{"id":95067,"date":"2018-05-16T04:50:54","date_gmt":"2018-05-16T08:50:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/?p=95067"},"modified":"2019-04-04T09:34:59","modified_gmt":"2019-04-04T13:34:59","slug":"how-we-eat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/how-we-eat\/","title":{"rendered":"How We Eat"},"content":{"rendered":"

The<\/span> thrift<\/span> store<\/span> Brenda<\/span> drags<\/span> us<\/span> to<\/span> today<\/span> is<\/span> on<\/span> Kolb,<\/span> far on<\/span> the<\/span> east<\/span> side<\/span> towards<\/span> the<\/span> Rincon<\/span> Mountains,<\/span> just<\/span> past\u00a0<\/span>the<\/span> Lucky<\/span> Wishbone<\/span> Chicken<\/span> with<\/span> the<\/span> pulsating<\/span> sunburst<\/span> sign. Like<\/span> every<\/span> thrift<\/span> store,<\/span> it<\/span> stinks<\/span> of<\/span> dust<\/span> and<\/span> mothballs<\/span> and<\/span> dirty <\/span>diapers<\/span> and<\/span> bad<\/span> breath<\/span> and<\/span> dead<\/span> flowers.<\/span> It<\/span> smells<\/span> like<\/span> the<\/span> floor of <\/span>Brenda\u2019s<\/span> car.<\/span><\/p>\n

My sister, <\/span>Lizzie, and I search pockets, while Brenda<\/span> scans other<\/span> aisles<\/span> for<\/span> stuff<\/span> to<\/span> sell<\/span> at<\/span> the<\/span> swap<\/span> meet.<\/span> It\u2019s<\/span> Thursday,<\/span> late morning,<\/span> and<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> nervous<\/span> about<\/span> missing<\/span> another<\/span> day<\/span> of<\/span> school. <\/span>I\u2019m <\/span>in the sixth grade at Lulu <\/span>Walker. <\/span>I\u2019m <\/span>twelve, so<\/span> it\u2019s <\/span>1992. <\/span>Lizzie<\/span> is<\/span> ten<\/span> but<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> only<\/span> in<\/span> third<\/span> grade<\/span> because<\/span> they<\/span> held<\/span> her back.<\/span> For<\/span> social<\/span> reasons.<\/span> She<\/span> bit<\/span> a<\/span> kid<\/span> and<\/span> broke<\/span> the<\/span> skin.<\/span> Lizzie is taller than<\/span> me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda\u2019s <\/span>our mother but she forbids us from calling her <\/span>\u201cMom.\u201d<\/span> We\u2019re<\/span> allowed<\/span> to<\/span> call<\/span> her<\/span> \u201cBrenda\u201d<\/span> or<\/span> \u201cBren,\u201d<\/span> though we<\/span> never<\/span> call<\/span> her<\/span> \u201cBren.\u201d<\/span> She<\/span> says<\/span> she<\/span> looks<\/span> too<\/span> young<\/span> to<\/span> have kids <\/span>as <\/span>old <\/span>as <\/span>us. She has big eyes, and hair like hay because she uses Miss Clairol too often. The Natural Medium Golden <\/span>Blonde <\/span>has stripped our kitchen sink of its<\/span> shine.<\/span><\/p>\n

We started searching pockets a few years ago, and we\u2019ve found\u00a0<\/span>a lot of different things, mainly in <\/span>men\u2019s <\/span>clothes: <\/span>money, <\/span>condoms<\/span> and<\/span> condom<\/span> wrappers,<\/span> keys,<\/span> sticks<\/span> of<\/span> gum,<\/span> notes,<\/span> credit cards,<\/span> checks<\/span> and<\/span> check<\/span> stubs,<\/span> driver\u2019s<\/span> licenses,<\/span> receipts.<\/span> I<\/span> once found<\/span> the<\/span> top<\/span> of<\/span> a<\/span> set<\/span> of<\/span> dentures<\/span> in<\/span> a<\/span> jacket.<\/span> The<\/span> most<\/span> money<\/span> I found<\/span> was<\/span> sixty-eight<\/span> dollars<\/span> in<\/span> a<\/span> pair<\/span> of<\/span> dirty<\/span> jeans<\/span> with<\/span> a<\/span> chew <\/span>can<\/span> ring<\/span> worn<\/span> into<\/span> the<\/span> back<\/span> pocket<\/span> under<\/span> the<\/span> plastic<\/span> Wrangler patch.<\/span> I<\/span> gave<\/span> eight<\/span> dollars<\/span> to<\/span> Brenda<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> kept<\/span> the<\/span> three<\/span> twenties<\/span> for<\/span> myself.<\/span> I<\/span> rolled<\/span> the<\/span> bills<\/span> tight<\/span> and<\/span> hid<\/span> them<\/span> deep<\/span> in<\/span> my underpants.<\/span> Brenda<\/span> always<\/span> checks<\/span> our<\/span> pockets<\/span> when<\/span> we<\/span> get<\/span> to the<\/span> car<\/span> and<\/span> sometimes<\/span> she<\/span> slides<\/span> her<\/span> finger<\/span> around<\/span> our<\/span> waists<\/span> to see if <\/span>we\u2019re <\/span>holding<\/span> out.<\/span><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

