to the heritage items of any other transport sector
Renewable Fuels Agency	No longer an NDPB - Abolish body and transfer functions to the Secretary of State for Transport
Traffic Commissioners and Deputies	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a function which requires impartiality
Trinity House Lighthouse Service	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should remain independent of Government

Department of Work and Pensions(DWP)

Child Maintenance and Enforcement Commission	No longer an NDPB - Will become an executive agency of DWP who will have responsibility for its functions
Disability Employment Advisory Committee	No longer an NDPB - Transfer Disability Employment Advice Function to Equality 2025
Disability Living Allowance / Attendance Allowance Advisory Board	No longer an NDPB - Functions can be carried out between the Department for Work and Pensions, with external specialist advice if required, and Equality 2025
Equality 2025	Retain - The group will now advise on areas previously covered by other bodies on issues affecting disabled people
Health and Safety Executive	Retain - HSE’s functions and expenditure are being scrutinised in the context of the Spending Review and Lord Young's review of health and safety
Independent Living Fund	Under consideration - Options still being considered
Industrial Injuries Advisory Council	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
National Employment Savings Trust (succeeded the Personal Accounts Delivery Authority on 5 July 2010)	Retain - Retain on grounds of performing a technical function which should be independent of Government
Pension Protection Fund	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality
Pensions Ombudsman	Merge - Merge with Pension Protection Fund Ombudsman to form a single tribunal NDPB
Pensions Protection Fund Ombudsman	Merge - Merge with Pensions Ombudsman to form a single tribunal NDPB
Pensions Regulator	Retain - Retain on grounds of impartiality

Full list obtained here.

You might note that out of an estimated 700-900 Public Bodies, only 364 are on this list. Where are the rest? I don't know.

New Scientist = Good Enough

2010-10-12T12:39:36Z

First of all, thank you all for your kind wishes and sympathy last week. I was a bit of a mess for a while, and C and friends poured alcohol into me on Tuesday night.

Dad's already talking about getting another dog. (Yet) another tricolour bitch, so, whatever her name ends up being I suspect her real name will be Luce-Pop-Whatever... I know even when I was home a couple of weeks ago I managed to call Poppy "Lucy" by mistake.

(If you're not familiar with "Shelties", I would have a quick gander here - they are utterly adorable, incredibly affectionate and quite intelligent.)

I'll try and get hold of some photos of both Lucy and Poppy at some point and PICSPAM y'all!

Work's been manic this week, so in lieu of any other content, have some newscientist content instead.

Thanks to newscientist, a successor to the Oncology Ontology Project has been found. Kill or Cure?. For the uninitiated, the website categorises those things that the Daily Mail have proclaimed (loudly and clearly) either causing or curing cancer.

A few selections:

Cause: Aspirin, Babies, Bread, Calcium, Cheese, The Pill, Dieting, Eggs, Fibre, Fish, Gas, HRT, Mammograms, Milk, Mouthwash, Pizza, Pregnancy, Rice, Sex, Spices, Statins, Stress, Sun, Sunscreen, Tea, Vitamins, Wine.
Prevent: Aspirin, Babies, Bread, Calcium, Cheese, The Pill, Dieting, Eggs, Fibre, Fish, Gas, HRT, Mammograms, Milk, Mouthwash, Pizza, Pregnancy, Rice, Sex, Spices, Statins, Stress, Sun, Sunscreen, Tea, Vitamins, Wine.

(And yes, I am quite aware that a lot of those are valid. But, trust me, you don't want to put yourself on the Daily Mail's side in that debate.)

Also from newscientist (you can tell I've been going through back issues, can't you?), excuses for failing at sport with scientific accuracy

And finally (as Feedback would say) if you're of an apolcalyptic bent, Fifty ideas to change the Earth is rather quite interesting. Unfortunately you do need to be a subscriber to see all fifty. (And NS seems to have removed the Institution Subscription, more bad luck.)

Appears from the void

2010-09-14T14:38:07Z

Not dead, but the internet connection is. I've had to make a trip in order to ensure my Pros Big Bang fic was posted on the correct day!

But yes, it's finished and it's up. Blimey. Didn't think I was going to make it, to be honest. But hurrah! Definitely deserves a drink...

Holiday is going well. Though C and I were writing an iterinery of things to do for the fortnight and it's all gone! We're planning on visiting the Chelsea Physic Garden, the London Dungeon, The Clink, London Zoo, St Thomas' Operating Theatre, The Tower of London, Camden Town (mainly for dim sum, apparently) and we're going to go on an open-topped tourist bus. Woo!

