on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux

➥ ２０６３　－　ＣＨＲＩＳＴＭＡＳ　ＣＡＲＤＳ

lavaliere — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 22:27:45 GMT

CHRISTMAS CARD POST

So, here's the deal. I often make (or, if I get lazy, buy and then decorate) Christmas Cards to people on my flist. If you'd like one, please leave the following below:
❄Your Name (or one you'd like to go by)
❄Address
❄Favorite Color

My address, if you wish to send a card, is:
Hales
3308 E. 20th Ave
Spokane, Wa
99223

Comments are screened, of course~ And, if you prefer, I can send non-religious themed cards to those who want them. :)

➥ ２０４６

lavaliere — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 03:04:50 GMT

PREVIEW!

Uploading Instructions:

- Press "Select a New Theme" and type "Flexible Squares" in the search box and select a theme.
- Scroll down to "Choose a Page Setup", and set to sidebar on right.
- Press the "Customize Selected Theme" button.
- Now click "Custom CSS" and change "Use layout's stylesheet(s)" to "no".
- Copy&paste the the css into the "Custom stylesheet" box. (Don't forget to press the "Save changes" button!)

- It's important that BLURB is the first box in the sidebar and the LINK LIST the second. It'll look weird otherwise. You can change the ordering here at the bottom: here.

body {
		background: url('http://i41.tinypic.com/i3sax1.jpg') fixed top center repeat #888;
		color: #aaaaaa;
		font-family: "arial" Helvetica, sans-serif;
		font-size: 9px;
		text-align: justify;
		margin-top: 8px;
		}

a, a:link, a:visited, a:active{color: #cd5f27; text-decoration: none;}

a:hover{ 
		color: #aaaaaa; 
		}

b, strong {
		font-family: tahoma;
		}

em, i {
		 color:#fbb829;
		}

code, kbd, pre, tt {
	    	font-family: monospace;
		}

blockquote {
		background-color: #101010;	
		padding: 10px; 
		margin: 7px;
		font-family: georgia; 
		font-size: 10.5px;
		line-height: 11px;
		color: #aaaaaa;
		text-align: justify;
		}

::-moz-selection  {
		background-color: #f0f0f0;
		color: #333333; 
		}

/*-------------------------------
         GENERAL
-------------------------------*/

#content {
		width: 700px; 
		margin-left: 150px; margin-right: auto;	
		background-color: #121212;
		border-left: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		border-right: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		border-bottom: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		}

#maincontent { 
		margin: 15 auto 0px auto;
		}

.subcontent {
		padding: 10px 20px 10px 20px;
		}

/*-------------------------------
         HEADER
-------------------------------*/

#header{ 
		display: none;
 		}

/*-------------------------------------
       HEADERIMAGE
--------------------------------------*/

.headerimage { 
		position: relative;
		width: 700px;
		height: 308px;
		margin-left: 150px; margin-right: auto;	
		background-image: url('http://imgur.com/Zmr7W.png'); 
		background-repeat: no-repeat;
		border-left: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		border-right: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		}

/*-------------------------------------
         TITLE, SUBTITLE
--------------------------------------*/

.title, .subtitle {
		display: none;
               	 }

/*-------------------------------
           FOOTER
-------------------------------*/

#footer {			
		background-color:#121212; 
		margin-top: -40px;  
		font: normal 13px georgia;
		padding: 5px; 
		text-transform: uppercase;
		text-align: center;
		}

div#footer a, div#footer a:link, div#footer a:visited {
		-moz-border-radius: 3%; 
		background-color: #333333;
		border-right: 1px solid #222222;
		border-bottom: 1px solid #222222;
		margin: 5px;
		padding: 3px 6px 3px 6px;
		color: #f0f0f0;
		text-transform: lowercase;
		}

div#footer a:hover {
		-moz-border-radius: 3%;
		background-color: #101010; 
		border-left: 1px solid #000000;
		border-top: 1px solid #000000;
		color: #333333;
		}

ul.navfooter{
		padding: 5px 0px 5px 0px; 
		margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px;
		}

ul.navfooter li  {
       		display: inline;
        		}

.clearfoot {		
		clear: both;
		}

#footer .viewing { 
		display:none; 
		}

/*-------------------------------
         SIDEBAR
-------------------------------*/

#sidebar {
		background-color: #121212;
		width: 700px;
		border-left: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		border-right: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		border-bottom: #c2c2c2 10px solid;
		padding: 15px 0 15px 0;
		float: center;
		font-family: georgia;       
		font-size:11px;
		margin-left: -10px;
		line-height: 12px;
		}

div#sidebar a, div#sidebar a:link, div#sidebar a:visited {
		color: #aaaaaa;
		text-transform:lowercase;
               		font-family: georgia;       
		font-size:11px;
		}
	
	div#sidebar a:hover {
		color: #f0f0f0;
		text-decoration: none;
		text-transform:lowercase;
               		font-family: georgia;       
		font-size:11px;
		}

#sidebar_linklist  { 
               		width:200px
                	}

.sbarheader, .sbarbody {
		padding: 0px 10px 0px 10px;		
		margin: 0px 0 0px 0;
		}

.sbarbody2 {
		width: 300px;
		margin: 0px 20px 0 250px;
		padding: 0px 10px 0px 10px;		
		position:absolute;

}
			
        #sidebar_summary,#sidebar_tags, 
        li.sbartitle, .defaultuserpic, #sidebar_calendar 
                	{
                	display:none;
               		}

ul.sbarlist {
		margin: 0px;
		padding: 0px;
		list-style: circle;
		}

li.sbaritem {
		padding: 5px 10px 0 10px;
		list-style: none; 
		line-height: 15px;
		border-bottom: 1px solid #1c1c1c;	
		}

/*-------------------------------
          ENTRIES
-------------------------------*/
	
		
	.entry	{
		padding: 5px 1px 5px 1px;
		color: #aaaaaa;
		font-family: georgia;
		font-size: 11.5px;
		text-align: justify;
		}
		
	.entry ul li
		{
		padding-left: 5px;
		margin-left: 15px;
		}
		
	.entry ol li
		{
		padding-left: 5px;
		margin-left: 15px;
		}

.userpic, .userpicfriends {
		margin: 0px -165px 10px 10px;
		position: relative;
		float: right;
		background-color: transparent !important;
                	z-index: 15;
		text-align: center;
		}
		
	.userpic img, .userpicfriends img {
		padding:0px;
		border: 10px solid #fbb829;
		}

.date {		
		text-align: center;
		color: #888;
		font-family: arial;
		font-size: 7pt;
		text-transform: uppercase;
		}
	
	.subject {
		margin-top: -3px;
		text-align: center;
		font: normal 18pt georgia;
		color: #f0f0f0;
		text-transform: uppercase;
		text-decoration: none;
		}
		
	.subject a, .subject a:link, .subject a:visited {
		font: normal 18pt georgia;
		text-transform: uppercase;
		color: #f0f0f0;
		}
	
	.subject a:hover {
		color: #f0f0f0;
		}

.datesubject {				
		padding:5px;
		}

/*-------------------------------------------------------------
 CURRENTS, TAGS & COMMENT LINKS
--------------------------------------------------------------*/

.comments {
		margin-top: 20px;
		padding: 10px 0 10px 0;
		position: relative;	
		background-color: transparent;	
		font: 8.5pt georgia, sans-serif; 
		color: #aaaaaa;
		text-transform: uppercase;
		text-align: right;
		}
		
		div.comments a, div.comments a:link, div.comments a:visited {
		color: #aaaaaa;
		}

div.comments a:hover {
		color: #f0f0f0;
		