From<\/span> the<\/span> chest<\/span> pocket<\/span> of<\/span> a<\/span> pair<\/span> of<\/span> paint-splattered<\/span> white<\/span> over<\/span>alls,<\/span> I<\/span> pull<\/span> out<\/span> a<\/span> Polaroid,<\/span> overexposed,<\/span> but<\/span> clear<\/span> enough<\/span> that<\/span> I see<\/span> its<\/span> subject<\/span> is<\/span> a<\/span> turd<\/span> floating<\/span> in<\/span> a<\/span> toilet.<\/span> I<\/span> feel<\/span> like<\/span> I<\/span> shouldn\u2019t <\/span>have seen it. I <\/span>shouldn\u2019t <\/span>have even touched it. Someone put <\/span>it <\/span>there<\/span> so<\/span> I<\/span> would<\/span> be<\/span> freaked<\/span> out,<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> look<\/span> around<\/span> for<\/span> the<\/span> per<\/span>petrator,<\/span> who<\/span> I<\/span> imagine<\/span> to<\/span> be<\/span> a<\/span> stringy-haired<\/span> man<\/span> planning<\/span> on abducting<\/span> me,<\/span> torturing<\/span> me,<\/span> and<\/span> sawing<\/span> off<\/span> my<\/span> limbs,<\/span> which<\/span> he will<\/span> put<\/span> in<\/span> four<\/span> different<\/span> dumpsters.<\/span> Last<\/span> week,<\/span> the<\/span> police<\/span> found a<\/span> woman\u2019s<\/span> arm<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> dumpster<\/span> behind<\/span> Skate<\/span> Country.<\/span> I<\/span> saw<\/span> it <\/span>on<\/span> the<\/span> news.<\/span> They<\/span> showed<\/span> the<\/span> gaudy,<\/span> jeweled<\/span> ring<\/span> that<\/span> was<\/span> on the<\/span> middle<\/span> finger.<\/span> Now<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> terrified,<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> blame<\/span> Brenda.<\/span> If<\/span> we <\/span>don\u2019t <\/span>search the pockets, she tells us <\/span>she\u2019s <\/span>doing her best, and why<\/span> should<\/span> she<\/span> if<\/span> we\u2019re<\/span> not,<\/span> then<\/span> she<\/span> ignores<\/span> us,<\/span> sometimes<\/span> for hours.<\/span> The<\/span> image<\/span> from<\/span> the<\/span> photo<\/span> is<\/span> branded<\/span> into<\/span> my<\/span> mind,<\/span> and after I slide <\/span>it <\/span>back into the pocket and wipe my hands on my shorts,<\/span> I<\/span> can<\/span> still<\/span> see<\/span> the<\/span> bowed,<\/span> feathery<\/span> turd.<\/span> I<\/span> wish<\/span> I<\/span> were<\/span> in school,<\/span> even<\/span> in<\/span> math\u2014though<\/span> the<\/span> teacher,<\/span> Miss<\/span> Burk,<\/span> is<\/span> a<\/span> cruel woman<\/span> who<\/span> yelled<\/span> at<\/span> me<\/span> when<\/span> I<\/span> first<\/span> arrived<\/span> in<\/span> her<\/span> class<\/span> because I<\/span> didn\u2019t<\/span> know<\/span> how<\/span> to<\/span> divide<\/span> fractions.<\/span> Her<\/span> left<\/span> hairy<\/span> ape<\/span> wrist<\/span> is cinched<\/span> by<\/span> an<\/span> incongruently<\/span> dainty<\/span> women\u2019s<\/span> Timex<\/span> that<\/span> never fails to unsettle<\/span> me.<\/span><\/p>\n

“My sister, <\/span>Lizzie, and I search pockets, while Brenda<\/span> scans other<\/span> aisles<\/span> for<\/span> stuff<\/span> to<\/span> sell<\/span> at<\/span> the<\/span> swap<\/span> meet.” <\/p><\/span><\/p>\n

Lizzie<\/span> hasn\u2019t<\/span> found<\/span> anything,<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> can<\/span> see<\/span> the<\/span> fear<\/span> in<\/span> her<\/span> eyes. Brenda will be disappointed. Other than the <\/span>Polaroid, <\/span>I found only a flimsy, wrinkled one-dollar bill in a pair of shorts. <\/span>We <\/span>begin<\/span> to<\/span> look<\/span> through<\/span> sport<\/span> coats<\/span> when<\/span> Brenda<\/span> marches<\/span> over,<\/span> the high-heeled<\/span> sneakers<\/span> she<\/span> stole<\/span> from<\/span> Value<\/span> Village<\/span> squeaking<\/span> like dog<\/span> toys<\/span> on<\/span> the<\/span> glossy<\/span> floor.<\/span> In<\/span> her<\/span> cuffed<\/span> denim<\/span> shorts,<\/span> her<\/span> legs are<\/span> too<\/span> thin<\/span> and<\/span> her<\/span> butt<\/span> looks<\/span> deflated.<\/span> I<\/span> wish<\/span> she\u2019d<\/span> gain<\/span> weight. Sometimes<\/span> I<\/span> worry<\/span> she<\/span> might<\/span> collapse<\/span> and<\/span> crumple<\/span> into<\/span> nothing. \u201cThis<\/span> place<\/span> is<\/span> picked<\/span> over,\u201d<\/span> she<\/span> says.<\/span> \u201cWhat<\/span> did<\/span> you<\/span> find?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe can stay longer,\u201d I offer.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo you didn\u2019t find anything,\u201d Brenda says. Her shoulders drop as her face does.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hand her the limp dollar bill.<\/span><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

In the parking lot, before we get in the car, Brenda crams her hands in Lizzie\u2019s pockets, then mine. Her hands are like wild animals, quick and unpredictable, and when she feels around my<\/span> waist,<\/span> she<\/span> nearly<\/span> touches<\/span> my<\/span> dick.<\/span> She<\/span> smirks<\/span> and<\/span> says,<\/span> \u201cStill nothing,\u201d<\/span> referring<\/span> to<\/span> my<\/span> lack<\/span> of<\/span> pubic<\/span> hair,<\/span> which<\/span> is<\/span> none<\/span> of<\/span> her business even if she is my<\/span> mother.<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s <\/span>a pair of red, glittery shoes on the asphalt in a<\/span> puddle<\/span> of<\/span> something<\/span> gravy-like,<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> imagine<\/span> the<\/span> lady<\/span> who<\/span> wore them:<\/span> a<\/span> hooker<\/span> with<\/span> a<\/span> ratty<\/span> wig<\/span> and<\/span> melted<\/span> makeup,<\/span> and<\/span> she\u2019s <\/span>crying and hurrying to her car, which is junkier than<\/span> Brenda\u2019s <\/span>silver <\/span>1979 <\/span>Ford <\/span>Fairmont sedan. She kicks off her uncomfortable<\/span> shoes<\/span> so<\/span> she<\/span> can<\/span> walk<\/span> faster.<\/span> This<\/span> woman<\/span> just<\/span> saw<\/span> the <\/span>photo <\/span>of the ring from the severed arm in the dumpster. The ring belonged to her friend, another hooker. When we lived on Miracle Mile, Lizzie and I used to watch hookers through a<\/span> cluster<\/span> of<\/span> desiccated<\/span> palms<\/span> from<\/span> the<\/span> safety<\/span> of<\/span> our<\/span> apartment\u2019s <\/span>balcony.<\/span> Most<\/span> of<\/span> them<\/span> were<\/span> sunburned.<\/span> They<\/span> fought<\/span> each<\/span> other.\u00a0<\/span>They<\/span> yelled<\/span> a<\/span> lot.<\/span> Some<\/span> didn\u2019t<\/span> wear<\/span> wigs<\/span> or<\/span> much<\/span> makeup;<\/span> they looked<\/span> normal,<\/span> like<\/span> Brenda\u2014but<\/span> not<\/span> so<\/span> skinny\u2014or<\/span> a<\/span> teacher, or someone you\u2019d see in the supermarket buying margarine. Lizzie<\/span> could<\/span> watch<\/span> them<\/span> for<\/span> hours,<\/span> her<\/span> eyes<\/span> wide<\/span> and<\/span> her<\/span> mouth agape. She watched them like Brenda watched <\/span>TV, <\/span>and she knew<\/span> their<\/span> names:<\/span> June,<\/span> Daniella,<\/span> Shannon,<\/span> and<\/span> two<\/span> Cindys.<\/span><\/p>\n

