i feel like an emotional car wreck.

my first week of summer vacation was nothing like i imagined it would be.
isn't summer supposed to be fun and exciting?

in the past few days my mood has been up, down, and all around.
mostly down, though.
it's like i'm in a perpetual state of depression and i can't get out of it.
i honestly can't remember the last time i was truly happy and enjoying myself.
i want to be hopeful and optimistic about what's going to happen now, but it's hard.
i keep telling myself, "don't worry, you never know what the future's going to bring, just wait and see".
but everything just really sucks right now and its hard to keep a positive state of mind.

it's all nonsense that's making me feel like shit.
-PMS for one thing; that's a big part of it and just exaggerates everything.
-my grandparents are basically divorced now and my grandpa is still really sick.
-i still haven't found a job.
-i feel like i don't have friends; no one calls me or texts and invites me to hang out. i hate feeling left out.
-i'm newly single; this was the icing on the cake.

i never get depressed like this, its so weird for me to not be chipper.
i hate this.

i just want to be happy again.
something i haven't been in a long time.