Writing refractive.

Tomatoes! Corn! Laser gun.

2015-02-09T19:51:16Z

I was thinking of making a framework for productivity while driving to work today.

So my time has been mainly split into these things (except for sleeping, of course): Work, Stay Safe, and Studying

This leaves little time for creative pursuits, unless I'm able to organize my time better. I'm able to jam fun stuff in there, but I'd like to get more things accomplished.

Use of the Pomodoro technique is essential. Also thinking of chores as a bool statement.

More on this later.

Thankful2

2014-12-11T07:16:46Z

I'm thankful for Casa Le Tigre being inviting (though I need to talk to her inhabitants more), the Internets, and dancey musics.

Thankful1

2014-12-09T06:09:53Z

Today I'm thankful for juice, home, and chrome.

Hey, that rhymes. Time to sleep off this cold.

Constantly Working.

2014-12-05T05:54:47Z

I want a tattoo.

2014-11-21T07:50:14Z

I'd like to figure out a tattoo or few before I turn 30.

That's my goal for the rest of 29.

Other than that, I've been thinking about struggles. How much people around my age are struggling, but the many friends that I see that are at least appearing to be successful. How FaceBook makes a window where you can be envious of perception. How spending time online like that isn't doing anything to work against your own personal struggles.

Something to think about.

'View today.

2014-11-20T08:05:03Z

I don't feel as prepared as I thought I was.

I'll at least say that I was able to have an answer for all questions, so that's something.

My problem is that I keep worrying about it, and it's getting in the way of my mood. I need to get over it, and move on to something else.

At least it's over. Next crisis!

Interstellar

2014-11-17T08:36:36Z

.... wasn't too bad. A bit contrived at times, but definitely within the bounds of a good sci-fi flick. Good stuff.

I'm used to getting closure, but it's been pointed out to me that it shouldn't be a requirement. I should be okay without it. Finding catharsis within myself would be the best bet.

Ah the fallacies of overthinking and short-circuiting. Good thing I have that emotional STOP button that I learned the first time I went to Burning Man. It's important to have a handle on your own emotions before you can take care of anybody else's. That's not to say I don't have to continue working on it, but I feel like I've definitely gotten farther than I was say... 5 years ago.

Own your shit!

Hey, I feel human again.

2014-11-07T08:15:13Z

It's a great feeling!

Anxiety -10

Overload!

2014-10-17T07:28:06Z

Really been keeping me busy!

I got roped into doing GOTV and canvassing... which should be done since it's a midterm. Ugh, guilt and obligations.

Doing fine in my certificate class. Decided to skip yesterday's class, and I have some technical problems, but the homework isn't too difficult.

Need to do some Stay Safe stuff, training, and try to find some parties to work.

Started a new D&D group on Mondays online. 5th ed! It's interesting so far.

Too much to do! All on top of working 40 hours a week. I need more time.

Not sure.

2014-05-09T07:09:40Z

That's a twisty puzzle. I'll have to marinate on that.

"Believe in the me that believes in you! "

2014-03-30T10:00:31Z

Watching this movie hits on so many levels. The singularity, post-apocalyptic, big robots, etc. The hopeless optimism of life.

Constant Frustrations

2012-09-11T19:03:30Z

Sometimes it just feels like I'm speaking a different language. It's like - I do my normal thing and sugarcoat, and I get trampled on. I start yelling about what I want and I offend. The struggle of being passive-aggressive. I can't get to a middle ground. Well, I know the middle ground, but I have to work hard to get there and make sure my thoughts are formed.

I just really hate when people demand things of me rudely. It goes against my values of being respectful and polite. If you can't at least be nice about what you ask and act like an adult, then I'm not going to do what you ask!

Again, between work, home life, family and other stresses it really feels like I'm getting surrounded quickly. I have to find the little victories to keep me going.

On the upside, going camping this weekend! I have a lot of things to prepare and stuff to get...

Blah.

2012-09-09T01:13:19Z

Life's generally been going. Amongst wanting a new, better job, I've been feeling a little frustrated, like I'm not in control. Doesn't help that the house is messy, and I wish I could get more help with that.

But I find it really frustrating that my projects have gone on the back burner and I constantly feel like I don't have time. Idk, yo. :-\

Digipens...

