sleepless night

Daffodil Summer (3/?)

keyhun — Sat, 21 Jan 2017 23:31:12 GMT

rating: pg-13 (this chapter); nc-17 overall
pairing: yoochun/changmin; yunho/jaejoong
length: ~7100 wc (this chapter)
summary: Yoochun was born and raised in the U.S. and had never traveled outside of it. That changes when he graduates high school and he goes on a trip with his mom to Korea where he meets family, friends, and the boy-next-door named Shim Changmin.

CHAPTER THREE

The days seemed to go by quickly before Friday came. Yoochun spent his mornings lazing about inside the house with his family, playing games, texting Yoohwan, eating leftovers from the fridge or sleeping until noon. He also spent a considerable amount of time texting Changmin.

Jaejoong learned to be grateful for his job because it made the time until Friday pass faster as it kept him extremely busy. Yoochun visited him during the lunch break on Friday and brought the change of clothes that Jaejoong had packed carefully in a bag and then forgotten at home.

“God, what would I do without you?” Jaejoong sighed, snatching it out of Yoochun’s hands.

“Look frumpy on your first date with Yunho.”

“I’d rather die.”

Yoochun snickered and tucked into his lunch. After he finished eating, he lit a cigarette and offered one to Jaejoong, who politely refused. Yoochun raised a questioning eyebrow.

“I dunno, I mean, if the date goes well with Yunho, and we kiss or something, I don’t want to smell like cigarettes. Since, you know, he doesn’t smoke and all.”

“Oh. So are you trying to quit?”

“Nah. Not yet, at least. Maybe if somewhere down the road he asked me to…”

Yoochun took a long drag and exhaled slowly. “So if Yunho asked you to jump off a bridge would you do it? So dedicated already, before the first date.” His voice scathed with sarcasm.

“Well, no. Jumping off a bridge isn’t good for my health, but quitting smoking would be. What’s your problem, anyway, Yoochun?”

“Nothing, just that everyone seems to be fucking judging me for smoking. You’re not a saint, Jaejoong, you smoke too. Not having one cigarette a few hours before your date isn’t going to make Yunho magically fall in love with you and mount you on his white stallion as you ride off into the sunset toward his castle in the magic forest.”

Jaejoong got up quickly and balled his fists. “I’m not judging you, what the hell? And I don’t know why you’re being such a dick right now but I’m about to go on a first date with a guy I really like, so you should get the fuck out of here before you ruin my mood so completely that I fuck up my date.”

“And now some guy is more important than family, I get it.”

“Get the fuck out of here, Yoochun!” Jaejoong yelled.

“Fine. Bye.” Yoochun grabbed his things and stormed out. Anger bubbled in his chest and the hot sun outside did nothing to temper it. He walked and walked. Sweat poured down his face and back and drenched his clothes. He got on a bus and rode it until the last stop, and then he walked some more. He had no idea where his legs were taking him, but hoped that instinct would know better than anger and take him somewhere safe.

He ended up at the river. The Han River, to be precise. The sun was already setting by the time he got there, reflecting bright orange and yellow on the water. People were milling about, talking to one another. Little kids were running around with balloons as their parents chased after them. A girl sitting on the steps leading down to the banks strummed her guitar. Couples with linked arms stood around her, applauding lightly. Yoochun felt lonely in the crowd. He walked further and further down the bank until the crowds began to thin. The noise faded in the background and he could hear the gentle river waves lapping against the bank.

The anger had dulled. Now he just felt mad at himself. Jaejoong hadn’t said anything wrong, Yoochun was just being defensive. And for what? No one had made any attacks against him. He just felt that this one habit was garnering more negative attention than he had ever realized it would. Just then, he pulled the pack of cigarettes and stared down at it. Was it worth it? First Changmin got a first bad impression of him, then he got defensive over nothing toward Jaejoong. He constantly had to hide this from his mom, and of course his brother, too. Here, he didn’t have any delinquent friends to smoke with behind the skate park. Just family, all around him, all the time, who would surely be disappointed should they ever find out about his dirty little secret.

Yoochun raised his hand and chucked the box toward the river. It sailed over the green grass and almost made it into the water until a boy came running out of nowhere and caught it in one hand. He nearly lost his balance and toppled over into the water, but steadied himself. He stormed up to Yoochun and flicked his hair out of his eyes.

Changmin.

“I’m glad you want to get rid of these, but they belong in the trash, not the river.”

“R-right,” Yoochun stuttered. He was a bit flabbergasted that Changmin had just appeared out of nowhere, running at top speed like a superhero. Windswept hair really added to the effect. Yoochun was so awestruck that his heart skipped a beat. It had to be awe—it certainly couldn’t be because Changmin looked dazzling in the sunset. Surely not because Changmin’s cheeks were flushed from his heroic running and leaping to prevent Yoochun from becoming a littering criminal. Yoochun took back the pack gingerly and Changmin guided him to the nearest trash can.

“I never even thought about quitting, before.”

“What changed?” Changmin asked.

“I guess it’s harder to hide now. And I just don’t want to disappoint my family.”

“And?”

“And…and I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Changmin looked at him long and hard. The wind blew his black hair to and fro and Yoochun longed to reach out and stroke his fingers through the messy mop.

“Let’s sit,” Changmin said.

They sat on the grass, not really caring if it dirtied their clothes or if bugs would bite. Changmin lay back, hands under his head and elbows sticking out, and Yoochun imitated him. The clouds floated by, and they were tinged pink and orange against a darkening sky.

“You’re a bit more somber than usual,” Changmin said.

“Yeah, well, I was a dick to Jaejoong and I’m regretting it a lot right now.”

“He’ll forgive you.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“He’s family. He loves you.”

Changmin had no way of knowing how deeply those words struck Yoochun, who fell silent once more. The bugs continued their chiriping and what little crowd of people was left was dwindling down. Soon it would be night. Neither of them made any indication of wanting to leave.

“How are your sisters?” Yoochun asked.

“They’re fine. They both have a lot of friends to go out with.”

“And you? How are you holding up?”

Changmin sighed. “I’m hanging in there. Dad is getting worse and mom cries a lot. And when she’s not crying she’s taking her frustration out on us. It’s really annoying, but I’m old enough to know she doesn’t mean it, she’s just stressed and doesn’t have an outlet. My sisters don’t get that so that’s why I try not to leave them home alone with her.”

“You’re really grown-up, huh?”

Changmin only shrugged. “Happens when you’re the oldest. I’m sure you can relate.”

Yoochun gazed up at the sky. “My younger brother always seems so much more mature than me. I always cry, but he’s always so calm. I cling to our mom and he always seems so independent. But when it comes to dealing with tough times…I want him to lean on me, and I want to be the one protecting him. Even though he’s not a baby anymore…I just want him to have someone to look up to.”

“Yeah,” Changmin said. “I get it. Really, I understand.”

Night fell quickly and the stars emerged. It was still as humid as daytime, but some of the heat had dwindled. In fact, by the banks of the river, it was almost pleasant.

Changmin turned onto his side to face Yoochun, who was still looking up at the stars, though very few were visible in the big-city sky.

“What are you thinking about now?” Changmin whispered. He didn’t know why he was whispering, only that Yoochun was so close to him, there didn’t seem to be a need to speak very loudly.

“My brother. He told me to tell him first if something big happens.”

“Something big? Like what?”

Yoochun turned onto his side to face Changmin. The younger boy’s eyes were wide and alight with the glow of moonlight reflecting in them. His hair fell across his high and elegant cheekbones and jaw. Yoochun swallowed. He allowed his gaze to fall onto Changmin’s parted lips.

“Like this,” Yoochun said, and kissed him.

Changmin let out the tiniest gasp, closed his eyes, and kissed back. He wound an arm around Yoochun’s waist and traced Yoochun’s jaw with the other. If he was ever shy before, he wasn’t being shy now. Yoochun finally got to sweep his fingers through Changmin’s messy black hair and feel its silky texture and the sweat at its roots. Too soon, he pulled back. Changmin smiled with one corner of his mouth and leaned in for another peck.

“We should get going,” Changmin said.

“Yeah. I hope the buses are still running.”

“Should’ve thought about that before you assaulted me.”

Yoochun sputtered indignantly. “I didn’t assault you! You kissed back!”

Changmin laughed. “I’m only joking.”

They got up and dusted off their clothes. In the cover of dark, Changmin gathered the courage to grab hold of Yoochun’s hand as they set off for the bus stop. Both of their palms were sweaty and dirty from the grass. It was all perfect.

They waited at the bus stop, sitting at the lonely bench, and didn’t talk much. Yellow light spilled onto them from the streetlamp above and gnats flitted to and fro under the bright beam. Changmin sighed and leaned his head on Yoochun’s shoulder gently. Yoochun’s heart beat faster and he put an arm around Changmin’s slim shoulders as they rested against one another. The streetlamp flickered in and out of power before it finally gave out, flooding their bench in darkness.

That darkness provided cover, and it made Changmin brave. “I wish tonight wouldn’t end.”

“Me, too, Changmin-ah.”

“And I really, really don’t want this summer to end.”

“Why? Aren’t you tired of being at home in that tense situation? Don’t you wanna go back to school so you’re not stuck at home?”

“When the summer ends, you’ll leave.”

Yoochun had almost forgotten…he wasn’t here forever.

“And then I don’t know what’ll become of…”

Of us.

Yoochun didn’t know either. He tightened his hold on Changmin’s shoulders and kissed his hair. The stayed like that until the bus came. When it finally rolled to a stop and a sleepy looking grey-haired driver grunted at them to hurry up and get on, they walked all the way to the back seat and sat in it like they were still on their bench. They didn’t let go of each other’s hands the whole way. Changmin dozed off on Yoochun’s shoulder and Yoochun watched his chest rise and fall. He watched the little strand of hair that fluttered with each puff of exhaled breath. Changmin’s cheekbones were really a sight to behold—higher than those of any model or actress. This subdued elegance couldn’t be achieved with fame or surgeries—Changmin was born with it.

The bus rumbled on and Changmin hardly stirred. He was a deep sleeper. Yoochun looked out the window and realized just how late it had gotten. He wondered if the others were starting to worry. But he didn’t care enough to check his phone because he was too busy enjoying Changmin’s warmth against his body. What would happen to them when the summer was over? They were too young to know the answer and knew not what the future held.

The gruff, grey-haired bus driver rolled to a stop and Yoochun realized his time to contemplate was up. Gently, he shook Changmin awake.

Jaejoong changed in the store’s employee bathroom stall, stuffing his work clothes with more force than was necessary into his bag as he replayed lunch with Yoochun in his mind. He just couldn’t understand why Yoochun was being so mean. And on the day of his first date with Yunho, too.

Oh god, today was his first date with Yunho. He triple-checked himself in the mirror, then told himself he was being ridiculous and acting like a girl, then checked again and reasoned that it was not his fault he was acting like the eight other children he grew up around.

Dressed in his date clothes, Jaejoong returned to the store’s counter and began closing the shop. He locked up the cash register and started turning off all the lights in the store when the front door chimed and someone walked in.

“Sorry, sir, we’re closing.”

“Good,” said Yunho.

Jaejoong gasped and stopped what he was doing. “Yunho!”

“Hi there, Jaejoong.” Yunho smiled and brought out a single red rose from behind his back. “I-I hope this isn’t too cheesy or girly or anything.”

Jaejoong couldn’t help giggling. “It’s both, but I love it anyways. Thank you,” he said as he accepted the flower.

“You look really nice,” Yunho said.

“Thank you. You do too.”

“Are you ready to go?”

“Yes.”

Yunho showed him out the door to his car. It wasn’t anything fancy, not a sports car, but he was one of the only people their age who had his license and drove a car. It was very attractive.

Jaejoong got into the passenger’s seat and pulled on his seatbelt. The car smelled of leather and cinnamon. It was clean inside, no stray papers or old food wrappers anywhere, and the scent was coming from a tiny ornament hanging from the rear view mirror. Jaejoong pulled on his seatbelt and tried not to fidget too much in his seat but couldn’t help messing with the hem of his sweater. Yunho got into the driver’s seat and started the car, then played a CD. The music was in English, and Jaejoong couldn’t understand it, but he could tell it was romantic.

“Where are you taking me?” Jaejoong asked as Yunho started to drive.

“A Korean restaurant,” he replied, smiling mischievously.

Jaejoong hid his minor disappointment. He ate Korean food all the time at home and never understood why people liked to go out just to eat more of the same kind of food.

But when they got there, all complaints were forgotten. It was the fanciest restaurants Jaejoong had ever been to. A waitress showed them to their table—or rather their private booth—which was walled off by paper screen doors. There was a low wooden table in the center of the room and cushions on the floor to sit on. The decoration was astounding in its attention to detail and color coordination. As Yunho guided Jaejoong to his seat with a courteous hand hovering over the small of his back, Jaejoong couldn’t help but ask—

“Yunho, why did you choose this place? It looks so expensive.”

Yunho looked sheepish. “I just wanted to show you a good time.”

Jaejoong smiled and reached across the table to twine his fingers through Yunho’s. “I’m having a great time.”

Yunho smiled hugely and they launched into animated chatter about this and that and that and this. They were laughing when their food came in and hardly noticed as the waitress set down each artful dish on their table.

When something about Yoochun came up in the conversation, Jaejoong’s face fell noticeably. His lips turned downwards into a frown.

“Jaejoong? What’s wrong?” Yunho put down his chopsticks to reach across the table and hold Jaejoong’s hand in both of his.

“Nothing—it’s just…we sort of got into an argument today. Or more like…I don’t really know what I said, but he started yelling at me. It was really awful.”

“Oh, no, I’m so sorry. I know you guys are close.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “I just don’t know what I did wrong.”

“If you really don’t know, then maybe you didn’t do anything wrong, Jaejoong. Maybe he was just taking out his anger about something else on you. Which he shouldn’t have done, but…yeah.”

“Do you think if I talk to him later he won’t be mad at me anymore?”

“He definitely won’t. I bet he’s waiting for you right now, forming his apology in his head as we speak.”

Jaejoong smiled appreciatively and gave Yunho’s comforting hand a brief squeeze. “Thanks, Yunho. But Yoochun’s apology will just have to wait, because I am enjoying this food and this company way too much for the time being.”

“Ooh, then try this one, I love this one,” Yunho said, holding out a thin slice of grilled, seasoned between his chopsticks.

Jaejoong laughed. “That’s not how you’re supposed to eat it!” He took the slice in his own chopsticks and dropped a bit of red sauce onto it and then wrapped it in some sort of leafy green. “Here. Open up.”

Yunho bit down and moaned. “Really delicious. I still prefer my way though.”

“Your way is totally uncultured and crude,” Jaejoong teased. Yunho grinned like an idiot.

They pigged their way through another course and then dessert, then fought the oncoming food coma to walk off the calories outside in the warm night air. They couldn’t stop laughing over one thing or the other—maybe something Junsu did, or something that happened at school, or a stupid question that a customer had asked at the gardening store. Their arms were linked together as they walked around the same block over and over, too engrossed in one another’s company to notice that some people were staring.

Eventually, the moon rose to hang high overhead and it was time to go. They climbed into Yunho’s car and drove home. Yunho had another CD playing—a soft rock song that sounded like perfect slow-dance music. Jaejoong suddenly really wanted to dance with Yunho, but that wasn’t really possible seeing as they were in a car. In his mind’s eye, he saw the two of them slow-dancing to their own music in some secluded spot under the moonlight, just like in a movie. Though right now, Jaejoong realized with a start, reality with Yunho, who was so warm and sweet and kept one hand intertwined with Jaejoong’s the whole ride home, was almost better than the movies.

“Come on babe, it’s our stop.”

They dismounted the last bus of the evening and Changmin rubbed his eyes sleepily. The dark was still providing cover.

“You called me babe,” he giggled.

Yoochun chuckled and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s waist and brought their foreheads together. They could only see each other's outlines in the darkness, but they could feel each other’s warmth. It was enough—more than enough, it was so much.

“You become a new person at nighttime.”

Changmin shook his head. “Same person, just with less inhibitions.”

“Yeah, seems that way.” Yoochun trailed his fingers down the side of Changmin’s face. “Hey, Changmin-ah, I don’t mean to end our night on a serious note but I—” He trailed off.

“What is it?”

Knowing full well he’d never be able to talk like this were it daylight, Yoochun thanked the darkness for providing courage. “Changmin-ah, I don’t know what will happen to us after the summer ends. I don’t. But for now, at least, while I’m still here, I want to see where this goes. And, who knows, I know we’re young and haven’t known each other long but maybe…at the end of next month…if…if we’re willing…maybe we can try long-distance.”

Changmin didn’t respond. He couldn’t. He kissed Yoochun and hoped the message got through—oh, Yoochun, the fact that you’re even thinking about it. You like me as much as I like you, don’t you?

“Yeah,” Yoochun groaned. He seemed to get the message.

Changmin pulled back, grinning. “I’ll see you soon, Yoochun. Good night.” He waved and headed up the path to his house. Yoochun watched him go in, then walked back to his home for the summer in a daze. His lips wouldn’t stop tingling, and the stars above, dim though they were behind the city-sky clouds, were endlessly twinkling.

As soon as he got back in, he headed to his and Jaejoong’s room and texted Yoohwan everything, as promised. He knew he’d have to call him soon and explain it all more clearly, but just then he heard his Aunt Mina in the kitchen talking to his uncle and his mother.

“Where is that boy? He’s supposed to have been back by now. And he’s not answering his phone.”

“Mina, darling, maybe he’s on his way. Let’s just wait another half hour. Our boy’s responsible.”

Mina snapped. “You said that a half hour ago! No, I’m going out to look for him, and if you don’t hear from me in an hour, call the police.”

Yoochun cursed. He had to do something. He grabbed his phone and rushed out into the living room.

“Hey, Jaejoong just texted me! He’s at the bus stop. I’m going to go get him. Be back in fifteen minutes! We might stop at the convenience store, so maybe twenty-five.” And he strode out the door before they could ask him any questions.

They pulled up to Jaejoong’s street but stopped a few houses soon.

“Oh, my house is the one down there.”

“I know.” Yunho said. He sounded nervous.

Jaejoong turned around to look at him. Every handsome bit of him. Brown hair that looked so soft to touch. Tan skin from hours spent under the sun playing soccer. Broad shoulders and a lean abdomen. A perfect, perfect man.

“I had a really good time tonight, Jaejoong.” Yunho said. Like a line out of a movie.

“Me too, Yunho.”

“I’d like to go out again with you soon. I—” Yunho’s words got caught in his throat.

Jaejoong smiled and reached over to cup Yunho’s cheek in one hand. “You’re so sweet, Yunho. I’m looking forward to our next date.”

Before he could talk himself out of it, Yunho gripped the hand on his face and leaned in for a kiss. Jaejoong responded enthusiastically, kissing back and winding an arm around Yunho’s shoulders.

The nervous atmosphere dissolved instantly and soon they were giggling breathlessly again and their noses bumped and nudged as they continued to kiss. Yunho slid his hands down Jaejoong’s sides and gripped his hips tightly. Jaejoong moaned in response and then, in one swift and graceful movement, swung himself over so that he was straddling Yunho’s lap.

Yunho looked up in amazement for a moment. Then he smiled devilishly, as though scandalized but pleasantly so, before Jaejoong grinned wickedly and dove back down for more kissing. Before either of them knew what they were doing Jaejoong was fumbling for Yunho’s belt and Yunho was moaning loudly into Jaejoong’s neck.

“Oh, Jaejoong, we—we’re right in front of your house.”

“Shit, aah, yeah—we should—ah—probably stop.”

But neither of them were stopping. The windows were starting to fog up from their efforts. It was tumbling out of control, Jaejoong almost had Yunho’s pants undone when there was a sharp knock on the window.

“Oh shit,” Jaejoong hissed. He moved back to his seat, fixed his hair, and Yunho re-did his belt buckle before innocently lowering the window. It was Yoochun.

“Oh, hi, Yoochun! Um, Jaejoong and I were hanging out and we were just saying good night—”

“What are you doing here?” Jaejoong asked accusingly.

Yoochun had the grace to blush and look at something in the distance when he saw the state the two of them were in (chests heaving, hair out of place and clothes crumpled). He cleared his throat.

“Listen, I don’t care what the two of you were up to, but Jaejoong has got to get back inside now. Auntie and Uncle are getting worried and I told them I knew you were at the bus stop and I’d go get you so they wouldn’t come out and find…this.”

Jaejoong looked up suddenly. Yoochun had covered for him? Then he looked at Yunho. An understanding passed between them and Jaejoong kissed his cheek before stepping out.

“See you later, Jaejoong. Yoochun.” Yunho said.

“See you.”

“Bye, Yunho.”

As soon as he drove off, Yoochun turned to Jaejoong and looked at him with watery eyes.

“Jaejoong? I’m so sorry. I’m really, really, really sorry.” He was sobbing now. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say those things I was such a dick to you and I didn’t mean to be and you’re like a brother to me now and I swear I just—I’m sorry.”

“Yoochun! Shh, stop crying, it’s okay! I forgive you!”

“You do? You really do? I threw out the cigarettes you know, I threw them away today. I don’t know if that means I’m going to quit or if it just means I’m going to buy another box but I was so mad at the way I acted today that I threw them.” He sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Jaejoong looked at his cousin, stunned. “Wow, you did? Okay, I get it then, you’re really sorry. I’ve already forgiven you.” He hugged Yoochun tightly and let him cry it out.

“Come on, let’s go inside. I have a lot to tell you,” Jaejoong said.

“I do too. I kissed Changmin.”

“WHAT?! YOU WHAT?!” Jaejoong slapped Yoochun’s arms repeatedly out of excitement.

“Ow.”

“OH MY GOD.”

“OKAY, yes I know! But you clearly did more than me tonight!”

“Oh, yeah, heh heh.” Jaejoong had a stupid grin on his face.

“Fix your clothes. It’s really obvious.”

Jaejoong smoothed out his shirt and made sure his pants were zipped and buttoned. He smoothed out his hair as much as he could.

“Okay, better.”

They entered to a house full of family eating ice cream and watching a movie. Jaejoong and Yoochun whispered “hello” and were ignored and shushed. They excused themselves to their room and while Yoochun showered, Jaejoong nicked a pint of ice cream and two spoons for just the two of them to share. Yoochun started on it while Jaejoong showered next, and called Yoohwan.

“I got your text. Congrats. Since when are you bi?”

“Thanks, Rickster. Since forever, I guess, but I only really started becoming vaguely aware of it a couple of years ago, I think.”

“How’d you know?”

“I dunno, I guess I just noticed guys, too. You know, like, I’d check them out. Okay this is kind of embarrassing, but do you remember Chandler?”

“One of the guys you hang out with sometimes? Skateboard, sandy blond hair?”

“Yeah. I think I had a crush on him in my first year of high school. And maybe part of middle school too.”

Yoohwan whistled on the other end. “How come you never dated guys? If you liked some of them.”

“Are you serious? I wasn’t ready to come out. And I don’t know any queer people in my high school.”

“I can’t believe you came out in Korea and not here.”

“I’m still not out.”

“You have a boyfriend.”

Yoochun giggled. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Jaejoong wandered back in, toweling his hair, and sat down next to Yoochun and started eating ice cream and flipping through a magazine.

“So, thanks for telling me everything. Do you think you guys are going to be…I dunno, serious?”

“Hmm. Hard to say. It’s really early on. But Ricky…I think I really like him. I mean, he’s gorgeous. And so smart.” Yoochun sighed dreamily. And Jaejoong knew enough English to know what ‘really like’ and ‘gorgeous’ meant.

“Ugh, okay I get it now stop, you’re grossing me out. I’m not used to you being all…romantic.”

“There is much you do not know about your brother, young one.”

“Whatever. Don’t fall too deep and then forget about poor old me here in the states.”

“Aww, Rick, you know I couldn’t. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I’ll be holding you to that. Good night, hyung.”

“Night, Rickster.” Yoochun hung up and ate another spoonful of ice cream. It was strawberry flavor and it was creamy and delicious.

“Okay,” he said through a mouthful of frozen pink delight, “so tell me about Yunho!”

Jaejoong sighed deeply and lay back on the floor. He launched into the story and Yoochun listened attentively. Jaejoong went on and on about how Yunho was a perfect gentlemen, perfectly charming, spared no expense, and treated him so well. When it was over, Yoochun relayed back his evening with Changmin. He spared no details. Jaejoong looked at him with an odd expression, and at the end he said: “you seem deeper in than I am.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Uh, hello? The elegance of his cheekbones that no actress could rival, the silkiness of his black hair, his impish grins and sly words under the cover of night? I don’t know when you got so good at speaking Korean but you sound like a damn poet right now.”

“Oh.”

“’Oh’ is right. And by the way, I knew you were gay.”

“I’m not gay!”

“Okay, okay, bisexual. Still half gay.”

“Whatever. I like Changmin. A lot. He happens to be male.”

“And you really like that he’s taller than you and smells musky, not fruity or flowery, and is hard and muscular, not soft and squishy, and is tan, not white as a ghost, and—”

“Okay, OKAY! I get it! Yes, I like him and I like dick!”

Jaejoong dropped his ice cream spoon and his jaw, then burst out laughing. Yoochun tried to defend his crass declaration, but ended up laughing too. They laughed so hard they teared up and their stomachs hurt. The two cousins giggled and kept talking in whispers until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore and drifted off to sleep. All was well.

When Yoochun stepped outside the following morning, his heart sank straight down into the pit of his stomach. The air was now late summer air. Growing up, Yoochun was always sensitive to the changing of the seasons, even the subtlest shifts, and he knew now that the season was beginning to shift toward late summer because the wind was now scorching hot instead of pleasantly hot, the bloomed flowers were beginning to wilt from the extended and excessive heat, and the air felt heavy with dust and sun, not light and clean like it does in early summer. However much he wished this summer would last, it would end. And the end was drawing nearer.

He walked over to Changmin’s house and knocked on the door. A glassy-eyed girl answered the door. Changmin’s youngest sister.

“Hi there Jiyeon, is your brother home?”

The girl burst out crying and called for Changmin. Yoochun fretted over the girl and tried to calm her down, but it was no use. She sobbed horribly.

“What’s wrong?” Changmin asked as he came into view.

“I-I’m sorry! I just asked if you were home and she…”

“Yoochun, I’m sorry, but now isn’t a good time for me to come outside. I should have texted you this morning before you came here, but it’s been very hectic since early in the morning. Please leave for now and I promise I’ll explain everything as soon as I can. Come on in, now, Jiyeon, shh, it’ll be okay…” Changmin wrapped his arms around his tiny sister and shot Yoochun an apologetic look before gently closing the front door.

Before Yoochun could even process what was going on, his phone buzzed with a message from Jaejoong.

Please come to the store as soon as you can. I’m panicking and I need you right now.

Yoochun ran.

“What’s wrong, Jaejoong? Are you okay?”

“Yoochun-ah…I think my parents know I went on a date with a boy last night.”

Yoochun felt the color drain from his face. “What? How?”

Jaejoong was pale and dazed-looking. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe someone they know saw me and told them? Maybe they knew you were covering for me, maybe they’ve had suspicions? I’m not ready, god I’m not ready to come out to them, Yoochun.”

“Okay, okay,” Yoochun murmured, sitting down next to his cousin. “Listen, just breathe, okay?” He hoped he sounded sure of himself, because he thought his voice was trembling. Yoochun had no idea what he was doing but it seemed like a good thing to tell someone who was freaking out.

“Mm-hmm.” Jaejoong took a deep breath.

“Okay, good. Keep doing that.”

Jaejoong kept breathing and breathing, and he eventually calmed down slightly.

“I just…I always thought that when I told them, it would be on my terms.”

“Yeah.”

“Do your parents know?”

Yoochun laughed. “No. But, I think my mom might be somewhat okay with it. She’s already lost a lot so she doesn’t want to lose me or Yoohwan. But my dad…hah, he’d probably beat me half to death. Anyways, he’s not part of my life so I wouldn’t tell him something like that anyways.”

Jaejoong hummed to let Yoochun know he heard, but was too preoccupied by his own stressful thoughts and worries to sympathize right now.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m here for you,” Yoochun said, and held out his hand. Jaejoong looked down at it, then back up at Yoochun’s smiling face, and took Yoochun’s hand in his. Yoochun squeezed it, and bumped playfully into Jaejoong’s shoulder.

“I know you are. You being here this summer wasn’t a coincidence. This is the time I needed a brother more than ever, and you’re here, now. Thank you.” Jaejoong gave his cousin a brief hug before he got up, dusted his apron off, and got back to work.

Yoochun was on his way home when Changmin called.

“Changmin, what’s up? Is everything…okay?” Stupid question, Yoochun thought, of course it’s not okay.

“Hey, sorry about all that this morning. Uh, no, the situation has gotten worse, but I don’t feel like talking about it over the phone.”

“Where do you want to meet?” Yoochun asked directly.

“The park at the end of the next street over from mine and Jaejoong’s houses. And if it’s not too much trouble, please bring a couple bottles of ice-cold water.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“I want to see you so bad.” Changmin murmured.

“I do, too, babe. See you soon. Be safe.” Yoochun hung up and dashed to his next destination.

Yoochun spotted Changmin lying in the grass in the shady patch under four huge, leafy trees dotted with pink and white flowers. He had his cap over his face. There was no one else around because it was painfully hot out. Yoochun walked up to him and knelt by his side and gently touched his shoulder.

“Changmin, I’m here.”

Changmin removed his cap and looked up with dark, doe’s eyes. “Oh,” he sighed, and pulled Yoochun into an embrace.

“Here’s some water. You look dehydrated.”

“Thanks.” Changmin drank slowly so as to not make himself sick from the temperature contrast.

Yoochun waited silently, keeping his eyes on Changmin.

“His condition’s worsened. He’s been admitted in the hospital. We woke up this morning to the worst coughing fit we’d ever heard and knew we had to rush him to the E.R. My mom’s not been taking it well. She’s lashing out at the three of us for any little thing. I was fine with her dealing with this situation in that way when she was just yelling at me, but I’m protective of my sisters, especially the little one. I don’t like seeing them cry.”

“I’m so sorry, Changmin.”

Changmin turned to face Yoochun. “Why is it that even when you know something bad is coming, it doesn’t make it any better when it actually happens?”

“I don’t know,” Yoochun whispered. “I wish I knew.”

Changmin closed his eyes and leaned forward to kiss Yoochun’s lips lightly. When he pulled back his eyes were still closed, but he smiled his first smile that day. He moved around in the grass and lay back down, resting his head in Yoochun’s lap. Yoochun smiled down at him and began stroking his hair.

“You really like my hair, huh?”

“Love it.”

“Well that’s good, because it feels really nice when you mess with it like that.”

Yoochun tapped Changmin’s nose affectionately and then continued his ministrations on his scalp.

“Tell me about what’s going on with you,” Changmin said. “I’ve had enough of my own drama for today.”

“Well…have you ever heard the saying that bad news comes in threes?”

“No. What does that mean?”

“Hm, maybe it’s an American thing. It means that if everything’s going well, something bad will happen. And that something bad will be three somethings. And it happened today. Yesterday was pretty much perfect. I got to spend time with you, kiss you, made up with Jaejoong after our fight, and talked to my brother while eating ice cream. Then, today, three bad things happened. I realized it’s now become late summer, so my return to the U.S. is approaching fast; Jaejoong almost had a panic attack, and your situation has worsened.”

“But my situation worsening can’t count as one of your three bad somethings. It happened to me, not you.”

Yoochun looked into Changmin’s eyes and stroked his cheek. “If something bad is happening to you it’s bad for me, too.”

Changmin swallowed. He got up slowly, not breaking eye contact with Yoochun. He clambered over him, knees on either side of Yoochun’s thighs, and kissed him softly. Yoochun’s eyes closed slowly and he fell backward onto the ground. Changmin fell onto him and the surrounding trees pink and white flower petals fell all around them in a flurry. They kissed and kissed and Yoochun’s hands roamed all across Changmin’s sweating back and grasped his perfect, silk-like black hair. Changmin moaned and broke away to lick at the sweat collecting on Yoochun’s neck and on his dangerously sharp collarbones that Changmin loved to touch.

“I didn’t think I could fall this fast.” Yoochun said against Changmin’s mouth.

“I didn’t think I’d ever fall like this.” Changmin replied.

“But I have.”

“But I did.”

“Changmin.”

“Yoochun.”

It’s too soon to say it but I think I love you.

They kissed and they kissed and they did not stop. Lovebugs buzzed around the trees from which more petals rode the air down to the ground, dotting Changmin’s long, fluttering eyelashes and hair. The sinking sun caressed the horizon and splashed the sky pink, orange, and lavender. It would cool down, soon. People would come out for their nightly neighborhood walks. They had to stop.

Somewhere along the way they had switched positions so Yoochun was straddling Changmin. He was leading their kisses, each as heated and scorching as those hot summer days, and was finding it impossible to stop. Changmin tasted like the season—like fruits, like sweetness and fragrance, and like freedom.

He felt the first breeze of evening and shivered. “We have to stop soon,” Changmin murmured.

“I know. I’m trying, but you’re so…” So beautiful. So perfect. So worth the risk.

Eventually Yoochun found the strength to quell the beast inside and pull back. Changmin was a mess, but no more a mess than he would be had they been playing soccer with friends. He could use that to explain his appearance to his family, later. Save for the kiss-swollen lips, of course—he’d have to think up something else for that.

Slowly, they rose. The movement caused most of the petals that had stuck to their clothes to fall out, but several still clung on. Yoochun smiled kindly and began to pluck them out of Changmin’s hair and brush them off of his clothes. Changmin closed his eyes and let the feel of Yoochun’s hands roaming his body wash over him. When the hands stopped their gentle movements, Changmin opened his eyes and saw Yoochun looking at him intensely.

“I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I leave. I know it’s not going to be easy because of everything that’s going on, but I want to try.”

Changmin nodded. “I’d like that, too. There’s no point in denying you’re going to leave, no point avoiding that fact. We have to make do with what we have.”

In the distance, Yoochun spotted the first evening stroller coming out of her house. Their time was up. “You’re right,” he said. “Let’s go on another date Monday. And the day after that. Maybe not Sundays, because it’s the only days Jaejoong has off. And I need to spend time with the rest of my family, too, and they’re all home Saturdays.”

“That works out. Those the days my mom’s not at work and my sisters aren’t at summer cram school. I need to spend time with them, too.”

“Okay.”

“Daily weekday dates it is, then.” Changmin smiled.

“Yes, indeed. Please show this ignorant American all of your favorite things about your city.”

Changmin laughed, exposing two rows of perfectly aligned white teeth and a significant amount of pink gums too. His eyes turned up into crescent shapes, one much smaller than the other. His shoulders shook as he laughed. Yoochun loved to see Changmin laughing.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday. I’ll miss you,” Yoochun pouted.

“And I, you. Text me.”

“Of course I will.”

With a final, quick embrace, they left the park and headed to their homes.

Halfway there, Yoochun met Jaejoong who was coming back from the bus stop. He jogged up to his cousin’s side and sighed with relief. He was afraid of what he might have to face when he would enter his home, but having Yoochun at his side helped.

Yoochun smiled when Jaejoong came to join him. His head was hurting a bit from being out in the sun all day, even if he had spent most of it in shade. It was just too hot.

They walked in silence to the house. Jaejoong pulled his house key out of his pocket, and inserted it into the keyhole. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

Yoochun’s mother, grandparents, and aunt and uncle were all sitting around the table, stony-faced. When they saw Jaejoong enter, they looked at him gravely. Aunt Mina opened her mouth to say something. But before she could, a loud thud echoed throughout the house as Yoochun suddenly fell to the ground, unconscious.

a/n: sorry it took so long for this update guys. school's started and it's going to be busy. bear with me. i promise i'll finish this story no matter what! i've worked too hard on it to let it go to waste. please, please leave a comment if you read this and liked it! it gives me more motivation to write and update quickly. really, it's a two way relationship between readers and authors, and when readers leave sweet comments it makes my day and makes me inspired to write more. thanks to those people who frequently comment on my stuff- i love you guys! ♥

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Daffodil Summer (2/?)

keyhun — Sun, 25 Dec 2016 23:37:09 GMT

rating: pg (this chapter); nc-17 overall
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~8100 wc (this chapter)
summary: Yoochun was born and raised in the U.S. and had never traveled outside of it. That changes when he graduates high school and he goes on a trip with his mom to Korea where he meets family, friends, and the boy-next-door named Shim Changmin.

CHAPTER TWO

Aunt Mina woke the boys up at seven in the morning. “Breakfast is ready, sleepyheads! If you wanna go sightseeing, you’ll have to start early or else stuff will start closing before you can get it all in.”

Yoochun groaned but managed to get up. Jaejoong just whined and pulled the blanket over his head.

Rising groggily, Yoochun wrestled on a pair of loose jeans that didn’t look too ratty and the only v-neck t-shirt he had. A lot of guys were wearing those when he was out yesterday. He tied a flannel around his waist. He’d seen that yesterday a lot, too. He hoped he looked okay, but honestly he had no idea. He’d have to ask Jaejoong. Speaking of which…

“Ow!” Jaejoong groaned. “Dude, why’d throw a pillow at me?”

Yoochun grinned from ear to ear. “Wake up! We have to eat and then go sightseeing. I’m already ready!”

Jaejoong looked at him. “Do you really not own any skinny jeans?”

“No…if you wear those in America people think you’re gay.”

“Aren’t you though?”

Yoochun’s face went as red as the flannel around his waist. “NO!”

Jaejoong fell over his bed, cackling. “You know what, we might actually be the same size, hang on.” He got up and rummaged through his closet, pulling out a black pair of jeans.

“Here, wear these.”

“Ugh, actually, maybe I should wear shorts. It was really hot yesterday and we’re going to be walking around.”

Jaejoong shoved the jeans into Yoochun’s arms. “Fashion hurts, darling. Wear it!”

“…Fine.”

Of Jaejoong’s eight older sisters (Yoochun still couldn’t get over that number), only three of them were willing to wake up before noon and go out for the day: Yusoon, Sunhee, and Minkyung. Of course, Aunt Mina scolded the rest of them for being lazy bums, but it was all bark and no bite.

Jaejoong asked the grown-ups if they wanted to come along as well, but they declined.

“No way, we’ve already seen all those boring monuments a million times.”

Yoochun stared at his mother. “Seriously, mom, even you?” Inju only shook her head. “You guys have fun, I’m going to go shopping with your grandparents today. And I want to spend time with my cute nieces that I never get to see!” she added, pinching the cheek of a half-dead looking Ahyoung who had just sat down at the table for breakfast, hair still a mess and pajamas still wrinkled from too many hours of sleep.

“Well…if you’re sure then.”

“Aww, Inju, your son is so well-mannered. What a cutie,” Yoochun’s aunt squealed.

His mom smiled—a huge, genuine smile. It had been a while since she’d looked like that; proud, happy and at ease.

“Thank you. Go on now, kids. Be safe.”

Yoochun, Jaejoong, Yusoon, Sunhee, and Minkyung walked to Changmin’s house to retrieve the boy before heading to their first sightseeing destination of the day. The boy came out of his house, greeting everyone politely and asking how they were, but only sparing a glance and a curt nod for Yoochun. Great, Yoochun thought bitterly, today’s going to be fun and not awkward at all!

The subway ride was fine. In just a few days, Yoochun had gotten the hang of using the Seoul subway system. It wasn’t rocket science, but coming from a sleepy town that had nearly no public transportation as well as having limited Korean skills, Yoochun wasn’t expecting himself to pick it up so fast.

He conversed with Jaejoong and Minkyung, while Sunhee, one of the more responsible Kim children, planned out their day in her notebook. From the corner of his eye, Yoochun noticed Changmin and Yusoon, his most timid cousin, sitting together in comfortable silence, exchanging pleasantries every few minutes. He tried not to scowl.

As they disembarked, Jaejoong whispered into Yoochun’s ear “did you apologize yet?”

Yoochun sighed. “Haven’t really gotten a chance to.”

“Well you better do it sometime today because it’s not going to sound sincere if you do it any later!”

“Jaejoong, where are you going? Exit C is this way, it’s the closest to the entrance of the palace museum!”

Jaejoong eyed Yoochun one last time. “Coming!” he called, and dragged Yoochun back toward the rest of the group.

Gyeongbokgong palace was astonishingly beautiful. Yoochun had never seen anything like this, save for the times he saw his mom watching Korean dramas on the living room TV. The elegant curves of the rooftops glistening bright red under the summer sun adorned intricately designed buildings, laid out one after another after another, and Yoochun found himself thinking that this place was truly fit for king.

Tourists and Seoul natives alike milled around the vast grounds, some in huge guided tour groups and some by themselves or in couples. Yoochun tried not to let himself get carried away from the group as he wandered about, jaw hanging loose while snapping pictures of everything. He wanted to peer into each of the thousands of rooms, but settled for being shown the major parts by a tour guide. Jaejoong and his sisters giggled at Yoochun’s dumbfounded expression. Even Changmin’s mouth twitched toward a smile.

Eventually Minkyung brought out her selfie stick and yelled at the group to gather around her. “Get closer!” she demanded, and Yoochun felt Changmin’s arm—warm and smooth—line up against his own as they followed the order. Jaejoong slung his arm around Yoochun’s shoulders and then they all smiled for the camera.

The crowds thinned considerably as the group of teenagers walked deeper into the palace. It was quieter and more tranquil in the grounds of what the inner court, where the Queen’s quarters once were. Further beyond that were the rooms of the crown princes and princesses. Yoochun could hardly quell his excitement, and his imagination ran wild with fantasies of royal romances unfolding in the quiet enclaves of this virtually undisturbed part of the palace.

“Hey, Jaejoong, do you think—” Yoochun began to ask, but then turned around to discover his cousin wasn’t there. “Huh..? Where’d he go…” he wondered aloud.

“Yusoon was looking extremely dehydrated and was feeling faint, so they went back to the front to get her water and food.” Changmin said.

Yoochun blinked and looked around. It was just the two of them.

“Oh, I see. Oh god, yeah that’s right…I don’t even think she ate breakfast this morning because we were in a hurry to leave, and she didn’t want to get left behind.”

“Hmm.”

“Should we go to them?”

Changmin only shrugged. “They said they’d be back soon. We can continue looking around, I guess.”

“Alright, then,” Yoochun said, his tone still cautious. Now was his chance to apologize for his poor behavior last night.

They wandered around the silent quarters. The only other person in sight was a security guard dressed in traditional clothes to add to the illusion of having gone all the way back in time to the Joseon era. Eventually, they happened upon a pond with a small bridge over it leading to a gazebo with benches.

“Wanna sit and wait for them?” Yoochun asked.

“Sure, my legs could use a break.”

They took their time crossing the bridge. Yoochun paused halfway over it to take more pictures, admiring the lilies and lotus flower blossoms that were floating across the waters. The humid air weighed down around them and Yoochun knew this was probably a perfect breeding ground for mosquitos. He’d probably be covered in bites later, but he didn’t care. This place was beautiful, and it was worth every drop of sweat shed that day.

Changmin sat in the corner of the gazebo, elbow resting on the wooden ledge behind the bench and chin resting on his hand as he looked out at the scenery around them. Yoochun joined him and sat across, shifting uncomfortably.

“Listen, Changmin…um…”

The younger boy turned to him, disinterest obvious on his face.

“About last night, I was out of line. I snapped at you and I’m sorry.”

“…”

“I, uh, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m not a bad person or anything so I’m hoping we can be friends this summer.”

Changmin sighed. “I know you’re not. I’m sorry, too. It’s not my place to judge people’s habits.”

Yoochun smiled. “Thanks.”

Changmin nodded and fished out his water bottle and an apple from his backpack. “You thirsty?”

“Uh, yes. I should’ve brought my own,” Yoochun said a little sheepishly.

“It’s fine, but waterfall please.”

Yoochun nodded and accepted the bottle. He poured a generous amount down his throat and then handed it back with a satisfied smile. Changmin’s eyes were fixated on him for a long moment and then he snatched his bottle back.

“Why is your Adam’s apple so freakishly huge?” he mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Hey guys, sorry we took so long!” Jaejoong called from across the bridge.

Yoochun and Changmin walked back to them. “Yusoon, are you okay?” Yoochun asked, voice full of brotherly concern.

She smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for the scare. That was stupid of me to have left without eating.”

“Yeah it was!” Sunhee scolded, still holding her sister’s hand. “Never do that again! I thought you were going to pass out for real!”

“Sorry, sorry!”

“Anyways,” Sunhee huffed, “I think we’re done here, right? Do you guys wanna go to another tourist spot or are you done for the day?”

Yoochun glanced at Changmin, whose eyes no longer looked distant, whose body language was no longer stiff and uncomfortable, and whose hair and shirt was sticking to his body with sweat from walking around all day in the heat.

“I think I’m good for today,” Yoochun answered his cousin softly.

“Me too,” Changmin said. “I think I should get home soon.”

After dropping Changmin at his house, the cousins all walked home together, tired and ready for the delicious home-cooked meal that was surely waiting for them in their house.

They were greeted with a loud chorus of “you’re back!” and “you stink! Go shower!” Yoochun grinned and raced his cousins to the bathroom, but let Yusoon win since she probably needed the relaxation of it the most.

While waiting he found his mom in the living room, sitting on the floor while his cousin Ahyoung sat on the couch behind her. She was braiding his mother’s hair and chatting about school life, her hopes and dreams of becoming a politician, boys, and whatever else. Yoochun saw his mother laugh and reach behind her to pat Ahyoung’s leg. She was conversing so enthusiastically that Yoochun almost felt jealous. Mostly he was just happy to see her having such a nice time.

“Oh, Yoochun-ah! Welcome back.”

“Hey mom, how was your day?”

“It was lovely, thank you for asking. Come here and show me your pictures!” she said, patting the space on the floor next to her.

“I’m all sweaty and gross though…”

She just rolled her eyes. “When have I ever cared about that? I raised two boys, I’m used to grossness.”

Yoochun laughed and then sat down to show her his pictures. She kept adding comments like “oh, my baby looks so handsome~” and “wow, my nieces are so pretty,” and “you take such great pictures!” and then she’d pinch his cheek. Yoochun flicked his screen again to show a group photo and she admired it. “Oh, so that boy must be Changmin!”

“Yup, that’s him.”

“Are you two friends?”

“Hmm? Oh, I don’t know, I mean we just met yesterday.” Even as he said the words they sounded strange—could he really have only met Changmin the day before? It already felt like so much had happened between them: meeting, a dispute over differences, and then moving past that conflict to make up.

Then Yusoon came out of the bathroom, freshly showered, and Ahyoung shoved Yoochun’s back with her toe. “Okay, your turn. You seriously smell.”

The next day was a lazy one. Sunhee was a bit grumbly about it because she’d worked pretty hard to plan out their schedule to get as much sightseeing done as possible in as little time as possible, but Yoochun made it up to her by giving her some of the snacks he’d bought at the convenience store that first night.

Her eyes practically had stars in them as he offered her his unhealthiest junk food.

“Oh my god, my parents never let me eat this crap. Thank you!” she said, giving him a big hug.

He laughed because her hair tickled his neck and strained to get out of her grip. “It’s fine. We’ll go out again tomorrow, okay? I wanna see everything. Just…not today,” he said, yawning.

“Fair enough. I’m going to go watch dramas and eat these like the potato I am, and you can’t judge.”

Yoochun held up his hands in defeat. “No judgements.”

He lazed around in Jaejoong’s room, working on a song when he thought his cousin wasn’t looking. He wrote a line, crossed out a word, wrote a verse, then suddenly ripped out the whole page and threw it in the trash when he caught himself trying to describe a certain boy-next-door in his lyrics.

“Creative block?”

Yoochun shut his notebook and looked over at Jaejoong who was still immersed in his computer game.

“Uh, I guess so.”

“It’ll come back,” Jaejoong said confidently.

“You should show me some of yours.”

“No way in hell, buddy.”

Yoochun frowned. “Pleeease? I’ll love you forever.”

“Tempting, but no, you’re family. You’re obligated to love me anyways.”

Yoochun smiled. Family. Of course they were related, but to already be considered as part of the family he’d only spent a few days with was somewhat of an honor.

“Please please please?”

“No.”

“I won’t plagiarize lyrics! I value originality,” Yoochun said rather pretentiously.

“Dude, I said no! It’s embarrassing, they all suck.”

“I won’t judge. Mine are all shit, too. Here, take a look.”

Jaejoong shut his laptop and looked over with interest. He took Yoochun’s notebook and looked through it, eyes running back and forth as he read.

“They’re all in English.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.”

“They’re good.”

“Really?!”

Jaejoong snapped the notebook shut and looked at him with mock anger. “Yes, damn it! Now I’m definitely never going to show you mine. You’ll laugh.”

Yoochun clutched his notebook of songs to his chest. “I won’t. I hope you’ll show me before I go back.”

“We’ll see, Park!” he shouted, then returned to his game.

That evening, Yoohwan called Yoochun.

“Hey Rickster, what’s up?”

“Uh, not much I guess. The program is cool, everyone’s really nice.”

“I’m happy to hear that. Are you doing okay at Dad’s house?”

Yoohwan was silent for a moment. “Hyung…”

“Tell me honestly, Ricky. Don’t hide anything.”

His brother sniffled on the other end of the line. “Why doesn’t he love us?”

Yoochun felt his heart shatter like glass. His insides twisted painfully and filled him with grief before the thought of his father mistreating his brother replaced that grief with red-hot anger.

“What did he say?”

“You know, the usual stuff. Mom’s a bitch who didn’t understand him, we’re ungrateful for all he’s done for us. I actually was so confused when he said that that I couldn’t even get sad, haha. What has he ever done for us? And then the usual crap about how he wants to kill himself because his life sucks, and so on and so forth…”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry I’m not there for you right now. He’s crazy. I love you, okay? I love you and mom loves you and all these relatives here in Korea—they’ve never met you but they love you too. I showed them pictures and they ask about you every day and why you’re not here, too. You are so, so loved and valued in this world. Please don’t think you aren’t.”

The sniffles on the other end quieted and drew to a close. “Okay, thanks. Are you having fun over there?”

It was so like Ricky to ask about others well-being even when he was going through something tough. He was such an angel and didn’t deserve all the crap their dad gave them.

“Yeah, I am. Our cousins are so great, Rick. You’d love them. It would’ve been so fun if you came too.”

“Next time, then.”

“I’ll hold you to it!”

It was hard for Yoochun to fall asleep that night. He tossed and turned in his bed and tried to think of anything but his poor brother stuck in their father’s house. He hoped and prayed that his dad wouldn’t go beyond verbal abuse. He prayed to every god he could think of that their father wouldn’t lay a single finger on Yoohwan because if he did Yoochun would gladly become a murderer without regret or guilt.

He stared out the open window and tried to calm his thoughts, but to no avail. His heart was frustrated and his head pounded with unwanted worries. He cried out in frustration into his pillow and then the tears spilled over, hot and numerous.

“Yoochun-ah?” Jaejoong mumbled sleepily.

Yoochun clamped his hand over his mouth and nose, trying not to breathe so as not to wake his cousin. It was too late, though.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing—I…” he tried to say, but his voice was thick with tears.

“Oh my god,” Jaejoong said, sitting up in his bed. “You’re crying? Dude, what happened?”

Now that Jaejoong had already seen him there was no point in trying to hold back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he sobbed.

“Shut up, don’t apologize. What’s wrong?”

“S-so uh, you know my mom and dad are divorced, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well it’s ‘cause my dad’s always been a giant dick. I mean, he’s absolutely crazy and needs to get help but won’t, so he just gets crazier and my brother’s staying with him this summer and I just feel so fucking awful that he has to live with that bastard and I’m not there to protect him.”

Jaejoong listened and nodded and let him cry it out. He didn’t respond much or try to fix anything, he just listened.

“He’ll be okay.”

“I wish he was here. I miss him so much.”

Jaejoong handed Yoochun some tissues. “Let’s video call him in the morning, okay? I’m sure he wants to see you too.”

Yoochun sniffed a few more times and blew his nose. “Okay. Thanks, Jaejoong.”

“Idiot. No need to thank me.”

They did video call Yoohwan in the morning and it brought a smile to everyone’s face. Inju almost teared up because of how much she missed her youngest child.

“Are you doing okay, baby?”

“I’m fine, mom.”

All the cousins tried to crowd behind the view of Yoochun’s phone at once, trying to say hello. Yoohwan laughed at the ridiculous picture of it and tried his best to greet them in Korean.

Eventually, he had to go to bed as it was getting really late in the states and he still had volunteering in the morning. They hung up and Yoochun felt just a bit better.

The long summer days passed none too quickly. Some days Yoochun lazed about with his cousins, other days they went out to do more sightseeing, eating, or shopping with Changmin and sometimes Junsu and Yunho or some of Jaejoong’s other friends from school.

In a short two weeks, Jaejoong had improved Yoochun’s dressing so much that his mom hugged Jaejoong and then went so far as to call him a godsend.

“I’ve been trying to get him to wear cute stuff like this for ages, thank you Jaejoong.”

“It’s no problem, Auntie.”

Yoochun huffed in embarrassment, but he was still happy. Anything that made his mom happy made him happy, too.

It was a hot, humid evening and Yoochun was playing soccer with Jaejoong and Changmin against Junsu, Yunho, and Sunhee. Yoochun’s team was losing by a lot but he didn’t care at all, he was having a good time. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten to do something like this—so carefree and fun and not involving sitting at a desk and doing something related to academics. He felt alive.

“Hey, time out! My mom’s calling me,” Jaejoong said.

Junsu caught the pass from Sunhee under his cleats and caught his breath. Changmin bent at the waist and put his hands on his knees as he tried to get his panting under control. Yoochun grinned and went to his side, allowing the younger boy to lean against him. He was sweating like crazy but for some reason he still smelled good to Yoochun.

“Mom? What’s up?”

The others listened in silence, trying to hold back their laughter at the memory of Yunho falling on his face earlier. At least he was okay physically; only his ego was bruised.

“What?!” Jaejoong shrieked into his phone. Yoochun jerked his head in Jaejoong’s direction and saw his shocked expression. He ran over to him and asked what was wrong.

“O-okay,” Jaejoong said, eyes watering, “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He hung up and looked at Yoochun, eyes frenzied with worry. “M-my dad f-fell off a ladder when he was organizing stuff at our st-st-store. He’s in the hospital right now for some broken limbs and maybe a concussion. We have to go to the ho-hospital. N-now.” As he finished the sentence his tears broke loose and Yoochun grabbed his hand.

“Guys, did you hear that? Let’s help Jaejoong and Sunhee get there,” Yoochun called to the rest. Sunhee had tears in her eyes, but the boys had determined looks on their faces. Junsu put his arm around Sunhee’s shoulders and they all began to walk to the bus stop. It was probably an odd site—five sweaty teenage boys and one sweaty girl, trying to get on the bus to go to the hospital. They didn’t care. They were friends and they were going to help each other no matter what.

On the bus people wrinkled their noses at them. There were only two empty seats and the group forced Jaejoong and Sunhee to sit while the other four stood around them so the brother and sister could cry without worrying about attracting attention.

At the hospital, the four waited outside while Jaejoong and Sunhee went in to see their dad. “Yoochun, you can come in, too.” Jaejoong said, his voice small and quivering.

It wasn’t a pretty sight. His uncle was wrapped in casts on one leg and one arm. There were probably several more bandages under the blankets and hospital night gown. He was drugged up on pain medications so he wasn’t really conscious, either.

But it wasn’t anything life threatening. It would be okay.

After a while Jaejoong went back outside, and after a few more minutes Yoochun followed. He saw Yunho’s arms wrapped around Jaejoong’s waist and Jaejoong’s head buried in Yunho’s shoulder. Jaejoong was no longer shaking with sobs; instead, he just wanted the comfort of being held. People gave them odd glances as they passed by but Yunho glared at them intensely, as if he was giving a whole speech on you don’t his situation so leave him the fuck alone with just his eyes.

Changmin walked to Yoochun timidly. “He’ll be fine, right?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. It’s just hard to see him like that, though.”

Jaejoong turned around, still holding onto Yunho’s hand. “I’ll probably have to start working at our store now that dad can’t. Some of my sisters, too, if they want.”

“I’ll do it. I wanna help if I can,” Yoochun blurted.

“You can’t. You don’t have a working visa and you could get in trouble if we were caught. But thank you for offering,” Jaejoong said, smiling sadly. “I just feel bad, though, because I won’t be able to hang out with you as much anymore.”

Yoochun shook his head. “Don’t feel bad, please. You’ve already taught me how to use the transportation here, showed me where the good eats are, and gotten me a hot new wardrobe. I’ll be fine. I’ll hang out with these guys if I get bored of bothering you at work.” He grinned.

Jaejoong allowed himself a small laugh. “Yoochun-ah…thank you.”

Things were a little different from that day on. Jaejoong woke up several hours before Yoochun to get ready and go work at their family’s gardening store. It was kind of an ironic business because they lived in the middle of a concrete jungle, but they were successful enough. Every household wanted their own precious garden, even if it was just a basin of dirt with a few flowers on the outside of a windowsill. They all wanted something they could grow themselves with care and attention and to enjoy the reward of a job well done in the form of a beautiful living thing.

True to his word, Yoochun bothered Jaejoong on the job at every given opportunity. He even brought Jaejoong lunch on some days, and during his break they’d eat together and smoke for a while.

“I miss hanging out with you,” Jaejoong said sadly.

“I miss you too, hyung.”

“I miss hanging out with all of you. You’re the only one that visits. Yunho came a couple times but he was kind of weird.”

Yoochun fought back a knowing giggle. “Oh, he did? Interesting.”

“By the way, I want to ask you something. But don’t get offended, okay?”

“Shoot.”

“Are you gay?”

Yoochun choked on nothing and spluttered out half-formed denials. “What? No way!”

“Chill! I was just wondering.”

“What led you to think that? Have I ever expressed interest in a guy here?”

“Not really, but you haven’t expressed interest in any girls either. And we’ve seen a lot of pretty girls. And a lot of them have checked you out and flirted with you. And you don’t live with girls in the states so you’re not used to them so you should have some kind of reaction.”

Damn, that’s good logic, Yoochun thought. “Well the same happens to you and you don’t have a girlfriend!”

“Yeah, that’s because I am gay.” Jaejoong stated plainly.

“Oh.”

“That’s not a problem, right?”

Yoochun laughed. “No, it’s not, I promise. Does your family know though?”

Jaejoong grimaced. “No, they don’t. Only two of my sisters do. My parents and grandparents have no idea.” He sighed.

Yoochun nodded in silent understanding. “One day, buddy. It’ll be okay.”

Jaejoong looked off to the side. “I wish I could believe you.”

After a few more minutes, Jaejoong’s break was over and it was time for him to get back to work. “Yoochun,” he said, “do me a favor.”

“What’s up?”

“Hang out with Changmin when you’re not busy. That kid is going through some rough shit right now and I don’t want him to feel alone when he doesn’t need to.”

“Yeah…okay, you’re right. I will. Do you know what he likes to do?”

Jaejoong smiled. “No idea. You should ask him and find out.”

And so, the following day, Yoochun woke up bright and early and headed over to Changmin’s house after a light breakfast.

He opened the door, still wearing pajamas, and raised an eyebrow. “Hey Yoochun. No Jaejoong today?”

“Nope, he’s working again. But uh, I was wondering. Do you wanna hang out today? I’m getting kind of bored staying at home while Jaejoong works.”

“So you just asked me to hang out because you were bored.” Changmin asked, unimpressed. Yoochun swallowed. Changmin’s pajamas were made of really thin, worn cotton and they clung to his slender frame. His hair was still disheveled and his voice was rough with residual sleepiness.

“Yeah—wait, no. No, I actually want to hang out with you.”

Changmin burst into laughter. “I was just messing with you, but thanks, I’m flattered.”

“Why you little…!”

“Sure, I can hang out. What do you want to do?”

“Oh, uh, actually, I was going to ask you what you wanted to do since Jaejoong and I have kind of been dragging you around since the summer started.”

“Yes, you have.”

“Sorry…” Yoochun mumbled.

“Just hang on for a bit while I get ready. You can come wait inside if you want.”

Yoochun thanked him and took off his shoes to step inside the house. He looked around and the first thing he noticed was how neat it was compared to Jaejoong’s place. Which was expected, of course, considering the difference in family size. But still, there was no mess at all. It was pleasing to the eye, but it felt cold somehow.

A woman, Changmin’s mother, came out of her bedroom and regarded Yoochun with careful eyes.

“Um, hello. I’m Park Yoochun, the cousin of Jaejoong who lives next door. Nice to meet you.”

“Hello,” was all the response she gave.

Just when the awkward silence was about to cause Yoochun to break into a sweat, Changmin came down the stairs, cap on his head and bag on his shoulders.

“Let’s go, Yoochun.”

“Where are you going, Changmin?”

“Oh, mom. Yoochun and I are going out today for a while.”

“Do you really think it’s appropriate for you to be going out so much in this situation?” his mother pressed icily.

Changmin tensed visibly. Yoochun felt out of place—he shouldn’t have come in. Whatever was going on was a family matter that he had no part in.

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” Changmin bit out. “Let’s go, Yoochun.”

Yoochun bowed his way out and followed Changmin out the door. They walked in silence for a few minutes. Changmin’s shoulders were tense as he forged ahead.

“Everything okay?”

“Fine.”

“Oookay. So where are we going?”

“Anywhere. Give me a second. I’ll decide in a minute just…” he trailed off. Yoochun decided not to press. Instead, he walked alongside Changmin, and, after a few minutes, hesitantly slung an arm around his shoulders. They were trembling.