Anyway, link to fic is here, in case you fancy reading it: Any Other World

Pros Crack Van Delicious Tags

2010-08-17T18:22:08Z

A cold is apparently a brilliant excuse for getting stuff done that you haven't had time to do already. In other words, I've finished delicious-tagging the Professionals crack_van entries. They are here.

What you can do, oh wonderful friendslist, is drop me a line if any of them are missing tags, are mis-tagged or if you've got any fantastic ideas for other tags, if and when you use the list. When I'm happy they're pretty well set up, I'll mention them on the teaandswissroll comm. (Let me know if there's a n other comm I should mention the resource in.)

I'll continue adding new entries to the list when new stories are recced (I tend to keep a close eye on the crack_van comm) and if/when I get bored/move out of the fandom/die/finally get sectioned under section five of the mental health act 1983, I'll make sure I pass it on so it's a continuing resource for all you good folk who rec.

Professionals Crack Van Delicious Tags

With many, many thanks to mikes_grrl for giving me the idea in the first place.

*and collapse*

Love, Light and Kisses

2010-08-17T14:19:45Z

Because I have a stinking cold and am tired and crabby. Be nice to me...

the ❝that's my favourite!❞ meme
A FANFICTION PRAISE MEME

In other news, my fabulous beta has turned around my big bang fic in less than twenty-four hours. Some stuff to do, but I'm feeling a lot more confident about it now! Still need to write the epilogue though...

I'm still delicious tagging the crack_van Pros Recs (No, I've not forgotten about them!) 156 down, 50 to go. *sigh* I should get them done before it's my turn to drive the LoM Cortina next month. I hope.

C is being a complete stalwart and bringing me tea, even though she's not feeling too good either. I love you, honey.

The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything

2010-08-12T14:31:18Z

Isn't 42 after all. It's brain bleach. Let me explain...

Via our favourite science tabloid according to Conservapedia, E no longer equals MC squared

Read the whole thing - it's boggling. But if you can't/don't want to, here's my brief analysis/piss-take...

Yes, this is the news that Conservapedia (the number one example why the human race has to die out at some point, please) is not content with attacking Darwin, but has turned its attention instead to the madly-coiffed Eistein instead.

Their reasoning?

"Virtually no one who is taught and believes relativity continues to read the Bible, a book that outsells New York Times bestsellers by a hundred-fold."

Proof, if any were needed, that the more science you understand, the less you believe in the literal interpretation of the bible. Dare I say it? The more capacity you have to understand science, the more capacity you also have to understand the nuances of moral relativism.

There's a long list of counter-examples (page isn't loading at the moment, though), including:

#5 The change in mass over time of standard kilograms preserved under ideal conditions.
the BBC can explain that one

#6 The observed lack of curvature in overall space. "If space were curved, one would never expect the universe as a whole to be almost precisely flat. Yet it is."
Er, so? They seem to be saying "the universe is flat because space isn't curved. And space isn't curved because the universe is flat".

Which is bollocks. The universe is flat because it seems we've proved that omega=0 - that is the rate of expansion will slow to a stop at some point in the future - the universe will neither collapse into a big crunch nor expand for ever.

It neither proves or disproves the idea that gravity is actually distortions in the space-time continuum (and someone get on to Eddie about that damn sofa...)

#9 The action-at-a-distance by Jesus, described in John 4:46-54. That is:

46 Once more he visited Cana in Galilee, where he had turned the water into wine. And there was a certain royal official whose son lay sick at Capernaum.

47 When this man heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death.

48 "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe."

49 The royal official said, "Sir, come down before my child dies."

50 Jesus replied, "You may go. Your son will live." The man took Jesus at his word and departed.

51 While he was still on the way, his servants met him with the news that his boy was living.

52 When he inquired as to the time when his son got better, they said to him, "The fever left him yesterday at the seventh hour."

53 Then the father realized that this was the exact time at which Jesus had said to him, "Your son will live." So he and all his household believed.

54 This was the second miraculous sign that Jesus performed, having come from Judea to Galilee.

Hmm-mmm. This violates general relativity as the healing power of Jesus travelled instantaneously, which is obviously faster than the speed of light.

#18 The lack of a single useful device developed based on any insights provided by the theory; no lives have been saved or helped, and the theory has not led to other useful theories and may have interfered with scientific progress. This stands in stark contrast with every verified theory of science. The only device based on relativity is the atom bomb, but that has destroyed far more lives than it's saved so it can hardly be considered useful.
So they've never heard of nuclear power stations then? Or the semi-conductors that their computers are built with? And they certainly aren't into serious star-gazing.

