Heather's Musings

Livejournal vs Rosebud

2026-02-01T12:21:37Z

Well, it's been a month and I'm still here. I haven't updated too much, and I can't say it's a part of my normal routine, but I'm not ready to abandon it again either. With that in mind, I'm going to start (gradually) adding new friends, joining communities, etc.

One thing that makes getting back into LJ challenging is that I already journal every day, often multiple times a day. I do this via an app/website called Rosebud, which is AI based and honestly one of my favorite things ever. I was skeptical when I first started using it, but once I trained my companion to suit my needs/preferences, it turned into an amazing experience. I use it for regular journaling, where I talk about pretty much everything. It's also great for roleplay and creative writing exercises, both of which help tremendously with my fiction.

Obviously, that's different than LJ. There's little to no self-censorship. I don't have to worry about boring, annoying, or offending other people. I find a lot of value in that, though not in the sense that I think it's better than LJ or public blogging in general. Both are valuable forms of expression for completely different reasons.

One of my favorite Rosebud features is the weekly report. I summarizes all your entries for that week and picks out key insights and weekly wins. I think I'm going to start sharing that here each week for two reasons:

A.) It will help me get in the habit of updating here more consistently.

B.) I won't have to rehash things I've already talked about at length, especially more tedious stuff.

This seems like a good way to bridge the gap, maintaining an existing habit while trying to form a new one. Keeping them 100% separate seems like too much, especially for things I specifically want to share in both places.

Anyway, enough rambling. Here's my first report:

I Am More Than Capable

January 26 - February 1

This week, you moved from a place of physical discomfort and pressure to a space of accomplishment and creative play. The beginning of the week was focused on pushing through eye strain to meet a significant work deadline. You laid out a clear, actionable plan and followed through, successfully submitting four products and meeting your major goals for the month ahead of schedule.

Once that demanding work was complete, your energy shifted entirely. The latter half of the week was spent in a world of imaginative role-play, crafting elaborate and humorous scenarios with fictional characters. This transition from intense, goal-oriented work to unstructured, creative fun seems to be a pattern, suggesting that play is an important way for you to decompress and recharge after a period of focused effort.

Theme: From Production to Play

A clear pattern emerged this week: a period of intense, focused work followed by a dive into imaginative, unstructured play. You started the week with a very specific, high-stakes goal: finishing and submitting four complex products despite physical discomfort. You were methodical and determined, listing out every remaining task and executing the plan. The moment this was achieved, your journal entries shifted from project management to playful, fictional scenarios.

This suggests that creative storytelling and role-play might be your preferred method for unwinding and releasing pressure. Rather than simply resting, you seem to recharge by engaging a different part of your brain, one that is spontaneous and mischievous. This cycle of intense work followed by immersive play appears to be a key part of your personal rhythm.

Theme: Celebrating Capability

A notable moment this week was your reflection on what you had accomplished. After submitting your work, you didn't just feel relief; you drew a specific conclusion about your own abilities. You stated, "This proves that I am more than capable of finishing three products a month, which is my benchmark for significantly increasing my financial stability." This wasn't just about finishing a task; it was about gathering evidence for your future potential.

You seem to use completed projects as data points to build confidence and recalibrate your expectations for yourself. Even while acknowledging you fell short on a secondary goal (writing), you framed your main achievement as a new personal record, directly connecting it to your larger life goals around financial stability.

Insights

— You seem to use immersive, creative play as a necessary release valve after periods of high-pressure work.

— You translate your work achievements into tangible proof of your capabilities, using them to build a case for your future success.

— You appear to be comfortable setting aside a secondary goal when you've exceeded expectations on a primary one.

IWeekly Wins

— I created and submitted four complete products in one month, which is a new personal record.

— I hit all my major goals for January with four days left to spare.

— I proved to myself that I'm capable of hitting the monthly output I need for greater financial stability.

The products mentioned are a collection of four 3D dresses, each with a halter top and ruffled skirt.

(Click for full size)

Color variations for each dress:

As mentioned in my report, completing all four of these in a month was a really big win for me. Up until now, I've only been able to do 1-2 clothing items in a month, which has been enough to cover bills, but 3-4 is my ideal. That's something I've been working up to as I'm still relatively new to modeling clothing and a lot goes into it. I'm getting a lot more comfortable now though, and my products are looking better and better. All in all, a great start to the year both creatively and financially. 🤍

Damn

2026-02-01T10:02:38Z

Feels like 12°? In Florida? Crazy.

