CYOA Page 27
"Just for a little while," you plead, peppering your words with little kisses. "Like ten minutes. No big deal. I miss you!"
Joel chuckles. "How can you miss me when we've been together for--"
"You know what I mean! I miss this." You kiss him a little longer, hugging him as close to you as you can and running your hand over his shoulder and back (he likes that). You're pleased to note that he's made no move whatsoever to stand up again. "We can kiss until my chin turns red and no one's around to notice," you murmur.
He grins. "The things you put up with for me..."
"Haha -- beard burn is the least of those," you tease him, which makes him tweak your nose. He actually did shave his beard right after you two began kissing, but it was such a pain in the ass for him to stay clean shaven (plus he kept cutting himself! He says razors in his day were easier to use because they were actually made specifically for shaving), and the stubble was even pricklier than the beard... it wasn't long before he grew it back. You made him promise never to do that again. He just didn't look like Joel without his beard. You don't mind the whiskery kisses at all. In fact, you really, really like them.
He pulls you fully into his lap -- which is just about your favorite place to be, ever (you've pulled him into your lap before, but it doesn't work as well). You start to do more kissing than talking, and you're only vaguely aware that you must have shifted yourself because now you're straddling him. You prefer to do that when you're both in your underwear, as your jeans are rather... restrictive. "Damn jeans," you say with a grin.
"Damn jeans," Joel recites back. It's like a thing between you now. You love having 'things' with Joel. Love being his girlfriend, even if it's just in secret.
You know that, unlike yourself, Joel is grateful for the jeans' presence... yours and his own. He's gotten a little better about not freaking out whenever you feel the bulge in his pants pressing into your crotch... or when you snake a hand down there to feel it. You've had a few makeout sessions go bad when you've touched him unexpectedly, like it somehow jolts him completely out of the mood and into his I'm-a-disgusting-pervert mode -- and once he goes there, it's kind of impossible to bring him back. You don't get it; if you're touching him, then you're the one being a pervert and he's innocent of any wrongdoing. It's not like he asked you to touch him, for fuck's sake (and would that be so terrible anyway??). Joel doesn't see it that way.
Him touching you, on the other hand... it still makes him feel like a pervert, but if you make it clear that you really really very much enjoy being touched, he can get past it easier. You were shy about it at first... especially since he reacted so badly to it the first time things 'went too far' that you thought he might break up with you. Luckily, he realized pretty quickly that he upset you, and you had a good talk about it. He seriously thought you might prefer to be with someone your own age... someone you could 'discover sex with together' or something. Not someone who can't be sexual with you (more like won't). You've discussed this many times. Usually, if he gets too caught up in this idea, you can bring him back to center by pointing out the flip side of that: that maybe he should be with someone he does feel comfortable being sexual with. You're not above manipulating Joel with certain looks of yours (he calls the most powerful one 'puppy dog eyes')... but since this one is a real fear for you, there's nothing manipulative about it -- you're just letting your emotions all the way up to the surface. Which can be fucking scary... scary in a different way than infected or hunters, but still quite real... Joel understands this. And it melts his heart, just like yours melts when he shows you any kind of vulnerability himself. Communication and mutual respect are key.
You feel very mature sometimes, thinking this way. Trying to put yourself in Joel's boots. And other times, you just wonder... what the fuck is the big deal?! You love the way it feels to be in his arms. To have his hands on your body. You want those hands to touch you everywhere. And you want to return the favor! It's just skin, for fuck's sake.
But you've learned to keep such thoughts to yourself, because for some reason, they seem to either amuse Joel or annoy him, depending on his mood... they never fucking get through to him.
You smile when you feel Joel's hands slither up the back of your shirt to unfasten your bra (some progress has been made in the past two months!). He doesn't usually do it as quickly as you can yourself, but he doesn't do half bad. His hands slide around to cup your bare breasts beneath your shirt, and you give him a "mmm" sort of moan. -It does feel great, yes, but you... might possibly overdo the "mmm"s a little sometimes, just to give Joel more encouragement when he dives beneath your clothes. He's pretty comfortable with your upper half now. As for the lower...
Well, you don't really expect him to go there right now anyway, so you're cool with what you're doing -- kissing, kind of grinding your crotches together, and Joel playing with your boobs. Your arms are settled around his neck, idly playing with his hair; it would be kind of hard to slide a hand down his pants in this position, and you doubt he'd consent to it.