The<\/span> backseat<\/span> burns<\/span> my<\/span> legs<\/span> so<\/span> I<\/span> shove<\/span> my<\/span> hands<\/span> under<\/span> my thighs.<\/span> I<\/span> don\u2019t <\/span>complain<\/span> about<\/span> the<\/span> heat.<\/span> What\u2019s<\/span> the<\/span> point?<\/span> The <\/span>AC<\/span> is<\/span> broken<\/span> and<\/span> it<\/span> costs,<\/span> like,<\/span> four<\/span> hundred<\/span> to<\/span> fix<\/span> it.<\/span> The<\/span> lighter still works, and Brenda smokes a Winston. The smell of her lighting<\/span> it<\/span> is<\/span> pleasant,<\/span> like<\/span> chopped<\/span> wood<\/span> and<\/span> white<\/span> paper<\/span> and birthday<\/span> candles.<\/span> But<\/span> soon<\/span> the<\/span> cigarette<\/span> stinks<\/span> up<\/span> the<\/span> car,<\/span> even with<\/span> all<\/span> four<\/span> windows<\/span> rolled<\/span> down<\/span> and<\/span> the<\/span> hot<\/span> wind<\/span> blowing<\/span> in and swooping clumps of Lizzie\u2019s pale<\/span> hair.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lizzie<\/span> stares<\/span> outside<\/span> and<\/span> picks<\/span> at<\/span> the<\/span> last<\/span> of<\/span> the<\/span> crusty<\/span> impetigo<\/span> on<\/span> the<\/span> side<\/span> of<\/span> her<\/span> chin.<\/span> I<\/span> have<\/span> it,<\/span> too.<\/span> It<\/span> itches<\/span> and<\/span> hurts<\/span> and cracks. Brenda says we <\/span>wouldn\u2019t <\/span>have <\/span>it <\/span>if we\u2019d just<\/span> wash<\/span> our faces<\/span> more<\/span> often,<\/span> but<\/span> we<\/span> only<\/span> have<\/span> strawberry<\/span> shampoo<\/span> at<\/span> the apartment right <\/span>now, <\/span>and <\/span>it <\/span>burns. I wash my face<\/span> twice<\/span> each day<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> at<\/span> school.<\/span> If<\/span> there<\/span> is<\/span> any,<\/span> the<\/span> golden<\/span> soap<\/span> from<\/span> the<\/span> dispensers<\/span> there<\/span> stings,<\/span> but<\/span> not<\/span> as<\/span> bad<\/span> as<\/span> the<\/span> strawberry<\/span> shampoo. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nirvana comes on the radio. I love them. I even<\/span> looked up \u201cmulatto\u201d and \u201clibido\u201d in the dictionary. But<\/span> Brenda<\/span> changes the<\/span> station<\/span> and<\/span> begins<\/span> to<\/span> hum-sing<\/span> to<\/span> the<\/span> Eagles:<\/span> \u2019Cause<\/i><\/span> <\/i>I\u2019m<\/i><\/span> <\/i>al-<\/i><\/span>ready gone, and I\u2019m fee-ling strong . . .<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

My<\/span> money<\/span> stash<\/span> is<\/span> Ziplocked,<\/span> the<\/span> baggie<\/span> taped<\/span> to<\/span> the<\/span> inside of the toilet <\/span>tank <\/span>lid at the apartment. On a cop show that used<\/span> to<\/span> play<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> afternoon<\/span> when<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> got<\/span> home<\/span> from school,<\/span> I<\/span> saw<\/span> drug<\/span> addicts<\/span> hide<\/span> their<\/span> heroin<\/span> and<\/span> needles<\/span> in<\/span> the same<\/span> place.<\/span> At<\/span> this<\/span> point,<\/span> I<\/span> have<\/span> $126.<\/span> I<\/span> figure<\/span> if<\/span> the<\/span> toilet\u2019s<\/span> running<\/span> or<\/span> clogged<\/span> or<\/span> something,<\/span> Brenda<\/span> won\u2019t<\/span> fix<\/span> it;<\/span> she\u2019ll<\/span> make me do it, so <\/span>it\u2019s<\/span> safe.<\/span><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

