but all I have is rain

Recapitulation

2016-05-12T09:03:37Z

Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He is Yoochun but he is also not Yoochun. After getting him back, Changmin must deal with the consequences of being forgotten

Changmin checks his phone, fumbling around to pass time as he waits for the go signal. Jaejoong is seated at the back of the car, tapping his fingers against his lap as he concentrates. Usually as the head of the family, Changmin wouldn’t be here doing a mission but he could be spontaneous if he wanted to.

“Boss, has it been a while since you’ve done this?” Minho, the teenage boy asks him curiously and he smirks in response “That doesn’t mean I’m rusty.”

The other men have practically rendered the grounds of the estate to a death zone, caught unaware and unarmed the takeover was too easy. Changmin walks towards the last building with Jaejoong behind him, gun out as he strides inside.

“We found Junsu, his area is secluded enough that it was hard to trace him.” Jaejoong reports, showing various pictures to Changmin and the others in the family. “His house is near the ports where the weapos exchanges happen.” He shows another picture of the ships as Junsu is seen talking on the phone by the docks. Blissfully unaware.

“He rose too quickly now his demise is faster.” Heechul just laughs and Changmin nods his head in agreement. “Not fast enough.” Flipping through the other reports of Junsu’s victims Changmin can’t help but be annoyed. “He’s targeted of our warehouses and killed enough subordinates to get cocky.” Heechul flippantly says eyeing number of hits they had taken.

“I want him out.” Heechul glares looking over the other members, raising his hand to start a vote. The whole table waves at him making him smile, “Alright. Get rid of him, no traces behind. We want all the stolen goods back.” Changmin looks over Jaejoong who nods at him.

“I think I want to join this mission.”

The both of them move without sound though really it didn’t matter, everyone else was either dead or getting there. No would help the soon dead man. Jaejoong thinks this was overdone but with Changmin’s thirst for bloodbath everyone could only obey. He sighs heavily and prays this would be quick but he knows enough to understand it was wishful thinking.

They slide the door open to find Junsu on the bed, rather naked obviously busy with his wife who seems to be pliant under him. Jaejoong doesn’t miss a millisecond to shoot hitting the shoulder, the man slumping and gasping as he turns to look.

“What the!” Junsu shouts seeing the two men in front of him, he tries to reach for the call button. “That’s useless. Everyone else is dead.” Changmin informs him coldly, watching the color drain from Junsu’s face. “You’re going to die now.”

Not wanting to go down without a fight, Junsu grabs the man under him “Be useful for once.” Spatting as he makes a shield out of his wife, the man not even reacting as he is twisted – robe falling off one shoulder as he looks into the two intruders.

Jaejoong gasps and as he sees the face, quickly looking at Changmin who sees stunned as well, “Yoochun?” Mouthing the name he hasn’t had the courage to say out loud in two years. Confused, Changmin lowers his gun not knowing what to do. He’s supposed to be dead.

A shot permeates the room and Jaejoong squabbles to return fire but can’t get his aim, scared to hit this person who looks exactly like Yoochun. “Boss!” Jaejoong shouts, trying to snap Changmin out of it but he can see his eyes focusing on only one thing-one person.

Jaejoong shoots again, hitting Junsu’s arm, gun falling on the floor, as his arm is rendered useless. All the while Yoochun remains still, Junsu’s blood coating his robe. He makes one last attempt to use him as a wall between the bullets but Changmin finally aims at his head.

Junsu falls backwards, trying to grab unto something but only manages to pull down the clothe barely on his wife’s shoulders. He is silent, just stares at him as he lays dead before looking at the two men who have now killed his husband.

“Yoochun?” Changmin tries again, slowly walking towards him but he feigns no recognition to the name. He merely looks at tall man as he sits on the pool of his husband’s blood. Changmin kneels down to meet his eyes, not minding his nearly naked state nor afraid of being killed.

The dark scar on his chest evident as Changmin stares at it that mark, there was no denying this was his Yoochun. His Yoochun was alive and in front of him but how can that be? Yoochun only looks at his him with empty eyes, reaching out to his bloodstained clothes. His eyes roll back and Changmin catches him in his arms. What the fuck is going on?!

“Do you really think it’s him?” Jaejoong asks his boss, sipping the black coffee as they both wait for Yunho to come in. “You saw the same mark on his chest as I did. You know very well what that means.” Changmin answers, voice on the edge. “We’re just making sure with a DNA test but I know, I know it’s my Yoochun.”

Yoochun wakes up to a white room, a hospital he concludes, IVs connected to him and a warm blanket. There’s no one in the room and he looks outside the window briefly wondering what day it is but thinks it’s rather inconsequential. The door opens and Yoochun recognizes the tall man- it’s the man who killed his husband enter the room.

“How are you feeling?” The tall man asks him and he stares ahead not looking into those eyes. Changmin takes the seat by the couch unnerved by the coldness but he really can’t gauge anything. “Yoochun?” He tries again, he doesn’t know what to say but he desperately need him to look at him again. Yoochun only clenches at the blanket before he coldly turns to him,

“Who’s Yoochun? Who are you?”

Yunho arrives with an envelope, a look on his face not reassuring them both. He sits on the table and takes out papers to show the both of them, “I checked with his mom and the DNAs match. It’s Yoochun.” The news not really making the three of them happy just more questions in their minds.

“I don’t know what happened between the time we thought he was dead in the attack between now that caused him to loose his memories but all I can say is this is Yoochun.” Leaning back to stare at the word “MATCH” on the test. “We did a full test on him, no external injury- he did have scarring on his head from stitches and judging from how old they look that it fits in the timeline of when he disappeared.”

“So you’re saying he may have gotten hit in the head and now he has amnesia?” Jaejoong asks Yunho, reading all the other tests that didn’t help with anything. “It’s just the hypothesis I could come up with, there is nothing else aside from that hit on the head.” Yunho looks at Changmin, it’s obvious the news doesn’t hit him well.

Dealing with having the lover you thought was dead come back to you not knowing you was something he couldn’t even fathom.

Changmin knocks at the door to his room, it used to be their room he waits for a reply but gets nothing so he enters. Yoochun is sitting on the work desk looking at the framed picture. He knows that picture well, it was of them years ago. He wants Yoochun to remember but seeing the empty look in his eyes, Changmin knows there is no recognition.

“Your mother and brother is coming to see you.” He informs Yoochun who only tilts his head- still no reaction. “As soon as the DNA test was confirmed they wanted to see you.” The smaller man just nods still looking at the picture. “What are their names?” His voice just above a whisper, Changmin gives him a small smile and moves to the bookshelf, he gets another album to show Yoochun, opening the pages to show the man his family.

“Changmin-ah, this is Yoochun!” His mother tells him, he sees a lanky boy with glasses look at him unsurely. He turns to his mother again and she only nudges him, “Why don’t you show him around while your dad and I talk to the Parks?” leaving the two teenagers as adults enter the formal dining hall.

He hears them throw around the word marriage before he leaves in disgust, not wanting any part of it. The boy called Yoochun follows him and he doesn’t acknowledge him. What was he supposed to do with the other boy? He didn’t know but all he knew is that he felt stuffy in the house.

He reaches the back of the garden with Yoochun still shadowing him, the boy still not saying a word. “Don’t you have anything else to do?” He mocks, throwing a rock at him annoyed. Yoochun only frowns, “Well you’re supposed to show me around!”

“Fuck that. I don’t want to.” Stomping as he walks away only for him to get followed. “You don’t really have a choice. You’ll have to get used to me somehow.” Yoochun explains, not giving into Changmin’s tantrums and scowls.

They reach the hidden wall of leaves and Changmin opens the gate to a small park, Yoochun looks around in amazement not expecting to see an amazing place behind the walls. He simply thought it was the end of the estate but it was obviously not the case.

“Our parents are having a meeting about us, doesn’t that bother you?” Changmin asks grabbing a baseball bat as he takes out his frustration. Yoochun sits by the swing, letting his feet dangle as he swings up high. Changmin thinks it’s childish but doesn’t voice out that part.

“Not really.” Yoochun sing-songs, carefree as he goes higher and higher. Changmin can’t believe the nonchalance. “There’s no use trying be angry at something I can’t control. I just roll with it.” The reasoning doesn’t sit well with him, chain mid swing as he tries to stop Yoochun.

“What if I hate you?” Grabbing the links as he stares at the Yoochun. “What if I hate YOU?” he teases but Changmin doesn’t find it funny. Yoochun only smiles at him, dimple showing “Ah, I guess I better get used to your grouchiness, huh?”

Changmin gets flabbergasted, sputtering cusses at him as he lets go of the swing. “Minnie-yah!” He calls, already forming a nickname for his future husband who’s features turn angry yet again.

“But what if you like me?”

Jaejoong walks around the estate with Yoochun, the past months had been surreal. He knows how it’s taking a toll on Changmin who tries not to show it. Yoochun walks ahead of him, “You seem to know your way around well.” Jaejoong comments making the brunette stop and look at him.

Yoochun wonders for a brief moment, “Actually, I don’t but it seems my feet remember where we’re going.” It occurs to him that he hasn’t gone to that side of the house but it seems his body knows where it is. Jaejoong looks at him strangely, “That is something.”

Changmin is waiting in the veranda, this house usually not occupied except when there were guests. There are several houses in the lot and sometimes he liked going to them just for the novelty. He looks up to see Jaejoong and Yoochun, eyes lingering on the latter before he turns away.

Jaejoong motions for him to sit down and he does so hesitantly. Living with Changmin hasn’t made it easier to be with him. He knows his old self and this man used to be lovers but now there are no more but strangers. Yoochun doesn’t know what to take from it but is thankful that Changmin doesn’t push him to be anything more than what he is now.

Silence falls on them but Jaejoong notes how uncomfortable his boss still is with Yoochun, years ago these two would be laughing but now it seems only the quiet lies between them. Changmin picks at his food, wary of the distance and he wishes it wasn’t like that.

The helper arrives with the drinks, Yoochun thanks her and she smiles. Immediately Yoochun gets the coffee drip transferring it to the glass with ice. He pours some of the condensed milk then stirs it with the spoon, when the two are well mixed he gives it to Changmin who only stares at him.

Yoochun is startled with himself, panicking when Changmin stares at him far longer than he’s accustomed. “You used to do that all the time.” He quietly says, “thank you.” voice faraway as he remembers. Yoochun bites his lip embarrassed not knowing what had gotten over him.

Jaejoong only stares at the exchange musing how some things work out the way they do while grasping the meaning of the small action.

“He really isn’t remembering anything is he.” Yoochun’s mother states, it’s not a question anymore but rather a sad observation. Yoochun is out with Jaejoong and Minho, Changmin thinking the man needed a different kind of environment. Changmin looks at his mother-in-law, can he call him that and agrees with her statement.

“Would you like for me to move him back to your place?” Knowing how she must have missed his son. The agony they all went through when they thought he had died two years ago still fresh on his mind. He didn’t mean for him to keep Yoochun to himself but she acquiesced to his wishes.

She looks at one of the pictures displayed in Changmin’s office, her old Yoochun smiling and how she almost never saw it on this new Yoochun and yet they were somehow still the same person. “You know, I do miss him but you are a big part of his life, I have to admit maybe even a bigger part of his life than me.”

“You two have been inseparable since you were thirteen, the first time you met. Well it was mostly Yoochun following you around really.” Laughing at the memory of yesteryears. “He never really took no for an answer.” Changmin supplies and the two of them smile knowing it well.

“I think it would be better if he was with you unless- you can’t handle it anymore. I won’t take it against you.” She knows it’s not the ideal situation, Yoochun as he is now barely had any rapport with Changmin. Yoochun barely knew her either and was in no better position herself. “It’s difficult, I know him as someone else and he doesn’t know us at all.”

“If you feel that you can’t handle the burden anymore, it will be okay, Changmin. I don’t doubt the love you have for my son –“ Her voice cracks as she thinks of his son as foreigner to both of them now. “I know you’re hurting as I am. I know it pains to look at him and have emptiness look back at you. Sometimes, I try so hard to look for the traces of his old self in his eyes and he tells me he’s sorry whenever he catches me gazing too long”

Changmin only hugs her, this woman he considered his own mother, understanding her fully. Years ago when their families merged he thought he and Yoochun would only be am arranged relationship. He thought they would only be nothing but a signed contract yet that was not how it turned out.

He loved Yoochun and Yoochun loved him back.

He was a fool into thinking he could have everything but fate played with the both of them it seemed. “No, he is never a burden. I’ll take care of him. I always will.” Changmin promised Yoochun and even if he can’t remember it, he’ll remember for the both of them.

Yoochun waits in traffic, hands tapping to the music playing as he tries to alleviate boredom. He takes out his phone and speeds dial Changmin, switching to the Bluetooth in his radio. “Babe! Don’t forget you have your suit fitting tomorrow.” His fiancé only grumbles, “It’s only like thirty minutes don’t be such a grouch.” Laughing as Changmin groans at him even more.

“Where are you anyway?” Changmin ask, motioning for Jaejooong to write down the tailor appointment for tomorrow. “I’m on my way to the florist, we’re going to pick the pick the set up for the venue.” His voice excited and Changmin knows Yoochun will most likely go overboard with decorating. “It’s a garden wedding already, what more do you need?”

Jaejoong laughs beside him, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. “This is such a waste of time and resources. We could just sign the papers that we’re married and that’s it why the big fiasco?”Jaejoong makes a face at him signaling that it was the wrong thing to say but he doesn’t really care anymore.

“But Minnie-yah, you promised me I get to decide. I don’t want to just sign the papers. You’re such a boring old fart.” Teasing him in the way only he gets to, smiling at how he imagines Changmin’s face sours at his insults. “The wedding is only a month away so bare with me besides you got to decide our honeymoon so don’t complain too much!”

“Blah blah blah” Changmin mouths but agrees regardless, “Yay, thanks Minnie. Anyway, I’ll see you for dinner, okay? Love you!” Ending the call as he parks in front of the building, grabbing his bag as he walks inside.

Changmin presses Yoochun’s number for the umpteenth time- annoyed that he wasn’t picking up. He was supposed to be home an hour ago but he still hasn’t arrived. He tries to make another call but it goes straight to voicemail again. He was about to leave a message when Minho bursts inside the room.

“Boss, there’s been an ambush! Yoochun-hyung is-“ Minho doesn’t get to finish the sentence and Changmin is already running outside, phone calling Jaejoong and his other men. He feels himself growing cold, panic setting in as he goes to the florist’s shop. His breath speeding up as he gets closer but only sees a cloud of dark smoke, heart dropping as he sees how thick it is.

He stands outside the building-or what used to be the building-, it’s flattened to the ground. The sirens blasting around him fall on deaf ears. Everything turns gray and he feels time slowing as he looks around for any sign of Yoochun. He doesn’t feel it when his men, grab him pulling him to the side as small explosions rock the area.

“No survivors.” He hears the police and firefighters say, taping the area as the investigation begins. He wants to shout at them, tell him his fiancé is there they better move but everything is burned down. Changmin spots the half of Yoochun’s car plate on the ground, sides singed and he runs to get it, tears falling on steel as the embers die on his feet.

Jaejoong catches him, as he shouts, trying desperately to hold him up but he can’t. He can’t do this. He doesn’t want to. He wants Yoochun. He needs Yoochun .He has to be with Yoochun. But all his ears can hear is “I’m sorry.” as Jaejoong clutches on to him, “I’m sorry Changmin, I’m so sorry.”

He steps into the garden, the dried leaves scattered on the floor crunching beneath his boots as he walks further. It had been years since he last stepped into this place, unable to enter it. Not wanting to face the emptiness that would greet him. A place once only tied to happiness only burning a whole in his heart.

A figure is seated on the swing and Changmin recognizes Yoochun, it feels familiar but he dismisses the feeling away. “You found it.” Standing in front of the swing like he used to do a million times before as Yoochun swayed on the children’s equipment.

“Is this your secret place?” He asks, looking around. Changmin sits on the other swing beside him, “This used to be our place.” Staring at the old abandoned tree house, it was Yoochun’s idea to put one in there. They used to hide in the tree house and read comics; sometimes they swapped collectible cards but most importantly it was where their first kissed. He smiles at that memory but it feels bitter.

Yoochun hides his face, “I don’t remember, I’m sorry. I just found myself here.” Feeling shy around Changmin, he wasn’t scared of him but his heart always fluttered with him around. My heart knows him. “You don’t have to say you’re sorry, as I said it’s our place.” Yoochun looks away from him again and Changmin hates it.

“You never look at me.” He muses out loud making Yoochun snap his head at him. “You just make me nervous sometimes.” Changmin says sorry, his frustration hiding his sadness. The sound of the creaking swing is the only thing that drowns out his longing.

“I met Junsu at the hospital.” Yoochun starts, tone mellow as he recounts. “I woke up and I didn’t understand what was happening. He called me Micky and he seemed to know me.” He remembers not knowing his name but there he was a person who appeared to recognize him.

“Micky was your alias to protect your identity.” Changmin supplies. They all had code names, he was Max and Jaejoong was Hero. They all traversed around with normal citizens with those names. Changmin thinks of how Junsu might have recognized him.

Yoochun nods, making sense of it. “No identity, nothing. I was scared but he said he’d take care of it. I clung to him like a crutch, like a lost child.”

“He said we worked together but of course I couldn’t remember a thing so I believed everything.” Changmin nods not interrupting. Junsu had seen Yoochun before from a meeting back then, he didn’t know his connection to Changmin. Sometimes Yoochun would go with Jaejoong to small check-ins with the businesses so some men recognized him but didn’t know who exactly he was.

Junsu was just starting out as an informant and sometimes delivery boy. He got to the good graces of one of their smaller partners and possibly overtook him that’s why he got into the business. Changmin could only piece together possible scenarios but it wasn’t important now, he was six feet under ground, rotting dead.

“He was there when I was recuperating and one thing led to another. He asked me to live with him once I got out and having no other person there I accepted.” Yoochun remembers going out of the hospital and to Junsu’s house and recalls the trepidation, it was his gut telling him of the danger but he hid it.

“We got married after a few months, you could say now it was a sham marriage- there was barely any ceremony. I thought everything would be okay but it wasn’t.”

Changmin clenches his jaw at that, hating how Junsu manipulated Yoochun. “It was good for a few months, he provided for me but he got extremely controlling and paranoid. Wouldn’t allow me near his work at all. He always said he had to hide me because people were going to take advantage of me and hurt me.”

“Isn’t that ironic?” He tries to joke but there is nothing light about the conversation. He continues on as Changmin looks at him. “As his business grew the more obsessed he became. He used to tell me not to leave him, beg me not to but the next day point a gun at me accusing me of being a snitch.”

“I didn’t understand, we kept moving from place to place and I felt we were being hunted. We settled at the last place finally. He said no one could find us there and when I asked who but he would tell me to shut up, hit me if I asked too many questions.”

Junsu wasn’t able to plan his schemes well enough to cover his tracks; dealing with the wrong crowd made him a target. He ticked off too many people including them. “He did plenty wrong.” Changmin answers for Yoochun, “It caught up to him.”

“He would force himself on me, I used to fight him off but he always overpowered me. He would say I was his alone and I had no rights of my own. I learned that if I don’t try and stop him it would go by quicker so stopped trying.”

Changmin grits his teeth, if he could kill the man again he would over and over again. He hates himself for not finding Junsu sooner as well, if he could have rescued his Yoochun sooner. Yoochun sufferings were his agony, if he could only carry his pain so that he wouldn’t have to.

“When you came and killed him, I felt no remorse anymore. At that point death seemed the most inviting.” His tears falling as he remembers all the pain, the uncertainty and darkness. Changmin reaches up to wipe it away, his warm fingers caressing his cheek. The touch so gentle unlike anything he’s experienced with Junsu.

Changmin kneels down, holding his hands as he shakes. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner. You went through hell and I can’t forgive myself for it.” Yoochun only shakes his head, “But you came for me, someone was there for me and I didn’t know. Even without knowing, you still came.”

Yoochun let’s Changmin’s head rest on his lap, in a way comforting him. Him telling his story lifted some of the burdens from his shoulders. Changmin cries in his lap, the first time he lets himself cry since he found him again. He cries for the lost time, the lost innocence but of all he cries for Yoochun.

The sound of laughter echoes through the veranda, Yoohwan recounting a story to his mom and brother. Yoochun covers his mouth, “Was I really that bad?” giggling as his younger brother tells him of the dog incident when they were children. It’s a warm scene and Changmin relaxes just a little bit when he watches them from inside the house.

Jaejoong looks at the family outside longingly, “How are you coping?” asking their leader. The laughter and hushed whispering tickle his ears. Changmin only looks at Jaejoong, he may not be blood related but they were brothers nonetheless. “It’s hard.” He says honestly, no use lying.

“Yoochun is Yoochun but at the same time he’s not. He’s alive, he’s in front of me, I can touch him and yet it’s not him.”

“I feel like I’m grieving for a person who is still alive.”

Jaejoong makes sense of it, he too felt the loss but only a fraction of what Changmin is going through. Yoochun was his friend but Changmin was his soul mate, his lover, and his best friend, his everything. He was speaking in past tense like he was gone but at the same time that’s what it felt like.

“Changmin, what if. . . his memories don’t come back?” Not wanting to ask that question but he knew it was something that could happen as well. There were no guarantees, no magical pill that could make him remember.

Even if Yoochun spent time with Changmin it seemed that it did nothing to trigger his memories. True sometimes Yoochun did something that seemed like the old Yoochun would but it was mostly habitual things that didn’t hold meaning anymore.

“I’ve been preparing for that but it’s hard to reconcile it happening. I can tell this Yoochun is different from the one we know, from the one I loved but he’s still there somehow.”

He looks just in time for Yoochun to glance at him through the window and give him a shy smile. Changmin eye’s crinkle, “I know I can’t just tell him to do this or that just because he used to do it but-“

“But you miss him.” Jaejoong finishes for him, taking the edge out of Changmin’s voice. “He is Yoochun and he is not Yoochun anymore. He is simply this.”

Unable to sleep Yoochun slips off to the piano room, letting his hands glide through the keys. His feelings guiding him as he plays song after song, his mind blank as he pours all his thoughts through the music.

Changmin stands by the door watching him, the music echoing to his room peaking his curiosity. “My body seems to remember things my mind can’t.” Yoochun says out loud but not missing any note. Instantly feeling when Changmin started watching him, an unexplained connection he had with the man.

Changmin sits beside him and Yoochun watches him as he starts to play a song as well. He doesn’t recognize the melody itself but closes his eyes to feel the music. Without realizing he starts playing as well, a duet.

They’re unusually close, his body leaning towards the taller man and for the first time not shying away from him. Changmin doesn’t react but relaxes to their closeness, a feeling he’s been aching for. They both continue playing, he trips over a couple of notes and Yoochun fixes his fingers from time to time.

For the first time in a long time they are comfortable with another, Yoochun’s smile radiating and Changmin laughing at them both. His heart feeling light just being with Yoochun and having him smile because of him, Changmin knows this is his favorite place.

Yoochun plays last note and nudges Changmin to press the last chords guiding his fingers, he does so sloppily and he gets a smile for his effort. Their undeniably close, shoulder-to-shoulder, knees touching and Yoochun’s head leaning heavily on his neck. Their hands still tangled together, Changmin feels soft lips on his.

The kiss is delicate and gentle, everything Yoochun is now- there’s trepidation but desire, timidness but longing. Changmin leans into the kiss, encouraging- hands on his face and neck as he deepens their kiss. Feverish, Yoochun pulls him in bending, his elbows hitting and clattering the ivory keys, Changmin following as he leans back to the bench. Body on Yoochun as the man under him claws at his shirt, opening his mouth to let taste more of Changmin.

When hands skim his stomach, Yoochun snaps out of his stupor- pushing Changmin off him. Breathing heavily, lips debauched not knowing what came over him, terror suddenly overwhelming him. Changmin stares at him not moving seeing the flashes of emotions in his eyes, swallows as Yoochun scurries away leaving him alone in the dark room.

His fingers tracing his lips, still tingling from the contact, fingers warm from the skin but his affections denied.

Sitting with Jaejoong still makes Yoochun uneasy; he thinks maybe his past self would have been best friends with this man. He has an icy stare and even colder aura about him, knows from Changmin’s stories as well as the members that it was only a façade. “You seem distant lately.” He was also blunt but his honestly was something Yoochun appreciated with him.

He only makes a noise to acknowledge the question, “With Changmin I meant.” Of course he knew whom Jaejoong was talking about. He doesn’t respond and the other man thankfully drops the subject.

“I had a question. If I may.” Yoochun picks another topic, the pale man quirking his eyebrow. Yoochun holds the left side of his chest; “There’s a mark on my chest. I didn’t want to ask about it but it’s been bothering me.”

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d ask that. I thought you’d ask Changmin about it though.” The mention of the man’s name makes Yoochun flinch but Jaejoong pretends not to notice. “It’s a marriage mark.” Putting out his phone, “This is Changmin’s family crest. As the head of his family he is given the marking of his choosing to represent it.”

Yoochun stares at it, it looks similar to the mark on his chest but there were some slight variations to it. “As he was to be married to you and coming from another family he merged the two of symbols together.” Swiping the screen to show the symbol of the Parks to Yoochun.