		}

.currents { 
		background-color: #101010;
		margin-top: 0px 30px 0px 30px;
		}

.currentmood {
		background:url(http://i35.tinypic.com/2n8y2vq.jpg) no-repeat left center;
		padding:0px 0px 0px 10px;
		font-family: arial, sans-serif;
		font-size: 9px;
		}

.currentmusic {
		background:url(http://i37.tinypic.com/2aivdx.jpg) no-repeat left center;
		padding:0px 0px 0px 10px; 
		font-family: arial, sans-serif;
		font-size: 9px;
		}

.currentlocation {
		display: none;
		}

.currents strong {
		display: none;
		}

.ljtags {
		background:url(http://i34.tinypic.com/2s1kxlx.jpg) no-repeat left center #101010;
		padding:0px 0px 0px 10px; 
		margin-top: 20px;
		text-transform: lowercase;
		font-family: arial, sans-serif;
		font-size: 9px;
		}

div.ljtags a, div.ljtags a:link, div.ljtags a:visited {
		color: #a4a4a4;
		}

div.ljtags a:hover {
		color: #f0f0f0;
		text-decoration: none;
		}

/*-----------------------------------
    COMMENT PAGES
------------------------------------*/

.box {
		clear: left;
		}

.skiplinks {
		background-color: #121212;
		text-transform: lowercase;
		text-align: center;
		padding: 10px;
		color: #999999;
		margin-bottom: 10px;
		}

div.skiplinks a, div.skiplinks a:link, div.skiplinks a:visited {
		color: #fbb829;
		}

div.skiplinks a:hover {
		color: #aaaaaa;
		text-decoration: none;
		}

.datesubjectcomment {			
		color: #333333;	
		padding: 5px;
		margin-top: 20px;
		text-transform: uppercase;
		background-color: #111111;
		}

.datesubjectcomment a:link, .datesubjectcomment a:visited {
		color: #f0f0f0;
		}

.datesubjectcomment a:hover {
		color: #dddddd;
		}
		
	.userpiccomment {
		margin-right: 10px;		
		position: relative;
		float: left;
		background-color: transparent !important;
		border: 10px solid #fbb829; 
                	z-index: 15;
		}

input, textarea {
		font-family: georgia;
		font-size: 10.5px;
		background-color: #000000;	
		color: #aaaaaa;
		-moz-border-radius: 1%;
		border: 1px solid #000000;
		}
		
	textarea.textbox {
      		width: 100% !important;
   		}

form#qrform table 
		{
		border-width: 0px !important;
		 }
	
	.reply {
		padding: 10px;
		margin: 10px 10px 10px 10px;
		position: relative;
		background-color: transparent;	
		color: #aaaaaa;
		font: 10.5px georgia, sans-serif;
		text-align: justify;	
		}

.replytosubject {
		background-color: #121212;
		color: #aaaaaa;
		font-weight: bold;
		}
		
	.commentreply {
		margin: 10px;
		position: relative;
		color: #aaaaaa;
		font: 10.5px georgia, sans-serif;
		text-align: justify;

}
		
	.commentbox {
		padding: 10px; 
		margin: 10px;
		}

.commentboxpartial {
		color: #aaaaaa;
		padding: 5px; 
		margin: 10px; 
		background-color: #111111;
		-moz-border-radius: 1%; 
		}

.commentinfo {
		width: 100%;
		margin-top: 10px; 
		}
			
		
/*-------------------------------
    ARCHIVE PAGE
-------------------------------*/

ul.year {
		text-align: center;
		padding-bottom: 20px;
		}
	
	ul.year li {
		display: inline;		
		}
	
	table.yeartable {
		background-color: #101010;
		margin-left: auto;
		margin-right: auto;
		}

table.yeartable td.yeardate, table.yeartable td.yearday {
		background-color: #000000;
		border-color: #101010;
		border-width: 1px;
		border-style: solid;
		text-align: center;
		font: normal 11px georgia;
		color: #aaaaaa;
		}
	
	table.yeartable td.yearday {
		background-color: #f0f0f0;
		text-align: center;
		font: normal 11px georgia;
                	color: #101010;
		}

td.yearmonth {
		border-style: none;
		}
	
	
				
/*-------------------------------
      TAGS PAGE
-------------------------------*/

.ljtaglist {
		margin: 20px;		
		padding: 50px 40px 10px 40px;
		background-color: #101010;
		list-style-type:none;
		color:  #f0f0f0;
		}

h2 {
		display: none;
		}

/*-------------------------------
            MISC
-------------------------------*/

.separator {
		height: 10px;
		background: #c2c2c2;
		}

.clear {
		display: none;

}

/*----------------------------------------
      LJ CONTROLSTRIP
----------------------------------------*/

#lj_controlstrip td {
		padding: 5px;
		background-color: #121212 !important;
		}

#lj_controlstrip a {
		font-family: georgia !important;
		font-size: 11px;
		font-style: italic;
		color: #aaaaaa! important;
		text-transform: lowercase;
		}

/*------------------------------------------
     CONTEXTUAL POP-UP 
--------------------------------------------*/

div.ContextualPopup {
		position: relative; 
		text-align: left;  
		margin: 10px 0 0 30px;  
		}

div.ContextualPopup div.Inner {   
		width: 250px;
		padding: 0px; 
		background-color: transparent !important;  
		color: #a4a4a4 !important;  
		font-size: 9px;
		font-family: tahoma;
		border: 0px;
		}

div.ContextualPopup .Content {   
		background-color: #ffffff; 
		border: 3px solid #ebebeb;  
		padding: 5px;  
		margin: 10px 75px 10px 10px; 
		}

div.ContextualPopup div.Inner a, div.ContextualPopup div.Inner a:visited {  
		text-decoration: none !important;  
       		 color: #000000 !important;
		}

div.ContextualPopup .Userpic {  
		padding: 3px;  
		background-color: #ebebeb;
		}

/*------------------------------------------
     Tiny Icons 
--------------------------------------------*/

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/icon_protected.gif"] {
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 8px 8px 0px 0px !important; margin-right: 2px;
		background: url(http://i40.tinypic.com/11j9klj.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/icon_private.gif"]{
		width: 0;
		height: 0; 
		padding: 8px 8px 0px 0px !important; margin-right: 2px;
		background: url(http://i42.tinypic.com/2i03dr8.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/icon_groups.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; padding: 8px 8px 0px 0px !important; margin-right: 2px;
		background: url(http://i40.tinypic.com/11j9klj.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 11px 11px 0 0px !important;
 		background: url(http://i41.tinypic.com/2zzsx84.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0px !important;
 		background: url(http://i43.tinypic.com/64nxnp.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/btn_edit.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i40.tinypic.com/24mhm4o.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/btn_del.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 9px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i39.tinypic.com/122hi50.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/btn_scr.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i41.tinypic.com/29fc8ig.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/btn_unscr.gif"]{
		width: 0;
 		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important; 
		background: url(http://i42.tinypic.com/htfa8g.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/btn_freeze.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i42.tinypic.com/aolzlv.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/btn_track.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i39.tinypic.com/e03i84.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/anonymous.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i42.tinypic.com/52ncp5.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/openid-profile.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i42.tinypic.com/5typax.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/help.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i40.tinypic.com/2ljlquh.jpg);
		}

img[src="http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/talk/none.gif"]{
		width: 0; 
		height: 0; 
		padding: 10px 10px 0 0 !important;
 		background: url(http://i42.tinypic.com/sbot3c.jpg);
		}

If there's any problems, lemme know and I'll try to fix it asap. But I don't think there should be. :)

➥ ２０２０

lavaliere — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 05:55:15 GMT

Sometimes, I really wish I could hold tighter to my self-esteem and such sometimes. Otherwise, I feel like I need more. To be more popular or stupid, foolish notions like that when I should really know better. I should think everyone feels that way from time to time, but it's still an emotion and feeling I wish I could do away with because I hate thinking negatively about anyone or anything. I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it, suck it up, and focus on the important parts. Like I what I enjoy and what I'm blessed with.