After<\/span> we<\/span> cross<\/span> Craycroft,<\/span> Brenda<\/span> pulls<\/span> into<\/span> a<\/span> McDonald\u2019s<\/span> near a<\/span> sprawling<\/span> brick<\/span> high<\/span> school<\/span> I<\/span> have<\/span> never<\/span> noticed.<\/span> We\u2019re<\/span> in<\/span> line at<\/span> the<\/span> drive-thru,<\/span> three<\/span> cars<\/span> back<\/span> from<\/span> the<\/span> intercom,<\/span> which<\/span> sits in<\/span> fiberglass<\/span> Grimace\u2019s<\/span> mouth.<\/span> Brenda<\/span> tells<\/span> us,<\/span> \u201cI<\/span> need<\/span> you<\/span> to find<\/span> eight<\/span> cents.\u201d<\/span> She<\/span> digs<\/span> in<\/span> her<\/span> purse,<\/span> pulls<\/span> out<\/span> a<\/span> thickly<\/span> mat<\/span>ted<\/span> hairbrush<\/span> and<\/span> places<\/span> it<\/span> on<\/span> the<\/span> passenger<\/span> seat<\/span> so<\/span> she<\/span> can<\/span> dig deeper.<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> are<\/span> running<\/span> our<\/span> fingers<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> space<\/span> where the back of the seat meets its bottom. I find the buried<\/span> middle seat<\/span> belt,<\/span> which<\/span> is<\/span> hardened<\/span> from<\/span> years<\/span> of<\/span> baking,<\/span> but<\/span> no<\/span> coins. Then Lizzie finds a dime, and I hate her for it, but only for a second.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood girl,\u201d Brenda says. \u201cGive it here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda never thanked me for the dollar I found back at the thrift store.<\/span><\/p>\n

I<\/span> know<\/span> not<\/span> to<\/span> ask<\/span> for<\/span> what<\/span> I<\/span> really<\/span> want:<\/span> six<\/span> Chicken<\/span> McNuggets, a vanilla shake, a cheeseburger and fries. I know Lizzie wants<\/span> all<\/span> that,<\/span> too,<\/span> though<\/span> the<\/span> shake<\/span> she<\/span> wants<\/span> is<\/span> strawberry<\/span> and she\u2019d only eat the breading off the McNuggets. But we <\/span>didn\u2019t <\/span>find enough in the pockets. <\/span>That\u2019s <\/span>the<\/span> rule.<\/span><\/p>\n

“My money stash is Ziplocked, the baggie taped to the inside of the toilet tank lid at the apartment. On a cop show that used to play in the afternoon when Lizzie and I got home from school, I saw drug addicts hide their heroin and needles in the same place.” <\/p><\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda<\/span> orders<\/span> three<\/span> cups<\/span> of<\/span> ice<\/span> water,<\/span> which<\/span> are<\/span> free,<\/span> and<\/span> two hamburgers. The hamburgers are two for<\/span> ninety-nine<\/span> cents\u2014with<\/span> tax,<\/span> a<\/span> dollar<\/span> seven.<\/span> When<\/span> we<\/span> arrive<\/span> at<\/span> the<\/span> window<\/span> where<\/span> we <\/span>pay,<\/span> Brenda<\/span> also<\/span> asks<\/span> for<\/span> a<\/span> plastic<\/span> knife,<\/span> and<\/span> a<\/span> handful<\/span> of<\/span> ketchup packets.<\/span> She<\/span> likely<\/span> has<\/span> about<\/span> twenty<\/span> packets<\/span> in<\/span> her<\/span> purse<\/span> already. <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m<\/span> hot<\/span> with<\/span> shame<\/span> as<\/span> the<\/span> McDonald\u2019s<\/span> guy<\/span> hands<\/span> Brenda<\/span> a bag<\/span> with<\/span> the<\/span> hamburgers<\/span> and<\/span> the<\/span> ketchup<\/span> in<\/span> it.<\/span> He<\/span> then<\/span> passes her<\/span> the<\/span> waters,<\/span> small,<\/span> one<\/span> by<\/span> one.<\/span> He<\/span> smiles<\/span> and<\/span> thanks<\/span> Brenda. She<\/span> doesn\u2019t<\/span> thank<\/span> him.<\/span> He<\/span> sees<\/span> us<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> backseat<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> can<\/span> sense<\/span> he<\/span> pities<\/span> us,<\/span> even<\/span> though<\/span> his<\/span> own<\/span> life<\/span> is<\/span> probably<\/span> crappy.<\/span> I<\/span> want<\/span> Brenda<\/span> to<\/span> speed<\/span> away,<\/span> but<\/span> she<\/span> takes<\/span> her<\/span> time<\/span> cutting<\/span> our hamburger<\/span> in<\/span> half<\/span> with<\/span> the<\/span> plastic<\/span> knife,<\/span> licking<\/span> a<\/span> stray<\/span> morsel of<\/span> meat<\/span> from<\/span> the<\/span> top<\/span> of<\/span> her<\/span> hand.<\/span> There<\/span> are<\/span> several<\/span> cars<\/span> behind us,<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> can<\/span> sense<\/span> that<\/span> the<\/span> McDonald\u2019s<\/span> guy<\/span> wants<\/span> her<\/span> to<\/span> move,\u00a0<\/span>but she doesn\u2019t care. It\u2019s her moment to control the world.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda<\/span> eats<\/span> her<\/span> hamburger<\/span> as<\/span> she<\/span> drives.<\/span> My<\/span> hamburger<\/span> half has the two pickles, so I give <\/span>one <\/span>to Lizzie. She puts <\/span>it <\/span>on her half;<\/span> she<\/span> doesn\u2019t<\/span> just<\/span> pop<\/span> it<\/span> in<\/span> her<\/span> mouth.<\/span> I<\/span> know<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> would have given me a pickle if she had gotten both. The ice water tastes like <\/span>wax <\/span>and a <\/span>bit <\/span>like orange drink, but <\/span>it\u2019s <\/span>good and clean. I take a small <\/span>bite <\/span>of the half hamburger and chew and <\/span>chew,<\/span> savoring<\/span> the<\/span> onions<\/span> and<\/span> sugary<\/span> ketchup,<\/span> until<\/span> it\u2019s<\/span> almost liquid,<\/span> and<\/span> then<\/span> I<\/span> swish<\/span> it<\/span> around<\/span> before<\/span> I<\/span> swallow.<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> and<\/span> I do<\/span> this<\/span> for<\/span> every<\/span> bite.<\/span> We<\/span> do<\/span> it<\/span> at<\/span> Burger<\/span> King<\/span> and<\/span> Whataburger and<\/span> Arby\u2019s,<\/span> too,<\/span> even<\/span> when<\/span> we<\/span> get<\/span> full<\/span> meals.<\/span> When<\/span> we<\/span> were younger,<\/span> we\u2019d<\/span> play<\/span> mother<\/span> bird<\/span> and<\/span> baby<\/span> bird,<\/span> and<\/span> I\u2019d<\/span> spit<\/span> the chewed<\/span> McDonald\u2019s<\/span> into<\/span> Lizzie\u2019s<\/span> mouth.<\/span> Then<\/span> she\u2019d<\/span> take<\/span> a<\/span> bite <\/span>of<\/span> her<\/span> McDonald\u2019s<\/span> and<\/span> do<\/span> the<\/span> same<\/span> for<\/span> me.<\/span> We<\/span> played<\/span> it<\/span> a<\/span> few times<\/span> before<\/span> Brenda<\/span> caught<\/span> us<\/span> and<\/span> swatted<\/span> me<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> neck<\/span> with a rolled-up<\/span> magazine.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda<\/span> tells<\/span> us<\/span> she<\/span> wants<\/span> to<\/span> hit<\/span> another<\/span> thrift<\/span> store.<\/span> She<\/span> says<\/span> it <\/span>tentatively,<\/span> like<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> asking<\/span> our<\/span> permission,<\/span> but<\/span> she<\/span> isn\u2019t.<\/span> I<\/span> knew when we climbed into her <\/span>car <\/span>this morning that <\/span>it <\/span>would be a long, stifling day and that Brenda might not feed us and<\/span> we\u2019d have<\/span> bad<\/span> headaches<\/span> by<\/span> the<\/span> afternoon.<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> had<\/span> a<\/span> social<\/span> studies<\/span> test<\/span> about<\/span> Mesopotamia<\/span> today.<\/span> I<\/span> helped<\/span> her<\/span> study<\/span> last<\/span> night and<\/span> she<\/span> knew<\/span> all<\/span> the<\/span> terms\u2014Tigris-Euphrates<\/span> river<\/span> system,<\/span> the Bronze<\/span> Age<\/span> and<\/span> the<\/span> Iron<\/span> Age,<\/span> the<\/span> Parthian<\/span> Empire.<\/span> But<\/span> Brenda <\/span>doesn\u2019t <\/span>care. <\/span>We <\/span>could have gone to school and Brenda could have<\/span> gone<\/span> thrifting<\/span> by<\/span> herself,<\/span> but<\/span> she<\/span> hates<\/span> being<\/span> alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

