CYOA Page 223
You must have been out of your mind, wanting to confess! You're lucky Joel doesn't hate you for fucking up, but if he knows you lied to him, betrayed him, and did something he considers totally irresponsible--
No. No fucking way. You know Joel has secrets... bad ones... well, now you have one of your own.
It sucks that Joel's disappointed... but he'll get over it, right? He didn't do anything wrong. ...other than to trust you, that is... ugh, don't think about it like that!
You don't find Zack on your way back to camp, and Joel reckons it's time to get back to your original mission, saying maybe you can spend more time looking for him later, or send out a large search party -- once his dad learns he's not dead, he'll probably want to come look himself.
Yeah, right! Joel can see you don't believe that, and he says something like just because the guy's an asshole doesn't mean he doesn't love his kid. You remind him he's not Zack's real dad, but that doesn't phase him -- because you're not his real daughter. ...obviously! (But of course you know what he's getting at.)
You really wish Zack would have felt comfortable confiding in Joel. Or letting you confide in him on his behalf. You know Joel would believe it; the man may not mistreat Zack publicly, or give him any visible bruises that might alert someone to what's going on at home, but Joel's never liked the guy. You always chalked it up to Joel being really slow to warm up to most people... there's a pretty long list of such people in town, actually, so you never gave it much thought.
The storm comes, and the two of you plod through it, perversely enjoying how the dreary weather is complementing your respective moods. It's a pretty mild summer storm, nothing that will set you back much -- certainly not more than your Zack search already has. Or your whole returning-to-Jackson thing, for that matter! You would have made it to the hospital already, if you'd stuck to your original plan. You tell yourself that the rain is washing away all your sins... that from this point forward, you start anew. No more secrets or lies between you and Joel. You don't ever want to feel this shitty again!
The rain is reduced to a drizzle when the sun starts to poke through the clouds, and there's the most beautiful rainbow in the sky to the west. "Joel, look! Do you see it?"
He glances at it. "Mm."
"Isn't it pretty?" you gush.
"Mm."
...Okay, so guys probably don't give a shit about rainbows. But you take it as a sign. A sign that falls in line with your fresh start... a sign that nothing else is going to go wrong on this--
A gun shot rings out from the east!
You and Joel exchange a look: Zack?!
Normally, you might not go seeking the source of a shot like that, especially when it's not in the direction you're headed, but what if it is Zack and he's in some kind of trouble?
You hear another one!
"Let's go check it out," says Joel, echoing your thoughts.
You don't hear any more as you head that direction... but after a few minutes, Joel hears something else: Runners! As you move closer, you hear it, too. There weren't any when we came through here the first time, though! you marvel. Granted, you never actually came through these woods, on this side of the highway... You pick up the pace.
You reach the edge of what looks like... a hamlet, you suppose? It's like a wee little town nestled in the mountains, and you're not even sure there are roads leading out of it (Joel figures they're on the other side of town, perhaps around the bend). Joel instructs you to look around with the binoculars.
"I only see two of 'em," he tells you after taking a good look around himself. "Plus a dead one. In that yard over there. See 'em?"
"Yeah... and those gun shots would've drawn more of them over there, right?"
"You would think. What are you seein'? Any sleepers?"
"No... nope, just those two. No Zack either, though." You frown... but isn't that a good thing? He got away... or someone else was here... which could possibly be bad, if they see you.
Joel's probably thinking the same thing, but he doesn't say so. "Might as well kill 'em, since we're here."
"Arrows?"
"Sure."
"Me first!"
Joel chuckles. "You can take both of 'em, kiddo."
"Aww, that's no fun. Afraid you're gonna lose?" you taunt him. "I'll even handicap you. I'll do it from the horse and you do it from the ground."
At least now he looks amused; you've probably impressed him by remembering something he taught you about sports! "The horse means you're higher up, though. Gives you a height advantage."
"But the horse fucking moves! Plus I can't get in the posture-- the stance that I like!"
"How 'bout we each do it from the ground. I'd like to go take a closer look around down there anyway, without the horses."
"Okay, you're on. Me first," you remind him. You both dismount, and he hands you the bow plus one arrow. "From right here?"
"You can get a little closer if you want to."
You edge up just a little... plant your feet, nock your arrow, aim, concentrate... ... ...and let it fly. "Bam!" you squeal when your arrow hits the target right smack in the head, felling it instantly.