They ended up at the movies. Changmin bought two tickets for the action-packed summer blockbuster before Yoochun could even pull his wallet out of his pocket. To get him back for that, Yoochun bought Changmin the biggest bucket of buttery popcorn there was. He’d barely have enough money to get home, but seeing Changmin’s eyes light up was worth it. He looked his age when he smiled like that.

The movie was perfectly paced with action, suspense, car chases and mystery. Yoochun and Changmin were on the edge of their seats at some parts, tensed in anticipation. During other parts they were laughing so hard their stomachs hurt. Changmin ate the popcorn continuously and halfway through realized he was being rude and offered some to Yoochun. Then Changmin offered Yoochun his drink, too, and this time he didn’t tell Yoochun to waterfall the drink like he did when they were at Gyeongbeokgong.

At the end of the movie, Changmin disposed of the empty popcorn bag and made a quick stop in the restroom before he and Yoochun left the theatre. Yoochun had a fleeting thought of following him in but then slapped his forehead with his palm and shook his head vigorously. What’s wrong with me?

By the time they finally exited, the day had turned to dusk. The heat of the day withered away, leaving a cool breeze and an enchanting purple sky in its place. The clouds moved swiftly through the dimming sky, and the moon was extraordinarily bright for so early in the evening.

“I didn’t realize it had gotten this late…” Changmin said.

“Do you need to be home soon?” Yoochun asked, but he found himself hoping the answer would be no.

“I do, but…I don’t want to go home.”

“Changmin-ah…”

“S-sorry…”

“What are you apologizing for? I understand that feeling.”

Changmin looked to Yoochun. “You do?”

Yoochun nodded. “I understand…when there’s a situation at home that’s not pleasant to be around.”

“It sucks.”

“That it does.”

They boarded the bus in silence and found empty seats in the back to sit in. It would be a twenty minute ride to get back to their homes. Yoochun sneaked a glance at Changmin. The younger was slouched inward and he wore a defeated, saddened expression. The bus rolled to a slow stop, and Yoochun made a decision. Suddenly, he grabbed Changmin by the wrist and pulled him up.

“We’re getting off here.”

“What? It’s not our stop yet.”

“I know. But you said you didn’t want to go home yet, and I don’t have to be home until late, so let’s stay out for a while longer.”

“But Yoochun, my mom will get so mad,” Changmin protested.

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something!” Yoochun said, eyes sparkling with mischief. The bus’s doors opened with a loud whoosh, and Yoochun dragged Changmin off before the younger boy could say anything else.

Yoochun had been taking this bus route frequently during the few weeks he’d been in Korea. He knew there was a huge park nearby somewhere. Not the lame kind with only a few slides and swings but the really beautiful, expansive kind with flower gardens, soccer fields, basketball hoops and even food trucks in the corners.

The sky grew steadily darker with the approaching night and the streetlamps began to light. Changmin trailed behind Yoochun by a few steps, asking where they were heading every few minutes.

“We’re almost there!”

“Are you sure you’re not getting us lost?”

“Aha! Here we are.” Yoochun announced proudly. They had come up by the back entrance of the park, where there was a large expanse of green and a trail leading down the middle lined by bushes that were decorated with all kinds of flowers. Much further in, benches and a playground were visible. In the far corner there was an ice cream truck with the ‘OPEN’ sign still lit.

“Let’s take a walk.”

“We have been walking,” Changmin argued.

“Then let’s walk and talk.”

“Talk about what?” Changmin asked, but he followed Yoochun onto the park trail anyways.

“About whatever you want to talk about.”

Changmin glanced at the bushes of gardenias on the side of the trail. He leaned down to smell the fragrant white flowers, now in full bloom, and inhaled deeply. He picked one off, then plucked another.

“For my sisters.”

“That’s nice of you. You guys get along well?”

“Yeah, we do. The two of them bicker a lot, but they’re best friends. And the older one tries to argue with me sometimes, sometimes she even tries to wrestle me.” Changmin laughs. “When we were all younger I’d let her win sometimes.”

“They like flowers?”

“Hmm? Oh, I don’t actually think they care. But, since the situation is what it is, they can’t get out much. I just want to do something for them.”

“What is the situation?”

Changmin eyed Yoochun warily as they continued walking. The cicadas hiding in the trees all around them chirped loudly and the breeze rustled the leaves. Yoochun’s long hair swished around his face in the wind, covering his eyes every few seconds. Their shoes clapped against the stone pathway as they walked.

“Your cousins haven’t told you?”

Yoochun shrugged. “They might have mentioned something, but I’d like to hear you talk about your own situation. Only if you want to share, though.”

Changmin sighed. They came to a bench and Yoochun stopped in front of it. “Let’s sit,” he suggested.

“He’s sick. My dad. Cancer.” Changmin looked down at his shoes, seeing nothing but the images inside his head of his grey-haired father. “He refuses all modern treatment. No chemotherapy, no surgery.”

“…”

“That’s why things are kind of tense at home.”

As he spoke, Changmin’s head lowered. His hair wasn’t as long as Yoochun’s, but it still fell around his face, covering his expression.

“Wait here,” Yoochun said. Changmin looked up to see Yoochun jog towards the ice cream truck. He couldn’t hear too clearly over the wind and cicadas, nor did he have enough energy left in him to try to hear, but it looked like Yoochun was arguing with the ice cream truck vendor. He looked kind of funny, using hands in exaggerated motions and stamping his foot like a child throwing a tantrum. Eventually the vendor rubbed his temples with his hands and Yoochun grinned in what appeared to be victory.

As he waited, Changmin smelled the flower in his hand for the nth time. It was an intense fragrance, heavy and dense in the midst of its summertime full bloom. He hoped his sisters would like it.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” came Yoochun’s voice as he jogged back to the bench with one ice cream cone in each hand.

“How much was mine?” Changmin asked, already pulling out his wallet.

“Not telling. It’s my treat. Take it.” Yoochun said, grinning from ear to ear.

“…Thanks.” Changmin gave in, accepting the ice cream cone from Yoochun. “Why did it look like you were arguing with that guy?” he asked as he took a lick. It was mint chocolate chip flavor, definitely one of his favorites.

“I told him to add fudge at the bottom and he tried to make it way more expensive than it should be so I had to bargain the price down.”

“Oh? I’m impressed, the American is fluent enough to bargain.”

Yoochun laughed and shoved his shoulder against Changmin’s playfully. “Shut up and eat it before it melts.”

“Hah. Am I a kid or what? Getting me ice cream to make me feel better.” Changmin looked down again.

For a few moments, Yoochun was silent. Then he put a hand on Changmin’s shoulder and looked Changmin in the eyes. Those eyes reflected the bright moon above and stared back at Yoochun, wide open and wondering. “You’re allowed to be a kid, Changmin-ah.”

“…It’s good ice cream.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“Hey, you’re welcome, I’m just happy that—woah, hey, what? You’re already finished?!”

Changmin wiped his hands on Yoochun’s pants and then belched loudly. “I said it was good ice cream.”

Yoochun sputtered confused babble for another minute until Changmin asked “are you going to keep mumbling hysterical nonsense or are you going to eat that, because seriously it was really good and I’ll eat more.”

“I’m eating it!” Yoochun huffed, and then took a bit bite out of his ice cream. “Oh, fuck, brainfreeze!”

“Language, Yoochun, there are kids around here!”

“Brat.”

“Since you said I could be a kid, I’m going to those swings over there. Race you?”

“I’m not finished with my ice cream!”

“Not my problem.” Changmin shrugged, then took off. Yoochun ran as fast as he could with an ice cream cone in one hand, so naturally Changmin won and got the cleaner-looking swing.

“I suppose you want me to push you too,” Yoochun grumbled.

“No, these legs aren’t painted on. I can use them.”

And what legs they were. Yoochun hadn’t really noticed before but as Changmin swung back and forth, extending his legs to go higher and higher, Yoochun realized that those legs went on for miles. They were slender and elegant and they were the longest legs Yoochun had ever seen.

“I’m going to jump off.” Changmin said.

“What? No, that’s dangerous!”

“Relax, I know what I’m doing.”

“Seriously Changmin, don’t. You don’t want to get injured.”

Changmin jumped. And he landed neatly on his feet, knees bent and arms out.

“Ta-dah.”

“HEY, WHAT THE HELL MAN?” Yoochun yelled, but Changmin only laughed in response. Yoochun tossed his ice cream cone in the trash can and then slung an arm around Changmin’s neck and brought him in for a good old-fashioned noogie.

“Stop!” Changmin whined, but he was laughing the whole way through.

“Okay, kid, you’ve had your fun.”

“We have to go back now?” Changmin asked, and he was pouting.

“Ugh, when did I become the responsible one? Yes, I think we do.”

“Okay.” All of a sudden, Changmin’s voice was small again. They walked to the bus stop and began to wait.

“You think you’ll be okay going back home?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Yoochun sighed. This was reminding him too much of Yoohwan. His heart felt heavy. Why did parents always have to take out their shit on their kids?

“Give me your phone, Changmin-ah.”

Yoochun put his number into the younger boy’s phone and then handed it back to him.

“Let’s hang out again soon, okay?”

The bus pulled up to the sidewalk. Changmin stared at the new number in his phone. Park Yoochun <(^_^)> <3, it read. Unable to help himself, Changmin smiled. He bumped his side against Yoochun’s playfully. “Sounds good, hyung.”

Back at home, after a big dinner of hot pot with his family, Yoochun was scrolling through his texts in his room. Jaejoong walked in soon after, toweling off his hair which was still wet from a suspiciously long shower.

“So, how was the date with Changmin?”

“Wasn’t a date.”

“Uh-huh.”

Yoochun could hear the smile in Jaejoong’s voice without turning around to see it. “It was good. We had a good time.”

“I’m really glad to hear it.”

Yoochun tossed his phone into a corner and laid back on his sheets. “Yeah it was…really fun. We went to the movies, the park, had ice cream.” His voice sounded far-off. “But enough about it. How was work? Did Yunho come by again today?”

Jaejoong flopped onto his bed. “No.”

“Someone sounds disappointed.”

“I’m not disappointed, okay!”

Now it was Yoochun’s turn to say “Uh-huh.”

“Look,” Jaejoong sighed. “I just got used to him coming by, that’s all. He’d been coming by pretty much every other day or so, so I just…kind of…”

“You were expecting him.”

“Yeah…and then you were with Changmin today, and I don’t know, some customers were really rude and also I dropped a potted plant and had to clean it up and I guess it’s just kind of been not the greatest day and on the way home a bird took a shit on my new shoes, so that’s why I was so long in the bathroom, ‘cuz I was trying to clean bird shit off of it and—”

“Hey,” Yoochun interrupted softly, “sounds like you had the worst day ever.”

“Yeah, I did, thanks,” Jaejoong said thickly.

“You know what might make you feel better?”

Jaejoong sniffed and looked up. “What?”

“I think Yunho’s calling you.”

“What—oh!” Jaejoong grabbed his phone, which he hadn’t noticed was vibrating, and answered it. “Hey, Yunho, what’s up?”

In their small, quiet room, Yoochun could hear Yunho speaking on the other end.

“Jaejoong, hey, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make it to the store today, I really wanted to.”

“O-oh, that’s okay. Um, it was busy anyways.”

“Oh, I see…”

There was a pregnant pause. Yoochun motioned frantically for Jaejoong to speak again.

“Actually, it was a pretty sucky day at work. And, uh, I guess…I found myself wishing I could see you.”

“R-really?”

Jaejoong chuckled. “Yeah, really. I like when you visit me. I need a break from Yoochun’s ‘how do you say this in Korean?’ questions anyways.” Yoochun threw a pillow at Jaejoong for that one.

“Aah, haha, I see. Well, um, to make it up to you then, could I take you out for dinner sometime?”

Jaejoong’s jaw dropped. He looked at Yoochun and mouthed ‘ohmygodwhatthehell didhejustaskmeoutwhatdoisay???” Yoochun waved his arms up and down and mouthed emphatically: ‘hello!!! Say yes!!!’

“Sure, I’d like that. Um, could you pick me up from work on Friday?”

“Yes, absolutely! I will do that. See you then.”

“Great. Yeah, see you then. Bye.”

“Good night, Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong clutched at his chest dramatically and pretended to swoon. Yoochun clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

“Good night, Yunho.” Jaejoong hung up the phone and looked at Yoochun with a huge smile on his face. Yoochun went in for a fist bump which Jaejoong met and then he flung his arms around Yoochun in his excitement.

“Oh my god Yunho asked me out!”

Yoochun shrieked at the sudden assault and tried to fight his cousin off. “Yes, he did. What are you going to wear?”

“Shit, why’d I tell him to pick me up from work? I’ll be wearing that ugly orange apron and functional, baggy clothes! Yoochun! What do I do?”

“Take off the apron and change like an hour before he gets there?”

“Oh, you’re a genius. I’ll do that.”

“Alright then can you get off of me?”

Jaejoong only laughed and fell onto the bed next to Yoochun. “Let’s call your brother.”

“Okay.” Yoochun dialed Yoohwan and after a few rings, the younger Park picked up, gretting Yoochun enthusiastically. “Hey there, Rickster. How was your day?”

“It was good. Yours?”

Jaejoong snatched the phone. “YOUR BROTHER WENT ON A DATE TODAY!”

“I DID NOT! I HUNG OUT WITH HIM. IT’S NOT A DATE.” Yoochun reached for his phone but Jaejoong kept it just out of grasp, telling Yoohwan all about Yoochun’s outing with Changmin. “Jaejoong, give it to me!”

“Fine, fine! Here you go.”

“Hey, Yoohwan-ie, sorry about that. He’s a bit excited because he actually just got asked out.”

“Good, because I mean…I know you’re hanging out with Jaejoong and everyone these days, and I’m not with you, but I still hope…that if there was something going on in your life—like if you liked someone or wanted to go out with someone—I’d still want to be the first to know. I’m your brother.”

“Oh, Ricky, of course. You’d be the first one I tell. Same goes to you.”

“So it really wasn’t a date? The one you went on today?”

“Huh? No, of course not! It was with a guy. We just hung out. He’s Jaejoong’s neighbor.”

“Dates are still dates when they’re with guys.”

“What?” Yoochun couldn’t really comprehend what he was hearing. “Yoohwan, what are you talking about? I don’t go on dates with guys. I date girls. I like girls, remember?”

“I know. I’m just saying, if something like that were to happen…I just want to be the first to know. Not Jaejoong or Sunhee or Ahyoung. I’m your brother.”

Yoochun still couldn’t wrap his head around the conversation he was having. “Well, yeah, I’ll tell you. But so far, nothing’s new.”

“Okay, hyung. I’ll talk to you again soon. Gotta go to bed.”

“Alright, Rick. Hey, how is it with Dad?”

Yoohwan sighed on the other end of the line and Yoochun’s heart clenched as a reflex. “I wish I was in Korea with you.”

Yoochun tried not to tear up. “I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

“You too, hyung. Sleep well.”

“Have a good day at the hospital.”

Yoochun hung up the phone and Jaejoong hugged him. He stroked Yoochun’s hair gently. Three weeks ago, this would have been weird, but now, Yoochun curls into the comfort and clings to his cousin—his second brother.

“He’ll be rewarded.”

“What?”

“Because he made a sacrifice,” Jaejoong said. “He chose to undergo a tough living situation in order to work towards his future. He will definitely be rewarded.”

Yoochun sniffed quietly. “By who?”

“The universe. God. Karma. Whatever you believe in. But whatever force is out there, it doesn’t let these things go unnoticed. I promise. His reward for enduring this will be worth every minute tenfold.”

“You really think so, Jaejoong-hyung?”

Jaejoong smiles. Yoochun had starting using the word ‘hyung’ when he was feeling particularly vulnerable or helpless. It was one of his quirks that Jaejoong had learned to love over the past few weeks together with his cousin. “I know so. Go to sleep.”

“Wait.” Yoochun fished out his phone from between the pillows. “Changmin texted me so I’d have his number. He said ‘I had fun today. See you next time.’”

“Ooh, you guys are cute.”

Yoochun shoved at him. “What should I text back?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“Because…I don’t know.”

“You wouldn’t ask that if you didn’t like him.”

“SHUT UP, JAEJOONG.”

“YOU SHUT UP, EVERYONE’S TRYING TO SLEEP.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll just…” Yoochun trailed off as he typed a quick: ‘Same here. I really enjoyed today with you. Good night.’ and then turned his phone off. He yawned, and it made Jaejoong yawn too. Exhausted from a long day, they closed their eyes and dozed off together on the bed. Outside their open bedroom window, the cicadas chirped and the stars twinkled brightly in the navy ink sky. It was the first time they shared a bed that summer, and far from the last.

a/n: here's chapter two. i hope you like it. if you did, please leave a comment.

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Daffodil Summer (1/?)

keyhun — Sun, 25 Dec 2016 04:22:01 GMT

rating: pg (this chapter); nc-17 overall
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~5800 wc (this chapter)
summary: Yoochun was born and raised in the U.S. and had never traveled outside of it. That changes when he graduates high school and he goes on a trip with his mom to Korea where he meets family, friends, and the boy-next-door named Shim Changmin.

CHAPTER ONE

The bell rang, signaling the end of the last day of school at Fairfax High School and the beginning of summer vacation. Kids poured out of the building and the campus buzzed with chatter. The air was thick with humidity and excitement for the upcoming summer break. Yoochun found his way through the crowd, waving goodbye to his friends. Yoochun was officially done with high school, and, as he glanced up at the blue sky dotted with clouds all around him, he realized he couldn’t be happier that weight was now off his shoulders. In the fall, he would start college. A new adventure awaited him.

“Hey Micky, wanna hang out? Me and Dylan are going to the skate park later,” asked Yoochun’s friend and (now former) classmate, Chandler.

Yoochun snapped out of his reverie to answer. “Man, I’d love to but I have to go straight home today.”

Chandler nodded in understanding, his dirty blonde hair swishing over a tanned brow. “Aw, that’s too bad. Well, see you tomorrow then,” he said with a wave, and then stepped on his skateboard and rolled away.

Yoochun watched him for a moment, listening to the whirring of the skateboard’s wheels against the pavement, and then plugged his earbuds in and began the short walk back to his house. He hummed along to The Temptations as they sang to his soul all the way home.

“Mom, I’m back,” Yoochun called, taking off his shoes at the entrance.

“Hey sweetie.” His mother responded from the couch in the living area. She always spoke Korean with Yoochun. Yoochun didn’t mind, though he responded in English most of the time.

“So, I have good news!”

Yoochun raised an eyebrow as he set down his bag. “What is it, mom?”

“We’re going to Korea this summer! You and I are going to go see your grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles and my old friends!”

“O-oh, that’s um, great! Uh. Yeah. Awesome.”

His mom smiled sympathetically. “I’m sorry, I know there might have been other things you wanted to do this summer. But I think we’ll have a really good time together.”

Yoochun smiled. He didn’t get to spend much time with his mom because of school and just being a typical American teenager with friends (and the occasional secret skateboarding competition). He felt bad about it, especially since she didn’t have a husband to spend time with anymore. Yoochun had gotten over his parents’ divorce (or so he liked to think) but he had a creeping guilt that his mom was lonelier now because of it.

He put on his bravest face. “I think so too, mom—or, uh, umma.” He grinned, and his mom laughed.

“That’s right, you’re going to have to practice speaking Korean more now.”

Hearing his mother’s laugh made Yoochun happy. He’d try his best for her.

“Um, what about Ricky though?” Yoochun asked. A trip to another country would be okay as long as he had his younger brother by his side.

At that, his mom’s face fell. “Sweetie, Yoohwan can’t come with us.”

“Why not?”

“He got accepted into a very prestigious summer volunteering program at the hospital near downtown. He’s going to stay with your father while he participates in the program this summer.”

“He’s what? He’s going to stay with him?”

“Yoochun-ah…”

“No. That’s not okay.” Yoochun could feel his voice rising, could sense the blood rushing into his face, reddening his cheeks with the heat of anger. “Dad is crazy, if Yoohwan’s staying with him I’ll stay with him, too. I can’t let him do that alone.”

At that point Yoohwan came out of his bedroom. He made his way to Yoochun and looked between his brother and their mom.

“Hyung,” he said, and Yoochun already felt his anger beginning to dissipate. There was only one Korean word their mother insisted on them using in the household, and that was for Yoohwan to properly address Yoochun as his older brother. “Hyung, I’ll be fine. I promise. You should go and have fun.”

Yoochun looked at him in disbelief and felt his heart clench. “How can you say that? What if he yells at you all the time? What if he makes you sad?”

The younger brother smiled and shook his head. “Idiot. It’s just three months. I’ll hardly be home anyways. The volunteers get three meals a day because the shift is so long. I’ll pretty much only be home to sleep.”

“Then why don’t you just stay here by yourself?!” Yoochun cried, exasperated.

“Mom thinks I’ll invite girls over and get them pregnant.”

They both looked at their mom pointedly. “I don’t think that specifically! It’s just not appropriate for a teenage boy to be by himself for so long, okay?”

Yoochun sighed. “Will you really be okay, Rick?”

“I really will be.”

“I already bought our plane tickets…” their mom said softly.

Yoochun closed his eyes and scrambled to gather his emotions. “Alright. Fine. But you,” he looked his brother in the eye, “if anything happens, even if it’s minor—if he says weird shit or he’s being mean to you or he makes you feel like crap and you need to talk, call me, okay?”

“You got it, hyung.”

Yoochun packed light. One suitcase to check in and a backpack to take on the plane. He’d had a hard time packing for this trip because he’d never traveled abroad before. At one point his brother caught him packing his desklamp for nightreading and laughed at him until Yoochun put it back, embarrassed.

The day after Yoochun’s graduation ceremony, he and his mother got a ride to the airport from a kind neighbor. After checking in their luggage, printing their boarding passes, trudging through security, and walking the long distance to their gate, all that was left to do was wait. Yoochun wanted to pass the time by listening to music, but decided against it to save battery on his devices for the actual flight. Instead, he read the one book he had brought with him, but his excitement was so overwhelming that he couldn’t even concentrate long enough to get through a single page.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the airline employee announced that it was time to board over a staticy intercom. Yoochun seized his backpack and stood in line patiently with his mother. The line moved swiftly, and before he knew it the airline employee was scanning his boarding pass and sending him onto the plane.

It was a huge Boeing 747 aircraft. Air hosts and hostesses greeted him as he stepped in and made his way down the aisle, looking down at his boarding pass and back up at the seat number markings alternatively. Finally, when he located his row, he stashed his mother’s carry-on in the overhead compartment, then sat down. Thankfully, he had a window seat. It was going to be a long flight, so he was glad for the view, especially since this airline really skimped on legroom and didn’t have a great selection of films to watch. Just before takeoff, he texted his brother.

About to take off. Turning off my phone. Miss u already rickster. Be safe and remember to call me :-)

Yoochun wasn’t really huge on going to church and all that, but he figured now was a good time to ask God for protection and safe travel, so he did. Then he plugged in his earbuds, leaned back in his economy class blue fabric seat.

He drifted in and out of sleep throughout the flight. Movies and music could only keep him awake for so long before his body caved in to its need for rest, though the cramped space didn’t allow him to sleep for too long at once. More than once he lifted the window shade and looked out.

Oceans and twinkling cities sprawled beneath him, and he gazed in wonder at the wide world. There was still so much for him to discover. Excitement thrummed in his veins as he stared at the dimming periwinkle-pink sky, imagining just what this summer might have in store for him.

At Incheon airport, Yoochun followed his mom closely as he looked around, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He’d never been outside America before, and his area in Virginia was fairly diverse. It was no New York City or Houston, but there were some black kids, some Asian kids, some Latino kids and so on in his classes and around his neighborhood. He’d really never seen such a huge crowd of people all with the same jet-black hair color, the same Korean features. It would take getting used to.

“Sis!” his mother called out, her voice ringing with happiness.

“Ah! My little sister has returned,” came the voice of a lady who Yoochun knew to be his aunt, Mina. “And there he is, Mr. Park Yoochun. Oh my, what a handsome boy you’ve become. Your mother hasn’t sent me photos in ages so I had no idea you’d grown up to be this dashing.”

Yoochun managed a sheepish smile, a bow, and a heavily accented greeting. His aunt laughed kindly. “Jaejoong-ah! Come take your cousin’s bags.”

Oh. That name sounded familiar. Jaejoong was one of his many cousins that Yoochun had never met, just talked to a few times awkwardly over the phone on a poor quality international call.

“Um, hi. I’m Yoochun. Nice to finally meet you in person, Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong smiled. He was good-looking in the way American boys never were—he was pretty where boys in America were ruggedly handsome. Yoochun could tell that Jaejoong applied light makeup and took care of his hair, skin, and clothing. Yoochun suddenly felt very frumpy in his baggy jeans and holey t-shirt.

“Hi there, nice to meet you too.” Jaejoong smiled. “Looks like we were born in the same year, so you don’t have to call me hyung or anything.”

Oh yeah, honorifics. Yoochun had almost about those. “Oh man,” he groaned as Jaejoong took his suitcase.

“What’s up?”

Yoochun began explaining that his Korean sucked, and frankly, he had no idea how he wassupposed to act around elders and stuff since he didn’t have any Korean friends or family in the States.

By the time they were getting into the huge family van to go to Yoochun’s aunt’s house, Jaejoong had an arm slung around Yoochun’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, Yoochun-ah. Hyung’s going to take good care of you.” Yoochun, though still shocked by his surroundings, found it easy to laugh and relax into his cousin’s embrace.

It turned out that Jaejoong and Yoochun were perfect for each other. They became fast friends despite the slight language barrier. Jaejoong just laughed at Yoochun’s accent and helped him fill in the words he didn’t know in a way that didn’t make Yoochun feel too stupid. Once they got past the communication issue, the two cousins had a million and one things in common like music, video games, and a secret hobby of song-writing, despite being brought up in totally different countries.

Jaejoong’s room was nice. He had a tall bookshelf that had more CD’s and casette tapes than it did actual books, which Yoochun related to and approved of whole-heartedly. The desk looked “neat” in that tried-to-clean-quickly-before-the-relatives-got-here kind of way. Yoochun felt right at home.

“So, you’re going to be here the whole summer, huh?”

“Yeah, seems so. Sorry man, I hope I’m not bothering you. I don’t know how I’d feel if I had to share my room with someone else for my whole break.”

Jaejoong shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. At least you’re a guy. Probably won’t be as bad as sharing a room with one of my sisters.”

“Haha, I guess so.” Yoochun leaned back against the wall and turned over a CD in his hands. “So, do you have a girlfriend?”

Jaejoong grinned. Now they were getting to the good stuff. “No. Had one, didn’t really…enjoy it.”

Yoochun’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“What about you?”

“Nothing serious. I’ve gone on dates with a few girls. Sometimes several dates with the same girl. But uh, yeah, no actual relationships.”

“Boyfriend?”

Yoochun felt heat creep up his cheeks. “Uh, no.”

Jaejoong laughed. “I think we’re going to get close this summer. I’m looking forward to it.”

Yoochun found a corner in Jaejoong’s closet for his suitcase and a hook on the wall over his roll-out bed for his backpack. After his long, exhausting travel, Yoochun wanted nothing more than a hot shower. But first, he sent a text to Yoohwan.

I miss you D: my Korean sucks and I feel like an idiot. Come to meeee

The reply came quickly.

Hyung, you’re smart, you’ll pick it up really fast. I miss you too!

Smiling, he grabbed a towel and a pair of sleeping clothes from his suitcase and headed toward the bathroom.

He knocked on the door and one of his cousins yelled back angrily: “I’m not done yet!”

“S-sorry!” he stammered.

Eventually, Eunha came out of the bathroom and when she saw it was Yoochun, the guest, and not one of her siblings she apologized profusely. “Oh gosh, sorry I yelled! I didn’t mean to. Um, here, lemme show you how to use the shower.”

Yoochun smiled and nodded politely and struggled desperately to understand what she was saying, but it was rather difficult because she didn’t speak calmly like Jaejoong or his mother; instead she had some kind of teenage girl dialect affecting all her words and intonations. Yoochun tried to pay close attention as she explained how to adjust the water’s temperature and how to turn the shower head on and off.

“You got it?”

“Uh—yeah! Thank you!”

She smiled. “No problem.”

Eunha left the bathroom and Yoochun sighed in relief. He set down his clothes on the counter and stared at the shower head, scowling at it as though it were offending him by being so complicated.

Eventually, he got it, and it was the sweetest relief. He closed his eyes and allowed the hot water scald off all the grossness that comes with traveling on a closed cabin for fourteen hours and relax him. Without meaning to, he let the sound of rushing water to take him back to the times he’d borrowed his mom’s car on the weekend and drive down to the beach. Sometimes with his brother, but mostly by himself. He’d get up early Saturday morning and drive two and a half hours to see the ocean. He’d go there and just sit by the water, watching it. It was strange—he’d only been in Korea for a few hours and yet he already missed home.

He finished washing up, put on his sleeping clothes and headed to the kitchen in hopes of finding his mom and quietly telling her a quick ‘good night’ so as to not disturb anyone else in case they were already in bed. But what he found was her, along with his aunt, uncle, grandparents, and all 9 cousins spread around the dining and living areas, eating a huge dinner and passing around bowls for dessert.

“Yoochun-ah!” called all his relatives at once. He blinked.

“You must be so tired after your travel. Good thing you already bathed. Here, come and eat and then go to sleep!” said his aunt.

“Yoochun, first come greet your grandparents,” said his mom.

He walked up to them and bowed politely and said hello. They laughed and pulled him in for a gruff hug. It warmed his heart. He felt welcomed.

“Poor boy, you must be so exhausted. Don’t sleep on an empty stomach though! You won’t sleep well. Here, take this,” said his grandfather, already building a plate of mountains of rice, grilled vegetables, grilled beef and various sides for him.

“Ey, what are you doing! He’s not going to be able to stomach all that right now; he just came from America! Just give him rice,” his grandmother snapped. They seemed to be the typical old married couple.

Yoochun chuckled. “Thank you. I’ll eat well.”

“Your Korean’s so good,” his aunt praised. Yoochun bit back a laugh. He’d only said a few words and they were already flattering him. It made him feel really good.

He made his way over to the living area where all his cousins were on the couches, floor, or seated around the center table, eating and talking.

“Oh, Yoochun-ah! We’re going to play card games after dinner, maybe watch a movie. Wanna join us?”

From the dining table, his aunt yelled: “HEY! The boy’s just traveled halfway across the world, let him rest!”

Yoochun laughed out loud. “It’s okay Auntie, I think I can stay up for one game.”

“Yesss!” echoed several of his cousins. Yoochun smiled. This summer was going to be great.

The next day, Yoochun woke up at two in the afternoon. Jetlag was going to be a problem for a while. He quickly changed and brushed his teeth and then found Jaejoong playing video games in the living room.

“Hey, you’re up!”

“Yeah, finally. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. Wanna do anything today?”

“Sure, like what?”

Jaejoong grinned. “There’s a lot of things you need to eat while you’re here. Number one summertime treat: patbingsu.”

Yoochun tilted his head to one side in question. “Never heard of it. What’s that?”

Jaejoong clutched his chest and fell to the ground dramatically. “It’s heaven, that’s what it is! Sweet, icy, heaven.”

Yoochun laughed loudly at his cousin’s antics. “Alright, alright! Sounds good.”

“Great, lemme get ready.”

When Jaejoong went into his room to change, Yoochun went to look for his mom and found her sitting on the balcony with her sister.

“Mom, Jaejoong and I are going out.”

“Oh wow, already? Alright, have fun. Be safe, sweetie.”

Jaejoong came in and grabbed his arm. “Let’s go!”

“Jaejoong, take Changmin with you two,” said Yoochun’s aunt.

“Huh? Why?”

Mina frowned. “He’s your friend, too, right? You shouldn’t abandon your friends just because you’re on break!”

“Mom…he lives next door. I can literally see him any time.” Jaejoong sounded more genuinely confused than he did annoyed.

“Then that’s even less of an excuse to not meet up with him!”

“Alright alright, I’ll ask if he wants to come!” Jaejoong said. “Come on Yoochun, let’s go. You have money, right?”

“Oh, yeah, I exchanged some at the airport. Should last me the first few weeks.”

After they left, Yoochun’s mom turned back to her sister. “What was that about?”

Mina sighed. “Oh, Inju…what can I say? Shim Changmin is the oldest son of the family next door. He’s a wonderful kid, really. And he’s been having a hard time since his father fell ill. I just thought it’d be good to look out for him, you know, make sure he still has a chance to go out and do things kids his age should do.”

Inju smiled sympathetically. “That’s nice of you to look out for your neighbor. Hopefully he and Yoochun can get along, too. I’d like for him to make some Korean friends while he’s here.”

Mina nodded. “Yes, he should. In fact, he should make so many that he never wants to go back and I can keep him and you here with me forever.”

They laughed together, happy to be in each other’s company again after so many years of being oceans apart.

“So, who’s this Changmin kid?”

Jaejoong and Yoochun walked side by side, heading to the neighboring house. “He lives next door to us, goes to my school. He’s two years younger than me.”

“Oh, so a year and a half younger than me. About my brother’s age.”

“Sucks your brother couldn’t come, they could’ve become friends. Are you guys close?”

Yoochun grinned as they stepped up to the door to Changmin’s house. “Yeah, we’re really close. I miss him.”

Jaejoong returned the smile and rang the bell. A girl, Changmin’s sister, answered.

“Oh, hi Jaejoong-oppa. What’s up?”

“Hey Sooyeon. Is Changmin home?”

“Yeah, let me get him, hang on.” Jaejoong motioned at Yoochun to cover his ears. Before he could comprehend and follow the warning, Sooyeon yelled into the house: “HEY! JAEJOONG IS HERE!”

“I thought you said you’d go get him!” Yoochun grumbled, rubbing his ear. Jaejoong shook his head, letting Yoochun know that this happened often.

Then Changmin came into view. He was tall. Really tall. I didn’t know Koreans could be this tall, Yoochun thought to himself. Wait, dammit, that’s racist. Wait, can I be racist to my own race?

“Oh, hi Jaejoong-hyung. What’s up?” Changmin smiled, then glanced at Yoochun. “Um, hi, I’m Changmin. Hyung, who’s he?”

“He’s my cousin from the states, Yoochun. He’s your hyung, too.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay, you don’t have to call me hyung if you don’t want to,” Yoochun responded sheepishly, still not used to the hierarchy of ages here.

Changmin raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? Cool. Nice to meet you, Yoochun.”

“I’m showing Yoochun around today. We’re going to get patbingsu. Wanna come with?”

Changmin’s eyebrows drew together. He glanced back into the house and then bit his lip. “Uh, I’m not sure…”

“Oh, come on now. It’s already been a week of break and you haven’t gone out at all. Go ahead, I’ll stay in today,” said Sooyeon, who’d been lingering at the doorway.

Changmin frowned. “Are you sure?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay then…uh, let me get ready really fast,” Changmin said, and raced upstairs to change his clothes.

Sooyeon went back into the house, leaving Jaejoong and Yoochun lingering at the door.

“Are you two friends?” Yoochun asked.

Jaejoong shrugged. “Yeah I guess. He’s nice, I like him, but he’s kind of shy and I’m kind of…out there so we usually don’t have too much in common. I sometimes dote on him, but since he’s the oldest in his family he’s not really used to that, haha.”

Yoochun nodded. A few minutes passed and Changmin came back down in day clothes.

“Let’s go!”

Yoochun, Jaejoong, and Changmin walked ten minutes to the nearest subway station. It was wicked hot out. Yoochun was only wearing a light t-shirt but he could feel sweat forming at his brow as the sun beat down on him. Jaejoong had probably applied some sort of sunscreen skin product before they left the house, and Changmin was wearing a cap. Yoochun would have to remember to do one of those things before he left the house next time or else his mom would probably get mad at him for letting himself get sunburnt.

When they got to the subway Jaejoong helped Yoochun purchase a transportation card. They went up to the guy at the window and Yoochun asked for “one transportation card, please” in his halting Korean. The guy’s lips quirked in a half-smile at Yoochun’s accent and accepted his money for the transportation pass.

First real life interaction using Korean, down. That wasn’t so bad, Yoochun thought.

The three boys hopped on the subway, just making it in before the doors shut with a swish behind them, and rushed into the few open seats. Jaejoong kept asking questions about life in America, and Yoochun didn’t mind answering. He liked that Jaejoong was trying to get to know him, and he felt good that he could provide information to someone without that knowledge.

Changmin glanced at the subway map. “Hyung, why are we taking the subway just to go for shaved ice? Couldn’t we have gone somewhere closer, like, just taken the bus a few stops down?”

“Yeah, but I wanted to take Yoochun to a cool place.”

“Oh, I see. Yoochun, do you like it here so far?”

Yoochun blinked. The kid sounded so mature for some reason. Definitely older than himself or Jaejoong. “Yeah, I do. Everyone’s been so nice. I feel really welcomed. I miss my brother but when I’m at Jaejoong’s house it’s like I have 9 more siblings to make up for it.”

Changmin smiled. “That’s good. I hope you enjoy your time here.”

“Thanks.”

“Our stop’s here,” Jaejoong said, pulling on Yoochun’s sleeve. “Let’s go!”

“I love patbingsu,” Yoochun said. His lips had turned pink from the icy treat covered in mangos, strawberries and drizzled with condensed milk, and his eyes were wide with the revelation of sweet delight.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Jaejoong said, grinning from ear to ear. Yoochun must have looked pretty stupid with his eyes bulging and mouth hanging open because even Changmin was laughing at him, his gums exposed and eyes mismatched.

“It’s so good. Can I have another one?”

“Yeah dude, of course.”

Yoochun ordered another, this time with lychees on the side and more condensed milk poured over the top.

“You really like sweets, huh?” Changmin giggled.

“Mhm,” Yoochun managed with his mouthful of ice. Then he seemed to remember he was with company, and held out the next spoonful for Jaejoong.

“Want some more?”

“Sure, thanks,” Jaejoong said, closing his mouth around the spoon.

“And, uh, Changmin too?” Yoochun asked just to be polite, even though it was kind probably kind of weird for him to spoon-feed a kid he’d just met today.

“Oh, um, no it’s okay, I’ve had enough. You eat.”

Yoochun nodded and put the spoonful of shaved ice, chilled lychee, and sweet condensed milk in his own mouth. From the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Changmin take another glance at his lips as they closed around the spoon.

They walked around the area, glancing into shops and enjoying being in a place where the atmosphere was so lively. They talked as they walked, about anything and everything. About their favorite singers, foods, living in the states and how it was different from Korea. Changmin was slowly engaging more in the conversation, asking questions and responding and offering his own opinions. It was nice. Yoochun felt really happy. He never thought he’d be able to feel so comfortable during just his first few day in another country.

Of course, his Korean still sucked. He’d often have to use the English word, which Changmin would usually be able to pick up (and Jaejoong usually would not) and then Changmin would try to translate. It was frustrating and tiring and the other two laughing at Yoochun took some getting used to, but it was a small price to pay for the excellent company.

After an hour or so, the three walked into a coffee shop and ordered drinks. Jaejoong was just about to sit down when someone called him from behind.

“Jaejoong!”

He turned around. “Junsu! Hey, what are you doing here?”

Junsu made his way over to their table. “I was actually about to meet Yunho. We were going to go to a movie with some of the people in our class. Um, but, who are your friends.”

“Oh yeah, this is Changmin. He goes to our school.”

“That’s right, I’ve seen you around. But for some reason I never met you…?”

“I’m in the grade below you, that’s why.”

“And this is Yoochun, my cousin. He’s from the states.”

“Oh, cool! Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“Hey,” Junsu said, “you guys should join us for the movie tonight. If you want to.”

Jaejoong looked to Yoochun. “Do you want to? We can call and ask our parents if it’s okay to stay out a bit later.”

Yoochun bit his lip and looked toward Changmin who already looked like he was going to say no.

“You know, that’s really nice of you to invite me but I just got here yesterday. I wanted to spend some time with my cousins and grandparents. But I’ll be here all summer, so many next time, yeah?”

Junsu nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, I totally understand! Next time, then.”

Their buzzer rang. Jaejoong went to go get the drinks and a guy, Yunho, walked in through the door. Junsu waved him over and introduced him to Yoochun.

“Nice to meet you, Yoochun,” Yunho said with a thousand-watt smile. “Sorry, by the way, is my accent hard to understand?”

Yoochun tilted his head to one side. “What accent?”

There was a beat of silence, then Changmin, Junsu, and Jaejoong, who’d just come back with their drinks, all burst into laughter.

“Dude,” Jaejoong said, “now I understand the effect of not being around Koreans all your life. You really can’t hear it?”

“No?” Yoochun said, pouting slightly.

“This guy,” Junsu said, pointing at Yunho, “is from the countryside. Gwangju. He just moved here a couple of years ago.”

“Oh.”

“Okay,” Changmin said, trying to speak through his peals of laughter, “our goal by the end of the summer is to make sure Yoochun can tell the difference between a city and country accents.”

Yunho pouted, which was an odd, yet endearing site to see. “You guys are so mean. It’s not even the countryside! It’s a city, you know!”

“We need to educate the ignorant American.” Changmin said, eyes mismatched once more from bubbling laughter.

“I’m on Yunho’s side, you guys are mean,” said Yoochun, but he was laughing too.

After that, Yunho and Junsu left to go meet up with their other friends, and the three sat and drank their coffee.

“How can you drink it black? I thought you like sweet things!” Changmin said.

Yoochun winked. “I’m a man of many contradictions.”

Changmin looked unimpressed. “How do you know the word ‘contradictions’?”

“My mom uses it when she’s yelling about my good looks and horrible dressing.”

“Oh, yeah, about that,” Jaejoong said, tongue swiping out to gather foam from his drink that had gathered on his lips, “if you don’t mind, we should probably go shopping some time while you’re here. I can’t be seen with you if you’re going to dress like that.”

Yoochun supposed he should be offended but instead he found himself laughing so hard his eyes were tearing up. “Yeah, sure, we can shop for clothes.”

“Thank God.”

They took the subway back to the stop closes to their neighborhood, but before they went home they stopped at a convenience store.

“Let’s get some snacks!” Jaejoong said. “We can eat them if we stay up playing games or whatever.”

Changmin nodded in agreement. He was always in the mood for food.

They ended up buying cup ramyun, chips, jellies, sodas, chocolate-covered candy sticks and a bunch of other stuff. It only ended up being around ten dollars. Yoochun was in heaven.

Changmin paid for his stuff, juggling two armfuls of various snacks. He looked like a kid then, smiling with excitement for his treats. It was kind of endearing. Yoochun wondered why, except for that moment, Changmin always seemed so adult-ish. He was oddly glad that there were a few moments where the kid could…well, be a kid.

Just as Changmin was finishing paying for his things, Yoochun turned to the cashier again. “Oh, I almost forgot. I’d like a pack of cigarettes, please,” he said, fishing out another few bills from his pocket.

The cashier eyed him. “Which brand?”

“Just give me that one,” he said, pointing.

Then he heard a loud clattering and noticed Changmin, who was staring at him with eyes distant and expressionless. His snacks had been dropped onto the floor.

“Are you okay?” Yoochun asked.

“You smoke?”

“Uh, yeah, sometimes. Why?”

“Why do you smoke?”

Yoochun winced inwardly. “I don’t know, I don’t do it that much. Doesn’t everyone here smoke?”

Changmin looked ready to scream. “Yeah,” he replied, his tone sharp and unforgiving. “Everyone here does. Somehow I thought an American kid would be different.”

Yoochun felt anger swirl in his gut. “Yeah most kids back home don’t but since I’m obviously ill-mannered gutter trash, I do. If you don’t wanna hang out with me because of it then that’s fine, I don’t really give a fuck.”

The air went still between them.

“Sir, here’s your cigarettes,” the cashier said. Yoochun grabbed it, stuffed it in one of his bags of snacks and called out to Jaejoong. “Let’s go,” he said, and walked out.

Yoochun was silent and brooding the whole walk home. Jaejoong didn’t know what to do to make his cousin feel better because he’d only known him for a day.

The whole family ate dinner together, the cousins played board games together while the grown-ups settled down for tea, and then it was time to go to bed. Yoochun washed up and changed into sleeping clothes, then slipped outside, taking his cigarettes with him.

He’d smoked through half of one stick before he heard the door open and close behind him.

“Hey,” said Jaejoong.

“I hope you’re not about to lecture me.”

“Actually, I was going to ask if I could have one. I just ran out.”

Yoochun raised an eyebrow. “You smoke?”

“Just like you said, everyone here does.”

“Except Changmin, apparently.”

“There’s a few kids like him. Junsu doesn’t either. Yunho rarely does, it’s more of a social thing for him.”

Yoochun handed one to Jaejoong and passed him the lighter.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, Yoochun, about Changmin…”

“I don’t really wanna talk about that kid right now,” Yoochun whined, petulant.

“No, you have to hear this. There’s a reason he’s kind of anal about people smoking. His dad’s been a heavy smoker for decades and he just got diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. Changmin’s a smart kid, you know? He knew the dangers and would always beg his dad to quit, or at least cut back. Anyways, his dad’s probably going to die pretty soon because he’s freaked out by cancer treatment and refuses to do anything other than take weak traditional medicines.”

Yoochun’s jaw dropped. “I didn’t—I had no idea.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “I know. It’s not your fault. But Changmin’s a sweet kid and you were kind of harsh. He didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry. God I always mess shit up.”

Jaejoong slung an arm around his cousin’s shoulders. “Chin up, buddy. Tomorrow’s a new day. You can go apologize to him in the morning then you, me, Changmin and whoever else wants to come can go do some sightseeing. There’s a bunch of cool historical stuff here that I’ve never visited because I’m a native, but now that we have an alien there’s an excuse!”

Yoochun laughed and nodded. “Sounds good. Thanks Jaejoong.”

They finished their cigarettes in comfortable silence, exhaling puffs of white smoke into the clear summer night, and then headed back inside together to sleep.

a/n: HELLO! i've been working on this fic for a while and it's the longest thing i've ever written. there will be several chapters, but i'm not sure how many. anyways, i hope you enjoy~ if you did, PLEASE leave a comment! they encourage me and make me feel that the hours of writing are not hours wasted!

and to my yoomin tlist.....this is dedicated to you all ♥ merry christmas ♥

be my friend! twitter | k-pop tumblr

Darling Demure (1b/1b)

keyhun — Thu, 27 Oct 2016 12:52:26 GMT

part 1

Changmin and Yoochun didn’t tell their bandmates immediately. They wanted to enjoy the privacy of their relationship for as long as they could before being subject to questions and suggestions and reminders of the dire need to be discreet.

They held hands under the table and cuddled in their room and kissed when no one was looking. Changmin was steadily growing more confident in kissing. He was now able to successfully corner Yoochun after coming home from a schedule and back him up into the wall. Yoochun’s eyes would glimmer with excitement at Changmin’s newfound boldness and he would let himself be handled. Changmin would grab Yoochun’s wrists and pin them to the wall and then kiss the life out of him.

They knew the bubble wouldn’t last forever.

One day, Changmin had Yoochun underneath him on the bed and was taking his first proper taste of Yoochun’s tantalizing neck when Jaejoong waltzed in without knocking.

“Hey Yoochun do you have my sweat—oh shit, what the hell?”

Changmin quickly retracted and looked at Jaejoong like a deer in headlights. He gave some very intelligent defense of his actions. “Uh, um, uh.”

Yoochun sat up and pulled the comforter up to cover his bare chest (as if Jaejoong hadn’t seen him naked a million times). “Can you get out? And keep your mouth shut for like five minutes? We’ll explain later.”

“Uhh…I guess.” Jaejoong’s mouth was opening and closing like a fish’s might. “Ok. Bye.” He ran out and closed the door behind him.

Yoochun sighed and sagged back down into the bed.

“Shit, Yoochun, now what are we going to do?”

Yoochun lit a cigarette with the lighter he kept in his drawer and sighed. “There’s nothing we can do. Jaejoong knows.”

Changmin whimpered. “But I liked it like this…No one saying anything to us…god, and Jaejoong’s so nosy.”

Yoochun chuckled and opened his arms so Changmin could settle in on Yoochun’s thin chest. “I know, baby,” he said, voice deep and rumbling. He stroked the side of Changmin’s face and tilted his chin up with his fingertips. “I wanted to enjoy you properly before everyone stuck their big noses into our business.” Yoochun sighed again. “But it can’t be helped. Let’s hope he doesn’t tell Yunho and Junsu right away.”

After much begging and pleading, Jaejoong acquiesced to Yoochun and Changmin’s request to keep their relationship on the down low for as long as he possibly could.

“Fine, fine I won’t tell! Just…what the hell? When did this even start?”

Changmin rolled his eyes. The nosiness had begun. “Right after your dick fell off and got stuck in Yunho’s butt, remember?”

Yoochun’s eyes teared with the effort of holding back laughter. Jaejoong punched Changmin’s arm. “Okay, fine. I get it. You don’t want me ruining your little bubble. I was just curious…”

“You have your own relationship to worry about,” Yoochun said gently. He was always gentle. “You don’t need to concern yourself about ours.”

Jaejoong glared at him. “I will most certainly concern myself about this! Changmin is a baby! What on earth do you think you’re doing, you complete sleaze!”

At this, Changmin returned Jaejoong’s punch to the arm. “I am not a fucking baby. I’m literally only two years younger than you so I don’t know why you’ve always thought you can talk down to me like you do.”

Jaejoong scowled. “I have a secret you want me to keep. I could really use this to my advantage.”

“Hyung, don’t be a dick,” Yoochun said cautiously.

“Call me hyung, Changminnie, and I won’t tell Yunho or Junsu about your dirty little secret.”

“Yoochun is not my dirty little secret, Jaejoong-hyung. He is my boyfriend and I care about him. I just don’t want people to know yet. I want to have this—our relationship—all to ourselves for as long as we can. We’re both really private people. We want this to be private. So, Hyung, I’d appreciate it if you could keep this quiet for a while.”

“Fine.”

Changmin smiled. He took Yoochun’s hand. “Thanks.”

Jaejoong eyed them warily but then returned the smile. “Yeah, of course. I love you guys. I’d do anything for you.”

That night, Yoochun wouldn’t let Changmin sleep. He was insatiable.

“Hyung, oh fuck,” Changmin whined. Yoochun had him pinned to the bed and was on a mission to memorize every curve, edge and bump of Changmin’s upper body with his mouth. He’d already sucked pink marks onto Changmin’s neck, and now Yoochun was feasting on the tight muscle of Changmin’s chest.

“Ah—yeah, yeah.”

“You’re so gorgeous.” Yoochun kissed his way down Changmin’s sternum. One of Changmin’s hands fisted the sheets and the other arm was wrapped around Yoochun’s back, fingernails digging into his skin. Yoochun licked his way across Changmin’s chest and flicked his tongue out at Changmin’s nipple.

“Shit, yeah.” Changmin rolled his hips up involuntarily.

“You have a dirty fucking mouth,” Yoochun gasped, grinding his hips down to meet Changmin’s. He fastened his lips around the hardened nub and teased the other nipple with his fingers.

“Wha—ahh—what are you going to do about it?”

Yoochun didn’t need to use words to respond. He snaked his free hand downwards between their bodies and cupped Changmin’s cock through his pajamas. They’d been dating for a few weeks and between all the crazy schedules and flights and sleep deprivation, they hadn’t gotten a chance to get this far, no matter how much they’d wanted to. On more than one occasion their make out sessions had left them unsatisfied, but they’d had no choice but to put off this moment. Now, they finally had time.

“Oh, oh god, yes.”

“I wanna get you off, Changminnie. Can I?”

“Stop asking. Yes, do it.”

Yoochun kept laving at Changmin’s nipples and massaging his cock through the two layers of cotton fabric. He could feel Changmin growing hard and hot under his hand. Changmin continued moaning under him and rolling his hips up to buck into Yoochun’s hand and he kept pleading and whimpering. Yoochun grew hard so fast it made him dizzy.

Unable to tease any longer, Yoochun pulled back. He yanked down the covers.

“Lift up your hips, babe.”

Changmin obeyed and helped Yoochun in taking off his pants. His underwear had a wet spot on them where his pre-cum had leaked onto it.

Yoochun dove down and nosed along the fabric. He could smell Changmin. He could smell his want.

“Take it off me,” Changmin whined. “Hurry.”

Finally, Yoochun pulled Changmin’s underwear down and off. Changmin’s erection stood out proudly, thick and red with a vein winding around the underside.

“I’m going to make you cum, baby,” Yoochun said into Changmin’s mouth as they kissed open-mouthed and messy. “Gonna make you cum so hard.”

“Do it, fuck—just do it already.”

Yoochun crawled down Changmin’s body and felt Changmin’s fingers in his hair. He loved how much confidence Changmin had gained in the few weeks they’d been dating. Yoochun had been having to exercise a great deal of patience to make sure he wasn’t rushing Changmin into anything he wasn’t ready for, but now, Changmin was ready. And Yoochun was more than ready.

He took Changmin into his mouth and sucked. He bobbed his head up and down on Changmin’s cock, going deeper with each movement.

Changmin threw his head back and moaned with abandon. He forgot all about everything else—he couldn’t be bothered to try to keep quiet. This was too good. It was so much better than watching porn in the dark and using his hand.

“Yes, yes, hyung, oh god.”

Hearing Changmin moan like that made Yoochun’s cock twitch. He reached into his pants and fisted himself as he sucked Changmin off and soon it was hard to breath. Pulling off of the top of Changmin’s erection, he mouthed down the side and then up the other. He pressed the tip of his tongue into the slit and sucked on the fat, red crown and licked up the underside.

Changmin kept panting and making little high pitched ah, hah, ah noises that drove Yoochun wild and made him light-headed.

“Come on baby,” he urged as he licked at Changmin’s balls.

Suddenly, Changmin’s body shuddered intensely and he came in long white ropes. Yoochun caught the last spurt in his mouth and swallowed as he held Changmin’s clouded gaze. He continued to fist himself until Changmin batted his hand away and wrapped his own hand around Yoochun instead.

“Oh, yeah,” Yoochun moaned. He fell onto his side next to Changmin and pulled him in for a hot, needy kiss as Changmin jerked him off.

Changmin twirled his hand around Yoochun’s cock. He teased the slit with his blunt fingernail and Yoochun broke their kiss to gasp desperately. Almost instinctively, Changmin nosed down Yoochun’s jaw and neck and licked at the sweat on his skin.

“You like that, huh?”

“Fuck, fuck fuck Changmin oh god.”

Changmin’s stomach churned. He hadn’t realized how much he liked the sound of his own name until Yoochun gasped it like that. He pumped his hand faster up and down Yoochun’s cock and Yoochun thrusted his hips in an act of complete desperation.

“I’m not gonna last I’m gonna cum,” Yoochun panted.

“No one’s asking you to last.” Changmin bit out, amazed at his own ability to string together more than two words.

Yoochun clutched at Changmin’s shoulders and dug his nails into Changmin’s sweaty skin and yelled ohh as he came long and hard, spilling his seed all over Changmin’s hand and his own stomach.

Changmin gave Yoochun’s cock a few more tugs for good measure. He examined his hand. It was a total mess, entirely covered in Yoochun’s cum. He stared at it for a moment, then, returning Yoochun’s heavy gaze, he took an experimental lick of the pearly white substance from his fingers.

Yoochun swallowed thickly. Changmin decided he didn’t hate the taste—or Yoochun’s favorable reaction—and licked his fingers up and down and in between.

“Oh, that’s hot, you’re so hot Changminnie,” Yoochun said, still breathless.

“That was really fun. We should do it again soon.”

Yoochun giggled joyfully and slung a leg around Changmin’s hip. “Yes, we should.”

After that night, Changmin and Yoochun had a considerably more difficult time trying to keep their hands off one another in front of their bandmates. Jaejoong was the only one who now understood the context behind their heated glances and their hidden smiles. Sometimes Yoochun would just stretch on the couch and his shirt would ride up and it would make Changmin seriously consider just going down on him right there, in front of everyone. He held back only because he liked their secrecy too much.

On occasion, Yunho did go back to his original room that he shared with Changmin and Yoochun would go back to his room with Jaejoong in case the manager was there or because Jaejoong needed to have one of his best-friend/soulmate slumber parties with Yoochun and like twenty bottles of soju.

Tonight was one such night. Jaejoong reclined on his bed and observed Yoochun as he climbed into his bed.

“So what’s it like dating Changmin?”

“Good.”

“Really? That’s all you’re going to tell your best friend about your newest relationship? That it’s good?”

Yoochun sighed and smiled. “Jaejoongie, please, you know how private both Changmin and I are. We’re enjoying ourselves. I really like him, he’s into me. It’s all good.”

“I still can’t really wrap my head around this.”

Yoochun frowned. “I thought you’d be happy for us.”

“Well maybe I would be if either one of you seemed…you know, like a normal couple would.”

“What does that mean?”

“Like, I don’t know, all mushy and happy and giggly. I have no idea how you guys have been able to keep it secret from Yunho and Junsu. When I started dating Yunho I couldn’t keep myself off him no matter who was around. I’m pretty sure most of our staff know, too, just because I’m literally glued to him at the hip whenever I can be.”

“Okay, first of all, you’re gross and need to keep it in your pants.”

Jaejoong threw a pillow at Yoochun, who caught it and threw it right back. It hit Jaejoong in the face and he choked on a swallow of alcohol.

“Second of all, don’t go comparing my relationship to yours. I know we’re soulmates and all but we’re actually very different people, and we’re going to handle our relationships differently.”

“Hmph. Fine. Whatever. But why so secretive? Are you guys into weird S&M shit or something?”

“Jaejoong I swear to god if you don’t shut up I’m going to take your alcohol and throw it out the damn window and it’ll land on your sasaeng fans’ heads and then you’ll have no one to feed your attention whore tendencies.”

“…Damn, okay. Shutting up now.”

Yoochun sighed exasperatedly and settled into his bed. “Thanks. And just so you know, Changmin and I realize we can’t keep it secret forever. We do eventually want Yunho and Junsu to know, but we just don’t see why it has to be now.”

“Okay. I just have one more thing to ask you about.”

“Shoot.”

“I know it’s just his personality but…are you really okay with dating someone who makes so many rude comments to you and everyone else? Like, you won’t get hurt by his sharp tongue and his coldness?”

Yoochun raised an eyebrow. His friend stared at him from across the space between their beds. On Jaejoong’s face was only pure concern.

“Jaejoongie-hyung, honestly, thanks for looking out for me. But you don’t need to worry. Changmin is just different, and I like his sharp tongue. His sarcasm, rudeness, wit, whatever you want to call it—I love that about him. He makes me laugh and there’s never a boring moment with him. I understand him and he’s starting to understand me, too.”

“Alright,” Jaejoong said, now smiling. “And you call me cheesy. Good night.” Jaejoong reached over to the bedside table to turn off the lamp, and Yoochun fell asleep to the smell of soju and the sound of the ceiling fan as it spun slowly above him.

In the room on the other side of the DBSK apartment, a similar conversation was about to take place.

Yunho settled into his bed and noticed that it felt like it hadn’t been used in weeks. He glanced over at Changmin and saw that the youngest was lying closer to the wall that he used to, as if he were leaving room for another person on his bed. Something clicked in Yunho’s brain.

“Changmin?”

“Hm?”

“How long have you and Yoochun been dating?”

Changmin sat bolt upright in his bed and felt his jaw drop. “Did Jaejoong tell you? He promised he wouldn’t! I called him hyung!”

“Shh, Changmin, no. I just guessed. And judging from your reaction, it appears I’ve guessed correctly.”

“Oh. Oh noooo. I didn’t want people to know…”

Yunho’s body went rigid. “Why? Changmin? Is he…taking advantage of you?”

“What the fuck? No! Why do people keep asking me that? I’m nineteen in case you guys hadn’t noticed. I’m not illegal.”

“Okay. Are you sure?”

Changmin rolled his eyes. “I can’t have this conversation with you. He and I are two consenting adults who like each other and are enjoying a romantic association. Not many people know and we’d like to keep it that way. Please stay out of our business.”

“Ooo…kay. Sorry. You’re right, it’s not my business. I just get weirdly protective of you.”

“Honestly hyung, I appreciate the weird older brother-ly obsession you have with guarding my chastity but it’s getting kind of weird. I’m not a baby, as you and Jaejoong both need to realize.”

“R-right…okay…Just…you and Yoochun…why is it so hard to wrap my head around this?”

“Is it really? I feel like we’re kind of obvious. Or maybe you guys are just dumb. Or you’re too busy ogling Jaejoong’s body to notice anything else.”

“Alright, alright, stop insulting me and go to sleep.”

Changmin stifled a chuckle. “Good night Yunho-hyung.”

“Night, weirdo.”

After another week of insane schedules and flying three times a day and not knowing where they were or what language they were supposed to be speaking in, the boys got one full day off. Changmin immediately sequestered himself in his room with Yoochun and they jerked each other off nice and slow while they made out on Changmin’s bed. After they both came, Yoochun pushed Changmin back onto the bed and kissed his way down Changmin’s body.

“You’re young, you can get it up again, can’t you?”

“So can you.” Changmin breathed.

“Yeah, but right now I want to focus on you.”

Yoochun closed his mouth around Changmin’s cock. He was getting good at this. He’d never sucked another guy before but having Changmin in his mouth was an incredibly erotic experience. It almost always resulted in Yoochun getting hard dizzyingly fast as he could literally taste Changmin’s desire for him. His cock was silky and thick and warm and heavy in Yoochun’s mouth and Yoochun had come to love the taste of it.

“You—you’re really good—at this.”

