Keith Lawrence

Birthday Art Challenge 2016 - Things With Faces

kludge — Sun, 12 Jun 2016 10:08:53 GMT

Sorry LJ-only people, I have been harsh on you. This is super late, because my birthday is next week. FB people got an early heads-up. Perhaps I need to have some better system. Anyhoo!

The Short Story: Draw inanimate objects with faces, etc.!

The Long Story: I'm sort of a grown-up. Sort of. I have most of the things that I want, and because of this and the fact that I’m no fan of cards, for my last 6 birthdays I've asked people to draw me things as a birthday present.

So: If (see end note) you’re the sort of person who:
might send me a card and you think this is a nice idea, or
wouldn’t send me a card but this sounds like fun, or
who doesn’t know me but likes to draw things…

… then draw a picture! It’s fun for you and enjoyable for me (and everyone else), and super cheap. I've set a theme each year, and this year the theme is:

Things with Faces (and limbs, and so forth)!:

Postboxes with eyes, toasters chatting, houses that have mouths instead of front doors, paperclips that are tiny snakes, bottle with legs! Basically, anything that isn't alive, but an alive version of it. Think of the furniture in Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

(As always, drawings on previous themes - or indeed any cool theme - are also appreciated, so dancing robot houses, postboxes crossed with dinosaurs, depressed bowls of petunias in , geriatric space krakens, lindy-hopping caterpillers, et cetera et cetera et cetera).

For inspiration here are links to the last 5 galleries:

2010: Dinosaurs and Cephalopods in Formal Wear:
https://goo.gl/photos/TtGUNAQ3dUg26xPc6

2011: DANCE-BOT 5000:
https://goo.gl/photos/cSmJGDQrmAPaJwVt8

2012: Monsters in their Dotage:
https://goo.gl/photos/zGDFJR7fDDizkBT9A

2013: Party Bugs!:
https://goo.gl/photos/gPEJPF7hr3BoeMLA9

2014: A Hitchhiking Birthday:
https://goo.gl/photos/jmqHa2esAz6xFCVh9

2015: Super-Dinos!:
https://goo.gl/photos/LREuYxFmdg2dvHCf6

END NOTE: The "if" up there is emphasised exactly because I'm usually pretty happy on my birthday anyway, so if you can read this you should not feel obliged in any way - just if you feel like it and think you'd enjoy drawing something dinosaur-related, I'd be delighted to see the results! Don't feel that artistic skill is necessary - I'm terrible at drawing myself, and also don't feel you need to know me: I've had some excellent pictures from people I've never met. (and if you do know me, feel free to share this with people who don't but who might enjoy it).

Birthday Art Challenge 2015 - Super Dinos!

kludge — Mon, 15 Jun 2015 08:22:23 GMT

Entries will be posted in this album:

https://goo.gl/photos/LREuYxFmdg2dvHCf6

Some fun pictures so far! :)

Birthday Art Challenge 2015 - Super-Dinos

kludge — Mon, 18 May 2015 12:17:19 GMT

The Short Story: Draw dinosaurs as superheroes!

The Long Story: There’s no getting away from the fact that I’m a “grown-up” - except by putting scare quotes around it and making light of the fact, of course. For this reason I have most of the things that I want, and because of this and the fact that I’m no fan of cards, for my last 5 birthdays I've asked people to draw me things as a birthday present.

So: If (see end note) you’re the sort of person who:

might send me a card and you think this is a nice idea, or

wouldn’t send me a card but this sounds like fun, or

who doesn’t know me but likes to draw things…

… then draw a picture! It’s fun for you and enjoyable for me (and everyone else), and super cheap. I've set a theme each year, and this year the theme is:

Super-Dinos!

Dinosaurs with super-powers and action-hero dinosaurs! Super-villainous Ceratopsians! Stegosaurs with laser-vision! The uncanny T-ReX-men! Ankylosaurs that can jump small buildings in a single bound! An ornithomimus in a string vest who's too old for this shit! Thorlociraptor!

(As before, drawings on previous themes - or indeed any cool theme - are also appreciated, so dancing robots, dinosaurs, squid drinking pan-galactic gargleblastsers, old-aged space whale, ants doing the conga, and bonus points for a Kryptonian Robot Squid with a Genuine People Personality or a similar trick-shot).

