Solaris

I'm bored -_-;;

lucifaer — Thu, 06 Mar 2003 16:55:27 GMT

I am bored. I have no life. Of the two friends I ever really talk to anymore, one of them lives several states away from me (shakes fist at the sky), and the other one is a cat. And the cat one just tried to maim my damn arm again. I was in too bad a mood to be having with that, so as soon as she opened her mouth to bite me, I pressed my thumb down into the area between the corner of her eye and the side of her nose and pushed her mouth closed. She stopped out of shock, I think. I suppose I should feel guilty about that. Meh. Later maybe. Probably after my mother is done picking my brain and mutilating my self-esteem.

Hm.

lucifaer — Thu, 06 Mar 2003 14:27:32 GMT

Well. I got a call from Savannah College today. I got accepted. I told my parents. That was about...ten minutes ago, I guess. Have just crawled out of my room to type this, having been hiding out under the covers for about the last seven minutes, listening to my parents have a screaming, door-slamming, blame-laying fight over money for my college tuition.

I think I shall just go to KSU. I don't feel very happy right now anyway.

Fuck it.

lucifaer — Fri, 21 Feb 2003 17:14:03 GMT

Next cliff I see, I'm jumping off of -_-

You know...

lucifaer — Sat, 01 Feb 2003 02:50:30 GMT

I really should fix Taka's hand while my mind's still on it. But it's nearly six in the damn morning and I really don't feel like starting another three hour session of mouse-drawing -.-;; But dammit, his hand is HUGE!!! I knew I shouldn't have messed with it, but it just looked so small to start out with...Ahh, but artists never learn, do they? We've just got to mess with stuff in an effort to perfect it when it already looks perfect. And then we inevitably fuck it up and are never able to recapture the pristine perfection of the original. And no matter how many times we do it, we will still keep doing it, over and over and over again. Because we're just retarded like that -_-

~

Blargh

lucifaer — Sat, 01 Feb 2003 02:18:37 GMT

All right, still up, still bored, so we're gonna unload some of the journal quizzes I've been accumulating.

Found these first two tonight. Verrrry very bored, am easily amused.

You Have a Clean Ass!

Mmmm, your ass smells good!

Because you wash it as you should.

And your lovers never mope -

When you bend over to get the soap.

What Ass Do *You* Have??

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Your Hidden Sexual Talent is Giving Pain

Spankings until they're all insane!

Yup, you're totally in it for the pain.

Handcuffs, whips, hot candle wax.

That's the stuff that helps you relax.

What's *Your* Hidden Sexual Talent?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Which Ringwraith are You?
By Lisa

Who's Your Spider-Man bitch?

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hm, apparently one cannot be a villIan and an intellectual at the same time, no? ;D

What The Nightmare Before Christmas character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

</td>

Vampires may call Anita the executioner, but all creatures call you Death. You stopped hunting humans because they were "too easy". You have an apparent lack of morales, and might even be considered one of the monsters. You blend in perfectly with your surroundings, which makes you one scary sonofabitch.

Which Anita Blake Character Are You?

You are Anita Blake: necromancer, Nim-ra, Lupa, and vampire executioner extrordinaire. Poor girl ... you try to stay out of trouble, but it seems to follow you around. Mostly because of your smart mouth, but you always find a way to pull out of it. You are loyal to your friends, and make your enemies wish they were never born.

Which Anita Blake Character Are You?

What type of manga are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Gaara
You have the kanji of "love" on your forehead. Aw, isn't that sweet....that is, until you know the rest of what it stands for.
Let this be the last thing your victims hear...don't mess with sand.

Which NARUTO Character Are You?

This test created by Cadet

You are Uchiha Sasuke
The best in class, and the first choice among the girls, you've got it all. Even if all
you really want is for them to go cram it and let you go about your business alone.
Jeez, they all get in the way.

Which NARUTO Character Are You?

This test created by Cadet

</p>

And remember boys and girls, I cheat all over the damn place. If I see one I like, I just fish around until I get it ;p

~

Sorry excuse for an update

lucifaer — Sat, 01 Feb 2003 01:34:54 GMT

   Well sue me, the last two times I tried to update this damn thing, either the computer went down halfway through the process, or lj.com did, so I lost the entire update either way. Was very pissy about that for a while *sulks* Anyway, bored, tired, obsessed, so lame, crappy excuse for update.