Changmin came for a second time and then rolled them over so Yoochun was beneath him. He kissed him long and deep, and then moved down to leave angry red marks on Yoochun’s neck, chest, and arms. He loved that white skin and the almost perfectly geometrical shapes of Yoochun’s thin body and square shoulders and broad chest.

“Changminnie,” Yoochun murmured, stroking Changmin’s hair as Changmin went down on him. “I want to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Changmin grudgingly abandoned his mission to turn Yoochun’s entire upper body pink with love bites and settled into the bed, warm against Yoochun’s side.

“So now that Jaejoong and Yunho know, I feel like we should let Junsu know, too.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“It’s been nice having this be private and all, but I think I’m ready to share. Just with the other three. For now.”

“Alright. Okay, I guess I am, too.”

Yoochun continued to stroke Changmin’s hair. It was silky and long and Yoochun loved the feeling of it under his fingers.

“You know Changmin, I really love dating you. I like getting to know you more and more every day, and I love kissing you, and I love laying like this with you. I love you.”

Changmin stilled. He realized it was the first time Yoochun had said those words outright.

“I love you, too, hyung.”

Yoochun kissed the top of Changmin’s head. “Thank you.”

“Junsu, we have something to tell you.” Yoochun said. He was holding Changmin’s hand in the living room, for everyone to see. In the kitchen, Jaejoong and Yunho momentarily disengaged from their lip-lock to glance over.

“I already know you guys are dating.” Junsu said plainly without even looking up.

“What?” Changmin asked. “Did one of them tell you?” he jerked his thumb in the direction of the two eldest.

“No, I just figured that out. It was kind of obvious.”

Jaejoong started speed-walking toward Junsu and yelled: “Now hang on just a damn minute how is it that you figured it out and me and Yunho had no idea?”

At this point Yoochun had doubled over laughing and had to use one arm to hang onto Changmin’s shoulder and the other to clutch at his stomach.

“Are you stupid, hyung?” Junsu asked. He still hadn’t looked up from his phone. Probably texting Junho. “They literally are in love with each other but they’re not gross about it like you and Yunho-hyung. You guys are disgusting. They’re normal.”

Jaejoong sank onto the floor dramatically and Yunho rushed to his side even more dramatically to help him up.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Jaejoong assured Yunho and the other three who weren’t listening, “it’s just nothing makes any sense and I no longer believe anything I thought was true.”

Changmin joined Yoochun in laughing and Junsu chuckled, too. Changmin loved Yoochun’s face when he laughed. The way Yoochun’s eyes turned up into crescent moon shapes and the way his laugh lines, etched deep into his skin, showed when he was truly happy—Changmin loved it so much.

“Come here,” Changmin murmured, low and steady, circling his arms around Yoochun’s back.

Yoochun wound his arms around Changmin and leaned into him and kissed him.

“Ugh, god, I take it back, you guys are gross, too,” said Junsu.

Changmin only laughed into Yoochun’s mouth and pulled him closer.

“We have to break them up, Yunho. They’re making being in a homosexual relationship with your fellow boy-band member less special for us,” said Jaejoong.

Yoochun disentangled a hand from Changmin’s hair to flick Jaejoong off, then, without breaking their kiss, began to walk Changmin toward their room. They stumbled and hit the wall several times but eventually made it in, giggling and moaning and grinding.

“I’m getting out of here. I can’t stay around to hear this.” Yunho said. Junsu sighed and put down his phone to follow Yunho out the door, and Jaejoong went to the fridge to get four bottles of soju.

On a clear February morning, Yoochun took Changmin for a walk at first light. They had driven a ways out of the city to a nice, natural and scenic spot that was quiet and devoid of other people.

“This is nice,” Changmin said. He glanced around one more time to make sure there was no one in the vicinity, then took Yoochun’s hand in his.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Feeling brave and bold, Changmin leaned over and planted a kiss on Yoochun’s cheek. It made them both blush, and it made them both fall a little more in love with one another.

“So, Changminnie.”

“Hm?”

“Your birthday is coming up.”

“Yeah.”

“And we’ll be working on that day.”

“Yes.”

“So I’ve prepared your birthday gift a little ahead of time, if you want it.”

Changmin raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“I, uh—well.” Yoochun swallowed nervously. This would likely go really well, but there was always the tiny possibility that it could go horribly wrong. “I got us a—uh—room. A hotel room. Tonight. It’s closer to here than it is to our dorm so, you know, privacy and all.”

Changmin stared at Yoochun for a moment and then laughed. “Why are you so nervous?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want you to think I’m a pervert or something. Or that I’m putting pressure on you to do something with me that you don’t want to do.”

“Oh my god, Yoochun,” Changmin rolled his eyes. “I love you, okay? And this will definitely be the best birthday ever. I totally want my gift.” Changmin pecked Yoochun’s lips. “Thank you for being an amazing boyfriend.”

At that, Yoochun threw his arms around Changmin and kissed him long and hard. “I love you I love you I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and that includes Harang.”

“Wow, are you serious?”

“Okay no I take it back, you’re tied with Harang.”

Changmin lightly punched Yoochun in the stomach. “Bastard.”

“I love you.”

They kept walking around the vast park, talking about this and that and then nothing when they came to a bridge over the babbling brook and watched the sun rise.

After spending the morning and most of the afternoon in the scenic park, they ate lunch in a nearby nondescript family style Korean barbeque restaurant. Somewhere between the third and fourth rounds of meat, Jaejoong called Yoochun’s personal cell. Changmin raised an eyebrow and Yoochun shrugged. They ignored it, but Jaejoong called again. And again.

“I guess I should answer in case anything’s up.” Yoochun grumbled.

Changmin nodded and happily stuffed four pieces of meat into his mouth at once—a new personal record—while Yoochun took the call.

Yoochun stepped outside and answered. “What’s up, Jaejoong?”

“Nothing, just thought I’d call and see how your date’s going,” Jaejoong said. There was something weird about his tone.

“Well it’s going really great and I want to spend my time with Changmin, not talk to you so unless you have anything important to say then bye.”

“No, wait! I do!”

Yoochun sighed. “What is it?”

“Did you bring protection?”

“Are you serious?”

“And lube? You can’t just do it dry, Yoochun, it hurts like a bitch. I should know.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? I’m not a fucking idiot.”

“I’m just looking out for my two friends, okay! I care about your sexual health!”

Yoochun pinched the bridge of his nose. He tried to stay calm. He was on a date with Changmin, the love of his life, and he would not allow Jaejoong’s nosy, inappropriate ass to ruin it.

“Jaejoong, thanks for looking out, but again, you really don’t need to worry. I don’t plan on hurting Changmin, and yes, I have condoms.”

“Okay…good….”

“Bye.”

“Wait!”

“Now what?” Yoochun hissed.

“Just…be careful. And safe. And I love you both. And I’m really happy for you and your relationship.”

“Thanks, weirdo. Bye.”

“Bye-bye.”

Yoochun took a second to compose himself before he went back inside and saw Changmin on his sixth order of meat. His stomach is like a black hole… Yoochun thought to himself.

“Hey,” Changmin said, his mouth full. “What was that about?”

“Just Jaejoong being Jaejoong.”

Changmin snorted and rolled his eyes. “You know he tried to give me a talk the other day. I ran.”

“He is too much.”

“No kidding.” Changmin smiled. “But, to be honest, I think it’s almost kind of sweet that they care so much. I’ve always been used to looking after my sisters, and it’s not horrible having someone look after me instead.”

Yoochun smiled. Changmin would never tell Jaejoong all this, but if he did, it would make Jaejoong happier than ever.

They had a few rounds of tea and glutted themselves on every dessert on the menu. Yoochun took the time to enjoy every last moment. They wouldn’t get to do this again for a long, long time. He stared into Changmin’s eyes as the younger talked animatedly about this and that. They played footsie under the table and it made Changmin blush beautifully. When no one was looking, Yoochun fed Changmin sweets from his hand and watched as Changmin looked up at him from under those long, gorgeous lashes, and he sighed with contentment. Finally, when they were beyond full, they started heading over to the hotel.

Changmin was admittedly nervous. He told as much to Yoochun, who took his hand.

“Babe, we don’t have to do anything.”

“No, that’s not it. I want to, I’m just…nervous, you know.”

“Tell me why.”

“Because…I mean…I want it to be good…for me, of course, and for you. And I don’t really know…how to make it…good…because…well, because I haven’t done it with a guy before.”

“Changminnie. It’ll be good. You’ll talk to me about what you like and I’ll talk to you. Talking won’t make it un-sexy or anything. It actually really helps.”

“O-okay. You know, even though I’m a little more confident with you than I was before, I’m still…sorta shy.”

Yoochun looked at him fondly. “I know, baby. I wouldn’t want that to ever change. I love that about you.”

As they got closer to the hotel, the crowds began to thicken. They put on their sunglasses, pulled their beanies down over their hair and ears, and wrapped their scarves around their mouths and necks.

When the entered, Yoochun strode confidently up to the front desk and said he had a reservation for a room that night under the name ‘Park’. Changmin prayed to every deity he could think of that the girl at the front desk wasn’t a fan when Yoochun had to show his I.D. to get the room key.

Their room was up on the top floor. The view was spectacular, but Changmin didn’t have much time to appreciate it before Yoochun was turning off all the lights, guiding him to the huge bed in the middle of the room and kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

“Changminnie, tell me what you want. Tell me what you need.”

“I just want you.”

“You have me, baby.”

Their clothes came off slowly, piece by piece. There was no rush. They had this huge room all to themselves for the entire night and they didn’t have to worry about being quiet to avoid disturbing their bandmates.

Changmin got Yoochun under him and bit and sucked at his neck. Beneath him, Yoochun was already gasping and rolling his hips up into Changmin’s. Changmin allowed his hands to roam across Yoochun’s upper body. He felt Yoochun’s wiry muscles tensing and relaxing with each surge of pleasure he felt. His fingers danced across Yoochun’s skin and wandered back to his chest where they began to tease a nipple into a tight bud.

“Fuck, Changmin.”

“You’re so sensitive here,” Changmin marveled aloud. He kissed his way down Yoochun’s throat, then collarbone, then chest, until he got to the other nipple and took it into his mouth and between his teeth. Yoochun arched his back with a throaty cry and rolled his hips up again.

“Damn it, Changmin, will you fuck me?”

“What?” Changmin pulled off.

“No, don’t stop, oh god…”

“No, I mean…you want me to top?”

Yoochun tried to catch his breath and looked up at Changmin. He was totally wrecked. “Yeah, if you want to. I don’t know what you prefer, and I’m fine with either, but if you want to…I’d really like you to fuck me.”

“Oh god,” Changmin groaned. He kissed Yoochun lewdly, all tongue. “I just assumed that you’d want to, you know...But yeah, sure.” He dropped his voice down to a whisper and smiled into the shell of Yoochun’s ear. “Since you asked so nicely, I’d be glad to fuck you.”

At that, Yoochun reached into his bag that was stashed on the bedside table. He fished out condoms and a new tube of lubricant.

“Okay, we’re really doing this.” Changmin blurted out.

Yoochun caressed Changmin’s face. “Babe, we don’t have to do anything you’re not absolutely sure you want to do. I love you. Just being with you is more than enough for me. Besides, this is your birthday present. Everything we do is up to you.”

Changmin looked down at Yoochun. His long black hair was all over the place, his lips were red and kiss-swollen, and there were pink marks littered across his neck and chest. He looked perfectly debauched and it was all because of Changmin. It made the younger feel a little drunk with pleasure.

“No. I want to do this. But you have to tell me to slow down if you need me to slow down or if I’m hurting you. Okay?”

Yoochun wrapped his arms around Changmin and pulled him down for a hug, their chests pressed together. “I’m not made of glass. But, yes, I promise I’ll let you know.” Then, Yoochun wrapped his legs around Changmin’s middle and turned them over so he was on top. He placed the bottle of lube in Changmin’s hand and then ghosted his fingernails down Changmin’s chest, over his nipples. “Now use that to prepare me.”

Swallowing his nerves, Changmin snapped open the bottle and poured a generous amount onto his fingers. Yoochun leaned forward and stuck his ass out as he lowered his head to work his teeth on Changmin’s neck. Almost delirious with pleasure, Changmin nearly forgot what he was supposed to do. He gathered himself—as much as any one man could gather himself whilst being feasted upon by his sexy, gorgeous boyfriend—and reached behind Yoochun to press one finger inside of him.

It was tight. So, so tight. Yoochun gasped and stilled, accidentally biting down a little too hard on the taught muscle between Changmin’s neck and shoulder. Not that Changmin was complaining about a little pain—in fact, his cock twitched so noticeably that Yoochun wondered if he’d discovered one of his boyfriend’s kinks.

Yoochun took a moment to adjust. “Okay, another one.”

Changmin obliged him with a second slick finger pressing in with the first. He pushed in deeper and deeper and then crooked his finger and suddenly Yoochun was yelling.

Changmin’s fingers stopped moving. “Are you okay?!”

“Fuck, Changmin, don’t stop!” Yoochun whined as he started rutting back against Changmin’s fingers. Suddenly Changmin understood. It wasn’t pain Yoochun was feeling, it was intense pleasure.

He worked the fingers back in, this time adding a third.

“Oh, ahh, oh god Changmin!”

“I think you’re ready,” Changmin whispered.

Yoochun looked down at him and nodded desperately. Both of their cocks were standing proudly erect.

“Wait, I have to put on a condom,” Changmin said.

“Fuck, no, just hurry and put it in me!”

Changmin’s eyebrows shot up to his brow. “Are you serious? Are you clean?”

“Yes, oh my god, I’m clean, and I hope you are too!”

“I am.”

“Then?! What are you still waiting for? You’re not going to get me pregnant!” By this time Yoochun was practically fucking himself on Changmin’s fingers. He was being acting like a horny slut but he didn’t give a fuck because Changmin’s fingers were long and thick and strong and were opening him up so good.

“I…okay.” Changmin gasped. He flipped them over one last time and lined himself up. Just before he could press in, Yoochun locked his arms around Changmin’s neck and pulled him down for a long, long kiss.

“Hey. I love you,” Yoochun said.

“I love you too.”

Yoochun yanked him down further so that their bodies were pressed together. “Good. Now fuck me.”

Slowly, Changmin pushed in. Yoochun moaned like a whore for his cock and took it all in, clenching around Changmin wonderfully as he tried to let himself adjust.

“Yes, yes,” he babbled deliriously.

“Oh fuck, oh god, you’re so tight,” Changmin said.

“Fuck me. I’m fine, just fuck me, please,” Yoochun all but begged.

Changmin experimentally pulled his hips back and then thrust forward again. Yoochun’s body shook with the force and let out a little yelp of pleasure. Changmin did it again. And again. And then he started to pick up the pace.

A long stream of moans and incoherent babble that sounded a lot like begging fell from Yoochun’s kiss-reddened lips. With every thrust Changmin executed, Yoochun let out a little whine of pleasure. He dug his fingernails into Changmin’s biceps. Yoochun kept kissing Changmin and then breaking away every few seconds to gasp for air, jaw totally slack, only to regain his breath and kiss Changmin again.

Sweat rolled down the sides of Changmin’s face as he exerted all his energy into fucking his boyfriend. His hips seemed to have a mind of their own as they thrusted forward again and again, the sound of skin against skin the only sound other than their pants and pleads. He could feel his orgasm approaching and reached one hand in between their bodies to jack off Yoochun but his hand was slapped away.

“I—want to—come—without help,” Yoochun managed between gasps.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Changmin sighed. That would be so hot. Reinvigorated by the idea of giving his boyfriend a prostate orgasm, he increased the depth of his thrusts, even though it meant slowing down just a bit. He pulled almost all the way out and then rammed back in as hard as he could, and Yoochun loved it. Yoochun tried to hold back his cries but Changmin pinned his wrists to the bed. “Let me hear you.”

Changmin was too close. If he didn’t help Yoochun out somehow they wouldn’t be able to come together as he’d secretly hoped. He’d have to do something out of his comfort zone.

“Yoochun-hyung, I’m so close,” Changmin whispered in Yoochun’s ear. “I’m going to cum inside you, but I want to cum together. Can you do it with me?” Changmin felt incredibly shy about initiating dirty talk, but he really wanted this, and he hoped he sounded sexy and not weird and unsure, which was how he felt.

“Ah ah ah,” was all the response Yoochun could manage while Changmin rammed into him.

“You look so fucking gorgeous under me like this. All roses and cream and ebony silk. I want to do this to you all night. You’re being so good for me, not even asking me to touch you. Oh, baby, but I would if you wanted me to.”

“Ch-Chang-min—ahh.”

“Come on, hyung,” Changmin breathed, and didn’t fail to notice how Yoochun’s cock always jumped when he said that word. He licked the shell of Yoochun’s ear and then grazed his earlobe with his teeth. His legs and hips were starting to get really tired and his balls were heavy with the release that was about to come.

“I want us to come together, can you do that for me, hyung? Can you come when I tell you to?”

“Yes,” Yoochun gasped.

Changmin’s orgasm ripped through his body and he was coming inside Yoochun, pushed in to the hilt. “Come now, Yoochun, come now.”

“Ah!” Yoochun cried as he came in long spurts.

“Oh, oh,” Changmin sighed. His hips slowed as Yoochun clenched tighly around his cock, milking all of his release. They were both gasping for breath as they reveled in the high.

Finally, Changmin’s hips stopped moving and he pulled out as gently as he could, but Yoochun still winced. So Changmin kissed him. It was sloppy, and it was all tongue and heavy breathing, and it was perfect.

“That…was…” Yoochun struggled to find the right words. And he struggled to speak because he could still barely breathe after his orgasm. “That was epic.”

Changmin collapsed onto the bed beside Yoochun and nodded into his hair. “Yeah. Oh yeah.”

“Where did the dirty talking come from?”

“I don’t know,” Changmin said through a yawn. “I just had to do something since I couldn’t touch you.”

Yoochun, still covered in his own cum and leaking Changmin’s, cuddled up to his boyfriend. “I liked it. And next time, if you want to try something else, my nipples are really sensitive.”

Changmin raised an eyebrow. “You want to try that right now?”

“Yes please.”

After that first round, Changmin and Yoochun slowed things down and made love to one another properly. Yoochun took his turn on top and explored everything about Changmin’s body—it’s interesting erogenous zones, its curves and edges, and its sweet taste.

“Do you have a pain kink?” he asked Changmin with three fingers buried inside him to the hilt.

“Wh-what?”

“I bit down really hard on your shoulder earlier and you seemed to love it. Do you have a pain kink?”

“I—ahh—I don’t know, maybe? I don’t hate—ah, fuck, right there—I don’t hate pain. It’s alright—oh, god, Yoochun—in small doses—like those bites you gave me.”

“Interesting,” Yoochun mused. Then he kissed Changmin and entered him slowly. Changmin’s back arched beautifully and he came beautifully, too.

When the morning came, Changmin had nothing but smiles for Yoochun, and Yoochun had nothing but cuddles and kisses for Changmin.

“This was the best birthday present ever, thank you. I love you,” Changmin said.

“Let’s hope there’s many more even better ones to come.”

“You know it’s going to be impossible for me to keep my hands off you now, right?”

Yoochun giggled. “I know. Same here. You’re so delicious.” He kissed Changmin again.

Changmin sighed. “I don’t want to go back. I just want to stay here with you.”

“I know, baby. But I promised your parents I’d have you home by eleven.”

“Ha ha. Yunho and Jaejoong are not my parents.”

“God I hope they don’t ask us a million questions when we get back.”

“If they do I’ll punch Jaejoong and you tackle Yunho.”

“Deal.”

They both broke out into laughter and lay there tangled in the sheets until it was finally time to go. Grudgingly, they rose, showered, and dressed to return to leave their secluded paradise and return to the world. Changmin shrugged on his backpack and paused at the door. Yoochun looked back and saw him hesitating. He held out his hand to Changmin. Shyly, he took it, and together they set out for home.

a/n: hello all, it's been a while. i hope you like this story. if you read this and did not dislike it, please leave a comment, even if it's a short one! they act as encouragement for me and give me more happiness than you could imagine.

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Darling Demure (1a/1b)

keyhun — Thu, 27 Oct 2016 12:46:51 GMT

rating: nc-17
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~11,500 wc. oneshot, but split into two posts because of lj's word limit.
summary: changmin is shy but yoochun likes that about him. and he likes everything else, too.

Changmin was shy. He was shy about almost everything about his person. When his height shot up suddenly, he couldn’t figure out how to carry himself. He slouched inwards as if trying to hide all the added inches that he didn’t know what do with. He was shy about his lips. He thought they were too wide and totally unattractive. Changmin was shy about his eyes which were uneven when he laughed. He was even conscious of his voice, which was drier than Jaejoong’s and, he thought, less melodious than Junsu’s. Even if everyone around Changmin told him his height made him look like a model, his mouth was fine, his eyes were his most adorable trait, and his voice were incredible, he still felt shy.

But, when he was alone with his band members and not on stage, the thing that made Changmin the most self-conscious of all was his inexperience with relationships. Where he could usually be the most educated, most well-read sounding person in the group no matter what the topic, when the other four began talking about relationships, Changmin had no way to contribute. Junsu started talking to Yoochun about girlfriends, and then, eventually, Yunho and Jaejoong started talking about boyfriends as they skirted around each other for months on end. In any scenario, Changmin would only watch silently as they made jokes and references he could never understand, and eventually leave the scene, unable to participate in their merry-making.

“Where are you going, Changminnie?” Yoochun asked.

“Gee, I’m heading toward the door that says ‘Changmin and Yunho’s room’ so I must be headed to fucking Narnia.”

Yoochun laughed. He was the only one who always laughed no matter how rude Changmin was.

“Changmin-ah, that’s not very nice. Yoochun was just asking a question,” Yunho chided.

Changmin didn’t have it in him to keep up a fight tonight. “Sorry. Good night.”

Jaejoong stared after him and poked Junsu’s stomach. “What’s up with him?”

Junsu whined in annoyance and elbowed Jaejoong in retaliation. “Who knows? He’s a mystery, that kid.”

“A mystery?” Yoochun wondered aloud. “I doubt it. He’s just shy.”

Yunho, Jaejoong, and Junsu, who did not understand the meaning of shy, soon lost interest in the incident and continued talking.

Yoochun was kind. Changmin liked that about him. He also liked that Yoochun wasn’t clingy or nosy, like Yunho or Jaejoong, and he was capable of giving all his attention to Changmin when Changmin needed someone to talk to, unlike Junsu. He was, Changmin realized with somewhat of a shock, sort of perfect to talk to. And be with. And not bad to look at.

No, wait, what? Changmin shook himself out of his current train of thought and tried to focus on on the three bandmates in front of him, and not the one sitting beside him in their usual formation. He tried to concentrate on what Yunho was saying to the camera. Changmin nodded along, not hearing anything. He felt a gentle hand on his knee. Yoochun was looking at him, ignoring the camera, head tilted to one side and brows pulled together in a question: Are you alright?

Changmin nodded, and Yoochun removed his hand. Yoochun understood Changmin’s limited tolerance for physical contact, and he never overstayed his welcome.

At home, Junsu was sitting at the table drinking juice, texting his brother and rambling about his girl problems as Jaejoong cooked dinner. Changmin listened from the living room couch, where he was pretending to read a book. Yunho wandered in after a shower, still shirtless. He passed by Changmin’s reclining figure without so much as a glance and went straight to Jaejoong, giving him a back hug. Jaejoong made a sound of delight and twisted his head back to peck Yunho’s lips.

Junsu took no notice as he sucked on his juice straw and laughed at messages from Junho.

“Go put on a shirt!” Jaejoong giggled, slapping Yunho lightly on the arm with his spatula.

Yunho was an idiot when he was lovestruck, Changmin noticed. He couldn’t even respond to Jaejoong’s smiles and laughs and charms with words. He only giggled and kept hugging Jaejoong.

“They’re so gross,” Yoochun said, smiling. He’d finally emerged from the music room. Changmin looked up at him and nodded in agreement. “Pick up your feet, Changminnie. Let hyung sit with you.”

Re-focusing on his book, Changmin obeyed. Yoochun plopped down onto the couch and Changmin let his legs fall back into Yoochun’s lap.

From the kitchen, Junsu’s voice kept whining. “I want to go on more dates with her. What should I do?”

“Go on more dates with her,” Jaejoong said.

“You know I can’t!” Junsu said.

“So don’t go on more dates with her,” Yunho said. It was rare for him to be joking around like this. He was usually always offering serious advice whether someone wanted it or not.

“Ugh!” Junsu gave up on Yunho and Jaejoong for advice and then left the room to call his brother.

Yoochun was resting on the couch with his eyes closed, smiling as he listened to the conversation. Changmin observed him briefly and then gave up on reading his book. He closed it and let it drop to the floor and then tried to rest his eyes too. He must have dozed off because next thing he knows, he’s waking up in his bed, warm and well-rested, but hungry. There’s a note on his bedside table that tells him his portions of food are still in the fridge.

Slightly annoyed at his own inability to eat on time and sleep on time, Changmin padded down to the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, Yoochun was there. He sipped silently at a glass of milk.

“Hey Changminnie.”

Changmin got his food out of the fridge and sat down with Yoochun. “Hey yourself.”

Yoochun laughed. Changmin didn’t get it. He didn’t even say anything funny, but Yoochun always laughed at his remarks, jokes, wit—whatever you wanted to call it.

“How’s the food?”

“Good as always,” Changmin mumbled over a mouthful.

“You should tell Jaejoong. He loves hearing your praise.”

“I do tell him.”

“Yeah, well, he can’t really get enough of it, can he?”

Changmin chuckled. “I guess not. He’s kind of—”

“—An attention whore.”

They were silent for a beat, then both stuffed their fists against their mouths to stifle their loud laughter.

“So,” Changmin said, “why are you up anyways? Can’t sleep again?”

“Yeah, though even if I could, I’m not going back into my room.”

“Why not?”

“Ugh, Yunho and Jaejoong are using it as their love nest right now.”

Changmin raised an eyebrow. “The Yunjae president doesn’t want in on the action?”

“Spare me.”

Changmin laughed. “Well, if Yunho’s in there, you can just use his bed in our room. You don’t need to sleep on the couch.”

Yoochun smiled. “Thanks Changminnie. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

Under normal circumstances, Changmin would’ve immediately retorted with something rude like because you’re dumb or worse, but he kept his mouth shut. There weren’t normal circumstances. Or, they were, kind of, because it wasn’t the first time Yoochun and Changmin ended up having a midnight snack together. But, it was the first time that Changmin was feeling a weird nervousness at having invited Yoochun into his room.

Changmin groaned inwardly as he realized that this was just another thing to add to his ever growing list of things he felt shy about. He hated it, really. For once, he wanted to feel confident. He wanted to feel like he was sure of something.

“Changminnie? You still with me?” Yoochun asked gently. He always spoke so gently to Changmin, and yet, somehow, never offered unwanted sympathy.

“Yeah.”

“You done eating? Let’s go to bed.”

Changmin gulped. The way Yoochun said it—Let’s go to bed—like they were lovers or something—it made Changmin’s recently ingested meal churn in his stomach.

When they reached the room, Changmin flopped down onto his bed and balled himself up in his blankets. After a few minutes, Yoochun was nudging him over.

“Can’t you sleep in Yunho’s bed?” Changmin asked groggily.

“Move over. I’m sharing with you. In case he comes back.”

Changmin sighed. They both knew Yunho was not coming back if he was spending the night with Jaejoong. But Changmin allowed it anyways. He moved to the edge of the bed and Yoochun joined him. His body was icy.

“Shit, Yoochun, why are you so cold?”

“I don’t know! It’s not my fault.”

Taking pity on Yoochun, Changmin suppressed his dislike for excessive touchiness and slung an arm around Yoochun’s waist.

“Thanks,” Yoochun mumbled.

“Shut up and sleep,” Changmin said. Yoochun laughed. He always laughed for Changmin.

Usually when Yoochun cried, he went to Jaejoong. Jaejoong was good about those things. He could remain calm and collected when Yoochun was frenzied and wrecked with emotion. Jaejoong would let Yoochun cry it out, make him something warm to eat, and stroke his back gently, crooning assurances that it was okay.

But now, Jaejoong wasn’t here. He, Yunho, and Junsu were out shopping and Changmin was the only one at home with Yoochun, who was sobbing. Changmin could hear him. He wondered why Yoochun didn’t approach. Then he realized that he might not want to bother Changmin with this because he didn’t know if Changmin would be as available for the role of emotional comforter. Slightly offended at the possible scenario, Changmin shut his book and rose from his desk.

He found Yoochun in his and Jaejoong’s shared room, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. His knees were drawn into his chest and his head was resting against them.

“Yoochun…what’s wrong?”

Yoochun couldn’t respond. He looked up, and what Changmin saw made all the blood drain out of his face. Yoochun’s face was streaked with tears and his eyes were filled with agony. Unable to think of anything else, Changmin rushed to his side.

“What’s wrong? You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m just sad, Changminnie. I’m sorry…I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Shut up, idiot. It’s okay to cry.”

Amazingly, but somehow unsurprisingly, Yoochun laughed. The happy noise seemed to make the room brighter.

“It’s okay to cry,” Changmin repeated, “but it’s not okay to cry alone. Not when I’m right here.”

Yoochun sniffled and nodded. He held out his arms, as if asking permission, and Changmin sidled closer. Yoochun’s arms wound around Changmin’s waist, and Changmin didn’t protest.

“You’re not bad at this. Why did I think you’d be terrible at comforting a crying person?” Yoochun mumbled. His voice was still thick with tears.

“I’m not a monster. Just because I’m not touchy or whatever doesn’t mean I’m heartless. My little sisters cried sometimes. I dealt with them just fine.”

Yoochun looked up. His eyes were unreadable. “I hope you’re not thinking of me as a sister right now.”

Changmin couldn’t help it—he laughed. Then, in an act of complete daring, he wiped away Yoochun’s tears with his fingers. “Trust me, that is not how I think of you.”

“Then how do you think of me?” Yoochun’s voice was hardly above a whisper.

A long silence stretched between them. Changmin could feel his face heating. He could feel himself blushing. He tried to formulate the real answer. He didn’t want to lie, but he was too shy to tell the truth. But what was the truth?

“Changminnie?”

“Not a sister.”

“What?”

“I think of you as…not a sister. A brother. Bandmate.” Changmin cursed himself inwardly for being a coward. What was he afraid of? Well, rejection. And Yoochun being disgusted at him. And Yoochun laughing at him because Changmin was just an inexperienced, geeky kid with a stupid crush.

“Oh.” Yoochun smiled. “I see. Well, I’m glad. We’ve gotten closer, haven’t we? Our little family.”

“Mm.”

“Thanks, Changminnie. For being here.”

“Yeah.” Changmin rubbed Yoochun’s shoulder roughly. “Of course.”

“We’re home!” Jaejoong called loudly. “We bought you guys stuff since you’re too lazy to spend your day off doing anything outside the house!”

Yoochun laughed and extricated himself from Changmin’s comforting hold. “Let’s go see what they got us?”

“Okay.” Changmin smiled with one corner of his mouth and followed Yoochun out of the room.

After a long, restful sleep, Changmin slowly opened his eyes. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but it would soon. The world was quiet and his body was wonderfully relaxed.

“You say the craziest things in your sleep,” Yoochun said.

Startled, Changmin nearly fell out of the bed. Yoochun caught him by the waist and hauled him back in, smiling. “You didn’t know?”

“I…my family might have mentioned it. What are you doing in here?”

“Yunho and Jaejoong were being disgusting again. I couldn’t stay in there!”

Changmin laughed. “Fair enough. But why are you always in my bed?”

“Because you’re warm.”

“Get a heater.”

“I like you better.”

Changmin snorted and turned onto his side, ready for another few hours of rest before he had to get up. “Whatever, hyung.”

Yoochun was apparently feeling very playful because he jumped onto Changmin’s exposed side and dug his chin into Changmin’s shoulder.

“Don’t go to sleep while I’m talking to you!”

“Why don’t you go back to sleep, too? And let me rest in peace?”

“I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept all night.”

Changmin’s eyes shot open. He looked at Yoochun seriously. “You…haven’t slept? It’s almost sunrise! We have a freaking concert tonight!”

“I know.”

“What were you doing all night?” Changmin asked incredulously.

“Watching you sleep.”

Oh, that gets him. Changmin melts under his sheets. Sighing, he scoots over and motions to Yoochun to lie next to him.

“What did I talk about in my sleep?”

Yoochun gives him an odd look with furrowed brows and a half-smile. “You said random things. Foods you wanted to eat, characters in books you thought were stupid.” Yoochun chuckled. “You’re really well read.”

“What else?”

“You talked about us. You told Yunho to hurry up in the shower. You told Junsu to shut up several times. You also asked Jaejoong if he was going to get his dick pierced. That was funny.”

“And?”

“And you said nice things about me.”

“Oh.” Changmin gulped.

“You said that I could cry if I wanted to, and that I’m cute.”

“Of course you are. You’re our dandy boy. You have to be cute. Especially since I’m not.”

Yoochun rolled his eyes and snuggled closer to Changmin. Changmin could hardly breathe. “Of course you’re cute.”

“Shut up. I’m not cute.” Changmin didn’t know why he was being so impertinent. He could feel his body tensing up. He shrunk into himself under the covers. Yoochun pulled them down to Changmin’s shoulders.

“You have mismatched eyes. You look young and innocent. You have the sweetest voice. You are cute.”

“Shut up, Yoochun. Seriously.”

“What’s wrong? Why don’t you like it when people compliment you?”

“Because they’re lying! I’m not any of those things! I’m just…ugh…”

Yoochun looked shocked. Hesitantly, he slung an arm loosely around Changmin’s shoulders and began to stroke his hair.

“Is this okay?” he asked. Changmin nodded. He loved that Yoochun asked. Yoochun never did anything Changmin wouldn’t like.

“I’m sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable. But I can promise you I’m not lying.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, hyung. I just don’t…feel good about myself. And god, I can usually ignore it…but you talking about it…and before the sun’s even come up. I don’t like the way it feels.”

“I know you’re shy, Changmin. And that’s okay. But it’s not okay to dislike yourself this much.”

“What do I do about it?”

“I don’t know, Changminnie. What would help?”

Changmin fell silent. He knew what would help, but he couldn’t say it.

“Changmin-ah…please talk to me. I know you don’t like it when people are nosy, but…I can’t not be concerned about you anymore.”

“If...if I liked someone…and they liked me back—flaws and all—then, maybe…maybe I could feel better.”

The sun began to rise. Faint noises were coming from the kitchen as Jaejoong began preparing their breakfast and Yunho helped him.. Junsu’s footsteps padded down the hallway toward the shower. They would have to be getting ready for rehearsal soon.

“Changminnie…tell the others what happened. Don’t let them wake me up until we absolutely have to leave. Let me rest…” Yoochun’s eyes closed and his breathing evened out. Changmin watched him fondly.

Yoochun’s face wasn’t perfect. There were acne scars on his cheeks. His lips were dry and chapped. His eyebrows were unruly. But Changmin loved seeing his face this close anyways. He felt an overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss that slack mouth, but resisted. Instead, he slowly got out of the bed and dressed for the day.

Post-concert highs were incomparable in their glory. Changmin felt like he could conquer the world. He felt like he already had. The after party passed in a blur and the ride home was more fun than anything Changmin could remember doing. They were sweaty and gross and kind of tipsy from the after party as they recounted every moment from that flawless night. In the backseat, Yoochun slipped his hand into Changmin’s. When Changmin didn’t move to take his hand away, Yoochun held onto it the whole ride home.

When they got back to their dorm, they stumbled inside still laughing, still joking, still feeling higher than ever. Changmin and Yoochun fell into the loveseat, squished together in the narrow space. Junsu plopped onto the couch, and Yunho joined him after he and Jaejoong returned from the fridge with five beers. Jaejoong handed them out and then settled down on Yunho’s lap.

Normally, the other three told Yunho and Jaejoong to keep their gross PDA to themselves, but tonight was an exception. Everyone was in high spirits, and their passionate displays were bolstered by raucous cheers and wolf whistles.

“We did an amazing job tonight. I’m really proud of all of us,” Yunho beamed. It was important to him that he say something to his bandmates when it was just the five of them. No other staff, no managers. Just them.

Jaejoong, from his position on Yunho’s lap, nodded in agreement. “You were all amazing. We’re the best there’ll ever be.” The other four cheered in agreement. Jaejoong twisted around and caressed Yunho’s face. “And you were sexy as fuck up there, Yunho-sama.” Yunho grinned stupidly—like, really idiotically—and Jaejoong kissed him. Yoochun whooped and Changmin whistled. Junsu laughed and clapped as Yunho locked lips with Jaejoong and ran his hands under Jaejoong’s shirt.

When they finally broke away, they had the good grace to blush. Jaejoong’s smile was a smile only the happiest man on earth could smile. Yunho kissed him again. Then, wrapping his arms tightly around Jaejoong, he rose from the couch and walked them to Jaejoong’s bedroom as the other three cheered them on.

“Looks like I’m sharing with you again tonight, Changminnie.”

Junsu had already fallen asleep on the couch. Changmin rolled his eyes and put a blanket over him, then followed Yoochun to what Changmin had come to think of as their room.

Even though Changmin was exhausted beyond belief, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep unless he showered. He grabbed a towel from his drawer then walked into the bathroom and stripped naked and examined himself in the mirror. His hair was frizzy from having been drenched in sweat and dried in the night air. His cheeks were still red from all the exertion of the performance. And best of all, his gym sessions were starting to pay off in the form of defined arms, pectoral muscles, and the faintest hint of defined abdominal muscles.

Changmin stood outside the tub as he waited for the water to heat up. He got lost in thought until he heard the bathroom door open and close behind him. He turned around to see Yoochun taking his clothes off and dumping them into the hamper.

They had showered together before, of course, but usually, necessity drove them to do so. Like if they had fifteen minutes to get ready before they had to be in the van for a schedule. Not when they had the next twenty-four hours off and could afford to shower separately.

“What are you doing?” Changmin asked.

“I’m exhausted and I want to shower before I sleep. And I don’t want to wait for you. You take forever when you can.”

It was true. When Changmin didn’t have to shower in under five minutes, he could stay in there for twenty and just think by himself, in peace. He stuck his hand under the water and found its temperature perfectly hot. Pulling back the shower curtain, he stepped in and got under the shower head. Yoochun joined him and nudged him to the side so he could rinse off as well.

“I don’t like showering with you. You hog the warm water.” Changmin pouted.

“Well then just stand closer,” Yoochun said, scrubbing his skin with a soapy loofah.

Changmin examined the space between him and Yoochun. It was not a lot. Swallowing thickly, Changmin stepped closer to Yoochun’s body. His left side was now under the shower spray. It left his right side freezing, so he took another step. His leg was now pressed up against Yoochun’s, but at least he wasn’t freezing.

“Want me to wash your back for you?” Yoochun asked. He was grinning that sleazy grin of his.

Changmin eyed him warily. He did want that, but he was afraid of all the intimacy. He wasn’t used to it.

“Changminnie?”

“Yeah. Yes please.”

“Alright, then turn around.” Yoochun murmured.

Changmin turned around. Yoochun’s hands began to lather the soap across Changmin’s back. He swept his hands across Changmin’s shoulder blades, then down his spine, then dug his thumbs into Changmin’s lower back, massaging the aching muscles there.

“Ah…”

“Feel good?” Yoochun asked.

“Yeah. It’s been aching a lot.” Changmin leaned his forearms against the slippery tiled wall.

“I know it has.” Yoochun’s hands kept working his skin. They swept across his hips. The trailed lower, almost reaching Changmin’s butt.

“S-stop,” Changmin stammered. “I can do the rest myself.”

“Okay.” Yoochun took his hands off and reached for the shampoo. Changmin cursed inwardly as he noticed he had a totally inappropriate erection. He didn’t want Yoochun to see it but there was no way out, really.

After Yoochun was done using it, Changmin reached for the shampoo bottle. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Yoochun glance downwards. He’d noticed! Changmin felt his face heat up with horrible embarrassment. He wanted to hide his face in his hands.

“Need help with that?” Yoochun asked. His voice was light but not light enough to be entirely joking.

“What? Huh?” Changmin sputtered. “N-no. That’s okay. It’ll, uh, go away. Oh, god…” He was mortified.

“It’s okay, Changminnie. It happens sometimes. Trust me, I know.” Yoochun gave him a winning smile. He rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. “I’ll see you in our room.”

Changmin nodded, grateful for his non-intrusive manner. If he had been in the shower with Jaejoong…god, he’d never hear the end of this incident. But Yoochun could take things easily. He could be casual and not freak out. Changmin really liked that about him.

He dried off and went to his room and put on a pair of pajamas. Yoochun did the same and added a t-shirt. Exhausted, they climbed into Changmin’s bed together.

Changmin vaguely wondered if the other three knew that he and Yoochun had been sharing a bed almost every night for the past several weeks. He felt Yoochun’s arm snake around his waist. In a rare initiation of affection, Changmin snuggled closer to his bandmate, tucking his head under Yoochun’s chin. Under his cheek, he felt Yoochun’s neck rise and fall as he swallowed thickly.

“Great job today, Changminnie.”

“You too. I thought you were going to pass out halfway through. I was kind of worried.”

Yoochun began to trace patterns along Changmin’s back. “Thanks for worrying. I was kind of dizzy.”

“Be careful.”

“I’m still kind of dizzy,” Yoochun said, laughing hoarsely.

Changmin smiled into Yoochun’s collarbone. “Then sleep.”

“Don’t know if I can.”

“Try.”

“I—alright.”

Several minutes passed in silence. Changmin tried to relax, but he was still mortified at what had occurred in the shower. He tried to focus on the warmth of Yoochun’s freshly-showered, still-damp, really-pleasant-smelling body, but it just made him want to close his eyes and nose along Yoochun’s exposed neck. Changmin tried to focus on the warmth of the down comforter but he could only think of how it was covering them both. About how they were in the same bed.

“Changminnie?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t think I can do this much longer.”

“What?” Changmin tried to pull back to look at Yoochun but was held in place by Yoochun’s arms winding around him and holding Changmin to his chest.

“Promise me you won’t hate me after I say this.”

“Uh, ok. I promise.”

Yoochun’s voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke into the dark. “I like you, Changminnie.”

“What?” Changmin asked, face flushing.

“I like you.”

“Oh…”

“And you? How do you feel? About me?”

“Well, I uh…”

Yoochun hugged him tighter. Changmin was trapped with his cheek pressed against Yoochun’s chest, but it was a trap he felt no desire to escape from.

“Please, Changmin. This isn’t easy for me. Just tell me how you feel and I can move on.”

“Stop. I can’t. I…ugh.” Changmin buried his face further into the fabric of Yoochun’s shirt. His fingers clutched at the material and held on tight.

“You can’t…why?”

“I’m shy. Because I’m shy.”

“I know you are. I like that about you, too.”

“Hyung.” Changmin was almost whining. Pleading. Slowly, Yoochun unwound his arms. He placed a hand on Changmin’s shoulder and gently pushed him to lay flat on the bed. Supporting himself on his elbows, Yoochun leaned over him and began to stroke Changmin’s damp hair.

“I like you, Changmin. I might even love you.”

Changmin moved his mouth around words he couldn’t say. His heart was pounding. He wanted, but he didn’t know how to ask. Then, Yoochun twined his fingers with Changmin’s hand as it lay limp on the bed. Changmin squeezed Yoochun’s hand and nodded. Yoochun smiled a winning smile and leaned down so their foreheads were brushing.

“Oh…” Changmin was more than a little breathless.

“Changmin?”

“Yes?”

Yoochun kissed him. Just a brief press of his lips against Changmin’s but it made Changmin’s heart thump wildly. Too soon, Yoochun pulled back.

“Was that okay?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to kiss you again. Kiss me back if you like it.”

Yoochun kissed him again, this time with a slight increase in pressure. Changmin moved his mouth against Yoochun’s lips. He wasn’t entirely sure of what he was doing, but Yoochun groaned, and that was encouragement enough. Changmin slanted his mouth and curled his lips against Yoochun’s.

“So you do like me, then,” Yoochun said, giggling.

“Shut up.”

“Ah, there he is.” Yoochun stroked Changmin’s face fondly. “Are you really okay with this? You have to tell me explicitly that this is okay otherwise I’m going to feel like I’m taking advantage of you or something.”

Changmin swallowed and took a deep breath. He was shit at emotional stuff like this. But he wanted it. “Yoochun-hyung,” he began shakily. “I like you too, so yeah, you can kiss me.”

“And can I be your boyfriend?”

“Wh-what? Uh, yeah. I guess. Ugh.”

“You don’t sound very excited,” Yoochun teased.

“Shut up. God shut up you complete bastard.”

Yoochun laughed and settled his body on top of Changmin’s. “I don’t know if this relationship is going to work if you’re so hesitant to talk about your emotions.”

Changmin clutched Yoochun’s hands tighter. “I’m. I’m sorry. You know I’m awful at this. Why do you even like me? God I hate you.”

“Wanna try that again?” Yoochun took Changmin’s face in his hands and searched his eyes.

“I like you.”

“That’s better.” Yoochun rewarded his boyfriend with a kiss.

Neither of them were able to sleep much that night. They were too excited with their newfound intimacy. Instead of sleep, Yoochun and Changmin opted for cuddling under the comforter, exchanging kisses and just talking about anything and everything.

Changmin eventually drifted off. Yoochun kissed his nose and followed him into restful, dreamless sleep.

part 2

as the saying goes, you're my better half (part 2/?)

keyhun — Fri, 13 May 2016 02:53:14 GMT

rating: nc-17
pairing: yunho/jaejoong (side: yoochun/changmin)
length: ~9200 wc
summary: yunho and jaejoong have moved in together. they have a housewarming party and yoochun causes some drama, though it's nothing some confessions under the rain can't solve. yunho and jaejoong take a bus to gwangju and visit yunho's parents. jaejoong still isn't ready to talk about his own.

Moving is always a pain in the ass, even when the reason you’re moving is to begin the next chapter of your life with the one you love more than life itself. Packing every last article of clothing, every book, every piece of purposeless paraphernalia into boxes is such an exhausting and overwhelming task that it’s almost impossible to accomplish without kicking something in frustration and storming out of the room angrily at least once.

There is, however, an interesting consequence to the process. When you’re forced to dig up everything in all your drawers, all the dust-ridden spaces under your bed and the gross, neglected bottoms of your bathroom cabinets, you find things you haven’t thought of in a long time.

Old jewelry. Receipts of previous purchases. Letters.

While packing up his dorm, Jaejoong finds a ring gifted to him from his first love. It’s a cheap, fake thing, but when he was fifteen Jaejoong couldn’t tell the difference between fake and real so he loved it all the same. The boy Jaejoong loved then had also been fifteen. They’d been shy and awkward with each other—hugging behind brick walls after school let out and holding each other’s sweaty hands for a few minutes at a time in a secluded park when no one was around. There had been no bitter feelings when they’d parted ways, only good wishes and half-formed “I’ll miss you”s that died on their tongues. Jaejoong smiles warmly at the memory, and throws the ring away. He won’t be needing reminders of past loves now.

On the other side of campus, Yunho is taking his fifteenth break of the day from packing.

“It’s too frustrating! Changmin-ah! Help!!!”

Changmin can’t hear—he’s invested in noise cancelling headphones for when he’s playing his video games and doesn’t want to be bothered by a certain man-child’s whines.

Yunho sighs and digs through a pile of crap (papers), stacked high as the Empire State. They stick out every which way, and dust gathered over the months comes off in flurries as Yunho begins to disturb the pile. He sorts out the trash, which is all of it, until he happens upon something he doesn’t recognize at first, but with closer inspection realizes it to be a letter.

“What’s this..?” he mutters to himself.

To Yunho is all it says on the outside, written in brash script with dark ink. The sender’s address tells Yunho it’s from back home. He flips the envelope over and opens the flap. Inside is a dusty note with a coffee stain on the edge.

I know no one sends letters these days, but your old man is feeling a bit nostalgic, so bear with me, eh? Yunho, how are you doing in university? You know, your dad is so proud of you for taking this step toward a good future. It’s been a few months since I last saw you…I know you’re so busy studying.

There are some things I want to tell you. It’s hard for me to say them out loud, so that’s really why I’m writing this letter.

I’ve always been sorry to you. You’re such a good son. Always taking such good care of us. And I never had the means to give you the things I wanted to give you. Sometimes I see young kids these days with their own cars and nice, brand name clothes. I know you never asked for those things, but I felt bad I couldn’t give them to you.

My son…I miss you. I know Seoul is far away but try to visit us when you can, okay?

And Yunho, whoever you are, you know I could never not love you, right? I know about the boy you said was your good friend when you were in high school. When I realized, I was shocked. Not because of what your real situation was, but because I found myself questioning where it was I had gone wrong as a parent to make you think you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me. I know now, after having researched and read horror stories of parents who disown their children after having found out such things, that you must have simply been afraid…but Yunho, I would never…I could never do that to you. I love you more than anyone. Please, while I am still living healthily as your father, please continue to depend on me and lean on me.

In a lighter spirit, keep up the good work Yunho! Your first term’s grades were so stellar. Stay happy and healthy.

Sincerely,

Your father.

Yunho finishes reading the letter and realizes there are streams of tears falling down his cheeks and dripping off of his jaw onto the paper. Quickly, he moves the precious letter to safety and dabs the affected areas with a dry tissue. The tears don’t stop.

He had stored this letter away when he’d first received it, too afraid to read what might be inside. He’d avoided speaking to his dad over the phone, but even when he did his father never asked about whether or not Yunho had received the letter. It had been giving Yunho such a great deal of anxiety over the past few months that it had even caused him to have nausea and stomachaches.

He sobs freely now, chest feeling a million pounds lighter. Changmin, having taken off his headphones for a moment for whatever reason, hears Yunho crying from the next room and pads over.

“Hyung? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

The older boy is rendered speechless from his father’s unconditional, pure love. He can only shake his head in awe and sob. Changmin sighs dramatically and sits down next to him on the floor and pats his shoulder until the tears of joy run dry.

Later that afternoon, Yunho packs the rest of his belongings without taking another break. He tucks the letter carefully in between the cover and first page of his favorite book so that he’ll never lose it, and goes to bed, ready to greet tomorrow’s move-in to the new apartment with Jaejoong with a smile to battle the sun’s brightness.

“That box goes in the kitchen, and that one goes in the bedroom,” Jaejoong tells Yoochun and Changmin respectively. “And again guys, thanks so much for helping us move in. We really owe you.”

“Hey, what about me?” Junsu calls from behind the tall stack of heavy cardboard boxes he’s carrying into Jaejoong and Yunho’s living room.

“No one asked you to help,” Changmin mutters.

“Changmin,” Yunho scolds gently, “we’re very grateful for all the help we can get.” He turns to their friend. “Thank you so much Junsu. All of you are welcome here any time.” On the one hand, Yunho is concerned about how cold Changmin seems to be acting. He wonders if Changmin, despite all his complaints about Yunho’s messy habits and loud whining, will actually miss Yunho now that he’s going to be living with Jaejoong. On the other hand, however, Yunho feels a sense of excitement and pride at the fact that he now has a place to call home with Jaejoong. Their first apartment together. The very thought makes him giddy.

Jaejoong kicks open the door and staggers in with the very last box. Yunho moves to help him and they carry it together, placing it on top of the kitchen counter.

“That’s the last of them,” Jaejoong says.

“And that’s our cue to leave!” Yoochun says. “We’ll see you guys in a week for the housewarming party!”

“Oh yeah…we agreed to do that…” Jaejoong remembers.

“Yes, you did. And it better be awesome!”

“Okay guys, thanks for helping. We’ll see you then!” Yunho says with a tone of finality, very gratefully ushering his and Jaejoong’s friends out the door. He locks it after they leave and makes his way back to Jaejoong.

“Today is the first day of the rest of our lives,” he says, circling his arms around Jaejoong’s waist and pulling him in close. Jaejoong tugs at the open sides of Yunho’s jacket and touches their noses together.

“I’m glad I’m spending it with you.”

Although it was annoying packing everything up, Jaejoong doesn’t mind the unpacking. He and Yunho take their time with it, choosing places for every object in the small space together.

“The cooking utensils can go in this drawer,”

“And the eating utensils can go in this one.”

“The plates can go in this shelf of the cabinet,”

“The bowls in the one above it,”

“And the cups and glasses on the top shelf.”

“What if I can’t reach the top shelf..?” Jaejoong pouts.

Yunho gives Jaejoong a slow, soft backhug and noses his ear. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Jaejoong shivers, enchanted by Yunho’s warmth, proximity, and low voice. “No, that’s impractical. I should be able to reach the cups in my own house! We’ll put them in the next cabinet over.” Yunho laughs and pecks Jaejoong’s lips. “Whatever you want, love.”

They arrange their clothes in the dresser and closet, put up a brand new shower curtain in the bathroom (blue, so it feels like they’re underwater), and put new sheets on their bed. Our bed Jaejoong thinks dreamily. While Yunho unpacks the very last of their belongings, Jaejoong cooks a quicky, easy meal for two.

They don’t have any furniture yet, so they eat on the floor. At the end, Jaejoong shoves their plates aside and lays down on the hard wood, resting his head in Yunho’s lap and closing his eyes. Yunho strokes Jaejoong’s hair soothingly and thanks him for the delicious meal.

“I’ll cook for you every day, if you want.” Jaejoong mumbles, already falling asleep.

“Oh Jaejoongie, I won’t let you do that. You’re not my maid.”

Jaejoong giggles. “But wouldn’t I look cute in a maid outfit?”

“Please don’t make me imagine things right now.”

Eventually, Yunho manages to haul Jaejoong into their bedroom. They quickly shower and dress in their nightclothes. They get under the covers, resting on their sides so they can face each other. It’s unclear who kisses who, but it’s very clear that several kisses are exchanged on their first night together in their new home.

“Good night, Yunho.”

“Good night Jaejoong.”

Exhausted from the day of moving, they fall into dreamless sleep, comforted by the warmth of each other’s bodies in the bed.

For several weeks, Yunho and Jaejoong remain in a state of euphoria. Living with Yunho, Jaejoong thinks, has cured his loneliness. He has someone to wake up with, someone to eat with, study with, relax with, and sleep with. Sometimes when they’re studying together at home, Jaejoong will catch Yunho just staring at him, as if the sight of Jaejoong just sitting there and taking notes is somehow interesting.

“Why are you staring at me?” Jaejoong asks out of honest curiosity.

“I like watching you.”

“Creep.”

Yunho reaches across the table to take Jaejoong’s hand (the one that’s not taking notes). And he just holds it. Such a simple thing, but it makes Jaejoong’s heart race wildly. Suddenly, taking notes is no longer possible. Jaejoong removes his glasses and saunters toward the bedroom. He spares a glance over his shoulder. “Come here,” he beckons, and Yunho follows all too willingly.

Being with Yunho brings Jaejoong out of his shell. It’s not one he knew he had, not until Yunho pointed it out. He often tells Jaejoong how much he loves to see Jaejoong laugh more freely, smile more often, and speak less cautiously.

But most of all, Yunho loves how sly and clever Jaejoong becomes in bed. He teases, taunts, and tortures with his playful demeanor. Yunho lets out long strings of curses when Jaejoong becomes like this, but it thrills him to no end. While in public, Jaejoong tends to be so reserved—always speaking softly and minimally, never doing anything to make himself stand out in a crowd—but in bed he’s the wickedest demon of all. Yunho loves every side of him.

“Oh—Jaejoong, yeah, there,” Yunho groans. Jaejoong’s indulging him tonight, perhaps as a response to his own overwhelming feelings of adoration caused by Yunho’s sweet gestures while they were studying. He kisses Yunho deeply, as if he were trying to consume Yunho’s very breath. Jaejoong’s fingers are buried to the hilt inside of Yunho, exploring and touching everywhere. The bedsheets steadily grow damp with sweat and rustle continuously as they shift around and around the bed, unable to have their fill of each other.

As Jaejoong pushes Yunho closer to his peak, Yunho decides he’ll be too tired to reciprocate after he comes, so he wraps his hand around Jaejoong’s cock and strokes him at a moderate pace. They kiss each other messily through their orgasms, milking every last drop, and fall onto the bed boneless afterwards.

As they entered their third year of college, Yunho and Jaejoong realized that the second year, which had seemed so impossibly difficult at the time, was actually a walk in the park compared to the third. Biochemistry and upper level science elective courses were the most intense, fast-paced courses offered in the entire school, and they were required for third-year science students.

Yunho thrives under the pressure. He finds strength when his studies yield positive results, and it gives him energy to continue studying like crazy. Changmin, the natural genius, seems to not have to work as hard, simply cramming at the last moment, and still aces almost everything. It infuriates Jaejoong, who has to slave away all day at the library to just barely make A’s and some B’s in the harder classes. He often complains about this to Yunho, who is so dedicated to his work ethic that he finds it hard to understand why Jaejoong is affected by Changmin so much.

“That’s how he gets good grades, and we just get good grades a different way.”

“But Yunho, it’s not fair,” Jaejoong whines. They’re back in their apartment, taking a break after studying all day and eating their very late dinner at ten at night. “His way is so much easier. He just plays video games all the time!”

“Jaejoong…” Yunho sighs. The poor guy looks exhausted. He’s been up since 5:30, because his shifts at the university gym start at six in the morning, right when it opens, and end at noon so he can go to his classes which are all scheduled in the afternoon. His schedule is so tight that he has to eat lunch as he walks from work to class. “I understand how that could be frustrating, but we aren’t Changmin. What some people have, others just don’t.”

“I wish I had what he has.”

“If you were Changmin, you wouldn’t have me.” Yunho pouts.

“…Okay, I like being Jaejoong.”

Yunho’s tiredness melts off his face as a goofy smile spreads across it. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Thanks for listening to my stupid whining.”

“It’s not stupid, and I’ll always be here to listen to you. Whether you’re happy or sad or frustrated, I’m all ears. But right now, I am really exhausted, so if you keep talking and I fall asleep right here, just know you’ve been warned.”

Jaejoong chuckles and hauls Yunho up from the dining table seat to drag him to bed. “I hate seeing you work so hard…” he mumbles, stroking Yunho’s hair as they settle in for sleeping.

“It’s what keeps me going…”

“I know baby, I know.” Jaejoong kisses Yunho’s cheek sweetly, then reaches over him to switch off the lamp. He curls into Yunho’s chest and they fall asleep immediately, exhausted after another long day of being students.

Eventually, the workload proves to be just a bit too much for Jaejoong. He’s not Yunho, who thrives under pressure, and he’s definitely not Changmin, who barely has to study. He’s reviewing at home one day when he just snaps. Throwing his books and notebooks into the corner, Jaejoong cries out in frustration.

“I can’t do it.”

Yunho rushes to his side and cradles him on the couch. “Let’s take a break.”

“I don’t want a break. I just don’t want to do this anymore, Yunho, it’s too hard.”

Yunho wants to argue and tell Jaejoong that he’s being dramatic and that he’ll feel better once he gets a good night’s sleep, but he keeps his mouth shut because he knows that’s insensitive.

“Jaejoongie, I’ve been wanting to ask you this but didn’t know when a good time was to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“I want to go visit my family in Gwangju soon. Will you come with me?”

“I—sure, of course I’d like to meet your family. We’ll have to hide our relationship, right?”

“Actually, no, we won’t. They’ve accepted me, and I’m sure once they meet you, they’ll accept you too.”

“Wait, really?” Jaejoong asks, totally astonished. He hasn’t heard of many families being accepting of gay people.

“Yeah.” Yunho sighs a little dreamily, then hugs Jaejoong closer. “I’ll be really happy to see them. It’s been a while.”

“When should we go?”

“Next weekend. There’s a bus that goes there. It’s kind of a long ride, so we should pack some snacks for the way.”

“I’ve never been to Gwangju…” Jaejoong realizes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you around. You’ll love it. Or at least, I hope you will.”

“I’m sure I will as long as you’re with me.”

Yunho laughs. “Hmm, is that so?” he coos, stroking Jaejoong’s back.

“I’d go anywhere with you.” Jaejoong says, finally relaxing and breathing in Yunho’s scent. It calms him immensely.

Two nights before they leave for Gwangju, Yunho and Jaejoong throw their housewarming party. It’s a bit late, considering they’d moved into the apartment nearly two months ago, but the timing had never been right. They keep it small, inviting Yoochun, Changmin, Junsu and Junsu’s girlfriend, Jangmi, who went to high school with Yunho.

It’s no surprise that Junsu and Jangmi arrive together, but what sends everyone reeling is when Jaejoong opens the door to find Yoochun and Changmin have come together as well. Jaejoong lets them in and gratefully accepts their housewarming gift of flowers and booze (courtesy of Yoochun) and a nice silverware set and quick meals cookbook (courtesy of Changmin). Typical of both of them.

After ushering his guests in and telling them to have a seat in the living area with Junsu and Jangmi, Jaejoong goes into the kitchen to set down the gifts and finish putting the food on the table. Yunho is already there, sprinkling the garnishing on top of the dishes and taking the hot ones out of the oven.

“Hey, did you see that?” Jaejoong whispers excitedly. “Yoochun and Changmin came here together. I wonder what’s up with that.”

“Oh, do you think they’re…?”

“I’m not sure, but I do know that Changmin was always staring at Yoochun in high school.”

“What was Yoochun doing?”

“He was always reading books. A new one almost every day. I don’t think he noticed, but everyone else did.”

“Did Changmin ever try to talk to him?” Yunho finishes sprinkling greens on the soup and looks out toward the living room. The four guests are chatting happily, and Changmin seems especially pleased with his shoulder pressed tightly against Yoochun’s.

