CYOA Page 125
You can't let your stupid little lie go any further than this. "No! I can't let you do that," you say firmly. "Zack, would you mind giving us a minute? Go pee or something and come right back, okay?" ...because I don't want TOO much time alone with Joel after I tell him this...
He's a good kid, so he does what you say.
"You don't gotta protect him, kiddo. I told you I won't be hard on him."
"I'm not protecting him," you mumble. And you try to look him in the eye... but you just fucking can't. You stare at your shoes. "I can't let you talk to him cuz... there's nothing you need to say."
"Ellie--"
"I made it up, okay?" You glance at him, but quickly return to staring at your shoes as the blood rushes to your face. "I realized it was a dumb thing to do -- pretty much right away -- but then since I was acting weird about it you jumped to conclusions and I just... he didn't do anything wrong." You pause in case Joel wants to respond. You wait... and stare at the new splotch of caked-on mud on your right sneaker. You scuff that side on the ground to try to get it to flake off, frowning. Please don't say "look at me," you plead silently.
"Why would you do that?" is what he finally says. ...which isn't much better, you suppose. "I thought you liked him."
"I do."
"Yet you wanted me to think--"
"I didn't want to get him in trouble over it, I just thought... you know... maybe you'd feel like..."
He waits a few beats before prompting you with "like what?"
Do I really have to say it AGAIN? ...yes, apparently you do. "I wanted you to be jealous." You can feel him staring at you, and now there's so much blood in your head that you really ought to be passing out any second, you're sure...
Joel doesn't seem angry... just confused. "Why... in the hell..."
"I told you, I realized it was stupid but by then there was no going back. Can we just forget it now?" You look in the direction Zack went... and find him watching you, like he's unsure if he should come back yet or not. You wave him over vigorously, and Joel doesn't even try to continue the conversation, so maybe he'll actually honor your wish to pretend it never happened.
He acts normal the rest of the morning, so apparently he doesn't hate you or think you're a horrible person (you're pretty sure you'd be able to tell if he did). And by the time your destination city appears on the horizon, you've pretty much forgotten about it yourself.
"Does the map tell you where the hospital is in there, or do we have to look for it?" you ask as you leave the highway.
"We've got cross streets and an estimate of how many blocks west it is from here," Joel replies. He stares in that direction for a few moments, frowning. "I think we should keep goin' north first, though."
"Why?"
"I think there might be infected over there. Pretty close to us."
"Infected?" Zack repeats, and though you can't see his face, you can hear the wide-eyed horror in his voice. "How do you know?"
"Joel has a sort of sixth sense about these things," you explain.
"Not really," Joel contradicts you (he can be oddly modest about such things). "I just thought I heard somethin'."
You didn't hear shit, but of course, that means nothing. "I thought the hospital people would want to keep the city clear."
Joel shrugs. "It's big. They prob'ly can't keep an eye on the east side too easily." He glances at Zack. "Don't worry, son. Ellie an' me can handle it if we run into 'em. You'll be safe."
You feel a surge of pride that he included you there; he could've just said that he could handle it, and it wouldn't be a lie. And although you've heard Joel (among others) call little boys 'son' before, it still strikes you as strange. He says you've left him no choice since you've taken 'kiddo' out of his lexicon. But when you asked him once why he doesn't call girls 'daughter,' he gave a non-answer along the lines of "it just ain't done that way."
"If you guys can handle it, then why are we avoiding them?" asks Zack.
"Because it's better if we don't have to handle them," you answer. "So we can save our ammo for when we really need it. The military's supposed to kill them."
Joel snorts. "If they did that -- if they actually went out huntin' 'em down -- they should've wiped 'em all out by now. It's been more than twenty years."
"I didn't say they did kill them," you say huffily. "Just that it's their job, not ours. If they were here right now, don't you think they'd go check out the noises you heard and kill those ones, at least?"
"Would they go out of their way to do it? Maybe, maybe not. Some of 'em prob'ly enjoy it. But I think most would rather hide in the QZs an' bully civilians."