In other news, a meme:

Mark the things you have roleplayed with 'x', want to/would be willing to try with an O, and leave blank the things you'd absolutely never be willing to touch.

Mild:
[ x ] non-friendly hugging
[ x ] kissing
[ x ] tongue-involved kissing
[ x ] touching/stroking [clothes on]
[ x ] non-graphic sexual situations [i.e.- sex descriptions that have little to no detail/one character has an erection/'fade to black', etc.]
[ x ] masturbation
[ x ] frottage [clothes on]
[ x ] necking/making out with body contact
[ x ] casual but titillating nudity
[ x ] adoptive, non-related 'incest' [step-sibling/step-parents/adoptive siblings, etc.]
[ x ] crossdressing

Moderate:
[ x ] breast stimulation
[ x ] hand job
[ x ] fingering [vagina/anal]
[ x ] cunnilingus
[ x ] fellatio
[ x ] graphic striptease
[ x ] mutual masturbation
[ x ] penetrative sex [more graphic than not; with nouns like 'cock' as opposed to euphemisms like 'length']
[ x ] ephebephilia [at least one character is adolescent/within puberty, i.e.- statutory rape] sob, so frequently too
[ x ] light bondage [i.e.- handcuffs, scarves, light rope, blindfolds]
[ x ] dubcon ['dubious consent']
[ x ] biting
[ x ] breath play
[ x ] half-sibling/cousin/aunt/uncle/niece/nephew incest
[ x ] anal intercourse [male/male, male/female]
[ x ] use of sex toys [dildos, vibrators, corn, etc]
[ x ] extreme age differences [15+ years] how about 16 and 39?
[ _ ] oral/anal stimulation [with a barrier or dental dam]
[ x ] exhibitionism or voyeurism

Severe:
[ x ] rimming [without a barrier/dam]
[ _ ] urophila/golden showers
[ _ ] pedophilia [sex where at least one character is completely prepubescent]
[ x ] non-con [actual rape-by-force, marital rape]
[ x ] mild bloodplay
[ x ] shibari/heavy bondage
[ x ] BDSM
[ _ ] sounding [penetration of the urethra with a foreign object]
[ x ] piercing
[ o ] tattooing
[ x ] sibling incest ....hehehe
[ _ ] fisting
[ _ ] pegging [female penetration of a male with a strap-on]
[ _ ] sex during menstruation/fetishization of menstrual blood
[ _ ] inflation (what is this????)
[ x ] non-consensual exhibitionism or voyeurism
[ _ ] tentacles (does any—actually, i won't ask)
[ _ ] vagina dentata
[ _ ] "fucking machines"

You should be locked up:
[ _ ] scat, enema play, etc.
[ _ ] geriatrophila [sexual fetishization of the extremely elderly]
[ _ ] amputation/guro
[ o ] snuff/rape with crippling/severe injury
[ _ ] necrophilia
[ _ ] bestiality/furries
[ x ] scarification/infliction of disfiguring scars (cigarette burns; possession marking...)
[ _ ] bugchasing [intentional infection with HIV]
[ _ ] parent/child incest
[ x ] forced pregnancy/abortion

And now, the random real life relevant questions [with some touchy subjects]:
Have your characters practiced/experienced domestic violence? kinda?

Do your characters use condoms/practice safe sex? s-sometimes...

Have STDs ever been mentioned/or occurred between your characters? mentioned, never occurred.

Has unintentional pregnancy ever occurred/been seriously mentioned between your characters? mentioned, yes. lmfao it was a bad rp joke/plot with lelouch and roloko

Have your characters ever needed/had an abortion? um... see above lmfao. it was considered but we never actually played it out 'cause i never would be able to

Have your characters ever cheated on each other? loads of times

Have your characters ever got into in-verse trouble for underage involvement/statutory rape? no, but part of the HS AU premise is keeping lulu and rolo's relationship quiet for just this reason...

Have your characters ever had a realistic reaction to in-verse rape? [i.e.- one that the 'magical power' of 'X' character's love/support/penis cannot immediately cure] y-yes...

Have your characters been involved in non-consensual child molestation? oh god no. D:

And lastly; Having filled in your answers, would you say you're personally:
[ ] Depraved and proud? >D
[ x? ] Kinky, but not beyond the pale? 8D
[ ] Middle of the road/not all that out there? :D
[ ] Actually pretty vanilla, thank you? :)

I feel like such a hideous person now........ l-lmao.

lavaliere — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:23:33 GMT

I will say this once, keep this post public, and hopefully will never have to say it again:

If I have a disagreement with someone, I keep it between me and that person. No, I will not discuss it in my journal because I do not want people to get the wrong impression of anyone, be it me or the person I am quarreling with.

I am not perfect; I make mistakes. But when I consider someone a friend, especially a close friend, I will not speak poorly of them to anyone. Nor will I express my dissatisfaction about a person with anyone but that person.

Fic Recs [public post]

lavaliere — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 02:25:17 GMT

CODE GEASS
Earth Spider [LuluRolo]
Imprints of Anonymous [LuluRolo]
Why the Cat Became the Lie [LuluRolo]
Road to Babel Tower [Rolo-centric]
madness [LuluRolo, Implied LuluShirley]
House of Usher [Rolo-centric]
Dues ex Libra [Rolo + C.C.]
Something Rotten in Area 11 [Crack, Gen]
Sharpest Lives [Rolo + C.C.]
Arrythmia [Rolo-centric]
Kill Me Softly [LuluRolo]
Worlds [Gen, Drabbles]
The Brilliant Schneizel [Lelouch + Schneizel]
Evanescence [LuluRolo]
Five [Rolo-centric]
Puer Puellae Rosam Dat [LuluRolo]
Whisper of Wings [LuluRolo]
Jeux de Role [RoloLulu]
Rhythmic [LuluRolo]
lullaby's overture [LuluNunna]
Clandestine [AU, Suza/Euphy/Lulu]

DEATH NOTE
Sour Candy [L/Light]
A Pocketfull of Posey [L/Light]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST
Alkahest [Al-centric]
Philomathic [Al/Hand]
Once Upon a Time [Elricest]
Quinta Essentia [Elricest-y]
House of Flowers [Elricest]
Z U Q N O V K [Elricest]
The Woman Who Waits [Winry-centric]
No One's Home [Elricest, dark]
Map of Stars [Elricest]
Audiance with Forever [FMA/Supernatural xover; Elricest]
The Curious and Covert [Al/Strangers, Elricest]
Elricest Ship Manifesto
Soul Trust [Elricest]
Catharsis [Elric-centric]
FMA One Sentence Writing Meme [Various]
additional fic recs

YUUGIOU
Shattered Glass [BakuBaku]
I see [BakuBaku]
Telaata Naas Yi [BakuBaku]
Quarantine [BakuBaku]
The Gospel According to Matthew [BakuBaku]
Strange Kevlar [BakuBaku]
Grattitude [BakuBaku]
Puppet Live [BakuBaku]
Shadow [BakuBaku]
Written Evidence [YamiYuugi]
Trick King [YamiYuugi]
Whisper Through the Veil [YamiYuugi]
Asylum [YamiYuugi]
Red [YamiYuugi]

Fucking Done Blog Crew

lavaliere — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 03:11:39 GMT

☠ _______ and I are f u c k i n g d o n e... professionally ✖

R U L E S
❶ Each person gets ONE claim.
➋ One claim per character.
➌ This is strictly a Animanga and Video Game blog crew.
➍ When claiming, please state very clearly, the NAME OF YOUR CLAIM, the SERIES he/she is from, and the category of your claim: ANIMANGA or VIDEO GAME.

