Nadine Lewis

< Second Guessing - gothams_dent >

2010-03-08T08:27:48Z

She’d stayed at Jonathan’s longer than she meant to, but it wasn’t like she’d promised Harvey she’d be home any certain time. He probably liked having their-- the apartment to himself. It wasn’t their apartment. It was her apartment, and he was staying there. Sure, they’d slept together now. Twice. But that… didn’t mean anything. Harvey could change his mind at any time, and she’d let him. He didn’t need someone clinging to him, someone begging him to stay. …She’d already put him through that with her nightmares.

Nadine tugged at the small, gold-bordered alexandrite around her neck as she entered the apartment. Why was she stressing herself out? If Harvey left… he left. She couldn’t control what he’d do, and now he had money. He might stay a little longer, let her feel safe, but… He’d want his freedom. He’d want to be able to come and go. He’d want to distance himself from her. And when the time came, she’d let him go.

After she locked the apartment back up, she looked around.

“Harvey?” she called. It was late enough, she reminded herself, that he might have gone out. Gone to put those files to whatever use he planned. Not that she didn’t know. “You ho—here?”

< Prepared to Explain - arkhams_dr >

2010-02-12T06:09:33Z

She wondered if Jonathan had even noticed.

Nadine told herself he had to have noticed. She hadn’t been to see him, hadn’t called even, in three days.

But if he’d been hard to work… he might not have realized the time had passed.

Just in case he was annoyed at her or he’d forgotten to stop working long enough to eat, she’d bought a dinner for two. She didn’t know what she’d tell him, how much she should say. He deserved to know everything, of course, but…

She’d have to tell him about Harvey eventually. He’d encouraged her, yes, but he still deserved to know that the impossible had happened. Harvey had— for the first time as far as Nadine was concerned— showed genuine interest. They’d slept together, rather than just sharing the bed. But Jonathan had told her that was fine. He had his work, and she had Harvey. That was what he’d said.

So why did she feel wary about telling him?

Then there were the files. Oh god. How was she supposed to tell him about the files? She’d sacrificed all of her principles for Harvey.

Nadine knocked at the door. Three days certainly wasn’t enough time to make her forget how to find him. As she waited for some answer from inside, she fingered the alexandrite necklace she wore. It was a fairly inexpensive little thing, bought with some of the money Harvey had given her.

No reason she couldn’t spoil herself just a little.

< just_muse_me - Doubts - gothams_dent >

2010-01-18T10:56:59Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman
217 words

What are your values worth?

The question had occurred to Nadine sometime while she was copying the files Harvey had asked her to.

What is integrity worth?

Was it worth five thousand dollars? She'd waited until Harvey had gone to shower that morning before she'd counted the money. Were her ethics for sale? For five grand? Or had she exchanged them for last night? The thought made her hand shake even as she entered the apartment complex, holding her briefcase's handle in a vise grip.

She wasn't sure what was worse— wondering if she'd sold everything she used to believe in for money... or sex.

Maybe that's why.

The thought came to her in the stairwell, and she had to stop. She couldn't let it even linger in her mind. There was no way that Harvey would do that to her. He wouldn't... use her like that.

By the time Nadine let herself into her apartment, she was pale and barely hiding how her hands trembled as she set the briefcase down on the coffee table.

“The files.” She spoke quietly without looking at the man sitting on the couch. It took all she had in her not to start crying. “Don't ever ask me to do something like that again.”

< just_1_word - Risk - Mother and Daughter >

2009-12-20T10:45:35Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman
644 words

Nadine Dent woke with a start at three in the morning. She trembled, her hands clutching blindly into the shadows. The firm arm around her tightened, and she calmed as she woke more. She felt the firm chest against her, heard the half asleep murmur of her husband's voice to tell her it was okay, to assure her she was safe. She kissed him lightly.

“I need to get a drink,” she whispered. If he understood her, he said nothing, merely rolling over when she got out of bed. Nadine smiled to herself as she watched him in the dark.

How had she gotten so lucky?

Jona—Crane could say what he liked. He was a vicious, cruel... creature. Not even a man. But he had her daughter. Nadine almost collapsed back onto the bed at the thought. Jonathan Crane had her daughter, and she swore she loved him. She'd married him. Her beautiful, sweet, innocent Duela...

She had no one to blame but herself. Nadine sighed as she sat on the couch. She didn't want anything to drink, whether it was water or something stronger. She just couldn't sleep, and Harvey didn't need her keeping him up all night with her tossing and turning. In an hour or two, she'd be tired again. She could crawl back into bed and cling to him until the next nightmare came.

Would he let her get sleeping pills? She wasn't sure she'd ever get a peaceful night's sleep without them.

She looked at the phone. Harvey would know. The charges would show up. He'd be furious. But... wasn't it worth the risk? Her only daughter.

Nadine picked up the landline and dialed. She knew Duela's cellphone number by heart. If Harvey hadn't broken her cell, she'd have used that, left no trace... But she'd have to take the chance.

On the third ring—just as Nadine had given hope—a woman answered the phone. “Hello?” she muttered, trying to quiet a yawn.

“Did I wake you up? I'm sorry.” Nadine waited.

“Mom?”

“Hi.”

“Mom, why are you—”

“Is it early there?”

Duela sounded more awake. “No. It's... it's nine. About time I got up anyway, just...” She trailed off, not sure what to say.

“Big day yesterday. You deserve to sleep in,” Nadine murmured, unsure of herself. There was a silence. “I'm sorry to call so early. I just... I wanted to talk to you.”

“It's... it's great to hear from you.”

“I'm sorry your father and I couldn't be there.”

“It's fine.”

“No. It's not. But we...”

“I know.” Duela sighed. “It's okay, Mom.”

Nadine fell silent for a long while. “I... I don't like him—”

“Mom.”

“Let me finish. Please?”

“...Okay.”

“I don't like him,” Nadine repeated, “but that's no reason not to... to call and congratulate you. How are you doing? Traveling okay despite...?” Another pause.

“Yeah, I'm doing fine. Have doctors around to check on me if anything seems wrong, and we should be back in Gotham before it's cause for too much concern.” This time, Duela paused. “How are you? How's Dad?”

“We're... getting by. Took a little vacation. We... needed to get out of the city.”

“That'll do you good.” She was sincere. “I should go. Jonathan's waking up.”

Nadine flinched but smiled, even if Duela couldn't see her. “Okay. Take care of yourself. I... I love you, Duela. Your father and I both do. Don't... don't forget that.”

“I know,” Duela whispered. “I love you too, Mom. Bye.”

Nadine listened to the phone disconnect and put the receiver back on its base. She pulled her knees to her on the couch and rested her head on them. Quietly, she began to cry.

