"Why put a new address on the same old loneliness..."

music meme! Cause I love me some Music!

lex_83 — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 16:48:42 GMT

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line (or two) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing. [I haven't posted the first lines when it gives away the song name completely, ya know?]
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.

1. It's okay if you can stand to let her dance / it's okay it's your right, come on and take a chance
2. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America / And to the Republic for which it stands
3. I never thought you'd go so far chloroform / i never thought you'd go so far oh no
~~4. The sun is up, the sky is blue. / It’s beautiful and so are you.~~ buffyx guessed Dear Prudence - The Beatles
5. Maxwell can't tell he's in hell / he just wants you to visit him there
6. If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man / You win some, lose some, all the same to me
7. When you walk through the garden / you gotta watch your back
8. I want something / That's purer than the water
9. I can't believe she bought it / She got too close and she caught it
~~10. A lonely mother gazing out of her window / Staring at a son that she just can't touch~~ buffyx guessed Waterfalls - TLC
11. The TV’s broke / Her cheeks are soaked
~~12. If you could only see who blue her eyes can be / when she says... when she says she loves me~~ buffyx guessed If You Could Only See The Way - Tonic
13. We're nowhere in particular / We're nowhere, nowhere at all
14. Two feets they come a creepin' / Like a black cat do
15. And he drove so goddamned fast / He never did win no checkered flag
16. Move yourself / You always live your life
17. This happened once before, / When I came to your door
18. Finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind / people think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time
19. Sometimes when I sleep / I can see you walkin' back to me
20. There's a crack in the mirror / and a bloodstain on the bed

lex_83 — Sun, 05 Nov 2006 19:10:49 GMT

Okay.. so since I am a giant nerd, I was re-colour coding my flist and I realized that I haven't even seen some of you post in like a year. Which lead me to thinking.

If I can't name one thing about you, and I don't know anyone who knows anything about you, and you no longer post (and don't really have a reason for why).. why are you on my active flist?

I'm not saying I am going to run around defriending like a madwoman, but to be honest? Sometimes I have to go back forever to see what some people are up to and it's driving me nuts.

That being said, if I have/do defriend(ed) you.. its nothing hugely personal (like obviously its somewhat personal)... I just think our interests/whatever are no longer as similar as they used to be. Obviously this means, that if you feel the same way about me, you can defriend me.

Ohh and people I JUST added (SPNites represent) I am not likely to defriend you at this point. Aaaand.. anyone I know hasn't been around a lot lately isn't really on the chopping block either. To make people NOT OVERLY WORRY.

Anywho, let there be poll.

View Poll: Flist-ery

These Strangers Whose Faces I Know: Part 2

lex_83 — Sun, 04 Jun 2006 08:11:07 GMT

5 hours later

“We have to decide where we are going. Does anyone have any ideas?” Veronica asked, looking at Logan and Dick. This would be an excellent time for one of them to have a brilliant idea.

Dick turned the television on, scanning for news broadcasts. “Maybe we can find a place that doesn’t have zombies?”

But the longer they looked at the different stations the clearer it became, Neptune, LA, Toronto, London… the world… had zombies. They would not be able to hide from them, no matter where they went.

“How much gas do you have in your truck Dick?” Logan asked, “That will greatly determine where we can go, since I don’t think any of us want to be in charge of refuelling.”

Veronica was about to respond, when she heard her phone begin to ring and began digging in her bag for it. “Hello?”

“Veronica, it’s me – Dad.” Keith’s voice was faint on the other end, the background full of static.

“Where are you? Are you okay?” Veronica tried to talk slowly, to be distinct, but she had so many questions running through her head.

“I’m… stuck…radio… they’re coming.”

“Dad? You’re cutting out.. I can’t hear you.” Veronica began to panic, and seeing her freeze up Logan took the phone from her.

“Mr. Mars? It’s Logan, where are you?” He asked, hoping he would be able to understand Keith.

“Radio station, thirteenth floor… hurry.” Logan barely got the location before the line died but he was sure that Keith was afraid and since he didn’t know Mr. Mars did fear - that was enough for him.

Handing the phone back to Veronica, Logan pulled out the map he had found in Dick’s truck the other night. It showed the route that they would have to take to get to LA from Neptune.

“Veronica? I think we should go find your dad in LA.”

“What? LA? I thought we decided that was too crazy, a suicide mission.” Dick looked at Logan like he was crazy, “I’m too pretty to die.”

Veronica punched Dick in the arm, “Let’s go find my dad.”

They packed up the things they felt were required for a road trip to LA and got ready to leave the suite. Veronica didn’t like the idea of packing a crowbar for the journey down to the lobby area but she didn’t like the idea of being dead any more so she went with it.

Logan was leading them to the stairwell, since even though Dick was usually just being an ass he did have a point about the elevator. Checking one last time that his gun was indeed loaded, he pulled open the access door and prepared himself for the worst.

Scanning up and down, it appeared to be empty. He leaned forward a bit and gestured for Veronica and Dick to join him. I feel like a reject from some Rainbow 6 movie adaptation.

Slowly, with caution that she would have found laughable in any other situation, the three of them made it down from the top of the building and were about to enter the lobby area. It was impossible to see from inside the stairwell what they would be facing when they left it. Looking around them once more, Veronica nodded and steeled herself to open the door, grateful at this moment that she was the one without the gun.

The door opened easily, Logan and Dick swept the lobby area and saw nothing of any concern and the three stepped out.

“Alright, Dick,” Veronica looked at him, “you have your keys, right?”

“Keys?” Dick’s face was a mask of confusion, but he grinned as Veronica prepared to hit him. “Of course I have my keys. Let’s go.”

They were running through the lobby area towards what they hoped was safety, when then it happened. A hand reached out towards Veronica, reaching for her arm to try to pull her toward its slack jaw and constant moan. Just as she was opening her mouth to scream for help she saw a dot appear on it’s forehead and heard the resounding crack of the gun that Dick was holding in his right hand. Shock overcame her, and she felt Logan reach down for her hand and pull her towards the exit.

It wasn’t until they were in his truck and on their way to LA that Veronica remembered to thank Dick.

“It was nothing, seriously.” Dick replied, actually being humble for once.

“You saved my life,” Veronica said incredulously.

“You would have done the same for me,” Dick said simply.

She was slowly starting to realize that Dick knew something she didn’t. He had figured out what she was only now learning. They might be the only people left on earth, they might be all they had and if there was ever a time to mend fences – it was now.

“Thanks,” Veronica looked over at Dick and smiled. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad, maybe they would get to LA and find her dad and everything would be okay.

It was unfortunate that at this moment when Veronica felt that everything could actually be okay was when they saw trouble up ahead. True to the newscasts, the highways were pretty blocked and their quick jaunt up to LA was going to take longer than anticipated. Empty cars were left haphazardly across the highway, and Veronica was fairly certain that the ninety-minute journey would take closer to three at the rate they could go.

“Whatever you do, don’t stop driving Dick.” Logan looked at the abandoned cars, some of which had bloody handprints on the windows.

Dick just grinned, put his foot down on the accelerator and pressed play on his CD player. Rob Zombie’s Living Dead Girl blared out at them. At the looks he was getting from the other two Dick shrugged and said, “It seemed appropriate.”

Veronica watched out the window as they got closer and closer to LA. It seemed that the closer they got, the more desolate it became. Just as they hit the outskirts, she was starting to wonder if there was anyone left in LA at all. Pulling out her laptop, she logged onto the local wireless Internet trying to find out more information about what was happening to people. All she could find were stories about the gruesome acts they committed and about how it was apparently worldwide and no one could figure out a cure.

“Learn anything new?” Logan asked as he looked over and saw her laptop.

“People are being encouraged to stay out of heavily populated areas by CNN, to stay out of unpopulated areas by NBC, to go to the hospitals or churches by FOX and finally to stay away from hospitals and other areas of refuge by CBS.” Veronica couldn’t help rolling her eyes as she gave Logan the completely contradictory information.

"So, as usual, no one knows what to do and the networks have their heads up their asses?" Dick laughed, and looked at Veronica and Logan, "What? Beav was all about the news and shit."

"So when you spoke to my dad, where did he say he was?" Veronica asked, looking a Logan.

"Thirteenth floor of the Radio Station." Logan replied, already seeing problems with the three of them getting to the radio station, let alone the thirteenth floor. "You should try calling him again."

Veronica pulled her phone out of her pocket, and saw that she had apparently missed a call. Dialling her voicemail, she was surprised to find it was a call from her dad. "I have a message from my dad."

"Maybe he's not in the tower of zombies anymore?" Dick said. "Anywhere that doesn't involve me going into a pit of zombies is cool with me."

"It just sounds like he's walking around." Veronica was puzzled, but as what happened began to dawn on her she became frightened, "I think he called my by accident... I can hear the moaning, and shouting, and oh god... screaming."

"We need to know where he is... anything helpful?" Logan was trying to let her deal with this, but time was running out and it was getting later in the day.

"No, I just heard a door slam and then the phone cut out." Veronica tried to fight back the panic that was threatening to overtake her.

"Can't you do some PI shit, and like track him down?" Dick asked, "Like your dad did that time you were out too late with Logan last summer. That was funny."

"Shut up Dick." Logan glared at Dick, not wanting their new friendship to be fucked because of Dick's big mouth.

"Dick! You're a genius." Veronica pulled out her laptop again and started typing. "I think I found him. He's at the KABC offices on La Cienega, on the twelfth floor."

Dick pulled over and turned around in the direction that Veronica had mentioned. "Better mount up folks, because we might have to fight all the way up."

Logan started pulling out the weapons they had stashed earlier, Veronica pulled her hair back and set her phone to vibrate. They looked at each other and Veronica mouthed, "thank you," before grabbing the crowbar and packing the rest of her supplies away. Logan placed his hand on her shoulder and tried to let her know that they would be okay, that everything would be okay.

Dick pointed through the main window at the office building. Although the road was apparently clear, it appeared that there were quite a few zombies inside. "I don't think the main entrance is the way to go."

"Hey, can you get building plans?" Logan asked, "I know you usually have someone else to do this, but it would be very helpful."

"I can try to get them," Veronica said, looking somewhat doubtful of her skills. "This is something I would usually have Mac do, but if I can get into the city database it should be simple."

"For the moment Dick, drive around back." Logan started making sure that they had enough ammunition.

Veronica searched through the city database for any trace of building plans. Just as she was going to give up, she found the location of the city plans. Hooking up her PDA to the computer, she downloaded the plans for KABC's offices. Then she looked through them to find out everything else she might need to know about this building: air conditioning ducts, water mains, security systems, anything that might make it easier to get in or out of the building. Looking at the plans it seemed as though their best entry point would be the cargo bay. From there they could get in through the service entrance.

"I found them and I think I know our way in. If we go in through the service entrance we would have a simple route up to the twelfth floor," Veronica pointed out the way she was describing. "And to top it off there shouldn't be that much staff between our entry point and our exit point. So I think any zombie activity should be fairly low."

"From the plans it looks like those hallways are fairly narrow, so it shouldn't be hard to defend ourselves," Dick leaned in closer. "And it seems that a lot of these doors are fire doors so if we trip the alarm system most of them should lock down for us. We could go in through this door here, trip the alarm and then get to the fire stairs off the service corridor. Should be fairly simple for us."

Logan gaped at Dick and Veronica was unable to keep the dazed expression from her eyes, "When did you get to be smart? That's a really good plan."