For inspiration here are links to the last 5 galleries:

2010: Dinosaurs and Cephalopods in Formal Wear

2011: DANCE-BOT 5000

2012: Monsters in their Dotage

2013: Party Bugs!

2014: A Hitchhiking Birthday

END NOTE: The "if" up there is emphasised exactly because I'm usually pretty happy on my birthday anyway, so if you can read this you should not feel obliged in any way - just if you feel like it and think you'd enjoy drawing something dinosaur-related, I'd be delighted to see the results! Don't feel that artistic skill is necessary - I'm terrible at drawing myself, and also don't feel you need to know me: I've had some excellent pictures from people I've never met.

Birthday Art Challenge 2014 - A Hitchhiking Birthday

kludge — Sun, 25 May 2014 18:07:16 GMT

For my last 4 birthdays I've asked people to draw me things as a birthday present, on the basis that I have most of the things I want anyway and I'm no great fan of cards, so the idea is that if (see end note) people felt like they wanted to give me a present or send me a card they could draw a picture instead, which would be fun for them and enjoyable for me (and everyone else), and super cheap. I've set a theme each year (although the themes are by no means binding)

It's worked out well - here are links to the last 4 galleries:

2010: Dinosaurs and Cephalopods in Formal Wear

2011: DANCE-BOT 5000

2012: Monsters in their Dotage

2013: Party Bugs!

So - 2014! My birthday is in mid-June, but today happens to match nicely with my theme, which is "A Hitchhiking Birthday". I'll be 42 this year, and today is Towel Day (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towel_Day) celebrating Douglas Adams. So if you'd like to draw something from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, that would be sweet. If you don't know why 42 is significant, or if you're not familiar with the radio plays, books, tv shows or films, why not listen to, read, or watch one or more of them?

(and if you want to draw something but don't want to/can't familiarise yourself, here are some suggestions: A whale falling through space with a party hat, a depressed robot blowing out a cake, a birthday message scratched into a glacier, a man with two heads wearing *two* party hats... Also, as before, drawings on previous themes are also appreciated, so dancing robots, dinosaurs, squid drinking pan-galactic gargleblastsers, old-aged space whale etc., and bonus points for an ancient radioactive Vogon doing the tango in a top hat or a similar trick-shot).

END NOTE: The "if" up there is emphasised exactly because I'm usually pretty happy on my birthday anyway, so if you can read this you should not feel obliged in any way - just if you feel like it and think you'd enjoy drawing something hitchhiker-related, I'd be delighted to see the results! Don't feel that artistic skill is necessary - I'm terrible at drawing myself, and also don't feel you need to know me: I've had some excellent pictures from people I've never met.

Birthday Art Challenge 2013 Roundup

kludge — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 08:08:51 GMT

Art from my Birthday Art Challenge 2013 - Party Bugs!

...is here:

https://plus.google.com/photos/104982434619721643234/albums/5889592031509813233?banner=pwa

By a comfortable margin the most pictures of any art challenge yet, thank you to everyone! I hope you enjoyed drawing them as much as I enjoyed getting them!

Birthday Art Challenge 2013 - Party Bugs

kludge — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 06:57:37 GMT

For the last two years I've asked people to draw me things as a birthday present. I have most of the things I want anyway and I'm no great fan of cards, so the idea is that if people felt like they wanted to give me a present or send me a card they could draw a picture instead, which would be fun for them and enjoyable for me (and everyone else), and super cheap.

It worked out nicely. Here are the previous galleries:

2010: Dinosaurs and Cephalopods in Formal Wear

2011: DANCE-BOT 5000

2012: Monsters in their Dotage

This year's theme is:

Party Bugs!

..by which I mean any creepy-crawly, I'm not going to get pedantic on my birthday: spiders in fancy-dress, ants in ballgowns, lobsters opening champagne bottles, and so forth. (Although as before, drawings on previous themes are also appreciated, so dancing robots, dinosaurs, squid in bow ties, old-aged minotaur etc., and bonus points for an ancient radioactive robot lobster doing the tango disguised as a dapper gentleman or a similar trick-shot).

NB: The "if" up there is emphasised exactly because I'm usually pretty happy on my birthday anyway, so if you can read this you should not feel obliged in any way - just if you feel like it and think you'd enjoy drawing a party bug, I'd be delighted to see the results! Don't feel that artistic skill is necessary - I'm terrible at drawing myself, and also don't feel you need to know me: I've had some excellent pictures from people I've never met.

