Lovers Far Away

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2025-10-01T17:48:57Z

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Badly Missing My Other Half

2018-02-08T08:22:24Z

I just created a livejournal account, I’ve been looking for a writing platform where I can freely share the more personal writing that I do (social networks like facebook etc. just don’t seem to be appropriate for that sort of unadulterated/unfiltered content), a lot of it is deeply personal and this place seems to have just enough anonymity that I can actually share some of it without fear of being judged by people (that I actually know in real life lol, strangers can judge me all they want idgaf)

Anyways, my name is Dee and I found this in communities and it jumped out at me because as of this past September I and my love are separated by more than just distance, and there’s no end in sight right now and it feels like my other half has been amputated...

So I thought I’d fill in one of those little questionnaire/survey thingies I saw other people filling out in the list of entries.
Be nice to talk about him for a change, he’s pretty much persona non grata with my family so I don’t often get the chance to even talk about how much this sucks let alone actually mentioning him by name... which is fucking ridiculous but whatever it is what it is.

______
Question Thingy and Answers:

My name: Dee or some similar variation

His/Her name: Tim

I live: Virginia

He/She lives: Also Virginia at the moment somewhat ironically

My age: 27

His/Her age: 27

Distance: Just the next county over, but might as well be the moon thanks to the razor wire and corrections officers and the judicial system in this lovely state (if it was Maryland corrections he’d already be out by now). He go to locked up back in September and he’s being held at Rappahannock Regional at least until sentencing (they’ve continued his court date like 3 times, he’s already been convicted but at his last hearing they hadn’t even started the PREsentencing report...) and the prosecutions been dragging their heels for months and of course the state of VA doesn't allow normal visits they’ve switched it all from plate glass to computer screens so the only time I even get to be in the same room with him is court.
It sucks.
And we have two boys 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 and who knows if they’re even gonna remember their dad by the time he gets out.

Together since: August or September 2012

How we met: He used to sleep on the couch at our mutual friend Andys house (may he Rest In Peace). He set us up like “I want you to meet my friend Tim he’s shy but I think you guys might get along.” And he was absolutely right we’re like two crazy damaged peas in a pod. I’m not the kind of girl that’s believes in all that soulmate nonsense (I would first have to believe in souls), but Tim ended up not just being the love of my life and father of my children, but hands down the best fucking I’ve ever had. I miss him like crazy and there’s a big gaping hole in My life right now where he should be.
We get to see each other (approximately how often): We were inseparable, we lived together for the majority of the time until we got evicted from our last apartment though and I had to take the kids to stay with family because not having shelter is not an option with two little boys, so T was on the street for a couple months because like I mentioned, he and my family aren’t on good terms right now— but that’s a whole other thing and irrelevant for the purpose of this entry—but even still, once the kids went down for their bedtime I’d go sleep outside in the tent with him because I’d rather be close to him regardless of where it is we happened to be... and it’s been a difficult adjustment coming to terms with the fact that we aren’t going to be able to be even physically near each other for who knows how long.
He’s doing time for sure, we just won’t know how long until they actually do sentence him.

Future plans: Taking the kids and getting the hell away from the DC/VA/MD metro area and finding a nice place for our kids to grow up and finally getting back to being together as a family under the same roof off somewhere peaceful (and probably rural) and living the good, stable lives of upstanding citizens who don’t have to worry about police or crazy family members or live in a constant state of worry/fear about whether we can even cover the bottom tier of Maslow hierarchy and not go hungry or be out on the streets

Share some photos: Hmm ok don’t mind if I do

So.. this whole entry got to be a bit longer than I’d originally intended, and of course included a little bit of oversharing.
I’m used to just writing things on different comment thread/status post windows and then cutting/pasting the results into my phones notepad after I realize I’ve written a descriptive essay inside an autobiography with way too much information and the person I was responding to definitely did not need to be subjected to having to read it... but SINCE this literally is a writing /journaling/ sharing platform, you strangers get the essay vs, the condensed version

Advice immediately! 682-302-2984

2018-01-02T15:03:53Z

Hey yall i need some advice on a guy i really like and i don't know what to do

Success!