I<\/span> check<\/span> the<\/span> sunbaked<\/span> pay<\/span> phone<\/span> in<\/span> front<\/span> of<\/span> Goodwill.<\/span> Nothing. Just inside the store, by the entrance, there are a few gumball machines,<\/span> and<\/span> as<\/span> Brenda<\/span> hurries<\/span> towards<\/span> the<\/span> back,<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> and I check them. <\/span>\u201cOh,\u201d <\/span>Lizzie says. <\/span>\u201cTrent, <\/span>look!\u201d <\/span>She\u2019s <\/span>turning the knob on the <\/span>one <\/span>that dispenses rubber balls and she keeps getting<\/span> free<\/span> balls<\/span> without<\/span> having<\/span> to<\/span> pay.<\/span> She<\/span> hands<\/span> them<\/span> to<\/span> me: two blues, a bright green, and a swirly one. I look around.<\/span> No\u00a0<\/span>one\u2019s<\/span> watching<\/span> us.<\/span> The<\/span> small<\/span> placard<\/span> behind<\/span> the<\/span> glass<\/span> calls<\/span> them \u201cSuper<\/span> Space<\/span> Balls,\u201d<\/span> and<\/span> features<\/span> an<\/span> image<\/span> of<\/span> a<\/span> purple<\/span> ball<\/span> that has<\/span> bounced<\/span> thousands<\/span> of<\/span> miles<\/span> above<\/span> Earth,<\/span> which<\/span> looks<\/span> puny in<\/span> the<\/span> background.<\/span> How<\/span> fake,<\/span> I<\/span> think,<\/span> but<\/span> I<\/span> continue<\/span> to<\/span> load<\/span> my pockets:<\/span> green,<\/span> yellow,<\/span> red,<\/span> red,<\/span> sparkles,<\/span> blue,<\/span> swirl<\/span> .<\/span> .<\/span> .<\/span> Then<\/span> I hear<\/span> Brenda<\/span> yelling:<\/span> \u201cTrent<\/span> and<\/span> Lizzie,<\/span> now!\u201d<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> looks<\/span> over her<\/span> shoulder<\/span> when<\/span> she<\/span> hears<\/span> Brenda,<\/span> but<\/span> she<\/span> continues<\/span> to<\/span> turn the<\/span> knob.<\/span> \u201cNow!\u201d<\/span> Brenda<\/span> yells,<\/span> and<\/span> I<\/span> hear<\/span> another<\/span> lady<\/span> tell<\/span> her to shut<\/span> up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe better go,\u201d I say, and I pull Lizzie by her shoulder.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI want to get another sparkly one!\u201d she says, batting my hand<\/span> away.<\/span> She\u2019s<\/span> chewing<\/span> the<\/span> side<\/span> of<\/span> her<\/span> mouth<\/span> like<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> concentrating.<\/span><\/p>\n

Soon,<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> forcing<\/span> my<\/span> hands<\/span> into<\/span> pockets<\/span> of<\/span> men\u2019s<\/span> jeans. One<\/span> pair<\/span> smells<\/span> like<\/span> gasoline;<\/span> another,<\/span> like<\/span> cigarettes.<\/span> If<\/span> they\u2019re<\/span> Levi\u2019s,<\/span> I<\/span> check<\/span> the<\/span> red<\/span> tag<\/span> on<\/span> the<\/span> back<\/span> pocket<\/span> for<\/span> the<\/span> capital<\/span> let<\/span>ter <\/span>E, <\/span>which means that <\/span>they\u2019re <\/span>old, and Brenda <\/span>can<\/span> sell<\/span> them to<\/span> the<\/span> Japanese<\/span> man<\/span> who<\/span> comes<\/span> to<\/span> the<\/span> swap<\/span> meet<\/span> every<\/span> few months.<\/span> There<\/span> are<\/span> no<\/span> old<\/span> Levi\u2019s<\/span> today.<\/span> Brenda<\/span> will<\/span> soon<\/span> learn that<\/span> Lizzie\u2019s<\/span> still<\/span> at<\/span> the<\/span> gumball<\/span> machines,<\/span> draining<\/span> one<\/span> of<\/span> them of<\/span> its<\/span> contents,<\/span> and<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> nervous.<\/span> So<\/span> I<\/span> search<\/span> faster.<\/span> A<\/span> nickel.<\/span> A nine-volt<\/span> battery.<\/span> A<\/span> to-do<\/span> list<\/span> that<\/span> begins<\/span> with<\/span> pick<\/i><\/span> <\/i>up<\/i><\/span> <\/i>Jenn<\/i><\/span> <\/i>at<\/i><\/span> <\/i>4<\/i>. <\/span><\/p>\n

