Dressed to kill, you look so right;

since when did i become an emotional rollercoaster?

2009-08-07T05:18:10Z

i have a lot of stuff on my mind i can go off about, but here's one for now and i'll keep it short, simple, and to the point: it makes me legit sad that i rarely get out of my house. i complain about it and joke about it, but it really does affect me. where are my friends?

i feel like an emotional car wreck.

2009-06-12T17:43:26Z

my first week of summer vacation was nothing like i imagined it would be.
isn't summer supposed to be fun and exciting?

in the past few days my mood has been up, down, and all around.
mostly down, though.
it's like i'm in a perpetual state of depression and i can't get out of it.
i honestly can't remember the last time i was truly happy and enjoying myself.
i want to be hopeful and optimistic about what's going to happen now, but it's hard.
i keep telling myself, "don't worry, you never know what the future's going to bring, just wait and see".
but everything just really sucks right now and its hard to keep a positive state of mind.

it's all nonsense that's making me feel like shit.
-PMS for one thing; that's a big part of it and just exaggerates everything.
-my grandparents are basically divorced now and my grandpa is still really sick.
-i still haven't found a job.
-i feel like i don't have friends; no one calls me or texts and invites me to hang out. i hate feeling left out.
-i'm newly single; this was the icing on the cake.

i never get depressed like this, its so weird for me to not be chipper.
i hate this.

i just want to be happy again.
something i haven't been in a long time.

why can't

2009-04-27T02:30:38Z

life be easy and tough decisions made for us?

i used to know you so well.

2009-04-14T22:18:33Z

How did we get here?
Well I used to know you so well.

i know you, inside and out.
but do i really know you at all?
sometimes i feel like i don't.
we're the best of friends; we're inseparable. at least it used to be that way.
i wish things would go back to the way they were.
but, you know, i think i'm starting to accept the fact that it may never be that way again.
i don't want to, but i think you've just changed too much.
you're constantly pushing me away, you won't let me in anymore.
it makes me sad, remembering how close we used to be and seeing now that we're as distant as two people can be.
you're always with your new friends. i don't like them, just so you know. but you probably knew that already.
you're always with them, too. when you're around them, it's like i don't exist.
they're not the best crowd to be around. i don't like what they're doing to you. that's not my best friend.
oh, and do you ever use your head?
you know what you did to me; you said you'd never do it again.
and yet i see you do it over and over to your girlfriends. why do you do that? do you think it's somehow "okay"?
i want to say something. a part of me thinks it's the right thing to do. but i don't want to stick my head somewhere it doesn't belong.

i don't know what to do about you.
you get under my skin and in my head.
you aggravate me.
you annoy me.
you boggle my mind.
you're unbelievable.
you're not the kid i've known for almost my whole life.
i don't know you anymore.

sometimes i wonder

2009-04-01T02:44:28Z

if it's worth the wait,
if you're worth waiting for,
and if anything will turn out the way i wish so often it will.

i hate

2009-03-20T01:56:58Z

i hate not knowing why i'm crying.
i hate it when i need a friend but no one's there.
i hate it when i need a hug but no one gives me one.
i hate crying out when no one pays attention.
i hate feeling like no one cares.
i hate feeling like this.

i just wish someone would fill this void in my life.

Retreats?

2009-03-18T01:58:52Z

i'm not a fan.

especially not of my school's retreats.

i mean, yeah i go to a catholic school and everything so retreats make sense, but i don't like the way they set up the retreats. is it absolutely necessary to put us in rooms, groups, and at dinner tables with kids in our grade that we don't associate with? like, i'm perfectly 1000000% content with my group of friends at school. our class is small enough that we know everyone in our grade. there's obviously a reason why i'm not friends with some of the kids in my grade. they can't force me into an uncomfortable situation. if i'm placed with people i can't stand, i might as well just get up and leave. honestly.

plus, i don't do well with religion. i've been having problems with it lately. so needless to say i'm not looking forward to the religious aspect of it. but i'll save that topic for another day.

oh and no cell phone, ipod, computer for 48 hours will be the death of me this week.
if i survive, you have my lovely camera to save for that; it will be the only thing keeping me from going insane these next 2 days.

oh yeah, another thing:
HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO WAKE UP AND SHOWER IN THE MORNING?
it sounds like someone is going to be waking us all up at like 8am. and, with the "NO ELECTRONIC DEVICES" rule i will be without my alarm clock.
i take an hour roughly to get ready. and with all the people flocking to the bathrooms in the morning it will be a madhouse. so if i'm the last person getting ready thursday morning, hey, it's not my fault that we weren't allowed to bring something to wake us up early.

ok i think i'm done. i've been complaining about this for the past like 2 weeks.

entry posted for mr. bamfony zito.

