So good, @Justin Welsh. The danger isn't the wild gamble that might ruin you. It's the sensible, comfortable decision that quietly buries your ambition before you even notice.
I quit the IT world for good in 2023 to focus on my coaching practice full-time.
I was 45 at the time and some in my family thought it such a crazy thing that they kept asking me if I was enjoying my retirement. They couldn't get their head around the coaching idea.
My niche is supporting people in midlife to make changes. I was 45 when I made mine.
I think this piece describes perfectly why a lot of my clients come to me.
It's the consequences of making a lot of reasonable decisions.
Lastly, I think there is an important distinction between making an unreasonable decision and an irresponsible one. My was unreasonable one but it was much less irresponsible because I had a cushion (at time I did, anyway :) )
The chain metaphor is good but I think the scariest version is even quieter than this. The big links, the promotions, the moves, at least those feel like decisions. The ones that really lock you in are the ones you never notice making. Saying yes to a recurring meeting that becomes permanent. Letting a job title define what you apply for next. Those aren't decisions in the moment, they're just inertia.
Post divorce-long, long ago-my life has been a series of wonderfully unreasonable choices. The places I've gone and the things I've seen! Life should be an adventure IMO and adventure isn't found in the status quo.
I am living evidence that taking the opposite approach and making the ‘smart & reasonable’ decisions led to a very unfulfilling path… it took years for me to learn how to evaluate opportunities differently and I’m so glad I did.
“But for a lot of people, the chain is building in the opposite direction of the life they really want. But they can’t see it happening because each link they added was so small and so logical that they never stopped to question the direction the chain was going.”
I woke up to this in 2020 and realized I was miserable. Made a series of unreasonable decisions, and have never looked back.
This was a powerful read. Thank you. I left NYC, and moved to California to be with my boyfriend. I had a great job in NYC. My friends and family thought I was crazy, my boyfriend wasn’t sure if it was the right decision. I moved from Silicon Valley to Europe, when it was booming. My friends and family thought I was crazy. I am married to that boyfriend who I met at 24. And living a life that is completely created by my choices that looked crazy to normal people. I am living proof as you are, do not follow the path everyone thinks is right for you, make your own path.
I really love the way you framed this. It resonated. And as someone who just “blew up” my corporate career to start the business I’ve dreamed of for years it gave me a sense of comfort. Not that anything about what I’m doing is comfortable but I don’t want to regret not trying.
One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given (just before I moved to Africa) was “Be more careful than is ‘reasonable’.” As one determined to make choices that the majority would consider ‘Unreasonable’ 😏 , that advice has come to mind often as challenges of cultural differences arose there, and yet again when I recently decided to move to Belize, against all the ‘reasonable’ reasons from well meaning friends, to not do so.
This makes me feel much better about all my unreasonable choices, Justin, so thank you for that. On a more serious note though, it really does help to hear more people sharing these kind of personal stories to lead by example and demonstrate it’s possible - and realistic - to have a different kind of life to the norm!
Great read! The reasonable / un-reasonable choices remind me of one of Tesla's theories on Right/Wrong choice. Essentially, a 'right choice' is one that's aligned with your true self/purpose. 'Wrong' would be an unaligned choice. The theory is that the more 'right' choices that you select the faster you move towards your goals. Time travel in a way. I feel like the choices that make the leaps in progress often do look unreasonable at first. Thanks for the insights
What stayed with me wasn't the argument for taking risks. It was the idea that we rarely calculate the cost of staying on the current path. Most decisions get evaluated against the possibility of failure, but far fewer get evaluated against the possibility of spending decades becoming someone we never intended to be.
So good, @Justin Welsh. The danger isn't the wild gamble that might ruin you. It's the sensible, comfortable decision that quietly buries your ambition before you even notice.
Appreciate it, Mark, and I think you’re spot on here. Once you’ve lived it, you sort of know it’s true.
I LOVE this.
I quit the IT world for good in 2023 to focus on my coaching practice full-time.
I was 45 at the time and some in my family thought it such a crazy thing that they kept asking me if I was enjoying my retirement. They couldn't get their head around the coaching idea.
My niche is supporting people in midlife to make changes. I was 45 when I made mine.
I think this piece describes perfectly why a lot of my clients come to me.