When <\/span>I\u2019m <\/span>rushed like this, the urge to piss<\/span> is<\/span> overwhelming,<\/span> so<\/span> I<\/span> weave<\/span> through<\/span> the<\/span> overloaded<\/span> racks<\/span> of<\/span> clothes<\/span> towards Brenda.<\/span> She<\/span> clutches<\/span> a<\/span> metal<\/span> Welcome<\/i><\/span> <\/i>Back,<\/i><\/span> <\/i>Kotter<\/i><\/span> <\/i>lunch<\/span> box. <\/span>She\u2019s<\/span> grinning<\/span> widely.<\/span> She<\/span> tries<\/span> to<\/span> remain<\/span> calm,<\/span> but<\/span> I<\/span> recognize<\/span> her<\/span> leaking<\/span> excitement.<\/span> \u201cI<\/span> bet<\/span> I<\/span> can<\/span> get<\/span> forty<\/span> for<\/span> this,\u201d<\/span> she whispers,<\/span> like<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> her<\/span> coconspirator.<\/span> \u201cAt<\/span> least<\/span> thirty-five.\u201d<\/span> This makes<\/span> the<\/span> back<\/span> of<\/span> my<\/span> neck<\/span> tingle<\/span> in<\/span> a<\/span> pleasant<\/span> way<\/span> that<\/span> warms and<\/span> tickles<\/span> my<\/span> inner<\/span> ears.<\/span> I<\/span> like<\/span> being<\/span> on<\/span> her<\/span> team.<\/span> I<\/span> like<\/span> it<\/span> when she<\/span> finds<\/span> a<\/span> treasure<\/span> and<\/span> holds<\/span> firm<\/span> on<\/span> a<\/span> price<\/span> when<\/span> swap<\/span> meet\u00a0<\/span>people try to haggle her down.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI need to go to the bathroom,\u201d I say.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d she says. She\u2019s angry. \u201cI don\u2019t know why I even\u00a0<\/span>bother.\u201d <\/span>She scratches at the inside of her thigh. The<\/span> pinkness means<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> already<\/span> been<\/span> scratching<\/span> a<\/span> lot.<\/span> \u201cI<\/span> drive<\/span> all<\/span> over<\/span> and search and search,\u201d she whines, \u201cand finally I find something good<\/span> and<\/span> you<\/span> can\u2019t<\/span> even<\/span> congratulate<\/span> me<\/span> or<\/span> thank<\/span> me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry,\u201d I say.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd<\/span> you\u2019re<\/span> welcome<\/span> for<\/span> lunch.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI probably said<\/span> thanks.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI<\/span> was<\/span> waiting<\/span> for<\/span> it<\/span> and<\/span> neither<\/span> you<\/span> nor<\/span> your<\/span> sister<\/span> said<\/span> it.\u201d <\/span>I<\/span> was<\/span> the<\/span> one<\/span> who<\/span> found<\/span> the<\/span> dollar<\/span> that<\/span> paid<\/span> for<\/span> the<\/span> ham<\/span>burgers. But I don\u2019t gripe.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI<\/span> hate<\/span> it<\/span> when<\/span> you<\/span> force<\/span> me<\/span> to<\/span> call<\/span> you<\/span> an<\/span> asshole,\u201d<\/span> she<\/span> says, \u201cbut<\/span> you\u2019re<\/span> an<\/span> asshole,<\/span> Trent.\u201d<\/span> Now<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> practically<\/span> crying,<\/span> and I<\/span> really<\/span> have<\/span> to<\/span> pee.<\/span> \u201cA<\/span> mother<\/span> shouldn\u2019t<\/span> call<\/span> her<\/span> son<\/span> an<\/span> asshole, but <\/span>you\u2019re <\/span>an<\/span> asshole.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

“Maybe part of me<\/span> wants<\/span> Brenda<\/span> to<\/span> feel<\/span> pain<\/span> and<\/span> lose<\/span> this<\/span> fight.” <\/p><\/span><\/p>\n

A<\/span> woman<\/span> with<\/span> a<\/span> mop<\/span> of<\/span> dark<\/span> curls<\/span> turns<\/span> her<\/span> head<\/span> from<\/span> a<\/span> shelf of<\/span> mismatched<\/span> dinner<\/span> plates<\/span> and<\/span> coffee<\/span> mugs.<\/span> \u201cKeep<\/span> your<\/span> fam<\/span>ily\u2019s<\/span> business<\/span> to<\/span> yourselves.\u201d<\/span> She<\/span> wears<\/span> a<\/span> pink<\/span> bandana<\/span> around her<\/span> neck.<\/span> Her<\/span> teeth<\/span> are<\/span> small<\/span> and<\/span> sharp,<\/span> like<\/span> grains<\/span> of<\/span> rice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda<\/span> hands<\/span> me<\/span> the<\/span> lunch<\/span> box<\/span> and<\/span> takes<\/span> a<\/span> few<\/span> steps<\/span> towards the<\/span> woman.<\/span> \u201cWe\u2019re<\/span> trying<\/span> to<\/span> have<\/span> a<\/span> conversation<\/span> here,\u201d<\/span> Brenda says.<\/span> She<\/span> sniffs<\/span> and<\/span> tilts<\/span> her<\/span> head<\/span> sideways.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou<\/span> don\u2019t<\/span> want<\/span> to<\/span> fuck<\/span> with<\/span> me,\u201d<\/span> the<\/span> woman<\/span> says.<\/span> She<\/span> wears <\/span>an <\/span>oversized black Kenny Rogers concert T-shirt. The letters that<\/span> spell<\/span> \u201cKenny\u201d<\/span> are<\/span> puffy<\/span> and<\/span> red.<\/span> She<\/span> also<\/span> wears<\/span> baby-blue <\/span>terry<\/span> cloth<\/span> gym<\/span> shorts<\/span> that<\/span> feature<\/span> her<\/span> legs,<\/span> which<\/span> are<\/span> thick<\/span> and tan, not fat but not muscular\u2014like big hot<\/span> dogs.<\/span><\/p>\n