CCS Pre-College Summer Experience Program

2008-08-03T04:36:37Z

(L-R) Back row: Tony, Stephen (behind Tony), Dre, Skyler, Paul, Murray
Front row: Fil, me, Bridget, Emma, Tiffany, Leah, Yee Shuen, Mickey

This past month I've been at the College for Creative Studies in Detroit. I was part of their Pre-College Summer Experience Program, and what an experience it was.

I left home on July 6th. I'll be honest, I was totally nervous. I didn't know how well I could handle being away from home for so long. All the other times I went to summer camps I got really homesick. Looking back, I call myself silly for being nervous and scared. I should never have been. I had an amazing time, made many amazing memories I'll never forget, and met some of the most amazing people. I never wanted it to end. Sadly, it had to draw to a close today. :[ Everyone is extremely sad. I miss all of you! <3

Okay. There's so much, I don't know where to start! Ok, well I was in Mickey's room with Fil, Bridget, Emma, Tiffany, Leah, and Yee Shuen. All of them are wonderful people and I'm so glad I got to know them. Our like "brother group" or whatever you want to call it was Tony and his boys Murray, Skyler, Paul, Stephen, and Dre (aka Neverland lol, aka 904). Those guys are crazy as hell but I love them. On one of the first days Tony took us down somewhere where there supposedly were some peacocks (CCS's mascot). We didn't see any peacocks. From there came the great "peacock?" jokes & the "...peacock?" text messages the kids in my graphic design class texted to Chelsea. Oh & by the way Chelsea is the commuter kids' mentor, lives in the common room, and she's totally awesome. She LOVES Heath Ledger/the Joker too.

We went on so many trips and had so much fun; from the very beginning with the invisible peacocks, to going to Twelve Oaks Mall on 'Fro Day, to walking to White Castle so Stephen could try a burger, to seeing Batman, to our last trip to Metro Beach and everything else we did in between. All of it was so fun. I'll never forget any of it. Our second weekend my whole room teased our hair into Afros. We had them all day, even though by the time we reached the riverfront for our boat tour they were kind of dying. Lol, Stephen wanted to go to White Castle one evening so him and all of Tony's guys plus Leah and me all walked down to White Castle. The burgers look greasy and disgusting and the meat looked like rubber. I have no clue how Stephen could have ate 3. Skyler and Murray tried to get me to eat one, but I refused and ate french fries instead. C: On our way back these dudes in an old car pulled a u-turn and pulled up along the curb and tried to pick us all up [7 kids in a broken down old car, picture that]. We just kept walking until 5 minutes later the same people did the same thing. And then a little way down this lady was yelling across the street. We were pretty sure she was yelling at us. I don't know, all I could hear were profanities. Another day us and Tony's room walked downtown to get ice cream. This dude came up to us and rapped for us for money. And then after we got our ice cream this total CREEPER of an old dude was outside seriously hitting on Tiffany and Emma. He was hitting on all the girls there, calling us 'baby' and shit. It was creepy as hellll man. Then he was talking about giving us all $50,000 for something. I'll never forget that creeper or the rapper. Detroit is pretty scary. D:

OH, I can't forget the Prank War! Here's Chelsea's Facebook note that helped get the ball rolling:

To whom it may concern:

Those of you that participated in the scandal regarding my picture and a gun, will be brought down. You have framed me and I will not stand for this. The war has indeed begun and I will bring everyone down. Let it be known that I did NOT post those pictures of myself, but since you are so inclined to think I did, I will strike when you least expect it.

Please keep in mind that these pranks should not be taken too far. This is all in fun so let's keep it clean. If it gets out of control, it's over.

I'll see you on the battlefield,
Chelsea

P.S. Please pass this information along.