“I think he did a few times, but as much of an asshole as he is now, he was even worse in high school. He probably didn’t come off as too friendly. Yoochun’s really sensitive, too, you know, so…yeah.”

Yunho nods and then sighs dreamily because Jaejoong looks really cute when he’s excited and curious like this. Also, he’s been wearing Yunho’s jacket since the afternoon.

“Okay, I guess we should call them to come get food,” Jaejoong says.

“Gimme a kiss first,” Yunho pouts and Jaejoong laughs.

“Not in front of the guests, Yunho!”

“They’re not looking,” Yunho says, and pecks Jaejoong lightly on the lips. He tastes like the strawberries they’d snacked on earlier. Yunho’s favorite.

Jaejoong draws back, blushing hard and trying not to smile. “Come on guys, food’s ready!”

Three hours later, they’re all sprawled across the couches and floor, finishing up dessert and laughing the night away. Having relaxed considerably, Changmin is comfortably leaning his head on Yoochun’s shoulder. Junsu has his head on his girlfriend’s lap and Yunho has his arm around Jaejoong’s waist.

“I’ll admit,” Jaejoong says, “I was kind of surprised when I saw the two of you arrive together.”

“Huh? Why wouldn’t I arrive with Jangmi?” Junsu asks, totally puzzled.

“Not you! Yoochun and Changmin, obviously.”

“Oh, uh, about that…we um, uh, I…”

“Changmin are you okay?” Yunho asks.

Yoochun laughs loudly. “Changmin asked me to come with him to pick up a gift, so we went shopping together this afternoon.”

“Oh, I see,” Jaejoong smirks, “well thank you for the gifts. They were wonderful.”

“I was hesitant to go along with Changmin because I had to study for my classic lit exam next week but I haven’t hung out with this kid a lot, I thought it would be nice.”

Changmin scoffs. “Please, as if your major requires any studying. You were desperate to come along with me.”

“Changmin…” Yunho warns.

“Excuse me?” Yoochun says.

“I-I mean…” Changmin stutters.

“No, I know what you meant. You think that the only field worth a damn is science. You think the only people with brains are people in your department and you think anything I do with my field of interest is useless.” Yoochun shoves Changmin away and gets off the sofa, heading towards the door. “I’m tired of people looking down on me like that. Sorry for causing a scene, Yunho, Jaejoong, but I’m out of here.”

“Yoochun!” Changmin calls.

Yoochun jams his feet into his boots and puts his sweater on forcefully. “And for the record, I was not ‘desperate’ to hang out with you. I noticed that you barely have any friends since all you do is study and play video games so I felt bad for you. I thought I would charitably give you some company.” He storms out, slamming the door behind him.

Changmin stands there in silent shock. Sighing, Yunho goes to him and slings an arm around his shoulder, steering him back toward the living area. Junsu, somehow, has fallen asleep during all the racket and Jangmi sighs. “I’ll take him home.”

“Thank you.” Jaejoong nods. “Please go home safely,” he says, and sees her and her drowsy boyfriend out the door.

“Changmin…”

“I messed up. I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

Jaejoong shuts the door after seeing Junsu and Jangmi off. “Yeah, you did, you asshole.”

“Jaejoong, please,” says Yunho.

“What, am I supposed to say nothing? He just fucking called Yoochun’s life pointless, basically.”

“That’s not what he said. And Yoochun said some pretty harsh things too.”

“Oh, so now you’re on hisside?” Jaejoong scoffs.

“Guys, please,” Changmin groans. “The last thing I want is for the two of you to fight over my mistake.”

“At least you admit it was your mistake.” Jaejoong mutters.

“Yes, I do. God, I’m so stupid, I didn’t even mean what I said. I just—I’m so bad at this. Ugh.” Changmin sighs, burying his face in his hands.

Jaejoong stares at Changmin for a moment – taking in his slouched back and slumped shoulders – then heaves a sigh. “Listen, Changmin…just give Yoochun some time to cool down. He’s sensitive, so he gets hurt easily and gets worked up easily. Give him some time and then go talk to him. It’ll be okay.”

“I’m scared to face him. He’ll be angry.”

“Yeah, he will be, because he has every right to be angry.” Jaejoong states.

“You can do it.” Yunho says. “It’ll be okay.”

One hour later, Yoochun is sitting on a swing in a park a few blocks away from his home. He feels the first drop of rain on the back of his neck, because he’s looking down at the ground. He feels the next drop on the top of his hand as it’s curled around the chain holding the swing up, and then he feels the next ten, twenty, hundred drops all over his head and back and legs. It’s cold. He’s freezing. He shivers incessantly under the raindrops that fall fatter and harder onto him.

“Yoochun?” calls Changmin’s voice.

Yoochun doesn’t want to look up. He keeps his head lowered and allows the rain to soak his hair.

“Yoochun…it’s freezing out here, why don’t we get you home?” Changmin pleads, but Yoochun still doesn’t move. “Please, Yoochun, look at me.”

Slowly, Yoochun raises his head. He keeps his eyes cast toward the side, but eventually Changmin walks closer and Yoochun is forced to meet his gaze. Changmin is drenched. His hair is sticking to his head, making his already big ears look even bigger. His long eyelashes are dripping and he’s clearly cold as well.

“I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t think what you study is useless. I was getting ahead of myself, trying to alleviate my own nerves by cracking joke after joke, but I ended up saying something I didn’t mean.”

Yoochun sobs. “You just don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand, Yoochun? Tell me, because—because I want to.”

“The reason that what you said hurt me so bad. You just don’t know.”

Changmin kneels in front of Yoochun. He reaches forward and takes Yoochun’s freezing hands in his own. “I’d like to know.”

And so, taking a leap of faith, deciding that he wants to trust someone again, Yoochun tells Changmin the whole story. About how his parents always favored his younger brother who was more inclined to becoming an engineer. About how Yoochun grew up feeling like he was inadequate because he liked to read long, beautifully written stories about love and adventures and friendship. And about how his parents used to burn and shred his books in front of his eyes because he’d spend too much time reading fiction and not enough time doing math and science assignments. So hearing one of his friends say that what he studied was useless made Yoochun feel like all the progress he’d made in college—finding friends, gathering the courage to pursue his own interests, trying to find a way to prove to his parents that he could be successful without an engineering degree—it felt like it was all for nothing.

Changmin listens with all his heart. He doesn’t speak a word until Yoochun finishes.

“I’m so sorry, Yoochun. Can you forgive me?”

Yoochun looks at him, soaking wet and eyes wide with sincerity. He laughs past his tears and threads his fingers through Changmin’s hair.

“Only if you forgive me for the things I said. I didn’t mean them either. I know you have a lot of friends.”

“Of course I forgive you. From now on, let’s both try to say what we mean and mean what we say.”

Yoochun nods. He traces his fingers down the side of Changmin’s cold cheek. “I really do mean what I’m about to say.”

Changmin catches Yoochun’s hand in his. His breath stutters. “And what’s that?”

Leaning in close, pressing their rain-drenched bangs together, Yoochun whispers: “I have feelings for you.”

At that, Changmin surges forward, cupping Yoochun’s face in both hands, and kisses him. For all their shivering limbs and freezing fingers, Changmin’s mouth is hot, and Yoochun is drawn to it like a moth to flame. He closes his eyes and kisses back, curling his arms around Changmin’s waist as they stand up to press closer together.

“I’ve had feelings for you since we were in high school, Yoochun.”

“I…I didn’t even know you were gay.”

“Probably because the only person I ever expressed interest in was you, and you never seemed to notice me.”

Yoochun bites his lip in an attempt to hold back his laughter. “I’m sorry, there was a lot going on in high school. I always had my nose in a book, didn’t I? They helped.”

“Is there still a lot going on?” Changmin asks, hopeful.

Yoochun breathes a chuckle and kisses Changmin’s cheek, warming it with his lips. “There is, and there always will be, but the books won’t be able to distract me from how much I want you.”

“Oh, Yoochun,” Changmin grins. He kisses his lips again. “We’re both drenched. Let’s get you home.”

“It’s raining hard out there, huh? I hope they’ll be alright,” Jaejoong says, looking out the window.

“Jaejoongie, they’ll be fine. We’ll text them later, ask if they got home okay.” Yunho circles his arms around Jaejoong’s waist. “Now let’s get some sleep. Our bus leaves at nine in the morning tomorrow.”

Jaejoong turns around to twirl his arms around Yunho’s neck. “I love you.”

That earns Jaejoong a peck on the lips. “I do too, babe, but why all of a sudden?”

“You’re so kind to me. You never say things that hurt me. I’m just grateful, is all.”

Yunho presses a warm kiss to the top of Jaejoong’s head. “I hope I never do, but if, for any reason, in the future we’re arguing and I say something hurtful, please tell me directly and immediately, so that I can apologize and we can move forward. I don’t want us to be stuck on old grudges for months, always bringing up old arguments every time we have a disagreement. I don’t want that for us. I love you.”

Jaejoong squeezes Yunho tight and then pats his backside. “Let’s go clean up and go to bed.”

They put on music as they gather everyone’s used cups and dishes. Jaejoong sings along as he loads the dishwasher and Yunho hums as he wipes down the counters and puts the leftover food inside the refrigerator. Before long, the house looks brand new.

Afterwards, Jaejoong steps into the shower and is joined by Yunho a few minutes after. They almost always shower together, save for when either one of them is busy and will be sleeping later than the other. It’s Jaejoong’s favorite part of his day. Getting to be close to Yunho like this is something he thinks he’ll never tire of. He feels safe and loved here, while Yunho lathers soap onto his skin and massages his scalp. Yunho likes to shower quickly but Jaejoong likes to take his time. More often than not, Jaejoong gets distracted from his need to go sleep by Yunho’s presence. He can’t help but to press his lips to Yunho’s chest, his jaw, his shoulder.

“I love you, Jae.”

“Yunho…you’re so beautiful.”

“Stop it, you’re embarrassing me.”

“Kiss me.” Jaejoong demands. Yunho obeys. They get lost in it, the kiss. It’s fiery, it’s all-encompassing, and it’s born of the purest feelings of love. Yunho turns the shower off and they stumble out, trying their best not to slip on the tile floor. Jaejoong grabs a towel hanging on a hook and uses it to pull Yunho closer to him. Yunho mimics Jaejoong but uses his towel to dry Jaejoong’s hair as they make their way toward the bed.

The back of Jaejoong’s knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls backward onto it, pulling Yunho down with him. Yunho pulls back for a moment, a silent question in his eyes: you’re not too tired?, and Jaejoong’s response is his hand around Yunho’s cock.

Yunho presses Jaejoong into the bed, one hand in Jaejoong’s hair and the other on his hip. He licks deep into Jaejoong’s mouth and Jaejoong moans under him. When Yunho moves mouth at Jaejoong’s neck, Jaejoong gasps and moves his hands to roam over Yunho’s broad, sexy back.

“Yunho—tonight, I want—I want that.”

Raising his head slightly, Yunho looks into Jaejoong’s eyes. “Are you sure, Jaejoong? We have to get up early tomorrow. I don’t want you to get too tired.”

“I’m sure,” Jaejoong says with a shiver. “I want it.” Yunho kisses him and then pulls a cock ring out of a box from underneath their bed. And as he pulls it out, he dons a different persona.

“Are you going to be good for me tonight, Jaejoongie?”

“Yeah,” Jaejoong sighs. “I’ll be good.” He can’t control his cock swelling at just the thought of how Yunho’s about to go down on him.

“You remember the safe-word, right?”

“Yup, ‘plush’.”

Yunho nods and then kisses Jaejoong’s stomach once before he slides the ring onto Jaejoong’s half-hard cock. He takes out the lube from their side drawer and has Jaejoong turn over so that he’s on all fours and his ass is in the air.

“Stick it out for me, nice and pretty.” Jaejoong feels his cheeks burn with humiliation but he does so anyways. He sticks his ass up into the air and spreads his legs so that he’s open for Yunho to do with him as he pleases. Then he feels Yunho’s tongue taking licks at his hole and Jaejoong groans.

“More,” he begs. “I want more.”

Yunho licks all around Jaejoong’s hole. He feels it getting excited under his tongue, fluttering and trying to accommodate his tongue’s tip. He licks up and down and gropes Jaejoong’s cheeks as he does. Then, he pulls back and snaps open the bottle of lubricant. “Stick your ass up nice and high for me.”

Jaejoong whimpers and complies. Yunho holds the bottle up high and pours lube right onto Jaejoong’s crack. It trails down toward his balls and it makes him shiver. Yunho rubs it around Jaejoong’s hole with his fingers and slowly presses one in. Jaejoong’s jaw drops open and he moans wantonly. They’re different like this on some nights. Sometimes when they have sex it’s all giggles and sweet kisses and other times—like tonight—Jaejoong feels like he’s a cheap slut and though at first Yunho was averse to the idea they’ve since grown into their pseudo role play.

His eyes roll back and he thrusts back against Yunho’s finger. Another is added and Jaejoong relishes the stretch. Yunho covers Jaejoong’s back with his body and whispers horribly filthy things in Jaejoong’s ear—red from the thrill of shame.

Take it, take it like the whore you are for me, only me and let me fill you up and stretch you…

Fill me up, Yunho, make me yours and only yours

I love your sweet, tight ass. Yunho adds a third finger. You have a greedy little hole, don’t you? You want my cock in it.

It’s hard to recognize Yunho when he gets like this, but Jaejoong barely recognizes himself, too, the way he’s moaning and gasping for breath, twisting his neck around to catch Yunho’s lips in the messiest of kisses.

Want it. Put it in me, you devil.

You’re the only devil here. You taste like the sweetest sin.

Yunho coats himself with lubricant and pushes into Jaejoong all the way to the hilt in one swift thrust. Jaejoong screams.

You asked for it. How is it?

H-hurts, but oh, oh Yunho, you’re so big. Ugh. Come on, move!

You’re so bossy. Yunho slaps Jaejoong’s ass, leaving it red. But I’ll give you what you want.

Jaejoong curses himself for asking for the cock ring now because Yunho speaking those filthy words in his ear is turning Jaejoong on like crazy. He can’t keep up the persona anymore, or rather he doesn’t need to, because he’s as needy as the role he plays is.

“Harder, Yunho!”

“Shh, baby. I got you.”

“Harder,” Jaejoong whines.

Yunho picks up the pace, ramming into Jaejoong as fast as his hips will allow him—which is very fast. Jaejoong meets him halfway, pushing his ass back with every thrust.

“I love you, Yunho.” Jaejoong gasps, and it’s so unexpected in the middle of sex—the way he says it, like he’s helpless. Like that’s the only thing he’s sure of. Yunho thrusts once more, burying himself in to the hilt, and he comes, long and hard.

“Oh, oh,” Jaejoong cries. Yunho kisses his face a million times because his heart is swelling with affection. He knows Jaejoong loves this part—that he likes the feeling of Yunho inside him, likes feeling filthy and full of Yunho’s release. Yunho pulls out and Jaejoong moves onto his back again. His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s covered in sweat. His whole body and his face are flushed pink, and his cock is red and hard and throbbing.

“G-get it off,” he chokes out.

Yunho lowers his head and takes Jaejoong into his mouth. Then, he changes his mind and lies down on his back next to Jaejoong. “Fuck my face first. Then I’ll take it off.”

“Oh god,” Jaejoong whimpers, and then he scrambles to get on his knees. He scoots up the bed, straddling Yunho’s chest positioning himself so he’s just over Yunho’s mouth. He leans his hands onto the wall behind the bed for support and lowers himself, inch by inch into Yunho’s mouth.

That silky, wet heat is extraordinary. Jaejoong moans loudly and begins to move—slowly at first, but when Yunho taps Jaejoong’s hip to let him know he’s okay Jaejoong speeds up. Yunho takes it so well, sucking like he’s drinking something from a straw. He gropes Jaejoong’s behind while he does it, kneading the flesh none too gently. Soon, Jaejoong loses his rhythm. His thrusts become erratic and his legs burn with the exertion. His pace stutters and just at that moment Yunho takes the ring off and Jaejoong comes in ropes that land all over Yunho’s mouth, chin, and neck.

Jaejoong collapses onto the bed beside Yunho. He catches his breath for a moment and then reaches to grab a tissue from the bedside table and cleans Yunho’s face up.

“That was amazing.”

“Agreed,” Yunho giggles. He checks his alarm clock on the side table, makes sure it’s set for seven a.m., then curls into Jaejoong and kisses him good night.

“Excited to see your family, Yunho-yah?” Jaejoong croons, stroking Yunho’s hair lovingly.

“Yes. And I’m excited to show you off to them.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m anything to show off.”

Yunho kisses his chest. “You have no idea how wrong you are. You’re amazing, and I love you. Now let’s get some sleep.”

In the morning, Jaejoong checks his text messages.

Yes, I got home safely, hyung, don’t worry your pretty little head about it ^^ -Yoochun

Of course I got home safely, what do you think I am, five years old? -Changmin

He laughs, satisfied. He sets his phone down and turns over in the bed, watching Yunho sleep. Any minute now, his alarm will go off, and he’ll flail about to turn it off. Jaejoong decides he’d rather wake Yunho up himself. Quietly, he reaches over Yunho to switch off Yunho’s alarm and notes the time—five minutes until it’s time for it to go off.

Softly, Jaejoong traces Yunho’s features with his fingertips. It’s cheesy, it’s cliché, and it’s not something Jaejoong’s ever thought he’d do, but he does it now. He touches Yunho’s eyes, his nose, his jaw, traces his shoulders, every perfect curve and edge of him. He wakes Yunho with a kiss.

“Jaejoongie? Good morning.”

Yunho’s voice is so hoarse and croaky in the morning. It’s incredibly sexy. “Good morning.”

“What time is it? Did I miss my alarm?”

“No, there’s a few minutes ‘till seven. I turned it off, though. Wanted to wake you up myself.”

Yunho pulls Jaejoong into his arms so that Jaejoong is half on top of him. “Best way to wake up is to your beautiful face.”

Jaejoong giggles and kisses Yunho again. “Yoochun and Changmin texted me. They both got home safely.”

“Mm, that’s good.” Yunho taps his lips for another peck. Jaejoong laughs and obliges. “I wonder what ended up happening between the two of them last night.”

“I guess we’ll find out when we get back, huh?”

“I guess so.” Another kiss. Jaejoong giggles into it and feels Yunho’s arms winding around his waist.

“Mmm, Yunho…wait, no!” He laughs, shoving Yunho away playfully. “Come on, get up! We have a bus to catch. I’ll make breakfast.”

Yunho blinks. “Naked?”

Jaejoong slaps his arm. “No!”

“…Please?”

“Maybe for your next birthday. Now come on, hop in the shower! We’re kind of gross from last night and we need to be at the station in an hour and a half.”

“Fiiine. One more kiss?”

Jaejoong is only too happy to oblige.

“Thanks for letting me stay the night at your place.”

“Changmin, don’t act like such a stranger. You know you’re welcome any time, now that we know how we feel about each other. Seriously, why’d you even take the couch last night?”

Changmin clears his throat as he dons his coat (now dry) and hands back the folded pile of Yoochun’s pajamas he’d borrowed last night. “Because I didn’t want things to escalate to a point where I’d ask you to do…certain things with me.”

Yoochun laughs and puts his clothes back in his drawers. “I’m no stranger to sex, Changmin-ah.”

“I-I, uh, that’s not the point.”

“Then what is?”

“The point is I wanted to ask you on a real date before we got further. I wanted to take it slow. I want to do things properly.”

Yoochun stops moving. His heart is suddenly beating twice as fast.

“Yoochun? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, it’s just, uh. Um. I guess I’d really like that.”

Changmin smiles. It’s the most perfect smile Yoochun’s ever seen. Yoochun thinks he’s just a little in love. “Then, Yoochun, will you go out with me next Friday evening?”

“Yes. I’d love to. Where will we go?”

“I was thinking a café for coffee and sweets. And then we could walk around that lake nearby campus.”

Yoochun’s quickened heart is not slowing down. “Sounds wonderful. I’ll see you then.”

“You’ll see me before then, too, Yoochun. We always see each other in the library.”

“Oh yeah.”

Changmin laughs again. He’s got the most beautiful eyes. “Okay, I’m going now. See you later.”

Yoochun desperately wants to keep him in his apartment forever and get him in his bed right this instant but Changmin simply leans forward, places a tender kiss on Yoochun’s cheek, and leaves. His heart doesn’t return to a normal pace for the next ten minutes, and unbeknownst to Yoochun, neither does Changmin’s.

When they get off the bus in Gwangju, Yunho smiles and Jaejoong takes in his surroundings. The bus station isn’t nearly as big or as busy as the one in Seoul, but it’s well-maintained.

“Come on, let’s take the city bus to my area and then it’s just a five minute walk to my parents’ house.”

Jaejoong doesn’t mind walking a bit since it’s not like either of them packed any heavy luggage. Jaejoong just had a backpack and a tote bag, which Yunho offered to carry for him. Yunho had a bus card that worked for the city of Gwangju, but Jaejoong had to pay the fare of 2,000 won, which was cheaper than Seoul. There were plenty of open seats, so they sat down and enjoyed the view. Jaejoong was sort of tired from having woken so early, and he wanted to put his head on Yunho’s shoulder, but they were in public, so Jaejoong held back.

Yunho looked out the windows excitedly, pointing at something every once in a while and telling Jaejoong about his childhood memories. He looked so happy that Jaejoong couldn’t tell him what he was feeling inside his heart: jealousy and pain.

Another five minutes later, Yunho grabbed Jaejoong’s wrist and together they stepped off the bus in a beautiful suburb. One story houses dotted the quaint streets, and flowers lined the front and sides of the homes.

“Almost there. You tired?”

“Just a bit. Let’s go.” Jaejoong said with a squeeze to Yunho’s hand.

They turn a corner and walk to the end of the street. The fragrance of early summertime blossoms hangs in the air. At the last house on the block Yunho stops and squeezes Jaejoong’s hand. “We’re here.”

Jaejoong puts aside his fears and nods. “Time for me to meet your parents, then.”

Yunho rings the bell and lets go of Jaejoong’s hand. They’re not hiding their relationship, but it is an older couples’ home, so they want to be modest and respectful.

It seems like Mr. and Mrs. Jung were excited to receive the two of the, because only a few seconds pass before the door swing opens and Yunho and Jaejoong are met with the smiling faces of Yunho’s parents.

“Yunho! We’re so glad to see you,” his father says, hugging his son and then pulling back so his wife could do the same. “And you must be Jaejoong. It’s nice to meet you. Please, come in.”

Jaejoong bows. “Thank you. It’s very nice to meet you too.” When he steps into the house, he notices that the house looks like the kind of small home seen in his mom’s favorite dramas: modest, light wood floors, tables with cushions surrounding them for sitting, a small kitchen and just enough space for the people who live in the home to be comfortable. In one word, it’s positively charming. It feels like a real home.

Yunho’s mother suggests that the two of them set their belongings down and freshen up before lunch. Yunho kisses his mother’s cheek and guides Jaejoong to his old bedroom. This room, too, looks picturesque for a young boy. He can easily imagine a teenaged Yunho lying on his stomach on the bed, reading some mindless comic, or sitting at his narrow wooden desk trying to study for an exam. And he can definitely picture Yunho looking out his bedroom window, waving to his neighborhood friends and signaling them that he’ll come right out to play and ride bikes.

“Hey, you okay?” Yunho asks, interrupting Jaejoong’s run-off imagination.

“Yeah, fine. You have a beautiful home.”

“Oh, thank you Boojae. I didn’t realized how much I missed it. It’s nice to be back, but I’m glad you’re with me this time.”

Jaejoong forces a smile. He sets down his bag and kisses Yunho’s cheek. “Let’s wash up for lunch, yeah?”

Lunch with the Jungs is perfect. Yunho’s mother has made all of Yunho’s favorites, and his father had cooked a few things too that happened to be more to Jaejoong’s liking.

“You’re both really good cooks. Yunho must have had a happy childhood in your home.” Jaejoong says.

“Oh, you flatter me,” his mom responds. “And yes, our Yunho was such a good kid.”

“Then why’d you yell at me so much?!” Yunho asks, exasperated.

“Why do you think you turned out so good? It’s because we didn’t let you get away with being lazy!”

“Fair enough.”

“So, Jaejoong,” Yunho’s father begins, “I don’t really know if Yunho told you this, but he never formally came out to us. I knew, because I figured it out, and I told my wife.”

Jaejoong is stunned. He doesn’t really know how to respond, but he doesn’t have a chance to anyways because Yunho’s father continues on.

“She was surprised when I told her, though I was surprised she hadn’t figured it out, too.” He laughs in the middle of his anecdote.

“How did you know, sir?” Jaejoong asks.

The greying man smiles. “He had a friend he spent a lot of time with in high school. That friend would come over quite a bit, and Yunho would go over to his house a lot, too. One day, I was coming home from work and I saw Yunho saying goodbye to him in front of the house. They were holding each other’s hands tightly, and then Yunho hugged him for a long time.”

Yunho’s expression is neutral, though his eyes seem to twinkle, as though he’s remembering something fondly but hasn’t thought of it in a while.

“Anyways, I thought it might have just been friendly. Maybe something scary or sad had happened in his life and Yunho was simply comforting him. But then I heard them talking to each other on the phone late into the night, saying endearing things and confessing heartfelt feelings.”

“Dad, did you eavesdrop?” Yunho laughs. He seems to be at peace with his past.

Yunho’s father shrugs. “These walls are thin, what can I say? And so I knew. And I realized that it didn’t matter to me. Yunho was happy with that boy, and seeing him happy made me happy. His mother, my wife, agreed. We waited for the day Yunho would tell us, but he never did. And then he went off to college. We were worried. That boy had stopped coming over, and it pained us to think our son had gone through a painful separation all alone. We wanted to comfort him, but we didn’t want to rush him into telling us something he wasn’t ready to say.”

Jaejoong finds himself tearing up at the story.

“Jaejoong, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Yunho fusses, rubbing Jaejoong’s back and holding his arm.

“No, I’m sorry, it’s just…you two are amazing parents. Yunho is a lucky boy.” Jaejoong sniffs again and then forces another smile. “Your family is very kind, Yunho. If they don’t mind, I’d like to visit more often.”

“We’d love to have you anytime, Jaejoong. You’re such a sweet child,” Yunho’s mother says. “Thank you for accompanying Yunho this weekend, we were really glad to be able to see both of you.”

After lunch, Yunho’s parents go to their room for a nap. Yunho suggests that he and Jaejoong do the same, since they were both tired from the travel and being up late the previous night. Jaejoong acquiesces, and he and Yunho get comfy in Yunho’s bed. It’s just big enough for the both of them.

“Okay, now tell me what’s been bothering you since we got here.” Yunho insists. They lie on their sides, facing each other, and Yunho has an arm around Jaejoong, gently stroking his back. “Are you homesick? Are you uncomfortable because we’re in a new place?”

“How’d you know something was bothering me?” Jaejoong mutters.

Yunho takes Jaejoong’s chin in his hand and forces Jaejoong to meet his eyes. “Because I can tell when your smile is real and when it’s forced. And today, most of your smiles were most definitely forced.”

For a moment, Jaejoong can’t formulate a response. He just looks into Yunho’s eyes—those warm brown eyes that he’s come to love more than anything—and wonders what he did right in life to find someone who cares so sincerely about him. “Damn it Yunho, why do you know me so well?” Jaejoong presses his face into Yunho’s chest and breathes him in.

“I love you. And I’m so happy to see you happy. I love your parents, they’re so nice. And your hometown is gorgeous and lively and your home is amazing and I—I just…”

“Shh, baby, it’s okay, you can tell me,” Yunho murmurs soothingly. He keeps stroking Jaejoong’s back and kissing his hair.

“I wish I had a family like yours.”

Yunho goes still. They’ve never talked about this. Every time Yunho asked, Jaejoong would make something up and change the subject.

“Tell me about your family, Jaejoong.”

“I—I can’t. It’s too hard.”

“Baby, what happened?” Yunho pulls back so he can look at Jaejoong properly and search his teary eyes. “I love you, okay? No matter what happened in your past, you and I are together now.”

“Yunho, oh, they’re awful. Your family gave you everything I wish I could have had and I—I feel so terrible because as happy as I am for you I’m so horribly jealous of what you had growing up.”

“Oh, baby, it’s okay. It’s okay. Let it out.”

Jaejoong sobs quietly, face buried in the crook of Yunho’s warm neck. They fall asleep like that, curled together under the covers, still wearing day clothes. They don’t wake until a few hours later, when Yunho’s father gently wakes them after having felt his heart warm at their innocent faces during sleep.

“Yunho, Jaejoong, wake up, let’s have some tea and catch up before dinner.”

The following morning, Jaejoong goes on a walk with Yunho’s father while Yunho sleeps the morning away. It’s a peaceful morning. The birds are singing and the air feels crisp. And yet, Jaejoong can’t help the shadow of sadness that is covering part of his heart.

“What’s on your mind, Jaejoong?”

“Oh, it’s nothing…the weather is wonderful this morning, isn’t it?”

“Jaejoong, please. I know we’ve only just met, but I’d like to think you’re going to be in my son’s life for a while, and therefore mine. I’d like to get to know you. Tell me your worries. You’ll find that an old man like me can be quite wise,” he says with a wink.

Jaejoong laughs briefly. “Well, to be honest, your family is beautiful. I’m a little jealous. Mine is not so great.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know the whole story, but at least let me say this. As long as you don’t hurt Yunho, you are a part of our family, too. And you are always welcome.”

“Thank you. I’m grateful.”

“Does Yunho treat you well, Jaejoong?”

The question catches Jaejoong a bit off-guard. “Yes, he does. He’s wonderful to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve him.”

“Good, good,” Yunho’s father sighs. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“He works so hard. He’s a role model for everyone my age.”

“Thank you for saying that, Jaejoong. It makes me feel great pride as a father.”

They round a corner and end up back on the street where Yunho’s home is. From a distance, they can see Yunho’s mother waving to them, signaling them to come in for breakfast.

“I think she made pancakes. Let’s hurry!” says Yunho’s father, and Jaejoong laughs and speed-walks with him all the way home.

Yunho and Jaejoong take the 5:00 p.m. bus back to Seoul and don’t reach their apartment until nearly nine at night. They’re both exhausted from the travel and their long talk on the bus.

I will tell you about my family, Yunho, someday. I’ll tell you soon. Just not tonight.

It’s okay, Jaejoong, there’s no rush. I want you tell me when you’re ready.

Thank you, love.

Of course. So, what did you and my dad talk about?

Oh, nothing much. He asked me if you treat me well.

And? What did you say?

I said I don’t know what I did to deserve you.

Oh, Jae, you have no idea. It’s the other way around.

“Good night, Yunho.”

“Good night, Jaejoong.” Yunho reaches over to turn off their lamp and slings an arm around Jaejoong’s waist and closes his eyes.

“You have work tomorrow morning again?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Jaejoong strokes his hair lovingly. “You’re amazing, Yunho. So hard-working. So driven. I love you with all my heart.”

Yunho kisses Jaejoong sweetly. “I love you more. Good night.”

part 1

a/n: here's part two. tell me what you think? :)

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as the saying goes, you're my better half (part 1/?)

keyhun — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 20:14:58 GMT

rating: nc-17
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
length: ~10100 wc
summary: yunjae college au

So maybe Jaejoong underestimated what it would mean to be a second year college student with a science major. Maybe he was unimpressed with the amount of unmotivated, lazy assholes in his first year intro courses and wasn’t expecting much change in his second year.

He had never been more wrong.

The first year seemed to have weeded out all the weak ones, and now only the strong remained. The strong—those who were willing to put everything on the line for the future they dreamed of. And Jaejoong was in competition with all of them.

Suddenly every free weekend was no longer free—instead it was hours and hours in the library, trying to finish every last practice problem or memorize every question off of old tests.

Suddenly it was entertaining (but not quite seriously considering) the notion of seducing professors for an A.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Jaejoong was fortunate enough to have a few friends that he could study with. Sometimes with Yoochun or Changmin, his friends from high school. Other times with Yunho, one of the guys from his lab, and sometimes with Junsu or Kibum or any of the other people from his various classes. They’d sit quietly next to one another and pore over the material, asking questions in whispers when there was something they didn’t understand.

And the best part was when they would both reach their limit at the end of a long evening and look up at each other and sigh, then shut their textbooks and pack up their things before heading home.

Yeah, having friends definitely made the life of a nerd a lot better.

Autumn used to be Jaejoong’s favorite season. All throughout childhood, and even high school, even though it meant returning to school and giving up summer months of all day play. He could never really pinpoint why he liked it so much, but it always made him feel peaceful.

In college, though, fall meant one thing: midterms. The biggest cause of stress in a college student’s life—maybe even more than finals because at least for finals there were dedicated study days.

Jaejoong began staying later and later each night in the library, trying to review and memorize as much as he could. Junsu sat there next to him, forehead resting in one hand, eyes glaring wide at his textbook, not really absorbing much. Jaejoong was beginning to lose focus, too, but he couldn’t give up just yet. He had to make it through just a few more sections in his physiology textbook and then he could call it a night.

He heard Junsu’s stomach grumble and his mouth quirked up in a smile. “Go eat something,” he said, “you’re not going to be able to concentrate like this.”

Junsu mumbled a quick “yeah, you’re right,” and started to pack up his stuff. As he shoved his last folder into his backpack Yunho came by holding two cups of coffee.

“Hey Junsu, hey Jaejoong. You guys still at it?”

Junsu yawns and shakes his head. “Nah, I was just heading out.” Then he eyes the two cups suspiciously and a grin spreads across his face. Jaejoong doesn’t notice, as he’s already muttered his quick, polite greeting and returned to reading his book.

Junsu says good night and leaves. Yunho sits down where Junsu was and sets down his backpack. “Hey, you’ve been staying really late these days. Are you getting enough sleep?”

Jaejoong blinks and turns to look at Yunho. “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Have you been forgetting to eat again?” Yunho says, amusement in his eyes.

Jaejoong blinks twice. “Wait, what the hell? How did you know I do that?”

Yunho rolls his eyes. “Everyone knows you do that. It’s not like I just met you yesterday.”

Jaejoong laughs awkwardly. “Well, now that I think about it, I might have forgotten to eat a couple of meals in the past week,” but they both know it’s a lot more than that.

Yunho sighs as he takes out his laptop and opens up his online homework.

“Oh, by the way, I got you this,” he says, handing Jaejoong one of the coffee cups. “I thought you might need it since you’re always so stubborn about staying up until you’ve finished studying.”

Jaejoong accepts the cup and grins. “That’s…really nice of you, Yunho. Thanks!”

Yunho sucks in a breath and clears his throat. “Um, yeah, no problem. I didn’t know what you liked so I just got something with caramel in it because, you know, we learned in biology that people tend to crave sweet things when they’re stressed.”

Jaejoong tilts his head to the side. “Isn’t it carbs?”

Yunho blinks, then lets out a sigh. “Fuck, I need to study.”

Jaejoong laughs and sips his coffee. “It’s good,” he says, and they work together until midnight.

Midterms draw nearer and Jaejoong is just barely holding himself together. He pretends not to notice the thickening amounts of hair that come out when he combs it in the morning and on Wednesday he realizes he hasn’t eaten more than one piece of toast in the last 24 hours. He sighs and plops his head down onto his textbook, black-rimmed glasses pushing against the bridge of his nose uncomfortably.

“Okay there?”

Jaejoong looks up and Yunho’s standing there, carrying two blessed cups of ramen, still steaming hot. Jaejoong’s mouth waters and his stomach grumbles.

“I’m—uh—fine, just, what’s that?”

Yunho bites back laughter. “Food. Which you desperately need,” he says, handing Jaejoong one.

He takes a bite and almost moans. It’s the extra-spicy kind, his favorite.

“I know you’re stressed out but try to keep up with meals, okay?” Yunho says. Jaejoong looks to him but Yunho’s already got his earphones plugged in and is scribbling through some complicated physics problem.

“Yeah, okay,” he responds quietly.

It’s a week before exams and Jaejoong, Yoochun and Yunho are studying together on the top floor of the library, tucked away in a quiet study corner by a huge window. Yoochun sighs and stretches back against his chair and gazes longingly out the window.

“Fall is so beautiful. I don’t want to be stuck in this library, I want to go outside and stroll through a park with the love of my life. You know when the summer heat breaks and you just step outside one morning and you feel that first cool breeze of autumn? Man, I live for that. I swear it’s like—”

“Fucking fake deep lit majors,” Yunho mutters under his breath, causing Jaejoong to burst out laughing. Everyone else in the corner turns toward the three and says “SHH.”

“Rude!” Yoochun scoffs.

“If you really want to do that then by all means please do,” Yunho pleads, “but for god’s sake please let me study.”

Yoochun sighs dramatically. “Fine, rot in here forever while I go taste the crisp, sweet scents of an oncoming autumn.”

“Bye!” Yunho says, not looking up from his books.

Jaejoong laughs again, falling against his desk.

Yoochun leaves and Jaejoong catches his breath. It’s been a few weeks since he’s laughed that hard and it was nothing if not refreshing. He looks out the window, then, too, and briefly thinks that he was just like Yoochun not even a full two years ago.

“I really like fall, too,” Jaejoong finds himself saying aloud.

Yunho looks up. “Yeah?”

Jaejoong blushes when he realizes he spoke his thoughts. “Y-yeah, I mean, it’s nice.”

Yunho smiles. “It is. We should enjoy it, too. But after exams, okay?”

Jaejoong nods as his heart flutters just the tiniest bit. “Sounds good.”

The night before Jaejoong’s first midterm he promises himself he won’t sleep too late. It’s 9 p.m. and he’s at the library, reviewing his notes one last time before he’s going to call it a night. All of Changmin’s stuff is in the space to his left, but Changmin himself had gone downstairs for a bit to print off some labs. Jaejoong shakes his head and forces himself to focus as he makes sure he has every function of every part of the nephron memorized. He’s already sure he knows all of it but one last review can’t hurt. His eyes scan over the notes and start feeling heavy. He rests his forehead on his notes for just a minute and before he knows it, someone’s shaking his shoulder and whispering his name, asking him to get up.

“Jaejoong, hey, Jaejoong, go back home and go to sleep.”

Jaejoong really, really doesn’t want to wake up. He makes some kind of childish whining noise and hears a chuckle.

“Come on, Jaejoong, get up. You can’t sleep in the library.”

Jaejoong opens his eyes and panics. He’s not done studying, he has to review it one last time or else he’ll fail out of college. He has to make sure he knows it like the back of his hand or else—

“Woah, okay, Jaejoong, calm down. Just take a deep breath.”

Jaejoong breathes and sees Yunho standing over him. Changmin still hasn’t returned from the printers.

“How long was I asleep?”

“Dunno, just got here. You should go back home now and go to bed.”

Jaejoong shakes his head. “I’m almost done studying, really.”

Yunho rolls his eyes and grabs Jaejoong’s notes. “You already know this stuff, man. Come on, just call it a night already.”

Jaejoong reluctantly finds himself acquiescing and stuffs his things in his backpack before bidding a gruff goodnight to Yunho and heading out.

“Good luck, Jae. You’ll do fine,” Yunho calls after him, not looking up from his laptop.

Jaejoong walks home with a smile on his face.

The first half of the week passes without a problem, naturally. All that consistent studying paid off in full. But it’s nearing the end of the week and Jaejoong still has one final problem to face: his differential equations exam.

If there’s one thing Jaejoong has never had confidence in no matter how hard he tried, it’s math. Especially difficult, specialized, higher level math. It was his worst enemy and he needed all the help he could get.

“Hey Changmin,” Jaejoong asks one day, “would you be willing to spend a few hours with me studying for the diff.e exam?”

Changmin looks up from his textbook incredulously. “Today? In the middle of exam week? Are you serious?”

Jaejoong swallows. “Uh, yeah, maybe not. Sorry.”

Changmin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “No, I’m sorry. I’d like to help you but I’m swamped since I never managed to get enough studying done ahead of time like you do. Ask Yunho, though, he might be able to help.”

Jaejoong raises an eyebrow. Yunho was in Differential Equations?

He finds the other student on the third floor of the library doing practice physics problems.

“Hey Yunho.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Uh, I’ve got a favor to ask.”

“Shoot.”

“Can you help me study for the Diff.E exam? I’m always shit at math and this is the last math class I have to take so I wanna make sure I don’t screw it up.”

Yunho looks at his watch. “Sure, go reserve a study room and text me the room number and I’ll meet you there.”

Jaejoong grins with relief. “Thanks so much Yunho, I owe you one.”

“So you’ve pretty much got all the material down except for the two chapters we’ve just learned. Yeah, those are kind of tough. I was hoping it wasn’t going to be on the midterm,” Yunho murmurs.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know you were taking this class, much less the same professor. Sucks we’re not in the same section,” Jaejoong groans.

Yunho’s mouth quirks in a smile. “Why, so you could copy my homework and ask me to take notes for you while you skip?”

Jaejoong laughs and plays along. “Yeah, of course, why else?”

Yunho rolls his eyes and shoves another practice problem at Jaejoong. “Just do this one. If you can get it right we’ll call it a night.”

Jaejoong stares at the sheet helplessly. Then looks back up at Yunho, eyes wide. “I’m going to fail,” he whispers.

The other boy laughs. “No you’re not, here, let me show you,” Yunho says, and reaches over Jaejoong’s arm to start working out the problem.

Jaejoong is suddenly hyperaware of their close proximity. His heart beats a bit faster as Yunho’s scent emanates off his soft sweater in gentle waves and leaves Jaejoong’s mouth dry. Jaejoong pushes up his glasses and turns to look at Yunho, suddenly not hearing anything about the problem Yunho is explaining anymore. Instead, Jaejoong’s gaze roves over Yunho’s tired yet handsome face, settling on his lips that move slightly and very delicately despite his clearly enunciated words.

“Jaejoong?” Yunho asks quietly, noticing the look on his face.

Jaejoong can’t respond. Something’s caught in his throat.

And then Yunho’s leaning in, and Jaejoong is too, slowly but at equal paces, until their noses are just brushing against each other and they can taste each other’s breath. They close in, and then their lips are touching, just barely. Jaejoong’s heart flutters faster than ever and he rests one hand lightly on Yunho’s side. Yunho reciprocates by increasing the pressure of his lips against Jaejoong’s by just a fraction. It’s slow and incredibly soft. Jaejoong’s lips are plush and supple and Yunho loves the feel of them under his own. They stay unmoving for another moment before Jaejoong pulls back, trying to calm his breathing. His cheeks are red and it looks lovely across his skin.

He clears his throat. “You don’t—I mean, I assumed you had a girlfriend?”

Yunho tilts his head to the side. “No, I’m definitely gay.”

“Ah,” Jaejoong says mildly, but he can’t help the grin that spreads across his face.

Yunho chuckles. “Anyways, we can talk about this later. We will talk about this later, but right now, you have a midterm tomorrow.”

Jaejoong pouts. “How am I supposed to concentrate like this?”

Yunho smiles. “Try.”

Jaejoong is nothing if not serious about his studies so he pushes away the thoughts of Yunho likes me Yunho kissed me holy shit do I have a boyfriend now, or no wait, what if he just kissed me to try it out what if that meant nothing and focuses on his exam.

It goes by painlessly and Jaejoong runs out of the exam room feeling free as a bird.

Yunho walks out of the neighboring exam room and Jaejoong smiles shyly. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself.”

Jaejoong really wants to take Yunho’s hand and walk around campus with him and enjoy their freedom but he doesn’t know how Yunho will react so he holds back.

“I seem to remember suggesting we enjoy your favorite season after our exams were over,” Yunho says.

Jaejoong smiles widely. “Can we?”

“Yes, please.”

They take the bus to the apple orchards outside of town wrapped in coats and scarves. Jaejoong has one thing on his mind: is this his first date with Yunho?

He really doesn’t want to make anything too awkward so he holds back all his questions, and instead they walk together through the orchards. The air gets chillier as the sun begins to descend from its peak in the sky but it’s not uncomfortably cold. In the front sections there are families with small children and couples enjoying the weather. It makes Jaejoong’s heart feel warm and fuzzy. He and Yunho make small talk about the things around them and laugh occasionally about something Junsu said.

As the walk deeper into the orchard the crowds thin and the rows of trees thicken. Yunho picks an apple and hands it to Jaejoong. Jaejoong doesn’t know if they’re allowed to do that, but since the deed is already done he says thanks and takes a bite. It’s sweet and juicy and perks him up. Soon enough, there’s hardly anyone around and Jaejoong can’t hold in his questions anymore.

“So, uh, Yunho? I was thinking we could talk about, you know, the stuff we said we’d talk about when we—before the diff.E exam—I mean, or if you don’t want to—”

“I like you, Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong’s heart nearly stops.

Yunho takes a step closer and holds one of Jaejoong’s cold hands in his warmer ones, looking down between them.

“I’d like to go out with you, if that’s okay. I don’t think you like me as much as I like you right now, but I don’t think you dislike me either. So I’d like to be your boyfriend.”

Jaejoong knows he shouldn’t ask this, that it’ll make him seem like he’s needy and attention whore-y but he can’t help asking, “Why?”

Yunho glances to the side, obviously flustered. The chilly autumn winds prick his cheeks and leave them red.

“Is there ever one reason why you like someone? It’s just, everything about you really. I like it all.”

Jaejoong steps closer and looks up at Yunho. “I like you too, Yunho. Maybe I didn’t realize it as soon as you did, but I do like you.”

A grin breaks across Yunho’s face. He huffs a sigh of relief and it comes out in a chilly white puff.

“So, you’ll go out with me?”

Jaejoong nods. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

Yunho leans down the rest of the way and their noses brush like the first time and it’s taunting, so achingly sweet the way their faces move about each other’s before their lips finally meet again, like they were puzzle pieces missing their other half. Yunho presses his lips against Jaejoong and he groans, pressing his body up against Yunho as he slides his arms around Jaejoong’s thin waist, supporting him as their knees grow weaker with every kiss.

Jaejoong pulls back a fraction of an inch. “What if someone sees us,” he gasps.

Yunho captures his lips again. “I don’t care,” he growls, and flicks his tongue between Jaejoong’s lips. They pull back a second later, cheeks flushed.

Jaejoong laughs with delight and takes Yunho’s hand. They start to walk back until Jaejoong yells “race you to the entrance!” and takes off.

Yunho grins and breaks into a sprint, competitive spirit and giddy happiness driving his legs faster and faster until they’re neck and neck. At some point Jaejoong trips and falls on a thick bed of leaves, unhurt, laughing hysterically. Yunho rushes to him to make sure he’s all right and Jaejoong just screams “I’m fine!” and wraps his hands around Yunho’s neck and pulls him in for a kiss, long and sensual without even using his tongue, just moving his mouth against Yunho’s. He gets back up slowly, still distracting Yunho with his mouth and then pushes the other man down, and takes off running again.

“Cheater!” Yunho calls after him.

They rush to the entrance and skid to a stop, panting for breath, smiles wide and childish. Jaejoong leans into Yunho’s side as he catches his breath and Yunho thinks Jaejoong has never looked so beautiful. His dark eyes glitter in the setting sun’s light and his windswept black hair frames his red cheeks and fair skin in the most picturesque way. Yunho fleetingly wishes he was a fake deep lit major like Yoochun so he could think of the proper words to describe the way Jaejoong looks, the way he feels right now. But he’s not, and he can’t, so he just leans in and whispers “you’re beautiful,” low and sweet in Jaejoong’s ear and then leaves a feather-light kiss on his cheekbone.

Jaejoong blushes harder and grips Yunho’s hand tightly, interlacing their fingers as they head for the bus stop.

It’s dark by the time they get on the bus, so they sit in the back and Jaejoong is tired so he hesitantly rests his head on Yunho’s shoulder, as if asking for permission and Yunho responds by wrapping his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders and pulling him closer, fitting him snugly into his side. Jaejoong smiles and rests, breathing in Yunho’s warmth the whole way back into the city.

When they get off it’s cold, so they stop for coffee. There’s no one else in the small, homely café, so they let their fingertips touch in the middle of the table. Jaejoong smiles behind his large, white ceramic mug and Yunho’s stomach flips at the sight. The coffee is sweet and warm. Outside, leaves the color of the sunset fall in rapid flurries, matching the pace of Yunho’s madly fluttering heart.

Yunho walks with Jaejoong to his dorm and says good night at the front. He wants a kiss but he doesn’t want to make Jaejoong uncomfortable in case someone sees them, but Jaejoong doesn’t seem to care because he cranes his neck up to peck Yunho’s cheek before whispering “good night” in Yunho’s ear and slinking off.

Yunho feels on top of the world.

Best day ever, he thinks to himself, and heads to his own dorm.

Thirty minutes later, Yunho steps out of the shower, muscles relaxed and heart still fluttering. He rolls into bed and checks his phone. There’s a text from Jaejoong.

I had a great time with you today~ -Jaejoong

Me too ^^ Let’s go out together again soon -Yunho

>////< Yes please -Jaejoong

You’re so cute -Yunho

Slkfjalskdj;alkf -Jaejoong

You are~ -Yunho

Well, you are very handsome >///< -Jaejoong

>////< -Yunho

Haha, you’re cute too ^^ -Jaejoong

Thanks~ -Yunho

Sleepy? -Jaejoong

Yeah, but I like talking to you -Yunho

>////////< -Jaejoong

Haha, you must be tired. You ran really fast today -Yunho

It was so fun! I never get to do stuff like that -Jaejoong

I know, you’re always in the library -Yunho

So are you! -Jaejoong

True -Yunho

So let’s definitely do that again -Jaejoong

It’s a date ^^ -Yunho

>////< -Jaejoong

Good night Jaejoongie <3 -Yunho

Good night…Yunho-yah~ -Jaejoong

Yunho blushes and shuts off his phone. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to fall asleep tonight. But eventually, he drifts off, pleasant memories from the day playing behind his eyelids.

Yunho steps out of his classroom at the end of the period as is greeted by a wild-eyed Jaejoong running towards him, a smile on his face.

“Yunho-yah! Guess what?”

“What’s up, Jaejoong?”

Jaejoong stops just in front of Yunho, grinning widely. “I ACED that diff.E exam! And it’s all thanks to you.”

Yunho laughs. “No, I don’t think it is. You already knew most of it before I helped you out.”

Jaejoong shakes his head. “Still, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do well if you hadn’t helped me out.”

“So, how should we celebrate?” Yunho asks.

“Uh, well I have an idea, but I don’t know if it’s too soon…”

Yunho’s eyes widen. He couldn’t already be talking about…

“Wanna go stargazing with me?”

“Huh? O-oh. Um. Yeah, sure. Sounds great. Hahaha.”

Jaejoong eyes him warily but chuckles anyways. “Great,” he says, “then Saturday night?”

“Yoochun, help.”

“What’s wrong, man?”

Yunho lifts his head up from his desk, stares at Yoochun, then puts his head back down.

“I like him way more than I should.”

Yoochun raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you two dating? What’s wrong with liking your own boyfriend?”

Yunho groans and rests his forehead in his palm. “No, as in like, we literally just started going out a week ago and he’s all I think about all the time. Fuck.”

The other boy flashes a greasy smile. “Someone’s in love.”

“Fuck, don’t even say that word yet. Isn’t it like, some rule of adult relationships that you can’t use that word until like 5 months in? Or something?”

Yoochun looks severely offended. “I mean yeah you don’t want to scare the other person off or anything but there’s no such rule. And if there is it’s stupid.”

“I just want to hold him all the time. Wanna run my fingers through his hair and kiss him so bad. I used to be addicted to that game on my phone, now I don’t even play it in class anymore. I just fantasize about our next date.”

Yoochun whistles. “I’m sure he feels the same way…?”

“You’re just saying that.”

“Yeah, kind of. People don’t usually fall this hard this fast.”

Yunho gives up on holding his head up and lets it fall back onto the desk for the next hour.

Saturday comes too quickly and not fast enough. Yunho doesn’t really know what one wears to go stargazing—should be something comfortable, right, or should he dress up because he wants to impress, or should that not matter because he wants Jaejoong to like him whether or not he dresses up—fuck.

“Dude, you’ve been staring at your closet for 5 minutes. You’re freaking me out,” Changmin calls from the desk chair.

Yunho turns around. “Why are you in my room?”

Changmin shrugs. “Wi-fi was out at my dorm. I have online homework.”

“…the library?”

“Gross,” Changmin mutters, and continues to do his “online homework” which looks suspiciously like a certain MMORPG he’s addicted to.

“If you’re not actually studying then help me pick something?”

Changmin almost growls. “Are you fucking kidding me, hyung? Are you sixteen? And female? Wear anything. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

And then Yunho fucking pouts. “Changminnie, I’m sorry, I just. I’m nervous.”

Changmin scoffs and gets up. He picks something off a hanger and shoves it at Yunho. “There, wear that. Just go and let me use all your bandwidth.”

Yunho looks down at the articles of clothing in his hands and blinks. He’d have to trust Changmin on this one.

He meets Jaejoong by the bus stop and is greeted with peals of pleasantly surprised laughter.

“You look nice.”

Yunho groans. “It’s too much, isn’t it?” he demands, instantly feeling embarrassed by his semi-formal attire next to Jaejoong’s totally casual look.

Jaejoong shakes his head and greets Yunho with a kiss to the blushing cheek. “No, it’s perfect,” he says, and takes Yunho’s hand as they wait.

When they arrive at the observatory there aren’t many people there. Yunho and Jaejoong take their time milling around and looking at the other exhibits before taking turns at the huge telescopes and sighing with awe at the stars and planets. Then they walk to the nearby hill and climb to the top and try to look at whatever stars they can see despite bright city lights. They sit on the winter-withered grass and huddle together against the chilling winds.

Jaejoong leans his head onto Yunho’s shoulder and Yunho feels his heart beat in overtime.

“I like you a lot, Yunho,” Jaejoong whispers.

Yunho swallows his nerves and kisses Jaejoong’s hair. “You, too, Jaejoong.”

“I don’t…usually bring people to look at the stars with me. It’s special. It’s something I used to do with my family.”

To say Yunho was “touched” would be an understatement. He rubs his hand up and down Jaejoong’s arm and presses a kiss to Jaejoong’s hair, trying to express the words of gratitude that die on his tongue.

They sit there in silence for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, looking at the stars, looking over the city, watching the lights in various windows of various buildings turn off one by one by one as the night goes on. Jaejoong moves closer, as close as possible, and allows his nose to rest against the crook of Yunho’s neck.

Yunho tries to focus on the city skyline but he can’t, really, not with Jaejoong so close and so real against his side, on his neck. Yunho swallows nervously and the sound reverberates in his ear. He’s sure Jaejoong can see his Adam’s apple move with the action and he feels even more self-conscious, too aware of Jaejoong’s soft skin against his own.

Then, like a scene out of a movie, something sparkles across the inky sky.

“A shooting star,” Jaejoong murmurs in amazement.

“I’ve never seen one,” Yunho manages.

“Me either. Make a wish, Yunho.”

Yunho couldn’t think of a wish right now if he wanted to, not with Jaejoong’s dark eyes boring into his.

Instead he leans down slowly and presses his lips against Jaejoong’s and feels a million shooting stars flit through his veins. And even more thrilling than that, he feels Jaejoong smile into their kiss.

Weeks pass and they become used to one another. Become accustomed to sharing kisses a few times a day, studying together, and enjoying the other’s presence.

But Yunho never fails to surprise Jaejoong once in a while. It’s never anything too big—maybe a spontaneous neck rub after hours spent looking down at a textbook. Maybe a couple bracelet handmade from colorful threads (”I looked it up on Youtube…I thought they’d be cute.” “They are. You are. Thank you.”).

Jaejoong never knows what do or say in return. Yunho is always so sweet, he feels at a loss. All he can say is “thank you” over and over again, feeling stupid.

One day, when they’re saying good bye for the night Jaejoong tugs at Yunho’s sleeve.

He turns around, a puzzled look on his face.

Jaejoong chews on his lip and looks down, adjusts his glasses. He’s never been great at articulating his feelings, but this needs to be said.

Yunho is patient, as always. He waits, swinging their joined hands back and forth.

“Yunho, I have to tell you something.”

A pause. A few breaths.

“You have done so much for me. I know we’ve only been dating a few months but I wanted to tell you this.”

Yunho stills. He brings a hand to cup Jaejoong’s cheek and presses their foreheads together. Patient. Sweet. Always gentle.

Jaejoong forgets any doubts and takes a breath. “I love you, Yunho.”

“I love you, too, Jaejoong.” and he proceeds to kiss the life out of his boyfriend.

Of course, things weren’t always perfect between them. They fought on occasion, just like any couple would fight. Sometimes they fought about petty things. Jaejoong would be extra tired in the morning and Yunho would be too chipper and Jaejoong would groan and ask him to please shut up for just a moment and Yunho would frown and settle into his corner of the library study room and work quietly. Then Jaejoong would realize how rude he sounded and approach Yunho with a pout on his lips and an apology muffin from the food court downstairs and it would be okay.

Soemtimes Jaejoong would get mad when Yunho would buy him too many things. He knew that Yunho was working long hours at the gym to start saving up for whatever his future might hold. Jaejoong never had to worry about money. He didn’t like when Yunho would chip into his own savings to buy Jaejoong a nice, brand name wallet for his birthday; didn’t like when Yunho insisted on paying for their dinner at a fancy, high-class restaurant on their four month anniversary.

Eventually he voiced his concern and Yunho looked angry. He tried to control the shaking in his voice and calmly explain that he liked doing things for Jaejoong, that it made him feel like he was worth something in this relationship. Jaejoong would ball his fists and ask why, why did he have to pay for so many expensive things to feel like he was worth something? Am I not doing a good enough job making you feel loved? Jaejoong asked. Yunho shook his head and looked to the side. I just want to treat you right. I just wanna keep you happy. Jaejoong’s heart melts then and he takes Yunho’s face in his hands.

“Yunho, you make me incredibly happy. I couldn’t ask for more than you. But sometimes, let me pay for things, okay? I want to treat you right, too.”

Yunho nods and places his hand over Jaejoong’s, then leans in for the kiss.

After that argument, Yunho allows Jaejoong to pay for exactly half of of their dates. He keeps count carefully so that the balance never tips one way or the other. Jaejoong finds it endearing but still hopes that one day they’ll be able to discuss money more comfortably.

Jaejoong notices that Yunho’s been cutting back on some of his non-Jaejoong related expenditures, though. He doesn’t drink coffee nearly as much as he used to, and he’s been working more shifts at the gym. Jaejoong wonders what he might be saving up for, if he’s saving up for anything in particular at all.

In March, the frozen ground finally begins to melt. Jaejoong and Yunho find the courage to be together in public and have no more qualms about holding hands or stealing quick kisses between classes. Some people look at them with disgust, though Jaejoong has a sneaking suspicion it’s because they’re single and jealous more than being disgusted with gay couples. The looks of disgust are a minority behind the largely welcoming crowd of friends and professors who think it’s adorable and perfect that two of the brightest, most hardworking, and most handsome boys of the year are in love with each other. They really couldn’t ask for a better environment. Even Jaejoong’s roommate, Junho, doesn’t mind when he has Yunho over and they take naps together on Jaejoong’s bed. Not that he should, seeing as Junho and his girlfriend have done much more than take an innocent nap together in his and Jaejoong’s dorm room.

College, however, is a bubble of supportive people who want to see young people grow and bloom and reach the sky with their accomplishments.

At home there are old, decaying people who envy the young and beautiful and their ability to feel love and all the remaining years of their lives that they can make something of. That envy translates to disgust and disdain so Jaejoong hides from them, and he hides Yunho from them, and pretends that everything is fine when Yunho asks about family and maybe meeting them someday.

“Yeah, maybe,” Jaejoong murmurs, and Yunho looks confused but doesn’t push.

On the morning of their six-month anniversary, Yunho greets Jaejoong just outside his dormitory with a stuffed elephant and a kiss.

“Yunho,” Jaejoong chides, “people might see.”

“So what?” Yunho says, and kisses Jaejoong again. “I have plans for us tonight. Are you free?”

Jaejoong clutches the stuffed animal to his chest. It’s velvety soft under his fingers. “Yes. What do you have planned?”

“You’ll see.”

After class, Yunho and Jaejoong neglect their studies for a long walk around the lake just a few blocks away from their university. They talk about little things, recalling anecdotes about their friends and teachers and the silly things they said or did. Jaejoong finds a patch of ground covered with flowers and lies down on it, stretching his limbs out and enjoying the feeling of sunshine on his face.

Yunho settles onto his side next to Jaejoong, just looking at him.

“Are you going to tell me what you have planned for tonight yet?” Jaejoong asks.

“No. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jaejoong pouts. “I’m too curious. Can’t you give me a hint?”

“Nice try, but no.”

Jaejoong narrows his eyes. “Oh really?” Then he pounces and attacks Yunho with his fiercest tickling techniques. Yunho howls with laughter and is soon gasping for breath, trying to block Jaejoong’s fast fingers and begging him to stop.

“I’ll stop if you give me a hint!” Jaejoong yells back.

“N-never! You’ll never get it out of me!”

Jaejoong growls and furrows his fingers into Yunho’s super-sensitive sides. Yunho almost knees Jaejoong in the face.

“Tell me!”

“No!” Yunho screams and catches Jaejoong’s hands, holding them tightly so they can’t escape his grip. He catches his breath, tears falling out of his eyes from laughing too hard.

“Why not?” Jaejoong pouts.

Yunho glances around to make sure no one is looking, then pulls Jaejoong close, embracing him tenderly. He places several slow, soft kisses up Jaejoong’s jawline and stops just by his ear. Then he whispers in a low, enticing voice: “It’s a secret.”