And very quickly, the two women are pulling each <\/span>other\u2019s <\/span>hair, scratching and hitting each other. \u201cBitch. Cunt. Fucking <\/span>whore.\u201d<\/span> I<\/span> don\u2019t<\/span> know<\/span> who<\/span> says<\/span> what;<\/span> I<\/span> can<\/span> only<\/span> think<\/span> about<\/span> my bladder.<\/span> Brenda<\/span> looks<\/span> over<\/span> to<\/span> me<\/span> and<\/span> says,<\/span> \u201cHelp<\/span> me!\u201d<\/span> The<\/span> lady has<\/span> Brenda<\/span> by<\/span> the<\/span> hair<\/span> and<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> kicking<\/span> her<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> knees.<\/span><\/p>\n

I<\/span> don\u2019t<\/span> help<\/span> my<\/span> mother.<\/span> I<\/span> can\u2019t.<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> frozen<\/span> and<\/span> it<\/span> feels<\/span> like<\/span> a nightmare, like <\/span>I\u2019m <\/span>about to wake with a start. Maybe part of me<\/span> wants<\/span> Brenda<\/span> to<\/span> feel<\/span> pain<\/span> and<\/span> lose<\/span> this<\/span> fight.<\/span> I<\/span> watch<\/span> her\u00a0<\/span>reach<\/span> behind<\/span> her<\/span> back<\/span> for<\/span> anything.<\/span> Her<\/span> hand<\/span> lands<\/span> on<\/span> a<\/span> waffle iron<\/span> from<\/span> a<\/span> shelf<\/span> of<\/span> housewares.<\/span> Its<\/span> frayed<\/span> black<\/span> cord<\/span> swings<\/span> in <\/span>an<\/span> arc<\/span> as<\/span> Brenda<\/span> clobbers<\/span> the<\/span> woman<\/span> with<\/span> it.<\/span> The<\/span> woman\u2019s<\/span> hair is<\/span> soon<\/span> drenched<\/span> with<\/span> blood.<\/span> Brenda<\/span> steps<\/span> away<\/span> and<\/span> places<\/span> the waffle maker back on the shelf. The woman wipes her neck, watches<\/span> in<\/span> disbelief<\/span> as<\/span> blood<\/span> drips<\/span> from<\/span> her<\/span> hand.<\/span> She<\/span> wobbles, and<\/span> tumps.<\/span> Her<\/span> body<\/span> makes<\/span> a<\/span> double<\/span> wet<\/span> slap<\/span> on<\/span> the<\/span> floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

This<\/span> all<\/span> happens<\/span> in<\/span> about<\/span> twenty<\/span> seconds<\/span> but<\/span> it<\/span> seems<\/span> like<\/span> an <\/span>hour. <\/span>I just stand there, holding that lunch box by its handle, wondering when Brenda will be arrested, barely noticing the warmth trickling down my leg and soaking my droopy tube sock.<\/span><\/p>\n

I feel intense relief unrelated to my bladder.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda<\/span> digs<\/span> her<\/span> nails<\/span> into<\/span> my<\/span> shoulder<\/span> and<\/span> pulls<\/span> me<\/span> through the<\/span> aisles<\/span> towards<\/span> the<\/span> front<\/span> of<\/span> the<\/span> store,<\/span> grumbling,<\/span> \u201cBaby!<\/span> Wet<\/span>ting<\/span> your<\/span> pants!\u201d<\/span> We<\/span> pass<\/span> two<\/span> teenage<\/span> girls,<\/span> one<\/span> of<\/span> them<\/span> wearing thick-framed glasses, both of them looking through<\/span> men\u2019s <\/span>flannel<\/span> shirts.<\/span> The<\/span> one<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> glasses<\/span> says,<\/span> \u201cOh,<\/span> my<\/span> God!\u201d<\/span> when she<\/span> sees<\/span> I\u2019ve<\/span> wet<\/span> myself.<\/span> The<\/span> other<\/span> says,<\/span> \u201cShut<\/span> up!<\/span> He<\/span> might<\/span> be special!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Brenda<\/span> keeps<\/span> pulling<\/span> me,<\/span> gripping<\/span> my<\/span> shoulder<\/span> tighter,<\/span> guiding<\/span> me<\/span> out<\/span> the<\/span> emergency<\/span> exit,<\/span> which<\/span> buzzes<\/span> loudly<\/span> and<\/span> makes my stomach<\/span> drop.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe didn\u2019t pay for this,\u201d I say, holding up the lunch box.<\/span><\/p>\n

We<\/span> wade<\/span> through<\/span> the<\/span> heat<\/span> pumping<\/span> up<\/span> from<\/span> the<\/span> asphalt<\/span> until we reach the car, where Brenda rifles through the trunk and pulls<\/span> out<\/span> a<\/span> Tucson<\/i><\/span> <\/i>Weekly<\/i>.<\/span> \u201cSit<\/span> on<\/span> this,\u201d<\/span> she<\/span> says<\/span> as<\/span> she<\/span> pushes<\/span> my head<\/span> down<\/span> and<\/span> forces<\/span> me<\/span> into<\/span> the<\/span> backseat.<\/span> \u201cWhere<\/span> the<\/span> hell<\/span> is your<\/span> sister?\u201d<\/span> She<\/span> looks<\/span> back<\/span> towards<\/span> the<\/span> store.<\/span> I<\/span> notice<\/span> a<\/span> scarlet scratch flaring from her ear to her throat. \u201cI <\/span>can\u2019t <\/span>go back in <\/span>there,\u201d<\/span> she<\/span> says.<\/span> \u201cThat<\/span> crazy<\/span> bitch<\/span> started<\/span> it.\u201d<\/span> I<\/span> can\u2019t<\/span> remember who<\/span> actually<\/span> did<\/span> start<\/span> it.<\/span> \u201cI<\/span> don\u2019t<\/span> like<\/span> to<\/span> cuss,\u201d<\/span> Brenda<\/span> says.<\/span> \u201cYou <\/span>know<\/span> that.\u201d<\/span> She<\/span> sits<\/span> in<\/span> the<\/span> driver\u2019s<\/span> seat<\/span> and<\/span> starts<\/span> the<\/span> car.<\/span> \u201cYou <\/span>make me<\/span> cuss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat<\/span> about<\/span> Lizzie?\u201d<\/span> I<\/span> say. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShut<\/span> up,\u201d<\/span> she<\/span> says.<\/span> \u201cGod!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