"You never played video games as a child did you?" Dick wasn't surprised that Veronica didn't think he had any skills but he had thought Logan would be more supportive. "I also used to kick ass at Capture the Flag. So do we go ahead or what?"

Veronica nodded and opened the door to get out of the truck. Walking quickly towards the building, she peered through the window to make sure there was no one behind it before motioning Dick and Logan closer. Pulling open the door, she followed closely behind Logan into the building, Dick brought up the rear. Although she felt somewhat ridiculous moving through the building in silence, holding up their weapons for the quite possible fight against the undead, Veronica also realized that it had been a while since she felt this alive. The three of them were working to save her dad’s life and rescue him from a building full of zombies and all she could think about was that she was doing something – something that mattered.

“Long way from the dirty picture business, eh Mars?” Dick had leaned forward, and was whispering in her ear. “You should really hold that crowbar higher up, in case you need to swing it.”

Veronica grinned; still unbelieving that Dick was offering advice, much less good advice. She hefted the crowbar up higher and saw that Logan had found the stairwell. Moving into position she prepared to open the door, hoping that the guys wouldn’t have to shoot anything. Knowing, with a sick certainty, that their survival might rest upon them being completely silent. Once they know we are here, I think we might be fucked. She thought as she opened the door, which blessedly showed an empty staircase.

“Logan, we have to hurry,” Veronica whispered. “You heard my dad.”

Logan nodded and whispered back, “We should go quickly up the stairs then. Hopefully… they won’t know where we have gone.”

“These stairs are going to echo, metal and concrete does not make for a stealthy entrance,” Veronica nodded towards the stairs. “We will need to move quickly.”

The three of them looked at each other and began running up the stairs. The pounding of their footsteps made any aim towards silent movements laughable, but they kept going knowing that the sooner they made it to the twelfth floor, the sooner they could get out of LA altogether.

Reaching the twelfth floor the three of them paused to catch their breaths, sure that on the other side of this door they would find zombies. Dick was about to check the final plan when he heard the moans. No matter what you are told, zombies can indeed climb stairs and they were coming now from both directions.

Looking up, he knew that Logan and Veronica heard them too. Quickly throwing off her pack, Veronica began digging through it and having found the other blunt instruments she passed one to each of them. Dick offered her his other handgun, but she refused.

“Ready?” She asked, before opening the door. On the other side there nothing, silence and an empty hallway. She blinked, knowing that couldn’t be right, that the building couldn’t be empty.

Logan stepped out into the hallway, and that’s when she saw it. A hand. Reaching towards Logan. Grasping for him. She raised the crow bar and struck at it, continuing to hit it when the body turned towards her, continued hitting it until it fell to the ground unmoving. Dick had in the meantime pulled Logan back from the hallway, and both were currently staring at Veronica.

“Well if it isn’t Veronica the zombie killer.” Dick said, smile breaking out on his face. “You’re alright, Mars.”

“Thanks.” She looked at Logan, he was a bit shaken from his close encounter of the undead kind.

Preparing themselves for what lay beyond the door, the three of them managed to run down the hallway to the office at the end with little interruption. Who knew that using a crowbar would be so easy, it’s almost like it is part of my arm. Veronica was surprised at how adept she was getting at beating back the zombies, however she still was happy to see the end of the hallway appear before her.

“Dad?” Veronica called out as she opened the door, Logan and Dick sweeping the room before they all stepped inside.

“Veronica?” Keith sounded surprised, “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t have come.”

“I couldn’t just leave you here.” Veronica was running forward, leaning into her father’s embrace.

“We have to get out of here,” Keith said over Veronica’s head. “The army is coming.”

“What?” Dick and Logan said simultaneously.

“The army?” Veronica asked. “Why?”

“They have decided that there is no way to contain this, and their only option is an air strike. It’s happening everywhere, Pairs, London, Budapest.”

“They are just going to kill everyone?”

“It’s not like there are that many left, Veronica,” Keith said quietly. “How many people have you seen today?”

Logan reached into his bag and pulled out a gun. He handed it over to Keith and after seeing his raised eyebrows, began to speak. “After we saw what was happening in Neptune, I thought we might need some protection.”

“We raided my dad’s collection,” Dick grinned. “But don’t worry, V stayed to mainly the non-ballistic weapons.”

“Mainly?” Keith looked at Veronica.

“What? I have a crossbow,” Veronica said, continuing with a fake pout. “I haven’t even used it yet.”

“So the army? Air strikes? When?” Logan brought the group back on topic. “We should get out of here.”

Keith nodded and after the plan was explained to him, began catching on that things are no longer as they seemed. I never thought the day would come when I was getting strategy tips from a Casablancas.

The group moved back to the door and out into the hallway. It seemed that while this level was still rather unoccupied, they knew the same would not be said for the stairwell. Once they were standing at the door, they could see the mass of bodies inside, and Veronica remembered something she had seen on the plans.

“Hey guys, we should use the elevators.” Veronica started to say, but was cut off by Keith.

“Sweetie, the elevators aren’t working right now.”

“This is no time to patronize me, even if you are my patron.” Veronica said, knowing that he couldn’t stop himself from making every bad joke known to man. “I don’t mean use the elevator, we should use the shaft.”

Dick giggled a bit until he caught the glares coming at him from everyone else. “Sorry, but she said shaft.”

“Just when we think you are on a whole new level, you sink right back down.”

Veronica outlined her plan for them to pry open the elevator doors and then climb down the shaft, exiting onto the second floor and then being able to get a clear run to the staircase and out the service entrance again. During the discussion it has seemed like the elevator part would be the hardest, but that was before they got to the second floor. It was teeming with zombies. It had apparently been some kind of temp agency and considering that it was payday, the place had been packed.

Everyone grabbed their weapons and prepared for what could turn out to be the last fight of their lives. Using the crowbar to open the doors, Logan and Dick held them while Veronica used the cross bow to take out a couple of the zombies.

“Guess those archery lessons really did pay off.” Keith said smugly.

“I hated taking archery and I think you said it would make me a better person. Not a zombie killing machine,” Veronica whispered back, a small smirk on her face.

Four arrows later, they thought they might have the window needed to get out. Running down the hallway, they fended off the zombies, grabbed the door handle, and pulled it open, spilling into the empty stairwell. They could hear the sounds of the mass of zombies above them. Without a second thought, they ran down the stairs, out the service door and jumped into Dick’s truck.

Dick wasted no time in pulling out of the parking lot, and getting on the road out of town. “So where exactly are we headed?”

“Neptune?” Veronica questioned.

“As good a destination as any, I guess.” Logan replied. Keith was oddly quiet, like he couldn’t believe what he had just seen.

Dick got onto the return route to Neptune, pressed play on his CD player.

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

Veronica grinned over at Dick, “When did you make this?”

“Last night, I couldn’t sleep.” He smiled as he answered.

Looking out the window, Veronica felt a certain calm come over her. They were alive and they had gotten Keith out of LA. What else could go wrong? Everyone was – well they all were – safe. Veronica knew that they would all sleep well tonight, when they got back to Neptune.

Suddenly Keith turned the stereo to radio, and found a news broadcast.

If anyone hears this.. we are now positive that the contamination has spread beyond the limits that the army can deal with. Tactical strikes are no longer an option. If you are hearing this you have to get in touch with the nearest army base and get them to pick you up. They fear that the only way to outlive this disaster is to move to enclosed living areas. Camps are being set up as we speak, and until we know how this happened – no one is safe outside.

The message was apparently on repeat, because it just started up again from the beginning. Veronica felt her newly formed viewpoint shatter. The army wasn’t going to fix this, they couldn’t fix this. The world as they knew it wasn’t possible anymore.

“Well, I guess that answers the question of Stanford or Hearst for me.” Veronica heard her own voice and realized that she must have spoken aloud.

Dick started to ask where he should be driving to when they all heard a grating sound coming from under the hood of his truck, followed by smoke. Everyone looked around, they were actually in the middle of nowhere. Nothing could be seen for miles, except for a lonely water tower.

“What’s a water tower doing out here?” Logan asked. “It’s not exactly prime farming land.”

“I don’t know.” Keith kept looking out the window, “but it’s the only thing for miles.”

Veronica looked out the back window, apparently their exit from LA hadn’t been as unassuming as they might have hoped, and she could see people moving towards them from the horizon.

“We can’t stay here.” Dick gestured at the truck, “you saw those cars on the freeway, the people were torn out of them.”

“Where are we supposed to go Dick?” Logan couldn’t help but yell at Dick. Just as things were going their way… They had made it into a zombie infested building for fucks sake to die out in the desert? No fucking way.

He looked up at the water tower in the distance, and out the back window at the advancing hoard. Decision made, he started packing up his weapon and supplies. Opening the door, he grabbed his pack and began walking toward the water tower.

“Logan!” Veronica called after him, “What are you doing?”

“We can’t just stay here and die Veronica,” Logan called back to her. “If we stay in that truck, we will die. If we make it to the water tower, we could live. I’m going with live.”

Veronica looked at Logan, looked towards the water tower she could barely make out, at her dad, and finally back again at the zombies slowly advancing. Grabbing her bag, she got out of the truck to join Logan. “He’s right, Dad. We can’t stay here and die.”

Sensing that the entire group was going against him, Keith realized that it wasn’t really an option. It was one simple decision. Stay and die, or leave and possibly live.

“I’ll take possible life over certain death any day,” Dick said as he got out of the truck. “But I hate to leave my baby.”

Keith grabbed the remaining supplies and joined the others on the trek out to the tower.

Half and hour later

Just as they reached the tower, Keith finally connected with the local army base. The connection was weak, but they were able to understand that there are four healthy people being surrounded out in the desert. Four people that need help.

Climbing up the water tower is one of the least fun things any of them have done. Or at least it would have been, until they realized the absolute suckitude that is waiting up a water tower while your only escape is slowly blocked by things that want to eat you. Of course, the only thing that could possibly make that worse, is if your ride never comes. Since at the moment, the zombies are getting steadily closer – some are even trying to climb – and they are only getting shorter on ammunition, and the army is nowhere in sight. Although now that she thinks about it, that might be a chopper in the distance. The world might not end, and the zombies might not win.

One can only hope.

These Strangers Whose Faces I Know: Part 1

lex_83 — Sun, 04 Jun 2006 07:45:50 GMT

Title: These Strangers Whose Faces I Know
Author: Lex
Fandom(s): Veroncia Mars
Pairing/Characters: Veronica, Logan, Dick, Keith
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,500ish
Recipient: sadiekate, for apocalyptothon
Request: I like snark and banter. The story beyond that can be as dark or as light as it needs to be - I think snark works equally well in both scenarios.
A/N: Thanks to Mel (lostt1) for the beta and the banner. And to like everyone for the handholding, and to sarah_p for convincing me it wasn't utter crap, like she does with everything I write.

* * * * *

Veronica rolled over and groaned at the sound of her alarm clock. Surely being a normal teenager shouldn’t have to involve getting up at six in the morning to work a double-shift at Java the Hut. Throwing back the covers, she grabbed her towel before climbing into the shower. Thirty minutes later, she was just finishing getting dressed in her stylish uniform and pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

She looked into Keith’s room as she passed it, guess Dad is still up in LA working on that case. Veronica grabbed a muffin from the kitchen before locking up the apartment and getting into her car. As she drove to the Hut she was struck by the fact that the streets were empty, which was unusual, even for Neptune.