2012-06-15T07:55:01Z

Looked into Digipen more before bed... will it be worth it? I don't know, but I'm putting more thought into really dedicating my life to it. Unlike undergrad at UW, where I got by as a slacker, I actually want to learn something and be effective.

Completed Precalc I today, starting the second in a couple weeks. I can start working on my admissions app now.

I'll go over some basic programming sites to prep myself.

As for work, I need to talk to the hiring manager about that promotion... to try and seal that deal. I know it's a long term career goal there, but I'm not sure how I can reconcile that and going back to school. Hm...

Priorities.

2012-06-03T10:14:54Z

What really matters to me:
1. Famiry
2. Work
3. Girlfriend
4. Education
5. Music
6. Friends
... in no particular order.

I really want to DJ. I'm glad there is a Digipen major in Sound Engineering. Justification for being a band geek/taking piano lessons/being in choir when I was in grade school! YEAH!

These are my goals. Things that I live by. My life is awesome. I was born in the USA. I am the 1% of the world. It always can be worse.

I gots food, a roof over my head, many people that love me, and video games. Life is good.

New Year's 2012 (the last one EVER)

2012-01-17T08:31:00Z

Just kidding!

Uh... soooo... what's up kapslocked? Just felt like writing in you after something like... what was that? Eight months?! Oh my god, I'm SO sorry! I've just been busy... y'know... moved out, got a pretty regular job, girlfriend, etc. Oh, so you're saying it sounds like I've been doing well for myself? Sure, I guess - but it can always be BETTER!

Yeah, so life is much, much better. I really need to start writing here again to get centered and focused - pretty much why I wanted to. I feel like I'm all over the place - between work, Timia (that's the g/f), aspiring to DJ, wanting to go back to school, as well as get a little fit I feel I'm stretched pretty thin. Then keeping in contact with people, family, etc. Life gets a bit difficult.

I guess I've traded the quarter life crisis of having nothing to do, no skill, plenty of (worthwhile?) education for the QLC with some money, building skill, worthless education and too much to do. And I'm a few years older. I feel kinda old. At least in relation to lots of other people.

Anyways, I'll get to bellyaching about these creaky joints and bones later. I wanted to focus on the projects I want to get done, some already listed above.

Get back to school! I want to possibly do something technical - Digipen, something in Computer Science. It's always been my dream to go to Digipen, just never followed through or focused on that. Kind of a weird... not wanting to seem really geeky in high school thing. With that, I've been taking math classes at Bellevue College to review, and I really want to start writing here again to get back into it. I should look into some resources online on improving writing skills - or at least get an idea of what I need to do again. Need to write them personal statements. Yo. Heh.

In the meantime, I have a job and hopefully will get some sort of promotion soon, but I'm not sure what's up. I'll keep doing what I'm doing and I hope this will yield positive results. It's kinda boring stockroom inventory work, but I don't have to deal with any customers and I can set my own pace. Keeps me busy and pays the rent.

I do want to DJ still... I just have trouble figuring out what to practice, etc. I should just keep reviewing the tracks I've collected over the past couple years and see what's good. Maybe make more of a fun system out of it? I seem to like to do that kinda thing. Some day I'll be able to afford Serato or some other nice hard drive-based interface. ^^

Keepin' fit. I think I should just keep at it, do more research, and manage my diet a bit. I don't eat TOO too much, but I can cut back on soda (usually only energy drinks or whenever I (rarely now) drink) and fast food (just because it's convenient). I really should plan my lunches out more and bring food to work.

I also really need to keep track of you guys. Just friends in general. Block out special time with Timia (though I do tend to spend a lot of time with her in general). She's suggested I do something once a week, and it'd be great to get people together to hang. @pixxiySundae this Sunday? :D

Anyways, it's late and I want to get up über-early tomorrow. Wish me luck with that.

Nyancat, Animoo, and Memories

2011-04-26T13:47:37Z

I've almost been going to SakuraCon for 10 years. That's pretty long.

The con has also grown exponentially since then. From the cramped hallways of the old SeaTac Hilton, to the expensive streets of downtown... as well, I'm not sure how to take this. I've seen the kids who were really young when I first got involved grow up to be confident and capable adults!

