A Figment of Non Reality

ladybug1219 @ 2007-09-11T19:25:00

2007-09-12T00:40:00Z

these entries will be in response to the given quotes in tori_speak

01. Crucify
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my HEART is sick of being
In chains

Being hurt by love, trying to live up to the expectation and falling flat on your face. We try so hard to figure out what it was we did wrong, like it was somehow our faults and we only end up beating ourselves up as if it would change something. This song shows such an exhaustion, tired of being frustrated, "nothing I do is good enough for you" wanting so badly to have just everything turn out alright but all the while everything is so far away from alright. After all, thats all anyone could want, for things to be ok, to be happy with your self...love...life.

ladybug1219 @ 2007-08-08T00:38:00

2007-08-08T05:38:23Z

I have just created a brand new LIMS community for the band Placebo, placebo_lims. I have got the community up and running, all we need now is icon makers! If you have never participated in a LIMS before I encourage you to check us out! Round 01 Sign Ups have just been posted.

Big Post

2007-04-17T03:25:01Z

What an exhausting weekend...we have soon realized that it is not a good idea to wake me up at 5am, I am moody the rest of the day, anyway, i'll start from the beginning

we left on Friday afternoon to Houston, we saw my parents and brother and went to El Palenque with them and my aunt and cousins saturday then we headed off to Dallas.

We got to the hotel and chilled out for a little while

Then we decided to drive around looking for a restaurant to eat dinner, once we finally decided on a place to eat, we thought was a steak house but ended up being some crappy loud place, i mean it wasn't bad but it wasn't very good either.

So sunday, we wake up at 8:30 and I was wide awake, we got ready and took off.

When we first got there,

Not many people there when we first got there, and we got a set list and planned our day:

No one good was playing the main stage...practically all day, so we spent most of our time at the second/third stages we found some nice shaded seats and just watched a few bands

The Ataris - 11:30
some third stage band
Finger 11 - 12:30
some third stage band, we walked around a bit. We bought some Placebo merch, we decided to get two things so we could both get wristbands for the Placebo signing, we bought the Once More With Feelings DVD and another version of Meds with Running Up That Hill, UNEEDMEMORETHANINEEDU, and Lazarus which were not on the previous release, so that was good. Each purchase came with the wristband and a poster. Then,

Say Anything - 1:30
They only played a few songs,
Alive With the Glory of Love
Belt
Woe
Every Man Has A Molly
Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too

We were sitting kind of far away, just enjoying the show and all the dumb kids crowd surfing and falling, so I was talking to these guys afterwards who were up front and they said Say Anything was kicked off stage for too many people crowd surfing...so instead of the assholes asking say anything to tell the crowd to chill out, they decide to just kick them off. These guys I was talking to, they brought it up and I was saying, I was wondering why it was so short, I was sad that they didn't play The Futile, and they were like oh yeah! then I said I was upset about not hearing Admit It too and they tried to play it off like they knew what I was talking about but really, they had no clue, so they said oh its ok, we can just go and watch some My Chemical Romance and Papa Roach, and Saoisin, and all will be well...about that time is when the conversation ended :-P. *music snob*

We watched another third stage band then it was time for Placebo. I originally wanted to stay where we were sitting on the metal stands because I knew I was going to be able to see good, so Leroy was going to go up close and take some pictures then come back to see the rest of the concert with me but I decided that was a dumb idea, I need to suck it up, so I went up with him and we were pretty damn close, it was kind of hard for me to see but I made due :-) It was a fucking amazing show..but all the 2nd/3rd stage band only got 30 minutes and that was it, I decided I have mixed feelings about that, on the good side it was a very intimate show, we were up close and there was a decent crowd, everyone who was there in the crowd was there for Placebo, as opposed to them playing the Main stage and having maybe 1/4th of the crowd paying attention to them. So that was good, but the downside was..only 30 minutes, when they ended everyone started shouting "one more song one more song" but of course, nope. the crappy third stage band started playing as soon as Placebo was over. Assholes. Its just so sad to watch the DVDs I have, like Soulmates Never Die, fucking huge crowd in Paris, everyone just dying to see them, huge venue, and then come to fucking dallas and play for a crowd of maybe 300. I just find it fascinating how they can go from that, just huge fanbases in other countries including Mexico and then then them not being nearly as big in the US.