Birthday Art Challenge 2012

kludge — Wed, 30 May 2012 09:42:25 GMT

So - for the last two years I've asked people to draw me things as a birthday present. I have most of the things I want anyway and I'm no great fan of cards, so the idea is that if people felt like they wanted to give me a present or send me a card they could draw a picture instead, which would be fun for them and enjoyable for me (and everyone else), and super cheap.

It worked out nicely. Here are the previous galleries:

2010 (my 38th) Dinosaurs and Cephalopods in Formal Wear

2011 (my 39th) DANCE-BOT 5000

...the observant will notice that my age is inexorably increasing. I've looked into whether it's possible to reverse the trend, but it appears not. Anyway, I'm assuming that my hit points and attack bonuses have also been going up, so I'm not worried.

I'll be 40 in mid-June, and the challenge has worked so well the past two years that I'd like to do it again. So if you would like to, and if you feel inspired, this year's theme is:

Monsters in their Dotage

..senile godzillas, hydras with walking sticks, toothless dragons getting their bus passes, and so forth. (Although as before, drawings on previous themes are also appreciated, so dancing robots, dinosaurs, squid in bow ties etc., and bonus points for a monstrous rusty dancing squid-bot or other trick-shot).

NB: The "if"s up there are emphasised exactly because I'm usually pretty happy on my birthday anyway, so if you can read this you should not feel obliged in any way - just if you feel like it and think you'd enjoy drawing a senile monster, I'd be delighted to see the results! Don't feel that artistic skill is necessary - I'm terrible at drawing myself, and also don't feel you need to know me: I've had some excellent pictures from people I've never met.

NaNoWriMo

kludge — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:14:25 GMT

Hit 50,000 this morning - now I think I will slow down a touch, but aim for doing at least the minimum suggested (1667) every day until the end. Didn't get into MoD2 (boo), but was surprisingly pleased to see the Italian cover of MoD1 (my story in Italian?: "Disperazione").

Faux-dax

kludge — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 10:45:15 GMT

Last wednesday, damerell and I went for a little jaunt around London, following the route of the 100 km London Sightseer Audax. We'd missed the official one, but both being men of leisure, I persuaded him that we weren't bound by such things as weekends or official dates, and since he had a set of directions from a previous trip, we decided that we could just pick a day and go for it.

Here are some photos of bikes.

I enjoyed the route - it's tortuously complicated in places, but it took me to a lot of places I'd never been before, especially in Docklands. I'd never really considered quite how much of a port town London was before last week - the amount of canals, moorings, docks, harbours etc., there are scattered around to the east of the city is amazing. Most of them are now fancy marinas or decorative walks. The route-planner ( Bill Carnaby of the Hounslow and District Wheelers, I believe) has done a good job of fitting in a lot of famous sights into the ride, even if there are one or two weird crossings-and-recrossings involved in places.

The distance was just right for a day, I think - we started at about 10:00 and finished around 18:00 - roughly in the middle of what the allowed time band would have been if we were actually doing it as an Audax (5-10 hours). I started to flag pretty seriously at around 80 km, particularly as there was a gusty wind from the south-west that sped us into London but slowed us down on the way out. But I made it! By far the longest distance I've travelled in a day by bike (previous best: 60 km).

Feats of strength and endurance

kludge — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 18:54:01 GMT

I have now cycled 9 megametres. I have also lifted two (full-grown) people at once. The lift may have been helped by the bouyant effect of my gigantic ego.

The human tendency to ascribe personal failure to chance and personal success to virtue or intrinsic greatness is a fantastically enjoyable thing. When I am at swing-dancing class and the night sees me asking lots of women to dance, I consider it normal. When lots of women ask me to dance I consider it a great testament to my amazing dance skills, and rarely ever pay attention to the fact there are only two men there on that particular evening.

Dino-Doodles

kludge — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 13:31:00 GMT

Sometimes in our weekly games night it is useful to pass notes, so paper (or post-it notes) come in handy. Sometimes they're useful game-related notes. Last night this series of dinosaur-related puns was the result.

You Maiasaur As Well Click Here...

More Birthday Art Entries

kludge — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 09:30:51 GMT

...including one combo 2010/2011 entry from Jane:

Here

DANCE-BOT 5000 Gallery

kludge — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 23:33:37 GMT

For my birthday this year I asked people to draw pictures on the theme of DANCE-BOT 5000.