< couples_therapy - Criminal Action >

2009-11-30T17:50:36Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
510 words

Frank Sale left the District Attorney’s office at exactly six o’clock. He didn’t even bother to stop by the office of Nadine Lewis. She knew he was leaving, and he knew she knew. She would lock up without being reminded.

When she was sure Sale was gone, Nadine got up and peeked out into the hall. No one around. She took her briefcase and a stack of folders to the copy room. Page by page, she copied the information, making sure she had every document, every photograph, everything. Her hands shook as she replaced the files in her office. Then, carefully, always on the lookout for the security guards, she went into each of her coworkers’ offices. She gathered up the files office by office, copying and returning them before moving on to the next. It wouldn’t do if anything got mixed up. When she was finally finished, she took folders out of a box and packed the files away neatly, putting each one into her briefcase.

She went back to her office.

Nadine slumped into her chair and leaned over her desk, forehead cradled in her hand. Her mouth felt dry, and her shoulders shook. A part of her wanted to pick up the phone, dial the police, ask for Gordon, and… tell him everything. Another part of her stopped any such foolishness. What had Harvey asked her to do? He’d asked her to retrieve the files that he’d given everything up to make, the files that had gotten him killed. He was asking for information on the mob, on people not worth protecting. Most of these people didn’t even deserve due process. They only made a mockery of the legal system.

Nadine shut her eyes tightly and drew a thin breath. She tried to reason through the situation out without being distracted by thoughts of the previous night. She couldn’t let warm kisses and soft touches cloud her judgment on something like this.

She owed Harvey. But this went beyond a debt. He’d been so sweet the night before. But his mood could change. He’d said he needed her. But he could decide he disapproved. She’d already broken the law by taking him in. But this was actively aiding him. She wanted him to trust her. But she had to betray the profession she loved. She loved him. But…

She couldn’t think of a “but” for that one.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, still fighting with herself. Then, she saw it.

Nadine almost laughed.

It was too perfect.

A quarter.

She didn’t know how it had gotten on her desk. Probably left over from a trip to the vending machine for a mid-afternoon snack, she told herself. She picked it up.

“Heads, I call Gordon,” she said aloud. “Tails, I just go home.” It took her a few tries, but she finally managed to spin the coin. She watched it. When it fell, she put her hand over it, blocking it from her sight. “Whatever it says, that’s what I do,” she promised.

She lifted her hand.

Tails.

< just_muse_me - Before Dawn - gothams_dent >

2009-11-08T07:49:16Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
400 words

Harvey Dent stood in front of a crowd of officers, journalists, and general onlookers. He was radiant. His hands gripped the podium, his eyes shined. Every word resonated confidence.

“The night is darkest just before the dawn. I promise you-- the dawn is coming.”

Nadine Lewis kept her eyes closed a moment more, holding onto that image. She hoped that maybe she could keep it long enough to make it reality. If she kept her eyes closed long enough, Harvey would shake her shoulder, wake her up from a nap at her desk.

If she just hoped hard enough, she'd find out it had been nothing but a long nightmare. Victor Sasz had never killed a cop in front of her, the Scarecrow had never locked her away, Rachel was alive, Harvey wasn't hurt, and Jonathan wasn't accused of any crimes. Hell, she’d settle for any of those things never happening. Even if Victor Szaz and the Scarecrow had happened, as long as Harvey was uninjured, Rachel was alive, and Jonathan wasn’t wanted, she’d be content. It could—it would—be reality if she could just hold onto the thought, just fall back asleep for a little longer…

But she opened her eyes.

Nadine sighed as she stood up, stretching. She didn't know how long she'd slept on the couch, waiting for Harvey to come home. Come back. He didn't think of this as his home, she knew, and she told herself that was a good thing.

“The dawn is coming,” she murmured.

When Harvey had said it, things had been dark. The Joker was on a rampage. Civilians were dead; a judge and the police commissioner had been killed. There’d been an attempt on the mayor’s life, and they all thought Jim Gordon had been killed.

After Harvey's promise, things had only gotten darker.

Rachel Dawes was killed. Harvey Dent was permanently scarred. He was believed dead. Beyond the scars on his face, the Joker's plan had left scars on the inside. He'd killed people-- people responsible for Rachel's death. He'd almost killed a little boy. Batman had taken the blame for Harvey's crimes, let the people believe he'd turned against them.

Nadine looked out the window of her apartment, trying to watch the streets and trying not to worry.

She spoke to herself in a whisper, “It's always darkest just before dawn.”

How much darker could it get?

< just_1_word - Damage - Just a Phonecall Away >

2009-10-12T07:42:52Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
484 words

The silence of the small apartment was shattered at three in the morning by a scream. The young woman thrashed on her bed, still in the throes of a nightmare for several minutes. Finally, the fear died down, and she sat up. Her heart pounded as she looked around the bedroom. The shades were drawn, her lamp and ceiling light both on. In fact, every light in the apartment was on, every door save the front and bathroom doors taken down. Even in the bright light, it took her a few more moments to realize that she was safe. The demons in her nightmare were not around.

Shakily, Nadine Lewis got out of her bed and staggered into the bathroom. She splashed her face with cool water, aware of a trickle of blood running down her face. She looked at the small cut in the mirror, perplexed until she looked at her hands. The nails on one hand showed blood as well. She'd scratched herself, frantic from her nightmare. Nothing more, she assured herself.

She made her way to the living room and sat on the couch before tucking her legs under her. She picked up her cellphone and dialed. Three rings in, a man answered the phone.

“I-- I'm fine,” she said after his worried greeting. “I just—” She paused. Her eyes fixed on the digital clock under her TV. “Oh, shit. Harvey, I-- I'm sorry. I didn't-- Shit.” She shook her head, even if he couldn't see her. “It's not fine. I-- I woke you up, didn't I? I'm sorry. I-- I'll call Jonathan, let you get your sleep.” She paused, listening to him. “Oh, it's-- it's nothing. Really. It's not--” She sighed. “I had-- a nightmare. The dogs.” Again, Nadine shook her head. “You don't have to do that. It's-- I know they're not really here. You don't-- You don't have to come over.”

She closed her eyes and curled up more on the couch, still holding the phone to her ear. The offer alone was enough to make her feel safer, further away from the cold and the memories of iron bars and a burlap face. Seven days away, and she still wanted to scream at the thought.

Once she went back to work, she promised herself, the nightmares would go away. She'd be able to sleep through the night. Once she went back to work... or once Jonathan got those pills made for her. He'd said yesterday that they would be ready soon. She'd be able to pick them up, be able to sleep through the night.