Veronica saw that she was the first one to arrive for the morning shift and unlocked the door. She began stocking the shelves and checking the inventory. Before she knew it, it was almost noon. Almost noon and no one has been in at all. No customers, no other staff…not even the guys from the firm down the street who swear they cannot exist without coffee.

Veronica was starting to feel as though something was extremely wrong. Pulling out her cell phone, she started trying to get through to everyone in her phonebook. Corny… no answer; the Sheriff – not going to bother; Why do I still have Felix in my phone? Weevil – is out of town; Wallace – in Chicago with his dad… I am running out of people to call. I wouldn’t call Dick if I was on fire…. almost giving up, Veronica pressed send on the one name left

Grinning slightly at the disgruntled groan on the other end, “How is it that out of everyone in the world, you are the only person who is answering their phone?”

“Funny, Veronica.” Logan mumbled before continuing, “Wait? You called everyone else before me?”

“Well, I tried to call you, but my phone just wouldn’t let me.” Veronica said with a grin, realizing that calling Logan might have been a mistake. “It’s just…well… I can’t reach anyone. I was getting worried.”

“So you called me? How sweet.” She could practically feel his smirk over the phone.

“Shut up Logan.” Veronica couldn’t help but grin, “Have you seen anyone else today?”

“Not at the moment, but if anyone else happens to walk in front of my couch, you’ll be the first to know.” With that, Logan started to hang up the phone. "Seriously, I'll call you."

Sighing, Veronica walked back towards the front of the Hut. Flipping the lock on the main doors, she turned on the TV and started looking for the local news.

* * * * *

After the call from Veronica, Logan knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. As he walked out of his bedroom, he noticed that Dick was passed out on his couch. Apparently Veronica didn’t try everyone before me. Course, she wouldn’t ask Dick for help if she was on fire… so no surprise here. Nonetheless, Logan checked Dick’s cell phone to see if he had a missed call.

Picking up the phone, Logan called room service and after twelve rings he decided that no one was answering. So much for twenty-four hour room service. Assuming that Duncan, ever the Boy Scout, probably had something edible in the kitchen, he went to investigate. Finding eggs, bacon and some coffee grounds, Logan started to make himself a meal.

It was only after the coffee finished brewing that Dick stirred on the couch. Stretching out on the couch, he called out to Logan. “Dude. Best thing about living in a hotel? Room Service.”

He rolled off the couch and stumbled into the kitchen with Logan. “You ordered without me? Dude, where’s my food?”

“No one answered the phone. I made this myself.” Logan held up the coffee pot, silently offering it to Dick.

“Sure man,” Dick started pouring sugar into the cup Logan gave him. “No one answered? What kind of second rate hotel is this?”

Logan picked up the remote control and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until he found the news.

“Hey was that ‘Girls Gone Bad’?” Dick asked excitedly, “you have to flip back.”

Logan ignored Dick and turned the volume on the television up, straining to hear what the announcer was saying.

... it appears as though people have begun to leave the city in a rush, the freeways have become completely blocked… reports from the streets have been varied and no one seems sure if it is riots or an angry mob that has begun patrolling the streets… we will be updating the public when more information becomes available…

Dick turned to Logan, “Dude, that traffic’s fucking harsh. Where was that?”

“Los Angeles.” Logan said, flipping through the channels again trying to get more information about what was happening in LA. The key words on the news channels seemed to be ‘mass exodus’ and ‘outbreaks of rabies.’

* * * * *

Veronica was starting to think that nothing was more boring than working a slow double shift on a Sunday, except for maybe working said double shift with the cable out for unknown reasons. Having counted every piece of stock, washed every table about a billion times, and having taken apart and systematically cleaned the espresso machines, she was pretty sure there was actually nothing left to do. The case of the missing customers continued to elude her, as did the reason why no one else had shown up for their shifts.

Veronica decided that if she didn’t have anything else to do, she could at least lock the door and catch up on some of the sleep she didn’t get last night. Walking towards the front doors she saw someone outside… except they didn’t seem to be paying attention to what they were doing. Veronica watched curiously as the man walked, or stumbled rather, down the middle of the street… hands raised and the fingers slowly reaching out towards something unseen.

Feeling the chills run down her spine and the hair stand up on the back of her neck, Veronica locked the door with a quick flick of her wrist. Eerily enough, the man seemed to hear that miniscule noise and turned towards the Hut. Veronica’s mouth gaped open as he turned and she was able to see his lifeless eyes and slack jaw.

Frozen in place, Veronica could do little more than watch as the man slowly but surely approached her. It was only when she could hear the low moan coming from his mouth that she snapped out of it and hit the button for the metal security shutters to descend.

I’m no expert, but I would have to say that... he… it… whatever that is... is not normal. Veronica’s mind was racing; there was no logical explanation for what she had seen. If she didn’t know better, she would have said he was a zombie. Except they weren’t real and this wasn’t a Hollywood blockbuster, and well... he... he was just confused and disoriented... or on drugs or something.

Veronica backed away from the door, already feeling silly for closing the security blinds. Hearing noise from behind her, she turned and saw that the cable had returned and that the news was playing.

… more updates on the mass exodus from Los Angeles and horrendous traffic hold-ups, after the break. But first, we have apparently had a string of rabies outbreaks in the last couple of days all throughout Southern California and Mexico... so be aware of your surroundings and try to avoid being bitten by any wild animals…

Veronica grabbed her phone, and started dialling her dad’s number. pick up, pick up… Veronica glanced at her watch while waiting for him to answer. According to his planned schedule he should be getting ready to leave LA any time now.

You’ve reached Keith Mars, I can’t come to the phone right now… so leave your name, number and a short message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

“Dad, it’s Me. I just saw on the news that it is practically impossible to get out of LA right now. You should probably just stay another night.”

It was at this point that she noticed the noise coming from the main entrance, it sounded like pounding.

* * * * *

Logan swore furiously, leaning forward and tried frantically to press the buttons in just the right combination to get out of the death grip Dick had him in.

“Yeah baby, rip his fucking head off!” Dick was grinning and calmly pressing the exact sequence he needed to actually rip Logan’s head off. “That’s right, who’s your daddy?”

Logan groaned, rolled his eyes and switched the console off. “Seriously. You spend way too much time on these games.”

“That’s what everyone who loses says,” Dick nodded, leaning forward to snag his drink from the coffee table.

Logan was about to respond when he noticed that there was an update on the news. Reaching forward he turned the volume up on the television.

… and we have just heard that reports of rabies cases have never been higher. People are being urged to get to the nearest hospital as soon as possible after a bite in order to be treated. We will now go to Jimmy with his traffic report…
… Thanks Karen… it seems that traffic is still at a standstill on all the major routes in and out of the city. The eye in the sky has shown us that this is not just happening in LA but also throughout the country in all major cities…

Dick and Logan both watched as they saw footage of the ‘rabies’ cases and of the traffic that had long stopped moving on the freeways.

“Now I’m no doctor,” Dick started, “but I am pretty sure that’s not rabies.”

Logan nodded silently, watching with awe as they saw how many people were waiting in the hospital ER with what was being termed animal bites. “There has to be like a hundred people waiting there.”

* * * * *

Veronica was getting used to the mind-numbing tedium of having nothing to do, she was getting used to the idea that no one else was going to show up for work, what she couldn’t get used to was the continous pounding coming from the front of the Hut.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Veronica yelled towards the front, “don’t you have anything better to do?”

She had hoped that the noise would stop when they realized that it wasn’t funny, but instead it had just grown in both frequency and volume. Some people really needed hobbies. Veronica thought as she rolled her neck and stretched, trying to alleviate the stiffness in her muscles.

She flipped through the channels again, trying to find something of interest to watch and apart from a Smallville rerun there was nothing on. Pressing the off button, Veronica stood up and decided to call it a day. It was beyond obvious that no one was coming in today.

Throwing her apron behind the counter, Veronica pressed the button to open the shutters so that she could leave, when she noticed them. If they hadn’t kept trying to get inside, pounding against the glass as though it wasn’t there she might not have thought anything of it. They were constantly pushing towards the glass, against each other, just pushing continuously. Oh my God. Veronica backed away quickly, lowering the shutters again, hoping that it would cut out that incessant inhuman moan.

This can’t be happening, I must be asleep or something. Oh shit, what do I do now? I am trapped inside Java the Hut. I really don’t want to die in here. Veronica’s mind started to run wild with images of what might happen before she realized how stupid this was. Zombies do not exist, Veronica.

Veronica reached down for her bag, searching inside for her cell phone. Flipping it open, she realized that there was no way she would be able to dial with her fingers shaking like they were. She sat down and forced herself to take some calming breaths, to focus on something other than the noises she could hear coming from the front.

Finally able to dial the phone, she held it to her ear, praying that he would answer. She would figure out what she was going to tell him when he did.

* * * * *

Logan was starting to realize the problems with letting Dick have his run of the suite. He couldn’t find anything and Dick seemed to have this habit of picking everything up and moving it. It was due to this fun pastime of Dick’s that Logan could hear but not find his cell phone.

“Damn it, Dick!” Logan yelled out, “Where did you leave it?”

Dick was currently looking through the unused second bedroom in the suite. Logan wasn’t sure when he had gone in there, as he had slept on the couch, but he was more interested in finding his phone than having a long drawn-out story from Dick.

Finally as he checked the couch cushions one more time, his hand managed to brush up against the phone… just as it stopped ringing. Looking down at the screen, he saw that he had missed a call from Veronica.

“Dude, did you see this?” Dick’s voice came from the direction of the bedroom.

Logan walked into the suite to see Dick holding a battered copy of The Zombie Survival Guide. “I didn’t know that was in here.”

“Duncan had a thing for Zombies!” Dick laughed, as he started flipping through the pages, “and we all thought he was boring.”

Logan knew what Dick would find in the book if he was allowed to keep looking through it, detailed schematics for not only his old house, but the suite in the Grand and Veronica’s apartment. “Hey, let me see that.”

Dick handed over the book to Logan, “What’s that noise?”

Logan paused; listening intently before running out of the room, reaching the living room he grabbed his phone and answered it. “Hello?”

“Logan.” Veronica’s voice was panicked to say the least. “What are you up to?”

“Right now?” Logan asked, the worry starting to creep into his voice.

“Uh yeah… I-I kind of need your help.” He could almost hear her fiddling with her shirt hem.

“Where are you? I’ll come right over.” Logan said, already grabbing his coat and getting ready to leave the suite.

“I’m at Java the Hut.” Veronica said, “be careful Logan. Something weird is going on.”

* * * * *

Veronica knew, logically, that it wouldn’t take Logan long to get here from the Grand and yet he seemed to be taking his sweet time getting here.

Pacing back and forth, Veronica tried to calm herself down, tried to block out the sounds of the people – things – outside. Flipping through the channels, Veronica saw nothing but reports of mass hysteria, rabies outbreaks, and insane traffic jams in most of the major cities. Apparently this was no longer just on the West Coast, but was slowly spreading across the country – hell the continent.

Having decided that doing anything was better than doing nothing, she started grabbing supplies. If things in the hut and on the news were any indication of life outside these doors – she wouldn’t be able to pick up a dinner at Mama Leone’s any time soon. Grabbing her messenger bag, she started piling water bottles into it, only to quickly realize that she would not be able to fit much in.

“Hello?” Veronica answered the chirping of her phone.

“Hey V? We can’t get through the front doors… there is a mob out here.” Logan said, “Any way we can come around the back?”

“Of course. I should have thought about that.” Veronica said, mentally kicking herself, “I’ll unlock the freight entrance, you can come in that way.”