Infra Red
Drag
Because I Want You
Song to Say Goodbye
Every You Every Me
Bitter End
Running Up That Hill

After they went on we made our way through the crowd to our seats for the main stage, we watched part of Papa Roach's performance at 3 then we went back to the 2nd/3rd stages for the signing, Placebo was set to autograph at 4:30, I'm glad we got there early, we were one of the first people in line, so we got our merch out and were so amazingly giddy, Leroy got a poster signed and I got the Meds cover signed, it was so amazing being so close to them, to be able to fucking talk to them, it was amazing :-D

We got a picture before the dumb lady told everyone no pictures

After that we went back to the seats I watched Blue October and Leroy went to get something to drink for us, by this time in the day the main stage was running about 45 minutes behind schedule, Muse and Sparta were supposed to play at the same time 5:30, so after realizing how behind the main stage was we decided to go back to the third stage and see Sparta play, well somehow, which I can't understand they were an hour behind schedule, they were doing so well, one band would end and another would go on, so I can't figure out how they got so far behind, so Leroy stayed there and I went back to the seats to see Muse, they go on and were amazing, a good amount of the crowd knew the songs so that was good, I didn't get any pictures because Leroy had the camera so just sat back and watched the show, the barricades started to break in the middle of their show, so they had to stop the show and fix them, and of course, they didn't get to make up for that time. and no Space Dementia :-( the only song they played from Origin of Symmetry was New Born, I was going to call Adam during Space Dementia because I know how much he loves that song but that didn't happen. During Muse Leroy came back from Sparta and said it wasn't that good, they didn't play Without A Sound or Lines In Sand, so I was ok with missing them.

After that we were pretty much done for the day, the sun was so fucking hot, it was right on us for pretty much the entire time we were sitting down. I had a beer which was absolutly not a good idea because I was probably dehydrated and then all my body had to run on was the alcohol which was probably the equivalent to me having 4...so I will be wiser next time. Sparta was the last band to play on the 2nd stage so after them it was just the main bands for the rest of the night, we watched AFI at 7:30 or so,

They were good, then we went to find something to eat, we wanted Pizza, so we stood in line and apparently they ran out of pizza, it was at pizza hut, in pizza hut park and they ran out..so we settled for another hot dog, it was good but somehow I managed to spill mustard all over me.

When we got back to our seats My Chemical Romance was playing, now I don't know if the sound was really bad for them or what, but it sounded awful, neither of us like them in the first place so we were pretty much bored and decided to leave, The Killers were last to play, and while I do like them, neither of us really listened to their new cd and were pretty much just apathetic about seeing them, so we figured just go now and beat the traffic. It worked out well.

and one more as we were leaving,

Like I said..the sun was on us for more than half of the day :-P

This morning Leroy woke up at 5 and was just restless, he was worrying about getting home too late, we figured it was going to be a 10 hour drive, so we decided to get up and take off, we left around 5:30 and got to Edinburg around 2:30, we got to his house and I just passed out, I so irritable and just a bitch for most of the day, and I feel so awful for that, I was just tired and very very moody.

We got a frame for our signed poster and cd cover,

When Leroy was waiting for Sparta to go on some brit guy came up to him, as it turns out it was Stef from Placebo's roadie, the guy talked to Leroy, gave him some of Stef's pics and his business card, he told Leroy that since he doesn't really know many people in the states the guestlists always have openings and to email him next time Placebo comes back to the states and he'll hook us up with tickets and backstages passes and such, so that was fucking amazing, He said that they'll be on tour with fucking My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park...which we can not figure out for the life of us why the fuck they would want to do that...I just wish they would fucking do a headlining tour, I know there are so many bands that would be more than willing to open up for them, yet they are doing this tour...they will most likely be the opening act and get no respect, it will suck, but its a concert none the less. and I think I have formed an even bigger love/infatuation/admiration for Brian Molko..he's so pretty, even in person, it was amazing :-D

I'm watching the new placebo dvd now and Stef is telling a story about how when they met the Smashing Pumpkins, he was saying they were talking and he decided to ask Billy "has your song writing changed since you shaved your head?" then Billy just stood up and walked away, hah poor guys..so if you've ever wondered why Placebo has never played with the pumpkins you now know :-P

There are so many funny stories theyre telling..i love it.

