red lips, red leaves

facetsofblood

2008-01-13T04:13:29Z

Edward got about two blocks from the Swan's house before the headache became so torturous he really thought he was dying. He stopped mid-stride, put his palm to his forehead, and shut his eyes. He knew this had to do with the portal, and the energy that had been released. He knew.

When he opened his eyes, everything felt different.

Edward dropped his hand and smiled, very, very slowly. The woman who was walking on the other side of the street, to her car after a late movie, never saw him cross to her side, and she certainly didn't see the bite coming. She was dead in under two minutes. She hadn't even had time to scream.

---------------------------------

After changing into a pair of jeans, black boots tucked under the pantlegs, and a black button-down shirt (the jacket was merely so that he wouldn't raise any eyebrows; it was a bit cold to be running around without one), Edward went out again. He didn't drive; he wanted to walk.

He got himself to The Bronze without incident; Edward had heard that a band he liked was playing there tonight, and if there was ever a place to go while feeling like this (God, was human blood ALWAYS that incredible?)

He didn't need to pay at the door, glaring at the guy stationed there and smirking was enough. He raised an eyebrow in thanks and went inside.

It was an ocean in here. An ocean of things he wanted. The band was setting up, and Edward wanted to talk to the musicians. To make a request. He wanted to hear every thought in this place and exploit some of them. He wanted to taste some of the blood that he could hear flowing. All of his self-control, how careful he always was.... it was gone.

He didn't care. Couldn't care. The energy from the portal had taken that, too.

Eyes that were no longer amber but instead an orange-brown looked around the room. A girl brushed against him, and turned and looked at him over one shoulder with a smile.

Wow, glad I turned around.

Edward sighed at her, bored. "Did you put your make up on in the dark?" he asked, pushing past her. As soon as he was clear of her, he headed for the stage. And once he was there, he tilted his head upward and waited for someone to come talk to him.

As exhausted as she'd felt after coming home (and falling facedown in her bed and passing out immediately), Dawn woke up two hours later, completely refreshed. Guess it was true, what they said about catnaps.

She rolled out of bed, yawning, and stretched. It was still early. And she saved the fucking world. She could think of a few things better to do in it than sleep.

After a quick shower (gross, she really needed that) she stood in front of her closet in her lacy lingerie. Red. She'd never worn it before, just brought it home from the mall under her clothes and hid it in the back of her closet. Well, fuck, if she had it, she might as well wear it. The red looked good on her. She smiled at her reflection.

She threw on a little black dress with a square neck, the red lace of her bra peeking from the top, and cinched a wide corset belt around her waist. Slipping on a pair of black pumps, she twirled in front of the mirror and laughed. Goodbye to Sandra Dee.

She called Janice while smearing on black eyeliner and blow-drying her hair into loose curls. Five minutes later, she was slipping out of the door.

Janice's mouth dropped open when Dawn walked up to the Bronze. Her friend was in line, waiting patiently. Dawn grabbed her hand without a word and pulled her forward, past the bouncer, gave him a peck on the cheek and laughed and he lifted the rope for them. Janice was speechless. Dawn just laughed.

Inside, she led them to the bar and slipped onto a stool, swiveling around on it and scanning the crowd, watching the band set up, listening to the music filtering in through the speakers.

instantly you struck me as quite a catch
luckily i left you without a scratch
you seem capable of mind control and
you've disabled my very soul

i'll take what's mine before i regret it

Her eyes landed on a familiar figure in front of the stage. Her heart skipped a beat, then accelerated. Dawn smiled. This was a good night after all.

A woman he knew was named Johnette looked down at him, eyes narrowing to slits of kohl eyeliner. She smiled, though.

Edward beckoned her with his finger.

She leaned forward, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Hi," he said, smiling amiably. "Listen, I'm a really big fan, which I'm sure you get a lot... but I was wondering, there's a song I'd love to hear..."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, which one?"

He told her. She laughed. He said please and bit his lower lip.

Johnette's own lower lip was split and there was a slight amount of blood there. It was under the lipgloss, but he could smell it. He wanted it.

"Okay," she said, shaking her head. "I don't know why I'm agreeing to this."

Edward jumped up onto the stage, fast, and gave her a lingering peck, tongue darting out to get the blood he'd been eyeing. Then he hopped back down. "Thanks," he said.

She laughed. "Welcome. Give it ten or fifteen, okay?" The song would get one hell of an introduction for that.

Edward turned away from the stage and the amused lead singer and into the crush of people and heartbeats.

One stood out.

He shut his eyes and focused on it. The irregularity familiar and incredibly enticing. Dawn. This was what always happened when she was near him. He just never said anything because he was too nice.

Not anymore.

Janice was between him and that heartbeat. Edward cocked an eyebrow at the girl and she looked him up and down appreciatively. I don't know what it is, Janice thought, but good goddamn, they must put something in the water in Washington. He didn't say anything, just kept going past her.

Edward got to the bar and didn't sit. He stood just behind Dawn and exhaled, and it was calculated. He watched his breath make the fine hair on her shoulders and neck stand up.

And then he walked away.

Not yet. No. She would get up and come to him.

Edward turned back into the crowd and listened, for that heartbeat and for the band to actually start.

"So," Johnette said into the microphone, "we're back in Sunnydale." There were a few laughs; Edward didn't get the joke. "Alright. Someone out there wanted to hear this enough to come up here and knock me a little kiss, and I'm a sucker, so..."

The drum started first.
Then base, a walking baseline.
Edward grinned and closed his eyes.
Then there came the harder guitar. A scream should come next. He wondered if he was gonna get one.

He did. The people around him started to dance.

The song started and he wondered with serious amusement if Dawn understood why it was playing.

Drumming her fingers on the bar, Dawn turned and batted her eyelashes at the tender. Her lips curved into a smile, a predatory grin that made Janice shift back slightly, uncomfortable although she didn't know what exactly made her uncomfortable. This was her friend, after all. And, yeah, so, she had a bit of a new look, that wasn't against the law or anything. She'd always thought Dawn should raid that kickass older sister's closet.

But something was off. However, Janice couldn't put her finger on it, so she shrugged it off, turning to smile at the tender too, trying to ignore the slight knot of unease in the pit of her belly.

The bartender slid a glass in Dawn's direction, and she took a sip, shrugged and pushed it towards Janice. Boring. Although she could tell it was about to get a lot more interesting, by the way the hair on her neck rose, the way Janice's eyes widened as she stared at something over Dawn's shoulder.

Her nails drummed a staccatto beat on the counter.

She could feel Edward's breath on the back of her neck. Ironic, since he didn't need to breathe. Showing off, as usual. And then he was gone. So he wanted to play games, did he? That was fine. She'd join, of course, but eventually they'd be playing by her rules.

Kissing the air to Janice, she slid off of her stool, following Edward through the crowd, her slip hips swaying in tune to the beat, drawing a look here and there, but she didn't bother to catch anyone's eye. If she had her way - and she was damned determined to make it happen - she wouldn't need anyone else tonight.

there's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed...

She came up behind Edward, slowly slipping her hands around his waist and up his stomach, over his chest, fingers lightly tracing every ridge and curve. Her lips almost brushed the curve between his neck and shoulder. She could've licked his skin, if she'd wanted to.

"Now," she whispered into his ear, "where's my hero's welcome?"

Of course he wanted to play games. All Edward ever DID was play things straight.

He knew Dawn was there. Her heartbeat would never, ever conceal her from something like him. Especially since it thudded the closer she got. Didn't matter about the personality-- her biology betrayed her and always would.

The vampire opened his eyes just in time to look down and see Dawn's hands slide around him, small and white and slender. In another life, one that had ended a few hours ago, he'd have bucked her off his back and ran to the other side of the room for this. Right now, though...

Edward grabbed Dawn's wrists and held them in one hand. These tables were gonna turn. Not yet, but very, very soon.

The whisper wasn't even unwelcome, but Dawn should've tread with more care. Where's my hero's welcome?

That half-smile of his, almost innocent and yet dripping with promises of things that were anything but innocent, worked across his face. Edward lowered his eyes and bit his lower lip, as if contemplating a very smart response.

Without a word, he switched their places. So fast people around him actually stared, Edward pushed Dawn forward and moved himself back, molding himself along the line of her body and holding her hands still in one of his. He took a deep breath and buried his face in her hair for a second, moving his face to the side of her neck and hovering just above her skin.

"For saving the world?" He purred, eyebrow raising. "I guess you can have one." Edward laughed. "If you really want."

I got the ways and means
To New Orleans
I'm goin' down by the river where it's warm and green
I'm gonna have a drink
And walk around
I got a lot to think about...