While true, I have seen most of them at least once a year since then, it didn't really click in my head until this year. This movement, this culture has really been a big part of my life that I've missed. When I was growing up 10 years ago there were only a few animes available to watch, and only half that if you didn't have cable. Now there's hundreds I haven't seen, and it's generally easy to access them, whether it be Netflix, YouTube, CrunchyRoll, or torrenting.

Tech keeps rolling. I need to keep up.

kapslocked @ 2011-02-28T00:03:00

2011-02-28T08:03:03Z

I had a pretty good weekend.

Hung out with some of my good friends, had good times. Reaffirmed a close friendship and reaffirmed the kind of person that I am.

A lot of the things that have happened in the past couple years clouded my self-image and made me unsure of who I was. I'm realizing this is partly due to having to bide my time and wait to find out what I want to do, that "good" job that can let me fully support myself.

And another one of my friends told me that it takes time, even with a degree. Especially in this economy. The best thing I can do is improve my communication skills so I can effectively say "HEY, ASSHOLES WHO ARE OFFERING UP JOBS, I HAVE GOOD SKILLS DESPITE MY LACK OF EXPERIENCE," so to speak.

Slowly doubt has crept up on me and with a little help I've been able to cast it off. I at least generally know what I want to be doing for the next year or so. Wind in my sails. Getting back and comfortable in my own shoes again, despite any environmental limitations I may have. ACTUALLY willing to work with this, and facing my problems instead of hoping they'll go away.

It's a good starting point for self improvement.

Whoops! clash!

2011-02-25T09:17:46Z

Oh, it's been a month already, and I'm ending up back at the same dead-end job. Alright for now.

Certification in programming? In the works, probably in spring.

Search for other work? Concurrent, though it's hard to apply when I'm busy all the time w/ work or otherwise. My current puzzle is why I'm not getting the responses I want to my applications. Need to tighten up ~~the graphics on level 3~~ my resume and learn to be more specific in my cover letter? Need to figure out who the hiring manager is and bug them? It's the strange conundrum of having a degree, being educated and smart, but lacking in experience. How do you get experience? By working. How do you get work? By having experience.

It's really been a frustrating journey.

So I've decided to stop and backpedal. Work on making my resume more specific, or adding a little bit of creative flow. Considering the amount of applications I'm making/should send out (maybe ~10 a week, probably should be 10 a day) I have leeway to be a little... weird with my responses. I.E. good at making toast. Things like that. Just to check if these people are even fucking reading my resume.

Maybe I should put this down: "Other work experience: Amateur Smartass. From the moment I started speaking - Present. Note that this is here to make sure you're paying attention."

Also worked out today. Been keeping it up for a little bit, but had to take a break because I got sick the day after I started. Felt really good, really got some of my negative energy out. Look forward to a run again tomorrow after work. Then a Cthulu party.

kapslocked @ 2011-01-29T04:17:00

2011-01-29T12:18:06Z

Wow! I have not posted at all in three months!

Uh... to quickly catch up... finished my contract at Nintendo, looking for other places of employment. Hopefully can get some part time work as a lighting/sound tech. And if anything, hopefully provide a basis for me to get a career in it. Something I honestly wouldn't mind doing.

Otherwise... while I want a generic office job, I need a little bit more leverage on my resume. I'll probably look into worksource for classes or whatever in the next week.

Overall my life needs to be re-prioritized. Or focused. For the past couple years I've gotten by, and try my best to have fun while doing it. I've had fun but now it's not good enough - I need more push to get better.

To borrow from BSG... I need to break the cycle. Maybe it's better if I start over, don't limit myself in terms of work and be willing to take a job below what I'd normally want to get paid for. Move out under those circumstances, learn to live without a lot of the amenities that I have.

On the technical/internets side, could I survive on just a tethered 4g connection? Given, I wouldn't be able to use Netflix or XBL, but those are things I would gladly give up for more independence. This is something to think about....

Pop n' Ramen!

2010-10-07T20:49:20Z

So been listening to the new Maroon 5, Hands All Over. I like it for the most part, like their other albums. The only thing I don't really like is that for a few tracks they decided for a more 'country' feel. But otherwise it's good stuff! (Yeah, I'm a little soft and squishy. Pop guilty pleasures, no?)