Just as Logan was getting ready to hang up, he heard Veronica say something. “What? I missed that.”

“I asked if you had a bag in your car. So we can get some supplies.” Veronica repeated.

“Yeah, I think there is something,” Logan said. “Be there in a second.”

Veronica hung up the phone and went to unlock the freight entrance to the store. Watching through the window for Logan, she tried not to think about what was happening outside. The excitement she felt upon seeing him faded when she noticed Dick was behind him. Opening the door, she ushered the two of them inside before closing and locking it after them.

“When I called and asked for your help, I wasn’t expecting you to be bringing Blinky the Wonder Chimp with you,” Veronica said dryly.

“Hey!” Dick protested. “I’m here to help, or something, Dick is here for all of your needs.”

Logan glared at Dick, while Veronica resorted to punching him in the arm. “Where’s the bag?”

“Whoa, first things first. What the hell is going on here?” Logan said, crossing the room and taking a seat in one of the booths. “There is definitely something weird going on out there. Why do you have yourself locked in here? Who are those men outside?”

Veronica sat down, rested her head on her folded arms for a minute before looking up at Logan again. “I don’t know what is going on. I’ve been here all morning, no one has come in – none of the regulars, none of the staff, no one.”

At this point Dick came and sat down, too. “Hey Ronnie… what’s the chance of us getting some coffee?”

Veronica nodded and got up to make a fresh pot, hearing Dick call out after her, “and some cake, too?” She also brought cake back to the table with her.

“What else?” Logan asked, quietly. He had seen what was happening all over Neptune, but his curiousity had him wondering what would make Veroncia call him for help.

“Around noon I started wondering why no one had come in, before that I had been doing inventory, so I went to the doors to see if there was anyone around. He..." At this she motioned towards the front doors, "he was the only one there, and I admit he freaked me out… so I locked the door and that’s when he came towards them. I don’t know where the others came from.”

“Freaked you out?” Dick was starting to look around, like they might be in the room. “Freaked you out how?”

Veronica got up, and gestured for them to follow her. Leading them to the front doors, she pressed the button for the shutters to rise. Logan and Dick stared, unable to move, as the shutters rose to show the grotesque scene unfolding before them. A large group of people were slowly being pushed forward into each other, pounding on the glass and uttering that low moan. Both boys involuntarily stepped back and both were relieved when Veronica lowered the shutters once more.

“I didn’t know what to do. So I called you.” Veronica said simply, looking at Logan.

He reached forward and placed his hand on her arm. “We’ll figure something out. Where’s Keith?”

Veronica looked at Logan, feeling calmed by his presence. If there is one thing guys know, it’s Zombies. God this can’t be Zombies. “He’s in LA. Something about his book, a signing… a meeting with publishers.. something.”

“Alright. We’ll go to LA then,” Logan said, hoping this would ease Veronica’s nerves over Keith’s whereabouts.

“Dude. Road trip!” Dick started to grin, clapping his hands together with glee.

Veronica, while happy Logan was willing to help her, knew that any road trip with Dick was bound to have problems.

The three of them gathered as many supplies as they could, packing full the gym bag that Dick had apparently been carrying around in his truck. Since they couldn’t think of anything else to take, Veronica once more unlocked the freight door, checking cautiously to make sure no one was out there and they began to plan out their exit from the Hut.

Just as they opened the door, they heard the sound of breaking glass coming from the front. Quickly, they all ran to Dick’s truck, tossing their gear into the back and piling into the cab.

“We should run past my place if we can, I need to get out of this uniform.” Veronica said as Dick started the engine.

“You sure –“ Dick was cut off by Logan.

“Good plan, we should be there in a minute. You can come get your car later.” Logan said, knowing how Dick was planning to finish that sentence.

As they drove to Veronica’s apartment, they noticed that while the streets weren’t exactly teeming with people, there were more out than before. Unfortunately, they didn’t look like the type you wanted to invite home and more like the type you wished were anywhere you weren’t.

“What is wrong with these people?” Veronica asked, as they had to drive around yet another group of people blocking the street.

“Freaks. All of them. Probably have rabies like all those people in LA,” Dick said, grinning as he sped down the street narrowly missing some of the people.

Veronica was already unbuckling her seat belt when they pulled up to her apartment, she looked at Logan when he appeared to be getting ready to follow her.

“I think I can handle this on my own, Logan.” Veronica grinned, “I’ve been dressing myself for years.”

“Yeah, well… better safe than sorry. I’m coming with you.” Logan shook his head as she began to try and argue the point with him. “Dick. Stay here, keep the engine running.”

“What’s gotten into you man?” Dick asked. “You’re all Commando-y.”

Logan smirked, and saluted Dick as he and Veronica walked into the complex together. Veronica still wasn’t entirely sure why Logan felt he had to accompany her. She reached forward to unlock and open her door, and became suddenly aware that they were being watched. She was about to turn around to see who was watching her when she heard Logan’s voice next to her ear.

“Don’t turn around, just open the door.” His voice had a hint of urgency and despair to it.

I think I might actually be afraid to see what is behind Me. Veronica thought briefly, before she became very aware of the warmth of Logan’s breath on her neck. Quickly, she opened the door and stepped inside, trying to get some room between herself and Logan.

He closed the door and turned the lock. As he faced Veronica, she could practically see the change in him. Instead of being the Logan who was a slacker and wanted people to do things for him, he was someone who was about to take charge of the situation. She had never seen this Logan, or at least not for a long time, and Veronica felt the electric charge of excitement run through her.

“Okay, we have to go out your window. The courtyard is not somewhere we want to be.” Logan shuddered slightly when he thought of what he had seen in the courtyard. Seeing the crime scene tapes of Lilly was nothing compared to seeing the people in the courtyard eating somebody else.

Veronica went into her room to change from her uniform, threw some clothes in a bag and came back out to the living room.

Seeing Logan’s pointed glance at her bag she explained, “I think we should go to LA, find my dad. I’ll need some other clothes.”

Logan nodded and thought about the schematic he had memorized during his all-to-brief relationship with Veronica this past summer. If we go out her window we can sneak around the side of the building, hop the small divider fence, and be back in the parking lot. Hopefully without running into anyone.

“This way,” Logan went into her room and opened up her window. He peered out to make sure the coast was clear and motioned to Veronica to precede him out. Once she was through the window, he dropped down beside her and quietly closed the window.

Veronica opened her mouth to speak but Logan placed his finger on his lips before whispering, “We need to go around the side, hop over the fence, and meet Dick back at his truck.”

“Why are we whispering?”

“So we don’t attract attention to ourselves,” Logan said, looking as though that was the stupidest question he had ever heard.

“Attention? We just climbed out my window, Logan.” Veronica pointed to the window emphatically. “Discretion is not really an issue anymore.”

“Look. The people in the courtyard are not who they used to be.” Logan tried to think of a way to explain the situation that wouldn’t sound like ‘everyone has become zombies’.

“You mean… like the people at the Hut?” Veronica’s eyes slowly widened as she began to realize just what Logan might have been shielding her from. It must have been bad, Logan knows what I have seen… and he didn’t want me to see this.

She quickly went towards the dividing wall and with Logan’s help got over it. The two of them then ran towards Dick’s truck.

“Logan. Dude.” Dick was looking past them at the complex, “You’d better start running faster, they do not look friendly.”

Logan looked quickly over his shoulder, saw the group of people shambling towards them, and turned to Veronica. “We’ll just have to hop in the back of the truck, I don’t want to be anywhere near them.”

He let down the tailgate and Veronica hopped into the back. He then climbed in after her and knocked on the separation window to let Dick know they were in the back. Dick nodded and sped out of the lot and back onto the main streets of Neptune.

Once Veronica and Logan had managed to climb from the bed of the truck through the sliding window, Dick spoke, “Not that I don’t like driving randomly, but where are we going?”

“I have to get to LA,” Veronica said simply.

“Your dad still has his collection, right Dick?” Logan asked suddenly, motioning for Dick to pull over to the side of the road. The three of them clambered out of the cab, after making sure the coast was clear.

“This is not the time to be looking at porn guys,” Veronica said, disbelief coloring her voice.

“Like I would need my dad’s porn, Ronnie.” Dick grinned, “Logan wants to know about his arsenal.”

“No guns Logan. You know how I feel–“ Veronica started to say, before Logan cut in.

“I don’t want a gun Veronica, but there is definitely something wrong with everyone today and I am not letting us go all the way to LA without something to protect us.” Logan’s voice was like steel.

“Look, I’m not even sure going to LA is even a good idea,” Veronica looked down. “We’ve all seen the news, it won’t be easy to get there and I am sure my dad’s okay.”

Logan looked at Veronica, then at Dick, then back to Veronica. “I think we should decide what to do as a group.”

“We should…” Veronica began, just as Dick was saying, “Dude, we need…”

Logan held his hands up. “Hold on, one at a time.”

Dick nodded to Veronica that she should go first. “We should go back to the Grand. Everything we would need is there, in large supply.”

Dick grinned, “That’s exactly what I was going to say. Think about it, booze, food, booze, porn… it’s all there.”

Logan stepped between the two of them before Veronica could punch Dick. “First, we go get some protection. Then we’ll go back to the Grand.”

* * * * *

Veronica was glad to get out of the Casablancas house, especially after having to watch Logan and Dick discuss the merits of automatic weapons. Apparently when fighting off a hoard of the undead, one should really have an AK-47, because its metal stock is much more effect for beating in the skull; Especially if you compare it to the American made M16a, which was plastic. Veronica groaned just thinking about all the unnecessary information she now had crammed into her mind.

“Hey Dude. What’d you do with that crowbar?” Dick called out from the garage.

Veronica winced, remembering the long conversation about how everything would just be much easier if they had some trench spikes, which unfortunately aren’t very common since they haven’t been used since World War One. I will never doubt Logan’s knowledge of weapons ever again.

Walking towards Dick’s truck, she felt the newly developing bruise on her thigh and cursed at herself again for allowing Logan to teach her some basic martial arts moves. When did Logan become a one-man army?

* * * * *

Logan walked through the Casablancas home, taking the stairs up to Big Dick’s private study. Hoping he was recalling what Kendall had told him correctly, he pulled out the third book on the shelf. Hearing a click, he released the book and part of the shelf slid away, revealing a safe.

Logan entered the code he had found under the drawer in the desk, and opened it to see the really interesting items in Big Dick’s collection. Things he hadn’t exactly waited the required time to purchase, a crossbow, a lightweight Katana and what appeared to be several magazines of ammunition for an AK-47.

“Holy shit. What the hell was Big Dick up to?” Logan said aloud, the sound of his voice shocked him and remembering his mission, he grabbed the crossbow and katana before leaving the room.

Logan looked out the window onto the main driveway, chuckling slightly when he saw Veronica rubbing her leg. Well at least she knows I was serious when I said I knew kung fu, I wasn’t just quoting some actor. Hearing Dick calling him from the garage, Logan stepped away from the window and went downstairs.

* * * * *

Dick sat in the garage, looking around the room for something he could claim was a weapon. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was completely out of his league with anything even vaguely zombie related. Beaver had always been better at Resident Evil, whereas Dick had excelled at any game that included hot chicks stripping. Unfortunately as it didn’t seem likely that they were about to be challenged to a game of strip volleyball… Dick felt completely out of his element.

Getting up, Dick walked toward the tool box in the far corner, opening it and digging through the assorted screwdrivers he had an epiphany.