“It means the two of you are the head of a new family.” Yoochun nods, “So do you have it too since you’re part of the family?” Jaejoong smiles but shakes his head, keeping his phone in his bag. “No, only the pure ones are given the markings and the head. Most of us get a tattoo to show our affiliation and loyalty but not all.” Pulling his shirtsleeve up to reveal a faint tattoo.

“It’s mostly a tradition that isn’t thoroughly implemented, Changmin just wanted it cause you had tattoos on you and he wanted something you both shared that showed you were life partners.” Laughing at how petty Changmin could be but also a closeted romantic.

“Is that so?” Yoochun gnaws his lip, interested. Jaejoong laughs at him “God, that kid sometimes is a dolt. He said he couldn’t believe you had multiple tattoos yet are easily spooked so he wanted to show he could take pain as well.” Yoochun scratches his head at the logic, not imagining it fully but admits it would be so comical.

“I said matching rings would have been fine but he had to go extreme create that on his chest. You were more of an idiot and got it for yourself as well.” Jaejoong remembers the multitude of curses he uttered as the old traditionalist did it. He wasn’t there but Yoochun recorded some of it for him and they both laughed at it.

“Can you, can you tell me more about Changmin?” Yoochun sheepishly asks, cheeks a bit red as he utters his name. Jaejoong ruffles his hair, laughing as Yoochun tries hard to put it back to order. It feels normal for them for once, “Sure- let me tell you all the craziness.”

Arriving in the house, Yoochun makes a beeline for his room, dropping off his things before heading to the kitchen to eat. He smiles when he thinks of all the stories Jaejoong shared with him, blushing a little at how those thoughts make him giddy. He arrives at the kitchen and Changmin is already waiting for him, unreadable expression on his face. He lets out a shy hello that goes unheard. They eat dinner but Yoochun feels that there is something amiss; Changmin is cold towards him barely looking at him.

He wants to know but stops himself not wanting to overstep. “I had a talk with your mother and we decided you should go stay with them.” Yoochun drops his chopsticks, gawking at Changmin. Was he being forced out? Did Changmin grow tired of taking care of him?

Feeling a lump on his throat at the rejection he tries to control his tears and lips from quivering. “I think it would be best for you to spend time with them. I think they’ll be able to help you more.” So Changmin did feel burdened by his presence, berating himself for not being ideal. “The helpers will assist in you packing.” He informs Yoochun nodding as he leaves the table.

The car comes and Yoochun stares at the room, he wants to say goodbye to Changmin and thank him but his assistant informs him that he had left early. Feeling more dejected than ever he grabs his bag and goes in the car, wiping at his tears that won’t stop falling. He looks at the picture he took from one of the albums and throws it out the window.

When he arrives at the other house, Yoochun can’t seem to call it home his tears have dried but it was still evident on his face. His mother ushers him inside asking him but he doesn’t answer her only shakes his head. She frowns when he offers no explanation but doesn’t push further.

His room was like before, or so his mother said but he had no memory of that so he only nodded. He opens various cabinets and sees notebooks, his old diaries and takes them out. Lying down on his bed he reads them one by one, over and over but he gets angry when he feels nothing, no familiarity.

A soft knock is heard through his door and his mom enters the room, his books back in their places where his old self placed it. He feels he’s invading someone else’s space but it doesn’t make sense because he was still that person. “Are you alright? You’re crying again.” His mother is concerned, he hasn’t been home for a full day and all she’s been getting are tears.

“I don’t know.” Is the most honest answer he can give, “its another change.” expounding. He wants to ask if she was the one who thought of him moving back but he’s scared she might say Changmin made her do it. He decided that he didn’t want to know.

The Yoochun his mother encounters is not like the Yoochun she has come to know. She knew talking to Changmin that this person despite being Yoochun wasn’t exactly him anymore. He told her to treat him as someone else entirely but it was easier said than done. He still did some of the things her son used to but also acted unlike his son at times.

“Did I like it over easy or scrambled?” Yoochun responds when his mother asks how he wanted his eggs. Taken aback she says the old Yoochun didn’t really eat much eggs for breakfast, in fact he was almost always not there for it because he woke up just before lunch. He frowns at that, “But how would you like it?” She tries to backpedal but Yoochun says he doesn’t want it anymore.

The questions kept coming: did he like this one better? What did he prefer? Would your Yoochun do it like this? She could see he was trying hard to fill in the gaps of Yoochun, of himself but at the same time growing frustrated because of it. She asks Changmin if he had ever done that in his presence and he tells him never.

“It’s like he’s becoming obsessed with how he’s supposed to be.” Yoochun’s mother supplies to Changmin seated across from her. “I don’t know what to make of it. I keep telling him it doesn’t matter: to just do what he feels like but he says he has to.” Her worry only escalating as the days go by.

“I don’t want him to feel like he’s not welcomed or that we only want him when he’s like his old self.” She fiddles with napkin, upset. “Maybe you should go talk to him. You were always able to reach him even after we got him back.”

Changmin thinks of it but debates with himself, “He’ll feel like he’s being dictated to more if I intervene.”

Yoochun dials Jaejoong’s number, the man not picking up but he leaves a voice message to call back as soon as he can. It’s been two weeks and he’s at his wit’s end already. Torn between his past and present, he’s tried so hard to remember and be more like who they know but it isn’t coming to him at all. He bites his lips as he rereads his journals from the earliest he can find but as much as he’s almost had it memorized, nothing in him sparks.

“Hey, what is it?” Jaejoong asks, concerned with the tone Yoochun’s voice message had. “I think, I think I miss him.” Yoochun blurts out but if he were truly honest it was the most overwhelming feeling he’s been having.

“Oh, Yoochun-ah.” Frowning but not wanting to sound too desperate he tries to find his voice again. “I’m trying really hard Jaejoong, I’m trying to be just like old Yoochun but it’s not happening.”

“But you don’t need to!” The older man tries to dispel the helplessness his friend was feeling. “If I don’t mom and Changmin won’t like me.” Flipping the pages furiously as he tries to skim through the passages. “If I’m more like my old self, maybe Changmin will see me?” Jaejoong wants to tell him Changmin has always had but Yoochun would not listen.

He ends the call more conflicted than ever, Jaejoong had reassured him that he was enough. He felt like a ghost, a visage of someone else that no one saw and it was hard to explain. It was hard to wrap his mind around it. Taking his phone again he scrolls through Changmin’s number and types in a message.

“Minnie-yah, are you angry at me is that why?” Sending it before he could stop himself he feels exhausted trying to be two people.

The phone rings, startling Yoochun awake not even realizing he had drifted off. Changmin’s name flashes in the screen and he fumbles to answer it. “I’ll never be angry at you.” Is the first thing he hears from Changmin, his voice immediately calming Yoochun. He sniffs through the phone, “I was just concerned with your health and your mother as well, you weren’t getting to spend time with her.”

“I thought being home would do you good.” Reasoning to Yoochun over the phone. He loved Yoochun, even this side of him. Changmin thinks he cannot- not love Yoochun no matter what happened to him. He knows he will still end up falling for him regardless of any consequence. His past, the present and the oncoming future: he will still harbor this love.

“But you’re my home.” Yoochun whimpers, ending the call before Changmin can say anything more. Staring at his phone he tells his driver to head to the Parks, his heart pounding with Yoochun’s last words.

Changmin cradles Yoochun’s face as he kisses him, not wasting words once he comes to close proximity. The small man holding on to him just as desperately, nuzzling at his neck when they break apart.

“My heart always calls for you, my body misses you, screaming for you. My soul, my soul feels like it’s shattering when you’re not with me.”

Changmin kisses him through his tears, his own landing on Yoochun’s face. “I’m here. I’m here.” He reassures Yoochun, eyes boring into him as he promises to stay. “I’m not going anywhere.”

This feels like nothing they’ve ever experienced: like a dream as they both gasp and hold on to one another. Changmin eases into him in slowly, kissing him through it all. His fingers tangling with Yoochun’s as he moves. Following the kisses, hands roaming to the expanse of skin, pulling each other closer.

Yoochun panting against his ear, to take him more, Changmin could cry with just the thought of being with him again. Nothing but the two of them and it all made sense as the haze of euphoria engulfs their being. For a time they’re one again, whole again: complete.

On his chest, Yoochun traces the identical mark Changmin carries his fingers lightly going over the design. “This is our symbol, this is us.” Changmin states tapping the same imprint on Yoochun’s chest, he understands and agrees, feeling the same sentiments. “I loved you then and I love you now.”

“I may not remember how you adored me before or how I loved you in the past but I can tell you that I: this present me feels love for you.”

Jaejoong looks at the boxes piled near Changmin’s room. They’re all marked with labels of different things. Yoochun gathering a box at a time as he tidies it up. “Moving out of your home?” He asks, glancing inside some of the things inside. Yoochun tells him to move it by the bathroom. Whining when he ends up carrying the heavier boxes inside.

“No I’m moving back home.” Yoochun beams at him when he unfolds the empty box. Jaejoong gawks for a second before he laughs, sitting beside Yoochun as they try and organize mountain of belongings.

Jae catches Changmin in the office looking over his laptop. There’s a new picture on the desk, a recent photograph of the two with a new frame. “So, everything better?” Flopping on the chair putting his feet up on the chair across from it.

“I’m at peace.” Changmin informs him as he sips his too strong and yet too sweet Vietnamese iced coffee. “Despite everything, if you think about it – it’s something to love the same person but in a different way and to be loved back in a changed manner.”

“So, I take it that this Yoochun loves you back?” Jaejoong’s toothy grin as he awaits for Changmin to spill the details. “Oh God, romantic Changmin is back.” Jaejoong jokes but he lets it pass even laughing at the jab. “Don’t you read F. Scott Fitzgerald quote?” The segue making his eyes perk up at Changmin.

‘There are all kinds of love in the world but never the same love twice.’

Bloodstream

2016-02-03T05:14:28Z

Title: Bloodstream
Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Smut, Fantasy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Blood is the red liquid that circulates the arteries and veins of humans; blood is the the sustenace Changmin needs as a vampire; blood is the least of Yoochun's priority as a new vampire sire

A/n: warning not necessarily in chronological order

--Start--

Pain. Pain is the first thing Yoochun feels before he feels himself drowning, gasping as he tries to take in oxygen. A body has him pinned down and the previous torture flashes before his mind. He tries to claw his way but the figure on top of him is too heavy. He grasps on the man’s neck finding it cold, too cold to be a person but he blacks out soon after.

His body jolts awake, sitting up to find himself in an unfamiliar bed, ostentatious room and he feels lost. Yoochun would wonder but he notices something odd about himself, feels like his body isn’t his. He looks at his arms, chest, legs and he finds no marks, no bruises from the beating he had gotten. He feels light, he feels good- too good he thinks and his mind isn’t making any sense of it.

The door creaks open to man, tall and hauntingly beautiful yet menacing Yoochun is in awe. “Most people scamper.” The voice is deep and familiar and Yoochun finds himself calming down. “Have you come to end my life?” he finds himself asking, vaguely remembering being told of his death.

“And not an ounce of fear from you.” Is the reply he gets, the vampire easily towering over him. “Do you not remember what you asked for?” He reminds the boy on the bed, he gets a shake of the head as the answer. Yoochun could not recollect what he had said he only knew wanting to be free from the hell of his home and situation. If it was any indication of him still alive than it meant he was not spared from desolation.

Changmin stands to open the dark curtains to expose the setting sun, the light entering the room hitting the bed. Yoochun instantly feels the burn on his side, darting to the edge of the room to avoid the fire. Instinct taking over as he tries to find any kind of cover to keep the rays away, he presses himself to the wall. He feels like he being lit on fire before Changmin closes the curtains again, he collapses on the ground seeing the burn on the side of his body.

Yoochun cannot understand what had just happened only horrified at the melted skin. “From now on you cannot go out in the sun, that is only a taste of what’ll happen if you do.” Changmin tells, crouching to his eye level as he holds the burnt hand. Yoochun winces at the hold watching the man take his hand to his lips before he starts licking it; immediately healing the char. Yoochun watches amazed as he works his way up his arms until his skin becomes new again as if nothing had happened.

“If you have not concluded yet you are not human anymore.” He tells Yoochun, baring his fangs at him as he lets the arm drop. Yoochun gawks at him, “You felt it the moment you woke; you are indeed different: you are dead.” Changmin explains to him, grabbing his hand to place on his own chest, finding no heartbeat.

Yoochun questions him, touching his own mouth and feeling the sharpness of his teeth with his fingers. Not alarmed but in wonderment at the whole situation Yoochun contemplates at the implications. “You asked not to be lonely.” Changmin reminds him, Yoochun thinks when it came to death and forlorn he had feared the latter and reveled in the former. He understands where his answer came from and bows his head at the truth.

“You are now what you are but one thing about loneliness; I cannot attest to alleviate it but I can tell you that misery loves company&rdquo

--War--

Changmin has been a vampire from the start, one of the rare pure bloods to have ever existed. He has not known any other life than this; of him being the hunter and the humans his prey. It stays that way for some time until some of his brethren sire countless children. It starts slow but eventually the bloodline spreads and gets diluted, muddled by humans.

The uproar is instant- the aristocracy of purebloods fighting to eradicate the young sires who are still out of control. A war breaks loose; the lesser vampires siring to create armies against the elite trying to get the power. It lasts a few centuries, thousands perish, humans and vampires alike and Changmin finds himself alone, family falling victim to the war.

Changmin thinks the whole stupidity of the fighting but the consequence is the now and he is living it in. He lays low not creating attention to himself as he lives on, from place to place he travels. Once in awhile he encounters fellow vampires but the relationships don’t last long; most are fickle, some wanting to only be associated with the last few purebreds. He learns to steer away from them and Changmin finds solitude.

--Curious--

There is an unnerving scream that agitates Changmin: humans venturing deep in the woods in the middle of the night were rare but it did occur. Normally he would not heed it but sometimes he would devour them when he needed to feed. His bastion deep within the forest that most of the time the mortals never reached him. He pays no attention to it but when the same scream erupts and he finds himself hunting down the source.

A group of men, kids creating ruckus probably daring one another competing for the title of the bravest he muses. He dismisses the scene when the same scream echoes through the trees again. Upon further probing he finds one of the boy’s on the ground as the others seem to flog him, laughing as the child begs them to stop.

“Aww, come on Yoochun do something!” One of them jeers, throwing a rock at the body on the ground. The kids take turns with their beating, hitting with their fists, kicking and throwing random objects to his body, the boy unable to fight back only folding unto himself as it continues.

“What about it, Chunnie? Do you want us to stop?” Another one of the boy taunts, picking up Yoochun from the ground. He only groans through his tears, whimpering a weak please as they grab his arms to pin him back. “I’ll have my way with you first” He leers, tearing the fabric of Yoochun’s clothes as the others laugh at his nakedness, holding him down as their leader tears away everything.

Yoochun can barely see from the darkness and the bruises surrounding his eyes, face swollen from the beating but he knows what’s coming. He doesn’t need to see as he can feel Junsu’s slimy hands on him, violating him. Mewling as his wounded body takes in more abuse.

He prepares himself for the rape, mind already shutting down but he suddenly finds that there is nothing. He vaguely hears a series of shouts and screams, his ears ringing from several hits he had received. As sudden as the screams started is how fast they dissipate, he is trapped and confused but welcomes the silence nonetheless the weight on him gone and the moon glowing above.

A shadow looms over him but instead of terror he feels serene, “I can end this for you now, I have served you justice. I can end your misery.” The voice tells him and all Yoochun can feel is how powerful it is. Yoochun feels tempted to agree, the promise of death was more alluring than living his life. Closing his eyes he tries to string a response but only manages to utter his yearning, “. . . anything as long as I’m not lonely.”

--Lost--

They used to be a family, a pureblood one – it was ideal and peaceful and Changmin had little worries in his existence. Only really heading out to gather humans to feed on for his Yunho and their children as they were still teething. They came to be as an arrangement from their parents but it worked out well for them, eventually coming to love one another and forming their own family.

Changmin watches on his children fondly, watching the twins grapple and playfully bite one another Yunho laughing at the same sight. Living far away from most of the purebred colony had them living a simple life, free from the pretentious practices the elders imposed on them. He is content, planning on living out their eternity with one another.

Everything is perfect until it all hell breaks lose and they fall into the cracks of war.

The news of the uprising reaches them through one of the elder’s messengers warning them that the young vampires were after all the ancients and pure ones. Both of them feels only slightly worried that it leaves them unprepared for the storm that strikes.

They run off finding safety but the sheer number of feral juveniles overpowers them as much as they fight off the assault never slows and they find themselves walled in. Changmin watches powerless as his family is killed, his children torn like rag dolls. The end seems too close until the sun starts rising in the horizon, the young ones having no immunity run off to take cover. Using it as a chance to recuperate they run off as far away as possible.

Yunho mourns the lost of his children and Changmin’s fury is seething. Trying to feed Yunho his blood to heal him from his gashes but even the wounds prove fatal, a stake puncturing his heart. He succumbs to his injuries as he grabs on Changmin’s wrists, wounds too profound.

All that remains with Changmin is silence, holding on to Yunho’s hand as he slowly starts to wither into dust scattering in the wind. His blood tears falling from his face, his body littered with bites, scratches and lesions. His body might be broken but it was nothing from how his heart is now empty and his soul broken beyond repair.

--Between--

Yoochun wakes up still exhausted, the sun had set hours ago and the night was settling. Master was nowhere to be found but Yoochun didn't have the energy to feel bad about it. His body was spent, master's marks still on him and the sting- it felt so good.

Changmin arrives a few minutes after midnight, an unconscious human with him. "Drink. Don't leave a drop." He drops the human, a familiar one from years ago- who crumples on the ground Yoochun is instantly on him pouncing, hungry. "Thank you so much master." He says in between drinks, devouring the human and Changmin smiles at him as he feels the human near his death. Redemption.

"We should be moving along, we've fed on this population too much they taste so bland now." Changmin thinks out loud gauging Yoochun's reaction though he's sure the child would follow him anywhere. Wiping the blood of his face Yoochun only nods, delirious on how full he feels. He moves to put his arms around taller vampire sated and content, Changmin props him up with one arm "Anywhere with you master." Yoochun mumbles, smiling up at him and Changmin can't help but be so greedy.

--Attached--

The sky soon changes colors, a sign of the dawn. Yoochun makes a move to close all the curtains, shutting them for his own safety. He knows his master will be out as he sleeps, probably to go to town and scout for prey or immerse himself with the humans. He moves to the chamber downstairs as he prepares to rest hoping the night comes sooner, wanting nothing more than to spend time with his master under the moon.

Changmin arrives just minutes before the sun breaks out into the horizon watching Yoochun as he prepares. Beckoning the child to come, Yoochun shyly approaches him still a bit uneasy with how to conduct himself with maker he stands before him with his head down. Changmin gives him a small kiss on the lips, “Sleep well” he says before he leaves to go up to his quarters.

Yoochun traces his lips still feeling his Changmin’s lips on his, a yearning developing inside him. He knows this isn’t a hunger for blood or thirst he can easily quench and he curses himself for the foolishness of having affections for the cold being he calls his master.

--Alone--

Despite his years of living, one does not grow immune to everything Changmin thinks sadly. The hurt from centuries ago has dulled but the memory of losing Yunho and his children was still too vivid. Scars may have healed but the echo still haunts him, the agony running through his body.

He tried veering away from any more potential attachments, guarding himself for his own good. His encounters with other vampires have been minimal but sometimes he finds himself wanting. He thinks of it as desire but he’s finding that maybe it is more than what it seems. His parents, as he recalls had been together for years and there are moments he longs for the far reaching.

Taking in Yoochun was impulsivity, an uncalculated action he was taking responsibility of. Knowing one way or the other that the temptation of the world will get to Yoochun and he will travel on. It was his task to prepare him for it as his creator. He knows he won’t stop the young one but he almost feels bitterness of being alone again. He has always been powerful against foes but he may be as powerful against longing.

--Training--

Yoochun moves along the thicket stalking a human in the dark, salivating already from thirst. He goes in for the kill, grabbing the human by the neck as he tries to snap his neck for a quick death but miscalculates with his strength. Blood escapes from the corpse and Yoochun tries to drink as much as he can but there is more waste than he anticipates.

Changmin stands over the dead body, kicking it around, “We’ll need to work on a cleaner kill.” Turning to Yoochun who sighs, still thirsty already thinking of hunting again. “Don’t be too rash try to think beyond your hunger.”

Yoochun wipes off the blood trailing from his chin looking at his master as he does so. “Let me show you.” He offers the child fleeting off to have Yoochun trying hard to follow his speed. He quickly finds a prey and does it so quickly Yoochun barely follows the movements that were done. His master giving him the still warm corpse as he sinks his teeth into it, “Thank you so much master.”

The master and his scion venture out every day, not because of hunger but to train, Changmin overseeing the progress. He improves with each kill, deadly and precise as it all becomes natural, the hunt getting ingrained in his body. He is efficient and in no time the he rids of his rough edges coming out a perfect mold of carnage.

--Claim--

They arrive in their new home or feeding ground as Changmin would like to call just before the sun rises. Yoochun hides quickly in a sealed room, away from the sun's rays as his master roams around the new dwelling. Being as old as he was he was immune to the sun, a feat rare for a vampire. He fixes up the place intent on it being livable for them and Yoochun before the child wakes up again that night.

Changmin knows better than to get attached to one of his sires but he muses he'll just ride this out- years or decades. Fairly young, Yoochun is attached to him, blindly loyal and he intends to enjoy this phase of it. He blocks out the room intending to keep the sun out knowing if he wants to enjoy the young-in he'd have to keep him away from the light.

He goes down to the chamber, finding Yoochun asleep in the dingy corner- his clothes tattered from travel. Changmin picks him up easily placing him in the big bed, glancing at him one last time before he leaves to go to town. The city is quite far but his speed makes up for it arriving in a blink of an eye- he heads straight to the boutiques intent of getting clothes. He walks around scouting the area, scrutinizing and planning how to immerse themselves in the most invisible manner. He's done this countless of times but he had always been precocious, always steps ahead. He didn't survive this long without being smart and lethal.

The town like any other area was full of children and working adults, there were a lot of elderly Changmin notes; the easy victims. He finds that the town itself was a traveller’s place, people constantly going in and out only staying days at a time. It would be easy to feign the same lifestyle and it wouldn’t cause much trouble if they were to take these visitors. It would work favorable for them and he sees to walk around with Yoochun when he is recovered.

Changmin arrives just as the sun sets laying out the clothes, he also takes the map of the area, studying it while waiting for the child to rouse. When Yoochun wakes up he finds Changmin standing on the foot of the bed, "I got you appropriate clothing. Those rags need to go." he commands and watches the kid stare at him. "They won't wear themselves, dear." He chuckles, when Yoochun openly gapes before moving to remove the clothing.

He feels conscious with his master watching him undress but more nervous from the endearment he was given. He drops his clothes on the floor kicking them to the side, Changmin holding out the expensive clothing in front of him. "Thank you, master." he mumbles weakly but before he can wear them he's slammed to the wall.

"I think I changed my mind." Changmin hisses as he holds Yoochun, face panicked at the assault. "This is much easier for me." He tells Yoochun who isn't at all prepared when his master's cock pushes inside him in one fluid motion. His eyes instantly closing, panting when master begins to move- fucking him. "You will crave this more than blood, Yoochun. Whatever I give you, you will be eager for it, dependent on it. You'll learn that from now on I am your all."

--Fight--

The hounds hunt on human grounds preying on the same populace as the vampires. A rift naturally occurs fighting over sustenance and territory. If anything staying away from one another saves from encounters and battles. Feign peace is established between the two but fire still concealed underneath.

Learning from the wars, Changmin veers away from trouble for his safety but mongrels lack in brain and he finds himself face to face with a pack looking for trouble. The logical side of him just says to run, no use fighting those who can’t think beyond their ego and teeth.

“Ah, you’re that one.” One of the pack creature tells him, he makes no show of acknowledgement and instead turns away. “The one who came from the royalty but lost to the greed of war.” the dog laughs and the others follow suit. Changmin remains quiet intent on taking the high road giving them no emotion.

“Only the foolish and conceited fight their own kind, you vampires had it coming for you.” The black wolf leader spats at him, “The death of your family is your own doing.” he roars and that is the tipping point to Changmin’s patience. He attacks as swift to take down one of the wolves with his bare hand, the others quickly go in the defensive.

Changmin lets his anger take over, pummeling the wolves to the ground one by one. He is outnumbered but he is determined to show his prowess to these lesser creatures. It was their lost they had gotten to his bad side. Like beasts who cower from fear they on more numbers to take him down, blitz living him with a few nicks and gashes. Their size causing him to stumble as they gang up on him but it’s still nothing he can’t handle.

A blurry figure runs across the field and one of the wolves is taken down, Changmin finds Yoochun easily the young vampire spilling blood from the carcasses. “Stay away Yoochun!” he demands but he knows it falls on deaf ears, as a young vampire the thirst for blood easily tempting him. He goes through the pack one by one, bodies falling dead.

When the carnage is done the two vampires stand soaked in blood most from the hounds but some from their own carelessness. Yoochun looks at him still blood drunk and Changmin fumes at the insubordination and lack of respect, “How dare you defy me!” Shrinking from the anger, Yoochun backs away not understanding where it was coming from.