"You're just biased." Not that you blame him; you should probably feel the same way he does. You just know from personal experience that they're not all bad. "Anyway... don't worry, dude. I used to practically shit my pants whenever we ran into one. And now it's like... no big deal. Unless there's a million of them or something. -But there's never that many," you add hastily. He doesn't need to know that you still feel scared... every time. At least until the adrenaline kicks in.
"Um... can we take a #2 break then?" asks Zack. "Just in case."
"In case what -- you shit your pants?" you snort. "They prob'ly have toilets at the hospital. Do you really have to go?"
"Kind of. I mean, I could go. Or I could hold it."
"We can stop," says Joel, already starting to dismount. "Best do it now before we get into the thick of the city."
Joel points Zack to an appropriate spot to go, and the two of you watch him get farther and farther away.
"Maybe we could let him shoot with the bow and arrow," you muse as you stretch your limbs. You know that kids in Jackson are given archery lessons in school. But if he's not a great shot with the gun, will he be any better with the bow?
"Maybe."
You give Joel a sly look. "Hey look... we're all alone now..." You sidle up to him, not at all sure that he'll view this as an opportunity, the way that you do...
"Ellie, no." He even takes a step back.
Damn! "He's gonna be gone at least a few minutes, though..."
"Not long enough that we can be careless."
"Careless? You mean cuz of the infected waaaaaaay over there?"
"No, I mean... about us." And now he's giving you an appraising look -- the one that tends to immediately put you on the defensive. "Now maybe you can explain why you wanted to make me jealous so bad that you were willin' to throw that kid under the bus to do it."
"I would never throw-- oh, wait, that's a figure of speech." Another stupid one. "But it's so mean, it doesn't make sense here."
"Don't change the subject."
"How am I changing the subject? You just fucking said it. Like I would kill Zack just to make you jealous?"
Joel nods thoughtfully. "It ain't that far off, actually."
"What?! How can you--"
"Because if you had implied... what you implied... about a grown man... I'd kill him."
You can't help smirking a bit. "And why would I sleep with a grown man who's not you?" You try to worm your way into his arms, but he's still keeping his distance.
"I'm tellin' you, it's a serious accusation. An' for you to just... so casually..."
You sigh. "But I didn't, okay?! I stopped it right away and you just jumped to the wrong conclusion!"
Joel ignores that, though. "It makes me wonder. When kids act out, there's always a reason--"
" 'When kids act out'? What -- me?"
"Yes. You're still a child. I should prob'ly treat you more like one."
...What the FUCK. "You do treat me like one -- you won't have sex with me! Unless that's just an excuse cuz you--"
"Keep your voice down."
"Oh, like he can fucking hear us from all the way over there."
"Still." Joel steers you behind his horse, like that's going to make a huge difference.
He could totally kiss me right now... but he fucking won't. And you're not going to let him reject you a third time. "I can't believe you're equating me with Zack. He is a child. How can you--"
"Never mind that now. I wanna know why you did what you did."
"I told you why, and I told you I know it was dumb -- I don't need the lecture."
"Ain't tryin' to lecture. Tryin' to understand. If you feel so insecure that... you feel like you have to..."
"I don't." Ugh, he's exasperating!
"What can I do to help you? What am I not doin'?"
"Nothing! I mean, besides not wanting to touch me right now..."
He just gives you a Look.
Well, it was worth a shot. "I don't feel insecure." ...at least not all the time? "But the jealousy thing... I dunno... if you're jealous, it's like... proof that you care?"
"...You need proof."
"No! It sounds crazy when you say it like that. Just... you know. If it's anyone else... like, Tommy and Maria in bed together. You don't get jealous about that, right?"
And now he's giving you a where the hell are you going with this? look. "It ain't somethin' I particularly care to think about."
"But you don't. Get jealous, I mean. Cuz you don't care about Maria like that. You're not in love with her."
"Of course not. What does that--"
"Right, so... say it's me and Tommy. Then you'd feel jealous."
"Tommy would never do that."
"It's just a fucking example," you groan. "Pick anyone else in town then."
"He ain't like me. He's got morals an' shit."
"You do, too -- but get off the Tommy thing, the point I'm trying to make--"
"I hear you. Would I be jealous? I'd be mad as hell." He sounds a bit angry now as well.