They de-couple physically useful "stuff" from intellectually useful stuff and claim:

#11 The inability of the theory to lead to other insights, contrary to every verified theory of physics.
Of course, what the author fails to understand is that it is generally accepted in the scientific community that general relativity is not the whole story. We can't tie it into quantum mechanics and as such we know it's flawed. But, just like Newton's laws, it is a springboard that we can use to take to the next level such as Superstrings, M-theory the universe as a hologram (Scott Adams will be so pleased)* or perhaps one of the other alternatives to general relativity that have been proposed and worked on since 1917.

So what, I hear you ask, does Conservapedia, plump its oh-so-objective weight behind?

Lorentz Aether.

And why?

In Genesis 1:6-8, we are told that one of God's first creations was a firmament in the heavens. This likely refers to the creation of the luminiferous aether.

If this is the way the general population is going, I think I want a refund.

Or, of course, a final proof that the Conservapedia is actually written by evil liberals just taking the piss out of conservative fundamental Christians.

* For a good layman's introduction to some of these, I still recommend the Peter-Jones narrated Equinox episode Unravelling the Universe - I've finally found my copy and I'm a happy bunny!!!)

It's the beginning of August...

2010-08-03T13:36:33Z

...and we all know what that means!

It's the Great British Beer Festival! YAY!!!

Myself and cuvalwen will be there tonight, propping up one of the bars, at least. If anyone else will be there tonight, give a 'yo' in the comments and I'll look out for you!

Fic Rec: A Long, Hard Day

2010-07-30T14:57:47Z

It's all lukadreaming's fault. Well, when you invoke Rule 34 and can't find what you are "looking for", then don't be surprised when it soon turns up.

Fandom: Primeval
Rule 34 Condition: Etruscan Rhino Porn
Author: canadian_jay

A Long, Hard Day

Yeah...

Great British Beer Festival 2009

2010-07-27T16:08:53Z

Great British Beer Festival Tasting Notes - 2009

Previous Years are here: 2000/2001, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008.

Okay, I've been shockingly bad this year with getting the notes out – it's taken 51 weeks. So, belated thanks to last year's co-conspirators: clanwilliam, gmh, hano, Rob, Ed and David. Oh and the fabulous cuvalwen, without which any beer festival would not be complete.

But without further ado to the stars of the show, the beers.

Amber Chocolate Orange Stout (4.0%)
A rich, dark stout with roasted orange and vanilla chocolate flavours. Dark bitterness with a smooth finish. This had a wonderful bitter orange taste to it, not so chocolatey though. For a "rich" stout, it had a remarkably thin flavour. **

Dunham Massey Chocolate Cherry Mild (3.8%)
A traditional dark mild, enhanced with a dry cherry flavour that cuts through the aroma, flavour and after taste. This was fantastically fruity, although with quite surprising banana overtones. ***

Flowerpots Elder Ale (3.8%)
A dry beer, very light in colour with a hint of elderflower, refreshing and fragrant. Fantastically refreshing, especially chilled. Had a light sparkle to it, with a nice elder flavour. Similar to Cairngorms Trade Winds. *****

Great Heck Dave (3.8%)
A smooth, very dark velvety bitter made with finest Maris Otter malted barley and copious quantities of chocolate and crystal malt. I'm not sure whether this one was named after the TV show or not. However, disappointingly weak flavour, more coffee-like than chocolate. *

Harwich Town Redoubt Stout (4.2%)
A biscuity, grainy aroma of dark chocolate is echoed in the crisp biscuity, grainy and drying taste of bitter chocolate in the mouth which also has a hint of raisin and a good airy texture; bitter chocolate lingers in the dry finish. Not sure what the reviewer was drinking at the time, this was nice with quite a dry smoky flavour. ****

Milestone Raspberry Wheat Beer (5.6%)
Review was in pictures, so here's the paraphrase: Clear, strong wheat beer, titian gold with a fresh raspberry nose and taste, sweet. Regular readers will know of my quest for the perfect Raspberry Wheat and it looks like Iceni have been trumped by this brew. A lovely raspberry taste without being cloying. My beer of the festival, I think. *****

Nethergate Umbel Magna (5.0%)
Smooth, creamy porter infused with coriander. Roast grain supported by caramel and butterscotch with some bubblegum character by the coriander dominates. I had this back at the 2007 festival, where the main flavour dominated quite a bit more. This half had a mild flavour with a surprisingly spicy aftertaste. ****