“H-- hey, Harvey?” she whispered into the phone. She could barely keep herself from crying, and she knew it could be heard. “Could you-- could you not hang up just yet? Thanks. I-- I won't keep you up much longer. Th-- thanks.”

< Seduction style meme >

2009-10-10T06:52:59Z

< couples_therapy - "I Love You" >

2009-09-27T06:22:13Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
(gothams_dent, arkhams_dr)
553 words

“I love you.”

A very simple sentence in theory. Nadine Lewis knew that. Still, the words were loaded, at least when used in a romantic sense. She'd said them to Jonathan, and he hadn't even blinked. He hadn't paused, merely continued on. He'd done that twice. Nadine consoled herself with inward assurances that he simply knew how she felt, so hearing it said had not surprised him. He'd known she'd say it when she was ready, and he knew it was for the best not to make a big deal out of it. Nadine would have liked some acknowledgment of the gravity of what she'd said, but he was the doctor. He knew best. She was sure it meant a lot to him. He just didn't want to make her uncomfortable by drawing attention to it. That was all.

She could say it to Jonathan. She should say it to Jonathan. However, what concerned her was how close she'd come, both the previous night and that very morning, to saying it to Harvey.

Not that it wasn't true. She wouldn't admit even that much to Jonathan, but it was true. She'd been in love with Harvey for... Well, for months now. He'd come to see her in the hospital at the end of September, and it wasn't quite Thanksgiving yet. It had been almost three months since then, and she'd been in love with him ever since.

Even with that in mind, telling Harvey that she loved him was out of the question. It always had been. Then, he'd been in love with Rachel, set on marrying her. Any attraction he'd had for her? Well, Nadine knew it wouldn't last. She'd been... What had she been? His dirty little secret, in a way. He'd been so confined, expected to be perfect. He'd had to let that image fail somewhere, and he'd chosen a quiet, personal failing that stayed behind closed doors. She'd always had the sense to keep her mouth shut, to expect nothing but a temporary infatuation. Well, at least from him. Privately, she liked to pretend to stood a chance.

Rachel was dead. Once December came around, it would be a month since she died. Harvey was grieving, was still deeply in love with her. Nadine knew he would always be in love with her.

It would only have complicated an already delicate situation to have told him she loved him. Especially when he was holding her, assuring her that there was no reason to be afraid. Especially when she had someone else. Especially when he was still mourning the loss of his fiancee.

Besides, she knew it would have been selfish. She would have been saying it to him to get the reaction Jonathan hadn't given her. She would have wanted him to respond, whether he was angry or cold or passionate. The latter wouldn't happen. Nadine knew that. Still, she liked to pretend it might. It would have been cruel to have told Harvey anything, though, and she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't intentionally say or do something that would upset him or hurt him, especially not to satisfy her own desire for something Jonathan had not given her.

After all, as far as Nadine was concerned, that wasn't what you did to someone you loved.

< Waiting Up - gothams_dent, take_mychances >

2009-09-20T07:15:30Z

Nadine sat in the armchair in her living room, watching her youngest daughter sleep. She'd gotten up briefly about half an hour ago, to make Dalia something to eat, and she'd come back to find her asleep. Not that Nadine was surprised. It was late, after one. She hadn't had to wait this long for Harvey to come home since before Dalia was born.

Not that they hadn't fought since then. No. They'd had their quiet arguments, they'd had a shouting match or two when Dalia was out... Harvey had struck her maybe twice in all these years. Still, he'd always been home before this.

Then again, she hadn't acted the way she had tonight in a long time. He hadn't even really lashed out at her. All he'd done tonight was hold her arms-- tight, but she'd been fighting his hold, so he hadn't had much choice to try and calm her down-- and eventually let her go with a bit of a push back. Nothing that had hurt. Just a bit of bruising where he'd grabbed hold, and her blouses would make sure Dalia never knew that. If she had her way, she'd try not to let Harvey know.

As Nadine watched her daughter sleep, she tried to remember what had caused her to act like she had. Harvey's suggestion of a doctor or a hospital visit had upset her, sent her into a fit, yes, but something else had pushed her to the breaking point before that.

Something...

She curled up slightly as she remembered. She'd found straw in the closet. Just a few little pieces. Harvey had to be right, of course-- it was from some childhood school project of Dalia's Nadine had kept. Probably an Easter basket or something of the kind. Still, it had been a chilling sight. Nadine hadn't forgotten the pieces of straw she sometimes had found at their various apartments before, signs that the Scarecrow couldn't be kept out by locks and walls.

Harvey tried to understand, Nadine knew that. She knew she was irrational. There wasn't any reason to still be afraid. Jonathan Crane... She told herself he'd forgotten she existed. She'd almost reminded him, and that thought made the woman want to scream. She'd come so close, dialed that number so many times without pressing the call button. She'd wanted to hear his voice so badly, wanted to feel him stroke her hair as he assured her that everything would be fine.

Nadine closed her eyes, trying to block out the image of Jonathan Crane in her head. She knew what he was now, knew what he'd done to her, but a part of her remembered the hours he'd spent soothing her, even though the demons she feared were of his creation. She couldn't scream. She wouldn't let Dalia hear her do that. She opened her eyes and looked at her daughter then down at her hand.

Even now, she held the cellphone in her hand, staring at the screen. She flipped it closed and bit her lip hard. She set it down, aware of the way her hand trembled to be without it.

< Ghosts - take_mychances >

2009-09-18T06:44:37Z

Nadine Dent sat on the couch in her living room, her legs slightly tucked under her. Despite the cable box under the TV showing the time, she opened her cellphone every few seconds, checking the time and to see if she'd missed any calls. She'd left her room only a half hour before, and it hadn't come as a surprise to find that her husband hadn't come back yet even though she'd spent a few hours in the room.

She couldn't even remember what all she'd said to him. She remembered a few choice, colorful phrases, of course, but most of it felt like a blur. Had she... Had she mentioned Jona-- Crane? Or had she just thought that? She knew he'd grabbed her, held her hard, pinning her arms to her sides. He'd shaken her a bit, told her she had to calm down, but she'd only fought harder when he'd tried to make her stand still. Nadine smoothed the cuff on her blouse as she thought about it.

She knew he'd said something about a hospital, about doctors prescribing something to help her. She hadn't liked that one bit. That was when she'd slapped him. Nadine felt fairly certain about that. Slapped him and told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to let him ship her off to Burke again. She hadn't listened when he'd tried to tell her that wasn't what he'd said. She'd gotten hysterical... Well. More hysterical.

Calm now, Nadine opened the cellphone again, and her hand trembled before she shut it. She'd long since taken the number out of her programmed list, but that didn't mean she'd forgotten it. How many times had she called him before like this? When she had no one else to turn to? When the world felt like it had fallen apart? When she just wanted someone to tell her that everything would be okay?