2015-03-10T16:15:43Z

Name: Kim
Her name: Laura
My age: 28
Her age: 26
Link to original member stats: Here
Together since: 25 October 2009
Time we were long distance: About 5.5 years.
Short distance since: 22 February! I'm currently in the Netherlands to pack up some last bits and arrange the last things, but I am now officially a British resident.
How we finally became local: Laura needed to move out of her old house (the landlord was crap and her and her roommate had had enough), so we decided to simply apply for a place together and found a flat! It all went fast from there, haha, with the application being approved within days and the key being handed over two weeks or so later. I finally dared to tell my parents about my plans (I always felt guilty, even though I shouldn't), and by now I have arranged nearly everything over there. :) It's exciting!

Future plans: First I need to move over all my stuff (or what I want to keep, at least), then I need to find a job (I'm currently self-employed, but I'd prefer a more steady job eventually) and eventually we plan on getting married - we're already engaged. After that: kids! But not too soon, haha.

Well, that was short lived.

2015-02-09T02:37:03Z

I had to stop talking to Sven. It was so hard to do, and so awful. I managed to fall for someone halfway across the world that I had never met in person. I really cared about him too. It was mutual, actually. But he said that he couldn't do an LDR again. He's done it before and said that he's made a personal boundary; he wouldn't ever do that to another person or himself again. I get it. I've done it before, and it's awful. But I knew I couldn't just keep talking to him. So, I called it off. I was very honest, and I explained all this to him. He agreed, and he apologized for letting our conversations get so far. So it's done. Whatever it was. If only Holland were right next door.

Good luck to the rest of you all <3

Foreign Affairs

2015-01-26T02:45:18Z

Funny story...I belong to this community from a previous LDR that was eventually a "success." We moved in together, got married, and I entered 2015 a divorced young woman. Everyone hears that you're divorced and the default response seems to be, "I'm so sorry." I reply, "No, you don't understand. The correct response is congratulations." I couldn't be happier now that we're divorced. We were together for 6 years, and it wasn't until 4 years into the relationship that he became abusive. I caught on a bit later than I wish I had, and left that asshole. But enough about him.

So I've been in the dating world for 7 months now. Lot of chatting, lots of dates, lots of "eh." I've had a really hard time connecting with people. Until Sven.

He messaged me via okcupid, and I didn't notice until after I replied that he's in the Netherlands. Fucking Holland! I'm in the US. I'm not sure I could find a further location from me on the planet! So unrealistic, makes no sense, I'm stupid for considering this...yet I can't stop talking to him. We've been skying and emailing every day. He's 6 hours ahead of me, so he' sleeping right now. Makes it more difficult to talk, but we still find time at least once a day. I know this makes no sense, and so does he. I feel stupid and crazy, and I think he does too. I talked about wanting to visit him, and while he's excited for that, he cautioned against it too. He said he's afraid of falling hopelessly in love with me. We're both fucking crazy and I like him a lot.

I'd love to hear anything from anyone who can identify with this. Any tips? Any magic tricks? Anyone invent a portal? Tips for flight travel? Oh what am I thinking...lol.

Separate worlds

2014-03-14T19:58:30Z

Hey there! It's been awhile since I've posted, and the community seems a little slow, so I thought I'd post something I've been thinking about and get a discussion/some feedback going.

Does anyone else have trouble with combining your ldr with your everyday life? By that I mean this. When my boyfriend isn't here I go about my daily routines, and of course in some fashion he is apart of my life, since we are talking everyday, planning, being in a relationship, etc. However, when he visits, I feel like we kind of retreat into this world of our own where everything revolves around us. We know our time is limited, so we dedicate every second to being together. When he leaves, I sometimes find it difficult to transition back into my routine. Not because I miss him necessarily (although I do) more so because it just feels like my life when he's around and my life when I'm by myself are totally separate.

I also worry about how this will work when we finally close the distance. I'm an independent person who enjoys doing things alone and loves her personal time. I wonder how I'm going to, I guess, meld my relationship into my established way of being? We probably won't feel that need to do every single thing together since I know he'll always be there, so I wonder if it will be awkward going about my life with him around? (especially since we do plan on living together)

Thoughts? Personal experiences?

