processing emotions
just discovered this saved draft when i went to post today. oops.
this is from a post i read on fb about processing emotions. i'm copying it here since i think not everyone will be able to read it on fb, plus this way i will be able to find it again when i need it. and i will.
often it seems like running from our emotions can be the main business of being a human. this note explains why processing our emotions is so important, and also how to do it.
Processing Emotion, the beginning and end of all Autonomy.
April 2, 2015 at 1:14pm
I've written a 640 page book on Consciousness, and in the end all of what I say is geared toward one reality, and that is that processing emotion is the primary need of a Consciousness, and the answer to "How do I proceed?" basically every time its asked.
I can only tell you that it's the most powerful tool ever. It's the only thing close to freedom. It is like bottled courage, divine presence and confidence all wrapped up into one beautiful package. Process emotion. That's it.
Every coaching/mentoring/advice situation I'm in boils down to processing emotion ... what is the emotion and how do we process it.
And every issue we have with our growth and expansion? It's us trying to run from processing emotion by using one of a million techniques to get away from having to sit confidently with ourselves and hold space during discomfort. And don't get me wrong, even when we are committed to this practice in such a way that it becomes a habit, it still doesn't work every time, and that is humiliating and infuriating (that's of course another reason why we do anything we can to escape having to do it).
Now before we get too abstract, let's look at what processing emotion is.
1) Experience an emotion. This is something that happens to us. We get emotionally activated.
2) Recognize the emotion.
a) Know it's present.
b) If we're practiced, figure the characteristics of the emotion (this takes years, and is not necessary to do all at once)
3) Allow the emotion. Specifically STOP YOURSELF FROM RUNNING AWAY AND ESCAPING THE EMOTION. Say "this is the emotion I'm feeling and I'm just going to sit here like a boss and feel it for a minute, or as long as I can."
4) Engage the emotion. Walk up to it and shake it's hand. Feel it. It is your body talking to you. Let it wash over you.
5) After it has finished with you, allow it to leave, and VALIDATE that the moment of the emotion has passed (this will give you confidence in all future moments where processing is difficult).
There are so many things we have, so many mental constructs built to keep us from doing this. Religions are based on releasing us from being accountable for this and they do pretty well on membership if I have my facts straight.
Free Will? If you have Free Will you don't have to process emotion because you can just 'choose" to not be influenced by unresolved emotion. Bullshit. If we don't sit with an emotion, stay present for its life cycle? We have yielded our right to keep it from influencing every decision we make. If we toss our hands up and shut our eyes? The passenger of the car takes over steering duties. This is why we always feel like shit isn't our fault. We're not steering, our unprocessed emotions are.
What I see everywhere is people being motivated PRIMARILY by their long history of unprocessed emotions. If we haven't processed it? It's got a hand in our every decision and behavior. True story.
Our being able to plead ignorance about this is wearing on my nerves. And don't get me wrong, this is still my biggest focus. NO ONE gets out of this. We are all living in human bodies, and having a human experience. The purpose of that may or may not be "Integrating momentary emotional connection and experience to find resonance and rapture" ... but I think it is. And even if it's not? Processing emotion is still our most important job.
Having issues with the spouse? Process emotion (anger, fear, resentment).
Trying to grow emotionally and expand? Process emotion (guilt, fear, doubt).
Trying to allow abundance? Process emotion (shame, self doubt, guilt).
Trying to forgive? Process emotion (anger, fear, sadness).
Trying to feel better about your life? Process emotion (regret, shame)
Trying to be a better driver? Process emotion (road rage, dystopic distraction)
Wondering what is wrong in a certain situation? Have you processed the emotion? Odds are you haven't.
We are souls having a human experience. This is true. What we rarely say is that this human experience is simply beyond the capability of a soul to endure with decades of acclimation. And rather than face this stuff head on, the manipulators and power vendors of the world realize that if they can give us a justifiable way out of this, THAT WE WILL TAKE IT EVERY TIME. We're not cut out for processing emotions. We can pretty much trace every personal and societal issue back to this fact. No joke. I've been looking at it since I finished the book and to be honest this ONE thing is
1) the thing that souls have a hard time with doing in a human body
2) the only thing we nee to get good at doing in a human body
If someone comes to you with a problem ... think to yourself ... what emotion is not being processed, and how can I help this person process that emotion (this applies to yourself also)?
Thing is we have to help convince each other that it's worthwhile to try. To hold space for ourselves and others.
Many people have asked me how I got to be where I am. Many people want to be where I am. My life is really badass. This, this is the long and short of it. There is no way around it.
We cannot get to "Peace" or "Home" without processing emotion. Why? Because the threat of having to process emotion we don't want to process is so great that we will never feel safe. EVER. IS THAT CLEAR?
Have a feeling like heartbreak? Run toward it, or you'll be running away forever. Our HOME IS IN THE PAIN. OUR CRUMBLED BONES ARE THE FOUNDATION FOR OUR FUTURE PEACE. This is The Opportunity of our entire existence. Coming to peace through processing the chaotic emotion of this frail human body. This is "Life Purpose" level stuff.
Safety and Home does not lie in the removal of stressors, but in the habituated ability to process them and move forward with confidence. PERIOD.