Some Examples: Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass, ANIMANGA.

➎ Please only take the code after you've been added to the list!
➏ To show that you have read the rules, please put the words "TRASH YOUR LIGHTS" in your comment's subject line!
➐ You may edit the code to your liking, but please do remember to link back to this entry!

T A K E N

BAKEMONOGATARI
→ Koyomi Araragi - locate

CODE GEASS
→ C.C. - geeked
→ Euphemia li Britannia - lunareuphoria
→ Kallen Kouzuki - anaakin
→ Lelouch Lamperouge - lavaliere
→ Lloyd Asplud - tehaiko
→ Rolo Lamperouge - jonesmeister
→ Schneizel el Brittannia - microrave
→ Suzaku Kururugi - isuzuchan44
→ Shirley Fenette - element_43

EDEN OF THE EAST
→ Akira Takizawa - carnimirie

GUNDAM 00
→ Tieria Erde - radientdove
→ Hallelujah Haptism - piledriver

FAIRY TAIL
→ Gray Fullbuster - pnkalchemy

FINAL FANTASY (any)
→ Kadaj - syerin
→ Sephiroth - reneges
→ Zack Fair - heartstationn
→ Cloud Strife - teambenevolence

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST
→ Alfons Heiderich - darkblysse
→ Alphonse Elric - avaricia
→ Edward Elric - shoats
→ Envy - knighterrific
→ Ling Yao - sky_dark
→ Roy Mustang - hirato
→ Winry Rockbell - hikaristar007

KARNEVAL
→ Gareki - monobright

KINGDOM HEARTS
→ Sora - dickable

KUROSHITSUJI
→ Sebastian Michaelis - alkahestapeiron

NARUTO
→ Naruto - lovely_zombie

OTOMEN
→ Asuka Masumune - p1nkfriday

PANDORA HEARTS
→ Vincent Nightray - blitzaga

PERSONA (all)
→ Minato Arisato - innoc3nt_sorrow
→ Naoto Shirogane - curiousity
→ Tohru Adachi - knobby

REBORN!
→ Gokudera Hayato - tsunayoshi
→ Pavone di Sol - aruslym
→ Rokudo Mukuro - tosshi

SAIYUKI
→ Sha Gojyo - peekaydee

SAINT SEIYA
→ Capricorn Shura - hautalken

SOUL EATER
→ Death the Kidd - ash_ka_chan

TALES OF VESPERIA
→ Alexei Dinoia - colonize

TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN
→ Viral - knight_bitch
→ Kamina - nekoi_echizen

THE WORLD ENDS WITH YOU
→ Sho Minanimoto - digitalstarry

TOWARD THE TERRA
→ Soldier Blue - clones

UMINEKO NO NAKU KORO NI
→ Goat-kun - boxcutters

YUUGIOU (all)
→ Pegasus Crawford - hikarizoe

J O U R N A L C O D E

P R O F I L E C O D E

lavaliere — Sat, 23 May 2009 23:19:59 GMT

Title: don't have one yet
Fandom: Code Geass + Kingdom Hearts
Pairing: Nise/Rolo (with mentions of Lelouch/Rolo)
Rating: have some NC-17
Warnings: Sex, mentions of drugs, other stuff generally not good for kids... maybe some rock and roll too.
Notes: lol, Schooljours-verse where Rolo and Nise attend Britannia High, Lelouch is the ~~lecherous~~ principal, etc etc. That means it's AU very much. Um, mostly puting this here so I don't lose it or something. Might add more later.

“How long do you think it takes for Xanex to kick in?”

Nise jerked his head up from the math homework he was struggling on to give Rolo a strange look. The lower classman was chewing on the edge of his pen again, a habit he’d taken up during one of his attempts at quitting smoking.

Nise watched his “tutor” warily. It’d been six months since Rolo Haliburton transferred to Britannia High School, and to everyone’s surprise, he gained quite the reputation in his first week. Looking something like a shy and timid half-Japanese, half-American with a style right out of an Abercrombie & Fitch commercial, Rolo was initially suspected of being either the son of some Yakuza family in Witness Protection or a model for a kid’s clothing line. But after his fight with the notoriously violent Hall Monitor, Kyouya Hibari, most of the rumors focused on the Yakuza story.

Due to the fight, which left Hibari in a cast for weeks (but no less dangerous) and Rolo with a broken nose, students soon learned not to take Rolo’s sweet façade for granted.

Within no time, Rolo became a second Hall Monitor (for some reason, he and Hibari had bonded over the fight). But his fighting skills aside, Rolo was also known for his mind. He was smart. Very smart, and worked hard to stay keep his grades some of the best in the entire district. He had quickly risen to the top of his class and took on tutoring a few select students.

That was how Nise met Rolo. Naminé, his younger cousin and the one whom he would do anything to protect, had become close friends with Rolo, who shared several classes with Naminé. As Nise kept a watchful eye on her, while she spent time with Rolo, he began to respect the younger classman.

The problem was that Nise was nowhere as good in school as his twin Riku. He had the same GPA as Riku, but had to work a lot harder to maintain it. And during the weeks he kept his eye on Rolo, Nise’s math grade was slipping and he knew he needed a tutor. Of course, Naminé had suggested Rolo. Nise, a junior who shared silver hair and jade eyes with his twin, never thought the teen responsible for shattering three bones in Hibari’s arm would be capable of tutoring someone two grades ahead of him. But Naminé insisted, and Nise knew he could never turn her down.

So, the two met at lunch one afternoon, and Rolo turned out to be nothing and everything that the rumors claimed him to be.

Rolo was certainly smart. Far too smart for a freshman, but not only was he book smart, he was street smart too. Nise eventually learned that when he was young, Rolo’s parents had died while they were on vacation in Japan, forcing him to live on the streets of Tokyo, running with gangs and Yakuza. It explained his tendency to slip into Japanese when angry, but not how he got to Britannia High. It seemed it wasn’t until the young principal of the school, Lelouch Lamperouge, caught Rolo picking his pocket while he was on a business trip.

According to Rolo’s story, known only to a scarce few, Lelouch had forced him against a wall and demanded his money back, using only his strong skills of manipulation. Rolo might’ve killed Lelouch if the principal’s younger sister hadn’t been nearby and cried out. Finding himself unable to hurt the younger girl, Rolo relented, and half expected to be turned in to the cops. But Nunnally Lamperouge had had something else in mind. A couple of weeks and a pile of paperwork later, Rolo was officially adopted by the Lamperouge family.

Of course, when Nise learned about the “touching” Cinderella story, he figured it was too good to be true. There had to have been a catch. And two months after learning the story, during one of their tutoring sessions, he found out. Mr. Lamperouge, principal of a major, well known high school, champion for education and progress, an upstanding pillar of his community despite his young age, was sleeping with his underage, adopted brother. Even at the school itself. From the way Rolo told it, he and Lelouch had been at it for some time, using private meetings and any excuse they could find just to fuck in Lelouch’s office.

Rolo explained that the elicit relationship was not only the reason Rolo kept his family background a secret from the majority of the school’s population (why his name was Haliburton, rather than Lamperouge), but also the reason he had been given access to several areas of the school that students would never know about.

Nise found the last part out in a surprising manner. After one memorable study session in the library, before Nise’s soccer practice, Rolo had shoved him into a side room used to store old projectors and locked their lips together. It had been one of the best kisses in Nise’s life, and he punched Rolo after they parted. The explanation he demanded from the freshman had been blunt, given with a slight smirk and a shrug: “I think we should fuck.”

Nise, a guy who had always believed himself to be straight as a ruler, agreed. To his own surprise (Rolo was always surprising him that way). And this lead to the loss of his guy on guy virginity.