The woman closed the phone quickly, throwing it away from her. Thankfully, the threw it toward the other end of the couch, so it hit the arm and landed on the seat with no damage done to the device.

< Too Familiar - gothams_dent >

2009-09-13T03:02:40Z

The entire house was spotless. That meant Nadine Dent had gotten into one of her cleaning fits... which meant she'd gotten into an at least slightly manic fit. She'd calmed down somewhat, able to watch the news without being too restless. She sat on the bed, the TV in the room on as she listened to it.

Of course, the news itself made her restless. Her fingers picked at the sheet, where there was a small tear. She'd only noticed the damage today, and she'd made a mental note to buy new sheets when she went out tomorrow. Nadine frowned a little as the newscaster summed up the previous story. "The two men are being held without bail until their trial regarding the alleged plot to assassinate Mayor Stephens."

Nadine bit her lip. It was too familiar to be comfortable. A powerful politician, striking against crime in Gotham...

< just_muse_me - Strain - When it Rains... - arkhams_dr >

2009-09-06T05:26:37Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
616 words

"Lewis!"

Nadine almost groaned as she closed the apartment door behind her. She knew that voice. All she wanted to do was go see Jonathan, forget about her (continual, recurring) lapses in judgment when she was around Harvey, figure out what the hell she should do... She didn't want to have to deal with this right now.

Still, she turned around with a smile on her face. "Mr. Dewitt, nice to see you."

"I'd prefer to see your rent check, Lewis."

"I'll have it for you Monday," Nadine promised. She closed her eyes halfway, hoping that the conversation didn't carry into the apartment. Harvey didn't need to hear this.

"It was due last Monday, Lewis."

"I know."

"So, where is it?"

"I just need to ask my boss for a small advance. Give me until Monday, and I'll have it for you in cash."

"You better or I'll start advertising that room for rent."

Nadine managed to keep smiling until the man's back was turned. While he took the elevator to go bother more tenants, Nadine took the stairs down.

She'd never been late with a rent check before.

Gotham paid its ADAs well enough. She made fifty thousand dollars a year. Straight out of law school, that had sounded like a dream come true. It still provided her comfortable living, but she knew to watch money.

After taxes, she cleared three thousand a month. Following her rent payments, she had thirteen hundred left. The rent was higher than she liked, but it was a pretty good neighborhood and she didn't have the expense of a car. Of that thirteen hundred, two hundred always stayed in the bank. For the last five months, she'd done that, creating a comfortable padding in her checking account. Three hundred of the remaining money went to her cellphone and various utilities. The last eight hundred went to food, clothes, and anything else she might need. Living on a steady diet of take-out, fast food, microwavable meals, and coffee --with the occasional trip to a nicer restaurant to treat herself-- usually ran her about seven hundred dollars a month. Cooking would be cheaper, but... Well. If she'd ever made anything edible in a kitchen, she'd have cooked more.

September and October had been less than kind to her savings account. Even for just a night and morning stay at Gotham General, she'd run up quite a bill, not to mention of the cost of installing new locks. Early November had earned her even more hospital bills, though she hadn't received those just yet. Not to mention she was feeding two people now instead of just one.

If the rent had been due the first week in November, she'd have been fine. She'd have paid it on the third and then the world could have fallen apart without her worrying about her apartment. However, the rent had been due on the tenth. By that time, she'd been distracted by Harvey Dent's presence and worrying more about taking care of him than remembering the rent. What had really done her in was having to replace the bathroom mirror. She hadn't even thought about it. If she'd considered the rent, she'd have waited to replace the mirror.

As it stood now, if she paid the rent in full there might not be enough money for food the few weeks remaining in the month. ...If she couldn't get Sale to okay an advance on Monday, she'd have to call her mother, beg for the money. She could ask Jonathan, but he shouldn't have to support her. Nadine took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She'd figure it all out, she promised herself. No need to worry.

Once outside the apartment complex, she pulled out her cellphone and dialed Jonathan Crane's number.

< just_1_word - Heart - My Daughter's Eyes >

2009-09-04T09:05:22Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
1285 (minus lyrics)

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear

"Closet's all clear, and there's nothing under there," Nadine Dent said with a smile. The little girl nestled under the covers looked doubtful. Her mother smiled. "I promise."

Dalia Dent, only four-years-old, grabbed onto her sleeve. "Mommy..."

Nadine kissed her forehead. "Okay, sweetheart." She got up long enough to turn on the closet light and opened the door just a crack. "How's that?"

"Better," the little girl admitted.

But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me.

"And I'll stay right here until you fall asleep." She sat on the bed, touching her daughter's hair. "How's that sound?"

"I love you, Mommy." Even now, Dalia was fighting to keep her eyes open.

Nadine smiled. She glanced over to the bedroom door and saw her husband standing there. Her attention went back to her daughter. "I love you too, Dalia." She closed her own eyes briefly as she promised, "There's nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart. Nothing."

I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal.
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace.

"Mom."

Nadine Dent looked up from where she sat on the couch. The living room looked like a hurricane had gone through it-- two lamps were broken, an end table on its side, and a dent in the wall needed repairing. She was a little worse for wear too, the skin around her left eye beginning to show a bruise. Anyone could see that she'd been crying.

"Ela, you should be asleep."

The eight-year-old girl frowned. "How'm I s'posed to sleep?"

"I'm sorry," her mother whispered.

Duela Dent went to the couch and climbed up onto it. She sat beside the older woman and let herself be hugged. Nadine kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. You should go back to bed."

For a long time, the child sat there in silence. She looked up at her mother, considered the questions she had. Finally, though, she had to ask at least one. "Are you and Daddy going to get divorced?"

This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak.

Nadine's response came immediately. "Of course not." Then, a moment later, she asked, "Why would you think that?"

Duela looked up at her. "Kieran's parents are getting a divorce. He said they used to fight a lot..."

"Ela, that's never going to happen, I promise." Nadine rubbed her daughter's back lightly, let the girl cuddle close to her. "Your father and I love each other much. We just fight. It's not-- we're not going to..."

Duela nodded, trying to hide the sniffle she gave, but her mother pulled her closer. "Promise?"

"I promise."

I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes.

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
It puts a smile in my heart.

"Oh, this one's cute!"

Nadine stood a ways off from her eleven-year-old daughter and husband. Harvey Dent leaned forward, arms rested on the thin wire fence. His good side was visible from where his wife could see, and she smiled at his smile.

"Pick out whichever one you want," he told the girl. In the enclosed area, Dalia Dent picked up and put down several small retriever puppies before finally picking up one.

"He's so small!" she told her father, showing him the puppy.