I want to note the scene in Fight Club that goes with this....
here's the scene from fight club:
this is from a post i read on fb about processing emotions. i'm copying it here since i think not everyone will be able to read it on fb, plus this way i will be able to find it again when i need it. and i will.
often it seems like running from our emotions can be the main business of being a human. this note explains why processing our emotions is so important, and also how to do it.
Processing Emotion, the beginning and end of all Autonomy.
April 2, 2015 at 1:14pm
I've written a 640 page book on Consciousness, and in the end all of what I say is geared toward one reality, and that is that processing emotion is the primary need of a Consciousness, and the answer to "How do I proceed?" basically every time its asked.
I can only tell you that it's the most powerful tool ever. It's the only thing close to freedom. It is like bottled courage, divine presence and confidence all wrapped up into one beautiful package. Process emotion. That's it.
Every coaching/mentoring/advice situation I'm in boils down to processing emotion ... what is the emotion and how do we process it.
And every issue we have with our growth and expansion? It's us trying to run from processing emotion by using one of a million techniques to get away from having to sit confidently with ourselves and hold space during discomfort. And don't get me wrong, even when we are committed to this practice in such a way that it becomes a habit, it still doesn't work every time, and that is humiliating and infuriating (that's of course another reason why we do anything we can to escape having to do it).
Now before we get too abstract, let's look at what processing emotion is.
1) Experience an emotion. This is something that happens to us. We get emotionally activated.
2) Recognize the emotion.
a) Know it's present.
b) If we're practiced, figure the characteristics of the emotion (this takes years, and is not necessary to do all at once)
3) Allow the emotion. Specifically STOP YOURSELF FROM RUNNING AWAY AND ESCAPING THE EMOTION. Say "this is the emotion I'm feeling and I'm just going to sit here like a boss and feel it for a minute, or as long as I can."
4) Engage the emotion. Walk up to it and shake it's hand. Feel it. It is your body talking to you. Let it wash over you.
5) After it has finished with you, allow it to leave, and VALIDATE that the moment of the emotion has passed (this will give you confidence in all future moments where processing is difficult).
There are so many things we have, so many mental constructs built to keep us from doing this. Religions are based on releasing us from being accountable for this and they do pretty well on membership if I have my facts straight.
Free Will? If you have Free Will you don't have to process emotion because you can just 'choose" to not be influenced by unresolved emotion. Bullshit. If we don't sit with an emotion, stay present for its life cycle? We have yielded our right to keep it from influencing every decision we make. If we toss our hands up and shut our eyes? The passenger of the car takes over steering duties. This is why we always feel like shit isn't our fault. We're not steering, our unprocessed emotions are.
What I see everywhere is people being motivated PRIMARILY by their long history of unprocessed emotions. If we haven't processed it? It's got a hand in our every decision and behavior. True story.
Our being able to plead ignorance about this is wearing on my nerves. And don't get me wrong, this is still my biggest focus. NO ONE gets out of this. We are all living in human bodies, and having a human experience. The purpose of that may or may not be "Integrating momentary emotional connection and experience to find resonance and rapture" ... but I think it is. And even if it's not? Processing emotion is still our most important job.
Having issues with the spouse? Process emotion (anger, fear, resentment).
Trying to grow emotionally and expand? Process emotion (guilt, fear, doubt).
Trying to allow abundance? Process emotion (shame, self doubt, guilt).
Trying to forgive? Process emotion (anger, fear, sadness).
Trying to feel better about your life? Process emotion (regret, shame)
Trying to be a better driver? Process emotion (road rage, dystopic distraction)
Wondering what is wrong in a certain situation? Have you processed the emotion? Odds are you haven't.
We are souls having a human experience. This is true. What we rarely say is that this human experience is simply beyond the capability of a soul to endure with decades of acclimation. And rather than face this stuff head on, the manipulators and power vendors of the world realize that if they can give us a justifiable way out of this, THAT WE WILL TAKE IT EVERY TIME. We're not cut out for processing emotions. We can pretty much trace every personal and societal issue back to this fact. No joke. I've been looking at it since I finished the book and to be honest this ONE thing is
1) the thing that souls have a hard time with doing in a human body
2) the only thing we nee to get good at doing in a human body
If someone comes to you with a problem ... think to yourself ... what emotion is not being processed, and how can I help this person process that emotion (this applies to yourself also)?
Thing is we have to help convince each other that it's worthwhile to try. To hold space for ourselves and others.
Many people have asked me how I got to be where I am. Many people want to be where I am. My life is really badass. This, this is the long and short of it. There is no way around it.
We cannot get to "Peace" or "Home" without processing emotion. Why? Because the threat of having to process emotion we don't want to process is so great that we will never feel safe. EVER. IS THAT CLEAR?
Have a feeling like heartbreak? Run toward it, or you'll be running away forever. Our HOME IS IN THE PAIN. OUR CRUMBLED BONES ARE THE FOUNDATION FOR OUR FUTURE PEACE. This is The Opportunity of our entire existence. Coming to peace through processing the chaotic emotion of this frail human body. This is "Life Purpose" level stuff.
Safety and Home does not lie in the removal of stressors, but in the habituated ability to process them and move forward with confidence. PERIOD.
I want to note the scene in Fight Club that goes with this....
here's the scene from fight club: