The 3 Words I Wish I Said During My Son’s Public Meltdown, by Sophie Chaffee (The Mighty). Shopping – sensory overload – meltdown – strangers staring but not helping …
Her therapist later suggested three words she could have said at the time, “I need help”.
Sounds so easy, so few of us do it!
Raising Peter – what my son taught me about my faith, by Mary-Beth Werdel. The author outlines her experience taking her 4 year old son to Mass- his determined desire to “blow out people’s prayers” (the prayer candles), and his terror of the noise of the bells. Like many families of children with autism or sensory processing difficulties, they stopped attending church for a period of time, and during that period, she changed.
I see now why I could not let go of Peter’s phrase [“blow out people’s prayers”]. I pray now in thanksgiving and in gratitude for the fact that Peter has blown out my old prayers of normalcy and re-ignited them as prayers of relationship and love. And I pray that with education—on autism and sensory integration, on a theology of hospitality and on a perspective of love—others, like myself before them, will find a space in which they feel safe enough to let a little boy blow out their prayers.
“Higher highs, lower lows; it is what it is“, by Mandy Farmer (From the Bowels of Motherhood blog).
“I would argue that we experience higher highs and lower lows as parents of children on the spectrum (or any special needs children, for that matter). I can’t really describe to you the feeling when a four and a half year old uses a spoon efficiently for the first time. Remember how excited you were when your one year old used a spoon? Now imagine how much more intense that excitement would be if you had waited four times that long to see it happen. Not only had you waited, but you had worked and your child had worked tirelessly to make it happen.“
Respect the can’t (Ischemgeek blog).
“People with disabilities and chronic illnesses will often say we “can’t” do something when technically, we can, but not without severe consequences we’re not willing to pay. Doing this is not dishonest. I can’t do the thing, in the sense that abled people are thinking of. I can’t just pound it out and move on to the next thing. It will take too much out of me. If I do it, my day is basically over, and maybe my next few days or weeks will be wasted in recovery. But, abled people, when they find out what I meant by the “can’t” get outraged at it, and seem to think I’m lying about my abilities. And then my can’t backfires, because they take every can’t as a “shouldn’t.” Because then they start viewing every “can’t” as an obstacle to be bulldozed over. You don’t know what’s going on in their body this week. So respect the can’t.”
Inspiration porn further disables the disabled, by David M. Perry. Building on the late Stella Young’s TEDx talk about the objectification of disability, the author discusses three recent inspiration-porn news stories, which all focus on the “hero” being kind to the disabled person, who is treated simply as a prop. He says that such stories conceal the real issues faced by the disability community, rather than illuminate them- and then outlines what’s missing in those stories. He asks some very good questions and makes some important points- well worth a read.
Answers for uncomfortable questions, by Elizabeth (Autism-Mom blog). Describes a situation in which her son was asked some uncomfortably personal questions in a multi-player online gaming environment. Most of us have taught out kids not to share personal information online, but it becomes very uncomfortable when they’re directly asked, especially when they’re hard-wired to be honest! She gives some great examples of scripts she brainstormed with her son in the follow-on article – I like the way she thinks through the issues and comes up some good solutions!
(If you’ve not yet connected with Autism-Mom on Facebook, I highly recommend it – she finds and shares heaps of interesting autism-related articles!)
Aspiengirl in school, by Tania Marshall. Lists some early signs to watch for in school-aged girls.
When should I tell my child they’re autistic, and how do I tell them?, by Captain Quirk (Autistic Not Weird blog). I love the fact that he focuses on the child’s individuality, and when is the best time for that individual child to know. His summary answer is “tell them once knowing about their autism will actually help them“, and gives some examples of right and wrong timings, and why. He also stresses the need to tell them about their autism positively – even (and especially) if all your child can see are the negatives, because there are positives as well.
Under control, by Cynthia Kim (Musings of an Aspie blog). A very thoughtful article about how having everything under control is both exhausting and an illusion- and an examination of her need for control.
“I’m ill-equipped for a lot of aspects of life; at some point, control became my primary coping mechanism. Life was hard and confusing and scary. Being in control could fix that.
Control was an all-purpose strategy. I couldn’t just replace it with one new strategy. Instead, I had (and still have) to look at each situation and ask myself where is the urge to control this coming from? What will I need to feel safe or comfortable in this situation? How can that happen?
Ironically, the more I give up on trying to control all of the things and people around me, the less out of control I feel. And that really is a good thing.”
To the Teachers of the Little Ones with Special Needs, by Mandy Farmer (The Mighty). All I can add to this article is a heartfelt “ME TOO!!”.
We have been very blessed with the teachers who have cared for our youngest over these past two years. To watch the eagerness with which she gets dressed in her school uniform, runs out to the car, and then into the classroom. To observe your smiles as she races into the classroom, goes to “her” corner, and only then turns around to smile at you. To see your positivity, and expectations that she *can* do things- possibly beyond what we’d dared to dream- and then see her do them. To know that you’re not just working on her academic abilities, but also her personal skills- things that, apart from therapy sessions and therapist suggestions, we thought we were implementing on our own. To be greeted honestly every afternoon, with a truthful account of what she’s found difficult through the day, and/or what wonderful things she’s achieved.
All of that is wonderful. But thank you also for supporting us as a family. For being willing to chitchat about various subjects, and acknowledging our other child. Our youngest is part of a family, who like to do family things together- while her special needs are a part of our life, they’re not our whole life. Thank you for seeing and supporting that, and us.
We are very thankful for both of you, enjoy working with you and seeing such amazing progress, and we look forward to meeting more teachers like you in the years to come.
lovenlearning 