“Hey Dude. What’d you do with that crow bar?” He called out in what he thought might be Logan’s general direction.

* * * * *

Veronica looked up as she heard the two guys coming out of the house. Both seemed to be carrying an awful lot for the short journey back to the Grand. She watched them dump everything into the back of Dick's truck before clearing her throat.

"We seriously need all of that?"

"Sure." Logan said easily. "We need the crowbars in case we need to bash some heads, the small calibre guns so that we can shoot them from a distance, the machete... in case... we run into some jungle terrain."

"Are you holding a crossbow?" Veronica sounded incredulous as she took in what Logan was holding in his hands.

"It's for you," he was unable to stop the grin that was expanding across his face. "I know how much you hate guns, so I thought this might work better for you."

"And there's, like, no recoil." Dick was nodding along with Logan's description. "So you don't need to worry about the kick."

Veronica wanted to laugh, she wanted to say how insane it sounded that they were discussing the best way to kill people, no not people she corrected herself... zombies.

It wasn't until she felt Logan's hand on her shoulder that Veronica realized that she was doing exactly what she had been trying to avoid. She was becoming hysterical. "You guys do realize you are telling me the best way to kill Zombies. Capital Z, zombies. Romero's finest, Night of the Living Dead, you think we are surrounded by zombies!?"

Veronica sank to the ground, pulling Logan down with her. Merely clinging to his arm when he began to speak, "Look, I know it sounds crazy. But given what we have seen today? It's the only answer I have.”

Veronica nodded slowly, getting back up to her feet, she smiled at Logan, “Who would have thought you would be the one comforting me?”

“Hate to break up the love fest, but I think we might have company.” Dick pointed towards the end of his driveway. Turning, they could all see the slow, shambling gait, of the things moving up Dick’s driveway to the house.

Veronica, Dick and Logan all looked at each other and began frantically throwing supplies into the back of Dick’s truck, piling into the cab and preparing to force their way down the driveway. As they sped past what used to be the gates at the end of the driveway, Veronica realized that even if these people used to be human, they weren’t anymore.

As they drove through Neptune, they began to see signs of unrest. Packs of zombies were beginning to roam the streets and Veronica was slightly worried about what they would do when night fell. The idea of staying out on the streets was not a fun one.

Having arrived back at the Grand, Dick parked his truck in the main area figuring that the underground parking garage was probably the worst place to park – he’d learnt something from Dawn of the Dead. The three of them walked into the lobby and instead of the desertion they were expecting, it appeared as though it was business as usual at the Grand.

Crossing the lobby, hoping that their more unusual items were hidden, they pressed the up button on the elevator, walking in and relaxing when they were no longer the focus point for about ten employees. For once in her life, Veronica was grateful that Logan still lived in the Presidential Suite because it meant that there wouldn’t be anyone else up there.

Dick stomach started to growl once they entered the suite and it was only then that they became aware of it being seven o’clock. Logan tried to reach room service, but no one answered. Fear pooling deep in his belly, he called the Front Desk.

“This is Mr. Echolls in the Presidential Suite. I was just trying to order room service and wondered why there was no answer.”

“Ah, well…” Logan could hear muffled sounds coming from the receiver, “Sir, you are not allowed…” and then silence, just the clattering of the handset, however the silence was short-lived and soon all he could hear were screams.

Hanging up the phone, Logan turned to the others. “The lobby might not be safe anymore.”

“What happened?” Veronica asked, taking a seat on the couch.

“Yeah, where’s the food?” Dick came walking out of the kitchen, eating cereal from the box.

“I think that zombies might be in the lobby. I was asking about the room service when the phone was dropped and people started screaming.” Logan started looking around the room, for something – anything – that could be used to barricade the door.

“We can’t stay here then.” Veronica said, “We have to get to somewhere safe.”

“We can’t leave here.” Dick said urgently, “the elevator would make us canned food.”

Logan thought about it, wondering when he had become the zombie expert, and finally made a decision. “We should stay here tonight, tomorrow we can decide what we want to do. Let’s barricade the door.”

Veronica grabbed her messenger bag, still filled with food she had grabbed from the Hut. “It’s not much, but it should get us through the night.”

Part Two</div>

The Friends Cull of 2006

lex_83 — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:18:51 GMT

Friends... and the cutting thereof.

Ok.. I went through my Flist and saw many many names of people I couldn't have said anything about.. at all. If not for the majority of people on my FList being women, I wouldn't have even been able to hazard a guess about the sex of the people I cut.

I know some people do the whole.. tell me if you want to stay thing. I decided to say fuck that.. and cut people. If you feel you have a valid reason for being relisted, let me know. Also? If you never post anything.. why are you even on LJ?

And just as a reasoning to why I did this now. I had someone who I only frieded because in a moment of weakness I friended everyone that had friended me.. defriend me for whatever reason. This made me think.. why the fuck do I have people friended if I don't actually like reading what they have to say?

So yes, the cull has happened.

Later bitches.

Friends Only - Comment to be added.

lex_83 — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 01:20:03 GMT

So as you can see, my journal is now Friends Only. If you are interested in being added to my Friends List, just leave me a comment:
Why You want to be on my flist,
How You wound up here and if you feel overly informative..
Something cool - I'm talking quotes, jokes whatever floats your boat.

The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode Three: "You Boys like Mexico?"

lex_83 — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 21:21:50 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 3
Author: Lex
Pairing/Character: Those of the Veronica Mars, including random extras.
Word Count: 440
Rating: PG-13 - I swear, so they swear.
Summary: Umm.. FR came out of a conversation with forcedmovement in which we were snarky, and hilarious. Thus began the adventures of Fake Rob. Here is Episode Three – which I don’t know if anyone was waiting for.
Spoilers/Warnings: Season One.. and well.. my twisted mind.
AN: I own Nothing, well except for some of the lines.. but all named characters are owned by those they represent. Ok – So this is the last Fake Rob, I wrote this a loooong time ago and I don’t think I am going to be writing anymore. It just doesn’t seem right anymore.
Please comment... I like praise but I would also settle for ridicule. *grins*

…Friday night I crashed your party / Saturday night I said I’m sorry / Sunday came and trashed me out again / I was only having fun / wasn’t hurting anyone / And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change…

‘Alright everyone lets get it together for the party scene.’
At this the crew looks more composed and the actors begin to come back to their marks.

‘Now everyone remember – you have all been drinking, so coordination is not 100%’

‘Wait, wait… we were just supposed to pretend to drink? Fuuck. Why didn’t anyone tell me?’ An anguished wail can be heard coming from within the group of actors.

Jason rolls his eyes and exchanges a look with Francis and Brad who says, ‘That kid is soo lightweight you mention booze around him and he’s drunk.’

‘Hey he said his tolerance has gotten a lot higher in these last weeks’ Francis replies with a grin

‘Yeah.. I bet he can drink a whole two beers now without puking.’ Jason smirks. Francis and Brad laugh and the three boys move out of our viewpoint.

****

‘Ok wait. Who signed me up to sit in this broke-ass car? Its missing doors and if I am not mistaken it has no engine. Like come on it wont go anywhere – in fact its going nowhere’ He makes a sweeping gesture as he says ‘nowhere’.

‘Yeah we all know ‘Boondock Saints’ is the best move ever! Can you please stop quoting it all the time?’ Kristen says to Aaron with evident sarcasm.

We finally get the actors in line for the next scene. Teddy and Aaron are sitting in the Benz apparently watching something outside the window. Teddy is sitting with his arm up on the window, hand resting against his temple – deep in thought.

‘What do you saw dawg? You ready to get this party started?’ You ready to burn this mother down? Up, jump… the boogie?’ Aaron asks while making demented hand signals, and Duncan laughs saying,

‘My plan… and I haven’t figured this out entirely yet, so bear with me, was to,’ Teddy says while gesturing with his hands, ’raise the roof.’

‘See that is soo you man. Mr. Old-School.’ Aaron grins,

‘Me? Old school? You’re the one who wanted to come down and get jiggy wit it’ Teddy replies laughingly.

‘Yeah.’ Aaron replies, and both boys become engrossed in what they are looking at again.

‘So, uh, wanna go out and meet the locals or what?’ Teddy questions,

‘As long as they’re humble, god-fearing, salt-of-the-earth types…’ Aaron responds with mock-seriousness.

‘Every last one.’
The two boys grin to each other before hopping out of the car to join the party.

So there you go, the last of the Fake Rob. As usual the others are listed in my memories. Enjoy and Goodnight.

The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 2: Fear and Loathing in Neptune

lex_83 — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 08:07:38 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 2: Fear and Loathing in Neptune
Author: Lex
Pairing/Character: Those of the Marsverse – including someone who was renamed Harvey - but is anonymous in this fic.
Word Count: 2046
Rating: PG-13 - I swear, so they swear.
Summary: Umm.. FR came out of a conversation with forcedmovement in which we were snarky, and hilarious. Thus began the adventures of Fake Rob. So yeah, here is the long awaited Episode Two.
Spoilers/Warnings: Pilot.. and well.. my twisted mind.

AN: I own Nothing, well except for some of the lines.. but all named characters are owned by those they represent. So this time I want to thank Midget (keeblinds).. dude you helped me out immensely. Secondly I would like to thank Shayla (forcedmovement) , who is always “helpful” and makes these easier for me to write. Please comment... I like praise but I would also settle for ridicule. *grins*

“don’t give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself”

We are on the Veronica Mars set, at Oceanside High – home of the Neptune Pirates. The scene is set up for the lunch scene, where Veronica is caught watching Duncan from her table – by of all people Logan.

We can see the boredom on the actors faces and we can see by the clacker that they have already done twenty-two takes of this scene. One of the actors seems to have a wicked glint in his eye, the others are trying to stay awake. We wonder how long it has taken them to do twenty-two takes.

There is also a group of men standing together behind a bank of cameras, they appear to be arguing about something.

‘See the shot is just missing something…’ one man states, to the groans of the entire crew, as they watch the twenty-second replay.

‘But Rob, we can’t have them do this scene forever. It’s already been twenty-two takes, can’t you narrow down what’s missing?’ one man asks the director, Rob.

‘Nah, I’ll only know what it is when I see it and so far I haven’t.’

‘Well lets run it again then’ the other man states without enthusiasm as he motions for the crew to get the cast ready.

The actors are brought back to their marks and set up for the next take. No one looks at all happy about this, with the exception of one guy who looks almost like he has been waiting for a chance to do something stupid.

‘Seriously. What do you expect to happen this time? You haven’t told us anything new, we haven’t changed a damn thing between takes.’ Teddy said with frustration.

‘Really is there something – anything – we should be doing that we aren’t?’ Kristen asked hopefully.

‘Nope, it just needs something. So we will keep going until we find it.’ Rob said, looking from one actor to the others ending with a pointed look at Jason.

‘Needs something… lamest excuse ever. I’ll fucking give it something – you want this scene livened up, you got it’ Jason thought to himself.

The scene begins again and we can tell they have done this before. However once the cameras are rolling the actors stopped looking bored and are once more immersed in their characters.

‘ Consummate professionals they are,’ Rob thought, ‘getting them to go through the motions yet again, and barely any complaints.’

Veronica is staring at Duncan. Logan is standing with his foot on the bench holding onto the table’s umbrella. He notices Veronica staring at Duncan and starts to ‘perform’ for her.

‘Maybe this is what Rob wants, someone to liven things up.’ Jason thinks as he stands there, waiting for the next move. It is at this time that we hear the Veronica Mars Voice-over make its appearance on the scene, Kristen is lip-synching along to it.

