Teaching kids kindness

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It’s a sad fact that many kids are bullied, and especially those who are different.

I really liked these classroom strategies to teach children kindness, and I’m sure they could be used in many other places as well.

The first one is called Erasing Meanness, and videos over a couple of days about bullying, the teacher filled the whiteboard with synonyms of meanness.  She then erased a few words to ask “How do you want to be remembered?”, and invited the children to replace some of the mean words with kind words of their choosing.

The second is to create an ongoing paper chain of kindness– write down the kind things that they had done or experienced that day, and add them to the chain.

Pave the Way info session

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Focal are hosting a free information session for parents and carers, on Sat 14 Nov, from 10am-1pm at their Ipswich office.  Focal arrange multiple different information sessions throughout the year- I have attended several, and have found them to be very well-organised and helpful.  I recommend joining their email list to keep up-to-date with what’s on.

This information session is run by Pave the Way, and is called “Planning for Now, Tomorrow and the Future”.  This presentation is available frequently throughout the year, in different places as listed on their website.  I found the information shared to be very useful- rather than playing ostrich about our loved one’s future, it is possible to plan a good life for them, and Aimee explained about some of the tools available to help with this, including normal and Enduring Powers of Attorney, Guardianship and Administration, wills, trusts, Special Disability Trusts etc.

Full information available in the flyer below.

Pave the Way Flyer _2015-10-14

Communication about disabilities

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Disability Services Queensland has put together some great resources about how to communicate with people with disabilities, and additional tips about guide/hearing/assistance dogs.  Towards the bottom of the page, there are several links- two in particular are exceptional.

The first is “A way with words: Guidelines for the portrayal of people with a disability”.

The purpose of this booklet is to promote inclusiveness and the fair and accurate portrayal of people with a disability.  It is intended as an aid for professional communicators, such as journalists, writers, producers and broadcasters, and provides suggestions for appropriate language, interviewing techniques and media coverage involving people with a disability.  

While that description does sound rather dry, the booklet is very engaging and readable, with great cartoon illustrations throughout.  Some of the recommendations include emphasising individuality (eg emotions, interests, problems, talents, frustrations, faults and roles), not disability; avoiding superhuman or excessively emotive portrayals, and not focusing on the person’s disability unless it is important to the story. There is also a list of words to avoid, with acceptable alternatives.  One suggestion given was to use the phrase “uses a wheelchair” instead of “confined to a wheelchair” or “wheelchair bound”, because a wheelchair provides mobility, not restriction.

The other link that I found useful was the Medical Signing Board.  There are Yes/No/I Don’t Know options across the top, front and back models of the body in the middle, 15 options for medical issues on the left (eg hot, cold, vomit, headache, bleeding, broken, seizure), 12 communication options on the right (eg need more information, call someone, worried, too loud, hungry), and a visual 1-10 pain scale at the bottom.  The second page lists some things paramedics might do (eg blood pressure, take temperature, bandage, medicine), a short social story, visuals for wait/be still/calm down, and some interaction tips for the paramedics.  Very thorough- wish I’d had this for Abi’s last admission!

What it’s like to be Autistic

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A glimpse of what it’s like to be Autistic, by Charl Bailie.

I wrote something on what I felt it was like to be autistic. I am a 49 year old female recently diagnosed and I wrote this when I was feeling down about something and wanted to make a little light of it. There is obviously so much more to being an aspie than what I wrote, but here it is.

From what I know of the Aspies in my life and online, this seems pretty accurate, yet lighthearted and humorous.

ASD/NT Communication differences

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“I didn’t mean to be rude- communication differences and Autism“, by Jeanette Purkis.  After giving a couple of examples, she writes:

The reason these misunderstandings occur is usually a differences in communication styles. There is nothing wrong with either of these styles, they are just different. The issues seem to arise when one group interprets the other as if they were using the same style. Sadly, due to these communication differences, we [Autistic people] are often thought to be unpleasant when we are not.

I am a very kind and respectful person. The idea of upsetting or offending anyone fills me with horror. I want my impact on the world to be positive. I want to help people and make their lives better. I am respectful and inclusive to a fault. The idea of hurting anyone’s feelings appalls me. So how do you suppose I feel when through no fault of my own I say something which is deemed offensive or rude simply because I communicate differently? 

It might go some way to explaining why Autistic people can be overly apologetic and socially anxious.

Autism survey results

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Chris Bonnello, author of the Autistic Not Weird blog, wrote and advertised a survey a few weeks ago.  He received 477 responses, some of which surprised him, others were very predictable. Questions were across a range of topics, including public understanding of autism, willingness of Autistic people and/or family members to discuss autism with others, school accommodations, religion, language preferences (person with autism vs Autistic, and the use of mild/moderate/severe/high-functioning as descriptors), maths abilities, cure, vaccination, and whether autism has taken away or added to the respondent’s life.

Autism in church

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Here are some great resources promoting disability inclusion in the church.  While written by and for different denominations, the information and suggestions would work across most church communities.

The Diocese of Oxford has put together a very thorough 23-page booklet called Welcoming Autistic people in our churches and communities.  It’s a very practical set of guidelines, explaining some of the features of Autism, and some quick low-cost changes that can make a huge difference for Autistic people (eg change fluorescent lighting, check noise levels, give clear instructions, explain any complicated language either at the time or later, warn of physical events, have a quiet/rest area available etc).  I especially liked the “hard” and “easy” descriptions of an Autistic person visiting church.

Based on the above booklet, is this checklist for How Autism Friendly is your church?  Readers are encouraged to consider the place and environment, events and what is going on, and people and social activities.

This clip, by Rev Malcolm Duncan, senior pastor at Goldhill Baptist Church, is fantastic- says it all.  I highly recommend listening to it.  He talks about how disabled people are treated in the church, and the church’s mission to, with and alongside people with disabilities. People with disabilities are not first and foremost people who have something wrong with them, they are sons and daughters of the living God. Inclusion isn’t about ramps and loos, as important as they are, it’s about heart and attitude, it’s about a change of mindset that sees people, not as objects of charity, but as equals.

Making churches accessible– this short article has some simple suggestions for how to make church services accessible for people with learning disabilities.

“Evidence suggests that churches that have actively made their worship services accessible to people with learning disabilities the services become accessible to many others; people with poor literacy, for those whom English is not the first language, people from un-churched backgrounds who have no experience of Christian language, and increasingly for people with dementia.”

Feeding issues

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We’ve tried many different strategies to expand Abi’s food repertoire, but it’s still very limited.  This week, I have been reading a number of websites that were shared on one of the Facebook groups I participate in, and am hoping to implement some of these strategies soon.

Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding – this is very different to the traditional models!

Feeding tip for sensory or selective eaters: Where to place food so not to trigger immediate refusal (Feeding Doctor) – these explanations make so much sense.  Don’t confront children with loaded forks or plates directly in front of them- have them close enough that the child can reach for them to satisfy their curiosity without feeling pressured.

What it really means to “offer” food (Feeding Doctor) – my two favourite reminders from this article are:

Avoid thinking of foods in terms of what they “like” or “don’t like.” Kids are fickle, and what they reject one day, or month, they will for no reason pick up again, but they have to see the food again…
The child has to have time to throw out the first rejection, or push back, and be met with no resistance, pressure or attempts to convince or coerce. The initial reaction of most children, not just those with sensory issues is “no.” Wait it out…