“Yunhooo, where are we going?” Jaejoong whines. Since leaving the lake, they had been walking for thirty minutes and Jaejoong still has no idea where they were going or what Yunho had planned.

“We’re almost there!” Yunho says. He sounds really excited, and it makes Jaejoong all the more curious.

Holding fast to Jaejoong’s hand, Yunho pulls his boyfriend along happily. Although Jaejoong is burning with curiosity, he’s enjoying himself. The weather is perfect and the sunset is beautiful as they walk to wherever it is Yunho is taking him. And holding hands with Yunho always makes Jaejoong happy. He can’t believe it’s been six months since they’d started dating. It had gone by so fast. Jaejoong thinks back on all the fun times they’ve had together and all the sweet things they had done for each other and realizes he will likely never have enough of Yunho’s company. It fills his heart with fondness.

Yunho suddenly stops and turns to face Jaejoong. “We’ll be arriving there in the next five minutes. Jaejoong…I really hope it doesn’t disappoint you. I planned carefully for it and I—why are you looking at me like that?”

Jaejoong smiles. He’s not sure what expression he has on his face right now but judging from Yunho’s reaction it’s probably a cheesy, romantic one.

“Yunho,” he sighs happily, “you’ve never disappointed me. I love you, and I’m happy to celebrate six months of our relationship with anything you have planned. Whatever it is, I already love it.”

Swelling with joy at Jaejoong’s words, Yunho pulls him in roughly for a tight, drawn-out hug, passerby’s stares be damned.

The place they end up at is a huge room in a five-star hotel furnished with classy tables and cabinets on top of which stand beautiful roses and ice buckets with bottles of wine chilling in them. And in the center of the room lies a king-sized bed with gold and red bedding and down pillows at its head.

“Yunho…what is all this?” Jaejoong asks, totally in awe. He hasn’t let go of Yunho’s hand once since they’ve left the lake.

“It’s my gift to us for being committed to each other for six months.” Yunho confesses, scratching the back of his head with his free hand shyly.

Jaejoong turns to him and smiles, eyes turning up into moon-shaped crescents. “Thank you. It must have cost you a fortune. I’ll enjoy it tonight.”

Yunho blushes and his eyes widen. “L-listen Jaejoong, just because I bought the room for tonight, I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything. Nothing like that at all okay, we can just talk and share the bed and cuddle. We don’t need to do anything else, okay?”

A laugh escapes Jaejoong’s lips. He traces a finger down Yunho’s neck, trailing onto his sternum and then upper abdomen. “But what if I want to do something else?”

Yunho gulps audibly. “W-well, th-that would be understandable. I mean, the reason I thought of this for our six months is because I’m p-pretty sure you’ve been dropping hints that you wanted to take our relationship to the next level…”

“Mmm, you’re right, I have been trying to hint at it.”

Yunho takes a deep breath. “I’m going to shower first. I’m sweaty from walking so much today.”

Jaejoong makes his eyes wide and innocent. “Can I join you?”

Good lord, Yunho thinks he’s going to be the death of me. “Please do.”

The bathroom is no less stunning than the bedroom. It’s wide and spacey, with a large shower stall. The walls and countertops are an elegant tan granite and everything is sparkling clean.

Jaejoong pushes himself up to sit on the counter and raises his arms.

“What are you doing?” Yunho asks.

“Take off my clothes.” Jaejoong responds.

Oh my god. Yunho’s brain begins short-circuiting. He steps up to Jaejoong and runs his fingers down Jaejoong’s sides, then tucks his fingers under the hem of Jaejoong’s sweater. Unable to control himself, he attacks Jaejoong’s lips, kissing him fervently.

Jaejoong moans into it and wraps his legs around Yunho’s waist, kicking off his shoes and allowing them to fall onto the ground. Yunho steps out of his own as well, never breaking from Jaejoong’s mouth. He traces in between the soft lips with his tongue and Jaejoong parts them willingly. Yunho continues to feel the skin around Jaejoong’s hips and sides and stomach with his hands, scarcely believing how smooth the skin is. Yunho then realizes that Jaejoong is tugging at the back of his t-shirt, trying to get it off. He breaks the kiss and examines Jaejoong’s lips—they’re red from being kissed so much, as are his cheeks. Yunho feels his stomach churning with excitement and forgets everything else. He pulls his t-shirt over his head and throws it with force into a corner, then returns to kissing Jaejoong.

With every other person Yunho had dated, kissing had quickly grown tiresome. Maybe it was because Yunho was younger and hornier when he’d dated in the past, but he also suspected it had something to do with a lack of emotional connection to his previous partners. With Jaejoong, however, kissing had yet to grow old.

He kisses Jaejoong now, with all the passion and fervor of their very first kiss. His hands trail up underneath Jaejoong’s sweater until they reach his nipples. Yunho presses against them and lightly drags his nails across them, causing Jaejoong to break away to moan sharply. Unable to access Jaejoong’s lips, Yunho moves his mouth to Jaejoong’s neck, alternating between sucking and biting and the cream-colored flesh there.

“Aah—Yunho, w-what happened t-to showering?”

Yunho wraps one arm around Jaejoong’s tiny waist and uses the other to play with a nipple (the pierced one). “You’re so distracting,” he growls, “I almost forgot about it.”

“Well remember because you’re right, we both stink.”

Yunho laughs at that, breaking away from Jaejoong’s tempting body to finally start removing their clothing.

“Arms up,” he coos. Jaejoong lifts his arms like a child and Yunho pulls his sweater and shirt off in one go. Jaejoong swings his legs back and forth, letting Yunho know he’s to take off Jaejoong’s pants as well. Yunho is suddenly very aware of the fact that for all they’ve done in the past six months, they’ve never been entirely naked. They’ve jerked each other off before, even given each other blowjobs at some point in time, but for some reason they’d always had some articles of clothing still on. Yunho’s ready for that to change.

He leans down and presses a kiss to the skin just below Jaejoong’s navel, then unbuttons and unzips Jaejoong’s black skinny jeans. He hooks his fingers inside Jaejoong’s underwear and tugs down. Jaejoong stands and Yunho pulls his pants and boxers all the way down. Placing his hands on Yunho’s shoulders for support, Jaejoong steps out of them.

Yunho rises slowly, meeting Jaejoong’s eyes with a stare so full of reverence it’s hard not to look away.

“You’re beautiful.”

Jaejoong kisses him. “You’re so kind to me. I was stupid to be scared about being naked in front of you.”

Yunho kisses him back. “I’d be crazy to think you’re anything but beautiful. You’re so lovely,” he sighs.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Jaejoong says with a wink, then makes quick work of Yunho’s pants and boxers, adding them to the pile of their clothing on the floor. He stays down for a minute, kissing Yunho’s thighs. He looks up at Yunho through long, dark eyelashes, grinning slyly.

“You tease,” Yunho groans. “Let’s shower now please.”

It’s an experience, being totally bared to one another for the first time. There’s nothing in between their bodies when they hold each other close to kiss, to stroke each other’s backs. Once they’ve both washed their skin and hair, they waste god knows how much water just standing together under the hot spray, kissing and licking each other’s damp skin.

Yunho mouths at the wet juncture of Jaejoong’s neck and shoulder, carding his fingers through Jaejoong’s damp black hair. He discovers that this spot is particularly sensitive because Jaejoong is moaning breathily and digging his fingers into Yunho’s back.

“You taste good,” Yunho says.

“Hmm…” is all the response Jaejoong can get out. Yunho moves back to Jaejoong’s face, kissing his unmarred, perfect cheeks, nose, eyelids and forehead. Then he spins Jaejoong around, keeping one arm around his waist, and uses the other to wrap his hand around Jaejoong’s cock.

“Oh Yunho,” Jaejoong groans. “Yes, please.”

“Your wish is my command, Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong lets out a breathless laugh that turns into a series of pants when Yunho begins to stroke him slowly.

“Am I doing it the way you like?” Yunho purrs into his ear. “Or should I change something?”

“G-Grip it tighter, it won’t hurt,” Jaejoong stammers. “And f-faster.”

Yunho attaches his mouth to Jaejoong’s neck again and works the flesh between his teeth and tongue. He uses the dispensers on the wall of the shower to get some shower gel in his hand and then grips Jaejoong’s cock just a little bit tighter. It’s already half-hard and flushed red just like the rest of Jaejoong’s body. Yunho strokes it at a quicker pace, occasionally thumbing the head and coming away from it with drops of pre-cum.

“Yunho, ugh, faster please I’m—nnh…”

Relishing Jaejoong’s desperation, Yunho moves to kiss behind Jaejoong’s ear and take his earlobe (also pierced, though there is no earring in it at the moment) between his teeth. His hot breath falls heavy on Jaejoong’s ear and makes Jaejoong want to thrash about from the tickling sensation it causes. Instead he bucks his hips forward into Yunho’s grip and back against Yunho’s hips. He feels Yunho’s cock brushing against his backside and it sends shivers up and down Jaejoong’s spine. His heart pounds with excitement for the rest of the evening and his stomach churns and coils tight as his arousal builds.

“I’m gonna come, Yunho,” Jaejoong gasps wildly.

“Then come, my darling.”

“Yunho, Yunho!”

“Yes, Jaejoong. I love hearing you. I love when you say my name like that.” Yunho pours all his admiration into his words and increases the pace with which he strokes Jaejoong.

“Ohh—!” Jaejoong bites his lip and throws his head back against Yunho’s shoulder, slinging one arm around Yunho’s neck for support and moving his hips rhythmically back and forth.

“Come on baby, come.” Jaejoong cries out in frustration, trying to get himself over the edge. The arousal builds and builds, his stomach twists into a tight coil, and he digs his fingers into Yunho’s skin.

“Faster, Yunho!” Jaejoong pleads. Yunho obliges, a slave to the neediness in Jaejoong’s voice. He pumps Jaejoong as fast as his hand allows him to, using his other hand to fondle Jaejoong’s balls simultaneously. “Come for me, Jaejoong,” Yunho encourages. Jaejoong strains his neck to the side to find Yunho’s lips and they kiss, open-mouthed and lewd. It pulls Jaejoong over the ever-elusive edge and he comes into Yunho’s hand with a loud whimper. Yunho slows his hand, still stroking lightly to milk every last drop of release from Jaejoong. Before he can bring it to his mouth for a taste, the shower washes it all down the drain. Oh well, Yunho thinks to himself, I’ll just have to get him to come again.

Jaejoong opens his eyes hazily and watches Yunho’s dark gaze. “Let’s go to bed now, Yunho.”

For a while they just lie together in the bed. It’s the most comfortable thing either have them have lay on in a long time, because the dormitory beds are awful and it’s been a while since either of them have had a chance to visit home. It’s exciting and new, being nude together under the covers with each other. Jaejoong giggles every few minutes and reaches for Yunho’s warm hand, then snuggles closer to Yunho. Yunho tucks Jaejoong’s head under his chin and strokes his damp hair softly. It’s extremely relaxing. Jaejoong kisses Yunho’s chest and breathes in his scent mixed with the flowery smell of the soap from their shower.

“Yunho, this is so wonderful. Thank you. I love it.”

Yunho kisses Jaejoong’s hair and hugs him close. “Happy six months, Jaejoong. I love you.”

Jaejoong looks up at him and smiles, then stretches his neck up for a kiss. One kiss turns into two, and two turns into ten kisses. Yunho curls his arms around Jaejoong’s back and holds him tight, never ever wanting to let go. They shift so Jaejoong is on top of Yunho, leading the kiss. It’s not often that Jaejoong takes the lead, often preferring to let Yunho surprise him with inventive kissing methods, but this time Jaejoong’s feeling adventurous. Yunho’s half-hard cock poking his hip is nothing if not encouraging.

Slowly, Jaejoong moves his kisses downward. He pays attention to as many areas of Yunho’s skin as he can: his long, slender neck, his perfectly sculpted chest and abdomen, and his gorgeously defined hips. By the time Jaejoong gets there, Yunho’s chest is heaving with the effort of breathing steadily. To keep his hips from thrashing wildly as Jaejoong kisses them softly requires so much effort that it’s hard to do.

“Hah, Jaejoongie, are you—hmm—teasing me?”

Jaejoong looks up innocently. “Why do you ask that, Yunho?” he asks with wide eyes. Then he kisses the tip of Yunho’s cock.

“Oh, fuck.” Yunho groans, giving up all control of the situation.

Jaejoong takes his sweet time. He only kisses the very tip of Yunho’s cock, never fully putting his lips around the head. He kisses it once, twice, three times, then licks the underside from base to tip.

“Jaejoong, please…”

“Heh heh, patience my love.” Jaejoong places his hands on Yunho’s thighs and grips them firmly as he leans down to finally take Yunho’s cock in his mouth. He wraps his lips around the head and suckles it. Inch by inch, he lowers his head, taking as much as he can into his mouth. About half-way down, the tip hits the back of Jaejoong’s throat. He takes a deep breath, relaxing his muscles as much as he can, and goes down another inch.

“Fuck, fuck Jaejoong, oh god..!”

Yunho’s desperate exclamations spur Jaejoong on. He uses his tongue, sliding it against the hardening flesh and hollows his cheeks to suck. Jaejoong hears the snap of a bottle opening and figures he knows what’s coming next. Sure enough, as Jaejoong continues his efforts to take Yunho all the way into his mouth he feels a slick finger tapping and circling and teasing his entrance. Jaejoong wants it inside him, but figures Yunho will continue to tease as long as he continues to tease Yunho. Two can play at that game is what Yunho is telling him non-verbally.

However, Jaejoong doesn’t mind waiting. He’s fighting against his own gag reflex as he deep-throats Yunho. The flesh itself doesn’t taste like anything, but he can definitely smell Yunho’s arousal. It’s a thick, heady scent and it makes Jaejoong’s head spin. Or maybe it’s just spinning because his throat is stuffed full of cock.

Unable to go all the way down, Jaejoong sucks what he can while he uses a free hand to stroke the base and massage Yunho’s sac. Yunho rewards him for that by pressing the tip of one finger into Jaejoong, causing him to moan around Yunho’s cock. The vibrations make Yunho’s cock twitch and suddenly both of them are spiraling out of control. Pre-cum leaks onto Jaejoong’s tongue, the taste of it headier than before. Jaejoong knows this to mean Yunho is close to coming, so he moves back up to just the tip, suckling and licking and kissing away the pearly drops of fluid.

“I want you to come inside me.” Jaejoong says. His voice is hoarse and broken from having a huge cock in his throat just moments ago.

Yunho is too far gone to even muster a response. He pulls Jaejoong down to him and occupies his mouth with open-mouthed kisses and pushes his finger in to the hilt. Jaejoong begins to rut back against it, so Yunho adds another. The stretch is sudden and intense and Jaejoong gives a raspy groan, but doesn’t stop working himself against the fingers.

“That’s it baby,” Yunho sighs between kisses, “open yourself up for me.”

Jaejoong obeys. He stops clenching his muscles and Yunho takes the opportunity to add a third finger, slick and dripping with lubricant. It feels wet, filthy and obscene. Jaejoong can feel himself growing hard for the second time that night and grinds down on the slender fingers. Yunho scissors them inside Jaejoong, stretching him wide open. Then, he curls his fingers just so, and Jaejoong cries out, straightening his back so he can efficiently ride the digits, trying to get them to touch that spot again and stay there. He screams in frustration and spots the tube of lubricant on the bedsheets. Grabbing it quickly, he pours a thick pool of it into his hands and fingers and reaches down to coat Yunho’s erection with it.

“I’m going to ride you now,” he gasps.

“Yeah,” is all Yunho can say.

Carefully removing his fingers from Jaejoong, Yunho holds his cock in position and guides Jaejoong to position himself on top of it. Yunho almost asks Jaejoong if he’s done this before or if he’s a virgin, but then he realizes it doesn’t matter. Whether or not Jaejoong has had previous partners, Yunho decides he’s still going to treat Jaejoong gently, delicately, and with all the reverence and respect he deserves.

Jaejoong lowers himself inch by glorious inch onto Yunho, panting and clenching because of the stretch.

“Relax, Jaejoong. Easy.” Yunho coos as he runs his hands down Jaejoong’s arms, sides, legs. His hands end up on Jaejoong’s backside, lightly pulling the cheeks apart. “Just relax. Go as slow as you need to.” Jaejoong breathes deeply and continues to lower himself until he’s pushed down to the hilt. Then, slowly, he begins to move. He pushes himself up and then lowers himself back down, still adjusting to the almost impossibly wide stretch. If the preparation hadn’t been so thorough, he’d surely be bleeding by now.

Each time he drops back down onto Yunho, he grinds against it, trying to maintain contact with his prostate for as long as possible. He increases his pace, crying out each time contact is made. His stomach coils and twists tighter and tighter. Jaejoong’s thighs quickly tire and start to burn with exertion. Expletives fall out of his mouth and he rakes his nails down Yunho’s chest, leaving red marks.

Yunho pulls Jaejoong down to join their mouths together. He places his hand on the back of Jaejoong’s waist, signaling him to stop moving. Then, he carefully rolls them over so Yunho is on top. They never break the connection between their bodies.

Jaejoong looks up at Yunho with eyes glistening from hazy lust.

“Fuck me.”

Yunho obeys. He remembers the angle Jaejoong used to get Yunho’s cock to touch his prostate and slams into him accordingly. He drives in roughly, barely pulling out and powerfully ramming back in. With every thrust Jaejoong lets out a series of breathless whines. He babbles nonsense, occasionally getting out a real word—Harder. Faster. More—oh! Yunho!.

Driven by lust and tempered by love, Yunho fucks Jaejoong hard, but never forgetting where to aim to give Jaejoong as much pleasure as possible.

Jaejoong wants to tell Yunho how good it feels, but he can’t find breath to form the words with. He keeps getting infinitely closer to the edge, trying to pull Yunho back in every time he pulls back. Yunho’s hips move with wicked speed. He looks like a god, tall and tan and sculpted to perfection. Yunho begins to gasp too, moaning with each thrust because the tight silken heat surrounding him feels so perfect.

When Yunho’s rhythm begins to falter, Jaejoong knows he’s close. The thrusts go from fast-paced but rhythmic to totally erratic. Wanting to reach his peak at the same time as Yunho reaches his, Jaejoong begins to fist his cock. Yunho eyes it hungrily. Just as his arousal hits its peak, Yunho bends down low and bites Jaejoong’s nipple (the pierced one), and they scream out in tandem, falling over the edge together.

Yunho releases into Jaejoong at the same Jaejoong spills onto his hand and stomach in spurts. Yunho pushes in a few more times to milk his orgasm to the very last drop.

“Ahh, Yunho,” Jaejoong moans. His seed is all over his hand, stomach and hips. “I’m a mess. Look what you did to me.”

Yunho groans and strokes the side of his face. “Want me to clean you up?”

Jaejoong locks his legs around Yunho’s waist. “Don’t pull out yet. I like it…I like when you’re in me.”

Unable to pull out (and totally okay with that), Yunho settles his weight gently on top of Jaejoong. They kiss slowly and softly. Jaejoong seems to have turned into a different person in bed. No, Yunho realizes, not a different person. Another side to the same person. An intriguing, fascinating person. Yunho thinks he wants to keep discovering new sides of Jaejoong.

Consistent with his new side, Jaejoong reaches down and kneads Yunho’s ass.

“How was the blowjob I gave you?”

“Oh god, so good.”

Jaejoong giggles, eyes dancing. “How was I in bed?”

“Stop trying to kill me please.”

Jaejoong pouts. “Was I bad?”

Yunho sucks on Jaejoong’s neck. “You were so good I could hardly stand it.”

“Then can we do it again?”

Yunho looks at Jaejoong, flushed and sweaty and oh-so-beautiful, the perfect picture of hedonistic desire. He grows hard so fast it makes him dizzy. He uses a swift thrust to Jaejoong’s sweet spot as his answer.

The goal this time seems to be to get Yunho off first, as Jaejoong neglects his cock in favor of playing with Yunho’s nipples, perineum and balls. It seems like a smart decision, because Jaejoong’s cock is ultra-sensitive after having reached orgasm twice. Yunho thrusts madly, with no rhythm or set pace, simply seeking the end goal. Jaejoong sucks on his own fingers and then uses them to pinch, twist, and scrape Yunho’s brown nipples, abusing them until the edges glow red.

Yunho is wonderfully responsive. Even as he busies himself with thrusting fervently, he twitches and gasps every time Jaejoong twists or rubs him in a particularly delightful way. They both enjoy the process of learning about each other’s bodies. After leaving his nipples, Jaejoong stretches his arm around Yunho’s back to cup his sac. It’s heavy and dense. He massages them carefully, kneading them between his palm and fingers and feeling their fleshy texture. The more he plays with them, the louder Yunho gasps and moans.

Yunho finishes in record time, spilling a second load of come into Jaejoong’s already coated hole.

“Oh baby, you were so fantastic,” Jaejoong purrs, bringing Yunho down from his high. The man looks spent.

“You’re so sexy, Jaejoong,” Yunho slurs. “Can I pull out this time?”

Jaejoong nods and Yunho extricates himself slowly. Come spills out of Jaejoong’s hole and falls onto his thighs and even trails down onto the bedding. Yunho watches in fascination as it dribbles out slowly, then nearly chokes when Jaejoong reaches down, swipes some onto his fingers, and then sucks the finger like it’s his favorite lollipop.

Then Yunho notices Jaejoong’s erection. He wonders if Jaejoong has it in him to come a third time. Probably, but it might hurt.

“Help me,” Jaejoong pleads, lightly tugging on his cock.

Yunho lowers his face to Jaejoong’s erection and examines the tip. There are beads of pre-come forming on it. He takes the tip of his finger and dabs it, then raises his finger high up so that the liquid forms a long string from the tip of Jaejoong’s cock to Yunho’s finger. He repeats the process, tapping the tip of Jaejoong’s cock harder each time.

“Yunho…please!”

Yunho kisses the wet tip of Jaejoong’s cock. “Now you see what it feels like to be teased.”

“Nngh—come on—I—”

Jaejoong is effectively quieted when Yunho puts his mouth around Jaejoong’s sensitive cock.

“H-hurts…”

“Do you want me to stop?” Yunho asks.

“No, I want to come again.”

“Greedy, Jaejoong. You want to come three times in one night?”

“W-want it!”

“Your wish,” Yunho murmurs, lowering himself once more to Jaejoong’s leaking, throbbing erection, “is my command.”

He sucks in earnest, from side to side and base to tip. Jaejoong arches his back and moans loudly, enjoying the burn from the sensitivity mixed with overwhelming pleasure. He tries to buck his hips up into Yunho’s mouth, but Yunho knows he has nowhere near as much control over his gag reflex so he pins Jaejoong’s hips down to the bed. What he can’t do by deep-throating, he makes up for with his hand and quick mouth moving across Jaejoong’s cock. When Jaejoong comes, much less comes out than the first two orgasms, but he screams louder than ever. Yunho swallows every last drop and jerks Jaejoong through it. He relishes the last few screams drawn from Jaejoong’s mouth because his whole body is like an open nerve now—hypersensitive in the extreme.

Yunho collapses onto the bed and Jaejoong moves only to wiggle into Yunho’s embrace and pull the blanket over their bodies.

Eyes already closed with drowsiness, Jaejoong mumbles “I’m still filthy.”

“I like it,” Yunho says.

Jaejoong giggles. “You’re dirty.”

“Only for you, baby. And please, you’re dirty, too. I got to see a new side of you today.”

“And…did you like it? Or was it…weird?”

Yunho hugs Jaejoong tight against his chest. “I loved it. I love discovering new sides of you. You’re beautiful and amazing and I want to keep getting to know you more and more every day. I want to discover everything about you, Kim Jaejoong.”

“Yunho…”

They fall asleep peacefully, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms.

Some five weeks later, Yunho and Jaejoong are studying in the empty dormitory common area on the fifth floor in front of a large window when Yunho asks Jaejoong if he would like to live together.

“When our third year starts, would you like to live together in an apartment?”

Jaejoong feels his heart flutter with excitement. Yunho wants to move in together!

“I-I hope it’s not too soon to ask you…we haven’t even been dating a year, but, I mean, I love you. So. I really want to live with you.”

“Oh Yunho…” Jaejoong croons, his voice soft and full of adoration. “You big sap. Yes, I’d love to live together. Let’s go look for places this weekend!”

“Really? Awesome! Oh, I’m so excited Jaejoong. I think money will be tight but we’ll make it work, right?”

“Yes Yunho, don’t worry. We’ll work it out.”

They kiss each other quickly, then go back to studying. Outside the window, the trees are in full bloom. Flowers blossom brightly and the sunlight filters in through the window, providing light for them to read their textbooks with. It’s hard to concentrate when all Jaejoong wants to think about is his future home with Yunho, but finals are soon, so he adjusts his glasses, sips his tea, and gets to work. He knows he can afford to focus now, because he knows that Yunho’s not going anywhere.

part 2

a/n: yunjae forever! i started writing this college au a while ago, then abandoned it, then picked it back up recently. will be several parts, not sure how many. i also don't know how far apart i will be posting the parts. it just depends on when i write and how much i write. anyways, i hope you liked it! if you do like it, please leave a comment. :)

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rainbows after rain

keyhun — Sat, 19 Mar 2016 06:20:50 GMT

rating: pg
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
length: ~1100 wc

It was a cold, rainy night. There was thunder too, but it was far off and muted in the background. Jaejoong listened to the soothing pitter-patter of raindrops on his windows as he made himself a cup of tea. He added a teaspoon of honey, and fondly remembered the times he’d drink something like this to warm up his voice before a stage performance.

Jiji scampers past him and darts her tongue into her water bowl. It’s going to be a quiet night in with just the two of them. “Come on, Jiji, let’s watch a movie,” Jaejoong calls, carrying his mug to the living room and settling into the couch under a fuzzy blanket.

There’s nothing good on T.V. and Jaejoong is really comfortable, so he doesn’t feel like getting up to put something in the DVD player. From somewhere in between the couch cushions, Jaejoong’s phone buzzes. He fishes it out and answers without checking the calling number.

“Hello?”

“Hello, leukemia is one of the leading causes of death in children. We at the Foundation for—” Jaejoong hangs up the phone, muttering fucking telemarketers under his breath. He’s about to chuck the phone at the wall when he catches sight of his phone wallpaper. In it, five young men stand together, arms slung around each other’s shoulders with smiles as bright as the sun shining above them.

He dials a number.

A tired voice picks up on the other end. “Hello?”

“Yunho, do you remember our first kiss?”

“…Jaejoong, if you’re not going to talk about something relevant I’m going to hang up and go to bed. I’m very exhausted.”

Jaejoong laughs into the phone. “No, no you’re right. It’s not relevant. But I remember it. I remember it like it was yesterday.”

“I do too.”

Jaejoong smiles softly. “You do?”

“Sure,” Yunho chuckles, “you were on crutches. You were pretty sick, too, so your lips were always tinged red with that nasty cough syrup you had to take every few hours.”

“Yeah?”

“I would always let you lean on me so much. I was always looking at your face so slowly, looking for discomfort.”

“You were so sweet, then. Not like now,” Jaejoong teases. “And please, you let me lean on you? Yunho-yah, must I remind you that you hardly let anyone else touch me? I grew rather sick of you hovering around me like a mother hen.”

“I’m not sweet anymore?” Yunho asks. Jaejoong can almost hear that childish pout in his voice. It makes him laugh. Jaejoong doesn’t respond, though. Instead, he changes the subject.

“It’s been raining all evening. It sounds really soothing. Jiji is being civil for once and agreeing to watch a movie with me, but I don’t know what to watch.”

Yunho makes some terrible film suggestion, and the conversation wanders off into meaningless small talk. They squabble about what makes a good film, about whether it’s Jiji who refuses to be a civil pet or Jaejoong who is a terrible pet owner, and about how Yunho seems to have been born in the wrong generation seeing as how he still doesn’t have an Instagram account.

“I better go soon, I’m really tired,” Yunho says. He sounds disappointed.

“Okay.” Jaejoong doesn’t want to hang up. He hasn’t had the chance to say it to Yunho in years, but Jaejoong loves him. Always has, always will.

“Do you think it’s weird that we talk about our past relationship so casually sometimes?” Yunho asks.

“No,” Jaejoong says. He’s long past having to control a trembling in his voice now. He’s learned to lock down his emotions. “I don’t think it’s weird.” He does, in fact, know that it’s completely out of the ordinary for exes to even be friends, let alone talk about their first kiss. He lies about that, though, because talking about it is the closest he can get to the real thing.

“Huh, yeah, maybe you’re right. Well, good night Jaejoong.”

“Good night, Yunho.”

Yunho hangs up first and Jaejoong stares at the screen for a few more seconds before it goes black. He throws it on to the other couch and puts on whatever channel has old drama reruns.

“Jiji, I’m sad.”

Jiji doesn’t look up from grooming herself.

“At least I have you.”

Jiji leaves the room.

Jaejoong gets up, figuring he should just go to bed then. His phone buzzes again and Jaejoong picks it up, annoyed to no end.

“There are things I want to say to you, Jaejoong,” Yunho’s voice comes, strong and steady, “but I’m afraid they’d be pointless. I’m afraid they’d drive me and you in circles. Pointless and annoying and painful with no outcome. So I hold back.”

Say them! Jaejoong wants to scream. I’d go in vicious circles with you to the end of time. As long as we endured that torture together, I could handle it, he yells inside his head. He stays silent.

“Say something.” Yunho pleads.

“If you told me whatever it is you want to tell me, I’d listen. You don’t have to tell me anything, though.”

Yunho takes a breath. “I lay awake at night thinking of you. I admit, there are nights I share my bed with others, but I do not love them. Of course I remember our first kiss. I remember the taste of the cough syrup on your tongue. I remember your frail hips under my palms and I remember your fingers in my hair and grasping at the back of my shirt. I don’t remember it like it was yesterday, Jaejoong, I remember it like it was this morning and I’m wandering in lost time searching for that moment again, never meeting the nighttime with sleep because if I sleep it will no longer be the same day when we first kissed.”

“I can’t stop loving you.” Jaejoong replies. He doesn’t cry. He’s cried enough over the shambles of their relationship. It does nothing. Talking might do something.

“You…I still don’t think you know how much I loved you.”

“Loved?”

“Yes, loved. What I feel for you now is something else. I don’t know what to call it. Reverence? Worship?”

“Come see me soon, Yunho. I miss you.”

Outside, the rain falls harder and thunder echoes. Lightning lights up a distant portion of the sky.

“When the rain stops…when the rain stops I’ll come see you.”

“Then I’ll meet you under the next rainbow.”

Jaejoong falls asleep to the sound of falling rain, and dreams of dull rainbows formed in full circles that begin to straighten themselves out and brighten simultaneously until they become vivid, straight lines. At the end of the rainbow stands a pot of gold, six feet tall and with the words “my other half” inscribed on its rim.

a/n: :PPP just trying to write again. missing the boys always. thinking of them.

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threshold of hearing

keyhun — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 20:55:05 GMT

rating: r
pairing: jaejoong/changmin
length: 3200 wc
summary: the daily sounds of changmin's world

Changmin doesn’t know too much about how airplanes work—he’s a nineteen year old pop star, not an aeronautical engineer—but he does know that the sound of the plane’s engine rumbling beneath him, if heard at full volume, is 140 decibels, well over the pain threshold of hearing. He ponders this for a moment and takes a second to thank whatever higher entity is listening to his inner thoughts that he has the privilege of being a first class passenger on this plane instead of a laborer who had to help build the beast.

“What are you thinking about so early in the morning?” Jaejoong grumbles sleepily, taking his seat next to Changmin.

The youngest smirks. “Nothing you’d care about.”

“You’re probably right,” Jaejoong says through a yawn. “Now go to sleep, we’ll be in Japan in an hour.”

“Not sleepy.”

“Suit yourself,” the oldest sighs, and settles in for a nice nap on Changmin’s shoulder.

The next morning, Changmin is woken up by the sound of a jackhammer coming from somewhere outside their apartment. He groans with frustration, having only slept three hours and knowing he’ll be expected to be up and looking tv-ready in two more.

“Ugh, what the fuck is that noise? Turn it off, Changminnie,” a sleeping Jaejoong mumbles, eyebrows pulled together over closed eyelids.

“Jackhammer. 130 decibels. Just over the pain threshold of hearing. We’ll need earplugs if we go outside or it’ll hurt.”

“Well it’s hurting my head right now, you freak,” Jaejoong responds with no bite, and then tosses an arm around Changmin’s middle and rests his face in the crook of Changmin’s neck.

“Hmm, you smell good.”

Changmin swallows. “Thanks,” he manages, mouth dry.

They’re piled in the van, half of them passed out, on the way to a recording for something or the other. No one can really keep track anymore.

Jaejoong watches as Changmin dozes, expression so innocent and free of worry in the midst of dreams. He strokes Changmin’s face gently, and kisses his fluttering eyelids. So lovely are his lashes. The boy is beautiful and he has no idea.

A loud HOOOONKKK wakes all the ones who were sleeping with a jolt and a few “HUH?” “WHOOZAT?” “WHERE ARE WE?” and other, more explicit phrases.

“120 decibels,” Changmin mumbles, eyes blinking open and hands rubbing his ears. “Just at the pain threshold.”

Jaejoong smiles and kisses the corner of his mouth, loving how he makes the boy blush. “Go back to sleep, Changminnie.”

“Ah…yes, hyung,” Changmin whispers, too shy to be anything but obedient.

Sometimes, Changmin swears Jaejoong has a death wish. Like now, because Jaejoong is dressing up in his sexiest rocker outfit and putting on more eyeliner than any performance has ever been required of him and chains around his neck, through the loops of his tight, tight jeans and around his wrists as well. He’s got studs in every piercing he has (some of them previously unbeknownst to Changmin) and then dressing the maknae in a very similar fashion with a wild gleam in his eyes.

“Hyung, what the FUCK?” Changmin protests helplessly as Jaejoong forces a sexy v-neck and leather jacket onto Changmin’s body.

“Stop squirming, Changmin-ah! We’re going to a rock concert tonight.”

“We? Maybe you are, I never agreed to sneaking out so we could get caught and scolded and fired!”

Jaejoong just rolls his eyes and then admires the way the black fabric compliments Changmin’s developing pectoral muscles. He has such good taste in sexy men’s fashion.

“We’re not going to get caught, Changminnie. Don’t you trust hyung?”

“No.”

“Ouch.”

“Well...”

“Oh come onnn Changminnie,” Jaejoong whines, stepping into the younger boy’s personal space, and then he knows he’s already won. “Pleeease? It’ll be so fun. We’re going to go see a band that does the kind of singing I’m good at.”

“But you’re good at singing everything?” Changmin squeaks.

Jaejoong squeals with delight at the compliment and wraps him in a big hug. “Why thank you, but we’re going to see a Japanese rock band. You’ll love the lead singer min, oh, his voice is raspy and intense and sexy. Come on I already have tickets!” Jaejoong insists, and pulls out two tickets from his back pocket.

Changmin groans as he inhales the scent of Jaejoong’s alluring cologne.

“Fine, let’s go,” he mutters, defeated.

Admittedly, the band is incredible. This is clearly where Jaejoong belongs, if his jumping in time to the music and singing along to the loud, angry lyrics is any indication of that. Changmin knows a few songs and he and Jaejoong rock out together, arms slung over each other’s shoulders and jumping high in the air, shorter fangirls behind them probably hating their guts.

Jaejoong sings along and it’s glorious the way his voice turns and rasps and screams.

110 decibels Changmin thinks vaguely, as the rock band smashes their instruments and reaches high notes Changmin would have to work to imitate one day. He watches Jaejoong’s eyes gleam with joy and decides maybe it wasn’t a terrible idea coming out after all.

“You don’t wanna spend Christmas with me?” Changmin asks, pouting.

Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “No, I’m sick of you. I miss my family.” Then he smiles, all gorgeous white teeth and twinkling eyes. “I’ll see you in a week, baby.”

Changmin fights a grin but the grin wins and it’s a wide one. “I like it when you call me that.”

“I know, baby.”

Changmin checks Jaejoong’s bag and personal belongings one more time and hands them off. He allows Jaejoong to steal a quick, sweet kiss, and it lingers on his tongue as he watches Jaejoong board the train.

“All aboard!” the conductor calls.

Jaejoong settles in his compartment and waves at Changmin from the window. Miss you already, baby he mouths, and Changmin laughs.

The train engine fires up and Changmin watches with a heavy weight in his chest as Jaejoong grows smaller and fades into the distance.

Ninety decibels. That’s how loud the sound of his love leaving him in the Seoul snow was.

Several months later, Changmin walks into the living area to find Jaejoong with his hair pinned back, apple style, and clad in Changmin’s tank top and Yoochun’s shorts, jamming along to some music while he cleans the room.

He spots Changmin and his face lights up.

“Changminnie! It’s time for spring cleaning, wanna help hyung?”

“No.”

“Wrong answer!” Jaejoong replies with a huge fake smile, and thrusts a mop into his hands. “Please clean the tiled areas, I’ll vacuum the carpets.”

“Ugh, fiiiineee,” Changmin grumbles, because he’s still a kid after all, and Jaejoong doesn’t mind when he acts like one once in a while.

Jaejoong revs up the vacuum to its full power, all eighty decibels of roaring cleaning machine, and works over the carpeted area of their apartment. Changmin’s mouth goes dry as he watches Jaejoong’s arm muscles work while he pushes and pulls the vacuum back and forth, then scolds himself for being so attracted. He needs to control himself. Unfortunately, Jaejoong makes that quite impossible with his endless allure.

After they’ve finished their chores in the morning, Jaejoong cooks Changmin’s favorite foods for lunch. He’s determined to enjoy their one day off, and Changmin appreciates it more than he can say.

Jaejoong cooks up a storm in the kitchen and Changmin tries to make himself useful by quietly cutting vegetables and cleaning up used utensils and dishes. He’s probably the only person who knows what to do in the kitchen and therefore the only person Jaejoong allows in his cooking space when he works his magic.

The result is a feast. Kimchi stew, of course, Jaejoong’s staple, and also one of Changmin’s favorites. Rice, stir-fried vegetables, a seafood hotpot and a million and one side dishes. Changmin’s mouth waters.

“Let’s eat and watch a movie,” Jaejoong suggests.

“Can I pick the movie?”

“Of course, baby.”

Changmin blushes when he chooses a Ghibli movie—Castle in the Sky, his favorite—but uses the excuse that it’s to help them learn Japanese. Jaejoong knows they’re all beyond children’s level Japanese at this point but he lets it slide.

They set up the feast on a tray table in front of the sofa and eat and watch the movie. The volume is at 70 decibels—a comfortable noise. Loud enough that it catches attention, but not too loud that it’s disturbing the peace.

The others are god knows where, maybe still sleeping, maybe spending their day off outside. Changmin doesn’t really care right now, not when Jaejoong is holding his hand and stroking his thumb across Changmin’s knuckles. He’s made it to heaven. Jaejoong’s spicy-sweet kisses are a confirmation of that.

In the evening of that wonderful, magical day off, the other three come back from wherever they were, and the five of them sit together around their small circular dining table. Conversation flows easier than it has in months.

60 decibels. The volume of conversation. The sound of falling in love all over again as you get to know someone just that much better.

“So I was taking a piss, right? And I noticed…my dick kind of has a weird shape.”

“God, Junsu, not now please. We’re eating,” Jaejoong chides.

“Uh, no, go on, I wanna hear anything and everything you’re willing to tell me about your penis,” Yoochun adds unhelpfully, and Jaejoong shoots him a dazzling, threatening smile that says get on my nerves and I’ll steal all your cigarettes, bastard. Changmin feels his heart fall into the bottomless pit that is affection in one fell swoop and can’t be bothered to even try to get it back.

“Hyung, I love you.”

The entire table stills. Jaejoong chuckles and leans forward, ruffles Changmin’s hair. “I love you too, baby.”

Conversation manages to pick back up, goes from sticky staccato beats to smooth, long notes of melodic voices that Changmin loves loves loves and never wants to be apart from.

They’re visiting the company’s office today to discuss further activities and contract terms and more stuff that reminds Changmin he has no control over his own life. He tries to look and act professional but he knows everyone sees him as a child with no knowledge of how this adult business works. They’re not entirely wrong.

Changmin sits in a corner while the other members try to fight for their basic human rights. He doesn’t care anymore—the company can take as much of his soul as it wants.

He calms himself with the knowledge that this is just an office—just fifty decibels of paper shuffling, suits sliding against leather seats, quiet words that decide the next few months and years—nothing more than that.

Changmin likes libraries. He loves them. He likes to sit in a certain corner of the one at his university that he only has the luxury of attending a few times a month and sip strong coffee and bury his nose in books. And when his head gets too stuffed with new information he likes to look up and gaze out the third floor window that has a fine view of the pond behind the library with ducks and turtles and flowers all around it. The only noises that can be heard are those of people getting up and sitting down and turning pages of books and typing on computers. Just forty decibels. It’s perfect for Changmin.

Jaejoong doesn’t mind libraries either, though not for the same reason as the youngest does. Jaejoong likes libraries because he can walk in dressed as a professor with thick glasses and wool slacks and cream turtlenecks and a grey blazer and not be recognized because everyone is too busy studying to pay close attention. Including Changmin.

“Professor” Kim approaches his student from behind and stoops down low and whispers hot and filthy in his ear “you’ve been a bad student, Mr. Shim, only attending my class once a month. Just who do you think you are?”

Changmin shivers and doesn’t turn around. Jaejoong licks the shell of his ear and reaches under the desk to palm Changmin through his trousers. “You’ll need to be punished.”

Changmin shuts his books and leads the way to the private study room he’d reserved for the evening.

Jaejoong looks at Changmin coolly, like he’s studying a specimen he’s going to dissect. “Take off your jacket, student Shim.”

Changmin’s mouth goes dry and he unbuttons his coat slowly, eyes cast downward from shyness that’s seventy-five perfect sincere and twenty-five percent part of the role-play.

“Your shirt, too.”

The younger boy draws a shaky breath and shoots a glance at the door to make sure it’s been locked. Then he takes off his black t-shirt and drops it to the ground at his feet.

“Look at me.”

Changmin looks.

“Take off your pants.”

He unbuttons his jeans, then undoes the zipper. He pushes them down past his knees and they pool at his ankles and he steps out of them. All that’s left are his briefs, through which his erection is painfully obvious.

“Get on the desk. Stroke yourself until I tell you to stop.”

Changmin whimpers and follows his professor’s orders. He clambers onto the desk and Jaejoong appreciates the view of his ass. He sits in the center and leans back on one hand and spreads his legs shyly. He reaches down and rubs himself over his briefs slowly, almost as if he’s teasing himself. Then he reaches inside his underwear and takes his sex in his hand, hot and hard and throbbing. He bites back a moan and fights to keep his eyes open as he presses his thumb against the slit—hard. He presses until it’s almost painful and gathers pearly drops of pre-come.

“P-professor…help,” Changmin gasps.

“Tsk, tsk. You don’t even bother to stop by my office all semester and now just before finals you’re going to ask me for help? I don’t think so, dear student.”

Changmin sobs and then takes his dick out of his briefs and sweeps his hand up and down the hardened length. It thrills him to no end that if he makes one sound too loud he’ll be heard and someone will knock on their door.

Jaejoong watches calmly, the fire in his eyes hidden behind those thick-rimmed glasses.

Changmin is almost there, hips naturally bucking up into his grip, trying desperately to meet more friction.

“Stop.”

No! Changmin wants to scream, but he bites his lip hard and tears his hand away. His chest heaves with heavy breaths and his face looks utterly broken. Beads of sweat fall down the sides and his hair sticks to his brow. His cheeks are red as rose petals and his lips are parted and pink from biting.

“Good boy. Very good boy. You deserve a reward for that.”

Jaejoong approaches him slowly and places his hands on either side of Changmin’s narrow hips. He leans his head down and takes Changmin into his mouth.

“Ohhh, hyung I’m—oh…”

“You taste good, Changminnie.”

He looks up at the younger boy from under dark, long lashes and Changmin loses it—he comes long and hard down Jaejoong’s throat and the older male takes it, swallowing until the very last drop.

Later, back in their dorm, Jaejoong will stroke Changmin’s naked chest and kiss his jaw and giggle “I like libraries,” and Changmin will grow embarrassingly hard from just the memory.

The combined noise of doctor’s heeled loafers clacking against tiled floors, wooden doors sliding open and closed to bear more and more bad news and medications, the steady beep, beep, beep of the monitor and the nearly inaudible drip, drip, drip of the IV amounts to no more than thirty decibels. It’s quiet enough that Changmin can hear his heart shattering like glass over the sounds of the hospital where Jaejoong lies in deep sleep, his small body finally having reached its limit.

Changmin grips Jaejoong’s hand is both of his and kisses it over and over again, tears soaking both their skin. He knows this will be over soon but it’s the idea, the possibility of this being the last time that terrifies Changmin both day and night.

“Wake up,” he begs. “Just tell me you’ll be okay.”

A few days later, Jaejoong is all better. Just before he leaves he pins Changmin to the door of his hospital room and kisses him like fire—reckless and wild and hot.

“It’s okay if I’m frail and I have to go to the hospital sometimes, okay? But you. You are strong and beautiful and healthy and you will never let yourself get this sick, do you understand me?”

“Hyung, that’s not—”

Jaejoong shuts him up with his tongue down Changmin’s throat and fists wound tight in Changmin’s shirt.

“I said, do you understand me?”

Changmin tears up despite his best efforts and kisses the life out of Jaejoong. He was made for this. He was made to fall apart under Jaejoong’s command, his voice, and his hands. “I understand, okay. Fine. I’ll stay healthy. I promise.”

What most fans don’t know is that for all the laughter and talking that goes on during a broadcast, the studio is actually terribly quiet. Just twenty decibels. They have to have almost pin-drop silence for the voices of the cast to actually be recorded properly.

“Quiet on the set!” the director calls, and the boys straighten up in their seats and get ready for their nth interview of the week.

(But between scenes, Jaejoong will drag Changmin to the bathroom behind the set and watch Changmin sink to his knees and kiss his pretty, flushed cock while they struggle to make no sound at all).

In the pink evening light, they sit side by side under an old tree. A gentle wind like satin caresses their cheeks and causes the leaves to rustle at a hushed ten decibels, Changmin notes. Just enough to mask the sound of their slow, clinging kisses.

At zero decibels lies the threshold of hearing—the sound of Jaejoong breathing in and out as he sleeps. The sound of his heart under Changmin’s ear. The sound of their hands sliding together and never letting go.

And just below that threshold are the sounds that are never heard. The rush of blood through Jaejoong’s veins as Changmin shoots him a smile like the sun. The bending of his spine as Changmin takes him for the third time that night. The endorphins being produced at incredible rates when Changmin says “I love you” for the first time.

Changmin knows the measured volume of all the sounds in his daily life. So when Jaejoong touches him silently, when Jaejoong looks at him with eyes as wide as Changmin’s whole world, when Jaejoong smiles at him brighter than sunshine, Changmin realizes that love is not heard. Love, instead, is felt.

”Changminnie, why do you know how loud everything is?”

“It was interesting to study.”

“Are you going to keep studying it?”

Changmin looks at Jaejoong, sprawled across the bed without a care in the world. “No, I think I’ve learned enough.”

a/n: i saw a chart of the different volumes of various sounds in my physics textbook and it actually inspired fic LMAO. uh, this is all over the place, i'm sorry. but anyways, i hope you liked it? if you did, please do leave a comment~

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a good night's sleep

keyhun — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 05:41:33 GMT

rating: pg
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~1600 wc
summary: insomnia fucking sucks.

The thing about insomnia is, you see, it’s a bitch. Yeah. Unlike the romantic book characters who write poetry until the sun comes up actual insomniacs (insomniacs like Yoochun), are actually less productive while they’re awake all night than ever. Yoochun wishes he could compose music at three in the morning, at least then he’d having something to fucking do, but his shitty insomnia just keeps him up and doesn’t let him do much of anything that requires mind power.

He settles for wandering around the dorm like an old ghost, envying the other four boys who could pass out as soon as they hit the bed, for the most part. On occasion Jaejoong would be up with him, but he’s been sleeping better recently. Yunho petting his hair and cuddling up to him probably had something to do with that.

Yoochun wanders into the kitchen, wondering if he should make late-night ramyun for himself. It’s tempting, but he left the bedroom door open and he doesn’t want to disturb Jaejoong.

He wanders over to the living room and is about to settle on the couch when he notices his spot is already taken by a slack-jawed, deeply asleep Changmin.

“Yo, I wanted to lie there…” Yoochun mutters, barely audible.

“No hyung, stop stealing my cake...!” Changmin protests, obviously far off in some questionable dream world.

Yoochun just rolls his eyes. Changmin’s sleep-talking habit is something they’d all gotten used to a long time ago. He plants his ass on the floor by the couch and rests an arm on the part of the cushions not occupied by Changmin’s body.

“So, whatcha dreamin’ about?” Yoochun asks, bored out of his mind. Changmin might not be awake but he could still probably hold a more clear conversation than a drunk Jaejoong could.

“Caaaake.”

“Hmm, haven’t been getting much of that lately, have you?” Yoochun muses, frowning at Changmin’s exposed hipbones. They seemed even more prominent than usual.

“No cake…don’t steal mine.”

“Pshh, please, you know I only like the icing.”

“Hyung…” Changmin whispers in his sleep, eyebrows pulling together.

Yoochun stills and swallows loudly. “Y-yeah Changminnie?”

“That’s fucking gross.”

The next night, something similar happens, except they’re in Japan.

Yoochun finishes smoking a cigarette and comes back in from the balcony, still shivering from the cold. He spots Changmin sprawled out on the floor and rushes to get the thickest comforter he can find. There are no clean ones in the closet so he just grabs his own from his bedroom. It’s not like he’s going to find sleep anytime soon, anyways.

He drapes it over Changmin, making sure it covers his feet and tucks it under his chin. He settles cross-legged on the couch above Changmin, watching the boy sleep.

“So, what’s up?” Yoochun asks in slurred Japanese.

“Just contemplating the vastness of the universe and what might lie beyond the observable universe and then beyond the supposedly infinite cosmos,” Changmin replies in perfect Japanese. In his sleep.

“Um, what the fuck?”

The only response Yoochun gets is a soft snore.

Yoochun is nursing a bottle of soju he knows he’s going to regret in the morning but he hasn’t slept properly in maybe three weeks so he thinks he deserves to say fuck it all and drown his sleepless sorrows in alcohol.

Changmin is, for some reason, in the living room once again, curled into his blanket like a child. It’s rather endearing and Yoochun finds himself sitting on the floor just beside Changmin, stroking his hair.

“Changminnie,” Yoochun whispers. “I can’t sleep. I wanna sleep so bad but I can’t, fuck.”

The younger boy just hums and pouts, maybe in sympathy.

“I wish you were awake so I could rant to a conscious human about how much this fucking sucks.”

“Language, hyung.”

“You freak, how are you talking to me…while you’re asleep? How do you never remember these conversations in the morning? Seriously, you’re a freak,” Yoochun mumbles, but even as he says it he’s stroking his thumb across Changmin’s high, elegant cheekbone.

“That’s not very nice, hyung~” the boy sings.

“Tch. Brat.”

A few days later, during the daytime when they’re all awake, Yoochun finally remembers to ask “hey Changmin-ah, why do you sleep in the living room so often now?”

Changmin looks intently at his book and a visible blush crosses his cheeks. But there’s no secrets in a dorm of 5 boys so he spills, even if he’s embarrassed.

“Since Yunho-hyung sleeping in Jaejoong’s room my room feels kind of…empty. I got so used to having another person—a loud, snoring person—in there that it kind of freaks me out being alone. I feel closer to everyone if I sleep in the open area.”

Yoochun thinks it’s just about the most endearing thing he’s ever heard but he just smiles into his coffee cup and mouths an “oh.”

It’s Yoochun’s third night in a row without more than one hour of sleep at a time in between schedules, flights, and dorm fights. He really wants to cry because of how exhausted he is. It’s like hell. He really feels like he’s in hell and there’s no way out.

He throws up whatever shit dinner he had in the bathroom and oh god, he can’t be sick on top of everything, he just can’t. He brushes his teeth for four minutes to get the taste of vomit out and then showers and puts on fresh clothes, throwing the old, sweaty ones into the hamper with more force than necessary. He wants to punch things and cry and get drunk all at the same time.

“Hyung, just come to bed, please.” Changmin says, standing in the doorway, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and looking like a lost puppy.

Yoochun feels the anger and frustrating wind down at the sight.

He takes a deep breath. And then another. And then a few more. “Okay.”

Changmin grabs his hand and twines their fingers together and pulls him into what used to be Changmin and Yunho’s room, but from now on will probably Changmin and Yoochun’s room.

There’s two full sized beds but Yoochun gets on the same one as Changmin because if he’s going to have any hope of finding sleep, he’ll need a source of warmth on this cold winter night.

And Changmin sure is warm.

“You’re beautiful when you’re sleeping,” Yoochun muses, awake in the dark with just enough moonlight filtering in to highlight Changmin’s innocent, unguarded face.

“You’re beautiful all the time.” Changmin responds.

Yoochun smiles hugely at that one and curls an arm around Changmin’s waist and falls asleep with a smile on his face.

Tonight Yoochun is crying silently into his pillow, facing away from Changmin who’s been far off in a sweet dreamland for three, four, five hours. He just wants to sleep and fuck, it’s been so bad these past few months, never a moment of rest, never a good night’s sleep.

Changmin shifts in the bed and tosses an arm and leg around Yoochun’s body, nose nuzzling the Yoochun’s neck. “Shh,” the younger boy whispers, “count backwards from a hundred thousand and you’ll be asleep soon.”

Yoochun sniffs and tries to hold back the rest of his tears. “Okay,” he sobs, “I’ll try.”

It ends up not working, and Yoochun is up until after the sun rises and then they’re getting ready to pile into the van for their first schedule of the day and Yoochun feels like a goddamn zombie. He’s ready to die.

“I called my uncle, the doctor,” Changmin whispers to him while everyone else is hurrying around the apartment before they have to head out. “I got him to prescribe you the best medication for insomnia he knows. It’ll be in our mail before we get home tonight.”

Yoochun spins around and hugs Changmin with all the strength his limp limbs can muster. “I love you. Oh god, thank you.”

Changmin pats his back and tugs him out the door.

That night, Yoochun sleeps. He sleeps for six hours straight and this time, it’s Changmin who stays up and watches his hyung’s expressions as he wanders through the beautiful dreams only beautiful people can dream. Changmin strokes his fingertips down Yoochun’s jaw and then presses a kiss to his cheek before settling in and closing his eyes.

When the sun is just peeking over the horizon, they both open their eyes at the same moment. Slowly and sleepily, they find the other staring back.

“You know, you talked in your sleep last night,” Changmin says, voice still low and sweet from sleep.

“I did? Really? What did I say?”

Changmin licks his lips. “You said you love me.”

Yoochun smiles. “I do. And not just because you’re my drug dealer.”

“Insomnia medication isn’t drugs!”

“Shh…no exclamations before noon please,” Yoochun says and moves closer to Changmin so he’s cuddled into his chest.

Changmin grips Yoochun’s chin and forces his head to tilt up at him and meets his eyes.

“I was just wondering if you still feel the same way when you’re awake.”

“Oh, when did you become this bold?” Yoochun asks, grinning ear to ear and carding his fingers through Changmin’s black hair.

“When you started clinging to me as you sleep.”

Yoochun laughs, low and husky and beautiful music to Changmin’s ears. He kisses Changmin—just a simple press of Yoochun’s lips against his—and Changmin’s eyes widen like an actress’s in a drama would.

“I love you, Changmin.”

Changmin smiles then—that beautiful, child’s smile—and they kiss for long, sweet, morning sunrise minutes before settling back into peaceful sleep for the remaining hours of the morning.

a/n: haven't posted in a while, have several wips going (all yoomin surprise surprise...and like one yunjae). i wanna write homin and junsu pairings too but it's just been crazy lately with a whole lot of...nothing. idk. sorry, this is weird. yoochun's album is art and i love it and oh gosh...and i can't wait for jaejoong's and i miss the boys so much that i actually don't know how to handle it....ugh

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a moment in time and forever

keyhun — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 23:50:24 GMT

rating: r
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~6500 wc
summary: In the year 2236, physical books are no longer around.

In the year 2236, physical documents have been phased out and replaced by tablets which can be signed with styluses. Contracts, though no longer made of white paper, are signed on super-computers that can detect any forgery and cannot be shredded. Birth certificates, wills and last testaments, and all memoirs are created using a high-scale, state of the art computer application that matches the formality and gravity of the situation. Live music had become a thing of the past, too, what with supremely advanced technology used to create sounds nearly perfectly identical to the instruments of the past. Who had time or the will to spend months and years becoming a master of the violin when with the press of a button an identical sound could be produced?

In the year 2236, physical books are no longer around.

Children in nurseries and daycares and even in household bedrooms are read to not from storybooks, but from computer screens. Or tablets. Or phones, depending on how good the parents’ vision is. And depending on if the parent is even around, otherwise a robot will just read to them. Libraries still exist, but instead of daunting, endless rows of shelves of books, there are a few master computers on each floor that could tell you how to access whatever book, genre, author, or year of publication through the library’s database that you could access from your personal tablet on the library network.

It’s not to say that books are no longer allowed, because they most certainly are, but no one of Changmin’s generation has seen one their whole life. The entire human population lost the need for them when technology and mankind became inseparable, when humans could no longer perform daily tasks without the assistance of computers.

Changmin and all his friends have heard of books, of course, from their old history lessons back in the third grade. Since then, though, there hasn’t been much mention of them, nor has anyone really cared to learn more. What is there to know when every book was available on Changmin’s personal tablet?

But Changmin knows he’s always been just a little different. He’d always thought he was satisfied with how things were—why wouldn’t he be? Everything ran smoothly, everything happened on time and in place. Nothing was messy. And yet, something in the back of Changmin’s brain itched whenever he settled down in a large, comfortable chair with a cup of coffee and a nice, classic…digital book. He sighed, turned off his tablet, and grabbed his coat. He needed to go for a walk.

He roamed the grey streets and listened to the click-clack of his slightly heeled boots. The cool air did little to alleviate the swarming thoughts in his mind. Maybe another hour would do the trick. He just really had to get away from all the—

Mom is calling. Mom is calling. Mom is calling. Changmin squeezed his eyes shut and then tapped his watch to answer the call. A holograph of his mother appeared and she had her hands on her hips, a cross expression on her face.

“Changmin, where are you? The sun will go down soon.”

“Hi mom, sorry, I just wanted to go for a walk.”

Her expression softens at the innocent response.

“Oh, well, that’s okay I suppose. Sorry for assuming you were doing something you aren’t supposed to, I know you’re a good kid.”

Changmin laughs. “It’s okay, mom.”

“Don’t walk around too late, okay? I’m making dinner tonight.”

Changmin’s eyes widened and his mouth watered almost immediately. Mom rarely ever cooked food herself anymore—she was usually busy with her job so their robot chef would just just put something together. One robot chef was given to each household by the government if you had two or more children as a way to encourage the populous to have kids, because not many people really felt like having children in the past few decades. The birth rate had started to tumble and there weren’t enough people filling jobs to create, design, and produce more technology, so the robots came along. Almost all café’s, bakeries, and restaurants had robot chefs too—albeit more advanced than household ones.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll be home soon.”

The call ends and Changmin silences his phone-watch, then turns it off and shoves it deep into his pocket.

He wanders for what feels like hours. He passes neighborhood parks (with no children in them), public swimming pools (those are empty, too, and not just because of the cool weather) and the occasional suburban coffee shop or convenience store (empty, empty, where did everyone go?).

Changmin’s legs begin to tire and he thinks he’ll sit on the sidewalk for a few minutes before heading home when he hears something. Music. But it isn’t music that he’s used too—it’s not computer-produced guitar or drums. It’s not synth, it’s not electronic. It feels, somehow, warmer. Changmin doesn’t know how to describe it but if he had to use words he might say it’s easy, it’s smooth, it sounded so real.

He turns in the direction of the music and follows it. He feels his legs carrying him toward it like a magnet and he can’t really stop himself. He doesn’t want to stop himself. He wants to find the source of it and listen for hours.

Then he realizes the sun is hanging dangerously low on the horizon and he needs to get home quickly.

He fishes out his phone-watch from his pocket and marks his location, making a mental note to return the next time he’s free, then heads home as the sky dims to dusk.

“The next time he’s free” doesn’t come until nearly one month later and his exams are over. Exams are no longer taken on paper but on computers that have heat-sensitive technology which can detect if a student is attempting to cheat. Changmin is an honest student so he’s never had a problem with them, but staring at a screen for eight hours straight for his modern medicine exam did give him a headache.

After he’s home he takes out his phone-watch and scrolls through a month of history before he finds the location he’s looking for, then heads out.

As he approaches he wonders if he’s going in the right direction because he can’t remember the scenery much. He’s about to turn around and go the other way but then he hears it again—that faint, glorious sound. Warm and soft and pure. He floats toward it, feet light on the ground and head nearing the clouds.

He walks up to a nondescript, one story building fashioned similar to a rustic house. It’s made of reddish-brown brick and the door is brown wood. Changmin gawks in awe for a moment because he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything like this—all the buildings he’s been exposed to in his life are white and grey and clear glass. This place feels so warm, like it’s waiting with open arms in an invitation for embrace.

He knocks hesitantly and the music stops.

The door swings open and Changmin is greeted by a man he’s never seen before.

“Hello,” he says, voice deep and calm.