It was 904/Murray & Tony who made the poster that started the infamous prank war. The first thing that happened to us was a strip of tape on the bottom of like the door molding or whatever. It was meant to trip whoever opened the door [which was me btw lol], but I noticed it just in time. [: Another day someone came into our room while we were sleeping and TP'ed our living room area. One of the last days Brandy's room put sardines in our hallway and totally STUNK UP the hall. It smelled like shit for the rest of camp. Some guys drew like 80-some dicks and posted them in the elevator. I also guess their was some big thing on floor 7 where no one resided. I didn't see it or hear about it until I read Matt Luther's blog.
We pulled pranks too. Mainly on 904 'cause they're our boys. :] We drew these awesome caricatures of the guys and put them up by their door. Skyler was pole dancing [priceless], Murray had his van of candy, Stephen was calling the lift, Tony was talking about the invisible peacocks, Dre was pillow talking, and Paul was South Park-ified. On the same day that we went to the Zoo, Leah took Skyler's key and we used it to get into their room so we could set up a scavenger hunt for them. But, Paul was in the room and caught us in the act. It was so funny; they got back at us later by attacking us with water. Someone (we later found out it was room 12) took their Michael Jackson poster off their door and they blamed us for it even though IT WAS NOT US GUYS! So to get back at them for the water we planned on pouring milk on them, which evolved into pouring sour milk on them. But the milk got REALLY disgusting so we got rid of it. Our last prank for the Prank War was Fil's ninja stars. She made a TON, it was really cool.

On Thursday (Jul 31) we pulled the best prank on Mickey. It was her day off so she wasn't there during the day. At lunch, I don't know how we got into talking about it, but Murray said that taking Mickey's bed out of her room and putting it some place else would be a tight prank. So, after we ate, Bridget, Yee Shuen, and I took apart Mickey's bed and put it and her mattress into their room. Later after class, we moved Mickey's bed into Tony's room and reassembled it there. She came back way earlier than we thought; thankfully we were in class when she came back at 6 so we were spared her wrath for 3 hours. She did call Bridget 8 times during class and left her a voicemail that said something like "BRIDGET WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BED?!" She told us that if we didn't find it we'd be grounded and couldn't go to Friday's mustache-themed dance party. Tiffany was the first one to crack and spilled the beans to Mickey about what happened to her bed. So we had to take it apart and bring it back to her room and put it back together AGAIN. Then at curfew Mickey yelled at us and told us to go to bed. :[ She sounded so serious. Thankfully in the morning everything was cool with everyone.

[edit o1] Sorry Chelsea, how could I forget about the dance parties?!
Ok, so we had two dance parties. The first one was hands down the greatest, not gonna lie. I'll never forget Skyler and his crazy pole dance and lap dance (or whatever you want to call it) on Murray. That was the best thing ever. It was absolutely priceless. Yes there was actual dancing, not just Sky's pole dancing. Bridget and Robert danced together like the whole night, it was so cute and I was totally jealous. :] At the end, we had a biiig circle jumping-mosh pit-type thing to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing". It was great. [: Then after, I remember sitting in the hallway with Dre, Skyler, and Leah and listening to like Chelsea, Mickey, and some others singing Queen, lol.

Our second dance party was on our last Friday together. It wasn't as lively as the first, but it was still cool. Chelsea decided to make it mustache-themed, so you couldn't get in unless you had a mustache on. There were some pretty great mustaches, but Yee Shuen's... oh. my. God. A tampon? Only she would think about that. It was the best mustache of the night. But yeah. Not much happened at the second dance party. It was kind of dead, Emma and Tiffany were practically the only ones dancing. Though, I did do the Macerana and the Cha-Cha Slide so that made me happy.
After the dance party, Leah, Skyler, Dre, Paul, Murray, Tony, Chelsea, and I threw cards around in the hallway. It was so funny. Tony and Skyler took off their shirts and the guys were throwing the cards at their backs. The cards would actually get stuck to their backs, it was pretty funny. Both their backs got all scratched up from the cards. That was our last night at camp. :[ It was fun, though I wish it could've lasted forever!

There's still so much to talk about. Usually a month of summer vacation for me would be me sitting at home all day watching TV and going on my laptop. This is the most eventful and fun summer ever. :D

I guess the last thing I really want to talk about are the people I met.