He didn't say anything, just let his free hand trail from her shoulder down to her thigh, pulling her tighter against him with a smirk.

Feeling the crowd's eyes on them, Dawn just laughed quietly, and eventually, people went back to watching the band, or finding their own troubles to get involved in. Despite the late hour, it was a very busy night at the Bronze. Nobody seemed to want to be at home, not while there were much, much better things to do.

People, too.

She let Edward push her forward, laughing again, tossing back her dark curls. That vampire strength really came in useful sometimes, she had to admit, if he could toss her around as easily as a doll. And it was kind of hot, the way he took control for once, instead of hiding or avoiding the subject. She found herself thinking of other ways he could manipulate her body. For a while, she'd let him.

She could feel the pressure of him in her hair, the chill that radiated, almost unnoticeably, from his skin. She knew because she was trained to notice these things. Most other people wouldn't. A killer in their midst, and they had no idea. For some reason, it made the situation all the more exciting.

oh, you were a vampire, and baby, i'm the walking dead...

Pressing back against him, hips still drawing a figure eight in the air in time to the music, she smiled, half-turning her head so she could see him out of the corner of her eye.

"I think I deserve one," she breathed, her lips parting, tongue darting out to run over her bottom lip. "Wouldn't you say?"

Edward wondered what he'd have to do to Dawn to make her walls fall. He remembered, and it was clear, that her thoughts came to him when she was close to losing it.

Oh, this had definite possibilities.

She deserved one, now? Ha.

The half-smile turned darker than Dawn would ever have seen it. It's possible that his face was completely different, in terms of expression, than anything anyone but prey had ever seen on Edward.

"All you did," Edward said, not moving away, not loosening his grip, "was bleed." He laughed, and the laugh was cruel.

I got the ways and means
To New Orleans
I'm goin' down by the river where it's warm and green...

"I can make you do that."

Edward let go of her hands and grabbed both of Dawn's hips, probably a little too roughly. He nudged hair away from her ear with his nose and whispered, feeling the hair on her neck stand up again. "And you'd like it."

She could see Edward's expression out of the corner of her eye. She liked it - it wasn't an expression she'd ever seen him wearing before. It suited him. She tossed her hair back again, moving carefully enough that the motion would only expose more of her neck.

"Don't tell me you didn't like that," she murmured, running her hands over his, feeling his fingertips begin to bruise the tender skin of her hips. She liked it a lot better now than when Glory had bruised her. Everything had its time and place, she supposed. "All that blood..."

She twisted in his arms, her hands sliding up his chest to curl around the collar of his shirt, then slipping beneath the top button and quickly, efficiently popping it off. She wondered if he'd be mad. If he'd make her pay. Ooh, now there was an idea...

i'm gonna have a drink
and walk around
i've got a lot to think about, oh, yeah...

Her lips went to the spot where his jaw met his ear, and her tongue flickered out, tasting the skin carefully. Her hips swayed gently under his hands, and her fingertips traveled a little lower down the pale skin of his chest.

"Didn't you?"

A few hours ago, this would've been absolute torture. Edward would've driven himself to distraction in any situation even close to this. He'd have been almost biting through his lip over the temptation in front of him.

Oddly, knowing that it wasn't just temptation, but something that he could have... Edward was completely fine. Almost Zen. He knew he was getting what he wanted, it was just a matter of time.

All that blood...

"And not a drop to drink," Edward finished. He laughed again, a short sound that was full of mirth and devoid of any of Edward's usual innocence. Did Dawn know about his eyes? He couldn't remember and it seemed trivial, but he figured she knew something was different here. Her body was reacting to it in more ways than one.

The more she rolled her hips...

Dawn turned into him, slid and insinuated herself into his arms, and Edward's hands closed around her waist. His head tilted again into her neck like that was where it belonged. A button popped off and he didn't even react to it's disappearance.

The things that were going through his head right now were equal parts torture (alternately for him, just thinking about them, and for Dawn) and heaven. Eyes that were too dark to be Edward's smiled down at Dawn.

She licked him. That was it. Edward's face looked deceptively innocent, leaning toward her, lips brushing the skin of her neck, a smile breaking out over his face, then trailing up to her cheek. He hovered close enough to her mouth to feel her breath, close enough that moving his lips at all would cause them to brush hers.

It was intentional. Obviously.

"Torturing myself," Edward said, lips whispering against Dawn's, "to be the nice guy..."

His eyes narrowed on the word 'nice,' as though he hated the word.

"... is not something I like."

... you were a vampire and now I am nothing at all...
Aw, you were a vampire and now I am nothing at all...

Calmly, he bit at her lower lip. It wasn't a kiss, it was a bite. Not deep enough or long enough for venom, but there wasn't anything gentle about it.

"Which is why," he said, pulling back, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her to go with him, "it's going to stop."

A few hours ago, Dawn would've been ducking her head, doing her best to avoid Edward's eyes and probably escaping the club as soon as it was passably polite to do so, leaving Janice baffled and her own desires very much unfulfilled. She could tell that there was something in the air tonight, something that was making people act less inhibited, but she didn't stop to wonder about it. Why mess with a good thing?

She didn't think much at all, actually. No tower, angry hellgod, probably equally angry older sister or other girl named Bella even crossed her mind. The only things that mattered were right in front of her. All she had to do was reach out, and...

Her heart sped up, as was to be expected, when Edward's mouth brushed her throat. She didn't get the usual sense of safety and protection that normally radiated from Edward. No, the only things coming from him now were danger and excitement. This was an improvement. And playing with fire, in the arms of a vampire who was all but unpredictable, was a new and fun thing she'd have to try out more often.

She smiled in return as his lips almost skimmed her skin, leaning closer, completely closing the distance between their bodies, swaying slowly with the music. She'd seen Edward talking to the singer earlier. Gods, the song was appropriate. She laughed, softly, the sound low in her throat, her fingers moving deftly to rid the shirt of another button.

She moaned quietly as his teeth closed around her lip, the sound escaping before she could stop it - not that she wanted to. She was done with holding back, lying about how she really felt, keeping up appearances. Why bother? Life was short. Danger was more fun.

"You know what they say about nice guys," she said with a throaty laugh as Edward pulled away. She missed having him so close already. And she planned to have him much closer as the night wore on. "Finishing last and all. Where's the fun in that?"

He'd have been lying if he'd said that moan did nothing for him. Edward's face moved into that dark half-smile again.

You know what they say about nice guys.

Another button was gone. Well, he could take it out on her, couldn't he? If he even cared all that much. He could see Dawn figuring out that he'd requested the song. Didn't take a telepath. And he nodded.

He was not a nice guy anymore, so he would not, very decidedly not, be finishing last. He pulled Dawn off the dance floor, past the stage and the band and people dancing, and to the back and side of the club. Back here, band posters and brightly colored flyers covered the walls and most of the floor, too.

"Nice," he hissed, without so much as a glance behind him. He laughed like this was funny. "Is overrated. Where has it ever gotten me?"

One of the two bathroom doors was pushed inward, and Edward shoved Dawn through it and let go of her wrist. Then he leaned on the door and watched her, halfway across the room.

"There's a window behind you," he said, pointing, eyes raising to it. "I can't promise you that if you try to run, I won't chase you. And if I chase you, I think you're done, key or not." He shrugged playfully. "That's all the warning you get."

In his mind, she was already pinned to the stall wall behind her, and he was already lifting up her skirt. There were so many ways to go about this that it was almost daunting.

Almost.

He took a few steps forward, not laying a hand on her, listening to her heart. Edward shut his eyes for a second and he swore the rhythm of it could get him high. Edward sort of wanted to see if he could make her heart stop, either out of fear or excitement.

Taking another few steps, he began backing her into the wall behind her, eyes moving over her appreciateively. Her bra was actually hanging out of her dress? Way to go, Dawn.

Less than a foot away from her, now, he put a hand on either side of Dawn's body, looking down at her like he wanted to eat her or make her scream or make her knees buckle (maybe all three).

"Say when," Edward said, fingers tracing the neckline of the dress and around the red lace sticking out.

"The new and improved Edward Cullen," Dawn murmured under her breath as the vampire pulled her through the crowd. She wasn't talking to him, but she knew he'd hear her anyway. She followed him, unresisting, curious to see where he was taking her and what would happen next. "What'd you do, read a self-help book?"

They slid into the bathroom like two shadows, and even though Edward pushed her a little rougher than necessary, Dawn didn't stumble, just twisted on her ankle-breaking heels and rubbed at her wrists, looking up at him through her lashes, over her half-curled fingers.

"I like it," she finished the thought, pulling her lower lip into her mouth and biting down on it lightly, a pensive look on her face.

