This was harder than I thought it was going to be.
First of all, thank you to all those who commented on the previous post. Sucks that my first post of 2009 is because someone in my family has passed. Your kind words/hugs mean more than I can ever adequately express.
We had the viewing last night. I've been calm and strong for the past week. Sending reiki, offering shoulders for crying on. Hugging and holding. And then last night was the viewing and I lost it. Walking in and seeing Jack there in his coffin just vroomed me back 10 years at light speed and it was seeing my dad again for that final time all over again. I never really got the chance to fully grieve 10 years ago when daddy passed because I had a 5 yr old at the time who did not understand it when Mommy lost her sh!t and broke down crying. So last night, the now 15yr old better understands what it is like to lose a grandfather and it hit her hard. I'm finally getting a chance to grieve and it nailed me to a wall. And poor Scott, his last view of his father was after they turned the machines off, but the tubes were still in place. So all of us got hit alot harder than we expected we would. Phyllis did better than all of us last night.
Now in a few hours we go to lay Jack's body to rest. Scott has been asked to be a pall bearer to the man who became his father after Bill passed. We cremated my father and Scott's dad as well, so this is a new experience for us on laying a father to rest.
I'm tired. Did not sleep well. Thoughts are not stringing together well at all. BUt let me get thru today. Funeral and then interrment at Quantico and then reception at the Moose lodge. Then our open Imoblc Ritual. I'll go be with my brothers and sisters at TWC and celebrate coming back into the light in more ways than one.
We had the viewing last night. I've been calm and strong for the past week. Sending reiki, offering shoulders for crying on. Hugging and holding. And then last night was the viewing and I lost it. Walking in and seeing Jack there in his coffin just vroomed me back 10 years at light speed and it was seeing my dad again for that final time all over again. I never really got the chance to fully grieve 10 years ago when daddy passed because I had a 5 yr old at the time who did not understand it when Mommy lost her sh!t and broke down crying. So last night, the now 15yr old better understands what it is like to lose a grandfather and it hit her hard. I'm finally getting a chance to grieve and it nailed me to a wall. And poor Scott, his last view of his father was after they turned the machines off, but the tubes were still in place. So all of us got hit alot harder than we expected we would. Phyllis did better than all of us last night.
Now in a few hours we go to lay Jack's body to rest. Scott has been asked to be a pall bearer to the man who became his father after Bill passed. We cremated my father and Scott's dad as well, so this is a new experience for us on laying a father to rest.
I'm tired. Did not sleep well. Thoughts are not stringing together well at all. BUt let me get thru today. Funeral and then interrment at Quantico and then reception at the Moose lodge. Then our open Imoblc Ritual. I'll go be with my brothers and sisters at TWC and celebrate coming back into the light in more ways than one.