The thought still made him hard from time to time. It was this memory that he was dwelling on as something hit him on the head and broke his focus.

Blinking green eyes, Nise frowned and picked up the offending object. It was the half-chewed pen Rolo had been taking his withdrawal frustrations on. Scowling at the brunet, Nise threw it back.

“Were you listening? I asked how long do you think it takes for Xanex to kick in.” Rolo’s voiced was laced with a slight irritation that Nise knew was not meant for him.

He shrugged, glancing back down at his homework. It wasn’t uncommon for Rolo to ask odd questions like that. They came at any time (during sex, at a game, in the halls) and ranged from anything like the weather to something morbid. Sometimes, Nise often ignored the queries (especially during sex), but the mention of drugs got him listening. Rolo was already kicking one habit--nicotine--and Nise didn’t want to see him start another. Their relationship was dictated as one involving casual sex, but Nise cared about Rolo more than just for the sex. He was his best friend. And Nise knew enough about Rolo by now to know how much the younger teen valued their friendship too.

Rolling his eyes and shifting to his back, mithrail hair splayed beneath him, Nise eyed Rolo. “Why do you wanna know?” he asked.

The younger teen reached for his pen again and resumed chewing on it. “It’s s’pose to help with anxiety. Got some from Mary--you know, the girl that’s into me and thinks she’s my therapist--and I thought I’d give it a try to get over this chewing shit. Should be better than the nicotine, right?”

Nise’s eyes traveled over Rolo’s body, noticing the tension in his shoulders, the way his fingers drummed on his text book and the pen’s cap that was nearly destroyed by his teeth. While Nise thought that the way Rolo’s long and slim fingers would hold a cigarette, the way he took drags and blew out the smoke, and the way he stood or sat while lighting up was one of the hottest things he’d ever seen in his seventeen years, he definitely didn’t want Rolo to end up like one of those guys on the anti-smoking commercials.

“Isn’t that stuff addicting too,” he asked casually, glancing away and picking up his pen again. Nise made a mark on his paper, scratching out an equation he figured was wrong.

“Might be. Probably. Knowing Mary, she’d be into that kind thing. But everyone’s on my ass about smoking still. Euphie-nee-san gave me a piece of her mind the last time she visited. Anyway, it’d just be to keep my mind off it, y‘know?”

Scowling again, Nise sat up and glared at Rolo, pushing the younger teen down on his back. Rolo laughed, dropping the pen and giving him a smirk. “Got a better idea, Nise-senpai?”

That always got him started. The way the corner of Rolo’s lips would curve up, a mimicry of the mocking smiles Lelouch gave to his students, and yet all his own. The way his usually wide and seemingly innocent violet eyes would narrow ever so slightly, darkening with some unknown and no doubt dangerous emotion. The way Rolo’s soft and light voice deepened and laughed at him, daring Nise to do anything he would against him. It was an arrogance that Nise wouldn’t put up with in any one else. Because, despite Rolo’s badass side, Nise also knew how gentle and caring he could be. It was a side that only Rolo’s youngest sister, Naminé, and sometimes Nise saw. The truth was that even though Rolo could kill a person so much as look at him, he was also just as soft and sometimes timid as he appeared. And Nise liked that duality in Rolo.

Leaning down and bringing their lips in alignment, Nise snarled. “How ‘bout I give you a reason not to think about it instead?”

He didn’t give Rolo a chance to respond, and pressed their lips together. His hands found Rolo’s waist, fingers digging in just like he knew Rolo liked it, and was rewarded with the smaller boy arching up into him. Rolo’s hands fisted in his hair and he mewled, making Nise growl in acknowledgement.

Things usually started this way. Rolo would say something to provoke Nise, and the older teen would get so frustrated he’d just push Rolo down and take him. After the first few times (in the library after school, in the teachers lounge during classes, in the locker room after his practices), Nise began to realize that Rolo liked him to be assertive, liked to test him, liked it when Nise took advantage of him. Sometimes, Nise would feel uncomfortable with how much Rolo was willing to do with Nise. It seemed Rolo liked to push as many boundaries as he could, and it made Nise wonder what he did while he was with his “older brother” (another thing that sometimes bothered him. How could he compete with the principal? A man that half the girls at school had the hots for). But Rolo was good. Very good at what he did, and Nise was addicted to him like Rolo was addicted to cigarettes.

He tore his mouth away from Rolo’s, breathing hard and rocking his hips against him. Nise wanted Rolo right now. With the younger boy’s hair tousled, cheeks flushed, breathing hard. And judging by the hardness forming against his thigh, Rolo wanted him too. The younger teens lips were already bruised, and upturned in a taunting grin. “So… How do you want it this time? Here on the floor where I’ll get rug burns? On the bed? Or against the wall?”

Rolo’s dirty talk was just another thing that Nise found irresistibly sexy. He always prompted him to do more, push the limits, and Nise couldn’t help but oblige. The silver haired teen’s lips nibbled hard on Rolo’s ear, and he breathed heavily against his skin. “Nn… Don’t care. Just want you.”

Nise was rewarded with another laugh, and a pair of slim legs wrapped around his waist. “Alright… Fuck me here on the floor. Hard and fast, ‘kay?”

Nise’s eyes were on Rolo’s lips as he spoke, and he groaned his response, fingers already working at unfastening the buttons of Rolo’s uniform pants. As they did, Rolo’s fingers were working on Nise’s shirt. It was already open by the time Nise had unzipped him.

Tugging down the fabric, Nise’s hands palmed against the skin of Rolo’s thighs, pausing when he came across a scar he hadn’t seen before. Months of seeing Rolo naked had given him a good idea of where every scar and mark was, left over from Rolo’s past in Tokyo (and occasionally his nights with Lelouch), but this was one he hadn’t seen before. He traced it with a forefinger, shifting his gaze up to Rolo’s face, which was contorted in either pain or pleasure. A hiss passed Rolo’s lips and Nise froze.

Sometimes, it was hard to tell if he was hurting or making Rolo feel good, and it made Nise cautious. He knew Rolo liked things rough, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to protect and care for Rolo like he would with Naminé. Which was why he watched Rolo carefully, waiting for an indication.

The response he got was a whine of displeasure. “God, what are you waiting for?” Rolo grunted, digging his fingers into the carpet where he had moved his hands.

Before continuing, Nise experimentally brushed his fingers across the scar again and lowered his lips to tongue it. “Where did this come from?” he asked against the skin. It was a smallish scar, but new and shiny as if it had been from a burn.

Rolo groaned again, glaring at Nise. “You don’t want to know,” he gritted, and Nise was tempted to just drop it. Those five words were usually the code for something about Rolo’s relationship with Lelouch, an area of discussion Nise very much liked to avoid. He didn’t like the thought of Rolo being fucked by Lelouch, but he wouldn’t let himself admit that it was because he was jealous or wanted Rolo to himself. He told himself it was just a turn off, even when some nights he woke up with his cock hard and the memory of a dream about Rolo and Lelouch in his mind.

Pushing the thought of the two together out of his mind (even as he felt his pants tighten in response to it), he brushed his fingertips against the discolored skin again. “It looks like a burn.”

“That’s because it is a burn. Fuck, Nise, just… Are you going to fuck me or not?”

Nise felt a smirk forming on his own lips. It wasn’t too often when he got to tease Rolo outside the times they had sex (and at those moments, he took advantage of teasing Rolo a lot. Hearing him beg was always satisfying), and when opportunities presented themselves, he used them. He sucked on the scar again before going on. “Hm, maybe. But only if you tell me what kind of burn this is.”

Rolo’s fingers clenched and released in the carpet, and then he pushed himself into a sitting position. His violet eyes were dark with lust and a bit of frustration, just the way Nise liked to see them. Making an angry noise, Rolo glared at him. “Nii-sama decided to teach me not to smoke in the car by using my thigh as an ash tray.”