Yoochun needed discipline and he was going to give him a taste of it now.

--Tryst--

Growling with anger, Changmin tackles Yoochun to the ground with brute strength it shakes the foundation of the house. Fangs out as he holds Yoochun down, "What the fuck was that?!" he shouts domineering at the younger vampire. He tries to fight back but he isn't nearly as strong as Changmin and it's futile. "I was just trying to help you!" he spats but Changmin's fingers are practically claws at his neck marking and bruising him.

"Help? I was doing fine." Changmin reiterates showing his prowess over the young-in as he throws him across the room once again. Yoochun breaks through the wall, falling like a rag doll, he hasn't even recovered when Changmin grabs him by the neck once again and this time he finds himself on his toes. "You underestimate me?" His voice is quiet but the anger is evident in Changmin's voice making Yoochun shudder.

"I created you and I can destroy you with one hand." Whimpering at the words Yoochun can only stare at Changmin's dark eyes, "I just- I don't want you hurt." he reasons quietly holding on to Changmin's hand on his neck. That honest answer is unexpected and Changmin drops his child on the floor, Yoochun heaving from the onslaught earlier and his master's attack.

"You care for me?" He mocks, holding Yoochun's face up close. There is fear in his eyes but he can also see the softness behind them. Yoochun looks away slightly, licking his lips before he nods. It happens fast and he finds himself on his back again, Changmin's weight keeping him down. "Do you?" He demands knocking Yoochun's head on the floor; the younger vampire only nods again weakly.

"I want to hear it from your lips." Changmin says as he inches his face closer, lips tasting Yoochun. It’s a chaste kiss, a touching of skin. "I do." The young one says breathless, tempted to taste his master again, intoxicated from a single touch. Chuckling, Changmin easily rips off Yoochun's clothes seeing all the scratches and gashes he got from the early fight with the hounds. Yoochun's body is ridden with countless scars that are yet to heal- he needs to feed Changmin notes but he has other things planned.

He starts to lick the scratch on Yoochun's neck slowly, lapping at it several times as it closes and heals immediately. He moves to the other wounds doing the same as Yoochun huffs and shakes with each licks and nips. "Let me do this." Changmin says and Yoochun only nods hurriedly without thought; anything for his master- everything for him.

Changmin holds Yoochun's cock in his palm, pumping it as he watches the child's eyes close from the sensation. Quivering as the hands begin to move Yoochun tries to bite into his hand to keep quiet, not wanting his master to get angry. "I want to hear you." Changmin commands speeding up his strokes as Yoochun's back arches from the pleasure, panting and keening from the sensations.

"M-master?" Yoochun dares to ask, watching as his master looms over him, hands clamping on him. "I will take everything from you." Changmin says in his ear as he licks it. In a flash Yoochun finds himself in his master's room, a place he was never allowed to go into; the only time he had gone there was the night he was turned.

"You're mine, all of you is for me. No one and nothing is allowed to touch you." Changmin dictates to him, eyes flashing angry yet again "those hounds' claws got to you. Filthy hands on your skin is blasphemy and I do not condone it." Nipping at Yoochun's collarbones as he says it, hands lingering on his stomach scraping with his nails. "Let me reclaim you " Yoochun trembles at Changmin's words and caresses all over his body.

"Give me your mouth." Changmin hisses before he kisses Yoochun, biting his lip from the force making him bleed. Yoochun can barely follow the kiss too overwhelmed, he mewls when Changmin licks his lips stitching the gash back together.

He's so hard, Yoochun thinks he would explode any moment; he feels fire even though it wasn't making sense as he was dead. Grabbing Yoochun's head Changmin makes him suck on his cock, the other choking at first from surprise before he takes him in with more intent. "No one is allowed to do this to you but me." Changmin commands him, hands on his hair controlling the pace as he tries to please his master. Smirking from the sight of Yoochun's luscious lips on his cock.

He pushes the young vampire off him before he shoves his head down the mattress. Yoochun doesn't put up a fight, only whimpering from being handled so roughly. Changmin pulls his hips, nails digging into his ass drawing blood. He enters him fast canting his hips with long hard strokes Yoochun can only scream. Changmin keeps him down, thrusting so hard the bed shakes, the floor thuds from his movements.

Under him Yoochun tries to grasp unto the sheets, anything for leverage as his master viscously rocks into him. He can feel tears of blood falling from his cheeks, pleasure too much he doesn't know what to do with himself. Yoochun finds himself begging for something, mouth saying nonsense as Changmin's onslaught continues, not slowing down at all. His master pulls his hair, his neck and back arching from the roughness.

Changmin turns them over and Yoochun finds himself on top of his maker. His master not pulling out from him but instead settles deeper inside him, making him gasp. Changmin moves him around, showing him how to maneuver himself, "Show me, Yoochun." His master encourages, settling his hand on his hips almost too softly.

Yoochun nods at him before he slowly moves, whimpering when he feels his master's cock hit something inside him. It makes his eyes roll back from how good it feels, moving to take in more and more. He loses himself as he moves, rocking and grinding himself on Changmin's harndess, his master showering him with encouragement.

He can almost feel it, he doesn't know what it is but Yoochun wants to reach it. Moving faster chasing the sensations and pleasures making his legs shake. He feels it's too much, too much but he wants it, not enough. He grows erratic, indulging himself with the feeling of desire and lust. There is blood trickling from his abused hole, Changmin scraping his walls but he could care less all he knew was ecstasy.

His master growls at the sight, pushing Yoochun to his back startling him but before he can react he feels Changmin enter him again. Holding up his legs wide-open Changmin pushes inside him, his head hanging from the side of the bed. "Fuck, you're mine. Mine. Mine." Changmin tells him over and over again, as he thrusts get stronger. Pulling him in more as he feels like he's being broken in two, hips rising as Changmin bends him bucking as the onslaught continues.

It isn’t long before Yoochun feels something hot explode inside him and he sees his master pull out, white covering his stomach, chest- some landing on his lips. A trail of blood on his thighs and Changmin’s cock paints the sheets red. He tastes his masters essence finding himself hungry for it, wanting it so badly.

Changmin holds his cock again in between his hands, kissing him before he feels sharp pain on his neck. "Come Yoochun. Come only for me." Changmin bites him and it that has him soaring, trembling from intense pleasure he has never felt before, from pain, from rapture, from life and death. He blacks out for a while before returns to his senses, feeling his master's tongue on his neck, licking his wound again to heal it and he closes his eyes in bliss.

"Rest, young one- you'll need it for what I have planned for you." Master tells him and he feels himself drifting off to sleep as the sun begins to rise, the sounds of chains clattering on the floor is the last thing he hears before he succumbs to slumber- Changmin has all day to prepare for the next round.

--Light--

Yoochun wakes up to another night, the moon illuminating the room as he stares to look out the window. The moon has always been so beautiful but it was never warm and Yoochun can’t help but miss the glow of the sun. Unlike Changmin, he was far from being immune it and he still needed to take cover. He figures it will take centuries before he is able to stand even the setting sun.

He holds a picture of the sunrise trying hard to remember what it felt like being warm. He won’t be able to tell it to Changmin, his master having lived for eons and he didn’t want to be petty. He had so much to be grateful for and he didn’t want to come across as ungrateful. Changmin watches his sire his eyes speaking more than his mouth ever could.

“What is this?” He inquires the child facing him with a sad gaze that he tries too hard to hide. Yoochun shakes his head, “My child, tell me the truth.” he repeats and Yoochun only looks outside again. “Do you miss the sun?” The question is simple but it held meaning to his humanity that he never knew he’d miss.

“The sun will be around as long as you and are exists. There will come a time that we can gaze at it again.” Changmin offers him, a glimpse of a future stitched in his words so carefully. Yoochun hears a promise of being together and though he knows better than to believe he can’t help but grasp on to hope to be by his master’s side when that day comes.

--Journey--

“What do you think of this place, Yoochun? Be honest.” Changmin inquires looking at the town below their dwelling. The constant flow of people in and out travelling made their populace unique, a blend of everything converging in one place. Yoochun thinks of it thoroughly, the difference from the other places they’ve been “To be brash, it had been a smorgasbord” he laughs licking his lips, “but I wonder the places they’ve come from.” he says tentatively trying to gauge the reaction his master would have.

Changmin understands the implication of the words immediately turning to face Yoochun. His face tells his all those he rarely ever answers to him informally. “They come from near and far. The world is indeed diverse.” He doesn’t want it to come from him, waiting on Yoochun to ask to leave but giving him suggestions nonetheless.

“Will you show it to me then?” Yoochun asks, hoping to have a favorable response. He knows enough to understand that Changmin expects him to leave like any other sire but he doesn’t have the strength to do it. Since that night he asked an end to his loneliness was the same night he found his beginnings.

Changmin only hums as a response turning to him with a smile, “Are you asking me to accompany you?” always sly in his approach teasing the younger vampire. Yoochun nods as he always does when he’s unable to say what he wants.

--Warm--

They don’t stop for days, not leaving the confines of the estate. They had years to make up from denied affections and hidden feelings. Yoochun thinks he’s died a thousand splendid deaths reborn each time in paradise embraced in Changmin’s arms. He holds his master freely, letting all things unsaid be felt in this moment.

The way Changmin slides into Yoochun makes his senses rapid fire, shocks of pleasure traveling in his body. He demands for more, voicing out his needs and his master gives into him each time sending him over the edge. Yoochun would like to think they were making love-that this heat between them can only be caused by tenderness.

Coming down from the frenzy, Changmin holds unto Yoochun who hasn’t stopped trembling. He hums a tune as Yoochun returns to his senses, calming him from the high of passion. “Warm, you’re warm.” The younger one mumbles to his neck, nails still digging at his back and his legs still wrapped around the elder’s waist. Chest heaving as he desperately clings to his master.

Changmin stares into Yoochun’s eyes, careful as he sweeps the hair off his face. “Am I?” he asks, breathe lingering close to his lips. Yoochun mewls, holding on to his hands as he laces their fingers together, “Like summer.” He kisses him, it’s not filled with the lust that they had let consume them instead it is gentle and careful unlike anything he’s given before.

“You’re the sun.” Yoochun trails on, eyes lidded with ardor as he holds unto him. “My sun.”

Love

It’s Yoochun’s turn to pick a place and they settle to another city, in another country, in another continent. Changmin thinks he’s explored the entire world by now but when he’s with Yoochun he finds new things in the everyday existence. He dreams less pain: of the past that once was, the lost of ties and family, the aching for the unexplainable. Slowly he understands the darkness that had consumed him, allowed himself to let light in that grew to illuminate.

Yoochun is comfortable by his side now, used to the travels and nomadic lifestyle. He teaches him the ways of the old; traditions and rights he grew up with an art almost died out spread between the few pure lines. Yoochun gives him lessons too; gives him peace and contentment.

Changmin doesn’t dream of his past anymore, doesn’t feel weighed down by the terror instead all he dreams of his the future. Changmin is able to dream of starting a family with Yoochun when the younger matures enough and is able to carry offsprings. He dreams of going more places, sharing what he knows and discovering things with him. He has things planned for them and he cannot wait for them to unfold.

Yoochun knows love well, knows that it’s beside him all the time that is not a feeling but a personification. Changmin calls him Beloved, knows the gravity of those words and it’s significance and he reciprocates. He knows Changmin has things planned for them, asking him his opinions about it, smiling when they agree and discussing when there is discord. Yoochun knows of certainty, when Changmin holds him feeding him his blood to make him stronger.

Changmin realizes that he needed Yoochun, not out of isolation but out of love; he needed him because he loved him. As if a new awakening had happened in him and he took it in, dove head first into the abyss. Yoochun calls him the sun but to him he is more than all the celestial bodies that adored the sky. To Changmin, Yoochun was a supernova; created the destruction of his darkness and allowed new life into him, he was the beginning of his galaxy.

YOOCHUN MINI ALBUM!

2016-01-08T01:11:04Z

Brb crying in a corner. . . .

50 Questions About Me

2016-01-05T07:01:46Z

Gotten from be_ddelusionall

Since I have no fics right now; something to read. Just a little insight about me.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
A few days ago from allergies.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Sometimes.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Lunch meat? um. . chicken?

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
NO.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably not. I'm one of the most boring persons in existence. Unless you're into a lot
of existential questioning interim with perverted thoughts and nonsense.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
I need to use more.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yep.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I would, but I may need to be pushed.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
That Kashi Almond Honey Flax thing

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No; I'm contemplating velcro shoes (no joke)

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
No. I have issues-a lot.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Vanilla and Peanut Butter Chocolate (with hot fudge)

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I haven't thought of it really but maybe the face first? The nose maybe.

15. RED OR PINK?
None.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
The debilitating depression and anxiety.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Right now? My friends back in the Phil (though some have moved somewhere else)

18. WHAT IS THE SPARK FEATURE THAT HAS HELPED YOU THE MOST?
what?!

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I don't have shoes on.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Chocolate lava cake with vanilla ice cream.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the television.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Gray.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Prada infusion d'iris perfume. Clean perfume for men. Newly laundered clothes. Churros.
Sautéd garlic. That Tranquil candlle from Yankee candle. The smell of spas.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My uncle.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Both but as of know leaning towards the mountain hideaway.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Tennis and Formula one

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown to black but I have weird lighter brown hair that looks like highlights by my
bangs.

28. EYE COLOR?
Brown.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No just glasses.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Chicken. Asian food in general (Japanese, Korean, Lao, Thai, Viet. . .) the occasional
steak. FRENCH FRIES OMG. chocolate chip cookies. peanut butter.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings all the way.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Mockingjay part 2

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Navy blue sweater.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
None. Fall.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs (I think)

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Ice cream.

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Rather do strength training though I need cardio more right now.

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
My computer.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I have a lot of books piled but my bedside companion right now is a collection of poetry

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
None. I don't have one

41. ANY TATTOOS?
None. . yet

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
I don't know.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Neither.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME IN 2015?
Um. travel between my two "homes" US and Asia

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I don't think I do.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
San Francisco, USA

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Somewhere in California

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
That beige color most suburb houses have.

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
I don't have one

50. ANY PETS?
Back in the Philippines, my old but still baby doberman :)

all the roads to you

2015-10-08T14:46:39Z

Pairing: Changmin/Yoocuhun
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Having always been together all their lives Changmin doesn't know any other way, nor he wants to

i.
(‘i love you, you know that right?’
the way changmin holds him he knows of this truth, the surest thing he understands. yoochun nods, fighting back his tears as he holds changmin’s hands on his face. they look like they’re about to break and that is the one truth yoochun hates.

‘i do. i love you too. i want you to succeed okay?’

the way yoochun puts him first he knows of no other great love. changmin wipes his tears, unwary of his own trailing down his face. the packed suitcases are too obvious, his passport in his pocket and tickets are all too real. this is how they end.)

ii.
changmin arrives to a different air, different country, different continent but he’s sure he’s still the same person who loves the same man. he walks in quietly at the inn checking his surroundings first before plopping down on the bed. he resists the urge to call yoochun immediately noting the time difference, he wants to sleep right now just because yoochun is too.

( ‘jet lag sucks’ yoochun says out loud, sprawled on the bed with changmin beside him it’s an ungodly hour. changmin shuffles to stand, “get dressed, we’re going out!’ he says putting on his jacket and sneakers. yoochun huffs, ‘what the hell can we see at this hour?’ they need to sleep for tomorrow. ‘dunno, we’re about to find out’

they end up getting free drinks at a random bar because of drunk patrons. walk in on a couple having sex (they were in the alley for goodness sake) they see all the tourist sights without the people. they get a history lesson from the janitor outside the museum that no other book could provide.

they kiss as the sun rises. )

iii.
he arrives at the destination, camera at hand taking pictures of everything and anything. ‘i don’t want you to miss anything’ he tells the wind hoping it reaches the one he wants the most. they used to do these together, travel hand and hand but the empty space beside him will be his new company.

( they’re both running, changmin ahead as yoochun trails behind him obviously winded. the train is leaving in seconds and they have to hurry up. changmin makes it inside and turns to help yoochun only for the door to close and the train to run, the other man in shock as changmin screams as he watches yoochun at the concourse.

yoochun arrives at the next station, changmin waiting for him at the bench. he looks up to see the other man, he’s cried and yoochun starts laughing. ‘yah, did you really cry?’ pointing at the tear tracks on his face. “shut up i got scared okay?” yoochun laughs some more, “i’m an adult i’m pretty sure i can fend for myself.’ changmin glares at him unamused, “i left you, i’m mad at myself.” )

iv.
the mountains are vast, nature’s work at it’s finest but he’d have to disagree with the experts: yoochun is the most beautiful thing he’s seen. he raises his camera to take a picture of it, the white against the blue and he sits down to breathe it all in. he loads his camera with a new card labelling it before he trudges on. nature calming him down, cracks of pebbles under his shoes. the smell of trees relaxing, the sounds of water gushing and the animals in their habitat prancing along.

( it’s raining and changmin zips up the tent they’re staying at, yoochun is under the fleece blanket warming himself. they’ve been planning this camping trip a while and they didn’t want to not go just because of rain. changmin thinks it may not be such a wise idea with the way the rain is pelting. yoochun is calm humming to himself while he’s agitated, “it’ll be fine.’ he assures him and changmin only lays back down.

the night is quiet except for the rain and in a way it’s kinda relaxing. yoochun turns to him and raises his eyebrow at him. yoochun kisses him out of the blue and he can only follow, there’s a a certain way he kisses that feels different and changmin can’t put why. “i love you.” yoochun tells him and his eyes widen finally understanding the difference. he goes back to kissing yoochun before murmuring “i love you too.” the rain hearing their confessions. the way the shadows play on yoochun’s face is the the epitome of beauty. )

v.
the bridge is long, fog just coming in to block the view and changmin tightens his jacket around his body. there are other couples walking and he can’t help but feel jealous. he reaches the park at the end intent on walking around, he finds a quiet spot and just sits watching everyone pass him by. just a few feet away he watches a man go down on his knees a loud scream is heard as the woman begins to cry. there’s a box in his hand, the woman gasping- changmin reaches for his camera and takes the perfect shot. the next scene is joy and he can hear the laughter from all that witnessed it.

( yoochun is driving his finger tapping with the music on the radio changmin is watching the windows. they stop at the beach hours away from their home and yoochun goes out of the car. he runs towards the waves screaming all the way as the cold water almost devours him. changmin shouts for him and laughs at the silliness and they find themselves playing by the edge.

after they run to the abandoned wooden house at the end of the beach, no one else out during the cold day. yoochun turns his back towards him takes off his clothes hanging them by the window and changmin can’t help but take a peak at yoochun’s back. they’re naked and changmin finds it in himself to blush. the waves keep crashing making loud noises but his heartbeat is the loudest. he can’t help but reach out to yoochun and the other gives in to his touch. he grows bolder touching yoochun’s chest, his side, down his hips mapping out his flesh the other just watching him. their eyes meet and changmin pulls yoochun in for a kiss.

they make love to the waves crashing and changmin won’t forget the sounds from yoochun’s lips. )

vi.
there’s a local concert and changmin can’t help but check it out, it’s a local band and changmin finds himself swaying with the music. he doesn’t understand the language but music is universal tingling in his soul. he records some sound bites hoping to loop it together when he gets back to the inn, yoochun would have loved to hear it. the sounds are booming, echoing and haunting, mixed beats and staccatos. changmin only assumes the song is about love.

( “you have to go!” yoochun shouts at him and changmin just wants for him to shut up. “this is such an opportunity!” he adds, looking at the piece of paper waving it at changmin’s face. he grabs it and tosses it at the table, “but what about you?” he asks voice on the edge. yoochun just looks at the floor before looking at him “it’s okay- i’ll stay here.” he says quietly but his voice is betraying him.

“i want to be with you.” changmin reasons with yoochun almost pleading holding his hand. the other just shakes his head, “you don’t need to be. my mom will help me anyway.” yoochun tells him to reassure changmin he isn’t making a bad decision. “i want to take care of you.”

“i don’t want your life to stop. you don’t need to pause your life for me.” )

vii.
it’s nearing midnight when changmin arrives at the inn, most of the other people are asleep if the quietness is any indication. he goes inside the room and checks his phone for messages to find nothing. he lays down on his bed, staring at the ceiling the quiet is not comforting. he checks the weather back home making sure it’s not raining even checking the air index. he keeps looking at the local news before he sits up to go to his computer, mind totally elsewhere: on someone.

(“he’s going to need to undergo treatment.” the doctor says to the both of them. yoochun is too stunned to ask any questions, changmin’s mind is racing already. “what’s the prognosis?!” he exclaims looking at the sheet of paper. yoochun has turned too quiet picking at his jeans, changmin is looking at the doctor for reassurance. “it can take around six months and then we’ll see from there.”

they go out hand in hand changmin’s grip tight on yoochun’s. “we’ll get through this.” changmin says sitting down on their car unable to drive out. yoochun just looks at him before he finally cries and changmin embraces him but trying to calm his own self. “you’re going to be okay.” he tells yoochun and he tells himself that as well wanting so much to believe. )

viii.
the terminal is busy with rushing passengers and he makes his way to a vacant seat plopping his feet up his luggage. he muses if he should dial yoochun’s number but dial’s another one instead, “hey jae, i have a favour to ask of you.” he starts biting his lip. he smiles when the call ends leaning his head back to relax. the announcements going pass him. he boards the plane and looks at one last time out the window before he finally sleeps.

( “don’t worry about me, okay? i’ll be fine.” )

ix.
jaejoong picks him up it’s an ungodly hour, they hug before changmin puts his things at the back. “i knew you’d do this.” jajeoong tells him as he drives towards an all too familiar house. changmin looks at the familiar scenery, “i couldn’t do it.” he tells jaejoong and the other just nods. “he’ll be surprised and pissed but he’ll eventually come around” jae laughs and changmin just smiles. they arrive at the house and jae helps him with his things. yoochun’s mother ushers them in giving the boy a hug and a kiss on the cheek. he quietly opens the door to yoochun’s room seeing him asleep and he feels home.

( “by the time you get back I’ll be done with my treatments.” )

x.
“i can’t be without you. i choose to be with you.”

yoochun wakes up to changmin.

Laundry Room

2015-08-04T06:07:54Z

Pairing: JaejoongXYoochun

Rating: NC17

Genre: Smut, Romance, PWP

Summary: Jaejoong has a short vacation from the army, he and Yoochun have some catching up to do.

Jaejoong finds the juxtaposition of their actions funny, doing something considered filthy in the laundry room where things were clean. It was definitely not his first thought when he came out of the room looking for Yoochun but he’s surely not going to stop now. He has Yoochun bent over the counter where the folded clothes are stacked just so in a pile, his own boxers not even halfway down. Hands gripping Yochun’s bony hips for leverage in order to thrust harder has the man under him moaning unabashed, litany of cusses flying off his lips. “Fuck. Need more. More.”

He missed this, missed them together and all the romance that came with being in a relationship but damn if he was going to lie and say he didn’t crave this heat between them. He had a few days of leave and he wasn’t going to waste time with people he didn’t care for and Yoochun he cared for him-a lot more than the others (Junsu was important too but he was not Yoochun) He wanted and needed this, his heart swelling with love but this was lust taking over. Soliloquies were not meant for this type of activities and he snaps out of his reverie when he hears Yoochun moaning under him, sputtering at him.

Jaejoong knows it’s not quite the right angle but he can’t really move much confined in the space between the washer and the counter but makes do and pulls out. Turning the man around him to kiss him on the lips, tongue and teeth with lust and heat as he grabs for his cock stroking him to tease. It’s not quite what Yochun’s looking for but follows along the kiss, trying to hold into any exposed skin; clawing red to demand for more. It’s easy to hoist the man up the counter, tossing the clothes aside as he leans in to lap at his neck and shoulders as his hands travel southward again. He pulls off Yoochun’s boxers completely, opening up his legs to enjoy the view but Yoochun’s too impatient and growls at him to do something.

He’s quick to kneel and take Yoochun’s cock in his mouth, teasing the head with his tongue and tastes all of him grabbing his sac as well. “Shi-it, Jae.” It’s too easy, he knows him too well and Jaejoong was too willing to exploit all his weak spots, teasing him just enough for madness but pleasuring him beyond ecstasy. He can almost feel himself cum until Jaejoong’s hands clamp down on him almost too painfully, forcing him to look up at his face and begging him with just a look for release. He likes too draw it out too much sometimes and it was the sweetest torture. Of course Jaejoong isn’t going to give it to him, only thrusts into him again so slowly to taunt but still feels so fucking good that his eyes close in bliss.

He watches his lover take him in over and over, it’s obscene really but he finds himself just opening Yoochun’s legs even wider, holding him by the ankle. He works the counter’s height into his advantage, pulling him in just a bit more off the edge and allowing his leg to rest on one of his shoulders. A hand to Yoochun’s side he fits himself snugly as he moves his hips to fuck him, his other hand still not letting go of his cock even as he hears the panting he knows is a sign for release. Yoochun’s cheeks are flushed, his neck too is red as he’s almost reaching his limit as he tries to hold it in biting his lips to stop himself. Jaejoong holds his face to make him look at him, thumb pressing at his lips and he sucks them, his eyes looking over his face just as red as his. He looks into Yoochun’s eyes which are far too glazed and when he starts stroking his cock, they turn enraptured with delight.

He picks up the pace of his hands, stroking and twisting as he thrusts into him full force that Yoochun hits his head on the cabinets above the counter. “Ha-ha, Jae fuck. Please. I-“ But of course he understands, the way he clenches around his cock like a vice squelching and sucking him deeper, milking him. Yoochun’s claws on his shoulder, digging crescents and his breathing getting shorter, trying to catch up. He nudges Yoochun’s other leg over his other shoulder with him completely bent and open he takes and takes as he rocks in-between the cabinets and Jaejoong. His hands not slowing down, he drives into him in sync driving mad as he watches Yoochun’s eyes roll back, cum spraying on both their chests as his breath hitches, and he feels the walls around his cock pulse with the release. He kisses him slowly just as Yoochun comes around again, slowing down his movements before pulling out.

“You didn’t cum.” Yoochun says, sated expression paints his face, debauched and totally fucked, a bit of his own cum still on his chest. Jaejoong leans back at the washer-still whirring with the unfinished laundry behind him, “Make me.” He laughs a bit, watching as Yoochun hops off the counter with a waddle. He easily kneels in front of him mouth open with his tongue peaking out and holds him. “Fuck yeah.”

They were not wasting anymore time.

Liaisons

2015-06-10T06:01:41Z

Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Genre: Romance
Rating: R
Summary: In which Changmin is the Mafia Lord, Yoochun is his lover, Jaejoong is the foreman, Yunho is a CEO and they just want to kill Junsu.

+++

Minho is new to this world- the yakuza worldand he couldn’t be more nervous. He had trained for this but now that it was a formal thing he feels all his training getting erased from his mind as soon as he steps into the rows of houses, their headquarters. Jonghyun nudges him to pay attention to everything, helping him ease into this life and he’s eternally grateful for this. This was his new normal now and he better get used to it and fast and he better do good. He follows Jonghyun around trying to take in everything he was saying but mind obviously running around elsewhere.

There’s boy in a uniform, a girl's uniform for that matter and he stood out like a sore thumb amidst the suits the lackeys wore. He looked barely legal, white skin, his hair curling at his shoulders and those pink pouty lips; a rose in a garden of thorns. He was more than beautiful; ethereal some may even say. To say Minho gets entranced is simply an understatement.

"Who is that?"

"Fuck dude, don't you dare! You don't know what you're getting into" the Jonghyun spurs, quickly pulling him away. Fear evident in his voice but Minho is too enamoured to heed into the warning. He wanted to see this creature and he just couldn't not stare at the beauty in the distance.

As if on cue, the beautiful man turns to him- a shadow of smile forming on his lips. He swallows hard, suddenly conscious of the attention that was being given to him by this angel. He feigns indifference as his colleague continues to try and drag him away, completely staying put as the other man approaches him. The angel getting closer to his proximity and he finds his breath being taken away.

"You must be new." His angel’s voice is sultry like sin itself. He finds himself mute in awe so he simply nods. Minho thinks he’s having tunnel vision, totally unaware of everything else except this man, this gorgeous man in front of him that he loses all defences. He doesn’t notice Jonghyun bowing in respect towards this man nor does he notice the meaning behind those words.

"Haven't you been told? It's rude to stare."

What?he thinks and just before he can blink and answer he feels a sharp pain. A knife sticks out from his thigh as blood drips on the floor. This angel, this being is no angel. "I. . ." He gasps as he tries to move to defend himself but it only makes it worse, knife going deeper. He thinks he might die until the knife is pulled out and he knows he might actually do so. The blood pools on the floor, Jonghyun is holding on to him trying to keep him up he realises it’s futile.

"YOOCHUN! Don't scare the newbies!" He hears before he falls over the ground, crumpled like a rag doll. Lord Shim!

"I was just saying hi~” the sing- song voice full of mischief echoes. Just before he passes out he looks at him one last time.

"Don't be so rude the next time."

The devil. Definitely.

Yoochun is the devil.

+++

The garden is quiet with only the animals making the occasional noise here and there but generally it is peaceful. It was a different scene inside the quarters-tension is thick in the air and suffocating. Changmin sits at the end of the table, Yoochun at his side as always and Jaejoong in the other busy on the phone barking orders. Changmin stares at the older men occupying the seats, bosses in their own right and turfs but here they bow to him, their lord

These men, some old enough to be his grandfather all bowed down to him and rightfully so; he was in complete control. Born and raised in the world of the yakuza from mixed Japanese-Korean he was met with a lot of skepticism growing up: not pure enough. He proved them wrong quickly, shut their mouths and got rid of those of no use. If there were any questions then there ware none now nor will there be in the future for he had done the impossible by merging Korean and Japanese trades and that in itself made all these men grovel at his feet.

Yoochun pours him tea, giving him a smile as he pushes the cup towards him he grazes his lover’s fingers as he takes it, nodding. Yamamoto looks the the both of them in disgust, seeing them interact makes his blood boil and looking at Changmin, that punk makes him seethe. This boy was a disgrace and he didn’t want their alliances led by this half-breed. In anger he topples his glass and the tea spills on the desk as all eyes focus on him. “You bastards! How can you obey this peace of shit?! He’s nothing! NOTHING! He doesn’t deserve that seat!”

Jaejoong shuts his phone at the outburst, not totally surprised at Yamamoto’s reaction as it was no secret that he opposed his young boss. He looks at the other men on the table, gauging their reactions, scouting for any sign of agreement with the sentiment this old geezer was spouting. There is none he notes quickly, there will only be one death today if it goes downhill it seems and he’s secretly relieved but keeps a nonchalant mask on his face nonetheless.

“Pray tell, Mr. Yamamoto.” Changmin starts, as he sips his tea face still unreadable “What is the cause of this unnecessary outburst? I have proven for years now that I do deserve this. . ‘seat’ as you termed it.” Calmly placing his cup on the table as he stares down at the man in question. The answer decides his head and everyone in the room knows it; anticipating, bloodlust and foreboding are heavy in the room. “You’re just fucking half-breed, you’re mother some Korean w|-”

A bang resonates in the room as the bullet makes it’s way on Yamamoto’s forehead, blood spurting as his body slumps on the table, ice cold. Everyone else looks on bored at the now dead man making a mess on the table and all eyes fall again on Changmin who is still holding out his gun. “Ah, I’m sorry for this mess everyone. Dirt must be dealt with appropriately.” He says with a small chuckle as he tucks his gun under his jacket so calmly you’d think it didn’t just kill a second ago.

“Now everyone, you know as your leader, your lord I have been very open to suggestions from all of you. I am fair and just and you cannot deny that without me the power you all hold would not exist. You cannot deny that without my leadership the two countries trades and businesses wouldn’t be what it is.”

Yoochun smiles, pride evident in his face as Changmin talks as their leader, Jaejoong tries hard to stifle his laughter at the seriousness of all the old men’s faces. Changmin breathes in to continue his speech looking directly into each and everyone’s eyes.

“It was not just I who had worked it was also with you’re help and with that I am grateful, as you’re leader I am with you in endeavours and backed you up in times of victory and need and I will continue to do so, as it is my responsibility. That being said, I will not tolerate such indiscretions about my parents and lineage or suffer the same fate as that filth. That is all I ask of you, my men, and if you cannot tolerate it I shall let you leave with your heads still intact now without a grudge in my heart.”

Changmin finishes his little speech as calmly as it started with only a minuscule hint of edge evident and with that he stands up to leave with Yoohun tailing him. Jaejoong stays behind, looking at the men in front of him with a smirk, “Shall we get down to the order of business, sirs?” as he opens up sheets of paper filled with plans. They have these men hook, line and sinker.

Yoochun quickly grabs Changmin’s elbow, licking his lips as his lover turns to him, “You’re so amazing.” he beams as he presses his body close. Changmin simply tucks a strand of hair behind Yoochun’s ears before grabbing under his skirt to knead his ass, pulling him closer and feeling the erection press against him. He watches his love biting his lip in anticipation already, “Let me show you what other amazing things I can do.” he whispers, nibbling his ears.With a kiss, they make their way to their private quarters as Changmin shuts the door with a click.

+++

Jaejoong is the eyes and ears but like a ghost barely anyone has seen work or do anything. He takes his job seriously, phones within arms reach at all times ready for orders and to give command. He’s seen the young Changmin do something that no one in the underworld has ever encountered, a true prodigy and he’s sure only comes once in a lifetime. His attention to detail, intelligence and uncanny ability to create strategies made him the greatest leader and Jaejoong feels profound honour and pride to work for him.

He enters the private building, suitcase in hand as he goes up to the elevator to the penthouse. The building which Changmin lived was a secret that only a number of people knew about, so few that he could count them with one hand and he was one of them. He smoothens out shirt before heading out to the door, entering the passcode he knows by heart and hearing that familiar beep. Entering the door, he is met with silence and emptiness and quickly shuffles around to prepare the documents on the coffee table.

Once done, he takes out some food and begins to cook, he thinks of if he didn’t up in this world maybe he would have been a chef instead but that’s not how it happened. Whenever he’d act like this some would joke about him being a glorified nanny but that was far from the truth. He did it because he wanted to and it was a joy to make meals for someone who appreciated them. He several dishes and places them all on the table after he’s done before going to Changmin’s room. Fumbling around noisily before he gets to the last door, knocking once and not waiting for the reply as he hastily opens the door.

What greets him first thing is Yoochun’s pale back, head thrown back as he moves on Changmin’s cock over and over again, keen moans echo throughout the room. He clears his throat and shuts the door behind him but that does nothing to stop the movement the two people on the bed were making. Changmin’s hand on Yoochun’s hip stills for a brief second to stop him from moving as he looks over the other man standing by the door and just nods in acknowledgement. Jaejoong just stares at them, Changmin on his back with Yoochun on top of him shaking with pleasure.

Yoochun is still panting above their leader, hips grinding and Jaejoong can see a hand working on his cock furiously. This wasn’t the first time he’s walked in on them, it happened too many times already but it never fails to make his blood rush towards his dick whenever he’d see them fuck with just pure and raw passion. He snaps out of it when he hears the sounds of Yoochun’s scream as he comes all over, folding under to fall on the bed until Changmin pushes him on his back and enters him again, thrusting so strong the bed creaks. Changmin looks up at him smirking, “Let me just. . finish this.“

Jaejoong waits outside, eating his own food as he highlights the notes on paper in front of him. He hears the chair creek beside him and sees Yoochun, hair still wet from the shower and face still blissful from being thoroughly fucked. “hey! you made our favourite!” His dongseng is quick to note the food he made and it makes him smile watching as Yoochun grabs spoon after spoon to eat. “I do not understand how both of you can eat like you do and not gain weight. . .” he says jokingly as he stares at Yoochun’s face stuffed with food. “You’re sex must be some cardio workout.” he adds with a laugh and Yoochun just nods with approval.

He discusses with their leader the reports from the last quarter, plans still on going and the future direction for the next year. Changmin listens to him intently giving comments if he needed to, asking questions which he answers concisely. Yoochun is smiling at him, taking down notes but he can see from the corner of his eye that the doodles occupy the notebook more than the reports (he’s going to have to give him the copy again) When he finishes, Changmin opens a box of cigars for him, lights it up before passing it on to him which he takes with a smile. The conversation quickly veers away from the underworld to everyday gossip and laughs. He makes smoke rings and watches the two lovers across him completely looking like any couple in love. He looks at them fondly and the smile doesn’t leave his lips, he could have been a chef but this was better, so muchbetter.

+++

Yunho watches from the security camera several men entering the building, watching them go in the elevator to his floor. Walking out from his office he waits by the doors to greet his guests, fixing his cuff links to calm himself. The elevator doors open and he’s greeted by five men in black before Jaejoong moves towards him with a nod along with Yoochun who gives him a hug which he returns. He ushers the two men in and the others stay behind by the door as he closes it.

“So CEO Jung, how have you been doing?” Jaejoong starts, he sits across from him in his tattered jeans and boots, his leather jacket hanging off his shoulders instead of worn. The tone is saccharine that makes it so much more deadly he notes but he takes it in stride, instead he looks over to watch Yoochun feeding the fish in his big aquarium so childlike. He looks back at Jaejoong, “Same old stuff.” he offers as his answer and he gets a laugh as a response.

“Still churning out young boys and girls to the masses, what’s that new girl group that came out?”

“Ah, that one. What about them? They’re doing very well actually for a rookie group and we couldn’t be happier with the results.” Yunho says, he doesn’t hide the achievement his company has garnered throughout the last three years. Jaejoong simply nods, opening his tablet to look into the figures of his company. Yunho’s licks his lips in anticipation and distracts himself with Yoochun siting on his couch reading one of their magazines. Jaejoong was nice to look at but was unnerving unlike Yoochun who seemed to calm down his nerves so he decided he’d rather concentrate on the latter.

“I’ve been looking closely into this company CEO Jung and I’m impressed how you’re able to handle not only your talents but your audience as well. You can say that has made Mr. Shim very interested in investing a huge stake here.”

Yunho’s eyes grow big at the implications, a backing from them meant grander things-almost unimaginable but he knew he had to play his cards right. Not only was money at stake but his reputation as well, this was a deal he had to get right. His thoughts go over every possible scenario quickly. “I’m more than happy to hear Mr. Shim’s interest to invest in my company, his influence across business sectors is just . . .”

“Of course I know you’re smart enough to know CEO Jung that our investments do come with something in return.” Jaejoong supplies to get the point across. “Of course, I understand. Let’s talk about these so I can accommodate you accordingly.” He needed to please these two if he wanted to get a shot at least from their boss. He also knew that he needed to prepare if these deals would be too risky, he knew he needed to plan this. His shoulders tense when he feels hands press down on him, Yoochun squeezing his muscles under his suit, “You’re too tense now, CEO Jung. There’s no need for that.”

Yoochun’s delicate fingers touch his chin, turning his head towards his face and Yunho thinks that up close Yoochun looses all trace of his childlike demeanour and all he can think of his lethality. He swallows at the touch but doesn’t make a move to remove the fingers on his face nor to pay attention to how the smaller man is leaning towards him. Yoochun sits on his lap, teasing enough to rile him up and lose his train of thoughts, “We just want some of the products to be advertised by your talents exclusively, maybe the food chains we own, clothing, the works. Just little things.” He tells him as Yoochun plays with his tie, grazing his shirt slowly as he feels his nails scraping him.

Jaejoong presents him a thick envelop he knows is full of the contract deals from their different businesses and he almost sighs in relief to find it was not the worst he was thinking of. Jaejoong voices his thoughts out loud, “ We just want to tap into the younger markets more using your talent to make our brands more notable to their demographic. Completely safe. Boring if you ask me.” He just nods, gathering the thick envelop as Yoochun moves from his lap, skirt riding up to expose flesh and he wills his control. “I’ll look over it.” he responds too preoccupied with the feeling of the squirming man on his lap.

“You won’t need to” Yoochun tells him, a devilish grin spreading cross his face as he takes out a check from his pocket and dangling it in front of his face. “Take this. It’s a gift for you, from us. This is all yours just for you. Just a little sneak peak of what’s to come.” He looks over at the amount just as Yoochun folds it and places it in his suit pocket and stands up to walk out the door. Jaejoong looks at him with a smirk on his face knowing.

“I’ll leave you now, Jung Yunho. I’ll be expecting your signatures tomorrow so we can set this all up. I suppose you’d also want some private time from what I can see.”

The door slams shut and he’s left alone, straining bulge on his pantsuit. He looks again at the check named to him before placing it in his locked cabinet and he breathes a sigh of relief as well as bafflement. He sees a post it note plastered on his desk, “See you again! -YC” it says with a smiley face scribbled on the side. With that, he undoes his pants to finish off, dreaming of delicate fingers on him.

+++

Minho and Jonghyun walk around the street dressed in normal clothing which frankly they haven’t done in a while. Jonghyun tallies the clubs on this alley while Minho scouts for the entrance of the one they were looking for. The loud music makes it hard to tell which apart but both of them know what they’re doing. Minho ducks into one of the entrances of the club, completely ignoring the throngs of women and men putting on a show, heading straight towards the second to the last door. The bouncer recognises them and opens the door for the both of them and they step in plainly decorated room.

An older woman is sitting behind the desk, calculating the dubious amount of cash, she motions for them to sit and the follow suit. “Junsu isn’t here as you can see.” she says still not losing her count on the wads of paper. “It’s been a couple of months already and none of us seniors have seen him. We thought he ran away with our money but upon checking none of us had any suspicious wiring or withdrawals.” Jonghyun nods expecting much as he had been briefed earlier. Kim Junsu was on the run, normally they wouldn’t be that concerned about a non big boss but he was different.

“We found out what he was after, Ma’am” Minho supplies, showing him pictures gathered from various intelligences. “He’s after our arsenal, trading them with the politicians and other people from the far off regions to avoid the spotlight.” The old woman looks at the pictures scrutinising, “Ah, that makes sense now. He isn’t as stupid as I thought he was- he deserves a little credit then.”

“It seems he targeted several bosses he knew who had arsenals in either or both countries. He’s managed to get some, not a whole lot but enough to tip off several of the division heads.” They inform Old Woman Cho who simply lights a cigarette, “well, I assume The Minnie Mouse isn’t happy with this. I know how much he’s a stickler to keeping things in control and in line.” she chuckles to joke only funny to her.

“Yes. Lord Shim has ordered for a manhunt but had wanted to let all the other bosses know of his plans and to gather all your opinions on this matter.” Jonghyun supplies, the boss really did have a penchant for some form of democracy within them it was both admirable and a lot of work. Minho simply stays quiet, he knew what Old Woman Cho would say either way but he also knew Changmin wanted a clear vote though his was still the last say.

“Bah, Minnie Mouse is so diplomatic even when he doesn’t have to be. Just kill the motherfucker, I don’t care for bugs.” She laughs, making the two men laugh with her as well. They bow to leave and report back quickly when Old Woman Cho calls them back, “Yah! You two! Tell the Minnie Mouse to come visit me next week and to bring along Chunnie as well. I have a matter to discuss with those two dickheads.”

When the two arrive back at the manor they make their way to the main house only to find Yoochun baking up a storm at five in the morning. Jonghyun simply shakes his head and grabs one of the cookies on the counter as he plops himself on the sofa. Minho is still sometimes unsure of how to act around the said man as he touches the scar on his thigh. He greets the both of them with such joy that seems impossible to have this early but it makes the mood light either way. They tell him of Old Woman Cho’s stand as well as the invitation and Yoochun just hums.

“Lord Shim should leave more often if this is what it takes for you to make a lot of food.” Jonghyun is always playful, continuing to stuff as many pastries as he can in his mouth. Minho laughs nervously as he sits at the opposite end of the table. “Yah! Don’t be like that. I get lonely when Min isn’t here.” Yoochun hands Minho a couple of cookies, all his favourite he notes in amazement and gives a shy thank you. Jonghyun and Yoochun bicker like old friends, if you didn’t know who they were this scene would have been completely normal but they aren’t normal. Despite the first encounter Minho has of Yoochun, he proves himself to be a totally different person once you get to know him he muses. He cared a lot for his men and knew them all by name, knew their families and was even a godfather to some of the men’s kids. Minho laughs at the paradox but just eats his oatmeal cookie extra chewy like he wants them as he sits back.

They arrive at the building at two thirty in the morning, quickly evaluating the rural area. Intelligence has pointed to this location and after a week they scope for the kill. Yoochun looks over his phone, probably playing a game Minho notes as they wait for the go signal. Junsu would have succeeding in his trade if he actually paid attention, trying to make money off an ally wasn’t a smart move. Jonghyun sends him a text message and he looks over to Yoochun who smirks, getting off the car to go towards the building. “Don’t you know, Minho-yah? Three Am is the witching hour?”

Minho makes his way up the stairs, mask helping him breathe through the thick gas they had to detonate throughout the building. Yoochun follows suit behind him as he leads the way, kicking down the door to reveal an empty room. Minho gets a bad feeling when he hears shots fire as he ducks towards a table. Startled he tries to look for the source but is rained upon by bullets, he can see Yoochun running in the hallway before he feels pressure at his shoulder. Blindly, he fires shots at that direction before crawling to escape the onslaught. He barely hears Yoochun shouting through the mask before he blacks out.

Minho wakes up to white slightly panicked before he realises he’s in a hospital, Jonghyun is squeezed in a small couch sleeping and he looks at all the bandages on his body. The sun shines inside the room and he can only guess what day it is, the other occupant of the room moves to wake, “Oh shit! You’re up!” Jonghyun laughs a bit, sleep still on his face. “We were worried about you, you got shot several times in that room. Yoochun went berserk as soon as he saw you take a hit.”

He nods at the information, funny he only thought he got hit once but adrenaline must have numbed him out. “What about Junsu?” he asks, it would all be for nothing if they didn’t get the hit. “Ah, that jerk? Well you got him alright. It’s all good. You managed to incapacitate him and Yoochun finished him off.” Jonghyun tells him as if it’s the most normal thing in the world as he hands him water to drink, he didn’t even feel thirsty until that moment.

“Yoochun, he’s a bit weird .. okay, a lot weird but he cares for everyone and loves them. You should have seen him crying when they were wheeling you in, Lord Shim had to take him away to calm him down. He’s such a crybaby.”

Truth be told it was hard to imagine Yoochun to be like that but being cared for felt nice and warm. Just as he gets lost in his thoughts the door opens to reveal the said man. He gives a small smile but when he sees who’s behind Yoochun he tries hard to sit up on the bed. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, you’re injured just a reminder” Lord Shim is front of him, talking to him and he’s not sure what to do. Yoochun simply elbows Changmin to shut him up and he turns to Minho happy to have him awake. Minho feels happy, he’s got a family and they maybe a bit dysfunctional but it was family.

+++

Changmin stares at the pictures of Junsu with an unreadable expression: living Junsu and then dead Junsu. Places them in a shredder and watches it all get cut into smithereens, the kid had potential but was stupid which caused him his downfall. This was their world and they lived by strict rules of conduct and he did not take kindly to insubordination. Yoochun enters his office and he smiles at him, everyone had their opinions about the both of them but damn if he cared. “Old Woman Cho is asking for us, told Minho for us to go there next week.”

Changmin pats his lap for Yoochun to sit on and immediately encircles his arms around the smaller man. “What could she possibly want? I don’t remember anything significant for our presence to be called” Face nuzzling his neck, smelling his shampoo and the distinct smell that was so intoxicating. Yoochun bares his neck at their leader, offering himself in complete surrender as all of him is Changmin’s, everything. “We’ll see when we get there.” Ending the conversation at that, Yoochun kisses him and Changmin gives him all of himself in return.

The travel to Old Woman Cho’s estate takes a few hours as it was all the way out the countryside, Changmin makes a point to stop by the other bosses on the way. Yoochun is still sleeping on his shoulder snoring lightly when they enter the gate, he shakes him gently and is met with a growl and a swat of arms. Changmin chuckles, whispering to make him wake up after the third try and he does so reluctantly, completely groggy as they enter the large doors. Old Woman Cho sits out on the patio smoking as he looks over the two boys, eyes crinkling as she smiles. “Ah! Minnie Mouse, you’re finally here! Where’s that pretty boy of yours? I wanna see his face!”

Yoochun laughs at the comment running to give the old lady a big hug which she returns just as strongly. They both know better than to overstep their welcome and waits for her to tell them the purpose of their visit. “I’m getting old Minnie Mouse, I’m going to die soon and you know I have no heirs. All this will go to waste after I pass.” Changmin nods, waiting for her to continue, looking at the estate overlooking the water. Yoochun is holding the old woman’s hand, comforting her and she gives his hands a squeeze.

Old Woman Cho looks at the both, Changmin was his son despite having no blood relation to him, he was his pride and looking after this boy and watching him build himself and be where he is now brought so much joy in her life. Despite the opposition from most of the other bosses she backed him up from the start because she saw his fire and his ability. He managed to surpass all his expectations and more and she knew the family was in good hands. “Now, I’m not worried about the family those numbskulls can drop dead anytime and we’d see other to hell. What I really want to talk about is the both of you.”

“I’m too old for this shit, Changmin. We’ve all been waiting long enough for you to propose to this young man here. How many years has it been? He’s too good for you! Yoochun, if he doesn’t propose to you next year. . make that in the next six months, I’m going to personally kill your boyfriend!” Changmin sputters his tea, composure totally lost at the old woman’s ultimatum. Yoochun just blushes hard covering his face at the honesty the old woman.

Lady Cho cackles at the two boys expressions, “What’s the matter?! You’ve been together since you were practically children. Ah, I remember how Yoochun used to follow you around and how you’d try and loose him. You were such an asshole of a child, Changmin but then it became the other way around.” Both do remember, it seemed like lifetimes ago but it was still vivid in their minds. “I want to at least see a wedding before I croak. Is that too much to ask?”

“You know Minnie Mouse, no one will take it against you if you take a little break- you’re their lord either way so they have no right to say anything. Go enjoy yourself a bit you deserve it, take Yoochun somewhere nice.” She calls over one of her men taking out a small pouch, and handing it over to Changmin. “On me” She adds, opening to reveal to plane tickets and he takes it graciously. Yoochun gives a meek thank you and she gives him a hug before turning to go inside her home.

