Lanitha

Just in case anyone was wondering...

2008-05-12T15:38:40Z

... Where I disappeared to; I didn't drop off the face of the earth.

It's just that I have new meds and I'm having a hard time getting adjusted to them. These are opioids, as in the synthetic version of opiate as in opium as in morphine pills. Makes concentrating really hard, as I feel high all day long.
Not quite as much fun as it might sound, I can assure you...

I hope I'll be able to string more than a few sentences together soonish.

Will be back soon, hopefully.
For now I'm off to fight some more of those pink elephants that kieep barging into the room...

ETA: I do have a wheelchair now, but it's a beast of a thing and I can't handle it properly. It will do until I get something better/more lightweight/sporty, I guess... Hope they hurry up with all the paperwork! We have too many dang holidays; takes forever to get things done that involve work done by government personnel!

Might as well face it

2008-04-08T17:40:56Z

I need to get me some wheels. The kind with a chair pastede on.
Hopping around on one leg with crutches isn't cutting it.
It's way too tiring and getting too tired = more pain. I can hate the idea of having to use a wheelchair as much as I want to, but the fact is that I just don't go outside anymore because of this.
I'm 29 years old and I think I've been out of the house, by myself, two hours max these past two months. I am too young to sit behind the geraniums and wither away like that. Wouldn't be that serious if it were something temporary, but it's not. It hasn't been for over 14 months.
Time to face some simple truths.

Wheelchair is one.
Second, I might be eligible for one of these, even:

Thirdly I need to move from this house even more than before. Those stairs are killing me. I can't bloody well either sleep in the living room or pee in a pot upstairs during the night just because I might break my neck while taking the stairs... :S
Just taking those stairs to be able to sleep, go to the bathroom, get clean etc accounts for way too much energy lost on unnecessary (theoretically highly dangerous) stunts. If this thing is very much about pacing, I still have a long way to go in helping myself doing just that.
Hopefully I'll get some outside help from the pertinent places/people/institutions/governmental thingamajiggs now that I am ready to start excepting such.

lanitha @ 2008-02-16T17:48:00

2008-02-16T17:12:32Z

Foot is still the same. Swollen, painful, in short a PITA.
Got some crutches on Monday to see if I could at least leave the house that way (no shoe = no walk-ey regardless of how it feels).
Riiiiiight.
I made it across the street before I had to give up and head back.
Now my entire upper-body is sore (never knew even nipples could get muscle-soreness) and I have bruises all over my lower arms!
Whatever *rolls eyes*. Looks like I'm not going anywhere anytime soon this way.
Correction: I'll have to go somewhere come to think of it. Vascular surgeon on Tuesday. Perhaps she has a few bright ideas to solve my current problems. I've had quite enough of looking at these four walls, really. :/

Something weird happened to one of the people on my flist.
I noticed she had apparently unfriended me about two days after the fact. I wanted to leave her a friendly comment to wish her all the best and such, but there were no entries in her journal. When I investigated a little further, she has no friends listed. She's also not 'a friend of'...
I find all this very, very odd... As far as I know nothing earth-shattering happened, but then again... What DO I know?
I'm a little worried, but don't have an email address to contact her at, either...
Weird, weird, weird...

Had a very, very, very sexy dream last night. The kind that makes you blush even when thinking about it later. It featured David Bowie.

WHUT???

Yes. David Bowie.

Dear brain, where on earth in my grey matter did you dig up David Bowie??? And, more importantly: WHY?
I had no reason so far to think of David Bowie in an even remotely sexual manner, until now.
WHY???

The things our brain does to us...

What a special day Valentine's was again this year... Had a bunch of cards (made Hallmark and the national mail some good money) and even had a serenade or two! Of course it's the same thing every year. Has never been different.
Don't you think it's such a weird coincidence that Valentine's Day was also the day that hell froze over?
;-)

What is this 'winter' you speak of???