New here :D

2014-01-20T13:26:15Z

Hello, I've been in Lj since 2011, I think,
and I met my girlfriend in one of the communities here.
I used to post and she comments,and that's how we started.

http://mamimima.livejournal.com/2059.html

My name: Maricel
His/Her name: Michelle
I live: Philippines
He/She lives:Germany
My age: 37
His/Her age: 21
Distance: Thousands of miles away
Together since: August of 2011
How we met: Online, here on Lj
We get to see each other (approximately how often): whenever possible
Future plans: Getting married in 4 months hopefully
Share some photos:

Is it fair to give an ultimatum?

2014-01-11T20:00:46Z

Hey guys, haven't posted here in awhile, but I have a problem I feel like only other people who have been in my position can shed some real light on. For starters, here are our stats.

As you can see, we've been long distance going on three years now. Closing the distance and him moving here has always been his idea, and I liked it. I need to stay here and finish school, and so far I haven't found a college near Brooklyn that is going to give me what I need for as cheap as my current school does.

However, he has a pretty established business where he is now, and a lot of clients who depend on him. He can easily build up new clients here when he moves, but I always feel so guilty thinking I am taking him away from all that. He tells me not to worry about it.

The problem, however, is that we are constantly talking about closing the distance without ever putting any real plans into motion. I also feel like he gives me these little nuggets of hope just to tide me over, and then nothing he says comes to fruition. Back in 2012 it was totally understandable and we put everything on hold while his mother was sick (and eventually died) and I didn't pressure him at all during then. The next year after, though, was a lot of the same stuff as before, half-hearted conversation and the "don't worry about it, baby"

I tried to bring it up again today how I was worried about the future and he gave me pretty much the same spiel about how things will work themselves out and I just need to focus on school and my projects.

At this point I feel like I need to give him an ultimatum. I don't want to. What I really want is for us to be happily living together. But I feel like I have to.

I have put my life on hold the past 3 years because he made it seem like he could be moving here any day now. I still live with family and haven't made a move to try getting a job or a car because those are things we were supposedly going to do together, and it's really kind of messing up my progress in life, ya know? I also made plans to move in with a friend back when his mother was sick and told him it was temporary, but he talked me out of it and of course, I spent another year here.

I feel like if it doesn't happen this year I can't keep doing it. I really commend people who have been long distance longer than I have, but with where I am at in my life I really need to start moving forward even if that doesn't include him. I feel terrible just saying that because I love him so much, but he's really giving me no choice.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, or what I can possibly do/say when talking to him about this? Is an ultimatum fair at this point?

Thanks for reading :)

My Introduction

2013-10-24T01:52:28Z

My name: You can call me Captain. This is an anonymous blog for me.
His name: I refer to him as Schu in my blog
I live: on the West coast
He lives: on the East coast.
My age: 20
His age: 19
Distance: About 3,000 miles
Together since: officially, September 10th.
How we met: We both used to live in the same state in the central United States. We were both going through some hard stuff in our lives and instantly clicked as best friends. Even with 3,000 miles between us we managed to find a way to fall in love. :)
We get to see each other (approximately how often): as often as possible. Last time was in September. We hope for December but it might not happen again until after the first of the year.
Future plans: I plan to move to be with him in January or February.
Share some photos:

Long Distance and Children?

2013-10-05T02:52:39Z

I've been a member of this community in the past, although only about 2 our of 12 years of our relationship have been long distance. My husband and I were long distance between when he graduated from college and when I did. We were long distance again for a little over a year around a year ago while I worked a job in another state. I was able to come home every weekend, which I know is really quite good, but it was still tough.