   Updated List of Sol's New Obsessions:

      Am madly in love with -

   1. Willem Dafoe. I love him. Shut up. If I hear someone refer to him as an "ugly motherfucker" one more time, someone is going to pay <>_<>

   2. Prince of Tennis. Damn you to hell Koji. Grr. *tries to be really mad at Koji* *fails* Well, whatever ;p Am obsessed with at least two bish from PoT right now, the numbers may grow. Right now, one's a social retard (thank you Koji ^_~) and the other is an absolute darling with a multiple personality disorder. See if you can figure out who I'm talking about :p

   3. FLCL. I seriously do believe that I am the only Amarao fangirl in the WORLD O_O If you didn't know something was horribly horribly wrong with me before, well, to quote Bill Nye the Science Guy,"Nooooooooooowwwwww you knooooowwwww." XD

Followup:

lucifaer — Sun, 12 Jan 2003 15:25:12 GMT

I hate my mother, I hate my mother, I hate my mother. She makes me want to cry, scream, and kill myself all at the same time. Goddammit.

Kill Me, Kill Me Now

lucifaer — Sun, 12 Jan 2003 13:48:32 GMT

You know. I love my mother, I really do, but she really does just make me want to shoot myself in the head every goddamn time she speaks to me.

Oh HELL O_O

lucifaer — Thu, 02 Jan 2003 01:49:32 GMT

I found out today that Christina, bless her little black heart, has planned for everybody to go out to a dance club for her 19th birthday. Um. Holy shee-yut. I am, as we speak, hard at work on catching some sort of conveniently debilitating/disfiguring disease before Friday.

Muuuuuuu

lucifaer — Sat, 14 Dec 2002 22:33:51 GMT

Alas and alack; not only does the world appear to be suffering a general shortage of online Dr. Jackal-ness, it also seems to be lacking a certain Koumyou Sanzou-ness about it as well. Hm. And what does this tell me? To get off my arse and buy more manga ;P

ROFL

lucifaer — Fri, 06 Dec 2002 21:02:18 GMT

Just had myself a good laugh over this, the actual auction title, to be specific ^^

...Oh for fuck's SAKE PUKES

lucifaer — Thu, 05 Dec 2002 20:58:47 GMT

Y'know, there are just some things in life that you know damn well you shouldn't do, if only for your own good. But you do them anyway. I should not have bothered reading what I just read, but I'm bored and I'm a chump, so I did. All I have to say to the writer is this: YOU ARE SO FUCKING FULL OF SHIT THAT IT'S A DAMN WONDER YOU HAVEN'T TURNED BROWN.

God Save the Hellsing Fandom (And me, while yer at it)

lucifaer — Thu, 05 Dec 2002 20:53:26 GMT

Bleah, anyway, this is just about the wrap-up for what has had to have been the absolute shittiest week of my entire existence. I spent most of it feeling like... Well. Let me put it to you this way. Have you ever been so consumed by self-hatred that you just wanted to kill yourself? And by kill yourself, I don't just meant suicide. I mean the absolute destruction of the body, the total annhilation of each and every cell you possess. When I say "kill yourself" I mean wanting to die in the most painful, messy, brutal, bloody, gory, mindlessly violent way possible. And you're NOT just being melodramatic, you really want nothing more than for some totally unsympathetic stranger to come and run you over very very slowly with a monster truck or boil you in acid or draw and quarter you, etc., etc. You want to die and you want it to be God-fucking-hurts-the-baby-Jesus-to-watch-AWFUL. That's how I spent most of this week feeling. Oh well. At least I feel somewhat better now. Ahem. Well, on to a lighter topic, yes?