A choked noise escaped Nise, and to his own surprise he felt himself go harder at the very thought even as intense anger bubbled inside him. Lelouch had hurt Rolo? Nise hated everything about the very idea. But right now, Rolo was his alone. And he was going to prove that he was far better and more gentle than Lelouch ever could be.

Adjusting, he pushed Rolo down again and kissed him hard, tongue forcing its way past Rolo’s lips and into his mouth. The brunet responded eagerly, reaching down to grasp Nise through the fabric of his pants and squeezing him, earning a moan in response.

They resumed the hasty removal of clothing, Nise reaching out to touch as much of Rolo as he could in the process. He paused only to retrieve the lube from the spot he always knew it would be (in the desk, the second drawer on the left, next to the fresh pack of cigarettes and a box of condoms). When he returned, Rolo had already pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside, legs spread wide for the upper classman. Nise was tempted to suck Rolo off first, and then fuck him, but the wanting look on Rolo’s features made him forgo the foreplay. He spread the cool lube on his hard cock and grabbed Rolo’s legs so he could position himself.

Before he could enter, Rolo reached out and stopped him, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Wait… ah, I have an idea. Nng… Go and get a shoelace from my closet.”

Nise hesitated, frowning and searching Rolo’s eyes with his own jade colored ones. Rolo could be kinkier than any porno Nise had seen, and while he enjoyed it, it made him nervous at times. But he was hard and wanted to be inside Rolo now, and didn’t think Rolo would consent until he did as he was told. Part of Nise just wanted to ignore Rolo and thrust himself into him, but curiosity got the better of him. He got up and found a pair of old shoes, quickly pulling out the laces and bringing them back.

When he returned, he offered them to Rolo, who took one and as Nise’s eyes widened in slight shock, the younger boy tied it around the base of his own cock. Nise’s mouth opened in surprised, but before he could object, Rolo reached out for him. “Trust me, kay? Now… c’mon. I want you inside.”

It was a request Nise couldn’t ignore. He grabbed Rolo’s legs again, pulling him closer and pressed the tip of his erection against Rolo’s ass. Pushing inside, he hissed, still surprised at how tight Rolo could be after who knows how many times they had sex (or how many times Rolo and Lelouch had sex). Below him, Rolo made a noise that sounded so good in Nise’s ears, his hips urging the junior to begin, which Nise did with pleasure.

He rocked hard against Rolo, thrusting as hard and deep as he could. Rolo’s body was hot and tight around him, and each forward motion pulled a cry from Rolo that nearly made Nise come. As he fucked Rolo, he shifted a hand to Rolo’s bound cock, stroking it in the same rhythm he had built up. The touch must’ve been enough for Rolo because his body tightened even more around Nise, and Nise couldn’t help but groan. He came inside Rolo, the fingers of one hand digging into the skin of Rolo’s thigh, the other gripping the brunet’s cock hard.

Rolo choked out a cry, shuddering and arching into the touch. Nise, trying to catch his breath, glanced down at his best friend, and growled as he realized Rolo hadn’t come yet. He pulled out of him, and pulled Rolo into another hard kiss before tearing his lips away. “Why didn’t you…?”

He was interrupted by a strangled laugh, Rolo gazing up at him with glazed eyes and flushed cheeks. “It’s the string… Can’t… Can’t come until you let me…”

Nise’s eyes widened again. He hadn’t realized that was Rolo’s intention, but he couldn’t say he didn’t like it. The binding meant that Rolo was at his mercy, a concept that almost made him hard again. His green eyes traveled the length of Rolo’s naked body, taking in the scars, bruises, and sweat-slicked skin. When his eyes came to a rest on Rolo’s cock, he could feel another smirk slipping onto his lips. “God… Rolo, you… Shit,” was all he could manage.

He leaned down, and brushed his fingers over the neglected erection, hearing Rolo whine. The noise was sexy, Nise thought, so he repeated the motion in hopes of hearing it again. And he did, with each gentle pet and stroke he bestowed on Rolo, to tease him.

Another desperate noise escaped Rolo, making Nise glance up. He took pleasure in seeing Rolo so wanting and needy. It made Nise feel as if, somehow, he was better than Lelouch. Better than anyone else. The only one that could make Rolo scream, and cry, and come as hard as he did. It made Nise feel stronger than he knew he was, and he liked it. Something deep inside him made him remember that Rolo was the one bestowing the power on him, and therefore still had more power than Nise ever would, but Nise pushed that thought down as he bent over and licked the tip of Rolo’s cock.

There was the salty taste of precum, and Nise licked his lips and then Rolo’s shaft. His “tutor” was very hard, and Nise wondered if it hurt. Knowing Rolo, he probably enjoyed the pain.

“Fuck, Nise, just… God!”

Nise smirked again, taking his own sweet time to torture Rolo, getting more curses and whimpers from the younger teen. Rolo had given up the control and Nise was going to take as much advantage of it as he could. He gave Rolo another slow lick, tonguing his tip before finally sucking the cock past his lips. The action earned him a long, high pitched mewl from Rolo.

He sucked Rolo hard, licked him gently, alternating until Rolo was gasping and clutching desperately at the silver strands of his hair. Rolo’s hips bucked, and he writhed beneath Nise, and finally Nise heard what he wanted to hear.

“Please…! Please, Nise! Please… L-let me… let me come!”

With Rolo’s cock in his mouth, Nise slowly untied the string around the base of Rolo’s cock. The boy below him gave a strangled cry and came hard. Nise almost choked on the come, not expecting there to be as much as there was. He swallowed it down and licked Rolo as clean as he could before pulling away. He watched Rolo beneath him as he panted and whimpered. The brunet’s eyes were closed, and it looked as if he was still overcome by the high of the orgasm.

Smiling to himself, Nise shifted and pressed kisses to Rolo’s neck. Rolo’s arms wrapped around him and held him close, still babbling and whimpering softly.

This was the moment Nise believed he liked the most about sex with Rolo. Because after the dirty talk, the rough sex, whatever they did… Rolo was not only putty in his hands but so vulnerable and soft. He was quiet, gentle, and almost like a kitten with the way he would purr. This was the version of Rolo that Nise liked to see most, and he nuzzled back. He continued to gently caress and kiss Rolo as the younger teen’s heartbeat slowed.

After a few minutes of afterglow, Rolo sighed. Turning his head, Nise looked down at Rolo to see him smiling. Reaching up, Rolo guided his fingers through Nise’s hair, petting him in just the way that Nise enjoyed.

“Hey…” he murmured.

“Hey,” Nise said back, voice just as soft as Rolo’s.

“I was, uh… thinking.” Rolo shifted his gaze away from Nise’s eyes, his flushed cheeks flushing darker. Nise blinked, staring down at him while wondering if he should be worried. Rolo thinking could be a dangerous thing. Sometimes.

“About what?”

“Ok, so… I know we’re not exactly like, exclusive or anything. But, uh…” There was a falter in Rolo’s voice. It made Nise frown more, pushing himself up to look down at Rolo a bit better, but Rolo was still avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah? So what.”

“Would you… I mean, if you don’t want to that’s cool or whatever…”

“Would I what?” Nise dug his fingers into Rolo’s hips, not liking where the conversation was going. While they weren’t exclusive and weren’t dating, Nise didn’t like to think of Rolo as being with anyone else (Lelouch was an exception, because he knew he could never pull Rolo away from him), and it was beginning to sound like some sort of breakup.

“Um… look, I was just figuring… Y’know how girls ask me out sometimes, and it gets kinda annoying to say I’m not interested ‘cause they never believe me. So I was just wondering…”

“Spit it out, Rolo.”