It's the consequences of making a lot of reasonable decisions.
Lastly, I think there is an important distinction between making an unreasonable decision and an irresponsible one. My was unreasonable one but it was much less irresponsible because I had a cushion (at time I did, anyway :) )
Thanks for writing this.
Thanks for reading it and restacking it, Gary. Means a lot. So glad it resonated :)
The chain metaphor is good but I think the scariest version is even quieter than this. The big links, the promotions, the moves, at least those feel like decisions. The ones that really lock you in are the ones you never notice making. Saying yes to a recurring meeting that becomes permanent. Letting a job title define what you apply for next. Those aren't decisions in the moment, they're just inertia.
I think the big ones almost become unnoticeable as well…which is even scarier.
Post divorce-long, long ago-my life has been a series of wonderfully unreasonable choices. The places I've gone and the things I've seen! Life should be an adventure IMO and adventure isn't found in the status quo.
I love that, Pat!
I am living evidence that taking the opposite approach and making the ‘smart & reasonable’ decisions led to a very unfulfilling path… it took years for me to learn how to evaluate opportunities differently and I’m so glad I did.
I’m glad you did too, Melody.
Thanks for this!
Thanks for reading it.
🙏
“But for a lot of people, the chain is building in the opposite direction of the life they really want. But they can’t see it happening because each link they added was so small and so logical that they never stopped to question the direction the chain was going.”
I woke up to this in 2020 and realized I was miserable. Made a series of unreasonable decisions, and have never looked back.
Great read.
I appreciate that, Blythe. I know it wasn’t a short one, so thanks for reading it.
Yep. This touched a nerve. Well done. Thanks for sharing 🙏
Thanks for giving it a read, David. I much appreciate that.
This was a powerful read. Thank you. I left NYC, and moved to California to be with my boyfriend. I had a great job in NYC. My friends and family thought I was crazy, my boyfriend wasn’t sure if it was the right decision. I moved from Silicon Valley to Europe, when it was booming. My friends and family thought I was crazy. I am married to that boyfriend who I met at 24. And living a life that is completely created by my choices that looked crazy to normal people. I am living proof as you are, do not follow the path everyone thinks is right for you, make your own path.
I really love the way you framed this. It resonated. And as someone who just “blew up” my corporate career to start the business I’ve dreamed of for years it gave me a sense of comfort. Not that anything about what I’m doing is comfortable but I don’t want to regret not trying.
Justin I’m 79 you just described me (in a rather long essay if I’m honest).
But well done.
As far as luck goes-the only time luck happens before work is in the dictionary.
I told everyone when I made similar decisions to you that I was too dumb to ever work out why it would not work.
Any way decades later I look back at the dumb decisions and think.
Did I love it? YES.
Did I have some ugly moments? YES.
But I enjoyed every second The good the bad and the ugly.
You have a great story,
it doesn’t matter how many times you advocate or advice. It’s only the people who are ready that will listen and of those that believe will succeed.
Well done and thank you for sharing.
A most enjoyable read.
One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given (just before I moved to Africa) was “Be more careful than is ‘reasonable’.” As one determined to make choices that the majority would consider ‘Unreasonable’ 😏 , that advice has come to mind often as challenges of cultural differences arose there, and yet again when I recently decided to move to Belize, against all the ‘reasonable’ reasons from well meaning friends, to not do so.
This makes me feel much better about all my unreasonable choices, Justin, so thank you for that. On a more serious note though, it really does help to hear more people sharing these kind of personal stories to lead by example and demonstrate it’s possible - and realistic - to have a different kind of life to the norm!
Great read! The reasonable / un-reasonable choices remind me of one of Tesla's theories on Right/Wrong choice. Essentially, a 'right choice' is one that's aligned with your true self/purpose. 'Wrong' would be an unaligned choice. The theory is that the more 'right' choices that you select the faster you move towards your goals. Time travel in a way. I feel like the choices that make the leaps in progress often do look unreasonable at first. Thanks for the insights
What stayed with me wasn't the argument for taking risks. It was the idea that we rarely calculate the cost of staying on the current path. Most decisions get evaluated against the possibility of failure, but far fewer get evaluated against the possibility of spending decades becoming someone we never intended to be.
What an interesting and incredible journey. I have followed you for several months and this essay pulls it together. Well lived!