After... who knows how long, Joel swivels around and lays down on his back, holding you firmly on top of him so you don't fall off. "You're wearin' me out, kiddo," he murmurs into your mouth.
"Bullshit -- we haven't even done any real sex stuff!" You giggle and pull up so that you're sitting on top of him -- and his erection, specifically. Joel tries to shift you, but you make that quite difficult by clenching your thighs. He could still forcefully remove you, but you don't think he cares to...
...and you're right. He takes both of your hands in his, playfully moving you to and fro a little. "Touchin' your private parts counts as 'real sex stuff,' " he says.
"Oh yeah, uh-huh -- it's real tiring, touching my boobs. More tiring even than jerking off!"
He just smiles. By now, you've learned which words make him cringe: the top three are tits, pussy, and fuck (when referring to making love, that is, not just plain old cussing). You suspect he wouldn't like 'cunt,' either, but that one only comes naturally for you if you're telling someone off, so you haven't really used it in conversation with him. 'Boobs,' he doesn't seem to mind.
"You can go jerk off now if you want," you offer sweetly. "I'll just wait here."
He snorts. "I'm good."
"Okay, just suffer then..."
"I said I'm good."
"Whatever, Joel." You lean back down to kiss him a couple more times before resting your head on his shoulder, your face as smushed into his neck as possible while still being able to breathe. You don't object when he moves your leg where he wants it.
It would be so much easier for him if he would just admit that he goes and masturbates sometimes after you guys make out -- you've tried over and over to let him know it's okay and you won't make fun of him or anything, because you're mature. Then he could just go do it, no big deal. The closest he's come to admitting it is when he said that if you know that's what he's doing, it's just as bad as doing it in front of you, or some shit. Like that even makes sense (or that you'd even mind watching him do it, but you know better than to expect him to be cool with that). He'll cop to peeing, and that's it. Which only makes you wonder which act he's really doing whenever he says he's taking a piss.
"We should get goin'," he says yet again.
"Mmm," you mumble sleepily. You're not really tired, just... cozy. "Just ten more minutes."
"You said we'd be outta here in ten minutes," Joel reminds you.
"Yeah, but you know... it takes as long as it takes, and all that."
"Mm."
Joel doesn't seem inclined to get up, and he does seem awfully tired. You can tell that he's reached the point where he's had enough. You try not to ever push him past that point... try to be sensitive to the fact that you don't know what it feels like to have a dick that wants to have sex when he himself doesn't want to. It's not like he's ever going to just give in and be all, "Okay, let's just go ahead and have sex now!" And, above all else, you cannot do anything that makes him decide to break up with you. Because you would die. But this time, he really does seem to actually be tired-tired, not just tired of playing with you. Kind of odd for the middle of the day, but then, it's not like you got really great sleep last night. Or the night before, even though you were home.
"Are we taking a nap?" you whisper to his neck.
"No," Joel replies immediately. "No, we've gotta cover too many more miles today. We should get up." He pats your back and starts to move.
"Nooooo... just five minutes, then. Please? I like this." You try to make yourself as dead-weight-y as possible. "Five more minutes won't hurt."
"All right, all right... five minutes."
You lift your head to kiss his cheek before tucking it back into his neck. "Love you, Joel."
"Love you too, baby girl."
You were serious about the five-more-minutes thing; you weren't going to try to turn it into longer. But you didn't expect Joel to fucking fall asleep in those five minutes! This is so perfect, you think happily. It's a warm afternoon, but you enjoy a nice cool breeze drifting in through the broken windows, keeping it from being too warm. And there's a strong floral scent wafting through that's also quite nice. Curled up with Joel, it does seem like the perfect 'nap weather.'
But you're pretty sure Joel didn't intend to doze off. ...or did he? He had to know he was feeling tired, yet he closed his eyes. Didn't get up. Maybe he trusts me to look after things... make sure no one steals the horses while we're in here... not like you're even likely to see other people out here in the middle of nowhere. But you never know... yeah, Joel planted that voice of reason in your head. Or more like... voice of paranoia!
You also wonder if he'd be mad at you for not waking him up; he made it clear he wanted to leave. Well, if he IS upset, I could totally just say that OOPS I fell asleep, too. How mad could he be?
If you let Joel sleep, turn to page 53.
If you wake Joel up, turn to page 56.