Rolo flinched at the cold tone in Nise’s voice, shifting his gaze back to Nise and giving him a timid smile. “Can I… Can I call you my boyfriend?”

It took a moment for Nise to register the request, staring down at Rolo with wide green eyes.

“I mean, I don’t have to if you don’t want me to. I mean, I don’t--”

Nise cut him off with a soft kiss, stealing Rolo’s lips for a moment. When he finally pulled away, he smirked. “Shut up, Rolo.”

“Eh?” The look Rolo gave him was pretty cute, Nise thought. A mixture of confusion, embarrassment, and shyness. The complete opposite of the aggressive Rolo that had challenged him earlier.

“It’s cool, I guess. I mean, it’s not like I mind. I dunno.” Nise shrugged, trying to make it seem as something trivial, even as he saw a light in Rolo’s eyes.

“R-really? I mean… it doesn’t have to be anything girly or whatever. Just to keep the girls from--”

“It’s cool. I don’t care. Just one thing, though.”

Rolo paused, the smile forming on his lips faltering a moment. “What is it?”

“If anyone asks for details, you’re totally the sub.”

Snorting, Rolo buried his face in Nise’s hair, tugging on it lightly as he laughed. “Deal.”

Wegeners granulomatosis and how it affects me

lavaliere — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:45:47 GMT

For those of you who are already familiar with my heath problems, feel free to ignore this. This is just an updated version of my original diagnosis post.

For those of you who are either new to my flist or unaware of my medical condition, please read on.

As of July 2007, I've been diagnosed with Wegeners granulomatosis.

What is Wegeners granulomatosis?
Wegener's granulomatosis is a rare form of vasculitis, or inflammation of the blood vessels, that begins in the respiratory system. As the disease progresses, it can cause complete kidney failure. Due to its end-organ damage, it can be a serious disease that requires long-term immune suppression.

Who does it affect?
Wegener's is so rare that only about 10 people in 1 million contract the disease each year. Most often, the patients are Caucasian and in while the disease can occur at any age, it is more likely to affect adults in their thirties and forties.

What causes it?
The cause of Wegener's granulomatosis has not been identified. However, it appears to be an immune system response to an unknown trigger. The bodies’ immune system produces white blood cells and proteins called antibodies that attack and kill foreign invaders – usually bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Wegener's granulomatosis seems to be an autoimmune disease, which means something causes the immune system to see the body’s own tissues as foreign invaders. In this case, the antibodies actually attack the immune system’s own white blood cells causing inflammation of the blood vessels and inflamed tumor-like masses called granulomas that interfere with blood flow. Wegener's granulomatosis is not hereditary or contagious, which means one person cannot pass it on to another.

Update: It is now widely presumed that the anti-neutrophil cytoplasmic antibodies (ANCAs) are responsible for the inflammation in Wegener's. The typical ANCAs in Wegener's are those that react with proteinase 3, an enzyme prevalent in neutrophil granulocytes. This type of ANCA is also known as cANCA, with the c indicating cytoplasmic (in contrast to pANCA, which is perinuclear).

ANCAs activate neutrophils, increase their adherence to endothelium, and lead to their degranulation. This causes extensive damage to the vessel wall, particularly of arterioles. (In laymans terms, this means that the ANCAs tend to stick to the walls of a person's blood vessles, and slowly eat away at that tissue.)

The exact cause for the production of ANCAs is unknown, although some drugs have been implicated in secondary forms of Wegener's. As with many autoimmune disorders, the cause is probably genetic predisposition combined with molecular mimicry caused by a virus or bacterium.

What are the symptoms? those that I suffer are in red.

Upper airway, eye and ear disease:
— Nose: pain, stuffiness, nosebleeds, rhinitis, crusting, saddle-nose deformity due to a perforated septum *NOTE:* The septum of my nose (ie, the piece of cartilage that separates a person's nostrils) was originally deviated, or off-centered and crooked, due to Wegeners, but has been re-adjusted thanks to a surgery. Yes, that's right. I got a nose job.)

— Ears: conductive hearing loss due to auditory tube dysfunction, sensorineural hearing loss (unclear mechanism)

— Oral cavity: strawberry gingivitis, underlying bone destruction with loosening of teeth, non-specific ulcerations throughout oral mucosa

— Eyes: pseudotumours, scleritis, conjunctivitis, uveitis, episcleritis

Airways:
— Trachea: subglottal stenosis

— Lungs: pulmonary nodules (referred to as "coin lesions"), infiltrates (often interpreted as pneumonia), cavitary lesions, pulmonary hemorrhage causing hemoptysis, and rarely bronchial stenosis.

Kidney: rapidly progressive segmental necrotising glomerulonephritis (75%), leading to chronic renal failure

Arthritis: Pain or swelling (60%), often initially diagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis (The pain I experience centers primarily in my sinuses, due to inflammation of the tissue in those areas. This inflammation causes extremely painful headaches, though I also experience joint and muscle pain.).

Skin: nodules on the elbow, purpura, various others (see cutaneous vasculitis)

Nervous system: occasionally sensory neuropathy (10%) and rarely mononeuritis multiplex

Heart, gastrointestinal tract, brain, other organs: rarely affected.

How is it diagnosed?
Because untreated Wegener's granulomatosis can progress to renal (or kidney) failure, it is important to diagnose and treat it as soon as possible. A doctor will study a person's medical history and perform a complete physical examination. Diagnosis is based primarily on a pattern of symptoms, but blood tests can help rule out other possible causes and support a diagnosis. Most people with Wegener's granulomatosis will have a high level of antineutrophil cytoplasmic antibodies (ANCAs) in the blood. These antibodies are the ones that attack the immune system’s own white blood cells. The amount of ANCA in the blood can help measure the progression of the disease. Blood tests may also show a low red blood cell count (anemia) and a high white count. Patients with renal disease may also have a build-up of wastes in the blood, called uremia, because the kidneys are not working as they should. Urinalysis also may show red blood cells in the urine. If symptoms indicate renal disease, your doctor may order a kidney biopsy, in which a small sample of kidney tissue is removed for study. Other diagnostic tests include lung x-rays and computed tomography (CT) scans of affected organs.

What is the treatment?
Wegener's granulomatosis is treated with immunosuppressive drugs, which inhibit the activity of the immune system in order to control the disease. One commonly used drug is cyclophosphamide, also used in cancer treatment. Wegener's granulomatosis is also treated with corticosteroids that reduce inflammation. Blood tests to measure the levels of antibodies in the blood help your doctor determine the dosage needed. Immunosuppressive drugs also compromise the body’s ability to fight infection, so it is important to guard against infections by receiving vaccinations against the flu and pneumonia while under treatment. Once fatal in most cases, people with Wegener's granulomatosis now have a good response to treatment when diagnosed early.

According to Wikipedia:
Before steroid treatment became available, mortality within one year was over 90%, with average survival being 5 months. Steroids prolonged average survival to 8 months. The introduction of cyclophosphamide (CYC) in the 1970s was a major breakthrough.[7]

Initial treatment is generally with corticosteroids and oral cyclophosphamide (CYC), 1 mg/kg/day and 2 mg/kg/day, respectively. Occasionally CYC is given in monthly intravenous (IV) doses. Monitoring of the white blood count is essential during CYC therapy. Once remission is attained (normally 3 to 6 months), treatment is frequently changed to azathioprine or methotrexate, which are less toxic drugs. Total duration of therapy should be at least one year, or longer in high risk patients. Corticosteroids are tapered to a low maintenance dose, 5-10 mg/day. Plasmapheresis may be beneficial in severe disease or pulmonary hemorrhage. Experience with other treatment agents is very limited.