You know. Every time I start to think that maybe, just maaaybe, there might be some sizeable part of the Hellsing fandom worth associating with, something or someone sallies in and proves me SO wrong. I just got done staring at some of the most vicious, nasty, violently hateful character rants I have ever read. And they were directed at someone, who, in my personal opinion, has got to be the most inoffensive character in all of Hellsing. Um. The hell? They were so horribly blown out of proportion that I'm not even sure if it's worth being pissed off about it. It's really kind of depressing. I mean I've know that fandoms tend to eventually devolve into massively paranoid, back-biting spawning grounds for bitch-queens and prima donnas, but for chrissakes, it usually TAKES a little while for that to actually happen, y'know!? O_o

~

Oh yes...

lucifaer — Tue, 19 Nov 2002 01:52:28 GMT

And as you can see, the wonderful, fabulous Joey has gone and made my journal all pretty and spiffy ^___^ Now I can finally say that the poor thing no longer looks like crap. Plus, she showed me how to tweak around with the colors, so if you ever come in and things looks scary, it's probably just me playing around with colors and such ^^

crawls online

lucifaer — Tue, 19 Nov 2002 01:49:32 GMT

Ugh. I haven't updated this thing in freaking forever. And golly gee whiz but I was awfully mad the last time I did, wasn't I? -.-; Of course I'm nearly always torqued when I bother to write in this thing. Poor journal ^^;; *patpats poor abused LJ* It's just that I was reading over the last couple of entries a few minutes ago, and seeing as I'm now settled in with a new job and am back on speaking terms with my family, I feel a little silly ^^;; That, and I'm actually not really angry about anything right now. Not really angry anyway. Um. Heh. *cough*

I guess this entry is mostly just to let anyone who ever bothers to read it know that I'm not dead. I never get my butt online anymore, so it's probably getting rather hard to tell. Actually, my online absence of this past week was mostly because I'm doing that art thing again. I have an idea for a pic, and for some stupid reason, I don't want to get back online until I've finished the pic. And that is not going to be easy seeing as I'm not even sure if I can do this one. That and the fact that there are NO DR. JACKAL PICTURES ANYWHERE O__O *GLARES* Bleah. Dammit.

P. S.

lucifaer — Sat, 26 Oct 2002 12:43:10 GMT

And you know what Dad? NO. I'm NOT sorry. Why should I be? I mean for fuck's sake, fucking TOMMY steals more from that store in one damn day then I ever took the entire time I was there. In the end, the total amount of the stuff I took isn't even spit in the corporate bucket. I didn't hurt the company. I didn't hurt anyone personally, physically or otherwise. I did not take the job for the sole reason of stealing. I have never stolen anything else in my life other than here. Our store was a worthless piece of shit. NO ONE did what they were supposed to. The managers left hours before they were scheduled to, our assistant manager wasn't even in the damn store half the time he was supposed to be there. Not to mention the fact that expensive things had a remarkable tendency to disappear around him whenever he was alone. And I still felt like a slug everytime I took a piece of candy. And then they send me this investigator that basically headfucks me and then bills me up for $238. Well HELL. If I ever felt sorry before, I sure as FUCK don't now! So no dad, I'm NOT sorry. The only thing I'm sorry about is signing that goddamned piece of paper that signed away my goddamn rights in this case. So fuck sorry.

FUCK.

lucifaer — Sat, 26 Oct 2002 12:33:56 GMT

   FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. The entire fucking Eckerds Corporation and damn near everybody else in my immediate vicinity can GO TO FUCKING HELL. Guess what boys and girls? I got a letter in the mail today informing me that I owe Eckerds 238 FUCKING DOLLARS! For "DAMAGES." YEAH FUCKING RIGHT. They're only doing this to me A) Because they can, and B) They're just doing this to cover their asses because they've still got a lot of stolen shit that they can't explain away. So I owe them nearly three times the amount that was agreed upon. Or rather, the amount that was chosen by that FAT GREASY FUCK, ALAN. Dear god what is WRONG WITH ME!? What in the HELL possessed me to sign that goddamned confidentiality agreement? Stupid stupid STUPID SOL! So now, I owe them, what is to a person in their teens with no job, a shitload of money! Or else they'll take my ass to court! FUCK. THAT. SHIT. And not only that, but afterwards, I get to sit around and listen to my parents give me "Well you should just be grateful your not in jail" talks. And then talking about me in the kitchen LIKE I'M DEAF OR SOMETHING about how this has really hit me where it'll hurt (ie. my money) and how my mom guesses they'll have to pay it for me and have me pay it back to them later because GOD KNOWS, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, RIGHT!? RIGHT!? And then my dad's all like,"Well I'm not helping her out with this, blah blah blah"

