I am about to turn 21! I am going to ze bar and am contemplating what should be my first drink. What should I order?

Some things bother me. Do I get bothered too easily? Probably. But why doesn't Justin do anything to make it better?

Like this.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=1578580643&v=wall&story_fbid=1420792091332

This bothered me.

The fact that even though I told Justin that he needed to set up a meeting with Dan, himself, and I so that he could set Dan straight IN FRONT OF ME. And apologize IN FRONT OF ME still hasn't happened also bothers me.

I get that Dan is Justin's only other friend in the world. I really do. But in all honesty, if you guys made public declarations against Justin, I would tell you all to fuck off. With love. But all the same, I would tell you to fuck off. So it really does bother me that he doesn't call Dan out on his shit. Sure, Justin SAYS he set Dan straight, but does he honestly think he did a very good job of it if Dan is saying shit like this on facebook?

He still hasn't taken me to one of those parties. I'm just so freaking suspicious of it all.

I told Justin that being on a break made me feel like I was just a big liar. I felt like I was lying to Justin and I was lying to the guy I went out with. I don't think he felt that way. That bothers me too.

Maybe I do get bothered too easily and I'm just good at convincing myself why I'm allowed to be bother. I don't know.

Bob Marly said, 'Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones who are worth suffering for.'

Do you think this is true?

How much suffering is too much?

Molly Keesling stood up for me and it makes me very happy.

I would like to hand Mandy a pop can and say, 'Use this to go fuck yourself, you stupid bitch.'

I haven't been able to sleep the last couple nights.

I feel so...shitty. Ugh. I had a bad childhood. My dad was angry and my mom was hyper critical and there were several other things that just makes it very hard to remember a happy time in my childhood. But you take things for what they are...yeah, it sucked but I can be better. I liked the way my mom made holidays special but I never want to discourage my kids the way she did. You realize that things weren't perfect but that doesn't make things hopeless.

Then someone like Mandy comes along saying that people like me are whiners who are going to raise whiny kids because they didn't smack them hard enough and it just...makes fun of everything that I am trying to overcome. It's a big deal for me to say that I am going to actually take the time to be an arbitrator to my kids, that it matters what they think and that I would use spanking in life threatening situations, It's important for me because I've seen how horrible just mindlessly taking out aggression on your kids can be. Mandy? She says, 'Why wouldn't I hit them when I'm mad at them?'

I kind of want her out of my life right now.

It's just been making me think of all the horrible things that happened to me as a kid.

Also, why do I feel like Justin just doesn't get me at all right now?

 Will I ever be able to understand a damn word that comes out of my personality psychology professor's mouth? And will anything ever come out her mouth that actually has to do with what the class was supposed to be teaching?

I'm trying to take a break from cramming before my test which is in TWO HOURS! I need to stop working so much...I should get a job that pays better so I can work less. Or maybe stop playing so much Final Fantasy :-P

Welll...informal hearing for that rear ending on Friday. I think I'll call the cop to ask him how things are going to go down...just to make sure he still remembers that he said he'd dismiss my ticket.

Been playing Final Fantasy a lot lately, haha. It's pretty crazy how far their gender roles have gone. Lightning is completely androgynous without being boring or overly stereotypical. I just recently read that Japan rated number one on cultural distinctions between male and female. Maybe this study is outdated now? I mean, they were perfectly ok with changing a conceptual boy character into a girl later in development with very little changes to the actual character. Very exciting. I must bring this up in my next Cross-Cultural Psychology class.

Yeah, I know I'm not enrolled in a cross-cultural psychology class but it is the end of march and we are only just now learing theories of personality in my Psychology of Personality class. Lets face it: It's Cross-Cultural Psychology.



Also, Mandy told me Jordan regrets blowing this all out of proportion so much and feels bad for hurting me. I guess that's all I needed. Not that I'll ever be his friend again, but I feel a lot better now. I don't even need the apology, and I can let go of the feeling of betrayl from Mandy too now. She picked the guy over me, what a shock. She's trying to make it right in her way and I guess I'll just have to stop having such high expectations for everyone.

I think I'd just stay in my apartment and watch Justin do when I'm not there. I feel like if I knew what he was like when I'm not around, I'd know why he wants me around so badly. Give me so value or something.