North Cotswold Vanilla Bumble Beer (4.5%)
Pale, balanced wheat beer, local honey and a touch of vanilla. Incredibly disappointing. Very sweet with rather a distressing nose. *

Potbelly Yellerbelly (4.4%)
A goldn bitter with a refreshing grapefruit bitterness. I had to try this, being a yellerbelly myself! Not bad, a nice session beer, pale and not to in your face. ***

St. Austell Black Prince (4.0%)
Another picture book review. A dark mahogany brew with toffee and caramel scents. Molasses and dark coffee taste. An amazingly deep and complex beer. Incredibly nice, if you like deep and complex. ****

Theakstons Grousebeater (4.2%)
Picture book review says: Speciality, eye is golden brown, nose is fruity hop and taste is blueberry, malty. What do they know, eh?! For a start although the beer is brewed with blueberries, it actually has quite an apricot flavour.This beer has been banned from my "best of the festival" list now. It's just too good to keep winning. That said, there was a very mild custardy flavour to the brew this year. Is Simon trying to dominate the dessert market? *****

Ciders

No ciders this year. To be honest, it was quite a short list all round in 2009!

I did try a couple of very nice continental brews, only one of which I noted: Birrifico del Ducato's Verdi which is brewed with chilli and is utterly gorgeous.

Well, it's one week to go until the 2010 festival! Place your bets now on how quickly I'll get that write-up done!!!

How Odd Cary Grant?

2010-07-23T20:39:35Z

C has just informed me that in the 'casting game' I would be portrayed in the movie of my life by Katherine Hepburn. In fact, she says, it'd be like Bringing Up Baby, but with meerkats.

In other news, wine is very unlikely to be corked any more. Mind you, it's much more likely to be screwed...

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

Bored...

2010-07-23T11:31:35Z

And you know what that means...

So please comment below with a fandom (that I'm familiar with) and a book/author/book series (depending on how charitable you're feeling towards me) and I'll give you the parallels. (And, hopefully, will be funny with it...)

We interrupt your normal scheduling...

2010-07-23T11:16:10Z

THIS!!! (it's an oldie, but a goodie.)

The fifth annual Life on Mars Ficathon sign-up has been posted at lifein1973. The more, the merrier (although unless Drayce gets in there first, I'm sorely tempted to write the P&P pastiche. Perhaps I should go with Jane Eyre instead. Hmm.)

Go. Sign Up.

*g*

Mummie's not at hir 'puter nemoar...

2010-07-16T12:19:06Z

300

* * *

*Lancelot rises from the grave to put a sword through Cynric's neck*

A – It's the revenge of Zombie Lancelot. Also, if this is something that comes and goes, like migraine. It's not. And the best proof I have of this happened at the weekend, which I completely forgot to mention.

I did mention that J, A, cuvalwen and I knitted one year for many of our gay friends. These were in a variety of characters. All sharing the same brain. And I realise that the meerkats are giggling to themselves. Oooh dear.

* Now *there's* a crossover.

There's more underground than just sewers...

2010-07-16T11:54:27Z

Via clanwilliam: The Daily Mail's secret formula is revealed.

Question

2010-06-24T16:36:06Z

Research question - can anyone help?

It's London, 1982, and you want to leave, say, a small amount of cash, an A4 envelope/file full of 'state secrets' and a passport in a location which is accessable at all times, is not too difficult to get into, but is safe enough. Ideally security would be of the "if you have the key you can open it" as I require a third party to be able to access it (with the key, of course) It also needs to be fairly long term.

What would you use?

I suspect lockers at stations (esp. Waterloo and Victoria) would've been in the process of being removed at this time, and even if they were still available, you couldn't get away with having a key to one for three years, could you? They were strictly short term only.

PO Boxes aren't, apparently, actual boxes, unlike in the States and elsewhere. (Which is annoying because they are rather cool, actually!) Has that always been the case?

Bank safety deposit boxes, at least now, are too difficult to get into, require too much ID.

Gym/swimming lockers, I suppose aren't accessable 24 hours? Tempted to use a bathhouse (*g*) but also suspect that you'd definitely not get away with long-term use of the locker and/or the proprietor turning a blind eye to you using it, wouldn't be so impressed when other 'gents' start using it as well.

Thoughts?

Oh, and ta muchly!

Oh, oh - and if you can't guess what this is for, I'd be very, very surprised!