"Good job. Pressure's on, now..."
You hand him the bow. "Too bad there's only two. Best you can do now is tie." You watch him get ready... and are overcome with an irresistible urge to hug him. You sneak around behind him.
"Whatcha doin', kiddo..."
"Oh, nothing, don't mind me," you say innocently, wrapping your arms around him and tugging his neck closer to your lips.
"You're cheatin', is what you're doin'," he grumbles. "So be it..."
He lets go of the arrow as you plant an innocent kiss... and you don't see where it goes, but it doesn't hit the Runner! "Ha! Yes -- I win!"
"Because you cheated." He twists around (and has to flip the bow aside in order not to whack you with it) to put his arms around you in a more proper embrace.
"No I didn't! You never said I wasn't allowed to touch you while you took your shot!"
"I'm... pretty sure we made that a rule when we first--"
"No we didn't! We didn't have to, cuz back then, we weren't... you know."
"Like this?" He kisses you gently.
"Exactly!" you giggle. "Mm, you taste like rain." You kiss him again eagerly, deeper this time... it's been ages since we did this! (or, you know, like... a day?)
Joel doesn't indulge you for long. "Mm... we've still got a runner to kill, an' there's someone out here with a gun who may or may not be Zack," he reminds you.
"Right, right... okay." But you pout just a little.
He gives you a squeeze before letting you go. "You wanna have another go, or should I try to redeem myself?"
"You can go. I won't interfere this time, promise."
He smirks at you. "You are gonna go hunt down that arrow, not me. It's prob'ly still in the air."
"Haha... okay, I guess that's fair!"
Joel makes the second shot with no difficulty. Of course he does.
You run down there to get a head start on finding the wayward arrow, plowing through the broken wooden fence you two just shot over.
"Be careful!" he calls after you. Because of course he does.
"There's no one ~he-ere~," you call back to him.
"Ellie! Joel?"
You nearly jump out of your skin at the voice... coming from the shed?! "Omigod..."
"It's me! Zack!"
"Zack! Of course! You shot this Runner out here, didn't you! We got the other two so you can come out now!" You yank on the handles of the shed doors.
"Um... gimme a sec... I was afraid they'd come in here so I like... tied it up..."
"No wonder I can't open them! Okay, dude... hey, Joel! You'll never guess who's down here!" you call to him happily.
Joel takes a wild stab in the dark with his guess: "Is it the boy?"
"Yes! No fair, you heard us talking, huh," you tease -- because of course he fucking did!
Zack works the doors open and pounces on you. "I'm so happy to see you guys!"
"We're happy to see you too, buddy," you reply, returning the hug. "You could've just stayed in there until we left, you know. We might've tried to open the doors but we would've just figured they're stuck..." ...Joel might have heard you, though! Or freaky-sensed you...
He steps back. "I thought about doing that. I really did. But I was so scared... and I hate that feeling -- I didn't have it when I was with you guys. Sorry I made you... do all that stuff. It was really nice of you to help--" The kid picks up on your cease-and-desist look and stops talking; unfortunately, he makes it extremely obvious that he's said too much by clapping his hands over his mouth and staring at you wide-eyed in horror. "I forgot," he whispers.
Doubly unfortunately: Joel was in a position to catch that look as well... and he's not an idiot. And yet... he doesn't say anything. ...Could he really be oblivious? He does surprise you with that sometimes. Like how you made it really really obvious you were in love with him, and he genuinely had no clue.
"No problem," you say to Zack, plastering on a nervous smile, hoping you don't sound too guilty. Stop.Fucking.BLUSHING, you command yourself. "It was only two infected. Me and Joel can take those in our sleep. And that's awesome that you killed one! That was your first, right? Anything you find on him is yours, then. I think that's a rule or something."
"Yeah, that was my first! So you want me to look in his pockets?"
"Yeah, go ahead -- look at all three of them, and I'm... gonna go find the arrow that sailed a little wide. Joel prob'ly wants to talk to you anyhow..." You pretend not to notice that Joel isn't fooled by your nervous chatter. You walk briskly away from him.
"I do wanna talk to you," you hear Joel saying to Zack. "Runnin' off like that was pretty goddamn stupid."
Yes... okay, get your lecture over with, Joel, I'll just be over--
"But first I need to talk to Ellie. Ellie, hold up!"
Shit! You reluctantly halt in your tracks and turn around. He catches up to you quickly. "You helped him escape," he says flatly.