   Ahem.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

   Thank you. Just had to get that out of my system. Because you know what? FUCK my parents. I don't want their fucking "help." I didn't ask for their help. I don't need their help. I swear to fucking GOD, my brother spends his entire existence whining and begging and pleading for useless shit that he doesn't need and borrowing money that he takes forever and a day to pay back and yet I'M the one that always catches the heat for that. I'M the one that everyone always expects to ask for money to ask for clothes to ask for every fucking thing I see. Well I am fucking sick of that. I am SICK. TO. DEATH. OF. IT. I have been selling shit on eBay just SO I would have money to pay off this debt. If I have to, I will just sell more crap. I don't need anybody's fucking help. The presumptuous hypocritical assholes in the next room can take their "help" and shove it up their asses.

Quiz Time!

lucifaer — Sat, 19 Oct 2002 20:15:16 GMT

Yay! Be showered with pointless quiz fun!

(Note: If you can't already tell, with most of these things I either cheated my ass off or just went through and picked all the ones I liked. I'm bad with rules ;P)

What Christopher Walken Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Christopher Walken Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Christopher Walken Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Hellsing character are you?

(Hmm, ya think I cheated here? :D)

Which Hellsing character are you?

What Trigun ship are you??

What Was Your PastLife?

What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty

What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty

I'm Mysterious Cute!! made by Jen

I'm blue Madonna, who are you? Madonna Quiz by Turi.

Which
Weiß fashion victim are you?</font>

Take the test here!! Made by Jenna and Robbie.

Take the What Kind of Chinese Food Are You? test!

What Jelly Belly flavor are you? I'm -

Find your flavor here!

For whom does the human skull shed tears? It sheds tears for you.

Find out what YOUR inner non-sequitur is!

quiz by A.V. Phibes

You are completely bananas...probably about socks and Jesus!

Find out what YOUR inner non-sequitur is!

quiz by A.V. Phibes

Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley

Find out what Harry Potter Character you are here!
Created by TheMast

On a side note, I redid my hair today and I am happy to say that I no longer look like Jack Osbourne. I now look like...Sharon Osbourne ^_^;

I suck so much it isn't even funny -_-

lucifaer — Sat, 19 Oct 2002 00:54:21 GMT

   Well. It finally stopped fucking raining. This is pretty much the first night in almost two weeks that I haven't had a headache the size of Russia. So I'm finally online. And of course, no one else is. Dammit. I'm all alone here, so I guess I'll take the opportunity to whine about the sorry state of events around my house.

   Ahem. Let's see...well first off, I got fired from my job. For an incredibly stupid reason that was all my fault. Go me. Ah yes. The sixteen wheeler of life has finally caught up with me and run my ass over, but it's mostly my fault because I was already out there lying in the damn road. This particular faux pas of mine has, once again, earned me my mother's eternal hatred. My brother got to be the utter disgrace of the family for a little while, but now it's my turn again. I think my dad is just tired and disappointed in me, which is, in it's own way, much worse than the wrath of my mother. I mean hell, my mom's always mad/disappointed/annoyed with me, I'm kind of used to it. It bothers me though, when I know I've disappointed my father. And I know I have. This is just another thing to add onto the growing pile of disappointments stemming from my and mine sibling's continued existence. And the worst thing is, I can't really argue with that. I mean seriously, let's be real here: we're both a couple of fuck-ups. We are. We took a good home life and loving parents and just fucked it. All. Up. Just fucked it right up the ass. Big fat red "F" on the paper of life, you faaail biznatches. Oh yeah. Jesus.