“Uh—um—hi?” Changmin manages.

“Would you like to come in?”

Changmin is pretty sure he’s been told not to accept invitations from strangers but that knowledge seems unimportant at the moment. He nods and steps inside and is shocked by what he sees.

Books.

Shelves of books.

Rows of shelves of books.

Tens of, hundreds of, thousands of books.

And in the center of the large room, a sleek black grand piano.

For a moment, Changmin feels a bit light-headed. His brain seems to be having a bit of trouble processing the objects he’s seeing because he’s never seen them in all his twenty years of living.

“Are you shocked?” the man asks him.

“A little.”

“I suppose you would be. Books aren’t around much anymore. Neither are pianos”

“How—why—where did all these come from?” Changmin stutters.

The man laughs softly. “These books are some of the last on earth. They’ve been passed down through my family for several generations. When printed books began to become a dying art, my great-great-great-grandparents began collecting them. Every generation after them has protected the ones they collected and searched the world for more, adding to the collection.”

“So how many do you have in here?”

“About 25,000. It’s only a fraction of the full collection, though.”

Changmin’s mouth felt dry. “And where are the rest?”

The man raises an eyebrow. “You’re curious, aren’t you? But I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. It’s something only people in the family can know.”

“What family are you from? Um—I mean, what’s your name? I’m Shim Changmin by the way” Changmin asks, slightly embarrassed.

But the man doesn’t seem to mind. He just smiles and answers. “I’m Yoochun. Park Yoochun.”

Eventually they settle into the large, comfortable chairs in the corner of the room with a view of most of the shelves and that dazzling musical instrument. Yoochun goes to the back and comes back with two mugs (chipped and old and perfect) of coffee. Changmin takes a sip and it’s sweeter than what he usually drinks but he doesn’t mind at all because it tastes so rich.

“Like it?” Yoochun asks.

“Yeah, I love it. How’d you make this?”

“Slowly and with love.”

Changmin rolls his eyes. “Okay, whatever, I mean like how did you actually make it?”

“I made it myself and not using a robot if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You know how to make stuff…?” Changmin wonders aloud. He’d never learned how to make anything himself. There were always robots to do that for him. And his mom.

“Yeah, well, when you’ve renounced robots and live alone, you pick up some skills.”

Changmin’s head spins with the load of information. Someone living in 2236, in Seoul, South Korea had renounced robots? It just didn’t make sense. Changmin didn’t even know life without robots was possible anymore.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It sounds crazy. But come on, let’s pick some books to read.” Yoochun says and gets up, motioning for Changmin to follow.

They wander up and down the rows of shelves, Yoochun occasionally stopping at one spot to examine a book, stroke its spine (almost lovingly) and then shake his head and moving on.

Changmin’s eyes linger on every single book. Some appear to have hard covers, others are just paper. Some look positively ancient and dilapidated while others appear newer. And the languages—there are so many languages. Some Changmin knows well. Every citizen of South Korea is fluent in English and Chinese in the year 2366, but Changmin recognizes some that he definitely does not know how to read. Japanese, Arabic, Spanish. And even more languages that Changmin can’t even name.

Yoochun stops at the end of one shelf and leans down.

“Ah,” he sighs, “this is an old favorite of mine. Here, take it,” he says, and holds a book out to Changmin.

Changmin stares at it blankly for a moment before Yoochun motions for him to take it again. Changmin reaches out and takes the object in his hand.

It’s old, he can feel that much from its rough paper cover. The next thing he notices is the thickness of it. It’s not nearly as thick as some of the other books on the shelves but it’s thicker than any tablet he’s ever held. But its weight is still light in Changmin’s hands because it’s only made of paper. Finally, Changmin notices that the book’s title is written in English.

Yoochun picks up another book, one with a hardcover, and it appears to be written in a language that looks like English but isn’t, quite. Maybe it’s German?

Yoochun leads Changmin back to the chairs with a hand on a small of Changmin’s back. It sends shivers up his spine but he says nothing.

They sit down and Yoochun begins reading in silence. Changmin observes him for a while before looking at the book in his hands and opening it to the first page.

All the King’s Men

by Robert Penn Warren

Chapter One

“Hey, Changmin, I think you should get going now.”

Changmin stirs awake and is greeted by Yoochun looking down at him from behind his thick-rimmed glasses.

“Huh?” he mumbles.

Yoochun chuckles. “You fell asleep reading, though I see you already got quite far. How are you liking it?”

Changmin sits straight up in his chair and catches the book as it falls off his chest. It falls into his hands, open to page 100.

“Um…it’s really good. I like it a lot. Thanks for letting me read it.”

“Of course. Come back any time if you want to read more. I’m afraid I can’t let you take it out of this building.”

“O-oh…of course, um, then I’ll just go put this back then.”

“It’s fine, I’ll get it,” Yoochun says, grinning.

“Okay then. Uh, before I head out, can I ask what you were reading?”

Yoochun replies as he walks back toward the shelf to put away Changmin’s book. “Yeah, it’s a collection of short stories by an author named Franz Kafka. Ever heard of him?”

Changmin’s eyebrows pull together in concentration, trying to recall if he had. “I’m not sure…is he good?”

A sigh. “He’s incredible, Changmin,” Yoochun says, voice suddenly filled with sadness. “And it makes me sad that people don’t know him anymore. The books written about a strange, dystopian future always predicted that it would be the government’s fault that books were no longer in circulation. Instead, it’s the people’s fault. The people who simply lost interest and nothing could be done to stop the inevitable process.”

Changmin doesn’t know how to respond. So he tells Yoochun good night and that he’ll just be leaving now.

At the door, Yoochun catches his wrist. “Wait,” he blurts, “you’ll come back and read with me again, won’t you?”

Changmin’s eyes flit to the piano. Its sleek black top and broad keys entice him and beckon him to play it.

“Yeah, I will. Would you…maybe…let me listen to you play next time?”

Yoochun lets go of Changmin’s wrist and nods. “Sure.”

“Okay. Good night, Yoochun.”

“Good night, Changmin. Sweet dreams.”

Changmin returns one week later, missing the feel of a paperback book in his hands. Missing the feel of its weight on his chest as he snoozed in Yoochun’s chair, warmth of the coffee seeping through his skin. He has to know what will happen next in the book—will Willie Stark walk further down the path of corruption in order to reach his goal of presidency or will he return to his original idealistic values? Will Jack and Anne fall in love once more or will they let politics keep them apart—so close yet so far apart. Will Anne’s brother turn out to be as perfect as he seems or will he do something unimaginable?

He knocks on the door and Yoochun opens three, four heartbeats later. He greets Changmin with a smile and a hug. Changmin wants to melt into the physical contact that is so, so rare these days but reminds himself that he and Yoochun have not known each other long at all so he pulls back quickly and returns the polite smile.

Yoochun guides him to the shelf with Changmin’s book on it and hands it to him, then grabs another one for himself. This time it’s in Japanese.

Yoochun makes two steaming cups of hot chocolate (milky, chocolatey, sweet and so perfect it hurts) and Changmin thanks him. They settle in and Changmin, for just a moment, for just a few hours, forgets his personal tablet that keeps track of his whole life. He forgets his robot chef and robot housemaid that cooks and cleans for him. He forgets his phone-watch that has all the messages and notifications about the whereabouts of his family and friends and for those few hours on that chilly autumn evening, it is just him, Yoochun, two books, and two mugs of hot chocolate. And it’s the warmest Changmin has ever felt.

After two hours of reading, Changmin’s eyes are tired and his brain is whirring trying to comprehend how this book managed to create a plotline that seems intense yet slow and gradually-building all at the same time. He carefully places a bookmark in between the pages (Yoochun had given it to him, it had a fun little tassle at the end made of colorful threads) to mark where he left off and closes the book.

“Had enough for today?” Yoochun asks, voice deep and calm as always.

“I think so. It’s so good. I really hate seeing Willie change like this. And the worst part is he doesn’t even realize it’s happening to him. Or maybe he does, I don’t know, but even if he does he pretends to not and that’s somehow worse.”

Yoochun sets down his own book and leans toward Changmin, chin resting on his palm. “Tell me more. What else do you like about it?”

“The narrator, Jack—god I just feel so many things about him. He’s the narrator of a story that isn’t his, but yet it is his story. And his relationship with the Stantons, it’s so terribly ordinary and yet so tragic. It just makes me wonder why friends drift apart. Why do they have to?” Changmin rambles.

“I know, it’s sad. But don’t you think there’s hope? For him and Anne?”

“I’m not sure. She seems hell bent on never loving him.”

“What if she loves him anyways?” Yoochun whispers.

Changmin catches his breath. “Well that would be…interesting.”

A beat of silence, and then “I seem to remember having promised to play a song on the piano for you.”

Changmin snaps back into focus and nods. “Yeah, that would be great. Do…do you really know how to play?”

Yoochun grins and walks to the piano and strokes the cover. “Of course I do…she’s the only one who understands me sometimes.”

Changmin has no idea what that means but then Yoochun starts playing. He closes his eyes and leans over the instrument. His fingers linger and then fly and jump between keys, scaling ten or twenty in under a second. He produces a tune that Changmin has never heard before. Something original. Something from his soul. Changmin wonders how he can feel the emotions of the music without words. It’s nothing like reading a book—there’s nothing to be told or read. Only a heart to be felt.

And then it’s over.

Changmin has to bite his tongue to keep himself from whining for more because he enjoyed it that much.

“That was incredible,” is what he settles for instead.

“Thank you.”

“How did you learn how to play? How long have you been playing?” Changmin wonders aloud, curiosity getting the best of him.

Yoochun doesn’t seem to mind. He only chuckles and closes the piano cover.

“I’ve been learning for as long as I can remember, and I still haven’t unlocked her full potential yet, I don’t think. I still have much to learn.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone play an instrument live before. Definitely not in front of my own two eyes. Thank you for that. I really enjoyed it.”

“You’re very welcome. I like playing. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only way I can express myself.”

Changmin bites his lip. Was that song an expression of Yoochun’s thoughts? But it was so complicated. There were happy and sad parts and fast and slow parts all woven together to create one beautiful piece.

“Would you…like to learn?”

Changmin’s eyes go wide. “Seriously? You’d teach me?”

“Y-yeah. I would. If you want to learn,” Yoochun says hesitantly.

“I’ve never even thought about it…no one I know has ever played an instrument. Except, now, you…”

“So, do you want to?”

Changmin grins widely. “Yes please.”

Eventually they fall into a routine. Once a week, Changmin comes over to Yoochun’s place (house? bookstore? library? ancient artifact lost in time?) and bounces up and down on his heels in anticipation for his lesson but Yoochun will chide him and say they should read for a while first.

Changmin’s reading pace becomes faster and faster and he devours books. He wonders why he never found reading from his tablet this much fun—maybe it had something to do with how he’d always get distracted by games and messages, or maybe it’s just that being around Yoochun is calming and he makes damned good hot chocolate.

Changmin learns about the great American authors and falls in love with their harshly realistic views of the world. He feels his heart twist at their pained descriptions of the innocence of children and their subtle revelations of how war experiences ruined any semblance of innocence for them. Then he reads books and poems by the Europeans and falls in love with their flowery words woven together to create dream-like reads. He is fascinated by the British era of hedonism and how beauty and lust intertwined to create a sinful picture of cherry-red lips bruised from kisses and lovely brown pupils dilated wide from drug use—and all for the sake of pleasure. He goes back, so far back in time when he reads the works of Greek philosophers and wonders how it can be possible that the world has changed so little in thousands of years.

He becomes a voracious reader of Yoochun’s collection of Eastern literature as well. He marvels at the work of the Middle Eastern mystics and their loving description of life and the universe. He finds himself in awe of the Chinese poets’ delicate descriptions of the natural elements and the unimportance of humans in the grandeur of nature. And he pores over the pages of the Tale of Genji, the very first novel, written by a woman in a time where women were worth next to nothing.

He travels back and forth through time and listens to Yoochun play piano pieces from ages past and watches as he creates pieces from the depths of his own soul.

He learns bits and pieces. Here and there he picks up a chord, a strand, a movement and a melody. Slowly but surely, he is learning something no one in this city, in this country, has learned for generations. Except Yoochun.

“What if people forget?” Changmin asks one day, hanging on to every chord Yoochun strikes over white and black keys.

“Then much will be lost,” he replies.

“I don’t want the world to forget. I want everyone to hear you play. It’s so beautiful,” Changmin whispers, allowing himself to lean into Yoochun’s side on the piano bench.

Yoochun stills and grips Changmin’s hand.

“I don’t want it to be forgotten, either. But the world will always change. Nothing can ever stay the same. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing good, nothing bad.”

But I want this to last forever Changmin thinks, and he grips Yoochun’s hand just a bit tighter.

After several weeks, when Changmin plays a simple, one-handed version of Pachelbel’s Canon with no mistakes, Yoochun kisses him for the first time.

Changmin responds with one hand tangled in Yoochun’s hair, the other fisting his fuzzy sweater. Yoochun presses his lips against Changmin’s again and again, and then once more after that. They pull apart for a moment and Changmin gently removes Yoochun’s glasses.

“Kiss me,” he gasps, and Yoochun complies.

All the words fall apart behind Changmin’s shut eyelids and he doesn’t know how to describe this feeling. Nothing in the books told him about this—they hinted, they foreshadowed, they spoke in riddles and obscure adjectives about this. But nothing could prepare him for the wrenching in his gut, the twisting of his heart and the fire in his every nerve. Nothing could describe how he felt when Yoochun licked between Changmin’s lips in a question for entry and nothing could describe Changmin’s willingness to allow it. Every word was an understatement. Every feeling was bursting through his skull walls and skin.

“Changmin-ah,” Yoochun moans into their kiss.

“Yoochun,” Changmin says back, because no words will mean anything anymore. They’re all useless.

Yoochun breathes through his nose as he licks into Changmin’s mouth, warm and wet and still tasting of chocolate.

Maybe there was one word Changmin could think of to describe it.

Love.

Weeks turn into months, and months turn into nearly a full year. Little by little, Yoochun revelas parts of himself to Changmin. He tells him about his dreams of performing piano in a large concert hall, dressed in a tuxedo and having the audience fall in love with him. He tells Changmin about his father who traveled to India in search of classic religious texts from millennia ago and his mother who traveled to France to find diaries of people who lived during the time of the first French revolution. How his whole family would sometimes sit together and show each other their favorite book of the month and discuss other things they wanted to find. Changmin would hang onto every word, fascinated.

Changmin’s parents often wonder where he goes and he tells them honestly, “I’m seeing my boyfriend.”

What they don’t know is that his boyfriend has a collection of something as outdated as books. That his boyfriend goes against every modern invention in favor of relics from the past and a world of things that no longer need to exist.

“We’d like to meet him, Changmin,” his mother says, and Changmin can think of no reason to protest. And yet there is a nagging warning in the back of his mind that this can’t end well—not when his mother is an engineer who creates robots that clean neighborhoods and his boyfriend is a man who hates modern technology.

But he can’t say no to his mother so he invites Yoochun over one night as they’re cuddling on the loveseat, blanket drawn around their shoulders.

“I don’t know, Changmin…”

“Please? I don’t think we can put this off much longer.”

Yoochun kisses along Changmin’s jaw and the younger boy shivers.

“I like what we have now…just the two of us…no one else involved. I like having you all to myself.”

Changmin shudders as Yoochun’s lips move down to Changmin’s neck, working against his pulse and under his jaw.

“I-I’m always yours but p-please,” he gasps, focus dwindling with each passing moment.

Yoochun hums in his throat and finds the hem of Changmin’s sweater under their blanket, fingers reaching under it and touching the soft skin of Changmin’s stomach.

“Aah—Yoochun…”

“Fine, I’ll meet your family. They’re going to hate me and tell you to never see me again but I’ll meet them because I love you and I want you to be happy with me.”

Changmin wraps his arms around Yoochun’s shoulders and squeezes. “They won’t do that. Hopefully.”

After that, Yoochun gathers Changmin in his arms and carries him to the bedroom behind the bookroom. Changmin has only seen the bedroom a few times but it’s so different from anything he’s seen before. The floors are made of warm brown wood. There’s no white, no grey, no black. No buttons on walls and no robots cleaning. All the furniture is mahogany or cherry and there are rugs of red and gold across the floor. There are lamps in the corners, their shades embroidered with intricate and abstract patters that are vaguely floral. The bed lies against the wall with the wide window, blanketed in deep red and gold. Yoochun lowers Changmin onto it.

And he writes beautiful words on the empty pages of Changmin’s skin.

The first dinner with the family is awkward. Yoochun knows he’s treading on thin ice in this household. He knows he doesn’t belong in this place where everything is done by a robot, where there are no books or pianos or even any curiosity. His only comfort is Changmin, who sits by his side, tall and handsome like a prince out of the books Yoochun hasn’t touched since he was maybe eight years old. Changmin seems at ease—of course he should, it’s his house—so it allows Yoochun to think maybe he can calm down too.

“So, Yoochun,” Mrs. Shim begins, “what do you do for a living?”

Yoochun wants to lie and say something that’ll impress her but he figures that would disappoint Changmin and he doesn’t really want that so he decides to be honest.

“I collect books. To earn an income I write music and sell it anonymously online. There are people in corners of the world who are willing to pay a lot of money for original compositions these days.”

Mrs. Shim stills. A cross expression flashes across her face for a moment but she controls it.

“I see. How…quaint.”

Yoochun stays silent.

“Mom, uh—Yoochun plays piano really well. He’s really talented.”

“Oh, that’s nice. An outdated, unnecessary hobby perhaps. But it’s nice.”

“It’s what I love to do,” Yoochun replies, no bite in his words.

Mrs. Shim sets down her eating utensils. “What you love to do, huh,” he scoffs. “Well you know what I love to do, Mr. Park? I love to create mechanical beings that will better our society. That will keep our streets clean and provide safe environments for people in our city. I love doing something useful.”

“Mom!”

“No, Changmin, it’s okay. She’s right. What I do is no longer useful to a large amount of people. In the past, maybe, it was prized as an art, but not in this century.”

“Well I’m glad you seem to be smart enough to realize it.”

Yoochun bites his tongue.

“Mom, please. That’s rude.”

“Changmin, finish your food.”

“I don’t want this food! I don’t want any more food made by a robot, I like it when you cook. And I like when Yoochun makes hot chocolate and when he bakes cupcakes for the two of us to share. I love him, mom, and I’d like it if you could hold back your opinions and try to be more accepting.”

“…”

“…”

“Finish your food, Changmin, and we’ll talk later.”

After dinner, Changmin walks Yoochun back to his place. They hold hands and traverse the empty roads in silence.

When they arrive, Changmin stops at the door and Yoochun looks back at him, eyes full of sadness.

“Come inside?” he asks.

And then Changmin is on him like a glove, kissing him everywhere and telling him nothing matters because “I love you. You taught me how to feel.”

Their arms wind around each other as they tumble toward the bed. Changmin gets his fingers underneath the hem of Yoochun’s cashmere sweater and pushes it up. They break so he can pull it over Yoochun’s head and toss it on top of the piano.

By the time they get to the bed Yoochun is topless and the button and zipper of his pants are undone. Changmin kneels over him and takes in the sight of his body, flushed and chest heaving with anticipating breaths.

He leans down and takes Yoochun’s lips between his own once more, tasting them as delicately as he can.

Yoochun cups Changmin’s face in his hands and opens his mouth to let Changmin in and then he pulls away. Changmin moves down to Yoochun’s jaw, placing kisses all along the defined line.

“You know,” Yoochun pants, “I’m sure you read about it, but a love between us wouldn’t have been allowed in years past.”

Changmin hums to let him know he’s listening as continues to work his way down Yoochun’s neck.

“T-touching you like this,” he whispers, running a finger down Changmin’s chest, “could’ve gotten us killed.”

Changmin sucks angry red marks onto Yoochun’s neck, biting them until he knows they’ll show the next day and digs his fingernails into Yoochun’s biceps.

Yoochun places his hands firmly on Changmin’s hips. “Strip, Changmin-ah.”

His sweater comes off first. Then he makes a show of unbuttoning his shirt and extending a long, perfectly muscled arm and dropping it on the floor. He unbuckles his belt and slides it out of the loops and caresses the side of Yoochun’s face with it before it joins his rumpled shirt.

Yoochun runs his hand down Changmin’s chest and opens the button and zipper of Changmin’s pants.

“Take them off,” he urges.

Changmin lies down on the bed next to Yoochun and pushes them down his hips and Yoochun gets to his knees to tug them off of Changmin’s ankles. Then Changmin is reaching into his underwear and pressing his head back against the pillow and it occurs to Yoochun that Changmin is touching himself.

“Changmin,” he croaks.

“Kiss me, now.”

Yoochun makes quick work of his pants and their boxers and then he’s on Changmin, kissing him and kissing him until they just can’t breathe any longer.

“More,” Changmin all but begs and who is Yoochun to deny him?

Yoochun thinks the lines between Changmin’s hard abdominal muscles are like the crevices between pages of books. He takes his time caressing each one lovingly and running his flattened tongue over them.

“Ah—please,” the younger moans.

Yoochun urges him to turn over and he kisses down each disc of Changmin’s spine that are so like the plot twists of a riveting story—sharp and sudden and exciting.

He finds the twitching muscles of Changmin’s thighs to be like suspense.

The taste of Changmin’s skin to be like romance.

The feeling of pushing into Changmin and making him scream his name like the climax.

And the impossibly soft “I love you” pressed into his hair afterwards a perfect, fulfilling resolution.

“I want to help you find books,” Changmin whispers against Yoochun’s chest.

“You—what?”

“Isn’t that what your family has done for generations? Searching the world to find books.”

Yoochun holds Changmin close. “Yeah, it is.”

“I want to help.”

Yoochun pulls back and looks into Changmin’s eyes, strokes the side of his face with his thumb.

“We’d have to leave Seoul. Your family is here, aren’t they?”

Changmin pouts. “Do you not…want me to come with you?”

“No, love, that’s not it,” he coos, pecking Changmin’s lips. “I’d want nothing more than to travel the world with you and look for stories of lands lost in time. But I couldn’t ask you to do that for me. To leave behind what you have here and spend years with me.”

“But…I want to. I want to do that. I want to spend years with you. I want to spend—” Changmin catches himself. Is it too early to say it?

“Tell me Changmin. Tell me what you want.”

Changmin looks into his eyes and says, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I want to look for more stories with you. And maybe one day, somewhere, I’ll find the book with the words in them that can describe how much I love you.”

Yoochun kisses him briefly but with all the passion he has. Then he reaches over Changmin and opens a drawer in the nightstand. He pulls out a box.

“Do you remember I told you something a long time ago?” he asks, voice barely rising above a whisper.

“I told you only people in our family could have access to the full collection of books.”

He opens the box and pulls out a ring. There’s no diamond, only a dull silver band encrusted with a single ruby.

“Will you become my family? Will you marry me, Changmin?”

Changmin allows the ring to be slipped onto his finger and says yes.

“You are not going with him, Changmin.”

“Mother, please, just listen—”

“No. This is ridiculous. I will not have you eloping with some strange man who can’t adapt to modern life and going off on some journey to find more make believe nonsense.”

Anger boils in Changmin’s blood but he forces himself to stay calm.

“Mother. This is what I want. It’s my life. I’m an adult now. I can do what I want to do but that doesn’t mean I don’t still want your blessing. It’s important to me that you accept us.”

His mother scoffs. “I have no problem with the two of you as a couple! I’ll even pay for the wedding. But going off on some dangerous journey to countries you’ve never been to? To find things that don’t matter anymore? What’s the use? What’s the purpose of it, Changmin?”

“If I may, Mrs. Shim,” Yoochun speaks up, “the purpose is none too clear. But maybe one day it will be. Maybe one day technology will fail and these written records will be the only marks of our past. Our failures, our triumphs—our desires and goals as a human race. Maybe one day we’ll need them again.”

Mrs. Shim sits back against the chair and holds her head in her hand.

“Do whatever you want,” she grumbles, because she knows she has no power against someone this young, this foolish, and this tragically, beautifully caught up in his idealistic dreams. She doesn’t have to like it, though.

Changmin grins victoriously.

“Just come home for New Year’s, okay?”

“I’ll bring him back safely,” Yoochun replies, smile stretching from ear to ear.

The night they get married Yoochun shows him the entire collection. A whole warehouse full of books. It’s overwhelmingly beautiful and Changmin finds himself tearing up—though that may also be because he’s married now to the man he loves and he is so excited for their life ahead together.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Yoochun croons.

“I love you,” Changmin sniffles.

“And I, you.”

Over years and years they find things the world has not seen in centuries. Poems by minds enlightened to the truths of the wide cosmos, novels written from the bleeding hearts of men and women, and plays scripted by the brightest, wittiest minds of centuries past.

They devour stories and eras together, creating a picture of the lives of the people who lived long ago.

Changmin never does find the book or the poem that has the words that can describe the ocean-like depth of his love for his husband.

But as they sit on the wooden walkway of their hostel in Japan and watch the snow fall and Yoochun keeps one arm around Changmin’s waist as they chat about their favorite recent findings, Changmin realizes that maybe he doesn’t need those words.

Maybe he just needs this moment as it is for all the long years to come.

a/n: :D hiiii. do you like this? i hope you do. a loooottt of effort went into this one. if you liked it, please do leave a comment ;u; ♥ also, i miss the boys so much sighssss ugh why is enlistment a think sobs. also, about my last fic, i know it was super cliche and everything but...after writing it i realized that cliches do have a use. if your creativity has run totally dry maybe try doing your own take on some cliche and it'll get you out of the writer's block!

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tragedy

keyhun — Fri, 27 Nov 2015 00:07:52 GMT

rating: pg-13
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~1900 wc
warnings: character death

Changmin-ah he chimes, meet me after school? and you nod because even though you’ve never worked up the nerve to talk to Yoochun much, you’ve never been able to say no to him either. (You’ve never wanted to say no to him).

You meet him in the park by the school at eight in the evening—sun already down, after school cram classes over (finally). He’s sitting on one of the swings, smiling up at you as you arrive (and his eyes are like the pure, unadulterated sunshine you could never quite see through a school window, blocked for the most part by tree leaves for the last several years).

He walks up to you slowly and you feel your heart pounding, racing, drowning in fear and excitement. He takes your trembling hand in his and looks down at it, tracing absent-minded patters on the soft skin.

I have something to confess, Changmin-ah he murmurs, oh so sweet. I’m in love with you he says, simple as that. He says it in a way that is such a jarring juxtaposition to the messy flood of things you feel. You feel like the very earth has been pulled out from beneath your sneakered feet. You feel like your heart has dropped to your stomach and like it has risen into your throat at the same time.

I’m really really in love with you he says again, and your tongue feels numb.

But suddenly nothing matters, nothing at all even fucking matters because this is what you have not dared to dream in your wildest midday fantasies. This is the boy you have looked at longingly since age ten telling you he is in love with you and all you can do is stutter past your chapped lips Yoochun-ah, I…I love you too. I think I’ve loved you for a long time and he smiles even brighter than before (and that shouldn’t be possible, it shouldn’t even be fucking possible) but he does, and every crack in your tired heart mends, builds anew, and sings in a choir of angels.

And neither of you really know what love is at this point because you are sixteen and inexperienced and innocent, but you both feel like this is the ultimate happiness and that’s all that matters. You both giggle shyly and the newfound knowledge of shared infatuation and grip each other’s hands a little tighter. It’s awkward, it’s incredible, it’s full of the innocence of youth and you don’t care what anyone says, ever, because you are in love.

He steps a bit closer and looks into your eyes (later he’d tell you he’d always loved your eyes and how warm and deep they were) as if asking for permission and you nod. He closes the space between your equally slender bodies and hugs you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head against your chest. I’m so happy he whispers, and you hug him back.

From then on you spend time with him nearly every day after school and the fluttering in your chest doesn’t subside—not a week later, not two weeks later, especially not three weeks later when he takes you on a picnic in a secluded spot he’d never shown anyone before, not even his precious younger brother. He takes you there and feeds you the kimbap he made himself (he tells you he tried a million times but it’s still nowhere near as good as his mom’s and you don’t care, you just don’t care because he made this for you). He feeds you piece after piece and you tell him to eat, too, and he shakes his head no because he wanted to make you feel special. You think you’re about to cry from the overwhelming feelings of joy when he presses his lips against yours. Your hands tangle gently in the front of his shirt and it’s so saccharine sweet the way he glides his lips over yours, trembling and nervous and perfect so perfect all the same.

Changmin-ah he breathes against your lips and you whimper because your brain is on fire and your limbs are frozen and everything is happening at once. He pulls back and breathes, breathes in deep, and leans his forehead against yours and your noses brush gently against one another’s. And you wonder what exactly this is, what in the world could this be?

Changmin-ah, I love you so much he whispers.

I love you, too you answer, because finally, it all makes sense.

He walks you halfway home that night and waves goodbye and you watch him turn around and leave with a smile on your face.

A love like yours should have lasted an eternity. It should have gone down in history as the greatest love of a generation for all the successive ones to envy. It should have been prized, cherished, championed and celebrated.

But such was not the fate of your love.

Disgusting, she spits. I’m disgusted, Changmin. What did I do wrong to deserve a son like you?

Mother, please you begin to beg but she’s having none of it.

Filthy child! she shrieks. You are to stop seeing him at once. Everything must stop.

And you suppose you should be grateful that at least she’s not kicking you at, at least you’ll still have a roof over your head but it’s hard (no, it’s not hard, it’s damn near impossible) to be grateful when you realize you’ve just lost the only thing that makes you truly happy.

Yes mother, you say, because you can say nothing else.

You cry into his embrace the next day. You tell him you’re sorry, you’re so so sorry and he holds you. Changmin-ah… he says because he doesn’t know what else to say.

You sniffle and hold your head up long enough to blurt Do…do you still love me? and suddenly a fiery determination replaces the look of despondency on his face and he kisses you, just kisses you until you can’t think anymore. You clutch at his collar and your fingers start to move on their own. They snap open the first button, the second, the third and you’re feeling him in places and in ways you have never felt him before. He doesn’t stop you, nor does he stop kissing you. He delves his tongue past your lips and just feels you around him, on him, inside his head.

He says I will always love you. and you know that together, the two of you will get through this.

When you graduate high school you get into university on full scholarship and you bid farewell to your parents. They don’t so much as spare a glance.

You get a part-time job so you can get an apartment and you ask Yoochun to move in with you and he does.

You break in your new home by making love on every surface and drinking until your drunk enough to do it all again.

And you love him, he loves you, you are in love, and it is still as wonderful as the very first day.

Yoochun gets a job too, a full-time position at an uncle’s music shop, so he doesn’t go to university. You don’t mind at all. You love it. You love how he comes home later than you and you can welcome him back with open arms and a kiss and when you’re feeling extra good, a neck rub. He loves that he can come home to you and see your smile.

Sometimes you start to panic because your grades are slipping because a class is too hard and you’re trying but you just can’t seem to get it like everyone else does. Sometimes the pressure of having to maintain a GPA so that your scholarship doesn’t get rescinded becomes too much and you just want to burn all your textbooks and dive under the covers and shut the world out and curl into Yoochun because that’s the only place that’s safe.

He finds you with your head between your knees in the corner of the bedroom and he puts on his bravest face for you. He pries your hands off the top of your head and kisses each fingertip and gathers you into his lap.

Changmin-ah, he says, and it’s so sweet, just like the first time. I love you. No matter what happens, I will help you through it.

And so you kiss him gently and let yourself be rocked back to sanity, back to the calm that is expected of you but that only he can bring back.

And you let him pick you up and dust you off and quiz you over the terms for tomorrow’s test.

He rewards you for all correct answers with kisses all across your chest and a long, bubbly bath.

It’s a sunny spring day and you’re enjoying a lunch break with your classmates when your world shatters.

A number you don’t know is calling your phone and you raise an eyebrow in suspicion before excusing yourself to answer it.

Your number was found in the wallet of a man named Park Yoochun. He was in a taxi that got hit by an 18-wheeler and is in the hospital a man’s voice says.

You cry at his bedside for hours. You beg him to open his eyes and look at you. You plead with God, the devil, and any and all otherworldly being that might be listening to take you instead. You kiss every part of his body that isn’t covered by bloody bandages, then you kiss those parts too. You shed tears until you are dehydrated and still, he does not wake.

A doctor comes in and tells you the only items found at the time of the accident were these and a fresh wave of sobs wracks your body as you see the third anniversary card and a ring. He was going to propose.

The monitor flat-lines and they haul you out so they can prepare to clean the room for the next patient.

To: Changmin-ah♥

Happy third anniversary ^_^ I love telling you I love you, but I think I say it too much because now I don’t think it says enough!!

But, hmm…how else should I say it?

When I wake up to you in the morning, I thank God. I never really believed in God, but then we became a couple and I was grateful every day.

When you smile at me, my heart still clenches with joy. Did you know that? Even after three years…you still have this effect on me!!!

When I come home to you, and you’re there at the table in my old t-shirt and my old, ratty sweatpants I think you are the most handsome, most angelic man on earth. I mean it. I can’t explain this!!! I think love just does weird things to me ^_^

The things that you have done for me…to show me you care, to try to please me…they go beyond what I ever thought I deserved.

You make life worth living.

Happy third anniversary, my dearest Changmin, the love of my life.

Will you spend the rest of my life with me?.

a/n: :( 4/5 tvxq/jyj members being in the army makes me sad. happy thanksgiving :(

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without words, with you

keyhun — Fri, 23 Oct 2015 04:54:01 GMT

rating: nc-17
pairing: jaejoong/changmin
length: ~700 wc

Changmin hasn’t said it in a while, but there’s other ways to show you love someone than just saying it.

Changmin shows Jaejoong he loves him when he kisses the older man’s temple after Jaejoong comes home from a long, exhausting day. Jaejoong will walk through the door, kick off his shoes and heave a sigh, run his fingers through his hair. He looks tired, and Changmin is there in a second, lips pressed to his head, reminding him that it’s time to unwind and rest.

He shows Jaejoong just how much he cares when he holds him in his arms and runs a soothing hand down Jaejoong’s back. Sometimes Jaejoong can’t take it. Sometimes he feels guilt and pity but he knows Changmin hates that so he keeps it in. Changmin lets Jaejoong know that he’s okay, they’ll be okay, because they’ve come this far and there’s no way either of them can turn back now.

He lets Jaejoong know how much he worries when Jaejoong gets a papercut and Changmin is there in an instant, sterilizing and dressing the wound, no matter how small. Or when Jaejoong is being his clumsy self and tripping over air and dropping ingredients all over the kitchen. Changmin is simply there, being Jaejoong’s third and fourth hand when his own two aren’t being very dependable.

Changmin lets Jaejoong know, over and over again, how deeply in love he is when he kisses down the bumps of his spine when they bathe together late at night, drenched in scented soaps and oils. He forces the truth into Jaejoong’s skin when he sucks blueish-purple blossoms onto the pale expanse of Jaejoong’s neck, chest, and back and tenderly caresses the sharp jut of Jaejoong’s sides. He wants to say the words so badly. It aches inside his bones that he can’t. I love you, I love you, Jaejoong, I love you forever and always. My one and only, please know how in love with you I am.

He can only hope Jaejoong knows.

“Changmin-ah, please,” Jaejoong gasps and Changmin wastes no time in getting them out of the tub, dried off, and into their bed of satiny sheets. Changmin had always liked how smooth the material was and how tempting Jaejoong looked against it.

Changmin allows his tongue to rove over Jaejoong’s skin—over places he’s already marked and places he has yet to taste his fill of. Jaejoong shivers and turns onto his stomach, spreading his legs slightly and Changmin understands because they’ve gotten so good at communicating without words. Changmin bends down and licks between Jaejoong’s cheeks, tasting him where no one has ever tasted him before. And this is part of love, too. This is the part of Jaejoong that no one else can have because this belongs to Changmin. Others can hear Jaejoong’s angelic voice, see his beautiful smile. Others can make him laugh and spend time with him. Changmin can’t control that. But he has this.

He delves his tongue into the ring of muscle and Jaejoong whimpers, rutting back against Changmin. The younger man can’t make a sound but he gives his all and does what he knows Jaejoong likes. He does it until Jaejoong can’t take it anymore and reaches down to get himself off, staining their sheets which Changmin will wash in the morning, but not until after they’ve made love once, twice, three times more.

Jaejoong comes off his high and pulls Changmin down into the sheets with him. In truth, Jaejoong has always felt lucky to be loved by someone like Changmin. Someone with a sincere heart—someone without much room in their jaded, hurt soul for something like love. It made Jaejoong feel special and worth something. He kisses Changmin with everything he has and although it’s easier for him to say, Jaejoong still doesn’t say it, so that Changmin won’t feel bad that he can’t.

Instead he presses the words into Changmin’s skin with every searing kiss, every tight grip and every signed promise of forever and ever and ever.

Changmin lost his ability to speak several years ago, but he has told Jaejoong he loves him every day, and Jaejoong has loved him right back through it all.

here's some jaemin because i miss this pairing and no one seems to write it much anymore at all :((( this plot was kind of floating around in my head the past few days. i wanted this to be one of my better pieces of writing even if it is shorter...please let me know what you think? comments are always more than appreciated <3 by now i recognize some of you as regular commenters and i just wanna say thanks. please follow me on twitter so we can talk more regularly. i'd really like to get to know you guys! :')

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two yoomin fics: chance; apple (hair) of my eye

keyhun — Sat, 17 Oct 2015 04:52:16 GMT

chance; g; ~800 wc

The rain is pattering down on Changmin’s umbrella, black just like all the other nondescript ones held in the hands of the other people waiting to cross the street. Changmin isn’t looking any specific direction, just has his eyes open, mind occupied with thoughts of enough nothing to not be exhausting but enough something to not leave him restless. It’s a fine balance that he’s perfected over the years.

Thunder claps and cars rolls by. Loud splashes are made behind him as a baby girl jumps up and down, clutching onto her father’s hand and shrieking with delight. A sigh can be heard by a woman somewhere to his right—maybe her day was exhausting. A man somewhere in front of Changmin talks on his phone in some language that isn’t Korean—maybe Arabic? Perhaps to a relative back home. A teenage girl with headphones on jumps further back from the sidewalk when driving cars splashing up water collecting at the side of the streets threaten to wet her stylish clothes.

Rain hits the ground hard and splits into smaller crystal-looking drops that splash back up off the ground and wet Changmin’s shoes. Thankfully, they’re waterproof. The noise mutes around Changmin and he feels very tired. He wants to rest.

The cars roll to a stop as the light turns yellow, then red—the only color against the grey roads, cars, clothes, sky. The people begin to cross the intersection, busy even on a rainy day like this. Changmin pulls his coat closer against his chest and follows the crowd, not paying too much attention to his path. He’s grown used to the journey home he’s taken for years and knows every dip and crack, so he doesn’t need to watch too carefully. Or maybe he’s just too tired to care enough to do so.

Five years of the same job, five years of the same subway and short walk back home, and Changmin has never tripped. So when the tip of his shoe catches on a rock his eyes widen and he feels himself fall toward the ground in slow motion. Halfway down he instinctively lets his umbrella and readies his arms to absorb the impact. Shit, this is going to be embarrassing,he thinks as the umbrella falls to the ground and rain begins to fall onto him.

An single arm catches him elegantly around the waist, and a broad chest catches Changmin’s hands. His eyes meet a pronounced adam's apple stretching under pale skin. Changmin straightens up without fanfare and notices the stranger’s umbrella is bright, blinding red. He’s a bit awed, then realizes they’re standing close enough for the umbrella to cover the both of them. Changmin bends down to pick up his own and looks the stranger in the face.

He takes in the man’s features despite being exhausted. Kind eyes highlight his face and Changmin feels his soul stretch and mold to new shapes, swallowing his ribs and stomach and threatening to consume his heart. It’s like he’s met this man somewhere before, but knows he hasn’t. Maybe it’s that he wishes he had. Maybe it’s that they are going opposite directions and Changmin wishes they were going the same direction. Or maybe it’s that he wants to strike up a conversation right now, introduce himself, ask him to coffee, like it’s done in the movies and have a whirlwind romance with the man with the bright red umbrella and kiNd eyes who prevented his fall but couldn’t prevent him falling in love. But that simply isn’t done.

The fraction of the second passes and Changmin bows quickly and says Thank you, walk safely,before continuing on his way. He reaches the other end of the intersection before the light turns green again so he knows what felt like an eternity was, in reality, not more than a minute.

Changmin goes against everything he believes in when he turns back and sees the other man, looking right back at him. Their eyes meet across lanes metallic blurs and through a deluge of rain. Changmin sees the other man turning back around, walking back toward the intersection, pressing the button to hurry up the pedestrian cross signal.

Changmin feels his heart twist and allows himself a smile. Maybe he would find his happiness today, here, now.

”Um, hi. I’m Yoochun.”

A smile is shared between the two of them, then a handshake.

“Changmin. Thanks for back there. It’s nice to meet you.”

“No problem. Uh, want to get out of this rain and have hot chocolate?”

A raised eyebrow. “Not coffee?”

“No thanks, kind of a recovering addict.”

They share laughter.

“Hot chocolate it is. I have a bit of a sweet tooth myself.”

Yoochun’s eyes crinkle with his smile.

“Me too. Guess we’ll get along fine, then.”

“Hmm, guess we will.”

apple (hair) of my eye; pg-13

Changmin comes back from Kyuhyun’s dorm one day and sees something horrifying: Yoochun, wearing a tank top that exposes his collarbones and shorts that expose his milky thighs and worst of all—his bangs tied up on top of his head. He’s eating ice cream straight from the tub and watching some emotional drama and Changmin’s muscles seize up because oh my god, he’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Changminnie,” Yoochun whines, tears already flowing freely, “this drama is so sad, why did you let me watch it?”

Changmin sighs and sits down next to Yoochun on the floor. He takes a tissue and begins to wipe Yoochun’s tears away, muttering about how foolish his hyung is the whole time.

“Do you really think I’m foolish?” Yoochun blubbers, “because I’m a grown man who cries when I watch dramas?”

The younger boy stills and looks up at apple hair. “No, you’re foolish because of that hairstyle,” Changmin says, and gives Yoochun a quick hug before he can feel his blush becoming too obvious and he flees to his room.

Over the next few weeks, Yoochun keeps his bangs in the apple hairstyle pretty much constantly while they’re in the dorm.

It’s driving Changmin insane.

Every time he sees his hyung the word “cute” blares his in his mind’s loudspeaker and he wants to tell it to shut the fuck up because he doesn’t think he’s ever said the word cute out loud, especially not in front of guys.

Because of a goddamn ponytail on the top of Yoochun’s head, Changmin has been reduced to a blushing, idiotic, stuttering snarky teenager. He used to just be a regular snarky teenager. He misses those days.

Jaejoong always smirks when he notices Changmin sputtering over simple words simply because Yoochun is prancing around the room, hair bouncing on top.

Fuck you, Jaejoong hyung,Changmin screams inside his head. He’s about to scream out loud, too, if someone doesn’t make Yoochun’s hair go back to normal right this instant. There’s only so much he can take.

It’s been a month and Changmin is at his wits’ end. The blushing hasn’t subsided and neither have the urges to squeeze Yoochun in tight hugs whenever he sees him with a sprout of hair on his head.

Yoochun pads into the living room wearing a baby blue two piece fleece-y pajama set, rabbit slippers, thick black framed glasses and worst of all, his hair is in that damned apple style. Again.

Changmin groans internally from his spot on the couch and pretends to focus harder on his book.

Don’t sit next to me don’t talk to me don’t don’t don’t—

“Hi Changminnie,” Yoochun grins, plopping down onto the couch next to him and tucking his knees under his chin.

“Uh, hey hyung,” Changmin says, trying not to look up from his book because if he does he knows he will stare at the lock of hair bouncing everywhere on top of Yoochun’s head.

“What’re you reading?” Yoochun asks somewhat absentmindedly, scrolling on his phone.

“Collection of Japanese folk tales. Some of these are kind of freaky.”

“Changminnie~,” he all but singsand damn it Changmin can barely take this, “you’re so smart. But I miss talking to you. We’ve been so busy lately and I feel like we haven’t gotten a lot of time together.”

Changmin frowns and puts down his book. His chest aches a bit because yeah, they have been really busy preparing for not just a new single or two, but a whole new Korean album, quite possibly the busiest type of promotion cycle.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Changmin says, and finally turns to face him. He feels his face heat up immediately and doesn’t know what he can do to hide his blush so he doesn’t even try.

“Your face is really red, Changmin-ah. Are you feeling okay?”

At this point Changmin doesn’t know if Yoochun’s just teasing because he knows how Changmin feels about his apple hair or if he’s actually clueless and thinks Changmin has a fever.

Yoochun places a hand on Changmin’s forehead and frowns with confusion because it feels normal.

Then he places his hand on the back of Changmin’s neck, again looking puzzled because nothing seems wrong.

Changmin groans involuntarily.

“What’s wrong? Not feeling too good?”

Changmin shakes his head, and then gives up, plopping his head onto Yoochun’s shoulder.

“Do you know what you have been doing to me for the past month,” he asks, voice dangerously low.

Yoochun swallows and stills. “Um, no.”

Changmin straightens up to look at him. He looks up at the apple hair, then back down to Yoochun’s eyes. Then back up, and back down.

“You have been driving me in-fucking-sane.”

Yoochun looks like he’s about to cry again. Shit. Not the intended effect.

“W-why? Changminnie, did I do something? Are you mad at me?”

Changmin growls in frustration and cards his fingers through Yoochun’s lock of hair bound by a scrunchy atop his head.

“Quite the opposite,” he murmurs, voice softening.

“I-I don’t…”

“Yoochun-hyung,” Changmin all but whimpers, “you’re cute. You’re so cute it’s making me crazy. Your apple hair is always bouncing around now and I think it’s adorable, oh god, what have you done to me?”

Yoochun blinks.

He blinks again.

Then he grins, real slow and sleazy.

“Oh, so that’s what it was.”

“Ugh,” Changmin moans.

“Gonna have to thank Jaejoong for this one,” Yoochun says, slowly but surely invading Changmin’s personal space and cornering him against the armrest of the sofa.

“What the hell does Jaejoong have to do with this?” Changmin mutters, surprised and impressed that he’s still able to form full sentences.

Yoochun grins and presses Changmin down so he’s lying on his back, Yoochun hovering over him. “He told me I should keep my hair like that.”

“That bastard, I swear to god—wait, why do you want to thank him though?”

Changmin’s heart is racing. This may or may not be the moment he may or may not have been waiting for for years.

“Because you finally noticed me,” Yoochun whispers.

Changmin takes a deep breath and wraps his hands around Yoochun’s neck and pulls him down on top of him, their hips aligned and chests pressed together.

“I noticed you a long time ago, I just didn’t think—“

Yoochun presses a finger to Changmin’s lips.

“I’ve been looking at you for a long time, too, Changminnie.”

Changmin reaches a shaky hand upwards and tugs the rubber band off, letting Yoochun’s bangs fall freely across his forehead, brushing against the tops of his eyelashes. The older boy swishes them to the side and leans his head down and his eyes flit to Changmin’s lips, slightly parted and a little dry. He looks up to the boy’s eyes once more, briefly, and he just sees “please” so he kisses Changmin softly.

He presses his lips against the younger boy like he’s the most delicate thing in the world. It almost feels like that, with their thin bodies stacked on top of each other’s—sharp hip bones jabbing and ribs sliding over each other’s, and Changmin’s shoulders shaking noticeably. The younger boy tries to find somewhere to put his hands and settles on gripping Yoochun’s shoulders tighly. They kiss so slow, so sweet, it’s like they’re barely moving.

But they are, and it feels like the bliss Changmin could have only pined for in his wildest dreams.

So this is what it’s like.

Yoochun moves his mouth expertly against Changmin’s inexperienced lips and takes the lead. He presses harder, over and over and Changmin thanks him mentally for going slowly because he know he wouldn’t be able to keep up with anything more than this. His nerves tingle with excitement and curl into the fabric of Yoochun’s shirt and their bodies are pressed together so close but it’s not suffocating—not when Yoochun is taking his time.

And then Yoochun flicks his tongue out, just barely, and at first Changmin doesn’t know how to respond until Yoochun does it again and Changmin gasps and allows Yoochun to take Changmin’s upper lip between his own two. And oh,it tastes so sweet.

Changmin is shaking harder by now but he doesn’t want to stop. Yoochun, however, senses the first hints of discomfort and pulls away, but only by an inch. He noses along Changmin’s jaw and presses a kiss to his cheekbone before wedging himself between Changmin and the back of the couch and resting his arm across Changmin’s chest.

“Don’t worry, we’ll have more chances.”

Changmin turns onto his side to face Yoochun. It’s hard to look him in the eye because he’s never felt this shy before.

“Soon?” he asks, barely audible.

Yoochun grins and kisses his nose. “Very soon.”

Changmin grins and settles his head under Yoochun’s chin and thinks maybe the apple hair idea wasn’t so bad after all.

a/n: now that i have #yoomintlist i am truly unstoppable i have SO MANY YOOMIN THINGS I WANT TO WRITE. HERE'S TWO OF THEM. I HOPE THEY ARE OKAY.

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A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

keyhun — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 02:53:39 GMT

rating: pg
pairing: general, slight yunho/jaejoong
length: ~2100 wc
summary: when jaejoong found out he was adopted, it didn't take too much to console him. just the constancy of family and friends

Jaejoong’s eighth sister, the one he’s closest to, is the only one who visits their dorm when the news breaks. He’d told everyone else he’d see them later, just not now.

They sit together quietly at the small table in the kitchen, not knowing what to say to one another.

The other four boys linger at the other corners of the dorm, listening to the deafening silence.

His sister reaches across the table hesitantly and lightly sets her hand on top of Jaejoong’s.

“You have been more of a sibling to me than our two oldest sisters were. While I was growing up and they already had their own families to take care of it wasn’t them who kissed my finger when I cut it, it wasn’t them who held me when my first boyfriend wasn’t good to me and I cried, Jaejoong, it was you. You’re my brother and nothing will change that.”

Jaejoong looks up and his heart aches, his head splits with the pain of confusion.

“I love you, my precious brother.”

He breathes. “Of course I’m your brother. I am,” and he means it, but there’s still something in his voice, like he’s trying to convince himself. Yunho hears it and his grip on the doorknob he’s clenching tightens. “I love you, too,” Jaejoong tells his sister, and it’s the first time he’s sounded so sure of himself in days.

She allows herself a half smile, then gets up. She won’t push it any further for now. This is something he’ll have to deal with inside his own soul. But that doesn’t mean she can’t offer to be there.

For now, it’s a start. And she’ll count on the people Jaejoong lives with to help too.

As she’s walking out she catches Yoochun and Changmin and Junsu lingering in the shadows. She sends them a wordless glance, but her eyes say it all. Be there for him.

They nod solemnly and she walks out the door, intent on not being away for too long.

Adopted.

The word seems to hang in the air around every corner these days.

It can mean different things to everyone. Jaejoong understands that. He knows that there are some kids who have known they were adopted their whole life—who, when they grew up, felt ready to seek out their birth parents, or were so satisfied with their life as it was and felt no need whatsoever.

Less common were the children who never knew.

Children like Jaejoong.

Except he wasn’t a child anymore. He was an adult with responsibilities and his own life. And then this bombshell dropped and suddenly he didn’t really know what was real anymore.

Was he still Kim Jaejoong? Or was he Han Jaejoon?

Was he still Hero Jaejoong of Dong Bang Shin Ki to his fans?

Was he still the child, the brother, the friend he always thought he was?

He wasn’t sure anymore. He just didn’t know.

And he knew he was being ridiculous. How could years of experiences leading to who he was today be undone by one incident, by one word from a man he’d never met? Even if that man was his biological father, did it mean the past 20 years had never happened? That made no sense. But still, but still, Jaejoong felt unsure of himself.

The others didn’t know how to help him, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t try.

Junsu was sweet, dragging him inside from the balcony where Jaejoong would contemplate everything quietly, alone. Junsu would put on music in the living room and take Jaejoong’s hands and start dancing with him, spontaneous and not choreographed, never too fast. He’d twine their fingers together and push their arms back and forth and spin them around in circles, like children. Jaejoong would giggle and sway along, feeling something inside him warm up.

“Hyung, it’s fun to be with me, right?”

Jaejoong nods vigorously. “Of course it is.”

“You feel like you can be yourself around me, right?” Junsu asks, never stopping their childish dance.

“Y-yeah, of course, it’s just—” Jaejoong pauses, and his brows pull together in confusion.

Junsu frowns. “It’s just what?”

“It’s just—I don’t know what ‘being myself’ means anymore,” Jaejoong admits, and the back of his eyes sting.

Junsu stops dancing. He pulls Jaejoong in for a loose hug. “I know Jaejoong. It’s okay. You’re still you. And we’ll be here until you find yourself again. Not going anywhere.”

Changmin tries, too.

He tries by being himself. By not changing how he interacts with Jaejoong. By eating the food Jaejoong cooks and stealing the other members’ portions because he loves it so much and guarding his own plate jealously. It makes Jaejoong smile.

Changmin still hits Jaejoong when he feels like it. He usually feels like it when Jaejoong draws too far into himself, eyes downcast and dark and unreadable.

Punch.

“Ow, hey, what was that for,” Jaejoong demands, dull eyes glittering back to life.

“Um, where the fuck are you these days? It’s time for singing practice.”

Jaejoong had almost forgotten about the one-on-one vocal lessons he’d been giving Changmin recently. Or rather than lessons, they were just extra practice sessions Jaejoong had started by himself until Changmin had a sudden desire to improve as well and they thought it might be fun to train together.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah let’s go.”

“If you don’t feel like it…”

Jaejoong sighs. “I don’t feel like it honestly, but I don’t mind if we can do it together.”

Changmin smirks at that. “Then let’s get going, princess,” he says, voice full of snark, but when he takes Jaejoong’s hand in his, warm and large around Jaejoong’s, it’s all sweetness.

They sing together, reach high notes and harmonize and look into each other’s eyes, and Jaejoong can feel that connection between them. There’s something about Jaejoong’s voice, airy and versatile, that blends so well with Changmin’s—it’s almost like magic. Changmin feels it, too, and he blushes as Jaejoong leans closer and wraps an arm around his waist. Changmin rolls his eyes and hugs Jaejoong as they finish the note together in perfect harmony.

“You felt that, didn’t you,” he asks, voice slightly raspy from the training.

“Yeah.”

“Nothing’s changed, has it?”

“I guess not.”

Changmin rolls his eyes again. “What we feel when we sing together—it’s special. And it only happens when I’m with you. I wouldn’t feel it if you were someone else. Do you understand?”

Jaejoong sighs into the material of Changmin’s sweater. “I do.”

Changmin squeezes Jaejoong’s shoulder. “Good.”

Changmin can’t say the things the others might say. Things like “you’re still you, you’re always my Jaejoong-hyung,” so instead he traces lazy patters along Jaejoong’s back and holds him for a while longer before they head back.

Yoochun would still pull him into their music room, show him compositions he was working on and get Jaejoong to tweak it for him. It brought back a sense of normalcy, if only for a minute.

“Ah, that sounds much better, thanks hyung,” Yoochun would grin up at him and Jaejoong would smile back, then zone out again, eyes looking much further away than they had been in the first place.

Yoochun swallows around the lump in his throat and doesn’t give up.

Come back to us, he sings, and smile again.

By the time the song is done, it sounds exactly like something Jaejoong would compose. Somewhere along the way, Yoochun had sat back and watched as Jaejoong scratched out notes and wrote in new ones and even changed a few lyrics here and there. It was like watching a master.

When Yoochun played the end product, it was so characteristically Jaejoong that he couldn’t help but giggle.

“See?” he asks, the ends of his eyes crinkling with his smile, “it’s so you. Nothing’s changed. You’re still you.”

And Jaejoong hugs him, leans onto his shoulder because yeah, if there’s one thing he knows, it’s that music is an expression of who he is. It’s a physical manifestation of what is soul is made of.

And he’s still Jaejoong.

“Still my soulmate.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, a fraction of the weight lifted off his shoulders.

“Isn’t that what soulmates are, anyways?” Yoochun says, voice thickening like the crybaby he is. Jaejoong looks at him, biting back his laughter because Yoochun’s about-to-cry face was always so ugly. “No matter who you are, or where you’re from, we’re meant to be together, right?”

Jaejoong laughs loudly and nods. “Of course, Yoochun. I’m your soulmate.”

Yoochun wipes his sleeve across his runny nose and eyes like a child. “Good,” he huffs.

Yunho feels helpless at times like these, but he knows it’s not about him, it’s about Jaejoong. He tries. He tries so hard to bring Jaejoong back to them, but the more he tries the more he realizes that it’s not something he can solve.

All he can do is offer his support.

He hugs Jaejoong from behind one night, out on the balcony, where Jaejoong stands in the freezing air, watching the city lights around them.

Yunho presses his lips to Jaejoong’s neck and doesn’t say anything.

Jaejoong doesn’t say anything either, but he rests his hands atop Yunho’s and twists his neck to kiss the taller man’s lips.

“If I was raised in that other house, with those other parents, I wouldn’t have become who I am today.”

Yunho stays silent.

“If I hadn’t become who I am today, I wouldn’t be like this.”

“Like what?”

“Flawed.”

“Jaejoongie…”

“Look at me, Yunho. I’m possessive, jealous, narcissistic, and now I’m paranoid that people who are supposed to love me are going to abandon me all over again. I drink too much and I smoke too much even though I’m a goddamn singer. I try to be grateful for everything I have but I’m always tired and I keep thinking about how much life sucks.”

He sighs, but he doesn’t try to move out of Yunho’s arms.

“If my real parents raised me, maybe I’d be a better person.”

Yunho’s heart clenches with pain.

“You’re a wonderful person, Jaejoong.”

Silence.

“You care about us so much. You get us to talk about what’s on our mind even if we want to bottle it all up because you know it’s healthier to talk. You do things for us that make us feel like we have a reason to be worthy of all the love we receive. You care, Jaejoong, and that in itself makes you a good person.”

Yunho feels Jaejoong tremble. He doesn’t move to look at his face, because he knows Jaejoong hates it when people see his tears.

“If I was raised in that other house, would I have met you all? Would we…have fallen in love?”

Yunho surprises Jaejoong with soft laughter.

Jaejoong spins around, not caring that there are tears falling out of the corner of his eyes.

If it were another situation, another day, another temperature even, Yunho might have never said this. But the atmosphere is just right and Jaejoong is frail and perfect in his arms so he brushes the older boy’s hair back and kisses him.

“In any lifetime, in any situation, I would have found you, and I would have loved you with everything I am. You know why, Jaejoong?”

“Why?” he breathes, eyes glistening with the hope of hearing the words that will heal him.

“Because when we fell in love I realized this whole time I’d just been waiting for you. Not for anyone else, Jaejoong. Just you. I must have loved you in my past lives. I must have died without having loved you enough so we found each other again. And again. And I’ll always find you. And I’ll always love you—no matter who you are in any of those lives. It’s your soul that I see. Your beautiful, pure soul.”

Something snaps and Jaejoong lets go, cries freely.

“Thought you didn’t like crying in front of others,” Yunho murmurs, running his hand up and down Jaejoong’s back.

“It’s okay if it’s you,” Jaejoong says, and it heals them both a little bit.

A few weeks later, when they win the award, Jaejoong announces to the world the truth that broke his heart. He feels the hands of the people he loves grip him tightly and he knows he doesn’t have to be afraid.

And he’s not. Not anymore.

a/n: guys im sorry i dont know anymore i just wanted write/post something and now that 3/5 are enlisted none of them interact w/ each other anymore and i just miss how they were with each other rip in rip...

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cannonball

keyhun — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 02:47:50 GMT

rating: pg-13
pairing: yoochun/jaejoong
length: ~1000 wc
genre: fluff
summary: jaejoong takes yoochun on a midnight trip to the beach

Notes:
-written while listening to Cannonball by Skylar Grey. It is so great and if you listen to it while reading it'll convey the proper mood for the fic.

This is why Yoochun loves Jaejoong.

They speed down the highway at night, convertible roof pulled back, wind fast and cold and they scream their favorite songs from middle school at the top of their lungs.

They’re headed for the beach—a spontaneous decision by none other than spontaneity expert Kim Jaejoong—because Yoochun had been looking extra drained these days. Drama filming, album recording, and choreography practice are too much for any human being to handle at once, even a star like Yoochun.

So before Yoochun could utter a word of protest, Jaejoong grabbed his wrist and dragged him off set as soon as the director yelled “that’s a wrap for today” and threw him into the passenger’s seat of his red sports car and drove 50 kilometers out of Seoul before stopping once at a gas station for beers and snacks (and gas), then continuing to drive down the highway at illegal speeds.

Yoochun smiles like he hasn’t smiled in months, hands thrown up, voice hitting notes it hasn’t had the chance to hit in a long time.

Jaejoong grins from ear to ear and presses harder on the gas pedal. This is crazy—it’s insane—and it’s the most fun either of them have had in years.

The moon rises higher in the navy sky and the beach comes into view. It’s deserted, as expected, at 2 a.m. on a chilly, clear night.

Jaejoong slows to a normal speed as they near the stretch of sand. He parks and they grin at each other with wild, free eyes for a perfect moment before simultaneously unbuckling and jumping out of the car, stripping most of their clothes and running straight into the freezing waters.

“Fuck!” Yoochun shouts, laughter bursting from his lips.

Jaejoong cackles too as he fights the waves until he gets in knee-deep.

Yoochun follows him deeper and deeper into the water until they’re both waist-deep in icy black water.

“No deeper, holy shit, my dick is going to freeze and fall off.”