"Joel, he can hear us--"
"I don't care. You helped him escape. Admit it!"
"I... well, I... sort of..."
He stares you down, waiting... and you just want to sink into the mud you're standing in. Let it swallow you up so you don't have to see that look on his face.
"Yes," you admit meekly.
"You lied to me. Over an' over. From the beginnin', if you didn't wanna cooperate, you--"
"I did! It wasn't the whole time -- he talked me into it!"
"After I went to sleep."
"Yeah."
"You came up with a plan. Gave him everythin' he needs, told him where to go-- did you tell him to make false trails to waste as much of my time as possible while he--"
"No! No, I swear, I only let him leave the house, that's it!"
He looks away, shaking his head to himself. "I knew somethin' was up with you, when you weren't that interested in searchin'. I should've figured it out then. Were you misleadin' me out there when--"
"No no no, it was nothing like that! Remember, I didn't know where to look or where not to look -- I had no idea! Just like you!"
"You knew when he left, though, 'cause you ushered him on his way."
"Well -- I mean, I really did fall asleep..."
"After he left."
Yeah, you're not getting out of that one. Maybe I need to quit being so defensive and be more... apologetic? "I'm sorry, Joel! It was wrong and... I fucked up, okay? You're right. Can you ever forgive me?"
"...Forgive you?" He snorts. "I can't even look at you right now."
"Because then you might want to forgive me, and you don't want to yet?" you ask hopefully.
"Don't be cute."
"I can't help it," you say disarmingly, moving toward him and putting your hand--
He jerks away from you. Turns his back to you. "Let's go."
...already? You thought he might want to scold you some more (which, unpleasant as that might be, would give you more opportunity to charm him). Fuck... this is bad... if he's just gonna sit on his horse and ruminate... and I can't WORK on him...
"You ready, kid? We're goin' home." Joel breezes past Zack.
Zack rises from the corpse he was just looting. "Um... about that..."
"No arguments. We'll talk later," Joel says like a dick, without turning around.
"I wasn't gonna argue," says Zack -- to you, not to Joel. "You said he would help me, right? If I told him... everything?"
"Yes," you assure him, speaking loud enough that you know Joel can hear you. "I know he would. Maybe not right now, cuz he's pissed off, but I promise you, he will. Maybe tonight we can-- er... actually we might be home tonight. I don't really know how close we are."
"If we get home, it'll be too late! You guys would turn around and leave again, right?"
Unless Joel's too pissed to want to be around me still? You're still pretty confident you can get him to forgive you, though. You just need to be alone with him so your... full array of charms is available for use! "In the morning... yeah, probably. So yeah... the sooner the better. He can tell Tommy--"
"I don't want the whole world to know!"
"They won't! He can be discreet, trust me. But... to be honest? If you really want to make your life better, some major things have to change, and... people will notice. They don't have to know every little thing, just..."
"Maybe I don't wanna tell him, then..."
"Yes you do -- because think about it. What's worse? Going back to the way things were, or having people talk about it for five minutes? And dude -- it doesn't reflect bad on you, you know what I mean?"
Joel finally gets annoyed enough (or curious enough?) to amble back over. "What is it that you wanna tell me now? Somethin'... about your life at home?"
"Yes," you answer for Zack, then you give the kid a knowing look. "See? He already kinda sorta knows."
Zack looks frightened again, though. "I can wait 'til you're in a better mood," he mutters to his feet.
Joel sighs. "It ain't a bad mood. I'm... real disappointed about what the two of you did. Ellie more so than you."
"It wasn't her fault! I made her do it!" Zack says nobly, looking at Joel with such an earnest expression that Joel has to be--
"Right. You forced her into it," Joel snickers.
-- ...er...amused, apparently? But not in a good way. Like... he doesn't usually snicker like that. This is BAD...
"I did!" Zack insists. "Don't be mad at her -- I can't take it!"
Aww that's so cute! I could just kiss him for saying that!
"Son, if there's one thing I know about Ellie, it's that no one makes her do somethin' she don't already wanna do. She's been on your side about this from the beginnin'--"
"And he's going to tell you why," you interject. "Right, Zack?"
"Um, yeah... if that's okay... Ellie thinks you can help me with my problem," he says, all shy again when he's not defending you.
"All right, well... let's go sit on the porch over here."
Continue to page 269.