And lets not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes twenty million a picture. You probably own his action figure.

‘Time to make my move, I guess... the camera is on me and no one will see it coming.’ Jason thinks and it is at this point that he decides to jump onto Teddy’s lap and start grinding while rubbing his own chest provocatively. Teddy shoves him off, struggling to keep his anger in check. Veronica’s voice-over comes on again, and this time Kristen is laughing too hard to even try to lip-synch along to it.

Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He’s ours.

Laughing Jason sits down next to Teddy on the bench, claps and points mockingly at Kristen.

‘CUT!’ yells Rob, ‘Beautiful take, I think we finally got it’ and as the crew starts to cheer, we swivel from the crew and are focused on the actors again.

‘What the hell man? Couldn’t you like warn a guy before hopping onto his lap and starting to fucking grind him?’ Teddy asks with his surprise and anger evident, ‘I was barely able to control myself…’

‘Yeah… I know… you want me Teddy’ Jason interrupts sarcastically and receives a glare from Teddy in response, ‘ hey at least we finally got the take he wanted.’

‘Oh my God, way to take it to the next level Jason. Jesus.’ Kristen has finally regained control, and now that she can talk without gasping for air she realizes that her reactions were all off, ‘Shit, what about my reaction shots?’ she looks at Rob with desperation, ‘ we don’t have to do it all over again… do we?’

‘Nope. I think we should be able to piece it together from the other takes,’ Rob said, soothing everyone’s frazzled nerves at the idea of staying later still.

Jason is grinning like a maniac at the corner of the set, ‘So we got the shot we needed hey Rob?’

‘Yeah Jason, way to get into character. See you all tomorrow, we have another long day of shooting.’

“I said no, this isn't your song / We can't all get along / It's too hard to hold hands when your hands are fists”

‘So what’s my motivation? That’s what actors are supposed to ask at times like these right?’

‘You want to know your motivation? You want me to tell you your motivation?’

‘Yeah. My motivation, tell me my motivation on this. You know, so I can really get into the scene.’

‘Ok. How’s this? Your pintsized blonde nemesis has planted a bong in your locker, which gets you suspended, which leads to your father taking your car away. Good enough?’

‘Sound good. But why tire iron her car?’

‘Umm... because you are a drama queen who just has to get the better of her in some way? And well because you think that it makes you look hot.’

‘It does… doesn’t it? The girls will all like swoon.’

With this Jason rolls his eyes and grins at Kristen, who is likewise grinning back at him. ‘Let’s go do this then.’

The two actors walk out onto their marks, Kristen goes to the beach to meet up with Percy while Jason hops up onto the hood of the Le Baron and assumes his Logan pose of casual intensity. The rest of the anonymous 09ers station themselves around the car, trying to look tough but pretty.

‘So how do I make it loop the loop?’ Kristen asked Percy, concentrating intensely on the model plane.

‘Uh, Veronica?’ Percy asks distractedly.

‘Yeah?’ Kristen replies, still concentrating on the model plane.

‘Your car…’ Percy replies, pointing towards her car.

Kristen glances over and then hands the controls to Percy, heading out over the sand to her car. Jason is lying on the hood with a tire iron clutched in his hands. Kristen stops in front of her car, and we can see Percy coming up behind her.

‘Hey Veronica Mars,’ Jason says with mock sincerity as he hops off her car ‘do you know what your little joke cost me?’

‘Well I’m pretty sure you won’t be getting your bong back.’ Kristen says a cute tilt of her head.

Jason swings the tire iron and smashes her headlight. Kristen flinches at the impact, Jason grins cockily at her and twirls the tire iron around his hand.

‘Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?’ Jason asks with the sarcasm evident.

‘Clearly your sense of humour.’ Kristen replies.

Jason brings the tire iron down on the other headlight, with some glee evident as he sees her flinch again.

‘Nope. You’re usually soo good at pop quizzes.’ Jason smirks ‘No. The correct answer is my car. That’s right. My daddy took my T-bird away.’ Jason is right in front of Kristen now and he shuffles his feet, kicking at an imaginary rock while placing the tire iron behind his head. ‘And you know what I won’t be having? Fun, fun, fun.’

Jason acts that he had been so engrossed in his planned harassment of Kristen that he didn’t notice the PCH Bike Club ride up behind them.

‘Uhh… Logan.’ An anonymous 09er says as Francis and the other PCH bikers pull up behind. Jason turns and sees the bikers for the first time, with Francis walking towards him.

‘What do we have here? Vandalism? No, no, no. Only vandalism that happens in this town goes through me.’ Francis says definitively, gesturing to himself with authority as he looks at Jason.

‘Listen man. I don’t have a problem with you.’ Jason says seriously, trying to delay any confrontation with the PCH Bike Club.

‘That’s where you’re wrong.’ Francis responds firmly and he leans in to take the tire iron from Jason, tossing it from one hand to the other.

‘Hey yo, is this O-Town any good?’ Brad asks, looking towards the crowd gathered around the Le Baron, ‘I mean my little sister likes it, but you know, she like ponies and juice boxes too.’ Brad laughs and the other bikers join in with him. We can see Jason looking at the bikers, as if he is trying to gauge the 09ers chances versus them.

‘I suddenly feel like I’m in a scene from The Outsiders.’ Percy stage whispers to Kristen.

‘Be cool Soda Pop.’ Kristen says with a slight gesture towards what is happening in front of them.

Francis, with the tire iron, walks towards the SUV with a gleam in his eye – obviously he is intending some damage.

‘Hey that’s not his car. That’s my Mom’s car.’ Says an 09er nervously, because really who is he to talk to the leader of the PCH.

‘She can bill me.’ Francis responds as he walks over to the car and hits the hood hard with the tire iron. He takes out one of the headlights also, before hitting the hood a couple times more. Everyone watches him intently.

‘That’s it,’ Francis hands back the tire iron to the SUV owner, ‘head for the hills. I’m not going to say it twice.’

The anonymous 09ers hop back into the SUV and wait for the confrontation between Jason and Francis to be over. Jason begins walking to the SUV, but he stops at Francis’ words,

‘Except for you. You. Say you’re sorry.’ Francis points to Jason before gesturing towards Kristen.

‘Rub a Lamp.’ Jason chuckles and then smirks at Francis who quickly punches him in the stomach, Jason folds in half and then drops down to the ground while Kristen looks on uncomfortably.

‘I said, say you’re sorry.’ Francis says in a threatening tone, trying to get Jason to give up.

Jason looks directly at him and deliberately says, ‘Kiss My Ass.’

Francis responds by throwing a punch at Jason’s face, Jason goes down and comes back up with blood on his face. One thing, and one thing only, is showing on his face – he will not back down to anyone, and especially not to Francis over Kristen.

‘Now…’ Francis begins again, only to be interrupted by Kristen who has been looking sick during this whole thing.

‘Let him go.’ Kristen says firmly, both Jason and Francis look surprised.

‘Are you sure? I could do this for a while.” Francis looks disappointed that his attack on Jason has been ended so quickly, and with so little pain for Jason.

‘I don’t want his apology.’ Kristen says with finality.

Jason wipes the blood from his nose, groans and heads for the SUV.

‘Cut. Excellent work everyone. Those punches didn’t look pulled at all and Kristen excellent reactions to what was happening in front of you. Percy we could have used more emotion, but hey you don’t like either of those guys.’ Rob yells over to the actors, obviously happy with their work.

‘Don’t look like they were pulled because they weren’t. Francis, what the hell? You could have broken his nose.’ Kristen asks with impatience.

‘It’s ok, we practiced it. Pulled punches always look… well pulled, so we decided to try for this in a single take and well… it worked so you know… no harm no foul.’ Jason explains to Kristen, but he looks over to Francis and says, ‘next time, I get to beat on you though paco.’

Both guys laugh and then walk off to their dressing rooms to change, leaving a bewildered Kristen behind them.

AN #2: I highly DO NOT recommend starting a multi-part fic where you use the actors REAL names. It's a pain in the ass, but I am in love with my Fake Rob (or Orb) and yeah.. I will be continuing.. it was just unsolicited advice for you all. *grins*

The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1, Part 4: Meet the PCH Bike Gang

lex_83 — Fri, 24 Jun 2005 04:24:23 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1, Part 4: Meet the PCH Bike Gang.
Author: Lex
Pairing/Character: Umm.. no characters, but it features a couple guys named Brad and Francis and another guy named Rob and it has a guest appearance by a guy who may play someone named Hector.... and many unnamed people.
Word Count: 1712
Rating: PG-13 - I swear, so they swear - possibly.
Summary: Umm.. this came out of a conversation with forcedmovement where we ended up talking about how things must look in the Writers Meetings for VM... we were snarky, and hilarious. Thus began the adventures of Fake Rob. So yeah, here is Episode One, Part Four.
Spoilers/Warnings: Umm.. no spoilers or warnings. Since 'technically' none of this happened.
AN: I own Nothing, well except for some of the lines.. but all named characters are owned by those they represent. Please do not sue me, I have no money.Oh and I wrote this for the amusement of many, but mainly for myself and for Shayla. Apparently more people loved them.. and please comment... I like praise. *grins*

As with the last time, we open on a waiting room. This one is decorated much like any waiting room – uncomfortable chairs and all. This time however, there is no coffee table, no snacks, just an ancient water cooler and a coffee maker that doesn’t look like it has been cleaned this century.

What kind of badass biker is named Weevil anyway? He walks into the room full of posturing white boys, some semi-dangerous looking black guys and a group of sketchy looking Latinos. Looking at this group he decides that he isn’t going to get this gig on name alone, and it sure isn’t his pretty face that will get him the gig – so it will have to be attitude. So what’s the easiest way to show attitude? Stance, clothing, tattoos, facial expressions… all do able. With that thought, he walks back out of the room and down the hall to a bathroom he saw earlier. For the first time in forever, he was happy he still seemed to carry about most of his belongings in his car, it meant he would be able to dress for the occasion – or at least for the character. So off came the dress clothes he had carefully ironed this morning, and on went some jeans, a tank top and a loose button up shirt – not neatly pressed – as an after thought he also threw on his silver cross and some beat up boots. Looking at himself in the mirror he thought ‘not bad, could probably be better but hey, it’s a start’ We can now see that he has some tattoos on his arms, and is better built than one would imagine from his previous attire – although short, he looks like he could pack a serious punch. Dumping his stuff back in his car, he returns to the waiting room.

He stalks inside, chooses a chair, and proceeds to drape himself across it like he has not a care in the world, like his career doesn’t hinge on this part – the perfect picture of careless intensity. Once again he surveys the room, he notices that this time the others seem to be watching him. A couple of them start whispering amongst themselves, he strains and can barely hear them.

‘Where’d that guy come from? He looks like a biker, not an actor’

          ‘Yeah right.. or a very well informed actor. Look around, we are all the type who play three
           main roles, 1) Drug Dealer, 2) Petty Criminal – usually in orange, or 3) Gang Leader. And
           right now.. only he looks like he can really pull off the role.’

‘Shit man, you’re right. Oh well, got to try our best anyways.’

It’s at this point that a tall guy, wearing a leather coat, baggy jeans and beat up boots walks – no rolls – into the room. If it didn’t sound so girly, you might say he was gliding. At this point, you actually see some of the actors leaving the room – they have seen their competition and they know they are lacking. The tall guy looks briefly around the room, and then he goes to the other guy who is sitting in the chair. They seem to be greeting each other, it’s almost as if they know each other and you get the feeling they have just come to an understanding. The two guys stand up, briefly embrace, then the shorter one makes a gesture and the other wanders out into the hall with his cell phone out.