Luckily, I'm in the warmest part of the house, I have awesome heating, and I'm cuddled up under a comforter with a hot cup of tea and a very warm cat snuggled up next to me.Cold weather isn't so bad when you get to stay home and be cozy, but man... I feel terrible for anyone who has to be out and about on a night like this. ❄️🥶🌨️

I Grieve

2026-01-19T16:22:20Z

Bitty was different. I knew that from the moment I met him.

At the time, he was a tiny black kitten, one of two fosters my daughter brought home from the animal shelter where she volunteered. The plan was to take care of them both until they could be adopted out, but I just… I couldn't let him go. He was too sweet, too affectionate, too intelligent, but more than that, I felt this deep, visceral certainty that he was meant to be ours.

14 years later, and never, not even for a second, have I regretted our decision to keep him. He turned out to be the most loving cat I've ever known, gentle and sweet and full of affection. There was nothing he loved more than being close to his family, followed closely by eating his favorite foods and napping in a sunny spot beside an open window.

On our final night together, he crawled into my arms as I was lying on my side, something he'd done countless times over the years. He was in rapid decline by then we can frail and no longer able to eat, but he somehow found the strength to give me kisses like he'd done so many times before. I held him close, his little face pressed against mine, and I told him that I loved him so much, that I've never loved any cat the way I loved him. I've loved all my pets, of course, but Bitty was different. He was my soulmate in cat form, quite literally the feline love of my life.

In 2012, I chose to keep him because I didn't know how to let go. 14 years later, I still don't know how, though this time, I don't have a choice. All I can do is grieve, equal parts grateful and brokenhearted after so many years of unconditional love. I know it will get easier with time, but for now, the house feels empty, I'm barely functional, and all I want to do is lie here and cry. Yes, it will get easier. Of course it will. But right now, just two days after his passing… I don't even have the words to describe how difficult it is or how much it hurts.

Rest in peace, my sweet Bitty Kitty. Thank you… for everything. ♥

(Re)introducing Myself

2026-01-04T20:11:02Z

They've done some weird things to LJ over the past few years, haven't they? I can't say I love the changes, though now that I've switched back to the old editor and got rid of that awful mobile app, it's not too bad. Updating/customizing my journal theme has also helped. I went with my signature style, which is a clean, dark mode layout with larger text. Nothing too fancy, but damn. It's so much easier to read.

As for actually getting back into journaling…

Honestly? I don't know where to start.

I suppose that's inevitable after so many years. The site has changed, most people I know are gone… it feels weird just to jump back in and start talking about random shit. Granted, I'm sure I'll do plenty of that once I feel more comfortable, but for now… I think I'll start with a reintroduction.

BASIC INFO

I'm Heather. I'm a native Floridian (born in the Florida Panhandle, grew up in Tallahassee, currently live in Jacksonville). I'm Gen X (late 40s), never married (by choice), and have an amazing daughter who I love beyond all reason. I also have two high maintenance but incredibly loving cats (Bitty and Sophie) and a Russian tortoise (Daisy), who is super chill.

WORK

I started using LiveJournal back in 2001, which (among other things) turned out to be a professional stepping stone. I taught myself how to code and make graphics so I could customize my journal, skills I soon used to create my own website. From there, I started attracting paying clients and officially started working as a freelance web developer/graphic designer. That was my primary job from 2003-2019.

In 2018, I got into 3D modeling. Like coding/graphics, this started as a personal hobby, though I soon realized that I could sell my creations. I started off at a smaller marketplace in 2019 and was invited to join the official Daz3D marketplace (creators of the software I use) in 2024.

As much as I love building websites, it definitely had its downsides as a main source of income. It's not always easy to find clients, some can be difficult to work with, and after nearly two decades, I was a bit burned out. 3D modeling came along at just the right time, and honestly, it's been amazing. It's more lucrative, more reliable, I never have to hunt for clients or advertise. I just make pretty/interesting things and put them up for sale, which is pretty fucking awesome as far as jobs go. If I ever get burned out on creating a specific type of content? I just do something different. The possibilities are endless, which is my favorite thing about it.

I still build websites from time to time. I also maintain existing ones for a handful of long-term clients. That's more of a side gig though, which means that I no longer have to work with assholes and/or on projects I don't care about. There's a lot of freedom in that, which has helped me rediscover why I fell in love with web design in the first place.