In my case, I take a combination of the mentioned steroids (namely Prednisone), a anti-biotic known as Bactrim, weekly injections of Methotrexate, and bi-yearly infusions of an expirmental chemotherepy drug known as Rituxan. Because the steroids and chemotherepy treatments have high levels of side effects, I also take a wide range of other medications to counteract them. I also have to take narcotic pain medication in the form of Oxycontin to keep the pain from the headaches, which are caused by the inflammation of my sinuses.

My doctor decided not to put me on the cyclophosphamide infusions (also known as Cytoxin) because the high risk of becoming steril at my age. Since I'm still rather young (especially for someone with this disease), neither I nor my doctor want to risk losing a chance for me to have children in the future. That was why I was put on Rituxan instead, because even though it's still expirmental for the treatment of Wegeners, all tests done so far have shown it to be successful.

How does Wegeners affect me specifically?
Primarily, the main thing I experience due to my Wegeners is overwhelmingly painful headaches. These headaches are caused by inflammation of the tissue in my sinuses. It is unknown why the ANCAs in my system attack this particular area, rather than the lungs or the kidneys as is usual with this disease, but I am grateful in the way that I have yet to worry about lung or kidney failure (which would ultimately lead to death). However, the pain I experience can be so excruciating that only heavy amounts of narcotic pain mediation succeed in giving me relief.

During trips to the Emergency Room and stays in the hospital, I've been given Morphine, Dilauded (a synthetic form of Morphine), Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, and Fetynal. All of these are considered class 2 medications, meaning that if you're caught with them without having proof of a prescription, you can be arrested for possession. Not only that, but they are also highly addictive, and unfortunately for me, my body has built up a dependency on some of these medications. Should I suddenly cease to take them, I would go into withdrawal.

UPDATE: As of 2008, I've been weaned off the narcotic pain medication and put on Ketorolac instead. This helps because my pain is less frequent now and less overwhelming as it once had been.

Aside from the pain I experience, I also suffer from nosebleeds and symptoms that most people would mistake for allergies. Because the primary symptoms are very close to those of seasonal allergies, it took some time before my doctors came to the conclusion that I was suffering from something more than mundane. Also, due to the Wegener's, there is significant amount of damage in my nose, which led my doctors to initially believe that I was a drug user (specifically cocaine). What this all means is that after my initial diagnoses of having a sinus infection (which is another thing Wegener's is often mis-diagnosed as), it took nearly six months for doctors to properly diagnose my condition.

Thanks to the length of time that it took finally figure out what was the cause behind my year-long "allergies," unbearable pain, and loss of hearing in my right ear, I had to go through three sinus surgeries, three mastoidectomies, numerous nasal debrievments, more than ten hospital stays and enough blood tests to leave needle scars on my inner arms.

Because of the rareness of this particular disease, treatment has been somewhat difficult. Some of the usual methods for treatment would have been inappropriate for my age (like the Cytoxin), while some of the usual treatments proved to not be enough to push me into remission. The course of steroids, antibiotics, and methotrexate I was was not successful like my doctor had hoped, so as a result, I had to find another form of treatment. This took some time, because the route my doctor and I decided on is still considered experimental. My doctor and I had to fill out numerous requests for my insurance to cover the costly treatment, but since my doctor is well established in his field (being one of the number one rheumatologists in the nation), my appeal was granted and in March 2008, I began infusions of Rituxan.

Since the second infusion in April, I have been feeling a lot better and a lot healthier than I have felt for over a year. It has been nearly two years since my numerous hospital stays and ER trips began, and I'm glad to be (hopefully) moving on with my life.

Despite my seemingly remittive state, I still have to deal with some of the consequences of this disease. First of which are the side effects that I'm still dealing with that are caused by my medications. The Prednisone, being a steroid, causes depression, weight gain, and hormonal influxes. For me, this means I have to deal with negative emotions, unsightly acne (when I had originally had a very nice complexion), and the some 30lbs I've gained since starting treatment. Not only is it discouraging at times, but it also has led to other health issues. Not only does the prednisone make me gain weight, but it also throws off my glucose levels. Essentially, I have become diabetic when previously I had no problems with my blood sugar levels. A close eye has to be kept on these levels because they can cause kidney problems if not properly regulated. Since Wegener's also causes kidney problems, I have to be extra cautious.

Not only do I have to struggle daily with the affects given to me by my medication, but I also have to live with the fact that I will unlikely ever regain the hearing in my right ear. After the three surgeries I've had on it, and the significant amount of damage to my ear drum thanks to the Wegener's, I have lost a good portion of my hearing. My ear doctor remains optimistic that I'll regain my hearing eventually, but it's long past his initial theories on when my hearing would return. This is especially regretful, since I am a musician (I play the violin), and hearing is a primary part of being able to play well (and yes, I know Beethoven was deaf, but he played the piano. Not the violin).

The next thing I have to deal with regularly is to have regular blood tests, MRIs and CT scans. The first helps my doctors determine my ANCA levels (which lets them know whether I'm in remission or not), my glucose levels, and other things like my iron levels. I have to have regular CT and MRI scans to determine whether the Wegener's is advancing into my brain or not. Normally, most Wegener's sufferers don't have to worry about damage to the brain, but since my Wegener's is centered in my sinuses, which are very close to my brain, the doctors are determined to keep a good eye on that. Not only that, but during my initial CT and MRI scans, it was discovered that I had a mass in the back of my brain, on the right side. This caused some worry with my doctors because, obviously, a lump in someone's brain suggests a tumor. So far, the mass has not changed in size and my doctors have come to the conclusion that it's probably nothing to be concerned of. But they're keeping a watch on it nonetheless, because if it does look like it's growing, then a biopsy will have to be preformed.

Finally, the last thing I've had to face since the beginning of my health struggles is the inability I have to work. For over a year now, I have been out of work and out of school due to the effects of my disease. Fortunately, I was approved during one of my early hospital stays for aid from the State in the form of a General Asistance Grant. This grant provides for a certain amount of money that I receive each month in order to pay my bills along with Medical Aid that covers a good amount of my medical bills. This is especially helpful because even though I have very good insurance, it does not cover all the bills I've needed to pay.

UPDATE: And as of April 2009, I've finally been approved for Social Security Disability. Since it's become clear I can't work to earn money, I've been approved and now focus more on maintaining my treatment rather than worrying about whether my bills will get paid. Since I'm on disability, there's been a slight change in my medical insurance, mostly in the sense that I'm on Medicare now, rather than Medicaid. This means that much like retired individuals, I have to go through a lot of stipulations. But with the new steps in health care coverage, things are working out a lot better than they might've been.

The following is a list of the medications I'm currently taken, or have taken:
~~Ativan 1mg (As Needed For Sleep)~~
Bactrim DS 800-160 (Twice Daily)
Benedryl 50mg (As Needed)
Calcium 1g (Once Daily)
Cymbalta 90mg (Once Daily)
Flexeril 10mg (As needed for sleep)
Ferrous Sulfate 5g (Three Times Daily)
Folic Acid 5 1mg tablets
Gabapentin 600mg
~~Glipizide 5mg~~
Methotrexate 1cc subcutaneously (Once A Week)
~~Morphine Sulfate 15mg~~
~~Norco 10/325mg~~
~~Oxycodone 10mg, as needed~~
~~Oxycontin 10mg (Every 12 Hours)~~
Prilosec 20mg (Twice Daily)
Prednisone 7.5mg
Promethazine 25mg (As needed for nausea)
Rituxan Infusion (Every 6 Months)
~~Topamax 100mg~~
~~Trazadone 100mg~~
Verapamil 120 mg
Xanax 0.5mg (As Needed For Anxiety/Sleep)
~~Zoloft 100mg~~

TL;DR? I have a very rare, very incurable disease that has a large affect on my life, and I talk about it a lot. Also, it's a bitch to live with.