When I left that job, I went to work at my husband's company. There's a long story there, but the short version is that it's just killing us as a couple. We love being together a lot, and we love working together, but we are both software developers with similar levels of skill, but they have me answering the phone and doing customer support instead of development, and it is just killing me. I feel like my skills are languishing in this role. I'm so frustrated with how the company is treating me, and especially the way that my husband's team is not sharing the interesting work that is going on with me. I'm angry at him for begging me to take the job here and not doing more when the job turned out (after I started) to be so far below my skill level, and jealous of him all the time, and it is driving us apart. My work is really important to me and I really enjoyed it when I was doing development. I'm looking into going back to my old job, even though it will mean going out of town every week again. Being long distance was rough, but it wasn't as rough as what we are dealing with right now. If I go this route, it would likely be a choice not to see each other during the week for a long time--there aren't a lot of employers in our city for what we do and it could be ages before I find an opening locally.

The thing is, we've been married 8 years, I'm 31 years old, and we're at the point in our lives where we want to be having children. My husband especially is getting tired of waiting for me to be ready to have a baby, and is concerned about declining fertility. I don't think we'd relocate. Our friends are here, my family is here, our house is here, my husband's job is here. So if we did manage to get pregnant, I'd potentially be spending a lot of time long distance from the baby as well. Anyone here do this? How nuts am I for considering this?

LD during the past 4 years

2013-08-10T16:13:36Z

I have been married for 3 years now and since then i have been living in a LDR for familiar and job situation.. My husband usually comes to see me every month for 1 week..Also have a baby of 2 years, but i know that my husband just want to be part of the life of the baby he doesn't love me anymore.. don't touch me at all (when i see him).. His salary were raised at the double but the child support never have been in percentages because he will not increase anything because he gave what is fair for him..

I will like to find my true love, somewhere. And hopefully have a happy life..

Thank you for your comments

Hello dears xx

2013-08-05T18:20:10Z

It makes me feel a little sad that nobody posts here much anymore (months at a time.) I'd love to see some re-intro's in the comments for those of you who are still active on LJ and still in LDRs. I'd like to meet you. :]

cure for homesickness

2013-04-09T01:27:03Z

I need some advice. I moved cross country last summer to live with my boyfriend. I've been on a roller coaster of homesickness lately, but my family members are being assholes. My birthday was last week, and neither of my parents (never married, separate households, they don't speak) even bothered to call Or send a card or anything. My grandma, who was like a mom to me, seems totally unsympathetic to my feelings. When I told her I was homesick, she said "we miss you too, but this was your choice" as if I'd moved to hurt them.
My mom did call me a couple days after my birthday, at 4am completely hammered, and then again in the morning to say I should forgive her for not calling since "the important thing to you is the check I sent". That is obviously not how I feel, I've never had a real relationship with her, because she was so inconsistent in visiting me.
My dad skipped Easter dinner with his family to go to his oxy dealer's house instead. He raised me, and I still haven't heard from him since before Easter.

my question is this: in order to cure my homesickness should I save to go home for a week, or decorate my apartment to make this feel more like home?

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

loversfaraway @ 2013-03-23T02:24:00

2013-03-22T22:24:36Z

So, it's been 9 long months since I've started this LDR of mine, and.... I guess it's mostly going okay. I've applied to grad school to be in the same country as him, and am waiting to hear back. Hopefully, all should go well, and I should be there in a few short months. :)

The problem is, I feel we're getting distant. The past few weeks, all we've been exchanging are "hi"s and "whats up with you"s, which peter out to nothing. I try and make an effort to make a conversation, but it doesn't really work. He hasn't been affectionate in a while (doesn't even call me by the name he has for me, which is what he always used to call me; this is when I started realizing things were changing), and any attempts I make, are replied to with a "oh, how nice"-sort of sentiment. I recently told him I miss him and his reply to me was hurtful and made me feel stupid. He's told me before that his mechanism to deal with the distance is to shut down that part of his brain and think of me less, which I find nonsensical. He insists filling up my time and "going out and doing things" will make me not think of him either. (It makes me feel so damn ragey when he says things like this. He seems to think that all I'm doing at home is moping about him and missing him, as if I have no life of my own. I already have a full-time job, and go out with friends and family during the weekend. I'm more of a homebody, and prefer to spend time doing things at home.)