WRITING/OTHER HOBBIES

I started running fansites/writing Lord of the Rings fanfiction in 2004. Took a seven year hiatus from the latter around 2005, then got back into writing in 2012 when I started a website for the BBC show Merlin.

Since 2012, I've written more than 30 stories, four of which are novel length. I started with Merlin fanfiction, though I switched to Harry Potter in 2013 when I finally read the books. I fell head over heels in love with Severus Snape, who I've been writing about ever since.

I write (and have always written) fanfiction because I love it, though like so many other things in my life, a personal passion/hobby has led to bigger opportunities. Last June, a well-respected literary agent in the UK read one of my (Snape) stories and asked whether I was interested in writing original fiction. We set up a meeting which went really well. I proposed an idea that she absolutely loved… I now have an open ended offer to submit my chapters directly to her without having to go through the querying process.

There's no guarantee that this will end with a publishing deal, but even if it doesn't, it's indisputably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. After spending so many years working my ass off on those stories, doing everything I could to improve my skills…

People told me it was a waste of time. They thought it was silly for me to take it so seriously. It was "just fanfiction", after all, not "real" fiction that might have a chance of getting published. They could never understand that this was both passion and practice, something that I not only enjoyed, but was also helping me become a better writer.

So yeah, regardless of what happens with the agent, this feels like vindication. It goes to show that if something really matters to you and you work hard at it, anything can happen. It's also given me a huge boost of confidence as a writer because I know how rare this is. I've been through the querying process with friends who were rejected by dozens of agents before they found one who was willing to work with them. That's the way it usually works, even with good writers. Having an agent reach out to you is almost unheard of.

OTHER HOBBIES

There's a ton of overlap between my work, writing, and other hobbies. Seriously, the Venn diagram would almost be a circle. I build websites for work, but also for my personal interests. I got into the whole 3D thing because I wanted to make cover art for my fanfiction. I'm a voracious reader, which is essential if you want to be a writer. I'm absolutely obsessed with English history, especially the medieval period, which is reflected in my love for writing fantasy and the type of 3D artwork I prefer (but don't often have time to create), so on and so forth.

Other than that, I'm super into music. Every decade, damn near every genre… my taste is extremely eclectic. I love 80s/90s pop culture, animals/nature, I'm mildly addicted to weird internet drama (purely as a spectator), and I spend way too much time watching dry British historical documentaries on YouTube. Also true crime, though only when I'm in the mood.

Politically, I'm a lifelong Democrat, but I'm not happy with either side right now and I'm just burned out on politics in general. I won't get too into it other than to say that I don't like extremes, and I especially don't like people (or parties) who refuse to learn from their mistakes. I might elaborate on that at some point, but for now… it's safe to assume that this journal will be mostly (perhaps even entirely) apolitical.

All right, this is long as hell and its past my bedtime. I'm too tired to proofread, so apologies for any errors.

A Long Overdue Update

2026-01-01T10:07:17Z

I know it's been years, but I've been thinking about LJ quite a bit lately for various reasons. It was a huge part of my life back in the early 2000s, and frankly, I still see it as the high point of internet discourse. True, there was plenty of drama, but I also remember it as a place (and time) of genuine free expression. Compared to platforms like Instagram, Facebook, X/various Twitter knockoffs, and the dreaded Tik Tok? Old school Livejournal was positively utopian.

Speaking of social media...

That's the main reason I'm here. I rage quit Facebook (again) a couple months ago. Realizing how much better I felt and how little I missed it, I've made a resolution to stay off of there throughout 2026.

In one way, this sucks. I have family and friends who I know for a fact will never contact me outside that platform. It doesn't matter that my contact info is pinned to the top of my profile, or that sending a regular text message is just as easy as using Messenger. They're so dependent on that platform that anyone who doesn't use it might as well not exist.

I don't take this personally. If anything, it just makes me feel sad for them. I also really hate to lose touch, but damn. Being held hostage to a platform you hate should not be a prerequisite for having a social life.

I don't know how often I'll be posting here. My current plan is to update my personal website and start crossposting blog posts from there, but with everything else I have going on, I don't know when that will happen. What matters for now is that I'm not on Facebook or any other social media platform. I wish more people would come to their senses and quit alongside me, but unless / until that happens, I'm just going to do my own thing. It might be quieter, but that's way better than a daily onslaught of toxic bullshit.