She watched him come closer, circle her like prey. She liked this game, it thrilled her. Life was just a series of games, after all, some more dangerous than others, and infinitely more fun for it. And all you had to do was - win.

"Why would I run from you?" she purred, letting him back her into the wall, keeping the smallest breath of space between their bodies. And after a while, there was nowhere else to back into and she pressed her back into the cool tiled wall, the chill on her shoulders making her shiver. "And miss out on all this fun?" Her lips carefully punctuated the last three words.

Too much space.

Edward's fingers moved over the decolletage of her dress and she slid her arm around his shoulders, gently tugging him closer, her hand closing around the back of his neck. There was a different look in his eyes tonight. Maybe he'd finally grown up a little. Maybe they both would.

"When."

He'd heard the snide comments about the self-help book, and Edward, in his current state, could really give far less than a damn about what Dawn did and did not like.

He knew what he wanted and what he liked. After spending so much time caring what other people thought and controlling himself, he found himself unable to do either.

It was unbelieveable.

Edward didn't smile, although his eyes glinted. He could still hear the music from outside through the door. The belt around Dawn's waist was undone quickly, and the zipper on the side of her dress slid downward with that bzzz noise only zippers make.

He ran his hand from Dawn's chest, where it had been, playing with red lace, up over her neck, and back down over her collar bone. That dress had to come off. Or at least... get out of the way.

Edward started slowly pushing the fabric off her shoulders. And leaned forward, brushing his lips teasingly over hers and moving back.

Now he was smiling.

The last strains of the song drifted in, followed by cheers and excited screams - oh, you were a vampire, and I may never see the light - but that was all background noise to Dawn. Who needed the light, anyway? There was another song she remembered - girls that glitter love the dark - and from now on, she wasn't just going to glitter. She was going to fucking shine.

God, why had it taken them so long to get here? They'd had so many opportunities. The hotel room, for one, would've been a lot more comfortable... well, better late than never, she supposed, and it would make for a good story in the end. She was just glad they'd stopped dancing around the obvious.

She heard her belt hit the floor, and the hard hiss of the zipper at her side as it was pulled down, but she kept her eyes on Edward's face, watching the subtle change in expression, the dark glow in his eyes that just suited him so damn well. Her breath came a little faster as Edward's hands slid over her body, cold against her skin. Good. She felt like there was a fire inside of her, blue-green flames crackling like lightning. Not that she wanted to put out that fire - she liked it. Maybe dampen it down a little, for the moment.

She tilted her head, raising her shoulder, allowing the silky fabric to slip down, exposing more of the red lace and the pale skin of her chest. He had the right idea, she decided, clothes were too confining for the moment.

Oh, to hell with this.

Her hands grabbed his shirt and pulled viciously, scattering buttons everywhere, reaching, skimming his cold body, fluttering down his chest and up his sides before wrapping around his neck and pulling him in for a hard, bruising kiss.

What Dawn felt like fire, Edward felt under Dawn's skin as racing blood. Racing blood, to a vampire with no self control...

He shut his eyes and swore, but the smile stayed right where it was. If he lost all composure and drank her dry, what was the loss to him?

And her breathing changed... this was like pouring a bucket of blood into the water to attract a shark. Edward couldn't decide, for a second, if he'd rather drink Dawn until she died or touch her until she screamed his name. It was, momentarily, a very tough call.

But, as they say, when choosing between two evils, choose the one you've never done.

Dawn ripped his shirt open and Edward chuckled, laugh almost musical, her hands sliding down his body. He bit his lip, watching her face, watching the want build up even more. He already knew it was there. This was like watching a pot boil over. It was fucking great.

Dawn wanted a hard kiss, she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Not shocked, not blinking, not even thinking about anything other than right then, Edward kissed her back, mouth opening and pushing at hers with what was probably too much ferocity, being that Dawn wasn't a vampire too.

He pushed her dress down to her waist as he kissed her, intentionally slowing down the pace, and pushing his full weight against Dawn, sliding the dress down off of her torso. There was skin here, warm skin, and he wanted to feel it against his.

The dress had to go. But his shirt was going first. Without pulling back from Dawn's mouth, Edward shrugged off his shirt and tossed it in the general direction of the sink. He pulled back, biting at her lower lip as he did, and looked Dawn levelly in the eyes, that dark smile back.

"I can shred that," he said, softly, one hand sliding up behind Dawn's back and almost too deftly sliding the hooks of the bra apart, "or you can get it off you. There's no third choice."

His eyes lowered to the dress around her waist and went back up to Dawn's face. An eyebrow rose, as if asking her to choose.

Making a low clicking sound with her tongue, Dawn then licked her lip, reddening and swelling from Edward's forceful kiss. "That'd be a shame," she murmured, eyes flickering down to admire the lace against her skin, then back up to Edward's face. "I thought you liked me in red."

Another song keyed up in the background, a ballad with an edge. The singer, a smile in her voice, said something about it being 'for the pretty pale boy with a way for words - and kisses'. Johnette's sultry voice was breathier this time around, more girlish.

take me down, six underground, the ground beneath your feet
laid out low, nothing to go, nowhere a way to meet...

Still watching Edward through lowered lashes, Dawn reached for the red strap on her shoulder and slowly, delicately slid it off. Catching her lip lightly with her teeth, her face, the big blue eyes the picture of innocence, she did the same with the other side. Lifting the scrap of red lace away from her body with one finger, she let it swing for a moment before tossing it in the direction of Edward's discarded shirt.

Unabashedly, she reached forward to slide her hands over his chest, his stomach, wanting to cover every inch of that perfect, pale cold skin. Where had he been all of her life. "Sunnydale was so boring before you came," she breathed, a half-smile on her bitten lips before leaning to skim his collarbone with her mouth.

He let that one go. If pressed, Edward might've answered that he preferred her naked, and what made her think he liked her at all? But it didn't matter enough right now for there to be words about it.

for the pretty pale boy with a way for words - and kisses...

Edward's eyebrow danced and fell, and he grinned. Having a fan club was nice.

Nicer? Watching a teenage girl that looked like Dawn slowly remove articles of clothing while looking at him like she wanted to swallow him from the mouth down.

Sunnydale was boring? Dawn should try Forks, he thought. "Was it."

Those hands kept moving over him, and her mouth touched his collarbone, and Edward didn't make a sound, didn't move. He wasn't even breathing. He stepped back for a second, sliding the dress that had stopped at Dawn's waist down over her hips and down her legs. She'd step out of it. And it was a shame that he couldn't rip it off of her, but he didn't feature getting her out of her, assuming she was alive and able to walk when he was done with her, and having to explain her lack of clothing. To move the dress, Edward moved, sliding down Dawn's body with the fabric.

Eyes lowered, face for a second taking its normal innocent cast, Edward, almost on his knees in front of Dawn, slid his hands up to her waist and held her on either side. When he looked up at her, that innocence vanished like it had never been there at all.

He brushed his lips over her stomach, teasingly slow, moving upward with each touch that wasn't quite a kiss because he didn't want it to be a kiss. Trailing his lower lip across Dawn's abdomen, feeling the muscles under her skin jump, Edward got back to his feet.

"What," he said, voice soft and rough, all at the same time, "did you do for fun before me? Shatter windows and bleed?"

Half a smile slid over his face, and Edward dropped his eyes from hers, hands sliding upward over her chest, feeling her heart hammer beneath them. This was like a drug.

He lowered his head quickly, gracefully, and ran his mouth along the side of Dawn's bare right breast, over and over. Edward looked up at her, smirking. "Now that you're dead," he whispered, lower lip grazing her nipple, "what are you gonna do with your life?"

Carefully, not gently but not enough to hurt, and not enough to draw blood or bring venom, he bit down.

"Was it."

Dawn hummed an affirmative, her half-lidded eyes watching Edward slide down her body, admiring the way the muscles shifted under his skin. She had no sentimental delusions about being 'glad he was her first', or 'waiting', or any of that kind of crap. She was just glad he'd shown up at all. The general Sunnydale public didn't seem quite up to par.

She delicately stepped out of her dress and kicked it aside, still wearing the four-inch black pumps. Her feet didn't hurt. Nothing hurt, not even the shallow cuts on her stomach and arm. Everything sort of - buzzed pleasantly. The blood rushed to her head, coloring her cheeks, and she had a very peculiar, pleasant sensation of both floating away and being very, very aware of her surroundings.

The muscles in her stomach clenched involuntarily as Edward's mouth moved across them, and the blood rushed from her head to her body, flooded her limbs and flowed lower, to her belly. Her hands trailed over his shoulders, cupping the back of his neck, her fingers toying with the slightly dishevelled hair at the nape.

overground, watch this space
i'm open - to falling from grace...