"He's the runt of the litter," the owner said from nearby. "Sweetest thing on earth." He opened the gate for the girl and kept the other puppies from escaping. While Dalia held the little gold dog, listing off names and watching for a reaction, the two men looked at each other. "The Missus coming over?"

Harvey shook his head. "She's not really fond of dogs," he said after some consideration.

Everything becomes a little clearer.

"And you're gettin' a puppy?"

"She agreed," Harvey replied. "She said she'll get used to it, and, well, she will." It would take awhile, he knew that, but he believed his wife. "Dalia," he said, touching his daughter's shoulder, "why don't you go show your mom?"

Dalia nodded and went over to Nadine. She knew her mother well enough-- even if the fear of dogs had never been spoken-- to give Nadine some room, to just hold up the puppy for approval.

Nadine managed to reach over and briefly touch the dog's head, pulling her hand back quickly when it tried to lick her hand. "It's adorable, Dalia."

"I still need to pick a name," the girl said, grinning.

I realize what life is all about.

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough.

"What if he doesn't come home?"

"Ela."

"What? He might not. It's been--"

"He'll be home, Ela." Nadine smiled, pushing a piece of hair out of her thirteen-year-old daughter's face. "You know he always comes home for Christmas."

"He was really pissed when he left, and it's only been a couple days." She ignored her mother's reproving look. "He never gets over it that fast when he's in that bad a mood."

"You were saying?" Nadine replied when she heard the sound of a key in the lock.

It's giving more when you feel like giving up.

"Daddy!" Duela raced to her father, teenage pride forgotten, and she flung her arms around his neck.

Harvey Dent smiled as much as he was able and ruffled the hair Nadine had just straightened. The look faded when he looked at his wife, even though she did her best to smile at him.

"Are you hungry?" Nadine asked.

"I'm fine." He looked at her a moment more before turning his attention to his daughter. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he teased. "Santa can't come if you're awake."

Nadine laughed at the look Duela gave him.

Duela hugged him again. "I'm glad you're home."

"Of course I'm home," Harvey replied. "I wouldn't miss Christmas."

I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be

"Don't people get that it takes time?" Dalia complained, stabbing a piece of meat on her plate with her fork. "It's like they expect him to just snap his fingers and-- poof, troubles gone."

Nadine smiled. "They do," she agreed. "People are stupid like that. They think that change comes from one person saying things need to change. Even with a good plan, it takes time."

"Oh." The young woman, twenty-two, hesitated. She looked at her parents. Her mother had that sad smile on her face, and her father was looking at his food. "Right. Sorry."

"You're right," Harvey admitted.

"It takes time, and people aren't patient," Nadine chimed in. "But as long as Mayor Stephens holds his ground--"

"--And doesn't get killed--" her husband muttered. He ignored his wife and daughter's glares.

"He'll get that change going," the older woman finished.

Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family

Nadine wondered what Duela would have to say on the subject. She had her own experience with someone who wanted to change the world, an experience that wasn't as like Nadine's as her mother would have expected. She didn't trust Jonathan Crane with her daughter, not for one moment, but Duela seemed oddly happy. Of course, she'd always thought she was happy.

She sighed, looking at her younger daughter. The table felt unbalanced. She and Harvey sat on one side, Dalia on the other. Duela should be there, next to her sister, to even things out.

As if knowing what his wife was thinking, Harvey reached over, gripping Nadine's hand. She returned the gesture, aware of the steady stream of Dalia's talking dying down.

"Please, go on," she urged, offering a smile. "I'm sorry I didn't catch that last bit."

When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me.

This time, she listened. She listened, holding her husband's hand, as Dalia talked about new legislation Mayor Stephens wanted to enact, as every pro and con was presented with vivid detail, as her daughter dreamed about a better future. She could hardly believe she'd been that young once herself, had the same ideals.

What happened to her wouldn't happen to Dalia. Dalia was smarter than to misplace her trust, knew where lines were drawn. She wouldn't get herself into half the trouble Nadine had at her age. That wasn't to say she wasn't a little reckless. Nadine saw that. Dalia got that trait from both sides.

Still, a little recklessness could go far. It inspired freedom and risk. There was always risk involved in order to succeed. She was passionate too, another trait that Nadine hoped would only help her, not hinder her. Though, as much as she worried, she knew better.

Dalia would be just fine. She, not unlike her sister, could take anything this world threw at her. Take it and keep coming. Nadine knew both her girls would be fine.

For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes.

< Morning Coffee - gothams_dent >

2009-09-02T05:37:31Z

One regular coffee- two creams, two sugars. One gingerbread latte, special for the season. Thanksgiving was only about a week away, and everyone was busy making plans for Christmas. Nadine intended to spend both holidays holed up in her apartment, working as much as she was able. Perhaps she'd spend Christmas with Jonathan.

If he wanted to...

Nadine Lewis took a drink of coffee as she called the elevator in the lobby of her apartment complex. She was still trying to figure out what she'd done wrong. She knew she'd done something... but it wouldn't do any good to call Jonathan to apologize until she knew what she'd done.

She'd said she would be available in the afternoon. Perhaps she should have said she'd be right over? But she'd told Harvey she was bringing back coffee, and it would have been rude to drop off the coffee and then have to tell him she was going to meet Jonathan. Maybe she'd sounded too demanding, asking for the pills tonight.

Nadine sighed and took another drink, leaving the elevator at her floor. She hadn't called him back after he'd hung up. That would have only annoyed him more. She'd call, though, before she went to see him. She'd bring Harvey his coffee, sit awhile with him if he wanted company... Then, when she felt it best, she'd excuse herself and go see Jonathan... if he was able to see her then.

"Harvey," the ADA said as she entered the apartment and shut the door behind her, "I'm back. Plain coffee with two creams and two sugars, still hot."

< couples_therapy - Just Not - Ride Home >

2009-08-27T06:31:02Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
(gothams_dent)
411 words
(He's just not that into you.)

The black sedan eased to the side of the street and stopped. The driver put it into park and smiled at his passenger.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Dent," the blond woman in the front seat said. Her hand ghosted against his on the gear shift, and she saw him smile more. "Though, really. I would have been fine walking."

"Not at this hour. And it's Harvey, please."

Nadine Lewis smiled more. "Well-- thank you, Harvey." She still felt uneasy using his name. It felt too familiar, too casual. Familiar was dangerous. She touched the door handle.

"Can I convince you to let me walk you to your floor?"

This time, Nadine didn't look back at him. She knew he worried about her. Jonathan Crane had sent fear gas to her first apartment, had called her cellphone more than once. Still, she'd made up her mind that she would not be frightened by a madman. She'd... she'd see him rot in jail.