I'm so damn tired...I was debating on whether or not to go to english class tomorrow, I think I am, just to see whats going on, there is a 12 page paper due in like 10 days and I barely have the introduction done...so I think I need to go to class, but there is no history so I'm not going to go to philosophy, I'll get the notes from my friend and I'll be all set. Besides, my check came in and I get $500 to go shopping with...so I think I will do just that tomorrow. Well, deposit the check at least.

So sorry for the long post! and thanks if anyone got this far :-D

ladybug1219 @ 2007-03-10T10:07:00

2007-03-10T16:08:13Z

*listens to tori amos in the truck*
Leroy: I think I just go my period with this vagina music

Anyway, my car is being taken car of and I am headed off to houston as soon as leroy and i shower and eat...he is loaning me his truck, so I'll be up there from today through probably wednesday. :-)

ladybug1219 @ 2007-02-22T20:05:00

2007-02-23T02:18:23Z

I am doing a project for my english class, its a research paper on work. I have chosen to observe Leroy and use his teaching as the basis for my paper. So for that I needed to make a survey for both teachers and students, I have already talked to Cara about this, but if there are any other teachers here it would be a big help if you could fill this out. For the rest of you, I know all of you were students at once so it would help me out a lot of you could take a minute to fill this out.

View Poll: FOR THE TEACHER

View Poll: FOR THE STUDENT

ladybug1219 @ 2007-02-22T17:12:00

2007-02-23T00:00:20Z

[I'm going to keep this post liked so its more of a database type post]

I know they're are not many right now but I can assure you there shall be many to come. Each of my tattoos have very special meaning to me.

[01] Friday, January 20th, 2006 - $140

This was my first tattoo and is special for many reasons. As I was turning 18 I decided that was going to be one of the first things I would do, get a tattoo. So Amanda's mom said she would get me one for my birthday. I of course, knew it was going to be a ladybug, a ladybug is something timeless for me. I will always love them, and I know it would be something I would never regret. I had the general idea of what I wanted but of course, me having absolutly no artistic skills at all would not be able to adequately express what I wanted. So, I drew a very rough and awful sketch and my dear Lura interpreted it with her amazing eye into the lovely picture it has became.

[02] Friday, May 27th, 2006 - $50

My impulse tattoo. I got this done on the day I graduated, after we had eaten and were all just back at the house hanging out I had the idea for my mom and I to get matching tattoos. I had to really talk her into it, she finally agreed and her, my uncle and aunt Michael and Monica, and I went to go get it. I really didn't have any idea of what I wanted so we just went and looked at all the pictures. This design was pictured as a yellow flower chain. My mom previously had a little heart tattoo on her ankle, so I thought we should have the flower with a heart in the center and I love the color purple so there it is.

[03] Wednesday, February 21, 2007 - $60

In honor of Bella, my teacup chihuahua who died, I decided to get another ladybug, I had planned on getting more ladybugs when I have children to represent them, so I was talking to Leroy I had the idea to get a ladybug with a halo so I can always carry the memory of her with me. and being the sap I am, I will most likely get a ladybug for everyone/pet who I love that passes on...imagine how many ladybugs I'm going to have...but I think its a very personal and original idea, I honestly don't care what anyone thinks, but the thought of having a bunch of ladybugs on my back in honor of those that I love is very exciting and meaningful to me. So as the need arises, I shall continue to extend the vine and add more memories to my back.

ladybug1219 @ 2006-10-26T23:08:00

2006-10-27T04:10:03Z

ily...i love you?

god damn these acronms...at times they make me feel quite dumb and juvenille.

i wrote that goddamn paper. dont quite know why i'm not in a good mood.

FRIENDS ONLY...YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO COMMENT!!

2005-02-07T23:37:46Z

The Secret Language Of Birthdays

2004-12-31T17:49:54Z

my mom got this book, it has "personology profiles for each day of the year" heres mine...its AMAZING how accurate these all are!