She<\/span> speeds<\/span> out<\/span> of<\/span> the<\/span> parking<\/span> lot.<\/span> The<\/span> tires<\/span> even<\/span> squeal. \u201cBut Lizzie is stuck in <\/span>there,\u201d <\/span>I<\/span> say.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes mothers have to teach their kids a lesson.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As<\/span> we<\/span> pull<\/span> onto<\/span> Flowing<\/span> Wells,<\/span> I<\/span> stare<\/span> at<\/span> the<\/span> corny<\/span> rendition of<\/span> Mr.<\/span> Kotter<\/span> pointing<\/span> to<\/span> an<\/span> F<\/span> he<\/span> wrote<\/span> on<\/span> Epstein\u2019s<\/span> quiz,<\/span> and I<\/span> imagine<\/span> that<\/span> Lizzie\u2019s<\/span> looking<\/span> for<\/span> us.<\/span> Her<\/span> shorts\u2019<\/span> pockets<\/span> and hands<\/span> are<\/span> full<\/span> of<\/span> rubber<\/span> balls.<\/span> Maybe<\/span> she<\/span> has<\/span> made<\/span> a<\/span> basket<\/span> out of<\/span> the<\/span> front<\/span> of<\/span> her<\/span> shirt<\/span> to<\/span> accommodate<\/span> them<\/span> all,<\/span> exposing<\/span> her belly<\/span> to<\/span> everyone,<\/span> but<\/span> not<\/span> caring.<\/span> Now<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> must<\/span> be<\/span> panicking.<\/span> She<\/span> searches<\/span> everywhere<\/span> for<\/span> me<\/span> and<\/span> Brenda,<\/span> calls<\/span> for<\/span> us. Maybe<\/span> she<\/span> sees<\/span> the<\/span> woman<\/span> on<\/span> the<\/span> floor.<\/span> Or<\/span> the<\/span> woman\u2019s<\/span> blood. The<\/span> police<\/span> will<\/span> be<\/span> there<\/span> any<\/span> minute,<\/span> and<\/span> she<\/span> hides,<\/span> squats<\/span> under a<\/span> rack<\/span> of<\/span> dresses<\/span> until<\/span> she\u2019s<\/span> discovered<\/span> by<\/span> the<\/span> strange<\/span> man<\/span> with long,<\/span> stringy<\/span> hair,<\/span> the<\/span> same<\/span> man<\/span> who<\/span> put<\/span> the<\/span> turd<\/span> photo<\/span> in<\/span> the overalls.<\/span> He\u2019s<\/span> been<\/span> tracking<\/span> us<\/span> all<\/span> day,<\/span> waiting<\/span> for<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> to<\/span> be alone.<\/span> \u201cWow,\u201d<\/span> he<\/span> says,<\/span> \u201cthose<\/span> are<\/span> great<\/span> rubber<\/span> balls.\u201d<\/span> And<\/span> she follows him to his <\/span>car <\/span>and rides with him to the desert, to a concrete<\/span> foundation<\/span> of<\/span> a<\/span> house<\/span> that<\/span> was<\/span> never<\/span> built,<\/span> a<\/span> stage,<\/span> and when<\/span> Lizzie<\/span> realizes<\/span> what\u2019s<\/span> transpiring,<\/span> she\u2019ll<\/span> drop<\/span> the<\/span> balls,<\/span> and they\u2019ll<\/span> bounce<\/span> and<\/span> bloom<\/span> outwards<\/span> and<\/span> look<\/span> like<\/span> a<\/span> big,<\/span> happy firework<\/span> before<\/span> they<\/span> roll<\/span> off<\/span> the<\/span> edges<\/span> and<\/span> disappear.<\/span><\/p>\n

This story, these images of Lizzie and the strange man, take\u00a0<\/span>residence<\/span> in<\/span> my<\/span> gut<\/span> and<\/span> sit<\/span> there<\/span> like<\/span> a<\/span> tumor,<\/span> so<\/span> when<\/span> we<\/span> stop for<\/span> a<\/span> red<\/span> light<\/span> at<\/span> Prince<\/span> Road,<\/span> I<\/span> open<\/span> the<\/span> door, <\/span>jump<\/span> out<\/span> of<\/span> the car,<\/span> and<\/span> hurry<\/span> down<\/span> the<\/span> dirt<\/span> shoulder<\/span> back<\/span> towards<\/span> Goodwill. <\/span>My <\/span>wet shorts chafe my thighs. Part of me wants to stop and drop down there in the dust next to a drained Big Gulp and a smashed<\/span> Sammy<\/span> Hagar<\/span> cassette,<\/span> but<\/span> I<\/span> keep<\/span> moving,<\/span> and<\/span> even start to run.<\/span><\/p>\n

__________________________________<\/p>\n

This story originally appeared in <\/em>Epoch.\u00a0See the rest of the 2018 O. Henry Prize stories\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The thrift store Brenda drags us to today is on Kolb, far on the east side towards the Rincon Mountains, just past\u00a0the Lucky Wishbone Chicken with the pulsating sunburst sign. Like every thrift store, it stinks of dust and mothballs<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2698,"featured_media":240571,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43074,43075,1],"tags":[38238,38209,38201,14446,7775],"class_list":["post-95067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fictionandpoetry","category-short-story","category-uncategorized","tag-how-we-eat","tag-mark-jude-poirier","tag-o-henry-prize-2018","tag-o-henry-prizes","tag-short-story","story-type-awards","story-type-short-story-writers"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/lh-holder-01.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5rKFr-oJl","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/95067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2698"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=95067"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/95067\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/240571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=95067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=95067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lithub.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=95067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}