"Well, sure--"
"Would that prove to you that I care? What do I need to do to--"
"Nothing!"
"Clearly that's a lie, 'cause I ain't makin' you feel loved enough... enough that you don't feel the need to make up shit about an innocent boy touchin' you--"
"I didn't! I thought about it for like one second, and then I didn't do it. You're acting like I told you... some twisted story."
"You thought about it, then thought better of it."
"Yes. Exactly."
"But you shouldn't've had the thought in the first place."
"...Great, so now I'm being punished for having random stray thoughts? It doesn't mean anything!"
"I think that if you felt secure enough--"
"Why do you keep making it about that?"
"There must be somethin'... givin' you thoughts like that. Wantin' to test me to get your proof."
"Maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'proof.' I know you love me, okay?"
"I hope you do."
"I do." You sigh. "If you really want to do something for me, just drop this whole thing. Please?" You thought he'd let it go, but now you realize he's been letting this shit bounce around in his head all morning, trying to figure it out.
"I will... for now. But not for good."
"Why not? You don't even like talking about this stuff, Joel."
" 'Cause it's important. If it has to do with you an' your... development..."
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. But you keep a lid on your annoyance. "I'm not a child. I'm developed already. You can't screw me up."
He snorts. "That's debatable."
You're actually glad when the break is over and you're back on the road -- back to worrying about navigating the city streets, looking out for hunters and infected.
...until you run into hunters and infected.
A gun shot rings out to your left. And then comes the screeching of infected -- infected that were probably in their dormant mode before hearing the shot, because Joel would've fucking mentioned it if he'd heard them in the building right there-- and there--
Your horse rears up, and you can't hear what Joel's shouting to you -- Zack is screaming -- he started to slip off the back, but thankfully he didn't take a tumble. You don't see who fired the shot, but you do see infected -- like, everywhere! -- and you feel like you're going to need some of the shit in your backpack, so you hop off (nearly kicking Zack in the face in doing so, but he has good reflexes). "Zack -- scoot up and take these --" You hand him the reins, then unzip your backpack and grab the first thing you can -- a nail bomb. "He'll calm down if you take him away -- that way -- er, wait--" There are Runners all over the place! Every direction!
There's an explosion -- still out of sight. Two more shots.
"Over there-- " Joel is on foot now, too -- he instructs Zack to take the horses somewhere specific -- a dumpster, you think he said? -- then turns to you. "Ellie, cover him an' I'll get these ones."
...'these ones' being a fuckload of Runners and Clickers?! "No way--"
"Take this." He passes you the shotgun, then fires up the flamethrower to hit the Runners closing in.
You chuck your bomb into the horde before running after Zack, who is trying to keep hold of the lead rope on Joel's horse (Summer) as well as the reins on yours (Lucky). He's not very successful, either -- Summer manages to pull away from him, and he either doesn't remember how to ride or he's too frazzled to think about it, because he like... jumps off of Lucky to go race after her. You call out to him, telling him to let go of the reins and use the lead rope instead -- and he manages to do the first one, but then Lucky follows Summer before Zack can get hold of him again. The horses do seem to be going where Joel wanted them to, though--
Can't worry about that now anyway! Your lives are more important than your cargo. "Zack -- where's your gun?"
"On the horse!" ...who's run too far away now to catch without being intercepted by infected.
Great place for it! "Here, take mine--" You pass him the 9-millimeter. "Just in case. We need to go help Joel out!"
The poor kid is trembling with fear, and is clearly unable to make a move toward the infected.
You quickly take stock of the situation: maybe a dozen infected in the vicinity, but none really moving in your direction -- they're heading in the direction where the gunshots originated. Half a dozen of them would need to pass through Joel to get there. You can start by killing those.
But after that... fuck, there's still some coming out of that building there... you know you shouldn't leave Zack, and whoever else is fighting is working on the other side of the horde Joel's facing, so it's not like he doesn't have help... but he's not going to have time to reload that flamethrower with Clickers coming up beside him-- if he runs out and doesn't have Plan B ready--
You'd better make up your mind! Fast!
If you stay close to Zack like Joel wanted you to, turn to page 190.
If you go help Joel, turn to page 195.