On their way back Changmin looks over the two tickets, the old woman was crazy for sure but that’s what he loved about her. He watches Yoochun who is looking at the window, snapping pictures of the countryside. He puts the envelop in bag and closes his eyes to rest, yeah maybe he should take up the offer- he’d have to ask Jaejoong to arrange his itinerary for them. He has been setting his sights to expand in Europe and he might just do it but not right now, he wants to enjoy himself with his love. He’ll do it when the timing is right but it’s not too far from the future he foresees. He has big plans and they’re only starting and he’s not slowing down.

First things first, he needs to get that damn ring already.

Author's Notes:
1. Loosely inspired from Kill Bill
2. gompi made me do it
3. HI!

Distance (Won't) Keep Us Apart

2015-06-08T08:54:16Z

Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Smut
Summary: Long distance relationships are hard, Changmin learns, as all he wants is to be with his love Yoochun

my love response to gompi

Changmin thinks he’s been gone too long, scratch that: he knows he’s been gone too long. It’s two months into his three month stint out of the country and he feels like he’s going to go crazy if he hadn’t already. He reasons he does this to broaden his horizons, gain new experiences and of course the get that fat pay check but this was agony. Looking over at the picture of his boyfriend on his desk he scratches his head in frus printed tration, he missed him, he can’t fucking live without him.

He stares at the screen, documents blaring at him but all he wanted to do was call his boyfriend across the globe but looking at the time he knew it was an ungodly hour. But he’s desperate and desperation leads to impulsivity and rash decisions regardless of the consequence so he clicks that video call button anyway. It rings endlessly and waiting has never been his strong suit; he bangs his head against the desk. He redials over and over again and on the sixth try he hears that sound he’s been longing for. He thinks he could cry.

“Babe, turn on your camera, please. I really wanna see you.” Anticipation lacing his voice. Two months of not being with Yoochun was practically a death sentence. Two months of not holding him in his arms was worse than that.

He hears movement from the other line, shuffling around but the video is still dead, “Ah, shit. Yoohwan used this thing the other day and broke my camera. Sorry about that, my voice will have to do.” Yoochun’s voice is still heavily laced with sleep and he could only imagine what he looked like with his hair sticking out, face marred with pillow lines from where he laid down, sleepy eyes looking at him.

“I miss you” He simply utters, Changmin doesn’t even try to hide the disappointment he feels, the weariness of not being with the one you love. To have him in your arms, he should have been there with him now sleeping beside him in their room.

“I miss you, too. Terribly.” He hears the voice on the other side say, he also hears the unsaid come back home he knows his lover won’t say out loud. A pause and static is all is heard after that and he sighs into the call just listening to Yoochun’s quiet hum. The other falls back asleep rather quickly and Changmin can’t blame him but he can’t find it in himself to close the conversation as he hears Yoochun’s quiet snores across the screen.

***

Stepping into Incheon Airport almost feels too good to be true but he’s been waiting for this for so long. A three day weekend from work and he doesn’t hesitate to book the first ticket right after office hours. It wouldn’t matter if he practically spent the three days jet lagged as long as he was with Yoochun, to have the man beside him and breathing into him.

He snaps out of his thoughts when a weight falls on him and topples him over, his surprise quickly replaced with a giddy voice on his ear, “Minnie-yah, you’re here, you’re here, you’re here!” Yoochun’s voice caressing him, arms around, body moulded to his. He yearned for this for months and he was finally here with his love. His mouth quickly finds the other’s lips, tasting him and drinking him-quenching his thirst. He could have stayed like this forever until another familiar voice chimed in.

“Hold your horses you two, we’re in a very public place!” Jaejoong is standing over them laughing, holding out his hands to the both of them to help them up. He gives him a hug, he missed this friend too and laughs.

The three end up having lunch at their usual place and Changmin thinks the food has never tasted better than it does now. HIs other hand not letting go of Yoochun under the table, knees touching as well. He tells them stories from abroad and the two fill him in with the latest gossip and news. He thinks two and a half months is both not that long and an eternity especially when he looks into Yoochun’s eyes. They part ways hours later, he feels heavy from sleepiness already and wills it away just so he can soak in everything. His fingers still tangled with the other as they both head home.

He immediately slumps in the passenger seat as Yoochun starts the car but doesn’t drive away just yet. “Hmm, what’s the matter?” he can’t control his yawns anymore. “I’m so happy your here.” Yoochun simply states and gives him a chaste kiss on the lips as he fiddles with the car. Changmin doesn’t answer back but pulls Yoochun into him instead, he thinks he has two months worth of kisses to give and get. Just thinking of him going back in two days makes him want to stop time. Makes him want to stay here forever. They’re broken out of their lip lock when car honks at them, startled and just slightly embarrassed to have been caught.

“Later.” Yoochun simply mumbles as he clumsily drives out of the parking lot. Changmin doesn’t even pay attention to the road anymore, simply looking over at Yoochun’s disarray of clothing especially his swollen lips. He thinks he probably looks the same but just licks his lips in anticipation.

They take the other entrance to their building, and are not surprised by the lack of cars in the parking area as it was a work day and most were out. Changmin doesn’t stop himself as he presses Yoochun’s back on the wall, greedily kissing him again and again. Aligning their hips and isn’t surprise to find both their cocks half-hard already. He feels Yoochun’s body under his clothes, missing the way it feels under his palms, the curves and dips.

Yoochun’s hands are already under his shirt, grazing his nipples and scratching his chest, he can feel the half-moons already forming. He almost cusses on the fact that Yoochun’s chosen button down shirt but gives up on it-hands concentrating on his jeans instead. Their lips still not getting enough of one another as he works his hands in Yoochun’s pants. He gets it loose enough to slip his palms in, fingers grasping at the hot flesh, the action has his lover moaning loud echoing throughout the empty space.

He tugs at Yoochun’s cock, jerking him off a few times as he crashes his lips again on the other to drown out the moans and grunts. Yoochuns nails digging onto his sides, grip so tight as his hips buck on it’s own, following the rhythm of his hands. “Fuck-Min, we. -the elevator. We should take this up-” he cuts Yoochun off as he feels his balls, fondling them and cussing at the restrain his clothing gives him. Changmin barely registers what he said but manages to push the button with his elbow.

Not letting go, he continues at his ministrations, jerking his boyfriend off by the wall. Yoochun’s panting only encouraging him, making his cock twitch against his boyfriend’s hip as he dry humps him. The sound of the elevator reaching the basement disrupts him for a bit but is he’s quick to manoeuvre the both of them inside.Pushing Yoochun against the corner, lining himself up against his love. Yocohun reaches to close the door as Changmin nips at his neck, hands still warm against throbbing erection.

The door closes just in time as Yoochun braces himself on the railing, anticipation of what’s to happen is enough to make him come. Changmin pushes into him slowly, hoisting a leg over his hips and he grabs onto his shoulder and back for support, it burns so deliciously making his eyes roll back. He’s fully sheathed in to the brim, his warm-hot-scorching walls surround him so intense and Changmin can’t get enough of the feeling. “It’s been too long, fuck- never again.”

He sets a brutal pace not wasting any time, strokes hard and long, searching for that familiar spot that makes Yoochun loose control. He hears Yoochun panting his name in his ears over and over as he continues to move against him. Hands grip his ass, bringing him closer until there’s no space between them, he watches the bliss in Yoochun’s face. The mirrors reflecting his face all over the elevator. The elevator dings again, signalling their floor but damn it to hell if he has to stop. Instead he grabs Yoochun’s cock between them as he thrusts into him, jerking him fast.

Yoochun eyes shoot open, “fuck-just, there-“ and he knows immediately what he finds and slams into him harder, his hand not stopping it’s movement. The elevator door still open, them fucking in plain view but Changmin still doesn’t care not when Yoochun’s walls begin to clench down on him like a vice. His moaning louder and uninhibited, the slide of his cock against Yoochun making him delirious with pleasure. Yoochun comes with a silent scream, cum splattering on his shirt and on the floor as well and that’s enough to send him off as well.

Yoochun holds him as he comes down from the high, chest heaving against one another as pleasure still tingles through his fingertips. “We should go. . .” voice still laced with heat, Yoochun simply strokes his hair. He grumbles his reply, “I think the camera caught it all.” Changmin says as he looks up to point to the red dot. Pleasure ridden stupor still clouding him, Yoochun looks up straight to the camera, “FUCK!!! SHIT WE SHOULDN’T HAVE! I’M GOING TO GET EVICTED.” Yoochun is quick to panic as he pushes Changmin away as the other has a the balls to laugh at the situation.

“Nah, they’ll probably give you free rent this month with the show you gave them. If we do it one more time maybe you can get two months free. . .”

Changmin watches Yoochun sleep beside him, and he thinks how much he loved this man, how much his love is still growing and unrelenting. Thinks of the two months of hell without Yoochun and the remaining month he has to endure once he goes back. Those thoughts alone make it hard for him to breathe and panic settles in his stomach.

He nudges Yoochun who barely manages to feel it, moaning in annoyance and swats his hands away. Changmin scoffs but continues to shake his lover awake, “Chunnie-ah!” but is ineffective so he grabs the pillow and playfully hits him strong enough to rouse him up. “The hell, MIN!!! I’m too sore~”

He tackles him down and embraces his body and rearranges them until Yoochun is on his chest, face looking up at him. “What’s the matter?” his fingers idly drawing nonsensical designs on Changmin’s arms as he feels his love’s heartbeat.

“You know, my colleague- Seunghyun just got married. He and his wife got transferred to Barcelona immediately just after their ceremony. She’s over there with him now.”

“Really? That’s so awesome, they get to be together now. Haven’t they been dating for a while?” Yoochun doesn’t really know where the conversation is going but knows Changmin will get to the point either way so he listens.

“Yeah, Seunghyun was so excited he can finally take her with him when he gets assigned to different places. They’ve been doing the long distance thing for almost two years, I honestly don’t know how he managed. You should have seen his phone bill! You could practically pay rent with it.”

Yoochun laughs, “I guess that’s how much we’re going to end up racking in the long run, huh? Maybe I should get a part time job just for our phone bills.” he sits up to kiss Changmin’s nose, mirth painted on his face but he only gets furrowed eyebrows as a response. Before he can ask what the problem was, Changmin sprints out of the bed to his luggage. Hands frantically trying to undo the lock, practically breaking the suitcase.

“Babe?” Sitting up the bed, Yoochun can only watch with worry as Changmin breaks it open. This was such an uncanny behaviour coming from the taller man and it concerned him.

“No.” Changmin exclaims, back still turned on him.

“What are yo-“

“No. I don’t want us to rack up bills and just keep talking on Skype- I should fucking have your laptop fixed already, not seeing your face is torture. Yoohwan should learn to take care of other people’s things. . .

I don’t want us to have to wait two more years. I don’t wan’t you sleeping so late waiting for my call and vice versa. I don’t like it when I can’t hold you, when we’re not breathing in the same space. I can’t handle it. I don’t want to have to handle it.”

Yoochun is too surprised at the outburst to give a reply and comfort him; he’s been feeling all these things as well but he couldn’t say it out loud. He didn’t want to be the one to stop Changmin from living his dreams but it was so fucking hard to not be with him as well. He knew if he told Changmin to stay he would have but he couldn’t be that selfish either so he held it all in.

“I can’t do it anymore, Chun. I just can’t” Changmin’s voice is breaking, heaving as he tries to stop himself from bawling. All the pent up emotion bubbling over and waiting to explode. Thinking of those two months and the future that he still had to endure was gut-wrenching. He knew after the month was over they would be reunited but it was not a forever fix, he’d be assigned yet again soon after.

He’s unaware that tears had spilled already until he feels Yoochun’s hands wiping it away, holding him in his arms as he rocks him back and forth humming a song into his ear as comfort. It takes a couple of minutes for his tears to stop and he removes himself from the embrace, wiping the tear tracks from his face. He clears his throat to talk, words flowing out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“Marry me! You have to- if we get married then you’d always be with me. We won’t be apart and then we can travel places. I can get us assigned to Milan! You’ve always wanted to go there right? We can totally live there and then-“ His rambling has Yoochun laughing at the silliness of the whole situation.

The fit of laughter has Changmin break out of his stupor and his eyes widen at the realisation, gathering himself he quickly gets down on his knee with the ring he desperately tried getting out of his luggage. “I’m serious. Marry me, Park Yoochun. Be with me.”

The laughter quickly dies down, as he realises the gravity of the situation. Here was the man he’d loved for so long down on his knee asking him for marriage and it dawns on him: forever.

A smile forms on his lips as he nods

“Yes!”

***

Changmin looks out their new apartment window, a different city, a different country, a different continent, everything different. As the sun filters through the window casting a light on Yoochun's sleeping form and he thinks; not everything is different after all. Finally, no matter how far they go as it wouldn't matter anymore as Yoochun was with him now, will always be with him and distance wasn't an issue anymore.

Love was here, beside him.

Memory Keeper

2015-03-13T07:39:00Z

Pairing: Changmin/Yoochun
Genre: Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Changmin likes to keep mementos, a curator of memories

Changmin is a sentimental man despite appearances and vehement denial of this, he is a sentimental sucker and that is a fact. Yoochun makes fun of him for this, laughing at a dried flower he discovers pressed in one of the old books they have, “It was from the congratulatory flowers you gave me!”

Changmin reasons that he likes them as keepsakes: a way of preserving a memory. Yoochun just laughs even more. “Honey, you’re a hoarder just admit it.”

The accused only huffs in defiance.

---

Yoochun often wondered why the refrigerator wall had a random banana magnet amidst all the destination magnets they collected. Wedged between Hawaii and Italy was the said magnet, it bore no markings that would say where it came from. He didn’t understand it’s purpose and more importantly what it was there.

Changmin catches him staring intently at the refrigerator as he enters the kitchen. “You can’t open it with your mind you know, unless you’ve somehow turned into a Jedi and you’re not telling me.”

He laughs at his own joke as he grabs the coffee creamer inside. His boyfriend only squints at him, “Do tell me why we have a banana magnet? It’s been bothering me for the longest time.” Unless he probed he knew he wasn’t going to get an answer from this man.

“Well if you really wanna know its signifance than it means I may have to break up with you.”

Yoochun’s eyebrow rises at the snarky reply he knew too well “You really wanna tell people we broke up over a banana magnet?” A challenge.

Changmin adds two sweeteners in his coffee and looks at Yoochun, not backing down from the truth, “Fine. Years ago in high school we didn’t know each other yet but you sat by my table for lunch. We didn’t talk or whatever just ate lunch and after I was done I mumbled that I was still hungry.”

Yoochun’s lips start twitching but tries to control a smile, nodding for the other to continue.

“For some odd reason you heard that and you handed me your banana and then left the table. So that’s why there’s a banana magnet, get it now?”

A shit grin spreads across Yoochun’s face. “You hopeless sap.”

---

Sitting at work Changmin tries going over the data again to make sure everything was just perfect. He liked details, nitpicking over things thoroughly and thus the sentimentality he harbors over random objects or so he reasons was part of it. He knew Yoochun found it a nuisance but he knew it was mostly because he was a neatfreak who liked organizing their belongings.

It wasn’t like he was keeping a lock of hair or something. He thinks that thought over his head, files it under ‘for future purposes’ in his mind. His colleagues calling him for lunch disrupt his thought. He stands up to grab his wallet, lunch bag and of course his cup (the one Yoochun made for him during one of his hobby classes)

He eats with his close colleagues outside the building, sharing light banter and stories. Yoochun made him lunch from some leftovers the night before as added new things as well. If anything Yoochun never failed to spoil him when it came to food and sometimes his coworkers voiced out their jealousy for this reason. It makes Changmin happy.

---

They decide to go to Las Vegas during one of their anniversaries quite a long time ago just because they wanted to be impulsive. They get a fancy room in one of the hotels on the strips because they don’t really need any reasons. Changmin tries to teach Yoochun how to play in one of the table games but that idea quickly turns awry. Yoochun is too lost to understand and when one of the guys began hitting on him Changmin is too furious to stay.

Yoochun goes on his own to play with the slot machine, it was simple enough for him to get and the lady kept coming back to give him drinks. Changmin sits down on one of the poker tables and gets the upperhand as the game progresses. He briefly forgets about his lover until he feels someone drape around him, ready to punch before he quickly realizes who it was.

“I’ll bring you luck.” Yoochun’s voice has a bit of a slur, faint enough to not be noticed by anyone but Changmin isn’t just anyone. He bites his ear and the people watching whistle and chortle at the display. His lover dislodges himself and stands behind him watching the cards, his hands never leaving his shoulders. This was a sure win anyway at this rate but Changmin never lets it show on his face.

They barely get into their room intact, Yoochun’s hand already shoved inside Changmin’s jeans, bodies pressed together. Changmin can still taste the jack and coke Yoochun was drinking but he thinks the taste of his man is much more intoxicating. Yoochun sinks down to his knees and takes him in skillfully, just the way that makes him go insane. He braces himself on the wall and his moan reverberates.

When they get from the vacation Yoochun doesn’t get a tan and neither does Changmin. People ask them if they had any luck and Yoochun beams and tells them how Changmin won at poker and cashing that in. Changmin beams for a whole other reason but nods nonetheless a coy smile on display. While they unpack the barely used clothes in the suitcase a lone poker chip unrolls from Changmin’s jeans and he laughs picking it up.

“I’m feeling lucky.”

He heads out of the room to find Yoochun.

---

Changmin calls Yoochun up while at the mall, sorting through racks and racks of clothing. His patience paper thin and just so utterly shell shocked by the amount of clothes in this goddamned store. “I don’t know what she likes, she’s fourteen and that’s totally out of my area of knowledge.” He clings to his phone, asking his boyfriend for clothing advice for a teenager.

He swore Jimin was only a baby yesterday, when did she suddenly become this teenager? He could still clearly remember him and Yoochun babysitting her and taking her to parks. He remembers how Yoochun held her in his arms because Changmin was so terrified to hold a tiny human being. His family pokes fun at his inability to hold her for the first three months and gives the baby to Yoochun whenever they’d drop by.

Changmin’s not quite sure when the exact moment was but between those visits to his niece and Yoochun bonding with his family, he knew what they had was for the long haul. Sometimes he thinks it was the way Yoochun blended seamlessly with his parents, siblings and even aunts and cousins. Sometimes it’s the way Yoochun reminded him to call his relatives from time to time, reminded him of birthdays or sending them card that warmed his heart. It was a lot of things and pinpointing that precise moment was futile.

(Out of everything, the day Jimin was born is when truly realizes forever exist with Yoochun. His mother still teary eyed from holding her grandchild in arms welcomes the both of them in the hospital room. “Her name is Jimin.” She tells the both of them as she reaches out to hand her over, “Jimin-ah this is your uncle, Yoochun.” His mom saying this to Yochun and image of him holding her in his arms with so much care and love makes him cry.)

Changmin snaps out of his reverie when one of the clothes falls off the flimsy hanger. “Just get her a freaking gift card, Changmin.” He hears laughter from the other end of the line. Why didn’t he think of that in the first place was beyond him.

“I didn’t think of that.” He huffs, heading to the counter to pick the said card. Annoyed with himself and the amount of time he spent in the frilly store.

“This is why I’m your boyfriend and why you need me.” Yoochun continues to laugh on the other line.

He really couldn’t disagree.

---

Yoochun finds himself cleaning up their closet, placing old clothes in bins to be sorted out later on. Years of being together also meant years of accumulated things and knowing his boyfriend’s penchant for holding on to objects he knew they’d get buried in clutter in no time. He folds and tosses out Changmin’s shirts that are too old to be saved, stained beyond repeair and just plain ugly.

He thinks he should just burn some of them in a pyre but that was too much wishful thinking. He reaches a corner of the closet and pulls out a worn out box, opening it to find an old sweater inside. He furrows his eyebrows at this discovery- why keep this particular thing in a box? He unfolds the piece of clothing and stares at it. He doesn’t remember this one at all. He tries to think of its significance but he comes out with nothing. He’d really have to ask Changmin this one but knowing his lover he’s already rolling his eyes at the explanation.

When Changmin comes home he finds boxes on their bedroom floor labeled ‘yes’ ‘no’ ‘maybe’ and ‘for donation’ and it doesn’t take long for him to figure out that Yoochun had been sorting again. He hears the shower on and waits for his boyfriend to come out, idly going over some of the boxes. He stops his investigation when he notices a sweater folded on the bed, a sweater he has not seen in a very long time.

Changmin holds it up, overcome with a memory this particular gray-blue sweater gives him and he wonders if Yoochun remembers it as well. He feels the fabric under his fingers and tugs at it, smiling to himself as he does so. He hears Yoochun finish up and waits for him to step out a story reliving in his head already

“So you found this.” Yoochun only nods at him, drying his hair with a towel as he walks inside the room. “It seemed important having been placed in a box and all and knowing how you are there has got to be some significance.” The tone is teasing as usual so Changmin lets it slide.

Changmin tries on the sweater on, now ill fitting and a little short already, the colors faded and the ends frayed. He looks at himself in the mirror and he thinks he sees the younger version of himself, gawky and awkward. He’s suddenly brought back to the younger image of his lover as well, his short hair and pale skin.

He walks over Yoochun who is now dressed in his pajamas, long hair still damp and skin a tad bit tanner due to his hobby of fishing. He grabs his hand and laces their fingers together, making the shorter man look at him in the eyes.

“This sweater is important because it was the one I wore when I tried to run away from home. When I was so scared because I finally admitted to my family that I was gay. I was so. . .distraught and lost that I just shoved whatever clothing I had in a bag and wore this despite the heat that day.”

Changmin is speaking from a memory long ago, a time he thought he wouldn’t have gotten over but has risen out of new. Yoochun still remembers that time of confusion, that time of hurt and fear but they’ve gotten past it. They’ve gotten through it together and it was all that mattered then and is still what matters until now.

“You came looking for me and eventually you did find me huddled under that bridge we used to cross to go home. You were so angry and I thought you were going to punch me but instead you cried in my arms. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

He was angry, he remembers. He remembers calling up Changmin’s house to ask for homework since he had been sick for past days only to have his mother tell him that Changmin was gone. She had been frantic over the phone that Yoochun just didn’t know what to do so he ran, despite his fever and not knowing where to start. He was angry for Changmin not telling him anything and for resorting to running away.

“You kept persuading me to come back home and I wouldn’t budge. At one point you said that I could just live in your closet and hide there. I guess you were that delirious of fever already but I wasn’t paying attention. You were saying all these crazy things just to have me come back and they weren’t making sense.”

Changmin refused to go back home, ashamed of himself; of what he was. He was young and he didn’t know what to do and the fear of rejection blew past his logic. Yoochun kept tugging him, trying to physically take him home but he was too weak for wear already and it was pathetic. He remembers staying under the bridge with Changmin until it got dark and after that even but he was so exhausted from fever that he barely remembers what happens after.

“You kept asking me to come back with you and I kept saying no over and over but you wouldn’t stop until you started bawling again. I remember clearly you shouting at me.”

“You have to come back because I love you. I love you, that’s why you have to come back. Come back, come back! I love you, please”

Changmin feels Yoochun’s nails digging into his arms as he shouts those words at him but it doesn’t compare to the burning feeling of Yoochun’s tears on his neck as he sobs. His words echoing in his ears as Yoochun utters them like a chant, a plea for him to hear and listen to. Love is powerful to overturn fear, he thinks to himself. If Yoochun loved him despite it, loved him even more so and loved him because of it than he had no fear. Everyone else be damned, he had love here, right now.

Here in his arms.

“You told me you loved me over and over until you passed out and I took you home. Funny how that works out? You came to take me back but it was I who took you back home. This sweater was soaked with your tears, as well as your warmth but above all your love.”

Yoochun’s arms envelop around him as he says those last words, embracing him so tight. It’s not until he feels wetness on his shoulder that he registers to return the touch, cradling him in his arms. It’s astounding he thinks how it had gone full circle from that moment years ago to this: a moment his younger self wouldn’t have dreamed or hoped for.

Changmin still keeps random objects, around him as a keepsake, a souvenir from life he tucks away. A plate from a vacation, a postcard from a city, the fork from the first time they flew first class and a many more. Out of everything that life has ever given him this man in his embrace right now is the really the only important one.

He’s not letting this one go.

again for gompi who dared me

As We Came To Be

2015-03-09T07:17:52Z

Pairing: Changmin x Yoochun
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Changmin whispers at him like a lover, touches him like a lover, holds him like a lover but never tells him he is.

*my love letter to gompi

Changmin only really takes him from behind, spread out on all fours. Strong fingers gripping on his hips, nails clawed on flesh and with each movement, each thrust sending him closer to the edge; to euphoria. And even Changmin switches them with Yoochun on top he has the older man turned away, and when he’s near he reaches out- vice grip on his neck and his other hand fisting his flesh until he comes.

When they’re spent Changmin will sweep away the hair from his forehead and give tender kisses with eyes closed. Yoochun will hold his face to look but only sees eyes shut as he quickly nozzles his neck.

Yoochun’s too scared to ask and voice out his why he never looks at him because all he wishes is to see this man he loves see him.

He never does.