“Yeah, don’t let that happen or I’m dumping you,” Jaejoong giggles.

“I’d never let you dump me,” Yoochun grins, closing in on the older man.

“Oh baby,” Jaejoong laughs.

“I fucking love you for this, Jaejoong. For everything, always, but right now I love you a lot for this,” Yoochun says, teeth chattering, which somehow doesn’t diminish the sexiness. Yoochun rests his hands on Jaejoong’s hips and kisses him under the moonlight, hands moving up to rove over Jaejoong’s pale, perfect back.

Yoochun feels Jaejoong grin against his lips and then is suddenly pulled down on top of Jaejoong, into the water. Jaejoong doesn’t stop kissing Yoochun but two seconds later the younger of the two pulls them both back up and sputters a string of profanities.

“IT’S FUCKING COLD JAEJOONG HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK…”

And even though he’s probably nearing hypothermia, Jaejoong feels absolutely high on happiness, and he can’t stop laughing or clinging to Yoochun’s perfect, broad shoulders.

Yoochun looks at him incredulously before smiling affectionately and grabbing his wrist to drag them both back to shore. Jaejoong grabs the towels and dry clothes from his car and starts to dry Yoochun’s hair off for him.

Yoochun’s eyes soften incredibly, they practically melt, and his eyelashes still shine with drops of sea water. He looks just like a mythical prince emerged from the sea.

The younger rests his hand on wrist trying so hard to dry his drenched hair. Jaejoong stills and smiles fondly.

“I love you too, baby. I do,” Jaejoong whispers.

Yoochun takes the towel from Jaejoong’s hands and wraps it around his shoulders and then pulls him in and captures his mouth. Their eyes fall shut and Yoochun cradles Jaejoong’s face in his hands. He’ll never get enough of kissing him. He denied himself for so long, telling himself no, no way in hell do I love Jaejoongie-hyung, there’s just no way it can happen until one day, Jaejoong spent the night at Yoochun’s and when Yoochun woke up Jaejoong was curled into his side, peaceful, beautiful, perfect, and Yoochun couldn’t ignore what his heart was screaming at him anymore.

I love him.

Jaejoong’s hands rest on Yoochun’s shivering chest as they tangle their lips together to the sound of crashing tides set against the silver and black of the night.

Eventually their lips begin to turn blue and it’s time to pull apart (noses lingering, brushing against each other, breaths mingling for as long as possible) and dry off. They put on dry clothes and Jaejoong pulls out a tent. Yoochun raises an eyebrow in surprise and then they set it up together. It’s warmer inside, thanks to the shitton of blankets Jaejoong brought. (“How long have you been planning this, hyung?” “Years”)

They down bottle after bottle of beer and eventually Jaejoong places his head in Yoochun’s lap and looks up at his boyfriend’s face in wonder, occasionally reaching up to stroke it and Yoochun grabs Jaejoong’s hand and kisses it.

And they’re both thinking the same thing, what did I do to deserve you, to deserve this much happiness?

They share the last bottle, taking long gulps in turn. When it’s finished Jaejoong tosses it into the corner and then gets under the covers, patting the space next to him. Yoochun wiggles in and Jaejoong curls into his chest, breathes in his scent (almost masked by the scent of the ocean, but not completely). Yoochun settles an arm over Jaejoong’s waist and rests his chin above Jaejoong’s head and whispers sweet words into his hair.

Jaejoong’s heart soars until sleep takes them both and they share dreams of a morning when they will wake up together and for once, everything will be normal and easy and not crazy and hectic all the time.

But for now, they’ll enjoy what they can get.

a/n: i miss my soulmates. i miss my boys. i hope they're doing well in the army. stay safe boys i love you. if you liked this please do leave a comment, they're very encouraging and make me want to write/post more!

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sky and stars

keyhun — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 06:01:52 GMT

rating: r
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~2200 wc
genre: fluff

They lie together in the dark, limbs tangled together, sharing the warmth on a chilled autumn night. This is still new to them, maybe not the close proximity but the intimacy. It was only recently that Changmin had sidled up to Yoochun in his bed and allowed his defenses to fall for a brief moment as he whispered in the older man’s ear, hyung, I think I love you.

Their relationship grew steadily more romantic after that night. Yoochun and Changmin would share an occasional smile, sweeter than the ones they’d shared before, and Changmin’s heart would beat faster.

Yoochun had never felt so in love.

Now as they lie together, Yoochun is so happy to just play with Changmin’s hair absentmindedly as Changmin rests his head on Yoochun’s chest.

“This is perfect,” Yoochun says.

He feels Changmin smile against the skin of his chest.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Are you nervous?”

“I’m always nervous around you.” Changmin confesses.

Yoochun chuckles. “Who are you and what have you done with Shim Changmin?”

“I guess it’s easier to talk at night when I know you can’t see my face.”

“But I want to see your face. I want to look right at you when you say you love me,” Yoochun teases.

Changmin buries his face in Yoochun’s neck, cheeks heating up. “Stoooppp,” he pleads.

Yoochun only giggles and rubs a hand up and down Changmin’s back soothingly.

“I love you, Changmin.”

“Loveyoutoo,” Changmin mutters, darkness hiding his flushed face.

The fiery colors of autumn slowly bleed out until the land is nothing more than an endless scape of blue, white, and barren grey trees. The winter had always been harsh toward Yoochun, who had never had the healthiest of constitutions. He coughs and he falls ill and he even cuts back on smoking because his voice is suffering like hell.

But his relationship with Changmin was planted firmly in the ground before the snow fell, and they sprout up through the ground and grow, strong and beautiful.

They lie together every night and hold each other close.

“Hyung, I have to tell you something.”

Yoochun sniffles. “Hm?”

“I love your voice so much.”

Yoochun’s throat tightens. “Really?”

Yoochun has never been one to reveal his insecurities—in fact, he’s never even stopped to think about what he’s insecure about. He preferred to spend his time laughing and joking with his members, and maybe it was some form of subconscious escapism, but it kept him away from the pits of despair.

Changmin nuzzles closer, nose brushing along Yoochun’s jaw. “Hyung, I love it so much. When I hear you sing my heart feels tight. It’s deep and rich and beautiful and it tells a story. It’s my favorite voice.”

And this time it’s Yoochun who appreciates the veil of darkness as tears fall.

“Thank you,” Yoochun whispers, sincerity teeming in the simple words, and he presses a kiss to Changmin’s soft hair.

In the middle of January the snow falls silent but heavy, covering the world in white. On a rare free weekend, Yoochun and Changmin travel to a cabin in the woods if only to get away, if only to be closer to one another.

Changmin sets up the fireplace while Yoochun makes hot chocolate and they curl up under a thick tan blanket in front of the warm blaze. They sip the sweet drinks in silence for a while, Yoochun’s arm around Changmin.

Eventually, Changmin puts his empty mug down and turns to rest his head on Yoochun’s shoulder, nose just brushing against the older man’s neck.

Yoochun finishes his as well and sets the mug down, the small sound seeming loud in the quiet white world.

He places two fingers under Changmin’s chin and faces the boy, eyes filled with something Changmin can’t read.

Yoochun says nothing, and then kisses him. Changmin’s eyes close slowly and he can’t think, suddenly all that’s real is Yoochun’s lips on his, Yoochun’s knees knocking against his own, Yoochun’s warmth and Yoochun’s hand cupping his cheek and just Yoochun.

Changmin gasps quickly and he kisses Yoochun again.

“I love you, Changmin,” Yoochun says against his lips and Changmin can taste the truth.

Changmin places a hand on Yoochun’s side and angles his head to the side and parts his lips to allow Yoochun to kiss him properly.

And kiss him Yoochun does, over and over again, until the sun sets and then falls out of the sky.

Navy ink washes over the heavens and silvery stars litter the scape.

“Let’s go outside,” Yoochun says.

Changmin presses his forehead against Yoochun’s.

“But it’s freezing, you’ll get sick again,” Changmin says, worry seeping into his voice.

Yoochun shakes his head. “I don’t care, I just want to look at the stars with you.”

Changmin swallows around his emotion. How can he say no to that? Damn Yoochun for being the perfect romantic.

“You can just keep me warm~” the older man sings, and Changmin can’t help the grin that breaks across his face.

They lie back on a thick bed of fallen pine needles, side by side, hand in hand. When his head hits the ground Changmin gasps—he doesn’t think he’s ever seen stars this bright. They’re such a shiny silver and there’s so many—some bigger than others and some forming the constellations he’d only ever read about in grade school science.

The sky is huge, too, big enough to fit a million stars. Changmin feels something in him release and suddenly he feels a million pounds lighter, almost like he could fly. Without realizing what he’s doing he watches as his arm lifts up and his hand reaches towards the heavens. If he could grab that star, that shining, beautiful cosmic matter he would grasp it and it would be his and Yoochun’s to share forever. They could look at it when they felt sad because the city was noisy, or when they were sad because they are tied to this earth.

The boy turns to Yoochun, who looks to him at the same time.

Maybe they were thinking the same thing.

“They’re beautiful,” Yoochun murmurs, voice low so as to not disturb the harmony of the forest night.

Changmin nods.

“I’ve never seen them like this.”

Yoochun chuckles and tucks a lock of hair behind Changmin’s ear. “My little city boy.”

Changmin grins and presses his lips to Yoochun’s jaw, and trails the kisses upwards until he reaches Yoochun’s lips. They’re always so warm.

“I love kissing you,” Changmin says.

“And I love it when you kiss me,” Yoochun giggles.

“I wanna stay out here with you forever. I don’t need anything else, just you.”

Yoochun wraps his arms tight around Changmin’s shoulders as the younger boy begins to nip at his neck.

“Don’t say that,” Yoochun says, and he sounds worried.

“I’ll only ever want you, I’ll never want anyone else.”

“Changmin, stop.”

But Changmin can’t stop now. He pulls back, eyes clouded with love and lust and confusion because he doesn’t know how to deal with the strongest feelings he’s ever felt. He lifts Yoochun up and carries him back into the cabin and sets him down on their bed and kneels over him, knees on either side of Yoochun’s thin hips.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, hyung. It’s like every time I’m with you, my heart is twisting and sinking and soaring all at the same time.” The boy leans down so his face is hovering just above Yoochun’s, forearms resting on the bed. “You don’t know what you do to me—what you’ve been doing to me for years. I love you so much I can hardly stand it. I love you so much I can hardly breathe.”

Yoochun feels his eyes sting with cold (tears) and his throat constrict with dryness (emotion). He’s always guarded his heart when it came to romantic love. For the past few months, Changmin had been slowly opening him up, leaving him raw and vulnerable to the harsh elements of desire.

“Changmin…” he begins, trailing a hand down the side of Changmin’s face. The younger boy leans into the touch, eyes closed and brows pulling together and Yoochun decides he’ll never love anyone more than he loves this boy, who has been next to him through the hardest nights, through the most depressing bouts of apathy, and who has adored him through it all.

“Kiss me,” he whispers, and there’s a new fire in his voice. Changmin obeys, and as he does he trails a hand up Yoochun’s sweater, feeling the skin warmed by layers of winter clothing.

Soon, those layers begin to come off, one by one, and Changmin’s ears are filled with the music of Yoochun’s panting breaths and Changmin kisses his body everywhere. He pins Yoochun’s wrists above his head and pushes his tongue past the seam of Yoochun’s lips for a kiss, long and slow, and Yoochun’s whimpers are beautiful against the background noise of the silent snow and crackling fire.

Yoochun shivers as Changmin rids them of the rest of their clothes but when Changmin prepares him and pushes in, Yoochun thinks he has never felt so warm.

Changmin watches as Yoochun’s chest rises and falls with his heavy breaths. He feels ecstatic that he has this effect on the man he loves and he can’t help but to kiss Yoochun’s fair, broad chest. Yoochun is overwhelmed by the sensations and he pants and moans and grips Changmin’s arms weakly and Changmin wants to keep this moment burned into his memory for his whole lifetime. He wants all of this—the stars, the smell of the trees, the warm of their cabin and the noises Yoochun made—to live on in his heart for eternity.

“I love you,” Changmin urges, and they reach their peak together, bodies stilling as they come, then relaxing into each other’s embraces once more as the snow piles up outside, and they smile to each other as they fall asleep.

They go back to Seoul on Sunday evening, ready to face reality once more.

Six months later, Jaejoong and Junsu leave, and they take Yoochun with them.

And Changmin is frozen in place.

He ends up staying because his feet couldn’t move. He watched Yoochun walk out the door and mentally screamed at his legs to run but they wouldn’t, it was like a horrible nightmare where the monster was chasing him and he couldn’t go but this time he was awake and he wasn’t being chased.

The door shuts behind him and Changmin collapses to his knees. Yunho is there, asking him what’s wrong, but Changmin can’t hear, and he can’t comprehend.

What happened to his rationality? What happened to his cool, calm demeanor? When did become something like this, someone who loved so deeply that it cut into his soul.

Memories from that night in the cabin in the woods persist and he sees them flashing behind his eyelids every night as he tries to fall asleep. He thinks on the shade of Yoochun’s fair skin flushed red, illuminated by silver starlight and the faint orange hue of fire. He remembers the navy sky and the evergreens shaded black at night.

And he realizes he doesn’t care about any of this, he doesn’t care about anything, all he wants is to hold Yoochun in his arms again. He wants to return to their tiny, cramped dorm and share his bed with Yoochun and let Yoochun play with his hair and nuzzle against his neck.

Changmin cries himself to sleep that night, and is thankful for the cover of dark, because even though this time there’s no one around to see, Changmin doesn’t even want to face himself.

Another six months pass and it’s a year since they spent that weekend together. Changmin happens to have another break and he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself, so he takes a trip to that cabin in the woods, if only to get away for a while.

And somehow, he’s not surprised when he sees Yoochun there, throwing the last few logs of firewood into the hearth.

They embrace and feel each other’s bodies press together and Changmin pulls him in tight. “I don’t need anything, I don’t care about anything I just need you, Yoochun hyung, I don’t care. I just need you in my life.”

Yoochun pulls back and looks at Changmin with glassy eyes.

“Not a day has passed that I haven’t craved to feel your arms around me. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t longed to hear your sweet voice, see your beautiful eyes.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t go with you when you left.”

Yoochun looks horrified. “No, no Changmin. I’m sorry I left you. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Changmin wipes away Yoochun’s first tear with his thumb. He smiles in disbelief. “Still the same crybaby.”

Yoochun leans into Changmin’s touch and smiles back. “I’m always going to stay the same. And I’m always gonna love you.”

Changmin sighs with relief, and goes to the kitchen to make the hot chocolate.

a/n: :c i love yoomin. please leave comments if you liked what you read!! it makes me happy and encourages me to write more;;

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completion comes in threes

keyhun — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 05:27:06 GMT

rating: nc-17. like, very very nc-17. not for kids okay
pairing: jaejoong/yoochun/changmin
length: ~5200 words
warnings: sex toys, orgasm denial
genre: fluff/smut

Changmin acts proud, sticking his skinny chest out and laughing at the others for the smallest mess-ups. He’s kind of an asshole, but his bandmates know that’s not really him. They know that inside, he’s so, so self-conscious and scared. And Jaejoong and Yoochun know that more than anything, Changmin wants to feel like he’s worth something.

So they think of an idea.

Changmin doesn’t see it coming, he just thinks Jaejoong and Yoochun are being weirder than usual, which he didn’t think was even possible. They make a lot of trips to stores and don’t tell the others where they went or what they bought. They stare at Changmin a lot and whisper behind their hands to each other and look away suspiciously when Changmin notices them staring.

“If you have something to say just spit it out already,” Changmin barks.

They only laugh harder.

“Oh, we’ll tell you. Veeery soon,” Yoochun sleazes and Changmin scoffs in disgust.

“God, you’re so creepy,” Jaejoong and Changmin chorus in unison. They stare for a minute, then laugh.

One hot summer night, Changmin takes one of the longest showers of his life. He just can’t seem to move out from under the cool spray. This really isn’t like him because usually he’ll shower the fastest, eat the fastest, do everything quickly so he can move on to more important things like studying Japanese or reading whatever book he’s reading or really whatever activity that can consume his mind.

There’s a light knock on the bathroom door, startling Changmin out of his thoughts. “Oh uhm, sorry, I’m almost done,” he calls.

But then he hears the door open and close and his heart beats a bit faster. “Hey,” he calls, sticking his head out of the shower curtain, “what’s wrong? I’ll be right out—huh?”

“Hi Changminnie,” Yoochun says with a sleazy grin, shirt already off and pants dropping to the ground.

“What the fuck, hyung?”

“So Jaejoong and I have a…request…although it’s really more of an invitation, I don’t know, but you don’t have to agree to it.”

“Again, what the fuck?”

“Uh, well,” Yoochun says, trying to hold back his own laughs as he walks toward Changmin, fully naked, “you could join us in bed?”

“PARK YOOCHUN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL—” but he’s cut off by a pair of warm, laughing lips as Yoochun joins him in the shower. Changmin flails around trying to escape and almost slips but Yoochun catches him, thin arms wrapping around his slender waist and holds him in place as Yoochun kisses him properly, eyes closed and noses just brushing. Changmin holds onto Yoochun’s shoulders for dear life and lets himself be kissed, and eventually, kisses back.

Yoochun feels Changmin relax in his arms and smiles, pulling back. “How was that?”

“Subpar,” the younger spits.

Yoochun rolls his eyes. “Please, it’s widely known that I am the best kisser in the group, probably the best in South Korea, possibly the world.”

“Get over yourself,” Changmin grumbles, and goes in for another kiss, open-mouthed and daring. Yoochun moans and lets his hands travel around Changmin’s lower back, massaging the flesh there and soon Changmin is moaning right back into his mouth.

Yoochun pulls back just as he notices Changmin is already half-hard. “If you want more, come join us after your shower. We’ll be waiting for you.”

Changmin wants to curse Yoochun out for not finishing what he started but before he can form a coherent sentence Yoochun’s already out the door.

A threesome with Jaejoong and Yoochun is such a terrible idea, but damn if he doesn’t want to make out with the both of them.

He finishes the rest of his shower in a minute.

When Changmin walks into their room, they’re sitting on the bed, side by side with smiles on their faces.

“Changminnie~” Jaejoong coos, “come here.”

Changmin blushes and steps toward their bed. He doesn’t really know what to do but Jaejoong makes it easier by pulling the younger boy onto his lap so that Changmin is straddling him. Jaejoong looks up at him and then settles his gaze on Changmin’s lips. Changmin might not be the most experienced out of the three, but he’s not stupid. He leans down and kisses Jaejoong, slowly at first, enjoying the taste of Jaejoong’s sweet mouth.

“Hmm, you’re not bad at this, should’ve kissed you before he did,” Jaejoong murmurs, and Yoochun laughs in the background.

“No way, he’s mine.”

“I am no one’s, thank you very much,” Changmin mutters.

“Mm, of course you’re not, now take off your pants. God, why’d you even put them back on?” Jaejoong says as he pulls Changmin down for more kissing. Changmin really, really likes kissing Jaejoong. He gets the feeling that while Yoochun knows he’s good at kissing, Jaejoong just likes doing it, and it’s so, so nice to take their time and slowly open up to each other.

“Okay well if you’re done acting out a steamy vanilla romance movie for a middle-aged female audience, I’d like some attention too.”

“God, shut up, Yoochun,” Jaejoong and Changmin say at the same time, and burst out laughing before they pull him in and Changmin kisses him.

"Steamy vanilla for middle-aged females? Uh, have you listened to the songs you write?" Jaejoong mutters.

“Hang on, this is weird,” Changmin says suddenly, heart beating fast and situation dawning on him. “Aren’t you guys dating? Is this even allowed? Wait, is this even legal?”

Jaejoong and Yoochun look at each other with humor in their eyes. “Changmin, we just want to spend a night with you.”

“And it’s not illegal,” Yoochun adds helpfully.

“We prepared some things for you, if you want to try them.”

Changmin blinks in confusion. “Why?”

Jaejoong smiles. “Because we want you. We think you’re gorgeous and perfect and the only person worthy of spending a night in our bed.”

Changmin gulps, flustered but so, so willing. “O-okay. Then yeah, uh, I want to do…whatever it is you guys wanna do.”

Yoochun grins wickedly. “Excellent.”

Jaejoong pushes Changmin back onto the bed and pulls at his pants. Changmin lifts his hips up to get them off and watches as Jaejoong strips off his own tank top, but leaves the shorts on. Yoochun still has shorts on too. “Why am I the only one naked?” Changmin whines.

Jaejoong hovers closely over Changmin, hair falling across Changmin’s forehead. “Because tonight’s about you.”

“But we’ll get there, don’t worry,” Yoochun grins, leaning down to press his lips against Changmin’s jaw.

Jaejoong moves down to mouth at Changmin’s neck and Yoochun continues a trail of kisses from jaw to the corner of Changmin’s lips until the younger can’t handle it anymore and turns his head to capture Yoochun’s mouth in a hot, wet kiss.

Yoochun’s hands start to roam, lower towards Changmin’s chest where they brush lightly over the tan skin, up and down, leaving chills. After a few strokes Yoochun’s thumb brushes over a nipple and Changmin jerks, breathing a little labored. He feels Yoochun smirk into their kiss and then Yoochun is kneading the nub between his fingers, flicking a finger back and forth across it and Changmin is gasping for air.

“So sensitive,” Jaejoong murmurs, then moves down to grab the nipple in his teeth, dragging it up with his mouth and repeating the movement before placing his lips over it, sucking and grazing his teeth around the area and lightly pressing the pad of his thumb against and around the other, teasing Changmin to madness.

“Fuck, oh god,” Changmin breathes, hips bucking up involuntarily.

Yoochun noses down Changmin’s jaw and mouths along his neck. “Hey Jaejoongie, I wonder how many times we can make him come tonight.”

Jaejoong lifts his head up to observe Changmin like some lab specimen. “As many times as it takes for him to beg us to stop.”

Changmin gulps around his nerves. What did he get himself into?

“That might take a while, he’s young, you know,” Yoochun says with a grin, pinning Changmin’s wrists above his head and licking up the side of his chest.

“So what? So are we, and we have practice.”

Changmin squirms under the intensity of it all—Jaejoong’s gaze, Yoochun’s tongue. It’s already too much.

“I can’t breathe,” Changmin gasps, looking up at Jaejoong with pleading eyes.

“That’s the idea,” the older man responds, stealing a quick kiss before rummaging through a drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube.

“Can you turn onto your side for us Changminnie? You can keep making out with Yoochun over there if you want.”

Changmin just nods and tries to breathe because he doesn’t know what else to do anymore.

He hears the bottle snap open and close and then feels Jaejoong’s warm mouth placing wet kisses along the back of his neck and his spine and oh, that’s nice. Changmin sighs with pleasure and wraps his arm around Yoochun’s waist so they can kiss again, eyes closed and bodies flush against each other. This feels perfect, two warm bodies surrounding him, loving him, worshipping his body.

And then Changmin feels a cold, slick finger teasing around his entrance and his cock twitches. Yoochun feels it and smiles into the kiss and holds on to Changmin even tighter so that he can’t move. Changmin whimpers but Yoochun continues to distract him with his (Changmin will grudgingly admit, if only to himself) amazing kissing skills.

The first finger doesn’t hurt at all, because Changmin (though he’d never tell these two) has touched himself there before. Once in bed, late at night when he couldn’t sleep because he was horny as hell for some reason and kind of bored, he locked himself in the bathroom and watched himself in the mirror as he stuck two fingers back there. He watched as his face turned red and his cock responded the deeper in he went as he got used to the stretch.

Now, Jaejoong could feel Changmin’s entrance pulling his finger in, so he quickly adds a second one. Changmin whines again and tries to move back against the digits but Yoochun keeps an iron grip on his hips, his tongue making a mess of Changmin’s pretty mouth, reddening his lips and licking around his tongue.

“More,” Changmin mumbles, and Jaejoong responds immediately with three slick fingers. Changmin’s hips buck backwards on their own and Yoochun tries to restrain him but it’s pretty difficult.

“Wait just a bit longer, Min,” Jaejoong says. Then he calls Yoochun’s name.

Changmin feels Yoochun’s hand leave his hip and hears the bottle snap open again. Jaejoong pushes in his fingers as deep as they can go, not holding back like he was earlier and crooks them, and Changmin tries not to scream.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay Changmin, we got you,” Yoochun whispers against his jaw then reaches his hand over Changmin’s waist and presses one of his own fingers to Changmin’s entrance.

Now he’s scared. He’s never had four in there before. And yeah he’s been fucked before, like once, a year ago, but still, this feels new and scary.

“If it hurts let us know,” he says, and pushes in alongside Jaejoong’s fingers.

“Fuck, fuck oh god,” Changmin moans, eyes searching Yoochun’s. He feels stretched but he quickly adjusts and notices that Jaejoong isn’t making an effort to touch that spot inside him. He tries one last time to buck his hips back and this time there’s no hand there to stop him.

“Yes, good,” Jaejoong breathes. “Come on baby, fuck yourself on my fingers.”

Changmin can only groan and obey. He snaps his hips back trying to get Jaejoong to touch that special place again, and when Jaejoong crooks his fingers just so and Changmin pushes back they find it and Changmin wants to reach down and get himself off right there but Yoochun grabs his hand.

“No.”

Changmin looks lost, crushed, and heartbroken at Yoochun’s one word.

“Please, hyung, I wanna come.”

“You can’t come for a long time, sorry,” Yoochun says, no pity in his voice. He takes his finger out of Changmin’s ass and reaches into his bedside table to pull out something Changmin had only ever heard about, never personally used: a cock ring.

“No, no hyung don’t, I wanna come, please,” Changmin begs, hips still thrusting wildly back against Jaejoong’s fingers.

Yoochun seems to consider Changmin’s pleas and looks up at Jaejoong as if asking for permission.

“Put it on him,” Jaejoong says, then presses his fingers as hard as he can against Changmin’s bundle of nerves.

Yoochun follows the orders and slides the ring right up onto the base of Changmin’s already-hardened cock.

“I’m sorry baby, but we’re going to make it so good for you okay? Can you be good for us?” Yoochun asks, eyes softening, cupping Changmin’s face in both his hands. Changmin shakes his head no, no he can’t do this, he’ll die if he can’t come. His body is already so sensitive and his cock is erect and no, he needs to come.

“You can trust us okay?” Jaejoong says, leaning down to press a kiss at the juncture between Changmin’s neck and shoulder. “We promise to make it so good for you.”

Yoochun strokes his thumb across Changmin’s cheek and kisses him softly for the first time, just a touch of the lips and Changmin remembers how to breathe. These are his hyungs that love him, they won’t do anything he hates. He just has to be patient and good.

“Don’t hurt me,” Changmin whispers.

Yoochun presses his forehead against Changmin’s and kisses the boy’s nose. “No, we won’t hurt you. Promise. If anything makes you uncomfortable you just say it and we’ll stop and you’ll have beating-up-your-hyungs rights for a year, how’s that sound?”

Changmin makes a sound between a giggle and a gasp and nods, then asks for another one of those soft kisses. Yoochun is only too happy to comply.

“Okay then, now that that’s settled,” Jaejoong says, a smile apparent in his voice.

Changmin hears the drawer on his side open and close again and Changmin cranes his neck around to see. “Another thing we bought for you,” Jaejoong explains and Changmin gulps. Jaejoong’s holding bright blue anal beads.

Changmin’s never tried those either, but he’s heard a lot about them and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious.

Jaejoong takes his fingers out of Changmin’s ass and Changmin gasps because it’s cold but Yoochun is there in an instant, filling him with three fingers of this own. Jaejoong pours lube on the toy and circles it around the boy’s twitching entrance for a few seconds before Yoochun smiles at Changmin and pulls his fingers out and kisses him with renewed intensity as Jaejoong pushes the first bead in. Changmin’s heart pounds and he wraps one leg around Yoochun’s waist and starts to rolls his hips against the older man’s, even though Yoochun still has his damn shorts on.

Jaejoong waits for almost a full minute and it’s like sweet torture, and then he pushes in the second, and with almost no pause, the third bead. Changmin gasps and Yoochun does his best to distract Changmin with a hand massaging the boy’s inner thighs, forearm “accidentally” brushing over his restrained cock. Changmin’s starting to lose focus.

“How’re you feeling baby?” a gravelly voice asks. Yoochun, that’s Yoochun, Changmin thinks from his haze of a mind.

“Hnnnh—” he tries, but words are like sand in his mouth right now. And yet, he has a feeling these two are just starting.

“Doing okay?” Jaejoong asks, just as he pushes in the fourth bead.

“Ahh!—" Changmin tries.

How many beads were on that thing? Changmin tries to think but he can’t because his cock is throbbing and Yoochun’s arm brushing against it is setting it on fire and that thigh massage is only making him way more turned on and Jaejoong is using the hand that’s not handling the anal beads to lightly rub his side and then of course, the fucking beads that are filling him up so much and he can feel his ass just sucking them in, it’s overstimulating as fuck.

Jaejoong pushes in the last two beads and then Changmin remembers that the thing is curved and Jaejoong twists it around inside Changmin until he finds that spot again and Jaejoong knows he’s found it when Changmin doesn’t hold back his screams and his hips thrust against Yoochun’s. It’s a gorgeous picture, Yoochun’s eyes dark with lust and something Jaejoong suspects to be the most secret of loves, and Changmin, sweet, gorgeous Changmin, coming undone before Jaejoong’s eyes, mouth, body and mind.

“Please, hyung, please please please let me come, just let me come I’ll do anything I have to come now or I feel like I’m gonna die,” Changmin begs.

Yoochun looks conflicted but Jaejoong shakes his head. Their Changminnie can do more than this.

“Not yet, love. You’re doing so good, okay? You’re so amazing,” Yoochun says against Changmin’s collarbones. “You can do this, I know you can,” he says, and his voice is so convicting that Jaejoong can’t help but believe him too.

The oldest of the three begins to slowly thrust the beads in and out of Changmin. He pulls back until just the first is still inside then pushes back in, but he doesn’t do it too many times because there’s other things on the agenda.

Jaejoong pulls the beads out and Yoochun doesn’t let Changmin feel empty for a second, automatically placing his fingers inside again, playing with the lube making a total mess of Changmin’s ass.

“I can’t anymore,” Changmin croaks. “Hyung, hyung I can’t. I can’t I can’t.”

Yoochun kisses down Changmin’s chest. “You can, you can, baby you’re doing so well, you’re so amazing okay? You’re amazing,” he says, and starts to mouth at a nipple again, using his fingers to play with the other.

Jaejoong pushes something else up against his ass before he says, “hey Chun, can we switch? I want a turn with him too, you can put this in him instead.”

Yoochun looks up to see the huge vibrator Jaejoong is wielding and looks back up at Changmin’s red, beautiful face.

He doesn’t want to leave but fuck, he really wants to be the one to make Changmin fall apart with this thing.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Turn around baby boy,” Jaejoong coos, and Changmin only barely comprehends the simple instruction. He turns on to this other side and looks up at Jaejoong, beautiful and regal and pretty body flushed red. Changmin’s cock burns with the need for release.

Yoochun takes the vibrator without Changmin even noticing what the two men just exchanged and Jaejoong leans down to claim Changmin’s swollen mouth. Those plush lips are like heaven, and Changmin can’t get enough even though he can barely think straight.

He feels something press against his entrance. Jaejoong and Yoochun didn’t tell him what this was but from the way it feel he assumes it’s a dildo. A really big one. Fuck, that’s huge.

Changmin breaks the kiss and whimpers loudly. “H-h-hurts,” he cries out. Jaejoong wraps an arm around Changmin’s shoulders and pulls the boy close so their bodies are against one another’s. “Just hold on, Minnie, it’ll feel good really soon okay?” He kisses the boy. “Remember how you took all our fingers?” Jaejoong says as Yoochun pushes it in slowly, ever so slowly. “You took all four fingers so well, baby. You did so good. And then you took those beads, too, oh god Min you were amazing,” Jaejoong says fervently.

Their bodies are so close together and Changmin’s cock keeps brushing against Jaejoong’s thighs, or hips, or crotch and suddenly Changmin can’t hold back anymore, he starts to cry.

“Hyung I just can’t please you have to get this thing off of me,” he sobs.

“No no no, shh, baby come on you can do this,” Jaejoong whispers, catching the first tears with his thumbs. “Almost there, okay? I promise. You’re almost there. We won’t hurt you.”

Changmin buries his face in Jaejoong’s perfect chest and lets himself be hugged by the older man. He breathes in his scent and tries with all his might to calm down. “Okay, okay,” he says, because that’s all he can say anymore.

Yoochun has the vibrator fully seated inside Changmin and looks to Jaejoong for the okay. Jaejoong nods and Yoochun kisses Changmin’s shoulder once before switching on the vibrator, skipping over the low and medium modes to go straight to high. Changmin feels the vibrations in his ass, drumming right against his prostate and he screams bloody murder. He starts thrusting against Jaejoong and back against the vibrator like mad, trying so hard to find a release that can’t happen unless someone gets the damn ring off of him. He feels like he’s on fire, like his whole body is burning and he can’t escape. He can’t help it, his hand flies down to grab his cock and he fists it a few times until Jaejoong grabs it and pins it back on to the bed.

“No Changminnie, no touching, not yet,” and Changmin’s tears fall harder.

Yoochun begins to thrust the toy in and out and after a few thrusts he turns up the notch to to the last setting, the maximum. Changmin’s sobs bubble and burst on his lips and nonsense falls out of his mouth and Jaejoong is so turned on that he meets Changmin’s involuntary thrusts with his own. He’s always wanted to see this, the proud, tall boy, fallen apart and debauched like a little whore all for Jaejoong’s eyes to feast on. He looks like he’s made of glass now, lightly muscled thin limbs limp against Jaejoong’s body and the bed, hair all messy and mouth swollen and red, jaws slack with pleasure. Jaejoong feels a surge of lust and attacks Changmin’s mouth once more, drinking in his moans and Changmin just takes Jaejoong’s tongue into his mouth, allowing it to explore and taste and roam because he can’t do anything anymore.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Changmin,” Jaejoong moans. “So fucking beautiful and amazing, oh god.”

Yoochun thrusts the vibrator a few more times before he pushes it all the way back in and holds it against Changmin’s prostate with constant pressure for about 30 seconds, but to Changmin it feels like an eternity of pleasurable torture. He doesn’t know if he wants it to stop or not because his mind is so far gone. All he can do his move his hips like the helpless boy he is.

After Changmin has proper streams of tears running down his face Yoochun shuts the thing off and pulls it out slowly.

“N-now? Now can I—?” Changmin hiccups.

“Almost,” Jaejoong breathes, thoroughly impressed with Changmin. He kisses away the tears and rolls onto his back, pushing off his shorts (finally) in one swift motion.

“Sit on my cock. Ride me.”

Changmin moves to get up but his limbs are so weak and shaky, like a newborn foal. Yoochun helps the boy get up onto his knees, and sees his cock is stiff and dark. It does look painful. But the boy is nearly there.

“You want condoms Changminnie?” Yoochun asks softly.

Changmin doesn’t even respond, just positions himself over Jaejoong, hole twitching to have something in it again. He balances himself by placing his hands on Jaejoong’s chest and then sinks down in one go.

“Oh, fuck,” Jaejoong gasps, hands moving to grip Changmin’s tiny hips with bruising force. “Yeah, fuck yeah.”

Changmin’s thighs tremble and he bites his lip as he makes the tentative first move upwards, then slams back down.

“Baby, oh god you’re so good,” Jaejoong moans.

Yoochun would be content just watching but he has other plans. He takes off his shorts and quickly lubes himself up and gets behind Changmin, chest against his back, placing his hands on the boy’s hips as well, just above Jaejoong’s.

“Think you can do this?” Yoochun murmurs in his ear.

Changmin nods once and then leans down over Jaejoong, ass up, waiting for Yoochun.

Yoochun lines himself up and pushes in, just above Jaejoong’s cock, stretching the boy even more than the vibrator did. It’s got to hurt but Changmin takes it so well. He cries out once or twice but then they’re all still, waiting for him to adjust. Changmin takes a few breathes and gets back up onto his knees. Jaejoong stares up at the picture before him: Changmin is sweaty, breathing heavily, chest heaving. His cock stands stiffly away from his body, dark and swollen.

And then, Changmin starts to ride them, together. He summons strength from somewhere neither of them can see because the boy looks absolutely spent, like he’s about to pass out. He lifts up off both their cocks and then pushes back down, fighting to keep them both inside. It’s so tight now, Yoochun’s cock right against Jaejoong’s, brushing over and against each other. Once Changmin’s thrusts get to a moderate speed, Yoochun begins to thrust his hips as well. Jaejoong takes the hint and begins to push up as well. They move together as three, in perfect harmony, four hands on Changmin’s hips, sowing the seeds for bruises to blossom all shades of blue and purple and yellow over the tan skin. The two older men worship him with all the words they can find, though they become less coherent as the heat builds and the friction becomes harsher.

Changmins thighs begin to quiver tremendously and they know he can’t keep this up much longer. Yoochun reaches around to Changmin’s front and plays with a nipple again, just to maximize the height of his sensation. He thrusts, losing his rhythm, and feels Jaejoong doing the same. They match their pace and slam into Changmin’s prostate one, two, three times and Changmin’s thighs give out and he falls back against Yoochun who catches him and immediately kisses and bites the boy’s neck.

Everything builds at a rate too quick to keep up with and then Yoochun can’t breathe too well and he feels the heat coil in his stomach and he comes, long and hard, making a filthy, beautiful mess inside Changmin and around Jaejoong. Jaejoong thrusts once, twice more and he moans, airy and sinful and he comes too, and they fill Changmin so completely that Changmin never wants to be empty again.

“Amazing,” Jaejoong gasps. “Yoochun, take it off him, let him come on me.”

Yoochun supports Changmin’s body from behind and they kneel over Jaejoong together. Yoochun snakes a hand down Changmin’s perfect, tan, muscled torso. He can’t help but to play with the hair leading downwards for a minute, curling his hands in the strands and tugging gently. Then he reaches Changmin’s cock and can’t resist the temptation to fondle his balls for just a moment. Changmin’s head falls limp back against Yoochun’s shoulder and he just can’t anymore, can’t protest, can’t speak, can’t beg. He’s totally surrendered to them.

Yoochun moves his hand away from the boy’s balls to stroke at his cock, harder than ever. He presses his nail into the slit and then his thumb, pressing and pressing until the most desperate moan escapes Changmin’s ruined lips.

And then, in a motion so swift Changmin almost misses it, Yoochun removes the ring and Changmin comes harder than he’s ever come in his life, in long ropes spurting out over Jaejoong’s torso, his chest, and some drops even landing on his face—around his lips, on his cheeks, and even a drop sliding down the side of his long nose.

Changmin moves to one side of Jaejoong and collapses face down onto the bed. He’s not knocked out, but he’s almost there.

Yoochun leans down to kiss Jaejoong first, licking the cum off of his mouth and wiping the rest of the cum on Jaejoong’s face away with his fingers then licking them. Changmin doesn’t taste bad.

Then he moves back down to Changmin’s backside. He spreads the two cheeks apart with his hands and admires the mess they’ve all made. There’s a mix of his and Jaejoong’s cum slowly dripping out Changmin’s pink hole, trailing down the inside of his thighs, and the hole is still twitching slightly from having been stretched so much. He leans down to lick at it and Jaejoong’s fingers join his tongue in playing with all the release mixed with lube pooling around Changmin’s hole.

Changmin groans but can’t move, he’s too exhausted and is damn near close to the best sleep of his life.

Once they’ve cleaned up what they can, the two move to either side of the youngest and cuddle up to him.

“You were so, so, incredible Changmin,” Yoochun says.

“Just amazing, I can’t believe how amazing you are,” Jaejoong says, nuzzling Changmin’s neck.

Changmin hears the praises and feels the warmth around him and his heart is so content. As he drifts off into sweet sleep, he thinks he’s never felt happier.

When they wake up in the morning, Changmin’s not sure how to act. He wants to stay in between the two and ask for kisses from the both of them but up until now Jaejoong and Yoochun have been exclusive. He doesn’t know if this was just a one-time thing. He doesn’t want it to be but isn’t that how most threesomes go? The confliction obviously shows on his face because Yoochun frowns and cuddles closer to him and asks, “what are you think about so hard this early in the morning?”

Changmin just bites his lip. “Oh, nothing…”

Jaejoong giggles and cuddles into Changmin’s side and oh, Changmin feels so warm, if only he could stay like this forever.

“Tell us baby, what is it?”

“It’s just, I mean, just to clarify, was this a one-time thing or are you going to ask me to do this again?”

Jaejoong blinks. “Oh, yeah, well I guess we didn’t explain it that clearly, did we Chun?”

Yoochun nods. “No, we didn’t.”

Changmin only looks more confused.

Jaejoong sighs. “Okay, so here’s the deal. We both really like you. We also like each other. We like dating each other but we also kind of want to have sex with you. But that’s not it, and I’m sure you felt it last night. We both…feel things toward you. Like, emotional, romantic things.”

“I’m sorry,” Yoochun blurts. “I know this is crazy and probably so weird but—” and Changmin shuts him up with a kiss.

“No,” the youngest says, pulling back. “You don’t understand, I like you both too. Like, a lot.”

Jaejoong giggles. “Well not to embarrass you or anything but we kind of all knew you’ve been pining after Yoochun for ages.”

“WHAT?!” Changmin and Yoochun yell at the same time.

“Oh yeah, everyone knew but you two.”

Changmin groans and blushes and tries to cover his face with his hands but the two older men take one arm each and stare down at him with all the cheesiest expressions they can manage.

“Don’t hide, you’re ours now.”

Changmin’s heart beats too fast but when Jaejoong and Yoochun cuddle into his sides he remembers he has nothing to be nervous about, these are his hyungs that love him. And they’d never hurt him.

He still snarks on interviews, in fact he’s even more of an asshole than before, at least in public. But at home, he’s their sweet, baby Minnie, who’s so amazing and wonderful and beautiful and who Jaejoong and Yoochun love very much.

And Changmin loves them too.

a/n: oh my god im literally so sorry for this okay like i just seriously crave this ot3 so much and ??? what the fuck i'm SO SORRY oh my god this is disgusting I HAVE SINNED...

three yoomin drabbles

keyhun — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 14:25:54 GMT

quiet down and kiss me, fool; pg-13

Yoochun knows he has a problem. Well, okay, he knows he has a lot of problems. But right now the one that’s causing him the most trouble is his fucked up sleep schedule.

It’s not his fault musical genius only strikes at 3 a.m. and that he has to has to has to write out the whole damn verse before it flies out of his head, tweaking and tweaking until it’s damn near perfect and then he’ll pass out.

He doesn’t quite remember where his dead legs lead him last night, all he remembers is flopping onto the first thing resembling a mattress his barely-conscious mind could find, curling into pleasant warmth and finally, finally falling into sweet sleep…

“HYUNG!”

No, no, please no, he thinks from the very back of his brain.

“Hyung, wake up! Look, the sunrise is so beautiful and we can actually see it from this window!”

Yoochun wants to cry because he’s so tired and the annoying thing next to him is being too energetic.

“Changmin, please,” he groans, not even caring to make his words coherent.

“HYUNG, I’M GOING TO JUMP ON YOU IF YOU DON’T GET—” but Changmin is cut off as a rough hand pulls him down by the fabric of his shirt and his lips are covered by Yoochun’s, warm and wet.

Changmin freezes.

Yoochun presses harder, eyes still not open, molding his lips to Changmin’s, because even when he’s half asleep he still ranks somewhere in the top ten of the world’s best kissers.

Not even Changmin, brainy, beautiful, there’s-no-point-in-romance-so-I’m-not-going-to-fall-in-love Changmin can resist, and Yoochun grins internally when he feels Changmin relax into the kiss and wind his long arms around Yoochun’s middle.

“You are disgustingly into mornings,” Yoochun grumbles into their kiss as he runs a heavy hand down Changmin’s back.

Changmin whimpers as Yoochun’s touch leaves fire and goosebumps in its wake.

“Hyung,” he whines, parting his mouth just so, allowing Yoochun to slip his tongue in.

Yoochun smiles into the kiss. “Yeah babe?”

Changmin doesn’t say anything but just whines through his nose and swings a leg around Yoochun’s thin waist, pulling them closer together. Yoochun gets the message: Changmin wants to make out for hours.

Yoochun drags his hand down to lightly squeeze Changmin’s ass, earning another whimper and a slight buck of the hips from the younger boy. Yoochun smiles his sleazy, half asleep smile. Yeah, he thinks, I can sleep another night.

i'll make do (an understatement); pg

Yoochun stares at a photo from the time they went to Paris. He takes a puff of his cigarette and halfway through the exhale says “you know what I like best about sleeping with girls?”

Changmin stays silent.

“Their long hair. Don’t think I’ve ever slept with a girl with short hair before.” Changmin wonders why Yoochun’s saying this right now but then catches a glimpse of the photograph and remembers

oh, yeah, my hair was down to my shoulders back then.

“I like it when I can spread out my fingers in her hair and thread through the locks. It’s warm and soft.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I wanted to do it to you.”

Changmin forgets to breathe for a second. Then he remembers, but he has no idea what to say.

“Okay, well, I’m not going to grow out my hair just for you, sorry.”

“Would you have let me?”

Changmin looks up. “W-what?”

Yoochun squishes the cigarette into the ashtray and sets the photo down. He walks up to Changmin, corners him against the balcony door.

“Back then, if I wanted to run my hands through your hair while I kissed you all night, would you have let me?”

And Changmin knows his eyes are wide as a doe’s and he must look fifteen, frightened, unsure. For once, he doesn’t think before he speaks.

“Yeah,” he breathes, “yeah I would have let you.”

Yoochun grins. His gaze drops to Changmin’s lips.

“Would you still let me?”

“W-well, my hair is shorter now.”

Yoochun chuckles. “I’ll make do,” he says, and leans in.

happy birthday; pg

yoochun doesn't remember letting changmin in. in fact, he doesn't remember even having spoken to changmin for the last several months...maybe a year? who knows how long it'd been. so when yoochun wakes up on the morning of his birthday and changmin's wide eyes are looming over him, yoochun naturally thinks he's still dreaming.

"Hey," changmin whispers with a hint of a smile.

"uh, hi?" yoochun murmurs, still convinced he's asleep. the love of your life doesn't just waltz in unannounced on your birthday looking as beautiful as ever and say "hey." at least that's what yoochun is convinced of until warm lips cover his own and hum with pleasure. that wakes yoochun up.

"woah," he gasps, breaking away. "what are you doing here?"

changmin smiles (those mismatched eyes always wrenched yoochun's heartstrings). "i just came to wish you a happy birthday," he says. "your mom and brother are still asleep, but i asked your mom to leave the door unlocked last night for me. she just said 'maybe you'll be able to get him up before noon.'"

yoochun's head spins. he has a million things to say. like why don't you ever call me? why haven't i seen you in so long? how's yunho doing? why hasn't he called me either? how are you? but all that manages to escape is a deep, rumbling "i missed you so much," before he curls a fist into the fabric of changmin's sweater and pulls him in for a real kiss, open-mouthed and too filthy for this hour of the morning. changmin giggles through his nose and pushes yoochun back down into the bed. "i brought cake," he says into the kiss.

"that can wait."

a/n: in order of most recently written to not recently written. i'm sorry i haven't been active. i've been in china and really busy. every time i get a chance to write i just stare at a blank doc for a few minutes and then give up. so today i asked tlist for prompts and bb suki gave me the prompt for the first one! i hope you guys enjoy and im sorry if my drabbles aren't up to my regular standard (not that i think i have one?)

be brave and bare your soul.

keyhun — Mon, 15 Jun 2015 20:50:41 GMT

rating: pg
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~1200 words
genre: flufffff

Yoochun has a lot of songs written, composed, and ready to go. But he keeps them on his desk in piles of black folders and stacks of loose music sheets. He’s not ready to put them out there. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be ready to.

There are songs about a lover with a long, warm body. With a voice that sounds soft no matter how harsh the words it speaks are. A lover who rarely shows affection, but in the quiet, dim hours of the morning, Yoochun will feel fingers running through his black hair and hear that soft voice whispering “I love you, I’m sorry I can’t tell you properly.”

Yoochun knows the songs would sell, but he can’t bring himself to show them to another soul. They’re too close to his heart.

My heart, Yoochun muses. It’s been a while since he even felt like he had one. Changmin had captured it in his hand many years ago and never gave it back.

“Yoochun, why don’t you release a solo album? Jaejoong and Junsu did,” his mother says. Yoochun doesn’t really have an answer for that.

“I dunno mom, I just don’t feel ready.”

His mom smiles and pats his head and doesn’t ask again.

Jaejoong gets a vacation from the military just weeks before Yoochun is set to enlist himself. He texts Yoochun “I’m coming over” and Yoochun forgets to hide his notebooks.

Seeing Jaejoong after all those months brings a real smile to Yoochun’s face. “Missed you like hell,” he whispers into Jaejoong’s ear as they hug.

“You too, Chun,” Jaejoong grins, and makes himself at home on Yoochun’s bed. Before long he spots the mess of papers and folders on Yoochun’s desk and hops off the bed and starts shuffling through the stacks.

“Jaejoong-hyung, no, don’t look at those,” Yoochun says, grasping at the sheets in a feeble effort to hide what he’s created.

“Let hyung look~,” Jaejoong sings

“Please don’t look at them I’m not ready for anyone else to see—”

“Oh, Yoochun,” Jaejoong stills, sets down the sheets in his hands. He’s already read the lyrics, skimmed over the notes. They read like a book of Yoochun’s heart.

Yoochun sighs in defeat and sits down on the foot of his own bed. “So you saw it then,” he grits.

Jaejoong sits down next to him. He fiddles with his own fingers for a few moments, unsure of what to say.

“Release one.”

“What?”

“A song. Release a song. Or two, or three, I don’t know, they’re all masterpieces by the looks of it.”

“I can’t, Jaejoong.”

“Why not?”

Yoochun looks away. “Because I’m scared.”

Jaejoong smiles softly. “Those songs are like confessions. If you put them out there, at least he will know. And I promise you, you’ll feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.”

“I can’t.”

Jaejoong grips one of Yoochun’s hands. “You can.”

Three days later Jaejoong returns to his military base and Yoochun is left with his thoughts, his feelings, and a stack of music sheets even messier than before.

He releases his first solo song a week later. There wasn’t much editing to be done to the piece—it was already perfect. They just had to take a few days to record. It wouldn’t have taken that long if Yoochun could hold back the lump in his throat. He wasn’t ready for this but it was now or never.

It reaches the top spot on several charts and holds on for a few days before settling into a respectable position in the top 20 songs—staff and management and friends and family clap Yoochun on the back and take him out for meals and drinks and Yoochun’s anxiety about putting his heart out in the public for everyone to see fades slowly but surely.

He walks home from the restaurant at 2 a.m., still giddy and happy from the success and the well wishes from his friends. He laughs to himself when he remembers when Junsu spilled soup on himself and groaned—“why me?”

Yoochun notices someone standing outside his apartment building, leaning against the wall. A tall, slim figure in casual clothes fit for the summer night air. Yoochun blinks and walks closer.

“You wrote a song about me?”

Yoochun thinks his ears are playing tricks on him. “Changmin?”

The younger man steps out of the shows and into the light provided by the streetlamp. “It was about me, wasn’t it?”

Yoochun is suddenly terrified. He’s never been brave, not like Jaejoong. Jaejoong could write a million confessions, pour his heart out onto paper and piano and sell it or give it out like candy. Yoochun can’t. He doesn’t know what possessed him when he decided to listen to Jaejoong and record the damn song.

But he thinks if he was brave enough to record the song, he should be brave enough for this too, because this was bound to happen.

Yoochun swallows around all his fear.

“Yeah. It was about you. And it wasn’t just one song. There’s a million more like that one.”

Changmin looks taken aback, like he doesn’t quite know what to make of this.

“When did you make them?”

“I can’t remember. But I guess I started seven or eight years ago. They weren’t always specifically about you. But as time went on, it became clear to me that they were. And since then I can’t write about anyone else, really.”

Changmin stands with his feet frozen to the pavement. He draws a shaky breath and casts his eyes downward.

“It was beautiful.”

This time it’s Yoochun who doesn’t know what to say.

The breeze picks up and it lifts Changmin’s black bangs out of his eyes. Yoochun follows the wind and steps closer to the younger man and hesitantly, as though asking for permission, rests his fingertips on Changmin’s cheek. Changmin can only gaze down into Yoochun’s eyes—maybe because he’s not sure himself.

“Do you feel the same way?” Yoochun asks, breathless for some reason.

Changmin answers Yoochun with a kiss as soft as the summer breeze. The feeling of Changmin’s lips against Yoochun’s own is so heavenly that Yoochun can’t help but smile into their kiss. His heart soars and he wraps his arms around Changmin’s back—now broad and muscled.

“I’ve always wanted to kiss you,” Changmin confesses.

Yoochun can’t help but tease. “What else have you wanted to do to me?”

Changmin grips Yoochun’s hips and pulls him roughly into his embrace. “You know that line in your song where we wake up together and I run my fingers through your hair?” Changmin brushes Yoochun’s bangs out of his face. “I want to do that.”

Yoochun smiles. “Me too.”

Changmin smiles shyly and oh, Yoochun missed him so much, missed his smile and his soft, soft voice.

Yoochun closes his eyes and Changmin kisses him again and Yoochun writes a thousand and one more songs in his head—all about the lover with the mismatched eyes and the voice like dry cotton and smile like the sun—and Changmin is the first to hear them all in the form of wet kisses and happy tears and fingers gripped tight and “I love you. Changmin, Changmin,” he whispers, "god I love you."

“I love you too, idiot.”

a/n: :( i have writers block recently and this was kind of from a twit convo with nabi (voldemochi) and yeah idk;;; just wanted to post something. when will yoochun release a solo album. idk.

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fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars

keyhun — Thu, 21 May 2015 05:48:56 GMT

rating: r
pairing: yoochun/jaejoong
length: ~1100 wc
warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, hinted eating disorder

Yoochun is everything that keeps Jaejoong ground to the earth. He is sweaty, after-sex cuddles, heavy words, heavier music, morning coffee and packs and packs of cigarettes. He is dark clothes and foggy glasses and unkempt hair and two days without a shower and everything real (and therefore, beautiful) about living.

Jaejoong’s had a lifetime of un-realness. He’s had a lifetime of makeup and faked smiles and beautiful pretty beautiful eyes waist chest shoulders beautiful so pretty and humble, be more humble, bow lower, bow longer, grovel at their feet and sob with gratitude.

His back aches now.

When Yoochun wraps an arm around his waist from behind as they lie in the bed, Jaejoong’s skin stops crawling with the itch to escape. He breathes in the second-hand smoke from Yoochun’s cigarette and finds his eyelids finally, finally falling shut. (And they’re so bad for each other, but they still need this.)

“I’m here Jae. Right here,” Yoochun murmurs, low and gravelly, pressing wet kisses onto the back of Jaejoong’s neck, warming up the goosebumps.

Jaejoong sighs and leans into the contact. He imagines their bodies aligned behind closed eyes. If someone were to pierce a spear through their two bodies, it would go right through their twin tattoos.

Then Jaejoong thinks he shouldn’t be thinking about such things.

He concentrates on the warmth all around him and finds sleep, at 4:30 am in the morning, on a Wednesday night, after he’d been working for 18 hours straight. Insomnia’s an ugly thing. A general, consistent unease with life is uglier.

In the morning, Jaejoong wakes up before Yoochun does (even though he’s been the more sleep deprived one for weeks now). He rolls out of the bed, blonde hair sticking out in every direction, and opens the curtains and presses his forehead to the window. He thinks he shouldn’t have gotten an apartment so high up because his hands itch to throw open the window and just—

“Jaejoong,” a deep voice rumbles.

Sheets rustle as Yoochun gets out of bed and winds himself around Jaejoong from behind. Their tattoos (their hearts) are aligned again. It’s Jaejoong’s favorite position. In and out. Breathe in and out.

Yoochun breathes in air with a nose buried in Jaejoong’s neck. He mouths along the flesh. “Good morning, angel.”

Jaejoong settles his arms atop the ones resting on his waist and tilts his head around to press his forehead against Yoochun’s. He brushes his lips across the bridge of Yoochun’s nose and Yoochun straightens out so their lips meet for the first time (of many times) that morning. And oh, they don’t taste good. There’s cigarettes and bad morning breath and there’s definitely the bitterness of bottles of alcohol—but Jaejoong wouldn’t trade this kiss for anything. Not even a moment of flight, free from all weights of the world.

“Keep me on the ground today,” Jaejoong murmurs.

“You got it,” Yoochun replies, and pulls Jaejoong to the bed. Down into the thick mattress and covered by heavy sheets, Yoochun keeps Jaejoong’s feet planted solidly to the earth, tied to him for as long as he can.

Yoochun has found all of Jaejoong’s sweet spots over the years and he maps them all over and over with his tongue and with his nails and with his teeth. When he pushes in a finger he bites hard at the spot between Jaejoong’s neck and shoulder and has Jaejoong arching, reaching off the bed. He hits that spot inside of the older man and Jaejoong is seeing so many stars. His eyes are wide open but they see nothing, instead his mind sees the whole cosmos unfolded.

“I want to fly Yoochun-ah. Just listen to me, for a minute I want to fly and just—” Yoochun cuts him off with a harsh kiss. Jaejoong whimpers.

“I know you do baby, I know.”

Yoochun rocks into him and Jaejoong cries, clinging to Yoochun’s shoulders and screaming out his name. “I love you so much,” Yoochun growls as he snaps his hips. “You can’t ever leave me. Look at me.” Jaejoong looks through eyes blurred by saltwater.

Yoochun’s hair sticks to his forehead and the sides of his face with sweat. His chest heaves with breath, hot and heavy and still gross. His hips roll and snap and thrust and it is so raw and honest and real that it leaves Jaejoong gasping for breath. Jaejoong threads his fingers through Yoochun’s and holds on tight as he chases the climax. He’s flying on top of the clouds when he cums, then gently floating back down to earth when Yoochun releases and pulls out, draping himself over Jaejoong. Heavy, hot, sweaty, and perfect.

Jaejoong wraps his arms around Yoochun’s waist weakly and kisses his cheek. “You’re going to keep me alive.”

“That’s a big task you’ve given me,” Yoochun says.

Jaejoong chuckles. It’s Yoochun’s favorite sound. His fist clenches in the sheets when he wishes he could hear it more often.

“It’s not. Just be you. I love you. You’re enough to keep me here.”

Yoochun licks a stripe up Jaejoong’s neck, tasting his salty sheen of sweat and then presses kisses to Jaejoong’s jaw. “Good. I’ll need a lifetime to love you back enough.”

Time heals. Yoochun has learned that in his lifetime. Jaejoong used to pick at food for half an hour before taking a bite. He used to grip balcony railings with a hold so tight that his knuckles would turn white (because if he didn’t, he’d fling himself over and “fly”).

A few years pass and Jaejoong gives up the blonde. He stops tattooing himself at any given opportunity. He eats more and he gets more sleep and he breathes—in and out, breathe in and out—and Yoochun loves him so much for being this brave and holding on (“just hold on to me Jaejoong, stay with me”).

“Told you I’d stay for you,” Jaejoong giggles, tasting coffee on Yoochun’s lips.

Yoochun backs up onto the counter where his coffee mug sits half empty and opens his legs a little so Jaejoong can get in between them and kiss him harder.

“I never doubted you would. I’m glad your hair is brown again,” Yoochun says, carding his fingers through the locks then wrapping his legs around Jaejoong’s waist to pull him closer and kiss him until they run out of air. Jaejoong’s feet stay planted on the kitchen tiles until they do just that and break away, all smiles and no tears.

a/n: this came out of nowhere. all week there have been 9238749328 other things i wanted to write (including teacher/student jaemin, yunho/chanmgin/taemin ot3 smut, jaemin blowjobs...the list goes on) but i was sitting here in the dark and this just started spilling itself onto a word doc. i'm really sorry for the angst. also, i give up on putting a genre in my fic descriptions (at least on my journal, still have to do it for comms) just because i never know what to call them. if you've read a few you know my style right? angst mixed with some fluff. slice of life i guess? but eh idk, it always seems too angsty to call it that LOL. anyways, please leave a comment if you liked it!! ♥

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red & white

keyhun — Mon, 18 May 2015 20:07:55 GMT

rating: r
pairing: jonghyun/key
genre: angst, au (vampire knight)
length: ~2000 wc
warning: blood imagery

Notes:
-based off the manga/anime vampire knight
-written while listening to jonghyun's skeleton flower. if you listen to it while reading it will convey the proper tone of the story.

The wind is violent tonight. Kibum shivers as it weaves through his icy fingers and pale hair. The moon is big and bright, too, hanging high in the purple-black sky. Something so beautiful, but on this cold night, it will witness a blood-soaked sin.

Jonghyun stumbles through the woods on the edges of the school grounds. He gropes at low branches and leans on thick trunks as he tries to catch his breath. His stomach throbs painfully with emptiness and his throat burns with thirst. His mouth is dry and the rapid winds only worsen his condition. He wants to give up. Just sink down into the forest ground and wither away to nothing. There isn’t hope for someone like him.

He catches a flash of silver-yellow in the corner of his eye and sees Kibum, standing tall and regal (just like any pureblood) between the dark grey pillars that line the outer walkway of the near building. He glows under the moonlight, eyes red with the slew of emotions working through his fragile heart; almost ethereal. Their eyes meet and Jonghyun knows his own must look blank, or crazed, but either way dangerous. Kibum’s shine with tears he always fights to hold back (he never succeeds).