Also Maroon 5 reminds me of Jasmine, which is bad, but my enjoyment of the band outweighs any of that.

RAMEN BOWL OF THE WEEK!

I tried this tom yum soup instant ramen bowl last week at work. YUCK. Never get it, it tastes NOTHING like tom yum soup... just like... sour blah. One point of lulz is that the directions tell you to put "bowling water" into it. XD;

That's all for now.

Plans to improve future Burns

2010-09-14T06:22:22Z

1. Always bring 2-3 sealed packs of clean clothes. Includes shoes. Pack them away before getting to the gate.

2. Keep valuables in a safe place. This is a duh, and hasn't been a problem. *knok knok*

3. Reserve at least 3 days to search/check out art installations. Bring the flask along for more fun!

4. You can always pack extras, but don't go too far. 4 totes/luggage at most. Get real totes, and have a 3rd one to carry your carryons and extra shyt.

5. Encourage people to pace themselves.

6. Always remember: RSR,RSR - Radical Self Reliance, and Radical Self Expression.

Mission Plan #123812739187349

2010-07-25T09:18:04Z

On days when I work (hopefully I keep working at least until my planned vaca for Burning Man...) I'll pretty much just work, unless there's something to do right after around 4-ish. Also depending on if I have work the next day, etc. Sleep/nap would be nice.

If I don't work, I should spend at least an hour looking for places to apply, improving resumes, etc. Another hour biking, working out, p90x. Another hour mixing. That lays it out pretty easily. Let's see if I can keep up with just those three things.

Writer's Block: Good Morning Heartache

2010-07-25T08:59:17Z

I'm a perfectionist. Recently (for the past... year and a half or so) I haven't been able to live that perfect standard that I desire. Really, I want a... palatable job where I can afford apartment and car and whatever, run my own life instead of this slightly transient position I'm stuck in.

Okay. Not so transient, but one of the points I made about moving back home was trying to not get too comfortable to keep in mind that this is temporary until I can get on my feet. Fast forward to now, I have a job that gets me pocket money but definitely not enough to move out. I'll be able to afford Burning Man this year, at the least.

It's actually a life I take for granted. I always have to remind myself that I have it pretty good. Family that loves me and supports me, I'm able to enjoy my expensive tastes in tech and video games, snowboarding and biking. I've got friends to support me too. Etc.

But that's where my perfectionism clicks in. This is not how I would've wanted to live my life for the past few years. It's not that I haven't tried to look for new jobs and things, but I think it's the issue that yes, I have a BA, an education, but no experience. Slight flaw in combination with recent hard times are no bueno. I'll keep trucking every month.

It's also that 2008 seemed like such a destructive year for me, which culminated in me moving out of the U-District. I'm over it and I'm not. I mean, yeah, I really needed to get out of there. It's such a long time ago that I'm not sure whether it was me causing problems or if everybody in general decided that the situation and anyone involved was toxic. At the least, I don't really have any contact with that group of people anymore, so it's a moot point.

But it's done wonders to color my life up till now. I guess it's also because it's my own personal bubble that was popped as the "Real World" impeded on my sheltered shade structure, like the financial bubble that popped a few years ago.

I don't like my slow economic recovery. I've been sending resumes. And it's not like I decided to close myself off like I did a year ago when I was unemployed. But it's not enough now to just wait for that situation to come to me. I need to change tactics. I need to network.

As far as I see, I can keep looking for random administrative/office assistant positions. I'm sure one might bite eventually. Also I'll start a regimen of hitting the big companies in the area. I want to expand to see if Portland has anything of interest. Also network towards the stage tech direction to learn that side. Between that, the few hours per week I do end up working, and other hobbies I tend to be pretty busy. It's kept me busy for the past year or so but now I want a little more structure.

I'll go into more detail in another post.

tl;dr, I want out of this life and want lots of improvement. I've been stuck in a rut, employment-wise and romantically (which I think are both very linked, at least to me) that I really want to get out of.

To summarize.

2010-06-10T06:01:34Z

Lesson of the Story = keep fighting for your goals, there's at least SOME good out there in the world - but you really have to look, it's good to have close friends.

Keep my head up and moving forward! Fuck the drama.