=

Yoochun dies in a car crash; vehicle crushed under a pile of metal, his head whiplashing knocking him unconscious and killing him subsequently. His mother identifies his body draped in a white sheet. She barely manages the trembling of her hands as she dials for Changmin’s number. When he answers she can’t find it in herself to connect words together, her sobs tries to tell him but anguish overcomes her.

But how do you say it anyway? There will be no words to soften this.

Changmin comes to the morgue disheveled, his wild eyes dying as he’s being cradled into her embrace. His scream echoes throughout the quiet hallway, his pain reverberating through the walls as she clutches him tightly as he crumples to the ground. She holds him as he breaks into shards in her arms.

Happiness will cease to exist from now.

=

Changmin likes to watch Yoochun from behind, gazing at his broad shoulders as he cleans up the kitchen, eyes always following his movements. He looks at him when the other is too engrossed with a book, his eyebrows furrowed together in concentration as he turns the page. He finds himself smiling too when the older man smiles at text even if he doesn’t know what he’s reading about.

He finds himself always one step behind the older man, likes seeing him in front of him so he can keep a watchful eye. He’s memorized the cues already; how he straightens up when he means business, how his shoulders sag a bit when he gets shy, how he likes to put his hands at the back when he’s daydreaming, how he’ll start rubbing his lower back when he gets tired.

He remains a step behind to catch him when he falls, an observer to keep an eye on him and a shadow to Yoochun’s light.

Changmin only sees him.

=

Yoochun plays incomplete love songs when it rains, plays the last note as the rain stops. He doesn’t pick up on unfinished ones, only plays a new set when another storm comes in. His pieces seem disjointed and broken but to a real listener this is a symphony.

Changmin writes stories filled with cliffhangers, no real ending in sight nor plot. He picks up his notebook once he hears the piano bench screech, stops midsentence when the last note is played. His characters never have names though he knows exactly who they are.

All they had were incompleteness: stories with gaps and music with static. For every arrangement Yoochun has done Changmin has written for them and this was a metaphor of who they were but they were unknowing.

They were blind.

Not Another Photoshoot

2014-12-01T06:01:29Z

Pairing: JYJ!friendship
Genre: Comedy/Crack
Rating: PG-13
Summary: With a new calender to put out the three are called to do a photoshoot and the theme could not be any more fun: NOT, TOTALLY NOT.ztarplay this is totally your fault

It started like any mundane company meeting, the one where you discuss how you’re going to milk fans of their cash or proverbially ‘let’s do a photo book where you guys are all good looking that’ll make them fangirls panties drop and the sails ship.’ They’ve done their fair share of them and concepts be damned from furry costumes to no shirts and some other things in-between. They really needed something new or at least new-ish and everyone was wanting to pitch in.

“So, I have this idea. . .” Junsu is always enthusiastic.

“Dammit, Junsu we are not having a cat-themed photo book!” Jaejong is always in question.

“Not everything that comes out of my mouth is about cats, hyung and excuse me for not wanting a naked photo book. You have your instagram for that! And besides how do you know I was even remotely close to suggesting that?!”

“Duh, who was the one wearing a sparkly leopard coat to the airport, huh?”

This is totally how every meeting goes; pitch ideas-get turned down and repeat until you come to a stand still or agreement. It was obvious that the two Kims were totally into visual concepts and one Park was totally not into having to put any kind of effort. It was a harmonious war, as it had always been.

“Uh, Park-sshi how about you, any ideas?” the art director whispers who knows at this point that this question was futile but he had to be professional and somehow glue together something.

“Umm, I don’t really know. You know I’m not into these things. . .maybe nature?”

Art Director-nim grumbles with those three ideas: cats, nakedness and nature. The fuck does he know to create cohesiveness with this. Cats. . Naked. . .Nature. . .

Tarzan.

It totally makes sense now.

The theme will be Tarzan.

Tarzan has leopards, tigers or whatever wild animals (for Junsu); Tarzan is naked or wears a loincloth (obviously Jaejoong will choose the first option); Tarzan lives in the jungle which all nature and trees (Yoochun will pose under a pile of leaves or dangle from a vine)

Fuck his job. Fuck these three.

***

The three are ushered into a big celebrity van at 4 AM to give them ample time to travel to their destination. It was hard enough to have a schedule open for the three of them but with fangirls rabid it was best to go far, very, very far from prying girls.

Jaejoong is still hyper from the lack of sleep and maybe half a bottle of whiskey but is generally able to climb on inside. Junsu being the health-freak that he is slept at 7 the night before just to ensure a complete night’s rest. Yoochun has fallen back asleep at the back of the van as soon as he sits down.

Everything is calm for now.

For the driver that is good enough for his sanity.

An hour later they make a first stop at the gas station, the driver filling up the van with fuel. The three go out of the car to stretch their legs a bit and talk to the art director and photographer who are (for their own safety) in another car. They all go inside the small station to grab snacks and whatnots and Jaejoong mostly stashing alcohol.

“So what is the finalised concept?” Junsu asks as he makes a grab for the healthy granola bar all whilst reading the nutritional information. Scavenging for the healthiest thing he would be able to buy in small mart which is not much.

Yoochun is close by lingering the other aisle still probably half-asleep and Jaejoong hands him some bottles of alcohol and he obliges without much fight. But really only truly trying to gossip about what they were to do for this particular calendar shoot and possibly refute whatever cat related ideas Junsu would unavoidably suggest.

“It’s camping- you know just a couple of friends having fun. You do the whole cliche of setting up a tent, campfires and looking at the stars. Just girly things.”

The last bit comes out as mumble.

“The colour palette will be lovely as it is autumn so we did want to capture the season but we may have to go to the nearby lake to take more summer type photos.”

Yoochun nods, “So which park are we going to for that?” looking quickly at his phone for nearby establishments and camping sites, scouring for the reviews and facilities.

“The campsite near the lake I can’t remember the name starts with an R. . .”

Yoochun nods again looking over his phone. Jaejoong continues to prance around the store yelling from the freezer aisle “Do you think this sausage tastes good? We need something to grill.” Junsu meanwhile looks for fruits and salads.

“I think I found it. They look like they have really clean cabins and toilets.” Yoochun flips through the pictures, showing the director the different styles of available cabins.

“Uh. .we didn’t get a cabin though. We thought we need it to be as authentic as possible so we only got a tent space.”

What.

Junsu laughs “Yeah right, as if that would ever happen.”

The director tugs his collar.

“You’re going to be in tents. No cabin rooms. It’s a real camping trip!” he exclaims totally excited.

It quickly goes downhill from there.

Yoochun ends up buying 40 rolls of toilet paper, 3 big bottles of liquid hand soap, 2 big bottles of hand sanitiser and 30 packs of wet wipes and 2 bug sprays. He almost buys the port-a-potty from the construction workers across the streets (and almost succeeds) until Jaejoong points out that it had been used already.

Junsu sends a text to his lawyer asking if it’s plausible to draft a last will and testament for his cats.

***

They do arrive in the middle of nowhere Korea just before noon and the photographers set up immediately. Yoochun sulks at the back of the car along with his sanitation stock unwillingly, Jaejoong tries looking for a signal and Junsu is handwriting the draft the lawyer sent him.

The team finishes the set up and the trio have no other choice but to go on with it. “So what are we going to do with this space and pile of dirt?” Jaejoong kicks around the stones at his feet, totally perplexed at the ‘no set up’ set up.

“You guys have to pitch the tent first.” the staff flatly states.

There’s a moment of silence.

With that everyone knows this is going to be a long, long, arduous day.

It takes them faster than expected to make the tent; adding to the vastness inside they begin setting up makeshift beds and pump air into the mattresses. The stylists give them what to wear and the three hustle inside to change.

“I guess it’s not so bad, they did give us the mega tent thank goodness.” Junsu has a scuffle with the pants. (“Dammit they should know by know I need the extra stretch fabric one.”)

Jaejoong is too busy scrutinising the stylists’ pick, it didn’t seem ‘Jaejoong; enough for him and he needed to do something about that. He needed to find scissors somewhere and wonders if one of the staff has one. “Well it’s a good thing I got some instant ramen just in case we starve to death.”

Yoochun is the fist one to finish dressing up and is still lamenting about the whole ordeal. If he was able to to Sea Fog maybe he could slug this one up and if anything at least he had the other two with him. He goes out of the tent and surveys the area- well he did ask for nature.

And what he got was too much nature now.

They do go about the shoot in without much drama unless you count Jaejoong insisting to have a picture with just a branch covering him. It wasn’t until Junsu makes an off handed comment about how all he really needed was a leaf that Jaejoong scraps the idea and flings the said branch towards his younger bandmate. Junsu continues to pester him the whole day by tucking leaves into various clothing Jaejoong puts on.

Despite having a mega tent the fact remains that they’re three grown men sharing somewhat one bed’ or in their case 3 air mattresses side by side. As much as Yoochun wanted to move his mattress there was only really one flat sheet covering it and no he did not want to risk sleeping on a sheet-less mattress. Junsu had no problem plopping down one end and neither did Jaejoong on the other.

Junsu easily plays with his games to quell his boredom. “Why don’t you come to bed already?”

Yoochun picks out from his luggage pile and takes out Febreeze from his haul and points it at the two on the bed. “Move it or I’ll spray on you too.” The two laugh until they are actually assaulted by the mist.

“Why can’t you at least change your clothes before hopping on the bed?! You guys are so disgusting!” The Lysol is the next weapon on Yoochun’s arsenal and he practically soaks the sheets. Jaejoong opens the tent zipper just so he could breathe. Junsu is wise to stay out of this but as he smells the Febreeze and Lysol combo on his skin he can only wrinkle his nose.

After the sanitation department (aka Yoochun) finishes Junsu is able to change into his pajamas but opts to sit on the chair in fear of ‘the mist.’ Jaejoong is standing next to him looking pensive, “I think we have a problem.”

Junsu gnaws on his lips, “Yeah and it’s all the Lysol.” but Jaejoong only plops down the other chair. “I mean I don’t have pajamas and I don’t want to get sprayed down. Can I just borrow yours?” Why did his band member have to be an exhibitionist? Why why why.

After Yoochun cleans they settle on it the three make a JYJ sandwich, “I just realised this is probably the first time we did a JYJ formation.” Junsu mutters totally decked out in cat pajamas while beside him Yoochun -Jaejoong feigns sleep.

‘J-Fucking -Y -J’, Yoochun thinks he has never questioned that name until now and when Jaejoong ‘accidentally’ grazes his thigh with his clammy fingers he discovers he FUCKING hates it now.

Lighter Fluid

2014-10-23T07:52:08Z

Pairing: Jaejoong/Yoochun
Genre: Smut
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Yoochun likes the cold too much and Jaejoong needs to keep warm

The thing with rooming with Yoochun is that despite the rapid decline of the temperature outside due to the coming winter his thermostat in the room still remains completely set on freezing over hell. Jaejoong learns early on (a month into living with him) that a one degree difference results in fights that are just not worth the effort and sanity to undergo.

When dealing with band members, battles are carefully chosen.

When dealing with Yoochun war tactics and rendered useless.

__

Of course moving out has solved this issue where Jaejoong has full control over the thermostat and he no longer needs two fleece blankets under his comforter for heat. Funnily enough, he finds himself setting the temperature a little lower (not as much as Yoochun but still colder than usual) during the oddest nights.

Touring though brings back old dorming habits acquired from years of living too closely in each other’s spaces. They don’t always get separate rooms and most of the time they shuffle around to see who gets to room with who. Junsu’s seems to have outsmarted them and places it in his contract to always be placed in a non-smoking floor. So Jaejoong and Yoochun are left together most times in a room with (hopefully) two beds (and that one time there was a mishap and they did have to sleep on one cramped bed)

__

Jaejoong hears the beeping sound of the room control and and turns to find Yoochun rapidly pressing the down button. He himself is dressed in sweats with a hoodie while the other simply dons on his boxers and a thin tank top and he briefly wonders at the paradox.

“Jesus, fucking Christ Yoochun any lower and I’ll send you over to live with the polar bears.” He jests, trying to drown in comforter heaven and rubbing his feet together under.

Yoochun spares him a glance, “Excuse you, you’re the one looking like a bear about to hibernate underneath an igloo or something.” he steps over the other bed, tossing away the comforter on the floor, slides himself in the thin sheets.

The older one makes a face at him, “Fine, fine- you can have my duvet.” as a peace treaty he tosses the crumpled cover to the other bed. Yoochun turns of the lights and turns his back away from the bed.

__

Sleep would be something nice to have at this moment but Jaejoong finds that he cannot, not rooming with Yoochun for years have made his skin sensitive to the cold and he finds himself still trying to find heat under the double covers. On the other hand he hears the other one’s light snoring, he knows Yoochun had just fallen asleep but not totally. He thinks in an hour or so when he finally does go into deep slumber he may be able to tinker the temperature so he settles for tossing around, trying to wrap himself in a cocoon as much as possible.

His rustling around is backfires as light suddenly floods in the room, “Hyung, please I’m trying to sleep” has the younger sitting up with hair a bit bent from his earlier sleeping position.

“Well, I can’t you fucktard I feel like I’m in the freezer department! It’s too fucking cold I’m gonna turn into a popsicle!” he says with bite. Really, this coldness is about to give him a scratchy throat which on a tour is very bad news.

“What? Now you’re being an old man, getting cold too easily.”

“Fuck that, if you’re not willing to raise the temperature then scoot over!”

Jaejoong scrambles and leaps to the other bed, placing himself and his cocoon under Yoochun’s blanket. If he expects a lot more fight from the other he doesn’t get it, the light is simply turned off and Yoochun plops down beside him with no argument. Jaejoong follows suit and closes his eyes to sleep.

__

Sleeping beside someone provides Jaejoong with body heat and he finds himself shedding the self-imposed cocoon and simply moving closer to Yoochun. By now the other’s shirt had ridden up exposing white skin and under the moonlight Jaejoong finds himself tracing the jutting hipbones with his eyes. With that he finds himself heating up in a different manner all together.

They’ve fooled around, countless of times especially when they were all under one roof. It was too easy to do so. Now that they’ve separated the need to be physical slowly dissipated just because they weren’t there. And after years, he finds himself missing this kind of contact and possibly craving it. He has not been in such close proximity with Yoochun for a while and in such an intimate setting that it almost excites him.

The devil is tempting him and he won’t hesitate to bite into that apple.

He licks his lips, and he can almost sense the familiar taste his tongue had memorised not too long ago. With his hands he slowly caresses the exposed skin his cold hands instantly igniting with the warmth of Yoochun’s taut stomach. He doesn’t really know where to dart his hands to, upward to his chest or down to his boxers but all he can think of now is how his hands are too icy and he needs to warm them up. Yoochun stirs a little with the cold touch but Jaejoong knows that it won’t be enough to rouse him. But he needs him awake for this one, so he holds his dongseang’s face with his cold hands, inching his face closer until his icy lips touches skin.

Yoochun panics for a moment grabbing, his wrist and in disorientation swats it away, sitting up to look into Jaejoong still lying down beside him. There’s a glint in his eyes that he recognises but doesn’t want to acknowledge yet so he asks, “What are you doing?” his voice a whisper. Jaejoong sits up as well and continues with his ministrations, his fingers tracing the features of Yoochun’s warm face.

“I miss you.” He simply states, sliding his finger towards the lips, tracing it with his thumb. He leans in, eyes trained on Yoochun’s gauging his reaction and when he closes his eyes in response he presses their lips together. It’s a closed mouth kiss and too chaste, so unlike them but they haven’t done this in a while and there is still uncertainty hanging in the air.

Yoochun holds his hands against his face, unlike his are already heated and draws him in again, he finds that kissing Jaejoong is like riding a bike all over again. You don’t really lose the muscle memory of it and the body knows exactly what it’s doing.

Jaejoong pushes him back down again to the bed, covering them in the blanket, he feels his tongue carving out the familiar in Yoochun’s mouth, like a well rehearsed dance ingrained. Like steps practised over and over again to perfection down to each beat. When they part for air he feels the mouth against his ears tugging at his lobes whispering, “I miss you too.”

With that Jaejoong loses it and decides he won’t just bite into that apple, he’s going to fucking devour it.

__

They hapharzadly discard their clothing, tossing piece by piece only to be interrupted by tugging and nipping at each unveiled expanse of skin exposed. Yoochun loses his tank top first- not even completely over his head when Jaejooong tackles him down to bite at his collarbones, nipping on bone. “Fu-uck, hyung, wait” grabbing on blonde hair trying to push him away to remove the top completely. Jaejoong simply ignore the request and laps at skin, going over his nipples and licking them first before pulling away to help remove clothing.

Yoochun clumsily tries to undo his hoodie but with the older man necking him to leave bruises it takes more time than usual to pull down the zipper. He breathes a sigh of relief to find that there is nothing underneath and just contacts skin. His hands roaming and feeling the familiar yet different body he used to know like the back of his hand. He grazes at his nipples and Jaejoong lets out a sigh on the juncture between his shoulder and neck.

His hands going downwards, gravitating towards the heat. He settles his hands over the older’s hips, teasing a little, inching his fingers closer, slowly pulling at his sweats. Jaejoong feels the anticipation already but he knows there’s no real rush so instead he languidly captures the other’s mouth once again. Tasting something he had clearly missed and trying to make up for it all at once.

Yoochun pulls him in closer, hands still on his pants, tugging close before trying to push Jaejong off the bed to stand. Trying not to part with one another he leans one knee on the bed and his other foot on the floor standing over. Yoochun reluctantly ends the kiss and pulls at Jaejoong’s pants instead, not even pulling it all the way down but exposes him nonetheless. Yoochun kisses and licks at his stomach first, idly tracing the tattoo situated there before slowly moving downwards. Jaejoong finds himself hitching his breathe and pulls Chunnie’s hair with one hand directing him further down.

Yoochun's hands are warm when he finally holds him, stroking him slowly a few times with both hands as he looks up at Jaejoong, asking for permission. He sees the other swallow and feels the hands on his hair tightening the grip before he takes him and tastes. He hasn’t done this in a while and it adjusts himself a few times before he catches a rhythm, feeling the weight of the cock on his tongue. He tries to remember how Jaejoong used to want it, changing his pace every now and then, listening for the low grumble his voice makes as a cue.

“Shit, Chunnie- just, ju-ust like that” his eyes fixated on his pink, pink lips surrounding his cock, head bobbing to take him in, his fingers working the length as well. He pulls away a bit, watching the trail of saliva that leaves, tongue darting to lick swollen lips before Yoochun grabs his other hand, directing it to his head and looks up to Jaejoong through his lashes. He gives control over the elder and relaxes his throat as Jaejoong pounds into his mouth, trying to hit that spot at the back. He moans at the back of his throat, sends vibrations on his shaft and Jaejoong tries hard not to come right there, holding the base to stop himself and pulls away completely.

He pushes Yoochun back on the bed, kissing him briefly before working his way down. His chest to his stomach, down the line below his navel- he stops at his hips and places kisses at the jut, nibbling and sucking making sure to leave marks as evidence. He feels the heat of his arousal and cops a feel between his clothed erection. Yoochun is lazily tracing the tattoo on his back with his fingertips, gentle touches but laboured breathing tell him to hurry. He creates friction between the cloth as he squeezes it between his palms, still adamant on marking his territory on his hips. If only he wants to hear the other whine for more but even he knows he’s not patient enough for that.

He shimmies out of his sweats off completely first tossing it somewhere before pulling of Yoochun’s boxers, aligns himself skin on skin. Finds that he can’t stop touching and doesn’t want himself to stop anytime soon. Yoochun squeezes his ass, pushing him closer if possible, hips rising to meet his, cocks scraping with little contact but enough to ignite. Yoochun holds his hand again guiding him in-between his legs, wanting to be held and he complies. Tugging slowly, he feels it harden with his touch. Yoochun captures his lips again and again, sighing as he picks up the pace a little faster now, his own erection settling between Yoochun’s welcoming heat.

“Pl-please, hyung, inside, j-ust- I want yo-u.” he gasps, breathing coming short and feeling way too much and Jaejoong relishes at the sights and sound. Yoochun completely open, a sheen of sweat on his stomach, flushed cheeks and neck- marks on his hips, cock hard against his stomach. Lustful, sinful- in the way his body now splayed, presenting himself eagerly. The cold air does nothing to fire on the bed right now, it wasn’t going to get extinguished soon.

Jaejoong grabs the hotel kit on the bar, convenient he thinks and unboxes it’s content and quickly tries undoing the cap of the lube before tossing everything else somewhere. He hovers over, and kisses him a long time before finally just snapping the cap and pouring the lube on his fingers, droplets landing on Yoochun’s stomach and some on the sheets making him chuckle. He settles in-between his legs seizes Yoochun’s arousal again with his tongue and hand trying to make him relax more. It’s been a while he thinks and he needs to take it slow.

He pushes a finger in slowly, amazed by the tight heat, curling it and feeling it embrace his digit. Yoochun sighs contently above him, opening up more and takes this as a go signal to add another finger in. Going by the same motion, curling it and searching for a that spot. He hears a bit of panting and distracts by taking him deeper in his mouth, letting him thrust into him all the while pushing in him at the same time. He gasps and grabs his hair and Jaejoong lets him go with a pop, other hand pushing his hips down while letting his fingers explore. There's heavy panting and between them it's a language in itself completely understood.

He adds more lube and jams three of his fingers, the tight, tight heat enveloping him makes his cock twitch in excitement. Yoochun inviting him in with each pant and roll of hips.He plays a bit more with the pace, climbing on top finally before pulling out his fingers. He positions himself, pours cold liquid before pushing in the heat of Yoochun's body: it’s more glorious than he remembers and he can’t help moaning loudly.

Waiting for Yoochun’s breath to even out, he holds his hips and starts slow shallow thrusts. Underneath, Yoochun grasps at the headboard trying to find leverage and when he does starts pushing back eagerly. “Fuck-ing good Chun-ah, shit- ah god” Jaejoong searches for skin to nip and suck, hips moving at it’s own accord, deeper now. Yoochun props his feet up, rolling his hips in cadence- meeting each thrust and taking it, pushing Jaejoong closer to him until there skins slide and create friction.

Holding behind the knee, he pushes one of Yoochun’s legs higher, angling his thrust that has the man under him moaning, nails digging into shoulder leaving half-moons. “Shit, shit, hyung, hyung- fu-CK” keeps him going, pounding on him, bending him to breaking before pulling out abruptly causing a whine to escape Yoochun’s lips in disappointment.

“Come here” he coaxes, pulling back and taking Yoochun with him switching their positions. With him lying back down, he positions Yoochun’s legs on either side guiding his hips as he lowers him down. The wetness he feels slicking his cock teasing before Yoochun impales himself again, his back arched lips in a perfect ‘O’ as the new position hits him dead on. Jaejoong guides his hips slowly, moving him forward and backward and then in circles, feeling Yoochun tremble around him a little. Hands grab his chest for support and he licks at his lips watching Yoochun bounce on his lap, taking him all in watching himself appear and disappear with each movement. Yoochun clenches around him with every thrust, going faster and faster in pace. Jaejoong grabs the neglected cock between his hands, pumps it rhythmically that has the other mewling on top.

He feels sweat on his head, his body creating fire and flames licking at his insides but watching his dongseang, his Chunnie unravelling in front of him sets up explosions in his chest. He wants to see the other completely gone setting ablaze their bodies to ignite until they burn down. He thrusts up to take him deeper, meeting his hips with each movement all while letting Yoochun dictate the angle. When he finds just the right spot he lets out a loud moan and Jaejoong aims at that spot over and over, stroking his cock to match each thrust. It doesn’t take too long until it starts to falter and he feels it with the way Yoochun milks him from the inside, his walls clenching sending reverberations through his cock. He comes on his hands, some going to his chest landing on his neck and droplets on his lips. He tastes it eagerly and it starts setting him off the edge.

Grabbing Yoochun’s hips he thrusts into him, feet anchored on the mattress as he pounds into him harder, faster trying to reach his own release. Yoochun trying to aid him, clenches onto him, his body though pliant trying to help him reach his orgasm. “Come, inside hyung, come” he hears his dongseang say, voice lower and raspy from abuse. Hips still trying to roll to meet his needs and he does, he unravels and explodes inside his Chunnie, his orgasm milking him to the bone takes him so high and he almost blacks out.

“Mmm, it’s so warm hyung” he hears when he finally comes back to his senses, Yoochun still on him- fingers sweeping his bangs out from his eyes. He sighs contently as he feels Yoochun still moving his hips, sensations tingling up his spine.He catches the fingers on his lips and kisses each one offering a smile.

He gets a peck in the lips in return before he feels Yoochun shift up, letting him all go slowly, he pulls from under and watches the cum dribble down his milky thighs. He moves looking for a dry spot and signals for Yoochun to lay with him, complying with a smirk he settles on his chest facing him, kissing his chin.

His hands settle at the small of Yoochun's back grazing the tattoo yet teasing the tight heat once in a while with his fingers. He hears the younger one sighing while pushing back at his ministrations. He lets out an airy chuckle settling his fingers inside trying to find the heat all over again. With Yoochun sighing in his ear and breathe on his neck he smirks well pleased as he shifts impossibly closer.

“So, now that you’re all heated up can we turn the thermostat lower?”

Yoochun looks at him sneering but his eyes half-closed, breath shallowing yet playful mirth always present and Jaejoong laughs easily. Jaejoong rearranges them easily capturing Yoochun's lips again, mapping out new routes and carving himself against wet tongue.