I'll probably always remember Yee Shuen because she's the craziest and most perverted little Asian ever. For the mustache party she used a tampon! It was the best. Her jokes are funny and I love her little sexual innuendos. PORK SWORDS, YEE SHUEN! :D

Emma and Tiffany I'll remember best as being the first two people I met at CCS PCSE. Tiffany picked me up and spun me around at the first dance party, and Emma was dancing around like a crazy person aha. They're great. (:

Leah lives by me and works in the same complex as my friend, so I think I'll be visiting her sometime. :] Her art is crazy good and her Photoshop stuff is amazing. I'm so glad I met Leah. Her boyfriend and my ex are so similar, it's scary. So when she was having problems with John I tried my best to help her because I could relate to her situation 100%. She's so short and cute and has a great taste in music, I love her. C:

Fil is one of the best illustrators I've ever seen. I'm totally jealous, I wish I could draw like her. I remember that moose hat that she would wear everywhere even though it was super hot outside. Oh, and the ninja stars? Awesome.

Bridget (aka Miss Texas)! One of the sweetest girls I've ever met. She's really nice and funny and easy to talk to. Her and Georgia [Robert] had a thing going on. Hopefully they keep in touch, they really seemed to like each other. It was cute. C: I love Bridget.

Oh man, Skanky Skyler. His pole dance that he did at the first dance party was PRICELESS. I'll never forget it. Plus, he lives on Lake Michigan. Major brownie points from me, I love Lake Michigan. Sky's really fun and totally awesome. Love ya Skank. :D

Murray! "AWAH!" + "...Peacock?" :D What can I say? He's such a great person. Funny as hell, really nice, and I love being around him. His vectored self-portrait was the BEST! His claw hand and 'o hai dere yew wantz candy?' molester face are unforgettable. He's really great with Photoshop and Illustrator. And how can I not mention the like 1000+ pictures he took? He always took pictures of people from the oddest angles and just random people and things. It was pretty funny. Ima come to Cali one day and visit Murr fer sure. :]
And btw, while everyone else called him a creeper I kept saying he's not. C:

Dr. Dre haha. He's quiet, but a really cool kid. I'll always remember him, Skyler, and Leah's hats that they would always wear together. I kind of felt left out because I didn't have one, but I would steal Leah's sometimes and feel somewhat better. (: His sculpture was amazing, I loved it! I don't know the story his sculpture was based on, but from what Dre explained he executed it perfectly. Dre is grreat.

Mickey was my amazing mentor! She's such a great person and I'm so glad I had her has my mentor. She pushed all of us and though it got on some of our nerves (*cough*Bridget*cough*) we can all thank her for it. She helped us grow as both ladies and artists. She's so fun to be with and really nice & kind. I couldn't have asked for a better mentor to spend the month with. I love you Mickey and I miss you so much!

Chelsea is AWESOME. She's so funny and entertaining. She LOVES the Joker and Heath Ledger, and has a kick ass taste in music. She did ground the whole camp from using the Common Room for a week which sucked, but we compensated by crowding floor 9's hallway (dubbed the "Common Hallway"). I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Chelsea. She's one of those people who is just so awesome and great that you can never forget her. She was everyone's friend. She's so friendly and got along with everyone. When I grow up, I want to be like Chelsea. [:

When I remember more things about PCSE, I'm deff going to add it in here. There's so many things that happened during camp I could go on and on forever about it. I wish it would have lasted forever. :[ It hurt everyone that camp had to come to end, but the friendships and memories we've made with each other will last. Let's start planning a reunion guys! :D

CCS PCSE 2008
July 6th - August 2nd

I LOVE YOU ALL AND MISS EVERYONE! <333

Hello There, Stranger.

2008-02-15T02:55:24Z

long time no see. :]

just a little post.

yes, i'm still alive.
yes, i'm 16 now.
yes, i'm going to post more.
no, nothing of great importance has happened in my life in the past year.

i need to email myself my chem lab so i can finish it in the morning.
then i'm going to bed. (:

laterrr.

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2007-04-10T18:07:36Z

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friends only.

2007-04-09T12:35:02Z

Friends Only.
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