You can see the gallery of awesome artwork here.

Once again, friends and family and even people who I've never met were kind enough to draw things according to my whims, and for that I thank you all. You are all stars!

Birthday Art Challenge 2011

kludge — Tue, 31 May 2011 10:17:52 GMT

Last year, for my birthday, I asked people to draw pictures of Dinosaurs or Cephalopods in formal clothing. The idea was that I have most of the things I want anyway, and I'm no great fan of cards, so if people felt like they wanted to give me a present or send me a card they could draw a picture instead, which would be fun for them and enjoyable for me, and super cheap.

People seemed to like the idea, and you can see the amazing results here.

...so anyway: I'll be 39 next month, and given that it worked so well last year, I would like to do it again. So if you would like to, and if you feel inspired, this year's theme is:

DANCE-BOT 5000

(although drawings on the them of dinosaurs or cephalopods in formal wear will also be appreciated, and if you can draw a dancing robot dinosaur or squid, well...)

NB: The "if"s up there are emphasised exactly because I'm usually pretty happy on my birthday anyway, so if you can read this you should not feel obliged in any way - just if you feel like it and think you'd enjoy drawing a dance robot, I'd be delighted to see the results!

Uncaged

kludge — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 08:53:03 GMT

Uncaged in Kittysneezes.

My results came in

kludge — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 08:30:10 GMT

From Various Photos

Make your cocking mind up, An Post!

kludge — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 09:52:39 GMT

From Various Photos

Machine of Death podcast!

kludge — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 07:50:46 GMT

Despair by K M Lawrence, read by Clair Lockeyear.

Day Trippers published today

kludge — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 09:02:56 GMT

My story "Day Trippers" is out today in OG's Speculative Fiction: http://theopinionguy.com/2011/01/ogs-speculative-fiction-issue-28/

The Geekchildren

kludge — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 00:04:41 GMT

..today demanded that they be allowed to play the copy of "Gamma World" we bought for their dad.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

Machine of Death

kludge — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 16:42:45 GMT

If you're in America, or not averse to paying to-europe shipping rates to Amazon, the anthology containing the first story I sold (back in the old days, before "The Freedom"), is now available:

http://machineofdeath.net/oct26/

If you do fancy buying a copy, please consider buying it on the 26th October (US time, so late afternoon to evening for any fellow Euros) - it doesn't take a lot of sales to get it on Amazon's bestsellers list.

Going Flat Out

kludge — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:35:42 GMT

So, before I knew that I would be rescuing a kitten last week, I was preparing for a week of no Faith (she was in London for a couple of conferences), so it was convenient that I could be distracted from spending all my time writing by Steam having a gargantuan sale. I bought a few things very very cheaply.

One of those was FlatOut: Ultimate Carnage, a racing game. When I moved to Dublin I somehow lost my copy of NFS: Most Wanted, which was my go-to game for mindless not-too-simulationy driving. I didn't fancy buying NFS: Shift, which looked a touch too realistic for me, so I was left jonesing for a mindless racer but lacking the will to buy a copy of a game I'd already played.

Enter FlatOut:UC for €1.90. This is less than the cost of a single LUAS trip, something so cheap that you could pay for it with a single coin. I thought it worth the risk.

Gamble successful!

Now, it is not without its problems - for one, it's a port of an X-box game, so constantly prompts you with "press A or B", instead of "press return or esc". Plus, multi-player needs a windows live account, and the steam install fails to automatically install that, you have to research this problem and fix it yourself (basically just find where it's put the WL installer and run it). A steep barrier to entry!

But it's worth it. The game looks good and is fun. I would go so far as to say it's the second best racing game I've played (after POD - and to be honest, POD is coasting a long way on its setting there. If FlatOut:UC was set on a dying world, it would win).