"Lightbulbs," she whispered, watching him rise, her eyes following the graceful line of his body. Gods, she wanted it, and she could have it, it was hers. Her mind flooded with the heady intoxication of that knowledge. "And glasses. But nobody made me bleed before."

Yes, very smart - discussing blood with a chip-less vampire. But Dawn was tired of being smart. Careful. Considerate. There were better things, and one of them was standing in front of her, looking at her like he was the big bad wolf and she was the little girl who seemed to have lost her red hood.

"Guess that makes you special."

But any answer that she might've had to his next question was lost when his teeth closed around her breast. Her fingers fisted in his hair and she let her head fall back, hitting the rough wall, and moaned, soft and low. Her body arched into him, the nails of one hand scrabbling against his shoulder, leaving faint marks, urging him on.

Calm me down, bring it round
Too way high off your street
I can see like nothing else
In me you're better than I wannabe ...

"Nobody," he repeated, after she said it. Both eyebrows raised. A hand found the small of Dawn's back and started a slow progression from there upward, aiming to make sensation dance up and down her back, to make the hair stand up...

Nobody made her bleed. That was a crime. Guess that makes you special.

"It makes me," Edward said, releasing her from his teeth long enough to speak, "want to do it again."

The bite turned to something gentle, almost a kiss, soft, and both hands moved slowly over the wounds Glory had left. They weren't going to bleed unless there was a blade involved. Pity. Edward took a deep breath, mouth moving up toward her throat now, moving over places where he could kill her with a very small, very quick snap of the jaw. He always forgot how the statistics went, but a bite to the jugular bled you out in minutes.

Tempting.
Then there was the rise and fall of her breasts against his chest, and the pounding of her heart... And my GOD, how had he not done this before?!

Don't think 'cos I understand,
I care, don't think 'cos I'm talking we're friends...

He bit his lip, pressing her against the wall behind her with his body, and smiled. He was betting Dawn knew he'd just thought about killing her. He was also betting that she wasn't dead below the waist and she could tell what the thoughts had done for him. Without another word, Edward slid his right hand between them, down Dawn's body, and between her legs. He wouldn't be able to tease her for long without exploding, but that wasn't going to stop it from happening.

He bit her earlobe, far too gently for the thoughts going through his head, and undid the button on his jeans.

Her own lip caught between her teeth, before any more noises escaped her throat, Dawn swallowed, hard. Slowly, she opened her eyes, raising her head until she was looking down at him again. He looked so good with her, it was a crime this didn't happen earlier.

"But aren't there so many other things you'd rather try first?"

Tilting her head to the side slightly, she smiled crookedly at him, her cheeks flushed, dark curls falling over her shoulders. A sharp breath hissed through her teeth as Edward's hands moved over the cuts. It hurt, but not enough. It just fueled the fire.

talk me down, safe and sound, too strung-up to sleep
wear me out, scream and shout, swear my time's never cheap
i faked my life like i've lived too much
i take whatever you're given, not enough...

His mouth traveled upwards, leaving a trail of cold almost-kisses, tiny chills, across her skin. She dug her nails into his shoulders, pulling him closer, wanting to close every millimeter, every tiny sliver of space between them. She could feel the rough texture of the wall against her back - rough. It felt good. Between a rock and a hard place. She laughed softly, swiveling her hips in tiny circles to the faint strains of the song.

overground, watch this space
i'm open-

Oh, to hell with it all.

She could barely keep the few coherent thoughts she had left together, but she managed to release his shoulders and slide her hands down his body, watching her nails trace faint red marks over his skin. They faded quickly. She'd leave a more permanent mark before the night was over. Her hands slid over his wrists, over his own hands, and took over from there. Another familiar 'zzzt' sound and Dawn was pushing Edward's jeans off of his hips carefully.

"'Cause I," she purred, her breath nearly catching in her throat, "can think of a few."

But aren't there so many other things you'd rather try first?

The smile, which had been dark all night, became downright cruel. Edward practically purred in her ear, the purr of something capable of decimation, something with power behind it. "Why do you think," he said, tone very sweet, almost sing-song, "you're still alive?"

The smiled faded to half and he winked at her. Dawn was safe as long as... well, as long as Edward could think of things to do to her or with her that didn't involve the not-fun type of pain.

For now. Safe as houses.

Dawn's hands slide past his wrists and moved the fabric of his jeans. It was almost laughable, the way both of them were dressed in here. That was a lot of the point though, wasn't it? The irony of it? Being entirely naked in the bathroom of the Bronze wasn't exactly a worry for Edward, somehow, though normally the thought might be enough to scare him into blushing.

Now, though, he just stepped out of his clothes, like shedding his skin. His fingers stopped moving between Dawn's legs. The little catch to her breath was all the invitation he was going to need, and all the chance Dawn was ever going to get to back out of this.

Cause I can think of a few.

She didn't. Good for her. What happened next was very quick, and almost all at once. Edward got both of them out of the remaining articles of clothing in the way (black boxers and red lace underwear, to be exact... which almost got ripped off of Dawn and was saved only because Edward did, indeed, like her in red). Then, swiftly and with far too much ease, he moved a hand under Dawn's knee, lifting it up.

"I've got more than a few," he said.

With a slight smile on his face and eyes that had pulled focus on Dawn's mouth, Edward slid himself where his hand had been moments before, slowly, so slowly, and with a movement of his hips, got himself as deep in as he could go. Edward's eyes shut and he gasped, a ragged sound, before smiling again.

...to falling from grace.

Outside the bathroom door, a crowd applauded.

Dawn's sharp cry was swallowed by the sound of the crowd outside, cheering and whistling. She bit down on her lip, hard, her eyes closing and her head falling back against the wall. She half-hoped that nobody would come into the bathroom between songs - they hadn't even bothered hiding in a stall - but didn't much care, considering they certainly weren't the first and they wouldn't be the last.

Her nails would've drawn blood on anyone who was human, but they hardly left a mark on Edward's skin. She gripped his waist just above his hips, one slim leg wrapped around his hip, allowing him better reach. Her breath came fast, her curls falling over her shoulders, and there was a faint sheen of sweat in the hollow between her breasts.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, and smiled when she saw the look on Edward's face.

"Good," she breathed, lifting her head. She wasn't a sentimental girl. She had been - but not anymore. Sure, there was pain, but mostly, relief that that was now over with and they could get to the fun stuff. She knew what she wanted and how to get it, and she wasn't shy about letting him know it.

Slowly moving her hips in tiny circles to get used to the new feeling, she slid her hands up Edward's chest, nails grazing his nipples lightly before wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer with her hands and her raised knee. She kissed the corner of his mouth lightly, then the edge of his jaw, and pulled away, her lips parted, a wild, animal look in her blue eyes.

"Show me."

Oh, that was pain. Edward knew that look. He'd seen it enough. Ten years feeding on humans, you saw that look.

Pain was beautiful. And this? This was pain he'd caused that was going to give over to something else entirely. But he saw that pain move behind Dawn's eyes. If it were possible to push deeper inside her because of it, he would have. But there was nowhere left to go.

Dawn dropped her head back and he watched the big pulse in her neck dance. Edward had to shut his eyes for a second so he could not kill her right there. It. Was. So. Tempting.

Nails scratched his skin and Edward's smile stayed where it was. He blinked down at Dawn. Good? Was she kidding?

The way her hips moved... no, no she wasn't kidding. The vampire laughed. And he bit his lower lip for a minute as she scratched over the sensitive skin of his nipples. Dawn pulled him closer, and he wanted to laugh again, but somehow, Edward was impressed.

Incredibly.

Show me.

Edward leaned his face toward hers, catching her mouth in a rough kiss that Dawn was getting just for saying the last thing that'd come out of her mouth. He would've taken what he wanted by force. He bet she knew that. This was like free reign. For free reign, there could be kisses--but they'd probably hurt like hell in the morning.

He pushed Dawn upward slightly, getting a better grip on her and a better angle at which to move, and began to move his entire body against hers, the pace of it almost painfully slow and the motions entirely teasing. He'd move himself entirely out of her, then ease back inside. But the slow pace was torture for him, too, and that wasn't the point of the exercise.

"I knew," Edward breathed, moving a little bit faster, "I had a thing for you for a reason."

A hand tangled in her hair and pulled slightly, just enough to sting.

She had to admit, this was miles better than groping with some sweaty teenager in his mom's basement, even though the rough wall of the Bronze bathroom scraped against her back and her thighs ached. Edward's skin was smooth and cold, his hands strong, holding her up, leaving another set of fingerprint bruises for her to find in the morning. When his mouth touched hers, she kissed him back hungrily, as if she wanted to crawl inside of him. Her tongue flickered at his lip, and then she bit it, none too gently. It wasn't like she could make him bleed.