Only if you'll come in for a cup of coffee.

Nadine shut her eyes at the thought. A cup of coffee? Really? That was the best she could come up with? He'd see through that in a second... maybe. If he did, he'd throw her out of the car. Maybe it would take him until he got up there, until they were sitting in the living room, having coffee. Maybe it would take him until then to realize what she really wanted. He'd be even more disgusted with her then. He'd never want anything to do with her.

What they did at the office... That was safe. It was playful. Maybe he offered a few too many compliments, was a little too casual with her. But he meant nothing by it. It probably seemed natural to him, to have women flirting with him. He was so good-looking.

But he was devoted to Rachel. Whatever teasing they did at the office ended there. He offered to bring her home because he worried about an employee, maybe a friend. It went no further. He'd never consider going any further.

Nadine turned her head slightly as she got out of the car. "I'm fine." At least with what they did at the office, she could kid herself. An out and out rejection would seal the deal, would mean she'd never had a chance. Even if she knew it, she liked being able to have a little fun now and then. She shut the door after she said, "Thanks for the ride."

< A Mother's Worries - take_mychances >

2009-08-24T06:14:46Z

"Welcome home." Nadine Dent looked up and smiled at her daughter when the front door opened. Mrs. Dent was seated on the couch in the living room, her spot giving her a clear view of the front door. She folded her newspaper as the dog (that had been peacefully asleep in the kitchen) bounded to the door to greet the new arrival. "How was work?"

She couldn't say she was pleased her daughter was involved in Gotham City politics. Nadine had seen what they could do, what they could cost. She'd hoped that the internship at the mayor's office would have been enough to give Dalia a taste and make her want out. If anything, it'd done the opposite. Nadine... Well, Nadine couldn't help but worry. She'd heard the mayor's rhetoric before. Saving Gotham City, rallying the people...

She just hoped history didn't repeat itself.

< Keeping Secrets - arkhams_dr >

2009-08-19T17:18:45Z

The benefit of being a well known and well liked regular was compliance with odd requests. Nadine Lewis had placed her order for two cups of coffee but asked that they not be made until after she made a phone call. The staff were happy to oblige.

So, Nadine sat at a table in the corner and pulled out her cell phone. She wouldn't tell Jonathan about her nightmare or about Harvey having started on the couch. She wouldn't mention that she'd spent the night curled up to Harvey, cradled in his arms. He knew she'd be sharing a bed, but he didn't need to know how close they'd been last night.

Still, she was determined not to let last night repeat itself. She needed new sleeping pills. Nadine closed her eyes as the phone rang.

< just_1_word - Uncertainty - Matters of the Heart - gothams_dent >

2009-08-10T18:45:39Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
666 words

"Is it real? Or did I just imagine that thing?"

"When you were kidnapped... it was a mix of hallucinations and real... Tonight, it was a hallucination. A memory... a bad dream."

He'd explained it to her so calmly, cradled her and comforted her as if there'd been something to be afraid of. In the aftermath of the night, Nadine Lewis felt foolish. A nightmare reduced her to that. Children were that afraid of nightmares, not grown women. Frightened children crawled into bed with their parents to feel safe for the rest of the night. An adult shouldn't need a-- a roommate to sleep beside them, hold them close.

And yet, here she was, curled up against a sleeping Harvey Dent, using his chest as a pillow. Even as she woke fully, she shuddered, shaking off the last vestiges of the dream that had brought him here. Part of her was afraid still but not of the Scarecrow. Here, like this, she felt safe from that. Still, that didn't mean she wasn't afraid.

They'd crossed lines last night, lines she'd promised herself were impassable. He'd held her close. She'd kissed him. He'd kissed her. She'd fallen asleep against him. They'd acted like lovers last night, but that was something they couldn't be.

She had Jonathan. She adored him, worshiped him. She could justify wanting Harvey. He was an attractive man-- even now, with those scars, she thought he was attractive, desirable-- who had been in a position of power over her. Power was... delightfully attractive as well. He still had power, just in a different fashion. She'd wanted him-- mildly, of course-- before she'd ever met Jonathan. She could want him all she pleased, but she had Jonathan. She couldn't have Harvey too.

As for Harvey... Well, he had Rachel. Yes, she was dead, but she was all he'd ever wanted. He'd loved her passionately, been ready to devote his entire life to her. Death would forgive any flaws Harvey might have seen in her. Over time, her memory would become a perfect one, one entirely worthy of a saint, rather than just nearly so. Harvey would always idolize her, always want only her. He didn't want Nadine, and she knew that.

What had happened last night was the exception, was as far as anything would go. They were not-- could never be-- lovers.

Of course, that didn't mean Nadine was ungrateful for the company Harvey had so willingly provided, for the comfort he'd freely given. She sat up while he slept, doing her best not to wake him. She looked down at him.

Half of Harvey's face looked absolutely peaceful as he slept. Here was her White Knight, her defender in a world all too willing to destroy her. The other half of his face looked better than it had. The process Jonathan had performed hadn't been entirely successful... but rough scars and slight discoloration were better-- in Nadine's opinion at least-- than the open wounds Harvey had come with.

Nadine bent down, pressing her lips to his. Now, it felt strange, the scars on half his lips. Still, she supposed it didn't feel strange enough not to do it. She sat back up before settling back into the bed, still near him but without her head on his chest. She didn't have to work today, so there was no reason she couldn't wait until he woke up to get out of bed.

Then... Then she'd go for coffee and call Jonathan as soon as she was out of the building. He didn't need to know about last night, about the temptation now. He knew she and Harvey would probably be sharing the bed-- she'd told him that yesterday. He-- What purpose would telling him serve? It wouldn't happen again, and telling him would only upset him, only make him worry he'd lose her. She'd just call him, listen to his voice.

After all, even if she wanted Harvey a little still, it was Jonathan Crane she wanted and needed. She was certain of that.

< just_muse_me - Alternate Universe - Just Once More >

2009-08-03T22:50:17Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
550 words

"You okay?"

Nadine Lewis stared at the paperwork in front of her, ignoring the fact that she'd been looking at the same page for five minutes. "I'm fine."

"Like hell, Nadine."

She finally looked up. Tears stood in her eyes, but she willed them back, wiping under her eyes with her thumb. "I'm fine, Harvey."

"Tell me what happened," Harvey Dent murmured. He spoke softly, his voice gentle.

Nadine attempted a smile. "Tomorrow's the big day. You know you'll win."

"I know." He focused on her, tone more dismissive than arrogant. Then, he frowned and came more into the office. "Tell me what happened."