I know he's very busy and very, very stressed with school, and the all encompassing soul-suck that is being a grad student. (Also, the weather where he is absolutely miserable, and I think he may have Seasonal Affective Disorder - we are from a sunny and tropical climate) And I completely understand why he may not be his usual self. I've done a lot of growing up in the past few months, and know that he's not ignoring me, but that school is his priority now, and I shouldn't feel bad. But I would really like to address this issue with him, and have no idea how to - I don't want to seem like I'm blaming him, or want more attention or time from him. I just want to feel that old connection we had. I used to think the next time we meet (after I get admission) would be happy and awesome, but now, I'm scared we'll be awkward and weird around each other. (I'm just overthinking, right?)

Any advice on how I should bring this up to him in a non-confrontational way? :/

loversfaraway @ 2013-03-18T20:42:00

2013-03-18T20:42:31Z

Hi everyone! I was in a LDR for close to 2 years. We've been together now for almost 4 years after I relocated from the US to the UK. I have a blog with my cousins called Three Ladies and Their Babies and I recently posted my story here: http://threeladiesandtheirbabies.wordpress.com/2013/02/26/finding-love-online/

I thought some of you might be interested as you can probably all relate to it.

I know how hard and impossible a LDR can be and I also know how worth it it is when you can finally be together! Stay strong, everyone.

I hope this post is okay. If it's not let me know and I'll gladly take it down.

Help with visa and stuff!

2013-03-17T18:02:31Z

My stats. Only difference is he's now in Florida rather than Kansas.

I'm in an LDR with an American guy and I'm in the UK. We've talked about how to get us both in one place and he wants to move to the UK, and we've talked about getting married and going down the fiancé visa and such. The problem is that for him to qualify he is not allowed to use public funds for the first six months or so until he can start working. I live in a council house and receive benefit to pay my rent. Now I seem to remember reading somewhere that if he paid the rent with his own money he would still be allowed to live here, is that correct? If so, could anyone post a link to something saying that? I know that once we were declared as partners I would lose some of my benefit, but if he could support the pair of us by paying our rent and council tax, would that be okay? Do you know if I would still be eligible for my benefits until he started working? Since his income would be £0 apart from whatever money he has to support us, or would my claiming count as using public funds?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm exhausted and about to head to bed, so was hoping someone would have the answers I need or could at least point me in the right direction. Thanks to anyone who can help!

Cross-posted to yankandbritlove

Looking for Friends and Support

2013-03-11T21:57:59Z

My name is Gloria, and what I am looking for is advice and support. I am great at returning the favors also. I am interested in reading entries that are similar to what I am going through. I guess I just want to know that I am not alone with what I am dealing with.

I am in a long distance relationship that started from playing an online game. We were amazing friends for a long time, and our relationship was never a flirty one in the beginning, but feelings developed on both sides, and one day we admitted it, and we began our LDR. Recently, due to complications, we went back to just being friends...and I am having a hard time coping with it.

I just need advice and support. I also read that keeping a journal would help.

Please, if you can relate to me in any way, add me. I will also read your entries and help you out as much as I can also.

Thanks!

Spouse Visa for the UK Question

2013-03-04T02:27:01Z

Hey guys!

I have a quick question. I am in the last stage of my long distance relationship as my partner and I got married in December. The last hurdle we have to get across is the visa. Does anyone know the process of when/how you know when your visa into the UK has been accepted? I have done my biometrics and I've sent my documents but I haven't heard anything since. I've seen some USA help websites saying they receive an email when the UK border agency have their documents and another email confirming whether they have been granted the visa or not. I have gotten no emails at all and it has been over a month. Should I be worried? Any assistance is greatly appreciated!

P.S I am applying from outside the UK (in New Zealand)

An update and pics

2013-01-26T06:43:33Z

I was browsing our pics from the last time, and I thought I'd do an update.
So... I am in the USA, he is in Russia, in my hometown. We've been together 1.5 years now, know each other for about 12. His US tourist visa was denied twice last year for no apparent reason, and we decided to travel to build up his visa history. We went to Germany and Amsterdam this winter, and booked tickets to meet in Paris in April. As romantic as it gets, I think:)
We spent the whole time living together while I was in my hometown, loved every minute. I learned, finally, that I accept him with all troubles and downsides and I don't think of him as a flawless prince, but as a real man. Most importantly, I decided I can deal with him being a real man, you know. But enough philosophy...we did a photo shoot! Turned out to be 6 hours instead of 2, as I imagined:)
I'll share some:

Yes, I really do pole dancing. Pole fitness, rather - can't dance for the life of me.