For some reason, the idea of being that vulnerable really turned her on.

Another song cued up outside, and Dawn recognized it as a Depeche Mode cover. She didn't know who the band was, not really, and why they'd be doing the cover, but she didn't really care. She was kind of preoccupied at the moment.

in your room, where time stands still
or moves at your will
will you let the morning come soon?

She let Edward lift her, bracing herself against him with her leg, still taking time to adjust to his... presence. Slowly, the sharp pain dissipated, leaving behind a faint ache and a pressure that made her muscles melt and knees buckle. Still, she was lucky he was moving slowly - let things build. That's right. His hand fisted in her hair and she let him pull her head back, exposing her throat, and laughed.

or will you leave me lying here, in your favorite darkness
your favorite half-light, your favorite consciousness
your favorite slave...

She leaned forward again, kissing him softly, her lips deceptively gentle. Her nails were practically sunk into his back - not that he'd feel it. Smiling to herself, her eyes glittering with a sort of inner fire that never showed in her, she bit down gently on the curve of muscle where Edward's neck met his shoulder.

Edward grabbed Dawn's leg, the one that held her weight, and lifted. He could bench press a bus--a girl who weighed a buck-oh-something wasn't a challenge. He guided it around his waist and lifted her up, wrapped around him, pushing her against the wall, crushing her there between him and it. This wouldn't last long. The scenery would have to change.

A tingle started at the base of his spine, a tingle that had nothing whatsoever to do with the way Dawn was touching him. It was familiar, and his eyebrows furrowed for a second before Edward smirked.

... crawl inside... bleed... Dawn bit his lip. ...vulnerable, Oh my God, that's hot...

Edward smiled up at her. The way they were now, he held her up, and with every thrust of his hips or Dawn's, she moved up, back sliding against the stall wall. "I really," he whispered, ducking his head and running his lips across Dawn's ear, "got all the way inside, didn't I?"

He laughed, and the laugh wasn't that pleasant. It was nothing short of predatory. Dawn laughed, her throat pale and exposed to him, and Edward almost came just looking at her neck. All his self-control really was gone.

Soft lips pushed at his and Edward closed his eyes. He could feel Dawn's nails, actually--he just didn't mind them. Dawn's mouth grazed his neck and Edward moaned, unable to censor the sound.

She bit down.

Edward's eyes snapped open and he pushed at Dawn, at the shoulder, forcing the tops of their bodies apart, forcing her back to look at her, eyes wild and hungry for something that had nothing to do with them being quite literally joined at the hip.

He 'tsked' Dawn, and shook his head. "Don't start something you can't finish," Edward warned. He pulled her back, roughly, lifting her away from the wall and carrying her, turning and sitting her on the sink to their left. Everything he said was punctuated with hard, achingly slow thrusts.

"If you do that." Thrust. "I'll have to do it, too." Thrust. Edward leaned back from her a little, a hand running down the front of Dawn's body, fingers squeezing a nipple gently and then harder. "And then." Thrust. He raised his head, smirking, and tucked it into her neck, running his lips along her skin. "I'll have to kill you." Thrust. He raised his head. There was a slight scar on her neck, where he'd bitten her before. He pulled the hair back from Dawn's neck to look at it.

"I'd rather make you shake," he said, eyes narrowing. Thrust. "Blood loss can come later." Hands ran down her thighs and back up to her waist.

And Edward stepped back. Stepped away from Dawn. He thought he might explode. But he did it. And he tilted his head at her, watching her where he'd sat her. A dark smile spread over his mouth.

"Get up," he said, eyebrow raising, "turn around, lean forward, put your hands on the sink."

There was nothing playful about the tone.

It wasn't difficult, really, holding on to Edward as he lifted her off of the ground completely. Between a rock and a hard place. And he could lift things seven times her size, at least. So she wrapped her legs around Edward's hips, dug her fingers into his back and clung to him, concentrating on feeling every little detail that she could.

If she'd cared to really look at Edward, size up the look in his eyes and his laugh, she probably would've realized that he could hear her thoughts, that the barriers on her mind slipped not only when she was upset, but at other times. She didn't give a shit if Edward could read her mind. If there was anything she wanted him to know, she'd let him know. She wasn't shy about communicating her thoughts.

But she didn't notice anything to begin with, so it wasn't a concern.

in your room
where souls disappear
only you exist here...

Edward pushed her away, her mouth leaving a streak of red from her gloss on his perfect skin. Seeing the look in his eyes, she laughed softly, throwing back her head, her hips grinding down on his in small circles.

"I'm not worried about finishing," she breathed, in between soft laughter. "You shouldn't be either."

As he moved them, Dawn bit her lip, her eyes falling closed. The rough wall at her back was gone, replaced by the cold porcelain of the sink and a faucet in the small of her back. She didn't care. Her thighs moved with his hips, and at every thrust, a small, quiet gasp escaped her lips. A low moan built a the back of her throat, the ache between her thighs melding with a sinking, burning pleasure.

She let him push back her hair, run his hands over her body. Her own hands slid over his shoulders, down his sides and up his chest, where her palms rested, feeling the place where his heart would beat. "Mmm," she sighed, drawing her lip into her mouth. The promise of blood loss didn't faze her. She'd survive the night. She always did.

i'm hanging on your words
living on your breath
feeling with your skin...
... will i always be here?

Edward stepped away and her eyelids fluttered open. Her mouth formed into something not quite as pronounced as a full pout, but it clearly signified her displeasure. At his words, she slid off of the sink, her body moving sinuously, and slowly turned, completely unashamed of being naked and wanton. Her blue eyes kept a hold on his even as her fingers found purchase on the sink, now warmed by her body. Half-lidded, bedroom eyes.

Looking back at him, she slowly leaned forward, catching the corner of her lip between her teeth.

She was almost pouting at him. That was funny. Realy, really funny. Irony was so much fun. Especially in Sunnydale. Especially right now.

Nothing clicked in the back of Edward's mind. He didn't see anything wrong with what was happening. He saw a girl he'd been attracted to, a girl he'd just now been fucking, a girl he was going to continue to touch and push and use until one of them broke.

She'd listened though. Edward could still hear the thoughts in Dawn's head. Not listening, when she was this full of want, was just not an option.

He closed the small distance between them, three feet maybe. Hands slid around her waist, and pressure in the small of her back, Edward's weight against her, would make her lean forward further. His hands rose, slowly, and one cupped each breast, sliding over smooth skin, before his right hand tangled in her hair and raised her head.

Edward saw himself reflected in the mirror, behind Dawn's shoulder. He saw his face--and hers-- as he slid back inside of her, and he gasped again, nudging her head to the side with his nose and mouth. Cold breath escaped into her ear.

He started moving again, eyes closing, and pulled Dawn back onto him by the hips.

"How," he breathed, "does it feel?"

The question wasn't meant to be nice. Edward really wanted to know, just then, and not in a touchy-feely sort of way. He wanted to hear her tell him since he already knew the answer. He wanted to see if she'd lie.

Dawn's lies always tasted the best.

Dawn's breath hissed through her clenched teeth, and she cried out as Edward pulled her back to him. She still ached, but her body was missing his, pushing past the pain to move on to the pleasure. And having him back inside of her, touching her, was exactly what she wanted. Besides, it was better with that little tinge of pain, that dangerous sharpness.

She moaned, not trying to keep quiet. It was loud enough outside, in the club, with the music and the noise of the crowd - why bother? She was done with keeping things inside.

She met his eyes in the mirror as he moved inside of her, hips pushing back at him gently, although she was content to let him manipulate her body for now. In this position, there was only so much she could do. That, admittedly, was also pretty fucking hot.

Her breath was ragged, in time with his thrusts, and she raised one of her hands to brace herself against the wall. Her fingers splayed next to the mirror, and she continued watching Edward's face after he closed his eyes, nibbling on her lip. It was just so intimate, of the sort where nothing could be hidden, and that was also a turn-on.

She laughed softly at his question. "It'd be better," she breathed, licking her lips, "if you did this." Reaching for his fingers on her hip, she covered it with her own small hand and slid their hands over her hip, towards the front. He didn't think she, a virgin, was going to get off that easily, did he?

holiestofaltars

2006-11-26T06:36:59Z

Party time.

All day, the mood around the office has been completely, through-the-roof hectic. Totally insane. Because not only did we have to do the usual Wolfram and Hart lawyer-y business, we had to prepare for the big Wolfram and Hart Halloween bash. I thought all creepy and crawly things stayed low on Halloween. Guess the big evil law firm doesn't play by the rules.