   You know, if I have to be so stupid as to have gotten myself into this situation, I really wish I could at least go beyond that and be as utterly stupid as my brother about it. See, when I do stupid shit, I get stuck with all the guilt and beating myself up over it, etc. My brother just blows it all off and goes off to live in his own happy little world where he's always right and everyone else is wrong. When I do something that's gonna fuck my life up down the road, it bothers the hell out of me. When my brother does something to fuck his life up, he just ignores it and goes out and fucks his girlfriend. And yeah, that's another thing I could live without. Daily updates from my little brother, the child I helped potty-train, on the subject of his sex life. *shudders* All I give a damn about is if they're having safe sex and that they've been checked out for STDs. I checked up on that tonight. Nada on both parts. *SCREAMS* God-fucking-dammit. Does NO ONE ever do this!? I mean for chrissakes, one of my friends ran around boinking her boyfriend from dawn till dusk for months before she got herself on the pill! And she never even considered getting herself or her boyfriend checked out for STDs. I know she's only been with one guy before the current one, and supposedly he was a virgin. Yeah, and he also turned out to be a total psychopath, but anyway -_- And I KNOW her current boyfriend has had lots of partners. Dear god, as horrible as it is to say, I almost wish one of the fools would get pregnant. I wouldn't wish a disease on someone, but knocked up for just bein' plain STUPID I think I can live with. Just because I'm a big evil bitch-monster -_- But whatever. It's probably just crankiness from being a big failure and all. And having to listen to my little brother singing his "I Got Laid" song WAY too many times *retches* Urgh. If he could hear me bitching, he'd probably say it's because I'm not getting laid. But you know what? That's probably one of the few things I'm actually happy about right now. I'm not getting laid. Halle-fucking-lujah. If sex makes you that fucking stupid, I want no part in it, thankyouveryfuckingmuch. I mean good god, I'm stupid enough as it is ;p

   A statement backed up by the fact that I need to get to the bank and the post office as soon as possible. Why? So I can get money with which to mail payments out to various eBay peoples for items I have won from them. The spending never ends. Shame on me. I'm obviously going to have to quit that seeing as I no longer have a job to finance my habit. But right now, I just want to pay off the stuff I already owe and be done with it. It's just that my parents are mad at me right now, so I don't want to ask them to drive me around, and Eric's never even here, so it's not like I can ask him. Not to mention the little twat's probably going to get his car taken from him and sold on Sunday. Why? Because he was supposed to have found a job by then. He's had about two weeks and he's gone to maybe, mm, four places and applied? The rest of the time was spent either mooching off his friends for food and gas money or banging his girlfriend. Ahh, what I would give to be as oblivious as my dear bro. It would definitely cut back on the stress in my life. Not that I have much of a life to begin with, but I'm pointedly ignoring that fact for right now.

I'm Not Dead!

lucifaer — Sat, 12 Oct 2002 02:39:37 GMT

   Or crazy. No, really. Um, let's see...I'm really still alive, I just haven't been online much lately due to the weather changes around here. Whenever the godforsaken air pressure levels decide to shift dramatically, or some new front moves in, I get sick. I've really been wanting to talk to people, it's just hard to think about when your head is pounding and you're feeling severely nauseated ;p

   Also, what am I so darn happy about Lee and Joey? Hmm...weeellll, guess who just received the biggest darn schmah of doujinshi this side of the United States :D

Reality: Someone other than you?

Sol: Quiet you -_-

   Anyway, so okay, maybe it's not the biggest dj schmah around, but still, it's pretty damn big. I haven't actually counted them all yet, but I should be doing that soon. Some scans should be somewhere in the bargain too ^_~ W00t, ya'll! Heh heh, I'm so happy ^___^ I haven't even gotten to look at all my new books yet since I had to run off to work right after they arrived, but what I have seen makes me veerrry pleased. In the One Piece arena, I have a couple of very sexy Ben x Shanks books and several pretty NBB books. Sadly, the NBB ones are mostly Japanese novel, but there are just enough stand alone pages scattered throughout to keep me happy. I just flipped through and drooled over Kuro and Jango (shut UP, they're both dead sexy when NBB draws them ;p). Ahh, it makes me so sad that she closed down her site...the humanity ;_; Ooooh, and you know what else? I sat in my filthy room mentally kicking my ass for a good ten minutes because of my disgusting lack of Japanese skills. I just knew that at least one or two of the books I'd be getting would wind up being all novel or something, since my Japanese-illiterate ass sure as hell can't tell whether they are or not just from looking at the auction page. But it just had to be those two Zoro/Sanji ones! Dammit! Why do all the novel djs always have the most gorgeous covers? That's evil I tell you! Evil! *fumes and sulks* Now I feel like a heel because I'd promised Koji scans from those, dammit...Maybe I'll just assassinate the two pusbags that call themselves her parents instead. Yeah, that sounds like a plan <>_<> Still, I want pretty ZoroxSanji to send to my sis!