‘What do you think they are doing? Do they know each other? Shit this just feels baad.’

‘We sooo have nothing to worry about, we are all actors… no one is connected to the Mob or
anything. Just relax, go in for your test and wait.’

‘Relax he says.. shit can you hear that? It’s sounds like motorcycles.’

Outside of the building, we can see the taller guy now talking to a large group of people that have assembled outside on their motorcycles. He takes out his phone again and makes a call before going inside.

Back in the waiting room, we see the taller guy go back over to the short leather clad one and they proceed to wait.

Soon actors are being called into the rooms, and leaving just as quickly. No one talks much as we see the somewhat constant procession of disillusioned actors.

“Francis Capra?” a young woman announces to the room, we see the shorter guy stand up. He gestures to the tall one to follow him into the room.

‘I could have sworn we only called one actor into the room,’ a man’s voice says.

The room is dimly lit, and you aren’t entirely sure how many people are in the room. However, you do see a couple of chairs and you stalk towards one of them, you motion for the other guy to stay close but against the wall. You try to get your bearings, but its hard as you keep hearing voices coming at you from different locations, and you find you don’t know who to focus on.

‘That’s true, you only called me in but Brad and I thought of something that might appeal to you more. Isn’t that right Brad?’ You are speaking to the man sitting directly before you, and you incline your head towards Brad at the end.

‘Sure was ramera. We thought… why cast one character when you can cast two – or a whole group.’ You weren’t sure how he was going to take this, but you do know that the lights were turned on and they were definitely paying attention to you now.

‘So you think you might have a better idea on how to cast this show that we do?’ the man asked, gesturing behind him at the others. There was also a short blonde woman, and two men. They were shuffling through headshots looking for the one matching the other guy in the room.

‘Brad?’ the woman asked, as she found the right headshot.

‘That’d be me.’ You said, leaning against the wall, trying to appear nonchalant. If Francis’ plan backfires you are both screwed and you’ll have to go back to your current job.

We see Brad leaning against a wall of an open stadium, wearing what appears to be chain mail. He does not look amused, as he hefts up his helmet and grabs his sword from the bench beside him.

Glancing over at the kid by his side he says, ‘Do I look like a fucking knight? I don’t think so. So why do they think I know how to joust?’

The kid doesn’t bother answering, he just runs off to get your horse. ‘I am going to kill my agent for getting me the only gig in LA that requires me to ride a horse, while dressed in full chain and plate mail not to mention wielding a big fucking sword.’

‘So you two are here to audition for Weevil and Felix, right?’ One of the men asks.

‘That’s right. I would be playing Weevil and my leaning friend here would be Felix.’

‘What makes you think you have the cajones for it? You haven’t exactly played the bad-ass in the past and while you came here all dressed up tough – I don’t know if I am buying it vato.’ The first man asks. We can see now that he is definitely in charge of this meeting.

You begin to think that Francis has no idea what he is talking about and you need this role. So you push yourself off, and stroll forward using your height to your advantage. ‘Never underestimate the size of my cajones.’

The second man now refuses to meet your eyes and quickly scrawls something on the back of your headshot. Ability to strike fear into those smaller than him – check, unneeded but check. ‘Rob?’ he asks somewhat shakily of the other man.

‘You know the role you are auditioning for is more one of comic relief than one of actual threatening right?’ Rob looks at you like he is telling you a great secret; you lean in and whisper to him,

‘Yeah, but, the way I see it, you can’t be second-in-command to a motorcycle gang and be relying on your humour to control the situations you might find yourself in.’ With that you push yourself off the table and walk back to the wall, where you strike up your nonchalant pose once more. Well now even if Francis can’t convince them he’s a badass, I’ve scared the shit outta the other guy.

‘And what about you Francis, you think have what it takes to command your own motorcycle gang?’ Rob looks at you expectantly, after all he had been pleasantly surprised by Brad maybe this short guy had something hidden up his sleeve too.

‘I know I have what it takes.’ You say with complete certainty, Brad just kind of nods behind you in agreement.

‘Really? Now why would you say that?’ Rob asks,

You reach back for the phone Brad is offering you, and you dial a number. ‘Yeah it’s me, it’s time to do that thing we talked about, yeah don’t go too long… just enough you know?’

As soon as he hangs up the phone you begin to hear a rumbling coming from outside the building. You get up and try to calmly walk towards the window; outside in the street below you are about thirty guys on motorcycles.

‘Meet the PCH Bike Gang’ a voice says in your ear, without you noticing Francis had walked up behind you. Brad is still leaning against the wall; he pulls out a phone and the rumbling stops.

Rob turns around, puts out his hand and says, ‘Hey Weevil Navarro, nice seeing you again.’ Looking across the room he adds, ‘I believe you already know Felix Toombs.’

The three of you nod, and you and Brad walk out of the room, through the waiting room and out into the street. One of the guys takes his helmet off, ‘So how’d it go?’

‘Hey Hector, say hello to Weevil, the leader of the PCH Bike Gang and his second-in-command Felix.’ Brad says with an expansive gesture. ‘Now who feels like celebrating?’

The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1, Part 3: The Search for Kane.

lex_83 — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 21:53:41 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1, Part 3: The Search for Kane.
Author: Lex
Pairing/Character: Umm.. no characters, but it features a guy named Teddy and another guy named Rob and some others named Kyle and Lisa... and many unnamed people, only one of who counts.
Word Count: 1309
Rating: PG-13 - I swear, so they swear - possibly.
Summary: Umm.. this came out of a conversation with forcedmovement where we ended up talking about how things must look in the Writers Meetings for VM... we were snarky, and hilarious. Thus began the adventures of Fake Rob. So yeah, here is Episode One, Part Two.
Spoilers/Warnings: Umm.. no spoilers or warnings. Since 'technically' none of this happened.
AN: I own Nothing, well except for some of the lines.. but all named characters are owned by those they represent. Please do not sue me, I have no money.Oh and I wrote this for the amusement of many, but mainly for myself and for Shayla. Apparently more people loved them.. and please comment... I like praise. *grins*

This one is different; he can see that already by the waiting room. It has plush chairs, a buffet spread and real art on the walls instead of the usual doctor’s waiting room atmosphere complete with uncomfortable chairs and reproductions of ‘Inspirational’ posters, complete with cheap frames. This is not somewhere you would expect to go for a screen test. It is about the time that the servers come out – what the fuck… servers for a room of actors? – that he begins to think they are trying to make a point will all this opulence, because it is just that – over the top – and he thinks it has to be on purpose. Looking around he can see some of the actors are looking nervous, others are trying to get as much of the food as they can – food is food and not everyone has a steady paycheck coming in. He wanders over to sample the food and grab some water – and of course to check out his competition.

‘I heard this show is about a girl who solves crimes using her psychic powers’

‘No. It’s a futuristic Buffy.’

‘No, you’re both wrong, it’s about a girl who thinks she solves crimes but really she’s a mental patient in a psychiatric ward.’

Even though he knows nothing more about this show than them, he is positive that none of them are correct. I heard this show is come kind of detective show or a high school show,’ he thought, ‘either way I am less likely to sound crazy than these other guys.’ He wandered back to his seat, listening as he went, and waited until they started to get people in for the tests.

One guy came out, looking very embarrassed and almost like he had just thrown up. A couple others went over to him and asked him what was wrong.

‘They ask disgusting questions, things I don’t even want to think about and now I have these images in my head. No one should be asked to describe what someone looks like with their head bashed in….’ he trails off as he runs to the bathroom.

It soon becomes obvious he is not returning and everyone settles down to wait again. Time passes without incident for a while, then we hear yelling coming from the interview room and another one of the actors rushes out, almost crying. No one can get to him to ask him any questions, so everyone just waits for their turn.

Once his name was called, he got up and wandered into the room. The room was just as overdone as the lobby had been, white leather, chrome and glass, pretentious art – the works. There were four people in the room, three men and one woman. Everyone was at least like forty years old, and two men dominated the conversation, while the last man and the woman just seemed content to watch it all unfold.

‘Hey Teddy, name’s Rob. Do you mind sharing with us what you have heard about the show?’

‘Sure, I was told it was a detective show that took place during high school. But some of the others out there have some crazy ideas about it.’ He said, looking around as he wondered if he would be introduced to the others.

‘Oh really?’ the second man asked,

‘Yeah, some out there think she’s a psychic detective, other that she’s crazy and imagining it all, and some others think she’s a Vampire Slayer – like a futuristic Buffy. Some of them probably think all three.’ He says, smiling.

‘But not you. You think they are all crazy out there with their theories?’ Rob asked, sarcastically.

‘I thought it seemed unlikely that you would go with something that had already been done. Kind of kills the newness of a show if it is predictable.’

‘Very true,’ Rob says, looking pleased with your answer.

‘Basically the show is a detective show, the main character is a high school student who works with her Private Investigator father on his cases. Her main driving motivation is to solve the murder of her best friend – your character’s sister. She has been ostracized at school, and rumours abound around her but she is a good person and she honestly wants to help. Your character used to date her, but you dumped her without any good reason and now you spend all your time hopped up on drugs that are given to you by Mommy Dearest,’ the second man chimes in, with heavy sarcasm.

‘You’re character changes throughout the show, but that’s your starting off point.’ Rob continues, pointing to the other people in the room, ‘these two are Kyle and Lisa; they are going to be playing the Kanes.’

‘So you have me here to audition for the role of Duncan, and these two would be playing my parents?’ He asked carefully,

‘Unless you have some objection to that? The role is pretty straightforward, semi-comatose for much of it, and then off-meds you gain more character. Can you handle the role?’ Rob asks seriously.

‘So I get to play overly medicated, and then blow people away with emotion? I can do that, it’ll help widen my range if nothing else.’ He says, quite seriously.

‘I have just one last question for you, and I will warn you it’s a bit out of left field.’ Rob says, with the added disclaimer, ‘don’t say I didn’t warn you, the question is more than some people are willing to answer.’

‘All right, ask away. If it’s something I really don’t want to answer I won’t.’ Teddy says, also disclaimering himself.

‘What is the most interesting sexual situation you, or someone you know, has ever been in?’ the second man asks, with a smirk.

‘Well since you ask… have you ever done a reverse cowgirl?’ Teddy says with a serious expression.

After this he was told he could leave, the other people stayed behind in the room afterwards.

‘So Kyle, do you think he can handle the part?’ Rob asks

‘Well, he definitely seems willing enough to take on the part, and he looks as thought he could be related to us – so that would help with the seamlessness of it all. Don’t you think?’

Rob nods his assent, turns to the other man and asks, ‘Do you have any questions for Kyle or Lisa?’

‘Just one. Lisa do you think he has the ability to play off Amanda, and not seem odd? Since her character and his are supposed to be polar opposites?’ he looked quizzically at her when asking this.

‘I think he inherent good qualities will help to explain how he is soo close to a sister he has very little if anything in common with. Also I think the differences between them make it easier for him to come off as perfect to Celeste, and therefore makes it simple for her to blame Lilly for everything. So yeah, I think he’s almost the perfect choice for Duncan.’ Lisa replied.

There was some more small talk, but Kyle and Lisa soon left the room. After this, the two men remaining made some notes about the interview. Rob’s were made on the headshot, like always – goodness – check, handsome looks – check, matches Kyle/Lisa – check, ability to play comatose – unseen, but believe to be good, contrast to Amanda – excellent.