I spent the day running between the offices and the lab. After Angel came in covered in toxic demon slime, that sort of set the mood for the rest of the day, so I was going down to help Fred and Wesley with their magic bomb thinger that didn't go off when it was supposed to. Then Lorne caught me on the way and sent me up to Angel's office for a morale-boosing pep talk. Can't say that worked too well. The office seems to be a little lacking in the morale department lately. And it's totally not my fault.

But as soon as I heard that the party was gonna suck, I hinted to Lorne that a fresh perspective might be needed. He put me on party prep right away. I mean, this is the big deal right now, the bomb can wait. I spent the rest of the day being the party planner which, lemme tell you, is almost more stressful than regular Wolfram and Hart work. More people beheaded per capita when tempers run high or something.

After running back home to change (never underestimate the power of the little black dress and, as they say in Rome, a killer pair of heels - it'll take you far) I was back at the office, running around Lorne, figuring out the last-minute details. The man... demon... was stressing it big time. He was almost getting panicky. But it could've been worse - and would've been, if I hadn't been there. Even though Fred and Wesley were being total wallflowers, and Spike was obviously out of his element, at least Harmony was cutting up the dance floor. Not sure if that's a plus, yet. At least she makes us look festive.

I'm being all self-sacrificing, making the rounds with a drink in hand - so what if I'm underage, d'you think a roomful of demons and evil lawyers care about underage drinking? - chatting up both the lawyers and the clients. Honestly, it's not really my element either, it's a little too formal of a party, and I don't really party with demons either, but Lorne's a total sweetheart and I hate to see him freaking like that. Besides, I have to prove that I can hold my own around here, and I don't think the zombie episode quite did the trick. I'll show them I can hold up under real pressure.

newmetropolis

2006-06-21T18:38:43Z

New Metropolis.

Okay, so not the most creative name in the history of city names, but Sunnydale? Wasn't either. And New Metropolis is so, so much cooler.

Rome was fun. It was a nice holiday. Roman holiday, ha ha. After the big battle with the Big Bad, it was really good to take a break and slum it in Italy with all the cute Italian boys. Buffy loved it. I loved it. And then, weirdly, I didn't.

I wanted to get back to doing something. Buffy couldn't understand, because she spent so long fighting against what she was and not having to be it for a while must've been so awesome. But I was born into it. Well, kind of. I'd always been around it, always been it. Not so much with the fighting, but with the research and the moral support. And now there was nothing to do.

I was bored.

I started looking at schools. Buffy encouraged me, but I could totally tell it was bittersweet for her. She never got to finish school. But I really wanted this and she couldn't stop me. And then the brochure for New Metropolis University came.

I saw, I fell in love, I applied. And now I'm here.

I'm just a regular college student now. Well, a college student with a few demonology books in her tiny studio apartment - hello, dorms? so not my thing - but as normal as I can get, circumstances and all. I have friends, I go to classes, I study. Life's good. Relatively demon-free. A new start, kinda.

I sat down on a bench across from the Superman memorial in Centennial park, took out a textbook from my bag, tucked my legs under me but I didn't read. I stared at the memorial. It meant so much to me. I mean, I know, it matters a lot to everyone, but I really got it. Someone who gave their life to and for the things they believed in. I really get that.

Besides, the memorial is so much more interesting than History of Renaissance Art.

starno_star

2006-04-17T22:40:57Z

It's been three weeks since my near-death experience. That sounds so weird. I don't think I would've actually died. I think Spike just panicked - I mean, it was pretty scary. And painful. But not that dramatic, I swear. Although it's been kind of nice. I think it put me and Spike in a whole new place, now that we realized what it would be like to lose one another. Fucking terrifying.

It's sweet, he's been looking after me and all, while I was recovering. I didn't want to go to a hospital, because how do you explain something like that? So I just stayed at home and Spike hung around and took care of me. I missed a lot of school, but it's not like it matters. I asked Janice to bring me the homework, and did it most of the time, so I shouldn't fall that far behind. Again, not like it matters. Not like I need to graduate. I'm not going to college or anything, so school? Not a top priority right now.

I've been thinking, for the past three weeks. Thinking really hard. Of what I want out of life, and what I can actually have. Of what I'm going to do with myself. And I came to a decision. I know what I have to do.

It's Friday night, although I don't really bother distinguishing between the days of the week anymore, 'cause I'm not going to school or to work, so who cares? But I'm better now, and it's Friday, and I'm tired of being stuck in bed or wandering aimlessly around the house. My side is healed, although there's a pale scar there, but I think it'll fade eventually. I have other scars, anyway, what's one more? I'm not perfect anymore. Too fucking bad, really.

In front of my full-length mirror, I lace up the corset. It's black silk with hooks down the front and laces in the back and it makes my waist look tiny and pushes my breasts up so that the tiny scars from where Spike bit me are showing above the silk. I have on a black skirt with high slits up the sides and my lace-up black boots. Watching myself in the mirror, I lift up my long hair and pin it into a loose bun, leaving my neck and shoulders bare. The outfit is dark, simple, and perfect.

Giving myself a last once-over in the mirror, I leave to look for Spike.

favouritedark

2006-04-14T04:56:26Z

Sometimes I think, if only Buffy could see me now. No, that's a total lie. I think that all the time. When I'm at the mall with Janice and I'm teaching her to steal, or when I'm at the Bronze, or when I'm in some guy's bed, her face always swims up behind my eyelids and I give her the look I think she'd be wearing. If only she could see me now.

I wonder about mom, too, sometimes, but I don't like to think about her.

It was Buffy. Buffy that left me, that made her stupid sacrifice and left us all. I spend weeks locked up in my room, sometimes hysterical, sometimes practically lethargic, just hating myself. Why hadn't she let me jump? Why did she have to go and be so fucking heroic? The world needed the Slayer. It didn't need a stupid teenager made out of a green ball of world-destroying energy. I was fucking expendable and I hated that about myself, but what I hated the most was the fact that I was here and she wasn't. In what kind of world was that right?

Her death, it fucked everything up too. I had Spike for a while, 'cause he promised he'd protect me. And I liked that. He kinda knew what I was going through, in a weird way, 'cause neither of us were really human and I guess we were always kinda the outsiders. I hung out with him all the time, because he made me feel calm. Like everything would be okay somehow. Then they made him leave.

I can't even remember how many times I had screamed at Willow and Xander, how many times I had thrown shit at them and run away from them. They had tried to bring Buffy back. And didn't tell me. And failed. As Buffy's little sister and the cause of her death, you'd think I'd have the right to know. Apparently not. I'm not whatever enough. And then they made Spike leave, 'cause he was pissed too, and then I had no one. They said they were gonna take care of me. But they took away the one person that really understood me, the one person who really could take care of me. They just didn't get it. I didn't speak to them for weeks, literally.

And then we drifted apart. Xander was totally lost, floating, and Anya was there. She was okay, in that weird blunt way, but she was so damn clingy, he always had to be around her. I was okay with that. The less I saw of Xander, the better. He just didn't get it. And Willow. She got into magic, like, hard. She was out with Amy all the time, doing fuck knows what. Then she and Tara broke up.

I wanted Tara to stay with me. She was the only one left that really got me, even a little bit, and the only one that seemed to care. So we kinda kicked Willow out, because they couldn't be together anymore. I mean, she was fucked up. And Tara had tried to help, but there's so much a person can put up with. I thought it was my fault, again, because it was my fault that Buffy was gone and without her, things just fell apart. I couldn't keep them together. Nobody could. So then it was just me and Tara.

She kept me from the worst, I guess, although right now I'm not sure what 'the worst' would be. I'm not dead yet, I guess. I still go to school, most of the time. I'm not a druggie or anything. But that summer really sent us all downhill. We were all broken and scattered. And I really fucked myself up.

I started stealing, like, really badly. If I saw anything I wanted, I took it. It didn't matter. I got way good at it, too, even taught Janice to do it. I'd come back from the ball with my bag full of stolen shit. I started dressing differently, too, more like her, I guess, but a little bit different. Darker, I guess. Kinda like Faith used to. Although in reality, I never knew Faith. Whatever.

Then people started noticing me. I lost my virginity three days after my sixteenth birthday to a high school guy that never called and I didn't want him to. Not how I imagined my first time to be. But then there were others. I think Tara knew, but she never really said anything. I hated seeing that look in her eyes, so I tried to be more sneaky about it. What they don't know and all that. And I wasn't a slut or anything. I played hard to get. People didn't talk, really. Maybe they were a little scared of me.