A prayer for the wild at hearts kept in cages

2013-01-25T07:51:14Z

"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough. It's for the fearless. It's an emotional long-term investment, it's heartaches and goodbyes and loneliness and sacrifice. It's beautiful, it hurts, it fucking hurts, but it's so god-damned worth it in the end. It's for the wild ones at heart kept in cages''

Trying times.

2013-01-05T06:33:19Z

Member stats.

So, we're going through a rough patch. It hasn't anything to do with us personally, we're more in love now than ever. We spent a wonderful three weeks together back in August, and got to see each other for a very short visit in early November. We were hoping we could see each other before I started school again, and had formulated plans to meet up on the 9th, even going so far as to book our flights. However, just today we had to cancel those plans.

Unfortunately, he's recently been stricken with some family tragedy. His mother was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer back in late October, and things were going fairly smooth, about as smooth as cancer treatment can go I suppose, when she was suddenly rushed to the hospital because of her inability to breathe or swallow with the tumors in her throat. She is currently in the ICU being kept sedated while they administer radiation.

We just found out today that this Tuesday they're taking her breathing tube out to see if she can breathe on her own, and the tube cannot be re-inserted, so it is literally a life or death situation.

I have a lot of mixed emotions. Of course I'm disappointed we can't see each other, and probably won't until mid-March. But I've assured him that I am capable of waiting as long as it takes, and that being there for his mother is the most important thing. I am also having this sort of grieving of my own that is new for me, where I have never even met this woman but I find myself sobbing at the thought of her being gone, maybe because I know how painful it's going to be for him, and how I can't be there to comfort him. He's been sleeping on the floor in the ICU for a couple days now because he refuses to leaver her side. He told me today that she can hear them, and gives small reactions when asked. He said he told her she needs to get better so she can make dinner for Chinese New Year, and I just found myself crying uncontrollably.

I guess I'm just looking for any input. Suggestions on how to handle it, how to comfort him from far away, and how to comfort myself without taking any of the attention away from him (since the last thing I want to do is burden him with my own emotions). Encouragement, insight, anything is helpful. Have any of you experience a similar predicament?

loversfaraway @ 2013-01-03T23:02:00

2013-01-04T06:02:23Z

So, a lot of things have happened in my life in the past year. About 5 months back I got married to my wife. But, to add to that, she's also 7 months pregnant! we had no idea when we got married. But, about 2 months after we got married, we up-rooted and moved to Wyoming. I am currently a student here. It's definitely...a change for me. No one has ever really cared I guess so which brings me to why i'm on here, I have an issue talking about things to anyone. It's all clear in my head, but whenever I say what I'm thinking, its a jumbled mess.

My wife, who I sent back to Michigan to be with family while she's pregnant, thinks I just don't care or don't understand. Which is far from the case. I just never know what to say anymore. She knows this, but that plus distance just makes her sad now. But it still never comes out how I need it to. I used to be so great with words, writing music and all sorts of things like that. But now, when I need it, all I get are blanks. Can anyone offer me any ideas of anything that could help?

If I were a bubble

2012-12-13T05:05:48Z

help!

2012-11-22T16:49:01Z

so I was in a ldr for about ten yrs and just last year we broke up due to the distance and finding a way to get him here permanently.I am still very much in love with him but with the reality and stress of visa's and finding a way for him to move here it really put its toll on the relationship.We are still trying to find ways to get him here and he's been trying to find jobs here as well and have them provide a workers visa but he cant find anything because they want US citizens.I think the only definate way for him to come here is to have us get married (im all for it because we have been together for over ten yrs but he doesnt feel comfortable with me financially supporting him until he gets a green card and both our families are very old school as well) or going through an immigration lawyer.Has anyone gone through the lawer route that has been successful? if so then how legit is it and how much would it cost approximately? any info would help! i dont want to lose my soulmate and I just wish we could just get married because it feels like the easiest way to get him here at this point.