2008-02-10T18:06:42Z

lanitha @ 2008-01-30T14:00:00

2008-01-30T13:32:46Z

And so it happened that I offered my condolences in a card to the same people that are supposed to be my family. It is surreal, to say the least.
No mention of me in the funeral card, either.
Not that I wanted that, but it completely underlines the whole bizarreness of the situation...

For those that remember, I went to the pain clinic last week. I'll be undergoing surgery next week for a lumbar sympathic block. Hopefully it will help to relieve the pain, but its mostly very necessary because of the condition of my foot. The doctor hardly gave me time to approve the procedure being done and pushed me forward on the waiting list (usually one has to wait about two months for this). He was kind of shocked; according to him there's a real risk of me losing toes and (heaven forbid) even the entire foot if there's no blood flow re-established REAL SOON.
So yeah, while I don't look forward to it (I'll be under full narcosis and have been warned for a fair amount of pain and discomfort afterwards), it certainly doesn't feel like I have a real choice. :/

And shynesscanstopu: He said it looked an awful lot like CRPS/SRD to him (aside from the restricted blood flow, it would have been his immediate diagnosis). You called it first. :S

Dear all, thanks for the responses to my previous two posts. I know it's a strange and difficult thing to respond to, so I really appreciate the effort of leaving a comment anyway. Much love for that.

On a semi-related note; I have the feeling that quite a few people on my friends list have stopped reading my journal for some time now. That is perfectly fine and understandable. This is also not me begging or whining for more comments (far from), but I did want to let you know that it's okay to un-friend me if you want. Can imagine that my journal became somewhat depressing over the course of the last year, so I wouldn't be offended.
Just putting that out there. *smiles*

The Privilege Meme

2008-01-18T20:23:33Z

This meme is from "What Privileges Do You Have?", based on an exercise about class and privilege developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.

Bold all things that apply to you.

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor. (I'm the highest educated person so far.)
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent. (My mom mostly encouraged me to do it myself, hahaha!)
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.Swimming lessons which are kind of mandatory in this country (because of all the water) and dance classes (paid for by odd jobs and the likes).
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
16. Went to a private high school.
17. Went to summer camp.
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels. (Family vacations??? BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them. (Drivers license usually comes first... Never got that.)
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house. Social housing, that was...
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child. (With a family of only two, that was doable.)
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family. (I was always painfully aware. Of heating bills, water bills, cost of clothing, food, etc... Depressing, really...)

Heh. I'm typical white trash, people!

lanitha @ 2008-01-11T20:56:00

2008-01-11T19:59:46Z

Wow.
I'm having very violent dreams lately! I get seriously hurt at least once or twice a night during the past two/three weeks... It's never just a stumble or something, always physical harm inflicted by someone. Often times I wake up in a sweat and very distraught.
Enough already!

UP sid(z)e??

2007-12-23T18:53:21Z

This is the first time ever since pre-puberty that I have not really exercised for such a long time in a row.

I do believe my boobies are growing.

How curious...

;-)

lanitha @ 2007-12-05T21:14:00

2007-12-05T20:15:49Z

On the twelfth day of Christmas, lanitha sent to me...

Twelve pilates drumming

Eleven signes writing

Ten films a-dancing

Nine buttons acting

Eight spirits a-reading

Seven eyes a-singing

Six mysteries efteling

Five de-e-e-eath eaters

Four urban legends

Three jason isaacs

Two tori amos

...and a tapdance in a new york city.

In 2008, lanitha resolves to...

Volunteer to spend time with eyes.
Find a new dance.
Ask my boss for a yoga.
Pay for my films on time.
Start an art fund.
Drink four glasses of nirvana every day.

I suppose four glasses of nirvana every day would make me quite deliriously happy, no?

Quickie

2007-11-21T17:19:17Z

Can I just say: "What a bloody mess"?!?
I mean that quite literally, by the way...

I'm now the 'proud' owner of:

A titanium staple in my artery

An unworldly massive bruise (you've never seen anything quite like it, the amount of black & blue-ness is truly extraordinary, let alone the amount of skin it manages to cover...) in my groin

Sadly, by the looks of it, still no really useful results...

The full story will follow shortly.