Hex me
Told her
I dreamt of a devil that knew her
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over

I was at the Bronze, of course, 'cause where else would I be? I couldn't stay at home, my skin felt too tight, I couldn't concentrate. Didn't want to be in a place where it was quiet enough to think. So I dragged Janice out here. Her mom says I'm a bad influence but like she's gonna listen to her mom. We got all dressed up at my house and came over. Short skirts, tall boots, tight tops, our hair all loose and crazy in waves, dark eyeliner. We were hot, and we knew it, and the guys did too. They practically surrounded us, but it was like they were too afraid to touch. Like we were sacred. We moved to the music and I eyed them all carefully, wondering which one I would pick tonight.

Who's gonna be the lucky one?

starno_star

2005-10-27T16:59:09Z

The bath I take as soon as I get home must've lasted for hours. I keep draining the tub partially and filling it up again so the water wouldn't get cold. I think I fell asleep at one point, so I climb out and head to bed so I wouldn't drown, 'cause this would be a bad time in my life to drown. But once in bed, I can't sleep. I just lay there, feeling various places all over my body throb and ache, staring at the ceiling, and trying not to replay the events of this night in my head. And, well, failing.

I drift off around the time the sun came up, so of course I slept through school again. With Spike here, this was becoming more and more regular. And he's the one who wants me to be a good kid and graduate and all. Not that I'm complaining, because this is the best reason I've ever had to stay home from school.

I wake up to the ring of the phone, and since I don't know where Willow is or if she'll answer the phone if she's around, so I roll out of bed, hit the floor and scramble for the stupid thing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dawn, long time no see." It's Janice. Why the hell is she calling now, of all times? I was sleeping...

"Missed you at school today," she continues as I slide down to the floor, my vision swimming. Coffee, I need coffee. "What, you've been partying too hardcore to pay good old Sunnydale High a visit?"

I smile, thinking of last night. "Something like that."

She invites me out to the Bronze, claiming 'a bunch of people are gonna be there' and that I should show. Yeah, okay. I'm about to decline, but then think, why not? I'm not gonna be sitting around waiting for Spike. I'll give him time to consider what happened, to mope around and be all broody and get over it. He'll come find me when he's ready, and if he doesn't, I'll find him. No reason I should stay in.

"Gimme an hour," I groan into the phone.

An hour later, Janice is standing at my door, and I'm dressed, caffeinated and ready to go. While I don't regret anything from last night, some things like the bite on my thigh did render me unable to wear jeans for a while. Because denim - ow. So I pick a short, black skirt with lace, tall black boots and a dark red halter. I fasten a choker around my neck to hide some of the bruises, but my arms are bare, so I slip on a black jacket. Nobody will notice when I'm in the club.

I smile apologetically at Janice and she raises her eyebrows at me. I shrug and we set off towards the Bronze.

dead_nation

2005-10-11T20:00:34Z

Getting to the control room of the mall wasn't that difficult. Connor and I tried to keep up the pretense of being two bored teenagers wandering around an abandoned mall, totally normal, but it didn't even have a point. There was nobody around. Of course, Buffy and Xander and everyone was probably busy conferring, without me, as usual, and all the soldiers were around the perimeter like they should be. That's a fault of ours, I think. We don't believe that anything can strike from the inside. Like Connor and I are about to do.

Oh my god, we're like the bad guys.

As we're standing in front of the fuse box, I feel the floor shake slightly under my feet. I rest the palm of one hand on the butt of the gun strapped to my thigh and breathe deeply. We have a plan. We can't back down now. Anyway, it's probably nothing, just my imagination, if anything was going on it would be louder. There might be explosions. Nothing ever truly gets done without explosions, so I've learned.

I look at Connor. He looks at me. I nod, bite my lip, reach out and pull. There's a small crackling sound and then everything is dark. It takes me a little while to adjust to the sudden blackness surrounding me. But I'm pretty adjustable. Not like that one time with that paralyzing demon, I mean like psychologically.

"Run," I whisper, and then I do.

sd_reunion

2005-10-06T19:46:52Z

Buffy's out patrolling. As usual. Of course. Mom lets her go patrolling. Buffy totally patrolled when she was my age, too. But whenever I ask if I can come along, I get really big eyes and really loud "NO!"s. Right, can't ever let the teenager go out with her big Slayer sister. Buffy says she doesn't want me to be in danger but I totally know that she thinks I'll just get in the way.

Well, maybe I wouldn't if they ever let me train!

I mean, god, what's the point of having a Slayer for a sister and knowing about vampires and demons and stuff if you just have to sit home and pretend like they don't exist? It's so lame. And boring. So tonight, I'm taking a lesson from Buffy. She sneaks out all the time. So I'm gonna sneak out too. I'm all prepared and stuff, I stole one of her stakes 'cause she has so many she totally won't even notice. I slip it into the pocket of my jacket and open the window.

Five minutes later, I'm on the ground. I could've been quieter, but for the first time sneaking out, I think I did pretty well. I scraped my hand on the drain pipe and it was a long way to the ground from the roof on my side of the house, so I'm pretty sure I bruised something, or several somethings, but the point is, I snuck out! Grinning proudly, hand in my pocket, gripping the stake just in case, I set off down the street.

starno_star

2005-09-19T21:00:18Z

I think it was mostly shock and exhaustion, but my head cleared as soon as I hit the pillow. I thought I was going to stay up, staring at the ceiling and thinking all night long, but I was out. For all of four hours. Didn't even dream.

In the morning, I checked on Spike. Still in Buffy's room, still asleep. Didn't even bother taking off his clothes. I left him there, nocturnal vampire and all. Grabbed a cup of coffee and a bagel on the way to school - who bothers with breakfast anymore? - and sat through what was perhaps the most agonizing seven hours of class time ever. I couldn't concentrate on anything the teachers were saying, all I could think about was Spike. Damn him for ruining my organized timetable of a life. Everything's out of whack now, and I spend the entire day wondering whether he was still going to be there when I got home.

So I put it off. The coming home. Gathered my stuff as slowly as possibly after school, got all of my books together. Went to the library, dropped them off. Got some new ones. Like I have time to read. I guess it's comforting to pretend that I do, that I'm just like a normal teenager with a stack of books on my nightstand that I could pick up anytime I felt like it. Although the books on my nightstand were usually demon texts. Well, I never claimed I was mainstream.

Finally, when I'd finished all of chemistry, which is the worst subject ever, so that shows how hard I was avoiding going home, I ran out of excuses. Time to go check up on the wayward vampire. It was getting dark but I was in the nicer part of town - like there really are 'parts of town' in Sunnydale, but people like to pretend - and I had a stake in my pocket, so I walked slowly.

Turning the key in the lock, I pushed the door open, dropped my bag by the stairs and paused. Dark, silent house. "Willow?" Silence. Nothing unusual there. After a pause, "Spike?" Silence again.

Feeling like a ball of lead just dropped in my stomach, I ran up the stairs. Spike wasn't in Buffy's - the guest room, not in my room, not in the bathroom. Willow's bed looked like it had been slept in, like she came home after I left for school and went out again, but Spike wasn't there either. Shit. I knew this was too good to be true. He freaked out and took off again. I shouldn't be surprised but it hurts. Slowly, I walk back downstairs and to the kitchen. I need... something. Then I notice the writing on the pad of paper on the fridge.

Gone out for a bit, pet. I'll be back later tonight.

Well... damn. I'm about to go out, find him and slap him for freaking me out like that. I thought he was just gone. He was supposed to be here... when I came home... god. I wrap my arms around myself and shiver. Why do I care so damn much? Well, fuck me sitting around waiting for him to come back. He didn't wait for me. I take off my jacket and pull on a black zip-up hoodie instead, leaving on the dark jeans. Slip a stake into my pocket and five minutes later, I'm in 'downtown' Sunnydale, walking towards the Espresso Pump. There's somebody singing, a guy and a girl with guitars and blonde hair. They remind me of Giles, he used to sing sometimes.

I grab a coffee, my main food group these days, and sit in the back of the crowd, in the corner of the shop. If Spike wants me, he'll find me. Enchanced vampire senses and all. Or he can go back home and wait for me. Whatever. I try so hard to tell myself that I don't care.

starno_star

2005-09-07T02:36:27Z

It's a school night, and I'm going out. The fact that it wasn't a weekend or a holiday doesn't bother me, and there's no one else around to be bothered. Tomorrow I'll wake up after three or four hours of sleep, drive myself to school in my mother's old Pathfinder, drink four shots of espresso and jump through the hoops that the system puts out for me. I'll turn in the occasional bit of homework, take the tests, read the books, and head straight home, and later that night, I'll go out. I know the routine.

Hopping into the kitchen on one foot, tucking a stake into my boot, I check the fridge. Empty. I always bought all of my food away from home. I assume Willow did as well. Who knew if Willow even ate anymore. She might be running on pure magic for all anyone knew. Sometimes Xander drops off a cartload of groceries, his and Anya's good samaritan contribution of the month. It doesn't really matter. I'll stop by the Espresso Pump.