“Only if you heat me up again.”

And the they start making fire again.

“My pleasure.”

Jaejoong knows even if this cold freezes hell over they can set it ablaze over and over again anyway.

***
A/N:

Hi! Sometimes I like to rise up from the grave.

Inspired by 3 things: 1. The fact that even though my feet are cold I still sleep with the fan on and window open 2. Staying over at Las Vegas a couple of months ago and laughing at the "safe sex kit" provided at the mini bar in my room with 3. Sleeping that night only to be interrupted by really, really REALLY loud sex from a couple next door (and I changed hotels the next day because of that)

Sometimes you need to get lost to be found (or how Yoochun had the best- worst trip ever)

2014-09-16T03:53:54Z

Pairing: Jaejoong/Yoochun
Rating: PG 13
Genre: Romance (budding romance?)
Summary: Wherein Yoochun loses all his things but gains something else entirely for ztarplay

from ztarplay:

Some Chunface meeting a weird someone or someones on the street who ends up being his travel buddy throughout his vacation. *poke* ;p

—

fuck.this.SHIT!

Was probably the only thought Yoochun could comprehend the moment he finally understood what the airport personnel had been trying to tell him the past hour (language barrier was was a tall tower as of the moment) Add to that, charades was not something he had talent in which made the task of communicating akin to calculus.

“Sorry. It seems that the airline lost your luggage. We can try to get it but it might not get here until three days. We can’t promise you that either. . .”

Seriously, he did not just spend hours travelling -inhaling pressurised air and airport carpet mold, peanuts and stale water to arrive in his destination with nothing on him. His carry on only contained a jacket, his travel pillow (aka Bugums*, the pillow he had since he was three) and his phone (with the charger packed in his luggage by the way) Really, he did not want to spend thru his earnings buying some clothes and toiletries instead of doing touristy stuff but it seemed like it was heading that way.

This was one of those times that Yoochun wanted to cry because embarrassing himself in a public place was to be the cherry on top of this disaster ice cream sundae. As much as that option seemed so welcoming he had to do this like an adult and just let out a heavy sigh. There was nothing he could about it and fuming about this was not going to bring him his luggage faster nor would his tears magically sprout all his paraphernalia at his feet.

Getting stuck in a foreign country with nothing was NOT the vacation of his dreams he worked so hard for. ‘It is what it is’ he simply repeats in his head like a mantra trying to rationalise with himself but his morale was another matter. He walks towards the information desk to call the hotel his brother set him up with. ‘At least I’ll have a place to sleep tonight’ he thinks, he’d call him up when he gets settled, he didn’t want to worry him nor wake him up in an ungodly hour.

The desk is located near the exit, filled with brochures for activities, maps for places and the like but Yoochun’s too preoccupied with his current situation to start planning an itinerary. No one is in the booth when he steps up and looking around he sees no other employee nearby. He does hear however a shuffling sound and a litany of curses in Korean, and that had never sounded so pleasing to his ears until now. Yoochun cranes his neck and leans over the desk to spot a man in a black suit crouched over the floor picking up what seemed like a thousand paper clips.

“Yah!” Yoochun exclaims tapping the table too enthusiastically to get the other man’s attention. The man in the suit obviously surprised, bangs his head on the table before glaring at the rude calling. He is met with a waving Yoochun armed with the brightest smile an information desk employee has been given in the history of the job.

“Ohmygod! You’re Korean right!? Like, obviously you are, I heard you talking there though those weren’t exactly the nicest Korean words ever. I’m just so happy someone can speak my language and I’m so lost right now and God, I need help and this must be his way of reassuring me I’ll be okay despite the shitty luggage situation. So, uh, can you help me?! I mean you totally should you are an employee here and. . .”

“Uh, sir? what?” Was the only thing the information desk worker could mutter, he has been met with excitement with tourists asking him about attractions but this was another level. Either this guy was really excited or ate the whole container of sugar by the coffee shop.

“Sir, let’s deal with this one at a time please to make it easier. What do you need help with first?” He speaks in Korean, he needed his professional self to carry out what the client needed, the faster he does it the faster this man can bolt so he can go back to doing nothing. With that the other nods at him,

“I’m Yoochun. Well, I had a luggage mishap and now I need help with the hotel my brother got for me.” He gets his wallet and gathers the paper his brother gave him with the hotel name. The paper is filled with bulleted reminders like “Drink your medicine.” “Call mom once you get to the hotel.” and of course a cheeky “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy.”

“Oh I’m sorry about what happened to you, it must be rough. Now I understand why you seemed to be in such a panic awhile ago. I’ll look up the hotel and call to have a car pick you up. I’m Jaejoong by the way.” He offers while looking over the paper trying hard to to laugh at the last bulleted item in glaring red marker.

Yoochun smiles at Jaejoong and waits as the man looks over his computer to look for the hotel. All he wanted to do now was take a long shower, put his feet up and sleep. He wasn’t in the mood for anything else. If it took three days to get his luggage (and that was the wishful thinking estimate) it still gave him another three days to enjoy his vacation. He’ll just sort out what he could skip out on and prioritise the sites he really wanted to see. He wanted to enjoy his vacation and he really didn’t want to ruin everything just because of one thing.

Jaejoong dials the hotel number and gives out the details like usual only to be met with something unusual. The said hotel does not have any reservations for a said Park Yoochun at the moment. He tries again, giving out the confirmation number on the paper the other handed to him and again the hotel says the same thing. He argues that the client wouldn’t have gotten a confirmation number if he had not reserved at all but alas there was nothing. Jaejoong scanned the printed paper Yoochun’s brother gave him, scanning for any sort of clue why this would have happened. Really now, has he met any other man with this sort of luck?

Scanning thru the paper once, twice and thrice he finally spots the what was wrong the whole time. The reservation was indeed on the 1st of August, the date today but the year was 2015. Jaejoong sighs, so how was he going to break the news to Yoochun now?

“Yoochun-shi!” the other man who was already half asleep on the chair jumps up startled with the call of his name. He approaches the desk and all Jaejoong could think of was ‘puppy’ when Yoochun smiles at him, dimples showing his mind supplies “cute lost puppy.” He hated being the bearer of bad news but he really was left with nothing.

“So I called the hotel. . .” Jaejoong starts thinking of how he could soften the blow somehow but either way this was going to be bad. “Hmm, well I really hate to say this so let me just show you” and hands over the printed document. He points at the date to Yoochun, “It says here 2015, it seems your brother booked the wrong year.” he sheepishly supplies.

Yoochun turns white.

**

Park Yoowhan dreams of college girls and drunken nights when he hears the familiar sound of his brother’s ringtone. He rolls over and covers his head with a pillow, if he doesn’t hear the ring then the ringing doesn’t exist. Unluckily for him the ringing does not stop and he is forced to answer it, groggily mashing the keys to unlock the screen. Before he could even say a sleepy word to his hyung he is beaten to it.

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.”

**

Jaejoong expected the angry call Yoochun had given his brother, it was understandable. If he was in the other’s situation he would have been livid as well. The angry threats were also expected and he was actually happy that Yoochun was speaking in Korean so no one could understand him. He expected all of that and possibly some violence but what he did not expect was a grown man sobbing on his desk (hideously he might add) like a toddler.

This was going to be a problem. A big one.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright! We’ll just get you a new hotel. I can check if there’s any available ones. I’ll help you I promise!”

Yoochun only looks up at him, tears and snot streaming down his face.

**

So it comes to this: Jeajoong comes home to his apartment with Yoochun behind him, the latter looking like a lost child. He silently pats himself at the back for cleaning yesterday and putting stuff away at least now his apartment looked presentable. All that’s left is Yoochun standing by the door looking very much out of place in his apartment.

Jaejoong thinks of all the times he sees a litter of dogs in box left on the street like some cartoon he watched as a child. He had always said that if he were to encounter such a sight he’d probably adopt them all. He had never encountered anything like that thus the lack of dogs in the house but lo and behold here he comes home with something bigger than a box of puppies.

“I’m so sorry for imposing on you like this. I’ll try and get a hotel tomorrow. I’m so sorry. I can’t thank you enough, I swear. You really didn’t have to do this.”

Yoochun whispers quietly, voice still a bit raw from crying at the airport. Before Jaejoong could retort and reassure him, the lost boy bows a complete 90 degree startling him. “Hey, it’s okay. I swear! I invited you here.” he says while pulling Yoochun up. “Let’s just think of this as a sleepover!” he rambles completely caught off guard by the sudden formality.

“But guy’s don’t do sleepovers. . .”

**

Yoochun wakes up to bright sunlight, the smell of coffee and someone shaking his shoulder. He momentarily forgets what had transpired the night before before it hits him yet again. He groans and ducks under the pillow like child who doesn’t want to go to school but sadly he remembers he’s a legal adult now. “Yoochun-ah, come on get up already! We have a whole day ahead of us!!!” he hears and opens one eye to his now new friend- as the other puts it.

“Wha? Isn’t check in at one in the afternoon. . . “ he mumbles, reaching out to grab his phone to check the time 7:30 AM it blares at him. “It’s too early to go to a hotel, can I sleep just a bit more?” he begs. He wanted to sleep more and after that emotional breakdown he thinks he truly deserves it. But of course Jaejoong has other ideas and before he can close his eyes one more time he is dragged by his feet and falls off the couch landing hard on the floor.

“I have a lot of things in store for you! Get your lazy butt off the couch and shower already!”

“What are you talking about?! Where are you taking me? Put my feet down! FUCK, THAT TICKLES.”

“Just shower already and get ready, we’ll be doing stuff. We’re not going to waste your vacation just because of your lost luggage. Just go with the flow, follow the stream.”

The stream, Yoochun thinks is directly taking him to a bear’s mouth and his a soon to be dead salmon.

**

They arrive in the city by noon once piece after a rather eventful morning. Yoochun wearing Jaejoong’s shirt, pants and underwear (new and unworn thank goodness) and Yoochun lets himself breathe for a second.

San Francisco is all he sees in the pictures and not at the same time. Walking up the street wasn’t fun and trying not to roll down was another. No not all the houses looked like the Painted Ladiess and he swears there was this funky smell when he passed by some of the houses. A very, very funky smell he might add.

They make the first stop at the Golden Gate Bridge first because heck if you’re going to be a tourist cliche you have to make the biggest one. And well, you wouldn’t want to go there with fog blocking your way and hugging your bones. When Jaejoong said Golden Gate Bridge he apparently means to go to every place with a view of the bridge. “You have to see it from a certain angle, you know?” (and those are quite a number of places too) He snaps pictures here and there, Jaejoong doing the camerawork (and almost getting hit by a car) but seriously Yoochun thinks he seems like a ninja.

Taking pictures from afar doesn’t suffice and the other suggest to go and walk on the bridge. It’s a lot less romantic and more sea breeze slapping you in the face than he imagined it to be. Yoochun looks out at the water, small boats sailing through the cold. He thinks he could contemplate on this spot for a while. "This is just the first stop and you're looking grim already? What's up what with that?" Jaejoong says, leaning his back against the railing.

"I'm not. I'm just thinking this is a good place to think."

"Well, that's nice but I on the other hand cannot think anymore. I'm too hungry to be contemplative so let's get going already." And as if on cue both their stomach’s grumble.

One cliche down and a few more to go, Jaejoong brings him to Ghirardelli Square because chocolate is enough reason. Now, that was not easy to do because Yoochun learns quickly that parking is as rare as pandas nowadays. They circle around the area twice before he shouts to Jaejoong upon seeing a car leave a spot.

They head to a nearby pub and orders something “American” because vacations mean eating and more eating. Yoochun stuffs his face and Jaejoong laughs at the way he eats

“Have you not seen how you eat?! You’re face is priceless.”

“What are you talking about? I’m just eating.”

“You’re just clueless.”

With that Yoochun just shrugs and eats more of the tater tots but Jaejoong still can’t stop heckling at him. He frowns at the childishness but secretly glances at himself in the mirror at the side and tries to chew less like how he usually eats (which was hard by the way) When they finish they go for dessert and Yoochun is happy enough for samples but Jaejoong apparently eats with his eyes. He orders the biggest, baddest ice cream he could because Yoochun is quickly learning that impulsivity is something that runs deep in the other man.

And maybe he is crazier for following nonetheless.

They walk to Fisherman’s Wharf and are herded with the fellow tourists, artists and vendors crowded the sidewalk. Yoochun still tries to take pictures still but after bumping into a fourth person in a row decides to stop and simply follow the older man in front of him.

A few pictures later and just plain anti-social tendencies lead Yoochun to call it quits on the wharf. Jaejoong laughs at him but completely understands at the same time, "Now what?" and the younger one simply shrugs taking out the piece of paper his brother gave him. Checking for places he points at the bookstore written off and Jaejoong gets his phone to GPS the place. They hop back to the car and try not to run over bicyclist.

They park a few streets down and decide to just walk towards the place. He takes a few more snaps of random street art and murals scattered throughout the city. “So. . .um. . . “ Yoochun tries to start as they walk along one of the streets while looking for a bookstore he had wanted to visit for some time. He huffs along behind, if only to observe his travel companion thoroughly.

“Yeah? Is this the time where we ask each other personal stuff and then bear our souls to a complete stranger? Isn’t that how it goes?”

Jaejoong laughs off while jaywalking across the street while Yoochun runs after him completely dazed with the reply. But before he could really retort he finds them standing in front of the said bookstore. “This is cool! I’ve never been here before. Looks like you’ve done some research too.” Quickly snatching a random book, Jaejoong loses himself immediately in the rows of books and disappears.

Yoochun finds it funny to see a Korean section of the bookstore but quickly dives into the old books. Yoochun manages to find The Solitude of Prime Numbers and quickly sets himself down on the floor. There is a quiet peace that surrounds him and he loses himself completely with reading. Hours pass by without him noticing until he feels himself being shaken lightly. He didn’t even notice himself falling asleep and rubs his eyes trying to wake his senses.

“Come on, it’s evening already let’s go grab some dinner before going back home.”

Lazily, he gets up but not forgetting the book in his hands clutching it while heading for the checkout counter. He quickly arranges it in his backpack making sure the book is wrapped carefully to not damage it. Jaejoong glances at the title and smiles secretly.

Soultmates, huh?

**

OMG I REALLY TRIED, I PROMISE BUT I JUST COULDN'T ANYMORE. I'M SO SORRY!!! ztarplay If you want you can run away with this you totally can. You can smack me too that works as well.

hi

2014-07-29T06:08:40Z

I think I want to write again. Any suggestions????

And from here on (keep me)

2014-05-29T05:43:18Z

Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Summary: Junsu knows the stage is where he belongs. Yoochun, on the other hand is just trying hard to find a place he can fit into. This is how they find each other.

"My demons look like you sometimes"

*

Kim Junsu took the longest to debut among them and the thirst to be on that stage was so severe. Almost had become a word he hated and the word debut was a word he learned to take with a grain of salt. When he did finally manage to step into that stage to the roar of the crowd he felt overwhelmed- he was engulfed and drowning. By the time he resurfaced he found himself anew, he was Xia Junsu now and this is where he's supposed to be.

Xia Junsu had always been an extension of himself, an entity that he crafted over the years. It started as him being the assigned 'sexy' member, which at that age he had no real grasp on. Funny thing is that a simple smile with his angel pose would crumble that sexy image to smithereens and would not resurface again for awhile. He was precise on stage, flaming with charisma and a kind of power that could not be ignored, a far cry from what he was as a fumbling teen trying so hard.

He was his own marble statue sculpted by his hands to bone of the greatest art people would revere.

He is perfect.

*

Park Yoochun put a lot of his dreams in the backseat early in his life, the need to survive and stay afloat were the only priority. Music was an escape from a world that gave him little warmth so he had to start the fire himself with scraps. With a little push he auditioned, got taken in and with a slew of events was to debut in record time. Things happened too fast and the next thing he knew he was back to his homeland which no longer felt like home.

His goal was to never really become a superstar rather his only goal was to support his mother and brother, to be the man of the house- a responsibility that was too heavy on his frail shoulders. He did everything they asked him to just so he could give everything to his family, "It's all for them, always for them." Here was badly put together trying hard to not fall apart over and over again. He never really had a chance to plant his footing firmly, made no real bonds with the others which left him lonelier when he was with them. He was thrust so forcefully towards the spotlight that he had no time to react. His little spark turned into a forest fire and he was burning down this path to ashes.

Micky Yoochun was still too much of Yoochun: flawed and cracked. Band aids on bruises and scrapes that never had enough time to heal.

*

The smell of cigarette smoke is the first thing that hits Junsu's as he enters their apartment, the ash making him cough in disgust. This bothered him greatly, as a singer whose sole trade is his voice this was to him a form of suicide. He only knows one culprit and just the thought of him annoyed him. There were rules in this household and one of the top rules was no smoking inside, it was simple but apparently not easy to follow. The offender is seated on the couch with no care in the world and this makes his blood boil.

"Dammit Yoochun, you know you can't smoke here. This isn't your fucking house and you're not the only one living here."

This was the constant argument between them and at times the only thing that made them talk to one another. To Junsu this habit was getting out of hand and he was not putting up with it.

"Sorry, I thought you weren't coming home until much later." was the only excuse the other could offer.

"That's not the point, whether we're here or not you should not be smoking in here. That thing clings to every inch of this apartment and reeks. Seriously, you know it so stop making excuses for you smoking here inside." he huffs quickly going to his shared room banging the door behind him.

Yoochun infuriated him not because of his smoking but because he thinks he got it so easy compared to him. It was easy to lash out on him, he was the new kid and unlike the others there was no real bond between them during those trainee years. As much as they played friends on stage Junsu knew this was work and he had to be professional to actually be able to do things. It was part of work to be cordial to Yoochun but he didn't have to be friends with him to function.

*

By the time they were doing their second album Junsu's fury came down to a simmer, hard days and even harder schedules practically killed his anger. Yoochun was still disjointed with himself but was weirdly adept with the other members. He knew he was an outsider but he never tried to push himself too much on them, always knowing when to draw back. He was as goofy as he was sentimental, a yin and yang and slowly was starting to cover gaps between each of them. There would still be days when Junsu did not know what to do with the other but those days decreased.

"Junsu-yah, I need help with this level- the boss is a bitch and I just can't get pass it"

"I beat that a week ago! Are you that lame?!"

"I am not!"

"Oh come on, you're playing the easy mode and you still can't defeat this boss? Loser!"

"You say that to my face and I will smack you, you hear that KIM?!"

"That is if you can catch me first and I doubt-"

Before he even finishes the sentence a pillow is thrown to his face making him fall over. In fury, Junsu jumps out the bed to chase Yoochun to the living room a litany of swear words echoing through the apartment. Funny how playful banters would play a role in solidifying them, the small moments of reprieve gradually broke them out of their 'concepts' to allow them to slowly put down their walls. At the end of the day they only had each other and it was becoming obvious that on this ride to fame they needed to keep each other up to stay afloat.

They had to survive this and the only was was with each other.

*

Overworking leads to strains manifested in their faces, their voices, their dances. Sometimes clashes occurred when they were much too tired and far too irritated, it would be quick flare ups but nothing a sorry and a hug could not forgive. By the time they were making their way to Japan Junsu had sensed a great turmoil in Yoochun, a kind of nervousness he had not seen since he first met him years ago. Though still workmates Junsu had come to accept that Yoochun was a friend now and being coworkers was just the bonus to their friendship.

Through the years they had gotten closer but it didn't mean that he totally understood the other. There were still dark sides to Yoochun that he had not shone the light on. He didn't like everything about Yoochun but no one likes everything about another person and he had accepted that gradually. So when Yoochun knocked on his door asking if he could lay with him shocked him. The older simply positions himself beside him, covering himself with the duvet something like a cocoon he thinks.

"It's happening again, and I hate it" is what Yoochun simply offers.

"What is?"

He learns after a few years that if you don't probe with Yoochun then you won't get his honesty. He implodes too much into himself and without him trying to voice anything out he crashes and burns to easily. He is still as fragile as before.

"Going into an unknown place. Moving once was enough then I had to move back without them and now I'm moving again. I don't know that place, I don't have anyone I know in that place. It's all an unknown."

"It's not going to be that bad-"

"Don't!"

Yoochun shouts at him, faces him with anger and he sees the other's hand so tightly clenched he might just tear the covers. Yoochun knew the other was only trying to comfort him but he also went through things that made him believe otherwise. Junsu was a perpetual optimist, of sunshines and sometimes the light made Yoochun's head ache because of it's brightness.

"Don't tell me it's not going to be that bad! You're not sure of that and you can't promise me that it won't be worse. I'm not like you, I can't just hope for the best and live with that. I want to be sure, I need the certainty and the guarantee. . ."

He doesn't finish his words because tears muffle his speech and before he knows it Junsu's arms are around him shushing him like a child and rocking his frame back and forth.

Junsu knows now, these dark sides of Yoochun- the insecurities and where it all stems from. He realises that the anger he felt for the older man years ago was not because of contempt of having debuting with them despite the shortness of his training or his lack of connection with the others. It was because Yoochun reminded him what he was years ago, the Kim Junsu that was flawed because of his changing voice now. Years ago he was like Yoochun, a building under construction and all those negative feelings during those years came rushing towards him when he was with Yoochun.

He had came out of that dark place but not without having to face fire, garnering scathes and bruises but Yoochun was still stuck wanting desperately to get out.

*

Japan is a difficult place to be, tough and back breaking, the loneliness eats them slowly inside. They turn towards each other because each other is all they've got- this was their lifeline. Junsu learns to hold Yoochun's hand from time to time, sits nearby with knees touching, pats his back and rubs his shoulders as a reminder that he is not alone. The older pours himself into his compositions his sadness coming up as notes to not keep everything in and Junsu's there to listen through the doors. Junsu laughs for the both of them sometimes and Yoochun sheds his tears for him. They're becoming a reflection of each other already; an echo of what each other needs.

They trudge on because that is the only thing they know how to do and can do at this point. Junsu still hopes for the best though sometimes shadows still creep up on him. Forward is the only direction he knows and he isn't willing to look back. Difficulties gradually become easier though they did have to work for it, tears are spilled too often but it becomes worth it once they reach a number one hit. He smiles so bright and for the first time in a while knows that he means it, he looks for Yoochun hand immediately but is surprised when it's the other who clasps on him first. I'm here with you too.

After they celebrate with too loud music, too much food and maybe too much alcohol as well, he falls back into his bed with a loopy smile on his lips. He still feels the buzz of everything reverberate through the walls but most of all feels the electricity in his hands. Yoochun falls on top of him eyes crinkled from laughing and face red from drinking way over his limit. "Su-yah, you can't shleep yet! we stills got to celebraateee!!"

"I am celebrating, I can finally get to sleep. That's a celebration in itself!"

"Aww, come on, you can do that later~ s'more fun outside!" by now Yoochun's trying to drag him back out the room, clumsy limbs pulling him to stand back up again. Junsu simply swats his hands away easily being more sober than the other. "Too much already" he retorts while trying to pull the covers up but Yoochun's weight on top of him proves to be difficult. The older man still straddling his chest, face too close trying to keep him from sleeping. "Come on if you don't get up I'mma kiss yah~" Yoochun hiccups between laughter while making kissey noises, he too strung out to understand what he was saying himself.

That has Junsu's system wake up and he pushes himself up causing Yoochun to slightly lose his balance before his arm is grabbed and pulled in. Junsu doesn't hesitate to bring his face closer and make their lips meet, hands caressing the other's face. The man above him stills completely and he pulls back as well, he is too sober for this and the other is too drunk. They don't move for a few moments and all Junsu can do is look at Yoochun trying to read his expressions behind the drunk stupor. There's a shift in motion and before he can think he is on his back and Yoochun's lips is on his again making him lose his breath only to be revived over by Yoochun's kiss.

The party fades out in his ears and all he hears is his blood rushing through his heart and to everywhere else in his body. He synchs himself with Yoochun's pulse, the staccatos of each intake of air, the cadence of his moans and the forms a rhythm of movements. A nocturne of their very own forged tonight that will play continue to play years down the road.

*

When they legally stop becoming TVXQ and go as JYJ is when Junsu feels the shift of something else entirely. Though he used to say it can't be that bad it seems that the word proved him that indeed it could be worse. He feels himself fall back into being a teen again with a fractured voice shouting on top of buildings and people giving him a look of pity. He feels those long forgotten insecurities haunting and taunting him twice as lethal. Yoochun makes it a point to stay by him as he falls asleep lulling him with lullabies. It's funny he thinks how just a few years ago in Japan their roles were reversed and he would be the one holding the older man. Yoochun had finally come out of that place but now it seems Junsu was being thrust back into his.

He moves to place his head on top of Yoochun's chest, his heartbeat the music he will never get tired of listening to. Yoochun takes it as a cue and simply combs thru the younger's hair while humming, lacing his other hand with Junsu's, thumb moving in circles over the back of his palm. Junsu feels the vibration through the other's body before he hears Yoochun speak.

"I can't tell you it's going to be okay. I can't promise you that it will be better. I'm not as convincing as you are with positivity. That's your expertise." Yoochun laughs a bit and Junsu has to smile at that last tidbit because he knows it's truth.