(if you know me, please take the time and read this, it truly is amazing)

December Nineteenth
THE DAY OF THE HELLRAISERS

STRENGTHS
-Deep
-Daring
-Indomitable

WEAKNESS
-Suffering
-Inscrutable
-Dark

Those born on December 19 are powerful in eliciting reactons from others, principally because of their at once daring and persevering attitude as well as their refusal to compromise. it is difficult or impossible for them to be anything but themselves; putting on a mask for society is something for others to do. their attitude is more often-"thats how i am take it or leave it!" (ive been told that many times before, how im "real" and not fake at all

It can be quite astonishing how december 19 people manage to overcome difficulties. yet struggle seems so much a part of their fate that it is hard to imagine them leading a serene life, without challenge. their lives can be a kind of ongoing battle in which they pit theri concentrated energies against great odds and win out, again and again. this is not to suggest, however, that they do not experience crushing defeats as well. but while they may suffer deeply, and sometimes even think seriously about giving up, their spirit remains indomitable. thus their triumphts are deeply meaningful, born not of a blind heroism but of a kind of gritty determination.

Despite the great difficulties that fate has in store for december 19 people, their most serious confrontations come with themselves at a deep personal level. for example, lethargy and lack of enerty may dampen their spirit nad refuse to abate. or, on the other hand, a storm of violent emotions may unexpecdedly seize them, first manifesting in private, perhaps later bursting forth in their public life.

It is hard to blam december 19 people at such times, since they are in the throes of dark, powerful forces. to see them suffer arouses the sympathy of any sensitive onlooker, but such sympathy may naturally be less forthcoming if those born on this day direct negativity outward. passionate, perplexing, maddening-december 19 people can truly test one's patience. but indeed life would be far less exciting without them.

In fact, by gong their own way and displaying freedom of spirit, december 19 people are often admired by younger persons, who see them as romantic figures. those born on this day are not necessarily responsible for younger people emulating them, but if they have a direct relationship with a child, they shouldtry to even out some of theri more volatile behavior.

December 19 people have a great need for levity in their lives, but detest flabby or phony humor. generally their own sense of humor has an ironic edge, or even a mocking quality. those born on this day most ofter present a seriousf ace to the world accompanied by a some what forbidding posture. a great deal of self-work may be needed for them to break out of this mold and become fully expressive, in an easy, flowing manner.

NUMBERS AND PLANETS
those born on the 19th of the month are ruled by the number 1 (1+9=10, 1+0=1) and by the sun. those ruled by the number 1 usually like to be first, are ambitious and dislike restraint. because december 19 perople are born on the first day of the sagittarious-capricorn cusp, which is strongly influenced by jupiter (ruler of sagittarius) as well as saturn (capricorn's ruler), their energy is concentrated, directed and intense. the conflicitng energies of jupiter (expansion) and Saturn (limitation) can give the ego energy of the sun an alternately optimistic and depressive, or expansive and contractive nature.

TAROT
the 19th card of the major arcana, the sun can be considered as most favorable of all the major arcana cards; it symbolizes knowledge, vitality and good fortune, and promises esteem and reward. this card posits attributes of clarity, harmony in relationsip and fine reputation; it does, however also indicate negative qualities of pride, vanity and false apperance.

HEALTH
december 19 people are prone to psychological problems due to their turbulent emotional energy. coming to understand the nature of these problems at a deep level is essential, and in order to do this they may at some point in their lives need to seek counseling. they must be extremely wary of solacing themselves with the drugs that classically accompay depression, such as alcohol or narcotics of any type (that part scares me cause i have thought about, and told maybe i should take an antidepressent or something) In order to keep their mood positive, vigorous physical exercise and an exciting and varied diet are particularly recommended. cultivationg lasting friendships with understanding and accepting people is crucial in providing them with a reliable support system. in addition, programmed social activites that can bring them out into the world in a balanced and sharing fashion are also suggested

ADVICE
Lighten up. Avoid placin gyour heavy concerns on others. dont hide out too much; socialize when and where you can. remember to laugh. dont get hooked on unhappiness

MEDITATION
"difficulties are lessons, obstacles are challenges, and impossibilities are invitations"