Slipping my keys into the pocket of my black cotton imitation-bomber jacket, I slam the front door behind me and set off down the street. My homework's done, the part of it I felt like doing, our cable had been turned off long ago because I couldn't afford it and Willow didn't have a job. Nothing to keep me in the house. And since there was no Slayer anymore and no Scooby gang, someone had to patrol. I voluntarily took on the job, and if I died one of these nights, well, at least I'd die doing something useful.

At the Espresso Pump, I buy something warm and highly caffeinated. It's halfway gone by the time I make my way to the corner of the street. I wander a lot at night, sometimes randomly, sometimes I go to the Bronze, sometimes to the cemetary. Tonight, I'm going to the club. Too many thoughts trying to get out from the bottom of my mind that I don't want to think. The club can wipe my mind clean of all thoughts. And if I stake a few vampires there, well, all the better for everyone. I'm doing this town a favor. Or so I tell myself.

I'm in the 'shady' part of town now, and I can hear the very faint echoes of the music escaping from the renovated warehouse where the club is located. I don't even know if it has a name, everyone just calls it 'the club'. Fine with me. The club it is.

loveis_blood

2005-08-01T02:26:49Z

"My mom has a lot of parties," Janice says, opening the liquor cabinet. Staring into it, I believe her. There's every kind of alcoholic drink that the world has ever seen and more. I couldn't name two-thirds of it. I'm very impressed.

"Won't she miss it?" I ask, eyeing the stuff. Janice pulls out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of something bright blue and laughs. I take that for a no and watch as she mixes the stuff in a glass and hands it to me. I take a deep breath and sip it. It tastes like... candy. I look at Janice in surprise and she looks smugly back at me. "Cool, huh?"

A half hour later half of the vodka is gone and Janice and I are freaking hysterical. Falling over each other and everything. Giggling, we stumble upstairs and collapse in her room. She sways over to her closet and stars throwing clothes around. "We're goin' out," she exclaims and I nod. Yeah. Goin' out. Cool.

"I'm in mourning," I say seriously, and she tosses some black clothes at me. It takes me a while to figure it out, but it turns out to be a really short black skirt, a silky black halter and a black beaded choker. I try to check myself out in the mirror but there are two of me and they're on top of one another so I just assume that I look cool. Good thing I did my makeup earlier, would probably poke my eye out now.

Downstairs, we finish off the blue candy stuff. Everything is totally swimming now. This was a freaking awesome idea, getting drunk. After mom's funeral, I couldn't deal. Nobody was around. And me alone with my thoughts was totally not good. So I crashed at Janice's and we got wasted. Hurts a lot less when you can't walk in a straight line.

Janice fills a slim silver flask full of vodka and slips it beneath the belt of her tight dark jeans. "They don't check there," she giggles and arm in arm, we slowly make our way to the Bronze. The bouncer gives us a weird look probably because we're kinda loud and crazy, but lets us in anyway. Inside, Janice heads straight to the bar, gets two cokes, takes them to a couch in the shadows and spikes both of them. I pick it up and look at it. "To mom," I say quietly, kinda like a toast. "To mom," Janice repeats and bursts into giggles. "Courtesy of mom," she whispers and I laugh.

I should totally get drunk all the time because I feel awesome.

loveis_blood

2005-07-31T00:34:07Z

I'm clear out of tissues now and my wastebasket is overflowing. I don't think I've ever cried this much in my entire life. Well, my life's only been a couple of months long, technically, but I have memories of it being longer and I don't remember ever feeling like this. It's so difficult just to open my eyes in the morning and put on clothes and move.

She's gone. She's gone. She's gone.

That's all I can think. I had a freak-out in school and I don't even care because she's gone. Joyce. My mother. Mommy. Okay, she's not my real mother because who knows where I originally came from, but, goddammit, she's still my mom while I'm girl-shaped and she's gone. It's not fair. She didn't deserve to go. We don't deserve to be without her.

We went coffin-shopping and all I could think about is her being inside a little wooden box forever. And then I had the stupid idea that she wouldn't like her coffin and I almost lost it. They're all acting like it's just business, packing mom away into a little box and hiding her from the world. I mean, I know she's gone. I'm not stupid. I just didn't know I'd have to deal with it this soon. What am I going to do without her?

I want to start running and never stop.

nomore_dreams

2005-07-31T00:32:07Z

It's only like a little past ten but I've already gone to bed. Or, you know, 'bed'. I can't stand being down there anymore. Willow and I set up the couch for Giles and then I just got out of there. It's not awkward, just... sad. I can't stand looking at Giles when he's like that. It's awful.

Although I'm kinda pissed at Spike for just leaving like that earlier, I still want to see him. There's nowhere else I could go. I mean, I can go to Janice's, but then her mom might call Willow and I don't feel like talking to Janice, anyway. She doesn't get it. She can't.

I pull on a black sweater over my tshirt and slip out of the window. Buffy taught me that trick. When she still snuck out of windows instead of our lives. It's kind of a long way to jump so I try to shimmy down the drainpipe. Shimmying doesn't really work and I just scratch up my already hurt hands. But I'm on the ground.

Some fifteen minutes later I'm at Spike's crypt. It takes some straining to pull the door open but I finally manage it and step inside. "Spike? Are you here?"

nomore_dreams

2005-07-31T00:31:05Z

Ohh, god. No way am I ever drinking again.

I'm halfway out of bed and onto the floor before I really wake up and then I hit the carpet. I lay there for a while, rubbing my eyes. Even with the curtains drawn, it's too bright. I crawl up and sit on all fours for a moment, getting my bearings. I'm home. I'm in my bed. It's Saturday morning. And then everything that happened yesterday comes rushing back. Me. Janice. Tucker. Spike. The drinking. The medallion. Tara. Faith.

"Oh, my god," I groan as I pull myself to my feet. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on my wall. I'm a wreck. Smeared glitter and mascara around my eyes, my hair a freakin' mess. I looked like I got into a fight with a truck and it kicked my ass. Awesome.

Whatever. Who's going to see me? Willow? She looks almost as bad sometimes. She's not a morning person either. I pull up my baggy pajama pants and shuffle downstairs. No one else is up yet. I stumble into the kitchen and peer into the fridge.

nomore_dreams

2005-07-31T00:30:02Z

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you how your Savior has abandoned you
Your Lord, your Christ took all you had
Still you pray, never stray, never thought to question why

I push the Play button on my stereo and throw myself down on my bed. Another day at school, another night at home. If I thought it was bad before, it's worse now. Buffy isn't even here. Buffy chose to leave us. To leave me and go away to a place where I wasn't real. I mean, I'm not real here, either, really, but I don't even exist where she went.

It's not like you killed someone
Not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise for one who left you broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you

I try to write in my diary but I've already written down everything I wanted to say. Everything I feel is already there and I don't feel anything else. Just lonely, abandoned, betrayed. Left behind. Pissed off.

Oh so many ways for me to show you how your dogma has abandoned you

No one's around anymore. Well, I guess they are but I don't really feel them. I don't think they notice me either. Xander's not around much. I think he's trying to kill himself with work. I haven't really seen Anya. Willow only leaves her room for classes and bathroom breaks. Tara comes around sometimes but things are still weird between her and Willow so I don't see her much. Spike... well, Spike is Spike. I bet he's trying to drink himself to death (well, he's already dead, so it's funny, hah) or something. He's the only one that misses her as much as I do.

Pray to your Christ, to your God, neve taste of the fruit
Never stray, never break, never choke on a lie
Even though he's the one who did this to you
You never thought to question why

Sometimes I go into her room and just stand there, looking at her. The doctors let us bring her home a few days ago. Now her room is full of machines and tubes and IV beeps. She's like the Buffybot with all of her wires, but I don't sleep next to her like I did with the Buffybot. Then, she'd sacrificed her life for me. This time, she sacrificed me for herself.

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side
Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why
He did it all for you...

I steal her clothes out of spite. She won't be needing them anymore and I figure she owes me. It's kind of creepy but I don't care. I'm a little taller than she is - was - but her things still fit. I pull on a pair of leather pants that must've been a little too big on her because they fit me just right and a blue silky halter. The pockets of the pants are just the right size and depth for a stake, and it doesn't ruin the line of the fit. I'm only saying that because she used to complain about how some pants looked all bulgy with stakes. I pull a dark denim jacket over my shoulders and head downstairs. Willow is at a study group meeting and no one else lives here anymore.

"I'm going to Janice's," I mutter to myself, out of habit. People used to care where I went and what I did. Now I'm in charge of myself and I don't know if I like it. I slam the door behind me.