‘I think he will be able to mix in well with Veronica and Logan too. Not quite as well with Lamb, but his character doesn’t exactly keep his company anyways.’ Rob thought out loud.

‘While he was out there,’ the other man indicates the waiting room, ‘he stuck to himself, only got up for some water and a donut.’

‘Water? and a Donut? With the spread we have out there?’ Rob shakes his head, ‘There is definitely something wrong with that boy. Donut?’

The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1, Part 2: Sheriff Lamb Questioned.

lex_83 — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 09:01:37 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1, Part 2: Sheriff Lamb Questioned.
Author: Lex
Pairing/Character: Umm.. no characters, but it features a guy named Michael and another guy who may or may not be named Rob.. and many unnamed people.
Word Count: 882
Rating: PG-13 - I swear, so they swear.
Summary: Umm.. this came out of a conversation with forcedmovement where we ended up talking about how things must look in the Writers Meetings for VM... we were snarky, and hilarious. Thus began the adventures of Fake Rob. So yeah, here is Episode One, Part Two.
Spoilers/Warnings: Umm.. no spoilers or warnings.
AN: I own Nothing, well except for some of the lines.. but all named characters are owned by those they represent. Please do not sue me, I have no money.Oh and I wrote this for the amusement of many, but mainly for myself and for Shayla. Apparently more people loved them.. and please comment... I like praise. *grins*

We see an empty room, tables, chairs, potted plants and three doors. Some people come into the room and set up a buffet style snack table and then they leave. A large number of men enter the room, presumably actors, all of them are nervous, some more than others. The room is full of actors who haven’t made it, some that never stood a chance of making it to begin with. After all, how many roles can there be for short balding men? Which, by the way, is the description that most of these men fit, with the exception of a handful.

There is one guy in his thirties – brown hair, tall, athletic build – and two guys in their twenties – both with brown hair, tall, lankier builds. The first guy is dressed professionally – dress pants, shirt – but the younger guys are dressed casually – jeans, t-shirts and one of them has a plaid over shirt on. The younger two are looking around like they know something that no one else does. Suddenly, a blond woman enters the room; she looks briefly around the room. The two guys jump up to join her, and then the three leave through a door that no one had noticed previously.

By now, everyone had been in the room for around one hour. Everyone was starting to wonder why they had been told to arrive so early, started to wander over to the snacks and began talking to another.

“So what’s your biggest claim to fame?”

“Oh, I played the dead guy on CSI that was kidnapped in order to be taken to a party in my
honour. It was an excellent role, a whole two days work.”

              “Really? I just got to be a walk-on in the new Tom Cruise movie, you know the one where
                 he like saves the planet or something.. Mission Impossible 6 type of movie.
                    “What did you hear this show was about? I heard that this takes place back in the 30s
                     and they girl is investigating the death of her ex when, and I shit you not, she is
                     abducted by aliens.”

“You. Are. A. Fucking. Moron. Why would they make a show like that? It’s
absurd.”

Thankfully it is at this point – before the fight starts – that the actors start to be called into the room and soon it is our actor’s turn. However, as he is preparing to enter the room he overhears his predecessor muttering, “Ownage? What kind of adult says that? Just cause I didn’t have the answers to his questions” He then walks through the door into a room that is sparsely and strangely furnished. There is a utilitarian table with two metal chairs, a metal filing cabinet, a white board, and what appears to be a two-way mirror. The furnishings in here do not match the rest of the building – it’s almost like they were brought in specially.

One man is sitting, lounging actually, at the table with his feet up. He barely looks up as we enter the room, but we still get the feeling that we are being watched. Shaking it off as paranoia, you go sit at the table.

“So what do you prefer to be called?” the man asked, still not looking at you.

“Michael or Mike,” you reply, wondering why this is important.

“Alright Mikey, what do you know about this interview?” the man asks sarcastically,

“Actually, only the barest details. Detective show, kind of a noir set in high school. Young teen murdered, community thrown into turmoil, the usual.” You respond nervously.

“Which part are you here for anyways?” the guy asks, with – of all things – a head tilt.

“I believe it was listed as friendly officer of the law…”

The guy smirks and says, “Yeah, something like that.” He proceeds to tell you more about the show and the part before surprising you with some questions, “Did you notice anything weird about the room? What about the people in the room? Did anyone leave abruptly? What colour were the walls?”

You have to think hard about this, you were not expecting a pop quiz on the state of the rooms or the people within them, “Nothing was overly weird about the room, some of the people seemed too old and a couple seemed too young. The two young guys left quickly after a blond girl came into the room.”

“Alright, so do you think you are capable of playing this part? I realize it’s not your average part…”

“So basically, you want to know if I can play a sarcastic, egotistical sheriff who doesn’t deserve what he has but thinks he deserves more and who is constantly shown up by a seventeen year old girl?”

“In a nutshell, yes.”

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” you grin, “I always knew I was God’s gift to law enforcement.”

The two men shake hands, and Michael leaves the room. We see him making some notes on Michael’s headshot; sarcasm – check, charisma – check, ability to notice things – check, understanding of present situation – less than average, and therefore optimal.

-----

Another man joins the first in the room, “He seems like a good choice”

“Yeah, he should play well off the other characters, especially the ones playing Veronica and the Echolls kid.”

Fic: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1: The Logan Echolls Test

lex_83 — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 01:12:39 GMT

Title: The Adventures of Fake Rob - Episode 1: The Logan Echolls Test
Author: Lex Pairing/Character: Umm.. no characters, but it features a gyu named Jason and another guy name Rob.. and many unnamed people.
Word Count: 1168
Rating: PG-13 - I swear, so they swear.
Summary: Umm.. this came out of a conversation with forcedmovement where we ended up talking about how things must look in the Writers Meetings for VM... we were snarky, and hilarious. Thus began the adventures of Fake Rob. So yeah, here is Episode One. Blame forcedmovement
Spoilers/Warnings: Umm.. no spoilers or warnings.
AN: I own Nothing, well except for some of the lines.. but all named characters are owned by those they represent. Please do not sue me, I have no money.. I am a broke university student. Oh and I wrote this for the amusement of many, but mainly for myself and for Shayla. Lastly, this is for forcedmovement and </span>slayerkitty

In the first room there are a bunch of chairs, a coffee table set up and many many nervous young men. They are all seated in these uncomfortable chairs, waiting for their name to be called; one cannot help see the similarities to waiting in the doctor’s office. You are uncomfortable, and you wish you were anywhere but here. However, this is the part of a lifetime, you have a chance to make yourself known with a role like this, and that stress is sending some of them over the top. One man however, is sitting calmly with his hand on the back of his neck just watching the others curiously. The room is both silent and strangely filled with noise, the actors in the room are getting more nervous the longer they have to wait, the longer they don’t know who will be called and what will be asked of them. We can hear snippets of conversations,

“Do you know what this is for?”

“My agent told me this is a make it or break it chance for me”

“I hope I am dressed to character”

“Has anyone seen a script?”

The only person not speaking is the one sitting quietly watching the rest. It soon become obvious that no one in the room knows anything about the part. Some start to work on monologues and quotes in order to, hopefully, prepare themselves for what will come.

The calm and quiet actor stands up and walks to the coffee table. As he helps himself to a glass of water he overhears one of the other actors,

     “Oh mickle is the powerful grace that lies in plants, herbs, stones, and their true qualities. For
      naught so vile that on earth doth live but to the earth some special good doth give; nor aught so
      good but, strained from that fair use, revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse. Virtue itself
      turns vice, being misapplied, and vice sometime’s by action dignified[1].”

So this is my competition, he thinks, and smirks to himself. The first actors name is called and he goes into the room, only to emerge ten minutes later. This continues for a while, some lasting ten minutes, some less, but most between ten and twenty minutes. Most importantly, no one leaves looking happy, at all and yet some just come back out and sit down again. This makes those still waiting for their chance become even more worried. The ones who have returned refuse to talk about what they have done, except one who cannot seem to shut up.

“Snark? Is that even a word? What the heck does he mean? I can’t work like this, the confusion, the stares – he called me a bitch”

Finally we see the quiet actor being called into the room. He looks briefly around the room as he is leaving, shrugs his shoulders, rubs his neck and saunters into the other room.

_____

Two men, sitting behind a huge mahogany desk, and nothing else, no cameras, no recording equipment – nothing, populate the other room. There is no chair, no props, no reading partner - and as far as he can see no script. Unsure what to do he walks in smiles knowingly, at the two men and leans against the far wall.

Seeing the two men exchange glances, and one of them write something down, he figures he either just fucked the interview completely or they liked something about his entrance. The two parties stayed like that for some time, just staring back and forth, then Jason couldn’t take it anymore, “So, you gonna get me to read something or am I just here ‘cause I look pretty?” he touched his forehead and then gestured at them.

“Snark something at me kid.”

This was it, the minute to make or break this screen test. This was the minute to impress him if he likes what I say I am golden. He takes a deep breath and says,

“You know you really suck at this screen-test thing, maybe you should get another hobby. That wasn’t even a full sentence.”

“Nice one. Describe any and all gestures that may or may not accompany that sentence.“

“A salute, emphasis on ‘suck’ perhaps with a hand movement, start off with hand behind neck and move forward into the emphasis..” makes the appropriate gestures while listing them.

The two men nod, and look pleased, the one who asked the question makes some notes on his pad of paper and says, “So do you want to know why you’re here?”

Taking another chance, Jason decided to keep going the way he had started,

“You mean it wasn’t just for the buffet outside?” Jason snarked, “there was an actual purpose behind this casting call?

“Sure was Sparky.” Rob said, “See I am working on this project that I like to call ‘casting a television show’, teenage PI with spunk and an attitude.”

“You can’t possibly want me here for the PI role” Jason stated,

“Why’s that? Don’t think you can handle it?” Rob quirks his eyebrow up, “the role have too much depth for you to work with?”

“Nope,” Jason smirks, “but with what I said earlier, I would be much better suited to a teenage jackass, spoilt rich boy kind of character.”

“You may be right, but its still my call” Rob smirks back, “after all it’s my show.”

Jason pushes himself off the wall and strolls towards the desk, “sure is, and I know you’ll do what’s best for it, find the best actors and whatnot.” He stands patiently, waiting for the next question.

When it comes he is surprised, “What do you think of the others out there?” Rob gestures with his head towards the other room.

“They have no clue what they are here for. You have guys out there quoting Shakespeare, Tupac and Lewis Carroll. They are all afraid of what happens in this room.”

“And you weren’t?” Rob queries

“Nope. First impression is everything, you come in looking scared, and they remember you looking scared. Got to project the image you want, the image they want – not how you really feel.”

“All right, good, I have what I need. You can go out with the others, just take a seat again”

He goes to leave the room, turning slightly and making a skipping motion as he moves towards the door.

_____

Rob see this, and leans over towards the other man in the room, “... that is something I see Logan doing...”

“Do you think he realizes he does it?” the other man asks,

“He has no clue, that’s what makes it great.” Rob makes some marks on the head shot, gestures – check, snarkiness – check check check, looks – check, ability to create the character – check.

The other man leans towards him, “Did you see how he came in a leaned on the wall? That almost screamed Logan at me.”

“Well, lets call in the next one” he groans softly, “See what they can do”

[1] Friar Laurence’s speech on the virtues of plants, from Romeo and Juliet.