Pros:
- Looks nice! It really looks nice. Maybe not photorealistic like Shift, but the tracks are beautiful and the lighting great.
- Cars handle well: not running on rails, not waggling all over the place, but they seem realistic. You can't push them too far and hope to get away with it, but you're not constantly fighting the steering.
- Destroyable cars - very well-modelled destroyable cars, at that. It's sort of nice to have models of real cars, but frankly the novelty of racing a 206 or a Lamborghini Diablo soon wears off (very soon in the second case, once you realise that it is essentially a straight-line rocket - point in the direction you want to go, press accelerate, 2 microseconds later hit obstacle half a mile away. Reorientate. Repeat). The cars in FO:UC look just as good as real car models would, but you can smash the hell out of them. In fact, it's encouraged. They take full advantage of this with demolition derby levels, which aren't as much fun as racing but do work as a nice sorbet to clean the pallet.
- Varied tracks - you see tracks more than once, and there are probably fewer than in MarioKart, say, but they're fun to drive. There are plenty of short cuts and alternative routes, too, so racing them the tenth time is as fun (maybe more) than the first.
- No Catch-Up: A biggie. Catch up on the NFS games was always a tremendous pain in the balls. It seems like a good idea - to make the race more interesting by making sure you always have someone you're battling with - but in practise it just means that even if you get well ahead, a slight trip-up at the last moment means you're screwed. FO: UC does have a sort of catch up, but it's an organic part of the Nitro system and works just as well for you as against you - if you're out in the lead, the only way to get Nitro is to do jumps, but if you're back in the pack, you can get it by hitting other cars. So people behind you get more nitro than you do. If you've built up an impressive lead, though, you won't lose it immediately if you clip a wall. Run full-on into one and you will, but there you go. Don't smash head-on into walls, people.
- Fun physics: The tracks are littered with objects to smash, cars behave nicely when hit, etc. Tracks really do evoke the word "carnage" after the first few laps, with broken scenery littered all over the place. It's not quite right - but it's good enough for government work. The only real gripe I have is with nitro working in the air - I understand that nitro doesn't work in real life as it does in the game anyway, but really? It's not a rocket. In other news, I executed a dukes-of-hazzard-style barrel roll off a flood drain lip earlier, that was amazing.
- Tracks change: Not as much as SpeedBusters or MarioKart, but the fact that tire walls and other wreckage are scattered around after the first lap does make the race evolve somewhat - you can plow right through, but hitting a tire wrong can spin you off the track. Also, some of the shortcuts are only shortcuts if you're the second person to take them (for instance, a jump through a section of plane filled with airline seats. If you have to plough through them they will slow you down. But force some other poor bugger to bulldoze them aside, and the next lap it's a jump that won't slow you down but will get you nitro).
- No f**king blue shells: Nuff said.
- Not infuriating: Hard to define, but I feel justice has been served when I lose a race - I don't find myself pounding my fists in frustration against the desk, just thinking: "Well, I should have been a better driver. Let's try that again." i.e., it is actually enjoyable.

Cons:
- Install problem
- Port could have been slightly altered to remove XBox craziness
- "Reset" doesn't seem to take long enough. When you crash severely or go off track, you can reset to get back on the track with a time penalty. I don't know if this is the same penalty in multiplayer, but it seems low. I often knock other cars off the track, only to see them respawn in the middle of the track going a good speed before I've recovered control of my vehicle. It should be an advantage to struggle heroically back into the race, not a disadvantage. That said, it's not so much of a bother than I cry out against an uncaring god.

Advantage: Pros!

If you are a working person who likes this sort of game, I would buy it! If you are a non-working person who likes this sort of game, I would wait for it to go on sale and then buy it!

Dinosaurs and Cephalopods in Formal Wear

kludge — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:06:07 GMT

..so. Today I am 38, and I asked my friends and family to draw pictures of dinosaurs and/or cephalopods in formal wear.

The experiment has been an resounding success!

See the gallery

I'm now trying to work out what the theme will be next year. I'm leaning towards "Rodents in Wigs" at the moment, but I have 50 weeks to make my mind up.

Connect Tab A to Slot Clueless

kludge — Wed, 12 May 2010 07:02:20 GMT

From the BBC's report on the new government's plans:

There will be a "significant acceleration" of efforts to reduce the budget deficit - including £6bn of spending reductions this year. An emergency Budget will take place within 50 days

..ah! Now, I've got an idea how we could...

The Lib Dems will drop opposition to a replacement for Britain's Trident nuclear missiles

SON OF A...

(In the interests of fairness, I should point out that the programme will be "scrutinized for value for money" - whatever the hell that means. I assume it doesn't mean: "If, as everyone secretly suspects, this is found to be a braindead moneypit we will scrap it").

Published!

kludge — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 06:49:28 GMT

Published in Strange Horizons today!

http://www.strangehorizons.com/2010/20100426/freedom-f.shtml