"I have no way of knowing what will come, Junsu. I don't know at all but I know something in the future is true."

"I'll be here, always and I won't go away. Not now and never."

Yoochun looks at him by then with the clearest eyes that reads definite and Junsu knows this to be the ultimate truth.

*

Years down the road when Xia Junsu becomes Kim Junsu once again he traces the platinum band on his finger with with a smile gracing his lips. He cooks breakfast and slices some fruit while waiting for his other to wake up and come down. He ponders over the years of his youth to his maturing and this journey he partook in that seems like lifetimes. He does not think anymore of Xia Junsu as his end all and be all, he surpasses that more than he could have ever dreamed of he as Kim Junsu. He thinks this might be what he is supposed to be at last.

When he hears footsteps coming down the stairs he looks up to catch Yoochun. hair still in disarray and sleep not completely erased from his face. "Good morning" he chirps at the Yoochun's half-awake state. He chuckles at the scene and offers him some fruit on the table moving to sit beside him. Yoochun takes a piece of a blueberry from the bowl of fruit and eats it slowly, body not completely awake yet. When he swallows the tart fruit down he looks towards Junsu with a radiant smile to greet him back.

"Hey, love"

With that Junsu knows certainty: this is where I belong.

***

A/N: umm, hi?

tumblr?

2014-01-22T09:39:28Z

Do you guys have a dbsk-centered tumblr? I want to follow more dbsk blogs :)

killboredom @ 2013-12-18T22:40:00

2013-12-18T14:40:12Z

Sometimes I just really want to delete my lj account along with everything I've written here. I know I don't really have people I talk to but when I do get a chance to talk to some I know I'll somehow miss those small interactions, and that's what's keeping me from deleting everything. I get so conflicted about it.

we've lost meaning a long time ago but why are we still holding on?

2013-07-26T05:26:39Z

Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: pg-13
Summary: Not all fairytales are happily-ever-afters.

i.

Contrary to what it seems Yunho appreciates beauty, he loves the beautiful- but he basks on the undone, the primal. So this is how he fucks Yoochun clean on the bed: His face free from the make up that has long worn off after the day. No traces of coverings, his skin imperfect and scarred. His body drenched in sweat that cleanses the pretentiousness of what they job can instil. His body twisted to a point of breaking, arching to his touch; skin clawed red, flesh marked blue, his lips kissed a shade of pink that only he can give. He marks his territories with colours of passion. It's a brute force of movement with each thrust, it leaves him on a high and teetering over the edge. Yoochun's voice breaks of notes not on the scale, comes down an octave and hoarse. This is the duet not be be sung outside these corners. It's their most compelling masterpiece (disaster)-

With Yoochun, he sheds his layers: unrehearsed, untrained, raw. Real.

ii.

Yoochun is needy, always wants too much but finds that he cannot handle it. He is what you want him to be as long as he is in love. He is greedy for love: he takes and takes and takes. It's a hunger he tries to sate. If he gets enough maybe he will be able to give it back. He fills his inadequacies with people hoping that they will fill up the gaps and cliffs that have racked his body. Because he thinks love is a doctor and he is an emergency.

He is willing to take scraps and crumbs that have fallen from the plate- just a taste to last a little longer until the next meal. It's a cycle of hunger and indulgence. He is a beggar and they can never be choosers, he is a whore paid with heated love in exchange for intimacy.

He is a scavenger; a vulture (but even they only feed on the dead)

iii.

Yunho's always been good with kids, everyone knows it. Through his domineering presence hides a gentleness he reserves for the little ones. He is a contrast of himself. He loves them because they are the truest people in a world: untainted. Yet, he feels sadness for he knows that as each day passes they too lose themselves.

Yoochun laughs at how a man can be so two-faced. "He's an angel," they beam yet the bruises on his body show otherwise. He is a crime scene in himself and the assailant is the law. But he sees, he truly sees that this is the other's true nature. Every arm is capable of an embrace, every arm is capable of a push.

And all he wants is to be treated like those children.

iv.

It's just the two of them at home with nothing to do. The curtains are drawn, the silent buzzing of the air-conditioning adds to a cozy feel. Both are dressed down to their comfortable clothes,
'U-Know Yunho' and 'Micky Yoochun' take a backseat for the day.

These are the moments of quiet between them where you can feel love-almost.

Yoochun is sprawled on the couch with his head resting on Yunho's lap- half-asleep. The older flips through the channels of infomercials while his other hand strokes Yoochun's hair. He settles for the thousandth showing of My Sassy Girl just because. Yunho quietly murmurs the dialogue of the end scene so tenderly, "I think I met a man from the future." Yoochun almost wants to think it's directed at him.

And it is.

v.

Sometimes when you love you you forget to say it, you forget to act it. A conversation can turn into a verbal assault, a variance of opinion into defiance and love turns into hate. Yoochun thinks it doesn't matter anyway since he's never felt the love in the first place, all he's been given are scars. This is all he's known and frankly he can't differentiate between the two anymore. So he remains passive and takes this. It's a self-defense but it's breaking down the barricades and building a wall.

You only love me as much as you hate me.

But I'd rather have this than nothing because I always want a piece of you with me.

vi.

Yunho never knows what he has with Yoochun, no matter how much he tries to dig into him he comes up with nothing. He gets frustrated with the wall the other has seemingly built over night. But he tries anyway because it's not that he has forgotten love, it's just that he can never come up of ways to show it anymore. When the only whimper he gets from the other is from pain then that's all he is going to give.

We're breaking at the seams but we keep ignoring it. We're a train wreck in secluded forest no one has heard about. We're screaming to the deaf; no one can hear us.

vii.

". . and we'll live happily-ever after!"

"Like a Disney movie?"

"No, even better: like Yunho and Yoochun"

"Such a dork!"

"Oh, you love it"

"But seriously, I promise to be your always."

"Now you're getting cheesy!"

"I'm sure of it!"

"How can you be so sure?!"

"Because it's with you"

viii.

I still love you, why can't you see that?

_____
A.N. I have no idea people, I have no clue at all.

Confessions of a Fangirl

2013-07-12T19:14:31Z

I've been a fan for quite a few years and sometimes I think I have weird sentiments about the boys. These are mostly odd quirks I have (so it's mostly my thing not theirs)

Here are my oddities:

1. Firstly, I found out about them through The Way You Are.I kept eyeing Jeajoong because. . . THAT HAIR!

2. I did not give them much attention because I was too busy jamming to Brand New by Shinhwa- Junjin was my first love (Eric has taken over eventually)

3. I swore there were only 4 members;I always left Yoochun out(how ironic)

4. I got obsessed with Junsu for a good week then it turned into fear. His aura just does not jive with mine and I cannot explain my aversion towarda him on a personal level though I do check out his music videos and music.

5. Most rave about Changmin's legs but I LOVE Yunho's as he does not seem too lean for my liking (personal preference)

6. I find Yunho's lips most desirable though Yoochun is known for his (I just prefer thinner lips) also Yunho's scars just turn.me.on. because it gives him a more reachable vibe. As much as he transforms when to a 'god' he performs it's one thing that ties him to being 'human' I an always in awe when I see pictures where they are visible.

7. I have no idea about why I am attracted to Yoochun because physically he does not possess what I prefer regarding looks. I also find that his personality that tends to get broody and spastic as the same time too alike with mine to the point that if we were locked in a room we might just explode.

8. Junsu's hips are dangerous.

9. Yunho is *gifted* /ifyaknowhatimean/

10.I prefer Jae's tattoo placements but not the font he uses.

11. Can I please have Jae's boots and rings????

12. When Hwangbo fought and over this girl for Yoochun I wanted them to get married right then and there.

13. I thought Seul gi and Yunho were cute but I think she liked him more than he gave her any attention.

14. For me Changmin is the most good looking one-face wise.

15. I want Jaejoong's apartment- its very mvuh my preferred design aesthetic.

16. Jae and Changmin's man bags from the past make me laugh from time to time.

17. I often imagine that Yoochun smells like cigarettes and perfume and that turns me on. (Weird smoker kink on my part since I am as well; small tidbit: my bro smells like that and I find it comforting)

18. Junsu is a lot smarter than he lets us on though he's still a cutiepie-thirdwheel-in-soulmates-coupling

These are just some of my weird fangirl thoughts. . . I love all 5

Junsu is definitely not the smartest one but he does have those hips

2013-04-11T08:39:50Z

Pairing: Junsu/Yoochun
Genre: Humor, Smut
Rating: R
Summary: Junsu has a bright idea and Yoochun- he's done for.

Junsu slams the door so loud the whole floor shakes and the flatware on the cabinets rattle. He walks like a hurricane along the living room, throwing his jacket on the sofa-misses and lands on the floor. He all forgets to take out his shoes but remembers it mid-step and promptly sends it flying in the direction of the foyer. Right shoe lands on the step; left shoe flies and boomerangs back like a rocket.

He. does. not. care.

He beelines to Yoochun's room, intent on making the loudest noises possible. I AM ANGRY HEAR ME ROAR. Upon reaching the doorknob he twists it but it refuses to open. He settles to yanking the door back and forth while twisting that damned knob. He's about to ram himself into the bastard of the two-inch wooden contraption when the door opens revealing the one person he's looking for.

"You do realize you have to turn it to the right AND THEN push the door, right?"

He blinks.

"It's a door, Junsu it's not an enemy"

He huffs.

Rolling his eyes, he pushes forward and enters the other's room. It's typical; dark, gloomy, weirdly squeeky clean for a person who looks homeless half the time. He stands in the middle and folds his arms and tries to look as domineering as possible. Yoochun is almost tucked back to bed and Junsu gruffs to get his attention back; the other simply pulls up the duvet and covers himself like an eggroll. He turns towards the intruder and gives him the look fine-what-are-you-gonna-say-just-spit-it-out-I'm-too-busy-sleeping

Junsu opens his mouth but shuts it tightly; this is how a fish breathes by the way; very good demonstration, Junsu. Apparently thinking something and saying what it is are two very different things. Closing his eyes he readies himself to say the words he's practiced in his head for so long.

"I've decided. I'm going to fuck you"

What?

Well that certainly was something no one expected.

Yoochun's response is to sit up and throw his pillow directly to the soon-to-be-sex-offender's face. Xiahtod has better reflexes and smacks the pillow away. He takes a step forward, looming over Yoochun while staring him down he dives for the other's shirt; pulling it like his life depended on it. Yoochun yanks back his shirt and pushes the other off.

"What the fuck are you on?!" he shouts, asserting himself. Stands on his toes and stares down the completely crazed out man in front of him. He's fine with fucking, but this is Junsu; fucking and Junsu don't coincide in the same sentence unless it involves a cat's certain dirty name that happens to be on another species of human being a.k.a. A GIRL.

"Come on, let me do you!" he croons. This isn't making sense at all. Junsu is in his room asking for a fuck like it was the most natural thing in the world. But Junsu is not normal; so maybe it was natural but he was certain things like this do not happen in most people's lives unless you're a cable tv show.

He was about to consider.

Maybe

"Will you feel better if I pay you?"

NOT.

. . .and that's how Junsu learns that Yoochun really does have a black belt in Taekwondo.

***

When they finally settle on the couch; there is a great distance between them (more for Junsu's sake than Yoochun's) that they try to talk it through. Junsu holds an icepack to his bruising cheek (and ego) and Yoochun does not feel sorry at all.

The dying sound of common sense is heard throughout the room.

"Look, it's just that I had an epiphany." Junsu begins; trying to string the perfect words together to make Yoochun see the brilliant idea he has.

"Epiphanies are for great ideas not dumb ones; yours was worse than dumb." Yoochun snaps back, he thinks a migraine named Junsu is about to form.

"That's unfair! If you have sexual epiphanies how come I'm not allowed to?! Those are double standards; we are all equal here. If you can fuck things; I can fuck things too!"

So shithead just turned into Sherlock.

"Junsu, there's a grave difference between you and I; I for one, fuck humans. I don't know what you've been fucking- hell I don't want to know what helpless inanimate object your dick has been in and I don't want to judge but what you are doing is quite disturbing"

No matter how concerned he tries to act his acting lessons have not covered dealing with Junsu just yet.

"It's just that I've realized that life is too short!" he justifies.

"What does that have to do with me?!" this is just a dream; you will wake up and this never happened, he finds himself chanting.

"Look, lets put it like this, imagine. . ."

Yoochun feels defeat already; this was going to be a long day. He shouldn't have opened the door, he shouldn't have given the other the passcode; so many should nots but here it is; this is now. Better deal with it like he had no other choice.

"Life is a buffet, Yoochun. In in that buffet you're supposed to taste a lot of things! Different flavours of life. . . "

Yoochun is about to lose it.

"You can't keep eating the same food all your life, that's horrid. Look, what I'm trying to say here is that I want to try something new. Add more spice to life! Vanilla is lovely but sometimes you have to have cinnamon."

Yoochun just lost it.

Junsu nods as he says his speech as if trying to convince himself of the delusions he is conjuring. It's so far out there it might be believable, might.

"This is where you come in! Don't you see? You're the cinnamon, the spice, the new food!" Junsu exclaims as if that kind of rationale makes it a compliment.

"I'm also a black belter" Yoochun adds dryly. Junsu's smile wavers just a little and scoots a millimetre to the side; just a little out of the dark-haired man's reach. He is so totally not afraid of Yoochun, so totally not at all.

"So what do you say?" Junsu wiggles his eyebrows, if this does not look creepy enough Yoochun doesn't know what is.

***

Junsu moves to kiss Yoochun's neck, his hand pulling the other's hair making him arch his neck. His other hand moves to touch the skin under Yoochun's shirt, testing the reaction. He lets his hands wander on the expanse of the other's skin, when he reaches for the ribs Yoochun squirms a little. A giggle escapes the older man's lips which turns into a full out laughter a second later.

Apparently Yoochun wasn't taking this as seriously as Junsu was.Junsu frowns, he came here to have a hot fuck not have a giggle-fest but Yoochun seems to have other ideas. Working purely on instinct he dives into Yoocun's sleep pants, yanking it until it's down to his knees. In one fluid motion Yoochun goes from laughing to a full out moan as Junsu takes all of him in one go.

It's awkward how he takes it but he tries; eagerness overcomes the inexperience; that thing he does with his tongue also does wonders, Yoochun takes note. Junsu bobs his head, tries different rhythms; going with the melody of Yoochun's moans. The sounds alone made him hot and he feels himself getting harder, he tries to create friction between fabrics and skin.

Yoochun tugs his hair and makes him look at the older's face, eyes blown and sweat starting to form. He sticks out his tongue and Junsu gets hungry for a real taste. It's too much tongue, mixed with teeth and when Yoochun battles with him he finds himself fighting for control. He feels a hand undoing his pants and the next thing he knows a hand wraps around him and strokes; tugging at the right places, pulling just at that perfect moment. He closes his eyes and feels everything and when he thinks he's about to go to heaven Yoochun lets him go. He moans in dissatisfaction, almost angrily until he sees Yoochun.

He's on all fours, the sheen of sweat makes him glow under the barely there lighting of the room, the look he gives is enough for Junsu to feel all the remaining blood go south. He feels the room on fire and the arsonist was sprawled out in front of him. Yoochun reaches out to him and brings him closer, Junsu tentatively places his palms on the other man's hips, gripping tightly creating half-moon marks on his hipbones. Yoochun dips low, back arched in the most salacious way possible and Junsu is sure he's in hell and enjoying every minute of it.

"I've decided to let you fuck me."

And with that, Junsu decides that Yoochun is his own devil.

***

In the afterglow, Junsu's too giddy to come down from the high- he actually thinks he's soaring.

"You think we can sex-tape that next time?"

Yoochun evens out the bruise on his other cheek.

--

A/N. Fail. Sorry. I went overly crazy today because of the heat

Cheesecakes and Neuron Synapses

2010-09-01T16:52:36Z

Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun mentions of Jaejoong/Junsu
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, Humor
Summary: The manly Yunho meets the adorable Yoochun and promptly forgets how to use his mouth
for: ain0903 :) this is for you babe, you made me spontaneously have an idea. hope you like it >.<

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters

Seriously how could Jaejoong talk-well talk so much-talk so much so fast and not make sense- he really wondered how that was possible. But of course being Yunho, he had to appear attentive, so he’d nod from time to time. Say ‘yeah’ ‘uh huh’ at the right times and pretend he was listening. He’d bet even Jaejoong didn’t know what he was saying because what he said sort of jumped from one topic to another before you could even say Louis Vuitton.

He was stuck with Jaejoong for now, in a café in the middle of the city while it was raining outside. Though something tells him that being outside in the rain would be more pleasant than being stuck with Jaejoong talking about God knows what.

“. . .and then Junsu just had to try on these pair of jeans, like come on his ass is so big!! He should have like his own jeans department. . .”

“. . .He even forgot it was our anniversary! That bastard is so insensitive- he said he forgot because it was a game day?! Come on now, why would you need to look at a whole soccer team full of guys when you have a naked Kim Jaejoong waiting in the bedroom!!”

If he wasn’t such a nice guy he would have socked Jaejoong’s mouth, but he was scared of Junsu-well more like Junsu’s twin. He knew if he ever did that he’d have to answer to the twins. So he just let him talk, pretending to listen to whatever he was ranting about.

Nothing in Yunho’s life was exciting nowadays, between going to the office, having lunch with his friends and taking care of his brother, Changmin nothing was happening. Everything was in a routine- he could probably do it with his eyes closed now. He ached to do something- to do something spontaneous, to break out of the mold once in a while. He was so damned bored of his life, it wasn’t fun anymore- he felt so pathetic.

“Hey guys, would you like to order another round of coffee or maybe some dessert? Our cakes are really good”

The waiter asking for their orders interrupting Yunho’s thoughts, they have been in the café for the last three hours now. Seriously any distraction from Jae’s rambling is a reprieve, he welcomes this ten seconds of silence where he’s mouth is actually shut.

He’s about to ask for a cheesecake(his routine) when he meets his eyes. He looks adorable, pink frilly apron against his white button up shirt. Soft cheeks, plump lips and longish hair and his smile, did he mention his smile? It made him melt, made him feel warm and fuzzy, made him think of rainbows, unicorns and cotton candy. Jung Yunho you have out-gayed yourself,

“I’d like the strawberry shortcake”

Jaejoong places his order, and the waiter looks at him expectedly-waiting for what he wants. But he can’t speak-he just stares. He swears to god that love at first sight was never a concept he believed in until now. So he’s still staring maybe if he stares hard enough this guy could read his thoughts.

Say something idiot!! Open your mouth! Breathe. . . inhale. . .exhale

But alas Yunho just manages to look like a fish- tries to talk but seriously no words are ever formed. The waiter just looks at him weirdly.

Oh my god, he thinks I’m a weirdo, I’m a freak and that I can’t talk. MUST DO SOMETHING. MUST FORM WORDS

“Um. . .how bout I get back at you guys? Maybe you need more time to think”

And just like that the waiter turns around and goes to get Jaejoong’s cake.

“What.the.fuck.was.that.Jung.Yunho.” says Jae, grinning like an idiot. This is just one of those moments when he wishes he brought his camera out to take a picture of stupefied Yunho.

“I don’t know. . .” He really doesn’t know. He could have said something but here he was acting stupid, He wasn’t a thirteen year old boy for fuck’s sake. He was a grown man, he was Jung Yunho, THE Jung Yunho and he was acting like an idiot.

Before Jaejoong could make more fun of Yunho, the waiter comes back with his order. He gently puts the cake down and gives him his fork.

He turns to Yunho, “Have you thought of anything you’d like to have?”

Before Yunho’s neurons could fire out correct responses he replies immediately

“You”

Shit, did I just say that out loud?

“Excuse me? What?”

Quick think of something!!! Jaejoong help me~~

“What I think he means is that he’d like to ask when your shift ends- if you’re free, if you’re single and maybe a little interested in Mr. mute boy over here”

Jaejoong helps him out all right, helps him want to crawl under a rock and then die. Maybe he’d kill Jaejoong first by chopping his body up then placing them in his Louis Vuitton case-it was the least Yunho could do to him.

He looks at the waiter, expecting him to storm off or something. What he doesn’t expect is for him to giggle out loud.

“If he asks me, maybe he’d find out”

With that Jaejoong kicks him under the table- it’s a sign that he should say something now. Come on brain, work!! Dammit work!!!

“Uh so. . .yeah. . . um. . .can I take you out after your shift?”

Yunho asks nervously, he could see Jaejoong with the corners of his eyes- texting - probably already gossiping what was happening and giving his twitter a blow by blow account of this embarrassing encounter.

“Well, my mom has always taught me to never go out with strangers. . .”

“I’m Yunho, Jung Yunho. . .”

“Well then Yunho-sshi, I’m Yoochun, Park Yoochun. My shift ends in an hour”

Yunho smiles, he thinks his face might break cause he swears his smile is way too wide. He almost wants to jump around screaming-but at least he still had some sense of control over his body.

“Uh. . . I’ll wait here then Yoochun-sshi-“

Yoochun smiles at him then, and now Yunho thinks he might faint.

“Okay then, I’ll give you a cheesecake-you look like a cheesecake kind of guy, my treat don’t worry” Yoochun then winks at him and walks away.

Yunho lets out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He didn’t even notice Jaejoong leaving the table, leaving him all alone. He doesn’t care now anyway, he had something to look forward to now.

He got himself a date with one cute Park Yoochun and that was all that matters.

Maybe he doesn’t need to chop Jaejoong body into tiny little pieces anymore and throw them at the Han river. Who knew that blabbermouth had some use, he should give Junsu more credit for being with that guy-heck maybe he should buy Jaejoong a new bag. No way in hell he thinks but just then Yoochun looks and smiles at him – now the thinks- I am so getting Jae a new bag.

Of Stars and Supernovas

2010-08-30T17:03:38Z

Title: Of Stars and Supernovas
Author: killboredom
Rating: PG
Fandom: TVXQ
Pairing: JaeChun
Disclaimer: Don't own them
Summary: Jaejoong and Yoochun find out just how supernovas are made

Author’s Notes: I do not own these boys-men, they own themselves

The car stops and you are jolted awake, your eyes struggling to open -only to find that your surroundings unfamiliar. Stars-are the first thing you see-they are bright and plentiful and they embrace you, welcoming you in their presence. You feel alone though, especially when the one you're looking for is not there.

Yoochun?

You get out of the car slowly; see him at the edge of the cliff lighting a cigarette-you can finally relax and you smile to yourself. You walk towards him and your soft footsteps seem so loud; the silence only amplifies your steps or maybe its’ your heart you’re hearing as exhilaration runs through your body. (thump. . . thump. . . thumpthumpthump . .)

It’s only now you notice how sad his eyes are, how it dims when you’re not looking and sometimes how it seems as if he’s not looking at you at all. For the first time, you feel out of sync with him and that never happens it never should. All you can do is frown at how far away his stare is – look at me you think.

Hey you . . .

He finally looks at you and a smile creeps up his lips, all you can do is smile back at him, he’s beautiful you think. And when he smiles for a second you forget-everything and everyone because suddenly it’s just you and him, what more can you really need? You try to read his eyes; to see if the sadness you saw earlier was still present. It pains you to know that he still feels the hurt when you’re supposed to make everything better as it’s your job after all.

What’s wrong?

He doesn’t answer you instead extends his hands out, beckoning you to come near him and you don’t refuse. You never refuse, never when it comes to him, not to Yoochun. He holds your hand and all you can do is stare at your entwined hands, think how much you fit together and how it feels so right. The world could end now and you would never notice as all you can feel is how connected you two are and that is the only feeling in the world right now. How it’s the only feeling worth knowing and living for.

You follow his line of sight, stare at the stars but you think the only thing more beautiful than the stars are seeing them reflected in his eyes. You feel his hands squeeze yours for a brief moment and you do the same. I’m here is what he tells you without uttering a single word; actions do speak louder than words.

Silence overtakes the both of you but you never complain, he’ll talk when he needs to and even if he doesn’t you’ll know-because you are soulmates after all.

I love you

You don’t know what comes over you but you say it out loud. It seems out of the moment and totally spontaneous but you can always make an excuse on how you’re Jaejoong, you’re supposed to be weird, heck you were wired to be weird. Though your mind panics at your foolishness and utter lack of timing you hear him laugh and you think that it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve heard and you will never get enough of it.

Before you can smack yourself in the head, he grabs your face and you feel him pull you in. You lean into him and close your eyes, your lips meet and you swear that time has stopped or you wish it did, you want to make the moment last forever but you know well that this fleeting moment only becomes more precious becomes it never lasts. It’s in that moment that you feel everything inside you ignite, you feel more alive than ever, as if you were taking your first breath of life.

You pull apart from one another and finally he speaks-

You’re my star Jae, even if I see millions right now-you are the brightest one and the only one that matters. And I’m your sky-no matter what you think of yourself I will always make sure that you-you will be the brightest. I solely live to let you shine.

And you don’t know what to say anymore, you’re left speechless. You’ve always thought the opposite- he has always been your star. His love for you radiated so brightly that you could feel it in every part of you. You’re both stars from the same galaxy, practically made of the same things, so identical in every way. You amplify each others light, making both of you shine brighter than anything in the universe.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

So you do the only thing that makes sense to you- you lean in and capture his lips and this you think is how a supernova is made.