As she spoke, the ADA rose from her desk, going to the window and looking out at the dark Gotham street. "I mean, they can't not re-elect you, not after all you've done--"

"Nadine." Harvey stood behind her and gripped one arm, forcing her to turn around and look him in the eye. "What happened?"

She turned away. "Bail was denied, thank God."

"Then why--"

"I froze."

"What?"

"I just-- The judge asked me if I wanted to speak, and I stood up. I-- I made the mistake of looking at him. I just... froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. All I could see was him, and all I could hear was him." She tried to hide a sob as she lurched forward, gripping the window sill. "It's been three years!"

"Nadine." He rubbed her arm, but she didn't notice.

"Three years, Harvey! And I still wake up some nights, screaming... I still wait to see it again, watching me." She ran a hand through her hair and he turned her around again, this time fully. When she looked up at him, fighting tears, he pulled her into an embrace.

"It's okay," he whispered. "He's gone now. Locked away."

"Until he gets out!"

"He won't. I promise. I will make sure that doesn't happen."

She cried into his chest, clutching his shirt as he rubbed her back. "I've gone to visit him," she whispered after some time.

"You've what?" Harvey sounded alarmed, but he didn't push her away.

"I've gone to see him-- stood outside Arkham for four hours a month ago, deciding whether I should go in and visit him or not."

"Nadine..."

"I know it's stupid. I don't know what the hell's wrong with me, but it's like I... I can't get him out of my head."

"It's okay," he sighed.

She began to pull away. "What are you doing here so late? You should be at home with your wife, celebrating the victory."

"Election's not until tomorrow," he pointed out, but he offered that same cocky grin and made her smile.

"You know you'll win." Even as she tried to laugh, a few tears ran down her cheeks. He pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and wiped her eyes for her.

"Shh," he whispered. "You're okay. I won't let Crane hurt you again."

Nadine reached up, touching his hand. He looked down at her, and they reached an agreement. This was inappropriate. They were already going too far. They couldn't go further. They both knew that.

He leaned closer, and she caught his lips in a kiss. He returned it. His hand settled against her cheek while he curled the other around her hip. Nadine slid an arm around his neck, still clutching at his shirt.

Just once more, they promised themselves. This would be the last time.

< couples_therapy - Whisper - Dark of the Night - gothams_dent >

2009-08-03T22:42:08Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
(gothams_dent)
262 words

Nadine.

The word was barely audible, but Nadine Lewis still heard it. She opened her eyes, able to make out nothing in the darkness. A thin hand curled around her arm, and she turned toward the touch.

You're not screaming, Nadine. That's disappointing.

The voice was in her head, quiet and malicious. How many nights had she heard that same voice, whispering, urging her to kill her, reminding her how she'd never be free. Jonathan had protected her for so long, but she'd known this would happen. She'd known it would come back.

She tried to scream, tried to cry out for Jonathan or Harvey or Stephens or Gordon. Anyone who could protect her. Rough fabric pressed against her throat, drawn tighter and tighter until it silenced her.

She couldn't breathe, couldn't move. She tried to struggle, got some leeway with her arm. Her fingers found something hard and she tried to hit her attacker with it.

When her eyes flew open, Nadine was sitting on her bed, trembling and panting. The room was dark, save for the light coming in through the window from the streetlamp nearby. She hadn't heard herself screaming and couldn't figure out why her bedside lamp wasn't on.

It was smashed on the floor, thrown in her daze to fight off an attacker that had not been there. Her alarm clock, too, had been knocked to the floor.

She turned her head toward the window, where the faintest hint of her reflection could be seen, and she heard that voice, barely even a whisper-- in her ear, in her mind-- before she cried out.

Nadine.

< Interrogation >

2009-07-12T05:47:41Z

"What time is it?"

"Quarter after."

"And the hour?"

"One."

"You must be tired, Detective. We've been at this... how long?"

"Three hours, Miss Lewis. I can do this all night."

"Well, yes, I suppose you could."

The young woman, twenty-seven-year-old Nadine Lewis, smiled faintly. She was a little ruffled, her blond hair not completely smoothed, even with all the time she'd spent trying to make it behave since her arrest. One blue eye was surrounded by a yellowing bruise, and bruises were beginning to form around her wrists. Her black eye was too old to be blamed on the arresting officers, and only her struggling against the handcuffs had caused the harm to her wrists.

The detective questioning her was older, thirty-three or so. He wasn't a particularly tall man nor broadly built. Still, he obviously worked out, and his hair was a dusty shade of blond. Nadine supposed it was intelligent of MCU to send him to interrogate her. Of all the cops in the unit, he bore the most resemblence to a younger Harvey Dent. It was a very cheap psychological ploy, but she gave them credit for trying.

"We all want to go home, Miss Lewis. If you just tell us what you know, we can."

"I'm sorry, Detective-- What was your name again?"

"Malone."

"Detective Malone," she corrected herself, "but I have told you everything I know. Several times."

"Where are Harvey Dent and Jonathan Crane?" Malone asked for the hundreth time.

Nadine just shook her head. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do! Quit lying to me and just tell me!" He slammed his hand on the table, and she gave a start but simply looked up at him.

"Check my phone records, though I imagine that's the first thing Gordon did. I haven't received a call in months."

"Dent's clothes were in your apartment!"

"He left them there last time he came. I haven't seen him. I don't know where he goes. He just stops by sometimes, never for very long."

"Long enough to fuck you."

"Very crude, Detective, but yes, we are intimate when he comes to see me." She smiled, baiting him, "But I'm sure you know that sex hardly has to take very long. Perhaps you've heard that complaint before?"

He raised a hand as if to slap her, and she just smiled. 'Go ahead,' her expression seemed to say, 'and I'll walk out of any courtroom.' Malone checked himself, lowered his hand, and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut behind him.

Nadine Lewis turned toward the two-way mirror, once again attempting to fix her hair. On the other side, Commissioner James Gordon sighed. Malone came in, and he received a cold look.

"Commissioner, I--"

"You're done."

"But sir!"

"You're done, Malone. Stephens should still be at his desk. Tell him I need him."

"Stephens, sir?"

"She likes him as much as she likes any of us."

"Sir, she's not going to tell us--"

"Crane's working on a new toxin, Malone," Gordon snapped. "And it's one-thirty on February second. Do you want to be the one who didn't do everything you could to stop whatever Dent's planning? Or who didn't look hard enough and let Jonathan Crane poison the city?"

"N--no sir."

"Then get Stephens." Gordon frowned as Malone left. This was going to be a long thirty minutes. But they had to try.

(This is set late in the the "Early" portion of Nadine's Shatter!Verse.)

< just_muse_me - Five Daydreams, One Nightmare >

2009-07-11T06:43:17Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
435 words

Six-year-old Nadine Lewis stared out the window of the car. The speedometer needle crept higher and higher as her mother stared forward at the road, blinking back tears. She's riding on a horse, even though she's never seen one in real life before, only on the TV. There's no more shouting, no more doors slamming, no more scary closet. It's just her, the horse, and the wind.

At fourteen, Nadine received few punishments. Her father had learned that she couldn't be bullied with words alone anymore, that she was too big to drag to the closet. She looked out her bedroom window, watching his car pull out of the driveway, headed to whatever mistress he had this week. He was driving along, and his cellphone rings. Of course, he answers it. He always answers his phone. It's that tramp, all giggling and excitement. He doesn't watch where he's headed and crashes into a tree.

Matthew Kane tangled his hand in the hair of a seventeen-year-old Nadine Lewis. He pinned her to the wall, kissing her as she held his varsity jacket. He touches her shoulder at lunch on her last day of school, having come all the way from his college. He slides a box to her, very nonchalant. Inside, a ring waits. He proposes, and they get married.

Nadine Lewis all but fell asleep in her first ethics class. She struggled to pay attention, but the teacher's monotone voice and dull repetition of the text made it difficult. Mr. Lewis stares at his daughter, who sits in the chair for the prosecution. His mouth falls open when the jury reads their verdict. His daughter has beaten him in court.

Harvey Dent touched her shoulder, and Nadine Lewis smiled a bit at him. She tried to argue when he insisted it was time for her to go home, but he won. She packed her things. He stops outside her apartment with her and kisses her. It's a long, heavy kiss, broken only when she invites him up. He hesitates, but she convinces him. He stays the night.

Nadine woke with a gasp, trembling in bed, though a strong arm moved around her waist, gently tugging her back against a firm chest. She drew in a thin breath, trying to relax. It smiles at her somehow, despite its lack of features. It stands, perfectly silent, watching her, ready to strike. The Scarecrow wraps its fingers around her neck and begins to squeeze.

Safe in the arms of Harvey Dent, Nadine tried to sleep again. She also tried to pretend she didn't hear him, half-asleep, call her Rachel.

< Permission - arkhams_dr >

2009-07-06T06:31:03Z

So far, everything went well. She had her continuance in court, Sale still didn't know about the deal he'd eventually have to authorize, Stephens and Bullock had checked in about Perkins...

Nadine's professional life was stable.

Her personal life...

Well, that wasn't.

She had to talk to Jonathan, had to explain Harvey's offer. Pray he wouldn't be too mad at her. If he was angry, she'd soothe him. She'd find a way to make it up to him, to earn his forgiveness. She hadn't given him any say in her decision to take Harvey in, hadn't even told him until after it'd been done. The least she could do now was give him the final say on this issue.

The blond ADA knocked on the door of Jonathan Crane's apartment, running her other hand through her hair. She braced herself for the worst reaction she could imagine, tried to prepare herself for anything. Jonathan had every right to be angry, every reason to scold her. She had her case prepared-- why he didn't need to worry, how platonic the whole thing was-- but she'd accept his decision. If he didn't feel comfortable with it? She'd sleep on her couch.

All she could do now, though, was wait.

She waited. And waited. After ten minutes, she accepted that Jonathan wasn't home. He could be working in a larger laboratory or he could simply be out for a short while. She didn't want to wait in front of an apartment door all night if he wasn't coming home. There was really only one way to find out if he'd be home. She pulled out her cellphone and dialed.

< just_1_word - Love >

2009-07-06T06:14:56Z

Nadine Lewis
Batman (OC)
666 words

She always expected the words to matter, to have some kind of impact. I love you. She knew why he hadn't responded. It was obvious how she felt. He'd known for... probably longer than she had, really. He'd known she loved him, so hearing her say it hadn't phased him. Still. He hadn't even paused. He'd just... kept right on with his explanation of... of whatever he'd been trying to explain.

She knew she was being stupid. Why did it matter what Jonathan's reaction to her saying she loved him was? He'd known she did, and she knew he loved her. Why did it make her nervous that he hadn't said it? That he hadn't even acknowledged her saying it? Maybe, she considered, last night had been acting out because he hadn't reacted. Yes, that made sense. She'd needed someone to respond to her, she'd needed to act against Jonathan without even knowing it.

Of course, that didn't excuse her behavior last night. Getting that close to Harvey... she'd been seconds away from kissing him. That kind of behavior wasn't acceptable. She loved Jonathan, and she should act like it. Nadine closed her eyes, trying to think. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just be content? Why couldn't Jonathan be the jealous type? But no. His words from Halloween-- god, that felt like years ago-- drifted in her head.

You can want more. You can have more.

You'll always have me.

Enjoy yourself. That's all I ask. Let me enjoy you while you do.

You will never be without me.

She wanted a glass of scotch or a shot of tequila or something. She wanted to feel numb. In a strange way, she wanted to go back to the hours after she woke up in Sacred Heart before Jonathan arrived at her apartment. She wanted to go on autopilot, to feel nothing. She wanted to stop second-guessing herself, stop doubting what she knew.

Or, hell, she wanted to go back to the car ride after Halloween. She'd felt so calm in the car with Jonathan. He knew her secrets, her demons, and he still wanted her. She'd confessed to what she considered the worst sin in a relationship-- wanting someone else. She'd confessed, and he'd only reassured her, offered her the world.

It was different now, though. He'd been so concerned, the last time she'd seen him, that she'd leave him for Harvey. Couldn't he see that wouldn't happen? Harvey wouldn't want her. He'd... he'd proven that last night. He'd had the chance to have her. She would have done anything for him, and he'd simply apologized. No, he didn't want her. Wanting him would only put a strain between her and Jonathan.

She couldn't have Harvey, but she had Jonathan. That was enough. That was always enough. Harvey had always belonged to someone else, and he always would. Jonathan had always been waiting patiently for her, ready to offer his hand when she started to fall. Jonathan loved her, she knew that much. He loved her, and she loved him. Nothing else mattered.

Tonight, she'd go see him. She'd tell him again, this time expecting no response, that she loved him. Once he'd heard that again, once he knew that she was his-- only his-- then she'd ask him. She'd tell him about Harvey's offer, about how she had trouble sleeping on her couch, about the antiquated notions in her head that wouldn't allow for a guest sleeping on a couch.

Would he accuse her of being unfaithful? Of being intimate with Harvey? If he did, so be it. If he disapproved, she'd sleep on the couch again. She'd sleep on his couch or in his bed. She'd do whatever it took to prove to him that she loved him, that she was his, that she wouldn't roam. He deserved someone better than he'd had, and she'd try to do better. She would do better.

With that thought, Nadine Lewis opened her eyes and looked at the files waiting for her on her desk.