Wufei: Injustice!

Sol: Damn straight, you tell'em Wu!

   That, and the fact that I'm going to have to email Celga and annoy the bejeezus out of'em yet again. I think they left out a few of my items. And, er, I also think that they accidentally gave me someone else's doujinshi, 'cuz I'm lookin' at this thing and I sure as hell don't remember ever seeing it anywhere before O_o If this thing is someone else's item, I'd like to get it back to them. I just hope that my own missing items didn't get sent out to someone else too -_-;; That'd just make my day. Er, morning. Very VERY early morning. Uh yes, it's time for me to get my ass into bed, I gotta work tomorrow. 1:00 to 9:00 goddammit. I'm stealing a box of sleeping pills when I get there. If I've got to be at Ghetto Eckerds for nine hours straight, I plan to be comatose. Myeh.

!!!!!!!!

lucifaer — Fri, 11 Oct 2002 11:55:50 GMT

Ahem.

BWAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!! EEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEEE!!! YEE-AAAAHHHHHHH, BOO-YAKA BEH-BEH! W00T!

Hm...

lucifaer — Wed, 25 Sep 2002 20:27:37 GMT

You know, Joey stopped by tonight. She'd bleached her hair for the FFVIII ball (poor Joey -_-;; *kicks Squally-boy*) and we were messing with it and my brother's Hair Ice to see if it would hold the trademark Zell spike cluster. She also was cool enough to trim my hair up for me in an effort to make me look more Farf-ish, grrr :P And you know what? I have decided; we are cosplaying the wrong damn people. She looks like Draco Malfoy and I look like Alexander Anderson. Um. Sans the the five o'clock shadow, thank god. And the height. I definitely don't have the height. I remember the first time I saw Alexander in the anime, when he stepped off of that train. I was like,"Holy shit, is he that tall or is she just that short!? O_o But if you ignore those two things, I could probably do a fairly passable Alexander cosplay. No, seriously, I combed my hair back tonight and it fell perfectly into place, Alexander-style. I'm not sure if I should be horrified or not O_o

Oh, and if you couldn't tell, I'm feeling slightly less angry. Still considering lesbianism, but the rage has faded somewhat.

P fucking S

lucifaer — Mon, 23 Sep 2002 22:18:20 GMT

Our computer is still a piece of shit. God-DAMMIT. <>_<>

Well.

lucifaer — Mon, 23 Sep 2002 22:11:53 GMT

Well. It's two days later, and you know what? I still hate men. Passionately. So far, I have a personal list of all the men I want to murder and/or torture right now. Seriously, lesbianism or quite possibly lifelong celibacy are looking reeaaally tempting right about now. If I believed in god I could become a nun. An extremely violent nun. I could go work for Alexander or something - animated men are still okay with me. But christ, I'm angry. I am so fucking fucking mad right now. I could kill the world. All the men in it, anyway. Goddammit.

Death to the Penis

lucifaer — Fri, 20 Sep 2002 21:17:27 GMT

   Or as my father would say, "Penis is a bad thing." Yeah. I hate all men. Now I may not feel the same way about that statement tomorrow or next week or next month or in the next five fucking minutes, but right now, as of this particular moment, I HATE ALL FUCKING MEN. Yes. With the exceptions of my father, Christopher Walken, and possibly Kazuhiko Kobayashi, anything with a penis that has ever shaved, jacked off, or worn a tie, can fucking BURN. IN. HELL. ETERNALLY. Do you hear me men? I hate you all with the flaming agony of a thousand burning suns! <>_<> I have my own damn reasons for this, and with the exception of a very small, very VERYselect few people, I don't want to hear a goddamn word about it from anyone. Just because I'm in that kind of mood. I'm actually considering disabling the reply function on this thing, just because I don't wanna hear shit about this. Yeah. If you can't tell, this is gonna be a rant night.

   So let's see; what else am I mad about right now? Just tiny, insignificant things really, but I'm already mad as hell, so it's not going to take much to piss me off right now. So let's see. Okay. First, let's address the matter of my already questionable self-esteem currently being roughly the size of the average atomic particle. I was informed today, by a certain MALE, I might add, that if I were to cut my hair I rather resemble an Asian version of my younger brother. God fucking dammit. I REALLY didn't need to hear that. Okay, it would be one thing if I had long flowing hair and weighed about 90 pounds with a squeak-machine voice or something. But I'm none of those things. I'm quite happy about that. But what I'm basically saying here, is that if I looked more feminine, I wouldn't have minded the comment so much. But I have slowly come to the realization that, if I were to lop off my breasts and lose a little weight in the thigh area, most people would look at me and see a guy. A rather short guy, but a guy nonetheless. That's kind of depressing. Now some people are going to say, well yeah, sans breasts, a lot of females would look male. Not necessarily so. Most girls/women have something intrinsically female about their features so that even if they had a figure like two peas on an ironing board, you would still be able to look at them and manage to wrangle out the fact that they are, indeed, female. I don't. And while I don't have particularly masculine features, I don't have particularly feminine ones either. Unless I'm wearing a good deal of makeup, I look pretty goddamn androgynous. And not only that, the guy with whom I apparently share the closest resemblance with, is, none other than my darling sib. Shoot me. In the fucking. Face. Jesus Christ on a motherfucking skateboard.

Sol's Self-esteem: *swims with the pondscum* *is approximately the same size as the pond scum anyway*

   Right then, moving right along. What else has incurred my wrath tonight? Ah. Well then. All righty then, I would like to say something. You know what? It's all right if you like to dot all your 'i's with little hearts. I'm okay with that. I think it's mind-obliteratingly infantile, but seeing as I'm not often forced to see this horrifying example of disgustingly adorable stupidity, I don't really have much of a problem with it. Much. However. As I have already stated, it's fine to dot your 'i's with hearts. You can do that in your little notes to your friends or in your little pink diary hidden under your bed or in your darling love letters to your boyfriend (who I'm sure is really a fucking sex-crazed bastard). That's fine to do hearts in. But. NOT ON A FUCKING JOB APPLICATION you FLUFF-BRAINED LITTLE TWIT. Especially, especially if you have also written in "fashion" as being your course of study. In HIGH SCHOOL. Hey, you study fashion in college, that's GREAT, that's FINE, I like fashion, it's a respectable field of work, BUT. If you were somehow managing to study fashion in high school, well dear, you obviously weren't paying attention to any of the things that are supposed to get you to college so you can actually study things like fashion legitimately. And yes, I know damn well that not a damn bit of this is important in any way, and yes I know that I am being unnecessarily mean over something that really doesn't matter in the least, but as I said above, I'm in a shitty fucking mood tonight, so anything that catches my attention in the slightest negative way is going to catch the full force of my ire. Deal with it. If I have to be a goddamn guy, I might as well be Eminem or something.(Pfft, of course seeing as only, what? Four? People read this journal, who the hell am I even talking to that's going to care to argue with me anyway?)