Kibum nods in his direction and Jonghyun staggers forward, out of the shadows of the trees, hating himself for everything he is, and for what he has to do to stay alive. He’d rather die.

The pureblood backs into the wall and sinks down, spreads his legs. He looks up at Jonghyun with a mix of all the apologies, thank-you’s, and memories of times past. It’s too deep for Jonghyun to even begin to comprehend so he just falls to his knees and positions himself in between Kibum’s thighs.

“Before you start,” Kibum whispers, voice trembling, “I’m so sorry.”

Jonghyun wants to laugh the cruelest laugh he can manage. Sorry? As if a pureblood like Kibum would know what it means to be sorry. Jonghyun grips Kibum’s chin tightly and shoves his face back against the wall, exposing a long column of pale, smooth neck. He licks his lips. Breathes in the scent of sweet blood emanating from the flesh. His mouth waters.

Kibum whimpers with fear. He screws his eyes shut and braces himself for the pain.

Jonghyun sinks his teeth in and drinks. He begins with long, slow sips as the liquid washes over his tongue and flows, hot and thick, down into his starving stomach. With horror, and another wave of anger, Jonghyun realizes that Kibum’s blood tastes delicious, like honey and nectar, and it makes the blood supplement pills he had been taking seem like sewer water. Excited by the intoxicating sweetness, Jonghyun drinks faster. Kibum’s head begins to spin and he starts to feel weak and lose his grip but he doesn’t stop the other man from drinking. Doesn’t stop him because (and the thoughts flow somewhere in the back of his brain), Kibum misses his best friend. And if this—this forbidden act of giving his pure blood to the other man was the only way to be close to Jonghyun again, then Kibum would give all he could.

Once he finishes drinking, Jonghyun licks over the spot where his teeth pierced Kibum’s neck. His weak vampire venom allows the wound to heal at an accelerated rate so Kibum won’t bleed more than he needs to. Jonghyun pulls back and watches as Kibum stares off into space, eyes hazy and unfocused from the effects of blood loss. He wouldn’t die, he was a vampire after all, but it would take time for his body to replenish what was lost.

Jonghyun sits back, resting one hand on Kibum’s calf in silent gratitude.

They used to not be like this—having to resort to secret meetings and silent tears and unspoken feelings—but things change, and they can never go back. It’s pointless to drown in nostalgia of the time when they were so, so close that they thought nothing would ever tear them apart. But this is a world of monsters; a world where hunger is stronger than bonds, and so Jonghyun steels himself and forces the memories of a childhood spent with the best friend anyone could have ever asked for into the back of his mind, never to be seen again, as he watches Kibum slowly come out of his bloodless haze.

The pureblood gazes at him, noticing his calmness after feeding.

“Feel better?” Kibum asks, voice airy.

“Much.”

They sit in awkward silence. A million unsaid words sit between them, heavy and dark. The wind blows harder, and Kibum begins to shiver, teeth chattering. Immortal undead being though he may be, he’d always been sensitive to the cold.

Jonghyun’s usual expression of disgust he wears when he’s around Kibum or any other pureblood melts and something like concern weaves across his features. “You should go back inside,” he says.

Kibum can’t help himself from thinking he’s concerned, he cares. But the moment ends too soon when Jonghyun stands up and leaves without another word. Kibum continues to shiver on the ground until he feels strong enough to stand up, then heads back into the night class dormitory, forcing himself to not look back.

When he gets back to his room, he lays on his bed and curls into himself and lets the last few tears spill. I miss you, Jonghyun, I do.

In his sleep, Kibum dreams of times past.

“Jjong, let’s go play outside,” Kibum whines, watching the other children play under a bright sun, bare feet touching green grass and smiles stretching wide across their faces.

Jonghyun holds Kibum’s hand. “You know you can’t do that. Not yet. We can go later, just us two.”

Kibum looks sad. “Don’t you hate me? You always miss out on fun things because I’m like this.”

“Kibummie, don’t say that,” Jonghyun whispers, leaning closer to his best friend. “I’m happy if I’m with you.”

Kibum’s heart flutters and he holds Jonghyun’s hand tighter. “Thanks Jjong.”

They grow up together, Jonghyun under the protection of the school’s director, and Kibum under the protection of his pureblood lineage. Jonghyun spends all his time with Kibum, aware that Kibum is different but still too young to realize exactly how.

When Jonghyun turns 16, Kibum gives him the gift of a first kiss. Sweet and cool, shared under a bright moon, Jonghyun finds Kibum’s lips intoxicating. He tries to deepen the kiss, but Kibum is about to lose control so he pulls back, gasping, and runs back to his dorm.

They try again a few weeks later, when Jonghyun corners Kibum outside the night class dorms and presses him into the wall.

“You left me confused that night, and now you’re avoiding me even more. I miss you.”

Kibum looks worried and frightened but Jonghyun runs his fingers through Kibum’s hair and leans in. “Stop me if you want to,” he says, and kisses Kibum gently.

Kibum can’t stop his arms as they wind around Jonghyun. He concentrates hard on not letting his superhuman strength crush Jonghyun’s tiny waist, so Jonghyun takes the lead in their kisses.

“Jjong,” Kibum groans.

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” Kibum says into their kiss.

“I think I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Kibum pulls back at that, eyes unreadable. “I really,” he whispers, fingers drawing lines around the small of Jonghyun’s back. “I need you.”

Jonghyun nods and takes Kibum to his secret place in the nearby woods—a patch of flat ground, covered in soft white flowers.

Kibum knows that this isn’t a good idea, it’s not safe, he could lose control any moment and bite his best friend, but then Jonghyun starts taking off his clothes and moonlight shimmers in his eyes and Kibum wants and he’s so, so tired of restraining himself so he joins Jonghyun in the meadow and submits his body, his heart.

Jonghyun kisses down Kibum’s porcelain body and draws the most precious sounds from the other male. Kibum feels everything at a heightened intensity—Jonghyun’s mouth warm and wet over the most sensitive parts of his body, the cold wind drawing shivers from his bare limbs, and lust and thirst swirling together inside his chest. His mind grows hazy as the sensations overstimulate him and he’s fighting, fighting the urge to bite into Jonghyun’s neck but his will grows weaker. Then Jonghyun gets between Kibum’s legs and Kibum forces his legs to stay down otherwise he knows he’ll crush Jonghyun’s neck between his thighs.

“Are you okay?” Jonghyun asks, and Kibum can only groan in response as Jonghyun closes his mouth around Kibum’s length. Kibum doesn’t quite understand what’s happening anymore, he can only lie there and try to remain rigid as Jonghyun pleasures him. Minutes pass and then Kibum feels an intrusion in his entrance and arches right off the ground. Jonghyun mouths at Kibum’s thighs to distract him and then pushes in, swift and quickly and Kibum is gone. He’s so close. He thinks if he can just last through his orgasm—if he can just wait until the heightened sensations pass then they’ll be safe. But Jonghyun teases. He nips at the most sensitive parts on Kibum’s shivering body and Kibum loses all control and he closes his hands around Jonghyun’s neck and flips them over and bites into the skin. Blood, red and thick, spills over the white flowers. Kibum loses everything during the happiest moment of his life. He changes Jonghyun into an E class, a degenerate, a monster.

These days, Jonghyun and Key don’t see much of each other. When Jonghyun gets desperate, he lets Key know and they’ll meet and Key will look at him with that broken look and Jonghyun will feel rage like he has never known. And sadness. So much sadness.

“I’ll die one day,” Jonghyun says, a cruel smirk playing on his lips after he’s just finished drinking Kibum’s blood. “You gave me a death sentence.”

Kibum bursts into sobs and curls into himself. He doesn’t try to apologize, he knows there’s no mercy for his sins.

“I thought you loved me.”

“I did, oh god Jonghyun I did. I do. I love you.”

Jonghyun stands up and looks down with disdain. “No. You don’t. Because you don’t lose your control around someone you love. You don’t do this—” Jonghyun bares his bloody fangs “—to someone you love.”

He moves to leave and Kibum grasps his ankle weakly. Looks up with eyes so beautiful it almost breaks Jonghyun’s heart. “Remember when you would stay with me when I wanted to play in the sun? Remember all the things you did for me? Do you think those times had no effect on my heart? I didn’t want to do this to you. I miss you so much.”

Jonghyun wavers for a moment. Kibum’s hazy mind doesn’t catch it. Jonghyun kicks Kibum’s arm aside. “Don’t joke like that. Your kind don’t feel attachment.”

Kibum watches as Jonghyun leaves, his brown hair swirling with the wind. He wonders how he can keep living with all his regrets. He touches the spot on his neck where Jonghyun drank. It’s still warm.

He’ll just look forward to their next meeting, even if the pain of simply meeting Jonghyun’s eyes will hurt like daggers in his chest. Because he loved him. He still does. And he knows, somewhere beyond that wall of hurt, Jonghyun still loves him too. Only the moon will know their secrets, and Kibum will treasure their bloody sins as the last threads of their delicate relationship until the end of Jonghyun’s fragile life, and then until the end of time.

a/n: FOR SAHER, MY WIFE. I LOVE YOU AND I'M SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER. also, self-beta'd so soryyyryry for any spelling errors. i hope you like this. i never thought i'd write vampire fic but skeleton flower stirred smth in me.

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you fill this empty space

keyhun — Thu, 07 May 2015 21:28:26 GMT

rating: light r
pairing: yoochun/changmin
genre: ?? slife of life?? fluff+angst??
length: ~4700 wc
warning: mention of anxiety
summary: changmin the intern meets lonely office worker yoochun and helps him remember what happiness feels like

Yoochun sits back on the bed and looks out the window and watches the sunset. Or, he doesn’t really, because the other half of his building blocks his view of the actual sun, so instead he just watches the sky dim over a period of several hours. It starts to rain lightly between one shade of blue and the next. The lampposts between his building and the neighboring one light up as night falls and he sees raindrops collect on his window. He wishes this wasn’t how he was spending his Friday night, but maybe it’s not so bad. Except that it kind of is, and as much as Yoochun loves raindrops and sunsets and nighttime, he wishes he weren’t so alone.

Yoochun thinks he’s probably one of the only people who doesn’t look forward to weekends. Maybe he would if he ever had plans. Had friends to go out with and do dumb shit with. But for some reason, he just doesn’t. Everyone got caught up, including Yoochun himself, and now no one really bothers to text someone and say hey, what’s up? Wanna go eat together and maybe drink ourselves stupid? It’s partially Yoochun’s fault too. Every time he wants to text someone he knows but hasn’t really spoken to in a while something like fear grips his heart and he just can’t type the words out.

He shuts his phone off and watches the sky dim, and somewhere amongst the ashy blue tinged with orange sky, Yoochun thinks he can see his own loneliness.

Yoochun used to hate work just like any other boring adult would hate work but now he really, really likes work and finds himself making excuses to stay later and later and find more and more work to do. His boss tells him to go home and rest but Yoochun really can’t do that, he really can’t go home to his empty apartment again and look around and see tidiness and perfection and nothing so he tells his boss he’ll wrap up quickly and bows as the older man leaves for the night.

The new intern stumbles into the office on his first day, overdressed and obviously nervous. Yoochun’s boss forgets the intern’s name, uh sir, it’s Changmin, Shim Changmin?, and then ushers him to his desk in the corner before returning to his own office. Yoochun barely looks up, but he vaguely notices that it’s been a long, long time since someone that attractive walked into this office building.

Another weekend, spent alone. Yoochun doesn’t have it in him to cry anymore. He just sleeps. A lot. When he wakes up after thirteen hours of dreamless sleep his throat burns with thirst and he gropes around his bedside stand until he finds the bottle of water and drinks. His mouth tastes gross, but he really doesn’t want to get up to brush his teeth. Then, hesitantly, he reaches for his phone. Turns it on. And of course, Yoochun realizes with a sinking heart, there are no missed messages.

A month into his internship, the intern (Yoochun still can’t remember the attractive kid’s name for some reason), is doing quite well. He stays in his place and speaks up when an opportunity arises and plays the game perfectly to get noticed and potentially be offered a job after he graduates college. It kind of disgusts Yoochun, maybe partially because it reminds him of himself in his own college years. But then again, no intern knows everything.

Yoochun walks back from the bathroom and sees the kid staring a stack of papers, then looking at his computer, then back to the papers. He looks downright perplexed. Yoochun rolls his eyes and walks over to the intern’s desk. The kid notices as he approaches and looks up with wide eyes before straightening his posture and pretending to look busy staring at something on his computer screen.

“Need help with something, uh…”

“Changmin, sir, Shim Changmin, and um, no, it’s okay, thank you though,” Changmin sputters.

Yoochun sighs. “Changmin, if you need help, you can just ask any of us. No one expects you to know everything.”

“O-oh, well in that case, um, Yoochun-sshi, would you mind showing me…what the fuck I’m supposed to do with this pile of random ass data?”

Yoochun blinks, then bursts out laughing. He bends at the waist and grips the edge of Changmin’s desk and laughs, eyes curving into half-moons and watering a bit because yeah, Changmin is a college student all right, good posture and nice office clothes be damned.

“Let me have a look at that,” Yoochun says, and Changmin breathes just a bit easier in the stuffy office.

When Yoochun goes home that day, his apartment is still empty, but for some reason, it seems just a bit brighter.

“Yoochun, I’m heading out. You really don’t need to stay this late,” his boss says on a Friday evening.

“Oh, don’t worry sir, I’m just about done.”

The boss sighs. “And you, Jungmin, don’t stay late, I’m going to get in serious trouble if my superiors find out I’ve got a college kid staying longer than my actual employees.”

“Ah, yes, sir—”

“His name’s Changmin,” Yoochun mumbles without even looking up from his work.

“Uh, right, ok, see you workaholics on Monday.”

Changmin hides his smile.

Some weeks later, it’s still just the two of them left in the office after everyone else has left.

“Yoochun-sshi, can I ask you something?” Changmin drolls around eight in the evening.

“Hm? Sure,” Yoochun says, swiveling his chair around to face the younger man.

“Why do you work so much? Don’t you have other things to do?”

Yoochun’s defenses assemble around him in a second. He scowls. “I just like my job,” he says curtly.

Changmin senses the anger but he doesn’t want to back off, senior/junior office relationships be damned. “I never even see you speaking to the other office workers. They all seem friendly with each other, why not you?” And Changmin knows he’s being invasive, he can see the discomfort on Yoochun’s face, but he really can’t stand it. He can’t seeing a man who looks as put together and professional and as handsome as Yoochun working himself to the bone for no good reason and not speaking to anyone in his office.

“Not to be rude, but that’s not really your business, is it?” Yoochun turns back to his desk and types faster so he can finish up whatever unnecessary project he’s working on and leave. Then he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. It squeezes lightly and then moves across his upper back towards his spine and trails down.

“How long has it been since you’ve even touched another human being?” Changmin whispers, and Yoochun’s neck goes slack as he leans into the contact.

“I don’t know, I can’t remember…months…maybe a year?”

“That’s too long,” Changmin says, his mouth suddenly very close to Yoochun’s ear.

“I…uh—”

“Yoochun-sshi, would you come get dinner with me after we wrap up here?”

Yoochun swallows and thinks of the nothingness that waits for him in his apartment. He hates it, but it’s home, and it’s where he’s most comfortable. It’s what he knows. Being away from everyone, in a dark room, staring out the window.

“I don’t know if I—”

Changmin wraps his arms around Yoochuns shoulders and rests forehead against the back of Yoochun’s head. “Please? You can pick the place. Or we can just go home and order something. But let’s eat together.”

Yoochun takes a deep breath. “Okay, let’s go.”

They go to a Korean restaurant, the kind where you have to sit on the floor. Changmin orders a lot of meat, and Yoochun thinks it’s really cute the way his eyes light up when the lady brings them their food. They don’t talk too much, but they don’t eat too quickly either. When Yoochun shifts his feet legs around under the table because they’re starting to go numb, his leg brushes against Changmin’s. He starts to move it away but Changmin traps Yoochun’s leg under his own and smiles at him, mouth full of grilled beef. Yoochun doesn’t move his legs away after that.

It’s been a while since Yoochun’s had a drink with someone, but he can’t drink tonight because he still has to drive home. And besides that, he already feels a bit drunk off the feeling of sharing a meal with someone again. He pays the bill before Changmin can even pull out his wallet and his heart feels lighter than it has in a long time.

Yoochun drives them back to the office so Changmin can get his car and go home. Before he gets out, Changmin curls an arm around the crook of Yoochun’s elbow.

“Can I have your number?”

Yoochun’s heart skips a beat. “Yeah, sure, just uh, give me your phone.”

He fills out his contact information and sends himself a text message so he can save Changmin’s number. Changmin grins.

“Thanks, Yoochun-sshi. I’ll see you soon,” Changmin says, and grabs his coat in his hand and heads toward his own car.

Yoochun looks to the passenger’s seat and for some reason, it seems emptier than ever.

The weekends are so, so hard. Yoochun wakes in a cold bed with no one beside him. Most days, he thinks he’s used to it, that it’s not so bad. But other days, it’s too much. He reaches his hand out and runs it over the white sheets, the empty space, where another body should be. He doesn’t get up for another few hours.

The sun is setting again, on a Saturday evening, and Yoochun finds himself standing in front of his window, watching the light sky slowly lose its color. He presses his palm against the window, wishing, so badly, that he just had someone to talk to. He leans his forehead against the glass and is surprised when he feels a tear roll down his cheek. Sometimes, it’s just too much.

His phone buzzes.

Hello Yoochun-sshi. This is Changmin.

Yoochun blinks. It’s been a while since anyone messaged him. He wipes the tear away and types a response.

Hello Changmin, how are you?

Fine, thank you. I was wondering, are you busy right now?

Uh, no, not really.

Then, do you want to eat dinner together again?

Yoochun thinks back to the previous night. He hadn’t felt so warm in a long time. He can’t think of a reason to say no, other than why does a college kid want to hang out with me, does he just feel bad for me, does he think I’m a loser? Fuck, I’m just scared, I can’t do this—

His phone buzzes again.

Please? I really enjoyed last night, and I want to eat with you again. You can pick the place again if you want.

Yoochun feels something clump in his throat. He takes a deep breath and tries to let go of the cloud of nasty thoughts festering in the back of his mind.

Okay, sure. And no, this time you should pick.

Changmin texts back with a restaurant name and address and a see you there in an hour :D and Yoochun feels his mouth turn up into a shadow of a smile.

Yoochun finds himself pulling up to a nondescript Japanese restaurant and wonders how the hell anyone could find this place, then remembers that Changmin is an attractive young college student and has probably had a million adventures with his dumb attractive young college friends and a million stories and fond memories and suddenly Yoochun is fucking terrified and he really wants to go back home.

His phone buzzes.

Yoochun-sshi, I got us a table inside!

He sighs and goes into the restaurant.

The ambience of the place is lovely. It’s fairly busy with customers and waiters and waitresses walking around taking and delivering orders. The decoration is subtle but appropriate and the booths are snug. The cute waitress brings them two steaming bowls of ramen and Changmin digs in.

“Fuck, it’s hot!”

Yoochun laughs out loud. “You idiot, did you not see the steam?”

Changmin sticks his tongue out and fans himself and drinks water. Then he another bite. His eyes sting but it tastes too good to slow down.

Yoochun hasn’t had much of an appetite in months, but watching Changmin eat his ramen like it’s the first time he’s had warm food in forever makes Yoochun’s bowl look just a bit more delicious. He picks at the noodles for a few minutes. Changmin doesn’t comment. Then Yoochun takes a first bite and suddenly his stomach remembers that Yoochun hasn’t eaten anything all day and it grumbles loud and long. Yoochun slurps up the first bite and it tastes amazing, better than anything he’s had in a long time. He picks up the bowl in one hand and starts shoveling the food into his mouth. Changmin smiles and orders a second serving for the both of them.

They head back to their cars and Changmin catches Yoochun’s arm.

“Yoochun-sshi, I want to ask you something, but I don’t know if it’s okay.”

“Uh, go ahead.”

“Can I come over?”

Yoochun can’t think of a reason to say no.

They end up sprawled across the floor, empty bottles of soju scattered everywhere. Changmin whimpers and rolls around, trying to get his head to clear up. Yoochun watches with amusement.

“You,” Changmin hiccups, “how are you not drunk?”

Yoochun rolls his eyes. “I’ve had soju before, I don’t just drink beer like you and your college friends.”

Changmin whines again. “I can’t drive home like this, I’ll fucking die.”

“Uh, you can spend the night here if you want. I’m not drunk but I don’t think I can drive you home either.”

Changmin starts stripping. “Lead me to the bed please,” he mumbles, reaching his hand out towards no one.

“There’s only one, though,” Yoochun mutters, before dragging Changmin along the floor toward his bedroom.

“Seriously? Can’t you just get up to get on the bed?”

Changmin holds his arms out. “Nope.”

Yoochun groans and summons all his strength to push the boy up onto the mattress. He’s sweating by the time he’s accomplished his goal.

“What the fuck are you made of that you’re so skinny and so heavy?”

Changmin smirks into the pillow. “Muscle,” he says, and turns onto his back, and oh, that gets Yoochun’s attention. They boy has a six-pack. And nice arms too.

He starts to leave to go sleep on the couch but Changmin tugs him back with a fist in the back of his shirt.

“Just share? It’s your bed anyways,” Changmin mutters, already half asleep.

And Yoochun wants to. He wants to sleep next to another person so badly. But this is hardly right. He barely knows the kid and they’ve only spent a bit of time together.

Changmin fights the sleepiness in his eyelids and opens his eyes and looks up at Yoochun like a puppy. “Please?” he all but pouts, and Yoochun melts.

“Fine,” he grumbles, but hides his smile as he changes into sleeping clothes and settles in for the night.

He wakes up with a warm, heavy arm around him, face pressed into a bare chest. It’s the warmest Yoochun has felt in a long, long time. Raw happiness aches inside him.

Changmin stirs and opens his sleepy eyes. Sees Yoochun staring back at him, eyebrows furrowed a bit with worry. Changmin chuckles.

“Morning.”

“Uh, hi,” Yoochun mumbles, because as nice as this is, it’s also kind of weird.

“Hmm.” Changmin nuzzles a bit closer. “Any plans today?”

“No, but—” but please don’t ask me to hang out again right now I need time to gather myself.

“Then, take the day to rest, it is Sunday after all. Can I come by again in the evening? Just for a bit.”

Yoochun breathes an internal sigh of relief. “Sure, sure.”

Changmin sighs, content. The warm breath tickles Yoochun’s neck. “’Kay then, see you tonight,” and he gets up, white sheets pooling at his tan waist, before murmuring one last make sure you lock the door behind me and heading out.

Yoochun takes a minute to catch his breath before he complies.

Yoochun’s not used to socializing, so two days of eating dinner with someone exhausts him. He needs his alone time. He showers and drinks coffee. Plays around on his computer for a bit. Doesn’t eat much. He goes back to his bed. For once, the sheets aren’t made. Hesitantly, he lies down. Runs his hand over the space where Changmin was. Impossibly, it’s still warm.

Changmin comes over just as the sun starts to set. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, a stark contrast to what he usually wears in the office. Yoochun thinks he looks even better like this.

“Will you go for a walk with me?” Changmin asks.

Yoochun’s immediate response inside his head is nonono I can’t do that I really don’t want to go outside please don’t drag me out but then Changmin looks at him with those easy brown eyes and Yoochun can’t resist. He doesn’t think going out will be so bad if it’s with Changmin. He sighs.

“Okay, sure.”

Changmin grins widely and Yoochun almost gasps because, oh, he’s kind of beautiful.

It’s easy to be with Changmin. Dusk falls over the neighborhood and it’s a bit disorienting, but relaxing all the same. Yoochun can’t really remember the last time he just…went out for a walk. He feels grateful toward Changmin for getting him outside. He wants to tell the younger man how he feels but the words die on the tip of his tongue. Instead, Yoochun just looks at him and smiles in a silent thank you. Changmin smiles back and brushes his hand against Yoochun’s briefly, and Yoochun feels his heart soar. He feels alive.

The wind makes the trees rustle and makes Changmin’s bangs flit around his eyes. Night falls faster and Yoochun realizes with a start that he’s not alone. He swallows around the emotion in his throat and tries to resist the urge to reach out and hold Changmin’s hand.

They walk along a narrow path, thick trees on either side and a thick canopy of leaves above them. An occasional streetlamp lights the way. The sun is long gone and the first insects of early summer chirp in harmony, and the only other sound that can be heard is the clicking of Changmin and Yoochun’s shoes against the pavement.

Yoochun feels his heart beat faster.

“Want to take a break?” Changmin asks, gesturing toward a bench.

“Sure.”

They sit side by side. It would be awkward except for the fact that Yoochun is suddenly too nervous to think about trivial things like awkwardness.

Then Changmin grabs his hand and twines their fingers together and rests their joined hands on his thigh like it’s the most natural thing in the world and Yoochun stifles a gasp.

Years, it’s been years since he held hands with someone.

“We already shared a bed, so this isn’t bad, is it?” Changmin asks, perfectly innocent but with a hint of worry underneath.

“No—no it’s uh, it’s nice. It’s fine.”

Changmin giggles. “Good.”

Changmin walks with Yoochun back to his building but doesn’t go up, just bids him good night and walks to his car. Yoochun finds himself watching Changmin’s back until it goes out of sight.

The next day at the office, Yoochun walks in and as soon as he meets Changmin’s eyes, he smiles. The other office workers look up and are shocked—they’ve never seen Yoochun’s smile before. Suddenly, he looks like a much friendlier guy.

Changmin becomes a frequent visitor of Yoochun’s apartment. Most of the time he lets Yoochun know he’s coming, but sometimes he drops by unannounced. Yoochun doesn’t mind. He’s happy to see Changmin, though it’s not something he can quite say yet.

On one particularly sunny Saturday afternoon, Changmin comes over, his usual bright smile even more dazzling than usual. He seems to be brimming with energy that day, something that Yoochun wishes he had.

“Yoochun-sshi, it’s a beautiful day outside today. Can I open up your windows?”

Yoochun flinches. He doesn’t really like sunlight. But he can’t seem to say no to anything Changmin wants, so he nods.

Changmin goes around the entire apartment, opening all the windows. The one in the kitchen, the two in the living area, the small one in the bathroom (Yoochun didn’t even know that one could open) and the two in the bedroom. Yoochun blinks a few times to adjust. The breeze blows around the white curtains and they billow gracefully. The sight is somewhat calming.

“Anything you want to do today?” Changmin asks.

“Nothing I can think of.”

“We should do something.”

“Like what?”

Changmin looks around. “Hmm…are you particularly attached to these…neutral-colored walls?”

Yoochun raises an eyebrow. “No, not really, why?”

“Have you ever wanted to paint your house a different color?” Changmin asks, a grin spreading on his face.

“I mean, yeah, I always wanted have blue walls, but this isn’t a house, I can’t just paint—”

“Did you ask the landlord?”

“Well, no but—”

“Then let’s ask,” Changmin says, and whisks Yoochun away without letting him protest.

Surprisingly, the landlord is much more acquiescing than Yoochun thought a landlord could ever be.

“Huh? Oh, it’s you, Park. Uh yeah, I guess it’s fine if you paint the bedroom, you’ve been here for five years and never missed a payment so I guess I can allow that. But here’s the original shade so just paint back over if you ever move out. I’ll get a fresh coat out of it anyways.”

Changmin bows. “Thank you sir.”

The landlord grunts in approval and dismissal and Changmin drags Yoochun along to go buy paint.

“Which color, Yoochun-sshi?”

Yoochun looks at the rows and rows of different shades of blues and starts to feel a bit dizzy. “How am I supposed to choose, there’s a million.”

“Pick a bunch that you like and we’ll narrow it down from there,” Changmin suggests.

A whole hour later, they walk out of the store with cans of pretty light blue paint. A calming shade. Yoochun wants to thank Changmin one time for every shade of blue in the store for not growing impatient with him.

They cover the furniture with sheets, old and tattered and disposable. Changmin pours paint into the containers and hands Yoochun a roller. “Let’s get painting,” he says, a cute, boyish grin stretching across his face. Yoochun feels his heart beat faster and takes the roller. “Okay.”

Music plays in the background as they cover the walls, leaving behind the dreary days of dulled beige.

Yoochun falls in love before he realizes what’s happening to him. One morning, he just wakes up to Changmin eating a bowl of cereal in his kitchen, looking at something on his phone. His hair is disheveled and his eyes are still kind of sleepy. Yoochun walks to him and stands there for a minute, and then Changmin is standing up and stepping closer, closer, pressing his hips into Yoochun’s and swirling his long, tan arms around Yoochun’s small waist and leaning his forehead down, pressing it against the shorter man’s and breathing his air and Yoochun smiles like he’s never smiled before. “Kiss me,” he says, and kiss him Changmin does.

“Again,” Yoochun laughs. Changmin giggles through his nose and presses closer. “You know, I really like you,” Changmin says into their kiss.

“I really like you too. Seriously, how’d you just fall into my life like this?” Yoochun murmurs, stroking Changmin’s soft brown hair.

“Fate finds a way.”

Yoochun’s never really thought much of fate or destiny, but when Changmin pulls him to the bedroom and kisses him slow, sweet, everywhere and makes love to him for the first time, Yoochun thanks whatever heavenly force brought them together. Maybe heaven is real, because only something divine could create someone like Changmin.

Changmin’s internship ends at the company and Yoochun misses his presence at work. But he doesn’t mind too much because it makes the moments at home with him all the more special. Changmin is still a full time university student so they don’t have much time to meet up during the weekdays, but Yoochun doesn’t bat an eyelash when he drags himself out of bed at noon on a Saturday to find a bright-eyed Changmin with a nose in his textbook at Yoochun’s dining table. When Changmin catches sight of the older man, his eyes turn up in Yoochun’s favorite mismatched smile and they gather each other in their arms and murmur “Hello,” before they kiss for long, sweet minutes.

“Why’d you approach me on that first day at work?” Yoochun asks, naked and curled up into Changmin’s side on the bed.

Changmin sighs and tucks Yoochun’s head under his chin and strokes lovingly down his back. “How do I describe this...” he wonders aloud.

Yoochun presses butterfly kisses to Changmin’s collarbone while he waits.

“I saw you on that first day and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I guess it’s what some would call love at first sight. But I knew you were sad. I selfishly wanted to be the one to help you smile again.”

“I was so alone before you.”

“And now?”

Yoochun kisses the skin of Changmin’s neck. “Now I’m not.”

Changmin laughs with happiness and cuddles Yoochun closer to his body. Their movements rustle the sheets.

“You still have a long ways to go you know. I know you don’t want to hear it but I’m going to tell you because I care. You’ll probably have to get help for your anxiety. I can’t be the only person in your life. It’s not healthy.”

Yoochun kisses up Changmin’s neck, kisses his jawline, the corner of his mouth. “I’ll do anything you ask.”

“You’re going to get better, Yoochun. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

It takes a long time. It takes years. But Yoochun does gets better. He goes to counseling and talks about why he’s afraid of the things he’s afraid of. The counselors ask him, “what helps?” and Changmin’s face flashes behind Yoochun’s eyelids.

Yoochun makes friends with people at work. It takes every bit of courage to approach them first and ask what they’re doing and if he can join in, but he does it because he wants to make Changmin proud of him. It takes a while for his co-workers to warm up to him, but once he buys them a few meals and they see what kind of person Yoochun really is (warm, kind, beautiful, loving, all the good things in this world), they regret not inviting him along sooner.

Changmin graduates college and has several job offers lined up. Yoochun helps him choose the best option. Changmin says he doesn’t care about the money, he wants good hours so he can spend more time with Yoochun. But Yoochun shakes his head. “We have all the time in the world,” he tells Changmin, one night in bed, hips rolling against the younger man’s. In the still of the night, when the only sounds that can be heard are their breathless pants and lust-filled moans, it really does seem that way.

One day, years after Yoochun met Changmin, Yoochun wakes up, back pressed against his lover’s chest, and he’s not afraid anymore. He has a home, friends, a cat, a career, and he has Changmin.

“Good morning,” Yoochun mumbles into his skin.

“Morning,” Changmin grins.

“This is random, but, thanks for staying by my side all these years. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t spoken to me first.”

Changmin’s lips stretch out in the most heartbreakingly beautiful smile and he swings his legs around Yoochun’s waist and presses Yoochun down into the mattress. “I love you,” he says, and he kisses Yoochun through the entire sunrise.

Yoochun can still see the sky change color as it sets from his bedroom window. Occasionally, he watches it. The bright blue begins to fade and hues of orange and pink and purple tinge it vaguely. The only difference now is that when he sees the sky fading, Yoochun doesn’t feel lonely. Not with Changmin’s hand wrapped firmly around his.

a/n: i've been working on this for a while and i really just wanted to finish it now that my exams are over! i reeeeeally hope you like this because i put a lot of time into it. please do leave a comment if you like! ugh, i'm never going to get over yoomin. they're such a perfect otp TT oh, and title is taken from the song "be the light" by rookie girl group the ark. they are seriously one of the most impressive rookies i've ever seen. check out the mv if you haven't already, you'll cry lol

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brave soldier boy

keyhun — Thu, 07 May 2015 07:00:35 GMT

rating: nc-17
pairing: jaejoong/omc (original male character)
genre: slice of life...
length: ~4100 wc
summary: in the military, a young man falls for jaejoong, and jaejoong teaches him about love and passion.

One by one, not too slowly and very surely, they all fall for him. Like the autumn leaves being plucked off the branches by crisp wind, fall, fall, fall, every one of the men in Jaejoong’s unit find their hearts surrendered to the man with a voice like that very wind. It’s something in his eyes, deep and dark, and something in his skin, pale and smooth, and there’s something in his hips, too, the way they sway with his walk, and maybe something in his kind soul, when he shaves the hair of his fellow soldiers with a soft smile on his lips. Enchanting, beautiful, perfect, a star from the night sky descended to live with them for a short two years.

Every man dreaded enlistment, for fear of the worst: loneliness, isolation, exhaustion from training, and the darkest, most taboo fear of them all; the country going to war. But for those in Jaejoong’s unit, they felt like they had been given a breath of fresh air. In the morning they woke, and Jaejoong’s light, airy voice greeted them politely. They got dressed together and they watched, perhaps with a bit more interest than was comfortable for the older male, as he got dressed, the muscles of his white thighs tightening as he put one leg into his pants, and then the other. The sharp angles of his collarbones and hips as he shrugged into his white shirt. The perfectly shaped shoulders as he would pull on his jacket. The curve of his behind as he leaned down to pull on his boots. A man would offer his hand to Jaejoong to help him up after lacing the shoes on, and Jaejoong would offer a dazzling smile in return.

“Thank you,” Jaejoong breathed as he accepted the hand.

The men were surprised, but pleasantly so, when Jaejoong showed his strength during physical examinations. They had subtly suspected that Jaejoong would be fragile and weak, judging based on the softness of his voice and the careful look in his eyes. But he could run farther than all of them, in fact, he didn’t really need to stop even when he was the only one left running. And he could do more push-ups than anyone, too. Those lean muscles packed in more power than they looked like they did.

Jaejoong was strong, but his body was still thin. His voice carried sadness, but he didn’t shed tears. And the men found themselves drawn to all of Jaejoong’s contradictions, all his complexities, all his airy laughs and all his guarded expressions. His soft hands as they roved over the men’s necks and shoulders when he cut their hair, and his slim waist when they peered over at him in the showers. The entire unit was, undeniably, infatuated with the man named Kim Jaejoong.

One boy, in particular, found himself shyly following Jaejoong around wherever the older man went. Jaejoong didn’t quite mind, he found the quiet 22 year old very cute. Jaejoong was aware of the younger man’s attraction to him, and it made Jaejoong happy that he was still attractive to a pretty young thing like him.

“What’s your name?” he asked the younger man one day. The young soldier seemed taken aback. He had never quite gotten used to the beautiful quality of Jaejoong’s voice, and now that it was being directed at him, he was nervous.

“J-Jaewook. It’s Lee Jaewook,” he manages.

Jaejoong smiles and brushes a hand over the young man’s shoulder. “Jaewook-ah, nice to meet you.”

Jaewook half-bows awkwardly and then allows himself a smile. “You too, Jaejoong-sshi.”

Jaejoong laughs at that. “Please, just call me hyung. You make me feel too old.”

“Yes, hyung.”

“Hmm, good boy,” Jaejoong says with a pat to Jaewook’s cheek, before heading back to the training area.

After weeks and months of living together, the men start to open up to one another. Jaejoong entertains questions about the life of a celebrity and the others hang onto his every word, no matter what the subject. After a while though, Jaejoong will tire of those questions and the men will scold each other for asking too many. Jaejoong basks in the attention and laughs, and the men eat it up.

“Go rest, Jaejoong.”

“Yes, go rest, you must be tired.”

“Hm? Oh, I’m not that tired, we only ran a few kilometers today, I could’ve gone more.”

“As expected of the long distance expert,” they chorus, and bid each other good night.

“Good night, see you in the morning,” he says to the others with a smile.

Young Jaewook lies in his bed, just a few down from Jaejoong’s, and finds himself staying up later than he should, his mind swarming with thoughts of the older man. He turns on his side and peers down the row of bunks in Jaejoong’s direction. Bodies block his view but he wonders what the star is thinking of, if he’s restless or fast asleep, if he’s dreaming or sleeping peacefully. He finds himself thinking about Jaejoong’s pale skin and sharp bones, and his heart begins to beat faster. He’s never felt this way about another man before, and it’s frightening, but he’s so, so curious. He wants to know what it would be like, not just with any man, but with Jaejoong. It nearly drives him mad before his weary body pulls his mind to sleep.

A few weeks later, Jaewook cries. He misses his parents, his sister and his brother, his pet dog and he misses his friends from his hometown and he just misses his life. It hurts deep in his chest and after they’ve all retired to their beds for the night he cries. He tries to keep it down but the sobs bubble in his chest and come out of his throat in choked, broken sounds and the tears spill over, hot and wet and he feels so, so alone in his bed that he think he might die like this until another body’s weight presses down on the mattress and someone nudges him over a bit and the figure lies down beside him.

“W-who—?” he whispers through his thick tears.

“Shh,” the other man says, running a hand through Jaewook’s soft hair. “It’s me,” breathes Jaejoong’s soft voice.

“Hyung,” the younger man says, and then Jaejoong is wrapping an arm around Jaewook and Jaewook is burying his wet face in Jaejoong’s chest with no hesitation because it’s Jaejoong—sweet, caring Jaejoong who gives and gives and only asks for affection in return. Jaewook’s whole body shakes and Jaejoong holds him close on the narrow bed, strokes his hair and arms and back and whispers sweet words into the young man’s hair.

“Shh, shh, hyung is here, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Jaewook doesn’t trust himself to speak so he just nods into Jaejoong’s chest and cries silently until the tears run dry.

“I’m sorry, hyung—”

“Don’t apologize,” Jaejoong says as he wipes away the last of his tears with his fingers. “I know it’s hard.”

They lie in comfortable silence for a while. Nestled against Jaejoong’s warmth, Jaewook falls asleep. When he wakes up, Jaejoong is back in his own bed.

They become a bit closer after that. They talk to one another more and they say good night to each other instead of just saying good night to the whole unit at once. Jaewook leans into the touch every time Jaejoong pats his shoulder or his cheek and hopes he’s getting the hint across that he desperately wants more. If Jaejoong notices, he doesn’t do anything about it.

Late one night, when the rest of the unit is already snoring, Jaewook gathers all his courage and tiptoes down to Jaejoong’s bunk. The man lies awake, eyes full of restlessness and emotion. Jaewook rests one knee against the mattress in question and when Jaejoong looks up to see who it is he smiles and makes room on the bed for the younger man to join him. Jaewook lies down hesitantly, the narrow space between them making the situation feel more intimate than Jaewook was used to being with another man.

“You can’t sleep, hyung?”

Jaejoong shakes his head with a sad smile. “Never was good at sleeping on time.”

Jaewook nods and looks around, trying to avoid Jaejoong’s eyes.

“Is there something troubling you?” Jaejoong asks.

“I…no, not really, I’m just…”

“What is it? You can tell hyung.” Jaejoong says softly, and runs a hand briefly through the younger male’s short hair.

Jaewook takes a deep breath. “I feel…unsure these days,” he begins, voice quivering.

“Unsure of what?” Jaejoong asks as he grasps one of Jaewook’s hands, voice full of concern.

“It’s just that…I find myself drawn to someone recently.”

Realization dawns on Jaejoong as soon as the words fall on his ears. There are no women in the base to be attracted to, so he knows Jaewook is referring to a male.

“I think it’s natural to be curious when you’re stuck in a room with men for two years,” Jaejoong laughs.

“I want to tell that person, but I don’t want to be viewed as someone disgusting.”

Jaejoong smiles sympathetically and tucks a non-existent lock of hair behind Jaewook’s reddening ear. “If that person is who I’m thinking it is, I promise he won’t be cruel to you.”

At that, Jaewook finally looks up into Jaejoong’s eyes. He finds nothing but warmth and encouragement in them. “Hyung, I think you’re really beautiful. I feel so drawn to you.”

Jaejoong chuckles. “Thank you, that makes me very happy,” he whispers, and hugs the boy close to him.

After a few minutes Jaewook feels like he can’t really breathe so he pulls back gently. “Hyung…have you ever…with another man…I mean…”

“Ah, I can’t really tell you that, can I? What if you reveal my secrets to the public?”

“I’m—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Shh, it’s okay. I know you’re just wondering. I can sense the burning curiosity in you. It drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”

Jaewook feels enchanted by Jaejoong’s gaze, his every word. He rests his fingertips gentle at the base of Jaejoong’s neck. “It—yeah, it does. Every spare moment I have I find myself thinking about what it would be like—” he bites his lip to cut himself off.

“I know it’s hard. Every part of these two years is hard. But you have to endure.” Jaejoong says, voice hollow.

“Yes hyung,” Jaewook agrees solemnly.

The heat breaks at the end of summer, the leaves fall off the trees and rot on the ground, and a beautiful white covering of snow falls. Jaewook finds himself in Jaejoong’s bed on more than one occasion. Nothing ever really happens between them. Just a few sweet, comforting words, a conversation, two cold bodies pressed together to share heat. Once the rapid beating of Jaewook’s heart calms, he breathes in the older man’s scent. Sweet and delicious and warm. He never wants to leave Jaejoong’s side.

Snow piles up and swallows the sounds of the outside world. All that can be heard is the breathing of the men as the lie in sleep through the dark, cold night.

“Hyung,” Jaewook whispers.

Jaejoong looks down at him in question.

“I want to know.”

“Want to know what?”

“I want to know what it’s like to be with another man. I have to know. Please,” he whispers, reaching out trembling fingertips to brush against the fabric of Jaejoong’s shirt.

Jaejoong’s brows furrow together. “What are you asking me?”

Jaewook looks up, desperate and hungry. “Show me. Please,” he chokes out, and then presses his face gently into the crook of Jaejoong’s neck. “Please,” he breathes again, the feeling, the scent of Jaejoong’s smooth skin under him too sweet and perfect.

“I can’t do that, you know I can’t.”

“Please,” the younger boy repeats.

Jaejoong pushes him away gently. He searches Jaewook’s face for anything that would imply deception. Instead, he finds young, nervous eyes, as big and brown as the earth. Honest, sincere eyes. Jaejoong has always been too trusting. He leans in slowly, hesitantly, and then just barely ghosts his lips over Jaewook’s.

“You can’t make a sound, you understand?” Jaejoong whispers into his ear.

Excited breaths escape through Jaewook’s nose. He trembles. “I understand.”

The look of worry doesn’t leave Jaejoong’s face. “Take off your pants.”

Jaewook’s heart leaps. He complies. With trembling fingers he tugs at the waistline of his pants and pushes them down, eager to feel Jaejoong against him one more. The pants pool around his ankles and Jaejoong tugs them off. He positions himself over the younger man and pulls the blanket around their close bodies, as if trying to hide what they are about to do. It’s a weak effort, but it provides some sense of security.

Jaejoong looks down at the shaking boy beneath him. Conflict surges through his mind until soft, thin hands wind around Jaejoong’s shoulders and pull him down for a warm embrace. Pure, inexperienced lips whisper “thank you,” and “I’ll never tell anyone” in his ear and Jaejoong decides he had better get this over with. He pulls back, holds himself over Jaewook’s body on his hands and knees, and offers two fingers, pushing them past the seam of the younger boy’s lips. Jaewook looks up, confused for a moment, and it just reminds Jaejoong of how new the boy is to all of this. Jaewook accepts the fingers into his mouth and roams his tongue over the digits, tasting Jaejoong’s skin, roughened from the year of military work.

Once they’re slick enough, Jaejoong pulls his fingers out and leans down again. “This will hurt. It won’t feel good at first. But you cannot make a sound.”

He pushes one finger in. The muscles fight to keep him out but accepts the digit after it pushes past the ring, then it sucks him in. He thrusts it in and out and keeps his eyes trained fast on Jaewook. The young boy bites his lip and breathes through his nose, chest rising and falling visibly. Jaejoong sympathizes. He knows this…process is usually more enjoyable if you can make all the noise you want. So he presses a kiss to the boy’s brow to make up for it.

Jaejoong circles the second finger around the boy’s entrance in a warning of what is to come. Jaewook’s eyes widen and then roll back slightly when the digit is pushed in. It’s hot, much too hot under these covers, with another body on top of him, his shirt still on. Even in the dead of a silent winter, it’s too hot. The fingers stretch him out and it’s unpleasant at first but then Jaejoong crooks his fingers just right and it takes absolutely everything the younger boy has in him to not scream and thrash around like a fish washed up on dry shore.

Too soon, Jaejoong pulls his fingers out. “I’m going to push into you now. We don’t have the proper materials so it will hurt, do you understand? You must keep your mouth closed.”

Jaewook nods frantically. He doesn’t care how much it will hurt. If it’s Jaejoong, it doesn’t matter. He wants to feel everything.

Jaejoong pushes in slowly, inch by inch, until he’s sheathed to the hilt. Jaewook presses his lips together in a tight line as he fights the urge to scream because of the over-stimulating pleasure and relentless heat. The older man begins to roll his hips, gradually building speed. He keeps his body as low as possible, their chests pressing together. Jaewook fights the loud noises catching in his throat and instead wraps his arms tightly around Jaejoong’s broad shoulders and buries his face in Jaejoong’s pale, smooth neck. He thrusts his hips up to get more sweet friction around his arousal. Jaejoong hurries his speed. The breath escaping Jaewook’s nose becomes louder, more erratic as the pleasure builds inside him. Jaejoong reaches a hand in between their bodies and wraps his fingers around Jaewook’s member. He strokes it, long and slow and Jaewook wants nothing more than to groan out loud.

The young soldier feels a heat more intense than any pool inside him and he knows he’s close. His arms clench around Jaejoong’s shoulders and Jaejoong feels the boy’s walls clench around his length. He pumps Jaewook a few more times and then pulls out just as the boy cums, hot and long around Jaejoong’s fingers.

Jaejoong presses his lips to Jaewook’s ears. “Breathe,” he chuckles.

Jaewook releases his lower lip from his teeth and gasps, the sound muffled by Jaejoong’s neck. Jaewook feels Jaejoong’s hardness above him and looks up in question. The older man smiles encouragingly. Enchanted by the expression, Jaewook’s hand reaches between them to quickly get Jaejoong off. The feeling of Jaejoong’s length, hard, heavy, and so so hot in his hands, is something Jaewook never wants to forget. He strokes him at a good pace, and within a few minutes Jaejoong cums with a final pant, gorgeous and airy.

They lay next to each other, Jaewook catching his breath, Jaejoong already perfectly composed once more. Jaewook puts his pants back on and cuddles into Jaejoong’s chest, broad and warm. Jaejoong knows this isn’t right, but he doesn’t have the heart to refuse.

For a few days afterwards, they are a bit awkward. No one notices much, because the quiet, subtle interactions they had were already few and far between. They still bid each other good night, but Jaewook doesn’t go to Jaejoong’s bed anymore. Jaejoong doesn’t ask why.

Months go by. Jaejoong is unsure about the passage of time these days. All he knows is that the seasons are passing, slowly but surely. He watches the sky many days and thinks that it’s been an eternity since his old life. He misses music, but these silent moments are nice too. He thinks he’ll miss them when it’s time to go back. Something like bitterness swirls in his heart when he thinks that he’s never quite happy where he is, always missing something, or always looking forward to something else. He tries to breath in the clean air, feel its chill burn in his dry nostrils, but he coughs it right back out. He was never really one for nature.

Jaewook is consumed with fear and thoughts of passion. His mind often wanders back to that one night he spent with Jaejoong, learning the ways of making love to another man. He knows that, to Jaejoong, it wasn’t love making, just a favor. But to Jaewook, it was something so wonderful that he was afraid to face the day when he wouldn’t ever be able to see Jaejoong this close again. He watches Jaejoong from his spot behind the trees—watches as the older man looks up at the sky. He wonders what’s on Jaejoong’s mind. He wants nothing more than to reach out and hold him close again.

It is the last week of Jaejoong’s duty as an active soldier. Jaejoong lies awake in bed once more, thoughts racing. Soon, all this will be over. Life in the military wasn’t much of a life, but over the past months he had adapted to it. Appreciated it, even, in some ways. Jaejoong wonders if he’ll return to his bad habits when he leaves, or if he’ll try to stay away from dangerous amounts of alcohol. He thinks his fans might appreciate it if he did.

A soft nudge to his shoulders pulls him out of his swirling thoughts. “Hyung,” a familiar voice whispers, “can I lie down with you?”

Jaejoong moves over and nods.

“You’re leaving soon,” the boy states.

“Yeah, I am. Are you going to miss Hyung?”

Suddenly, Jaewook wraps an arm around Jaejoong’s waist and presses against him, face buried in the crook of Jaejoong’s chest. “Hyung,” he chokes out.

Jaejoong smiles and runs a hand down the younger boy’s back. “It’s okay, Jaewook-ah. We can still be friends.”

“Can we really?”

“Sure we can. Why not?”

“I mean, you’re so busy out there.”

Jaejoong smiles. “Yeah, I am, but I can always make time for friends. I can be your friend, Jaewook, but I’m afraid I can’t be more than that.”

Jaewook fists his hand into the fabric of Jaejoong’s shirt. “Yeah, I know. Okay. Yeah.”

Jaejoong pulls back so he can look straight into the young boy’s eyes. “You will find someone who will make you very happy. I’ve never met anyone with a heart as pure as yours. Be patient.”

“There won’t ever be a man as beautiful as you.”

Jaejoong laughs. Jaewook thinks it’s this sound of Jaejoong’s laughter he’ll miss the most. “You’re too kind. And by the way, beauty won’t last forever. Look for someone with a good heart, like yours.”

“Hyung…”

“Promise me?”

A silent pause. “Okay. I promise. I’ll try.”

Jaejoong hugs him close one last time. “Good boy.”

On the day of his discharge, one of Jaejoong’s sisters and his father come to pick him up and take him home for a weekend of rest. He salutes the men he had come to know, and his eyes linger in contact with Jaewook for one moment longer than the rest. The twitch of his lips implies a smile, and Jaewook knows this is goodbye for now. But somehow, somewhere deep down, he knows it’ll be okay.

“Jaejoong-ie, we really missed you,” says his sister.

“Was it tough being away for so long?” Jaejoong’s father asks.

“…It wasn’t so bad. I made some friends.”

Jaejoong goes back to his crazy life of music, fanmeets, concerts, and all the insane things that come with being a celebrity. His members aren’t there to welcome him back so things are a bit quieter than when he left, though his fans seem to be louder than ever. It’s comforting, knowing that he wasn’t abandoned in the two years he was gone from their lives. Jaejoong thinks back to before his service. He used to be so scared, so insecure of people leaving him. He supposes he’s still the same way, but for some reason, he’s not as afraid anymore. Two years away built in him patience and trust. The ones who love you don’t leave that easily.

They still meet up sometimes. When Jaewook comes to the city, he calls Jaejoong. They meet, share a meal, drink. Jaejoong drinks less nowadays, Jaewook never drank much in the first place. It’s nice, just to sit with a non-celebrity and pretend for a while that a whirring world of camera flashes and airport mobs don’t await him every day of his life.

Jaewook grows up handsomely. He matures, too. He learns to look upon the memories of intimate moments he shared with Jaejoong as precious ones, but not something to stay hung up on. He uses the experience to grow. He hopes Jaejoong knows that he is grateful for the lessons the older man taught him in love.

“I think I found someone, Jaejoong-hyung.”

Jaejoong looks up from his half-empty bowl of jjigae. “Oh, really? That’s good news, Jaewook-ah. I’m happy for you.”

Jaewook nods. “But hyung, what about you? Isn’t there anyone…”

Jaejoong can only smile sadly and sigh. “I’ve been thinking about that recently, too. I want to see someone, but I just don’t know if our past can ever be repaired.”

“Hyung, he’d be a fool to not date you, whoever he is.”

“I don’t know, our…relationship was messy. Long and messy.”

Jaewook reaches out a hand and grips Jaejoong’s lightly. “Hyung, if it’s that messy, and you’re still wanting to see him again, I’m sure it’s something worth fighting for. Try again, one last time.”

Jaejoong smiles. Then he flicks Jaewook’s forehead. “Hey, since when did you get better at relationship advice than me? Are you forgetting who taught you everything you know?”

The younger man laughs.

They part ways after Jaewook insists on paying for the meal. Jaejoong thinks they won’t be seeing each other again for some time.

After an evening of schedules, Jaejoong goes home to his apartment. He feeds Jiji, makes something for himself. Showers, pulls on pajamas, curls up on the couch and unwinds with whatever drama is on.

He unlocks his phone. The name in his contact list shines bright white against the black screen background.

He takes a breath and presses call.

“Hello? Jaejoong-ie? Wow, it’s uh, been a while. Hi.”

“Hey, yeah, it’s me. I know, it really has. But hey, I was wondering…what do you say we give us one last shot?”

a/n: wow, i never thought i'd write an oc fic tbh. congratulations to jaejoong for ranking number one in his training unit. i'm so, so proud of you babe. also, happy bday to me hehehe seeing his beautiful face from those pics from his graduation ceremony was the best bday present i could've asked for uwu he looked so /healthy/ i wanted to just. cry. slkdjfad. as usual, self-beta'd, i apologize for any spelling errors! and hehe, that person jaejoong calls at the end, i'll leave it up to your imagination! you can pair him with whoever you want ;u;. i had a certain person in my mind (a certain person who calls him jaejoong-ie) but it's really up to you. ♥) and yeah, i still suck at titles wtf ugh

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하루의 끝(The end of the day)

keyhun — Sat, 25 Apr 2015 20:51:30 GMT

rating: pg-13
pairing: yunho/jaejoong
genre: flufffff
length: ~1200wc
summary: yunho and jaejoong's days begin and end at different times, but coming home to each other is a nice perk.

It’s cold these days. Snow falls and winds bite. Cheeks redden when scarves slip off and hands are shoved into pockets. Nostrils burn and eyes water with cool dryness.

Jaejoong thinks of his boyfriend waiting for him at home and speeds up. He’s almost there when he smells something delicious, warm, intoxicating. It’s coffee. Really, really nice coffee.

He pulls out his wallet and looks inside. There isn’t much, nor is there much in his bank account. But he thinks of Yunho waiting for him at home and how he’s working the nightshift tonight and thinks, /what’s life without some simple pleasures?

Jaejoong enters the tiny coffee shop, dimly lit and cramped, only a few stools set against a wall for sitting space. It’s okay though, he’ll be taking his order to go.

“Your order?”

“Give me the strongest thing you have. And for the other one, just a vanilla latte, please.”

Jaejoong walks out of the shop with a smile on his face and his two hands cradling the cups, the heat from the warm drinks keeping his hands from freezing off. He rushes home, barely avoiding slipping on the icy pavement.

“Yunho, I’m home.”

“Jaejoongie, hey, I’m in here!” Yunho calls from the kitchen.

Jaejoong sets down his bag by the front and sheds his outer layers. He smooths his hair in the mirror in the hallway and grins as he takes the cups of coffee to the kitchen.

“What’s this?”

“Coffee. For your long shift tonight. I found a new place, it smelled too good to pass up.”

Yunho stares blankly for a minute, then takes his cup and gives Jaejoong his welcome-home kiss. “Thanks, love. How was your day?”

Jaejoong unwinds after a long day of work. They talk on the couch for a while, curled up in each other’s arms. It’s cold outside these days, but Yunho is always warm. He kisses Jaejoong every once in a while, on his cheek, his forehead. Yunho plays with Jaejoong’s hair or hand or sweater absentmindedly as Jaejoong talks. And Jaejoong talks about fascinating things. Yunho loves to listen to him.

Jaejoong falls asleep on the couch and Yunho drapes a blanket over him and then gets up to change for work. He’s been working nights at the hospital recently. It’s nice in a way, that he can be home to receive Jaejoong and Jaejoong can be home in the mornings to receive Yunho, but Yunho misses spending his nights in bed with Jaejoong, where he belongs.

He puts on his scrubs and on the way out, notices Jaejoong’s sleeping figure. It’s heavenly and Yunho is so grateful that he can look at it. He kneels by the couch to look at Jaejoong up close for a few minutes. His eyes rove over the long lashes, parted lips, and messy hair. Yunho knows there’s no one else in the world for him. He kisses Jaejoong’s lips and rises to leave.

“Come back safe,” Jaejoong mumbles, still half asleep.

“Sleep, love,” Yunho whispers, and Jaejoong does just that.

The coffee Jaejoong got for Yunho definitely did the trick because he has no problem staying up that night. But by the time he comes home it’s seven in the morning and the sun is peeking over the horizon and humans really aren’t meant to stay up all night after all. Sunrises are always gorgeous in the winter but Jaejoong is more breathtaking so Yunho rushes home and climbs into bed next to Jaejoong and holds him in his arms.

“You’ve worked hard,” Jaejoong says sleepily.

“You have too. My hard-working Jaejoongie, always trying to be there for me. You must be tired these days, too.”

“Nothing a kiss can’t fix,” Jaejoong giggles.

Yunho cures Jaejoong’s tiredness ten times over with more kisses than either of them can count.

The sun rises, blood red and orange over the snow-covered land. Jaejoong fights his tiredness and rises out of the bed. He looks down over Yunho’s sleeping figure and thinks that the early morning sunlight does wonders to Yunho’s light brown hair. And his tan skin. And everything. Basically, Yunho looks perfect.

Jaejoong sighs and shakes his head. He needs to stop getting distracted by his boyfriend.

He gets ready for his job, stretching and yawning all the way.

Jaejoong decides to grab a quick breakfast before heading out and something catches his eye.

A shiny new coffeemaker. And a bag of coffee beans. It must have cost a lot, but Yunho’s always been the more financially responsible one between the two of them, so Jaejoong trusts him.

Jaejoong grins and brews himself a cup. He watches the sun come up from behind the window and catches his own faint reflection. There’s a light in his eyes—something that only shines when he’s really happy.

But how could he not be? The ends of his days were perfect, and so were the beginnings. So he’d work hard in the middle, and come home to Yunho’s strong arms and relax in his embrace.

The days were cold, but Yunho would always be warm.

The snow doesn’t melt for a few more months, but when Yunho holds him close and kisses him ten, twenty, countless times and rolls his hips down against Jaejoong's, Jaejoong forgets what cold feels like. He clings to the friction and even though outside everything frozen solid, his heart feels so warm under those pretty brown eyes that it nearly melts.

“Jaejoongie, I’m home,” Yunho whispers. Last night’s shift was the craziest one yet, and to say he’s exhausted would be an understatement.

“Welcome home, love.” Jaejoong mumbles, and makes room on the bed for Yunho.

Yunho curls into his side and holds Jaejoong for the few hours that he still can.

“You smell like coffee,” Jaejoong notices vaguely, eyes still glued shut.

Yunho’s already snoring. Jaejoong chuckles and throws a leg around Yunho’s waist, nuzzles into his neck.

“You’ve worked so hard. Rest as long as you need to, love.”

Yunho doesn’t wake up until the sun goes down. But then Jaejoong comes home and smiles and kisses him and what’s so great about sunsets when Jaejoong’s eyes are brighter than the sun itself?

“Come here,” Yunho growls, and pulls Jaejoong into the bed.

Jaejoong laughs and flails around. “Yunho!” he cries, “I have to make dinner, oh my god, stop doing that, you’re tickling me!”

But Yunho is relentless and kisses Jaejoong’s neck until he has his fill of the sweet-tasting pale skin. He sits back up and grins.

“Sorry, I just missed you.”

Jaejoong hums and straddles Yunho’s lap. He places a cute kiss to the tip of Yunho’s nose. “Missed you too babe. But I’m making your favorite~” he sings.

Yunho follows Jaejoong to the kitchen like a puppy and watches as Jaejoong works with a smile on his face the whole time. Yunho has seen too many patients to die to believe in anything lasting forever, but still, he thinks it would be nice if this could be an exception.

The sun rises and sets and the snow falls and melts and some days are okay while others are god-awful but after a hard day’s work, coming home to Yunho, who always greets him with a hug and a kiss, is more than Jaejoong could ever ask for.

a/n: LOL UM. I MISS YUNJAE. THIS IS PROBABLY REALLY CRAPPY I'M SORRY I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE POSTING THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M CAPABLE OF SOMETHING THIS...FLUFFY...ughslkdjaf; anyways i have some longer, more ~serious~ type fics im working on right now but final exams are happening so i can't dedicate much time to them right now. but soon, hopefully! lol if you liked this please leave a comment! ♥

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