Another minor complaint. As if our computer hasn't taken enough abuse over time, my oh-so-computer-savvy mom decided to install a newer version of the Explorer browser. Without consulting me. This action has effectively served to make our computer into an even bigger piece of shit than it was previously. That's an accomplishment. Ah well, I guess it's a relief that it's not a fucking virus like I thought it was. Ahem. Of course it also would have been awfully nice if my sweet considerate mommy had bothered to mention this new system adjustment to me while I was busy running every fucking virus scanner in existence on our computer. Trying to figure out what the holy fuck was wrong with it. But no, she only sees fit to tell me this tonight. After about 5 fucking virus scans, each with a different scanner. Goddammit. Oh, and as is only typical, we had our usual argument as to what was wrong with the computer. I say it's the new browser, she says it couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong, how could it. My answer. I don't know. I really don't. But it is. I swear. You know, I honestly don't know jack shit about computers, but for some reason, in my house, I always end up being the only who knows either what the hell is wrong with ours or that there is anything wrong at all. You see, where my family makes their mistake is that they assume that if something is causing a problem with the system, there has to be some sort of reason behind it. I'm sure there is. This is only right and logical. However. Due to the fact that none of us is capable of much more than point and clickability, regardless of whatever my brother thinks of his mad 133t hacker skills (which he hasn't got), the chances of us actually being able to successfully locate and identify the exact reason(s) why Program A is giving Computer B severe indigestion, are slim to none. That's just something I have come to accept. I may know exactly what is causing the problem, but I may not know why. In the world of the home computer, sometimes it's just best not to try to speculate. If it's causing a problem, it's causing a problem. It doesn't necessarily matter why. Just delete the damn thing, don't ever download it again, and move on with your cyber-life. My brother and my mother have fucked up our computer system more times than I can count because they simply refuse to listen to me or this theory. Let's just say that if I EVER come home to find MSN Messenger or Ka-fucking-zaa on this computer again, someone will pay for the new hard drive in blood.

   Well we are winding to a close here. Aren't you happy? I know I am -_- Just a couple more things to tack onto this bitch fest and I'm done. Next up; we haaaaaave - Ta-DAAA! People That Really Piss Sol Off By Telling Her That She Will One Day Be Pregnant and Fucking Loving Every Goddamn Minute of It Because She is a) Female and b) 18 and Therefore Doesn't Know Shit About What She Wants! Okay okay, so that isn't the exact thing that I've been told, but that's the basic gist of it. And yeah, Joey probably gets sick and tired of constantly hearing me bitch about never wanting kids, but part of the reason I do it is because all I'm ever told is that I'll one day be eating my words. Okay. Now. I understand that I am not a very old person and that I certainly can't predict the exact outcome of my future anymore than anyone else on this ball of mud can. But. I can pretty damn near for sure tell you that whatever my future holds, one of the things it ain't gonna be holding is kids. Let's face it folks. I am just too fucking obsessive compulsive for kids. Hell, I didn't like kids when I was one. I never have.

Wittering Masses: But SOO~LLLLLLLLLL, it'll be DIFFERENT with your own kids!!! :D

   Well yes. I quite agree. It would be different with my own kids. Very much so. In fact, it would be the most horrible fucking thing I could think of. Because you see, with someone else's kids, I can just walk away. I can leave the damn room and hand them off to someone else when they start crying or crapping or whining, etc. But not with my own. Oh no. With my own I would be shackled to them with the presence of the responsibility that comes with having your own kids. They would be my OWN. And that's one thing I do believe in. Just because you were born with the ability to pop out tiny tots like a production line, does NOT, in any way, automatically qualify you as a parent. Fuck no. It is my belief, that if you have kids, you better DAMN well do a good job by them. Bad parents, as far as I'm concerned, should generally be dropped into the hearts of active volcanoes around the world. If you treat your kid like they're less than human, less than your child, well FUCK. YOU. I have no illusions about the kind of parent I'd make, and that's why I'm not ever going to be one. So there.

   *drumroll* Ah yes, we have nearly reached the end of Sol's Big Fat Hairy Whine! Yup, one more little thing to insert here. To add to the growing pile of despised, disgusting penis wearers that I'm not too pleased with at this moment, I present to you: my brother. Little bitch. Okay, now here is my darling sweet bro. My lovable little bro that, for about 90% of the time treats me like the shit he scraped off his shoe, who won't give me the time of the fucking day. About ten minutes ago he pitched a hissy fit and is currently refusing to look at or speak to me because I didn't want to watch a movie with him. What. The. Fuck? Christ, and I thought my PMS was bad. Anyway, that's it, the end, I'm done, have a nice fucking night.

Fuck men. Let's have a nice big round of chemical castration. And that's only if my mood improves. If it doesn't, screw the chemical part. Unless it's some sort of strong acid or liquid nitrogen or something. Other than that, we're going for the old rusty axe method.

- Sol